The best revenge might be living well, but that doesn’t mean we can always turn the other cheek. From petty paybacks to insane acts of karma, these bitter people somehow found the most ingenious ways to get back at the person who wronged them. Sit down, but don’t get comfy—you’re going to want to take some notes.
1. Hotel Havoc
I used to work as a front desk agent at a boutique hotel. A guy who was obviously very full of himself came in with an online reservation that he had booked at a shockingly cheap nightly rate. He proceeded to give me a hard time about EVERYTHING, from telling me he shouldn’t have to give me his credit card info since he had prepaid his reservation, to telling me “Um yeah, I’m pretty sure I can find the elevators, I’m not stupid.”
He was just being an all-around jerk. About 10 minutes after checking him in, he came down and demanded that we give him a bigger room with a king bed and a view, even though he had booked a standard queen bed online. I complied, as we had extra king beds available. 10 minutes later, he came down again to complain about the size of the room.
He told me, “I’m only going to give you one more chance to make me happy,” and asked for the general manager. After much arguing between him and my manager, we ended up giving him our nicest suite AND free parking since we had “Given him trouble.” He got all this for a way cheaper rate, like $40 per night! Oh, but he outdid himself.
Get this: He informed us shortly after the ordeal, while on his way out to dinner, that he was not even going to be in the room for the majority of his stay, as he was visiting friends and would be staying at their home. What the heck! So I made it my personal mission to make his life a living nightmare from that point on.
I reset his room keys every time I saw him leave the hotel—which was quite frequently, 3-4 times a day. It was particularly funny when he came back tired from a night out and had to come all the way down to the front desk to get his keys fixed. Needless to say, he was very frustrated by the end of his stay. I doubt he’ll be staying with us again.
2. Vengeance With A Bow On Top
Crossing at a busy downtown intersection, a very impatient driver waiting to make a turn honked at a lady pushing a stroller. Despite his jerk move, she actually had the right of way. I slowed down as I was walking, but the guy next to me had a better idea. He straight-up went ahead, stopped in front of the car, then bent down to re-tie his shoelaces.
3. Snowed In
I live in New Jersey and we just had a snowstorm so I thought I could make some quick cash by shoveling driveways. So I start off and do a couple of houses and make about $80 (pretty good money for me). So I go to this house and this lady says that she will give me $50 for shoveling her driveway and sidewalk, so I start and finish about 20 minutes later.
I go up to the door and knock, but she won’t open it. I go to the back door and knock, she still doesn’t open. Then I see her looking at me through the window but she quickly turns away and pretends like nothing happened. At this point, I realize that I just got tricked into doing a ton of work and I’m not getting paid. I start to walk home all angry—until it hits me.
I remember that my friend who lived down the street has one of those machines that clear snow. Let the revenge begin. I borrow it from him and run down to her house. I turn it on and blast that snow that I shoveled and some more all on her yard. Then she rushes outside and starts yelling at me, but I return the machine to my friend’s house and go home.
A drunk guy harassed me on the subway one night on my way home. About two minutes after his last “freaking stuck up cow” to me, he fell asleep. I made sure he regretted his mistake. I took out my lipstick and drew all over his face. Then I got off and watched him snooze away as the subway pulled out. Idiot. I hope he woke up with lipstick all over his pillowcase and a ticked off wife.
5. The Party Pooper
While walking to my gate at LAX, I noticed a woman whose dog was in the middle of the waiting area doing its business. The woman was loudly face-timing with her back to the dog, so I assumed she didn’t notice. That was likely the thought shared by the gentleman who tried to get her attention. “Excuse me, miss?” he said, in a polite tone.
The woman glared at him. “Your dog,” he sheepishly continued, pointing to the mid-poop pup. The woman rolled her eyes and went back to face time as the man slinked away, seemingly embarrassed. “Some people,” she bellowed to her face-time companion with no hint of irony, “are just so rude.” When her dog finished, the woman started walking away, leaving everything right on the airport floor. Another woman tried to stop her.
“You’re not going to clean that up?” she asked, as shocked as the rest of us were. “They have people for that,” the offender replied, disappearing into the crowd, as much as someone yelling into their phone can disappear into a crowd. I stood near the pile and warned people to walk around it while someone else got a maintenance worker’s attention.
No one said anything—we were so shocked that anyone could be that horrible. When I got to my gate, the woman was there, too. Great, we were both going to Tokyo. When I travel abroad, I get embarrassed by other Americans doing things one hundred times less embarrassing than leaving animal poop on the floor of an airport. To make it worse, her dog was now barking at everyone who walked by.
I have nothing against people flying with their dogs. I do it often. But it is a privilege I take seriously. My dog is well-trained and behaves better than most people. He certainly behaves better than that jerk. Speaking of jerks, there is a pet relief area inside LAX, past security, just two gates away from where The Party Pooper let her dog go to town.
It didn’t matter. She was the type of person to litter three feet from an empty garbage can. While her dog barked at the world, the woman had moved from face-timing with no headphones to listening to music with no headphones. I don’t like to throw around the word “sociopath,” but I don’t know how else I could explain just how selfish and terrible of a person she was.
I’d bet her car was somewhere in long-term parking, parked across three spots with paint on the bumper from the child’s bike she hit without leaving a note. Everyone else tried to ignore her, sitting as far away from her as they could. I am not everyone else. I sat down right next to the horrible woman. “Are you going to London on business?” I said.
“I’m going to Tokyo,” she responded gruffly, annoyed that I interrupted her DJing. “Oh, I said. Then you better hurry. That flight got moved to gate 53C. This is the flight to London.” I figured I could give her a little moment of panic as payback for how terribly she was treating everyone. I didn’t predict what would happen next. She grabbed her bags and her dog in a huff, and stormed out of the gate without even checking.
She was so self-involved, she didn’t notice that the monitor at our gate still said Tokyo and almost everyone at the gate was Japanese. Based on her actions, she believed me that the fight had been moved, so she’s also a jerk for not thanking me. “Some people,” I thought as I watched her rush away from the gate without stopping her, “are just so rude.”
The flight to Tokyo was at gate 69A, so the 53 gates were on the other side of the next terminal. And I felt guilty knowing she probably berated some poor clerk who had to explain to her that there was no gate 53C. I don’t know if she made it back to this flight before we took off or not, but I didn’t see her board and I didn’t hear her dog.
Her missing her flight was not my original intention, but it would be a fine punishment for her being so rude to everyone and making a low-paid stranger clean poop off the floor. What makes me wonder if I went too far is the knowledge that Delta only has one flight to Tokyo each day. Whoops. Maybe she can re-book on another airline. I hear they have people for that.
When the pastor got to the part “or forever hold your peace” during a wedding, the bride said, “Yes, I’d like to say something.” Then she turned around to her guests and said, “I’d like to thank my maid of honor for sleeping with my fiancé last night.” With that, she threw her bouquet down and stormed off. The story even made it onto local radio at the time.
7. Private, Keep Out
So, I’m married to a wonderful woman. She’s smart, funny, and very kind. Her mother is generally very nice and tends to have a great attitude and be very enjoyable. Sure, she’s a bit of a prude, but still generally enjoyable. However, she can be a bit of a major snoop. If my wife leaves her phone sitting around, she will just pick it up and start going through it.
My wife has kind of laughed this off as a remnant of her mom being controlling when she was a kid. I’m not a fan of this because my wife and I will sometimes text about things that simply don’t involve her mother and I don’t feel are her business at all. So over Christmas, I saw my wife set her phone down on the kitchen counter, and I had a brilliant idea.
Her mom was still in the kitchen and I sent my wife the most racy and depraved text about all the things I was going to do to her when everyone left. Honestly, most of them are things we haven’t even done, but I had to make it extra scarring. I sent this text from the bathroom. And maybe it was my imagination, but I could swear I could hear an audible gasp shortly after her phone went off.
When I went out, her mother absolutely would not look me in the eye. Then not so discreetly, she asked her daughter to come to talk to her in the other room. When my wife came back into the living room, I thought she had been crying, however, upon closer inspection, she was laughing. Her mother had questioned her about me “harassing” her and asked if I always talked down to her like that.
My wife had told her kindly that what we do is between us and us only. Probably the best gift this Christmas.
8. Diaper Up
We had a guy in our office take a dump in the bathroom every day after lunch, and it would stink up the whole office. The manager asked everyone who needed to vacate their bowels to please use the lobby bathroom since our office was small and we only had the one bathroom. He didn’t listen. Fortunately, he was like clockwork. So I knew just what to do.
Five minutes before he went in, I took all the toilet paper. That’s right. I forced the man to live with a dirty butt.
9. All That Glitters
I work for a construction company and we do remodeling on homes. We have a rule here that we get to keep anything we find hidden behind the walls. We hired this guy (we really needed a worker badly) who was a total jerk from day one. I’ve been working for this company for five years and this guy has only been doing construction for one year after he got fired from his accounting job.
Anyways, he would always make fun of my clothes and my accent, and one day he went too far by telling my boss about my private Instagram account pictures. He got on my phone and looked through my Instagram page and showed my boss pictures of me with weed. Joke’s on him; my boss is my friend from eight years ago and this wasn’t a surprise to him.
Still, I was so mad that he violated my privacy—so I made a plan to screw him right over. He was the kind of guy who would always come in late and complain that trains or traffic is why he was always late. One day, I overheard him saying that if he won the lottery he would quit this job for not getting the “respect” he deserves.
You know, because you have to earn your respect here. So a few days later, I bought some fake gold coins online and put them in a metal box I found at the antique store. Then I waited for a chance to hide it in a wall. Luckily, I did not have to wait long. The day he found the coins, it seemed like it was his best day ever.
The first thing he did when he opened the box was call my boss a loser and quit immediately on the spot. He said, “screw this place, I’m rich.” Little did he know, that was the best day of my life. After he quit, my boss told us that he was going to fire him anyways for always showing up late…I wish I could see the look on his face when he finds out the gold coins are fake. Best $40 I spent in my entire life.
10. Fly By Night
My wife stayed up late binge watching Narcos the other night and woke me up by being really loud when she came to bed. I couldn’t get back to sleep and I was super irritated about it. I mean, just be quiet when you come to bed. You don’t have to “THIS IS SPARTA!!” kick the door open, turn on both lamps and the overhead, and then come to bed.
Anyway, I’m a commercial helicopter pilot, and I had a 6 AM flight that morning. So I decided to take a short detour and flew a few laps right over our bedroom to wake her up. When I landed, I had a text from her calling me a huge jerk. Vindication feels pretty sweet y’all. Though I’d like to say, sorry to my poor neighbors.
11. There Isn’t Room In This Town For The Both Of Us
So I’m at Costco, in need of dog food, and it’s ridiculously busy for a Monday. Barely any parking spots, until I spot one at the end of the lot. I make my way down the aisle and am about to turn into the parking spot when a lady RUNS OVER THE CURB and almost hits me to take the spot. Thankfully, I tapped my brakes in time or she would have taken off my bumper.
I look up and she is shaking her head and wagging her finger in a “no” motion at me. What the heck? I was like okay, I’ll just wait for her to back up since I’m obviously turning into the spot. She doesn’t. My girlfriend is with me and was so angry that the lady wasn’t budging. So I gave her my Costco card and just sat in the aisle in a face-off with this lady.
My girlfriend goes inside, gets the dog food, comes back out, and loads up the car. She then pushes the cart into the spot we were waiting for and hops in the car. The look on the woman’s face was enough to give me satisfaction for a week. She had to get out and move the cart so she could park once I reversed through the entire aisle. Worth it.
12. Penny For Your Thoughts
I used to deliver pizza for Dominos. It was my last shift and there was this house that was always rude. For example, I called to asked what the house looked like and they said “I gave you the address” and hung up on me. They also never tipped. Well, I got to their house and they gave me a check for one cent less than what the total was.
I said, “I am going to need the extra penny.” They grumbled off and took their time, hoping I would give up, but I just sat there holding the pizza. They finally came back all ticked off and gave me the penny. No tip. This time I came up with an ingenious plan. When they gave me the penny, I chucked it out into the street and left. They saw me do it. It was SATISFYING.
13. Perfect Strangers
We live in an apartment block, and occasionally have new people move in and out, yesterday we encountered a new resident, a short red-haired lady. My boyfriend greeted her with a simple “Hello.” He also tried to say “welcome,” but she cut him off with, “Shut up, I don’t know you.” Okay, not the sociable type, neither are we, let’s not get friendly then!
