People can be just the worst, right? Everyone on earth has a million stories about their fellow human beings acting downright terrible. From cheating partners, to rich jerks, to random acts of cruelty, we’ve all seen humanity’s darker side. It should be little surprise then that the people of the internet have some of the most infuriating, cringe-inducing stories about horrible people—and we’ve collected them for you here!
1. All in the Family
Standing in the rain at night, after two years of dating, I think she is about to tell me that she loves me. Nope. She tells me that she is in love with my brother and has been dating me to get closer to him. I told my brother and he said, “Heck no! Screw her!”
2. Housewarming Present
We moved into this new house, and apparently, the people who lived there before us never told their “friend” that they had moved. He let himself in one day and went into the bathroom unnoticed. I went in there sometime later to discover some random guy passed out with a needle in his arm in the middle of my new bathroom floor.
Worst first night in a new house ever!
3. Art of the Deal
I used to be a divorce lawyer. My entire job consisted of dealing with people constantly outdoing each other for the title of “Most Immature Thing You’ve Ever Seen an Adult Do.” Best of all was the guy who, when he felt he was not getting his way, offered to completely abandon his children and agree to never see them again, in exchange for not having to pay any support money.
4. The Nerve of Some People
Someone had a heart attack on the patio of our restaurant. Paramedics came and were assessing the situation and trying to prep the guy to go to the hospital. This woman dining with her husband decided very loudly to ask my manager in her best condescending rich person tone, “Is this going to take much longer, we were enjoying lunch.”
The restaurant goes dead silent and her husband looks like he’s about to puke from embarrassment. They were politely asked to leave and never come back.
5. A Serious Effort at Discipline
My nephew (by marriage) is a jerk. I had to drive him once and he kept messing around with the windows, so I locked them. Then he started incessantly pushing my door lock buttons. So I stopped holding back farts and stopped opening the windows. And let me tell ya, this was during a phase in my life where my farts smelled like I might be suffering from some sort of colonic necrosis. He gagged and sputtered and threatened to throw up.
It didn’t matter. I just kept farting. In fact, at a certain point I thought I might crap my pants. I didn’t care. I was willing to do it just to make that little bugger suffer a bit. Take that, Evan.
6. A New Level of Jerkery
My boss fired the girl who was in her third trimester of pregnancy three days before her maternity leave was to start.
7. Small Business, Big Problems
I work at a small business. 20 employees +/-. My wealthy boss made a big speech about austerity measures and no raises this year. A week and a half later he drives up in a brand new Silverado with all the bells and whistles. Expensed to the business of course. He would hate to have to pay taxes on those profits. One of the less subtle members of the staff took a literal dump in front of his office door.
8. Did He Get an A+?
I caught my boyfriend of two years. He had asked me to proofread his paper on his Mac and the text messenger popped up in the right hand. He was sitting in his bed texting some girl “goodnight, I love you” while sitting right next to me in his bed. I deleted his entire paper, wrote “Who’s Marissa?” saved it and told him it looks great and left.
She was his girlfriend of eight years who lived next to his parents two hours away.
9. Santa’s Been Naughty
I got rejected when I wasn’t even trying to hit on the guy. A few years ago in December, I was at a bar with a friend when a guy dressed as Santa Claus was walking around. He walked up to my friend and said something like, “Santa’s giving out gifts, and all the pretty girls get one for free!” and handed her a trinket. Then he looked at me up-and-down and added, “Yeah, you’d have to pay.”
10. A Saucy Fella
A friend was taking a nap at my place while my roommate and I were out of the house. When we tried to get back in, he had locked the door and blocked us out. We discovered that he had squirted ketchup on the kitchen walls and poured oil all over the floors. A month later, we had a sudden ant infestation—and we realized that he had also spread Nutella inside the cupboard doors.
11. That Explains a Lot
After I came into work on a Saturday to help with some orders that were behind, the boss came in the back and started SCREAMING at me about why things were a certain way. I tried to explain that I just got there, that I had nothing to do with the job until now, and that I was just trying to fix it. More screaming. I said, “Phil, be reasonable!”
He responded by jumping up and down and screaming “I don’t WANT to be reasonable!!”
12. Over the Hill
My ex-wife and I went up to Big Bear to go snowboarding and spend some time together. We were having issues and I thought to be fun to get away and do something fun together. Let’s just say it did not go well. She said she grew up snowboarding, but she never made it down a hill and had a terrible time. So we went back to the cabin and she was pretty much just on her phone, not talking to me.
We make it back and she says she needs to just shower and be alone for a bit. She goes off and I just hang in the den. She left her phone in her purse and it just kept buzzing, so I checked it out because what if someone was trying to reach us or something? I open it up to read a full conversation between her and this guy. It wasn’t good.
I read how that day’s texts started and they started really early in the morning. “Hope you’re doing ok up there.” “We’ll see, doubt it. He’s trying too hard. He should just know it really doesn’t matter. Wish I was up here with you instead.” Just the worst stuff. And that was before I even woke up. I was pretty devastated and really didn’t know what to do.
I knew I didn’t want to fight because I realized she wasn’t worth fighting for. Grabbed my bag and drove back to San Diego. I took her phone with me, so I could text him and tell him “We’re coming home early, let’s meet.” I ended up inviting him to a coffee shop and waited for him to show up. When he walked through the door, he saw me immediately and kind of stopped. I waved him over and wasn’t too far from the door, so I told him we need to talk.
He comes over and already front loads with the “It’s not what you think,” blah blah blah speech. I told him that if he wants her, he can take his sorry ass to Big Bear and go get her. Because I was leaving and we’re through. See you when we sign the papers. And I left. Second worst day of my life but I’m glad it happened. Met my lady three years later and we’ve been together for four years, now engaged.
13. Sold to the Highest Bidders
Mitch got everything he wanted. Granted, he was smart and ambitious, but was also petulant and snobby. The combination made him virtually hated by everyone. “I liked him more than most people did and I hate him” (paraphrase: Al Franken on Ted Cruz). Our 3rd-grade class would get monopoly-esque money for an auction of toys at the end of the year. If you were bad, you had to pay money, but if you were a little sycophant, like Mitch, you were filthy rich.
At the end of the year, Mitch surveyed all the toys and calculated how many “brownie points” it would take to swipe all the best stuff. One by one, Mitch swiped the best toys, always bidding perfectly. At the end, Mitch had enough for the most coveted toy on the table: the Chia Pet. Brent had the second most money and timidly started the bidding.
Mitch toyed with him and gradually raised the price until Brent had to go all in. Mitch raised the bid by a small margin and then Susan, who almost had a nerf gun, gave her sizeable pile to Brent and Brent raised. Mitch panicked and counted his money for a higher bid, but it was already too late. All the people he had screwed suddenly turned the auction into a popularity contest and Brent delivered the final blow. Mitch freaked the heck out and had the most satisfying meltdown.
