It's hard to put yourself out there, especially when the dating world is such a scary place. Unfortunately, these stories are just another reason to stay home and stay single. From horrifying tinder hookups to creepy dates, these Redditors did not end up meeting the loves of their lives.
1. Different Hopes And Dreams
I met up with this guy at a local bar to get some drinks and lunch. The date was going great so far. We were vibing pretty well, joking around, and getting into conversations without the awkward small talk. Halfway through the date, we're talking about things we daydream about. I told him about my dreams of being a musician, then asked him about his. This is where the date took a turn for the worse.
His eyes get really dark as he says, "I like to fantasize about the light leaving my enemies' eyes by my hands." At first, I laugh, because I think he's kidding, but he keeps a straight face. I clear my throat and don't know what to say, so all that comes out is, "Ah...how do you do it?" Without even a moment's hesitation, he answers, "Harpoon." Yeah, there wasn't a second date after that.
2. Coming On Strong
He told me to meet him at a bar, which turned out to be a hole-in-in-the-wall in a strip mall, literally just a bar, no food, just booze. We were supposed to be having dinner. I had put in some effort with a cute outfit, nice makeup, etc. When he showed up, my stomach dropped. He had ratty old jeans and a paint-splattered hoodie. That was the moment that made me think "ohhhh this is gonna be bad."
Still, he'd already caught me, so we sat down and the bartender immediately put a pint-glass of tonic in front of him before even asking what I wanted. Clearly, he was a regular. We tried to make small talk but he was just so weird. He was cutting me off mid-sentence with random nonsense, buddy-punching me on the arm, and kept hurrying me to finish my drink so I could keep up with him.
I finished my one light drink, paid for it (which offended him deeply), and got up to leave. Then it took another turn. He chugged his last drink, threw a $100 bill on the bar, and followed me into the parking lot. I tried to get away politely and he interrupted with "Come back to my place, I go like a freight train." I stumbled over my "Ah, no thank you" and before I'd finished the sentence he got into his car, started the engine, and screeched out of the parking lot, almost getting it onto two wheels on the turn.
There were some interesting characters back in the early days of online dating. 2004 was like the wild west.
3. Too Close For Comfort
I dated this girl who was a friend of a friend. She used to come into the pub I worked at for $10 steak night with her mom and a guy who we weren't sure was her boyfriend or brother...turned out it was her brother, but they were weirdly close. Anyway, we went on a date, and she seemed quite uncomfortable the whole time. Didn't make much conversation, just obviously wasn't into it.
So I dropped her home, and she asked me if I wanted to come in. Against my better judgment I did. They had two couches in the living room. I sat on one awkwardly while she lay on the other couch and spooned with her brother. At this point, I realized I should not have shown up...Every time she left the pub from then on, she and her brother left holding hands.
4. He Tried So Hard And Yet…
I convinced a girl who I was crazy about to go out on a date with me. I knew I had to make it count. We lived by the ocean and she had dropped the hint that she had never been out on the pier at our local beach. Challenge accepted. I nervously drove her down to the beach and we proceeded to slowly walk out on the pier together.
She seemed hesitant from the beginning. We stopped short of the end and I leaned against the railing over the water while she stood back a bit from the edge. She didn’t really seem into it at all. Awkwardly I said, “This is a great view, huh?” Just then, two pigeons flew up and landed at our feet. “Sweet, chicks dig birds,” I thought to myself.
To my horror, the birds began to make passionate pigeon love in front of us while neither of us spoke. I had never witnessed such athletic passion. I quickly scanned around and saw a couple holding roses on the other side of the pier. “Awesome, they look romantic, chicks dig romance,” I thought to myself. We quickly walked away stood next to the happy couple.
The man and woman were holding each other and both holding roses but something seemed off. I glanced up and noticed that both were sobbing, the girl I was with noticed too. As we were both looking, the couple took their roses and cast them into the sea. I had posted us up next to a funeral, some kind of sea burial.
Between animal lovemaking and funerary rites, I had executed one of the worst dates of all time. Just as I had accepted my failure, my date started getting fidgety. Based on her body language and her expression it dawned that she hadn't told me about the pier as a hint but because she was terrified of it. Turns out she had a fear of heights and the ocean.
5. Is She Okay?
We had met briefly before, and she stopped by my house before we went out to eat since she apparently lived close by. We spoke for about 90 seconds, then she asked to use my bathroom. She must've been in there for an hour. I knocked to see if she was okay and she didn't answer. After a while I knocked again, a little worried that she'd fainted in my bathroom or something.
After five or 10 minutes of knocking on the door, and her not replying, I was getting worried. I had a sudden fear that she was deaf or something and hadn't told me, and couldn't hear me, so I tried to call her phone. I would hear it ring once inside and vibrate, then get muted. I was very confused and worried. But I could still sort of hear her moving around on the other side of the door.
I was at the point of even saying things like, "Uh, look, if something...embarrassing has happened in there, just don't worry about it. Just let me know you're okay, and I'll pass you in whatever you need." There was just no reply. I started opening the door from the outside with a screwdriver, panicking. Just as I got the door open, she just quietly said, "Occupied," like you might say in a public bathroom. At this point, I'm totally freaked out.
I opened the door and she was standing in front of the mirror, doing something with her makeup, but didn't seem to be actually wearing any makeup. Having been in the bathroom for like an hour. I was like, "What the heck?" And she just said, "Are we late for dinner?"
6. Too Close For Comfort
I went out with a girl to a bar. While we were out, she got a lil tipsy and went into graphic detail of what she wanted me to do to her. I was a bit taken aback by how brash she became. We had just talked for a little. I found out she was from a very small town of which I'm related to a good percentage of the population. I'm sure most of you can see where this is going.
We started talking about mutual acquaintances. But, I realized I didn't know her last name. Suspecting something, I managed to catch a glimpse of her ID. My worries were confirmed. I politely declined her offer after driving her home. I did a little more digging and remembered who she was. I was seven and she was four the last time we met, so we obviously didn't remember each other.
For what it's worth, she is my second cousin twice removed, but that was still too close for comfort. She tried contacting me two more times and I chucked my phone across the room when she started sending me pictures. Fast forward eight months to a family reunion, I nearly gave her a heart attack.
7. Eat Fresh
I went on a date with a guy that I met online. He told me to dress nicely as he was going to take me out for dinner. He took me to Subway and ordered a foot-long teriyaki chicken sub. He then looked at me and said, "I hope you like teriyaki chicken." We shared the sub in his car. Safe to say there was no second date.
8. You Again
I went on a date a few months after my college girlfriend and I had broken up. I had matched with this girl off of Tinder and we messaged a bit. But there was one really weird red flag. She was relentless about wanting to know more about my ex and how I felt after the break up. I looked past this and met her for dinner a couple nights later. This was an enormous mistake.
I walked in the restaurant and my ex is sitting at the table under that girl’s name. I turned around to walk out and got a Tinder notification from the girl I had agreed to meet saying, “You’ll never be able to get away from me.” Should have stayed home that night, and steer clear of blind dates.
9. Cats, Cats, Everywhere There’s Cats
I met this girl online. She seemed nice, geeky, and into a lot of the same nerd stuff that I was. She was cute in her photos too. She dodged me several times about going on an actual date, but finally, we managed to set something up. She wanted me to come to her house so she could make us dinner and watch a movie together. We were both introverts, so that was fine by me.
She said she lived in Houston, but it was actually over an hour outside of it. When I got to her 'house', my jaw dropped—it was actually a trailer in the middle of the woods on a wooded lot full of trash. Turns out, they didn't have trash service, so she basically just threw it outside. At first, I thought I was seeing cats everywhere, but it turned out to be cats mixed in with a few massive rats.
Still, I'd driven an hour plus, and I was already there, so I climbed up the decrepit deck and knocked on the door. When she opened it, the smell of cat urine poured out of the trailer and invaded my nostrils. When I got inside, there were more cats everywhere. Orange cats, brown cats, old cats, young cats. Cats everywhere.
Her mom was "cooking dinner" for us, which was frozen microwaved dinner. This girl then dragged me to her room and lunged at me me like an animal in heat. I told her I had to go to the restroom but it was covered in cat waste and litter. Just box after box, in the shower and everything. I couldn't do it. I went and told her I’d forgotten flowers in my car and drove away as fast as I could.
10. Tried It Himself
This guy I met on Tinder asked me, “Do you drive to work?” To which I replied, “Yep, how about you?” He said, “Public transport. How come you don't take the train?” I answered, “Ah, I'm not a fan of public transport and besides, I have free parking at work so it's a win-win for me.” At this point, the guy is just prodding into my life, but it was going to get so much worse.
He asked, “How come you don't like public transport?” I answered, “Ah, a few years ago some douchebag stuck his hand up my skirt when I was getting off the train. So anyway—” He said, “Did he do it like this?” What he did next was absolutely horrifying: He proceeded to put his hand up my skirt while we were sitting down on a park bench and got high enough to touch the gusset of my stockings.
11. Doing An Ex A Solid
I matched with a girl on Plenty of Fish. We were talking for a while and she worked out she knew someone I had worked with in the past. I asked the previous co-worker what she was like and he said she's ok and not “mental or anything.” Little did I now, this was an evil plan. He actually really didn't like me because I was better at the job than he was and he was straight up lying his butt off.
So I arrange a coffee date between our houses. She only lived like 5-10 minutes away and the nearest shopping centre cafe was 10 minutes away. I arrive and wait a few minutes and in walks this girl 20-30 lbs heavier than her display picture with a baby in a pram. She recognized me and sat down like this was normal. Now see, she'd told me she had a daughter who was two.
I told her I had a two-year-old son as well. Turns out, her daughter was two months not two years and she never corrected the fact. Also this is the first time we had met and she asked me five minutes into the date if I could buy her baby formula. One look at her and I could tell she actually needed the formula and was in a desperate situation, so I bought it for her because I'm a sucker and didn't want her baby to starve.
I then politely told her it was never going to work because she straight-up lied. She said yeah fair enough and left. But that wasn’t the end. About two months later, I was talking to another girl on Plenty of Fish who happened to be friends with her. She seemed normal and not like the complete psychopath I'm sure she was. The crazy one from the first part of the story rang me (she stalked me through my friends) and told me how the second one was mental.
