Sometimes when we meet people online, particularly on Tinder, we know that the quality of the dates will be hit or miss. These unlucky-in-love souls tell the tales of their most nightmarish Tinder dates. From being holed up in the bathroom for more than an hour to prematurely asking about getting married and having kids, these terrible dates are entirely shocking.
1. Tried It Himself
This guy I met on Tinder asked me, “Do you drive to work?” To which I replied, “Yep, how about you?” He said, “Public transport. How come you don’t take the train?” I answered, “Ah, I’m not a fan of public transport and besides, I have free parking at work so it’s a win-win for me.” At this point, the guy is just prodding into my life, but it was going to get so much worse.
He asked, “How come you don’t like public transport?” I answered, “Ah, a few years ago some douchebag stuck his hand up my skirt when I was getting off the train. So anyway—” He said, “Did he do it like this?” What he did next was absolutely horrifying: He proceeded to put his hand up my skirt while we were sitting down on a park bench and got high enough to touch the gusset of my stockings.
2. Is She Okay?
We had met briefly before, and she stopped by my house before we went out to eat since she apparently lived close by. We spoke for about 90 seconds, then she asked to use my bathroom. She must’ve been in there for an hour. I knocked to see if she was okay and she didn’t answer. After a while I knocked again, a little worried that she’d fainted in my bathroom or something.
After five or 10 minutes of knocking on the door, and her not replying, I was getting worried. I had a sudden fear that she was deaf or something and hadn’t told me, and couldn’t hear me, so I tried to call her phone. I would hear it ring once inside and vibrate, then get muted. I was very confused and worried. But I could still sort of hear her moving around on the other side of the door.
I was at the point of even saying things like, “Uh, look, if something…embarrassing has happened in there, just don’t worry about it. Just let me know you’re okay, and I’ll pass you in whatever you need.” There was just no reply. I started opening the door from the outside with a screwdriver, panicking. Just as I got the door open, she just quietly said, “Occupied,” like you might say in a public bathroom. At this point, I’m totally freaked out.
I opened the door and she was standing in front of the mirror, doing something with her makeup, but didn’t seem to be actually wearing any makeup. Having been in the bathroom for like an hour. I was like, “What the heck?” And she just said, “Are we late for dinner?”
3. Different Hopes And Dreams
I met up with this guy at a local bar to get some drinks and lunch. The date was going great so far. We were vibing pretty well, joking around, and getting into conversations without the awkward small talk. Halfway through the date, we’re talking about things we daydream about. I told him about my dreams of being a musician, then asked him about his. This is where the date took a turn for the worse.
His eyes get really dark as he says, “I like to fantasize about the light leaving my enemies’ eyes by my hands.” At first, I laugh, because I think he’s kidding, but he keeps a straight face. I clear my throat and don’t know what to say, so all that comes out is, “Ah…how do you do it?” Without even a moment’s hesitation, he answers, “Harpoon.” Yeah, there wasn’t a second date after that.
4. Too Close For Comfort
I went out with a girl to a bar. While we were out, she got a lil tipsy and went into graphic detail of what she wanted me to do to her. I was a bit taken aback by how brash she became. We had just talked for a little. I found out she was from a very small town of which I’m related to a good percentage of the population. I’m sure most of you can see where this is going.
We started talking about mutual acquaintances. But, I realized I didn’t know her last name. Suspecting something, I managed to catch a glimpse of her ID. My worries were confirmed. I politely declined her offer after driving her home. I did a little more digging and remembered who she was. I was seven and she was four the last time we met, so we obviously didn’t remember each other.
For what it’s worth, she is my second cousin twice removed, but that was still too close for comfort. She tried contacting me two more times and I chucked my phone across the room when she started sending me pictures. Fast forward eight months to a family reunion, I nearly gave her a heart attack.
5. Don’t Do Drugs
While talking before the date, he explained that he doesn’t drink or smoke or do any “hard drugs.” While on the date, he tells me he is going to drop acid tomorrow. When I brought up what he previously said, he argued with me about how sugar is more of a drug than acid. Sure buddy. We were at a soccer game and he became aggressive and started making weird grunting noises. The worst part?
