These Redditors know what it’s like to have horrible guests. They trusted people in their homes, from strangers to friends, and learned just how bad that decision can be. You may have some bad house guest stories, but at least you haven’t gone through any of these nightmare scenarios. Here are the 50 worst house guest stories.
1. Fire Guy
He was probably eight or nine at the time and would get into ANYTHING, especially computer-related stuff. He would dig through drawers and open boxes looking for gadgets to play with, only to mess them up or lose something. We finally told the parents they couldn’t bring him back when he got into the kitchen—and almost destroyed our house.
He turned on the glass top stove while a pizza box was on it and started a small fire. The house smelled like smoke for about a week.
2. Skating Practice
My parents’ friends and their young son (elementary school age) came over. The kid was wearing those swooshy pants with zippers on the legs. He had a kick of sliding around on the wood floor for no apparent reason, and you could hear the zippers scratching the wood floor. The kid’s mother didn’t say anything. Didn’t even tell him to stop. Sure enough, fresh new scratches on the floor.
3. Every Room is the Bathroom
I had a guest that would walk around the house while she was brushing her teeth, which was no big deal. The problem was when she was done, she’d use the nearest sink to spit and rinse her mouth out, which was often the kitchen sink that had dishes soaking in it. And she clipped her toenails at the dinner table.
4. Oatmeal Party
When I was 19 years old and living with my first grown-up boyfriend, none of his friends had their own places. So they’d come to ours, get wasted, and make huge messes. Not just beer bottles and smoke butts, once they threw our oatmeal all over the kitchen. Wherever there was water, it adhered like cement. It was awful.
Broke 40 bottles on our carpet, numerous carpet stains, and never an apology or an offer to help clean up.
5. Grade-A Snark
At my son’s first birthday party, my stepmom’s mother (who wasn’t even invited) made the comment, “Your wife says she isn’t materialistic, but you sure have a lot of stuff.” We were living in a small two-bedroom apartment and my son’s room (which had toys and other presents) was also my office.
6. Air PnP
My parents do Air BnB and one guest dumped, like, a huge mud pie in the toilet. I had to clean up the dang thing and it stunk so much, so glad I moved out so I don’t have to do things like that.
7. Cool Party Trick, Bro
Had a party in my basement in high school, a tall, annoying friend of mine saw how low my ceiling was—his head touched—and decided it would be a good idea to jump up and break it. His head made a huge hole in the Styrofoam type stuff the ceiling was made of. He laughed and didn’t pay to get it fixed, I (and my parents) were really annoyed.
8. Museum Rules
My dad collects fossils. He found the lower half of a human jaw bone. Called the authorities when he found it, but they told him it was quite old and they couldn’t do anything with it. In the end he was allowed to keep it, and the jawbone is on display in his poker room. My mother’s cousin visited with them.
He picked it up by each end, and pressed them inward exclaiming, “Oh is this real?” The piece snapped in half. Dad quietly removed the bits from my cousin’s hands and left the room. He put it together with some scotch tape.
9. Mindless Destruction Rules!
Neighbor came around to ask for something. She brought her little demon of a three-year-old boy with her. She’s in the house for about 20 seconds and the son spots our giant water bubble column thing. It was about six feet high. The kid just pushes it over and it smashes on the floor, spilling water everywhere.
My mother is speechless—but then it got even worse. The woman just steps away from the approaching puddle and says, “Oh dear…” with the most blank expression on her face. That’s it. My parents did not let them in the house again.
10. The Mallow Muncher
When I was younger, I bought the exact amount of marshmallows required for a chocolate fudge recipe which I was very keen to make. One of my mum’s friends came over to the house for a visit and saw the bag of marshmallows on the kitchen bench with some other groceries which had not been put away yet. Without asking, she opened the bag and ate a generous amount, enough to screw up my recipe. I was very angry. I have since forgiven this indiscretion, but I will never forget.
11. Consider an Exorcist
A friend brought his 10-year-old daughter to my birthday party and she actually set my carpet on fire. If that’s not bad enough, a few months later he brought her to my sister’s birthday party and she hit several of the guests with the bat we were using on the piñata.
12. Photographic Evidence
Not me, but someone I know. She was living with her future in-laws. She had just given birth and was putting her used pads under the bed. She was my good friend of mine, too. I didn’t even find out until her future in-laws were talking smack about her. I was like, “I don’t know, she’s not like that from what I know.” They showed me photos. I was disgusted.
