Hosting any guest is already a tricky business, but dealing with a nightmare guest? Well, that's a whole other ballgame. From friends with disgusting habits to unspeakable mess-making, these selfish guests really are the worst of the worst.
1. Some Fishy Business
My family is in the hotel business. One day, a particular room just started to stink really, really badly for no apparent reason. We checked everywhere multiple times looking for the source of the scent, and no dice. We sprayed everything in the room numerous times with deodorizer, to no avail. We left the room open daily for months to air it out without any change.
Finally, we somehow tracked the smell to the table lamp. We were dumbfounded, asking ourselves how it could be emanating from there. When I realized the truth, my jaw dropped. The guy who stayed in the room last had broken the thing, put a fish in it, and glued it back together. My brother and I were laughing like crazy and actually applauded this guy's ingenuity. He got us good, and I ain't even mad at that.
2. Liar Liar Pants On Fire
One day, my boyfriend and I were upstairs lying in bed watching TV and playing video games when I got a text from a friend, who we had stopped talking to a year prior because he would lie about really insane stuff. It said, “Hey, I just got mugged down the street, and they took all my stuff and beat me up really, really bad. Your house was the closest, so I came here to rest for a bit. I'm in your living room".
So my boyfriend went downstairs and said, "Hey man, I guess you can chill for a bit, but we're busy today, and we're about to leave soon too". My boyfriend was really frustrated because this guy did NOT look as though he had been beaten up and still had his bag with him. My boyfriend decided to make a drink since we had to deal with this on our beloved day off.
My boyfriend came upstairs for a few minutes, and we decided to make it look like we were getting ready to leave so that we could shuffle this guy towards the door. I was in the bathroom brushing my hair, and I heard my boyfriend start RAGING, saying, “WHERE DID YOU PUT MY DRINK”?! The guy said he didn’t know what he was talking about and that he hadn’t moved the drink.
When my boyfriend told him there was a glass at his feet, the guy said, "Oh, I guess I had a glass," and finally handed over the bottle, which was now almost empty. We showed him the door, and I started cleaning up the empty glasses he had left on my table. My living room rug was STICKY AND WET. After some inspection, I found that this guy didn't drink the whole bottle.
He just spilled it on my floor, didn't clean it up, and lied about it.
3. Roll ‘Em Up
My cousin and her daughter were visiting and staying with me in my home. Her daughter pooped in a quilt, and for some reason, she did the wildest thing imaginable. My cousin rolled it up and shoved it in the closet in the guest room without telling me. It was rolled up pretty good, so I didn't smell it immediately. I only discovered it after they left.
My dog was standing in front of the closet and was barking nonstop. I looked around and found it. My pooch was so offended by it that she didn't stop barking until it was completely cleaned up. So, I called my cousin and said, "I found the quilt from your bed rolled up with poop in the closet. What happened"? All she could say was, "Oh, my daughter had an accident. Sorry"!
4. What A Surprise!
Once when I was about two or three, my family was staying in this hotel. The hotel wasn't the classiest hotel. So, my brother and dad are out and my mom is reading, so I start crawling around on the floor, looking for who knows what, when I stumble upon a piece of newspaper with ashes wrapped in it. I take the ashes and my mom says to put them in my dad's ashtray. That turned out to be a horrible idea.
You were allowed to smoke in these rooms, so we didn’t think much of it. Later my dad goes to put his smoke in the tray and BAM! It was actually gunpowder, not ashes. I go running and crying and hide in the bathroom. We weren't blamed because the last people in the room left the gunpowder there. I mean, who expects to find gunpowder?
5. Neighbor In Waiting
I was babysitting my neighbor's daughter. My neighbor was supposed to pick up the girl hours before and wasn’t answering any of my messages. I got the living room ready just in case she was going to stay the night. It was close to midnight, and he finally came to pick her up. The dad rang the bell, and when I answered the door, I couldn't believe my eyes.
He was totally trashed. He barged in, walked past me to go to the kitchen, and destroyed everything that was in his grasp. He went to the fridge and drank juice straight from the carton. He then walked back to the living room where his daughter was, spewing random stuff to her, puked mid-sentence all over my couch, and passed out after. I had to call child protection services.
6. But You Gave Me A Key!
I lived in a two-bedroom apartment while in college, and a girl I lived with had an older brother who liked to go to parties and drink in our area. We each had a private entrance attached to our bedroom plus the front door, so she gave him her front door key so he could crash on our couch instead of driving home if he had too much.
He seemed nice so I was fine with it, until he came by plastered in the middle of the day with a really creepy friend and wanted to hang out in our home. His sister wasn’t even there at the time. He ate her food, went into her room, and told his friend he could sleep it off on her bed. I assumed she knew all of this and was fine with it because she gave him the key and all.
Well, she wasn’t. She comes home and sees this random guy in her bed and her brother acting a fool and was so mad.
7. This Birthday Was A Bust
It was my 21st birthday party. I wasn’t having a big celebration, just some friends and family. My mom’s best friend brought her daughter over, who was a year younger than me. We weren’t great friends, but we grew up together, so we knew each other pretty well and got along okay. It turned out that her relationship had ended that day, and she wasn’t taking it well.
She got super sloshed and was crying most of the night. You could see her crying in the background of most of the pictures taken that night. She finally had enough, and she wanted to lay down, so we told her to go to the guest room. However, she went to my room instead. About an hour or so later, all the party could hear were huge bangs from inside the house.
No one was sure what was going on, so I went to check. She had barfed everywhere in my room and was crying. She had taken her shirt off, and there was puke piled on her lap. Her mom came up behind me and was at a loss for words. At that point, the girl looked up and started yelling at her mom, blaming her for the whole situation.
Her dad ended up helping her outside and hosed her down in the yard in full view of the guests. I couldn’t even be mad because the whole situation was just so sad. Her mom ended up cleaning her mess up while she was crying. It ended up being a pretty terrible night overall.
8. Time To Move
My dad was talking to the neighbor in the living room when they both watched his son knock chocolates all over an expensive carpet. The neighbor then let my 60-year-old father get on his hands and knees to fish out around 20 chocolates without helping him and continuing the conversation as though the incident hadn't happened. This was the same neighbor who let his son knock glass baubles off our Christmas tree and didn't apologize.
They also asked my mom to pick up bottled water and vino for a party that she wasn't even invited to. But that wasn't all. This neighbor lived above us and didn't come around to look at the damage his broken boiler had done. The water drenched our very large bookcase and seeped to the floor below our kitchen. He and his wife were the same neighbors who asked us the first time we had met when we were moving out because they wanted to buy the entire house.
He tried to buy it five years later, but we rejected his bid and waited for a higher bidder, which came the next day.
9. Don’t Go There!
I had some work people over for a dinner party at my house. We purposely shut off the lights leading upstairs to sort of let the guests know that the party is downstairs and that there is nothing for them upstairs. Throughout the night, I would see one of my co-workers taking out the dip from his lip with his index finger and scraping it into his solo cup.
A bit later I went upstairs to check on my dog and hear some noises from the master bedroom. I walked in and saw the same dude using my toothbrush to get dip out from in between his teeth. He doesn't get invited to parties anymore.
10. A Free Room
My friend treated my house like it was his own hotel room. I thought he was coming to visit me, and we'd coordinate for stuff to do, but the truth was heartbreaking. It turns out he just wanted to save money on a place to sleep. He had his own plans and didn't tell me about any of them until he got to my place. And he even tried getting his other friends in the area to sleep at my place.
I hadn't seen him in years, too. I was disappointed that I planned my holiday weekend around my friend, but that he had other plans.
11. His Behavior Was Nothing To Sneeze At
I was living with a friend for a couple of years in a nice big apartment. A mutual friend of ours was splitting up with his wife, so we offered him a place to crash for two weeks, and if he needed or wanted to stay longer, he could rent the room. At the time all this was happening, I was working overseas, but my roommate told me that it was all good.
I reminded both my friend and my roommate that if his dog was there, to close my bedroom door because I was allergic. About six weeks later and a couple of days before I got home, my roommate said that he hadn’t received any rent payments from my friend and that he had had a couple of random people over that neither of us knew.
I called my friend, and he tried to convince me that my roommate said that it was okay to have friends over. While on the phone, I could hear his dog. I reminded him that it better not be in my room. He said that the pooch was going back to his ex that day, and it had never been anywhere near my room. When I got home, the place was a mess.
