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Feels Good, Man: Satisfying Stories Where People Got What They Deserved

Mathew Burke

When mean-spirited people get their way, most of us just have to imagine that one day those jerks will get what’s coming to them. Don’t lose hope that your ex-bully or horrible boss will have to eat it: These people got the sweet satisfaction of seeing scumbags get served a slice of humble pie.


Got What They Deserved

1. Falling Like Dominoes

I reported a coworker for harassing a minor. My manager fired me for making the accusation against her friend. She got fired, and then the district manager got fired when he too was caught in a bathroom with a minor.

try_altf4

2. This Kid Definitely Got What He Deserved

When I was 12 my dad dated a nice lady with a bratty 9 year old who would talk back to her and refuse to do chores which would then be passed on to me.

One day at the dinner table everyone is eating and he goes listen! And rips a tiny fart. His Mom is embarrassed and asks him to stop or go to the bathroom. Instead he spreads a smug grin and leans in to rip one loose, and accidentally soils himself in the middle of dinner.

His expression of horror was the best thing ever, I died laughing as he ran clutching his butt away from the table.

Imogenis

3. Doorman

A person tried to shove past me in the hallway. Immediately after, a door opened up into the hallway and slammed him in the face.

thegreatestsnowman1

4. Don’t Stop Believing

My dad is out of state on business driving through some no-name town when he goes through an intersection. Suddenly, a cop pulls him over and tickets him—stating that he ran a stop sign. My dad insisted that there was not any stop sign, but the cop did not listen. Pissed, he went back to the intersection and saw that there was indeed a stop sign hidden behind a tree.

More that that, it was twisted in the wrong direction! Even more pissed, he went into a convenience store and bought a disposable camera. The clerk laughed because he saw what happened and knew what was up. Luckily, my dad had to be back there in a few weeks for work. The cop assumed that someone with out of state plates would just pay the ticket.

So he was shocked when my dad turned up in court, calmly presented his evidence to the judge, and strolled out in five minutes scot-free.

PatientBear1

5. Cheaters Never Prosper

I knew my ex wife was cheating but didn’t tell her that I knew. Took her out for a dinner date and I casually asked questions about who she had been spending time with while I was at sea, she barely worked so she had to spend her time doing something.

She failed to mention the guy that had been staying at my house for nearly two months, the guy she had to call the cops on just to get to leave because I was coming home in two days…soooo I slid her a copy of the police report that was filed for the incident and watched as she crumbled over the fact she had been caught, and I didn’t have to say a word.

links311

6. Hold My Calls

I was at a touristy place at the top of a big cliff. People were hanging around at the top, just enjoying the view, and this one guy was eating a sandwich while staring at his phone. After he was done, he couldn’t be bothered to find a trash can. He went to throw the sandwich wrappings off the cliff, but got his hands confused and hurled his phone off the cliff instead.

Piano9717

7. Sold out of Love

My wife was stealing money to the tune of $1,000 per month. After years of manipulating me, I finally caught her in the act and decided to get my sweet revenge. First, I started divorce proceedings without telling her. During this time, I took my name off our joint credit card and began using my own credit card.

When the bills came in for that month, I made her jaw drop. I informed her that I would not pay the credit card bills anymore, that she had her own job and her own money, and she could pay her own bills. Our divorce was final four months ago. The entire exchange was incredibly satisfying.

WebZen

8. I Hope She Was Thirsty!

I used to be a zookeeper. This obnoxious woman was making fun of our llama for looking ugly. The llama was a rescue who had just had corrective jaw surgery. The woman pointed and laughed at our llama. The llama spat directly into her mouth. I gave the llama a treat and told her that she was a good girl.

MyNameIsNotRyn

9. The Joke’s on Her

I canceled on a party her friends were having because I worked late. My boss let me out a few hours early because it was dead. So I went to the party. Got there and asked her cousin where she was. Her cousin said, “oh, she’s in her car out front on the phone.” As I walked away to go to the car her cousin panicked and said “NO! WAIT! SHE’S IN THE BATHROOM!”

Me knowing she was lying, I jogged to my girlfriend’s car out front. Looked in the window and she was pantless doing favors for two other guys. That was ten years ago. Now she’s a mother to four fatherless children and I’m engaged to her beautiful, Latina ex-best friend.

BaracksCousin

10. A Serious Effort at Discipline

My nephew (by marriage) is a jerk. I had to drive him once and he kept messing around with the windows, so I locked them. Then he started incessantly pushing my door lock buttons. So I stopped holding back my gas and stopped opening the windows. And let me tell ya, this was during a phase in my life where my farts smelled like I might be suffering from some sort of colonic necrosis.

He gagged and sputtered and threatened to throw up. It didn’t matter. I just kept farting. In fact, at a certain point I thought I might crap my pants. I didn’t care. I was willing to do it just to make that little bugger suffer a bit.

Take that, Evan.

TheFire_Eagle

11. Eat Your Words

A while ago I decided to treat myself to some Burger King. I was having a bad day and had a headache coming on. So I was waiting in line at the BK, when suddenly this woman comes in with a monster of a child. He was out of control, screaming, punching his mother, throwing things around.

The mother didn’t pay any attention to him and he continued yelling, ‘I want a PIE’. My headache turned into a full blown migraine. I calmly turned and asked if she could please calm her child down. Immediately she got up in my face, telling me to mind my own business.

I nodded and turned around, when the child cried out again how he wants a pie. I then decided to ruin their day in the most devious way I could think of: I bought all those apple pies. I ate just one and made sure the kid saw me throw the rest in the trash.

brizzenden

12. Out to Lunch

When we fell on some hard times many years ago, my wife took a pretty shady job at a local factory. The first two weeks she was there, she had her lunch stolen at least five or six times. Even open drinks. I was pretty pissed. I would often grill for her or make her lunch, yet she was going hungry. One night, I bought a big Gatorade and mixed in a box of women’s laxatives, both red in color. We found out who the thief was.

TheToenailCollector

13. Vindicated

My dad was driving back from the shore when traffic got really bad. About a mile ahead, there was an accident that had brought traffic to a crawl. My dad decides to be patient about it. Others weren’t so patient. People began driving on the shoulder in order to get ahead of the traffic. This pissed my dad off. We all know how this goes.

We do the right thing and are punished for it, whereas these jerks are skipping in front of traffic and will probably get away with it. He thought about following this stream of cars onto the shoulder, but he decided he’d do the right thing and wait. As he got closer, he saw two cops in a parking lot. One cop was directing all of the shoulder drivers into the parking lot, while the other wrote all of those drivers tickets. He describes it as one of the most satisfying things he’s ever seen.

DrDudeManJones

14. Hunting for Problems

My brother started to think his wife was cheating on him since a lot of sketchy stuff was going on. So, we made a plan: We told her we were going on a hunting trip—but really, we were laying an ingenious trap. We never actually left town and holed up at my house.

We drove to his place after dark and caught her red-handed. My brother was mad with rage and wanted to go in there and beat the guy to a pulp—but I convinced him there was a better option that would really nail them. So we snuck up to the house and using the night vision camera got video of them bumping uglies in the living room.

Then I called the cops. I said I heard a lot of yelling from the house and asked if they could go check. Cops show up, take statements. We leave and the next day he pulls her iMessages off the email account and talks to a lawyer. We give the lawyer the messages and when we show up five days later from our “hunting trip,” he calls her and says he got something wild and wants her to come out and see it.

When she comes out he gives her divorce papers and kicks her out of the house. House was his before they got married so all she got to keep was some stuff they bought together and her car. No kids and the prenup nullified the alimony she could have gotten as he made way more money than her.

