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These Horrible People Are Literally The Worst

Mathew Burke

From spoiled brats to horrible bosses, these people are the definition of awful—and these stories prove that when they go out in public, their insane behavior can range from absolutely ridiculous to utterly infuriating.


1. Let’s Get Away From It All

My boss refused to let me take a weekend off for my best friend’s wedding because a co-worker was already taking the time off for a dirty weekend away with the married guy she was having an affair with. The married guy was my boss, by the way. I was a bridesmaid and had booked the weekend off 10 months in advance.

I quit on the spot and told my boss’s wife he was cheating on her. My best friend’s wedding was lovely.

achillestiel

2. Sitting On the Dock of the Pay

When I got a promotion with more responsibilities, I asked my boss for a raise. He told me that, if anything, they’re gonna dock my pay now because it was so rude of me to make that request of them. I went home after my shift that day and never came back.

PartialSalad

3. A Serious Effort at Discipline

My nephew (by marriage) is a jerk. I had to drive him once and he kept messing around with the windows, so I locked them. Then he started incessantly pushing my door lock buttons. So I stopped holding back toots and stopped opening the windows. And let me tell ya, this was during a phase in my life where my farts smelled like I might be suffering from some sort of colonic necrosis.

He gagged and sputtered and threatened to throw up. It didn’t matter. I just kept on going. In fact, at a certain point I thought I might poop my pants. I didn’t care. I was willing to do it just to make that little jerk suffer a bit. Take that, Evan.

TheFire_Eagle

4. Small Business, Big Problems

Small business. 20 employees +/-. Boss made a big speech about austerity measures and no raises this year. A week and a half later he drives up in a brand new Silverado with all the bells and whistles. Expensed to the business of course. He would hate to have to pay taxes on those profits. One of the less subtle members of the staff took a literal dump in front of his office door.

DentedAnvil

5. Her Ego Puts Her Over Carrying Capacity

There was this incident I heard about a couple of years back about a local socialite who married into one of the richest and most powerful families here. The story goes that she was at a bank’s main office to meet with the CEO. Instead of taking the elevator like a regular person, she had her bodyguards remove all the people inside the elevator so that she could go up alone without people bothering her.

She said something along the lines of, “Get out of my elevator.” Funny thing is, one of the people she had forced out the elevator was the bank owner’s wife, who decided to take another elevator with the rest of the people who were forced out. The owner’s wife got her sweet revenge. Once the socialite got to the office, the bank owner’s wife was already there and promptly told her to “get out of her building.”

chedeng

6. Here’s a Tip: Don’t Be a Jerk

My dad and I worked for the owner of a big beverage company. The owner’s wife was yelling at my dad for tipping the garbage man $20 while I was carrying a $20,000-dollar lamp she just purchased.

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7. Employee for a Day

I used to live near a very affluent area, and many of the most convenient grocery stores were just inside said area. A friend of mine was staying with us for a few weeks and would occasionally stop by said stores on her way home from work. One day, while she was at the self-checkout, a woman came up to her telling her to bag her groceries.

My friend politely told her she didn’t work there. The lady then insisted that my friend did indeed work there, and demanded she bag her groceries, citing the way she was dressed. For reference, at the time she was working as an intern at a local engineering firm so her outfit was professional, and not at all resembling the uniform of the store.

Eventually, this lady’s tantrum caught the attention of an actual employee, who then had to tell the woman SEVERAL times that my friend was not, in fact, an employee of the store. Then the woman said the most ridiculous thing of all time. “Well, she should have just bagged my groceries anyway.” And that is the story of how my best friend came the closest she’s ever been to literally choking someone.

TehAsianator

8. The Big Lube-owski

A lube technician at a Jiffy Lube once tried to convince me that I was in desperate need of a radiator service…for a car that didn’t have a radiator. He even showed me a PH strip to “prove” that the fluid had gone acidic. I told him that if he could show me the radiator, I’d cheerfully pay for the service. The expression on his face when he opened up my car’s hood and realized what I was getting at was pretty priceless.

wintertash

9. I’m Getting Whiplash From Your Lies

I was in a crowded parking lot, driving around looking for a space. There was one car ahead of me. The car ahead of me stopped, so I stopped as well. I’m not sure why she stopped because there were no empty spaces and no one was pulling out, but whatever. Then, before I even had time to react, she did something that made my blood run cold. Her reverse lights came on and she came flying backward towards me.

I didn’t even have time to honk. She slammed into the front of my car, got out of her car, and started screaming that I hit her. When officers arrived, she was crying and shaking and complaining that her neck hurt. And cursing ME for slamming into the back of HER car. I was really worried and thought that I was done for.

Thankfully, two people had been walking through the parking lot when this occurred and told the officer what really happened. That lady ended up being charged with fraud.

super_nice_shark

10. Someone Has Company!

My buddy got screwed over on a business deal by some jerk. Our city is big on garage sales, so he posted ads all over the place saying “Moving out sale, everything must go, cheap! Will be held inside the house, just walk in or ring the doorbell,” then put that guy’s address on the ads.

Ash1989

11. Paying the Piper

I quit my job and set up my own competing business with my ex-employer after he failed to pay me for two months, claiming non-payment from the clients. He had a massive go at me after I confronted him with receipts from the clients to show payment and he accused me of making him look bad in front of them. He said that he didn’t owe me the money. I’ll never forget his words: “some people are bosses and some people are employees.”

I also warned a few of my ex co-workers to be careful and not let him rack up debt with them because of what he did to me. They are nice people with young families and don’t deserve to be taken advantage of, like he did to me. I took him to court to try to recoup the money he owed me for the work I completed.

What do you know, the judge ruled in my favor for the full amount of just over £4,000. He then plays the victim card with everyone he knows and says that I made him and his family homeless despite the fact that he never paid me a penny of the money owed. £4,000 is like 5-6 months’ rent in a decent neighborhood in my city.

Honestly blows my mind every time I think about it.

Trumanhazzacatface

12. In My Professional Opinion, You Suck

A colleague of mine whined about her job 24/7. She quit eventually, then she went to see a psychiatrist, because she needed to feel justified that quitting her job meant she had no regrets and she was actually mentally ill and couldn’t cope, since it was a residency program in one of the best hospitals in the country.

Her psychiatrist, after evaluating her, had the best response ever. She straight up told her that she was a whiny brat.

dancingfruit

13. A Conference Callout

We were on a conference call. A supervisor was taking credit for all of the work that had been done on a cross-departmental project. In reality, he wasn’t even a part of the project; his subordinate, Craig, was. I called him out on it in front of about 40 people. I said that even Craig didn’t really do any work.

The real star of the show was Leslie, the intern assigned to help us, since she actually did 75% of the work on his behalf. The supervisor got fired several months later for some other unrelated issues. A lot of people on the call reached out to me afterwards to let me know that they thought what I did was pretty awesome. That made me happy.

Spooty03

14. My Own Worst Enemy

My cousin basically screwed up her own wedding by doing things like “firing” her maid of honor at the last minute because the maid of honor took her husband to the hospital rather than coming to the hair appointments. She also kept getting pissy with our grandmother for “not being helpful enough.” She’s almost 80 and isn’t the most mobile; what did my cousin expect?

She also forgot to make sure her brother wasn’t still running errands for her when the ceremony started, which led to him missing the ceremony. And then she whined for the entire reception and a significant period after about how her wedding didn’t go the way she wanted. Hmmm wonder why that could be, hun?

InkMage94

15. Warning: This Is About to Get Graphic

I once had a graphic designer apply for a job at my marketing firm using someone else’s work in his portfolio. I asked him all about the work, and the thinking behind the designs, before I showed him the originals—and the door.

BlatantBlunt

16. Bad Romance

At my old job, we had a guy whose wife worked for the same company but in a different department. She was always coming around and meddling in his business. She always had an opinion of what was going on and was perpetually displeased by everything we did. Everything was a perceived attack on her husband and she was constantly criticizing us for things that she had no idea about.