13. Extreme Room Makeover: Surprise Edition
I was at work all day and I always close my door before leaving, ALWAYS. My mum had guests over and decided, “Hey, let’s show the guests everyone’s rooms and all the rooms in the house in general.” Well, one lady, whom I had never met, didn’t like how I arranged MY room, so while everyone was at dinner (I work from 11:30 am to about 9:00 pm, six days a week, so I wasn’t there when this happened) she went into my room and rearranged my desk, the clothes in my drawers and closet, all my pictures…
She threw out some knick-knacks that were given to me by old friends because she thought were “trash” I “hadn’t thrown out yet.” I. Was. FURIOUS. She totally admitted it, but didn’t seem to feel bad at all. My mum was upset too, but not as much as me. They’re no longer friends but I’m not sure why, probably because she threw out some of my mum’s knick-knacks as well.
14. Get the Rice
About six years ago. We were 12, and I had some friends over for a gathering a few days after my birthday. One of the gifts my parents had got me was an electric organizer, which, back then, was like $700. My friend wanted to play a game on it, so she asked if she could bring it outside with us and I said sure.
A few hours go by and we head back inside to watch some movies. Later that evening when everyone had left it was raining. Suddenly, my heart sunk; I can’t find my organizer. I go to the window and see it on the lawn. Was completely wrecked. She was extremely apologetic and offered to pay, but never even followed through.
15. Brotherly Nonchalance
My late partner was very sick with leukemia. After over a year of being his 24/7 caregiver, I got the opportunity to go abroad for a work trip. My partner insisted I go because I deserved a break from caregiving, and because his deadbeat brother would fill in as caregiver while I was gone. While his brother was staying in our home, he brought his cat, which is a no-no for someone living with zero immune system.
He did the ABSOLUTE minimum to take care of my partner and left him basically to figure out meds/food on his own. He was horrible—but the final blow is why I’ll never forgive him. He took the big piggy bank that we were using to save up for my partner’s bucket list vacation before he passed on. Then the brother denied that he did it. It makes my blood boil thinking about it.
16. Okay, No More Parties
Well, living in a party house my senior year in college, I’ve seen some stuff. I can’t say I didn’t have a hand in some of the worst ones (Jello wrestling party, fire extinguisher incident). The worst night I ever had was when we had an open party early in the semester and the house was FULL of people. Waking up in the morning, I was assessing the damage and I had found that cupcakes littered my ceiling.
Someone ripped out pages of my bathroom reader for toilet paper and threw them in the trash can instead of the toilet, my ceramic soap dispenser was thrown against the wall and pieces still hung there, someone took a poo in my backyard, I found one of my pint glasses half-buried in the front yard, one of my couches no longer had upholstery, and someone peed in my shorts drawer. Overall, I guess I deserved it for living in a party house in the first place, but all of the above happened in ONE night…
17. Inconveniently Intervened
I had a D&D group that I hosted at my house every Friday. Many of my party members would show up stoned, which I didn’t mind, because it made things interesting. I always went out of my way to make sure everybody was fed and would offer alcohol because I have a decent collection. After a year of everybody getting drunk, high, whatever, I finally decided to let go and drink too (I hate the taste of alcohol so I don’t drink much).
The next Friday everybody came over, they informed me that I drink too much and need to stop or they won’t be coming over anymore. I told them I could drink if I wanted, because 1. It’s MY house, and MY alcohol, and 2. They drink EVERY Friday, while that was the first time in a long time I had gotten drunk. Fast forward through the night, we play as usual and I step away to go to the restroom.
When I come back, all my alcohol is missing from the cabinet. They hid every. Single. Bottle. Throughout my home…safe to say, we don’t hang out anymore.
18. Worst Slip-N-Slide Ever
We still don’t know who did it, but booze was involved. First mystery guest ripped the towel rack off the wall and thought soap and TP would be sufficient enough to adhere it back to the wall. Second mystery guest decided to put the plunger and toilet brush in the plumbers’ access to the tub. Didn’t find them until the next time we were cleaning up the bathroom.
Third mystery guest decided that the soap belonged in the shampoo bottles and the shampoo belonged as a mortality coating on the tub. Turns out you end up nearly breaking your neck when your tub is coated with dried shampoo and you try to take a shower before it’s all been washed away. That or my wife buttered the tub and covered it with girly shampoo scent and totally got me. In any case…we don’t give the guests booze anymore.