The guy she was sleeping with had a record. We saw her a few months later, she tried talking to my wife and said she missed my brother and she was sorry, the guy and her broke up shortly after the divorce.

Goomba87

15. Someone Wants a Knuckle Sandwich

I was riding the bus home from school one day. Bunch of jerks messing around in the back, throwing food and other junk. A quiet, overweight kid sat in front of them, minding his own business when one of the jerks thought it would be funny to shove an old sandwich in his face and call him fat boy. The quiet kid stood up and knocked him out in a single hit.

Then he grabbed his bag and walked up to the front of the bus and got off at his stop as if nothing happened.

TFKGreySlate

16. You’re Fired

I was 19 shopping with a friend. She was (still is) a smaller person than myself. She was trying on a shirt and needed a size up so i took it back out to find a bigger size. I couldn’t locate it so I ask a sales girl if she could help me find a bigger size. She takes the shirt in a gruff way. I ignore it. She comes back with a hat and hands it to me. I say, “Um what’s this?”

She said, “This is the only thing in this store that will fit you”, contempt dripping from her lips. I’m like, oh I see. I go to the dressing room, tell my friend we need to leave now. She gets dressed. Tries to clean her mess I tell her leave it. We walk out, I go to the register with the hat, it’s busy. My friend asks what’s up with the hat. I say loudly, ”

According to that girl this is the only thing in the store that fits me.” My friend, shocked, lost her mind. Because her parents owned the store. That’s how I got a girl fired because I was feeling petty. Saw that girl later that week where I worked. I smiled and showed her what customer service should be.

17. Rock Solid Response

When we were kids, we stayed at the seaside on holiday with our family. My little sister would always make a pretty sandcastle, and the next day it would have been kicked down and she’d cry. We wanted to find out who was doing it, so one day we stayed behind to spy. We watched as a bunch of jerk older boys came by and kicked her castle down, laughing smugly.

So the next night, we covered a big beach rock in sand and decorated it. Like clockwork, the jerk kids came with their smug faces and this time kicked a solid rock with all of their might. The yowl and the look on their faces was the best revenge ever.

AmyDiaz99

18. Family Values

My mother is a terrible person. And I don’t say that lightly. She has stolen medication from me after I had oral surgery. On two occasions (a decade apart from each other), she stole my identity and my sibling’s, opened several fraudulent credit card accounts in our names, maxed them out (tens of thousands of dollars), and never made a single payment.

She tells people that she’s a nurse when she barely even finished high school. She also often makes up extravagant and potentially damaging lies, all of which she believes she’ll never be caught for. Yes, she’s a terrible person, but my dad isn’t—so when my now-adult daughter was an adolescent, my mother was allowed to spend time with her.

A few years ago, I’d lost my job, was having trouble finding employment, and had to trade in my sports car for a Sedan so that I could drive rideshare to make ends meet. My mother told my daughter and several relatives that my car had been repossessed for nonpayment. It was upsetting, but I knew just what I had to do.

I took great satisfaction in clearing by name by showing the dealership papers to my daughter, my relatives, and yes, the shrewish, lying old jerk herself as well. The aftermath was both hilarious and sad, as she tends to have a vile temper.

Permalink

19. Food for Thought

When I worked at a fast food joint, I once had someone call in during the opening shift while we were still prepping everything for the day. He starts telling me all about how he was just here and how our service was terrible, and how we got his order wrong. I asked him when exactly he came in, and he said about half an hour ago. I said, “Oh, that’s weird, because we don’t actually open for another 45 minutes.”

He just hung up without another word.

purplemonkey55

20. You Passed the Test With Flying Colors, Mom

One time I wouldn’t give my daughter a push on the swing because she was whining instead of asking. She knows we don’t listen to whining but her grandpa was there so she was testing me.

When she figured out I really wasn’t going to do it, she grabbed the rope from the swing and flung the swing at me.

It missed me, came back and smacked her right in the face. I’m sure it hurt too because it was a board with a rope through the middle.

Not that I’m happy that my kid was hurt over it but I taught her about karma that day.

theoriginalsauce

21. The Big Lube-owski

A lube technician at a Jiffy Lube once tried to convince me that I was in desperate need of a radiator service…for a car that didn’t have a radiator. He even showed me a PH strip to “prove” that the fluid had gone acidic. I told him that if he could show me the radiator, I’d cheerfully pay for the service. The expression on his face when he opened up my car’s hood and realized what I was getting at was pretty priceless.

wintertash

22. I’m Getting Whiplash From Your Lies

I was in a crowded parking lot, driving around looking for a space. There was one car ahead of me. The car ahead of me stopped, so I stopped as well. I’m not sure why she stopped because there were no empty spaces and no one was pulling out, but whatever. Then, before I even had time to react, she did something that made my blood run cold. Her reverse lights came on and she came flying backwards towards me.

I didn’t even have time to honk. She slammed into the front of my car, got out of her car, and started screaming that I hit her. When officers arrived, she was crying and shaking and complaining that her neck hurt. And cursing ME for slamming into the back of HER car. I was really worried and thought that I was done for.

Thankfully, two people had been walking through the parking lot when this occurred and told the officer what really happened. That lady ended up being charged with fraud.

super_nice_shark

23. Someone Has Company!

My buddy got screwed over on a business deal by some jerk. Our city is big on garage sales, so he posted ads all over the place saying “Moving out sale, everything must go, cheap! Will be held inside the house, just walk in or ring the doorbell,” then put that guy’s address on the ads.

Ash1989

24. Paying the Piper

I quit my job and set up my own competing business with my ex-employer after he failed to pay me for two months, claiming non-payment from the clients. He had a massive go at me after I confronted him with receipts from the clients to show payment and he accused me of making him look bad in front of them. He said that he didn’t owe me the money. I’ll never forget his words:  “some people are bosses and some people are employees.”

I also warned a few of my ex co-workers to be careful and not let him rack up debt with them because of what he did to me. They are nice people with young families and don’t deserve to be taken advantage of, like he did to me. I took him to court to try to recoup the money he owed me for the work I completed.

What do you know, the judge ruled in my favor for the full amount of just over £4,000. He then plays the victim card with everyone he knows and says that I made him and his family homeless despite the fact that he never paid me a penny of the money owed. £4,000 is like 5-6 months’ rent in a decent neighborhood in my city.

Honestly blows my mind every time I think about it.

Trumanhazzacatface

25. In My Professional Opinion, You Suck

A colleague of mine whined about her job 24/7. She quit eventually, then she went to see a psychiatrist, because she needed to feel justified that quitting her job meant she had no regrets and she was actually mentally ill and couldn’t cope, since it was a residency program in one of the best hospitals in the country.

Her psychiatrist, after evaluating her, had the best response ever. She straight up told her that she was a whiny brat.

dancingfruit

26. A Conference Callout

We were on a conference call. A supervisor was taking credit for all of the work that had been done on a cross-departmental project. In reality, he wasn’t even a part of the project; his subordinate, Craig, was. I called him out on it in front of about 40 people. I said that even Craig didn’t really do any work.

The real star of the show was Leslie, the intern assigned to help us, since she actually did 75% of the work on his behalf. The supervisor got fired several months later for some other unrelated issues. A lot of people on the call reached out to me afterwards to let me know that they thought what I did was pretty awesome. That made me happy.

Spooty03

27. My Own Worst Enemy

My cousin basically screwed up her own wedding by doing things like “firing” her maid of honor at the last minute because the maid of honor took her husband to the hospital rather than coming to the hair appointments. She also kept getting pissy with our grandmother for “not being helpful enough.” She’s almost 80 and isn’t the most mobile; what did my cousin expect?

