We shouldn't ruin someone's day. That's not a very nice thing to do. Except...when the person in question gives us absolutely no choice. A horrible, entitled customer. A screaming, spoiled-rotten brat. The most frustrating people on earth. In these cases, when the opportunity presents itself, you're actually legally obligated to ruin their day in the most brutal way possible.
1. The Principle Of The Thing
I worked as a database administrator for a community center one summer in university. Basically, I created a database for them to track who was donating to them and how much they were donating, as well a who was volunteering, and for how many hours.
Very simple work and despite being the youngest person on staff, I got along well with my co-workers. Well, except for one horrible person. My immediate boss, who was a total piece of work. The next spring, I was applying for jobs and e-mailed my old boss to ask for a letter of recommendation. Much to my surprise, she told me that she didn't write recommendation letters "out of principle". I was pretty ticked off about it because I was finding it very difficult to find a position.
Not being able to count on my most recent employer for a reference was a definite blemish on my resume. However, in spite of this, I managed to land a decent job. Lo and behold, I got to get revenge on day one of my new job. That day, my boss happened to email me about a problem at my old work with the database I had worked on.
She had moved some files around, rendering it impossible for her to access the database. She asked if I would come in. I had the perfect reply. I e-mailed her back and told her I already had a job and couldn't do it "out of principle". From the center's perspective, it effectively made my entire summer a waste of time. Hey, what can you do?
2. Self-Defense
A few years back, I was the assistant manager at my karate studio. It was a slow, quiet day when in walked Paul, my old bully from public school. I wasn't sure it was him at first. It had been a long time, and it was hard to tell. I didn't say anything. Paul was interested in joining the dojo, so I showed him around, discussed pricing, etc.
At the end of the tour, Paul decided to join our dojo. We sat down in the office and he filled out the paperwork. When he wrote his name out on the application, I knew for sure that this was, indeed, my old enemy. The guy who used to torment me every single weekday. Who made me kneel in dog poop. That's when I came up with an ingenious plan.
I still didn't say anything until after he had pre-paid me for an entire year's membership. As I walked him to the door, I smiled. "I'm really looking forward to training with you," I said. "Thanks, me too," Paul said. I then said: "You don't recognize me, do you?" He replied: "No, should I?" I said: "Yes. We went to school together, grades three through eight. You bullied me every day, and made my life miserable. Can't wait to see you in class".
Paul went white, and walked out without saying another word. He never walked back in. He willingly threw away a year's membership payment, almost $500, rather than have to be in the same class with me. That was one of the single greatest moments of my life. Karma is a beautiful thing, even if it happens many years down the road.
3. Bridezilla, Meet Mia
This is one of my favorite “screw it” stories. I used to work at a country club. There was a girl, let’s call her Mia, who had worked there for three or four years before me. Mia was told she was to replace the wedding manger immediately when she started, but had YET to be given the job after all that time. She confided in me that she was done and ready to quit and this would be her last wedding.
I told her to do what was best for her. The country club hosted a lot of weddings and we would always rotate the girls who would take care of the bride and anything she needed. I did it four or five times and only had one bride who was slightly demanding, but poor Mia had the worst luck and always got the bridezillas.
Mia was one of the NICEST people I ever met, by the way. So I was in the lobby setting up for cocktail hour. The hall to my left had two doors, a closet and the bridal suite. Mia and the bride were in the hall and I heard the bride start yelling at Mia about water. They were standing in the hall so I watched the whole thing go down.
Bride: “I ASKED FOR COLD WATER! THIS WATER IS ROOM TEMPERATURE! CANT YOU DO THE ONE THING IM ASKING YOU TO DO?” Mia: “Ma’am you asked for a bowl of ice and a pitcher of room temperature water. You asked to put the ice in yourself. You didn’t want me to touch it”.
Bride: “WATER IS COLD! EVEN ROOM TEMPERATURE WATER ISNT THAT WARM! IM THE BRIDE! YOU WILL DO AS I SAY! THAT IS WHY YOU ARE HERE ISNT!? TO SERVE ME!” The next part was so good, it’s unforgettable. Mia: (smiles and clears her throat) “Ma’am, I have gotten you water three times now I’m sorry it is not to your liking, but you know what’s not to my liking? YOU."
"YOU FREAKING JERK! YOUR DRESS IS HIDEOUS! YOUR WEDDING IS HIDEOUS! PURPLE AND PALE GREEN!? WHAT ARE YOU?! BARNEY?! YOU LOOK LIKE BARNEY IN THAT DRESS!! SCREW YOU! I HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE, I DON’T NEED THIS FROM YOU BARNEY!” She then storms to the office, hands over her name tag and fob, and leaves the bride in tears. Mia works at a college in North Carolina now. I miss her.
4. Get Mature, Kid
I worked at a Kmart in high school. It was a small store, so I worked everything: electronics, stocking, cashier—you name it, I did it. One day, I asked a woman and her son, who was about 12 or 13, if they needed help finding anything as I was out on the floor. For some reason, the kid immediately calls me out for annoying him. I ignore it and go about my business, but I think he's a little jerk.
Right after that, I get called to checkout. As I'm working there, here comes the pair. The kid has gone all out back in the electronics area, with some EA sports titles and a GTA game. I'm checking them out when the age prompt comes up for the M-rated game. I decide to take a chance and show the jerk a little karma. I flip the game over and inform the mother that "This game has been rated M for the following reasons" and read the list off the back of the case.
There is a long, awkward silence, and then she angrily informs me that the son said it was only a "little violent," and he must have lied to her. Kid wasn't able to get anything that day.
5. Blockbuster
My wife was sick one morning and I went out to get her medicine and return a DVD to a RedBox machine. There was a couple with their child browsing the movies. After waiting five minutes patiently, I told them that my wife was sick and asked if I could quickly return my movie since it would only take about 15 seconds. In a very rude tone, the wife told me that I could just wait my turn.
I wait a couple of minutes and the child starts crying because the vending machine does not have Gnomeo and Juliet and he doesn't want to watch Cars 2 again. But I know something she doesn't. I then turn to the wife and show her that I was here to return Gnomeo and Juliet, but I can't wait for them any longer since my wife is sick, and I have until 9:00 pm to return it. I hopped into my car as the kid falls to the ground in a screaming, kicking temper tantrum.
6. Don’t Stop Believing
My dad is out of state on business driving through some no-name town when he goes through an intersection. Suddenly, a cop pulls him over and tickets him—stating that he ran a stop sign. My dad insisted that there was not any stop sign, but the cop did not listen. Angry, he went back to the intersection and saw that there was indeed a stop sign hidden behind a tree.
More that that, it was twisted in the wrong direction! Even more angry, he went into a convenience store and bought a disposable camera. The clerk laughed because he saw what happened and knew what was up. Luckily, my dad had to be back there in a few weeks for work. The cop assumed that someone with out of state plates would just pay the ticket.
So he was shocked when my dad turned up in court, calmly presented his evidence to the judge, and strolled out in five minutes scot-free.
7. Summary Of Un-Qualifications
When I was out of work for a long time, I interviewed at this tech firm to do sales for them. The Marketing Director came from sales and was the typical "I can sell ice to an Eskimo" kind of salesperson. Very Type A, my way is the only way.
The product was the same as many other products and having a technical background, I knew that if we sold the way he was describing, we would get a few non-technical people to buy, but big contracts were not going to happen. I have a degree in Marketing and Computer Science.
I expressed my concern about this. The response was chilling. He goes off on me. I try to gracefully leave, and he starts yelling at me as I'm walking out and all the way out the building. Fast forward to a few weeks ago when I bring a guy in for an interview to work as one of my reps. The office manager brings him in and I look up from the desk. It's him.
He doesn't remember me, but it stuck in my memory so strong because nothing like that had ever happened to me before or since.
Being the bigger person, I just do the interview, and was going to be fair and not make anything of it. Finally, I give in.
I say, "I've met you before. Do you remember me?"
Him: "No"
Me: "I interviewed with you a few years back, you were very rude to me. You yelled some of the most awful vitriol at me I have ever heard. At this time, I'm not going to hold it against you. But I do have significant concerns that you will not be able to hold your temper in difficult situations with our clients. If you want to be at all considered for this job, you better allay those concerns and impress me".
He looks very confused you can see him reliving his past, then the look of enlightenment hits him. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Not so much the revenge, but the realization that when you put bad into the world, it can come back to bite you.
He said some things to try to save the interview and apologized. I accepted his apology graciously.
But the discomfort was clear for him. The reality of it is if he was actually qualified for the position, I probably would have still hired him, but he had no experience in relational sales. He was a hard sales kind of guy and that gets you a reputation and nowhere in the healthcare industry.
8. Fluent In Smack Talk
I used to work for a major bank and while doing my stint there, I came across a ton of jerks. One time, I was taking a deposit for a lady and her daughter and I heard them speaking a Middle Eastern language.
When I realized they were speaking Farsi, I was all ears—see, I speak Farsi. What I heard made my blood run cold. They were talking about how much of a loser I was, how this job as a teller was the only thing I had in my life, that I probably didn't have a girlfriend and didn't attend school.
Throughout this conversation, I spoke only English to her, and every time she responded to my requests she would smile and then say something nasty about me in Farsi. At the end of the conversation, I switched up to their language and said, "Just because I work at a bank doesn't give you the right to say things about me behind my back. I'm in grad school to become a psychotherapist and this job is for spending money. You should be ashamed. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
Her daughter left the building immediately and her mother was beet red, embarrassed, apologized profusely, and left. I never saw either of them again.
9. Take A Picture, It’ll Last Longer
When I was seven, I had this really terrible babysitter. She would call 9-1-1 and yell for assistance before hanging up really quickly, just for fun. She would also regularly forget to make us dinner. The worst thing she did, however, was bring her boyfriend over so that they could make out on the couch and watch movies. Classic teenage stuff, really.
Every time he was over, she would lock me in my room and my five-year-old autistic brother in the basement. He didn't understand how locks or light switches worked, so he cried pretty much the entire time. One day, shortly after Christmas while she was over, I took my new point and shoot the camera out for a spin, pretending I was a detective.
I would creep along walls and jump around corners, snapping away at whatever I could find. I could hear my babysitter talking to her boyfriend on the phone, so I thought I would "investigate". I crept up to the kitchen and then swung around the corner, snapping away in my camera. She got really angry and chased me around the house as I was laughing my head off.
The next week, my mom took me to get my film developed. She and I sat down in the mall food court and looked at the pictures...because what mom wouldn't want to see the pictures their son took with their Christmas present?