19. The Big Trashcan
My aunt took a big poop in the bathroom (a given, considering we were having a barbeque) but instead of throwing the used tissue in the toilet or even the trash can, she put it inside the bathtub. I told my mom, who put her on blast in front of the whole family. Thankfully, she doesn’t come to the cookouts anymore.
20. Off the Ropes
I remember once when I was around seven or eight we had a big TV on a sort of platform that was a good 75 cm high. So, one afternoon, we had a few friends and their parents come over for the standard dinner party sort of thing. So anyway, the kids would climb up the platform and stand on the top of the TV (we were all fairly young, around six to 10).
They would then jump off the TV to land on the nearby couch. They went on like this for a good, solid half-hour, and after each jump, the TV would slip nearer and nearer to the edge of the platform. I’ll confess I jumped once or twice. So eventually the TV fell of the platform and into the ground, we all screamed, the parents came in and smoke was coming from the TV. It was ruined. I eventually got grounded with no TV for a year. My parents, being forgiving, let me watch TV two months after the incident.
21. Respect the DJ
I am 28 years old at the time of this story. A friend of mine who does the light-teasing thing as his main personality trait would regularly come over to have a break from his wife and kids (his homemaker-wife does the bare minimum and he essentially both makes the income and keeps up with every chore, his need to get away is legitimate).
I gave him a lot of freedom, such as being able to change the thermostat and eating whatever food he wants without needing permission; this kind of welcome was, I thought, met with respect in return. As it turns out, I was horribly mistaken. One day he is using the television to play music while he looks at memes on his phone.
The next song comes on and he mildly doesn’t like it, but my wife says out loud, “Oh, I love this song!” He changes the song anyway and says, “No one cares what you like.” It’s not the roughest thing he’s ever said, but in a situation like this, it’s always a joke, just a mean absurdity. He doesn’t usually mean it.
It would usually follow that he would change the song back and laugh, because clearly he didn’t mean that. It’s just the light-teasing to show affection. But he didn’t turn it back. I was in the other room preparing food for everyone and was waiting for my wife’s song to play for almost 20 seconds or so before leaning past the wall to look at him.
I told him to put the song back on. We went back and forth for awhile. He said he wasn’t in the mood for the song, so I said, “Well then, go home.” He was confused, but I repeated myself. He left, and I haven’t seen him since. I thought it was so out of character for him, he was always trying to lecture me on how I was immature for how I handled my relationship, he has big issues with people getting too comfortable too quickly in his home, legitimately everything that happened is against everything he’s ever talked about in his home and about his family.
But the more I thought about it? I let him feel like my house was his man cave. He started taking advantage of my kindness and saw it as me giving him a second house to control. My wife is very nice and sweet, but I knew he somewhat resented her because instead of hanging out with him almost seven days a week like before, I spent more time with her now.
Even though he had access to my home to hang out four or five times a week, he blamed her for why I don’t go out and chill anymore (it was actually my new job’s fault, not hers). I think he was slowly trying to manipulate me into resenting her with him, but I was unaware of that because it absolutely wasn’t working. I think he saw that night as me choosing her over our friendship. I absolutely would choose her over him any day, but it was definitely more about being a dick to the group as if he thought he was the leader or more important member.
22. Scooby Snacks
One time when I was around six, an older neighborhood “friend” around 12 years old was over and we were sitting in my room. There was some hardened dog poop on the floor that we failed to clean up right away. Gross, yes, I know. Anyways she and I were sitting on the floor and she told me she learned a new game at school, so obviously I was excited to learn this older kid game. Unfortunately, yes, this is going exactly where you think…
She told me to close my eyes and open my mouth like I was yawning, then open it like a horizontal yawn. She said she was doing it too. Then, all of a sudden, I felt something hard in my mouth. Lo and behold, it was the piece of dog poop. I spit it out at her, started crying, and ran down to my parents. She was never seen again.
23. Eating in Bed
When my cousin was my roommate, her trashy, sad, gross redneck boyfriend would come over and use all of my pots and pans, then leave them for me to clean up after him. One night I got so furious that I dumped the entire sink full of their mess onto her bed and covered it with a blanket. Never again am I putting up with that.
24. Taco Time
Last weekend I spent all day cooking for all my friends. I slow-cooked chicken all day, made fresh salsa and guac, etc. We all got drunk and ate. I put everything away so I could save it for meals later. I’m poor so it was supposed to feed me for a bit. Well, after I went to bed, this absolute jerk took the food out to make tacos and didn’t put it away. So, I had to throw away all the food I spent all day cooking. I’m still furious and getting mad just writing this.