There was dog hair everywhere, a car was parked in my garage space, and two others were in the visitors’ spots. There were stains on the carpet from where the dog pooed, and the kitchen was a mess. I went to my room, and his dog had clearly used my bed to sleep on. He tried to tell me that I was mistaken and that it must be my roommate’s cat. I asked him if he thought I was an idiot as cat hair is pretty distinct.
I threw all my sheets and pillows out as my allergies started up, and there was no way I could sleep with all that dog hair around. I went to the bathroom and had to clean the toilet before I was willing to use it. I started doing a bit of digging and found out that he owed a bunch of people money. I decided I wanted him gone. He begged for one more night, and I refused.
I finally got him out, and it took him another week to him to get the cars out of the visitors’ spots.
12. Religious Freaks
We had some Orthodox priests turn up to a family Christmas Day celebration. They spent the whole time trying to order the younger women to wait on them hand and foot. When that didn’t work, they complained that the women were wearing inappropriate clothing. In New Zealand, Christmas is during the summer. There was a pool at the house, so the women wore swimsuits.
Even though they complained about their attire, they were ogling the girls the whole time and were implying that our girlfriends, nieces, cousins, sisters, and so forth were promiscuous. We were not exactly religious or in love with authority, so the situation didn’t go down very well. We either flat-out ignored them or teased them until they left. They acted very insulted when we didn’t give them proper respect, but respect is a two-way street.
13. In The Secret Stash
One time, my parents invited some of their friends over. They had two kids a couple years younger than me and my brothers, a boy and a girl. Since I’m the only girl in my family, I was forced to play with the girl. I showed her around my room and stupidly, showed her my stash of Nutella. I lived to regret this moment very quickly.
After a few hours of playing Minecraft in my lounge room, she goes to the ‘bathroom’. She was taking pretty long so I went to check on her, but she came out of my bedroom, with Nutella all over her face. I go into my room and check my stash to find one of my Nutella jars empty. I’m never rude to guests so I let it slip by. I’ve just never let her in my room ever since then.
14. Candle Capers
I was visiting my brother and sister-in-law at their fancy new apartment, and I took a smelly dump. They had candles in there for just that sort of thing, so I lit two and hung around while the scent worked its magic. Not sure how, but I didn't notice the black smoke coming from the candles was leaving black streaks on the walls until too late.
I blew out the candles and tried to clean the walls. Toilet paper didn't work, so I used their white fancy towels. It still didn't work, but I ruined those towels trying. Eventually there was no escape but to fess up, so I did and was completely mortified.
15. The Uninvited Lech
A few friends and I were having some drinks when a guy we knew showed up uninvited with a friend of his who was so sloshed that he immediately passed out on my couch. The guy continued to get plastered, complained about the music we were listening to, and kept trying to put his own terrible punk band on. Then, he cornered my wife.
He demanded that she change her shirt because he had beef with the band's singer that was on it. He went on to complain when it was 6 am, and we said we were going to bed. He woke up his trashed friend and said, "I guess we're getting booted out", and they finally left.
16. Soap Fiend
My 10-year-old distant cousin unwrapped three new bars of soap and flushed them down the toilet on the third floor of my house. That night, we returned home from dinner to find water dripping from the first-floor ceiling. The third-floor bathroom had flooded, and the water leaked through the floor. It dripped from the ceiling of the second floor and leaked through to the ceiling of the first floor.
The kid had confessed everything with great glee, and his mother just thought it was the funniest thing. The whole mess cost thousands of dollars to repair.
17. The Vacation Home
My parents had a home on Cape Cod that had been in the family for nearly 200 years, but we lived elsewhere and went to the house on weekends and during the summer. My parents frequently invited friends to stay with them at the house. One time some friends who had stayed there previously and who also went to our church asked Mom and Dad if they could use the house.
My parents agreed and gave them the key. The next time we went to the house, we discovered that they had painted the kitchen window trim and sills red. They had also stopped up the toilet, which uses a septic system. But the kicker is that the next time the church bulletin came out, there was an item thanking this couple for hosting their son's Sunday school class "at their charming home on Cape Cod". Our house!
18. Tome Of Salads
As the owner of a bed and breakfast place for the last eight years, the craziest thing I ever found was an old, battered notebook. Its contents confused and amazing me. It had "Why I love salad" written on the front and then literally 40-80 pages on why salad was amazing. There'd be the occasional suggestion that the author believed salad to be alive in some sense.
It looked like it had been written on and off over the course of several years.
19. I Wanted To Dye
I had a really close friend who brought his now ex-girlfriend over to hang out with a few other friends and me. About thirty minutes in, she decided to do the most infuriating thing. She went into my super white bathroom and dyed her hair black. She ended up staining my white counters, bathtub/shower, floor, two decorative towels, the carpet outside the bathroom, and my toilet.
I was so irate, and I don’t think she understood that you do not do this stuff in someone else’s house without asking them. Literally, everyone who was over, including me, told her to just get showered and get out of the house. She had stained soooooo much stuff it still makes my blood boil thinking about it.
20. The Ultimate Hypocrite
A friend of a relative stayed with my parents for a week. The guy was Argentinian and in his late 50s. He was very old-fashioned, religious, etc. He even told my parents that it was wrong that I was living with my boyfriend without being married. One day, he asked my mom to use her PC "to check his email". He was in there for quite a while. It turns out he was watching inappropriate videos.
He had Googled stuff in Spanish. My mom found it all in her internet history. She called him out on it, and he tried to blame my then 16-year-old brother, who had his own PC, mainly spoke English, and was away on a camping trip. He wasn't welcomed back.
21. A Weekly Ritual
There was this one guy who stayed at least one night every week in our hotel and he always requested the same room. We thought he was maybe doing something illegal, so we searched the room after he checked out one day. Turns out he was hiding a blow-up doll under the mattresses. We threw it away and he only came back once after that. I actually kind of felt bad for him.
22. Rules Of Wiping
My wife's oldest friend was using wet naps to wipe in the bathroom and then just put them in our tiny bathroom trash can. This in and of itself would have been eyebrow-raising but not memorably ridiculous...but it got worse. She'd also spent the entire trip criticizing our house, and at one point when I noticed a weird smell in the bathroom area, which is adjacent to the kitchen, she said "Well it must be your sinks, do you ever clean them?"
In reality, it was her own used wet naps that were creating the smell. I discovered what she'd been doing when I went to empty and take out the trash as she was leaving. When I confronted her about it, she straight-up started lecturing us about how we wipe in the bathroom. No accountability. She is now banned from our house.
23. Pet Peeve
We had a baby shower at my house. My aunt, who was our landlord, was also in attendance. At the time, there was a “no dogs allowed” policy. A guest brought their chihuahua and let it loose in the house. They never asked if it was alright to bring their dog. I thought my aunt was going to have a heart attack. Not only that, but the dog was so scared by all the people that it couldn't be caught until after the party was over.
24. The Past Came Back To Haunt Me
I hadn't seen the girl in years when she showed up at my parents’ house unannounced. I was so happy to see her; we invited her in. We ate dinner and caught up on life. She stayed the night since it was late. The next day she confessed she had just been released from prison and had nowhere to go. We tried getting rid of her for weeks.
Then, one day we stopped into Walgreens for something, and she swiped a whole bunch of stuff. After that, my grandpa told her she was leaving no matter what. I dropped her off at the train station. She called me 20 minutes later, but I refused to answer. Luckily, I haven't heard from her since.
25. Smashing The Keys
I have an antique grand piano. It's the kind of thing I don’t want people to really mess with. Two times I let people play it when people were over, and they started smashing the keys. One with her hands just being stupid, and the other one actually put her boots on the keys and started stomping on them. I was so mad, I picked her up, took her to the porch, and made her leave.
Months later, I saw her at a bar and gave her the worst look. Finally, she asked what my problem was, and I told her what she did. She said she never did that and denied even being at my house. I hate that people don’t even remember the awful things that they do.
26. Grooming The Dog
My uncle, aunt, and my mom travelled from another country to visit while I was in college, then stayed in my place. I had to leave for a class in the morning and left them in the house to chill. When I came back from my class, my uncle had shaved my shin-poo’s legs down, thinking he did me a favor. My fluffy cute dog looked so ugly now.
What’s worse? He somehow only shaved three and forgot the fourth leg.