Today when returning from grocery shopping, we found her trying to pick the lock with what looks like a piece of a paperclip, because you know, that’s going to work. She’s apparently been at it a while, because before we could open the door with our key, a patrol car stopped and an officer called out to her. We stopped to watch because, well, it was happening.
The officer asked her why she was breaking in. She responded that she lived here. She then turned to us and said that, “They know me.” My boyfriend smiled and said, “I don’t know you.” We entered the building after the officer asked us to confirm, and mu boyfriend repeated, “We don’t know her.” Can’t wait to have more contact with her…
14. Work To Rule
A woman in my town is a Principal at a local elementary school. She is in her mid-70s (at least). I asked someone why she doesn’t retire, and they explained that she and her spouse went through a very contentious divorce about 15 years ago and she has to give him a portion of her retirement, so she has decided to NEVER retire so he gets nothing ever!
15. Cooking With Gas
Several years ago, I lived in the northwest coast of Puerto Rico. It’s a very relaxed area, with tons of good restaurants and lots of green space. My apartment was on a cliff, not far from the water. The electric infrastructure was a bit old, so when it was rainy season, we’d lose power for a few hours at a time. Not a big deal—I had a gasoline generator.
Enter a new neighbor. He lived two doors down from me, and drove an amazing custom Chevy van from the 70s. All it needed was an epic airbrushed Wizard on the side. Sadly though, that’s where anything good about him ended. I caught him taking the gas out of an orange jug I’d leave outside in case the generator ran out. Although I saw him do it, and called him out on it, he denied it and played stupid.
So after the second time, I took all of the gas in the jug, filled the generator with it, and put the rest in my car. I then went to the nearest gas station that had diesel and filled it up with diesel. A few days later, I am woken up by a tow truck backing up to pick up his now disabled van. I looked out the window and you could see the anger on his face. He moved out the next month, and from what I gathered from talking to people in the community, he was a general piece of trash human and what happened to him was deserved.
16. A Hairy Situation
Okay, this one is pretty gross. Growing up in a house of only girls, personal space does not exist even a little bit. We used to bathe in front of each other, and even use the bathroom in front of each other. There are no boundaries, nothing was off limits. Even so, my younger sister was NOTORIOUS for shaving “down there” in the tub.
She was also notorious for not rinsing it out when she was done. One day, she was taking a bath and I asked her to rinse when she was done, because I planned on taking a bath afterwards. She told me to screw off. My revenge was disgusting. I reached in my pants, snipped off a chunk of my own hair, tossed them in the tub with her, and walked out.
17. Spanglish Strikes Again
This happened to a family friend, let’s name him Sean. His parents are American but lived in South America when he was born, he was also raised there so naturally, he grew up speaking perfect Spanish, though he obviously didn’t look Hispanic. He was blond with green eyes and fair skin. Fast forward a couple of decades, he’s now in his late 20s and has moved back to the US, where he’s lived since his teens.
Both his Spanish and English are perfect at this point. He goes to a certain “Mexican” fast food place, let’s call it “e. Coli,” where employees add your ingredients down the line and you pay at the end. As soon as he starts ordering his food, he can’t believe his ears. Two of the workers, both Hispanic, start to make fun of his hair, his skinny jeans, and essentially his entire appearance.
I remember him mentioning them specifically wondering where his balls fit in those tight jeans and concluding he probably didn’t have any, all while subtly laughing and still maintaining a professional demeanor as they fill his bowl. Sean was able to stay composed and quiet and acted completely oblivious to everything they were saying and just carried on down the line ordering.
By the time he gets to the cash register, the cashier, who was not one of the two employees, rings him out. That’s when he strikes. He calmly asks the cashier to call over the two employees, which they did since there was no line at the time. When the employees come, wondering what was up, Sean says, in English: “I really appreciate the service both of you provided. Your commentary was also top-notch. Now if you could be so kind…”
And then without missing a beat he says, in perfect, zero accent Spanish: “Me pueden llamar a su jefe?” Which translates to: “Could you call over your boss?” He says their reactions were something he will never forget. The manager comped his meal and gave him 10 gift cards to the restaurant. He lived close to that specific location, he never saw those two employees again.
18. You’re Fired
I was 19 shopping with a friend. She was (still is) a smaller person than myself. She was trying on a shirt and needed a size up so i took it back out to find a bigger size. I couldn’t locate it so I ask a sales girl if she could help me find a bigger size. She takes the shirt in a gruff way. I ignore it. She comes back with a hat and hands it to me. I say, “Um what’s this?”
She said, “This is the only thing in this store that will fit you”, contempt dripping from her lips. I’m like, oh I see. I go to the dressing room, tell my friend we need to leave now. She gets dressed. Tries to clean her mess I tell her leave it. We walk out, I go to the register with the hat, it’s busy. My friend asks what’s up with the hat.
I say loudly, “According to that girl this is the only thing in the store that fits me”. My friend, shocked, lost her mind. Because her parents owned the store. That’s how I got a girl fired because I was feeling petty that day. Saw that girl later that week where I worked. I smiled and showed her what customer service should be.
19. Falling Flat
Someone in my office would always crush lunches with his gigantic freaking lunch box. Either he ate bricks or lead, I don’t know, but I always came to the office fridge and found that my lunch was in pieces. So, after three bouts of this and numerous notes from myself and other colleagues, I carefully removed his lunch box.
I emptied the contents of the lunch box. Then I ran over them with my car. Just completely flattened it all. But that’s not even the best part. I then carefully packed it back into his lunch box, and put it back for him to find. I felt bad at first, but it was well worth the effort. He kept his lunch in a cooler by his cube from then on.
20. Walking On Sunshine
My older brother once threw me into the ceiling and let me drop to the floor. So, for the next year or so, I would always wait until he would leave the room, and then I would go into his closet and pee in his shoes. I didn’t tell him for around 20 years. When I finally did, he said “You little jerk! I could never figure out why my feet always smelled so bad!”
21. Small Fry
When I was four and my brother was six we were on our way to my great-grandfather’s funeral. My parents stop at McDonald’s and out of my brother’s small fry bag he pulls an 11″ fry. Impossible right? He yells to my parents to witness this awesome fry but before they can turn around I snatch it and eat it. He is upset. Whatever.
Cut to 12 years later. My brother and I are at the table and our friends are in the other part of the kitchen. Out of this bag of Wavy Lays, I pull a potato chip that is literally the size of my skull. No idea how this thing didn’t break in transit. I’m like, Oh my God! Guys, look at this chip! Before anyone can even turn their heads, my brother reaches across with his right hand and crushes the chip to crumbs.
I have crazy eyes bearing down on him and he simply says, “That’s for the fry.” 12 years later, he got his revenge.
22. Revenge Is Sweet
There was this young teenager who cut in line in front of me at the supermarket. When he wasn’t watching, I broke his chocolate bar while it was still inside the wrapper. Then things really got good. Later, I saw him bicycling by. He opened up his bar and half of it fell out onto the pavement. He got really furious and I chuckled. It was a good day.
23. Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold
The wife cheated on her husband during his frequent travels for work. She was the one who filed for divorce, and she got to keep the house. Months elapse and the husband is still furious, rightfully so, but has no recourse. Then he has an epiphany: “I wonder if she changed the password to the Nest Thermostat?” She did not.
For the next year, he continues to mess with the thermostat. In the middle of summer when they’re sleeping in HIS bed, he turns the heat on to 90 degrees at 3 AM. Middle of winter? Time to shut off the heat and hope the pipes freeze. Away on vacation? Turn the air conditioning down to 55 and let it run 24/7 for a nice surprise bill when they get home.
24. By Popular Vote
High school. We were in history class, and I really had to go to the bathroom. A girl was already out and we were only allowed to leave one at a time. Fine. However, this girl often goes to the bathroom then just hangs out and is gone for like 30 minutes. So, after 20 minutes I had to really go. I asked to use the bathroom again. DENIED.
Teacher said someone was out already. I said she has been out for almost the entire class, I need to go. Someone texts the girl, she appears. Looks ticked. Yells at me in the hall. I didn’t have to wait long to get a satisfying revenge. See, she was trying to become our homeroom class president. Not really a serious position, but it was leadership for her college applications, and the “debate” was that day.
Our class was about 30 kids. Two people were running: that girl and another. They said their two-minute speeches. At the point where we cast our votes, I had a little group of my friends in the class vote for a third party—a guy she hated. He was elected and she lost a line in her college resume to a guy who didn’t even want the spot.
25. That Was A Breeze!
There was this HUGE idiot in my hall at my all-male boarding school. He always treated everyone like garbage. So, one day, we took his Febreze bottle and filled it with pee. We then sprayed the pee all over his pillow, locker, and opposite corner. So he gets back, smells urine, immediately grabs his Febreze bottle, and unknowingly douses EVERYTHING in more pee.
Years ago, I had a girl cheat on me with her ex. I never told her I knew, but inevitably we broke up a week or two later “mutually”… I knew full well she would return to her ex immediately. Well, she did. I was bitter, but held it together. Then a month later, by a complete stroke of luck, I ended up with the ex/new boyfriend’s phone number.
A female friend of mine wanted to help me and posed as his “side chick.” She called and texted him every night for a week asking when he was going to screw her again, and saying she “can’t wait to see him again when his girlfriend goes to work.” I’d listen in to the calls, and every call we’d hear my ex in the background going crazy about it.
Sometimes she’d even answer the phone. My friend did a terrific job. After a week, we decided to up the ante. We drove by her house and his car was parked outside with the windows down. We put a pair of panties in the backseat. A few days later, I get a call from my ex, who had suddenly decided she wanted to return to me. Then I turned her down.
27. Surprise Ending
My neighbor’s dog poops in our yard all of the time. It wouldn’t be a big deal, except he never cleans up after her. I finally had enough, so I decided to go with a classic. I put a flaming bag of his dog’s poop on his porch, rang the bell, and hid in the bushes. When he answered the door, I finally got my revenge by having an affair with his wife for the last three and a half years.
28. Selective Memory
My mom was a language teacher at my high school, and years after I had graduated, she called me kind of upset because a group of guys was trying to make her look dumb. The class was supposed to write one of those team dialogues in Spanish. They had a week or so to prepare it, then they had to perform it in front of the class.
When she called on them to do theirs, they said: “But we already did ours, we’re not doing it again.” She said, “You definitely didn’t do it, I don’t have any record of it here and I would remember it if you had.” They simply refused to do it, insisting they already performed it and that it was her fault she didn’t take notes or put their scores down.
She was in the middle of questioning herself when one of the good kids came and told her the truth. They hadn’t really done it, and they had just been bragging about making her look stupid. They apparently even threatened the class if they said anything. Well, obviously my mom was appalled, but she came up with an amazing revenge plot.
My mom was really into yoga at the time and got a great idea while meditating. She went in the next day and said, “Boys, I owe you an apology. I found my notes on your presentation and I do remember it, I don’t know how I forgot!” She then went on to describe all the grammatical mistakes they made, all their word choice flaws, everything.
All made up. She failed them all on the project, and they couldn’t do a thing about it without admitting they’d made it all up.
29. Eh B’y?
My history teacher would spend half the class making jokes directed at the students. One student in particular always took the jokes on the chin and never really made any comebacks. Eventually, the teacher called him out and jokingly lectured him about standing up for himself. He ended his rant with, “You’ve gotta be a man. You’ve gotta be like me.”
The student replied with the greatest burn I have ever heard. “Well, which one? Do you want me to be a man or do you want me to be like you?”
30. Dad Of The Year
So, my daughter, who was about eight at the time, was REALLY into Minecraft, as most kids are these days. She was also desperately wanting to join the YouTube/Let’s Play culture, so I had installed some screen recording software that would let her make videos of the games she was playing so she could later upload them to YouTube.
Anyways, one day I’m minding my own business when I hear her quietly sniffling over on the computer. I asked her what was wrong, but she didn’t want to tell me so I let it go, but decided to keep an eye on her. A few minutes later I discovered what was happening. Someone was harassing not only her, but also all the other kids playing on whatever server she was on.
This kid was saying stuff about how he was going to harm my eight-year-old daughter (she told him how old she was hoping he would stop), how he was going to hack into her IP and take her information, swearing profusely (remember, this is a game for kids), etc etc. By this time I had gotten my fiancée involved, and she was also obviously quite upset at what this kid was doing.