25. It’s Spine
Ate my Go-Gurts I had in the fridge for bad days while I was recovering from a major spinal surgery. Encouraged the other guests to join in, hogged the sofa which I needed to sleep on since my back couldn’t handle the floor (again, still very much in recovery from a major surgery). Refused to give up spot on said sofa, acted offended when I left the room to sleep on another sofa.
Didn’t flush the toilet, almost broke my laptop doing something I told her not to do because it could break my laptop. No matter how much you’ve missed your friends while spending over a month in recovery, do not invite them over for a sleepover when you’re still in a lot of pain. Also just don’t invite jerks.
26. The Hole in my Heart
Roommate’s friends took the cinnamon from my spice rack! Now there’s always gonna be an empty space.
27. My Shattered Dreams
Wasn’t home when this happened, but some family friend I’ve never met and their kid comes over one afternoon. Kid gets bored and decides it’s a great idea to disassemble every LEGO build I’ve kept over the last 10 years. Almost everything was built from imagination, so no instructions to rebuild again. I was devastated when I got home seeing LEGO pieces spread across the entire floor of my room.
28. The Christmas Kick-Out
Decorated the Christmas tree. A bit of backstory…in my family, the Christmas tree isn’t just some pretty thing to look at. It’s a relic of family history. Every ornament was a gift from a family member or friend. Some of them were generations old. Decorating the tree was something we all did together, and we’d put the ornaments we’d been gifted on the tree.
I wanted to pass that on to my daughter. That each ornament was special and meant something…then, along came my late father-in-law’s girlfriend. She was a self-proclaimed authority on everything. From how to properly cook carrots up to how to decorate a Christmas tree. Knowing how she was, I made it clear that we were going to hang the ornaments together after we got back from some last-minute shopping.
We got back, and she’d decorated the tree herself. She stood proudly in front of it, waiting for us to tell her how beautiful it was. Woman simply didn’t listen.
29. The Glory Days are Overrated
My ex-husband’s best friend (I’ll call him Sean) was this semi-employed hippie who was in his 30s and still lived with his mother. He came to visit for a weekend, but was still there a week later. Sean and my ex did nothing but play video games, drink beer, and smoke weed all day. Reliving their college days, I guess. Sean had a habit of leaving his used tissues on every available surface and hiding empty beer bottles in the strangest places (after he left, I found two behind the toilet). Gross, but whatever.
I was working two jobs at this time and not home very often, so Sean hanging around didn’t really bother me all that much at first. But, one night, he pushed my last button, and I snapped. I returned home late that evening, after having worked my regular job (eight hours, 9-5) plus four hours at my second job. It had been a long week and I was tired. I sat down on the sofa and flipped on the TV, planning on relaxing a bit before going to bed.
Sean came in, snatched the remote from my hand, and changed the channel without asking. I lost it. I told him it was my house, my TV, and since I was paying the cable bill, we were going to watch what I wanted to watch. He started to argue with me, so I threw him out. I told him to grab his stuff, I wanted him gone in 10 minutes. To my ex’s credit, he backed me up. I guess he was a little tired of him as well. Sean never came to visit again.
30. The Stink of Regret
A girl I had met online years prior asked to stay over. She is from the US, and I am in AUS. She didn’t shower the whole time and literally stank up my house, made a mad mess, ate everything. She said goodbye and left to go to another girl’s house. I was baking a cake for a work friend’s birthday. I discovered later that day she had taken the cake with her.
The next house she went to she didn’t shower either (we all met on the same website and the next victim of her stank was now living in AUS from California and we regularly hang out still). She ate all their food too, stank twice as bad as there was a heatwave going on, and then drank all the alcohol from their house, replacing it with water and tea. They didn’t discover this until weeks after she left as they weren’t big drinkers.
31. To Ohio With You
The firm I worked for at the time inherited this kid from a place across town named Mike. He seemed like an all right guy. But then he comes over one day early into his transfer at the firm…and he never freaking leaves. He tells me the next day that he has nowhere to live and wants to know if he can stay with me and my roommate since we had a three-bedroom between the two of us.
I make an arrangement that he can stay the first month rent free (he was completely broke supposedly, yet had one of the nicest wardrobes I’ve ever seen) and pay a reduced rate the next few months until he gets back on his feet. A completely fair and easy arrangement I thought. It ended up being one of the worst mistakes I’ve ever made.
