No matter how patient and kind they are day to day, everyone has a breaking point. When someone really pushes our buttons, we’d like to think that we’d hold our head high and turn the other cheek, but revenge is so, so sweet. Get ready to take notes for the next time you run into someone who makes your blood boil: These people hatched utterly ingenious plans for getting the better of cruel bosses, mean customers, and evil teachers.
1. Red Alert
I was waiting at a red light to cross the main street of my town. My light goes green, so I start driving, at the same time as a truck to my right starts going. I hit my brakes to avoid hitting him, and this kid is looking at me like I’m the jerk.
As soon as he’s clear, I finish crossing, and I see lights start flashing. He ran the red directly in front of a cop.
When the pastor got to the part “or forever hold your peace,” the bride said, “Yes, I’d like to say something.” Then she turned around to her guests and said, “I’d like to thank my maid of honor for sleeping with my fiancé last night.” With that, she threw her bouquet down and stormed off. The story even made it onto local radio at the time.
3. Eat It
I had a teacher in middle school who tried to write me up and force me to come to Saturday school for talking during an exam. I hadn’t been the person talking, and the person who had been talking had already fessed up. I asked him, why I do I have to spend a Saturday in detention when someone else had already admitted to it?
He told me, “Do not question your elders and eat the consequences you were fed by them.” So, I crumbled up the slip and ate it in front of him.
4. Time to Hang it Up
A 15-year-old creep somehow got my 16-year-old younger sister’s phone number and kept calling her and would say the most reprehensible and vulgar things. Too bad for him, our dad is a federal investigator. Last I heard, that kid is no longer allowed to have or operate a telephone for a certain amount of time without parental supervision.
5. Mind Games
My old boss tried firing me because I was better than them at their job. I tricked them into saying it out loud, in front of the CEO. Let’s just say they don’t need to worry about me being better than them anymore.
6. Lecturing Them
I have a great story from a lecture I was at a few years ago. The lecture hadn’t started yet, and people in the audience were chatting amongst themselves. In front of me were two Israeli girls, chatting to each other in Hebrew. I speak a little bit of Hebrew—not a lot, but enough to be able to get the gist of what they were talking about.
They were making fun of the older lady in front of them, mocking her clothing and appearance and so on. They got what was coming to them. After a few minutes of talking about her and laughing, the lady turns around and says, in Hebrew, “You shouldn’t assume that no one can understand you, you know.” Oh, but it gets better.
At which point the guy sitting next to them says, in Hebrew, “Yeah, you really were being very rude.” At which point a third person, a woman sitting in the row behind me, leaned forward and called them idiots, all in Hebrew. By this point, I was starting to really crack up with laughter and the people seated nearby were giving me looks.
I didn’t have anything clever to add, so I just wheezed out that I spoke Hebrew too in between laughs. The four of us just laughed and laughed, while the two girls tried to slide into the floor.
7. Challenge Accepted
Friend of mine is a divorce lawyer. His favorite divorce story is the time the husband in a bitter divorce got some slimy lawyer and said he would out-lawyer his ex-wife and break the bank before giving her anything she wanted. This was in front of my friend, who was her lawyer. My friend looks at her and says, “I’m working for you pro bono (free) from this moment forward.”
He looks back at the scumbag husband and says, “I got all day.”
8. Dance, Dance, Revolution
So to set the scene, we live in a solid brick block of 4 flats built in the 1960s. This building is going nowhere. We are in one of the downstairs flats and lead a quiet life. Occasionally, we listen to some music, maybe watch some comedy specials on TV and laugh a little loudly, sometimes my girlfriend gets a bit heated while playing video games. Other than that though, just normal domestic lowkey hum.
The neighbor above us is a professional singer who teaches students from home to supplement her income. No problem to us, we usually have headsets on and can’t hear anyway. She also has had a string of fellas that she has had loud screeching intimate time with. Again, no skin off our nose, we make our share of similar noise ourselves. Finally, she is a heel stomper and a possession dropper. We can hear every single step she takes, and every single thing she drops on her floor. You would assume floorboards, right? Wrong. She has carpet laid on a concrete slab.
She is insanely noisy to live under, but we could forgive all of this. Except she sends us blatantly rude texts whenever we make the slightest bit of noise, asking us to tone it down. We are in a Cold War standoff, and no side is set to back down. When we move one day, I am buying a battery speaker and a cheap MP3 player and leaving “Sweet Caroline” (her name) on repeat at full volume. She can deal with that sweet racket until the batteries give up!
9. Takes One to Know One
I’ve served this couple a few times and the husband is always pretty demanding and rude to me AND to his wife. I feel bad for her. At some point during the service I mentioned that I have a child—can’t remember the context. Toward the end of the meal I asked if I could take anything away—plates, etc. The jerk husband says, “yeah, HER,” gesturing to his wife.
I thought that was bad but it got even worse. He elaborates, saying “Hey maybe you could use her, she’s done a lot of babysitting.” I glanced at him and then looked her in the face and said “Clearly.” I ignored him for the rest of their time there and spoke only to the wife. She paid the bill and tipped me well.
10. A Killable Offence
I still laugh about this one. The bride at a family wedding tried to kill me because I wore a funky suit and tie. If I remember correctly, it was a grey/forest green striped suit. She claimed it didn’t go according to the dress code. I do not remember a dress code being addressed. She grabbed her soon-to-be husband’s handgun from his glove box and fired four shots at me.
She was arrested because a bullet grazed my arm, and the wedding never happened because husband realized Bride was absolutely crazy. He bought me a new purple suit afterward and we became best buds. Miss Crazy is still in prison after she attempted to start my apartment ablaze. I now have restraining order and such, but all I can do is laugh at the situation.
11. Word Play
On my last night as a delivery driver, I was told to keep the change on $14.98 as my tip. I responded by rummaging through my change pouch, took out two pennies and tossed them back saying, “If I wanted your two cents I would have asked you a question” and walked away. It was my final delivery ever and well worth it.
12. Hitting the Bricks
A guy kicked a dog and ran full speed into a brick wall as the dog chased him.
13. Instant Karma is So Satisfying
My driver’s ed teacher was a retired bus operator. He told us that once, a guy illegally passed his bus at a stop, cut him off, turned in his seat to flip him off…and promptly rear-ended a cop car.
14. Mom One, Jerk Boss Zero
After decades of working at a government service job, my mum finally got fed up with her managers one day and decided to retire. As soon as she informed them of this, they tried to screw her over on her payout amount because of an alleged error in their records from twenty years earlier. In other words, they claimed that they had been paying the wrong amount into her retirement fund after the rules had changed and forgot to update it or something.