We then realized that our daughter had been recording the entire incident, and a plan began to form. I started by googling the kid’s username. There were several hits immediately, the most interesting of which involved a page where he was publicly applying to be a mod for a server on Minecraft. I was able to learn a lot about this little idiot.
He claimed to be 15, likes hockey, used to live in Toronto but now lives in Florida. But the bombshell was easily his Skype contact info; it was literally firstname.lastname. I know your name now, you jerk. So I head over to Facebook and search for the name. Nothing. Hmmmm. On a hunch, I searched for just the last name, while narrowing my results to only the state of Florida.
Several dozen hits. Hmmm. So I have to start combing through each one, until I find what I was looking for: A middle-aged man with the same last name, whose profile indicates he was born in Toronto and now lives in Florida. I FOUND YOUR DAD, YOU LITTLE JERK. So I sent him a message on Facebook, asking if he had a son named firstname who goes by his username on Minecraft.
Dad confirmed I had the right guy. So my fiancée begins telling the dad everything that his son was saying to my daughter, and we sent him the recorded video as proof. Radio silence for a few days. Then we got the message back. This jerk had his computer taken away from him for the entire summer. He had also been lying about his age; he was only 11, I think.
His parents were livid with him, and he surely hated the next few months of his life. No one screws with my daughter.
31. Dressed For Revenge
In seventh grade, I used to take home-made lunch to school. We prepared our own salad dressing (lemon juice, salt, oil, etc.), and one kid decided it would be good to take it and drink it before lunch time. I asked him not to, but he continued to drink it, then started doing so in one gulp so I couldn’t stop him. But instead of making a huge deal, I got even.
One day, I got up early and prepared two salad dressings. One that I would actually use on my salad, and another that had all the liquid condiments I could find in my mom’s kitchen. It was really fun to see his face as he drank it again the next day. The jerk never took my salad dressing again. I rode that high for a long time after that.
32. Prank King Dethroned
Back when I was studying engineering, it occurred to me to try and find an app on my iPhone for those Panasonic projectors in lecture rooms. So, I got the app and it just let me connect to the one in the class without a password or anything. I have a friend who is one of those perpetual pranksters, so I knew just what to do with it.
I beam a picture of him onto the projector. The lecturer is just talking away and this goofy picture of my friend is on the screen. Lecturer does not realize yet. People in the lecture start waking up and giggling a bit. Now I use the pen function and draw a wiener on the picture, too. My friend was red in the face and trying to hide.
When the lecturer finally noticed, he totally called out my friend: “Michael, why is there a picture of you on the screen?” For a fleeting moment, I actually wrecked that dude.
33. Pity Puddle
When I was a kid, I had a bed wetting problem. I’m not ashamed of this now, as thousands of other kids have had the same problems. At the time, however, it was humiliating. Even worse, my younger brother started telling other kids around school how extensive the issue was. I was mortified. Even after our mother told him to knock it off, he continued.
So, I decided to level the playing field. The whole “hand in a cup of warm water” deal didn’t work. So I stood over him as he slept one night and peed on him. The next morning, my mom thought we were both wetting the bed. After a few more times of “framing” my brother as a bed-wetter, he completely stopped using my embarrassing problem as entertainment.
34. Mail Order Vengeance
In college, I lived with several guys in a suite. One dude liked to call me “chunky A.” Yes, I was chubby, and I still am, but I have lost a lot of weight and I am continuing to lose more. Still, at the time I was self conscious about it and I asked him politely but firmly to not call me that. He laughed and did it more. That was the final straw.
I proceeded to call up every infomercial I saw on TV to send him baldness cures (he was losing his hair), tourist information from places like Iowa and Nebraska, and information about adult bed wetting. He was not too impressed when the mail started coming in. He accused me of it, but I played innocent. And then I took it up a notch.
I kept it up for two years while he lived there in the dorms. His junior year, he moved out to an off-campus place, so I found out where he lived. I then waited a couple of months and started the process all over again. Yeah, I bombarded him with junk mail. It was probably the most savage thing I’ve ever done. I have no regrets.
35. Driving Himself Crazy
Throughout the divorce proceedings, there was a car that was a huge point of contention between the husband and wife. After months and months of saying he would never let the wife have the car, the husband concedes in exchange for something great, like one of their summer houses. It turns out he had been driving the car for three hours every day in a big loop around the city, putting thousands and thousands of miles on it, basically making it worthless.
The amount of planning and spite that went into that was amazing.
36. Droning On And On
About six or seven months ago, my neighbor got a drone. I don’t mind people having hobbies, but for some reason he insisted on flying like the biggest jerk possible. He would hover in front of other houses and windows, try to “race” cars going down the road, and worst of all he had a habit of flying his drone in my fenced backyard.
He would start buzzing over my dog, diving low just over my dog’s head before circling around to do it again. My dog isn’t small, he’s about 70lbs and a Malamute, but the drone terrified him, and I was worried what would happen if it hit him. I asked my neighbor several times to please not fly in my yard and explained that it was scaring my dog. His answer made my blood boil.
He basically told me to get lost and laughed in my face. When it still continued, I called the authorities. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much they could do other than ask him to please not fly over my house and property. Finally, in late December it happened—my dog got tired of his torments and managed to catch the drone right as it was diving towards him.
He shredded the drone, and the thing was just a jumbled mess of wires and plastic. Neighbor was ANGRY. He stormed over to my house swearing and threatening me, which I ignored. A week later, I got a summons to small claims court. He wanted $900 for the cost of his drone and an additional $300 for supposedly denying him access to his property.
See, the drone sat in my yard for a couple hours before it was retrieved. Screw that. He could have hurt my dog. I don’t have kids or a girlfriend, I just have my dog who is my best friend for the past seven years. That dog has moved with me three times, was there when I graduated college, saw me buy my first house and my first new car.
I love my dog. But turns out, him suing me was the best thing to ever happen. When we got to small claims court, the judge basically laughed away his claims that I had intentionally trained my dog to attack his drone. But little did he know I was prepared. I had dozens of photos of my yard showing it was impossible for him to “accidentally” fly that low to my dog.
I also had videos of him harassing my dog in the past, and I had saved all my medical bills from taking my dog to the vet. $700 for an X-ray? Check. Another $250 to sedate him during? Why not, don’t want him being uncomfortable. Full dental exam with tooth cleaning/repair? $400. Then there was the cost of anti-anxiety meds and a secondary check-up, wet food for a week in case his teeth were hurt, and extra just for good measure.
In the end, the jerk ended up owing me almost $2,000, and now is being investigated by the FAA for not having a registered drone and violating several regulations concerning drone flight, too near an airport, too close to other people, out of sight of operator, and waaay above the maximum altitude. Enjoy never being allowed to fly drones again, buddy.
37. The Missing Piece
My roommate and her partner just loved doing elaborate jigsaw puzzles. After I found out she canceled our lease abruptly, leaving me one week to find a new place to live, I threw away 1 piece of two different puzzles they were working on. Before you ask, she was able to do this because I was 17, and not able to actually sign a lease.
38. Not Your Average Loophole
My uncle is a divorce lawyer and represented this guy getting a divorce from his wife of 15 years. Super toxic breakup, and they split everything 50/50, even the land that the house they lived in sat upon. Well, she decides to build a house right behind the other house. Mind you, this was a lot of land, probably 200 yards separating both home sites, so the back of the houses faced each other.
The house gets built, and my uncle gets a call from his client asking about the situation he had somehow gotten himself into. Apparently, his ex-wife would spend a lot of time in her backyard, so he saw her all the time. What he did was buy a female dog and name it the same name as his ex-wife. His plan was brilliant.
Anytime he would let his dog back in from letting her out, he would yell “Susan you [curse for a female dog]! Get in here!” He would also yell if she was peeing on the flowers,”Susan! Quit pissing on the flowers!” or “Susan you! Quit digging in the dirt!” The ex-wife called the authorities on him a couple of times, but there was nothing they could do because the dog was registered under the name of Susan.
39. Keep Your Friends Close…
A girl on my softball team antagonized me and spread rumors about me to the team and coaches. We were competing for the same position. She was in my geometry class and tried to buddy up to me because I was good at geometry, and she wasn’t. So for a while, I let her copy my homework, then one day I gave her all the wrong answers and turned in the right answers for myself.
40. Moms Gone Mad
So this happened earlier today, and it was too perfect. I work in construction as the foreman for a new house build. The location is kind of strange. The house is 250 feet up a hill via a footpath only. All of our materials have to come up this footpath by hand. It’s a pain in the butt to manually carry, quite literally, an ENTIRE HOUSE up this hill.
One of our saving graces is having the two parking spots on the street at the bottom of this hill marked with official “No Parking” signs. Unfortunately, there is an elementary school about half a block away and the parents of children seem to regularly (at least twice a day) think it’s ok to park in our spots. Now, I consider myself a reasonable person, so if someone is parked in the spots and we don’t have a delivery or a need to park a truck, I will let it go.
If we need the spots and there’s someone parked there, however, I will ask them to move nicely and most of the time they do so immediately. Until today. I get a phone call from the lumber delivery truck that is en route to our location. He says he’ll be there in about two or three minutes. I let him know I will meet him at the street and make sure he has space to park.
He’s carrying all of the material to frame the roof of our house, which is a lot of really big lumber and will take easily an hour to bring up the hill, so naturally I didn’t want him parked in the middle of the street with his hazards on for an hour, especially when we have a perfectly good parking spot for him. As I begin my trip down the hill, I notice there is a school parent sitting in her car idling.
Assuming she’s just waiting to pick up her child, I walk up to her car and politely let her know that she is parked in a no parking zone and we really need her to clear it to park a delivery truck. She scoffs at me and rudely states back, “I’ll just be a few minutes, and your truck isn’t here, take a chill pill dude.” Before I can respond, a giant lumber truck comes around the corner.
I wave to him, and then gesture towards him to the woman in the car who has now put her window back up to ignore me. I put on my best customer service smile and wave at her through the window. She put it down halfway and angrily shouts, “WHAT!” By now the truck has pulled up alongside her car and I politely ask her again, with a stronger tone of voice to move her vehicle.
I remind her that she is parked in a tow away zone. Then she gives me this wonderful idea. She says, “Can’t you guys just unload around me? Jesus, it’s not that hard.” I give her another smile and walk away, a brilliant plan forming in my head. I instruct the delivery driver to park as closely to her as possible and block her in with the porta potty that is at one end of our reserved spots and the parked car that is parked just adjacent to our spots on the other end.
He smiles because he immediately gets what I’m trying to do, and proceeds to expertly block this lady and her car into a little two parking spot cell. We unstrap the lumber and my guys begin humping material up the hill, meanwhile I call the parking enforcement to let them know the situation. At this point in time, I wasn’t trying to get her in trouble, I just wanted a record of why we were blocking part of the street so we don’t get in trouble with the city.
The very friendly traffic officer lets me know that she can be there in about 30 minutes and deal with the situation for me, wonderful! As we continue to unload lumber, the child of the parent shows up, and wouldn’t you know it, mom is just now realizing that the lumber truck is parked so close she can’t get out of her driver door to meet her kid.
She awkwardly clambers across the inside of her car and stumbles out the passenger door, shooting glaring looks at me and the truck driver in the process. She loads her kid into the back and then begins to realize that she has no way of leaving. She comes storming up to myself and the driver and states, “I’m in a big hurry, you need to move your truck right now so I can go.”
Before I can respond, the driver gets a grin on his face. He says, “Ma’am, in order to unload the lumber on the truck we had to unstrap it, and per our company policy I’m not allowed to move the truck with any unsecured load on it. Sorry.” This sends her into near aneurysm levels of blood pressure, meanwhile I can barely contain my laughter.
“Screw your policy, I have somewhere to be!” She barks back at him. At this point, with impeccably convenient timing, the parking enforcement officer shows up and parks behind the truck. The woman doesn’t see the officer arrive, and while the officer is still getting out of her vehicle I just casually say, “Can’t you just pull out around it? It’s not that hard.”
I say this with the biggest grin I’ve ever had. I watch as she realizes that I just used her line on her. “Screw you!” She yells, and storms back to her car and angrily clambers back in through the passenger door and into the driver’s seat. Now the officer is walking up to myself and the driver, and before she can even introduce herself the mom in the car slams it into reverse and stomps on the gas.
She crashes into our porta potty and knocks it over, and then throws the car into drive and tries to mount the curb and drive onto the sidewalk. The officer, driver, and I are staring in disbelief as she gets halfway over the curb and gets stuck. I can hear her screaming over the idling truck from inside her car. The officer promptly walks up to the door of the car and orders her out.