Always wanting rides everywhere, almost completely hijacking the TV, toking weed in the house when I tell him not to. Oh, and my favorite…he used to listen to his rap music on his discman or whatever and would be like, “UUUUUHHHH YYYYEEEAA” while waving his hands around in your face. He did this to me one time while I was driving and I smacked his hand outta the way.
He also had behavior that I’d say was more odd than annoying. He’d buy beer and instead of drinking it in the apartment, he’d hide in the apartment complex’s bushes and drink it. His actions at work were getting bad as well. He’d randomly insult people on the phone and accuse them of not wanting to deal with him because he was black. Truth was, he was rude, dumb, and didn’t know a lot about what he was doing.
When it came time to pay the first installment of rent, he basically tried to dodge me on it for a couple weeks. I finally cornered him on the balcony to say, “I need the money today,” and his reply was something like, “Oh… so you gonna play me like that now, huh?” He accused me of trying to con money out of him, even though this was the agreed-upon rent situation.
Finally, one Saturday afternoon, my boss fires him. The boss pulls me aside and asks what we do now since he’s living in my place. Mike claims he has nowhere to go in the city we live but that he knows people in like Ohio or someplace. That same day my boss buys him a Greyhound ticket, we help him pack, and send him right out the door.
32. Me Casa?
I asked my friends (a couple) to watch my house while I was away. By “watch” I meant check in every few days and bring in my mail. They thought I meant stay there, sleep in my bed, make a huge mess, stink up the kitchen with burnt food which they left in the pot for a week (ruining the pot), and…well, I guess that’s it. I was most displeased.
33. For Shame
I have come to confess: I was the horrifying guest. This happened at the house of my mum’s friend. I was around 8 years old. I came across a bidet for the first time and I pooped in it, thinking it was a kid’s toilet. It flooded the bathroom and collapsed the floor, pouring water below into the newly refurbished living room. My mum and Jeanie didn’t remain friends long after that.
I am so sorry Jeanie.
34. Just a Peek
They walked in while I was in the bathroom. I understand if it was a silly accident, but I had loud music from my phone going, and the lights were on. It was obvious I was inside, but she still entered and didn’t back out after seeing the lights were on or listening to the music, only when she saw me buck naked.
35. Couch Crusaders
A couple of years ago, both my flatmate and I worked at the same nightclub. We finished work about 4:00 am and while walking home he got a phone call from an old school friend. All I could hear from the call was, “Yeah, sure. Just head over.” By the time we got back to the apartment, he was already there, waiting.
Let’s call him “J.” Bear in mind, this is almost 4.30 am. Apparently, he had been forced to leave home and just needed somewhere to spend the night. My flatmate, out of kindness and sympathy, offered him the sofa. If I could go back in time, I’d slap him. At this point, I was living on the other sofa as my room was being painted. We went into the flat, they chatted for a bit, then my flatmate bailed and went to bed.
I’m shattered and J is wired on pills. For the next five hours, I was forced to watch YouTube videos and listen to him playing guitar, including but not limited to Mike Tyson interviews; EDM videos; how-to guides on everything under the sun. Every time I came close to falling asleep, I was jolted awake by some obnoxiously loud music. I ended up telling him to screw off, took my duvet, and slept in the bath, which was undoubtedly my second worst night of sleep ever.
He stayed for six days, all of which I had off work. With no money and no sign of him leaving, I ended up walking around town all day just to avoid him. He didn’t shower once in those six days, ate all my food, and took some of my comics. After he finally left, I told my flatmate that he owed me a gigantic favor and promised that if I ever saw J again I’d beat the snot out him.
And do you want to know the worst part? Everyone who knows both him and I say that we are incredibly alike and have a lot in common. It almost makes me hate myself.
36. Know Your Audience
My best friend in the whole world. He talked about the intricacies of Dungeons and Dragons and Asian religion for about nine hours straight. Nine freaking hours straight. He got upset when I needed a restroom break. Don’t get me wrong, it was interesting and all that, but I don’t even play Dungeons and Dragons.
37. My Grandma the Food Inspector
My grandma is the kind of person who just can’t relax. A few years back, she and my granddad came to town for Christmas, and she’s doing her usual thing of wandering around the house to give herself small chores and stay busy; unplugging lamps, doing insanely small loads of laundry, sweeping up microscopic messes.