She also forgot to make sure her brother wasn’t still running errands for her when the ceremony started, which led to him missing the ceremony. And then she whinged for the entire reception and a significant period after about how her wedding didn’t go the way she wanted. Hmmm wonder why that could be, hun?

InkMage94

28. Warning: This Is About to Get Graphic

I once had a graphic designer apply for a job at my marketing firm using someone else’s work in his portfolio. I asked him all about the work, and the thinking behind the designs, before I showed him the originals—and the door.

BlatantBlunt

29. Bad Romance

At my old job, we had a guy whose wife worked for the same company but in a different department. She was always coming around and meddling in his business. She always had an opinion of what was going on and was perpetually displeased by everything we did. Everything was a perceived attack on her husband and she was constantly criticizing us for things that she had no idea about.

Even sending him to break five minutes late because we got busy would be enough to be put on her naughty list. She was frequently late to her own area because she’d just hang around and watch us from a distance. She was taken to HR several times for this behavior. But did she change it? No, it just got even worse.

A couple years ago, they were eating lunch together in the employee break area. She got all worked up over something and took things too far. She actually hit him. Several people saw it and reported it. Later that day, she was pulled aside by security and HR about it. She not only denied it (despite there being several dozen witnesses) but she gave them a false name for herself, thinking they wouldn’t know any better.

She was fired on the spot.

CacklingGiraffe

30. Covered the Spread

My aunt bought a new Ford and I bet her that my cousin (her son) would crash it in a week. She thinks her kid is God’s gift to earth, and I’d been trying to get her to see that he’s an irresponsible jerk for years. She agreed to the bet, saying he’d never EVER betray her like that.

The guy made me $50 richer in three days.

Zh1end

31. Flew to Close to the Sun

I had a friend who bought $2,000 worth of a penny stock and share prices went up by a factor of 10, so he had $20,000 worth of this stock in LESS THAN one week. He called me to basically brag about how smart he was for finding this great stock. I congratulated him and strongly advised him, multiple times, to cash out at least $2,000—I suggested $5,000.

That would leave him with most of his original shares. If the stock kept going up, he would be filthy rich either way, but if the shares tanked in value then at least he wouldn’t be out any money. Not only did he not listen to me, he invested more and lost absolutely all of it.

BiggieMcLarge

32. Sounds More Like Brain Freeze Than Freezer Burn

I had a customer once call up the store that I worked at and say that she had bought these ice cream sandwiches there the week before, only to get home and find that they were all freezer-burned. She was super aggressive and was angrily yelling at me, so I very politely asked her to please confirm which exact product she had bought so that we could take it from there.

She yelled the name of it at me. When I said the name back to her, she shouted “Yes, that one! That’s what I’ve been telling you this whole time, dummy!” So I just calmly said, “Ma’am, we discontinued that product over six months ago.” All of a sudden, she started to stutter a bit and then abruptly hung up. I was nineteen years old, it was the first job I had ever had, and that moment was SO SATISFYING.

lydiebug225

33. A Thousand Dollar Mistake

My girlfriend’s employer got sued in a class action for illegally withholding overtime pay and a bunch of other shady stuff over the course of a decade or so. Girlfriend got a paper in the mail saying fill this out and join in the class action. I told her to do it because it cost her nothing and had the potential to get her tons of money that she was never given in salary.

She declined to do it but most of her coworkers joined in. A few months go by and all of her coworkers get massive checks in the mail because the employer settled the case—like $2,000 to $5,000—and she got $0. I told you so.

Atheist101

34. Oh Snow You Didn’t!

Back in March, I was driving home for lunch. I live in a place with snow during winter and we had had a decent snowfall, followed by a warm day. Anyway, as I’m driving, some idiot turns in front of me with a six-inch layer of snow on their roof. I wished with my whole heart that they would suffer consequences for their stupidity.

Fast forward five minutes and ALL THE SNOW cascades down onto their windshield as they attempt to roll a stop sign. I relished pointing and laughing as I drove around them, while they had to switch to park, get out of the vehicle and try to brush off all the snow in a live lane.

btwork

35. Paperback

I once had a very crazy roommate who I had found on Craigslist during a fit of desperation when I was very poor and had just left an abusive ex. Me and my crazy roomie shared a bunk bed in a master bedroom in a home that was owned by our landlords. We had this arrangement where we would alternate who bought the toilet paper for the house.

One time, I bought a really big pack of the stuff. Halfway through the big pack, the rest of it just disappeared. She then bought a puny little pack of four from the dollar store, and accused our landlords of having stolen the rest of what I had bought. I had a hunch—so one day when she was out, I went rifling through her stuff.

Sure enough, I found the rest of the toilet paper that I had bought hidden in her dirty laundry hamper. After washing my hands about 10 times, I stowed it in the trunk of my car (along with everything else valuable that I owned), and didn’t bring it up again. I just sat back and waited for her to bring it up to me.

She came to me the next day, nervous and stammering incoherently about how it was her friend who had misplaced the toilet paper. She had obviously noticed it was gone and assumed that I had found it. I simply said “Oh, you found it! Where was it?”—to which she had no response. The next time it was my turn to buy the toilet paper, I bought just one roll—almost daring her to say anything about it.

I only stayed in that house for another month because I had already paid for it—but she got kicked out even before I left for messing up one of the rooms while the landlord and his family were away. Dorthy (no, that’s not a misspell) was a real class act. I have so many awful stories about her, especially considering that we only lived together for two months.

SnoozingBeauty

36. That’s Not How Physics Works

In college, I went to a theme park with my then-boyfriend, right before I moved away to California. We had decided to break up as he didn’t want to do long-distance, mostly his decision. He had driven us in his SUV. He has really bad eyesight and had just gotten brand new glasses. I believe they cost about $400. As we’re going up the stairs in line for a roller coaster, I said, “Hey, why don’t you give me your glasses and I’ll stick them in my purse.”

He said, “Nah, it’ll be fine.” And I said, “Are you sure? You’re making a $400 bet where if you win you just get to keep what you already have.” And he said, “The forward momentum of the roller coaster will keep them on my face.” So I thought, he’s an adult, whatever. Literally first drop of the roller coaster I hear him yell over the roar of the wind, “DO YOU HAVE MY GLASSES???”

So we spent the next hour walking around the base of the roller coaster looking for them and leaving a report at the lost and found booth. I then had to drive us home in his SUV, which I had never driven before. He had to attempt to navigate while practically blind. So yeah, still pretty smug about that one.

earlysong

37. Long-Term Influence

I moved to America to be with this guy. Let’s call him Dick. Dick happened to work at the same big box store as my friend J, and one day when I came to meet J from work, a coworker innocently said “Are you looking for Dick? He’s staying with his girlfriend.” Me: “I’M HIS GIRLFRIEND.” Now, another thing you should know about Dick is that he bought his toothbrushes wholesale and lived in the grungiest apartment ever.

I cleaned every inch of that bathroom, toilet included, with each and every one of those remaining toothbrushes, documenting every step with photographs. Then I rinsed them in the toilet and put them back in the box. I packed up and left. Ten years later, when I’d calculated he was on the last brush, I sent him the pictures.

AliceMorgon

38. Total Eclipse of the Art

Someone stole my art back in high school. They used it and paraded it around as their own, after they had asked me to draw them something for free—which I only did because I was 17 years old and stupid. They even tried to pass the piece that I drew for them off as their own at a school art exhibit. I was furious and mortified.

As soon as I saw the person, I confronted him in the hallway about it in front of dozens of people. All of my friends knew about my art style and would recognize it instantly, but these strangers obviously didn’t—so they were very intrigued by my accusations. I loudly said, “You’re a talentless piece of trash, you freaking art thief. You stole my art! That picture was drawn by me, not you!”