27. This Ended In Disaster
I had a group of friends come over for our monthly D&D game. I mentioned that we couldn’t feed people this time as money was tight. I told them to bring their own food/snacks and drinks. Everyone was okay with it, and they all agreed. One of the players brought nothing and complained the whole time that no one was sharing. Then, they raided my kid’s snacks and my soda.
I was livid. It ruined the entire night and ended the game early. Everyone was mad at him, especially my toddler.
28. Blood Bath
I was away for the weekend, and my roommate had some friends over for drinks. The problem was that when my roommate would drink, he would often black out, which he did before ensuring all his friends had left. In the morning, he discovered two of them had stayed the night—in my room—which was not cool, to begin with. Then, I discovered BLOOD on my duvet cover.
It was clearly from someone getting "busy" while on their period. It was not a “whoopsies started in the middle of the night” puddle. It was on the edge of the bed, on top, and smeared around. What made it worse was that we weren’t partying college kids. We were all in our mid-30s with real jobs and—what one might assume—a little bit of respect. They weren’t welcomed back.
29. A Short-ish Hike
I was once at an undeveloped natural hot spring. I had a lengthy conversation with this girl, and platonically, she had more red flags than a communist parade, but we did seem to have some things in common in terms of things we were currently working through and dealing with. So, turns out she hitchhiked there with this old dude who was now acting creepy, so I offered her a ride.
The sun was now coming up, so I suggested we do a short hike on the way back to town, which she was enthusiastic about. I loaned her a jacket because it was chilly. She had talked about money problems after her husband left her recently, composting, and having a garden being a plan to deal with that. So, we're on this hike, and she’s wearing my jacket.
I notice her pick up a couple of rocks she likes. She'd mentioned that cow pies make good fertilizer. Then she picked one up and put it in the pocket of my jacket. Cow dung. To save for later.
30. The Piggy Bank Thief
When I was younger, I was saving up money to buy a Nintendo game. It was a few days after I celebrated my birthday. I had gotten some cash and put it in my piggy bank. I owned a lot of piggy banks and put one of them on display. There was 5€ sticking out. A very distant family member came over with her parents, and I showed her my room. I still can't believe what she did.
After that, she took my 5€ with her when she left. I was so sad. I told my mom; she told her parents. We went over to their place for a visit and to get my money back. She had put my money into her phone case. Handed it over to me. I'm still mad. The whole situation felt weird but keeping my money in her phone case is what felt the weirdest.
31. Space Invader
A friend came to visit my fiancé—who she had not yet met at the time—and me. We both had to work, and she needed to finish up a paper, so I set her up with WiFi, snacks, and a comfy study spot. She was a smoker, so I told her if she needed to smoke, that was fine, but she needed to do it while leaning out of the bedroom window.
We came home to find her IN OUR BED, UNDER THE COVERS, with a smoke in hand. The icing on the cake was the fact that she stayed in bed for another ten minutes or so while my fiancé awkwardly stood around waiting to change. I finally told her she needed to get up so that he could change and relax. Later that night, we had plans with friends, and she declined to join.
When we came home, she was asleep, but I found a used facemask on top of my laptop, which was now on our bed. Had this just been my apartment, I don’t think I would have been so bothered. She and I had lived together back in the day, and we didn’t have many boundaries. But she had never met my fiancé and didn’t see anything wrong with being so invasive of his space.
32. Hanging On By A Thread
We had a woman who married our brother-in-law after our sister passed, who was dreadful. On one visit, she flossed her teeth in the living room and then left it on the carpet. Then, when we were going swimming, she changed in the room I was staying in and took the opportunity to look through my suitcase. She was either just being nosy, looking for my prescription pain medication, or both.
She swiped the eyedrops I had left out for my dad. We could never call her out on anything because if we did, she would refuse to let us see our deceased sister's children.
33. The Luckiest Day
Once when I was about eight or maybe a bit older there was this neighbourhood kid who used to come over every now and then. He seemed pretty normal and was fun to hang out with, but one day as he was leaving my house, he found some money on the floor and literally said out loud “Ooh, it’s my lucky day!” In a high-pitched annoying voice.
I kind of just stood there and didn’t say anything as he left with my money. We never ever talked again.
34. The Farewell Gift
When a friend and I shared an apartment in college, there was a guy who lived downstairs from us who was probably in his mid-30s at the time. He was slightly awkward but seemed nice enough and we generally didn't give him much thought. He'd occasionally borrow items but was usually happy to return the favor like a good neighbor.
Fast forward to the day he knocks on our door and has a roll of scotch tape in his hand. He says he was about be evicted. His next request made my jaw drop. He was there because he was wondering if either of us would be "sweet" enough to gather some of our hair on some of the tape for him as goodbye gift. I couldn't close the door fast enough.
35. Obsessed To The Point Of No Return
One evening when I was about 17 or 18 years old, I had drinks in my house before going out to the pub. I had a friend who was big into Eastenders, which was a serial soap in the UK. He was so obsessed that he couldn’t miss a single show. So, just to entertain him, I stuck it on the TV, since it was only 25 minutes long. My mom came in to ask if any of us wanted food or anything. His response made my jaw DROP.
He told her to "shut up" because she was talking over his show. He was never allowed back in my house again after that.
36. Inconsiderate Winer
My father-in-law had gifted me a bottle of 2008 Chateau Margaux for my daughter’s birth. The bottle was valued at $800 and was to be opened on my daughter’s 20th birthday. We had someone come over who thought it was okay to skip over the decent vintages that were on the counter and instead rummage through the closet. They found the bottle, removed the ribbons, ignored the card, opened it, and poured it out for everyone.
37. The Little Thief
We had my girlfriend’s family over for sports night at our place, so a lot of drinks were involved. She lived right down the street from me, so we stopped by her house for a second and came back. Apparently, in that time my brother had taken $20 and a necklace from her mom’s purse and was caught by my girlfriend’s sister.
We were walking back up to the house and we heard my dad yelling. We saw him holding up my brother by the neck, just walking across the hallway front room to the kitchen. My girlfriend and I just look at each other and mutually agree that we should probably go back to her house. I can only imagine her family's faces as that happened.
38. The Boat-Sleeper
One night my roommate came back with a co-worker who needed a place to crash, so of course we offered him a spot on the crash couch. He was this weird Screech-lookin' guy that really didn't fit with our whole party vibe. But, y'know, when a friend asks for help, you help them. Also, he had the funniest reason to need to crash.
Dude lived on a sailboat, but somebody took his rowboat that day, and he couldn’t swim home. Anyhow, we set him up on the couch while the party is still raging, and he pulls me aside and asks: "Hey man, what are your magnetics like?" I looked at him with a weirded-out expression. He continued: "I can't sleep unless the magnetics are just right, so, like, are they?"
I tell him “I dunno man, we got some train tracks across the road and a cemetery down the way...Does that help?” "Perfect!” He responds, “Also, I wouldn't usually ask...but could you tuck me in, just in case?" I look at him even weirder. In the end, I–a grown man–tucked him, another grown man, in to sleep! Weird times.
My grandma brought my aunt's badly behaved, non-house trained dog with them on a visit. We had specifically told them that the dog could not come to the house. When they showed up with it, we found an old play crib and said it needed to stay in there for the duration. However, my grandma would pick it up and let it loose whenever she could.
About two weeks after they left, we made a chilling discovery. We realized that the dog had fleas. As a result, we had a massive infestation that infected all of our five dogs and four cats. All of us ended up with scars from the bites, and it took almost three years to eradicate the pests completely.
40. I Cried Over Spilled Milk
I had given up my bedroom to my stepson and his girlfriend when they were visiting. I am a non-smoker, and my bedroom is literally the only room in the house that is smoke-free. I asked her to step outside to smoke, which was not a big inconvenience since there was a sliding door that went from the bedroom to the lanai.
I also asked her not to take food to the bedroom because ants were a real problem in Florida. I could smell it when she lit up, but I didn’t say anything to her. I figured she would walk outside to put it out. I went into my room to grab some shoes, and I noticed the little porcelain tray wasn’t on my nightstand. So, I looked around for it.
It was shoved under the bed with her smoke butt in it, along with my cream-colored throw rug and a bath towel. It turned out she had taken chocolate milk to the bedroom, knocked it over onto the carpet, then grabbed a towel to try to clean it up. Instead of bringing it to the laundry room, she wadded everything up and hid it under the bed.
I went off on her, and she convinced my stepson to leave three days early. That’s the last time I gave my room to that inconsiderate, spoiled woman.