Even sending him to break five minutes late because we got busy would be enough to be put on her naughty list. She was frequently late to her own area because she’d just hang around and watch us from a distance. She was taken to HR several times for this behavior. But did she change it? No, it just got even worse.

A couple years ago, they were eating lunch together in the employee break area. She got all worked up over something and took things too far. She actually hit him. Several people saw it and reported it. Later that day, she was pulled aside by security and HR about it. She not only denied it (despite there being several dozen witnesses) but she gave them a false name for herself, thinking they wouldn’t know any better.

She was fired on the spot.

CacklingGiraffe

17. Covered the Spread

My aunt bought a new Ford and I bet her that my cousin (her son) would crash it in a week. She thinks her kid is God’s gift to earth, and I’d been trying to get her to see that he’s an irresponsible jerk for years. She agreed to the bet, saying he’d never EVER betray her like that.

The guy made me $50 richer in three days.

Zh1end

18. Flew to Close to the Sun

I had a friend who bought $2,000 worth of a penny stock and share prices went up by a factor of 10, so he had $20,000 worth of this stock in LESS THAN one week. He called me to basically brag about how smart he was for finding this great stock. I congratulated him and strongly advised him, multiple times, to cash out at least $2,000—I suggested $5,000.

That would leave him with most of his original shares. If the stock kept going up, he would be filthy rich either way, but if the shares tanked in value then at least he wouldn’t be out any money. Not only did he not listen to me, he invested more and lost absolutely all of it.

BiggieMcLarge

19. A Family Dis-Oriented Business

I used to work at a small, family-owned restaurant for over a year. All I ever did while I was there was wash dishes. The owner hated me and always did her best to make my shift miserable because her creepy husband loved being around me and talking to me all the time. Eventually, she accused me of secretly hooking up with him more than once.

My last straw was when she decided to call me a filthy prostitute in front of not just my coworkers, but also a whole group of customers. I was 15 years old.

definitelynotandrea

20. She Could Do the Time, So She Did the Crime

On the hill from Hampstead tube station, some Joan Collins 1980s clone of a woman parked her Range Rover outside a shop on a double yellow line (no parking on that road) with her hazard lights flashing. She was coming out of the shop carrying her frou-frou little paper bags as a traffic warden was fixing the parking ticket to her window. Her reaction was priceless.

She snatched it from the windscreen and said in a posh but aggressive voice, “I don’t care. I can freaking afford it.” Threw the flapping paperwork into the vehicle and roared off down the hill. To most of us, parking meters and Do Not Park signs and road paint are parts of society with a financial penalty to keep the system going.

For this woman, it was like having a park-where-you-like system that occasionally had a fee that made her whiny and wasted the time it took to write out the cheque and post it for the fine.

Jackpot777

21. The Toughest Customers Cost the Most

There is this lady that comes into my store who is so awful, just seeing her makes my blood boil. As far as I know, she has let her kids destroy the store. Literally throwing merchandise all over the place. She’s asked for someone to get a key for the perfume case—then whenever someone got there, she decided that she wanted to shop more.

She brings an entire cart full of stuff to check out and then halfway through the transaction, she goes to get more stuff, sometimes more than once in a transaction. She REFUSES to read stuff on the packages. I seriously had to read the differences of two items to her. She once had me figure out what kind of batteries an item needed, get them for her, and then put them into said item.

She frequently had us check the back for an item we told her we no longer carry. She insisted that we check regardless. She left her child throwing a tantrum right in front of the register so that no one behind her could check out. And, as if that weren’t enough, she asked me to go get items for her while I was checking her out.

Keep in mind that this lady isn’t old, maybe mid to late 30s. My manager said that we would honestly tell her to never come back if it weren’t for the fact that she spends so much money at our store.

Rabadawg211

22. The Not-So-Magnificent Seven

My dad, who is very wealthy and very stingy, once offered to get me out of a tough situation financially. I didn’t have a car and was really struggling to make ends meet. I was telling him about what was going on in my life, and he opens up his wallet and hands me all of it’ contents. It was seven dollars. He kept saying how “He’ll give me everything he has,” and hands me the $7.

He felt really proud doing it too.

hugotheyugo

23. Born to Spend

I had a classmate in college who was apparently some wealthy diva. Marries a guy whose parents were millionaires as well. Both eventually flunk out and tour the world on mommy and daddy’s account, soon getting married and have a child. They lived with his parents in a mansion at the time. It seemed like a dream, but it was actually a nightmare.

She gets tired of living with them and blackmails her mother-in-law to buy them a house or she will never see her grandchild again. His family refuses. Weeks of tantrums, Facebook and Twitter rants, eventually she moves out…to her own parents’ vacation home…oh, but it turns out she was actually just getting started.

A few years go by, and she is about to get cut off. So she has a brilliant solution: She gets pregnant again then goes back on social media to complain about how her family would abandon a pregnant woman and her child. Her parents crack and continue pouring money in. Husband’s family cracks and buys the home.

Now years down the line, I still see regular social media updates from her about overcoming adversity, triumphing over hardship, beating the odds, chasing your dream etc. etc. The married couple to this day has never worked or gotten a paycheck.

f_ranz1224

24. Sometimes It’s Best to Keep Your Mouth Shut

Company consisted of something like 1,200 employees at the time, and rented out a big conference center for a Christmas party. At the opening of the party, the CFO was giving opening remarks, and asked—expecting cheers—if everyone liked their Christmas bonuses. He got booed. See, of that 1,200 people, a bit over a thousand were in customer service. No one in customer service got bonuses, only people in the “corporate” departments got them.

And our awesome CFO decided to rub everyone’s noses in it, because clearly the Chief Financial Officer of a company would have no idea that 80%+ of his company didn’t get bonuses. At the same party, the CEO made an announcement that the company would be closed on Friday (Christmas that year was on a Thursday), and everyone got a day off.

Now, he had literally just finished making a speech about how everyone was important, and everyone was part of the company, no matter the department. He had shoveled crap hard, trying to make CS happier. The next day, we all got a memo that Customer Service still had to work on that Friday. We apparently didn’t count as “everyone” and the CEO just hadn’t realized that the announcement wouldn’t apply to anyone.

January saw a 60% attrition rate.

Onequestion0110

25. More Income, More Intergenerational Problems

My mom works in a family-owned business, and while the owners aren’t excessively rich they’re definitely upper class. I think the most messed up thing that I know about them is just how they treat members of their own families, let alone strangers. For example, the founder of the company fell and broke his hip when he was around 80.

Since he could barely walk around on his own anymore, let alone run a company, he finally retired and gave the company to his daughter. This was a huge mistake. She put him in a home, never visited him again for his entire life (He passed away at age 92, just to give some perspective on how long that was), and almost immediately began to drive the company into the ground.

Around three years after the daughter became the owner of the company, her grandson is hired into basically the same sort of secretary job my mother has. Now it’s a bit of a long story, but he lives with his aunt who also works for the company, basically in the same job his grandmother had before she became the company owner.

So, things are going fine for a while, then eventually he comes out as gay, and is immediately fired for some BS reason by his own grandmother. On top of that, she demands that her daughter kick him out of her house or she’ll fire her too, but thankfully she wasn’t taking any of that, and said she’d sue her mother if she fired her over it. Her mother backs down, and thankfully the kid isn’t kicked out onto the streets, but he’s sure as heck not getting his job back. Then of course since he was fired, all of the work he was doing is piled onto my mother’s desk.

ErickHatesYou

Fooji

26. Which One Will You Choose?

A long time ago, I was working at a restaurant that was, to put it bluntly, absolutely freakin’ atrocious. The place was almost always dead apart from the owner’s friends, who would make it their life’s mission to be incredibly rude to myself and the other staff members. Somehow, I stuck it out working there for six months.