I overheard the people behind us say, “Oh look, these two are on a first date. It’s not going well. Do you see how uncomfortable she looks?” It’s hilarious now but was painfully awkward at the time.
6. Not A Single Lick
I show up and park across the street because there was zero parking at her place, and try telling her over the phone number she gave me 10 minutes earlier. There was not a lick of comprehension on her part until eventually 20 minutes later, she ventures out and sees me. Apparently, she had been using Google Translate over messaging the entire time.
It was the worst 40 minute date I have ever had and was the last time I ever offered to pick someone up on the first date without verbally talking first.
7. That’s The Game
I swiped right on this guy because I found his bio humorous. It was, “Just looking for a chess partner.” We messaged back and forth and he seemed pretty normal, so we decided to meet up for a drink. When I messaged him because I couldn’t stop him outside the meeting place, he said, “I’m the one with a chessboard.” I had to break it to him that I had no idea how to play chess and that I thought his bio was a joke.
8. That’s My Jam
Early in the date, we got to chatting about what music we liked as cringey preteens, and I mentioned that I was simultaneously into symphonic metal and musical theatre and had thus been OBSESSED with the Nightwish Phantom of the Opera cover. We moved on from that conversation and I didn’t think much of it, until we went back to his university accommodation.
We started making out on his bed, and he suddenly said to me in what HAD to have been a deliberately sultry undertone, “How about we put on that Phantom of the Opera cover you were talking about earlier?” He never actually specified what his intentions were, because I panicked and said we should go out to another bar. I’m struggling to come up with any explanation other than, “He had a pretty bizarre taste in potential intimate jams.”
9. The Good First Impression
One time, while I was on a date, instead of small talk, he said he wanted to take me to a show for Halloween that he was working on. I jumped on it. It turned out he was photographing it, and it was one of those cautionary shows churches put on. It was intense and hilarious and he was rapt the whole time. I never got the sense he was making fun of it.
When he talked to the actors afterward, he was so respectful. I guess I know it was a spectacle, but his behavior really impressed me. But, still, taking me to something like that, with the knowledge that neither of us was at all religious, was one of the weirdest first dates I’ve ever been on. The dude knew how to make a first impression.
10. Looking For An Adventure
I was newly single just after Tinder took off. The relationship I was in was boring, dull, and defeating, so I was looking to do something stupid for a while. That led me to match with interesting folks, but I did want to have some interesting experiences. One woman, a little older than me, was Wiccan, hippy, crazy, and honestly just perfect.
We hooked up the day we matched. She was doing things I’d only ever read about. A part of me was scared, but as I said, I was itching for some good times. A week or so later, she asks if I want to go for a hike. I agree. On the hike, she asks if I want to drop acid. Again, I agree. Mid-trip, she undresses, tells me to follow suit, then brings me to a clearing in the bush for a “ritual.”
Yeah…hard pass. In my acid trip mind, this was where she cuts me open and sacrifices my body to Beezlebub or something similar. I bailed—half-clothed and tripped right out. In retrospect, we were likely about to have some earth-shattering hippy acid business in the wild, but as I found my way back home, I was looking over my shoulder for the main character in True Detective season three.
I never talked to her again, but I did see her on Tinder later and I think she found Jesus.
11. Opposites Don’t Always Attract
My first ever Tinder date was with a guy from Romania. He was kind of cute and I thought it was cool that he was from another country. We’d been texting for a week or so and he seemed interesting. We met at a festival, but when I saw him, I was super disappointed. The first thing that I noticed was that he was much shorter than I’d expected and didn’t look much like he did in photos.
It was not a huge deal, a lot of people look different in photos. He’d also applied way too much gross-smelling cologne. After hurrying through the festival, we sat and chatted for a while and I told him about how I love children and animals. He proceeded to tell me that when he lived in Romania, he used to like to pick cats up by their tails and throw them on top of houses, and that it “didn’t really hurt them.” Oh, but that wasn’t all.
He also said that he thought Americans needed to beat their kids more. After the conversation ended awkwardly, I made some excuse about needing to go home. To my surprise, he still wanted a second date. The next guy I met on Tinder ended up being the absolute best date I’ve ever been on and we’ve been together for almost three years now.