Jerk Boss: “It can’t be fixed. You would have to bring in your payslips for the whole 20 years to have the evidence to fix it.” Mom: “No worries. I’ll bring them in this afternoon if you’d like.” Jerk Boss: “No, I mean all of them. Every single one.” Mom: “Yep.” Jerk Boss: “In chronological order.” Mom: “Yes of course. I wouldn’t keep my payslips in some other order, that wouldn’t make any sense at all.”
It hadn’t even occurred to my mum that one would not keep all those documents in one place, and she never left the job so she just kept on filling up the box. That’s how you leave a lousy job in style!
15. Work to Rule
A woman in my town is a Principal at a local elementary school. She is in her mid-70s (at least). I asked someone why she doesn’t retire, and they explained that she and her spouse went through a very contentious divorce about 15 years ago and she has to give him a portion of her retirement, so she has decided to NEVER retire so he gets nothing ever! Hahahahaha.
16. Winning the Respect of the Bystanders
I watched a guy try to steal a girl’s purse. He sprinted past her, grabbed onto the strap, and tried to yank it off her arm. She was a lot stronger than he’d anticipated, because she pulled the bag back, and sent him sprawling onto the sidewalk. She then kicked the absolute bejesus out of him, screaming at him the whole time.
As this took place in Montreal, people just watched her beat him up, and clapped politely when she was done. She curtseyed to the crowd, spat on him, and walked off.
17. Starstruck By Himself
My very first Christmas with my husband’s family after we got married, we were all passing around gifts. Most of his family very graciously gave us the standard newlywed gifts—dishes, towels, picture frames, etc. That is, everyone except for this one uncle. He fancies himself a media producer. He gave me a DVD that he wrote, directed, produced, and starred in, about how to be a good mother.
No, I did not have children at the time, nor was I even pregnant. No, he does not have children. No, he is not in the childcare or child development field. No, he did not notice the bewildered looks on any of our faces. I re-gifted it back to the uncle the following Christmas. My mother-in-law thought it was hilarious.
18. Dishonorable Discharge
My (former) immediate supervisor in the Military was a racist, misogynistic jerk who just so happened to also enjoy occasionally sexually harassing me for fun. He would discreetly touch me in front of everyone to see if I dared say anything back, so he could then berate me for “giving him attitude.” The breaking point was when he grabbed my hand and forced me to touch him during a pat-down. Moved on to a new unit, reported him. Turns out there were 7 other women with similar experiences—as there always are. He’s gone.
19. Leave the Jokes to the Professionals
An older woman at my table asked me what my mother must think about my tattoos and I said, “Well, my father doesn’t mind.” She didn’t take the hint—I guess it wasn’t a very good hint—and asked: “Well, what about your mother?” To which I replied, “She’s dead. She doesn’t do a lot of thinking.” I thought this woman couldn’t get any ruder, but I was so, so wrong.
She said, “Did she die of SHAME?” I just said, “No, breast cancer,” and dropped the check. They weren’t done eating but her guests looked like they wanted to leave.
20. Must Be This Tall to Order
In high school I was still pretty short, so restaurant staff would often ask me if I wanted the children’s menu, which annoyed me. So one time my mom, myself, and my sister were eating somewhere, and they asked if I wanted the kid’s menu. Fed up, I said, “No, I’m sure that the kid’s menu tastes better than the items on it.”
This became an inside joke between me and my sister after that. My mom yelled at me for being rude, but it was worth it.
21. Sounds Nice and Rosey
My friend was getting married, and she tried to get me to pay for everything on her behalf as her wedding gift. Unfortunately, she was a complete jerk to me during the entire planning process. So after the final straw, I canceled all the orders for everything but the caterer—since that was a favor to another buddy. She ended up buying fake flowers and the ceremony was a train wreck. She got the Aisle 5 wedding she paid for and I got to save money on a dress.
22. Right in the Family Jewels
My youngest daughter was getting picked on in elementary school by a boy who was two grades above her. He constantly taunted, pushed, and annoyed her. One day he pushed her from behind and she dropped her books. My sweet, shy daughter immediately turned around and full-on kicked him square in the nuts with all the force her soccer-playing leg could muster.
I was told he curled up and bawled for several minutes, while my daughter was sent to the principal’s office. She was smiling when I picked her up from school.
23. Karma Comes For Us All
I had the worst group project teammate in college. Didn’t do any work. He applied for the company I worked for about a year after college. My bosses asked if I knew him and I said: “yup, don’t hire him.”
Was the ultimate peer review revenge.
24. HR Nightmare
I was on a team of two, and when the lady I worked with quit, they decided not to replace her. This meant that if I needed to use my paid overtime (PTO) to take time off, which I often did because I have a young child who gets sick every now and again, it was a real problem. I would give my manager, who worked at a remote office, lots of ways to fix this issue, but she never would hear any of it.
That’s when she sent me the rudest email I have ever received. She basically said me I could not use my PTO when my son got sick. I wrote back a long, detailed list of every method I suggested to fix the issue, along with the fact that I was the only person in my position for months, and that our company policy states in bold letters that using PTO because a loved one is sick is not only acceptable but encouraged.
My manager responded to my email by stating she would forward my concerns to HR and that I should probably polish up my resume. But HR was in our office that day. For the first time in six months. Great coincidence, right? So, I went in, asked if I could speak about an issue concerning my manager, and explained everything as it happened.
The HR rep had this look on her face like she was going to murder someone. She then asked me to forward the entire email chain to her, which I did. Then she called me back. Apparently, everyone told the HR rep that the entire office can’t function without me and that I’ve been doing the work of three people for nine months.
Later that day, my manager sent me a very angry message saying I was fired because I was causing a hostile work environment. I forwarded this to the HR rep who looked at me, and in a single, sweet sentence said, “Not a chance, she’s royally screwed.” And that’s basically how my manager went from making $80k a year to being fired on a Wednesday with no compensation, no benefits, and no way to collect unemployment.
It was an all-around productive day.
25. Plum Thief
My next-door neighbor kept picking my plum tree dry when I would go out of town, so I cut it down out of frustration. No plum jelly for anyone.
26. Sandwiched Between Two Interpreters
I speak Farsi (Persian). While in college, I was waiting in line at Subway to order lunch one day and there were these two other Persian guys behind me complaining about the girl in front of me taking too long to order her sandwich. Then it got really bad. They began to comment on how hot she was and all of the naughty things they’d both do to her.