The final straw came at Christmas, when I wanted to travel back home to spend time with my family (as my grandmother was sick at the time); and my boss’s response was, “You’ll just have to decide what’s more important, your job or your family.” I decided. I told him that this was the dumbest and most insulting question I had ever heard, and walked straight out the door.

Tommy_Furys_Sandwich

27. A Star Is Born

My wife was about to give birth, and I had just taken an odd job as a temporary thing. We had just moved to a new city and I had started this job less than three weeks earlier. The plan was for me to work there for a bit while I continued to search for an office job in engineering for the long run. Well, when the big night finally came, I called my supervisor to let him know that I couldn’t come in because my wife was having contractions and her water had just broken.

He told me to get to work and that the baby wouldn’t be born till later anyways. I said, “No, I’m driving my wife to the hospital now.” He told me to get the you-know-what back to work, so I simply said, “I quit” and hung up on him. No more than 10 days later, I found a much better job and I have been happily employed here for four years at this point.

darko2309

28. Running Behind Schedule

I was in university working at a Pizza Hut franchise. The assistant manager was a jerk who was always way too touchy with the girls who were working there. I started dating one of those girls. He was still touchy with her, so we had a talk. After that, he hated me and tried to screw me over on scheduling at every possible opportunity he got, so I always had to get the supervising manager to fix the schedules for me.

Skip forward about six months or so and I was the next person to get off one evening, but he was intentionally keeping me for way longer than he was supposed to. I had friends who were going to see the movie Spirited Away in a theater that was about an hour and a half away from where I worked. It was probably the only chance I would have to go.

So, I was just like “Can I go? No? Okay, then I quit. I’ll find another minimum wage job tomorrow.” Apron drop. I then left and never returned.

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29. I Walk the Line

I was 18 years old and working at a movie theater concession stand on an extra busy day. My coworkers made themselves busy doing things that didn’t need to be done (like checking toilet paper or organizing candy) instead of helping me with a long line of customers that wrapped itself around the entire stand. One lady got extremely nasty with me because I didn’t butter the middle of her popcorn the way she had wanted me to. She was literally screaming at me for it.

I looked around and saw one of my coworkers just watching me and laughing as they pretended to clean the ticket booth window. I logged out of the computer system, closed the cash register, walked out of the concession stand, slammed the door behind me, told the customer she was a fat jerk who didn’t need more butter, told my coworker to go screw himself, and walked right out of the theater—leaving the long and very confused line of customers completely unattended.

I never went back despite the fact that they were apparently willing to forgive me because this “wasn’t my usual behavior.”

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30. Sounds Like You Quit Two Jobs!

My old boss was a jerk who liked to rip off old ladies and low-income families. I got in trouble for doing my job right because it made him look bad. He expected me to do my job and his. So, one day, while he was yelling at me for some nonsense, I abruptly removed my work shirt, threw it in his face, and walked off the job.

The fallout was that I now had no job in a city I had just moved to a few months earlier, but knowing that I had just screwed this guy over made it all worth it. I ended up moving back to my hometown a few weeks later—and that turned out to be for the better.

AnarchistBusinessMan

31. Cooking Up a Storm

First job ever. McDonald’s inside a Walmart. It was a busy Saturday afternoon with a line going all the way out the door. The manager starts yelling at me to stop taking orders because she can’t keep up with my pace. I was 15 years old at the time and therefore not old enough to work the grill, so I asked what I should do instead.

She rudely told me that if I was too dumb to figure that out, then she didn’t need me there. So I was like, “Yeah, I guess you’ve got this covered then,” clocked out, tossed my hat on the ground, and strolled out the front door as she pleaded for me to come back—leaving her to deal with that long lineup on her own. I wish 31-year-old me had the nerve that 15-year-old me had!

MechanicusAnimus

32. Up Close and Personal

I quit my job the minute my boss started rubbing my thigh and asking if I’d ever slept with a married man before.

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33. A Classic Case of Gaslighting

I worked at a gas station deli back in the day and, right before I went in for my shift one time, my mom called me up to let me know that my sister had been rushed to the hospital and that I needed to get there as soon as possible to be with the family. I called my manager, who told me that I had to find someone to cover my shift if I wanted to miss it.

I called a few people and one person said that they would come in and cover my shift. I called my manager back and let them know that so and so would be covering my shift. My manager said that was ok. I came in two days later for my next shift and the manager immediately started flipping out on me as soon as I walked in the door.

She was ranting about how I had screwed the place over because I didn’t show up for my shift. I proceeded to remind her that I had to go to the hospital for my sister and that so and so was covering my shift. She then proceeds to tell me how so and so didn’t show up, and how therefore it was my fault that they lost a bunch of money that night and whatnot.

I simply replied “Are you freaking kidding me? I’m sorry if you were too methed out to remember our call, but I had a family emergency so screw you and screw this place!” As I walked out the door, I slowly paused, turned around, and proceeded to shout, “Screw this place!” one more time.

zapattack322

34. Bathroom Break

I was working at a grocery store. While kneeling down to stock the lower shelves one day, I suddenly felt something landing on my head. I looked up and discovered that a customer was peeing on my head. That was all it took for me to leave that job and never come back.

pukegreenwithenvy

35. Your Share of the Pie

A long time ago, I was working as a real estate agent. After spending over a month working on a $478K deal that I facilitated and eventually closed, my boss handed me a commission check for just $500. That was all I needed to see to never go back to that job. Shortly after that, I moved to Tampa, tripled my salary, and lived happily ever after.

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36. Mom One, Jerk Boss Zero

After decades of working at a government service job, my mum finally got fed up with her managers one day and decided to retire. As soon as she informed them of this, they tried to screw her over on her payout amount because of an alleged error in their records from twenty years earlier. In other words, they claimed that they had been paying the wrong amount into her retirement fund after the rules had changed and forgot to update it or something.

Jerk Boss: “It can’t be fixed. You would have to bring in your payslips for the whole 20 years to have the evidence to fix it.” Mom: “No worries. I’ll bring them in this afternoon if you’d like.” Jerk Boss: “No, I mean all of them. Every single one.” Mom: “Yep.” Jerk Boss: “In chronological order.” Mom: “Yes of course. I wouldn’t keep my payslips in some other order, that wouldn’t make any sense at all.”

It hadn’t even occurred to my mum that one would not keep all those documents in one place, and she never left the job so she just kept on filling up the box. That’s how you leave a lousy job in style!

evilbrent

37. Independence Day

I had a lawyer draw up an intent-to-sue-for-harassment after our new boss required me to work on the Fourth of July. There were usually 100-150 people in office, but that particular day I was the only one in the office. That was the final straw for me after six months of harassment. Result: $40,000 settlement. I still smile when I think of it.

alewis14151

38. Time Off for Good Behavior

I was working for my second job as a welder and booked two weeks holiday off of work. I paid for a trip to Canada to see my (now) wife’s family. The day before we were set to leave, my manager suddenly tells me that he’s going to have to cancel my time off as he’s accidentally booked three people off for the same weeks. I explained that I’d already paid out thousands for this holiday.

He then said I had booked mine last, so I’d have to lose it. I spoke with everyone on site, yet no one else had a pre-paid vacation booked. I went to HR and he was called in to explain. He came out with the same crap he had used before and HR just backed him up. I said ok, got up, and walked off site—with no intention of coming back.

I had 45 missed phone calls by the time that I had driven home, including one voicemail demanding that I get my butt back in or else I would be fired. I called the owner and explained that I had quit and my reason. I then turned my phone off and went on holiday without looking at it again until I got home two weeks later.

Then came the aftermath. I returned from the holiday to nearly 50 angry voicemails from my manager. They included telling me that I was in deep trouble and that I should watch my back when out in public. I sent them all to a solicitor and to the police in case anything happened, along with sending them all to my former boss.