My favorite part of the entire thing is watching her face go to shock as she realized she just did all of that in front of an officer. She gets slapped in cuffs as the parking officer calls for a second unit and she is promptly sat on the very curb she tried to drive over. She sits on the curb yelling to the now two officers about how we told her she could stay there and that we never asked her to move.
The traffic officer responds that she was the one who was originally called when she first refused to move and that she already knows what’s going on. While myself and the driver are giving a report to the second officer, my guys finish moving the remainder of the lumber and the driver finishes his statement and takes off to go back to the yard.
By the end of the ordeal she was charged with Child Endangerment, (her kid was in the back of the car the whole time) Reckless Driving, Destruction of Property, (the porta potty) and Driving on a Suspended License. On top of all that, she also got her car towed; the kid went home with his grandma and she went to spend some quality time in a cell.
I never expected her to actually heed my advice to “Just pull out around it.” But I think next time she’ll probably think twice about parking in a tow away zone, if she ever gets a license again.
41. Smell The Roses
My friend was getting married, and she tried to get me to pay for everything on her behalf as her wedding gift. Unfortunately, she was a complete jerk to me during the entire planning process. So I canceled all the orders for everything. She ended up buying fake flowers and the ceremony was a train wreck. She got the Aisle 5 wedding she paid for and I got to save money on a dress.
42. They Say TV Doesn’t Teach You Things
My sister said some pretty mean things to me in front of my friends when I was younger. I really didn’t take it too well, and knew I had to get revenge. So, I put a slice of bologna in her Walkman CD player. I got the idea from Cory in the show That’s So Raven. If you ever read this, thank you very much, Cory, you really helped me out.
43. Paging Dr. Prankster
My boss paged me on my wedding night. He did it as a joke, but it came at an…inappropriate…moment. We had a “page only if something’s on fire” policy, so I had to call in even though I had just gotten married and was about to go on two weeks’ vacation. When he answered, he laughed so hard I just HAD to do something about it. But I took it way too far.
So when I got back, I programmed the mail servers to call out on their phone lines and hit his pager with dial-back numbers for phone “girl” services. At 4 AM. Every day. His wife got this pager before he did one time and saw a text message with something like, “I loved how you described how you would screw me, Jerry. Call back when your wife’s gone for the day”.
Wife was NOT amused. She thought he’d been calling girls and tore him a new one. He knew it was me, but he was too stubborn to ask me to call it off. So it kept up for weeks until he finally figured out where the script was running from and used it to page me instead. We had a back-and-forth pager battle for a while, but then it all messed up when an actual data center emergency happened and one of us ignored the page, thinking it was the other pranking him. That ended the fun.
44. Big Talk
I was showing Cosmos in a break between classes and one kid seemed particularly enthralled by the tardigrade, so his witty friend says, “Small minds are amused by small things.” The kid got his revenge. He retorted, “Why do you think I hang out with you?’ The whole class went bananas and even I went over and high-fived that kid.
45. Special Delivery
My little brother and his girlfriend came to stay at my house for the weekend, and the girlfriend was super self-centered and obnoxious. When they left, she forgot her clothes and toiletries because she left them sprawled all over my bathroom. About a week later, she and my brother moved into an apartment together.
After he paid for the moving truck, deposit, and utilities, she cheated on him with her ex and kicked him out of the apartment. This left him broke, homeless, and heartbroken. In the days after the breakup, she kept calling and emailing him several times per day, demanding that he ask me to ship her clothes and toiletries back to her. “It’s Really Important, it’s my Northface.”
My brother called and pleaded with me to ship them to her so she would stop having a reason to contact him. Being the loving sister that I am, I gathered up the Really Important sweatshirt, shorts, underwear, shampoo, conditioner, soap, and razor. I folded everything nicely. I then wrote a nice note apologizing for taking so long to mail them to her. When she opened it, she must have been so angry.
The note was written in permanent marker, and the paper happened to be resting on the Really Important Northface when I wrote it. Unfortunately, the ink bled straight through the paper and onto the shirt. Also unfortunately, the shampoo, soap and conditioner caps were not tightly secured on their bottles, and the contents leaked out all over the clothes, further spreading the ink.
The most unfortunate result, though, was that her razor didn’t have any sort of protective cap or container and left little slashes all over the front of the Really Important Northface. She received the package, and my brother never heard from her again.
46. Good Godiva, Man
My wife used to keep these little Godiva chocolates that she likes in her desk at work, but started noticing some of them missing and figured it must be someone from the overnight cleaning staff taking them. Fed up with losing her not-inexpensive treats, she decided to get revenge on the choco-thief in question by replacing the good chocolate with little squares of chocolate laxatives that look just like real candies.
The next morning, she saw several of the laxatives gone, and then from that day forward, she was never missing another one of her good chocolates ever again.
47. Horrible Bosses
I used to work shifts many years ago, including regular night shifts. My boss was an unpleasant person, to say the least. He would leave his keys on top of his locker. One night I took a small file to work and filed down one or two teeth of his front door key. The next day, he was telling everyone about how he got home and his door lock was broken and he had to get a locksmith out.
Happened again a couple of months later. Then his car key got some treatment. I stopped after that, as I heard him mention it was getting suspicious that all these locks stopped working. But the story has another twist. Unknown to me, other colleagues also disliked him. One night his locker disappeared entirely. Rumor has it that it’s part of the foundations of an office block in London now.
48. Butterfly Kisses
When I was in 7th grade, the startup my dad was a part of was failing miserably in no small part due to a crazy CEO. While at his house, my dad observed the CEO’s toddler daughter picking up a piece of dog poop and licking it. He picked her up and told her to give her dad a kiss right on the face. Oh, don’t worry, she totally did it.
49. A Sharp Lesson
In grade school, I kept a bag of chips in the same pocket, every day, in my backpack. This kid I knew would punch that pocket any chance he could for five days in a row. But I figured out a way to make him pay. One day, I replaced the chips with a bag of sewing pins to really teach him a lesson. He never did it again. Sweet sweet justice.
50. Keep This Under Wraps
I worked in a fish factory most summers when I was in my teens, and there was a boy who also worked there one summer who was a jerk and a harasser. Myself and another girl were his main targets, and he’d pelt us with really disgusting verbal harassment that was inappropriate and race-based in nature, since the other girl mixed-race.
It got so bad, he would even yell his insults over the factory announcement system whenever he didn’t have enough work to keep him busy. To make matters worse, the foreman refused to get involved…so we took action. One day, we finished work before he did, and spotted his car out in the parking lot. We looked at each other deviously and hatched a plot.
We went back into the building, got several rolls of toilet paper and a packet of menstrual pads, and “decorated” the car with them. The car was seen by many of our co-workers, some of whom also witnessed the decorating and cheered us on. Once he got out, he just stood there, blushing and embarrassed and wondering who could have done this to him.
He was very subdued at work after that and the teasing nearly stopped entirely, I hope because what we did made him realize what it felt like to be on the victim’s end of all the teasing. Best thing about it was that everyone, including his own brother, knew who had done it, and no-one told him. Clearly, this was an overdue lesson.
51. Call On Me
When I was a kid, I attempted to call my aunt. For whatever reason, I accidentally dialed a 6 instead of a 3, and this stranger man cursed me out for being a telemarketer. I was so stunned, I didn’t even hang up initially. My petty revenge was giving the number to all my friends, and for about two weeks we called him every day at all hours.
52. A Classic Move
This was my best revenge. I went through an awful divorce. My ex-wife cheated on me, told lies about me, and all throughout the divorce I took the high road and was there for my kids while she disappeared off the face of the Earth. Her birthday was only a couple of weeks after the divorce was final. As the kids were young, I was a good guy and purchased several presents from the kids to her. Then I got one special “gift” just from me.
Among the gifts, I bought a necklace with a big red “A” at the end. Her first name is Ann. I had the kids give that to her and she wore her scarlet letter all around town. Most people in our town knew what she had done, and some were even aware of the necklace. Yup, I made my adulterous ex-wife wear the scarlet letter.
53. Parental Intervention
My sister and I once applied for a summer job. I was in charge of dropping the applications off to the company one day. I got there after a 40-minute commute. It was closed, so I just drove back home. My sister was mad at me for not dropping them off regardless of the circumstances. She told me she was going to go there herself and drop her application and not mine, since I didn’t do it right the first time.
My parents found out about this and made her drive a second trip to drop off my application as well, since she was being petty and wouldn’t take it the first time.
54. If The Shoe Fits
Being the youngest brother, I would only get hand-me-downs. My older brother rubbed it in my face that he got a brand new pair of PF Flyer shoes after The Sandlot came out. Every day, I would stuff the toe of the shoes with tissue paper, adding a little more each day, until he thought he outgrew them. Got slightly worn, PF Flyers, after about a month.
55. Pay It Backward
Now this was a couple years back when I was in college. My friend, we’ll call her Susie, and I were both going into our second years. So was her boyfriend Brad. So, Susie finds out that she has herpes. The only guy she has ever been with is Brad. Naturally, she is devastated to find out he’s been cheating. We find out that she is not the only one he passed it on to.
There are in fact at least 5 other women we find out about. What’s more, we find out Brad has known that he is positive and is still going around hooking up with people and saying that he is healthy. Basically, his attitude is that someone gave it to him, so why would it be wrong for him to spread it too? Yeah, Brad is a jerk of epic proportions.
Susie is just devastated and can’t get out of her funk and what she now has to deal with health wise. Now, there is an urban legend where as revenge a woman hid, I think, shrimp in her cheating SO’s curtain rods when she was forced to move out of their apartment. This story has been featured on many shows about urban legends.
It just so happened to come on late one night when me and Susie were watching TV. It gave us a truly devious idea—Brad would regret ever meeting her. The only problem was, Brad had 5 roommates. So no way that was going to work. But wait, Brad has a car. And Brad is too broke to afford a new car any time soon.
She knows the door code to unlock the vehicle and I just so happen to know how to remove certain vehicle panels to access holes in other panels that it would be impossible to get shrimp out of. Plus, he worked the early shift on Wednesday. Lucky us, it’s Tuesday night. So off we go to the store to buy the clearance section of meat and seafood out.
We’re talking ground beef, shrimp, imitation crab meat, various kinds of fish and deviled eggs. Oh, and during this lovely time of September, our little town was experiencing a triple digit heat wave. So off we go in the middle of the night, when it’s still 90 degrees out, and get to work. Luckily for us, Brad lives in an apartment with no security cameras and other tenets who don’t care about two women working on a vehicle at 1 AM.
Sure enough, the door key code still works. So we pop out these little covers on the door’s panels that access the interior of the door. In go the tiny little shrimps. Then we remove the plastic panels from the wheel wells, and in goes some ground beef and deviled eggs. Next was his lift gate. Anyway, you get the idea of all this.
We put his car back together and off we go. Over the next few days, the smell just got worse and worse. The apartment complex manager asked him to move the car off the grounds because of the smell. Our town also has some mean feral cats that roam around, they just loved hanging around his car. So not only did it stink, but he risked being attacked by some mean feral cats.
He would have to always have the windows cracked open at least a little. But here’s the sweetest part. See, Brad and I have the same major. So over the next three years, I saw him a lot. He became notorious for his horrible smelling car. He couldn’t afford to replace it, no one would buy it, no matter how many times he had it cleaned, the smell remained, and no one could figure out where the odor was coming from.
Even if they had figured it out, most of the panels would need to be completely replaced because the only access is tiny holes. To this day, people still ask him about his car on Facebook. Like, if he says he will pick people up, they ask him if he has a new car. Nope. Still the stink-mobile. He currently works at Starbucks, so that thing isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
Kind of like his herpes. I like to think of this as my ultimate Sherlock Holmes-level petty revenge/prank. I will never top the awesomeness of this one, it was my masterpiece.
56. If You Could Care, That’d Be Great
This hasn’t happened yet, it should commence in roughly 3 hours. My current job is not all that great, small company cronies and all that. But what makes it truly bad is the management and ownership attitude. We are treated like throwaway items, not people. We’ve had a fair amount of people let go recently, most of them for cost-cutting reasons.
When some of these terminated employees pointed out that the holiday season is a mean time for planned reductions, they literally got told “Not my problem, that’s your problem.” When we are forced to perform jobs without adequate equipment, funds, parts, etc. “Not my problem, make it work.” “Lie to the customer if you need to, it’s your issue, not mine.”