I said I didn't believe her and she hung up on me. Ten minutes later my messenger starts going off, it's girl #1 sending film clips and news articles of girl #2 having a complete psychotic break and torching her ex boyfriends car...on camera in a shopping centre. So it all worked out well for me in the end.
12. Not A Single Lick
I show up and park across the street because there was zero parking at her place, and try telling her over the phone number she gave me 10 minutes earlier. There was not a lick of comprehension on her part until eventually 20 minutes later, she ventures out and sees me. Apparently, she had been using Google Translate over messaging the entire time.
It was the worst 40 minute date I have ever had and was the last time I ever offered to pick someone up on the first date without verbally talking first.
13. That’s The Game
I swiped right on this guy because I found his bio humorous. It was, "Just looking for a chess partner." We messaged back and forth and he seemed pretty normal, so we decided to meet up for a drink. When I messaged him because I couldn't stop him outside the meeting place, he said, “I'm the one with a chessboard.” I had to break it to him that I had no idea how to play chess and that I thought his bio was a joke.
14. Seeing The Light
I went on a date with a guy on Tinder. He was a co-worker of one of my friends, so I figured he'd be alright. First date was decent enough so we went on a second. This date was also going well until I mentioned his pentagram necklace, asking if he just liked the design or if he was Pagan. He either did not wear this necklace to the first date or it had been under his shirt.
He replied Pagan, and I said how I found the Pagan religion to be very interesting and was hoping to hear more about it. Oh boy, I wish I didn't. He had been fairly shy up until that point. He did a complete 180 and started going on, very loudly in this fairly nice restaurant, about how his mother could physically heal people just with touch and about how his friend was in the army and got shot in the leg but didn't feel any pain from it because my date had linked minds with him from across the world and took all the pain for him instead.
I managed to get through the date and when I got home, I messaged to say it wasn't working out, that I didn't feel any spark after two dates, and wished him well. He immediately blocked me. I then messaged my friend, who was his co-worker, asking if the Pagan talk was normal for him. Friend calls me to cry from laughter over the phone about how he and all the other co-workers knew he was crazy but also knew he was harmless so wanted to see how I'd react to him.
Bit cruel on my friend's part to not warn me, especially since he knew I was going on these dates, but I definitely wasn't going on a third regardless.
15. Three’s A Crowd
I met a girl at a bar and things clicked well. Went on a date a few nights later and she shows up with her “sister.” I didn’t think anything of it at the time. Figured she was being safe possibly since we just met. But this happened two more times. I finally said can we go out without your sister and she seemed insulted at the idea. I found out months later she had no sister, it was just her friend and they did everything together. It was truly strange.
16. That’s My Jam
Early in the date, we got to chatting about what music we liked as cringey preteens, and I mentioned that I was simultaneously into symphonic metal and musical theatre and had thus been OBSESSED with the Nightwish Phantom of the Opera cover. We moved on from that conversation and I didn't think much of it, until we went back to his university accommodation.
We started making out on his bed, and he suddenly said to me in what HAD to have been a deliberately sultry undertone, "How about we put on that Phantom of the Opera cover you were talking about earlier?" He never actually specified what his intentions were, because I panicked and said we should go out to another bar. I'm struggling to come up with any explanation other than, "He had a pretty bizarre taste in potential intimate jams."
17. The Only Living Girl In San Francisco
We had gone to the Burning Man holiday party. I'm a volunteer so I get an invite and two drink tickets, but she hated it and made me take her to a nice restaurant around the corner. It was a nice place in the Dogpatch neighborhood. And I guess the whole time the staff slowly came to hate her and worry about me. She didn't like anything and didn't look at the staff much.
When I drove her home, she accused me of being a recruiter for a cult. I still asked her out again, though, God knows why. I showed up and she had forgotten so we went to a deli next door where she got in an argument with some street guy she seemed to really vibe with. I finally lost interest when we were walking very fast in a random direction and she went on about how she was the only person in San Francisco opposed to assault.
I gently disagreed so she turned and walked away. Should I call her?
18. Looking For An Adventure
I was newly single just after Tinder took off. The relationship I was in was boring, dull, and defeating, so I was looking to do something stupid for a while. That led me to match with interesting folks, but I did want to have some interesting experiences. One woman, a little older than me, was Wiccan, hippy, crazy, and honestly just perfect.
We hooked up the day we matched. She was doing things I'd only ever read about. A part of me was scared, but as I said, I was itching for some good times. A week or so later, she asks if I want to go for a hike. I agree. On the hike, she asks if I want to drop acid. Again, I agree. Mid-trip, she undresses, tells me to follow suit, then brings me to a clearing in the bush for a "ritual."
Yeah...hard pass. In my acid trip mind, this was where she cuts me open and sacrifices my body to Beezlebub or something similar. I bailed—half-clothed and tripped right out. In retrospect, we were likely about to have some earth-shattering hippy acid business in the wild, but as I found my way back home, I was looking over my shoulder for the main character in True Detective season three.
I never talked to her again, but I did see her on Tinder later and I think she found Jesus.
19. He Almost Fooled Her
I went on a couple of dates with a guy who genuinely seemed really nice. For our third or fourth date, he invited me to go tailgating with his family, who I clearly didn’t even know. I said yes because I’ve never been tailgating before. He quickly made me regret saying yes. I went over to his place and was invited into his room. There was no bed frame, no sheets, crumbs from food everywhere, clothes were partly folded on the floor, it was dimly lit, and the carpet was crusty enough that it had gotten stiff/hard.
Absolutely disgusting. His family ended up being friendly, but when it was time for me to go that night, he quite literally pouted like a child and initially refused to take me home. I should’ve drove myself, but didn’t. Hindsight is 20/20. On our way back to my house, he started talking about how he was going to spend $10k on an engagement ring for me and how he wanted to marry me “so badly.”
He also brought up that his last “girlfriend’s” father threatened to call the authorities on him if he didn’t leave her alone. The following day, I texted him and said that things weren’t going to work out. I blocked him after he messaged me really weird things and said he “just wanted to get a reaction out of [me].” I just hate how the red flags didn’t pop up on the first couple dates.
20. Don’t Dare Compare
After my freshman year of college, I met a guy on OK Cupid and we went to get dinner. He offered to give me a ride, but I said no. He was a couple of years older than me, so I felt unsure. At dinner, he started talking about how he'd started his own business after college and how it was going well. Good for him!
He bragged a bit, but hey, that's an accomplishment. After we ordered food, he said to me, in the creepiest voice ever: "Let's play a game." He wanted us to take out our wallets and compare what was in them." It wasn't a joke. He literally started showing me his credit cards and bragging about the high limits. He ended with, "Clearly you can't afford to pay for this dinner, but don't worry, I can cover you."
I was mad and protested, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. As we left, he said he wanted to show me his car. Unfortunately, it was nearer to the restaurant entrance than mine was, so I had to walk by it. It was a white, windowless serial killer van. He begged me to get in the back with him, right there in the parking lot. I was pretty glad I drove separately.
21. Secret Messages
She texted me an apology for the date while we were still on the date. Long story short: she arrived late, then friends of hers "just happened to be walking by" and they joined us. Clearly, their intention was to use me for free drinks, which they immediately began guzzling down as quickly as the server could bring them. I realized what they were doing, so I made sure to pay for my drinks in cash, which meant I didn't have a tab going.
I tried to give my date the benefit of the doubt in hopes that her friends would leave and we'd actually have a date, but she seemed more interested in getting their approval. At one point, she was staring down at her phone, and then mine started vibrating. Normally, I'd never check my phone while on a date, but this date was a disaster, and she was obviously staring at her phone, so...what the heck.
I looked down at my phone and saw a one-word text…from her. It just said “Sorry.” I looked at her, then I looked at my phone again, and I just shrugged. Whatever. There was a gasp when I got up to leave. One of her friends protested because I didn't pick up the bill for the whole table. I said, "I already paid for mine." Then I walked right out of the door.
22. You Will Never Meet My Parents
This girl contacted me and told me she was interested but that I had to pick her up. I drove over to her apartment complex and she hopped in and she was extremely agitated. She asked if we could go to the Shell station where she worked. I drove her over there and she grabbed her company clothes and stormed in. When she got back into the car, she was very relieved, saying that she quit her job right then.
I had offered a coffee date, but she wanted a drink. We ended up at the Drafthouse because I wanted the pizza from there and I could order one at the bar. I offered to share it with her and she requested that we get goat cheese instead of regular cheese. She opens a tab while I went to the restroom and starts ordering a whole bunch of drinks. Unfortunately for me, this was only the beginning.
This girl starts rocket chugging these things down her gullet and she orders another drink. The bartender looks at me. She starts telling me her life story about how she has five kids and she gave most of them away. Apparently, the two she decided to keep don't live with her. Then I ask about the jewelry she is wearing around her neck, thinking it was costume jewelry like cosplay.
Nope, she worships ancient Sumerian gods like Conan the Barbarian. She proceeded to tell me the differences between Pagans and Wiccans and witchcraft. I started to notice she was wearing no bra. She was an attractive woman with pale skin and was very shapely. I wouldn't have known she had five kids just by looking at her. She quickly orders another two drinks and the bartender asks me something.
I realized that all this was on my dime, so I closed out the tab. She drank $45 worth. I had one single drink. As we are leaving, she says that it would be a perfect day at the park. I drove us over to the park, and it was a bit muddy from the rain, but not too bad. She leads me over to the basketball court, and starts to teach me salsa lessons.
Since it had just rained, it was quite humid outside so, naturally, we both began to sweat. This girl was wearing a thin white blouse and white pants. I want to say that that blouse was meant to be worn with another blouse, because it was so thin. Being so close to her, I noticed that she had nothing on under her clothes and it became more pronounced the more she sweat.
There was little left to the imagination. She pressed herself against me because of the dancing and then she told me she needed to use the restroom. I lead her over to where the bathrooms were and about 20 paces away from the entrance, she drops her pants down and squats right there in the bushes. It was a public park, on a weekend, with lots of people walking around.
I quickly averted my view and then she asked me, "What would your parents think of me?" I looked her straight in the eye and told her, "You aren't going to meet my parents."
23. Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde
I met this guy on Tinder. He seemed really cool. We started texting for a month or so and later planned to meet at this tavern. It was hard trying to find him because the place was packed. When I do see him, I guess he’s tipsy. But he didn’t seem like completely out of it, he was functional. I tried to ask him questions and get to know him in this sort of loud and busy space.
The whole time, even though he’s inches away from my face, he can’t hear what I’m asking or saying. Mind you, he invited me to this place, I’d never gone here before. This was supposed to be our first date. He proceeds to buy me a pint and kept slapping me on my backside, quite forcefully to be honest. This is my first time meeting him. We get the drink and he asks me “Do you want a drink?” Alarm bells start going off.
I tell him he just bought me one. He asks this question annoyingly over and over again as if he forgot he asked already. This goes on for at least an hour…All the while I’m trying to kick it with him. Play some outdoor bar games and such. And he’s asking, “What are you doing here?” And I’m like “I’m on a date with you?” He asks me this question over and over as well…
I don’t get how anyone is that incoherent. He wasn’t that far gone, he couldn’t have been. Even if he was, when we texted he seemed fairly intelligible and kind. But the whole night he probably only asked me two or three questions, the same ones, over and over, and kept slapping me on my backside. There was a point we were going to congregate with his friends and I sort of lost him in the crowd and LEFT. Very rude and weird.
He had the nerve to call me and ask where I went. I told him I went home. He said he wanted to get to know me, and I was like yeah, maybe another time. Like dude, you had the whole night to try. He had no intent to make a real effort. I blocked the heck out of him.
24. Honesty Isn’t Always The Best Policy
We had a great time at dinner, and went for a walk through a park afterward. We're walking along and talking. Then she makes a shocking confession. She mentions to me that she is still "technically" engaged to a guy, but she was only marrying him because he had gotten her pregnant. But she had had a miscarriage a few days ago (had not told him yet), and now that there was no baby and she had met me she was going to tell him and break up with him.
There was no second date.
25. Nay To PDA
I went to meet a woman in her 30s at a Starbucks. I showed up to see a woman pushing 50, maybe more, and she was much larger than she initially claimed to be. She immediately started to talk about getting intimate with me, asking me what positions were my favorite and stuff like that. This was in the middle of a crowded Starbucks where there were children around.
She then reached across the table and tried to grab my hand and touch me, to which I told her that PDA makes me uncomfortable. This was a lie, but I didn't want to cause a scene or hurt her feelings. I told her that I wasn't feeling too well and that I should probably go. I thought that would be the end of it, but my nightmare was just beginning.
She followed me out, grabbed my butt, tried to push herself against me, and tried to kiss me. I told her again that I was not comfortable with PDA, and after several repeats of this, she finally let me get into my car. I got out of there as fast as I could and took some time away from the dating scene after that encounter.
26. The Booty Blossom
I went on a cute little date when I was 17 with this guy. We did a little hike prior. He tells me the story of how he had a cyst removed from his butt. He told it with a bunch of detail, right down to describing the smell. The rest of the date was just kinda mundane until the end. Then he kissed me. Right after, he says, "That was my first kiss," then he asks if I would take his virginity.
I say that isn't something that happens on first dates, for me at least, and he clarifies he means in the future. It's already awkward—but then he turns the cringe into high gear. He writes me a poem...called "Booty Blossom." It was about my butt turning into a lotus and flying away. This was two days after our date. He had never seen me without clothes on, let alone felt my butt or anything.
I ghosted him. He got really mad and told me in a rage that he wrote more poems. But, he tore them up. Years have passed and I don’t think he's a bad guy. Sometimes he hits me up with questions regarding my tattoos.
27. Knight In Shining Armour
She just got out of the hospital and a snap blizzard hit. This was February 14th, 2014. The bus dropped her off, but no taxi or Uber dared drive out to get her, so she was stranded at a Waffle House. So, it took me and my Jeep Grand Cherokee many miles in the snow to meet for the first time and to save her. I made it about 90% of the way, hit some black ice, then slid sideways into a power pole.
The guy that lived there pulled out his tractor-trailer and pulled me off the pole. I continued my journey as the knight in shiny, smashed armor. I make it to the Waffle House and pick her up. Her door doesn't open because it was smashed in. She climbs over from the other side, casually brushing aside bits of broken glass from the shattered window.
We proceed to drive 25 minutes in the snow while freezing, air tossing her post-surgery bed head hair around. We made casual conversation. We get to her house and I get out so she can climb back over my seat to get out. She thanked me and we parted ways. Later, I discover that my truck's frame was bent and should not have been driven.
Four years later, we're happily married, going through IVF to have a daughter.
28. Don’t Follow Your Dreams
When he went on a long and obnoxious rant about how my job at the time (assistant welder) was "stupid and a waste of time" and that I should become a dental hygienist, a job I have no interest in, because "at least it has a future." The whole date itself was AWFUL. But it was at that point I realized, we were not a "match," to say the least.
29. Never Gonna Get This
I didn't show up for this date, and I was always super proud that I trusted my intuition. I had a date scheduled with a guy at a nice place downtown that I had agreed to. Right before the date he leaves me a message that we're going to a different place. I look it up, and it's a dive bar out in the middle of nowhere. Like in a field. Alarm bells started going off.
I actually really liked the guy and went back and forth with myself before I call the guy back and get his voicemail. So I leave a message apologizing profusely, but I need to reschedule the date. I also add that I'd like to pick the place this time. Alarm bells are still going off and I end up letting his return call go to voicemail. I'm glad didn’t pick up. His message sent chills down my spine.
I had to listen to it twice to believe it. This grown man proceeds to scream at me, calling me every name in the book. Calling me a witch, etc. Telling me how I missed out on the best date with best guy of my life. That was the most happy I'd been I went with my gut and skipped out on a first date.
30. A Blank Slate
When I went on this date with this dude, and he had 0 interests. When I tell you 0, I mean it. He didn’t watch movies, series, did not listen to music, did not watch TV, didn’t have any hobbies, did not have any siblings, any friends, any work, just university studies. He didn’t like to cook or clean or even go on walks. It was the most awkward date I have ever been on with someone.
He was studying Economics, he lived alone, and was an unemployed student. We met on Tinder, and both his pictures and our conversation there seemed normal. I thought he was just shy. But no, he was the most boring person I have ever met in my life.
31. A Lie Of Omission
Weirdest date I ever had? Probably the time she was hiding the fact she had a baby. She didn’t say anything about that when we were texting each other days prior. But that wasn’t the deal breaker. The deal breaker was the fact she had a baby and was alcoholic that couldn’t keep herself under control and also mentioned that her ex (currently behind bars at the time) didn’t really “break up” so I figured she was trying to keep me as around as a rebound.
32. Now Let’s Talk About Me
I’m not sure what was the exact moment I realized I shouldn’t have showed up to this date, but I think it was at some point during the first 10 minutes. She showed up 30 minutes late and her “apology” was “Sorry I’m late but I’m always late.” Then she spent the first 15 minutes talking about her ex who she just broke up with a mere three days ago. And it STILL got worse.
During the entire date, she asked zero questions about me and only talked about herself and her problems. Gossiped about her friends (who I didn’t even know at all). Spent 20 minutes showing me photos and videos of her cat. I usually like cats but I was really annoyed at that point. Complained about the ice in her soda. And spent the last 10 minutes of the date talking about how much she needs to pee but refused to use the public restroom.
I was so glad when that date was over.
33. The Crazy Switch
We went to a local cafe. The date went well until she flipped the crazy switch. She started inquiring about when we would get an apartment together, as well as have children. Also, she wanted to know how many children we would have. She ended up messaging me every day, multiple times a day, wondering why I didn't want to talk to her.
I ended up calling her and just telling her it wasn't going to work out. She flipped and told me our relationship was built on lies and that she was breaking up with me. We only went on one date.
34. Truth Or Dare
I was new to the area, so she picked me up to take me to her favorite bar for a couple of drinks. In the back seat, there were two other girls that were her friends. About five minutes into the drive, one of the girls in the back says we should play truth or dare on the drive to the bar. So, we started to play and everyone picked truth for the first round.
So, when it was my turn again, I picked the truth again. My date said that I can't pick truth twice in a row and so I have to do a dare. I agreed and said that I would do a dare. Then, one of her friends in the back said, "We dare you to walk down the street in your birthday suit!" I just laughed because I thought it was a joke. But then, my date pulled the car over to the side of the road and they were all saying I had to do it, or they would just bring me back home.
So, after a few minutes, I finally gave in and got out of the car and got fully unclothed. I then started to walk down the street. They picked up my clothes and drove right next to me until we got to an intersection, then they all got out and said I could have my clothes back once they all got a picture for Snapchat. After that, we got in the car and continued on to the bar. We dated for five months.
35. Am I Bothering You?
I went to a movie with my date, and everything seemed okay. We decided to grab dinner after the movie, and she just straight got sucked into her phone. Like, more than anyone I've ever seen. After more than a couple minutes of just sitting awkwardly and dumb small talk, I asked her if she had something going on or if she needed to go. "No I'm fine, just checking all my socials and keeping up with a few convos. You know how it is."
No, I don't. We had already ordered, so I just sat there quietly for the next 20 minutes until I got fed up with it. I said "excuse me for a moment," got up and told our waiter to put mine in a to-go box, and sat in the waiting room. She never looked up the entire time. Paid the waiter for my meal, and left.
36. The Same But Different
I matched with a guy I went to high school with and who I always thought was really good-looking and really cool. He played sports, was well-liked by everyone...you know the type. I probably hadn’t seen him in two years at this point, but in his Tinder pictures he still looked the same, so we agreed to meet up for coffee.
He comes in with greasy long hair, a beard, and actually looks homeless. He went on to tell me that he dropped out of college and has severe ADHD now. He couldn’t focus on one thing and was fidgeting the entire date. He told me how he’s now one with the earth, and at the end of it, told me he was gay. I’m a girl. I seriously thought I was being punk’d.
37. Keeping Things Serious
This guy I met on Tinder kept asking me out for weeks and even called me to convince me, so I decided to give it a try. BIG MISTAKE. We decided to meet at a bar. He got there 30 minutes late and ordered a Coke. Apparently, he was a recovering alcoholic. That's not a problem for me, I just thought it was weird that he had agreed to go to a bar. He then proceeded to perform what felt like a job interview on me.