One of them said something like “I wouldn’t mind licking some of that sweet onion sauce off her body.” I’m just standing there smirking, fully aware that these guys have no idea that I know exactly what they’re saying. She finishes her order, pays, and, as she is about to leave, she turns to the guys behind me and gets her sweet revenge.
She says in Farsi, “Your mothers would be ashamed to hear the way you talk about women!” before walking away. I was just as surprised as they were—but the difference was that they looked mortified while I was trying my absolute hardest not to double over with laughter. I ordered my sandwich and, on my way out, I smirked at them and said in Farsi “She’s right, you know!”
I made sure to take a glance back to catch their returning looks of utter horror as I walked past them and out of the store.
27. The Doghouse Becomes His Revenge
My uncle represented this guy getting a divorce from his wife of 15 years. Super toxic breakup, and they split everything 50/50, even the land that the house they lived in sat upon. Well, she decides to build a house right behind the other house. Mind you, this was a lot of land. There was probably 200 yards separating both home sites, and the backs of the houses faced each other.
The house gets built, and my uncle gets a call from his client asking about the legality of a situation he had gotten himself into. Apparently, his ex-wife would spend a lot of time in her backyard, so he saw her all the time. What he did was buy a female dog and name it the same name as his ex-wife. Anytime he would let his dog back in from letting her out, he would yell “Susan, you b****! Get in here!”
He would also yell if she was peeing on the flowers, “Susan you b****! Quit pissing on the flowers!” or “Susan, you b****! Quit digging in the dirt!” The ex-wife called the cops on him a couple of times, but there was nothing they could do because the dog was registered under the name of Susan, and it was literally a b****, so there you go.
28. Remember Me?
I work in the parking lot as a cart pusher. One lady pushed the cart to the side and got in her car to back up, but the cart (since it was not in a corral) rolled back behind her car and she backed into it pretty hard. Me and my coworkers laughed our butts off.
29. Stop Selling Our Stuff, Mom!
My mother had a habit of doing a garage sale at least once a year, and invariably sold many things that she thought were cluttering up our rooms or the garage. We felt wronged so many times because that special shirt or stuffed animal or other prized item had disappeared, never to return. The sense of loss was almost unbearable for me as a child.
Our complaints fell on deaf ears, as mother would just defer with, “Oh I had no idea you wanted that,” and go on about her business. One winter, as we were assembling our gear for the first ski trip of the year, my mother couldn’t find her ski boots anywhere. I said, “Maybe you sold them at the garage sale, har har,” to which she responded, “Oh, no honey, those were your boots I sold.”
Cue the pregnant pause as we all held our breath and stared at her, knowing that her boots were the same color and a very similar design to mine. And then the delicious satisfaction of watching her realize she’d done to herself what we’d been going through all those years.
30. Just Desserts
Was buying some drinks at a circle K one day while visiting someone in Florida and these old tourists cut us in line, all the while complaining loudly about everything: how expensive everything is, how crowded the beach is, it’s too hot, etc. They are also really rude to the cashier and take forever arguing about the price of the hot dogs they were buying or something.
They leave and as we walk out, we witness a seagull come and snatch the guy’s hot dog right out of his hand. His wife then shrieks and proceeds to drop hers out of surprise. It was freaking hilarious.
31. Doing the Bridezilla Tango
College “friend” got engaged to an absolute witch of a woman. She was crazy, insecure and would do things, lash out, and make comments when those insecurities bubbled up. She would even make comments about how she didn’t really want to marry the groom based on his physical appearance and how much he made almost every time she got a little tipsy.
Before the wedding, the groom and bride recently moved into a new house that their parents purchased for them, and furnished said house with expensive furniture that their parents also purchased for them. My fiancé and I had just moved into a rental, were dead broke, and watching TV on a mattress we had pulled into our living room.
When I couldn’t afford to attend the bachelor party, we offered to have them over for dinner to celebrate in a way that we could afford. Instead, we were lectured by the bride on how we “should” be spending OUR money and that we had to get our priorities in line. I mean, screw eating and housing yourself when you can spend a couple grand on two days of drinking, right? It gets worse.
After this episode early on, they essentially stopped talking to us or trying to include us in anything up to the wedding. At the wedding, the bride was belligerently drunk, slurring her words slightly, and randomly breaking down into tears. Uses her time at the altar during the ceremony to essentially ad-lib with what the preacher was saying. Trying to crack jokes and making weird noises throughout. It still gets worse.
The ceremony ends and the wedding party heads off for pictures. The bride, being drunk and impatient, begins berating the photographer until the photographer is in tears. Fast forward to introducing the new couple. The entire wedding is essentially waiting for them at their tables, which are at the bottom of a long hill.
The bride and groom are at the top while the DJ begins to announce the new couple. Only problem is, the bride is currently yelling at her new husband about what a piece of trash he is and telling him to go screw himself. They stop for long enough to walk down the hill and take their seats. One of her bridesmaids was concerned and asked if there was anything she could do. To which the bride replies, “You can go screw yourself!” but there was a final nail in the coffin.
Throughout the entire wedding, family from the groom and bride kept coming up and telling us we were SO nice and nothing like how the bride had described us. Yes…screw her, screw her very much. Additionally, the groom’s family KNEW how much of a psycho she is. The groom’s sister literally pulled me aside during the reception and begged me to stick around, knowing that her brother’s wife was terrible, and it would only be a matter of time until they were divorced, and he would “need me.”
32. So Much for the Cost of Friendship
I once heard a former roommate laughing with his then-girlfriend about how they were screwing me over on money. Turned out they were taking my “utilities” checks and buying various games and alcohol. Instead of confronting them, I confirmed what they said with the utilities company (they hadn’t paid the bill in two months) and moved all my stuff out while they were at work. For good measure, I took myself off the lease and told the rental company about the girlfriend who had been there six months.
33. A Daily Dose of Vitamin Revenge
At lunchtime, I sat at the nerd table. The off-beat cool kids’ table was next to us. They spent the last ten minutes mashing up an apple without breaking the skin. They brought it over to our table and slammed it in the center, splattering mushed apple all over us. Walking back from this, one of the jerks decided he would follow me.
Tossed an orange gently at my back. The more I ignored, the harder they laughed. When it hit me in the back of my head, I lost it. I walked over, picked up the orange, and from point blank range I slammed it in the kid’s face, drenching him in orange. It felt so good.
34. Pays in More Ways Than One
I learned this one after receiving a “tip” from a server at a popular national chain. The server told me, “Our location has some discount options that we can apply at the push of the screen. Typically, we only use them when the customer presents ID or requests it, but once in a while we can use them to our advantage.” He was right. They could use those codes for extreme revenge.