This drove my family nuts for a while, but we’ve all learned to ignore it and we kind of just let her do her thing while we enjoy conversation and play board games. Then, all of a sudden, she walks straight up to my mom with the confidence of a swaggering pirate and asks, “Dear, do you think we could take everything out of the fridge, look at it, then put it back?”
My mom just looked confused and shocked for a few seconds before noncommittally stating, “…no?” And then everything went back to the status quo. We still talk about it all the time.
38. A Home With Bars
I was living in Eugene, Oregon at the time and a “good friend” of mine asked me if it was okay if his girlfriend crashed on my couch for a couple of days. She was coming down from Portland to visit him, and didn’t have the money for a hotel, and he was still living at home so that was out of the question. I said sure, no problem, she’s welcome to stay. Huge. Mistake.
A few days after she arrived, he broke up with her, and she wouldn’t leave. Ate my food, used my electricity, and was all-around a giant pain. I’m normally a pretty mellow person, but I got so ticked off at her one day that I broke my bathroom window just by slamming the bathroom door to get away from her. It didn’t help that my roommate was in love with her (no chance in oblivion, but followed her like a puppy dog), and kept begging me to let her stay.
Then one day, I’d finally had enough. I lost it. Went off on my “good friend” about how she was his problem and he needed to solve it. He found out she had a warrant for her apprehension in Portland, so he arranged to meet her downtown so that they could “get back together and move by bus to California.” He tipped off one of the downtown security people (back when Eugene still had the huge walking mall).
He let them know that she had a bunch of illegal substances on her, and a warrant for her detainment. They nabbed her and she called me, from the slammer, to beg me to bail her out. I laughed and hung up the phone on her. Never heard from her again either.
39. Guess the Stain
My mother’s side of the family can be very inconsiderate. When my sister was getting married some years ago, they stayed with us for the weekend. I knew I had to surrender my room to accommodate them, so I cleaned it, washed my sheets and towels, etc. for them. One day that weekend I came home and went into my room (they were only sleeping in the room, otherwise I was still very much using it during the day) and found all of their very wet, musty, smelly towels bundled into a heap ON MY BED.
I cleaned it up and came back an hour later to find that my cousin stripped the duvet off of the bed and placed it on the floor and put her toddler son to sleep on it on the floor. My aunt used my makeup without asking. While I was present, they (aunts and cousins) all rifled through my closet and vanity and used/wore whatever they pleased.
The night of one of the events, while I was doing my hair, I put the blow dryer down temporarily and my cousin gave it to her son because he was asking to play with it. He refused to give it back to me and my cousin told me I need to let him play with it. They constantly asked me to do things for them and help them get dressed which made me late.
I missed the photographer so I have no pics with my sister that night. I was absolutely devastated. She and all my other siblings got some wonderful shots that I missed out on. They insulted every outfit I wore and if they liked it, it was only because one of them had one “just like that but nicer.” Throughout the weekend, I saw one of them pick up my water bottle and drink from it.
I walked into my room to find my cousin’s husband shirtless and very greasy, passed out on my bed (he hadn’t spent the night so he didn’t need to be on the bed—but even still, at least shower before you get on someone’s bed). And the icing on the cake: my other sister also had to give up her room. One day she found a strange stain on her sheet. Turns out my cousin changed her son’s diaper on her bed without spreading a changing pad and his poop got on her bed.
40. This Isn’t Where I Parked My Car!
My roommates and I lived in a basement suite in a house during our second year of university, with the landlord upstairs. The landlord was the most chill landlord who ever existed and was fine with us throwing parties every weekend pretty much. She had rented to a group of musicians for years before us and was accustomed to the noise.
One time she came down the set of stairs connecting the upper and lower suites to drop off some mail. The door in our basement is normally locked from the outside so we can’t go upstairs through it but she must have forgotten to lock it back up on her way out. Later that night we noticed that one of our friends, John, had disappeared.
His shoes were still by the door so we assumed he had walked outside barefoot. We didn’t really make much of it because he suddenly appeared back half an hour later. The next day the landlord comes down and says that we had an “escapee” last night. We were all confused for a moment but then it all clicks for us at the same time, JOHN!
She recounted the story of what happened to us. Turns out John had been feeling adventurous and without realizing what he was doing, opened the door to the upstairs and walked up. He made his way to the fridge, opened it and started eating handfuls of pie straight from the tin. Not only was she cool enough to not immediately call the police or put an end to our party, she started talking to him.