At some point, I even sarcastically asked, "Am I doing okay here?" After 40 minutes of that, he got up, paid for his Coke, and said, "I'm going to go, I have to get up early tomorrow." He then just left. We haven't talked since.
38. The Wrong Kind Of Double Date
It was midway through the movie and she said she had to go to the bathroom. She then came back with her boyfriend, who I wasn’t aware existed. So he sat in between us and swapped spit with her while I sat. I just walked out and went home afterward. Didn’t say goodbye or anything.
39. A Dark Start
I went on a date to a live music bar with someone I met on the app. The bar was in a sketchier part of the city, and we ended up getting jumped by a homeless guy. He started out by asking to show us “card tricks,” cornered us, commanded us to kiss each other, and then took all of our cash. It’s definitely my weirdest “first kiss” story.
We ended up being a little too freaked out to continue the date, so we climbed a tree at a nearby park and proceeded to talk all night. When we got hungry, we decided to get some late-night waffles. We now see each other all the time and I’ve actually never met anyone I'm so compatible with before.
40. Mastered The Art of Selfie
This was the first date I went on after my ex and I broke up. I had spoken to the girl on both Tinder and Snapchat for a couple of weeks until the date. I get to the date and she looks nothing like her profile pictures or any photos she sent me. We have a date and she even asks me about profile pictures and says I look more handsome in real life than in the pictures.
I, however, can't get myself to lie...but neither do I want to hurt her feelings, so I just answer, “Thank you,” without repaying the compliment. After the date, I go in to give her a hug and she pulls me in to kiss me. After that, I just hurried off. 10 minutes later, she sends me a Snapchat selfie, and once again, I'm dumbfounded because it just doesn't look like her!
She had mastered the art of just the most perfect angle to look 10 times hotter in the photos than in real life.
41. A Mountain Of Lies
I met a woman and she went on a diatribe about how into mountain biking she was. I asked her if she'd like to go mountain biking for a date and several days later we went. I picked her up and her roommate gave me "that look," like "good luck." There were a lot of verbal (sassy/complaining) and facial clues that said "this is not the date you're looking for."
We got on the trail and within about five minutes I realized she was not in fact "into" mountain biking. She pouted the entire time. Afterward I dropped her off, and she said something like "I had a nice time" and all I could do was think "are you kidding me?" There was no second date.
42. Patiently Waiting
Over 25 years ago a coworker set me up on a blind date. The evening arrived, and I was a little early at the restaurant. Feeling anxious, I ordered a drink, and chatted with the waitress, telling her I was on a blind date. After the first drink, I checked the time and my date was 15 minutes late. City traffic. I figured. But the seed of doubt was planted.
I finished the second drink quickly while battling new anxiety mixed with doubt, and a bit of fear. I took a deep breath, sighed, and tried to relax. "Still waiting?" the waitress asked, startling me out of my worry. I tried to laugh, but it felt hollow. Checking the time again, my date is now 45 minutes late. I felt terrible—but I didn't know this chilling truth.
My face was red and I wanted to shrink into the booth. At the hour mark I couldn't take it anymore and gave up. As I was paying, my waitress found me. "She stood you up," and I just nodded. Then I walked out the door and went home. I found out two days later, my date had passed in an auto accident on the way to the restaurant.
43. The Last Laugh
Went on a date with this girl a couple of years ago to a comedy show. I picked her up and she was a little tipsy from day drinking with her friends. We go to the comedy show and get seated in the first row. I don’t recall who the comedian was but he did a lot of crowd work. Halfway through, I look over at my date, and she is head back, mouth open passed out. I knew what was coming—but it was still brutal.
The comedian begins ripping into me about boring my date to sleep for five minutes. By this point, my date wakes up and is with it for a minute or two, but then falls asleep again! By this point I could tell the comedian would not let me live this down and everyone around me was laughing and giving her concerned looks.
The waitress comes over and pulls my date to the side, giving me an excuse to get my date away from me (good on her for looking out), and asks her if she was safe. Thankfully we were new in our short relationship because she told me after that if we were closer she would have pranked me or something. Didn’t follow up on another date.
44. Getaway Car
When she asked if we could stop at her mom's house first so she could "grab something," then after 10 minutes of waiting in the car she came running out of the door carrying a baby and a woman was chasing her, screaming. She jumped in the car and started yelling "drive drive drive!" I knew exactly what I had to do. I turned the car off and got out.
It was her kid, but she had lost custody to her mother because of addiction issues. We had met on a dating site and she thought I would go along with her plan to take her child back. She spent that night in a cell.
45. He Should Have Watered Himself Down
When he walked into the café we were meeting at with a 4L jug of water, plopped it on the counter, and told the barista to use his special filtered water for the tea he was ordering. Turned out he sells these water purification machines that optimize the PH...which he insisted was not a pyramid scheme (it definitely was). After enduring his awful sales pitch, he also told me he used to be a drug dealer and that he turned to selling water because "he's addicted to selling." But that wasn’t the worst part.
He also told me how he had “extremely old fashioned values” (his words) and that he is a very controlling person and can't help it. He said he hates when people waste his time and is looking for a wife. Every time I tried talking about anything, he would cut me off and start talking about himself. He offered me a ride home at the end. I politely declined and ran the second I was no longer in line of sight.
46. It Just Doesn’t Make Sense
I have only been on one Tinder date because it was so awful. Afterward, he—out of the blue—explained to me how feminism doesn't make sense because feminism doesn't take into account that men work harder than women. Aha WHAT. He also told me how he is no longer a homophobe because he decided all homophobes are closet cases.
He literally stopped actively hating gay folk because he was worried that would make him look gay. He also started almost every sentence with, "As a former homophobe." For reference, I date guys sometimes, but I'm not exactly straight. Yes, it came up and yes, it was as awkward as you're imagining. I'm also heavily involved in the queer community. I deleted the app.
47. Don’t Drink The Kool-Aid
I met this girl on tinder and she invited me over “for a massage.” So, I get there, and there is just something totally off about her. I don’t know what it is. I mean, she looks normal, but something about her was just really unsettling. Anyway, I go to the bathroom and when I get back, she is sitting on the couch looking at me with a big glass of grape juice saying, “I poured you some grape juice.”
All I can think is, “Nope, I’m not drinking it. I don’t wanna wake up missing a kidney.” So, I got out of there. It was probably just me letting my paranoia ruin a sure thing, but I don’t know...there was just something really weird about her.
48. Dads Always Know Best
He got into a political rant about 15 minutes into sitting down at dinner. And then opened his mouth and goes “Minorities wouldn’t have it so bad if they just worked harder. Opportunities don’t just fall into white people’s laps.” I excused myself to the bathroom, went to the hostess, paid my half of the meal that I didn’t even get to eat, and walked out.
I then went home and told my dad, who then made me an awesome grilled cheese and a hug. He also said I should have just left him with the bill and I have to agree but I just felt too nice to do that.
49. Don’t Just Be You
One of my first attempts at online dating many years ago was a total disaster. The girl wasn’t very bright, but she was really nice and absolutely beautiful judging by the pictures she’d sent me. As a little background, she told me she was 5’2 and worked out, and had an average to slim body. I didn’t think anything of her telling me her height because she asked me mine, and that’s not always easily deduced from photos.
But her telling me that she worked out and had an average/slim body was odd because that was clear from her photos. After a couple weeks, we set a time and place to meet. I arrived at a park near a gazebo she said she would be at. I looked through my windshield, but all I saw was this really tall, obese woman wearing pajamas standing inside.
She was easily 6’4” or 6’5”, certainly taller than I was. I thought maybe she was late, because clearly there was no 5’2” petite female in sight, so I call the girl. I’ll never forget what I saw next. I see the PJ woman’s flip phone light up and play a song I didn’t recognize, and she answered. It was her. She said “I see you,” immediately hung up, and started walking towards my car.
That was the moment I knew I’d wasted an hour of my time driving out to meet a stranger. I hit the lock before she could open door and rolled down the window with a “do I know you?” She said something along the lines of “Yeaaahhhh, I’m a bit taller than I said.” I apologized, said I had to go, and I pulled away. Whatever my type of girl, starting out any relationship on an easily verified lie is a gigantic red flag.
She texted me a minute or so later and told me it was screwed up of me to make her get ready to go out just to leave her hanging. Her version of “getting ready” was putting on old unwashed pajamas. I ended up hanging out with some friends I hadn’t seen in years that happened to live 20 minutes away, so it wasn’t a total loss. Bullet dodged, nonetheless.
50. No Money, No Problems?
The worst date I went on, hands down, was a guy who acted incredibly interested in me who I gave a shot. He told me he didn't have any money for a date, which was fine, we were in college, I get it! He proceeded to show up, I paid for him the whole time, and everything was going great. He asked to see me again, but, the next day, didn't even talk to me.
I hope the free food was worth it!
51. He Knows Nothing
An interesting-sounding guy agreed to meet me in the sci-fi section of a Barnes and Noble. This part was good so far. He was running late, which was fine. We meet up and he seems kinda shy and insecure, which was also fine. He's heard of none of the books I've read, even the classics, and can't tell me anything that he likes other than semi-explicit manga...that part was not so good.
We go to the café to talk, and he insists I order some super sweet "secret menu" frappuccino. I pay but I’m starting to feel a bit weird. We started to talk. He brings up, in turn, politics and video games. The rub was that he basically quotes John Oliver and Markiplier, respectively. I tell him I've seen those shows, and ask about movies. He says he doesn't really watch them.
Trying to avoid a walk home in the rain, I ask about his family. He shrugs it off. At that point, it was so awkward that I left. It was better to endure a stroll in the rain than so much strange unoriginal mediocrity.
52. When Dating Is Free Therapy
She was a kleptomaniac. I thought she was exaggerating or maybe just went through a tough time. Then she showed me the pile of paperwork. She was on first name terms with the judge because she had been to court so many times. Then she asked me to touch her back. Said she felt super sweaty from the MCAT she'd taken and then showed me how she disposed of her used needles because she was an addict.