“If I get particularly rude customers, especially if it’s a group of 40-something ladies who dress and act like they’re a wannabe cast of some version of Housewives, but are actually so cheap that they are coming to a place like this, I totally hit that seniors discount button before presenting their check. While they comb over the check because they just know I must have made errors, they see that I must have assumed they are in their 60s. I don’t care about reducing the price of their check. It’s not like they were going to tip me much anyway.”
35. Bad Grief
I phoned him to tell him I won’t be at work for the rest of the week as my mum is terminally ill in hospital. The next day (about an hour after she passed away), he phoned and asked why I wasn’t at work. I just hung up on him so I wouldn’t say anything that would get me in trouble. The next day I sent the area-manager a WhatsApp message explaining what he’d be done and attached a video of him breaking the freezer door while having a tantrum which cost the store nearly £5000 in lost stock and the repair costs (which he’d told the AM had broke on its own). He got fired that day and I got two weeks off with full pay.
36. Win Win for Us
I live in a small town and worked in a Fish and Chip shop—one of two in the town. We were a tourist town, and one of the main attractions was the award-winning fish and chips. People in the town believed we were in massive competition with the other shop, but we weren’t. We had 25 plus staff and they had around seven, so we were serving thousands more customers than them.
So, on the rare occasion whenever a customer got angry, they would simply exclaim “Well I’m going to [insert competitor’s name here] AND I WON’T BE BACK.” Like it was a big deal and would really hurt our feelings and business. We would simply tell them that we don’t want them back, and they should enjoy the food from the other shop. But that’s not even the best part.
The truth was that we owned both shops.
37. I’m Not the One Who Need Protection
In middle school, we were hanging around before classes started, and this guy who used to be my friend came up behind me and put a condom in my mouth. I turned around, pushed him up against the wall and punched him in the face. The whole school heard about it and they were all backing me up for the rest of the day. I didn’t even get in trouble.
I’ll expand a bit. He was super embarrassed and tried to negotiate with me saying, “You have to let me punch you back to make up for it,” or save his honor or some bull. People would not stop teasing him about it. I think that when the teachers heard about it, they thought it was funny and I had a good rep with them, so they let it slide.
38. Living Here is a Job for a Man
My previous apartment was an absolute dump owned by a guy who can most accurately be described by the word “slumlord.” He rented primarily to illegal immigrants/convicted felons/people who would be afraid to complain about the living conditions. I am not an illegal immigrant, nor am I a convicted felon, and I made this landlord’s life hell by demanding that he fix everything that wasn’t up to code and notifying the board of health when he didn’t.
The family to our right was a Mexican family… a couple and their four elementary school-aged children. One night, I heard them arguing about trying to get their family out of this apartment complex and into a better living situation. All of a sudden, the lady yelled, “You didn’t even have the balls to make (the landlord) fix the broken septic tank. Maybe I should be having this conversation with the kid next door!”
I’m pretty sure I laughed loud enough to be heard by the entire complex.
39. Big Talk
I was showing Cosmos in a break between classes and one kid seemed particularly enthralled by the tardigrade, so his witty friend says, “Small minds are amused by small things.” The kid got his revenge. He retorted, “Why do you think I hang out with you?’ The whole class went bananas and even I went over and high-fived that kid.
It was a great class; the victim was laughing as hard as anyone. I miss those kids.
40. Playing Mind Games
This older couple, around 70, would always come to this chain restaurant to eat every Sunday after church. While the wife was extremely polite, the guy was an absolute jerk. He often yelled and berated her along with the server. On one fateful day, I was graced with their presence once again. He was being his normal rude self toward me, and even worse to his wife on this particular occasion.
Finally, I had enough of his attitude. I said, “No matter what you say and what you do, I’ll have at least two minutes alone with your food. It will be right out.” The wife absolutely lost it laughing. He shot her a mean glare, and after hesitating a split second, she continued with even louder laughing. I never touched his food, and neither did he. They never came back.
41. Let the Crime Fit the Punishment
One time, my younger brother told our mom I hit him. Just walked into my room and started screaming about me hitting him. I hadn’t even looked at him. So of course, mom comes in, won’t hear me AT ALL, and immediately grounds me. My younger brother has this snotty grin on his face. And I thought, “Screw it…I’m already getting punished for hitting him.”
So mom’s like, “You’re grounded for hitting your brother.” I turned to him, and punched him as hard as I could in his sternum. He freaking DROPPED. Then I go, “Alright. I’m grounded.” And walk away. Oddly enough, mom didn’t say anything at that point. I like to think she realized what was up. Bonus: My brother never pulled that stuff again.
42. Having a Ball Being a Survivor
Was getting strangled by my high school bully. I was about to pass out and my best friend kicked him in the balls. He hit the ground and my foot hit his face. Parents took his family to court, won.
43. Small Fry
When I was four and my brother was six we were on our way to my great-grandfather’s funeral. My parents stop at McDonald’s and out of my brother’s small fry bag he pulls an 11″ fry. Impossible right? He yells to my parents to witness this awesome fry but before they can turn around I snatch it and eat it. He is upset. Whatever.
Cut to 12 years later. My brother and I are at the table and our friends are in the other part of the kitchen. Out of this bag of Wavy Lays, I pull a potato chip that is literally the size of my skull. No idea how this thing didn’t break in transit. I’m like, Oh my God! Guys, look at this chip! Before anyone can even turn their heads, my brother reaches across with his right hand and crushes the chip to crumbs.
I have crazy eyes bearing down on him and he simply says, “That’s for the fry.” 12 years later, he got his revenge.
44. Talking Turkey
I’m an American who lived in Turkey for two years. When I first moved there, I had taken Turkish 101 & 102 classes to become competent in the language. One time, while there, I was negotiating with street vendors for something that I wanted to buy. As they babbled amongst each other trying to rip me off, I surprised them all by making a super lowball offer in Turkish. The look on their faces was pure gold.
I got the deal I was looking for, as they were super embarrassed and felt bad.
45. Gimme Gimme Never Gets
I work at a small breakfast cafe in Florida and we get a lot of older people who are mostly from up north and can really have a bad attitude about not getting what they want immediately. One old lady rudely exclaimed asking what she had to do to get some coffee around here and without skipping a beat I responded that you ask politely.
All the people sitting with her at her table got a good laugh in and I felt pretty smug about putting her in her place.