12. You Will Never Meet My Parents
This girl contacted me and told me she was interested but that I had to pick her up. I drove over to her apartment complex and she hopped in and she was extremely agitated. She asked if we could go to the Shell station where she worked. I drove her over there and she grabbed her company clothes and stormed in. When she got back into the car, she was very relieved, saying that she quit her job right then.
I had offered a coffee date, but she wanted a drink. We ended up at the Drafthouse because I wanted the pizza from there and I could order one at the bar. I offered to share it with her and she requested that we get goat cheese instead of regular cheese. She opens a tab while I went to the restroom and starts ordering a whole bunch of drinks. Unfortunately for me, this was only the beginning.
This girl starts rocket chugging these things down her gullet and she orders another drink. The bartender looks at me. She starts telling me her life story about how she has five kids and she gave most of them away. Apparently, the two she decided to keep don’t live with her. Then I ask about the jewelry she is wearing around her neck, thinking it was costume jewelry like cosplay.
Nope, she worships ancient Sumerian gods like Conan the Barbarian. She proceeded to tell me the differences between Pagans and Wiccans and witchcraft. I started to notice she was wearing no bra. She was an attractive woman with pale skin and was very shapely. I wouldn’t have known she had five kids just by looking at her. She quickly orders another two drinks and the bartender asks me something.
I realized that all this was on my dime, so I closed out the tab. She drank $45 worth. I had one single drink. As we are leaving, she says that it would be a perfect day at the park. I drove us over to the park, and it was a bit muddy from the rain, but not too bad. She leads me over to the basketball court, and starts to teach me salsa lessons.
Since it had just rained, it was quite humid outside so, naturally, we both began to sweat. This girl was wearing a thin white blouse and white pants. I want to say that that blouse was meant to be worn with another blouse, because it was so thin. Being so close to her, I noticed that she was butt naked under her clothes and it became more pronounced the more she sweat.
There was little left to the imagination. She pressed herself against me because of the dancing and then she told me she needed to use the restroom. I lead her over to where the bathrooms were and about 20 paces away from the entrance, she drops her pants down and squats right there in the bushes. It was a public park, on a weekend, with lots of people walking around.
I quickly averted my view and then she asked me, “What would your parents think of me?” I looked her dead in the face and told her, “You aren’t going to meet my parents.”
13. The Booty Blossom
I went on a cute little date when I was 17 with this guy. We did a little hike prior. He tells me the story of how he had a cyst removed from his butt. He told it with a bunch of detail, right down to describing the smell. The rest of the date was just kinda mundane until the end. Then he kissed me. Right after, he says, “That was my first kiss,” then he asks if I would take his virginity.
I say that isn’t something that happens on first dates, for me at least, and he clarifies he means in the future. It’s already awkward—but then he turns the cringe into high gear. He writes me a poem…called “Booty Blossom.” It was about my butt turning into a lotus and flying away. This was two days after our date. He had never seen me naked, let alone felt my butt or anything.
I ghosted him. He got really mad and told me in a rage that he wrote more poems. But, he tore them up. Years have passed and I don’t think he’s a bad guy. Sometimes he hits me up with questions regarding my tattoos.
14. Knight In Shining Armour
She just got out of the hospital and a snap blizzard hit. This was February 14th, 2014. The bus dropped her off, but no taxi or Uber dared drive out to get her, so she was stranded at a Waffle House. So, it took me and my Jeep Grand Cherokee many miles in the snow to meet for the first time and to save her. I made it about 90% of the way, hit some black ice, then slid sideways into a power pole.
The guy that lived there pulled out his tractor-trailer and pulled me off the pole. I continued my journey as the knight in shiny, smashed armor. I make it to the Waffle House and pick her up. Her door doesn’t open because it was smashed in. She climbs over from the other side, casually brushing aside bits of broken glass from the shattered window.
We proceed to drive 25 minutes in the snow while freezing, air tossing her post-surgery bed head hair around. We made casual conversation. We get to her house and I get out so she can climb back over my seat to get out. She thanked me and we parted ways. Later, I discover that my truck’s frame was bent and should not have been driven.
Four years later, we’re happily married, going through IVF to have a daughter.