As we flipped through, my mom snatched one of the pictures. When she saw it, her face went red with fury. What was it, you ask? My mom was holding photographic proof of my babysitter going through my mom’s purse. I've never seen my mom go off on anyone as she did on that 16-year-old witch.
10. None Of Your Doggone Dirty Business
My first job in NYC was at a pet food place. I was a brand rep for a local company, and I had to bug everyone who came in, trying to get them to buy one of our $3 sampler packs. I wasn't allowed to give samples out, which is stupid—dogs will eat their own poop, so of course they'd eat our specially engineered, plant-infused, loose-stool-fixing treats, which would make their owners pick up a few bags, etc.
So usually, people just said, "No thanks" when I asked them. One day I have to share a table with a rep from a rival company who's passing out free samples left and right. Goes without saying she's selling way more than I am. Also, I hate this woman. She's annoying and smug the whole entire time.
Finally, a woman comes in with two prissy little pugs in matching pink bows. I make my speech, she ignores me. The rival rep throws a few treats down; the dogs, of course, gobble them up. The lady says, "OK, I guess I'll get a few packs". As she goes to check out, a quiet sound fills the store:
hork hork hork
We all look. It's unmistakable. But we're too late to stop it.
hork hork hork
The first pug projectile-vomits all over the second pug. The second pug projectile-vomits all over the rival dog-food rep. The woman slowly takes back the credit card she was handing over and rushes out of the store, her puke-covered dogs trailing behind. The rival rep had to clean all the puke. I had to go outside I was laughing so hard.
11. High But Not Dry
A few years ago, I was in college, walking down the sidewalk to my next class. It had just finished raining heavily, and the road was punctuated by very large puddles. So, not a drop was falling, and I'm walking down the sidewalk, umbrella in hand. Just an average Joe.
Coming my way are a group of four girls, very pretty, but really snobby-looking. The type who are so conceited, if you glance in their general direction, they're already sneering at you as if you're checking them out. So as they're nearing me, I see a large, rusted pickup truck barreling my way down the road, at high speed...
Puddles. Redneck. People on the sidewalk...
I suddenly realized what's going to happen.
I immediately drop to a crouch, open my umbrella to the side facing the road. The girls are probably five feet in front of me. One of them says, in that snobby-girl voice, "Um, what the heck are you doing?" The other ones start laughing in chorus...
VRRRRROOOOOOMMMM!!!! SSSSssssSSSSPPPPLASHHHH!!!!
The truck swerves into the puddle, throwing a freaking ten-foot typhoon of muddy water up onto the sidewalk! The truck blares its horn, continuing on its merry way. I can't believe it. NOT A DROP had touched me. My dork-looking ninja move had saved me.
The girls were all covered head to toe in filthy, college town muddy ditch water, soaked, hair all messed up, clothes stained, snotty looks frozen in astonishment. Without missing a beat, I stand up and flatly state, "Keeping dry". It was the most epic moment I have ever had.
12. Parting Gifts
My soon-to-be-finalized ex-wife got a DUI while out with the dude she left me for, less than a week after she dropped the news and moved out. Also, within a week of the charge, I enjoyed giving her the news that legally I'll get to keep the house, both vehicles, and am not required to pay her back anything from the $10k her parents gave me for the house down-payment years ago (from before we were married).
Within a month, she went from married with a great combined income in a nice house in a nice neighborhood driving a 2010 Jetta to living with her parents (at age 31), lacking any vehicle, and credit card debt almost equal to her meager public teacher annual salary. Ahhh, too bad...
13. Foul Flowergirl
I went to a wedding a few years ago, and one of the bride's younger female cousins was beyond obnoxious. Her mother was even worse, which is why I imagine the little girl was this way. Over the course of the afternoon, I heard her say such gems as, "I would NEVER shop at Walmart. All MY clothes are name brand". She was a complete nightmare.
This was said to a seven-year-old girl in a very cute dress, which she proudly proclaimed her mother bought her at Walmart on sale. Later, while eating cake, the little brat said something way worse. She took some of the 7-year-old's dessert, stating that "It's for your own good, you're too chubby". The one that really got to me, though, was when she started boasting that she was going to catch the bouquet.
Every adult in the place was severely annoyed by her at this point, and I made it my mission to catch that god darned bouquet. When it came time for the tossing, I centered myself and gave a wink to my friend, the bride. She threw it right at me, and the little 12-year-old lunged for it. I elbowed that brat right in the face, and caught the flowers. Not even a little remorse.
14. Not A Big Fan
At most sporting events you will encounter some of the worst kind of people humanity has to offer. Most are decent people just looking to let go and have a good time with friends, usually heavily intoxicated. But some people, whether it be due to the excess drinking or them just being walking piles of trash, take it too far.
One guy and his buddies I remember at a hockey game were the worst. Occasional drunken outbursts are some of the most entertaining aspects of attending, but this guy was just in it for the attention. Through the entire first period he is a nonstop deluge of swearing and stupid ranting, loud and proud.
Eventually a father with his two young son tells him to shut it. He pulls the whole tough guy act, glaring him down and trying to goad him into a confrontation with his buddies all backing him up. A security guard making rounds was already watching him and tells him to sit down and, rather comically, to "watch his freaking mouth".
He relents but he does so in a mocking way, still being loud and replacing swear words with less offensive ones. Taking the time to shoot an occasional glare at the father. He and his buddies disappear towards the end of the second period. Just when we start to think he got his dumb butt kicked out, he comes stumbling back, can in hand, with only one of his buddies.
As he makes his way up the steps to his seats, you could tell he was struggling. He climbs about 15 or so steps and tries to switch up his can-holding hand. That's when it happens. Just as someone yells "Don't mess up!" his readjustment destroys his already tenuous balance and he topples backwards.
He spills his drink all over himself, rolls over his smaller friend, down all the steps, and landing at the feet of the security guard who spoke to him earlier. His fall and subsequent ejection got the loudest applause of the night.
15. Cart Him, Boys
I work at a supermarket, and I once told a kid who was running around screaming that he had to go to “grocery jail”. He probably thought I was lying at the time, but nope, I certainly was not. I made him sit in a shopping cart lined with Limburger cheese next to me until his parents showed up. I think they were just happy to have him out of the way.
16. The Cost Of Caring
My inept and horrible boss put everyone in the office through major drama in preparation for his overseas trip. He had the IT department bending over backward to get him new tech so he could do work via Wi-Fi in his hotel. While on the trip, he has been complaining non-stop that he couldn't connect to the hotel Wi-Fi, which hasn't been a problem for anyone else on the same trip.
He has been emailing and micromanaging via his laptop tethered to his phone. But he forgot one crucial thing. He didn't ask for international data roaming on his phone. I just found out that in one week he racked up $4,000 in data charges. This might explain why I've not received any email from him in days.
17. Sold Out Of Love
My wife was pilfering money from the marriage, to the tune of about $1,000 per month. It had gone on for a few years before I figured it out. I thought she was saving the money when she was really stashing it in her dad's accounts. Not satisfied to simply stash away her own salary, she began to buy stuff on the joint charge card, then sell it on eBay.
I paid the card, but then I got my revenge. I started the divorce without telling her. During this time, I took my name off the joint card, again without telling her, and began using my own credit card. When the bills came in for that month, I informed her that I would not pay the credit card bills anymore, that she had her own job and her own money and she could pay her own bills.
There was the expected ruckus about that, but I stuck to my convictions. A week or so later, she had a screaming foot stomping tantrum about how it wasn't worth her time to work her eBay business. Because she now had to actually buy her own inventory instead of just selling stuff I bought.
Yeah, I cracked a smile. The story ends thusly: I later traded the stolen money—and my silence about the felonies she committed while transferring the money—for shared custody, zero payments to her, and zero claims on real estate, etc. She walked away with less than she'd have gotten if she was honest. I even got the house. Our divorce was final four months ago.
18. HR Nightmare
I was on a team of two, and when the lady I worked with quit, they decided not to replace her. This meant that if I needed to use my paid overtime (PTO) to take time off, which I often did because I have a young child who gets sick every now and again, it was a real problem. I would give my manager, who worked at a remote office, lots of ways to fix this issue, but she never would hear any of it.
She finally sent me a very angry email basically telling me I could not use my PTO when my son got sick. I wrote back a long, detailed list of every method I suggested to fix the issue, along with the fact that I was the only person in my position for months, and that our company policy states in bold letters that using PTO because a loved one is sick is not only acceptable but encouraged.
My manager responded to my email by stating she would forward my concerns to HR and that I should probably polish up my resume. But HR was in our office that day. For the first time in six months. Great coincidence, right? So, I went in, asked if I could speak about an issue concerning my manager, and explained everything as it happened.
The HR rep had this look on her face like she was going to harm someone. She then asked me to forward the entire email chain to her, which I did. She called me back with incredible news. Apparently, everyone told the HR rep that the entire office can't function without me and that I've been doing the work of three people for nine months.
Later that day, my manager sent me a very angry message saying I was fired because I was causing a hostile work environment. I forwarded this to the HR rep who looked at me, and in a single, sweet sentence said, "Not a chance, she's royally screwed". And that's basically how my manager went from making $80k a year to being fired on a Wednesday with no compensation, no benefits, and no way to collect unemployment.
It was an all-around productive day.
19. Leap Of Faith
We don't get too many kids in my coffee shop, but when we do, 90% of the time they are little monsters whose parents let them run wild. I work at a busy store, so we have rope line dividers snaking through the front of the store. A girl who was maybe six or seven decided it would be a good idea to start vaulting over the dividers.
That in itself wouldn't bother me too much, but she kept this up for nearly an hour, getting in the way of paying customers the whole time. I was running the shift, so I nicely asked her if she wouldn't mind knocking it off, as she could get hurt. In the snottiest way imaginable, she said, "You're not the boss of me!" and kept right on jumping.
One of my employees suggested I go talk to the parents. I had an even better idea. "Just wait, and watch," I told her. I noticed that with each jump, she was clearing the rope by fewer and fewer inches, and it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened. Sure enough, five minutes later, the little darling made her last jump, got her foot tangled in the rope, and landed smack down on the tiles, face first.
It was one of the most satisfying sounds I'd ever heard. She wasn't seriously injured or anything, but boy did she start wailing. Her absentee parents ran over and started yelling at me as if it was my fault, at which point I told them my job was to make coffee, not raise their children for them. They stormed out, with their bratty blubbering offspring in tow.
20. Have A Nice Trip
This kid was running around a restaurant at high speed, making a loop. Around and around he went, yelling and knocking items off of people's tables. He zipped by my table one too many times…and I tripped him. He did a long sliding face-plant. Jumped back up and started crying and yelling at me. His parents grabbed him and hauled him out of there without a word.