41. The Potato Problem
We have a buddy who has done all sorts of odd things. I'll open with him eating raw couscous because he likes the crunch. But that's not the weirdest behavior. His overall weirdness is why we didn't question finding a potato on the floor, at firs. He was crashing on our couch while he had some apartment work going on and was working at a farmer’s market.
So sometimes he'd cut you off because he had a bunch of carrots to share or would pull a sweet potato from his pocket. So, I found a potato on the floor one day. I chuckled because he was crashing on our couch a bit still and figured this was a potato he had in a pocket, or his backpack and it rolled out. Whatever. I pick it up and move it to the kitchen.
Apparently, my wife also found a potato and thought it came from our friend, and put it with our other kitchen veggies. Then, I later found a potato in the living room, but he hadn't been crashing with us for a few weeks. Even so, it wasn't shriveled or wrinkly, and there no stems growing from it. It was, as best as I could tell, a fresh potato.
I call my wife over and the first thing she says is to confirm that our friend hasn't been over in a while. I didn't know she found potatoes. She didn't know that I found potatoes. It was very confusing, and we spent a bit of time trying to come up with theories. Then we found out what was really happening. Eventually, my wife witnessed the cat grabbing and running off with a potato from the kitchen.
Our friend is so odd that we never considered that it wasn't him leaving potatoes in the living room. We moved the potatoes to a spot that was harder for the cat to reach, and no more wandering taters.
42. A Bubble Break
We had been invited over to my friend’s house to drink and stay the night. We sat in the garden, talked, and drank, and then one of our friends excused himself to the bathroom. He was gone for about 20 minutes until another friend said he should go check on him. He came back down five minutes later laughing like crazy.
The dude had gone upstairs and ran a bubble bath from himself, lit a few candles, and even had a floating duck! The friend hosting was a cool guy and wasn't angry because we were all really close, but it was strange and hilarious.
43. Money Heist
When I was young, I had three friends over, all of them brothers. The oldest was my age, the middle was a couple of years younger, and they had brought their littlest brother with them, who was a pain. That day, my dad had let me hang onto a $100 bill because I thought it was cool and had never seen one. I showed it off to my friends and left it on my side table.
After my friends had left, and when they got near their house, the youngest brother said, "Hey guys, look what I took", and pulled out my $100 bill. I hadn’t even realized it was missing. The two older brothers got so mad that they dragged him crying all the way back to my house. They handed me the $100 and forced him to apologize.
44. Get Lost
I had a friend who got lost on the way to my kid's party and showed up at my house after we had returned home. She had both of her kids with her, and her phone had lost power. We were all exhausted, but I invited them in since they had been driving for a while. We made them plates of food and enjoyed her company. We also put on a movie so our kids could rest.
Her oldest was lovely, but her youngest, who was in between the ages my kids were, was awful. He was extremely physical and started punching and hitting my oldest, who put himself in the line of fire so his little brother wouldn't get hurt. Her oldest kept telling her younger brother to stop, and I had to get involved and separate the kids and calm my own child down.
She stayed for over four hours. I spent three and a half hours trying to get her kid to stop terrorizing mine. We haven't had them over again since.
45. A Surprise Shower
My cousin was in high school when she decided to bring all of her high school friends into our house. My dad was at home that time, so he decided to cook lunch for these high school girls. So, when my dad was cooking, he noticed that these girls are coming out of our restroom just covered with towels and being really loud. My dad was quite shocked and irritated.
My cousin and these girls didn't tell my dad that they would also use our showers. I knew that they also used our bathroom soaps and stuff and didn't even apologize for leaving our restroom dirty.
46. Dinner Is Served!
Back when I was a freshman in university, I invited some of my mates to our place for dinner because my mom wanted to meet the people I went to university with. When dinner was laid out, my mom was like, "go ahead, feel free to grab anything". Obviously, my mom meant to grab anything on the table or any of the food that was served. But something else entirely happened.
One of the guys who came over proceeded to go right over to our pantry door, open it, look around for a few seconds, and then he went and took some of the canned items inside, rather than eating the dinner. It was the most unusual thing. I think my mom was also so properly dumbfounded that she just didn't mention it.
47. Kicked To The Curb
I didn't have many rules for passengers when I was driving, but there are two I would never budge on—wear your seatbelt and don’t smoke in my car. I had just bought a car. It wasn’t new, but it was in immaculate condition. Within a week of getting it, a friend asked me for a lift to the train station. I knew he smoked, so as we walked to the car, I told him specifically to wait until we got to the station before he would light up.
I backed out of the parking spot, drove to the exit of the parking lot, and as I checked my left-hand side for oncoming cars, I heard the distinctive sound of a lighter sparking up. The dude couldn’t wait until we were even out of the parking lot. I asked him what he thought he was doing, and he just looked at me and said, "Relax, it's not like it's a new car".
He ended up walking to the train station.
48. Midterm Madness
When I was in university, one of my roommates asked if a high school friend of his from back home could come to visit and stay in our apartment for a night or two. I agreed. However, I was writing midterms and was stressed beyond belief. So, I firmly requested that they not party at our place so that I could get to sleep without any interruptions.
I came home from the library at 11 pm, and they were both trashed. My roommate was passed out in his bedroom, and there was rank-smelling puke all over the toilet seat. Not only that, but his friend had brought a girl home from the campus bar and was getting busy in my bed. I booted them both out of the apartment and ended up doing laundry at 11:30 pm because my sheets were sweaty and soaking wet.
I stopped speaking to that roommate after that.
49. A Family Reunion
One time, my cousin came to my house for a family reunion, but he was a few days early so he had the guest room all to himself. But then, his girlfriend came to his house so she could meet the rest of his family, and just like him she was early. Just for clarification, they were both 15 and in the UK. They weren't meant to stay in the same room, so she went to the other guest room.
The thing is, I was always was hearing her walk around, but since I was just eight at the time, I didn't suspect anything. Until the day it all became clear. One day in the night, I forget something in my cousin's room, so I naturally assumed I could go inside without knocking. I saw my cousin with his girlfriend in bed, exactly in the position you're thinking.
As I was eight, I had no idea what was really happening, so I just screamed for my mom to come and then my cousin pushed me out of the room. When my mom came downstairs, she screamed so loud and called my cousin's mom so he could go home. The reunion wasn't cancelled, their family just didn't come. After that, I never saw his girlfriend, I assume they broke up.
Years later I realized what they were doing, and I can barely look my cousin in the eye.
50. Sticking Around
There was this kid in the neighborhood when I was growing up who came over to play at my house once. The only thing is when the time came, he wouldn't leave after repeatedly being asked. My parents and I actually ended up having to chase him around the house to try to get him out the door, with him laughing the whole time like it was some kind of weird game to him. He was not invited back after that.
51. Sense Of Entitlement
A friend of mine was spending the night because she was in the middle of an uncomfortable and contentious divorce. She didn’t want to go home to her husband’s house and didn’t have any family in the country, so she was couch surfing. However, instead of being grateful, she acted like an entitled restaurant patron in my home.
My selection of tea wasn’t big enough, and the grape jelly I had wasn’t as nice as an assortment of jams. She ate the pancakes, despite them not being her favorite, and was really surprised I didn’t have a waffle iron. Then she raided our pantry for snacks to take with her before she left. It turns out she wasn’t couch surfing. She was wearing out her welcome very quickly at every friend’s house she went to with her attitude.
She was just all take and no give.
52. Rug Rat
My boyfriend invited a couple of dudes over while I was at work because we lived in a one-bedroom apartment, and I didn’t always enjoy sitting there watching the game. It was considerate. When I got home, he was asleep, and they were gone. I noticed my new bathroom mat was discolored and assumed it was from shoes and didn't take a closer look.
I made him look at it with me when he got up because I was a bit mad since it was brand new. Upon further observation, we came to a disturbing conclusion: Before leaving, his friend wiped poo all over my new bathroom mat. The stains were brown finger streaks that had been wiped across the whole thing! There was toilet paper readily available.
We threw it out right away and didn’t allow them back to the apartment after that.
53. The Right Utensil
We went on holiday and hired a local old lady cat sitter to mind the cats for the 10 days we were away. Nothing unusual happened with the cats’ care, we have plenty of extra food and water bowls, bags of litter, litter bags and scoop all left out. We get back, cats are good, house is fine. There was just one thing wrong, and it's haunted me ever since.