The guy just stood there staring at me, saying nothing in response. His friends even left his side at that point, wanting to avoid any further embarrassment. He got called to the principal’s office and his parents got called in as well. He made a phone call to his parents while I sat in the office lobby, and I heard him apologize to his dad for having gotten into trouble.

I then got to listen and watch him as he attempted to explain what he had done to his parents. It was awesome. Screw that lying pile of garbage, he deserved the humiliation that he got!

InternalMovie

39. Never Trust the Weatherman

My dad’s employee—whom I am not particularly fond of—left his car at our house today and rode with my dad to the job site. He left his windows down. I get migraines and can usually tell when it’s going to rain based on how my head feels, so when my head started hurting this afternoon, I called them to warn them that he might want to run back over here to roll up the windows.

He insisted that it was fine, told me I was probably imagining things, and said that he had checked the forecast and it wasn’t supposed to rain until tonight. Well, it’s been pouring for the past hour and guess whose windows are still down? Dude’s car was an absolute mess by the time he got back. Sorry not sorry.

Indie516

40. Evaluating the Evaluation

I was being evaluated for job performance by a boss who clearly had an ax to grind with me. Naturally, she wrote up an unflattering report. She was not impressed when I went to her supervisor and brought up the fact that she had never actually observed me on the job, that her report had changed three or four times before the final one had come out, and that she had contradicted her previous report from only three months prior in her final one.

It was painfully clear to everyone that the eval was completely biased.

Jubjub0527

41. Nice Try, Amigo

I worked at Blockbuster as a teenager and a guy and his girlfriend came in. He had a late fee and gave me a sob story about his car breaking down and not being able to return it on time. I waived his late fee. He then turned to his girlfriend and said in Spanish, “I just told this piece of crap that my car broke down. I told you they’d believe it.”

I quietly adjusted his bill and then, while handing it to him, said: “I’m sorry that you got the one employee who knows Spanish, but that will be $8.46.”

coldcoldmidnight

42. Baby Mama Drama

Found out my now ex-husband was sleeping with a coworker. So naturally we divorce, but still have to keep in contact because we have a daughter. Well, the co-worker’s fiancé finds out and leaves her as well. Now she is a decade older than me and had mentioned that she and her ex-fiancé had been trying for a baby for a long time, but never conceived.

My ex-husband continued to see her and eventually, she moved in with him. He didn’t want any more kids, but I told him to be careful because I suspected she was only with him to have a baby. Fast forward a year, and she’s pregnant. When the baby is born, she breaks up with him. Shocker.

dbarbosa1709

43. Say Cheese!

I was waiting at a red light behind a red BMW. I happened to notice that its bumper was kind of messed up. The light turns green, and he starts going. I slowly begin to accelerate like any normal human. Then, all of a sudden, he slams on his brakes and I do the same. I didn’t hit him at all. He then reverses directly into my car, turns on his hazards, and pulls into the parking lot of a nearby shopping complex.

We exchange information. I remain absolutely calm the entire time. Later, at small claims court (after rejecting his claim with my insurance):

Him: Yes, your honor, he rear-ended me, and therefore owes me $5 thousand in damages—including a new paint job, plus an additional thousand for emotional distress, as I have needed physical therapy ever since.

Judge (looking over at me): And you say that you have a video of the entire incident?

Me: Yes I do, sir.

Hands DVD to bailiff.

Dashcam video clearly shows his fraud.

Judge: So, is that you in the video?

Him: uh..uh…uh…

He literally got arrested and had to pay me over $5 thousand in damages. Get a dashcam people!

Caedo14

44. None of Your Doggone Dirty Business

My first job in NYC was at a pet food place. I was a brand rep for a local company, and I had to bug everyone who came in, trying to get them to buy one of our $3 sampler packs. I wasn’t allowed to give samples out, which is stupid—dogs will eat their own poop, so of course they’d eat our specially engineered, plant-infused, loose-stool-fixing treats, which would make their owners pick up a few bags, etc. But usually, people just said, “No thanks.”

One day I have to share a table with a rep from a rival company who’s passing out free samples left and right. Goes without saying she’s selling way more than I am. Finally, a woman comes in with two prissy little pugs in matching pink bows. I make my speech, she ignores me. The rival rep throws a few treats down; the dogs, of course, gobble them up. The lady says, “OK, I guess I’ll get a few packs.”

As she goes to check out, a quiet sound fills the store:

hork hork hork

We all look. It’s unmistakable. But we’re too late to stop it.

hork hork hork

The first pug projectile-vomits all over the second pug. The second pug projectile-vomits all over the rival dog-food rep. The woman slowly takes back the credit card she was handing over and rushes out of the store, her puke-covered dogs trailing behind.

The rival rep had to clean all the puke. I had to go outside I was laughing so hard.

unknownlegend

45. Snowball Fight

So it’s winter and everything is covered in snow. I’m going home from a friend’s place and I see my shoelace is untied. I grab a nearby tree so I can maintain my balance while I put the shoelace inside my shoe. Immediately after grabbing a tree, a ton of snow falls on my head. A woman that was walking behind me starts laughing. Then, right after she walks by me, she slips on the ice and falls down. I had a good laugh of revenge.

aleksavlaisavljevic

46. Video Evidence

One time, when I worked in a small video store as an assistant manager, there was this one customer who was being a real jerk to the point where I got fed up with his garbage once and for all and threw him out. He had been a jerk to every single other employee in the store, including our boss. He was just a mouthy, harassing jerk and I couldn’t stand him. It felt good, but I didn’t stop there.

Anyway, I saw him in a little strip mall nearby one time, and I overheard him bragging to some guys about how he was cheating on his worker’s compensation. Then, he pulled out this wad of cash and waved it under their noses like a paper fan. “I got all this freakin’ free money from lying about my injured hand!” What a jerk.

I decided I would get revenge on him for everything he had done to my employees. If you go into the Blue Pages of the phone book, you’ll find a listing in all capital letters that says “WORKER’S COMPENSATION FRAUD HOTLINE.” Now, take a wild guess what video stores keep in their records. Full name, home address, and phone number.

Not only did I turn this guy in to the authorities, but I was also able to provide great detail as to exactly how he had faked his injury based on what he had told his two friends.

Patches67

47. Pin the Nail on the Bully

A bully repeatedly knocked a binder out my best friend’s hands every single day while we walked down the halls at school. I decided that he and I needed to get revenge. Now, this was in the era before anti-bullying PSAs and whatnot, so we were really left to our own devices. We came up with a plan so devious that it would never fly nowadays.

I convinced my friend to stick thumb tacks through an entire side of his binder, turning it into an extremely dangerous spiked weapon. I also instructed him to just hold on extra tight while waiting for the bully to come and do his thing. The bully soon arrived and lacerated his hand pretty badly. After he slammed his hand down into it, my friend held on and yanked back.

The idiot didn’t try that garbage again from that day forth.

ddollas

48. Blockbuster

My wife was sick one morning and I went out to get her medicine and return a DVD to a RedBox machine. There was a couple with their child browsing the movies. After waiting five minutes patiently, I told them that my wife was sick and asked if I could quickly return my movie since it would only take about 15 seconds. In a very rude tone, the wife told me that I could just wait my turn.

I wait a couple of minutes and the child starts crying because the vending machine does not have Gnomeo and Juliet and he doesn’t want to watch Cars 2 again.