She asked him how old he was. “19” (we are Canadian so we are legal to drink). She follows up with “how long have you been 19?” Thinking it was his birthday which would explain the excessive drunkenness. His answer to that was “I’ve been 19 for 2 years. I’m from Campbell River (a small town in BC), where time moves incredibly slowly” After her laughing at his joke and finishing his handful of life she escorted him back downstairs as if nothing had ever happened.
41. Air In, Cat Out
Let my indoor cat out on Christmas Eve. And by let out, I mean left three doors wide open. The one to my apartment, the foyer, and the outside door. The cat eventually came home after four hours of my husband and I roaming the neighborhood with cat toys and treats, me sobbing and screaming his name. Which is Zion. Which is a weird thing to be yelling on Christmas Eve dressed for church and swinging a cat toy like the shame bell in Game of Thrones.
42. Dry Pancake Blues
Earlier in my high school years, I did band. We had a band come in from Ireland and perform for us after a concert. The thing is, they needed to spend the night at volunteer houses for the night. We volunteered. We ended up getting a trumpet player. His name was Jordan and he was, I want to say, about 6′ 8″ tall. He seemed nice when we met him, but eventually, his true self came out.
He demanded way too much. Immediately after he stepped foot in our house, he announced, “I wish to take a shower.” Currently they were both occupied by my family, and I told him that, but he insisted that they hurry up because he was significantly sweaty. For dinner, he ate 2/3 of the food, leaving 1/3 for four other people. He didn’t stop there.
He came into the living room and asked for the remote and changed the channel to the History Channel. Without asking if it was okay. Later at night, he asked if there was a bed to sleep in upstairs and ended up taking my bed, so I slept on the top bunk where my brother normally is, and could not sleep due to snoring. Needless to say, it was a great moment of my life when he left the next morning after finishing the syrup for the pancakes so no one else could use it.
43. Smoked Out
Not my house, but my car…I don’t have many rules for passengers when I’m driving but there are two I will never budge on: 1: Wear your seat belt. 2: Do not smoke in my car. I had just bought a car, it wasn’t brand new, but I knew the previous owner, and I knew he was a car guy who took good care of his cars.
He wouldn’t even sell the car before he had given the engine a proper service. Within a week of getting the car, a friend asked for a lift to the train station. I knew he smoked, so as we walked to the car I told him specifically to wait until we get to the station before he lights up (a 10-minute ride at most).
I back out of the parking spot, drive to the exit of the parking lot, and as I check my left-hand side for oncoming cars hear from my right the distinctive sound of a lighter sparking up. Dude could not even friggin’ wait until we were out of the friggin’ car park before he just had to have his stupid smoke. I ask him what exactly he thinks he’s doing and he just looks at me and says, “Relax, it’s not like it’s a new car.” Idiot ended up walking to the train station.
44. A Little to the Left
I had house parties at my parents’ place quite regularly. I was the only child of divorce among my friends, and my dad worked overseas rather often. Normally, things wouldn’t go out of control (at least not so bad that it wasn’t fixable/cleanable) but one night two of my friends had an argument about a cinch.
It became a real full-fledged bare-knuckle fight. So, I threw out the one that always tended to be a violent/unpleasant drunk and started the ordeal. I thought that was the end of it—I was so wrong. Apparently, he wasn’t at all amused and decided to “sneak” back in. He climbed on my car using the hood as a replacement ladder to elevate himself up on the garage. I had to replace the hood because he didn’t make the jump the first try.
Poetic justice was that he broke his ankle jumping down from the garage into the garden.
45. Just Throw it Out
One of my mother’s friends is not only a raging alcoholic, but is also on a very ridiculous amount of prescription pills. On this night she was staying with my parents and fell asleep in a leather recliner because of aforementioned alcohol and pills. At some point in the middle of the night, she pooped herself…
It was definitely because of the alcohol and pills. Instead of being a good guest and a decent human being and being embarrassed by it and then doing her best to clean it up, she just threw the blanket she was sleeping under over her mess, then went upstairs to sleep in one of the beds. Unbelievable behavior.
She told my mom about it that morning and left. My mother used bleach and every cleaner under the sun to clean up the mess, and she did, but she ended up just throwing the chair out because how could you ever really look at it the same way again. The most shocking detail in this story is that my mother is still friends with this lady.
