Is there any kinder gesture out there than to open up one’s home to another person? It seems only natural that a guest who has been granted such a kindness would be very appreciative and thankful for it, right? Wrong! Unfortunately, more than a few guests have turned out to be nothing but pests for the gracious hosts who welcomed them in. Here are 42 stories about some of the worst things that guests have done in their hosts’ homes.
1. Room and Board
A friend of my college roommate’s drank himself unconscious at 2 PM, woke up and left a few hours later, then came back at 3 AM to find our door locked. He made a lot of noise and, after a while, kicked the front door in—so he could ask to sleep over.
2. Dry Humor
The brother of a friend was at our house for a pajama party. When we ran out of toilet paper, instead of just asking for a new roll, he used a towel and placed it back in the cupboard in the middle of the pile. He was 12 at the time, so easily forgiven—but not forgotten.
3. In a Pickle
A drunk girl who was at my house for a party tried to leave with my purse over her shoulder and a ginormous jar of pickles from my fridge tucked under her arm.
4. It All Came Crashing Down
My family and I were going on a trip, so we told a family friend he could crash at our house while we were gone. Halfway through our trip, we get a call from the police. Apparently, this guy threw a huge party and trashed our house, then proceeded to take one of our cars and drive it through the wall, destroying our car and the front of our house. We had to cut our trip short and come home to deal with this. We are currently in the process of pressing charges.
5. Not My Cup of Tea…
I got my first apartment and invited a friend over. They brought a friend. This guy lights a cigarette in my living room and starts ashing on the carpet. I give him a cup to ash in. He says he doesn’t need it. I ask him to use it. He holds the cup in his other hand and continues to ash on my carpet. He then had the audacity to ask me to fill his cup with water…
6. Let It Pee
Friends of a relative once stayed the night at our place while we were out of town. We asked if the children wet the bed, so we could put plastic sheets down if necessary. They were confident that the kids would have no such issues, so we let it be. We come home to find two of our brand new mattresses soaked in pee. The kids had wet the bed, moved to another bed, and wet that one too. Never said thank you, never said sorry.
7. Who Let the Cats Out?
A friend from college came to stay with us for several days while looking for a job in the area. We told him that there was only one “house rule”: Do not let the cat outside!! He’s an indoor cat and has never been outdoors. On just his third day with us, we came home to find that he’d left the sliding glass door open and our wonderful cat was gone—lost in the woods and probably terrified. The guy didn’t seem to care. His response was, “So, get a new cat!” We showed him out and said we’d get a new “friend” first.
8. Not a Fan
A 50-year-old guest at my parents’ house stayed in my childhood bedroom. In the middle of the night, he got drunk and decided that he didn’t want the fan on anymore. Instead of merely turning it off, he physically broke off each individual blade and hid them all under the dresser.
9. Early Bird Gets the Poop
My friend pooped in my newly purchased house before I ever had a chance to. It’s like the house version of teaching my kid how to ride a bike—I wanted it to be me.
10. Gender Roles
I had a friend with bladder problems. This caused him to have multiple streams of water coming out when he peed. Nevertheless, he refused to sit down on the toilet at my house, because “that’s for women.” He also refused to clean up the giant mess he made as a result of this decision.
When my brother’s girlfriend was staying with us, I came home one day to find she’d unplugged all my electronics. She needed 8+ outlets for some reason or another, even though she was only using two at the time I caught her.
12. Taking a Souvenir
I let a friend live with me for free. While he was staying over, he slept with my girlfriend and then ran off with her. Somehow, this eventually turned out to be the best thing that could ever have happened to me. I’m now happy as can be with an amazing woman, while my ex is miserable. That’s what you call karma!
13. This One Is Definitely High On Our List
A relative tried growing weed in my parents’ garden without their knowledge, under the guise of growing vegetables. I’d say that was pretty rude…
14. Wardrobe Malfunction
A guest once pissed in my closet all over my clothes because he thought it was the bathroom. This person has apparently done the same at two other friends places as well.
15. This Ship Has Sailed
My neighbor was hosting six people for a sailing regatta. He somehow talked me into letting three of them stay at my place in exchange for taking me sailing. All three used my new razors, which already annoyed me since they’re expensive. Two of them also shaved their pubic hair and left a lot of strands in my shower. Who goes to a stranger’s place and decides to shave their pubes for the first time? They ate everything I had in my refrigerator, too. Worst of all, my neighbor bailed on taking me sailing, and I still have never been.