I’m the last surviving member of my department. I’m doing the jobs of three people, just to keep operations running. I’m by no means vital to company survival, but there will be pain if my workshop sits idle. I’m turning in my final timesheet today, without notice. My new job starts next week. I think its petty revenge, but that’s ok. Not my problem, right?
57. A Lesson In Wokeness
My sister posted a very anti-LGBT article on Facebook when the North Carolina bathroom bill was passed. She claimed she “no longer felt safe” shopping at Target if she might “be forced to use a bathroom” with a trans person. The horror! I got her the best revenge gift possible. For her wedding the following month, I got her a Target gift card. XOXO, Your very gay brother.
58. Happy Wife, Happy Life
My uncle was a prominent, busy doctor. My aunt, a stay-at-home mother of 2. My uncle was very rigid and authoritative, and had to have things just so: a certain breakfast at a specific time every morning, his clothes folded or hung in a particular way, a specific drink waiting for him upon his return home, and a specific dinner at a given time every night, based on a rotating menu.
This went on for decades until he eventually passed. Regardless, one night was meatloaf night, and after years of no complaints, my uncle erupts, screaming at my aunt that her meatloaf is simply garbage, how could she not be able to cook something so simple, all of this, and literally fires his full dinner plate across the room.
My aunt, his submissive, quiet, loyal servant over their then twenty or so years of marriage, simply apologizes and cleans up, promising to improve her recipe. Her revenge took years to complete—but it was so worth it. It was only after my uncle passed—they were married for 52 years—that she admitted to my mother that she’d fed him meatloaf made solely of Alpo (wet, canned dog food) for the past 30 years.
59. Let’s Get Away From It All
My boss refused to let me take a weekend off for my best friend’s wedding because a co-worker was already taking the time off for a dirty weekend away with the married guy she was having an affair with. The married guy was my boss, by the way. I was a bridesmaid and had booked the weekend off 10 months in advance. So I did what I had to do.
I quit on the spot and told my boss’s wife he was cheating on her. My best friend’s wedding was lovely.
60. Don’t Plant Stand Me
This was revenge executed on me by a friend. Executed flawlessly. At some point back in the late 90s, early 00s, my friends and I started pranking each other by sending each other links to what were supposed to be legit pictures but were actually pictures of plant stands. It got so bad that we started refusing to click links sent around, and coined the phrase “don’t plant stand me”.
Flares up and down for several years as my friends move away from NYC and around the country, but continue to share pictures/funny links/etc. We would also keep track of who had gotten who most recently, and I don’t even remember what I’d done, but I’d plant standed one of them particularly badly. Fast forward about a year, I’m getting married. It was the perfect opportunity.
Everyone is invited, including this friend who is going to stay at my place during the wedding. She drives up in a rental and asks me to help bring her bags in. I’m so excited to see her, I rush out and grab a couple and carry them into the guest room and get her all set up. It’s a great wedding and my wife and I head off to our honeymoon for a week, saying goodbye to everyone before we go.
When I get back to my house, another week or so goes by before I have to get something from the closet in the guest room. And that’s when I find it. A huge, wrought-iron plant stand, smack in the middle of the room. This friend of mine found, bought, disassembled, flew to another country, reassembled and left a plant stand in my guest room.
And I helped carry it into my own darn house! Needless to say, she won. We don’t plant stand anymore. There’s no point.
61. Tears On My Guitar
I was at a guitar store once. I’m not a very good guitar player, but I was shopping for an amp and decided to try a few out. I pulled a guitar down from the wall, plugged into an amp, and started tweaking the settings to my liking. A guy in a wheelchair came up, plugged into the amp next to me and pumped the volume, then proceeded to play some metal licks right next to me.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt, powered off the amp that I was testing, and walked across the room to another amp, plugged in and started fiddling with settings again. Again, he rolled himself over, plugged into the amp directly adjacent to mine, turned up to 11 and proceeded to go to town on the guitar.
A second time, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, walked away and tried a third amp without saying a word to him. He rolled over, plugged in, turned up and started playing as loud as he could. I asked him if he’d mind giving me a few moments, as I was considering buying one of the amps, and he responded with, “I don’t know why you bother, you’re a bad guitarist and I can do anything you can do ten times better.” My response made his jaw drop.
I looked him in the eye, said, “Not quite anything,” and reached up to hang the guitar from the top rack, all while maintaining eye contact.
62. It’s Payback Time
My roommate in college had only child syndrome and taped a piece of paper over her clock because she didn’t want to “share it with me.” Never mind that she couldn’t see the clock herself, but she would rather no one see the clock than share the clock with my eyes. So, from then on, I would take one sock from a set once a week.
It was slow enough that she didn’t realize it was me sabotaging her socks, but fast enough for her to be really annoyed and wondering that the heck was happening to all of her matching socks.
63. A Little Put-Down On Your Pick-Me-Up
I currently work as a barista at Starbucks, and overall it’s a good job but the pay is just ok. One thing I really dislike, though, is when a group of young junior high kids will come in and order what feels like a million Frappuccinos. So my buddy who frequents Reddit sent me this post about a guy who puts the name sticker for the order over the Starbucks logo to ruin their Snapchat and Instagram pictures.
Last shift, I tried it out for myself, and it was IMMEDIATELY satisfying. The look on this one kid’s face when they saw their drink, knew they couldn’t take a good photo of it, but also knew that the only real problem was the sticker placement? Priceless.
64. Hat’s Off To You
The Poo Hat. Found a hat in the car that I share with my ex. It wasn’t mine—it belonged to the girl who he had been banging for the last two years of our marriage. I came up with a disgusting way to get back at him. I dipped a q-tip in my dog’s freshly laid poo and delicately lined the inside rim of her hat with it, then gently placed the hat back on the seat of the car where I found it.
Returned car to ex the following day. Next time I borrowed the car, the Poo Hat was not there. Only regret is that I don’t have a picture of her wearing it.
65. Avengers, Assemble!
So, I was an AP kid, and had a bunch of AP friends, and also was in sports and theater. I had a large bunch of friends in nearly every clique. Anyway, one day one of my friends gets sucker-punched in the halls by some jerk. Because of the school’s ridiculous zero tolerance policy, getting sucker-punched carries the same punishment as doing the punching.
As a result, my friend and the jerk both got in school suspensions, even though only one of them was punched in the face. I thought that was a little bit unfair. So, I got my friends together, and they got their friends together, and every week, one of us would sucker-punch the jerk. Every week, both of us would get a suspension, but there were enough of us that it didn’t matter.
The jerk, meanwhile, missed so much class he had to retake the grade.
66. Squash That Idea
I have a friend whose pumpkin display at the end of his driveway would be run over by the neighborhood jerk. Happened every year. My friend decided to put a stop to it. He withdrew money from his savings account so he would have enough to buy the largest pumpkin he could find, along with several large bags of Quikcrete.
Filled that puppy up and made a real pretty display. The jerk broke the axle of his car when he hit that pumpkin. Could not drive away. My friend had his car towed away, too.
67. Pop Quiz
This happened to my significant other when he was at university. His class was doing presentations in pairs, and he got paired with some girl who didn’t bother to bring notes or research information for their presentation. Instead, she let him do all the work, and any slides she did were made from his notes and research.
He complained to his tutor and she told him, “Don’t worry, leave it to me.” So the the day of the presentation comes. They present. Then the tutor asked the girl a question that destroyed her. It was something like, “Is there any evidence to suggest that some cultures are more prone to mental health problems?”
And the girl answered no. The tutor then asked my significant other the exact same question, and because he’d actually read the research on the topic, he was able to list off several studies that showed that some cultures are in fact more prone to mental health issues. The girl glared at him the entire time he answered the tutor’s question. Pretty sure she ended up with a D.
68. I Love The Smell Of Ketchup In The Morning
My co-worker sometimes throws out her lunch in the garbage can at my desk instead of her own, because she claims she can’t stand the smell of old ketchup that’s been sitting out for a couple of hours. I’ve asked her several times to stop, but she will then just wait until I get up to go to the bathroom and do it, and hide my garbage can under my desk so she thinks I won’t see it.
Every time she does it, I wait until she goes to the bathroom, take out the little plastic container that she had ketchup in, and put it way in the back of her bottom desk drawer. There are 6 in there now, and the oldest is over a month old. So far, she hasn’t noticed the smell. Going to keep doing it and see how long it takes her to notice.
69. For The Birds
I caught my roommate telling lies about me to some mutual friends. I made plans to move out the next month. In the meantime, she went out of town for a week, and left her car parked in its usual spot in the parking lot. I threw birdseed on it every morning and evening, so when she came home, the birds wouldn’t leave her car alone.
70. By Any Other Name
I used to manage a Starbucks , and one of my baristas asked a guy his name. For some reason, he just flipped out, belittling her, calling her stupid, etc. and didn’t give a name. So I take over to hand-off drinks and place his drink just on the hand-off, with no words. I’ll add that it was a busy store with a lot of people waiting.
I just keep putting drinks out for about 10-15 minutes until the jerk walks up and picks up his drink that’s now lukewarm. He then goes, “Is this mine?” My perfect reply made his face turn red. I just respond with, “I don’t know, it doesn’t have a name on it.”
71. Very Amusing
When I was about 13 years old, my family had saved up to take us to the Six Flags Over Georgia amusement park. It’s about a two-hour drive away from our house, so we left early to get there as soon as it opened. That way, we wouldn’t have to fight any crowds at the gate. As we pulled into the parking lot, we found a decent spot in an area that was already packed.
As we started to pull into the spot, a car of four 20-something-year-olds cut us off and took the spot. Ok, whatever we think. But no. To add insult to injury, the driver then got out and yelled, “What the heck are you gonna do about it, loser?” His buddies all had a good laugh and headed over to the gate. I could tell that my dad was steamed, but he kept his mouth shut.
We eventually found another spot and, as we were heading to the gate, my dad said he’d be right back and walked off. When I found out what he did, I couldn’t stop laughing. Fast forward to the end of the day: The park was closed and we were the last group of people making our way out. We hopped into the car and, lo and behold, we saw the car from earlier with four flat tires and four annoyed guys just sitting there.
My dad drives by them and, without missing a beat, rolls down the window and yells “What the heck are you gonna do about it, losers?” as we drive off into the sunset.
72. That’s Cold
My roommate used to leave his heater on full freaking blast when he would sleep, and I’ll give you one guess who paid the electric bill. He would sometimes forget to turn it off for work, which of course made me even more mad. One day, I had enough. Instead of being an adult and asking him to turn it down and or off when he left, I pulled the heater off the wall and unwired it.
73. Playing Dirty
I moved to America to be with this guy, let’s call him Rick. Rick happened to work at the same big box store as my friend Jason, and one day when I came to meet Jason from work, a co-worker innocently said, “Are you looking for Rick? He’s staying with his girlfriend.” Me, totally stunned: “I’M HIS GIRLFRIEND.”
Now another thing you should know about Rick is he bought his toothbrushes wholesale and lived in the grungiest apartment ever. I cleaned every inch of that bathroom, toilet included, with each and every one of those remaining toothbrushes, documenting every step with photographs. Then I rinsed them in the toilet and put them back in the box.
And I packed my stuff and left. But then I sweetened the deal. Ten years later, when I’d calculated he was on the last brush, I sent him the pictures.
74. A Golden Opportunity
My brother has always been one of those evil geniuses thinking ten steps ahead of everyone else. This is how you get revenge in a totally epic way. In kindergarten, he went to a fancy private school and used to get picked on a lot for wearing glasses. The one time he actually fought back in self-defense, he got sent to the principal’s office and lost recess privileges for a week.
This was in January. He held onto that resentment all year long. Fast forward to the last day of school for that year. My brother consumed as many liquids as he possibly could, and then didn’t use the bathroom all day. In the last hour of the day, he snuck into the principal’s office and peed everywhere. We’re talking on all four walls, on the floor, and even on the ceiling.
That’s also how you get expelled from private school while you’re still in kindergarten…
75. The Wet Bandits Return
A woman I work with literally took this great story that I tell about me being in the same hospital at the same time that my niece was born. She tells it as if it was her husband, and she was in the hospital giving birth. She’s a known one-upper, everything you do she did it better, faster, it was worse for her, etc.
So, it didn’t surprise me when a co-worker told me she regularly tells clients that story. Now, every single day as I get in, I pour a tiny bit of my water bottle out on her desk, chair, or on the carpet somewhere in her office. In my mind, mold is slowly growing in her office, her skirt gets wet when she sits down, or any fresh documents she puts on her desk get sat right in the small puddle of water.