15. The Crazy Switch
We went to a local cafe. The date went well until she flipped the crazy switch. She started inquiring about when we would get an apartment together, as well as have children. Also, she wanted to know how many children we would have. She ended up messaging me every day, multiple times a day, wondering why I didn’t want to talk to her.
I ended up calling her and just telling her it wasn’t going to work out. She flipped and told me our relationship was built on lies and that she was breaking up with me. We only went on one date.
16. Truth Or Dare
I was new to the area, so she picked me up to take me to her favorite bar for a couple of drinks. In the back seat, there were two other girls that were her friends. About five minutes into the drive, one of the girls in the back says we should play truth or dare on the drive to the bar. So, we started to play and everyone picked truth for the first round.
So, when it was my turn again, I picked the truth again. My date said that I can’t pick truth twice in a row and so I have to do a dare. I agreed and said that I would do a dare. Then, one of her friends in the back said, “We dare you to walk down the street naked!” I just laughed because I thought it was a joke. But then, my date pulled the car over to the side of the road and they were all saying I had to do it, or they would just bring me back home.
So, after a few minutes, I finally gave in and got out of the car and got fully unclothed. I then started to walk down the street. They picked up my clothes and drove right next to me until we got to an intersection, then they all got out and said I could have my clothes back once they all got a picture for Snapchat. After that, we got in the car and continued on to the bar. We dated for five months.
17. The Same But Different
I matched with a guy I went to high school with and who I always thought was really good-looking and really cool. He played sports, was well-liked by everyone…you know the type. I probably hadn’t seen him in two years at this point, but in his Tinder pictures he still looked the same, so we agreed to meet up for coffee.
He comes in with greasy long hair, a beard, and actually looks homeless. He went on to tell me that he dropped out of college and has severe ADHD now. He couldn’t focus on one thing and was fidgeting the entire date. He told me how he’s now one with the earth, and at the end of it, told me he was gay. I’m a girl. I seriously thought I was being punk’d.
18. Keeping Things Serious
This guy I met on Tinder kept asking me out for weeks and even called me to convince me, so I decided to give it a try. BIG MISTAKE. We decided to meet at a bar. He got there 30 minutes late and ordered a Coke. Apparently, he was a recovering alcoholic. That’s not a problem for me, I just thought it was weird that he had agreed to go to a bar. He then proceeded to perform what felt like a job interview on me.
At some point, I even sarcastically asked, “Am I doing okay here?” After 40 minutes of that, he got up, paid for his Coke, and said, “I’m going to go, I have to get up early tomorrow.” He then just left. We haven’t talked since.
19. A Dark Start
I went on a date to a live music bar with someone I met on the app. The bar was in a sketchier part of the city, and we ended up getting jumped by a homeless guy. He started out by asking to show us “card tricks,” cornered us, commanded us to kiss each other, and then took all of our cash. It’s definitely my weirdest “first kiss” story.
We ended up being a little too freaked out to continue the date, so we climbed a tree at a nearby park and proceeded to talk all night. When we got hungry, we decided to get some late-night waffles. We now see each other all the time and I’ve actually never met anyone I’m so compatible with before.
20. Mastered The Art of Selfie
This was the first date I went on after my ex and I broke up. I had spoken to the girl on both Tinder and Snapchat for a couple of weeks until the date. I get to the date and she looks nothing like her profile pictures or any photos she sent me. We have a date and she even asks me about profile pictures and says I look more handsome in real life than in the pictures.
I, however, can’t get myself to lie…but neither do I want to hurt her feelings, so I just answer, “Thank you,” without repaying the compliment. After the date, I go in to give her a hug and she pulls me in to kiss me. After that, I just hurried off. 10 minutes later, she sends me a Snapchat selfie, and once again, I’m dumbfounded because it just doesn’t look like her!
She had mastered the art of just the most perfect angle to look 10 times hotter in the photos than in real life.
21. It Just Doesn’t Make Sense
I have only been on one Tinder date because it was so awful. Afterward, he—out of the blue—explained to me how feminism doesn’t make sense because feminism doesn’t take into account that men work harder than women. Aha WHAT. He also told me how he is no longer a homophobe because he decided all homophobes are closet cases.