If he had just tried to get a few things, no one would have wanted to screw him, but by leaving so many people with so much worthless cash, he was truly hoisted by his own petard.
Screw Mitch, lol.
14. You Can’t Always Get What You Want
I work retail at an electronics store and it was launch day for a new product. A guy and his 13-year-old son and asked if we had the biggest and baddest model in a certain color in stock. I told them we had that model in a different color. The father gets a phone call and tells his kid to talk to me. The kid pulls out a wallet full of credit cards and snidely asks, “How much would it take to get me that phone?”
I told him I couldn’t sell him something we didn’t have, but that he could order it online. The father comes back and the kid tells him the news. The father looks at the kid and says, “I have to go to a meeting, I’ll have the driver come get you. Don’t back down.” And walks away. I look at the kid. Challenge freakin’ accepted.
He says, “I read on Mac Rumors that you hold 4% of your inventory for DOA phones out of the box. I want one of those phones.” To which I replied, “We don’t have any for that model because we didn’t get any actual stock for it in.” Long story short, the kid starts screaming in the middle of the jam-packed store.
My team leader, who happens to be there, comes out and the kid tells her that I called him a snobby little jerk. She looks at me like he was a crazy person and somehow convinces the kid to buy a different color. As it turns out we couldn’t sell him the phone because the cardholder wasn’t present to show ID. I was mad about the whole thing at first, but felt that he got what he deserved.
15. A Fight to the Death
My old boss started firing people by lining two up at a time and seeing which one they prefer to keep on. Didn’t matter if you were there for 20 years or two. Also hiring management from outside and not promoting within which means the new managers have no knowledge of anything that company does in terms of ethics, procedures, or employee status. It has turned this “clique” type environment into every person for themselves. Very toxic.
16. A Costly Choice
I was invited to a graduation party, hosted by a very wealthy couple whose daughter had just graduated from Yale. Her father came out, in front of the guests, displaying his Rolex and Cartier watches—asking which one of the two expensive watches the group thought would be “the more appropriate for the occasion.” Everyone just looked at each other, silently—not quite sure what to say.
17. Seems a Little Harsh…
When I was eight, I was on a road trip with my family, and my dad got lost. He got REALLY angry when he got lost. So to vent his frustration, he pulled over to a Jack in the Box and had me come in with him (he demanded that only I come with him, no one else). He relieved his tensions by sitting me down and telling me for ten minutes why he didn’t like me. From the way I cleaned my room, to the way I did in school, to the way I SPOKE—he told me how he despised everything about eight-year-old me. I’ll never forget him saying, “I don’t like a single darn thing about you.” Hard to take when you’re eight and your dad is still Superman to you.
18. Getting Peppered
I had a man in his 40s call a 16-year-old girl I work with a stupid idiot because she forgot to put extra peppers on his sandwich. I was in an irritable mood that day, so I confronted him about it. I asked him if he had any children, he said yes. I asked him if he thought it would be appropriate for them to talk to a stranger (let alone a young girl) like that. He said no, so I asked him, “What makes you so special then?” He looked very ashamed of himself and just walked out of the store without saying a word. I got some applause from one of the tables.
19. Put a Ring On It
I called her at work and their receptionist asked, “Is this her boyfriend, Dave?” “No… it’s her fiancé.” I’d had suspicions for a few months before that but this was the clincher. So glad I got out of that one.
20. When You’re Rich, the World Is Your Toilet
I was once a server at a high-end steakhouse in Newport Beach, California. A rich guy’s son comes in, probably in his mid-30s, with a big group. They get a private room and spend thousands on food and booze. The guy gets hammered and instead of climbing the stairs to take a leak, he just relieves himself in the hallway. On the floor. He didn’t get kicked out, either. They just had a janitor come in and clean it up and the dinner kept going. Nice to have that kind of money, I guess.
21. Selectively Poor
Our bosses cancelled the Christmas party and Christmas bonuses for the whole company because we “didn’t have the money for it.” I found out later the CEO and the CTO used company funds to take a week-long ski vacation in Whistler instead of doing something nice for the employees. You better believe I spread that evidence around the office.
22. It’s the Thought That Counts
20 or some odd years ago I caught my ex, not actually having sex, but in bed with another guy. On Valentine’s Day. With a dozen roses in my hand. What a horrible person. Fighting would get you kicked out of college, so I told the much smaller guy that as soon I saw him off campus someday, I’d kill him.
Fifteen years and worlds later, I’m at an engagement party at a bar, and some friends come up and tell me the guy over there is extremely scared of me and thinks I’m going to kill him. I look over and couldn’t stop laughing. It was so far in the past, but for some reason, that guy remembered it like I had sworn an oath to avenge my family. It felt good. His fear was redemption enough.
23. Low-Class Attitude
I was briefly an assistant to the CEO of a large company in my country (I live in Northern Europe), and this guy was a real jerk to everyone. I just made coffee, ran with mail, and copied things. I say “briefly” because I only worked there for three weeks. I made an honest mistake, copying the wrong documents, resulting in a brief embarrassment on his side in an in-house meeting with some of the other big guys of the firm.
I got called into his office and, knowing his history with previous assistants, I was visibly nervous. He then began absolutely shredding me for 15 minutes, completely red in the head, spit flying in my face as he stood above me, basically ripping me a new one. I started crying (This was my first job, and I was 15 at the time), and he stopped shouting. But that wasn’t a good sign.
He took one finger to my chin, lifted my face up so I looked straight at him, and then he said “You’re a nobody. Don’t you ever forget that.” And then he threw some paperwork at me to let me officially know that I was fired (which I then had to pick up from the floor), and then he yelled at me to get the heck out of his office.
24. At Least You Could Still Get Dinner…
I was once given the number to a pizza place instead of the guy’s number I had asked out.
25. A Sinking Feeling…
Years ago, I was hosting a house party. A pair of girls went into the bathroom together. Not uncommon. Well, one of them decided to take a piss in my sink and accidentally dropped a loaf while she was at it. They came out laughing and telling everyone that someone must have pooped in my sink. I was literally the last person in that bathroom before them. I even watched them walk in. And I don’t recall defecating in my own sink. After confronting them, they got pissed off and left. They didn’t even bother cleaning up the sink!
26. Getting the Real Story
I work in an Apple Store as a Genius. A kid (13-15 yrs old) comes in with his iPhone X and tells me that he wants a new phone now. I ask him what is wrong and he says every time he plays Fortnite or Minecraft his phone gets hot. Explain to him that is an expected behavior for graphic intensive games and explain that I play PUBGmobile and my phone does the same thing. He screams “I want a new f***ing phone now!!” And slams the phone on the table, which shatters the display. The phone drops to the floor (which is stone) and shatters the back. He looks at me and blames me for making him slam his phone. I tell him well now the phone is broke and that will be $549 to replace it since it’s now broken. At this point his mom comes in and sees the phone and asks what happened. Her son starts to say that I did it. She looks at me and says what happened. I tell her and she laughs and tells her son to get the hell out and he will be without a phone until he can pay for it himself.