I then turn to the wife and show her that I was here to return Gnomeo and Juliet, but I can’t wait for them any longer since my wife is sick, and I have until 9:00 pm to return it. I hopped into my car as the kid falls to the ground in a screaming, kicking temper tantrum.

thesonofapreacherman

49. Next Time, Appreciate the Legwork

When I was still in architecture school, a professor gave the class an exercise. One student came up with a project with a lot of ramps for disabled people. The professor started laughing and asked her to remove them because no one will use them. A month or so later, he lost his leg.

rimologie

50. High But Not Dry

A few years ago, I was in college, walking down the sidewalk to my next class. It had just finished raining heavily, and the road was full of very large puddles. So, not a drop was falling, and I’m walking down the sidewalk, umbrella in hand. Just an average Joe.

Coming my way are a group of four girls, very pretty, but really snobby-looking. The type who are so conceited, if you glance in their general direction, they’re already sneering at you as if you’re checking them out. So as they’re nearing me, I see a large, rusted pickup truck barreling my way down the road, at high speed…

Puddles. Redneck. People on the sidewalk…

I suddenly realized what’s going to happen.

I immediately drop to a crouch, open my umbrella to the side facing the road. The girls are probably five feet in front of me. One of them says, in that snobby-girl voice, “Um, what the hell are you doing?” The other ones start laughing in chorus…

VRRRRROOOOOOMMMM!!!! SSSSssssSSSSPPPPLASHHHH!!!!

The truck swerves into the puddle, throwing a freaking ten-foot typhoon of muddy water up onto the sidewalk!

The truck blares its horn, continuing on its merry way. I can’t believe it. NOT A DROP had touched me. My dork-looking ninja move had saved me.

The girls were all covered head to toe in filthy, college town muddy ditch water, soaked, hair all messed up, clothes stained, snotty looks frozen in astonishment.

Without missing a beat, I stand up and flatly state, “Keeping dry.”

It was the most epic moment I have ever had.

Permalink

51. Revenge is Dish Best Served After the Expiration Date

Was in the lunch line in elementary school, and the lunch staff kept all of the milk in a big cooler that you would grab from right before punching in your lunch number. Girl ahead of me was my friend, but we had been arguing that day. I knew she didn’t like chocolate milk, but I did. She grabbed the last one out of the cooler to spite me. While opening the cardboard container and taking a long sip, she discovered it was spoiled and promptly puked all over the table. Instant justice.

MNindietrash

52. Not Paying Doesn’t Pay

When I was going through a divorce because my wife cheated on me, I allowed her to remain on my health insurance as long as she paid me monthly for the bill until the divorce was finalized. She never paid me, and I had her removed the month before the divorce was final.

She had a huge nose and convinced some crooked plastic surgeon to do a nose job and bill it to the insurance as a “deviated septum” surgery. She was left with a $6,000 bill to pay but would have gotten away with it had she sent me a grand total of $270 for three months of health insurance.

thesonofapreacherman

53. Sorry to Drop in

My brother and I (like, nine and 11, maybe?) were waiting in line for a pony ride when this woman shoved us out of the way so her kid could get in front of us. While I was standing there imagining feeding the lady to a pony, blamo! Bird poops on her head. If she hadn’t shoved us, that would’ve been me.

thegurl

54. Deadbeat Dad

My ex-husband quit his 120k a year pharmacist job because he “didn’t like doing it” (real reason is he got fired for stealing narcotics and is now blacklisted in that town). He has been unemployed for over two years. He lives in his parents’ basement and doesn’t even have enough gas money to come see his kids. Ever.

We haven’t seen or heard from him in three months. We only know what he’s up to by his Facebook status updates. Apparently, he has some girlfriend who moved several hundred miles away from where he lives. He is constantly lamenting trying to save up money to visit her (I’m not even angry about his lack of support or attempts to save up money to see his two daughters).

I just sit back and enjoy watching his crummy life as it just gets worse and worse. Meanwhile, our kids and I are living a great life. Screw him.

Permalink

55. 20/20 Vision

I got reviewed at work by a manager I had never met before. I had done everything I was always told to do, and more, but he still marked me low. I know it’s because they wanted to avoid giving me a raise. He told me I didn’t go the extra mile. I pointed out that I always do. His response? “Well, I never see you do it.”

I said, “Well, maybe if management actually paid attention, you’d have seen me.” That got him to yell at me and mark me poorly for attitude. Later on, he came up to me and asked me if I could stay late. Given that I’d previously told him I didn’t have anything else to do the next day, he probably thought I’d say yes. I looked him in the eyes and said “Sorry, but I don’t see that you guys need my help.”

Closer67

56. Not a Big Fan

At most sporting events you will encounter some of the worst kind of people humanity has to offer. Most are decent people just looking to let go and have a good time with friends, usually heavily intoxicated. But some people, whether it be due to the excess alcohol or them just being walking piles of trash, take it too far.

One guy and his buddies I remember at a hockey game were the worst. Occasional drunken outbursts are some of the most entertaining aspects of attending, but this guy was just in it for the attention. Through the entire first period he is a nonstop torrent of cussing and stupid ranting, loud and proud.

Eventually a father with his two young son tells him to shut it. He pulls the whole tough guy act, glaring him down and trying to goad him into a confrontation with his buddies all backing him up. A security guard making rounds was already watching him and tells him to sit down and, rather comically, to “watch his freaking mouth.” He relents but he does so in a mocking way, still being loud and replacing cuss words with less offensive ones. Taking the time to shoot an occasional glare at the father.

He and his buddies disappear towards the end of the second period. Just when we start to think he got his dumb butt kicked out, he comes stumbling back beer in hand with only one of his buddies. As he makes his way up the steps to his seats, you could tell he was struggling. He climbs about 15 or so steps and tries to switch up his beer-holding hand.

Just as someone yells “Don’t mess up!” his readjustment destroys his already tenuous balance and he topples backwards. He spills his beer all over himself, rolls over his smaller friend, down all the steps, and landing at the feet of the security guard who spoke to him earlier. His fall and subsequent ejection got the loudest applause of the night.

LeeHarveyOswald

57. Calling His Bluff

I worked in a laboratory for a while and we had this one coworker who was the type that had to one-up everyone and constantly brag about how fantastic he was. He particularly liked to tell us about how much he benches at the gym, but I could always tell he was exaggerating. So one day when he left early, I went over and tightened the lids on all his bottles. Watching him have to go and ask colleagues to open his bottles for him after all those claims of having superhuman strength was hilarious.

hmfiddlesworth

58. Just for Kicks

I was a high school sophomore at my first “real” party. Feeling dorky and talking to some girls I knew from a class. This muscle-head comes up to me, parts the girls with his hands and punches me for no reason other than he was drunk and wanted to make his friends laugh. They all did.

I stay around for another ten minutes trying to regain any shreds of dignity. I then decide to just get out of there. On my way out, muscle head is lying on the front walkway next to a cracked concrete planter. Apparently, he’d decided he could kick it. Six weeks on crutches for a broken foot.

speezo_mchenry

59. Brotherly Love

My sister used to beat me up, steal my birthday money, and call me a loser in front of friends and girls that I liked. When our mom went shopping for Christmas, my sister would tell her to buy me all these horrible clothes to make me look the part. She was pretty much just a total jerk to me at all times. So, every time I had to pee in the shower, I’d pee in her shampoo bottle and body wash, or sometimes all over her razors and body sponges.

Screw you, Vanessa!

emperor_friendzone

60. Face the Way Out

At my workplace, we have two glass “in” doors and two glass “out” doors. On a daily basis, I will get some jerk angrily complaining about this or that, storm away from the counter and slam face first into the clearly marked, one-way opening “in” doors. And I love it.

gonadthebarbarian

61. Not Iron Fist

In college, I lived in a six-bedroom house with a bunch of guys. I was gone for the summer and some of my roommates’ friends had problems with me. They thought it would be hilarious to punch a hole in my wall and make me pay the security deposit. One of the dudes broke his hand while barely leaving a dent.

