61. He Beheaded Yet Another Queen
No amount of screaming could save Catherine or her two lovers from their fate. On February 13, 1542, Henry had all three of them beheaded. That makes five wives down, two of them by Henry's own hand. You'd think he'd finally call it quits at this point. After all, he had an heir, he was growing old, fat, and infirm, and fate didn't seem to be on his side.
But when it came to women, Henry VIII couldn't help himself. He just had to have one last go at it—and finally, this time, Henry would be the one who didn't make it out of the marriage alive.
62. He Actually Did Some Stuff Other Than Get Married
It might be hard to believe at this point, but Henry was actually, you know, a king while all of this wife-swapping was going on. That means in between beheading innocent women, Henry also had a country to run. Surprisingly, Henry actually found time to be something of a capable military leader—which came in handy in 1542, when decades of tension finally boiled over into outright conflict with Scotland.
For once, Henry set his mind to something other than a woman, and sought to take Scotland for his own—but of course, with Henry VIII, things were never that easy.
63. He Wanted Scotland
After defeating the Scots at the Battle of Solway Moss, Henry tried to take the Scottish crown the easy way. He suggested a marriage between Mary, Queen of Scots, and his son Edward. Wouldn't you know it, that would make Edward King of both England and Scotland. It would have put an end to the ceaseless fighting between England and Scotland—but the Scots weren't going to give up that easy.
The Scottish Parliament rejected the marriage. In Henry's mind, that meant they opted for "the hard way." The two countries broke out into open war—and the fighting would go on for the rest of Henry's life.
64. He Juggled Wars
Getting the Scottish crown would be nice, but it still wasn't enough for a man of Henry's appetite. While the conflict with Scotland raged on, Henry also decided to team up with Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor, and invade France. Remarkably, for a man of his age, size, and lack of experience with martial matters, Henry personally led his men to a remarkable victory at Boulogne.
Henry had won the single biggest victory of his entire life—but like with everything else in his life, he still managed to screw it up for himself.
65. He Actually Won Something
Henry and Charles had a falling out, which led to Charles making peace with France and abandoning the English king in enemy territory. The French tried to turn the tide and invade England while Henry was away, but the English forces turned them back. Finally, the French king had to concede defeat and sign the Treaty of Camp. This officially made Boulogne an English territory...for about a second.
66. It Was All For Nothing
As soon as the French gave Henry Boulogne, he sold it right back to him. See, turns out, wars are expensive, and even though Henry won, he went flat-broke doing it. In the end, the whole business, including who knows how many dead soldiers, ended up accomplishing basically nothing. Speaking of a bunch of deaths accomplishing basically nothing, let's get back to Henry's love life, because there's still one more wife to go.
67. His Last Marriage Was The Least Dramatic
In July 1543, Heny VIII wed for the last time. His latest bride was Catherine Parr, and she couldn't have been more different from Henry's previous wives. First of all, she was almost age-appropriate, at 31 years old. She was also remarkably stable, compared to his previous wives. There were no wild cheating scandals or swirling rumors.
In fact, Catherine Parr managed to do something none of Henry's other wives ever did: She made a somewhat decent man out of him.
Wikimedia Commons
68. He Made Up With His Kids
Years earlier, as a way of sticking it to his various hated wives, Henry had cut his two daughters, Mary and Elizabeth, out of the line of succession. They spent the subsequent years in a tense limbo, unsure if their father would turn on them. Parr made Henry bury the hatchet with his two daughters, and he finally brought them back into the line of succession.
So basically, without Catherine Parr, England would have missed out on Queen Elizabeth, one of its greatest monarchs ever.
Wikipedia
69. He Became Grotesque In His Old Age
While the young Henry VIII had been quite the piece of meat, the old Henry VIII was a different story entirely. By this point, his waist had ballooned to 54 inches, and he could barely even walk. He needed attendants to wheel him around wherever he went. The weight was just the beginning of his problems, though: The worst part was the gout, which left him covered in excruciating, pus-filled boils.
Finally, Henry VIII looked as bad on the outside as he was on the inside.