He literally stopped actively hating gay folk because he was worried that would make him look gay. He also started almost every sentence with, “As a former homophobe.” For reference, I date guys sometimes, but I’m not exactly straight. Yes, it came up and yes, it was as awkward as you’re imagining. I’m also heavily involved in the queer community. I deleted the app.
22. The Peace Offering
This one guy offered me a bag of weed at the beginning of the date. Then, he spent the rest of the evening talking about molecules and energies and how the government is trying to give us cancer because of something in the lights we use. It was all some weird pseudoscientific stuff. I just nodded along and ate my food. He didn’t eat anything because he fasts for 23 hours a day.
The best part was that the woman at the table next to ours could hear our conversation and we exchanged knowing looks. Her eyes kept asking me, “What is up with this guy?” And I just kept giving her the “I know” look.
23. Don’t Drink The Kool-Aid
I met this girl on tinder and she invited me over “for a massage.” So, I get there, and there is just something totally off about her. I don’t know what it is. I mean, she looks normal, but something about her was just really unsettling. Anyway, I go to the bathroom and when I get back, she is sitting on the couch looking at me with a big glass of grape juice saying, “I poured you some grape juice.”
All I can think is, “Nope, I’m not drinking it. I don’t wanna wake up missing a kidney.” So, I got out of there. It was probably just me letting my paranoia ruin a sure thing, but I don’t know…there was just something really weird about her.
24. No Money, No Problems?
The worst date I went on, hands down, was a guy who acted incredibly interested in me who I gave a shot. He told me he didn’t have any money for a date, which was fine, we were in college, I get it! He proceeded to show up, I paid for him the whole time, and everything was going great. He asked to see me again, but, the next day, didn’t even talk to me.
I hope the free food was worth it!
25. He Knows Nothing
An interesting-sounding guy agreed to meet me in the sci-fi section of a Barnes and Noble. This part was good so far. He was running late, which was fine. We meet up and he seems kinda shy and insecure, which was also fine. He’s heard of none of the books I’ve read, even the classics, and can’t tell me anything that he likes other than semi-explicit manga…that part was not so good.
We go to the café to talk, and he insists I order some super sweet “secret menu” frappuccino. I pay but I’m starting to feel a bit weird. We started to talk. He brings up, in turn, politics and video games. The rub was that he basically quotes John Oliver and Markiplier, respectively. I tell him I’ve seen those shows, and ask about movies. He says he doesn’t really watch them.
Trying to avoid a walk home in the rain, I ask about his family. He shrugs it off. At that point, it was so awkward that I left. It was better to endure a stroll in the rain than so much strange unoriginal mediocrity.
26. Behind The Bar
I chatted with this guy for about a week. The connection was lukewarm, but I’ve learned technology can do that sometimes, so I still pursued meeting up. Well, the joke’s on me because this turned into the biggest nightmare date imaginable. He asked me to pick him up because he didn’t have a car, which was no problem. I show up and knock on the door, and an older gentleman answers. Turns out, it was his dad. This was kind of odd for our age, but I’m not one to judge.
So, I asked him if he had any preference for where we would go, and he immediately told me of a place and started giving me directions. We pull up to what looks like a laundromat and hesitantly, I agreed to go inside. This place was not only a laundromat…a sketchy one at that…but also a pizza place/bar/gambling parlor. So, we pull up a chair and he asks me what I would like to drink and proceeds to go BEHIND THE BAR and gets it himself.
I’m freaking out at this point because I thought this guy was stealing stuff, but then he’s approached by another woman behind the bar who greets him and asks when his shift ends. “Ok, he works here,” I think to myself. “Wait, why would you bring a date to the place you work at?” I also pondered, in addition, “This explains why you don’t have a vehicle and live with your parents.”
He brings back my drink after a moment and we have a light conversation. After a few minutes, a group of guys calls to him and he excuses himself from the table. I can’t believe it. He spends the next 20 minutes hanging out with them while I’m peeling the label off my drink by myself. I finish my drink and walk over to the group of men and tell him that something came up and I needed to go.