Should have noped out sooner, but she was sweet. But yeah, she needed a therapist, not a boyfriend.
53. Putting Out The Wrong Signals
I went out for coffee with a girl. She seemed really nice and cute over texting...Woof. I was wrong. Got there, and she looked vaguely like her photos, but had multiple decayed black teeth, smelled horrendous, and had breath that was so bad that the people in the next state could be hurt by it. She was also really, really...odd. She wasn't mean or rude, but just sort of overall lacked personality, in general.
What really did it was the overall hygiene, though. It was repulsive. At the end of the date we walked to the cars, gave her a hug goodbye, and then she questioned when I was going to kiss her. I tried to be nice and say I don't kiss on the first date, good guy, etc. but she wasn't having it apparently. She stuck her tongue straight into my mouth and said she can't wait for next time when we can have more fun, wink wink.
I sat in my car questioning my life while chewing multiple pieces of gum. It took several rounds of mouthwash to get her taste out of my mouth.
54. Behind The Bar
I chatted with this guy for about a week. The connection was lukewarm, but I've learned technology can do that sometimes, so I still pursued meeting up. Well, the joke's on me because this turned into the biggest nightmare date imaginable. He asked me to pick him up because he didn't have a car, which was no problem. I show up and knock on the door, and an older gentleman answers. Turns out, it was his dad. This was kind of odd for our age, but I'm not one to judge.
So, I asked him if he had any preference for where we would go, and he immediately told me of a place and started giving me directions. We pull up to what looks like a laundromat and hesitantly, I agreed to go inside. This place was not only a laundromat...a sketchy one at that...but also a pizza place/bar/gambling parlor. So, we pull up a chair and he asks me what I would like to drink and proceeds to go BEHIND THE BAR and gets it himself.
I'm freaking out at this point because I thought this guy was stealing stuff, but then he's approached by another woman behind the bar who greets him and asks when his shift ends. "Ok, he works here," I think to myself. "Wait, why would you bring a date to the place you work at?" I also pondered, in addition, "This explains why you don't have a vehicle and live with your parents."
He brings back my drink after a moment and we have a light conversation. After a few minutes, a group of guys calls to him and he excuses himself from the table. I can't believe it. He spends the next 20 minutes hanging out with them while I'm peeling the label off my drink by myself. I finish my drink and walk over to the group of men and tell him that something came up and I needed to go.
He agrees and we head back to my car. I drop him off and he asks me when he would be able to see me again because "he had a nice time out." I simply respond with, "Oh...soon!" and then got out of there.
55. Better Than Thou
I went over to his place, turned on some music, and he spent the entire time scoffing at my choice of music and proclaiming that his choices were vastly superior. I went in for a kiss towards the end because I guess I may as well try and get a quick shag at least. He was still hot, and he was too busy complaining about my taste in music to even notice.
56. Making Small Talk
This would have been in late 2011- early 2012, when Plenty of Fish was still a popular online dating option. This would have been my second (and last) date from online dating. I chatted with this one woman for a few days. She had similar interests and her picture made her seem pretty cute, so I was interested. The day before our date she admitted the picture of her was actually her friend.
She sent me a picture of her from the bridge of her nose up. She had pretty eyes, and I understood the shyness of putting your actual picture out there, so I still went on the date. Her face was…pear shaped to put it bluntly. She was kind of slim, but also chubby in places you don't really think of when you hear "chubby." Anyways, we sat and had coffee, and she only wanted to rant about her mom and little brother, and how unfair it is she had to watch him the previous night.
Considering our online conversations were about video games, music, and TV shows we liked, this was a complete 180 for her. I tried steering the conversation to anything else, but she persisted. We both would have been 21 at the time. I left and told her we weren't a good match, then I deleted my profile later that night. No more for me.
57. Food For Thought
I was supposed to pick him up at his Airbnb so we could go out for dinner and drinks. Turns out the place was actually his parents’ house. I thought it was weird that he lied about where he was staying but figured he was just embarrassed so I didn’t make a big deal about it. When I suggested a place I wanted to go for dinner, his response made my hair stand up on end.
He told me his parents made dinner so he wanted to stay there to eat and go out for drinks after. I felt super awkward about having dinner with his family on our first date, but it got worse. He made me a plate of food, had me sit at a table in the garage, and told me he’d be right back. Then he went inside and had dinner with his whole family while I sat alone in the garage.
I wish I could say I noped out of there, but unfortunately I stuck it out for the worst date night of my life.
58. Differing Date Perspectives
I was so stoked for a date I had with this very attractive girl. The conversation had been great, so I wanted to spare no expense. Went out to a nice place. The food was good and the conversation was strong. She takes a picture of her dessert to post on Instagram and then shows me the post. The caption ruined everything: "When you're on a terrible date but the dessert is fleek." I cringed so hard.
59. Happy Wife, Happy Life
I went on a date with a guy who had put that he was polyamorous in his bio, and I'm poly too. It's hard to find guys who are okay with that, at least in my experience, so I was excited. We met up at a bar and it quickly became obvious that polyamory was his long-term girlfriend's idea and he was reluctantly giving it a try to please her. It kind of made me sad, he seemed so devoted to her, and I kind of felt like the date was an obligation for him.
But, he was sweet and friendly. We never saw each other again after that, but I hope he figured things out.
60. Crazy Cat Lady
I was the bad date: Got super hammered before I got there, talked A LOT about my cat. Invited him in, basically talked him into it. I really wasn't planning on bringing him, so I get undressed and I'm wearing cat underwear, which I know added to my crazy cat lady allure because he commented on them. After finishing some lousy love making, he goes to get dressed and finds my cat sitting next to his cat pee-soaked clothes. Poor guy.
61. Getting Back In The Game
This happened to a friend of mine. He had recently broken up with a long-term girl and was looking to “get back out there,” but was too cheap to pay for a dating service so stuck to free ones. He sets up a date with a girl to come over to his place and do some hot tubbing. She shows up and wants some specific kind of drink, I'll say goldschlager, which he didn't have.
So she insists they make a store run. She seemed sketchy, so my buddy is about 50% sure he's going to get robbed, so he tells her to drive and deliberately “forgets” his wallet and phone at home. He had no idea what he was in for. When he gets in her car, there's no passenger seat. She said she has a huge dog so she took the seat out, and he has to sit in the back seat.
The date was late, so the closest store is closed. Rather than go back to his place, she says she knows a store that's open late. He says they're all state stores, they all close the same time...she won't listen and they hit the highway. After a while, he starts to wonder where they're going, and says "Where is this store?" That’s when she screams. She had forgotten he was in the car because he was in the back seat.
My buddy now accepts that she has been drinking for some time. She won't stop or pull over to let him drive, just keeps driving. Turns out the late store is about 30 minutes from his house, and she forgets he was in the car twice more on the trip. They get to the store and it's closed, as expected. This is when she snapped. She gets out anyway and is doing the jerking the locked door thing and yelling "HELLO!" over and over.
My buddy is out of the car watching this as she starts yelling at some sketchy-looking dudes drinking 40s in the parking lot. She starts with "why is this store closed" and quickly escalates to profanity. My buddy takes this as his opportunity and just walks away, doesn't even look back. Now he finds himself 30-minute drive from home, with no wallet or cell phone because he was so smart.
He eventually gets a convenience store clerk to take pity on him and he called his brother to come pick him up. He said he was worried about the girl showing up at his house, but he never heard from her again.
62. Who Does That?
We went to Olive Garden and the conversation just wasn’t clicking. He looked a little different from his photos. That didn't really bother me but I'll tell you what did. He did something through the entire date that I found incredibly weird: He kept putting chapstick all over his hands. All night. It was super weird to me. I’m awkward, so I’ll attribute some of it to me.
That was five years ago and I haven’t spoken to him since that date, but he just tried to add me on Snapchat a few weeks ago.
63. Insecurities Take Over
She spent the whole date making small comments about her weight, and how she was "fat." She was definitely a bigger girl, but was also extremely pretty. I know how it is to feel insecure sometimes, so I don't hold it against anyone...but my lord she would not shut up about it. The fact that she spent the whole date bringing it up left me drained.
64. Off The Deep End
When she was speeding in the rain, driving in the opposite direction of the restaurant, telling me how her parents had her admitted to a psych ward, but she didn’t take any meds because there was nothing wrong with her! I convinced her to stop at a Chinese restaurant instead of a coffee shop because an immediate dinner would have been a shorter evening than a coffee shop on the other side of town.
Afterwards, I told her to take me back to my car because my mother was in town. In the parking lot, she insists that I should not see my mother because I have seen her my whole life, but she and I were just getting to know one another, so I should prioritize my time with her. When I ignored her future calls, she continued to stalk me for months, followed me around town, spied on me running errands, showed up at my house unannounced, knocked on my bedroom window at all hours of the night, left food at my door, left love notes on my windshield, etc.
I was very close to filing a restraining order, but after I physically removed her from my place and my roommate told her I would get a restraining order, she only stalked me on campus.
65. Taking A Shot
So I met a girl on Tinder (I am also a girl). Let’s call her Cecelia. We plan to meet up for coffee. You know, nice slow date, let’s defy the U-Haul stereotype. I get there, and a guy comes up to me. “Hey, are you Kate?” “Yep.” “I’m Brent. Cecelia’s my cousin.” “Oh, could she not make it?” “I was using her pictures. You were talking to me on Tinder.” “Why?” His answer floored me.
“Well, straight girls are so judgmental. So I decided it might be easier to just get a lesbian to turn. You liked me when you thought I was a girl, let’s give it a shot.” Did not give it a shot. Ended up tracking down the real Cecelia through social media and telling her what Brent was doing. Unfortunately, she was not actually a lesbian and I remain chronically single.
My last two dates would not talk about anything but astrology and cryptocurrency, respectively.
66. A Girl And Her Dog
His girlfriend or ex-girlfriend...still not quite sure what she was since he told me he was single...unlocked his apartment door and walked in on us watching a movie on his couch after we met for dinner. She was not happy. She started yelling and cursing, "Are you freaking kidding me??!!" Yes, it was super awkward—but it was about to get SO much worse.
The dog she brought came over and started sniffing me. Luckily, he took her outside and calmed her down. She stood a handful of feet away quietly on the sidewalk while I left shortly after. I told him he should probably get off that dating site so no one else has to go through the same awful situation he put me in.