He was dismissed and I was offered his job as I’d been there longer than most of the team had been. I didn’t accept the offer, as I had wanted to become self-employed for a while and I felt that this was the push that I needed to finally go through with it.

greenbayssitter

39. We’re in the Money

Not me, but my former co-worker had a great rage quit. I was working at a sporting goods/automotive store with a fairly large staff of around 35-40 people. One of the guys in the automotive department was gay—not flamboyantly so, but it was pretty obvious nevertheless. He was middle-aged, portly, and an extremely nice guy who was a genius in terms of cars.

He had been with his partner for nearly two decades, and they were quite happy together. However, our new general manager was a total jerk, and she frequently made comments about his homosexuality for nearly a month. He tried not to show any reaction, but I could tell it was hurting him. Then, his partner’s company suddenly exploded financially (in a good way).

Massive bonuses, huge raises, and all kinds of very cool things happening. The two of them decided that they now had the money to move to Vermont, get married for real, and basically retire. So, at a store meeting, my automotive friend says he has an announcement to make. He tells us that after many years with our company, he’s retiring, effective immediately.

He thanks us all for being good people to work with (we were, he was a cool guy) and adds that he has enjoyed his time here. He then took off his name tag, walked over to the GM, and stood there for a moment. He then held his arm straight out in front of him, and dropped the name tag on the floor. His hand then rotated, arm still out, and morphed into the most perfectly formed middle finger I have ever seen.

He then spoke five words, very quietly. “Screw you, you hateful jerk.” He then turned around and walked out the door, head held high and “hater’s gonna hate” strutting. The rest of us were silent, as the GM turned bright red and stormed off to her office. We all started to laugh and cheer.

Osiris32

40. One Year a Slave

My first job was at McDonald’s. I worked there for a year, and was basically everyone’s slave. My manager treated me like garbage, and I was extremely overworked at all times. At four months pregnant, I started having stomach pains one night and bleeding heavily. I was working the drive-thru at the time, so I couldn’t just walk away.

I called for the shift manager, explained my issue, and said that I needed to leave. He told me I couldn’t and that I needed to just suck it up. I cussed him out, took off my uniform, and left the premises.

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41. Size Does Matter

Scrappy chihuahua man road rages at me. I flip him off and pull into the grocery store parking lot. I needed to get formula for my daughter. He followed me. Oh dear. He yells, “Get out of the car, I’m gonna kick your butt!” Okay. I’m 6’5″ tall, bald, bearded, and since I lost weight and started lifting, I’ve been mistaken for similar-looking NFL defensive linemen.

I got out of my bright green Volkswagen Beetle, crossed my arms, and looked straight at him for about 10 seconds before he got back in his crummy little Honda and peeled out of the parking lot. Good thing too, I don’t know how to fight.

LegendOfSchellda

42. Should Have Just Taken the Zilch

Yuppy frat boy in an econ course I was taking my freshman year got caught cheating. At my university, we all sign a contract agreeing to their honor code policies, and cheating is an automatic expulsion. But, the professor decided to be nice, and was just going to give the kid a zero on the exam. Frat kid still thinks that’s too harsh, and it turns into an argument.

The kid starts saying how “in” his family is at the university, and how none of this matters because he’ll just “pull some strings.” Long story short, our professor is actually close friends with the chancellor of our school. Not only did the kid get expelled from the school, but they somehow got him into legal trouble as well for some of the comments made in class that day.

I don’t know what was said that could have been used against him, but the kid ended up in some deep trouble.

lineman77

43. Priorities

I had a primary job that gave me decent hours, but I wanted more money for the summer so I sought out a second job. I landed a spot as a hostess at a chain restaurant. A day into that job, my mother went to the hospital and was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Naturally, the news wrecked me. I was a teenager and already had a lot to deal with (as a teenager would) at the time.

I learned this news about half-way through my shift one day. The supervisor pulled me aside and commented on my attitude. He says I am not smiling much, that I seem down, etc. I was honest and told him about my mom. I told him I was trying my best. Then he tells me, rudely: “Your job is important and you need to be focusing on that right now. Your mom can wait.”

I left on the spot.

Permalink

44. Bin There, Done That

I worked at Subway. It was the first day of the $5 footlong deal, and there was a line out the door. Now, all of our veggies were cut that morning at the same time. The bin of onions was getting low, so I ran to the back and got another bin. Because I was wanting to focus on getting people their food, I dumped the new bin into the other one instead of switching them.

The manager came along, pulled the bin out, and threw it at me in front of everyone. I threw my hat down and walked out.

Frankensteinrunsmile

45. Long Weekend

I rage quit a job once because my boss wouldn’t let me take off on a Friday for a wedding, even though I requested it nine months in advance. It was also MY wedding! So, I gave in my two weeks notice on Thursday, got married on Friday, and went on a two-week honeymoon. Take that!

smilebreathe

46. Let’s Give Them Something to Taco About

I worked at a fast food place south of the border during high school and the summer afterward. I was planning on going to college in town, and asked to work nights so that I could attend classes. My manager told me that I was too stupid to go to college and that I should resign myself to working fast food for the rest of my life. She added that she would fire me if I went to college.

I threw my shirt and jalapeno-shaped name badge at her because I was mad, and mostly because I was immature. Either way, I never went back. Consequences: no more free tacos.

zack_bauer123

47. Roasted

I once had my hands full while working in a restaurant kitchen, so I asked my boss to grab me a container as I cut into a huge roast beef for a customer with blood dripping everywhere. For some inexplicable reason, my boss felt the need to literally roll out on his chair from the office to say, “You have two arms and legs, get it yourself!”

When I said, “Excuse me?” he replied with, “Oh, you didn’t you hear me the first time?” I replied “Yes, I did,” before taking off my apron, walking away from the bloody mess, clocking out right in front of him, and walking out the door. I was scared that my mom was going to flip on me for walking out on the job, but she reacted well and told me not to let someone talk to me like that.

ladybuginawindow

48. The Price of Love

My neighbor is this really down to earth guy who managed to work his way from nothing to being quite wealthy. A few years ago, he married this beautiful brunette that can safely be said to be on the upper scale of maintenance cost. She was given too much freedom when they redecorated their mansion, and ordered custom made stairs that cost about $100,000 USD.

Once she had them installed though, she noticed that they didn’t really match her choice in furniture, so she had a virtually identical set of stairs made that only differed from the last set by a few shades of white. How this guy puts up with her is beyond me.

souIIess

49. He Said, He Said, Moms Said

It was fifth grade. I can’t remember what specifically caused me to snap, but after spending the last five years being continually harassed, bullied, and assaulted by a specific boy I’d had enough. I calmly walked to the mounted pencil sharpener at the back of the class and sharpened my pencil to a very fine tip. Then, I walked behind said bully, and in a downward motion slashed him across the entirety of his back in one fluid motion.

Obviously, I got a truckload of trouble for what I did. The principal insinuated to my mother that the parents of the other boy may want to press charges for my harming of their pride-and-joy. My mother, bless her heart, retorted back, “If that’s the case, perhaps I should press charges considering how often my son has been coming home with cuts, bruises, and welts administered at their boy’s hands without repercussions from your staff.”

The principal moonwalked out of that conversation so freaking fast. I still was read the riot-act at home, though. Got drilled into me that what I did was use a weapon to harm someone, and that it would never be tolerated at any level. Grounded for a very, very long time. Bully gave me space, for a while anyway. He went back to his usual torment after a couple of weeks—minus any physical contact.

Permalink

50. What Are They Teaching in Special Ed?

Seventh grade, the new kid in school, I forgot his name, but he looked like the jerk from 10 Things I Hate About You. He gets egged on to fight the special education kid, we’ll call him Kendal. Sweet kid, Down syndrome, took a long time for him to agree to meet the jerk behind the band hall. He does, the jerk dances in, in front of half the student body, and gets deflected and destroyed.

Every punch he threw turned into a throw or a joint lock. He got tossed and pushed away four times, before on the fifth time, Kendal locks him up again, turns him around and then punts his family jewels into his throat.