He agrees and we head back to my car. I drop him off and he asks me when he would be able to see me again because “he had a nice time out.” I simply respond with, “Oh…soon!” and then got out of there.
27. Better Than Thou
I went over to his place, turned on some music, and he spent the entire time scoffing at my choice of music and proclaiming that his choices were vastly superior. I went in for a kiss towards the end because I guess I may as well try and get a quick shag at least. He was still hot, and he was too busy complaining about my taste in music to even notice.
28. Different Kind Of Car Obsession
Right before the date, she asked me if I could pick her up. I told her I don’t have a car. I’m from Europe and my city has good public transportation, so there was no need for a car. During the date, she kept mentioning how cool it would be if I had a car. She even tried telling me about car-sharing services and how I should be using them.
She also repeatedly asked me what I thought of her during and after the date. We never met again though.
29. Differing Date Perspectives
I was so stoked for a date I had with this very attractive girl. The conversation had been great, so I wanted to spare no expense. Went out to a nice place. The food was good and the conversation was strong. She takes a picture of her dessert to post on Instagram and then shows me the post. The caption ruined everything: “When you’re on a terrible date but the dessert is fleek.” I cringed so hard.
30. Happy Wife, Happy Life
I went on a date with a guy who had put that he was polyamorous in his bio, and I’m poly too. It’s hard to find guys who are okay with that, at least in my experience, so I was excited. We met up at a bar and it quickly became obvious that polyamory was his long-term girlfriend’s idea and he was reluctantly giving it a try to please her. It kind of made me sad, he seemed so devoted to her, and I kind of felt like the date was an obligation for him.
But, he was sweet and friendly. We never saw each other again after that, but I hope he figured things out.
31. Who Does That?
We went to Olive Garden and the conversation just wasn’t clicking. He looked a little different from his photos. That didn’t really bother me but I’ll tell you what did. He did something through the entire date that I found incredibly weird: He kept putting chapstick all over his hands. All night. It was super weird to me. I’m awkward, so I’ll attribute some of it to me.
That was five years ago and I haven’t spoken to him since that date, but he just tried to add me on Snapchat a few weeks ago.
32. Insecurities Take Over
She spent the whole date making small comments about her weight, and how she was “fat.” She was definitely a bigger girl, but was also extremely pretty. I know how it is to feel insecure sometimes, so I don’t hold it against anyone…but my lord she would not shut up about it. The fact that she spent the whole date bringing it up left me drained.
33. A Girl And Her Dog
His girlfriend or ex-girlfriend…still not quite sure what she was since he told me he was single…unlocked his apartment door and walked in on us watching a movie on his couch after we met for dinner. She was not happy. She started yelling and cursing, “Are you freaking kidding me??!!” Yes, it was super awkward—but it was about to get SO much worse.
The dog she brought came over and started sniffing me. Luckily, he took her outside and calmed her down. She stood a handful of feet away quietly on the sidewalk while I left shortly after. I told him he should probably get off that dating site so no one else has to go through the same awful situation he put me in.
34. Just A Good Friend
My mom and I were traveling through Maine on a vacation for a few days. I had Tinder downloaded just for fun to see what guys were like out there. I matched with one, and he was so incredibly sweet and charming. We had the same sense of humor, and the connection and chemistry just felt so right. However, again, my mom and I were traveling in the same car together, and it was just the two of us, so it wasn’t like I could ditch her to go on a date with some random guy. I told him this.
We came up with an idea. We made up a story where he was an old friend from college that moved to Maine. My mom joined us on the “date,” which was pretty much just all of us going out for lunch at this cute soup place in Portland, Kamasouptra at the public market. He brought his dog along, and he was just the absolute nicest person.
He surprised my mom with a bag of potato donuts! We all had a genuinely great time, and it was surprisingly not awkward. He gave me a little envelope at the end of the date and told me to open it when I got home. When I opened it, it was little pins from different popular spots in Portland, and he typed up a word search puzzle made up of words related to how we met.
For example, “Tinder,” his dog’s name…things like that. It was probably the coolest date I’ve probably ever been on. When my mom and I left, she was like, “Why didn’t you guys ever date?” I said that we had always just been friends. She went on and on about how that’s the kind of guy I should be with. He and I talked about meeting up again, but it never really panned out due to distance, and then he moved somewhere else.