46. Jeez, Don’t Mess With the Geese
I once saw a kid at the park kick a goose. It turned out it was a pretty ill-tempered animal. The goose chased the kid, knocked it down, and bit him. The little boy ran to his mom crying. I swear that goose was strutting as it walked away.
47. Don’t Cross Bob
I didn’t witness it, but I got firsthand accounts and saw the police report. Bob was a delivery driver at Domino’s and was a little off his rocker. Kind of older (upper sixties, maybe all the way to seventy) and the kind of guy who would cuss out a 10-year-old “to make a point,” but also gave away our canceled orders at the end of the night to homeless people.
Anyways, Bob’s delivering a pizza and gets mugged. The robber walked up and hit Bob in the head with a brick, dropped the brick, took his cash and took the pizza. Bob got up, took the brick and proceeded to mug him back and then called the police. The gangbanger in his twenties was too terrified of the elderly pizza man to run away and waited to be arrested.
48. Don’t Wake Sleeping Beauty
It was the night shift, and for years this freaking guy had been either locking himself in the office and playing video games all night, or going home and freaking sleeping on the clock…and no, I’m not making that up. Finally, one night, the regional manager showed up for a surprise visit at like 3AM…it was a group effort, the night crew took great pleasure in telling the RM exactly where his night manager was.
49. Reverse Revenge
In fifth grade, I saw the girl who bullied me getting picked on. Her mom died due to health complications and someone was saying she died because she was “too fat.” Even though she picked on me every day I still stuck up for her. After I did that, she was a lot nicer to me.
50. Saved by his Words
There was literally thirty seconds left of class, and my buddy starts to pack up. The teacher didn’t seem to mind, but when the bell rang and buddy got up to leave, the teacher said the classic line: “The bell doesn’t dismiss you, I do.” Then buddy just continues to leave, gets in the doorway of the class and says, “If it decides when I come, it decides when I leave,” and leaves the class.
51. Gotta Hand It To Him
When I was about 13/14, there was this kid on the school bus who was about a year older than me and used to pick on me a lot. He was a total arrogant jerk. One time he came and sat next to me and tried to pull the old “Hey, did you know if your hand is bigger than your face you have cancer?” (basically, the idea is you get the person to then hold their hand right against their face, and then you hit their hand causing them to hit themselves in the face)
I wasn’t falling for it, so he puts his hand against his own face in order to try and show me what to do. What do I do? Turn his own prank against him and smack his hand into his face. His nose starts bleeding quite badly. God that felt good.
This was while working with nine-year-old kids. We’re doing number problems and a kid is having trouble with a sum. The sum is “You have forty sweets. You give half your sweets to your friend. How many sweets do you have now.” I grab forty counters, and say to the kid “Here are forty sweets. If you give me half, how many will you have left?”
Kid turns to me. His deadpan reply was unbelievable: “I can’t give you the sweets. You aren’t my friend.”
53. Driving Himself Crazy
Throughout the divorce proceedings, there was a car that was a huge point of contention between the husband and wife. After months and months of saying he would never let the wife have the car, the husband concedes in exchange for something great, like one of their summer houses. It turns out he had been driving the car for three hours every day in a big loop around the city, putting thousands and thousands of miles on it, basically making it worthless.
The amount of planning and spite that went into that was amazing.
54. Honest Mistake on Purpose
The host sat me at a table with a couple and their toddler. The two sat on the same side of the booth, kissed, etc., so I knew they were a couple, but the woman looked much older. Like she looked terrible. I’m sure it was substance abuse of some kind, but it was noticeable. So she’s super rude to me the entire time. She asked for her eggs over easy hard.
I explained to her that her eggs could either be over easy and over hard, and what both meant. She then got really patronizing, saying things like “Bless your heart” and asking for a real server. I told her that I know how eggs are cooked, and asked if she meant over medium. That’s when she got verbally abusive and asked “How hard is your job? Honestly, how hard is it to just serve people eggs?”
I’d had it. I gave her order to the cook, and of course, he asked me what she meant. I told him to just make them over medium, as I felt like that was what she meant. I gave her the eggs and she sighed real heavy. She said, “I’m sorry, was my order too hard? Did you not understand me? What the hell kind of place is this that nobody can make me eggs?”
I took a deep breath, and went all in with a brutal insult. I said, “Ma’am, I apologize to you, your son, and your grandson. Let me go ahead and comp your meal.” Her face twisted up and got so red I thought it was going to pop off of her face. She yelled, “THIS IS MY HUSBAND AND THAT’S MY SON!” Oh boy, it was so worth it. She began screaming for my manager.
I got my manager. He yelled at me in the office, but couldn’t prove that I was purposefully disingenuous. So I didn’t even get written up. It was awesome.
55. Candy Scams
My brother and I were very smart kids. He still is, I’ve settled around average. We came up with a plan to get candy. So much candy. I think we were around 10 at this point. Our parents would habitually go grocery shopping, and they would take us with them. We were both quite well behaved, and polite, so it wasn’t a big deal to bring us along.
Dad usually beelines for the butcher section, while mom putters around the produce section. This was a weekly thing. Dad would pick up something, and hand it to one of us. “Go put this in the cart.” Can you see where this is going? My brother and I realize that Mom doesn’t question when we put things in on dad’s request.
Dad doesn’t question things on the conveyor belt, because mom must have okayed it. We got so much candy. Remember Baby Bottle Pops? We had, like, two packages of them. Gushers. Gummy bears. Chocolate bars. Caramels. Those dip sticks that you lick and stick in powder that changes the color of your tongue and has the consistency of chalk.
Oh God, it was glorious. We get in the car, giddy to go home. Mom grumpily says to dad, “I can’t believe you let them buy that much candy.” Dad replied, “Me? You let them get it!” There was a pregnant pause as they both turned around in their seats and looked at us. “Guys. Seriously?” So we didn’t get the candy. They didn’t return it, though.
We were grounded for a month, and everything we brought to the shopping cart was now scrutinized. But so worth it. Because about six months later we got to eat the candy. Now that we’re adults, my dad still thinks that was one of the most clever things we’ve ever done.
56. Perfect Comeback
A customer who was angry about something absolutely inconsequential said, “I’m never coming back, and I’m gonna tell all my friends!” The owner of the store replied, “Great, I doubt you have many.”
57. Take Back the Halls
I was bullied a lot in middle school. I started lifting weights and boxing to protect myself. Once I had enough confidence, I stood up to every single one of my bullies (I had like five) by shoving them into walls or lockers, confronting and yelling at them in front of large groups of people, and just generally being a jerk to them.
I only really got in trouble once for an altercation, but these moments of me taking back my life were absolutely worth it.