Paladoc

Favourite High School Movies facts

51. This Love Triangle Just Got Folded

I was in a Canadian bar. I hit on some chick, and she was digging me, but the guy that thought she was there with him wasn’t enjoying the idea she was ditching him in order to go home with me. He told me to go away and she told me he was just obsessed with her and they were nothing. He warned me I was messing with the wrong guy.

Anyway, she and I were dancing and then the dude comes out of nowhere and tries to hit me. I was holding her at the time and the dude ended up knocking her out in my arms. Security saw the whole thing and jumped the guy. I just walked off back to the hotel alone.

Pacenak

52. You’re Ruining My Spray Tan

A girl I knew in college was the spoiled brat of divorced parents. Her stepmother couldn’t have kids and married the girl’s father when the girl was a toddler, so stepmom spoiled “her baby” rotten. There was the typical paying for her school expenses including college tuition and whatnot, but the summer before her junior year she decides she wants a car.

Her dad says no. She throws a tantrum. Her stepmom buys her a Lexus. This girl gets home from one of her regular spray tans and discovers the new Lexus in the driveway of the house she’s subletting for the summer is now hers. End of the story right? Not by a long shot. You see, the Lexus isn’t the one that she wants.

She throws a freaking monstrous tantrum on the front lawn because that’s not the car she wanted; she wanted a red car in some other model. Her parents are trying to calm her down and she’s cried so many tears, she’s ruined her spray tan. Her dad and stepmom take the car back. She continues to whine about not having a car, how she needs a car, that she’s a freaking adult who needs to drive to do anything fun.

Initially, we thought they took it away for her ungratefulness. A week later her dad calls; he just happened to be driving around and saw a car for sale in the make and model she wanted…only it was white. This garbage human has another meltdown, ruining her second spray tan she got to fix the first one. Why now? Because she felt left out of the finding and purchasing of her car because they were doing everything without her.

Her stepmom came up again and took her shopping for a car. It took the girl the entire weekend. Then, after her stepmom left, she had the gall to complain that they clearly didn’t love her because they just didn’t know what she wanted right off the bat. She was also 19 and dating a married doctor from the local hospital. I just blatantly avoided her after that summer.

mamblepamble

53. Double the Displeasure

An old friend of mine and his family are loaded. They constantly have the newest car, most massive house, multiple out-of-country vacations a year first-class, and he’ll get the most expensive tickets possible for concerts. Plus, mommy and daddy would never say no. So when the iPhones/ and iPod touches were blowing up, he asked for a very specific color and GB for the iPod touch.

It was near Christmas and they were sold out EVERYWHERE. His mom was so disappointed that she went overboard with a ridiculous gesture. She paid a lady at the mall DOUBLE the price of the newest iPhone max GB while she was walking out so he could get something similar since she couldn’t find the exact make and model that he really wanted for Christmas.

Fast forward to Christmas Day. He opens the box—and his response was disgusting. He was so peeved it wasn’t what he wanted that he slammed it onto the floor, saying that it wasn’t what he asked for. It was DESTROYED. Then he called her a witch (but worse) and left to go to his room without opening the rest of his presents. Truly unbelievable.

The mom then had a breakdown and went to the mall again to ask for what he wanted for the next few weeks until yet again, someone had just bought one and she paid double to gift it for him again. That was the last time we ever spoke, and from what I hear, he has no job, still lives with mom and dad, no high school diploma, upgrades his Mercedes every year, and decided that he’s going to be a rapper or nothing at all.

LegacyWRX

54. With a Little Help From My Housekeeper

There was a kid at my high school. When he was 14, he had a learner’s permit, but his parents got him a Mercedes-Benz G-Class. Every day, he drove it to school and was determined to park it in the parking lot to show it off. So, he had his housekeeper drive to school with him and her son drove a car behind her to take her back home—which was only about 2 miles away from our school.

CollectandRun

55. You Probably Know What Evian Is Spelled Backwards

I worked at a private villa in Bali. One guest stood out because she only drank and bathed in Evian. So one day I spent almost an hour filling a large tub from tons of Evian bottles. The same young woman complained that the path from her villa gate to her room wasn’t well lit. This was probably because she wore sunglasses at night.

icycld

56. Someone Wants a Knuckle Sandwich

I was riding the bus home from school one day. Bunch of jerks messing around in the back, throwing food and other junk. A quiet, overweight kid sat in front of them, minding his own business when one of the jerks thought it would be funny to shove an old sandwich in his face and call him fat boy. The quiet kid stood up and knocked him out in a single hit.

Then he grabbed his bag and walked up to the front of the bus and got off at his stop as if nothing happened.

TFKGreySlate

57. With Great Age Comes Great Flexing

My greatest moment was watching my 72-year-old father beat the heck out of a jerk who tried to steal my mom’s purse.

TaloneyeMan

58. Revenge Burns Carbs

In seventh grade, my friend was self-conscious about his weight. One day at lunch, I was watching him and another friend chasing each other. The one friend said, “You can’t catch me fatty!” And the next thing I knew, there was a loud SMACK and the kid was on the grass with a bloody nose.

Qwertyuiopslad

59. Deadly Valor

I was jumped in a Kroger parking lot late at night while I was on my way to my car. I only had one bag. But there was one thing they couldn’t have expected. I had JUST gotten out of basic training for the infantry. All that ground fighting techniques training was fresh still and I ended up breaking him with a straight arm bar. I ran like a wiener, leaving him there screaming.

Then I drove to a gas station and called the cops.

TehRealBabadook

60. Nothing Like the New Year for a New You

There was this guy who was part of our group in college. He was a jerk, but he was my friend’s brother, so he hung out with us a lot. Whenever he would get drunk, he would try to pick fights. We would just shake it off and ignore him. One of the guys hosted a pretty big NYE party. As it goes, this dude got drunk and tried to pick fights again.

People were getting uncomfortable. There was one guy at the party who was about 6’4” tall and built like a tank who was just not having it. He waited to be confronted and then immediately carried the guy outside and threw him down on a stair and broke his leg. He stopped picking fights after that.

PhreedomPhighter

61. Not Every Story is David and Goliath

Jerk bully screwed with a younger kid in high school who was super nice and a really good friend of mine. I didn’t like it, so I got in the bully’s face and told him I’d kick his butt. Well, we went at it and I absolutely got the snot kicked out of me. Guy knew judo or something. Yeah, I messed with the wrong person. That said, I’d do it again.

usernamesarehard1979

62. Violence is the Universal Language

So, in my university, people hazed freshmen in all kinds of crazy ways. It was out of control for a period. Then one of the freshmen was a quiet, small, constantly smiling guy who was from a rural area on the India-China border, from a village where they had only three hours of electricity a day. He didn’t speak much English or Hindi.

One of the seniors targeted him and slapped him or something. Guy took it all smilingly. Then in the dead of the night, he waited till when the senior was all alone outside. Then dragged him into the woods and beat the snot out of him. No one messed with him after that.

sensitiveinfomax

63. To the Drum of the Beating

There was this guy who played drums all the time in Hawaii on the city strip. Nice guy; never chatted much except for a wave and to throw him a few dollars. Some drunk tourist decided it would be fun to mess with his drums. Guy gave him so many chances to walk away. Drunk tourist winds up for a punch, and the dude just knocked him out in one punch.

I just stood there, and my buddy had the presence of mind to tell the guy to pack his stuff and leave before the cops come. Guy was pretty messed up, and we helped him till the ambulance came. I’m pretty sure with the way that his jaw looked, it wouldn’t be a short recovery.

Fallout541

64. Abuse of Power

My manager tried to sexually harass me in the staff room. I didn’t turn up for any subsequent shifts.

CandidIndividual

65. Free Speech Doesn’t Protect You from an Avenging Parent

This guy—well, his subcontractors—does a lot of work for my local smallish city/county, totaling about $5 million worth of work last year. He has an autistic son and is a pretty nice, if super cheap, guy. This other subcontractor was kind of a piece of trash, was one of those “I’ll say whatever I want, ‘cause free speech.” Well, on his second or third job, the boss stops by to check on stuff and drop off some materials.