27. Be Thankful You Don’t Work For This Guy
After a mistake was made on a product at my work, the assembly team was left to try and get the project out on time. The deadline was around Dec 1st. The boss demanded that everyone work on Thanksgiving. Someone said, “We want to spend time with our families.” We were told, “I don’t care, I hate your families!!!”
28. Indecent Proposal
Oh boy, story time, so, I’d been with this girl for two years, I was madly in love with her, I was going to propose. Bought a ring, went to pay her a surprise visit, walked in because I had a key, found her in bed with another man. Threw the box with the ring at her, walked out, drove off, never looked back. Got about five miles away, pulled over and broke down crying.
29. Sliding Scale
When I was a waiter, I had a guy put a $20 on the table when I came to greet him and his wife and say, “This is your tip. However, every time you do something wrong, I will remove a dollar.” I thought he was joking, so I chuckled and asked, “Like, what?” He takes the 20 off the table and replaces it with exactly $19. Who carries enough bills to do that? He responds with, “Like that.”
30. But Tell Us What You Really Think
In a company of six people, owner said in a meeting with everyone that his two sales guys are irreplaceable and that the rest of us are “just paper pushers.”
31. Love is Not a Game
I’d finished doing the daily quests on my WoW character, and I knew he wasn’t going to be home for a while so like many times before (with his permission) I logged into his account to do dailies for him. Then the PM’s started. Very explicit PM’s. Not only was he cheating on me in a game (with loads of people, cybersex in WoW, eugh), but there was one girl who was talking about things outside the game too. I admit I played along for a while to see what was going on. After that, I told her who I was. It all ended rather badly, between her and I, him and I, and him and her.
32. With a Little Help From My Housekeeper
There was a kid at my high school. When he was 14, he had a learner’s permit, but his parents got him a Mercedes-Benz G-Class. Every day, he drove it to school and was determined to park it in the parking lot to show it off. So, he had his housekeeper drive to school with him and the housekeeper’s son drove a car behind her to take her back home—which was only about two miles away from our school.
33. Preventative Measures
A co-worker came up to me and told me not to even think of asking her out. Umm, I wasn’t going to—but thanks for randomly telling me how much I apparently SUCK.
34. Future Serial Killer Alert
I was a kid, probably 9 or 10, and my mom had a friend and her son over for lunch. The kid disappeared for about 10 minutes, and at the time I thought he had gone to the bathroom because I really had to go. So when he came back I quickly maneuvered my way past him into the room before the bathroom, where we had a fish tank. This would be completely irrelevant if the fish tank wasn’t cloudy and swirling about. At first glance, I didn’t know what it was, until I noticed smashed and ripped apart pieces of little fish faces moving around in the swirl. The kid had reached into the fish tank and squeezed the ever-loving life out of every single fish in that tank.
35. Think Fast!
I was on the bus a year or 2 back and a kid and his mom were seated in front of me. The kid kept screeching about wanting to “press the button” (you press a button to notify the bus driver that you need to get off at the next stop) because he liked the beep it made. Every. Single. Bus stop. This little twat screeched asking if he could press it yet. Finally his mom said he could press the button. I pressed it. It only beeps for the first person to press it. The little brat cried.
36. Being the Smaller Person
When I was about six years old, my stepmother had said something that humiliated me. We got into an argument and I yelled that I hated her. She responded, “I hate you, too!” and I was pretty much just stunned. I think she was in her mid-30s then, and that moment stuck with me for a long time…
37. Power in Numbers
I had accused my boyfriend of cheating previously but over and over he turned it around and got upset that I didn’t trust him. Finally, after talking to the girl he cheated with on the phone, we called him together and he came clean. Couldn’t lie to us both.
38. You Probably Know What Evian is Spelled Backwards
I worked at a private villa in Bali. One guest stood out because she only drank and bathed in Evian. So one day I spent almost an hour filling a large tub from tons of Evian bottles. The same young woman complained that the path from her villa gate to her room wasn’t well lit. This was probably because she wore sunglasses at night.
39. All Work and No Play Makes Jack a Dull Boy
My old boss actively tried to ban friendships. If co-workers became friendly she would schedule them so they would NEVER see each other. “You’re here to work! Not to socialise!” She also banned everyone from coming into the workplace when they were not working. It was a pub. She banned socializing in a pub. This was a corporate pub, so drinking for free was never allowed. She was literally turning away paying customers.
A co-worker once asked her if he could bring in his visiting Grandpa to show him where he worked and she told him to screw off. She became insanely paranoid when she learned four people were in a WhatsApp group. She said the only reason people who work together set up group chats is because they wanted to talk trash about her. She was actually kind of right.
40. Holden Would Be Proud
My best friend lived in the family’s old vacation trailer behind his house (back in the 90s). I arrived with a twelve-pack, opened the door and there was my girlfriend. She was standing full frontal (not a stitch on) and he was in his boxers. Later he told me “Nothing happened.” JD Salinger had a term for that kind of guy, it was… PHONY.
41. More Income, More Intergenerational Problems
My mom works in a family-owned business, and while the owners aren’t excessively rich they’re definitely upper class. I think the most messed up thing that I know about them is just how they treat members of their own families, let alone strangers. For example, the founder of the company fell and broke his hip when he was around 80.
Since he could barely walk around on his own anymore, let alone run a company, he finally retired and gave the company to his daughter. This was a huge mistake. She put him in a home, never visited him again for his entire life (He passed away at age 92, just to give some perspective on how long that was), and almost immediately began to drive the company into the ground.
Around three years after the daughter became the owner of the company, her grandson is hired into basically the same sort of secretary job my mother has. Now it’s a bit of a long story, but he lives with his aunt who also works for the company, basically in the same job his grandmother had before she became the company owner.
So, things are going fine for a while, then eventually he comes out as gay, and is immediately fired for some BS reason by his own grandmother. On top of that, she demands that her daughter kick him out of her house or she’ll fire her too, but thankfully she wasn’t taking any of that, and said she’d sue her mother if she fired her over it. Her mother backs down, and thankfully the kid isn’t kicked out onto the streets, but he’s sure as heck not getting his job back. Then of course since he was fired, all of the work he was doing is piled onto my mother’s desk.
42. Different Goals
My sister hooked up with a classmate a few times and said they got along very well, sometimes coming over to hook up and never getting the chance because they would get so lost in conversation. So one day she goes, “Hey, we get along well and I think you’re pretty attractive, maybe we can go on an actual date sometime?” Without a beat, the guy looks to her and says, “Listen, I’ll sleep with you, but I can’t be seen in public with you.” She claims she clocked the guy and never spoke to him again.
43. Multiple Counts of Stupidity
I invited a friend over for drinks—and BOY did she drink! She got so drunk that she vomited on my living room wall and fell down the staircase. She looked like she had rolled around in chicken salad. After I made her shower and gave her some of my clothes to wear, she stole my flip-flops and went RUNNING out of the house to go to her boyfriend’s apartment.