76. Home Sweet Hospital
As a nurse, we had this god-awful patient who made all our lives a nightmare. Needed pain meds on the dot, needed to smoke every half hour, sat on the call light all freaking day. This person was also possibly the rudest human being I’ve ever met. Treated us horribly. So it finally came time for discharge, and this patient decided to come up with a whole bunch of new medical problems.
“I have chest pain! I have nausea! One side of my body feels numb!” So, being the very skilled and rational nurse I am, I asked the doctor for a whole new set of orders. First, I asked for lab draws every three hours (meaning needles every three hours) to check cardiac markers. Then I asked that the patient get “nothing by mouth” status while we did tests.
This person couldn’t go an hour without eating something. Oh, but it gets better. For the numbness, I requested he be placed on strict bedrest for 24 hrs, which meant no more going downstairs to smoke. I then explained this all to the patient, and he says, “Oh! I Just wanted to stay another night. I ain’t doing any of that! I feel fine, just give me my friggin’ papers!”
I had him out the door in an hour.
77. You’re Out Of Order
My wife’s brother did something to irritate her back in the day when they were in high school. So my wife turned off the TV, wrote “broken” on a piece of paper taped to the TV, shut off the power strip, and flipped the batteries around in the remote. It took her brother several days to figure it out and get the TV “working” again.
78. Ivy League
I’m immune to poison ivy, so I was always uprooting it for my parents in our yard. We had about a full acre of it. One day, I happened to have left a whole pile of it in this concrete area behind our garage because I was too lazy to dispose of it properly and wanted to go fishing. I headed over to a fishing pond across this canal in my neighborhood.
I didn’t always have a functioning bike, and the walk was only about a mile. On this particular day, as I was making my way over, a “big kid” who was probably about two or three years older than me happened to be passing by. He was a real jerk. He’d always do stuff like ride by me on his bike and act like he was gonna high-five me, but then just slap my face and ride off laughing.
Anyway, as he was passing by on his bike that day, he decided to pull that stunt again and I went back home feeling upset. I wanted revenge. I got my water gun and was gonna shoot him if he messed with me again. Then I saw the ivy and got an evil idea. I poured it into a bucket with some water, stirred it all up good, then dumped the mixture in.
I went back to the pond as soon as everything was ready. On the way back home, he came around and tried messing with me again. I hosed him down with my water gun. He started freaking out and broke it, but man was it worth it! He had no idea what had hit him! From what I heard, he didn’t go back to school for almost two weeks after that.
79. Let’s Go To The Tape
I wear hearing aids, and a girl in my math class when I was in high school used to make fun of me. I hadn’t said two words to her, I gave her no reason to do it, she was just being evil. So I recorded her mocking my hearing loss on my phone and then played it for her parents. They took the new car they just bought her back to the dealership.
80. To The Letter
I used to work at a pizzeria. There was this one customer who everyone hated. She was rude as heck, complained about everything. And she wasn’t a normal customer, no, she would order essentially groceries from us by ordering disassembled sandwiches. For example, she’d order a chicken sandwich but with all of the ingredients separate.
It all had to be in particular amounts, with cutlery, butter, a side of grated cheese, 3 plates, oil and vinegar on the side, “medium rare” toasted bread, extra packets of ranch, you get the idea. But because it was all technically part of a “sandwich,” she didn’t expect to be charged for any of the extras and would complain if she was.
She also refused to answer the door when the delivery drivers got there and instead would leave the money in an envelope (exact change, no tip) under the doormat and wanted the driver to leave the food on her doorstep. She also had weird specifications about where the driver could park: Never in her driveway, only on the street, even when it was raining.
Also, she didn’t want them to announce their arrival in any way. No knocking, no ringing the bell, no beeping their car horns. They needed to be silent, or she’d complain. She was a nightmare, this woman. And every time she complained, she’d try to weasel some free stuff out of us for next time. Because of course she would!
So one day she says she needs the driver to make change and she wants him to just leave the change in the envelope and not take a tip because “he gets paid already.” So I tell my driver this and he says, “Ohhh I get paid, do I? No problem, I’ll take care of it.” He goes on the delivery and comes back pleased as punch, doesn’t say a word about how he “took care of it.”
I get distracted, keep working. Minutes later, I get a phone call that made me burst into laughter. It’s the crazy lady and she’s FURIOUS because apparently my driver left her the correct change of $5.85, in the envelope like she asked…..IN PENNIES. Genius. I had to put her on hold so I could laugh. I get back on the phone with her.
I said, “Ma’am, I think you’ll find that pennies are official tender. There’s nothing I can do.” After explaining that I am, indeed, the manager and the highest authority present, she got fed up and hung up on me. That driver is still a king to me.
81. Mousing Around
I once had a colleague I hated because he was very condescending and really arrogant. So I put an extra Bluetooth receiver in his computer for a computer mouse, and kept the mouse in my drawer. I would just open my drawer and it would mess his stuff right up. Kept it going for like two months. He was about to destroy the world when I thought, “I better stop.”
82. So Done
Back in the early 90s, supermarket cashiers had to type every price in by hand. I was at a grocery store, walking toward the only open check stand with a single bottle of soda in my hand. Suddenly, this hoity toity lady with a cart stacked to the top flew out of one of the aisles like a freight train and cut me off.
“I’m in a hurry,” she said, then looked away like she was annoyed that I’d even been born. I looked at the cashier. He rolled his eyes and got back to work. Five minutes later, she’s walking out the door and it’s my turn to check out. What the cashier told me made my fist pump. “You’re good,” he says. “I put your soda on her tag.” Man, that felt good.
83. Bro, You Can Tell Me Anything
Back in college, I was sitting in the library trying to work on an assignment. All was quiet for a while, until this one obnoxious guy came in and sat at a table near me. He proceeded to pull out his phone and have the loudest, most obnoxious conversation with one of his friends. Lots of “BRO, SERIOUSLY BRO?” and yadda yadda.
I was about to pack up my things and find somewhere else to work when the conversation turned to Netflix. The guy told his friend he should just use his account, and proceeded to loudly state his email address and password for all in the room to hear. Obviously, this was too good of an opportunity for me to pass up.
So, I promptly logged into his Netflix account and navigated to the “LGBT” section and started adding the gayest movies I could find to the top of the queue. I like to think that both the guys ended up thinking the other one added the movies to the queue but were too shocked to ever say anything to each other.
84. A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words
I took screenshot photos from my wife’s lover’s Facebook and sent them to the school he taught at. After all, posting pcitures of your student’s tests and then making fun of them is not cool at all. He was fired for it. But I had another revenge up my sleeve. After his dismissal, I divorced my wife and got her removed from her position at a daycare because it was a church-based facility with morality clauses.
85. A Well-Baked Plan
I used to buy small treat bags of gourmet cookies from a local bakery a few years ago. I would eat maybe one a day, but they were a treat for me. Back then, my husband and I had a retail store and a few friends who would hang out at the store, since it was kind of a lounge too. Well, my husband and our friends would just help themselves.
But they had no self-control, and they wouldn’t even ask for some. I would buy the bag of cookies for me, and they’d be gone the next day. I would try to hide them but couldn’t. So, I bagged up a bunch of dog treats that the local pet food store had that looked very, very close to cookies. They were all about the same size as the ones I bought from the bakery.
I placed them where all the guys could see them and waited for the fun. Yep, they tried them…asked if they were a bad batch or maybe the bakery missed an ingredient or two in the dough. I waited until they tried to eat more than three each, then told them they were dog treats. They never touched my cookies again.
86. Taught By Force
I had a guy in school who would always skip class and then ask for my notes. Very annoying. We had a group project worth almost 40% of our grade and he did zero work, and the professor told me “tough luck.” Instead of just saying “no” the next time he asked for notes, I took the low road and got the perfect revenge.
I began giving him edited versions. I would leave items out of lists, incorrectly define things, or just straight-up write stuff that made no sense. If he had even once bothered to crack the text, he would have figured out that I was just putting junk in willy-nilly, but that was apparently too much effort for him. He retook that class.
87. Tow Me To The Burn Ward, Please
When I was in college back in the 90s, I used to dispatch tow truck drivers part-time to help pay tuition. It was an easy job. Someone broke down, they called Triple A, then Triple A called whichever tow company was nearest. If we were nearest, I would get on the radio and tell the driver where to go and what to expect.
Pretty easy, and most drivers were laid-back, friendly guys. Sometimes we would get new drivers, though, as the tow industry has a healthy turnover, especially in the wintertime. If the new guys ever got uppity or were jerks, we had this one trick we would pull on them. First, we would wait for the “Driver” to be helping a girl.
Then once they had gotten the girl’s car on the flat bed or strung up on the rig, we would go over the radio and ask if they were available. Dispatcher: “Hey driver, you have a customer with you en route back to the garage?” Driver: “Yeah dispatch we are heading back to the garage.” This is where we’d strike.
Dispatcher: “Okay, good. Oh, by the way, the doctor called. He said something about your private rash cream being in and you can pick it up whenever you have time.” Of course, all of the other drivers would be standing by on their radios and then they would all chime in laughing to bust the target driver’s chops. It was a great laugh, and the drivers never messed with the other drivers or dispatch again.
88. Car Trouble
I had a friend in high school who became a jerk during our senior year. There were a bunch of little things that added up to our friendship falling apart. At the worst point of it, I pooped on his car one night. Real simple, I just crawled up on the hood of his car and took a poop on his windshield. I just knew that he’d walk outside the next day and think, “What the heck is this?”
Fun fact: we’re actually great friends again now. He still has no idea it was me.
89. Did You Enjoy Your Stay?
I was a chef for a famous all-inclusive hotel chain. One day, I was approached in the kitchen and told that I needed to pack my bags and move 3,000 miles away to fix a labor issue at another hotel. I happily obliged, but negotiated a deal where I would have my choice of any hotel location after I successfully fixed the labor issue.
I arrived at the new hotel and proceeded to diligently address the labor problem, while also taking over dinner service for 750 people. After a few months, the labor issue had been fixed and settled, and the kitchen was running as smoothly as I like. I asked my manager about when I could make the move to another hotel per our arrangement. Her reply made my blood run cold.
I was told that since I had done such a good job they were going to make me stay where I was for an indeterminate amount of time (i.e. forever). I let my management know this was unacceptable, and I demanded to be transferred in accordance with the original agreement. I was told they would work on it. I gave them a three-week window to address the issue, to give them time to discuss it with the head office, etc.
I told them if they did not come through in three weeks then I would walk off the job and never look back. After three quiet weeks, I politely asked my manager if my transfer had come through or if it was at least still in the works. I did not get the answer I was hoping for. So, the next morning, I gave the entire dinner staff the day off and told them not to answer any work calls.
I set up the kitchen as if I were prepping for dinner, including onions and herbs in hotel pans full of water with foil covers, garlic sizzling in pans, etc. I kept up the charade until around 4:30 pm, at which point I left the kitchen, went to my room, picked up my bags, and went to the lobby to wait for my ride. The manager came out and absolutely freaked.
There were 750 pre-paid dinner reservations for that night, and NO food! He told me if I walked out then I would never work for the company again. I laughed, shook his hand, and said goodbye. I never looked back and never talked to anyone there again. This was more than 20 years ago.
90. Is This Hacking?
My previous property management company was the worst. After a huge snowfall, the property management company hadn’t touched the snow in our parking lot for days. After day three, I called to mention we were sort of trapped and they needed to send trucks and snow blowers to take care of things. The response I got was basically “Sorry, we’ll get to it sooner or later.”
Important note: Years ago if you opened a Yahoo email, you could add a second email for recovery without confirming it. I created a new @yahoo email address and used their general @propertymanagement as the alternate email. I then signed up for alerts for every time there was an eBay listing for “snow plow” or “snow blower.”
It took a matter of hours before thousands of emails were sent. Ended up crashing their email server. They responded to all residents with a very nice email explaining they get the frustration, and they’re working on it. So, I paused the alerts. 24 hours later, still nothing, alerts back on. Another email, another pause, another day of nothing, repeat. Eventually, we got the driveway plowed and life was good.
91. Picture Perfect
My then-high school girlfriend was a total jerk who emotionally mistreated me wanted me to abandon all of my friends. She would always try to bring me down in any way she could. When I finally got fed up, I had my revenge by breaking up with her on photo day. As a result, she had to take her photos with mascara running all over her face.