So satisfying.

foghornbutthorn

62. Not Sharing the Love

My manager was engaged to a girl at the company, but was boinking a girl on my team as well. The side piece didn’t like my review of her work ethic, so my manager tried to get me to sign the change. I would not. He then put me on night shifts only while my wife was pregnant—as well as having a three-year-old running around.

Fast forward ten years, and my wife overhears a familiar voice going in for an interview in the office next door to her. Yep, it was him. After he left, my wife had a conversation with the person doing the interview…he was blacklisted. When my wife told me the story, I couldn’t stop smiling for a month.

olafthebent

63. Play Ball

Someone who worked under me decided to quit in a big dramatic way, writing me a three-page letter about how I’m the reason nothing is working, that I’m the worst person in the world, etc. etc. blah blah.

He was literally the laziest person in the world and the entire letter was completely BS.
A few months later, he has an internship with a baseball team: his job is to stand on the pitcher’s mound before the game while the crowd throws balls into a bucket on his head.

marMELade

64. What Goes Around Comes Around…Eventually

My ex-wife had cheated on me in 1998 just a little over a year after we married. I stayed with her, we had a daughter in 2000, then in 2007 after she graduated with her master’s degree and secured a job, she kicked me out of the house because she “found someone better” while in school.

I kept my cool, was the bigger person as an example to my daughter.

My ex got re-married in March 2010. The guy she married has been cheating on her with three other women and she is in the process of divorcing him. I have been a shoulder for her and just listening to her talk about it until she said this the other day, “There is no excuse for anyone to cheat in a marriage. Absolutely no reason!” I calmly looked at her and said, “You know all this pain and hurt he has caused you? This is what you put me through… twice. Be thankful he can’t take your child from you.”

She just stared at me as it sunk in and I felt like it was all worth it as she realized this was her just due.

xxxSnappyxxx

65. Revenge Burns Carbs

In seventh grade, my friend was self-conscious about his weight. One day at lunch, I was watching him and another friend chasing each other. The one friend said, “You can’t catch me fatty!” And the next thing I knew, there was a loud SMACK and the kid was on the grass with a bloody nose.

Qwertyuiopslad

66. I’m Taking You All Down With Me

I once had a boss who was an uber-douche. He was several rungs up the ladder and was basically a waste of space and money. When the company was going through a “reorganization,” he realized his position would be seen as pointless and made sure to get on the committee that analyzed the ladder.

He arranged to have the guy below him who worked his butt off fired and he then “took” on those responsibilities, minus being productive in any way. He then proceeded to have investigations into the staff to find out who was loyal to the boss that was laid off. This resulted in many of us being written up for talking to each other about how the fired boss was now doing great at his new job.

I eventually quit after realizing that I couldn’t win against this guy. He has already gotten rid of two or three other people by finding BS excuses to “discipline” them. After I left, he proceeded to get rid of all of the productive employees. Several years go by and I get a call from my mother. That company lost their biggest contract and has gone under. The douche boss was the sole cause of the whole place going under. I love this story!!!!

kmturg

67. One Kid’s Loss Is Many Kids’ Gain

I used to work at a women’s shelter. Christmas time rolls around and a man and his sour-puss teenaged son come to the door. He says his son would like to donate some items to the kids staying at the shelter. Great!

The man and his son start hauling in some expensive items. There was an X-Box, a bunch of games, a flat screen, iPod, cool headset, etc. Turns out the kid ran his mouth and the Dad made him give everything to the kids. Christmas was pretty cool for our gang that year.

tiredoldb**ch

68. On a Roll

As so frequently happens in the great, white, snowy north, there are few things as satisfying as seeing some jerkface fly by you on a slippery, slushy road and then seeing them in the ditch a few miles later.

miss_i_bean

69. Free Speech Doesn’t Protect You from an Avenging Parent

This guy—well, his subcontractors—does a lot of work for my local smallish city/county, totaling about $5 million worth of work last year. He has an autistic son and is a pretty nice, if super cheap, guy. This other subcontractor was kind of a piece of trash, was one of those “I’ll say whatever I want, ‘cause free speech.” Well, on his second or third job, the boss stops by to check on stuff and drop off some materials.

The sub starts running his mouth about stupid stuff, and eventually starts telling “retard” jokes. The boss says, “You know I have an autistic son, right?” This was his perfect response: “Yup, I did, sorry about your crummy luck.” Well, the boss got his revenge. Dude hasn’t done a single job for the city since, no other contractors will even toss him some work.

Pretty sure his business is going under. He did trash work anyways.

CappuccinoBoy

70. Monkey See, Monkey Do

I went on a bushwalk in Singapore and there are pretty clear signs around not to feed the monkeys as they can get aggressive.

Anyway there were these two boys around the age of 8 swearing and throwing sticks and rocks at a little monkey in a tree. The dad was standing there laughing and allowing this to go on. I was about to say something when one of the kids ripped open a bag of skittles and started throwing them.

The monkey immediately ran down from the branch and snatched the skittles; at the same moment another three monkeys came out of nowhere, and in an epic display of monkey-justice, swarmed the kids, making them and the dad run away for dear life.

the-password-is-meow

71. Out to Lunch

My dad kept getting his lunch stolen at work. One day, he got my mother to get the spiciest hot sauce on the market and put it on his sandwich. Lo and behold, the guy who stole it was looking red as a hot iron. They fired the guy and my dad got to eat his lunch again.

FelixthefakeYT

72. A Cinderella Epilogue

I spent most of my teen years being tormented by my ex-stepmother and her daughter. She was always seen by my then-stepmother as the angel; the perfect daughter, despite the stuff she did. She tried to frame my dad for pedophilia, would take and sell drugs out of our house, tried to stab me with a knife because she’d been grounded and wasn’t allowed out, would kick up a MASSIVE storm if she wasn’t allowed something, etc..

Needless to say, I was treated as scum of the earth by her mother.

I lived in basically a closet with a window for seven years. My father and mother had to sneakily buy me gifts for things like exam results (mother bought me my first decent laptop for my GCSEs; stepmother insulted my intelligence and called me a spoiled brat). I was constantly treated like I was the troublemaker who’d avoided bail three times. Not saying I was neglected, I had a more comfortable life than some kids out there. But it was still pretty crummy.

Recently I’ve made something of my life, at university and actually achieving the grades I always dreamed of. Dad’s kicked my stepmother out and she’s been begging for him to take her back (to no avail, HA), and my stepsister managed to get herself pregnant (not by accident, through ignorance) and has narrowly avoided jail time. I cannot help but smile whenever I think about it.

Failscout

73. Coming Through!

There’s a pedestrian crossing the street. Everyone stops for him except one guy in the last lane—who blasts his horn and blows through the intersection, nearly running the pedestrian over. There was an unmarked police car right behind him that immediately pulled him over.

Hash43

74. Summary of Un-Qualification

When I was out of work for a long time, I interviewed at this tech firm to do sales for them. The Marketing Director came from sales and was the typical “I can sell ice to an Eskimo” kind of salesperson. Very Type A, my way is the only way.

The product was the same as many other products and having a technical background, I knew that if we sold the way he was describing, we would get a few non-technical people to buy, but big contracts were not going to happen. I have a degree in Marketing and Computer Science.

I expressed my concern about this. Well, he goes off on me. I try to gracefully leave, and he starts yelling at me as I’m walking out and all the way out the building.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago when I bring a guy in for an interview to work as one of my reps. The office manager brings him in and I look up from the desk. It’s him. He doesn’t remember me, but it stuck in my memory so strong because nothing like that had ever happened to me before or since.
Being the bigger person, I just do the interview, and was going to be fair and not make anything of it. Finally, I give in.