I had to go follow after her, and she eventually got detained for public intoxication. I have not invited her over since.
44. The Experience Pays off
Working at a Chuck E Cheese one year. Some little kid keeps getting pissed because he can’t win many tickets from a game. Kid begins to kick and scream. Toss stuff around, etc. I think he tried to hit one of the animatronics. When someone tried to get him to stop he pulled the, “DO YOU KNOW WHO MY DAD IS? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE CAN DO TO YOU?” We all just shook our heads and didn’t know what to say. Was his dad the owner? Rich? etc? “Tell me what I can do.”
We see this guy in a business suit just standing there with a really pissed off look on his face. It was the kind of face that you look at and wonder if this man ever smiled. The kid just froze up and muttered something. The man apologized and walked away. He came back a few hours later and gave all the employees gifts. I got an Xbox 360. One of the first generation ones. I still have it with me if anyone wants a picture. He just gave me the console. No wires, controllers, or anything.
45. Selectively Deaf
Both of my parents are very immature in general, but this particular incident caught me totally off guard. When I was 13, I won an argument with my mom. It was something to do with Earth Hour, and how we should try our best not to use any electronic devices during that time. To my surprise, when I started winning the debate, my mom literally put her fingers in her ears and started screaming “I CAN’T HEAR YOU, NANANANANA!” I learned a lot about human nature that day…
46. Tripped Up
I was gone for a week for work. Got back to my building after a flight home and had no ride. She forgot to come pick me up. I finally got a hold of her, came to pick me up half drunk, went back to our house, I was unpacking and turned around and she had her hair and makeup done and just said “I’m going out, see ya” and left. This was after I had been gone for a week.
The next day was Friday, she had got home after I went to bed and left for work before me. I got home, and she was already gone, and had texted me and said she was going to her friend’s house to hang out for a house party for the weekend. I didn’t hear from her again for two days despite calling and texting her. She got home late Sunday night and told me she “lost her phone in the couch.”
I told her this wasn’t working, and she needed to leave. She packed a bag while I cracked a beer on the couch. A couple days later, my friend emailed me a boatload of pictures from the weekend she disappeared, all of her and the guy she was cheating on me with. He had posted them on his Myspace that Sunday evening.
She actually continued to mess up things for me for quite a while after this, financially mostly, but eventually, I got free of that disaster and moved on happily.
47. If You’re Going to Complain About a Dish, You Better Know What Goes Into It
At my restaurant, someone once ordered the dessert on special—it was tiramisu that day—and sent it back, saying that “Mascarpone cream doesn’t go along well with coffee and your recipe should be changed.” That is literally the original and classic recipe. Then get this. She asked for tiramisu with Victoria sponge.
First, we had no Victoria sponge, second, just because someone asks for it we are not going to make something we won’t end up selling, and third, I think the chef would’ve rather carved his own eyes out with a fork. Just because you have the money to pay for a 200€ meal doesn’t mean you are entitled to whatever you want. We are workers who want to turn a profit at the end of the damn day, not your personal staff of cooks and waiters.
48. False Sense of Hope
My boss told a bunch of people they were going to be promoted to get us to do extra work, but no one actually got promoted. I basically did her job for a month. Me and three of my co-workers quit and she got fired a few months later.
49. We Feel For You
This is so recent (a week ago). I went to the spot I first took her to on the ship we worked on to surprise her, and she was on top of another dude. They looked me in the face and laughed when they saw me. I absolutely loathe infidelity, and feel for all the victims of heartache.
50. Spite Trip
I drive a limousine, often for wealthy clients. My least favorite are the children. One of my spoiled trust fund clients once insisted on picking up four friends from different areas of town. He convinces these people to go to the bar with him, but when we get there, he kicks them out and has me drive him to the airport, where he picks up a last-minute flight to Vegas.
51. But Tell Us What You Really Think
One time, a guy looked me up and down, said “Pass,” and then walked away.
My mother in law stayed at our house. In the middle of the night, I hear her get up, and then I hear my garage door open. There being absolutely no reason for her to be going out there, I get up to go check what’s going on. I open the door and find her crouching over a cup PEEING in my garage. My entry startled her, causing her to spill the entire cup of her fresh urine all over my garage floor. Her explanation was that someone seemed to have already been using the bathroom. She didn’t even bother to knock on the door! She just saw that it was closed and went straight to peeing in a cup in the garage.
53. Speaking up
Went to see a local high school play set in Nazi Germany, two rich teen girls with their fancy handbags etc sat the row in front of me. They spent the whole show talking quite loudly about how the actors were so bad etc, and at one point said “this is why I go to private school, so I don’t have to sit through this all day.” As the intermission began and everyone was applauding the guy sitting next to me leaned forward and told them “if you shut up you might learn something.” The look on their face was priceless, and I didn’t hear a peep out of them for the rest of the play.
54. A Great Debate
I once overheard an argument between a grown lady and her 6-year-old daughter. It consisted of the following: Child: Shut up! Adult: No, you shut up! Child: You shut up!! Adult: No, you freaking shut up!! Isn’t raising the next generation a beautiful sight to behold?
55. Delete from Contacts
Ex-girlfriend. Woke up one morning and it was plastered all over her Snapchat story of her making out with her ex at some Christmas party. This was the day after a very intense romantic evening with her… Was a tough day to get through for sure.
She decided to completely drop contact with me after with no answers as to what happened, but thank goodness I’m out of that train wreck now though… One month on and I’m doing much better.
56. Always a Bonus When Your Manager Has Your Back
My wife used to work at a high-end clothing store in Manhattan—the kind with really expensive pieces of clothing you had to make an appointment to just see. She said 90% of people there would return all kinds of clothes. Saying rich people are the cheapest or would get it just for show. One guy got in a huge argument and rudely called her fat, because she wouldn’t accept 6-month-old satin socks that he wanted to return. My wife was clearly pregnant at the time, the manager was a sassy dude that wouldn’t tolerate that and cursed him out into the street.
57. This is Not What I Signed Up For…
My boss changed half the shifts to 3 am shipment and the other half were regular retail hours mostly for school kids lol. Turns out the four teenagers that go to school that he switched to 3 am never came again. The shipping manager quit because she had a 2nd job that was more important during the day. The new manager was just too stupid to notice any of it and I too just stopped showing up because, I kid you not, he tried to make me a janitor after the contracted janitor serviceman quit lol. “I need you to come in tomorrow when Les would come in and do all the toilets and floors.” Uhh I’m not a janitor so I have none of that equipment. “Bring it from home.” I found a new job two days later.
58. You Don’t Say?
My ex was basically living with me because we just had a baby, and he hadn’t been home for a couple of days. His best friend informed my best friend that he had no idea we were even together because he has been with this other girl for the past couple of nights on his friend’s couch.