The sub starts running his mouth about stupid stuff, and eventually starts telling “retard” jokes. The boss says, “You know I have an autistic son, right?” This was his perfect response: “Yup, I did, sorry about your crummy luck.” Well, the boss got his revenge. Dude hasn’t done a single job for the city since, no other contractors will even toss him some work.

Pretty sure his business is going under. He did trash work anyways.

CappuccinoBoy

66. Someone Just Got Schooled

My first week at a white-collar job (my first such job), and we were in the middle of a department-wide meeting—about 17 coworkers and supervisors altogether. The person leading the meeting asks a question of no one in particular, and several of us answer. My answer differed from the rest. One guy turns to me and says: “Let’s leave these questions to the people who actually have a master’s degree, shall we?”

I looked at him and said: “I have a master’s degree.” The room went silent, except for one guy who loudly oohed. I had given the correct answer, to top it off.

-basedonatruestory-

67. Putting Your Money Where You Mouth Was

Friend of my brother’s was this big dude. About 6’3″ tall and maybe 275lbs. Anyway, I always thought he was awesome, but he had been known to drink and act the fool. One night he comes over with a mouth full of stitches. He’s all embarrassed and my brother is busting up. Turns out he got bumped at the bar, something innocuous, and gets in this guy’s face.

To hear my brother tell it this dude was like a lean 5’9″ tall and I guess he tried to talk my buddy down like a champ, but like I said, drunk jerk. Anyway, this guy had enough eventually and kicked my buddy right in the mouth from about a foot away. Busted him wide open, and he did about what you’d expect…whined and bled.

Turns out the other guy was a champion kickboxer. This was the early nineties when martial artists weren’t a dime a dozen. He felt so bad about what he’d done he tried to drive my buddy to the ER.

elhoffgrande

68. Stick Out for the Little Guy

I went to my community college for my BTEC (that’s a bit like an Associate’s Degree) and there were a few mature students in my class. There was one guy named Dave. Dave was the kind of guy that was so big he loomed. He was also a super nice guy, and I helped him out with his coursework because he was trying to get into the IT industry.

Well, at the time I was this skinny runt of a 17-year-old, and one day I’m minding my own business and some other student starts trying to push me around. All of a sudden, a shadow appears between the two of us. Dave just taps him on the shoulder: “No, you don’t touch him. He’s my friend. You understand?” I never had any trouble again.

Gotta say, every skinny nerd needs a friend like Dave.

zerbey

69. Face the Facts

In fifth grade, this dude who always picked on me was kicking my seat in an assembly, and I was having a terrible week, and this was my last straw. I turned and punched him in the face, but I wasn’t satisfied with the first punch because it felt weak. I figured I’m already going to be in trouble, so I went back for a second, better punch—one that felt worth getting in trouble over.

The funny part? The assembly was about not using violence to solve problems.

BigBacon31

70. Don’t Become an Example to Your Fiendish Friends

I was being bullied for like a month when I was 13 or 14. Some guy from my class started messing with me (pushing, hair grabbing, neck slapping, stuff like that), and I didn’t know how to handle it. One of his friends from another class, a guy I had never spoken to before, tried it once and I instinctively punched him in the face. The bullying stopped.

If that random guy didn’t do what he did, I don’t know how I would have put an end to it, to be honest.

I_hate_traveling

71. Some Actions Won’t Be Lost in Translation

My bully decided to sit next to me in class, repeatedly whispered insults to me, so at one point I snapped, took his head, and bashed it into the desk. I think I would have been in deep trouble had his textbook not been there. Needless to say, I got kicked out of that class and had to change English classes.

Rubdub_Jubjub

72. Understand That I’m a Gentleman

For context, I’m 6’5” tall and have been since high school. There was a girl I was friends with who had a boyfriend. There was nothing going on between us, but her boyfriend was older and used to call me names and throw stuff at me in the halls. I’m not a particularly confrontational person, so I let it go on like that for a while.

There was a day when he knocked my books out of my hand and I had had enough. He wasn’t nearly as big as I was, so I picked him up by his shirt and slammed him against a locker. The bullying stopped.

rebel_scummm

73. School Drools, Mom Rules

I was 7 and I was a nice kid with average grades. This one bully was taller than me. He was like any typical bully. He’d trip me or push my head for no apparent reason. I was getting so annoyed that I felt a red heat rise up all over my body. I looked at him and told him to stop. He pushed me to the ground. I stopped and punched his nose with all my force.

His nose started to bleed, and I was sent to the office. I thought my mom would be furious, but I was so wrong. Since the bully had started it, she pretended that she was mad at me at school, but when we went home she said “Congrats.”

Waterrrisgood

74. Get a Kick Out of That

A group of boys thought it was hilarious to keep our football and stop us from getting it back after it rolled towards them on the school field. They kept passing it between themselves and picking it up and trying to keep it away from us. After trying for about a minute to get the ball from them by running after it, one of them picked the ball up and kept moving it away trying to keep it out of my reach.

I took a few steps back, no longer interested in trying to not hurt them and did a “goal kick” on the ball. I kicked his hand in the process and the ball smacked him in the face and gave him a bloody nose. He didn’t even try to react: he just turned and walked away with his tail between his legs.

gianthooverpig

75. Treat Me Like a Gentleman or Get Treated Like a Dog

The bully would always grab my butt or slap my neck, say rude things about my nationality, and insult me. I often told him to stop, but he never did. For a year and a half. Once, in a lecture, he came to my desk and grabbed my butt. I had a really bad day that day too. The moment he grabbed my butt, I saw RED. I was MAD.

I stood up and looked him in the eye. I still can’t believe what I did next. I took his head and SMASHED it against the wall with all I had. Nothing serious happened to him. Except for the teacher got mad at him for bothering me. I was a quiet and good-hearted kid, and the teacher knew that.

GolD-Beard

76. I’m Not the One Who Need Protection

In middle school, we were hanging around before classes started, and this guy who used to be my friend came up behind me and put a condom in my mouth. I turned around, pushed him up against the wall, and punched him in the face. The whole school heard about it and they were all backing me up for the rest of the day. I didn’t even get in trouble.

He was super embarrassed and tried to negotiate with me saying, “You have to let me punch you back to make up for it,” or save his honor or some bull. People would not stop teasing him about it. I think that when the teachers heard about it, they thought it was funny and I had a good rep with them, so they let it slide.

OLD_JAMON

77. Put Your Fists Where Your Mouth Is

When I was 12, a kid on my block constantly challenged me to fight him because he knew I didn’t want to, so it was a great way for this chubby, incompetent brat to show off. One day, outside the convenience store, to his surprise I accepted. He came towards me and I basically just lifted up my leg and “kicked him” in the stomach.

Honestly, he just bounced off my foot. In shock, he came at me again. This repeated about 3 times as the expression of disbelief on his face became more pathetically pronounced. He finally gave up and ran home past my house, telling my mother who happened to be outside that I beat him up. But she already knew about his behavior towards me so as soon as I explained what happened it was all good.

He wasn’t actually hurt physically, just emotionally. We both learned a good lesson that day, and he actually grew up to be a decent guy from what I could tell.

Permalink

78. What’s the Price of Loyalty These Days

The psycho camp director lost her mind on all of the lifeguards because we said we weren’t coming back next summer. The reality was, we all had legit reasons. I was going to take summer courses to graduate early, another guard was moving to university and was going to work in that city, another guard got offered a head guard spot at a camp near her house, etc.

Nothing that said we hated the current camp, just other things going on. We were told in a group meeting if we weren’t happy there, we could leave, and she would find other guards. Following Friday, she calls us all in to tell us what a great job we are doing and how happy everyone is going to the lake. Tuesday after that she calls us in individually to tell us we aren’t working hard enough, and she sees us slacking off all the time.