67. Just A Good Friend
My mom and I were traveling through Maine on a vacation for a few days. I had Tinder downloaded just for fun to see what guys were like out there. I matched with one, and he was so incredibly sweet and charming. We had the same sense of humor, and the connection and chemistry just felt so right. However, again, my mom and I were traveling in the same car together, and it was just the two of us, so it wasn't like I could ditch her to go on a date with some random guy. I told him this.
We came up with an idea. We made up a story where he was an old friend from college that moved to Maine. My mom joined us on the "date," which was pretty much just all of us going out for lunch at this cute soup place in Portland, Kamasouptra at the public market. He brought his dog along, and he was just the absolute nicest person.
He surprised my mom with a bag of potato donuts! We all had a genuinely great time, and it was surprisingly not awkward. He gave me a little envelope at the end of the date and told me to open it when I got home. When I opened it, it was little pins from different popular spots in Portland, and he typed up a word search puzzle made up of words related to how we met.
For example, "Tinder," his dog's name...things like that. It was probably the coolest date I've probably ever been on. When my mom and I left, she was like, "Why didn't you guys ever date?" I said that we had always just been friends. She went on and on about how that's the kind of guy I should be with. He and I talked about meeting up again, but it never really panned out due to distance, and then he moved somewhere else.
I still have a picture of the two of us and his dog from that lunch date, and we look cute as all heck in it.
68. The One That Got Away
A guy asked me out to lunch. I dressed cute that day. On my lunch break, I met him at his place of employment. We went to the filthy break room/store room where he instructed me to sit on an upside down bucket. He began to prepare a packet of cheesy pasta in the microwave. He served me this tepid glop in a Styrofoam bowl. Then he spent the entire time talking about his ex-girlfriend, who looked like a Renaissance goddess and wrote amazing poetry.
Several years later, I became friends with this woman and told her about this “lunch date” and she was mortified.
69. She Didn’t See This One Coming
I was using a dating app and this woman had messaged me first and we had a few great conversations. She was listed at 35. She suggested that we meet up, have a meal and then see where things go. I show up to her place to pick her up and as I am waiting, a 65-year-old woman approaches my car. She introduces herself and I ask her how old she is and she says 35.
I ask to see her ID, she declines and she insists we go get a meal. I politely tell her that the start of any friendship or relationship needs honesty and I would kindly like to know her age as it is obvious she is not 35. Keeps saying she's 35. As we are driving (I am going in circles under the pretext of going to a restaurant) I ask about her life.
She gets interrupted by a phone call she must take as it is from work. She asks for me to pull over to let her talk, I do. She doesn't exit the vehicle. I then hear a conversation that makes it all make sense. She works as phone psychic, and I sit there listening to her faking it to a lady who sounds like she is in need of help, explaining they pay $9.99 the first minute and it goes up from there.
After her call ends she says, "Easy $12." So I resume driving, now headed back to her place which she doesn't realize, and I continue asking her about herself. She drops that she has a son who is 31. I brake as I start laughing and say "So you gave birth at four?" She starts mumbling about how she misspoke but I pulled up in front of her building and politely asked her to exit the vehicle as dishonesty is a deal breaker.
70. The Inappropriate Age Gap
When I was a freshman in college, I went on a coffee date with a guy who had lied about his age. Later, I found out his disturbing secret: He was 10 years older than I thought he was. Still, it got even creepier. As it turns out, he was an English teacher for high school seniors. I was essentially the same age as his students. It was gross.
71. All Classified Information
I met this Ph.D. student online and decided to grab dinner with her. Over the course of our dinner, I learned that she wasn't a Ph.D. student, but she was actually a postdoctoral fellow. At the time, she was 27, born in another country, worked for her nation's version of NASA while in school, and then later a multinational engineering firm where in her words, she "accidentally developed" software that helped make the company a ton of money.
She then moved to a college in a different nation and then jumped to an Ivy in the United States. While giving a lecture on the west coast, a faculty member at a different Ivy poached her and stated that he/she wanted to become her advisor. A few years later, she earned her Ph.D. and that's that. I asked her what her thesis was about, and she let me know that she couldn't tell me because it's classified by the Department of Defense.
Now, I'm ready to call her out on her nonsense when I ask, diplomatically, “How can I believe you?” She showed me her list of education accolades on her university website along with articles and papers she has published over the years and conference lectures she has given. Under Ph.D. Thesis, it showed up as "classified."
From what I can gather, she's going to do something incredibly amazing in the future and I can't wait to see her name in the big papers for basically saving the world. It didn't work out because we were 90 minutes away from each other including $8 in tolls, and she really loves opera while I can't stand it. We wouldn't have gotten along in a day-to-day scenario.
72. Game Night Gone Wrong
An alleged friend told me her co-worker and I would be great together and wanted to do a double date at a festival with her and her husband. The date suggested he and I meet up the night before to get to know each other and I suggested a gaming bar I'd wanted to try. Date time arrives and he's not there. He finally shows up and tells me he had to stop home to let the dogs out so they don't poop all over the floor.
He then proceeds to show me a picture of a floor covered in dog poop and says, “Guess it didn't work.” He is still wearing his work clothes. It has been three hours since work ended and he went home to deal with the dogs but didn't change. He proceeds to eat the rest of the charcuterie plate I ordered by himself and then orders wings for himself.
We decide to check out a game since I have now paid for more game time. He wants a mall madness game that is not designed for two people. We settle on a playable game. It's not great. As we are wrapping up, he tells me the last date he took here hooked up with him in the parking lot. He then stares at me expectantly. I tell him that's not going to happen.
I tell my friend I'm skipping the festival. He's shocked and thought we had a spark.
73. All Over The Shop
He was picking me up and texted me "here" a little early, so he had plenty of time to do this before I got down to his car. But no, he waited until I opened the door and there were about a dozen right-wing magazines on the passenger's seat. He said, "Hope you're not some crazy liberal! Don’t mind these mags" and then brushed them onto the floor.
It was super awkward and cringy. It was my first date since a rough breakup and the rest of it was just as bad if not worse. I ended up crying in the bathroom halfway through. Also, he picked me up in a Prius—which like great car, save gas and what not, but also like the antithesis of what you would expect from someone whose first comment to me was “hope you’re not some crazy liberal.”
For the rest of the date he just kind of ragged on me, like he asked me my hobbies and I said scuba diving, and he went on and on about how that’s bad for you and he free dives soooo far down and can hold his breath soooo long that he doesn't need air on his back; he's in such good shape! I was like okay. He asked me if I cook and I told him I'm a bad cook but I don’t care because I'm not a picky eater at all.
He went off about how his mom was such a good cook and "southern values" and how it’s so unfortunate I can't cook. He didn’t outright say “as a woman” but still comparing me to his mom a bunch and using phrase "southern values" alluded to that. Then I think he could tell we had NOTHING in common so he asked if I would mind if his friends would join us.
I was like sure, honestly excited because I figured they had to be better than him and assumed they would be our age, in their 20s. They were 60+ year old fishermen. Honestly, though, that was the highlight of the date. They were kind of cool, and it made sense to me he did not have friends our age.
74. The City Of Dates
I had just moved to San Francisco from college and started talking to this guy on Tinder who was in his late 30s/early 40s. I hadn’t had much luck with older dates previously but I decided to be more open-minded. We got cocktails and on the date, I acted as pleasant and engaged as I could even though there was not much chemistry.
After one drink we decided to part ways, and he offered me a ride home. Once I got home, I received a message that was paragraphs long from him! He really wanted to leave the whole time but stayed to pay for my drink and give me a ride home. He also let me know I was overweight, unattractive and I had acne that was disgusting.
My heart sank after this unprompted and completely unnecessary message. I immediately deleted it and blocked him but the words still replayed in my head. Even now I still think about it, and it makes me sad that I dimmed my light because some guy decided to be awful.
75. Change Of Plans
I went on a date after talking with someone for a couple of weeks. The conversation online was pleasant and involved the usual small talk about hobbies, interests, etc., There were no red flags, or so I thought...We arranged to meet in the city for a coffee. When I arrived and she was already there...and she looked nothing like her pictures.
I thought to myself, "Oh, well most people tend to embellish their photos. Let's see what she's like in person." That's when I messed up BIG time. We got to talking and at one point, she asked me what I'd be doing the following weekend. I love camping and exploring, so I just told her I had a camping trip with my mates.
She asked me if she could come along and I replied, "Um, no...We only just met." She then proceeded to lose her cool, throwing a tantrum as if we'd.been dating for years. "How dare you not take me along," she snapped at me. Yet, even after she caused a scene, my idiot self decided to see the date through to the end. She continued to ask me more questions about the trip, asking which campsite I'd be going to.
I gave her a rough estimate of the location and she replied, "Oh, that's nice. I'll see you there..." I thought that was a weird response and reiterated that I was not comfortable with that. She replied, "No. I'm going there no matter what you say. You won't see me coming." She then let out a maniacal laugh. That was the last straw for me. I stood up, placed my money on the table to pay for my coffee, and walked away.
76. A Few New Friends
I met a girl for a date who turned out to be much better looking than her photos, which is always a nice surprise. The date went well, just dinner and a walk, and we said our goodbyes. The next day, she invited me out to a friend's birthday party downtown as her plus one. I wanted to go, but I had to work the next day and wanted to be able to drink a little since there were a bunch of people I didn't know.
She said, "That's alright, you can park at my house and sleep over."Cha-ching! So, of course, I said yes. Fast forward to the middle of the party, I'm enjoying myself chatting it up with her friends and having a good time. The next thing I know, she absolutely loses it and storms out of the bar leaving me there. Intoxicated. With her friends. I still have no idea why.
One of them told me, "She wants you to go after her!" and I said, "Screw that, it's our second date," which not a single person blamed me for. I stayed at the party and switched to water while I continued talking with her friends. That was over a year ago, and I still regularly hang out with them. They have since stopped talking to her.
77. Coffee And Conversation
We met up for a coffee after having quite a nice chat over Tinder for a few days. He sits down and says, "Hey nice to meet you," then continues to pull out his laptop and sit there in complete silence for the next hour. I had nothing with me but my phone, since I thought a coffee date meant we would have a conversation. I should've left sooner.