59. Don’t Ask, Don’t Dry Clean
I used to work for a company hosting luxury car driving events, where the customers came for a week or a weekend to learn to drive the latest models on ice. Most of the customers were polite or even nice, but whenever we hosted the Russian groups, everyone knew all bets were off.
These guys had never heard a “no” that couldn’t be turned into a “yes” with a wad of cash. The most memorable incident was when two of them flew in three (assumed) Russian prostitutes, and had their driver drop said prostitutes off at the airport the next morning just before picking up these guys’ wives from the same airport. I was told by the cleaning staff that the room they’d used was covered in blood and feces, amongst other things.
60. Rejecting Many Along With Me
I had a girl who said that she didn’t see men of my ethnicity as real men. She then tried to play it off as a joke after she realized how ridiculous that statement is. Jerk…
61. Couch Potato
My roommate’s friend stayed at our house. He slept naked on our couch, ate most of my food, and left a ton of pubic hair all over my soap. Oh, and just for good measure, he plugged up our toilet before leaving.
62. Double Standards
She told me in gratuitous detail the name, body type and sex acts she performed with like ten different dudes—ranging from making out to intercourse with “only” two dudes. She thought I would forgive her and it’d bring us closer and like it’d be good, so we could talk about those experiences together. After this, she moved for an “open” relationship—which made it all okay because she’d get to retroactively apply our “open” status. I was young, in love, and heartbroken so I said yes because I was desperate to hang on to her. Then she broke up with me when I hooked up with someone else after like four months of “open” status and her having like a primary friend-with-benefits because I “liked her too much.”
63. You’ll Never Look at Squid Ink Pasta the Same Again
I worked at a nice little shop that sold fresh house-made pasta and ready-to-go sauces. We got the stereotypical rich people due to our location in the middle of Marin County, California. This was in the late 80s and food trends were plentiful and rapidly evolving. Many people were very interested in being on the cutting edge of the latest trend, be it the latest hot restaurant or that month’s fabulous must have menu item.
Not that they were actually into food, but just to be “in the know” and brag about how you simply must try the most fabulous tiramisu at the buzziest place in town. We regular folk would stoically refrain from rolling our eyes in their presence and carry on. So at the pasta shop one evening, a typical Marin matron arrived in her gemmed slippers, clattery jewelry and a cloud of perfume.
She pushed past the other patrons in front of her and said she needed some squid ink pasta. “I’m sorry,” I replied, “we don’t actually make a squid ink pasta, but you may be able to find it at another fancy grocery store in the same plaza. They carry several quality imported items.” She gaped at me and started moaning, “OHHHH NO NO NO NO NOOOOO.”
Of course, now everyone in the place was staring at her. She then told me that she had to have squid ink pasta because she had her “gourmet friends” coming for dinner and they had to have squid ink pasta. I apologized again, explaining that we didn’t make squid ink pasta and again suggested the fancy grocery store, only to be cut off by her loud wailing “OHHHH NO NO NO,” again.
I just stood and watched along with everyone else in the place as she paced up and down before the display case, clutching her head and repeating, “Squid ink pasta…gourmet friends! SQUID INK PASTA…GOURMET FRIENDS!” over and over at the top of her lungs, as if this incantation would magically call forth a hidden cache of squid ink pasta.
Needless to say, we could not provide said squid ink pasta, so I don’t know what she served to her gourmet friends that fateful evening. The whole thing was just so bizarre and over the top. Anytime we encountered some delusional, entitled weirdo, we’d mutter “Squid ink pasta!” and cackle to each other.
64. Scheduling Conflict
Had been with this chick for about one year. At our school summer camp, a guy from the class above me came up to me and straight up said: “Hey, I hear you’re so and so’s new boyfriend, I’m her ex and just wanted to say hello.” I didn’t really know what to make of the situation but for some reason, I just asked when they broke up, and he said: “oh like one month ago.” Needless to say that relationship was over quickly.
65. This Woman Is the Literal Worst
I work at a ridiculously upscale steakhouse in Manhattan as a hostess while juggling being a college student. We have some of the most demanding and exclusive clients come in daily and I have a lot of stories. Our guests range from Michael Cohen, Steve Madden, Anderson Cooper to lesser-known Real Housewives stars and just filthy rich businessmen and women.
Last winter while at work, we had three hostesses at the podium. One for seating people, one for checking in, and one for checking coats. I was checking coats (tips are unbelievable) around 7, when our place is incredibly busy and hectic. Well, a lady checks in with her husband and hands me her coat. I hand her the ticket number for her coat and then proceed to hang it up and mark it with all of the other coats in the closet.
In the closet, it was mainly mink coats during the winter, easily upwards of $15,000 from brands like Moncler, Burberry, Gucci etc. Her coat was a Moncler. It’s easy to remember in the moment who had what coat, but after checking in 200 other coats I totally forgot what kind of coat this woman had, and she was not a regular client so I didn’t make a special note.
Fast forward two hours later, they’re leaving. She hands me her ticket and I go to get her coat. I come back to hand it to her and she looks at me puzzled and goes, “That’s not my coat.” I go, “Oh okay, are you positive? What did your coat look like by chance?” She sniffed and said “Seriously isn’t it your job to know that?”
So I asked her to come to the coat closet with me so we could locate her jacket. She wrinkled her nose and told me I was a joke for not being able to do such a simple job! I apologized and walked her to the coat closet. We searched high and low for about an hour for her coat and at that point, she was screaming at me, every nasty name in the book.
I stood there, calm as could be, because the money was worth it. I finally decided to involve the manager because I just did not know what to do. He didn’t know what to do either, he said we would reimburse her for the cost of her coat and we would write a check but she refused. She must have tried on all 200 coats in our closet and claimed that none of them were hers.
I was petrified at this point that I had given her coat away to someone else, as many look the same. She then told me I would be getting a bill personally from her lawyer and I was actually scared because I knew how expensive those coats were. She berated me and degraded me in front of the manager and told him that I need to be fired.
Finally, she had enough and said since you gave my coat to someone else give me the coat you initially gave me because I can’t go outside without a coat. And at that point I didn’t care anymore. So, she takes the coat I initially gave her, puts it on, and says, “Wow it fits perfect.” She reaches in the pockets and asks, “How did this coat happen to have my wallet and keys in it too?”
I looked up and literally had no words. I wasted about two hours being belittled by the woman, when I was right the whole time. The lady was like, “I don’t know what to say” and my manager said, “You owe her [me] an apology.” And the lady handed me her wine glass, a $1 tip, no apology, and left like nothing happened!
I sat down on the closet floor and cried my eyes out. I had been awake since 5 AM for school and was the closing host that night, which meant I wouldn’t be leaving until about 2 AM, getting home around 3 AM, and waking back up at 5 AM for school! She wasted what little energy I had left and made me feel so worthless. My coworkers were awesome though, the bartender made me a drink and they all gave me a hug.