Wikimedia Commons Mindaugas Danys
21. I’m Taking You All Down With Me
I once had a boss who was an uber-douche. He was several rungs up the ladder and was basically a waste of space and money. When the company was going through a "reorganization," he realized his position would be seen as pointless and made sure to get on the committee that analyzed the ladder.
He arranged to have the guy below him who worked his butt off fired and he then "took" on those responsibilities, minus being productive in any way. He then proceeded to have investigations into the staff to find out who was loyal to the boss that was laid off. This resulted in many of us being written up for talking to each other about how the fired boss was now doing great at his new job.
I eventually quit after realizing that I couldn't win against this guy. He has already gotten rid of two or three other people by finding stupid excuses to "discipline" them. After I left, he proceeded to get rid of all of the productive employees. Several years go by and I get a call from my mother. That company lost their biggest contract and has gone under. The douche boss was the sole cause of the whole place going under. I love this story!!!!
22. Pennies From Heaven
I used to deliver pizza for Dominoes. It was my last shift and there was this house that was always rude. For example, I called to ask what the house looked like and they said, "I gave you the address" and hung up. They never tipped, etc. I got to their house and they gave me a check for 1 cent less than what the total was.
I said, "I am going to need the extra penny". They grumbled off and took their time, hoping I would give up, but I just sat there holding the pizza. They finally came back all angry and gave me the penny. So then I really enacted my revenge. They gave me the penny and I chucked it out into the street and left. They saw me do it. It was SATISFYING.
23. Teach Yourself
I had two students once write on their TA evaluation of me that I was the "worst TA ever," that they were majors in the subject and were "highly concerned if this was the quality of education the department provides," and one was "considering transferring". Basically, they tried to get me in trouble/ fired, not knowing I'm the only one who sees them.
A few terms later, I was teaching a class they were in (not as their TA), and I had the pleasure of watching them fail. One of them had my lab mate for a TA, and I got to hear her complain about how stuck up she was, considering her "stupidity" (lab mate isn't as nice as I am). I took way too much pleasure in grading their exams.
burst
24. How Do You Like Them Cookies
At the end of a long commute home after a hard week, I went to a Millie’s Cookies store just before closing time. As I walked up to the counter, some guy ran from behind me and tried to cut in front of me. The girl working there insisted I was first, thankfully. Outraged and noticing there weren’t many cookies left, I said, "Hi, I'll take absolutely everything you have". Cost me close to $60, but it was so worth it.
25. No Vacancy
When I was nine years old, my dad and I were driving around some little town in Europe for an hour or so looking for a place to stay, but we kept getting told that everywhere was full. So we pull into the nth hotel of the evening. As dad and I are walking in, we hear the desk clerk tell another potential guest that they have one room left.
The guy, though, is kind of rude and huffy, and he says snippily, “I’ll have to check with my wife”. Suddenly, my dad yells from across the lobby "I'll take it". Dude gets this shocked look on his face, spins around, and tells the clerk "I'LL take it". Desk clerk to other guy: "I'm sorry, sir but we've just sold out".
26. How The Other Half Gives
I was having a bad day while working at a Subway one night, this kid comes in and orders a foot-long sub. The entire time I'm trying to take his order, he mumbles, sighs, walks away, and keeps saying, "I dunno". Just generally, he's being a huge brat. Then when it comes time to pay, he smiles at me with this annoying little grin and says he doesn't have enough cash on him.
He's close, but off by about 40 cents. So I said, “No problem little buddy, let me just ring that in as a six inch”. He beams triumphantly that his short change plot worked—but he didn’t know what was coming. Before I rang it up, I snatched the sandwich back, split it in two, and handed him half the sub with his change while tossing the other half in the trash. Problem solved.
27. Do Not Pass “Go”
When I was working at a bad job in my younger days, a customer was upset that he had to wait in line like everyone else before being able to make his purchase. He actually said, "Do you know who I am? I own hotels!" To which I replied, "Well sir, I'm sorry, but this isn't Monopoly, this is Krispy Kreme". He was not pleased.
28. Revenge Is Sweet
My wife used to keep these little Godiva chocolates that she likes in her desk at work, but started noticing some of them missing and figured it must be someone from the overnight cleaning staff taking them. Fed up with losing her not-inexpensive treats, she decided to get revenge on the choco-thief in question by replacing the good chocolate with little squares of chocolate laxatives that look just like real candies.
The next morning, she saw several of the laxatives gone, and then from that day forward, she was never missing another one of her good chocolates ever again.
29. Don’t Call Me, I’ll Call You
I was riding my bike to work one day and while I was crossing the street, a woman ran me over. She drove through the crosswalk, looking to turn right, and ran right into me. After I got bumped hard enough by her fender to take a spill and have some bruising all down my side, she stopped. But not to see if I was okay, oh no.
She only gave me an exasperated, "my bad" wave and continued to talk on her cell phone, ignoring me as I picked myself and my bike up. So I walked right up to her open window, grabbed her cell phone from her ear, and chucked it into a nearby parking lot as hard as I could. I swear that was the farthest I have thrown anything in my life.
She gaped at me in shock as I struggled back onto my bike and slowly rode off, fuming yet victorious.
30. Win Win For Us
I live in a small town and worked in a Fish and Chip shop—one of two in the town. We were a tourist town, and one of the main attractions was the award-winning fish and chips. People in the town believed we were in massive competition with the other shop, but we weren't. We had 25 plus staff and they had around seven, so we were serving thousands more customers than them.
So, on the rare occasion whenever a customer got angry, they would simply exclaim “Well I'm going to [insert competitor's name here] AND I WON'T BE BACK”. Like it was a big deal and would really hurt our feelings and business. We would simply tell them that we don't want them back, and they should enjoy the food from the other shop. But even better, the truth was that we owned both shops.
31. Family Feud
In grade school when I was about 11 years old, a guy on the school bus relentlessly teased my nine-year-old younger brother. For months, this jerk just wouldn't stop harassing him. I finally got sick of it, confronted him, and told him to knock it off. This didn't slow him down one bit.
As soon as I got out of his face, the teasing and badgering continued. So I took it to the next level. I casually hopped back into the same seat as the jerk and then I slammed his head into the window so hard that the window cracked. He didn't say a word, but I could see him quietly try to cover up his tears. With that done, I went back to my seat. He never messed with my brother again, nor did anybody else on that bus, come to think of it.
Normally I am not a physically aggressive person, but after seeing my little brother tormented every day, I had enough. I never felt bad for hurting the kid, since he had it coming. Still, I surprised myself that I actually did slam him, but I would do it again in a heartbeat to protect my little brother. You don’t mess with my family.
32. Keep Your Friends Close…
A girl on my softball team antagonized me and spread rumors about me to the team and coaches. We were competing for the same position. She was in my geometry class and tried to buddy up to me because I was good at geometry, and she wasn't. So for a while, I let her copy my homework, then one day I gave her all the wrong answers and turned in the right answers for myself.
33. Happy Wife, Happy Life
My uncle was a prominent, busy doctor. My aunt, a stay-at-home mother of two. My uncle was very rigid and authoritative, and had to have things just so: a certain breakfast at a specific time every morning, his clothes folded or hung in a particular way, a specific drink waiting for him upon his return home, and a specific dinner at a given time every night, based on a rotating menu.
This went on for decades until he eventually passed. Regardless, one night was meatloaf night, and after years of no complaints, my uncle erupts, screaming at my aunt that her meatloaf is simply garbage, how could she not be able to cook something so simple, all of this, and literally fires his full dinner plate across the room.
My aunt, his submissive, quiet, loyal servant over their then twenty or so years of marriage, simply apologizes and cleans up, promising to improve her recipe. But the truth eventually came out. It was only after my uncle passed—they were married for 52 years—that she admitted to my mother that she’d fed him meatloaf made solely of Alpo (wet, canned dog food) for the past 30 years with nary a complaint.
34. It’s Payback Time
My roommate in college had only child syndrome and taped a piece of paper over her clock because she didn’t want to “share it with me”. Never mind that she couldn’t see the clock herself, but she would rather no one see the clock than share the clock with my eyes. So, from then on, I would take one sock from a set once a week.
It was slow enough that she didn’t realize it was me sabotaging her socks, but fast enough for her to be really annoyed and wondering that the heck was happening to all of her matching socks.
35. Driving Miss Crazy
I volunteer at my university, safe walks and all that jazz. We are required to report suspicious activity. I once witnessed a woman driving a Mercedes-Benz across a lawn to bypass the parking gate, tearing up this gorgeous lawn.
I was not amused, so we reported it to the parking authority. They couldn’t have come at a better time. They show up while the woman is still getting stuff out of her trunk, box her in, and start writing a ticket. She ended up driving away over a curb and peeling her entire bumper off in the process. Made me happy inside.
36. A Little Humble Pie
Back when I was a waitress, I worked at this BBQ joint that had really narrow, awkwardly arranged tables so I always had to lean a bit over to serve the food. Anyhow, there was this table with a really obnoxious 4-year-old who kept grabbing at everything: My hands, my clothes, the tray I was serving from. He even untied my apron and my pens and cash flew everywhere. This went all through the whole meal.
Meanwhile, the parents didn't do a thing about it. In fact, the dad said it served me right for taking a job in food service. Total jerks, all of them, and I knew I wasn't getting a decent tip. So towards the end of their meal, they order dessert—peanut butter silk pie, which is ooey-gooey sticky pie heaven. I knew just what to do.
I make sure to cover it in an extra mound of whipped cream and balance it precariously on the side of my tray, counter-balanced with a couple of soda refills for the parents. Sure enough, when I got to the table, the little jerk made a grab for the tray and everything conveniently capsized all over him and his parents.
They were covered in diet coke, whipped cream, and the stickiest peanut butter pie you can imagine. I looked appropriately shocked and then said "I am SO sorry. Guess that's what happens when you have kids". Even managed to make it back to the kitchen before I cracked up, along with most of our staff. Serves them right.
37. Flying Too Close To The Sun
While teaching in Japan, one kid was just a little devil. He had no respect for me or the other students. I spoke with my office about this several times, because I felt he was a danger to the other students, but I was told it's Japanese culture to let their kids go wild during childhood because they would soon be under enormous stress once they hit junior high.
Well, this little brat was being particularly annoying one day, and actually shoves a little girl, who just falls face-first to the floor and smashes her forehead against the ground. These students are only about four to five years old. When I saw what he'd done, I checked on the girl and saw she had a massive welt, at least the size of a golf ball, if not bigger, swelling up on her forehead.