78. A Family Affair
I showed up and her best friend was there. I hadn’t been warned she was coming with us. Then her brother showed up. Then her dad showed up. Then her mom and her three of her cousins aged 3-5 showed up. That was the point I excused myself to go to the bathroom. THANKFULLY this is one of those places where the employees will sneak you out if you’re having a bad date and need an out, and apparently I’m the first guy they snuck out at that point.
79. Fancy Meeting You Here
Before our first-ever date, which he told me he wanted to plan, I’d told him I had been vegetarian for a few years now and as long as where we went had vegetarian options, I didn’t mind where it was. He brought me to a steakhouse. Said he’d forgotten I’d said that. I ended up just having fries the whole night. Points to him, he did seem like he had actually forgotten and the conversation was good so I agreed to a second date.
Now, I had also told him I was caffeine intolerant—couldn’t have any coffee, Coke, most teas etc. And where did we go? To the university coffee stand. I left to go to my archaeology class and my desk buddy tells me we are getting a new tutor because our first one got sick and couldn’t see the rest of the semester through. Guess who our new tutor was? Mr. Steakhouse and Coffee Stand Guy.
I maintain to this day that it was worth it all just for the look on his face when he walked into class. I wish I was making this up.
80. The Honest Truth
It was a perfectly nice date when 20 minutes into it, she makes a hard-hitting confession: "I'll be honest. I know what I need in a man, and you don't have it." At 25, I would have been crushed. Wondering what "it" was would've kept me up for days. Being 35, I thanked her for being blunt and was happy to have an unexpectedly free evening.
81. Three’s Company
I met a girl on Craigslist. After a few messages, we set up a date at a bar downtown. I showed up and there was an unexpected surprise waiting for me at our table—she was already there with a guy friend. No biggie; I just assumed she was playing it safe. They were at a two-person table and the place was packed. They already had drinks, so I grabbed one for myself and put it on my tab.
My date and her friend proceeded to ignore me. I tried to join in on their conversation a few times but neither of them acknowledged me. Even when I directly spoke to them to get their attention, I got one-word answers with attitude. So, I finished my drink, paid my bill, and left without saying a word. Later, I get a barrage of messages from her calling me mean and awful for sticking them with their own tab.
82. Coming To The Rescue
I noticed a cute French girl on Tinder. In her bio, she mentioned there were some tadpoles in a pothole by her house that she wanted to rescue. I never know what to start conversations off with, so I figured this would be a good conversation starter. I ended up bringing a ladle and we fished a few out of the pothole, put them in a jar, and brought them to a nearby pond.
The rest of this first and last date was super awkward...but hey, at least we rescued some tadpoles.
83. Joking Around
I went to this guy’s house to play Magic after meeting him at my local store a couple times. I excused myself to pee. It took a very dark turn. As I was peeing, he stood outside of the bathroom door and did an awful impression of the Joker laugh while saying he’s been waiting for someone like me and other extremely creepy phrases about how I am “perfect for him.”
The post peeing bathroom exit was so absolutely awkward. Riddled with me saying several different versions of “Oh wow, that was a great Joker impression haha” and him continuing to speak like the Joker. It was the longest, most tense, fearful walk down the stairs. I left shortly after that. It still haunts me.
84. Enjoy The Show
I met this girl a few years back at a Starbucks. She showed up with a GoPro strapped to her arm with the lens pointed forward. She also wanted a photo of my driver's license as soon as she sat down. Apparently, her mum made her wear it. To her credit, the girl tried accessorizing it to make it blend in. This was one of the bulky first-gen GoPros, so it didn't really work.
We had a lovely chat, but she was too shy, so we just went our separate ways.
85. Kind To Be Cruel
I waited on the park bench next to a girl for about 30 minutes after the agreed-upon time I was supposed to meet my date. Turns out I was sitting next to my date the entire time, I just didn’t recognize her because she was at least 200 lbs bigger than any of her pictures with no similarities. Turns out her much more attractive friend was trying to help her out by making a Tinder profile, using her own pictures, doing the matching and flirting, and then letting her less attractive friend actually do the meetings. She should not have tried to help.
86. Disappearing Act
We matched on Bumble and hit it off. She asked if I wanted to talk on Snapchat instead. I said sure. We had a good time and I asked if she wanted to go out for dinner that week. She said yes, so I suggested a place between our towns so neither of us would have to drive the full distance. She said she wanted to be closer to her house, and that she knew a nice, low-key Italian place in her town.
I said okay, and we continued talking until the date. We were sending pictures on Snapchat, so there was no catfishing on either of our ends. We knew we were the people in our profile pictures. So the day comes up and I drive the 55 minutes to her town. We meet up at the restaurant, everything is smiles and laughs. Sit at the table, the waiter asks what we’d like to drink.
I get a water, she says she’ll have the same. I ask her what’s good on the menu, because she said she’s been here before. She names off some things, tells me what she plans on ordering. I take one of her suggestions so we could spend time talking instead of me looking over a menu she’s already familiar with. I asked her how her week went, she told me about how much of a hassle work was.
She worked in cyber-security or something like that, and I asked how she got into that line of work. She started talking about her major and where she studied. She asked me about school and what I studied, I told her and said I was now in grad school full time while working part-time as a security guard at night. One of us made a joke about how we both do security in some way, and we both laughed. I could have had no idea what was coming.
The waiter came over with our drinks and asked if we were ready to order. We both ordered, and he walked away. IMMEDIATELY she says she needs to run to the toilet really quickly. She grabs her bag and coat and leaves the restaurant. No urgency to it. No shame. Nothing in her voice to suggest she was having a bad time. It was all very casual.
Now, I have both a friend and a family member who refuse to use public restrooms, so my mind immediately said “Oh, she wanted to be close to home in case she had to use the toilet. That makes sense.” No big deal. After about 15 minutes, the waiter comes over and delivers our dinners. I say my date had to step out but should be back soon.
I wait about ten more minutes and start eating, because the food was getting cold. I text her something like “Hey, is everything okay?” She doesn’t respond for another ten or so minutes. When she does: “Yeah!” I text her, “Are you coming back? The food’s getting cold lol.” Her response still shocks me. She says “Nope!” One-word responses, with exclamation marks.
At this point, I’m confused. I feel like I didn’t stress this enough: We ordered our food and then she IMMEDIATELY got up and left. It wasn’t that we ordered and I said something that made her uncomfortable. She said she had to use the toilet before our waiter had walked even five steps from the table. So not only am I confused at this point, but I’m kind of angry.
I drove almost an hour out, and now I was going to have to pay for an uneaten meal? So I stewed over a text for a while, trying to come off as, well, not upset. I texted: “Oh…okay? If something suddenly came up we can reschedule? I don’t know why you wouldn’t just say so though?” And she said, “No, nothing came up. I just didn’t feel a spark.”
Now, I’m sure we’ve all been to a restaurant before. It doesn’t take long for a waiter to bring you your drinks and ask if you’re ready to order. Maybe 10 minutes, max? So we talked for 10 minutes, at most, with the bulk of that time being her talking about her work—mostly gossiping about co-workers that I don’t know. Then she deliberately ordered food and left.
You’d think if she wanted to leave she’d not have ordered first? Anyway, I finished my dinner, the waiter came over and asked if I was done with my plate. I said he could take the other one too because my date had walked out. He said, “Before the food showed up? Rough.” I said, “Actually, she left right after you took the order.” He kind of laughed and said, “Darn, sorry man. You want a drink?”
I said I shouldn’t. He said it was on the house. So I said sure, thank you. He got me a drink and came back later with the bill. I said the second meal wasn’t on there, and he said, “You’ve had a tough night, don’t worry about it.” So I tipped him $16, which was what I estimated the cost of her meal to be. Never heard from the girl again. No idea what that was all about.
87. Definitely Not The Time
I once went on a Tinder date where five minutes into the conversation, he flips it to 9/11 conspiracy theories and doesn't drop it, even after I explicitly state that the conversation is inappropriate. I told him later by text that I didn't think we were that compatible—but for some reason, he didn't give up. Cue two months of three-in-the-morning phone calls, where he pretended to be a furniture/renovation company that had problems delivering my order.
88. This Is A Girl Who Can Multi-Task
I was 18, a girl sent me a message on MSN saying she got my details from my friend and wanted to go on a date with me. I asked my friend and he said she was hot, so after talking a bit I agreed to a date. I had seen a photo and she was attractive. I turned up at the cafe for the date. It all went wrong instantly. I was approached by some girl I'd never seen with a baby.
She then told me she was the girl, even though she looked nothing like her photo. She explained she thought I'd never go for someone who looked like her (she was right). But that wasn’t all. She then left her baby with me while she went to the toilet quickly. Alarm bells started to ring after 15 minutes. I asked a waitress to check on her.
When the waitress came back, she told me news that made my blood run cold. She said no one was in there. I looked around the cafe and she was gone. I hadn't noticed her leaving. I didn't have any of her contact details and smartphones were not a thing so I didn't have internet access. I phoned my friend and got him to attempt to contact her on MSN.
After telling him what happened he was surprised and had no idea, apparently he also thought her pictures were the real her. Another 20 minutes went by and I was scared so I asked the waitress for help. Thankfully she was able to help and called the authorities. They showed up and I explained what happened. I didn't know anything about this girl so I couldn't really help them.
They said if she contacted me to get her to contact them. I left and walked towards my car, and in so doing I went past another cafe about six shops down. I couldn’t believe what I saw. There she was with a different guy. I went back to the officers and got them to take her baby in while I watched through the window outside and waved when she looked up. Turns out I was the babysitter for her real date.
89. Small Town Woes
I was on a dating app in a smallish town and I had already gone on a few boring dates. But eventually, I matched with this one girl who agreed to meet with me. I was thrilled, but there was something very odd about her and the conversation we had. She was eager to meet; almost too eager. I got to the Starbucks and waited inside for about twenty minutes past our agreed meet time.
The girl texted me to tell me she was running late, and she asked me to stand outside so she could see me as she drove by. I looked over and there was another dude standing on the sidewalk with his phone in his hand. I recognized him from the gym, so I asked him if he was also meeting a girl. It turned out the girl was pulling a fast one on us both as revenge for her girlfriend who we both apparently dated.