66. What Does That Even Mean?
Someone I liked said my face looks like an acne pizza. It made me cry!
67. Plot Twist
I have this friend, Jimmy. Great guy, always means well, but understands social interactions at about the same level that a baby understands quantum thermodynamics. So I’m having this house party, and I made it quite clear that the guest list was firm. Well, as bad as Jimmy is, he’s still an old friend—so I invite him, knowing full well that things could get out of hand.
Jimmy shows up in the middle of the party and actually manages to stay out of trouble. However, it turns out that he had taken the initiative to invite my jerk of an ex-girlfriend, who showed up shortly after him. Before the party was over, she had smeared blood on the walls and destroyed my mother’s antique vase. Thanks, Jimmy.
68. Some Harsh Karma?
I used to babysit this boy down the street. His parents gave him everything he wanted. One time he shot a window out with a B.B. gun and when the neighbor came over to talk to his parents about it, dad basically took the position that his boy was too little to understand (he wasn’t) and gave his kid a bowl of ice cream. Presently he is in his 40s, unemployable and an alcoholic. He has been bouncing around recovery houses getting kicked out for not following the rules.
69. Laughing At Your Own Jokes
At Walmart one day, I farted all over the Capri Sun boxes and began to laugh wildly. I’m 26. This time, the terrible person was me.
70. Good Luck Getting a Ride
I had let her borrow my car while I took the bus to work, my friend called me at work to say that my girl was making out with some guy in my car. So I got a taxi over there and yup, there she was.
I knocked on the window guy jumped out. I was going to start beating his ass, but I told him to just leave, this might not be your fault. She started making excuses, I just asked her to step out of the car. Got my keys and drove away a mess, she screwed me up for a long time. She made me lose trust in women and messed up my concept of relationships for a long time.
71. New Meaning to Having Good Taste
I used to work at an upscale hotel restaurant and one of the regulars there would always order very expensive bottles of wine. I’m talking about expensive, rare, and delicious wine. He would always go through the same routine. He orders the first bottle, tastes it, and declare it either corked or just plain bad.
He would then call the manager and tell him he would still pay for the bottle on the condition that all the serving staff would take turns at his table with a glass to taste it and “learn what makes a wine taste bad.” We’re talking about wine bottles worth in the hundreds if not thousands. He would then order his own bottle and drink the new one.
The thing is, the first bottle was perfect! The sommelier and the waiters were in on it. Only the manager didn’t officially know about it—but he probably did. So every now and then, we could have a taste of wine worth a couple of dozen dollars a sip just because this guy knew his vintages, wanted to share the pleasure with us, and was loaded with money.
72. Is the Excuse Any Better Than the Crime?
Found a condom clearly used for sex. He ended up blaming it on his mother, who didn’t live there. Happy to call that jerk an ex.
73. Like the Lonely Island Song?
I interned at a production company. The CEO made me go get a new Blackberry for him. Took four hours to go downtown because it HAD to be bought in downtown LA for whatever reason. When I brought it back, he opened the plastic, turned it on, and asked “What the heck is this? Why aren’t my numbers on it?” When he was told it was new, and so of course it wouldn’t have his numbers, he threw it on the ground. Literally just smashed it. I was flabbergasted.
74. Vanished Into Thin Air
Got dumped by the girl I was going to propose to in a foreign city, halfway through a two-week vacation. She just disappeared on me. I knew something was up when her luggage disappeared from our hotel room. She ignored every text I sent her, and I didn’t hear from her for six months until she finally sent me a message: “How are you doing?”
I guess she got concerned—or as concerned as a heartless reptile can be—when I stopped updating Facebook and Instagram, and changed all my statuses. She never got a response from me, and went on permanent block. She then tried to blow up my Facebook, until I unfriended her. I may have talked to her had she provided an explanation, but she never did. Screw her.
75. Someone’s Got Beef
One of my barbecue guests began to repeatedly grab hot dogs, run to the toilet, shove them down there, and flush. He repeated this process until the toilet was totally clogged. Not really sure why he did it. I’d love to know what he thought he’d achieve when he was done…
76. Order in the Court
I’m a lawyer. One time, a client made a huge scene and stormed out of the courthouse just minutes before his case would have been resolved—because he didn’t like the auto shop where his soon-to-be-ex-wife was planning to take their son’s car for an oil change later that afternoon.
He has a longtime friend of his (who happened to be female) who was staying the night. She was sleeping in the basement bedroom and we were upstairs. Well, he slipped out of bed in the middle of the night and woke me up. When he noticed, he told me he had to go to the bathroom. I guess I already had my suspicions, because I lay there and listened to him walk down the hall, then past the bathroom, and down the stairs. So, I followed. And caught him in the basement getting ready to have sex with her. Oh. I was not a happy puppy. Was stupid and tried to salvage our engagement, but I wasn’t “fun anymore” and he left.
78. Rich and Racist—An Even More Terrible Mix
My parents have been pretty successful in the last decade or so. However, they’re very humble and hardworking people. My dad has dark skin and wears cheap sweatpants 90% of the time. They once treated themselves to an upgrade to first class on a vacation. When my dad was taking his seat, another passenger tapped him on the shoulder and told him, “Economy was further down the plane.” I reckon she was lucky my mom didn’t slap her.
79. Sometimes It’s Not Even a Secret!
I’m a live-in nanny and the parents are going through a particularly nasty divorce (mostly because she’s totally insane). Either way, she decided one day that she didn’t give a damn anymore, and started bringing this dude she’s been sleeping with over to the house, sometimes even while the Dad is home.
She says “they are just friends,” but I’ve caught them making out on several occasions. Which she portrays, of course, as that “he kissed her,” “she didn’t want it” Blablablabla. Really Amanda? Then why did I watch you go sit down on his lap and stick your tongue down his throat? She’s also encouraged the kids (while the Dad isn’t home) to call this new guy “daddy.”
Thankfully the Dad has finally realized just how crazy she is and is getting a divorce, but as this is all pretty recent, we haven’t found a new place yet. Thank God he’s going for full custody, and that the kids are still really young (and that I’m going with him and the kids). It terrifies me what those kids are going to have to deal with in their lives because she is their mom. She is an incredibly selfish, narcissistic, piece of trash excuse for a human being, and I hope all this karma comes back to bite her on the behind really hard some day.
80. Layers of Strength
One guy once refused to go out with me because he said I looked like a human Shrek. I said, “Thank you, sir—Shrek is gorgeous!” I then went home and cried a little…
81. Motherly Hatred
My estranged mom shows up unexpectedly at my house from time to time. She’ll wait until everyone in the house is asleep, then raid the liquor cabinet and fix herself a plate of food. She’ll then leave the food and beverage under my child’s bed, along with a few dozen snotty tissues on the nightstand. She didn’t raise me, and I dread the sight of her.