92. Don’t Stop The Party
I lived in an apartment with a roommate. We had neighbors who would throw crazy parties pretty frequently, often during the week. One day, my roommate who had to be awake early had enough and decided to pee on a metal pizza pan and stick it in the freezer. After a crazy party, he pulled the pan out, flipped it upside down to get a frozen disc of pee, then slid that disc under their door where it would soon melt on their fully carpeted entryway.
We woke up to them shouting at the people who crashed there about who peed on the floor what was wrong with them. Wish I could say they toned down their parties, but they didn’t and eventually got evicted.
93. Fighting Like Cats And Dogs
I had this really awful neighbor a few years ago. She and her boyfriend always did random things to me and my stuff, thinking they were funny. One time, they drew on my car with a Sharpie; another time they took my garbage bins and hid them in her backyard. I’ve called the authorities on her many times, but she’s got connections there so she was always let off.
Then, she poisoned my cat. He was an outdoors cat and, while he was chilling one day, she fed him rat poison. How do I know this? Because she told me so! Apparently, he was “agitating” her dogs, so she poisoned him. Her dogs were fancy, top-notch, $10k-a-piece dogs. They were all show dogs and absolutely adorable.
So, when she wasn’t paying attention, I took all three of them and gave them to various friends and family members of mine as new pets. One is now in Canada, one in the UK, and another in Japan. I didn’t think I’d get away with it, but she didn’t have any tracking devices on her dogs, so I literally just took off the collars and they were mine.
I moved shortly after that, but apparently she’s still looking for them.
94. Cash And Carry
I occasionally deliver pizza as a part-time job. There is a customer who tends to pay with a big bag of change. I don’t mean a bag full of quarters, I mean a bag full of dimes, nickels, and pennies. Since his meal typically costs about $20, the bag usually weighs several pounds. It is a total pain to count out all of the change, so typically drivers will just assume that he has the correct amount and leave.
Usually, he has just enough or maybe a few cents over. I don’t think this is an innocent thing either, as he usually gives the bag of change with a big grin. It is such a pain that most of the drivers know his address by heart, and avoid going to his house if at all possible. So, I was having a bad night, and by the luck of the draw got this dude’s house.
I remembered reading something involving someone paying in a checkout line with a bag of change, and I knew I could use a similar method to take my frustration out on this guy in the pettiest way possible. I pulled up to his house and left the pizza in the car. I rang the doorbell, and when he answered I saw the large bag of change in his hand that I knew would be there.
He asked where his pizza was, and I said, “New policy, sir. Gotta count it out before we can give out the pizza.” So I sat down on his doorstep and started to count out all of the change. At one point, I even asked if he could turn on his porch light, because I was having a hard time seeing. He did end up sitting there while I counted out the entire bag of change, even though it took about ten minutes.
He ended up being about a dollar over, so I started picking up pennies to give him his change back, when he said that I could keep the rest as a tip. When I gave him his pizza, he sheepishly told me sorry and then shut the door. The whole situation was incredibly awkward, and to my knowledge he hasn’t ordered pizza from us in a while.
95. The North Remembers
I knew a crazy kid in elementary school. Kid jumped across the table and tried to choke me out. I instigated it by saying he was “cuckoo for cocoa puffs” since that was the only thing that kid ever talked about and he was wearing a cocoa puffs shirt that day. Senior year of high school, turns out that kid was in my Design class.
I needed to get a C or better on the final. Over the year, I found out the kid was taking my work off my share drive and copying it. For the final, I purposely screwed up the drawing in my folder, but the kid didn’t double-check it. He turned it in and failed and had to go back and be a super senior.
96. Performance Revenge
I got reviewed at work by a manager I had never met before. I had done everything I was always told to do and more, but he still marked me low. I know it’s because they wanted to avoid giving me a raise, but at least say you don’t want to or can’t afford to. I’ll at least respect your honesty. Anything else, and you can go screw yourself.
Anyway, he told me I didn’t go the extra mile. I pointed out that I always do. His response? “Well, I never see you do it.” I said, “Well, maybe if management didn’t always hang out at guest services and went around to the other floors, where I am doing my job, you’d have seen me.” That got him to yell at me and mark me poorly for attitude, but I don’t care.
Later on, he came up to me and asked me if I could stay late. Given that I’d previously told him I didn’t have anything else to do the next day, he probably thought I’d say yes. I looked him in the eyes and said, “Sorry, but I don’t see that you guys need my help.”
97. Lose My Address
I was dating this girl. Thought she was the one, so I gave her the keys to my apartment. I worked late for my job, and I was just happy there was someone in my bed when I got home at 2 in the morning. Came home one night, and she was awake. She then suddenly confessed to using my apartment to cheat on me with seven different people.
So I packed her stuff up, since she was still living with her mom anyways. Then I lied to her and said I moved to Seattle. The truth was actually amazing. I moved to Hawaii instead. Three months after being in Hawaii, I get a phone call from her. I answer, and to my surprise, she’s called me from the Seattle airport. She flew out there to try and fix things between us.
The dialog goes as follows Me: So you’re in Seattle? Her: Yeah! Weren’t you listening? I came here to fix us. Me: Oh…well, that’s bad. Her: What’s bad? Me: I’m in Hawaii! I then hung up the phone. She calls back immediately, and I answer. Her: YOU LIED TO ME!! Me: Huh, how does it feel? I hang up again. To me, that was a good revenge.
98. Your Cheating Heart
My ex cheated on me with a married man. She now lives with him. She is a jerk, but I got the last laugh. You see, I still have the login for her DVR. I logged in, erased all her shows, then recorded only the show Cheaters. Petty, but it makes me laugh.
99. Falling for You
I used to deliver pizza, and one time I had a delivery to a brownstone house with a small stoop. It was either Christmas or Thanksgiving week and we had snow/ice a couple of days beforehand. Well, I pull up, and there must have been some sort of family gathering at the house because there were a handful of people outside talking.
When I get out of the car, one of the people on the porch opened the door and yelled into whoever was supposed to come out and pay for the food. The woman came to the door as I was walking up the sidewalk. I was carrying a cut pie with a couple of bags filled with wings or whatever inside. I had a decent amount of food in my hands.
But as I was walking, I slipped on ice and fell onto the sidewalk while everyone was watching. The massive pizza fell facedown, box open, onto the icy sidewalk to the horror of the hungry onlookers. I remember being on the ground, in the process of getting up, picking the pizza up off the ground, and hearing this woman screaming at me.
She was so mad that I dropped her food. She didn’t offer to help me up, she didn’t ask if I was ok, she didn’t apologize for having ice on her sidewalk, she just flipped out on me. So now I’m standing there with a mutilated pizza hearing this old woman ream me out in front of her family. I apologized as soon as I fell, but she didn’t care. For at least 20-30 seconds she went in on me for dropping the pizza.
So I threw the pizza at her feet onto her porch and got into my car and left. I took her chicken wings with me so I had some sort of proof that I didn’t deliver the food and I didn’t get paid for it. I have a lot of stories from delivering, for some reason, this stuck with me for like ten years now.
100. Two Can Play At That Game
In a previous relationship of mine, my girlfriend cheated on me with some guy we both know. So, to get my revenge, I slept with that guy’s girlfriend. We just did it to spite both of them. And it was totally worth it just for the chance to see their reactions when they found out.
101. Perfect Comeback
A customer of mine who was angry about something absolutely inconsequential said, “I’m never coming back, and I’m gonna tell all my friends!” The owner of the store replied, “Great, I doubt you have many.”
102. Paying The Price
I started in a new job two years ago and hated a guy who kept joking about me, so I got his phone number and announced his PS4 was for sale for like 50$. Same day during lunch, he was already nuts because of the calls.
103. Pretty Sneaky
When I was about 8, I convinced my 4-year-old sister to brush her teeth with mascara by saying that it was a special type of toothpaste, all because she had broken a toy of mine.
104. And I Quote
After my ex told me she knows she’s better than me by a mile while breaking up with me, I took a screenshot of it. I now send her said screenshot whenever she tries to talk to me.
105. Technical Victory
A horrible former co-worker always claimed she worked way more hours than she actually did, and when she was at work she just browsed Facebook all day. The doctor/owner was very hands-off and just let her do whatever she wanted. That was actually despite me going to him with proof…so I decided to take revenge.
She was not computer-savvy at all, so I removed Internet Explorer from her desktop and installed an identical icon that, when clicked, would instantly restart the computer. It was so satisfying when she would forget and click it, losing anything that she was working on. She would always grumble and complain about the issues with her computer.
106. A Game Of Telephone
When me and my ex-fiancée were having a bunch of arguments after we broke up, I got tired of her constantly texting me about nonsense, so I called the phone carrier to have them cut off service—to her phone that I paid for—right in the middle of an argument.
107. Hello Goodbye
This happened when I was in my late twenties. My mom and I were in the car. My dad called and they started bickering with each other. My mom got irritated and hung up on him. He called her right back, and when she answered he hung up on HER! Didn’t even say a word, just waited for her to pick and then hung up.
It was so petty and hilarious to see my parents acting like children. I couldn’t stop laughing. They’ve been married over 35 years. I still get tickled when I think about that.
108. Weeding Out The Competition
Once upon a time, I was a newly married lad. We purchased my grandparents’ house from their estate as our first home. We didn’t have kids yet, so we both had full-time jobs and hectic schedules. Incident The First: One day, I came home from work to find my dog out, going nuts. She rarely barked, so I paused for a second, trying to find out was going on…
I then watched as a bright yellow sprinkler came flying over the fence. There was a bunch of stuff lying around my back yard, where the neighbor kid, let’s call him Evil Son, had been throwing it at my poor dog. I walked next door and banged on the neighbor’s door. The boy’s mother, let’s call her Witch, came to the upstairs window (not even to the door) and yelled, “What are you doing on my property?” at me.
By the way, this is my very first interaction with this woman. I introduced myself, and tried to explain what was going on. She immediately jumped to “Do you have video of my son throwing stuff?” Then, inexplicably, Witch started blaming my wife and I. “If you weren’t such hermits, everyone wouldn’t hate you so much.”
Odd, all of my other neighbors waved when we went by…but we didn’t interact more than that. She was the only one I didn’t know. Anyhow, she went on, and it turned out that she was upset that I didn’t tell her that my grandmother had passed. Yeah…I hadn’t told someone I didn’t know about a family matter. Fine, whatever. I dropped the matter and left. But that was just the beginning of the nightmare.
Incident The Second: Shortly after, I stopped working a regular 9-5 and started my own business, working out of my home. I noticed some mail went missing. One day, I see the mail truck go by, and put on shoes to go pick it up from the mailbox. When I get down there, I find the box empty, and Witch walking away from it with my stuff in hand.
I yell at her, and she drops it in a pile on her driveway. Proceeds to yell at me that it was blowing around her driveway, and that I should be more careful. Yeah, so I call the authorities. They are reluctant to do anything since I didn’t actually see her take the mail from my mailbox, but they still go over to talk to her. I can hear her yelling at them from inside my house. The next day, she runs out and stands in front of my car, trying to confront me as I am leaving. I tell her in no uncertain terms that I am OK with running her over.
Incident the Third: A neighbor’s pet bunny went missing from its outdoor hutch. Another neighbor spots Evil Son down at the end of our cul-de-sac, looking suspicious. Bunny is found, mutilated, where Evil Son was seen. Officers are called, denials, the works. Incident the Fourth: We were getting our house ready to sell. Part of that included stripping and repainting our attached deck. I come home from work, and find a can of paint has been opened and thrown across the deck, some furniture, and the side of the house.
There are a few child-sized footprints through the paint. Officers come, but don’t care once more. Then Evil Son is expelled from his elementary school. He was found with a “Harm List” containing most of his classmates. Then the Witch has an “extinction burst,” as they call it, blaming everyone for everything bad in her life.
She puts fliers in everyone’s mailboxes, talking about a conspiracy against her. Did you know that that’s actually punishable by fine? She does now…so then Witch takes a different neighbor to task out in the street. Turns out, she doesn’t have any friends anymore. Other neighbors join the fracas, ganging up on her.
Turns out her kid killing their rabbit, or her kid throwing rocks at their cars, and various other events, made her no friends. Witch then gets kicked out of a city alderman meeting where she tried to have the entire neighborhood condemned for various imagined slights. Results: So, after years of dealing with this woman, we prepared to move to a new house. We threw one last blowout party, as one does.