16. Bad Intentions
My partner’s brother spent the whole week he was staying with us trying to “accidentally” walk in on me changing or while I was in the shower.
17. Home and Garden
When I was a child, we went on a trip and my grandma watched our home. In just one week, she decided that she didn’t like the plants and bushes my parents had spent years growing in their garden—and she cut them all down.
18. Annoy Thy Neighbor
When I was little, my family let some down-and-out neighbors stay at our house for a bit. When we returned, all of our toys had been thrown into the bathtub—including ones that were not meant to get wet. As if that wasn’t annoying enough, the daughter had wiped literally HUNDREDS of boogers all over the wall next to my bed.
19. Needle in a Garbage Stack
I had a guest of a guest attend a party. Apparently, she injected heroin in the bathroom and threw her bloody uncapped needle into the garbage. I got poked with it while cleaning up. It took me tens of thousands of dollars and years of medical testing, treatment, and prophylaxis to get back to my “normal” health. Never reach into a garbage can, people. Even in your own house!
20. Itchin’ in the Kitchen
My husband’s sister-in-law was visiting from out of town, and she had a day on her own when everyone had to go to work. Instead of exploring NYC, she decided to spend the day rearranging our kitchen. She rearranged the furniture, the cabinets, the fridge—everything. “I thought it worked better this way” was her explanation. What in the world?? Who does this in someone else’s home?!
21. Best Seat in the House
My roommates and I had a party. When I woke up the next day at five in the morning, someone had ripped off our toilet seat and left it lying on the floor.
22. Maid of the Mist
My worst guest was a woman named Misty. My roommate met her at a party and invited her back. She stayed the night, no big deal. But then she didn’t leave the next day. She just hung out. She even asked if we were going to buy more soda. She stayed the night again. On the couch. Two days later, we insisted upon driving her to a family member’s place just to get rid of her.
We have not kept in touch…
23. Blood, Sweat and Tears
Someone was dealing drugs in my living room, so I had a word and told her to stop it. She went upstairs, locked herself in the bathroom and slit her wrists! Luckily, we realized that something was wrong, pried the door open, and saw the blood everywhere. We called an ambulance and all turned out okay, but it was definitely not a pleasant experience.
24. Coming Out Ahead
My roommate’s friend needed a place to crash while he looked for an apartment. After three weeks, it became obvious that he was trying to get away with staying at our place for free indefinitely. He even started bringing in his clothes and stuff. We told him that we would be charging him rent for the next month. He stole our Xbox and disappeared right after. On the bright side, he accidentally left a bunch of his stuff behind—which turned out to be worth a lot more than the Xbox. We ended up making a $1,000 profit off of selling his junk.
25. Dishing It Out
My brother’s controlling girlfriend was staying with us, and my family had a bunch of scrubbers in the kitchen to clean our dishes with. She apparently just assumed that they were old and/or dirty, so she trashed them without asking or telling anyone about it. She also didn’t buy any to replace them. So we discovered that we had nothing to scrub dishes with when we needed to, and I had to go out and buy new ones.
26. Peeping Tom
When I was 17, my older brother brought two of his college friends over for the weekend. My mom caught one of them sniffing my 12-year-old sister’s stockings and underwear. He tried to claim he was just searching the drawer for weed as an excuse.
27. The Gift of Returning
I brought a girlfriend home to my parents’ house for Christmas. We had been dating for roughly eight months, and my parents went and dropped some cash on gifts for her. She opened them up and said, “Wow, it’s like you don’t even know me—I would never wear any of these brands, you might as well return them!” I asked her to leave and she asked if I could give her a ride home since it was Christmas. I said no. She called a cab. My parents did return all the clothes and got their money back.
28. Does Not Compute
My friend said he had to go to the bathroom. After 20 minutes, I decided to go see if he was okay. I found him on my mother’s computer watching pornography…
29. Pipe Down
My brother had a friend over before going out for the night. The friend went to the bathroom right before they left, and used way too much toilet paper. He ended up clogging the toilet, causing it to overflow. Instead of saying something to my brother, they just bounced. My parents were already asleep at this point, so the toilet was overflowing for four hours until my mom woke up to the house flooding. When all was said and done, he had caused $50,000 worth of damage.
30. Used and Abused
I let a friend stay over one night with his young child. Three weeks later, we found used diapers hidden under one of the beds they had slept in.