I call my office to report the incident, while restraining the kid, who proceeds to dig his nails into my arm, which actually draws blood. All they say is try your best for the rest of the lesson and we can try to let the mom of the girl know what's happened. I knew I had to do something. Long story short, we end up drawing pictures at the end of class, and he decides to make a paper airplane instead.
He started to throw it around and was laughing and having a great time. This is when I ruined his day in the best way possible. I snatched it from him and crumpled the paper right there as he looked at me, then I threw it in the trash. The kid loses his mind and just cries uncontrollably for the last few minutes of class. No regrets.
38. No Salad For You!
We had a customer who got a salad and when she was finished she placed one of her hairs in the bowl to try to get it refunded. She got the complimentary “I’m sorry” free bakery item. She did this every day. Finally, the manager sat down at her table and told her this was her last day eating in the cafe, as they would refuse her refund today and refuse her service in the future.
She started to say something about the customer always being right. He just put up a hand to cut her off. Then he dropped the cold, hard truth on her: “You cause us to lose money every day. You’re absolutely not our customer, you are a liability, and you are no longer welcome here”. It was so, so satisfying, I'll never forget it.
39. Never Too Late To Learn
A woman in her mid-50s cut in front of me and my two-year-old daughter in line at a restaurant. I was in the middle of getting my daughter a cookie and was in a hurry as I was dealing with a two-year-old. So I snapped at the woman, "How is it that you're 70 years old and you still don't know how a line works?" She was gloriously silent.
40. A Cinderella Epilogue
I spent most of my teen years being tormented by my ex-stepmother and her daughter. She was always seen by my then-stepmother as the angel; the perfect daughter, despite the stuff she did. She tried to frame my dad for pedophilia, would take and sell substances out of our house, tried to stab me with a knife because she'd been grounded and wasn't allowed out, would kick up a MASSIVE storm if she wasn't allowed something, etc..
Needless to say, I was treated as scum of the earth by her mother. I lived in basically a closet with a window for seven years. My father and mother had to sneakily buy me gifts for things like exam results. My mother bought me my first decent laptop for my GCSEs, while stepmother insulted my intelligence and called me a spoiled brat.
I was constantly treated like I was the troublemaker who'd avoided bail three times. Not saying I was neglected, I had a more comfortable life than some kids out there. But it was still pretty crummy. Recently I've made something of my life, at university and actually achieving the grades I always dreamed of. And that's not all.
Dad's kicked my stepmother out and she's been begging for him to take her back (to no avail, HA), and my stepsister managed to get herself pregnant (not by accident, through ignorance) and has narrowly avoided time behind bars. I cannot help but smile whenever I think about it.
burst
41. Here Today, Gone Tomorrow
Some jerk in a Humvee decided to park in a handicap spot at a Kroger. I was young at the time and out riding with my dad, who was a repo man…driving his repo truck. My dad towed the Humvee to a parking spot on the opposite side of the parking lot. We then waited until the owner came out and looked around in disbelief.
She thought someone took her car. My dad drove right up to her, rolled down the window, and said, "Are you ok, miss?" The woman said, all concerned, "My car was taken by someone". My dad replied very coolly to her, "Well, maybe you shouldn't have parked it in a handicap spot," gave her a smile and drove off.
42. Technical Victory
A horrible former co-worker of mine always claimed she worked way more hours than she actually did, and when she was at work she just browsed Facebook all day. The doctor/owner was very hands-off and just let her do whatever she wanted, despite me going to him with proof, so I decided to take revenge.
She was not computer-savvy at all, so I removed Internet Explorer from her desktop and installed an identical icon that, when clicked, would instantly restart the computer. It was so satisfying when she would forget and click it, losing anything that she was working on. She would always grumble and complain about the issues with her computer.
43. Spitting Distance
While I was at a zoo, I kept seeing this one group of people walking around. Their kid was wild with energy. He would throw things, like popcorn, at everything. Me included. Even though I asked his parents several times to get it under control, nothing changed. Then I took a left when they went right and thought that was the end of it, but a bit later we were next to each other again.
I was hoping the kid had settled down, but he was just as loud and obnoxious as ever. So we were in front of the camels and I said to him, "Hey kid, come here and look at this". For those who don't know, camels spit. And this kid started throwing popcorn at the camel and yelling at it. Suddenly the camel had enough and let out a huge loogie.
It covered the side of the kid’s face and was running down onto his shirt. It was glorious. He started crying and yelling, ran over to his parents, and told them I made the camel spit on him. His dad started yelling at him and said, "Are you bothering that man again?" He then got a swat on the seat of the pants and they left the zoo.
44. Don’t Meet Your Heroes
I worked at a Toys R Us twice doing seasonal work around the big holidays, like Christmas and such. Anyway, you have to find ways to amuse yourself and keep from going totally insane with all the bratty kids and exasperated parents. So I did one pretty awful thing that I nonetheless have absolutely no remorse for.
I was scheduled to work the first shift on Black Friday, and they made me wear the Geoffrey the Giraffe costume. First rule is, don't talk. Dance, pose for photos, and keep your mouth shut. Basically, don't ruin it for the kids. But this particularly bratty kid kept punching me “down there” while I was posing with him for the photo. I was in the suit, but it still hurt. Wouldn't cut it out, so after the photo was taken, I got my revenge.
I knelt down, got my giraffe head at his eye level, and whispered, "Your parents told me not to say anything, but you were adopted". That little punk started wailing so loud, crying his eyes out. Best part was, the parents complained, but since I was in costume and they had just hired a bunch of new people, they had no idea who had done it.
45. Justice Is Just Around The Corner
I used to lifeguard while in high school at a community pool with a big twisty water slide. There was always a guard at the slide for safety and what not, and one of the things we had to watch for were those kid's bathing suits with the built-in lifejacket. Due to the life jacket, inevitably the kids would end up hitting their heads pretty hard against the walls of the slide around the twists. Like, every time.
So one day, a boy wearing a lifejacket suit wants to go down the slide while I'm on duty. I told him that he wasn’t allowed due to the risk of injury. Five minutes later, the boy's mom comes up to me and starts yelling about how I wouldn't let her kid on the slide. So I calmly explain our policy due to past incidents, but she's having none of it.
The whole time, the kid was standing behind his mom with this smug look, like he knew he was going to get what he wants. So after a few minutes of this, I gave up and just said, "Fine go down the slide. Prove me wrong". Sure enough, as he's about halfway down, I hear two loud bangs as he gets thrown around in the slide.
As soon as he exits the slide, he starts crying. I, of course, would have administered first aid (give him an ice pack) because it's my job, but the mom just grabbed him, still crying, and left without making eye contact with anyone. I know it was probably more of the mom's fault than the kid's, but wiping that look off his face was incredibly gratifying.
46. Deal Or No Deal
I heard this from a DJ in my home town. He's pushing his cart of groceries out of the store and over to his car when a woman pulls into the handicapped spot in front of the store. No placard, no handicapped plates. She jumps out of the car without so much as a limp and heads into the store. He gives her some stink-eye about taking up a handicapped spot and she snarls, "Deal with it" as she sashays into the store.
The guy is now fuming. He sees a couple of officers who were leaning against their cars talking. They hadn't seen it. So he goes over and tells them the story. They smile and say they'll handle it. He puts his groceries in his car, and as he's pushing his cart back to the store to put it in the rack, he sees the officers have blocked the lady's car with theirs.
The lady comes out of the store with her purchase, sees the officers, and goes white as a sheet. He walks over to her and says, "I dealt with it".
47. Wait Your Turn
I was in a massive line at a store. I'm next in line, but the person in front of me has a bunch of stuff. A helpful clerk sees the mess and opens another aisle, saying, "I can help the next customer". Well, that's me. However, as I’m stepping over to her counter, this jerk from the very end of my line is sprinting to her counter, pushing people, with his partner in tow.
He arrives right before me. They have a mountain of items in their cart, which he starts throwing on the checkout counter immediately. I’m standing there on the other side with my one item, burning with rage. But the checkout girl got him good. She waits until he stacks all of his stuff on the counter, looks at me, looks at him, and says to him, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to go to the end of the line".
This line is now massive. I put on my biggest grin, made eye contact with him as long as possible, and loudly told the clerk how awesome she was.
48. I Vote No
Just the other day, I was at a Chinese buffet and the three people in the booth next to me were questioning the waitress about voting. She had trouble understanding them and communicating that she could not vote. They then immediately began taunting. After the waitress walked off, one of the girls at the table looked up and asked me where I worked, because I looked familiar.
When I replied that I worked at the local university in the social work department, she commented that she had recently been in my office to apply to our program. So I replied, “Yes, I remember you and I'm also on the admissions committee”. The color drained from her face, and she knew she was screwed. Karma's a witch.
49. Fury Road
The other day my wife and I were coming home from bowling and we got behind a truck in the left lane, next to a Maserati with a total Karen in it. This woman then suddenly jerks her vehicle over without signaling. She's in front of the truck, having missed him by a few inches. The whole time she's acting like it's his fault that she swerved and endangered everybody.
The truck retaliated by cutting her off just like she did to him, and then someone else came from behind her and blocked her in the other lane so she couldn’t pass the truck again. We got in on it too at that point. The witch was flipping out the whole time, screaming and cursing. We then found out the truck guy lived in our apartment complex, and high fives were given all around.
50. Cashing In
Years ago I was in a grocery store express checkout line, and the line was long. The guy behind me starts huffing and puffing about people using their credit cards. "Doesn't anyone use cash anymore?" "They should have a cash-only line". As more people use their cards, he gets louder and louder about his dumb complaint.
I was buying a $1.25 pack of gum and had $2 cash in my hand. It was too easy. As I rang up my gum, I put the $2 back in my wallet and pulled out my credit card. The look on his face? PRICELESS!! Even the cashier had to chuckle as she handed me the receipt and the guy swore as I signed it and handed it back. Made my day!
51. Do You Even Lift, Bro?
This jerk in the gym was once making some 14-year-old kids feel bad, telling them to put some “man weights” on the bar and stop lifting light, things like that. Every time they found a new workout, he comes and repeats the process, trying to embarrass them. I was annoyed but tired, and let it slide….the first time it happened.
Only it happened again.. The same kids came in two days later, and he was there also. He starts doing exactly what he did before. Well, that was it. I walked up right next to him, doubled what he was lifting, and repeated everything he had said to the kids in the last five minutes all while staring at him right in his stupid face.