82. Justice From the Ghetto
I grew up in the ghetto, so parents usually stayed inside, neglected kids, and told them to play in the streets. So one day I’m outside playing with my friend, I’m around 10 at the time and she’s 7, and an actual 3-year-old starts calling us everything you can imagine. The kid ends up biting me so I go over and tell his dad. Dad calls me a b****, great.
Sometime the same week another kid is harassing us, calling us poor and ugly and once again, b****es. So about fed up with this, he’s sitting over a rain drain so I grab his payday bar that he had apparently saved up all his money for (he’s like 6) and throw it down the drain. He starts screaming and wailing “I’m gonna tell Mama! My mama’s gonna beat your ass!”
I sit around while he tells his mum a few houses down, he comes back all righteous and tells me “Mama wants to talk to you.” So I go over to his house and his mum says “what did he do to you? I heard his side, I want yours.” The kid’s smile immediately drops. I tell her about the harassment and she smiles the sweetest little smile before beating his backside right in front of me. Justice from the ghetto everyone, thanks kid’s Mama.
83. Saying Please and Thank You Goes a Long Way
I am a cocktail server at the huge pool of a 4-star hotel. A woman once told me, in a monotone voice and without any eye-contact, “I lost my sunscreen. Find it.”
84. Fantasy League Gone Wrong
My alma mater made national news again when a “prom draft” ring was exposed, where guys would get together and have a fantasy football style draft over who got to take whom to prom. It was exposed after a girl complained to administration that she didn’t want to go with the guy who picked her in the draft, and the guy threw a hissy fit because apparently he paid off a bunch of people to get first pick and thus felt he owned her on prom night. Everyone in the draft was suspended and/or banned from prom, if I remember correctly. Arrogant rich kids are the worst.
As a social worker, I once had a client who, in great detail, tried to explain to me that he was fully justified in strangling his wife, because she had annoyed him.
86. Dial 1 for Heartbreak
My ex was in the basement of the house we had JUST BOUGHT TOGETHER having phone sex with her not realizing that the sound would travel through the vents. It sucked at the time but in hindsight, he did me a huge favor.
87. Rich and Judgmental—A Terrible Mix
During our honeymoon, my husband and I came back to our very nice hotel from a day full of hiking looking like homeless people. We were waiting for the elevator with another couple who were both giving us the side eye. Once on the elevator, the couple pressed the button for the top floor, which was the same as ours. After about 30 seconds of silence and glares, the woman turns to me and condescendingly says, “You need to press the button for your floor.” I told her our floor was already selected and she had the audacity to ask, “You have a suite on the top floor!?”
88. Who Are You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Own Eyes?
Go to the gym, no headphones! That’s cool, house is five minutes away. Pull up in front of my house and see work buddie’s car out front. Walk in house through open garage. Son coloring at kitchen table. Ask him “Hey bud, where’s your mom?” He points at the stairs. Walk to stairs to hear moans and movement. Up to this point I had suspected the worst but never had proof. Knew I had to go look and catch her or she would say I was overreacting and tell me it wasn’t what I thought.
Walk upstairs and hear them in the spare bedroom. Walk in the room and say “well this is awkward.” They freak out and try to grab clothes and tell me nothing is happening. I walk out to my car and have ex-buddy chase me out and tell me to hit him. I go to my command (I’m in the military) the next day. Report him and have the command force him to call his wife that day and let her know. I am now divorced and much happier!
89. No Contest
Friend wanted to meet a guy she had met on the internet, and asked me to come along because she was nervous. On the way there, she told me she brought me along instead of our other friend, “because with her I would have to worry about him thinking she is hotter than me. I don’t have to worry about that with you.”
90. Used and Abused
I let a friend stay over one night with his young child. Three weeks later, we found used diapers hidden under one of the beds they had slept in.
I was once friends with a Chinese girl whose family net worth appeared to be in the hundreds of millions of dollars. She told me a story about her rich uncle who owned a super yacht and loved to travel around the world. Apparently, his favorite thing to do was pull up into a port and bathe in the stares of everyone admiring his yacht, since it was always the biggest one.
Well, one day he goes somewhere, say the Bahamas, and he pulls into the port and he isn’t getting the usual attention since someone else happened to have a bigger yacht than him for once. This girl said it ruined his whole weekend. He was in a terrible mood and couldn’t enjoy anything. I was speechless. But my friend was almost as bad.
This is the same girl who constantly complained about how all her friends weren’t that smart or nice and how she doesn’t know what to do with all her free time and money. That girl taught me something. Apparently, there are a lot of rich people who have so few problems, they just make them up. And yes, I’ve seen her Facebook pictures, met her friends, seen her cars, and talked to her long enough to confirm that she probably wasn’t lying.
92. While You Were Healing
Oh man I have a winner. I had surgery on my testicles due to a possible tumor (it wound up being benign), so I’m recovering that evening in bed. My girlfriend (long-distance) visited me to take care of me. All is going great, except for my crotch hurting and my wearing of a diaper—but hey, I had just come back from Afghanistan, so life was still pretty sweet.
My girlfriend offers to make me some food. Sweet. So she asks me to look up a recipe on my phone. I can’t find my phone—so she tosses me hers. Well, let me tell you, in the midst of me looking up a great Chicken Cordon Bleu recipe, a message from my friend Ryan flashes across the top of the screen. I can’t make it out, but it looks an awful lot like sex.
I’m like, “Oh Ryan, what are you giving a hard time to my girlfriend about,” So I click the message, if only to relay what I presumed was a joke to her. Well, let me tell you, the joke was on me. Those two had been going to Bonetown, USA, while I was deployed. They talked about me being gone as a sexcation.
My girlfriend asks if I found anything good. I’m like “Oh hell yeah.” Now, I show her the texts. She denies anything happened. Which is, well dumb—so me being a man of dignity, kick her out of the apartment and send her on her way to Georgia. Wearing adult diapers, I kicked her out of my place. Honestly, I just wish I had found out after I had eaten some Cordon Bleu.
How about that kid who tried to get off from killing 4 people in a drunk driving accident by claiming he suffered from “affluenza”; being too rich to know right from wrong. He was caught after fleeing to Mexico and ended up serving just two years in prison.
94. Old Habits Die Hard
I’ve seen an 84-year-old fart into a sleeping 67-year-old’s face. Apparently their feud had been going on back and forth for almost 50 years.
95. Bravo to Having Your Workers’ Backs
I worked in a five-star hotel for a number of years. One wealthy guest was throwing a fit claiming a maid had stolen a diamond earring. The owner and entire management team told the guest that the maid had not stolen anything and they were sure she’d find it when she packed to leave. Her room was a mess of strewn clothing.
Sure enough, she found it when she packed to leave, but she did not offer the maid her deserved apology. Always admired how management from the top down had the maid’s back and never thought for a minute she’d done anything wrong.