Next to the litter tray is the spaghetti scoop; you know, that weird kitchen implement you never actually use. That’s what she had been using to scoop their poop for the time we were away. The actual litter scoop, which was right there, was unused.
54. After The Bath
My wife and I used to host international guests from the group Servas in our home early in our marriage. One young couple from Denmark that we hosted had a little four-year-old girl with them. They gave her a bath one day, and after getting out of the tub they let her run around our small living room because that's what they did back home, apparently. Ok, fine.
Except this time the little girl decided to take a wee as she ran around. She was literally spraying all of us as she ran in circles. The parents thought it was funny and saw no harm in it, for reasons that are unfathomable to me. My wife told me to let them stay because we were "good hosts", but we had to bring in a carpet cleaning service after they left.
55. She Was No Bed Of Roses
Our wealthy friend was staying at our house for a couple of weeks, and he brought his girlfriend. His girlfriend—who was half his age and who grew up in poverty—was now experiencing the affluent lifestyle. We were their hosts, and she treated us like garbage, but when she was around her boyfriend, she would be all sweet and lovely.
One day, she started sneezing and came to the conclusion that the flowers in our garden must have been causing it. She took it upon herself to go outside and cut all the flowers. I caught her midway through that act and asked her what she was doing. She replied, "The flowers, they make me sneeze, so I cut them for you". I couldn’t believe it.
She was our guest, and she vandalized our garden, leaving it a mess. She didn’t even pick up the cuttings. She just let them fall on the garden bed next to the plant which they sprouted from. It was so rude.
56. Birthday Bungler
When I was six, I was celebrating my birthday with some friends. A kid who was eight tried to open my presents. Even worse? The whole time his mom was laughing like it was some kind of joke. When I looked at the mom, she told him not to do that, but he kept on, wanting to see what was inside. Then, he told his mom he was ready to cut HIS cake.
My mom was in the kitchen, and none of the other parents did anything about it. They just sat there watching. I was so mad; he totally ruined my birthday.
57. The Dogfight
It was 105 degrees outside. My grandparents were visiting and came in their RV. They start whining about how our two well-behaved golden retrievers scare their precious little ankle biter Chihuahua thing. Parents left for work, sister and I left for school. We get home and find out that they put our dogs outside, with no water, in the 105 heat all day.
All of this was so their tiny dog could just sit in their lap on the couch. Like...you couldn't have left the ankle biter in the air-conditioned RV? Or put our dogs down the hallway inside? We had a baby gate specifically to block off parts of the house. You couldn’t have kept your tiny dog in your lap like you're doing anyway and tell the others to go lay down?
It's been 25 years and I'm still mad.
58. Wrestling Night
I'm a big wrestling fan and used to invite my cousin and a group of friends over for WrestleMania every year. We would watch the show, have some drinks, order pizza, and have a fun time. One year, my cousin asked if a friend of his whom I had never met could come over. I was like sure, the more the merrier, right? I instantly regretted my decision.
This guy...he was not my kind of guy. He came into my house and immediately went to my DVD shelf and started pawing through my movies and loudly commenting on them. He talked nonstop the whole evening, talking over people and asserting his opinions very loudly. We were a pretty chill group, so it was uncomfortable.
Then, at the end of the show when a wrestler he disliked lost the main event, he jumped down into the floor, counted the final pinfall along with the referee, then jumped up and flipped the double bird at the TV. Needless to say, his invite was lost for next year.
59. This Relationship Went Out The Window
When I was living with my ex, one of his friends from his past asked to stay over for a day or two. They drank a lot. I woke up in the middle of the night with the "friend" standing in OUR bedroom peeing against the bedroom window. When I woke up my ex, he didn't think it was that big of a deal. That was the day I packed my stuff and left.
60. It Was A Kick In The Pants
My buddy came down for a week. Much to my wife’s dismay, I offered to let him stay at our house so that he wouldn’t have to pay for a hotel. I told my wife that it would be no big deal, but I was wrong. While at dinner on the second night, he spilled his drink all over my carpet and his only pair of pants. So, I lent him a pair of pants to wear while his were in the washing machine.
That night he got so plastered that he peed all over himself and my couch. To top it off, after he left in shame, I found the soaked pants that I let him wear stuffed under the couch.
61. A Bit Of A Fixer-Upper
My in-laws act like they live in our house when they visit. One time my father-in-law used the restroom before heading home and on his way out the door, he stopped to tell my husband something was wrong with our sink. Then he handed him a piece of our drain. Dude straight-up disassembled our sink while he was in there trying to “fix” whatever it was he thought was wrong with it.
We no longer have a proper working drain.
62. A New Start?
A friend of my father had a really tough time in her life and lost her apartment. We had a spare room, so he invited her to stay for a few weeks to get her business right and find a new job. So, she moved in and for the first week or so everything was pretty normal. But then it when downhill fast. She starts to bring all sorts of stuff home "for her fresh start".
We’re talking clothes, cooking utensils, decorations, and such things. Wasn't a big deal at first, because she has to start somewhere. Things got out of hand pretty quickly though, and she turns basically into a hoarder. By this time, she had lived a month at our place, and you couldn't see the floor in her room anymore. There was just so much stuff, it was crazy.
My father was rightfully pretty mad and confronted her. She got into a whole screaming fit and also slapped him. We had her removed by the authorities and gave her the chance to collect her stuff a few days later but she never turned up. I don't know where she is now.
63. Something Was Fishy
My mom’s cousin was visiting with a friend. The cousin and friend were in their early 20s—old enough to be decent house guests. My mom had ordered take-out for the adults and put fish fingers and chips in the oven for us kids. Before the food turned up, the guests decided they were hungry and ate our fish fingers without telling anyone.
My mom opened the oven to find a tray of chips and an empty tray where the fish fingers should have been. Who eats a child's dinner when theirs is less than ten minutes away?
64. He Wouldn’t Get The Hint
I had been on a few dates with this guy. One night after we went out, he dropped me off at my apartment, and we were talking. The conversation was getting long, and I was tired, so I told him I was going to go to sleep, and it was time for him to go. He insisted on walking me upstairs to my bedroom, which I thought was a little weird. Not only that, but my room was extremely messy at the time, and I was embarrassed.
I told him a bunch of times, but he really didn't seem to get the message that I was just going to stay in the living room until he left. So I told him that I had gotten really tired and I was just going to fall asleep on the couch, thinking that maybe that would get him to leave. It didn’t. It prompted him to go upstairs into my bedroom, take the comforter off my bed, and bring it downstairs to the couch for me. I never went out with him again.
65. Sit! Stay!
A guy that my ex was friends with was at our house all the time and knew our dogs’ commands. This girl came over for a house party and was terrified of dogs. After letting her meet my dog and getting a little comfortable with him, the friend told my dog the "attack" command as a joke. My dog didn’t take it as a joke and went after her and ripped her dress open.
That was the last time that guy was allowed at my house.
66. The Food Fight
We were hosting a cookout for some friends and family. My neighbor and his wife wandered over and kind of joined in. I didn't know them that well, but I didn't mind because they always seemed pretty cool, and being friends with your neighbors is always a plus. I wasn't paying much attention when it was happening, so I realized the truth too late.
The two of them were wiping out enough food to feed a small group. My wife, who had been watching the whole thing, was already mad when she pointed it out to me. They started out with a ribeye each plus sides, got two more steaks and more sides. Then they got new plates they HEAPED with crawfish and corn on the cob, plus a dessert plate with pie and ice cream, which is when my wife came and got me.
I approached them before they started eating around 3:00 and told them I had planned on a certain number of people eating and there wasn't enough extra for them to eat that much. The husband looked upset, and the wife said "Wow, are you serious?" like I was wronging her. I said "Yeah, sorry, there's only so much to go around".
The husband got up to leave, but the wife ended up getting revenge. She grabbed her plate and took at least 2 lbs of crawfish home. Here's the funniest part. After that, the husband would always wait to mow his lawn until after I mowed and would always leave a little unmowed strip between our yards, like some sort of spite wall.
67. Christmas Calamity
My mom invited this woman who was a little bit crazy for Christmas Eve because she felt bad for her. She and my dad got into a civilized debate until she put her hands around my dad's neck. My dad grabbed her wrists really hard, and she screamed. She was accusing my dad of hurting her, so my dad said, “Merry Christmas”, like a savage, and left downstairs.
My brother had to awkwardly drive her home.