58. That’s A Scary Sight
My stepdad used to run the Iron Man Triathlon equivalent in our area. He also had the absolute conviction found in his generation that justice was always on his side. I should also note that he always slept naked (which I learned as a result of this incident). One late summer night, two idiot kids tried to steal his truck out of his driveway.
He sees this happening from his bedroom window and goes tearing out of the house, totally nude, and chases these two terrified kids for blocks screaming, “I’M GONNA GET YOU!” He tackles one and the cops were on the scene in moments. Obviously, some concerned neighbor noticed this happening at 2 AM in our sleepy little town. God only knows what that 911 call sounded like.
Probably a good thing the cop already knew the kid as a car thief. He hung out with the sobbing teen and suggested my stepdad sit in the cruiser til his wife could bring him some pants.
59. School Drools, Mom Rules
I was 7 and I was a nice kid with average grades. This one bully was taller than me. He was like any typical bully. He’d trip me or push my head for no apparent reason. I was getting so annoyed that I felt a red heat rise up all over my body. I looked at him and told him to stop. He pushed me to the ground. I stopped and punched his nose with all my force.
His nose started to bleed, and I was sent to the office. My mom had this thing where if they started it, then she’d pretend that she was mad at me at school, and then would come home and say “Congrats.”
60. Short But Oh So Sweet
The kid who picked on me in high school applied to work in my store. So satisfying.
61. Going Mental
When I worked as a case manager as an MHMR (mental health services), we had a new department supervisor come in, and she was the worst. Every single person but myself and another case manager quit within the month of this woman starting. Since so many people quit, this lady ended up hiring a department full of people she had personally chosen (surprise, surprise, most of her hires were awful, just like her).
On top of being an awful human, she also had very little background in mental health and gave truly awful “supervision.” Since I wasn’t one of the new people she hired, I knew she would try to get rid of me, so I made sure to document everything. Any time I staffed a client with her, I would document her advice in that person’s chart as well as the actions I took due to her advice.
I also kept a detailed paper trail and would email her questions about policy so that I’d have a record of her answers, which usually were the opposite of what our policy actually was. Months later, I staffed a very troubled kid. My supervisor disagreed that this kid needed hospitalization, and told me to refer him to another agency.
I documented what she told me to do, and referred him out. Well literally a day later, this kid brings a firearm to school and gets in a ton of trouble (thankfully, he was stopped as soon as he stepped through the metal detectors). My supervisor’s supervisor is furious, as this is a PR nightmare. He yells at my supervisor, who blames everything on me.
I ended up getting fired for my “negligence” about the situation. However, the higher-ups carefully went through this kid’s records and saw all of my documentation regarding my supervisor’s awful decisions. As they investigated more, they realized that this lady was a full on criminal, committing major fraud. So, she was fired as well.
I was asked to come back, but I politely declined.
62. Music Lessons
When I was in elementary school we had music once a week. For some strange reason, the teacher hated me, and I ONLY got to play the triangle while everyone else got drums and cool stuff. Well, my teacher’s hair was oddly the same every day so we had speculation that she had a wig. Well, one day, I got the triangle again and I let actions speak louder than words. I pulled her wig off to prove our assumptions.
My punishment was to spend the day as an in-school suspension in the teacher’s office. Joke’s on her, my principal loved me as I was president of hall council. He gave me cookies and helped me with my work. Looking back it was pretty mean, but I was a young kid.
63. Don’t Mix Work With Play
I had a group of working-class kids to look after at an art gallery. As we waited for our tour to begin, we played on the playground. A prep school kid in a uniform approached two of my boys and said, “I bet I’m smarter than you are!” I watched to make sure that there was no fighting—my students can hold their own pretty much anywhere, and they don’t accept insults casually.
But they were cool, as one said, “No, you’re not. Are you in grade two?’ The prep school said he was indeed in grade two, and then one of my boys said, “Okay, so then we’re all grade two—so, then we’re all grade two smarts,” and then went back to climbing the monkey bars. But the prep school kid continued, saying., “I know I’m smarter. Let’s do some math and I’ll prove it.”
Their comeback was savage. The toughest kid in my room looked this kid square in the eye and said, “Well, I’m smart enough not to do math when I’m having fun on a playground.”
64. Eh B’y?
My history teacher would spend half the class making jokes directed at the students. One student in particular always took the jokes on the chin and never really made any comebacks. Eventually, the teacher called him out and jokingly lectured him about standing up for himself. He ended his rant with, “You’ve gotta be a man. You’ve gotta be like me.”
The student replied with the greatest burn I have ever heard. “Well, which one? Do you want me to be a man or do you want me to be like you?”
65. Lesson on Humility
I served in Muskoka, Ontario years ago. There are lots of celebrities in the area for the summer. I served Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn burgers, Martin Short, Dan Akroyd, etc. We had a local nobody who thought he was a big celebrity. He was the worst customer ever, but he got what was coming to him. He would never tip and would always crumple up both copies of the Visa bill into a tiny little ball, even chew on it until it was the size of a spitball.
So this clown comes in with a bunch of his friends and treats them all to supper—$600 bill—crumples up the visa bill again into a tiny little ball and flicks it at me with a grin on his face. I swiftly kick it off the patio and into the lake our patio is on. He sees this and says, in front of the table, “Guess you won’t know what your tip is now.”
I tell the table flat out he never tips anyway so no loss and walk away. They leave, I call the police on a dine and dash because there is no evidence this guy paid—it’s in the lake now—and I deleted the pre-authorization from the debit machine. The cops go to this guy’s house and make him return to the restaurant to pay. He wasn’t a jerk ever again.
66. Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold, Depending on the Season…
The wife cheated on her husband during his frequent travels for work. She was the one who filed for divorce, and she got to keep the house. Months elapse and the husband is still furious, rightfully so, but has no recourse. Then he has an epiphany: “I wonder if she changed the password to the Nest Thermostat?” She did not.
For the next year, he continues to mess with the thermostat. In the middle of summer when they’re sleeping in HIS bed, he turns the heat on to 90 degrees at 3 AM. Middle of winter? Time to shut off the heat and hope the pipes freeze. Away on vacation? Turn the air conditioning down to 55 and let it run 24/7 for a nice surprise bill when they get home.
67. Good Riddance
A (heading towards abusive) ex told me that he would leave me if I didn’t lose ten pounds in the two weeks before his friend’s wedding. He was blown away when I said “okay” and walked away.