Lunchtime Tuesday all the guards walked into her office, told her to go screw herself in front of the owner of the camp, and we all piled into my Ford Focus and went for a beer. Went home that night to message from the camp owner asking us to give him a callback (we all chatted and realized he had called all of us). Called him the following day, told him what went down.

He asked us to reconsider and that he would give us a $5 an hour raise and report directly to him. We discussed it and agreed on the condition that the psycho director apologized to us at a collective staff meeting. She refused and had a tantrum. The camp owner fired her on the spot, escorted her off the property and we opened the lake back up. Screw you, Barb.

Morningdeuce_oTQ

79. Falling Like Dominoes

I reported a coworker for harassing a minor. My manager fired me for making the accusation against her friend. She got fired, and then the district manager got fired when he too was caught in a bathroom with a minor.

try_altf4

80. This Kid Definitely Got What He Deserved

When I was 12 my dad dated a nice lady with a bratty 9 year old who would talk back to her and refuse to do chores which would then be passed on to me.

One day at the dinner table everyone is eating and he goes listen! And rips a tiny fart. His Mom is embarrassed and asks him to stop or go to the bathroom. Instead he spreads a smug grin and leans in to rip one loose, and accidentally soils himself in the middle of dinner.

His expression of horror was the best thing ever, I died laughing as he ran clutching his butt away from the table.

Imogenis

81. Doorman

A person tried to shove past me in the hallway. Immediately after, a door opened up into the hallway and slammed him in the face.

thegreatestsnowman1

82. Don’t Stop Believing

My dad is out of state on business driving through some no-name town when he goes through an intersection. Suddenly, a cop pulls him over and tickets him—stating that he ran a stop sign. My dad insisted that there was not any stop sign, but the cop did not listen. Pissed, he went back to the intersection and saw that there was indeed a stop sign hidden behind a tree.

More that that, it was twisted in the wrong direction! Even more pissed, he went into a convenience store and bought a disposable camera. The clerk laughed because he saw what happened and knew what was up. Luckily, my dad had to be back there in a few weeks for work. The cop assumed that someone with out of state plates would just pay the ticket.

So he was shocked when my dad turned up in court, calmly presented his evidence to the judge, and strolled out in five minutes scot-free.

PatientBear1

83. Cheaters Never Prosper

I knew my ex wife was cheating but didn’t tell her that I knew. Took her out for a dinner date and I casually asked questions about who she had been spending time with while I was at sea, she barely worked so she had to spend her time doing something.

She failed to mention the guy that had been staying at my house for nearly two months, the guy she had to call the cops on just to get to leave because I was coming home in two days…soooo I slid her a copy of the police report that was filed for the incident and watched as she crumbled over the fact she had been caught, and I didn’t have to say a word.

links311

84. Hold My Calls

I was at a touristy place at the top of a big cliff. People were hanging around at the top, just enjoying the view, and this one guy was eating a sandwich while staring at his phone. After he was done, he couldn’t be bothered to find a trash can. He went to throw the sandwich wrappings off the cliff, but got his hands confused and hurled his phone off the cliff instead.

Piano9717

85. Sold out of Love

My wife was stealing money to the tune of $1,000 per month. After years of manipulating me, I finally caught her in the act and decided to get my sweet revenge. First, I started divorce proceedings without telling her. During this time, I took my name off our joint credit card and began using my own credit card.

When the bills came in for that month, I made her jaw drop. I informed her that I would not pay the credit card bills anymore, that she had her own job and her own money, and she could pay her own bills. Our divorce was final four months ago. The entire exchange was incredibly satisfying.

WebZen

86. I Hope She Was Thirsty!

I used to be a zookeeper. This obnoxious woman was making fun of our llama for looking ugly. The llama was a rescue who had just had corrective jaw surgery. The woman pointed and laughed at our llama. The llama spat directly into her mouth. I gave the llama a treat and told her that she was a good girl.

MyNameIsNotRyn

87. The Joke’s on Her

I canceled on a party her friends were having because I worked late. My boss let me out a few hours early because it was dead. So I went to the party. Got there and asked her cousin where she was. Her cousin said, “oh, she’s in her car out front on the phone.” As I walked away to go to the car her cousin panicked and said “NO! WAIT! SHE’S IN THE BATHROOM!”

Me knowing she was lying, I jogged to my girlfriend’s car out front. Looked in the window and she was pantless doing favors for two other guys. That was ten years ago. Now she’s a mother to four fatherless children and I’m engaged to her beautiful, Latina ex-best friend.

BaracksCousin

88. A Serious Effort at Discipline

My nephew (by marriage) is a jerk. I had to drive him once and he kept messing around with the windows, so I locked them. Then he started incessantly pushing my door lock buttons. So I stopped holding back my gas and stopped opening the windows. And let me tell ya, this was during a phase in my life where my farts smelled like I might be suffering from some sort of colonic necrosis.

He gagged and sputtered and threatened to throw up. It didn’t matter. I just kept farting. In fact, at a certain point I thought I might crap my pants. I didn’t care. I was willing to do it just to make that little bugger suffer a bit.

Take that, Evan.

TheFire_Eagle

89. Eat Your Words

A while ago I decided to treat myself to some Burger King. I was having a bad day and had a headache coming on. So I was waiting in line at the BK, when suddenly this woman comes in with a monster of a child. He was out of control, screaming, punching his mother, throwing things around.

The mother didn’t pay any attention to him and he continued yelling, ‘I want a PIE’. My headache turned into a full blown migraine. I calmly turned and asked if she could please calm her child down. Immediately she got up in my face, telling me to mind my own business.

I nodded and turned around, when the child cried out again how he wants a pie. I then decided to ruin their day in the most devious way I could think of: I bought all those apple pies. I ate just one and made sure the kid saw me throw the rest in the trash.

brizzenden

90. Out to Lunch

When we fell on some hard times many years ago, my wife took a pretty shady job at a local factory. The first two weeks she was there, she had her lunch stolen at least five or six times. Even open drinks. I was pretty pissed. I would often grill for her or make her lunch, yet she was going hungry. One night, I bought a big Gatorade and mixed in a box of women’s laxatives, both red in color. We found out who the thief was.

TheToenailCollector

91. Vindicated

My dad was driving back from the shore when traffic got really bad. About a mile ahead, there was an accident that had brought traffic to a crawl. My dad decides to be patient about it. Others weren’t so patient. People began driving on the shoulder in order to get ahead of the traffic. This pissed my dad off. We all know how this goes.

We do the right thing and are punished for it, whereas these jerks are skipping in front of traffic and will probably get away with it. He thought about following this stream of cars onto the shoulder, but he decided he’d do the right thing and wait. As he got closer, he saw two cops in a parking lot. One cop was directing all of the shoulder drivers into the parking lot, while the other wrote all of those drivers tickets. He describes it as one of the most satisfying things he’s ever seen.

DrDudeManJones

92. Hunting for Problems

My brother started to think his wife was cheating on him since a lot of sketchy stuff was going on. So, we made a plan: We told her we were going on a hunting trip—but really, we were laying an ingenious trap. We never actually left town and holed up at my house.

We drove to his place after dark and caught her red-handed. My brother was mad with rage and wanted to go in there and beat the guy to a pulp—but I convinced him there was a better option that would really nail them. So we snuck up to the house and using the night vision camera got video of them bumping uglies in the living room.

Then I called the cops. I said I heard a lot of yelling from the house and asked if they could go check. Cops show up, take statements. We leave and the next day he pulls her iMessages off the email account and talks to a lawyer. We give the lawyer the messages and when we show up five days later from our “hunting trip,” he calls her and says he got something wild and wants her to come out and see it.

When she comes out he gives her divorce papers and kicks her out of the house. House was his before they got married so all she got to keep was some stuff they bought together and her car. No kids and the prenup nullified the alimony she could have gotten as he made way more money than her.