90. The Good First Impression
One time, while I was on a date, instead of small talk, he said he wanted to take me to a show for Halloween that he was working on. I jumped on it. It turned out he was photographing it, and it was one of those cautionary shows churches put on. It was intense and hilarious and he was rapt the whole time. I never got the sense he was making fun of it.
When he talked to the actors afterward, he was so respectful. I guess I know it was a spectacle, but his behavior really impressed me. But, still, taking me to something like that, with the knowledge that neither of us was at all religious, was one of the weirdest first dates I’ve ever been on. The dude knew how to make a first impression.
91. Bait And Switch
When she responded to a “Hi” on Tinder with something like “hey cutie, want to come to my parents’ house?” We chatted for a bit, and according to her she wasn’t looking for anything serious but she wanted me to pick her up, take her out to dinner, and maybe get it on afterwards. Very transactional, which kind of stung but whatever she was hot.
I looked up the address she gave me. When I read it, I got a small, dark feeling. I was surprised to find a neighborhood I did some work in, and that the house was one I knew was for sale. Specifically, the owner passed and it was being gutted to be resold by his kids. At this point I was 100% convinced this was a scam, but somewhat curious, I decided to drive by and see if anyone was there.
I texted her I was coming, but in a different type of car. It was a really expensive neighborhood on a sea-cliff, and it felt like an adventure. I took my work truck. I drove by and some huge dude comes out of the house, stares at my truck, and goes back in. I could see other people inside. I noped out of there super fast. Pretty convinced it was a phishing scam to mug me, or a prank. Didn’t feel like finding out.
92. The Worst Kind Of Deja Vu
A year and change ago, I had just gotten out of a bad relationship that I had broken off. I'm a driven person, and my work is what drives me. The relationship wasn't great, so I wasn't that torn up about having to end it. Several of my friends who don't know me that well assumed that I was super depressed, because I wasn't partying and going out as much as I normally do.
In reality, I just had a HUGE grant proposal to work on, which is a real pain in the butt and takes a lot of time. The relationship I had been in wasn't serious, and it was only for a month-ish "unofficially" so it really wasn't a big deal. She's a weird one, so I was in the middle of introducing her to my extended friend circle when things broke off.
My friends came up with this whole plan of meeting me somewhere and then not showing up, only to have me find out it was a blind date. So they did this, and called me right when I was outside the sushi joint to let me know. After getting angry, I figured what the heck, why not go in and share a meal with a stranger, what could happen, right?
Imagine my surprise...when the girl I had just broken up with was sitting there waiting for me.
93. I’m Gonna Getcha
I was dating this girl who asked me to go to her ex’s wedding. We dated for a few months prior, but asking me to go to a wedding together felt like a serious commitment...I still accepted. I planned for the week off work and we went all out for this wedding. Half the time, I was trying to make the most of our time together, but she always went missing.
Fast forward to the reception. She made a scene in the most unstable and mentally sick way. In front of the groom, the bride, and everyone else, she said out loud: “I’m still in love with you. We literally have been sleeping together all week and I can't stop thinking about you." She quickly got escorted out after that.
The bride was clearly upset, but everyone tried to go about their business. As soon as I left, my “girlfriend” started completely ruining the hall and all the decorations, just throwing a fit on her way out. It was so embarrassing. I figured she was telling the truth since she was missing the whole time, but I’m pretty sure that everyone during the whole thing assumed this was too crazy to be real.
I definitely regret not seeing her true colors before, but when you work so much and try to date at the same time, you have very little time to get to really know some people. Time sort of flies by and you end up dating for a few months. Fast forward a month or two later...she got together with the groom and I’m pretty sure she has no regrets about wasting my time.
She probably doesn’t even feel bad about using me or even ruining that man’s marriage. This woman is seriously twisted.
94. Bad Vibes
My ex and I stayed friendly after our breakup. He started dating someone new. After he introduced us, he asked me what I thought of her. I had a bad feeling about this girl and told him that he should be careful. The more I got to know her, the more I just had this sense that she’s bad news. He laughed it off, trying to say I was just saying that cause I still had feelings for him. I didn’t.
Few years later, he needs representation because she destroyed his business, his family, stalked and harassed him and even had him under investigation by the FBI. Took him a couple years to clean up the whole mess. I totally said I told you so.
95. A Relaxing Vacation
I met this guy. We vibed right away and started hooking up within a day or two. This guy swept me off my feet and I couldn't help but think, “Yes! FINALLY, a real man.” Then, one day he said to me: “I know this house we could go stay at for the weekend if you’re interested.” Sounds great, right? But then we got there and he said he forgot his key...so he proceeded to get a crowbar.
That freaked me out, so I asked him to explain exactly whose house we were at. He assured me that it was his dad’s summer house and he definitely had permission to use it. I ignored my gut instinct and decided I was probably just freaking out for nothing and overreacting. We stayed there for about four days, with no more issues.
I slept in the master bedroom, showered there, made food in the kitchen, the works. When we left, this guy said, “Look what I got.” He proceeded to show me jewelry and some credit cards from the house. I was starting to truly panic now. As naïve as I was, I still thought it was his dad’s house and he was just having a rebellious moment.
And that’s when he fessed up. I realized that I’d just helped him burglarize this home. It wasn't even his dad's house; it was his mom's ex-boyfriend’s house, and let me tell you—they did NOT give him permission to be there. His stepdad even had a restraining order on him for a similar incident a few years before.
So fast forward a few weeks—I got pulled over and snatched out of my car for having been involved in this whole thing because these people had rightfully pressed charges. I ended up narrowly avoiding doing serious time.
96. Not Everyone Lies About Their Age
I saw a girl on Tinder, 21, empty bio, couple of nice pics, and I think, why not? I swipe right, it's a match. We talk for a day and decide to meet. The first question she asks is, "So which grade are you in? I'm in ninth." My bio said 21 as well, which I was at the time. Because, you know, I didn't lie about my age. I couldn’t run out of there fast enough.
97. A Real Blue Falcon Of A Teammate
I matched with a guy on Tinder who played for the Atlanta Falcons. He was really charming and he seemed nice. He asked me to fly down to Atlantic City for Memorial Day weekend, saying that he would pay for everything (airfare, hotel, food, etc.), but I had never met him before. He also refused to give me his phone number.
I was uncomfortable flying to meet a stranger, so I told him no. Two weeks later, he was on the news and my jaw dropped. He was arrested for kicking (and killing) his girlfriend’s dog.
98. The First Cut Is The Deepest
It was the first date I'd ever been on. I wasn't the most talkative guy in school, but I rather fancied her so I worked up the courage to ask one day—and to my surprise, she said yes. We were both 15/16 years old at the time. I get a ride to her place from my mom, we pick her up and head over to this restaurant in one of the classier parts of town.
We get dropped off, head in, make light conversation and I find out she's never been there before. I'd only been there once myself for my birthday, a year or two ago. She asks me to order for her and I do so; two steaks with the trimmings. Anyway, things continue rather pleasantly and our food arrives. We dig in and continue to talk but I notice about 15 minutes in that she's gone a little cold on me and she hasn't yet touched her steak. She's picking off the veg and potatoes around the side, but the steak is untouched.
My natural reaction is that I didn't ask if she had any dietary restrictions; so, I apologize immediately and ask if she doesn't eat meat. Her response is so disturbing it’s unforgettable. She says she does eat meat, but: "I'm waiting for you to cut up my food for me!" Apparently, at the age of 15 years old, she'd never once had to eat a slab of meat that wasn't first cut up for her by either her parents or whomever else she was with at the time.
I was surprised, but I taught her how to cut up her own food—seriously, girl didn't seem like she'd ever held a knife before—and afterward, we dropped her off at her place in silence. So...thus ended my first date, and last date with her.
99. Eating For Two
I chatted a girl up online for about a week or so, and things went pretty well, so we decided to meet up. I asked her out for dinner, and said that if things went all right we'd go grab a drink. Let's just say her photo didn't match her appearance. Her excuse was that she had a crazy ex who was stalking her, so she used her sister's photo and name.
HER NAME!!! SHE LIED ABOUT HER NAME! Anyway, come to find out through our "interview" that she was an only child. She didn't catch her slip up, but I sure did. She rambled on and on and on about stuff I really couldn't have cared less about. Then came the food. The waitress may as well have brought it out in a trough, as this woman didn't use her utensils.
Did I mention we were at a steak restaurant? That's right folks, she picked her steak up and ate it with her hands. Let's not even get into the potatoes. It was the worst date of my life. I couldn't eat my meal. I told her I wasn't feeling well and that I was just going to get my food in a box to go and I'd eat it later if I felt better. Her response: "Would you mind if I ate it?"
She proceeded to devour my dinner as well. The waitress comes over and says "Goodness. When is your due date?" So she says that she is due in two months. First off, I couldn't believe the waitress asked that, but then I was floored at the girl's response. Unbelievable. Being the gentleman that I am, I picked up the check because hey, it wasn't going to pay itself. I kindly said it was "nice to meet you," got in my car, and went to the bar. Well, she followed me.
She followed me to the bar, and when I got out of my car, she proceeded to berate me over why I was going out instead of going home. Now she's calling me a liar in the parking lot of the bar I frequent, and my work buddies are starting to roll in. I never heard the end of it. I said to heck with this, got in my car, and drove home.
100. Oh, Those Summer Nights
A couple of years ago I went on a date with this girl who I had a crush on in my college math class. I was too scared to ask her out and didn’t do so until one summer day when she hit me up on Snapchat asking about some tea places that I knew of. I told her some places, then I shot my shot, saying we should check one out together.
She agreed. I picked her up and we went to the tea place. We had a really nice time and even played Jenga. I didn’t want the date to end, so I took her to a lighthouse on the beach. We got to know each other so well and had nothing but a great time laughing the night away. Night eventually came and she had to go home, but we planned on hanging out again soon.
A week or two later, I woke up and checked my Instagram. The first post I saw made my blood run cold. It was her with another dude at the same beach holding on to each other. Mind you, she told me she was single and not talking to anyone. I was heartbroken even though we only hung out that one time.