I get a little inebriated and went on a rant about how little I was going to miss having that neighbor. That’s when we came up with an amazing revenge. A friend decided that payback was in order, so we went down into the cellar and looked over my grandfather’s shelves of Stuff He Never Threw Away. Among it all was a bottle of weed killer. Great Depression era, block letters. I have no idea what was in that stuff. Now, this is where the story gets a little hazy.
My friend disappeared for about an hour, and then came back as if nothing ever happened. I never saw the bottle leave the shelf. But, a few days later, parts of Witch’s lawn started to turn brown and die. Big block letters spelled out “I am a Witch,” but meaner. I ran into her a week later, as I was getting my mail. Contractors were tearing up her lawn, laying down rolls of sod.
She stomped over to me and complained about my other neighbor’s kids. She clearly saw them apply lighter fluid to her lawn, and light it on fire to burn the awful message into it. Funny thing, whatever was done to her lawn, within a week sections of the new sod rotted, and the message reappeared. Honestly, screw that woman.
109. Eat Your Words
A while ago I decided to treat myself to some Burger King. I was having a bad day and had a headache coming on. So I was waiting in line at the BK, when suddenly this woman comes in with a monster of a child. He was out of control, screaming, punching his mother, throwing things around. The mother didn’t pay any attention to him and he continued yelling, “I want a PIE.”
My headache turned into a full-blown migraine. I calmly turned and asked if she could please calm her child down. Immediately she got up in my face, telling me to mind my own business. I nodded and turned around, when the child cried out again how he wants a pie. I then decided to ruin their day in the most devious way I could think of.
When I got to the front of the line I asked the person at the register how many apple pies they have left. They told me and I bought all of them. I ate one and made sure the kid saw me throw the rest in the trash.
110. Don’t Stop Believing
My dad is out of state on business driving through some no-name town when he goes through an intersection. Suddenly, a cop pulls him over and tickets him—stating that he ran a stop sign. My dad insisted that there was not any stop sign, but the cop did not listen. Angry, he went back to the intersection and saw that there was indeed a stop sign hidden behind a tree and twisted in the wrong direction!
Even more angry, he went into a convenience store and bought a disposable camera. The clerk laughed because he saw what happened and knew what was up. Luckily, my dad had to be back there in a few weeks for work. The cop assumed that someone with out of state plates would just pay the ticket, and was shocked when my dad turned up in court, calmly presented his evidence to the judge, and strolled out in five minutes scot-free.
111. Sold Out Of Love
Wife was pilfering money from the marriage, to the tune of about $1,000 per month. It had gone on for a few years before I figured it out. (I thought she was saving the money, she was really stashing it in her dad’s accounts.) Not satisfied to simply stash away her own salary, she began to buy stuff on the joint charge card, then sell it on eBay.
I paid the card. I started the divorce without telling her. During this time, I took my name off the joint card without telling her and began using my own credit card. When the bills came in for that month, I informed her that I would not pay the credit card bills anymore, that she had her own job and her own money and she could pay her own bills.
There was the expected ruckus about that, but I stuck to my guns. A week or so later, she had a screaming foot stomping tantrum about how it wasn’t worth her time to work her eBay business. (Because she now had to actually buy her own inventory instead of just selling stuff I bought). Yeah, I cracked a smile.
The story ends thusly: I later traded the money—and my silence about the felonies she committed while transferring the money—for shared custody, zero payments to her, and zero claims on real estate, etc. She walked away with less than she’d have gotten if she was honest. I even got the house. Our divorce was final four months ago.
112. Bringing Down The House
I tried to get my ex-wife served with divorce papers, only to learn she had vandalized and abandoned our former home in response to my leaving. I went over to find almost all of my clothes had been bleached, along with our new living room set. The new dining room table and chairs had been gouged. Weeks worth of trash and raw food had been left out.
The refrigerator had been turned off, leaving hundreds of dollars worth of food to rot. The whole place smelled awful. She had also taken all of the electronics (probably to hawk), my passport with stamps in it from around the world, and the painting I had inherited from my beloved grandfather who had passed. She knew this would hurt me the most.
All said and done, there was $7,000 in property damage and another $1,500 in stolen property.
113. What A Beautiful Sight
Over the course of six months, through countless phone calls to different union offices and the department of labor, I eventually got my boss fired for changing people’s time-keeping information to take overtime from them. During those months I was treated like dirt by this guy, but I never actually did anything wrong so I couldn’t be punished.
At one point, management—against contract rules—denied my time off request to be at my best friend’s wedding and my boss brought me into his office and threatened to fire me. At this point, I had called the northeast district business associate on him, and I will never forget the look on my boss’s face when he realized I knew he couldn’t do anything to me.
114. Following Up
My insufferable manager followed me after work to my second job because she didn’t believe I had one and was just using it as an excuse to get out early. My manager at my second job said, “There’s some crazy lady banging on the doors yelling your name.” So, I grabbed my uniform from my bag, opened the door, threw it in her face, and told her to shove off.
115. Don’t Even Heifer
I was the fat girl in middle school, and there was one guy who would moo at me during classes we had together all year. We went to different high schools, and I’d lost more than half my weight. There was a wedding my junior year for a family friend who was marrying that jerk’s older brother, so he’d be there.
The bride called me over and introduced me to her new brother-in-law and said we would hit it off. He immediately asked me to dance, and I turned him down, not wanting to cause a scene. He kept insisting, so I said, “I recognize you, we went to middle school together.” He looked puzzled and didn’t remember me.
I said, “Yeah, you were that guy who used to make cow noises and moo at that girl in some of our classes.” He instantly started to crack up and said, “Yeah, that was me, that chick was nasty!” I looked him straight-faced and said, “Yeah, well now you’re looking at the cow.” His jaw dropped, and I walked off happy.
116. Cheaters Never Prosper
I knew my ex-wife was cheating but didn’t tell her that I knew. Took her out to dinner and I casually asked questions about who she had been spending time with while I was at sea, she barely worked so she had to spend her time doing something. She failed to mention the guy that had been staying at my house for nearly 2 months, the guy she had to call the authorities on just to get to leave because I was coming home in 2 days.
Soooo I slid her a copy of the report that was filed for the incident and watched as she crumbled over the fact she had been caught, and I didn’t have to say a word.
117. Poo Patrol
A boss was worried we were “taking away time” by using the bathroom for too long. So, being the nutjob he is, he locked all the bathrooms in the building except the ones he could see from his office door, shut off water to them, put out of order signs on them, and would sit there with a stopwatch timing us between walking into the restroom and walking out, and then would call out the time.
This was ridiculous, over the top, and probably against the law, but he never made a policy officially restricting bathroom time…he just wanted to make everyone feel uncomfortable if they took too long. I discovered that with my height, it was really easy to go through the drop ceiling and over the half wall, and I was the only other person using the men’s room besides my boss, who is short. So, I came up with a devious plan.
I went in, locked it from the inside, did my business, and climbed out the ceiling, leaving the door locked so my boss could not get into the bathroom when he needed to go and was forced to use the ladies…which led to our female employees complaining that he was taking too long in their bathroom. To this day, I don’t know if he ever figured out how I was doing that.
118. The Cost Of Cheating
We dated for four years and had what I thought was a great relationship. We were both well-established professionals who both owned homes in the same neighborhood and both had daughters in the home. Her daughter was 11, and mine was 16 when we met. We had actually planned to get married, build a house, and raise the two together.
We planned the house build because she had recently been diagnosed with a neurological illness that would eventually put her in a wheelchair, and needed something disability-friendly. During the planning stages, I began doing landscape and construction projects on her home to increase the resale value. All in, I invested roughly $30K into the home, running everything through my side construction business for tax, permitting, and resale purposes.
We had a contract that “payment” would be made upon the sale of the home. I produced invoices for each and every project, but never pushed for payment because of the prior agreement. Fast forward six months, we’re looking at property to develop and finalizing drawings on the home when I began feeling ill. I couldn’t eat, constantly vomiting and passing blood.
I began noticing that my abdomen looked swollen, which was odd because we were both very clean eaters and were in the gym every day. So I went to the doctor and began having tests done. During this time, she began having small cognitive issues, and the stress of her current position was exacerbating her condition, so she took a $20K per anum cut in pay along with a lesser position inside the company.
After a month or so of different tests, and a biopsy, it came back that I had a golf ball-sized tumor in my stomach, and would need to begin chemotherapy. So I began chemo and radiation treatments, which made me, expectedly so, extremely ill. She was spending time helping around my place on the weekends and staying over more, to the point that both her and her daughter were at my home more than theirs.
At this point, I suggested that we go ahead and put one of our houses on the market, and move in together until the new house was built. I have great supplemental insurance as well as a long-term health plan, so using that coupled with the sale of one of our houses would push us through comfortably, and help ease the financial stress on her. This backfired on me horribly.
Shortly after this discussion, she became extremely distant. Her daughter wasn’t coming down and hanging out with mine anymore, and she had excuses for not getting together. She quit driving me to treatments and stopped staying over. She then dropped the truth. A sentence that will forever be burned into my psyche: “I love you, but I can’t see myself taking care of someone this sick in the long-term, and I don’t think we should see each other any longer.”
A. TEXT. It broke me. I won’t lie. This was the first woman I had ever opened up to and planned a life with since my wife passed when my children were 1 and 3. However, I tried to be mature about it. I forced myself to understand her position and to accept what I could not change. I calmly, the next day, gathered all of her things, packed them neatly, loaded them in my truck, and took them to her house to leave on the back porch while she was at work, in order to avoid any awkward exchanges.
Walking around the back and under the porch cover, I sat down on a box, and saw her in her back living room. I wish I could unsee what came next. She was there getting it on with a man that she had introduced to me as a life-long friend. I had once had dinner and drinks with this man and his girlfriend. We had gone on vacation with them as well.
I never spoke of the incident with her, and simply sent her a text later, explaining that I would leave her things on my side porch to pick up at her convenience. I discovered eight or nine months later from his now ex-girlfriend that they had broken up due to him confessing that he had been sleeping with my partner, dating back to about the time we were finishing drawings on the new home.
Now I’m angry. Revenge time. At this point, I had finished chemo and radiation for the time being and was feeling healthier. I was going through some much-neglected paperwork when I ran across the file that contained $32,680.00 in unpaid, long overdue invoices, which were promptly sent to my attorney to begin lien proceedings on the home.
It turns out that I couldn’t have done this a moment too soon because she was set to put her house on the market. Coupled with interest over the course of, what was then, 19 months overdue, the invoices were hefty. That, along with the agreement of settling them when the house was sold and attorney fees, left her with roughly $10K after the sale of the home and settling her current mortgage.
She promptly had to back out of the purchase of another home and moved in with her oldest daughter and two grandchildren. She also had to leave her job and begin receiving disability. I ran into her a little over a year ago, and she looked as if she had aged 20 years, and was in the wheelchair we had talked about. We chatted cordially but briefly and I excused myself and went on with my day.
A few days later, her younger daughter called me and spoke of my running into her mom, and could we hang out sometime. I gave a vague answer, thanked her for calling and again, went on with my day. The ex then called me a week or so later, and began apologizing for leaving me as she did. Again, cordial but short, I thanked her for calling and hung up.
She began texting, and this went on for several weeks until once she asked if I could ever see us rekindling what we had, to which I replied: “I can’t see myself taking care of someone so sick in the long-term. Remember the box on your back porch? Did you think that (life-long friend) brought that over to you from my house? Good luck to you. Goodbye.”
119. A Taste Of Her Own Medicine
When my boyfriend was 14, he was living with his mom and sister on a housing estate. It was summer and he liked a bit of light in his upstairs bedroom, so he left the curtains open at all times. That included when he was getting dressed and after having a shower, so if you purposefully stared at his window, you could see him from his waist up (and only his waist up).
Well, their neighbor did not like that one bit. She went pounding on their door, yelling at my mother-in-law that her son was a disgrace, hanging around always undressed and exposing himself to her daughter. My mother-in-law told her he had every right to do whatever he wanted in his bedroom, and that if they didn’t want to see him all they needed to do was not to look.
A couple of days went by and lo and behold, the authorities showed up at the neighbor’s door. Turned out the neighbor had been filming and taking pictures of my boyfriend to show to the housing people as evidence of his wrongdoing to get them kicked out. Except that the housing office called the authorities on her for taking pictures and videos of an underage kid and kicked her and her family out.