The guy she was sleeping with had a record. We saw her a few months later, she tried talking to my wife and said she missed my brother and she was sorry, the guy and her broke up shortly after the divorce.

Goomba87

93. Crying Over Spilt Milk

I used to work at a grocery store as a bagger. This guy said he wanted his milk in a bag. He had a lot of stuff to pack up, so when I got to the milk I wanted to double check what he said before doing it. So I asked a second time whether he wanted a bag. He proceeded to yell at me so loudly that the next two lanes got quiet and they were all staring at what was going on. “Are you stupid? You have hearing problems? Where is your manager? They should fire you for being so stupid. I already said I wanted it in the bag.” Jeez, I’m just trying to make people happy.

echoviolet

94. You’re Fired

I was 19 shopping with a friend. She was (still is) a smaller person than myself. She was trying on a shirt and needed a size up so i took it back out to find a bigger size. I couldn’t locate it so I ask a sales girl if she could help me find a bigger size. She takes the shirt in a gruff way. I ignore it. She comes back with a hat and hands it to me. I say, “Um what’s this?”

She said, “This is the only thing in this store that will fit you”, contempt dripping from her lips. I’m like, oh I see. I go to the dressing room, tell my friend we need to leave now. She gets dressed. Tries to clean her mess I tell her leave it. We walk out, I go to the register with the hat, it’s busy. My friend asks what’s up with the hat. I say loudly, ”

According to that girl this is the only thing in the store that fits me.” My friend, shocked, lost her mind. Because her parents owned the store. That’s how I got a girl fired because I was feeling petty. Saw that girl later that week where I worked. I smiled and showed her what customer service should be.

95. Rock Solid Response

When we were kids, we stayed at the seaside on holiday with our family. My little sister would always make a pretty sandcastle, and the next day it would have been kicked down and she’d cry. We wanted to find out who was doing it, so one day we stayed behind to spy. We watched as a bunch of jerk older boys came by and kicked her castle down, laughing smugly.

So the next night, we covered a big beach rock in sand and decorated it. Like clockwork, the jerk kids came with their smug faces and this time kicked a solid rock with all of their might. The yowl and the look on their faces was the best revenge ever.

AmyDiaz99

96. Family Values

My mother is a terrible person. And I don’t say that lightly. She has stolen medication from me after I had oral surgery. On two occasions (a decade apart from each other), she stole my identity and my sibling’s, opened several fraudulent credit card accounts in our names, maxed them out (tens of thousands of dollars), and never made a single payment.

She tells people that she’s a nurse when she barely even finished high school. She also often makes up extravagant and potentially damaging lies, all of which she believes she’ll never be caught for. Yes, she’s a terrible person, but my dad isn’t—so when my now-adult daughter was an adolescent, my mother was allowed to spend time with her.

A few years ago, I’d lost my job, was having trouble finding employment, and had to trade in my sports car for a Sedan so that I could drive rideshare to make ends meet. My mother told my daughter and several relatives that my car had been repossessed for nonpayment. It was upsetting, but I knew just what I had to do.

I took great satisfaction in clearing by name by showing the dealership papers to my daughter, my relatives, and yes, the shrewish, lying old jerk herself as well. The aftermath was both hilarious and sad, as she tends to have a vile temper.

Permalink

97. Food for Thought

When I worked at a fast food joint, I once had someone call in during the opening shift while we were still prepping everything for the day. He starts telling me all about how he was just here and how our service was terrible, and how we got his order wrong. I asked him when exactly he came in, and he said about half an hour ago. I said, “Oh, that’s weird, because we don’t actually open for another 45 minutes.”

He just hung up without another word.

purplemonkey55

98. You Passed the Test With Flying Colors, Mom

One time I wouldn’t give my daughter a push on the swing because she was whining instead of asking. She knows we don’t listen to whining but her grandpa was there so she was testing me.

When she figured out I really wasn’t going to do it, she grabbed the rope from the swing and flung the swing at me.

It missed me, came back and smacked her right in the face. I’m sure it hurt too because it was a board with a rope through the middle.

Not that I’m happy that my kid was hurt over it but I taught her about karma that day.

theoriginalsauce

99. Too Little, Too Late

I was working as a General Manager at a struggling restaurant—struggling despite excellent business, because the owners would do stupid things like take trips to Italy on the company dime to source the “perfect” panini press. They also wouldn’t staff properly; I was the only waiter ever there, open to close, six days a week, on top of handling phone orders, inventory, and other managerial duties. I was wildly overworked, but I sucked it up because the base pay was good, plus tips.

However, to fund their lavish “business” trips, costs had to be cut at the store. They decided to do this by bumping me down to minimum wage for tipped employees—effectively cutting my salary to 1/10 of its previous level. They were also too chicken to tell me until I got my new teeny paycheck and questioned the mistake. “Oh yeah haha, forgot to mention that blah blah cost-cutting blah valued team member please work with us through this difficult time.”

I had worked for two weeks at this new lower rate without my knowledge. Pretty sure that’s illegal, but hey, a lot of illegal things go on in the restaurant industry. That’s not when I rage quit, though….a couple of hours later, I’m fuming and have decided that I can’t work for the lower rate, so now I’m just waiting for the perfect chance to give my notice.

They called in a delivery guy who was fired a few weeks before, and they talk about hiring him to start doing our Facebook posts and handing out flyers around town. Whatever. Then I hear them offer him close to my old salary as “Promotions Manager”! What??? I was basically running the place for $2.13/hr and you’re offering this dude almost $20/hr to walk up and down the street saying “Eat at (Name)”?

And yet, it gets worse.

They bring up our negative Yelp reviews and this guy suggests asking friends to post positive ones. The boss starts laughing and says “Better not ask our waitress to post one, it’ll be all boohoo don’t eat there, I can’t pay my rent this month because they cut my pay without telling wahhhh!” I don’t think I was supposed to hear that, but I was five feet away, so of course I did.

I RAGED! I quit on the spot, told them to screw their job, and wished them good luck keeping the place open without me. They quickly realized I was right, as neither of them knew how to do more than pick up the takings once a week. They begged me not to quit. They were so desperate that they sat there for half an hour and allowed me to bluntly tell them exactly what kind of huge idiots I thought they were in excruciating detail.

I went on and on as my rage burned, and they just quietly listened, nodding and apologizing. Once I had cursed myself back into calmness, I walked out, 30 minutes before the dinner rush began, leaving them with an unstaffed floor and no clue how to even open the cash register. God, they were morons. I loved that they actually listened to me telling them exactly how stupid they were. No repercussions on my side, as the restaurant industry isn’t known for checking references.

The place closed down about 18 months later, and I was surprised it even made it that long.

KnickersUpKettleOn

100. Helicopter Parents Never Fly Coach

I worked as a nanny for a 1% family. The stuff I saw haunts me. I remember having one parent complain how rude it was a friend hadn’t offered to fly them to Miami on a private jet for a weekend getaway, and they were “forced” to go first-class. Had the other parent tell me they thought it was really “sweet” I was happy to help others and never be wealthy.

They would also spring last-minute trips on me and their kid all the time, so I’d stay in the main house with their child while the parents were country-hopping. Poor kid never had any sense of who was going to be where. There were business-related videos of the parents on YouTube, so it got to the point where I’d play them on an iPad so the kid had some sense of consistency.

Just to be clear, the kid was absolutely adorable and very sweet (which made it really hard to leave, I felt terrible), but it was pretty disheartening to think they’d probably turn out like their parents in a few years. The best part about the parent complaining over the first-class flight was when they asked me if I thought they were overreacting.

Literally asked me “Wouldn’t you be upset? Don’t you think that’s rude? They’ve been doing better [financially] now that they have Company X money they could have sent a plane etc.” and I’m thinking, well I’m pretty sure my entire year’s salary couldn’t pay for one chartered flight, so you know I’m probably not the best person to ask.

throwawaaayyytoday

Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5


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