68. She Was A Cookie Monster
When I was beginning junior high, my sister went off to France for a study abroad program. As part of the program, we also became the host family to an exchange student from Japan. She was really nice, and I had no problem with her except for one thing—she ate all the cookies. Our family likes cookies as much as the next, but my grandma would come over every Wednesday and bake a fresh batch for the kids when they got home from school.
The problem was, if there were any cookies uneaten by the end of the day, the exchange student would eat them ALL in the middle of the night while Skyping her friends back in Japan. Without fail, in the middle of the night, I would always hear her loud footsteps as she stomped down the stairway that shared a wall with the room I was sleeping in.
Then, the unmistakable sound of the cookie jar opening and the harrowing sound of the bottom of the jar being scraped as she delved for the last one. It got to be such a problem that we started asking grandma to keep some cookies hidden so that we could eat them the next day. She was great in every other regard, but the empty cookie jar on Thursday mornings was the pits.
69. The Chocolate Fountain
I work at a hotel. My boss has told me the story of a couple on their honeymoon. So, we basically set out to try and get things our guests ask for and these newlyweds wanted a chocolate fountain. Sure, my boss thought, wouldn't be too much of a hassle, right? No, they had to search like crazy to find one. Well after the couple stays, they check out and don't really say much.
When the maid is going to clean the room, she basically goes in and starts laughing. My boss comes into the room too and there is chocolate all over the room. You could see the shapes of hands, feet and other body parts cast in chocolate in the bed, on the table, and even on the ceiling. You could make out where they started and where they stopped.
70. The President Arrives!
I once found a goat dressed like Abraham Lincoln. There's no more story here, at least none that I know. At the time, I was working as a cleaner in a hotel. I went to clean a guest's room, dreading it since they'd been there for a while, and found the goat. Don't know how it got there, or how it was removed, but it made a good story for a while.
71. Happy Trails
My grandfather's cousin was staying with us for a week. He had a bladder problem but would refuse to wear adult diapers. What followed was him leaving a trail of pee—and sometimes poo—whenever he walked around the house. It was terrible. It didn't take too long for my mother to do something about it. It didn't matter that he was family.
Nobody tracks their business on my mother's floor.
72. Self-Imposed Nightmare
We had a family friend who invited HIMSELF over because he was visiting the area. Everything was cool and nice until he took over my PS3. He was screaming at the TV and hogged it the entire time. I figured, “Okay, whatever, he was leaving soon”. Then, he went into my room to wake me up the next morning and jumped on my bed.
He proceeded to rip the canopy from my bed which ruined my ceiling. It got worse. He went out and said he was visiting a friend that lived nearby. He came back five hours later, at around midnight, and brought this trashy woman back to our house and told my parents that they were crashing at the house and would leave in the morning. Thankfully, my parents said NO and booted his behind out.
73. A Research Blunder
I used to work at a body donation facility. Basically, when you donate your body to science and some medical students or implant researchers or whatever need a human knee or head, they would call us. I did the actual dissections and some deliveries. Before I was hired, they made one explicit rule: no deliveries to hotels.
I thought this very odd, so I asked. The answer made me burst out laughing. A few years back, a researcher asked us to deliver his frozen specimen to a hotel for a conference. We did so, no problem. What we didn't consider was that the researcher had decided the most efficient way to thaw a whole human torso would be to run a warm bath and let it soak.
No arms, no legs, no head. When he left the room, some unfortunate hotel worker comes to clean the room, sees this bloody human torso in the tub and calls the authorities. The guy gets handcuffed, and we are left explaining how we legally cut up deceased people. The hotel worker, we heard, quit immediately. Hence, the rule against hotels.
74. Turning The Room Upside Down
I was working at a luxury hotel, and we had a fairly big-name band staying with us. There were no noise complaints, and they seemed to be perfect tenants. When they left and we went to clean the room, EVERY SINGLE PIECE of furniture was nailed to the ceiling in roughly the same configuration that it was in on the floor. I found it to be quite amusing. Management didn't.
75. That Sinking Feeling
We had a party at our house. Guests ended up using the bathroom in our bedroom because there were lines for the guest toilet. We had one of those sinks without legs that was only attached to the wall. One of the guests sat on that thing and broke it. I was shocked beyond belief how someone could sit on something that looks, feels, and very obviously shows that it is not made to carry weight and that is not supported. We then put legs on it.
76. He Was Plumb Rude
There was a leak in the apartment my fiancé and I were about to move into. We hadn’t spent a single night in it yet. We called a plumber to come and fix the leak. He walked into the bathroom, locked the door, took a dump, and came back out to tell me the flush was working properly. But it didn't end there. He then took a swig from one of the drink bottles that I was unpacking.
77. Hiding Under The Bed
Back in high school, I was on a trip with my crew team of about 80. The guys decide that, since we have an entire floor of the hotel to ourselves, we're going to line up all the mattresses in the hallway for absolutely no reason, because it was high school. I'm just about to wrestle my mattress through the doorway when I hear the best combination of screams and laughter coming from a few doors down.
Everyone simultaneously runs to the room. We made a disgusting discovery. Under my buddy's mattress was about a slightly moldy 18-inch cucumber covered in dirt. Maids come, sanitize the room, my buddy gets a new mattress, and according to them two construction workers had been staying in that room for two weeks prior.
78. Such A Bother…
My grandmother weighed herself on our bathroom scale every time she came over. It was propped upright between the shower and the vanity because of the shape of our tiny bathroom, and every time she was over, we would hear a really loud THUNK as she none-too-gently set it on the floor to weigh herself. I don't know why, but it bothered me.
I tried putting it under the vanity and out of sight, but she found it, and THUNK. Nothing like having my efforts negated to leave me fuming. Couldn't say anything, though, because that would be disrespectful. Because, you know, going through people's cabinets to get something they specifically put out of sight because you can't set it down gently isn't disrespectful at all.
79. They Got Off On The Wrong Foot
We had some friends and their children—who were four and eight—come over. My husband had previously told them that there were to be no feet on our furniture. This angered the parents, and they told their children that they could put their feet, with their shoes, on our furniture. Their justification was that we let our dog get on the furniture.
80. What Are The Odds?
I had a collection of $1 casino chips, one from every casino I had been to. A housemate invited some people over. One of the guys saw them sitting there and started playing with them. I figured he liked to fidget, so it was no big deal. However, he ended up taking a bunch of mismatched casino chips and even tried buying a drink at a bar with them. Luckily, one of the other guys he went out with got them back to me.
81. The Party Secret
It was like my 10th birthday, so I convinced my parents to throw me a party. I even handmade the invitations and brought them to my classmates. Not many showed, but I didn't care because I was simply happy to have a party. We go through the motions, cake and presents and all of that, before closing up and sending everyone home.
I went to the bathroom after, and it smelled horrible. I looked around, before looking in the trash. Someone had soiled their pants and just thrown away their undies and then left. I just kind of walked out and told my mom. After that, we decided on no more parties, and I was okay with that.
82. The Missing Towels
I offered a friend to stay in my extra bedroom for a month or so to get back on his feet and find a job. After about a month I noticed that my six extra towels in the linen closet were missing. I asked him about the towels, and he said I've only been using this one towel you gave me, I don't know about the other ones. I looked all over the house and couldn't find them.
Then I just had the random thought that I should look under the couch... yep, six wet, mildewy moldy towels stuffed under the couch.
83. She Was The Pits
My brother and his now ex-girlfriend were over at my uncle’s house. They were sitting around watching a movie. My brother had his girlfriend lying down on his lap. Then the unthinkable happened. While she was lying there, my brother proceeded to pluck his girlfriend’s armpit hair and put it on the couch. It was truly unbelievable.
84. This Was A First
It was the first Christmas in our own place. My father-in-law came for Christmas dinner, and it was also our first Christmas ever with him. I cooked a meal for him and SIX of his guests all by myself. He brought nothing. He parked his behind at the head of the table and chain-smoked until his meal was ready. As he was leaving, he tried to convince my husband to leave me to do the clean-up and come to the bar with him.
When that didn’t work, he said, “Okay, see ya”, and threw his empty pack of smokes on our living room floor.
85. A Sleepy Session
I host a weekly D&D game, and we are mostly in our mid 30s to late 40s with the exception of one 20-year-old. Said 20-year-old had to use the bathroom and it was about 20 minutes later that we began to question his absence. The dude fell asleep on the toilet and had a giant impression on his forehead from the sink counter.
We tried our best not to embarrass him but could not look away from his forehead for the rest of the game.