68. What A Beautiful Sight
Over the course of six months, through countless phone calls to different union offices and the department of labor, I eventually got my boss fired for changing people’s time-keeping information to steal overtime from them. During those months I was treated like dirt by this guy, but I never actually did anything wrong so I couldn’t be punished. At one point, management—against contract rules—denied my time off request to be at my best friend’s wedding and my boss brought me into his office and threatened to fire me. At this point, I had called the northeast district business associate on him, and I will never forget the look on my boss’s face when he realized I knew he couldn’t do anything to me.
69. Show Me the Money, or Else
I’ve worked as a legal assistant for two family law attorneys for the last eight years. One of the cases that made me the angriest was a man who cheated on his wife when she had cancer. He then leaves his wife and attempts to hide all his assets while she’s undergoing chemotherapy. Fortunately, my boss is a rockstar. She teamed up with a forensic accountant, and they took him to the cleaners.
He even had to pay the forensic accountant’s bill and the attorney fees.
70. You Should Be Happy for Me
The bride spent weeks crying to my sister and I that “No one is happy enough that we’re getting married!” She literally wanted us to call her once a week and tell her how happy we were that she was getting hitched, and how lucky we felt to be in her wedding party. When we went bridesmaid dress shopping, she broke down crying when we chose the less expensive dress. But that wasn’t the worst part.
She also accused us all of trying to ruin her big day by making ourselves uglier. Yes, uglier. The next day, she called me to tell me I was out of the wedding party because I just wasn’t the kind of person she wanted in her wedding. You know, after we bought the dresses. She then invited other people to take my and my sister’s place in her wedding party, with the expectation that she’d be able to give them the dresses we’d paid for. She called, screaming that I had ruined EVERYTHING because when she went to pick up her bridesmaids dresses she was two short. I had called and cancelled the order and gotten a refund.
72. The Itsy-Bitsy Spider Came Up to Whoop Your Butt
I wasn’t the victim. The victim came to me for help. Which I don’t know why because I’m tiny. But this poor girl had a condition that had stunted her growth, so she was the same age as me only a foot shorter. About five boys were on this spider-looking piece of playground equipment and had taken her hat and were teasing her. I’ve never raised so much hell.
I must have looked like Gollum climbing that thing to go after them. In the end, one got a vicious junk kick because he wouldn’t back off me. The rest I scattered. I’m sorry but that is bull. Five older boys against the one tiniest girl in the school. And she felt she couldn’t go to anyone but me. No. I don’t care how much crap I get but there are unspoken playground rules in place. You just don’t do that.
73. Let’s Get Away From It All
My boss refused to let me take a weekend off for my best friend’s wedding because a co-worker was already taking the time off for a dirty weekend away with the married guy she was having an affair with. The married guy was my boss, by the way. I was a bridesmaid and had booked the weekend off 10 months in advance.
I quit on the spot and told my boss’s wife he was cheating on her. My best friend’s wedding was lovely.
74. Independence Day
I had a lawyer draw up an intent-to-sue-for-harassment after our new boss required me to work on the Fourth of July. There were usually 100-150 people in office, but that particular day I was the only one in the office. That was the final straw for me after six months of harassment. Result: $40,000 settlement. I still smile when I think of it.
75. Let Me Finnish!
When I was a handsome young man of about 25 years of age, I was once at a wedding reception where I was introduced to two women who were both about 40-ish years old. I shook hands with one of them, who immediately acted as a translator and introduced me in Finnish to the other one. The second woman, in Finnish, while shaking my hand and looking me straight in the eye, said, “Oh, what a cutie! If I was 10 years younger, the things I would do to this man!”
The first one, again acting as a translator, said: “She is very pleased to meet you.” In Finnish, I replied “Apparently so. What exactly would she do to me if she was 10 years younger?” Their faces turned so red, they almost turned purple!
76. Ladies and Germs
I can speak German. At my job in a museum, there was once a group of people who came in. However, they didn’t come to see the museum. They just came to sit on our benches, throw a soccer ball around, and act generally as one does outside having a picnic—not sitting inside a museum. I asked them to stop throwing the ball around and to be a little quieter. Their reaction made my blood boil.
They didn’t really respond and kept on doing what they were doing as if I didn’t exist. I then hear one of the girls say in German: “That woman is so stupid. We can do whatever we want here, the ball won’t hurt anything.” I immediately snapped back into German “Yes, it can. Now, you need to either stop kicking the ball around or leave.” They looked horrified and left right away.
77. Sometimes It’s Best to Keep Your Mouth Shut
Company consisted of something like 1,200 employees at the time, and rented out a big conference center for a Christmas party. At the opening of the party, the CFO was giving opening remarks, and asked—expecting cheers—if everyone liked their Christmas bonuses. He got booed. See, of that 1,200 people, a bit over a thousand were in customer service. No one in customer service got bonuses, only people in the “corporate” departments got them.
And our awesome CFO decided to rub everyone’s noses in it, because clearly the Chief Financial Officer of a company would have no idea that 80%+ of his company didn’t get bonuses. At the same party, the CEO made an announcement that the company would be closed on Friday (Christmas that year was on a Thursday), and everyone got a day off.
Now, he had literally just finished making a speech about how everyone was important, and everyone was part of the company, no matter the department. He had shoveled crap hard, trying to make CS happier. The next day, we all got a memo that Customer Service still had to work on that Friday. We apparently didn’t count as “everyone” and the CEO just hadn’t realized that the announcement wouldn’t apply to anyone.
January saw a 60% attrition rate.
78. Speaking up
Went to see a local high school play set in Nazi Germany, two rich teen girls with their fancy handbags etc sat the row in front of me. They spent the whole show talking quite loudly about how the actors were so bad etc, and at one point said “this is why I go to private school, so I don’t have to sit through this all day.” As the intermission began and everyone was applauding the guy sitting next to me leant forward and told them “if you shut up you might learn something.”
The look on their face was priceless, and I didn’t hear a peep out of them for the rest of the play.
79. How About No?
I was in a wedding party and there was a brief lull in between scheduled parts and we were all just milling around waiting. The maid of honor, known for being obnoxiously bossy, starts barking out orders to every single person. As soon as she’s finished, the wedding planner who was standing behind her chimes in with ‘”nobody do any of that” and then told us to sit tight. It was great.
80. Momma Rick Rolling
The Christmas after Halo Reach came out, I still hadn’t purchased it, so I asked for it. My mom let her inner troublemaker loose and taught me a lesson about taking her for granted. She bought Halo Reach, replaced the disk with Rick Astley’s Greatest Hits, and then resealed the case. Come Christmas morning, I open the wrapping, get excited and then Bam! Rick Rolled by my Mom.