I still have a picture of the two of us and his dog from that lunch date, and we look cute as all heck in it.
35. The Inappropriate Age Gap
When I was a freshman in college, I went on a coffee date with a guy who had lied about his age. Later, I found out his disturbing secret: He was 10 years older than I thought he was. Still, it got even creepier. As it turns out, he was an English teacher for high school seniors. I was essentially the same age as his students. It was gross.
36. All Classified Information
I met this Ph.D. student online and decided to grab dinner with her. Over the course of our dinner, I learned that she wasn’t a Ph.D. student, but she was actually a postdoctoral fellow. At the time, she was 27, born in another country, worked for her nation’s version of NASA while in school, and then later a multinational engineering firm where in her words, she “accidentally developed” software that helped make the company a ton of money.
She then moved to a college in a different nation and then jumped to an Ivy in the United States. While giving a lecture on the west coast, a faculty member at a different Ivy poached her and stated that he/she wanted to become her advisor. A few years later, she earned her Ph.D. and that’s that. I asked her what her thesis was about, and she let me know that she couldn’t tell me because it’s classified by the Department of Defense.
Now, I’m ready to call her out on her nonsense when I ask, diplomatically, “How can I believe you?” She showed me her list of education accolades on her university website along with articles and papers she has published over the years and conference lectures she has given. Under Ph.D. Thesis, it showed up as “classified.”
From what I can gather, she’s going to do something incredibly amazing in the future and I can’t wait to see her name in the big papers for basically saving the world. It didn’t work out because we were 90 minutes away from each other including $8 in tolls, and she really loves opera while I can’t stand it. We wouldn’t have gotten along in a day-to-day scenario.
37. A Few New Friends
I met a girl for a date who turned out to be much better looking than her photos, which is always a nice surprise. The date went well, just dinner and a walk, and we said our goodbyes. The next day, she invited me out to a friend’s birthday party downtown as her plus one. I wanted to go, but I had to work the next day and wanted to be able to drink a little since there were a bunch of people I didn’t know.
She said, “That’s alright, you can park at my house and sleep over.”Cha-ching! So, of course, I said yes. Fast forward to the middle of the party, I’m enjoying myself chatting it up with her friends and having a good time. The next thing I know, she absolutely loses it and storms out of the bar leaving me there. Intoxicated. With her friends. I still have no idea why.
One of them told me, “She wants you to go after her!” and I said, “Screw that, it’s our second date,” which not a single person blamed me for. I stayed at the party and switched to water while I continued talking with her friends. That was over a year ago, and I still regularly hang out with them. They have since stopped talking to her.
38. Coffee And Conversation
We met up for a coffee after having quite a nice chat over Tinder for a few days. He sits down and says, “Hey nice to meet you,” then continues to pull out his laptop and sit there in complete silence for the next hour. I had nothing with me but my phone, since I thought a coffee date meant we would have a conversation. I should’ve left sooner.
39. Just A Bad Dude
I met up with this guy at a restaurant that a friend actually managed. He informed me it’s his usual Tinder date spot. The dude was going on about how much of a bad person he is. It went so far as gloating that he slept with an engaged woman. He kept saying he didn’t have feelings and was basically a sociopath…And then he proved it to me.
He ended up stealing my glasses, left, and went back to his place. He took a selfie with the glasses and sent it to me, saying that if I wanted them back, I would have to come over to his apartment. I said no and just continued drinking my drink at the restaurant. He eventually came back and gave me the glasses, then got 86’d from the restaurant.
40. The Honest Truth
It was a perfectly nice date when 20 minutes into it, she makes a hard-hitting confession: “I’ll be honest. I know what I need in a man, and you don’t have it.” At 25, I would have been crushed. Wondering what “it” was would’ve kept me up for days. Being 35, I thanked her for being blunt and was happy to have an unexpectedly free evening.
41. Coming To The Rescue
I noticed a cute French girl on Tinder. In her bio, she mentioned there were some tadpoles in a pothole by her house that she wanted to rescue. I never know what to start conversations off with, so I figured this would be a good conversation starter. I ended up bringing a ladle and we fished a few out of the pothole, put them in a jar, and brought them to a nearby pond.