He quickly moved on and went to another exercise. But I wasn't done yet. The kids were looking at me like I was Batman. I followed the guy to the next three exercises and did as he had done, saying the same things. Then he left. Never saw him at the gym again, but those boys sure came back and have been making steady gains for over a year now.
52. Sit Down, Lady
Today on the train, I sat next to an angry woman who wanted the two seats to herself. As I sat there, she kept mouthing under her breath how she just wanted to sit there alone.
I wanted to tell her that it was public transportation and she needed to get over it, but I kept my mouth shut. Then she got what was coming to her in a completely different way. A few minutes later, a bigger woman with a large purse comes and stands in the same car as us. I get her attention and tell her that she could have my seat.
She huffs and puffs her way to me and I help her sit down while grinning at the angry woman who was upset I'd sat beside her. I enjoyed watching her head almost explode from anger as the other woman’s purse and body pressed against her for the rest of the ride.
53. The Missing Piece
My roommate and her significant other loved doing elaborate jigsaw puzzles. After I found out she canceled our lease, leaving me one week to find a new place to live, I threw away 1 piece of two different puzzles they were working on. Before you ask, she was able to do this because I was 17, and not able to legally sign a lease.
54. Hat’s Off To You
The Poo Hat. Found a hat in the car that I share with my ex. It wasn’t mine—it belonged to the girl who he had been cheating on me with for the last two years of our marriage. I dipped a q-tip in my dog's freshly laid poo and delicately lined the inside rim of her hat with it, then gently placed the hat back on the seat of the car where I found it.
Returned car to ex the following day. Next time I borrowed the car, the Poo Hat was not there. Only regret is that I don't have a picture of her wearing it.
55. Call On Me
When I was a kid, I attempted to call my aunt. For whatever reason, I accidentally dialed a 6 instead of a 3 and this man cursed me out for being a telemarketer. I was so stunned, I didn't even hang up initially. My petty revenge was giving the number to all my friends, and for about two weeks we called him every day at all hours.
56. Horrible Bosses
I used to work shifts many years ago, including regular night shifts. My boss was an unpleasant person, to say the least. He would leave his keys on top of his locker. One night I took a small file to work and filed down one or two teeth of his front door key. The next day, he was telling everyone about how he got home and his door lock was broken and he had to get a locksmith out.
Happened again a couple of months later. Then his car key got some treatment. I stopped after that, as I heard him mention it was getting suspicious that all these locks stopped working. But that’s not the best part. Unknown to me, other colleagues also disliked him. One night his locker disappeared entirely. Rumor has it that it's part of the foundations of an office block in London now.
57. You Just Got Served
When we were younger, my sister had two friends over at our house. This was not the first time they’d been over, and our sister’s friend is super cruel to animals. Last time she was over, she shoved our cat’s face down a glass of chocolate milk, tugged its tail, and was just horrible. So later, my brother and I are outside under our balcony, which is about 5 meters above ground level.
Our sister and the two friends are standing on the balcony. My brother is just bouncing this tennis ball, and the evil friend tells us to throw it up to them and they'll catch it. So my brother aims for the friend’s face and throws it hard. The ball flies and hits her right in the face. She stands there for about two seconds, trying to understand what just happened, and then her face shrivels up and she just starts crying her eyes out. Me and my brother just got this “heck yeah” feeling.
58. Face Control
I was working as a manager in a big nightclub about a year ago. I don’t wear a uniform, but I have a radio and run the security team. The venue has a great smoking section that looks out onto the street. One night it was packed, so I did my usual roam to make sure that there were no problems. Since the section was too busy to walk through, I walked down the street instead to check on it.
One guy stares me down, then calls me over and starts swearing at me for no reason. He’s telling me that "losers like you could never even get into a venue like this". He obviously had no idea I was the manager.
The guy kept telling me he would punch me out, and was clearly trying to look macho to impress someone. So I showed him who was boss in the best way. I agreed and told him to come and meet me outside and he could even have a free swing. He puts his drink down, takes off his jacket, and storms outside.
Once he walked outside, I walked back inside and told security not to let him back in. The look on his face when he realized I ran the place was priceless, and then the realization that he couldn’t get back into the club was amazing. It was the easiest and most fun removal I have ever done.
59. A Price For Everything
I work at a retail location that does returns strictly only with tags on the clothes. There was one customer who was exceptionally rude to our staff right from the moment she walked in and was browsing. She called both women working dumb idiots, which cheesed me off. But I made sure she got what was coming to her.
She came up to the register and told me straight-up she'll probably return all the things she’s buying because she was just trying to impress her friends. So I took all the tags off the clothes when I was bagging everything. I bettered the world that day.
60. Falling For You
I used to deliver pizza, and one time I had a delivery to a brownstone house with a small stoop. It was either Christmas or Thanksgiving week and we had snow/ice a couple of days beforehand. Well, I pull up, and there must have been some sort of family gathering at the house because there were a handful of people outside talking.
When I get out of the car, one of the people on the porch opened the door and yelled into whoever was supposed to come out and pay for the food. The woman came to the door as I was walking up the sidewalk. I was carrying a cut pie with a couple of bags filled with wings or whatever inside. I had a decent amount of food in my hands.
But as I was walking, I slipped on ice and fell onto the sidewalk while everyone was watching. The massive pizza fell facedown, box open, onto the icy sidewalk to the horror of the hungry onlookers. I remember being on the ground, in the process of getting up, picking the pizza up off the ground, and hearing this woman screaming at me.
She was so mad that I dropped her food. She didn't offer to help me up, she didn't ask if I was ok, she didn't apologize for having ice on her sidewalk, she just flipped out on me. So now I'm standing there with a mutilated pizza hearing this old woman ream me out in front of her family. I apologized as soon as I fell, but she didn't care. For at least 20-30 seconds she went in on me for dropping the pizza.
So I threw the pizza at her feet onto her porch and got into my car and left. I took her chicken wings with me so I had some sort of proof that I didn't deliver the food and I didn't get paid for it. I have a lot of stories from delivering, for some reason, this stuck with me for like ten years now.
61. A Brat Only A Mother Could Love
While shopping with my wife, there was this little bratty kid. He was running around, screaming his lungs out, pushing people’s carts and being an unbelievable nuisance. His mother was apparently not interested in his shenanigans, since she did nothing about it and didn't even look at him while he was tearing around ruining the store.
Then suddenly, he lost sight of her. He stands there in the middle of the shop, looking around, and starts screaming in an angry voice at the top of his lungs: "MOM?! MOOOOOOM! MOOOOOOOOOOM!" I can’t see her either, so I bend down to him and tell him, in the sweetest sing-song voice I can muster, "Your mom is never coming back”. The shocked look on his face was totally worth destroying a child’s soul.
62. The Wrong Impression
I was working as a shift leader in a Dunkin' Donuts and dealt with my fair share of rude jerks. On one particularly memorable day, a group of ladies came in during our busiest hour, just past noon. The line was almost out the door and we were short-staffed, so it was pretty hectic. While they were ordering, one of them asked for a job application and started filling it out on the counter.
She handed it back before they were done ordering and I stashed it on a shelf under the register and started making their food. They had a huge order and we did our best to get it out quickly, but it was obvious from the looks on their faces that we just weren't quick enough for their liking. They sat down to eat their food, and the girl who just turned in her application got back in line.
I spotted her right away; she was standing with a glaring face, crossing her arms and tapping her foot, trying her best to look obviously angry. So I motioned for her to come up to the counter, since I knew she had a complaint and I wanted to get it fixed right away. I assumed that in the shuffle we had messed up her sandwich or something like that. Oh no.
I asked her what was wrong, and she pointed to her BOTTLED Mountain Dew and barked "THIS IS FLAT!" It was a bit accusing, as though it were my fault that the bottle of soda she just opened was flat. So I took it and told her to get another one out of the cooler, then check it to make sure it was good. After all that, she asked for a refund.
I said, as politely as I could, "Ma'am, I replaced your soda, sorry if there was an inconvenience but I don't think a refund should be necessary". So she stormed back to her table, obviously just fuming from this totally normal exchange, and started complaining loudly to her group about not getting a refund for the “flat” soda.
So, since I was having an awful day anyway and really could not see a witch like this ever working for us, I grabbed her application from the register, walked it over to the lobby trashcan nearest to her table, crumpled it up, and threw it away as she watched. The look on her face was priceless, and I didn’t regret it for a second.
63. A Game Of Telephone
I work in local theater, and we have a lot of rude, awful women from the nearby ballet schools come through our venue; they’re generally the mothers of the dancers so you know, those awful controlling dance moms you see on TV.
Once, this woman rang up wanting seats to an almost sold-out ballet performance that had been on sale for four months the day before the show. It did not go well. She did nothing but scream at me for five minutes because she left buying them too late, whined about how she shouldn't have to pay to see her kids, whined that we should get a bigger venue, then put me on hold while she rang three of her relatives to see if they wanted seats too.
She was positively horrific to me. The seats I was about to sell her were the only ones in the theater left, and they were actually good seats. While I'm on hold, a grandma of one of the ballerinas comes to the desk and asks nicely if we have any seats left, as she'd been in hospital and couldn't buy them earlier. She said she'd understand if we were booked out.
This awful woman still has me on hold, so I put the phone down and sold this old lady the last seats for the show, then gave her an invite to our next year’s dance season so she'd know exactly when all the important dates were coming. She thanked me over and over, and she's now one of our regulars and brings her grandkids to our shows. Meanwhile, this other lady…
Two minutes after the old lady leaves, the witch on the other end finally takes me off hold and says she wants the remaining seats that we have left, I tell her "Sorry, we've just sold out while you had me on hold I'm afraid, better luck next year, anything else I can help you with?" She was choking with rage on the other end of the phone, it was fantastic.
64. Cash And Carry
I occasionally deliver pizza as a part-time job. There is a customer who tends to pay with a big bag of change. I don't mean a bag full of quarters, I mean a bag full of dimes, nickels, and pennies. Since his meal typically costs about $20, the bag usually weighs several pounds. It is a total pain to count out all of the change, so typically drivers will just assume that he has the correct amount and leave.
Usually, he has just enough or maybe a few cents over. I don't think this is an innocent thing either, as he usually gives the bag of change with a big grin. It is such a pain that most of the drivers know his address by heart, and avoid going to his house if at all possible. So, I was having a bad night, and by the luck of the draw got this dude's house.
I remembered reading something involving someone paying in a checkout line with a bag of change, and I knew I could use a similar method to take my frustration out on this guy in the pettiest way possible. I pulled up to his house and left the pizza in the car. I rang the doorbell, and when he answered I saw the large bag of change in his hand that I knew would be there.