I say, “I’ve met you before. Do you remember me?”

Him: “No”

Me: “I interviewed with you a few years back, you were very rude to me. You yelled some of the most awful vitriol at me I have ever heard. At this time, I’m not going to hold it against you. But I do have significant concerns that you will not be able to hold your temper in difficult situations with our clients. If you want to be at all considered for this job, you better allay those concerns and impress me.”

He looks very confused you can see him reliving his past, then the look of enlightenment hits him. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Not so much the revenge, but the realization that when you put bad into the world, it can come back to bite you.

He said some things to try to save the interview and apologized. I accepted his apology graciously.

But the discomfort was clear for him.

The reality of it is if he was actually qualified for the position, I probably would have still hired him, but he had no experience in relational sales. He was a hard sales kind of guy and that gets you a reputation and nowhere in the healthcare industry.

Permalink

75. Getting the Real Story

I work in an Apple Store as a Genius. A bratty kid (13-15 yrs old) comes in with his iPhone X and tells me that he wants a new phone now. I ask him what is wrong and he says every time he plays Fortnite his phone gets hot. I explain to him that is an expected behavior for graphic intensive games.

He screams “I want a new freaking phone now!!” Then he slams the phone on the table, which shatters the display. The phone drops to the floor and shatters the back. He looks at me and blames me for making him slam his phone. I tell him well now the phone is broke and that will be $549 to replace it since it’s now broken.

At this point his mom comes in and sees the phone and asks what happened. Her son starts to say that I did it. She looks at me and says what happened. I tell her and she laughs and tells her son to get the hell out and he will be without a phone until he can pay for it himself.

im2fat4astormtrooper

76. File Under Regrets

Condescending coworker decided he had no chance for advancement in his current company (small business, our boss was the owner). Gave his two weeks notice, bailed out after the first week and screwed over our awesome boss. I had to go looking through his email archive for a client email shortly after and found out all my emails to him were stored in a folder named “derp.”

Meanwhile, we just got acquired by an amazing company. It’s the kind of company you dream about working for, with the best projects and richest clients. I had actually driven by it once thinking, “This is the kind of place I want to work at some day.”

He’s now freelancing for one of our clients whom he hated and would badmouth behind his back and feeling a bit remorseful for jumping ship.

Who’s derping now?!

corialis

77. Think Fast!

I was on the bus a year or 2 back and a kid and his mom were seated in front of me. The kid kept screeching about wanting to ”press the button” (you press a button to notify the bus driver that you need to get off at the next stop) because he liked the beep it made. Every. Single. Bus stop. This little twat screeched asking if he could press it yet. Finally his mom said he could press the button.

I pressed it.

It only beeps for the first person to press it.

The little brat cried.

LuthienTheMonk

78. Mother of All Revenge

My friend’s abusive mother detests me. One day, said friend ran away from home; she came to my house to hole-up. Note that we were at my house alone and that I was 16 at the time. The mother shows up on my porch the next morning, harassing me and essentially scaring the snot out of both of us. She proceeds to call the police on me for “housing and assisting a run-away.”

After about three stress-filled hours of being harassed and then talking to the police, my friend snaps and starts going off about all the things her mother did to her. The police took her mother and my friend away to discuss it in the office.

The officer talking to me liked me and gave me his personal number in case I or my friends get in trouble. The mother went to jail for a few days and had the potential for five years (but my friend is forgiving and didn’t press charges). The woman hasn’t seen her daughter since, and my friend is now in the custody of her aunt and uncle who are awesome.

ImRatherUnoriginal

79. Speaking up

Went to see a local high school play set in Nazi Germany, two rich teen girls with their fancy handbags etc sat the row in front of me. They spent the whole show talking quite loudly about how the actors were so bad etc, and at one point said “this is why I go to private school, so I don’t have to sit through this all day.”

As the intermission began and everyone was applauding the guy sitting next to me leant forward and told them “if you shut up you might learn something.” The look on their face was priceless, and I didn’t hear a peep out of them for the rest of the play.

MurphyDino

80. Never Too Young to Be LOLed At

When you have kids, schadenfreude is a part of daily life. My four-year-old was shirtless and learning how to “snap” his shirt from his father… he kept doing it over and over until he got it right—which happened to be on the forehead of my two-year-old…

I quickly rescued the baby then scolded my four-year-old for hitting him. He then starts to wind up the shirt again, takes one big swing and generated enough force to snap himself right in the face… nice shiner for his troubles too!

pantiesinabunch

81. Revenge

My friends and I grew up in a small town and would occasionally build forts in the fields surrounding the town. We had a cool little area but turned out there were some other kids (three brothers) that had a fort nearby. We would try to sneak up on each other to spy on each other and every once in a while we’d play some mantracker like game. It was generally good times.

Until their little brother started being a stain. At one point he threw a large rock at my friend which gave him a nice gash, and threw a chunk of dirt at our other friend’s face. Then their dad came out and started yelling at us for some reason. The two other brothers didn’t even try defending their little brat’s actions either.

The next day me and my friend that got hit with the rock showed up earlier, before the other kids got there. The other kids’ fort was an old upside down mine cart, and they dug an entrance hole and an exit hole.

I had this idea that I thought was brilliant, to take a dump in their entrance (I was 14-15). So I did, it was a perfect turd, not too wet and not dry. I tossed a little layer of dirt over it to hide it. Then I went back to our fort and we watched and waited. Not too long later we saw them approaching. We were giddy with excitement.

The bratty little brother was the first that tried to crawl into the fort, and consequently ended up screaming when his hand smeared the turd. No regrets.

wowwoahwow

82. You Haven’t Seen the Last of ME

Got laid off. Was chosen as the one to let go because I caused an investigation into unfair productivity reporting and got my manager in trouble. Four months later, got rehired at the same company in a different department making more than anyone in my old department. Feelsgoodman.

Permalink

83. Putting on a Show

Was at the Vancouver Aquarium with a school field trip for my kids and a few other families. One smug family thought they were more important than everyone else and would do everything to push their way to the front, not pay for things, etc. Their kids had heelies. The park was pretty busy. Little brats would run into people and just skate away without a word.

We were sitting and waiting for the Beluga show to start and one of the kids comes buzzing in from stage left on his stupid heelies and hits a wet patch and his feet go flying out from under him and he lands flat on his back in a giant puddle in front of the entire crowd.

Everyone started to laugh. It was glorious.

docfate

84. The Law Won

Was driving when another driver merged into my lane without yielding (ignoring the yield sign) and he almost clipped the front of my car. There was a cop right behind me who turned on his lights and flagged the guy down. My friends and I celebrated by yelling justice as we passed by the jerk. It made my day.

iamlionheart

85. Epic Case

Didn’t witness it personally, but I went to high school in a super affluent area and a few years after I graduated a bunch of kids got busted because a kid paid his tutor for a flash drive with key swiping code, stole several teachers’ passwords, and changed his and his friends grades in the system.

They made the argument in their defense that it wasn’t their fault because they were so wealthy and used to being handed things that they didn’t know how to work for them (“affluenza” and what not).

Got expelled, made national news for being arrogant, and all the other districts in the area argued over who would take them, because nobody wanted to.

betterlucknxttime

86. Instant Karma

Former co-worker stole an important freelance client from me (by underbidding me, after I had unofficially won the project). Not only that, actually brought a bottle of champagne into the office to celebrate in front of me. She started the project. I had to scramble and find something else. The client turned out to be a jerk and fired her. I am still working on the other project I found, and it is MUCH better.