86. Just One Night, I Swear!
I had a cousin come visit when I lived in my first apartment. It was one that I shared with my girlfriend after moving out of my parents’ house. My cousin was visiting the whole family and wanted to crash at my house for the night because we went out and partied. We had a spare bedroom, so it was no biggie. I should have known something was up then.
The next day she wanted to go to our complex's pool and get drinks, so we did, and it carried over into the night. We let her stay that night too, it was again no biggie. The third day is Sunday, and I have to leave town and go to a job site about four hours away. I do my normal routine, finish my laundry, pack my bag, say my goodbyes, and head out.
My cousin leaves to go hang out with friends; my girlfriend goes to work. Here's where it gets weird. About 10 minutes after my girlfriend gets home from work, my cousin buzzes in from the gate asking my girlfriend to let her in. She does, and my cousin then proceeds to go into the spare bedroom to get her stuff...but goes to sleep instead.
My girlfriend tells me about it, and I think it's weird, but whatever. We let her sleep it off instead of driving again because she had some drinks. My cousin shows up at the door the next night doing the same thing. Now, my girlfriend doesn't have a mean bone in her body. She's an extremely sweet and kind person, so she doesn't want to turn her away.
Plus, I'm already asleep at that point because 5:00 am comes early on the road. The next morning, she has an early shift, and my cousin was still asleep when she left for work. After working eight hours, my girlfriend picks her 10-year-old nephew up from school fully thinking my cousin has gotten her stuff and left our apartment.
She and her nephew walk into the apartment. She witnessed an infuriating sight. It absolutely reeks, and my cousin has three people over all smoking weed in our living room. My girlfriend is mortified and does a very quick introduction, and then turns around and takes her nephew somewhere to get some food to take him out of that.
My girlfriend calls me and gives me the run-down somewhat angrily, asking me why my cousin is still in our apartment. I had no idea she was there still, so I call my cousin and I tell her she needs to go, that I'm not even in town and she’s staying at my place without my blessing. She gave me some big, huge sob story about how she didn't know my nephew was coming over.
She says she didn't think it would be a big deal, and she didn't want to go to her mom's house because her mom didn't like the friends she was with. I didn't budge. I told her to get her stuff and go. But she wasn't finished. She then called my sweet girlfriend and gave her the same sob story, apologizing profusely and asking to please let her stay one more night because she didn't want to face her mom, etc.
My girlfriend, hearing that story, lets her stay again. The next day I added it up and she had stayed in my guest room from Friday to Thursday, six whole nights, when she was only supposed to crash there for one. I call her and I give her the breakdown of the rent and expenses, and I tell her if she's still there when I get home the next day, I'm going to want a weeks worth of rent.
If she can't afford it, I'm going to call her mom and give her the run-down of everything going on and that she had not been welcome all these days. She left that night, but also left a ton of her junk and had trashed the bathroom.
87. My Visitor Was Complete Trash
A friend of mine had come over. They drank themselves into oblivion and threw up in an empty trash can that didn’t have a bag in it. Then, they went ahead and put a new trash bag over it to make it look like it never happened. I didn't find it until a few days later, when I finally figured out where that funky smell was coming from.
88. A Helping Hand Gone Bad
My fiancé had a kind soul. Too kind. His coworker had fallen on hard times, so he ended up moving in with us, which was a mistake. He smoked in my and my fiancé's car. The week this guy moved in, my grandpa had just passed from lung cancer, so I was extra sensitive to it. Smoking was something I wasn’t okay with, and he did it anyway. Then, he brought his girlfriend over.
They went at it every night, which wouldn’t have been a problem except that they were loud at 2 am when my fiancé and our toddler were trying to sleep. My toddler didn’t need to hear any of that, and I told him that several times. The final straw was when he started doing smack in my bathroom. We had enough and booted him out.
I can’t even imagine how bad that could’ve gotten. I don’t talk to him anymore, and my fiancé doesn’t get to help people in that way anymore.
89. Such Strange Speakers…
I used to be a bit of an audiophile. I had, and still have, nice B&W floor standing speakers. The high frequency speaker dome had this surreal metallic look. The morning after having a few guests, I noticed one of the domes had a non-repairable dent in it. Some jerk could not resist poking it, and because it was made out of this weird mix of fibres and metal it folded with creases and did not pop back to normal shape.
I never asked who it was and wanted to let benefit of the doubt prevail. It is my hope the intent was not to damage but rather poke that weird material out of curiosity…
90. Picking Up The Trash?
I was around eight when this happened, and my friend was seven. We were playing in my room while our moms hung out in the living room. The doors were closed. We crafted stuff out of paper so little pieces were everywhere. My friend's hand accidentally slipped, and she knocked over a bag of trash with the tiny pieces of paper we were working on.
I asked her to pick it up and she told me she will and apologized. Before my eyes, she did the most bizarre thing. She dropped to the floor and started licking it, pieces sticking to her tongue. I sat there like I was watching a ritual, not even laughing but worried. I handed her the trashcan, thinking she was done and with intention to spit it out, but she didn't.
She swallowed the paper, many tiny pieces. Then she took my glue stick and ate it to "rush the paper down her throat". I was shocked and just continued to play, waiting for a reaction or something else, but nothing happened. She went home and forgot about it, but I didn’t, and I never told anybody. What a weird, weird girl.
91. Total Dealbreaker
I had a friend stay with me for a month. I lived in a popular vacation area, and our agreement was that her trip would be a reward for quitting smoking. She brought over random men at all hours of the night and would be very loud when she got busy with them. Not only that, but two weeks into her stay, I found out that she had never quit and was lighting up in my guest room and bathrooms whenever I was away at work.
92. She Was Out Of Her Noodle
I had an awkward friendship with a girl from middle school. My mom was forcing me to make some friends and invited her for dinner. We had spaghetti, and without hesitation, she began eating it with her hands. My mom and I just gave each other a bug-eyed look from across the table as she just took massive chomps out of the glob of pasta in her hands.
I had never seen—and probably will never again see—something so strange done by a person in my life. I went to her house after, but I never got a chance to ask her what was up with the handheld spaghetti because what I saw there completely freaked me out. Every inch of their house was covered in taxidermy. I was also told not to go in the backyard because her dad had a boar strung up that he was in the process of skinning.
After that, I ended the friendship pretty quickly with no hassle from my mom.
93. The Music Audition
Many years ago, I worked in a tobacco shop, and I put out fliers advertising my interest to meet local musicians for to create some noise. What followed was a cavalcade of circus animals knocking on my door. One of the more notable beasties was this kid who was clearly...well...off. He was 16, and his mom drove him to my house.
She sat out front in the car while he brought his bass inside. He said basically nothing, played a very weak Nirvana riff out of time, and then sat there staring at me with his hand in his mouth. I don't know what I'm even supposed to do with this...I hope he got the help he needed and is living an awesome life right now, but basically everything about the series of events that lead to that moment was unacceptable.
94. After The New Year
I threw a New Years party once. ONCE. It turned into an absolute disaster. Someone I invited brought a group of people who I knew but didn’t exactly enjoy their company. Sometime around one in the morning, I noticed that my keepsake urn necklace containing my brother’s ashes was missing. Then, I discover a couple of small lines of powder-like material in lines on my bathroom counter.
Those people had tried to snort my brother and took the necklace his remains were in. I was livid.
95. We Got Burned
We had someone staying with us who insisted on making us dinner. The first time, he burned the steaks. Then, he insisted on making hamburgers. I told him I didn't like onions, yet he made the hamburgers with chunks of onions. I tried to eat one, but chunks of raw onions were not something I wanted to eat. He made beans in a crockpot but didn't refrigerate them overnight. He just left them out in the crockpot.
Then, he plugged the crockpot in the next morning and let them cook all day the second day. He claimed that if there were any bacteria in there, cooking would solve than problem. This went on for a week. My spouse and I ate the beans the first night and refused any leftovers. We had record heat for days on end, so we ran the air conditioning.
He would not entirely shut the door to the outside, leaving a small crack, which let the cool air out and the smokey air in. Every time I passed by, I would shut the door until it latched. What was even worse was that we had indoor-only cats, and they would occasionally escape because he could not understand that the door needed to be shut.
The conglomeration of a lot of little things made him a nightmare.