31. Motherly Hatred
My estranged mom shows up unexpectedly at my house from time to time. She’ll wait until everyone in the house is asleep, then raid the liquor cabinet and fix herself a plate of food. She’ll then leave the food and beverage under my child’s bed, along with a few dozen snotty tissues on the nightstand. She didn’t raise me, and I dread the sight of her.
32. Someone’s Got Beef
One of my barbecue guests began to repeatedly grab hot dogs, run to the toilet, shove them down there, and flush. He repeated this process until the toilet was totally clogged. Not really sure why he did it. I’d love to know what he thought he’d achieve when he was done…
33. Hit and Run
A former friend invited herself over to my place, then hit on my boyfriend behind my back and lied to my face about it.
34. Plot Twist
I have this friend, Jimmy. Great guy, always means well, but understands social interactions at about the same level that a baby understands quantum thermodynamics. So I’m having this house party, and I made it quite clear that the guest list was firm. Well, as bad as Jimmy is, he’s still an old friend—so I invite him, knowing full well that things could get out of hand.
Jimmy shows up in the middle of the party and actually manages to stay out of trouble. However, it turns out that he had taken the initiative to invite my jerk of an ex-girlfriend, who showed up shortly after him. Before the party was over, she had smeared blood on the walls and destroyed my mother’s antique vase. Thanks, Jimmy.
35. Couch Potato
The guest was my roommate’s friend. He slept naked on our couch, ate most of my food, and left a ton of pubic hair all over my soap. Oh, and just for good measure, he plugged up our toilet before leaving.
My mother in law stayed at our house. In the middle of the night, I hear her get up, and then I hear my garage door open. There being absolutely no reason for her to be going out there, I get up to go check what’s going on. I open the door and find her crouching over a cup PEEING in my garage. My entry startled her, causing her to spill the entire cup of her fresh urine all over my garage floor.
Her explanation was that someone seemed to have already been using the bathroom. She didn’t even bother to knock on the door! She just saw that it was closed and went straight to peeing in a cup in the garage.
37. Multiple Counts of Stupidity
I invited a friend over for drinks—and BOY did she drink! She got so drunk that she vomited on my living room wall and fell down the staircase. She looked like she had rolled around in chicken salad. After I made her shower and gave her some of my clothes to wear, she stole my flip-flops and went RUNNING out of the house to go to her boyfriend’s apartment.
I had to go follow after her, and she eventually got detained for public intoxication. I have not invited her over since.
38. Future Serial Killer Alert
I was a kid, probably 9 or 10, and my mom had a friend and her son over for lunch. The kid disappeared for about 10 minutes, and at the time I thought he had gone to the bathroom because I really had to go. So when he came back I quickly maneuvered my way past him into the room before the bathroom, where we had a fish tank. This would be completely irrelevant if the fish tank wasn’t cloudy and swirling about. At first glance, I didn’t know what it was, until I noticed smashed and ripped apart pieces of little fish faces moving around in the swirl. The kid had reached into the fish tank and squeezed the ever-loving life out of every single fish in that tank.
39. A Sinking Feeling…
Years ago, I was hosting a house party. A pair of girls went into the bathroom together. Not uncommon. Well, one of them decided to take a piss in my sink and accidentally dropped a loaf while she was at it. They came out laughing and telling everyone that someone must have pooped in my sink. I was literally the last person in that bathroom before them. I even watched them walk in. And I don’t recall defecating in my own sink. After confronting them, they got pissed off and left. They didn’t even bother cleaning up the sink!
40. Taking a Step Down
My wife’s friends had stayed over after a party because they lived pretty far away. The next morning, I was in the kitchen making coffee when one of the friends silently shuffled by in nothing but their underwear. It turns out that in her drunken state, she was unable to find the bathrooms and decided to just poop on my floor under the staircase. We never spoke to these friends again.
41. A Saucy Fella
A friend was taking a nap at my place while my roommate and I were out of the house. When we tried to get back in, he had locked the door and blocked us out. We discovered that he had squirted ketchup on the kitchen walls and poured oil all over the floors. A month later, we had a sudden ant infestation—and we realized that he had also spread Nutella inside the cupboard doors.
42. Housewarming Present
We moved into this new house, and apparently, the people who lived there before us never told their “friend” that they had moved. He let himself in one day and went into the bathroom unnoticed. I went in there sometime later to discover some random guy passed out with a needle in his arm in the middle of my new bathroom floor. Worst first night in a new house ever!
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