He asked where his pizza was, and I said, "New policy, sir. Gotta count it out before we can give out the pizza". So I sat down on his doorstep and started to count out all of the change. At one point, I even asked if he could turn on his porch light, because I was having a hard time seeing. He did end up sitting there while I counted out the entire bag of change, even though it took about ten minutes.
He ended up being about a dollar over, so I started picking up pennies to give him his change back, when he said that I could keep the rest as a tip. When I gave him his pizza, he sheepishly told me sorry and then shut the door. The whole situation was incredibly awkward, and to my knowledge he hasn't ordered pizza from us in a while.
65. I Will Look For You, I Will Find You
I came out of the mall one day to find that someone had hit my car. I asked a passerby what happened, and they told me that the guy who hit my car got out, looked at the damage, and quickly parked at the other end of the lot. He learned not to mess with me. I went to where the car was parked, paint matched it to confirm that it was the one that hit mine, then I flattened all four tires, and left a note on their windshield telling them to have a nice day.
66. Shop Till You Drop
While I was out shopping with a friend, there was this little brat running around in the store. His mom was nowhere to be found, and he was just running wild and knocking over stacks of shirts, screaming at the top of his lungs, just acting like a complete and total brat. This went on for at least 5 excruciating minutes, all during the time we're in the line to pay for our items.
Then, we see him running full speed towards us. My friend has had it with this little jerk, so she came up with an ingenious plan. The moment he hit us, she turns around with her newly purchased items and whacks the bag straight into him. The kid immediately starts screaming and crying. We hightailed it out of there, but I have no remorse whatsoever. Honestly, it felt great.
67. Vigilante Justice
A couple years back, we were having a giant neighborhood water balloon fight on Easter. Things were going well enough when this little girl, who was maybe nine, went running to grab another balloon. She passed by a boy of about 12 years, and the little jerk stuck his foot out and tripped her. She face-planted on the pavement and started crying.
So I took my balloon and just threw a perfect arc, nailing him right in the face. He went home crying, I went home smiling.
68. Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
When I worked at an indoor amusement park, we had one Friday a month called "Rock n Ride". It was basically a bunch of pre-pubescent teens getting together to ride rides and grind on each other on the dance floor. I almost always worked the coat check. These kids coming in were spoiled rich brats 95% of the time, with huge allowances and iPods and stuff.
Coat check was $1, but we charged $2 and took the profit as a tip for us. Also, you aren't allowed to leave anything in your pockets for liability reasons. I would tell kids this when their jackets were obviously weighed down with stuff. They’d always just say, “Nothing important is in there, I don't care if it gets taken". Well…I would take it, all their big bills and iPods.
Later when they came to get their coats, they would immediately stick their hands in the pockets and then get mad at us. Hey, I warned you. Everyone loathed working this event...I'm pretty sure they don't have them anymore.
69. Customer Appreciation Day
I went to go get my exhaust fixed after I ran into a pothole and damaged it. When I went to go pick up the car a couple of hours later, I was treated to a woman SCREAMING at the guy behind the counter. She's positively foaming because she has been waiting nearly 30 minutes for her car to be fixed. She even goes so far as to call the guy an "INSIGNIFICANT LAZY IMMIGRANT".
The guy looks at her, then looks at me. He throws me my keys and says, "Here you go, your Magnum's ready—no charge". He then looks her directly in the eyes. "Looks like it's going to be more expensive than we originally thought. Would you like us to call you a cab?" I returned shortly afterward with pizza for the shop.
70. Tears On My Guitar
I was at a guitar store once. I'm not a very good guitar player, but I was shopping for an amp and decided to try a few out. I pulled a guitar down from the wall, plugged into an amp, and started tweaking the settings to my liking. A guy in a wheelchair came up, plugged into the amp next to me and pumped the volume, then proceeded to play some metal licks right next to me.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt, powered off the amp that I was testing, and walked across the room to another amp, plugged in and started fiddling with settings again. Again, he rolled himself over, plugged into the amp directly adjacent to mine, turned up to 11 and proceeded to go to town on the guitar.
A second time, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, walked away and tried a third amp without saying a word to him. He rolled over, plugged in, turned up and started playing as loud as he could. I asked him if he'd mind giving me a few moments, as I was considering buying one of the amps, and he responded with, "I don't know why you bother, you're a bad guitarist and I can do anything you can do ten times better".
I looked him in the eye, said, "Not quite anything," and reached up to hang the guitar from the top rack, all while maintaining eye contact.
71. Girl Power
My sister and I worked for Circuit City. There was an angry male customer she was dealing with who demanded to speak to the manager. When she went to get the manager, Laurie, the customer rebuffed her, saying a woman couldn’t help him and demanding to speak to yet another manager. So she got her manager Ruthanne.
He was so mad at this point and yelled, “Don’t any men work in this store?” I’m listening to this, so I walk out and say in my most feminine voice possible, “Hello sir, can I help you?” He screamed and left the store.
72. A Classic Move
This was my best revenge. I went through an awful divorce. My ex-wife cheated on me, told lies about me, and all throughout the divorce I took the high road and was there for my kids while she disappeared off the face of the Earth. Her birthday was only a couple of weeks after the divorce was final.
As the kids were young, I was a good guy and purchased several presents from the kids to her. But I got one special “gift” just from me. Among the gifts, I bought a necklace with a big red “A” at the end. Her first name is Ann. I had the kids give that to her and she wore her scarlet letter all around town. Most people in our town knew what she had done, and some were even aware of the necklace. Yup, I made my adulterous ex-wife wear the scarlet letter.
73. The Letter Of The Law
I was crossing the street and some guy tried to run over me, and then stopped his car to yell at me. Little did he know, I was a law school student at that time, so I cited some (imaginary) section of the state vehicle code at him. He stared at me for a few seconds, then said, "I'm sorry miss" and drove away with his tail between his legs.
74. Movie Magic
I was sitting in a movie theater and people asked me to save two seats in the middle of my row. The people asking were elderly and needed to go to the bathroom. The whole row was filled up too, so I figured it'd be easy to save. I sat there for a while when a busty lady made her way up the row and stopped right next to me, at which point she looks at me and says "Can you move".
I smile with all the awkward tension and said, "Sorry, those are being saved". Then the lady does something unbelievable. She sort of tries to jam her way past my legs in a mad attempt to get to the seat. Her boyfriend was just standing there. I look at her, flabbergasted, and simply say again "Those seats are saved".
And then I kid you not, she snapped her fingers in my face and said "WATCH ME”. At that point, everyone in the theater was watching, and I was having none of this. I could tell she was getting ready for another attempt, so I slumped down in my chair and put my hands towards the seat in front of me to block her, and she was forced to sort of run into my legs a few times.
I looked at her boyfriend. He rolled his eyes and said, "Come on, let's go". Best part was, after the whole episode was over and the elderly couple had returned, the people behind me asked me to save their seats, because they thought "If anyone could handle it, it would be me". I felt like the hero of the movie theater that fateful day.
75. Let’s Go To The Tape
I wear hearing aids, and a girl in my math class when I was in high school used to make fun of me. I hadn’t said two words to her, I gave her no reason to do it, she was just being evil. So I recorded her mocking my hearing loss on my phone and then played it for her parents. They took the new car they just bought her back to the dealership.
78. A Dog-Eat-Dog World
I'm walking in the city with my two dogs. They're normal-sized dogs, as in, they're not fat like so many overfed city dogs. A woman walks past me across the street. Without any warning, she stops and yells at me: "Your dogs look really skinny! They aren't properly fed!" with an angry look on her face and like I’ve just done something to her.
This rude witch is obviously pre-angry about something unrelated to me and just wants to take it out on someone. But I do not take stuff like that from strangers. I am also angry. My dogs most likely consume more calories than me. I feed them with high quality, homemade food, plus raw meat and bones. Have you ever seen how a big dog reacts to raw meat? It's dog heaven.
Luckily, this is one of those rare moments of instant clarity. I shout back my rebuttal: "I can't say the same about you!" That feeling when I walked away grinning. There were several passers-by who witnessed the scene. I’m pretty sure I wasn't the only one who got a smile out of it.
79. Not Paying Doesn’t Pay
When I was going through a divorce because my wife cheated on me, I allowed her to remain on my health insurance as long as she paid me monthly for the bill until the divorce was finalized. She never paid me, and I had her removed the month before the divorce was final.
She had a huge nose and convinced some crooked plastic surgeon to do a nose job and bill it to the insurance as a "deviated septum" surgery. She was left with a $6,000 bill to pay but would have gotten away with it had she sent me a grand total of $270 for three months of health insurance.
80. Standing Up For The Little Guy
I play poker a lot. In one casino, there is a ridiculously loud obnoxious jerk who plays regularly. He fist pumps and yells when he sucks out on people. Totally uncouth. To top it off, he is a larger guy and he tries to physically intimidate everyone. Now, I am not a small guy in the slightest, but when I’m relatively clean-cut, I look very unintimidating.
I am polite and friendly, know most of the dealers and half the patrons by name. What this jerk doesn't know, however, is that I know how to handle myself both in a battle of verbal wit and physical fists. So one day, he was being his typical self. I finally had enough. He is verbally berating another player at the table for their “terrible call".
So I just burst out: "Mike buddy, I’ve been meaning to ask you. How’s that violent case of herpes?" The table sits in silence. He never bothered me or anyone else the rest of that month.
81. Move, Get Out The Way
I was driving down a very narrow street, and there were these two teenage kids walking on the road. They saw that I was there, but I guess they thought it was funny to stay in my way. After it wasn’t "cute" anymore, one of them moves off of the road, but the other continues walking towards my car with the worst grin spread across his face. I decided it would be good fun to rev the engine to give the kid a scare, since beeping hadn't done a thing.
Well, I sure did accomplish my goal of scaring him. Completely on accident, my foot slid off the brake and I sped towards the kid, who was in so much shock that he didn't even have time to get out of the way. Luckily for both of us, I didn't smush his butt into the pavement, but I did manage to brush his jacket as I drove past.
Watching his expression turn from maddeningly smug to pure horror was one of the most satisfying things I have ever experienced. I'm positive that he was unharmed, but he may have pooped himself in front of that girl he had been trying to impress.
82. Good Things Take Time
While working at McDonald’s, a rude customer asked me to "MAKE IT AGAIN" and started to go off on me. I almost snapped on him, but instead, I threw my hands up and told my manager to handle it. The manager talked to him, then came back to me and said the guy was a regular jerk who comes in all the time. He told me to just make him another coffee.