Spn100

87. A Serving of Superiority

When I was in high school, I dated a guy who repeatedly cheated on me with his ex. I found out after we’d broken up, and I told him off and broke off contact. A few years later, I’d finished college and started working at a publishing company where I often get free tickets to cultural events in town.

My boss gave me tickets to the opera and also tickets to the little VIP events where they serve free food and wine at intermission and after the show. The first time I’d seen the girl my ex cheated with was at the little VIP intermission gathering.

I was sitting there munching on hors d’oeuvres and sipping wine when I saw her. She was clearing tables with the catering crew. She made eye contact for one second and then immediately turned away and was obviously avoiding me for the rest of the night. It was perfect.

EtrontheMachine

88. A Serious Case of Eating Your Words

On the first day of a two week vacation, I saw my spoiled 10 year old cousin tell his mother, his older female cousin, his aunt, and his grandmother that he wasn’t going to clear his place or rinse his dishes because “that’s women’s work.”

For the rest of that two week vacation, nobody had to lift a finger to clear a plate, rinse a dish or wash a pot because it was his job. At times there were over a dozen of us there.

meinmanhattan

89. A Daily Dose of Vitamin Revenge

At lunchtime, I sat at the nerd table. The off-beat cool kids’ table was next to us. They spent the last ten minutes mashing up an apple without breaking the skin. They brought it over to our table and slammed it in the center, splattering mushed apple all over us. Walking back from this, one of the jerks decided he would follow me.

Tossed an orange gently at my back. The more I ignored, the harder they laughed. When it hit me in the back of my head, I lost it. I walked over, picked up the orange, and from point blank range I slammed it in the kid’s face, drenching him in orange. It felt so good.

ThePedeMan

91. An Unconvincing Performance

When video stores were a thing that existed, I assistant-managed one under this real witch who, frankly, didn’t have any business managing anything more complicated than a curling iron. One night, she convinced her thuggy husband to fake-rob her after closing. To make a long story short, they didn’t get away with it, and they both went to jail. THE END.

joegekko

92. Spinning Out of Control

I hit my girlfriend in the forehead with a spinning fidget spinner. She chased me, I jumped on my bed, and my ceiling fan smacked the living snot out of me. She was on the floor laughing for a solid five minutes. I am a firm believer in karma now… or maybe just idiocy on my part.

insurance_novice

93. Don’t Mess With the Hands of Fate

We had a vendor who showed up once a week and was a bit of a hand masher. Liked to crush your knuckles while shaking your hand. The boss had just hired a doughy-looking, middle-aged guy for the sales department. I told him to be wary of shaking the vendor’s hand. A few days later the vendor shows up, puts his hand out to the new guy with a big smile, and goes in for the kill.

At first, everyone is smiling. The new guy is looking him in the eye while pumping his hand furiously. Then stops. The smile melts off the vendor’s face. He had a pained look on his face as his lips pursed together. The vendor yelped a long “Eeeeyah!” and dropped the new guy’s hand like it was lava. Pulled the new guy aside and asked how he did that.

“Ten years I drove a tow truck. Must have changed thousands of flat tires with just hand tools. Nobody crushes my hand.”

1Badshot

94. Walking on Sunshine

My older brother once threw me into the ceiling and let me drop to the floor. So, for the next year or so, I would always wait until he would leave the room, and then I would go into his closet and pee in his shoes. I didn’t tell him for around 20 years. When I finally did, he said “You little jerk! I could never figure out why my feet always smelled so bad!”

waxaholic

95. Your Safety Is Our Number Two Priority

I told my supervisors, manager, and safety department about severe issues at work, including broken equipment and more. They didn’t do anything. I told the union and they didn’t do anything either. I reported the issues for SEVERAL months—nothing. So, I finally said forget it, and reported them to the government. Suddenly, I had my supervisor freak out and ask if I called them. I told him straight up, “Yes, you’re darn right I did.” He threatened to fire me, but I had the perfect comeback.

I told him about the whistleblower laws and how that would be the stupidest decision he could ever make. I told him to please do it, as I would love the easy $200k I would easily win from the lawsuit. I haven’t had any issues at work since.

zocjonar

96. Should Have Just Paid the Troll Toll

When I was younger, my dad bought some oil field royalties, percentage ownerships of what is produced, which gave a check each month for a few hundred bucks. Well as time goes by, the checks begin to dwindle and then stop. At this point, he began to look into the company that operated the oilfield and received a significantly less than satisfactory answer.

At this point, they really should have just given him the checks each month, because he proceeded to look into the company and peel back a metric ton of fraud and other deceptions. Over the course of a seven-year litigation case, my dad figured out exactly how they were committing fraud and after working with a few lawyer friends, hit them with the slap of God in court, which removed their operator’s license for oil wells and promptly thereafter, they went out of business.

He ruined a $50 million company because they tried to screw him out of a few hundred bucks a month.

LegalGraveRobber

97. Don’t Mess With Our Parade

We were in the funeral procession on a back road, headed to the cemetery for my uncle’s graveside service. This “jack wagon” in his jerk-mobile comes speeding up a side road, breaks the line, and decides to pass everyone using the left lane. He was a real jerk, and totally disrespectful. When he overtook the hearse, his day took a downturn, as he forced one of the eight motorcycle escorts off the road.

It was at this point he found that there were hundreds of police cars following behind the family. My uncle was a high-ranking deputy sheriff, and basically, every local police officer, state trooper, and deputies from over 50 counties were attending that funeral. When his car disappeared in the rear-view mirror, he was “gently” being taken into custody and placed into the back of a deputy’s cruiser by several officers.

wizardrc

98. Mommy’s Silent but Deadly

Seventh-grade science class. The bully said something about a quiet kid’s mother. The quiet kid’s mom was dead. The quiet kid also apparently studied boxing. Who knew? “What did you say about my mom?” WHAM. “What did you say about my mom?” WHAM. Bully was so shocked he did nothing and took the two straight punches to his face.

I don’t think the kid got in trouble, as it happened before the teacher came in.

PrivateIsotope

99. The Ties That Bind Us

I created a binder for a hotel that my company owns and filled it with forms and templates. I highlighted and wrote clear explanations of everything on each page. About a month later, I go over to the property to assist with some things, and the GM brings out the binder and says, “yeah, I just put this together as a tool for us here.”

I immediately tell him, “No, you didn’t. I made that and gave it to you.” His face went white as he tried to recover by saying, “Well, I added a few things.” He didn’t. I definitely loved the faces of my colleagues when I went back to the office and told them all about it!

genericname400

100. Motion Denied

I’ve been practicing law in the same venue for many years with the same judges and attorneys. New hotshot attorney out of law school is opposing counsel. It’s a death case. My client was not responsible, but opposing counsel would not listen to reason. On the eve of trial, my client is willing to offer a decent amount to settle the case.

I call the attorney and encourage her to take it. I told her that if she didn’t accept, when we went to trial the next day I was going to have all her evidence thrown out and strike her witnesses. She thought I was bluffing. I assured her I was not. I told her to call any attorney in the area and ask them if I was a straight shooter.

She basically told me to shut up and that she’d see me at the trial. Sure enough, the judge excludes her documentary evidence—all hearsay—and strikes her witnesses. She has zero evidence when the judge is through with her. Her client was in tears. I think she got sued for malpractice. She wasn’t at that firm long after that debacle. But I told her it would happen.

KevWill

Sources: 1, 234, 5, 67, 8, 9, 10, 1112, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 1819, 202122, 232425262728, 29, 30, 31, 32, 3334, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 4142, 4344, 4546, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52


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