46. Two Hours of Mayhem
I invited a former college classmate to come and stay at my house when I found out he was homeless. I knew he had issues with drinking, but was not aware that this had come to include other addictions. It was late in the evening when I picked him up and brought him home. I showed him his room and the bathroom.
I told him to help himself to anything in the fridge. What could go wrong, right? Less than two hours later, I woke up to the smoke alarm going off. I guess he had decided to smoke some Benadryl that was in the medicine cabinet. I’m not really sure what went on but he scorched my coffee table and a small patch of laminate flooring also.
Plus, he burned a spot in my area rug big enough that I had to replace the whole thing. He also broke my favorite glass and for some reason that still baffles me, smashed the remote for my TV into several pieces. The. First. Night. Needless to say, I had to show him the door. The next day I told him he needed to go to the addiction clinic.
47. No Tweety Bird
Used to have a friend that we’d have to tell multiple times to stop tormenting my bird. He was not friendly to strangers, and a conure can bite pretty hard, so we’d warn guests not to stick fingers in, or even really go near, since it stressed him out. What does one of my dummy high school buddies wanna do every time? Like, seriously. It’s not funny. The bird is not playing with you. He hates you.
And, more recently, a twenty-something-year-old friend antagonizing my cat, who also has stranger issues. She gets used to people very slowly, but this fully grown woman was being downright terrible to her, and I had to tell her several times to freaking leave my cat alone. And she has three! So, it isn’t like she doesn’t understand. I don’t want my cat’s problems exacerbated, and I especially hate feeling like someone I had over is causing her undue grief.
48. Future Serial Killer Alert
I was a kid, probably 9 or 10, and my mom had a friend and her son over for lunch. The kid disappeared for about 10 minutes, and at the time I thought he had gone to the bathroom because I really had to go. So when he came back I quickly maneuvered my way past him into the room before the bathroom, where we had a fish tank.
This would be completely irrelevant if the fish tank wasn’t cloudy and swirling about. At first glance, I didn’t know what it was until I noticed smashed and ripped apart pieces of little fish faces moving around in the swirl. The kid had reached into the fish tank and squeezed the ever-loving life out of every single fish in that tank.
49. Can I Use Your Bathroom?
Had a male friend shave his pubes with my razor, then clog up my tub trying to clean up his pubes with toilet paper. Instead, he left a bigger mess, didn’t clean up the hair, and just left a gross, wet, hairy tub with bits of toilet paper floating around. Ugh…I still cringe thinking about it.
50. Make Yourself Less at Home
Asked a couple, who are friends of my BF, to watch my home for a little less than two weeks. I left my home sparkling clean, fridge packed full of their favorite goodies, movie tickets, gift certificates, bottles of beer and wine, and my car to use as they pleased (since neither of them have their own car or live on their own). Upon returning home around 10:00 p.m., after 20+ hours of flights and traveling…I found a scene out of a horror movie.
The house was filthy. The floor was covered in dirt. Counters were crammed with stuff as if they pulled everything out from the cabinets and left them. Beer bottles were left empty on every surface. Pistachio nut shells were thrown on the floor and left strewn on my bedside table and bedroom dresser. And I’m just getting started…
Their dirty underwear was just left on the bathroom floor. The kitchen sink was FILLED with nearly all of my dishes, which had been used and left dirty. Most of my Tupperware was now in the fridge filled with their leftover food. My patio furniture was pulled into my bedroom and used as a game set-up with my bedroom TV moved to a different spot. Still not the worst part…
They left “love oil” on my nightstand. They somehow broke my washing machine. They threw out all of my “chemical” cleaning supplies and replaced them with “organic cleaning supplies” (aka vinegar and water). When we got into my apartment, they said, “Wow it’s so weird to have you here. It’s like this was OUR house, and now it’s yours.” Like, GIRL this was always my freaking house. How could you forget that so quickly?!
They seemed in no rush to leave. They sat in the living room and opened up some beer. I didn’t rush them out. I also did not bother to help them clean up their huge mess. I was exhausted and fell asleep on the couch while my boyfriend awkwardly made small talk and unwillingly hung out. The next morning, I finally thought it was all over—then the girlfriend sent me an insane text just to twist the knife. She says she thought it was disgusting and rude of me not to wear a bra when I fell asleep (implying that I was trying to turn her boyfriend on).
First of all, I was wearing a friggin’ bra. Also, if I didn’t want to wear a bra to go to bed, I don’t need to because I’m in my own freaking house. There are so many more things they did that irritated me. These are just a few I can remember right off the bat.