The rest of this first and last date was super awkward…but hey, at least we rescued some tadpoles.
42. Enjoy The Show
I met this girl a few years back at a Starbucks. She showed up with a GoPro strapped to her arm with the lens pointed forward. She also wanted a photo of my driver’s license as soon as she sat down. Apparently, her mum made her wear it. To her credit, the girl tried accessorizing it to make it blend in. This was one of the bulky first-gen GoPros, so it didn’t really work.
We had a lovely chat, but she was too shy, so we just went our separate ways.
43. Definitely Not The Time
I once went on a Tinder date where five minutes into the conversation, he flips it to 9/11 conspiracy theories and doesn’t drop it, even after I explicitly state that the conversation is inappropriate. I told him later by text that I didn’t think we were that compatible—but for some reason, he didn’t give up. Cue two months of three-in-the-morning phone calls, where he pretended to be a furniture/renovation company that had problems delivering my order.
44. There’s Something In Your Teeth
The weirdest Tinder date I’ve been on was probably going out with this dentist guy. We were in a cafe. He then asked to see my teeth and questioned my oral hygiene. I have pretty good teeth according to him, but that was weird.
45. The Karate Kid
About ten minutes into our date, she karate chopped a child. She then spent the rest of the date holding her blouse closed because one of the buttons had come off during the karate-chopping. Two years later, we’re about to buy a house together.
46. Tricking The Cheater
A friend from class matched with my then-girlfriend, who is now my ex, on Tinder. He informed me of the match and proceeded to set up a coffee date. Instead of him showing up to the date, I did. I had the pleasure of watching my girlfriend freak the heck out.
47. First And Last
I met a guy on Tinder and we talked for a while on Facebook before meeting in real life. He decides to come to my work for my lunch break. I was working the third shift at the time, so this was at like three in the morning. I hung out in his car in complete silence while he played on his phone—but the worst was yet to come. He started to show me pictures of REAL dead bodies on his phone.
I hopped out of his car so fast. That was my first and last Tinder date.
48. There For The Cats
I went on a date with this cute girl. We talked for about an hour and she felt more fascinated when I brought up my cats. She was very eager to meet them, so we proceeded to go to my place. We spent a few hours just playing with my cats. She was about to leave, but before she put her shoes on to go, she said to me, “Oh I forgot something.” She went to grab my youngest kitten who was four months old at the time, and picked him up and wanted to walk out with him.
I stopped her and asked her what she was doing. She replied, “I thought you let me adopt him?” Um, no.
49. Please Try To Reconsider
I had been on a few dates with a guy I meant on Tinder, and things seemed to be going really well! We had common interests, he was funny, smart, attractive, and incredibly kind. One evening, he invited me over to his house since we had always had public dates beforehand, and I agreed. The night started out great. He cooked dinner, we watched a movie, and things started to lead towards the bedroom.
Before we got there, he asked if he could show me his favorite room in the house. Somewhat confused, I agreed. He opened a door beside his bedroom, and my jaw literally DROPPED: We walked into a baby nursery. Not just any nursery, a nursery with an adult-sized crib, changing table, diapers, you name it. He told me that he was into baby role-playing, and would be very happy if I would agree to be his mommy.
I’m a very open-minded person, but that’s not something I would be able to do for him. So, I politely excused myself. He messaged me the next day, asking if I would reconsider and I once again politely told him that we could no longer see each other.
50. Netflix And What Is Going On?
We agreed to meet at her place just for your average date, or so I thought. I was in my mid-20s and she was early 30s with one kid. She was a gorgeous blue-eyed blonde. She lets me in the front door and there’s a 40-year-old man just sitting in a recliner, and her son was just sitting on the couch, and they were watching TV.
She grabs my hands and takes me down to the basement. Obviously, I just had crazy anxiety thinking, “What is going on?” That was her husband and she can just have fun with whoever she wants, apparently. So, we get down to business while her husband and son watch TV. She was being obnoxiously loud. I mean, it was great, but super awkward…especially leaving.
I made eye contact with the dude on the way out. He looked just lost in the eyes with a defeated look. I never went back.