I walked to the drive-thru window with this jerk fuming in his car next to me, talking about how long this was taking. So I picked up the half-full pot of coffee I made no more than four minutes ago and dumped it out. I proceeded to brew a whole new pot of coffee, just for him. I saw this made him extremely angry, so I went to the window and told him that it’s going to be another 5-6 minutes because that last pot was bad. He then peeled out of the drive-thru.
83. A Little Put-Down On Your Pick-Me-Up
I currently work as a barista at Starbucks, and overall it's a good job but the pay is just ok. One thing I really dislike, though, is when a group of young junior high kids will come in and order what feels like a million Frappuccinos. So my buddy who frequents Reddit sent me this post about a guy who puts the name sticker for the order over the Starbucks logo to ruin their Snapchat and Instagram pictures.
Last shift, I tried it out for myself, and it was IMMEDIATELY satisfying. The look on this one kid’s face when they saw their drink, knew they couldn't take a good photo of it, but also knew that the only real problem was the sticker placement? Priceless.
84. Fighting A Good Fight
This is going to sound crazy, but in college, I got a ticket every day of the week for parking in my driveway. Same cop every day. My girlfriend’s car, too. It was a small apartment building, which had a blacktop parking lot along the side of the building. The officers ticketed every vehicle parked in our assigned parking spots for “blocking the sidewalk”.
There was no sidewalk. It was a blacktop parking lot. I was an aspiring student of the law and knew I could argue this. Plus, I didn’t have the money to pay all these tickets. I plead not guilty, got a court date, and continued to collect the tickets. I got the cop on the stand and showed him a series of pictures and asked questions about this “invisible sidewalk”.
He contradicted himself several times and then admitted he ticketed every car he saw parked there whether it was blocking the invisible sidewalk or not. I was up there for about half an hour. For parking tickets. The judge was laughing a bit and finally asked me to approach. He asked me if he dismissed all the tickets and told the cop to stop, would I stop asking questions and leave the court. I agreed.
The next week my girlfriend went in with her stack of tickets and I tagged along. It was the same judge and the same cop. They were both looking at me. As we walked in, I said, “Watch this, baby. I’m going to make the judge dismiss the tickets”. When it was her turn to argue, I walked up with her. She said, “Your Honor, I...” Before she could finish, the judge said “Tickets are void. Next case”.
I was proud. She was baffled at the black magic I’d just sprinkled on her.
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001), Miramax
85. Can’t Say I Didn’t Try
I work in loan collections, and most of my customers are horrifically rude. Sometimes during a really bad phone call, a customer will yell at me in a stream of awful words and then just hang up before I get a chance to tell them I'm trying to prevent a repo on their car. That's when I call it a day and process them for a repo anyway.
86. Fly By Night
My wife stayed up late binge watching Narcos the other night and woke me up by being really loud when she came to bed. I couldn't get back to sleep and I was super irritated about it. I mean, just be quiet when you come to bed. You don't have to "THIS IS SPARTA!!" kick the door open, turn on both lamps and the overhead, and then come to bed.
Anyway, I'm a commercial helicopter pilot, and I had a 6 AM flight that morning. So I decided to take a short detour and flew a few laps right over our bedroom to wake her up. When I landed, I had a text from her calling me a huge jerk. Vindication feels pretty sweet y'all. Though I’d like to say, sorry neighbors.
87. Back Of The Bus, Bud
I was a school bus driver in the 1970s. I ferried poor kids to the rich side of town, then rich kids the other way. Lots of entitled brats, but one stands out. Super entitled kid, constantly defying rules. Eventually, I caught him attempting to set a bus seat on fire with his lighter. School officials were called, obviously. There was a hearing with officials and his rich dad—and at the end of it, the kid got banned from all buses for the rest of the semester.
His dad offered to pay for the damage and quietly accepts the punishment. Then comes the surprise. Next morning when I arrive at 6:00 am to clean my bus, the rich kid and his richer dad are standing there. The dad introduces me to my "new personal bus cleaner" for the rest of the year. He brings kid every morning and forces him to wash and clean the floors on my bus before taking him on to his school.
By the end of year, the entitled kid is actually working hard and being friendly. We're getting along pretty well and I help him out sometimes so he can get on to school. Kid turns out OK when it’s all over. Good move by his dad.
88. One For The Books
When I was working at a public library, we had a few local celebrities come in from time to time. Most of them were nice, but one had a real stick up his butt. He would complain about having to stand in line, about late fees, and about everything else. We would just say "Sorry, those are the rules" or "Thank you for being patient" even though he wasn't.
One day, he and I were apparently both having a bad day, and when I told him there was a limit on how many DVDs or video games he could check out at a time, he slammed his hands on the desk and raged, "Do you know who I am?!" This is a grown man, mind, and I was a little college student who barely looked old enough to drive.
I was sick of him, though, so I just looked at him and said, "Yes, I do, Mr. X, and the rules still apply to you. Which of these would you like me to put back?" He was stunned. I don't think anyone had ever actually told him that the rules for everyone else did in fact apply to him as well. He was a little nicer after that. Not a lot nicer, but still.
89. Peaceful Protest
When my brother was in school, he was horrifically teased for being autistic. Even worse, his aggressor was the most entitled little brat I've ever had the displeasure of meeting. His father paid for boxing practice, karate lessons, and other martial arts. This made him think that he was the best at anything physical and he used it against others.
My brother isn't overly fond of sports, and prefers to read in the library. As the typical nerdy kid, he's a prime target. One day when the jerk had cornered my brother up against a wall, my brother finally decided that he wasn't just going to take it any more. But he strongly dislikes aggression, and thus would not be fighting back.
Instead, when the jerk tried to punch him...my brother ducked. Three broken fingers and a trip to the hospital later, the jerk’s father finds out what had been happening. All his extra classes and training were canceled and he had all of his electronics and games sold. Also, if he wanted to have a car, he would have to work for every penny himself.
90. Café Society Girl
There was only one coffee shop on my campus, which operated out of the library building. It was always crowded. You pretty quickly learned that if you wanted coffee before class, you got there 20 minutes early, grabbed a newspaper, and took your time. It was always funny watching incoming freshmen crowd the line five minutes before their 8 am class and slowly filter out in despair.
Cue this little freshman girl walking up, assessing the line stretching out the door, and boldly deciding to just sorta...skip it. Now, the baristas were usually pretty cool with people skipping for simple things: Dropping a buck for a cookie, anything that didn't require interaction. Not this girl. She caught the barista's attention, while the previous customer was still paying, and went:"Hi, yea, can I get a latte please, like really quickly?"
"Umm, the line starts back there," replied the now slightly confused girl behind the counter. "But I have claaaaass" whined the freshman. There was an awkward pause before the barista responded with a brutal retort. "You are on a college. campus. Are you freaking serious?! Why do you think all these people are here?! Back of the line!"
"Oh" was the only thing the freshman girl thought to say. As she turned to look at a line full of people staring daggers back at her, she looked not upset or embarrassed, but sort of enraptured by this newfound understanding she's just been imparted. It's like for first time in her entire life, she realized that other people were in her way for reasons.
It was actually kind of beautiful to watch, like a baby deer learning to walk for the first time. Better late than never.
91. All’s Fair In Love And Ball Pits
When I was 22, I went to this arcade-type place with my younger sister and her friend. It had this glorious two-storey ball pit with tunnels, slides, ropes, trampolines, all that. Most importantly, there were these American Gladiator-style pneumatic guns that fired the balls.
To load them, you had to put the balls in a vacuum tube on the bottom storey, then climb up to the second floor to fire. So it took a bit of work to fire off three-four rounds. As I was admiring this cannon, some 12-year-old kid throws a ball at me. It missed by a solid six feet because little kids have bad aim. The intent was clear though: The battle was on.
I immediately enlist my sister and her friend. They enthusiastically begin stuffing balls in the vacuum tube as I swing the barrel. I blast the kid right in the forehead with the first shot and punish him with three-four more before he can dive behind a foam triangle cushion. This attracts the attention of the 20 other kids in the room.
Then, the little pukes formed an army complete with ranks. A volley of balls were thrown at me. Then another. I couldn't poke my head up long enough to effectively aim. The tide began to change. My sister and her friend found large popcorn buckets. They began scooping balls and dumping them in the vacuum. I could not fire fast enough.
It was pandemonium. Bodies were flying, kids were crying. I pushed their battle formation clear to the other side of the room. Then I found their supply caravan. With my ammo stock full, my sister was a scout. She excitedly pointed over to my left flank. They had enlisted a really chubby little boy, couldn't have been older than eight, to gather spent ammo.
He was slow, but could carry a large load. He had come close to us to gather balls. His arms were full, his chin smushed down on the top balls. He must've had at least 30. He was trying to scoot back to the other side, away from the full force of the cannon. Our eyes locked, his wide with panic, mine narrowed with focus and determination.
I pulled the trigger. Time slowed down. My aim was true. The balls he was carrying exploded everywhere. More shots were fired. Devastation. The kid drops to the floor as I rain full balls onto his body. The rest of the adolescent army was in full retreat. They had advanced to defend their brother and volley'd a couple salvos at me, but it was too late.
They were caught in the open and their supply cut off. My sister and her friend were throwing balls themselves in between reloads. I spun back to the supply kid. He was now sitting up and crying. No mercy. Carnage everywhere. Then things got truly crazy. A grown woman came flying in, waving her arms and yelling stop.
The package donkey's mom. The final boss. She stepped in front of her boy and raised a finger at me. Her face red with anger. “HOW DARE YOU SHOOT MY LITTLE JEFFREY! I'M GONNA-" fwump The first round struck her right in the mouth. She looked livid. "WHAT THE F-" The sound of her cursing and crying was drowned out by the pneumatic pump of the cannon.
I pelted her and little Jeffrey for a solid minute. Satisfied, I climbed down and began walking out of the room with my sister and her friend. I stepped over her body and held the door open for my sister and her friend. I pointed at the warning sign on the wall that highlighted the danger of the air cannon. "That sign lets me put my balls in your mouth".
We walked out and grabbed some coke and chicken fingers. Battle had made us famished.
92. Keep Your Friends Close…
I suspected that my wife was cheating on me with a co-worker. I confronted both who responded by calling me a jealous husband. They were just best friends and I needed to understand that. So, I befriended him, became his workout partner, and learned everything I could about him. I’d even invited him to my dinner table.
Physical revenge was often considered, but neither he nor she was worth me spending a life sentence in prison for. I played dumb. He was a bodybuilder and taking steroids. He wasn't incredibly smart and had just barely gotten through college. And he was working minimum pay jobs while he worked towards his true desire.