81. The Spanish Inquisition
Spanish teacher gave me zeroes on a bunch of homework that I knew I’d done and turned in like everyone else. My father refused to believe me and punished me in accordance with the rules about my “bad grade.” I swore to him that I had turned in the work, so the next morning he went with me to the teacher’s “office hours” or whatever you want to call it.
She showed up 30 minutes after the posted start time, so he was already mad because he was missing work. She unlocks the door and proceeds to tell my father that I’m a bad student, didn’t do my work, and was disruptive in class. But I knew what I had to do. I shove past her into the room, go to her desk, and pull the four missing papers from her “turn it in tray.”
My father watches all this, looks at my teacher (who has turned bright red), and tells me to go to class without breaking eye contact with her. She started failing all of my assignments from that point forward until my dad complained to the principal, superintendent, and school board. She retired the next year.
82. Shopping Spree
I used to work at a big chain grocery store, and there would be screaming kids and such, but they’re peanuts compared to this horror story. So this mom and her two sons (6 and probably 13) came in one summer day and the boys just started acting out. They rode in the carts and were crashing into walls or displays. Mom does nothing to quiet them.
They continue to run around the store, causing chaos and irritating customers. When they got to the soda aisle, all heck broke loose. The kids grabbed soda bottles and started shaking them and then opening them. Soda sprayed everywhere and their mom did NOTHING. My manager just had enough and confronted the mom. She called the kids “little brats” and said that she was going to make the mom pay for the sodas that were opened.
The mom refused and said, “I’m not paying for something I’m not going to buy.” People then pointed out the sodas that were opened and the mess her kids made. “They were just having fun!” She yelled, but no one took her side. A uniformed officer happened to be in the store and confronted the mom with the threat of writing a ticket for unpaid merchandise. She then finally paid up, but she left her cart of food behind. My manager then banned her and her brats from the store.
83. False Sense of Hope
My boss a bunch of people they were going to be promoted to get us to do extra work, but no one actually got promoted. I basically did her job for a month. Me and three of my co-workers quit and she got fired a few months later. Karma’s a witch.
84. Sensitivity Problems
I’m a wedding planner. We had an unexpected death in the family. Our 6-month-old nephew had passed away in his sleep. I knew the funeral was going to be the day of my client’s upcoming wedding, so I gave her a call to explain the situation. She’s clearly not paying attention to the call or the words I’m speaking, because I can hear her laughing with friends in the background. I get irritated and tell her I’ll call her back later.
I call back that night and again tell her what has happened and that I’d be sending an assistant to cover for me so I can attend the funeral. She tells me that I need to send my assistant to the funeral and that I had better be at the wedding. It took me a few seconds, but I calmly stated that I’d be sending her money back and that no one would be covering for me. That was the nicest way I’ve ever told someone to screw off.
85. This One Starts and Ends With a Beach
Boss pitched a sales incentive trip to Cancun if the team hit the goal. My team exceeded the goal, and then they cancelled the trip. Two people quit, I accepted a position with their main competitor, and less than a year later, they closed in bankruptcy. Karma’s a beach.
86. You’ve Got to Put the Work In To Get the Right Results
One super rich kid I went to school with never studied b/c his father would make donations to the school, invite some teachers to a fancy restaurant, then he would never have to repeat any year. His family made most of its wealth on furniture. Ikea, the bad economy and the internet has destroyed their business model and they went bankrupt.
This is how he is now. Young parent with no friends, no career.
87. This Kid Definitely Got What He Deserved
When I was 12 my dad dated a nice lady with a bratty 9 year old who would talk back to her and refuse to do chores which would then be passed on to me. One day at the dinner table everyone is eating and he goes listen! And rips a tiny fart. His Mom is embarrassed and asks him to stop or go to the bathroom. Instead he spreads a grin and leans in to rip one loose, and accidentally soils himself in the middle of dinner.
His expression of horror was the best thing ever, I died laughing as he ran clutching his butt away from the table.
88. Karma Hurts, Doesn’t It?
Popular kids in HS made me feel insecure about my weight and all. Now, they still live in the same old town, just another nobody. I am now working abroad and earning close to six figures at age 28. I turned out pretty well. Bottom line: being popular in HS isn’t a good barometer of success as an adult.
89. You Passed the Test With Flying Colors, Mom
One time I wouldn’t give my daughter a push on the swing because she was whining instead of asking. She knows we don’t listen to whining but her grandpa was there so she was testing me. When she figured out I really wasn’t going to do it, she grabbed the rope from the swing and flung the swing at me. It missed me, came back and smacked her right in the face.
I’m sure it hurt too because it was a board with a rope through the middle. Not that I’m happy that my kid was hurt over it but I taught her about karma that day.
90. A Poet Who Didn’t Know It
I wrote a term paper about violence in schools. I got an A on the assignment and then pretty much forgot about it. Sometime later, another teacher congratulated me for getting published. Huh???? Published? What are you talking about? I was then shown my own work published in a magazine—under my teacher’s name. She had never asked my permission to use my work, nor had she even informed me of these intentions.
She was forced to write me an apology letter.
91. Eat Your Words
A while ago I decided to treat myself to some Burger King. I was having a bad day and had a headache coming on. So I was waiting in line at the BK, when suddenly this woman comes in with a monster of a child. He was out of control, screaming, punching his mother, throwing things around. The mother didn’t pay any attention to him and he continued yelling, “I want a PIE.”
My headache turned into a full-blown migraine. I calmly turned and asked if she could please calm her child down. Immediately she got up in my face, telling me to mind my own business. I nodded and turned around, when the child cried out again how he wants a pie. I then decided to ruin their day in the most devious way I could think of.
When I got to the front of the line I asked the person at the register how many apple pies they have left. They told me and I bought all of them. I ate one and made sure the kid saw me throw the rest in the trash.
92. Don’t Stop Believing
My dad is out of state on business driving through some no-name town when he goes through an intersection. Suddenly, a cop pulls him over and tickets him—stating that he ran a stop sign. My dad insisted that there was not any stop sign, but the cop did not listen. Pissed, he went back to the intersection and saw that there was indeed a stop sign hidden behind a tree and twisted in the wrong direction!
Even more pissed, he went into a convenience store and bought a disposable camera. The clerk laughed because he saw what happened and knew what was up.
Luckily, my dad had to be back there in a few weeks for work. The cop assumed that someone with out of state plates would just pay the ticket, and was shocked when my dad turned up in court, calmly presented his evidence to the judge, and strolled out in five minutes scot-free.