96. Taking Care of Business
When I was in about 3rd grade there was a 7th grader that rode my bus who decided he was going to kick my butt at the end of the day when we got off. I don’t remember the reason, but it was something stupid and he was just being a bully picking on the chubby kid. Anyway, a bunch of 8th graders heard about it and they get off and beat HIS butt for picking on a kid almost half his age. Later that evening my mom gets a call from his complaining that I got people to beat up her son, but once the details came out he just got in more trouble and my mom was attempting to stifle her laughter.
97. Adding Fuel to the Fire
I used to work in a gas station. One day, this lady came in and started crying and throwing candy because I wouldn’t let her use our business phone. There was a payphone right outside and we had a strict policy about who could access our business phone. She ran and hid in the bathroom, at which point I called the cops.
98. Well That Escalated Quickly…
I caught my ex when we were both standing in the examining room, getting his “UTI treatment.” Doc came in and said gonorrhea. He lied for a whole 2-3 months I imagine. Even lied about how he got it, tried convincing me he accidentally swiped his genitals in some mystery fluids in a gas station toilet (what in the world…).
When he realized I wasn’t that stupid, he tried to drink random bottles on the doctor’s shelf. He started hitting himself. He fell on his knees sobbing and tried grabbing my hands and begging for me not to leave. He threatened murder-suicide that entire night, and assaulted me for close to nine hours when I was trying to pack my bags to leave. He choked me in the driveway. I just spoke at his sentencing this Thursday. He is a convicted felon now. I hope he’s grown from this.
99. Taking a Step Down
My wife’s friends had stayed over after a party because they lived pretty far away. The next morning, I was in the kitchen making coffee when one of the friends silently shuffled by in nothing but their underwear. It turns out that in her drunken state, she was unable to find the bathrooms and decided to just poop on my floor under the staircase. We never spoke to these friends again.
100. Sometimes It’s Best to Keep Your Mouth Shut
Company consisted of something like 1,200 employees at the time, and rented out a big conference center for a Christmas party. At the opening of the party, the CFO was giving opening remarks, and asked—expecting cheers—if everyone liked their Christmas bonuses.
He got booed.
See, of that 1,200 people, a bit over a thousand were in customer service. No one in customer service got bonuses, only people in the “corporate” departments got bonuses. And our awesome CFO decided to rub everyone’s noses in it, because clearly the Chief Financial Officer of a company would have no idea that 80%+ of his company didn’t get bonuses.
At the same party, the CEO made an announcement that the company would be closed on Friday (Christmas that year was on a Thursday), and everyone got a day off. Now, he had literally just finished making a speech about how everyone was important, and everyone was part of the company, no matter the department. He had shoveled crap hard, trying to make CS happier.
The next day, we all got a memo that Customer Service still had to work on that Friday. We apparently didn’t count as “everyone” and the CEO just hadn’t realized that the announcement wouldn’t apply to anyone.
January saw a 60% attrition rate.
101. Disappear This Miss, Please
I may or may not have carried a heavily intoxicated girlfriend and a large amount of substances out of my boss’s house (CEO of a very large company) while she was covered in her own filth so his wife wouldn’t catch him as she arrived home from her sister’s house a day early. How did this happen, you ask?
My old boss regularly cheated on his wife with any number of women. Well, he calls me one day, because we are friends away from work, and asks me to come to his apartment ASAP. I drive over there, and he’s blitzed, and this chick is laying naked in her own filth mumbling about something. He says he has to shower and clean up because his wife is ten minutes away so please “Get that out of here.”
I grab the girl and help her to her feet and cover her up with a t-shirt. As I’m walking her out, he yells for me to grab the party bag. The only bag is a Dopp kit. I grab it, jump in my car and drive off. This girl is blasted! She doesn’t know where she lives and is sure she’s having a heart attack. So, I calm her down somewhat and reach in her purse and find her ID.
Luckily, she has her current address on it, and I take her home. I drive back to my house and pull into the driveway and remember the Dopp kit. I open it up and there’s a LOT of illegal substances in there. I got a steak dinner and a few beers later that week from the boss. Needless to say, I no longer work there.
102. Hunting for Problems
Brother of mine caught his wife. Her phone would always be going off and she would hide it. He got curious, looked into it, and found some guy had been texting her for a few months. She said she was going to stay home because she had to catch up on homework over the weekend. My brother and I went on our hunting trip and he told me about it.
We never left the city, we went to my house and stayed there till it got dark, then drove back to his neighborhood in my neighbor’s car. She sent him a picture of her at home saying she was going to go to bed early that night. Well, we snuck close to the house after a car parked down the street and a guy walked to the house and let himself in.
My brother was fuming at this point and wanted to beat the crap out of the guy. I settled him down and told him to think about the long run. We snuck up to the house and using the night vision camera got video of them bumping uglies in the living room. My brother wanted to confront this guy at this point so… I did something messed up and called the cops. I said I heard a lot of yelling from the house and asked if they could go check. It kept my brother from messing with the dude (a coworker of hers).
Cops show up, take statements. We leave and the next day he pulls her iMessages off the email account and talks to a lawyer. We give the lawyer the messages and when we show up five days later from our “hunting trip,” he calls her and says he got something wild and wants her to come out and see it.
When she comes out he gives her divorce papers and kicks her out of the house. She had the police do a civil stand by while she got her stuff a few days later. House was his before they got married so all she got to keep was some stuff they bought together and her car. No kids and the prenup nullified the alimony she could have gotten as he made way more money than her.
The guy she was sleeping with had a record. We saw her a few months later, she tried talking to my wife and said she missed my brother and she was sorry, the guy and her broke up shortly after the divorce.
103. Eat Your Words
A guy was in line at Burger King. Behind him in the line was this woman and her kid. The kid kept screaming and yelling that he wanted an apple pie. The mom looked like she was so beat down that she was hardly fighting back. The kid is screaming loud enough at this point for the whole restaurant to hear and begins kicking his mom. She eventually caves and says he can have one. When the redditor got to the front of the line he asks the person at the register how many apple pies they have left. They tell him and he buys all of them. He ate one and made sure the kid saw him throw the rest in the trash.
104. Pregnant Disaster
I was pregnant with my oldest daughter and had extreme pain one day, so I came home early from work. When I get home I see two purses that I knew weren’t mine sitting on the stand.
I head to my room to see if my then boyfriend could explain the purses; I’m hearing noises coming from our room. I opened the door to peek in and he is having a threesome. I close the door and just go back into the living room. I was shocked.
I was supposed to be on bedrest, but I was the only one who had a job, so I was going to school and working while he got to stay home all day.
I was livid, but what was scary is that I was so furious that I remained calm. I went into the living room, sat on the couch and waited for them to come out; when they finally did I asked them if they had fun? I told them they needed to get out of my apartment.
He tried to talk to me, but I told him he needed to get out. I calmly packed off of his stuff up, had a friend come over because I couldn’t do heavy lifting being 7 months pregnant and dropped his stuff off at his parents’ house that night. It’s still shocking to me that I remained so calm being that angry.