96. Psycho Visitor Qu’est Que C’est?
I had a houseguest—who was invited by a roommate—have a psychotic breakdown. He literally came into all our rooms, rummaged through our drawers, and left anything that was remotely racy on top of the dresser or nightstand as if to announce that he went through it all. He found ways to expose himself and walked in on my roommates getting it on.
We booted him out within 48 hours, but it should have been sooner. We even changed the locks. We actually all knew this guy, had hosted him before, and he was great. But although we booted him out the door, he found a way to come back and haunt us. We were cleaning house a few months later and found a bag of his pubes.
97. Uninvited Guests
I was a kid and invited another kid to my house when we were around 10 years old. When he showed up, I couldn't believe my eyes. He brought like four or five family members with him. None of them were parents, just siblings and cousins. They stayed just a few minutes, said they had to leave, and insisted on knowing the way out themselves.
That was that. Or so I thought. About 2-3 minutes pass, I go to the kitchen for some water, and they're all still in my house hiding behind the counters and swiping our silverware. The thing is my family was kinda poor and that was not real silver. They all scramble for the door, and the kid never really explained anything at school. Turns out they were poor too, just dumb kids as well.
98. The Mattress Mess
In college, a girl who was the friend of friend had a bad breakup earlier in the day. She proceeded to get plastered and started crying. I let her have some alone time in my room to get it out during a party. I went to go to bed later and realized she had wet my bed and soaked my mattress foam. I threw it away, and she bought me a new one the next day, so it wasn’t that bad.
I didn’t want to make her feel bad, so I talked to her about the whole thing and worked it out. I knew she was a spoiled rich girl but geez.
99. All In The Family
We welcomed my uncle, his wife, and their kid into our home when they were visiting from abroad. The wife brought about a dozen of her own relatives with them, including a handful of young children, without telling us. A literal nightmare. We scrambled to set up beds, make meals, and prepare the bathrooms to accommodate them all.
Then, we found out later that she was charging her relatives to stay at our house.
100. More Than A Pain In The Back
A friend came over for a sleepover and didn't inform me that she had "back pain". At the last minute, she told me that she can't sleep on the couch due to her back pain, so she needs to sleep in my bed. I didn't want to be rude, so I said yes, and I ended up sleeping on the couch. I don't know about y'all, but I find that asking to sleep in someone else's bed when you're at their house is impolite.
The next day, I had planned to go see my boyfriend in the afternoon, which is why I had asked my friend to leave in the morning. When it came close to 1 pm, I asked her when she thought she'd leave because I had other plans today. Her answer made my blood boil. She said, "Oh, but I start work at 2 pm and the place is closer to your house than mine, so I'll leave at 1:30 pm".
I'm not a hotel, and even they have checkout times! Another thing: During her stay at my house, we went to the nearby Dollarama so she could buy a gift for her mom. When we were heading back to my house, she wanted to charge me $5 for gas. The ride wasn't worth more than $1 and I only came in her car because she had asked me to.
101. Their Stay Went Viral
We had some good friends stay at our house while we were out of town for the holidays. We came home to a clean house, maybe cleaner than we left it. Two nights later, our toddler woke up and couldn't stop throwing up. We took her to the emergency room. She stabilized after about five hours or so, just enough time to ring in the New Year under the fluorescent lights.
But then, things for weirder. A few days after, I started feeling like I had a kidney stone or something. I had pain at first, then fever and chills started up. I ended up going to the emergency room as well. I had a bunch of tests done, multiple IV bags of fluid, etc. They hadn’t figured out what was wrong when my wife called saying she wasn’t feeling well either. I knew it all had to be connected.
After about a week or so, we were all better, so we went on with our lives. About a month later, we were recounting our illness events to a mutual friend. That’s when we finally learned what had really happened. He said, "Oh, wasn't that right around the time our friend was in town? We never got to see them because they all had Norovirus that week".
That sure explained the number of sheets that were changed at the house and a couple of not quite dry spots on the bedroom carpet. A heads up before we got home would have been appreciated.
102. A Walking Red Flag
I was a kid, probably nine or 10, and my mom had a friend and her son over for lunch. The kid disappeared for about 10 minutes, and at the time I thought he had gone to the bathroom because I really had to go. So when he came back, I quickly maneuvered my way past him into the room before the bathroom, where we had a fish tank.
This would be completely irrelevant if the fish tank wasn’t cloudy and swirling about. At first glance, I didn't know what it was, until I noticed smashed and ripped apart pieces of little fish faces moving around in the swirl. The kid had reached into the fish tank and squeezed the ever-loving life out of every single fish in that tank.
103. Clean And Clear And Out Of Control
My uncle and his wife came to stay for a while. They got my room and I slept on the couch for a few months, which is no big deal when you're a kid I guess. What actually ticked me off is that when they finally left, we opened the door and walked into a horror. They'd seriously messed up my room. Everything reeked, there were ground-up peanut shells in the carpet, ash burns on my mattress, etc...
We couldn't figure out why the room smelled like an abattoir until we lifted up the bed and found mummified cat poop stuck up in the shag carpeting. They either had such bad hygiene that they didn't notice the smell or they knew and they just didn't care.
104. Make Yourself Less at Home
Asked a couple, who are friends of my BF, to watch my home for a little less than two weeks. I left my home sparkling clean, fridge packed full of their favorite goodies, movie tickets, gift certificates, drinks, and my car to use as they pleased (since neither of them have their own car or live on their own). Upon returning home around 10:00 p.m., after 20+ hours of flights and traveling...I found a scene out of a horror movie.
The house was filthy. The floor was covered in dirt. Counters were crammed with stuff as if they pulled everything out from the cabinets and left them. Drink bottles were left empty on every surface. Pistachio nut shells were thrown on the floor and left strewn on my bedside table and bedroom dresser. And I'm just getting started...
Their dirty underwear was just left on the bathroom floor. The kitchen sink was FILLED with nearly all of my dishes, which had been used and left dirty. Most of my Tupperware was now in the fridge filled with their leftover food. My patio furniture was pulled into my bedroom and used as a game set-up with my bedroom TV moved to a different spot. Still not the worst part...
They left "love oil" on my nightstand. They somehow broke my washing machine. They threw out all of my "chemical" cleaning supplies and replaced them with "organic cleaning supplies" (aka vinegar and water). When we got into my apartment, they said, "Wow it's so weird to have you here. It's like this was OUR house, and now it's yours". Like, GIRL this was always my freaking house. How could you forget that so quickly?!
They seemed in no rush to leave. They sat in the living room and opened up some drinks. I didn't rush them out. I also did not bother to help them clean up their huge mess. I was exhausted and fell asleep on the couch while my boyfriend awkwardly made small talk and unwillingly hung out. The next morning, I finally thought it was all over—then the girlfriend sent me an insane text just to twist the knife. She says she thought it was disgusting and rude of me not to wear a bra when I fell asleep (implying that I was trying to turn her boyfriend on).
First of all, I was wearing a friggin’ bra. Also, if I didn't want to wear a bra to go to bed, I don't need to because I'm in my own freaking house. There are so many more things they did that irritated me. These are just a few I can remember right off the bat.
105. Hotel Havoc
I used to work as a front desk agent at a boutique hotel. A guy who was obviously very full of himself came in with an online reservation that he had booked at a shockingly cheap nightly rate. He proceeded to give me a hard time about EVERYTHING, from telling me he shouldn't have to give me his credit card info since he had prepaid his reservation, to telling me "Um yeah, I'm pretty sure I can find the elevators, I'm not stupid".
He was just being an all-around jerk. About 10 minutes after checking him in, he came down and demanded that we give him a bigger room with a king bed and a view, even though he had booked a standard queen bed online. I complied, as we had extra king beds available. 10 minutes later, he came down again to complain about the size of the room.
He told me, "I'm only going to give you one more chance to make me happy," and asked for the general manager. After much arguing between him and my manager, we ended up giving him our nicest suite AND free parking since we had "Given him trouble". He got all this for a way cheaper rate, like $40 per night! Oh, but he outdid himself.
Get this: He informed us shortly after the ordeal, while on his way out to dinner, that he was not even going to be in the room for the majority of his stay, as he was visiting friends and would be staying at their home. What the heck! So I made it my personal mission to make his life a living nightmare from that point on.
I reset his room keys every time I saw him leave the hotel—which was quite frequently, 3-4 times a day. It was particularly funny when he came back tired from a night out and had to come all the way down to the front desk to get his keys fixed. Needless to say, he was very frustrated by the end of his stay. I doubt he'll be staying with us again.