He was applying for the firefighter school in our major metro city. If accepted, it would be a lifetime job for him and a career he’d wanted since he was young. He talked often during our workout sessions about how much it meant to him. I have had countless EMS and fire department contacts through my healthcare career.
He also knew I was knowledgeable about medicine. After he started to ask questions about steroids, I made sure to give him just enough info to have him want to ask me more. I then made sure he started emailing me his steroid questions. Ironically, he used an account that even had his full name in the address.
After a private investigator confirmed the affair, I moved my plan into action. So, when I was ready to leave my wife, I contacted several of the FD officers who sat on the review board. I gave them the emails from one of their candidates admitting he was using substances and lied about it during the interview process. He was slated to be a part of the incoming class as he’d done quite well. But he was rejected.
I used my contacts in the EMS community to make sure that he’d never be accepted to a major fire department within a 200-mile radius. He and my wife took my dream marriage, so I took something that had just a profound effect.
93. Back Off My Buns
There was an elementary school next to my high school, and some of the kids who went there were really messed up. They were like eight or 10, standing outside and being rude little jerks to everyone who walked past them. We were actually shocked with their vocabulary. Anyway, one day I was walking by, alone, eating some buns.
This one kid comes up to me with a smug look on his face and yells, "GIVE ME A BUN, YOU IDIOT!" The look on my face was must have been something like shock or disbelief as I replied, "No! Screw Off!" to him before I turned my back on the kid and started walking away to get to my next class on time. Big. Mistake.
I suddenly feel a slight push and weight added to my back. The kid was hanging on my back, pulling my hair and screaming "GIVE ME A BUN!" I felt like I had been attacked by an angry leper gnome. In my panic, the only thought I had in my head was "OH MY GOD! GET THIS OFF OF ME!” In some weird move worthy of WWE, I spun around quickly while straightening my back and loosened my backpack, which caused this little jerk to fly off me.
He spun around in the air and landed face-first on the concrete. He immediately started crying like the kid he was. I proceeded to walk over to him. His teary, fear-filled eyes stared up at me as I picked up my backpack. I turned my back on him again, picked up a new bun, and enjoyed the fading sound of that brat's crying as I walked away, eating my sweet bun.
94. Hotel Havoc
I used to work as a front desk agent at a boutique hotel. A guy who was obviously very full of himself came in with an online reservation that he had booked at a shockingly cheap nightly rate. He proceeded to give me a hard time about EVERYTHING, from telling me he shouldn't have to give me his credit card info since he had prepaid his reservation, to telling me "Um yeah, I'm pretty sure I can find the elevators, I'm not stupid".
He was just being an all-around jerk. About 10 minutes after checking him in, he came down and demanded that we give him a bigger room with a king bed and a view, even though he had booked a standard queen bed online. I complied, as we had extra king beds available. 10 minutes later, he came down again to complain about the size of the room.
He told me, "I'm only going to give you one more chance to make me happy," and asked for the general manager. After much arguing between him and my manager, we ended up giving him our nicest suite AND free parking since we had "Given him trouble". He got all this for a way cheaper rate, like $40 per night! Oh, but he outdid himself.
Get this: He informed us shortly after the ordeal, while on his way out to dinner, that he was not even going to be in the room for the majority of his stay, as he was visiting friends and would be staying at their home. What the heck! So I made it my personal mission to make his life a living nightmare from that point on.
I reset his room keys every time I saw him leave the hotel—which was quite frequently, 3-4 times a day. It was particularly funny when he came back tired from a night out and had to come all the way down to the front desk to get his keys fixed. Needless to say, he was very frustrated by the end of his stay. I doubt he'll be staying with us again.
95. The Customer Is Always Right, Especially This Lady
I was out to eat, and this younger lady was acting like a total witch in the restaurant to the staff. Everyone was obviously getting really embarrassed by her behavior…until this middle-aged lady piped up and said from her table, “Oh honey, you’re not pretty enough to act like that”. I seriously could have burst out into applause.
96. If The Shoe Fits
I worked at the shoe store Fayva, and we took back everything, no matter what. A stupid policy, but then again, Fayva isn't in business anymore. One day, a woman walks in during Communion season, returning a pair of boys’ dress shoes she bought three days earlier. The kid must have played football in them after the ceremony—they were covered in mud, grease, and scuffmarks.
This was the ONE person I refused to refund my entire time there. She went crazy on me. Yelling, screaming, demanding a manager. So, my manager comes up behind me, and I just know he's going to give this woman her money, and I know she's going to smirk at me as she exits the store. I actually braced for it. Something even better happened.
Instead, my manager Mike walks up, takes one look at the shoes, and tells the woman “Nope". She goes bananas on him now, telling him, "My son wore these shoes ONCE, to his communion, and they fell apart like this?" To which Mike calmly says: "Ma'am, it looks like your son wore these shoes to the Norman invasion".
97. Room Service
For a full year, my college roommate secretly slept with my boyfriend while I was at class. I routinely took more than a full course load and was in math and science classes or study groups every morning. One day, I walked in to see a horrifying sight. They were just fully in the act after I came back early from a cancelled class.
I moved out. I was more angry at her than heartbroken. I also lost most of my friends through the breakup, and they stuck together for a good while. Fast forward five years later. Those two throw a crazy expensive engagement party at the guy's parents' beach house, which was attended by some still-mutual friends who told me everything.
At the party, she caught him sleeping with one of the waitresses from the catering company in a bathroom. They still got married. I feel a little bad for her despite the karma balance. She feels like she can't do better than being with a cheater.
Unsplash
98. Worth It
My gross boss cheated on his wife with a 22-year-old customer and got her pregnant. Later, he called me into his office. I was completely done with him at this point, so I looked him in the eye and said: “The last girl who went down there with you ended up getting pregnant". I lost my job instantly, but it was so worth it. He was a complete creep, and walking out of there was one of the best moments of my life.
99. Ain’t Gonna Happen, Bud
I'm an ICU nurse, the last two nights I've been taking care of a large strong man going through withdrawals. It involves four-point restraints. This morning I was trying to put elbow pads on him and he swung at me, but of course, the restraints prevented this. He was furious as I just stood there and slow blinked at him.
100. Money Can’t Buy You Class
I've been a TA for a couple courses at my university, which is fairly competitive and the students are generally all top notch. Once in a blue moon, though, someone slips by the admission process. My worst experience was as a TA for a lower division math course. She was a freshman student, and spoiled doesn't begin to cut it.
Her family was clearly loaded, and I suspect she went to some insanely expensive private school that wrote her application for her. This girl would be in designer clothes and on her phone or laptop the entire time in lecture. Obviously everyone does this sometimes, but this girl was clearly just chatting with her friends and shopping for clothes all the time.
When she failed to turn in the first four problem sets, I sent her a quick email to let her know that homework contributed to a significant portion of her grade. I also said I'd still accept them. I never got a response. So she gets a blatant F on her first midterm. Like, it’s not an F that could be rounded up to anything significant.
She was at a point where she should've just dropped out and try again next semester. I sent another email saying this. This time I got a response, with her stating she could make the grade back next midterm. Alright, I think, suit yourself. So I continue through the rest of the semester. She's still failing...until something absolutely ridiculous happens.
At the last meeting of my discussion section, SHE SHOWS UP! Not just that, but with her parents. Oh my god, it gets better. She stays after the session to introduce me to her parents, and then hands me a stack of papers and informs me that it's all the homework for the semester. Meanwhile her parents are sitting there all proud of their little girl.
I take the stack graciously and, in my most professional voice, let her know that I'd be happy to take a look at it, but she won't get any credit. Her parents' faces completely fall. Her father starts to insult me. So I show them everything: The abysmal attendance record, the 0% homework score, the low, low, low midterm scores.
Now she's starting to tear up and the parents are seriously fuming. Not wanting to put myself in the middle of the rest of the storm, I mumble that I have a class to get to and sprint out of there...but not before I hear the student getting chewed up so loudly that people actually poked their heads out of classrooms. She never showed up for the final.
101. Hate To Say I Told You So
My buddy wanted to date my ex. Yeah, it was a jerk move, and I wasn't happy about it, but I also knew my ex. I told him not to—he didn't know what she was capable of. He didn't listen, and paid the price. Obviously, when he started dating her anyway, we kinda drifted apart. A few years later, I bump into him: He's looking for a lawyer. She destroyed his business, drove away his family, harassed him, and got the FBI to investigate him. His life was ruined. I told you so.
102. Fences Don’t Always Make Good Neighbors
While retrieving my mail shortly after moving into my new home, there was a flyer attached to the mailbox post. I read the flyer with interest, finding out that it was from the neighbor who purchased the model home at the entrance of our subdivision. The flyer was addressed to all members of the Homeowners Association.
It essentially informed us that the HOA was using our HOA dues to sue him for not removing a fence from his front yard. The builder erected the chestnut rail fence around the front yard of the model home when it was built and the purchaser never thought anything about it. A contingent of HOA officers notified him that he had 24 hours to remove the fence or face a lawsuit.
Having already faced the wrath of the HOA myself, I stopped at his home to talk with him. After ascertaining the preceding information, I informed him that anything existing on the closing date of the real estate transfer, was grandfathered in and therefore, the fence was fair. I then proceeded to show this to him in the covenants.
At the time, I was an editor with the local newspaper and asked if he minded my writing an article about this incident in the newspaper. He readily agreed and I went off to discuss it with the managing editor. Between us, we decided to run a series of articles about HOAs and the “little tyrants who run them”, highlighting this incident.
The series ran seven weeks on the editorial page, during which time, the court case was held and the homeowner won with the HOA having to pay his lawyer’s fees. He told me that had they asked, he would have removed the fence with no problem, but he was a retired colonel in the US Army and was not used to being ordered to do things. Thirty-six years later, the fence is still there.
103. Rinse And Repeat
My stepmom was evil. She put two young girls, my sister and me, on diets because we were "fat". I tolerated her because my mom was out on the road working and really needed a place for us to stay and had to leave us with my sister's father. And one day, I snapped. At 12-years-old, I had an idea to mess with my stepmom. Once a week, my stepmom used an expensive conditioning treatment on her hair.
She was 56-years-old and used anything to preserve her youth. I was at my mom’s for the weekend and snatched a bottle of liquid hair remover. When I got back, I dumped out half of her fancy conditioner and then filled the bottle with remover. After giving it a good shake, I put it back. Then I waited. She would use the treatment at the same time each week and soak in the bath for about 30 minutes.
The bottle only called for 15 minutes. She got out of the tub to take a shower. When she stepped out, almost all of her fancy permed hair was falling off her head.