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70. His End Wasn't Pretty
Anyone who knew Henry VIII near the end could tell that the grim reaper wouldn't be long. He passed of an illness related to his obesity at age 55. With that, Catherine Parr and Anne of Cleves could at least claim they were the only wives to outlive the murderous king. In a surprising request, Henry asked his attendants to bury him right next to Jane Seymour, the only wife he didn't abandon.
Goes to show, after all of his wives, there was only one thing Henry actually cared about: He wanted lay next to the one wife who gave him a son.
71. His Last Words Were Mysterious
Historians have no firm record of Henry's final words, but rumors persisted that he cryptically cried “Monks! Monks! Monks!” before his final breath left him.
72. His First Son Almost Became A Prince
Ever wonder what happened to Henry FitzRoy, the illegitimate son who caused such a stir in Henry's younger days? Turns out, he lived through more scandals than just his birth. Back before Henry had a legitimate heir, he strongly considered acknowledging FitzRoy. He wanted a male heir—and he was willing to go to utterly disturbing lengths to make sure it happened.
The Tudors (2007–2010), Showtime Networks
73. He Almost Married His Son And Daughter
Even though FitzRoy was born out of wedlock, Henry spoiled him rotten—something that infuriated his then-wife, Catherine of Aragon. This is when a cardinal suggesting a twisted solution to all of the couple's problems: Marry FitzRoy to his half-sister, Henry and Catherine's daughter Mary. This would strengthen FitzRoy's claim to the throne, making Henry happy. It would also ensure Mary ended up on the throne herself, making Catherine happy.
In the end, they didn't go through with it. Henry VIII did a lot of seriously messed up things, but thankfully, forcing his son and daughter to get married was not one of them.
74. He Cast Aside His Most Famous Mistress
Speaking of Henry FitzRoy, there's also the sad fate of his mother, Bessie Blount. At one time, Blount was Henry's most infamous mistress—and that made her an incredibly powerful woman. She had the king's ear at a time when he listened to no one else. But, as much as Henry liked women, he grew tired of them incredibly quickly. Though he cared for her once, Blount's fall from grace was total.
Henry unceremoniously tossed Blount aside when he was done with her, and she passed in utter obscurity. Her story has nearly been wiped from history, and even her burial place is unknown.
The Tudors (2007–2010), Showtime Networks
75. There Might Be More To Anne Of Cleves' Story
Anne of Cleves is now infamous as Henry’s rejected queen, but was it really so simple as "Henry found her ugly and cast her aside?" Modern historians suggest a more disturbing reason for his disgust. Anne’s first meeting with Henry was a diplomatic blunder: Making their way to London, Anne’s party stopped on New Year’s Day 1540 at Rochester, where she took time to look at bull-baiting from the window. Suddenly, an old burly stranger entered the room—and everything went horribly wrong.
The Tudors (2007–2010), Showtime Networks
76. He Disguised Himself
You see, this stranger was really Henry VIII in disguise. He had wanted to creep in and get a sneak peek of his new bride-to-be. He also expected that she would see through his costume via the power of “true love”…or something. Spoiler: This was not a good idea. When he approached Anne, her response made his blood run cold.
The Tudors (2007–2010), Showtime Networks
77. She Shut Him Down
Depending on the account, either Henry tried to get Anne’s attention and she politely ignored him, or he outright tried to kiss and grope her, which understandably horrified the young woman. Either way, it was a disaster, and Henry left the encounter angry, embarrassed, and possibly ready to take revenge…
The Tudors (2007–2010), Showtime Networks
78. He Never Forgave Her
Some modern historians believe that this ill-fated early encounter between Anne of Cleves and Henry VIII sealed her fate. According to them, Anne’s lack of enthusiasm for Henry (even in disguise) made the king put up his defenses. If he didn't impress her, he may have decided she didn't impress him either, no matter what. And the rest, as they say, is history.
The Tudors (2007–2010), Showtime Networks
79. Even The Men Who Wiped His Butt Were Powerful
One of the most prestigious positions in Henry VIII's court was as one of his “Grooms of the Stool." These men attended to the king's every whim, including wiping his royal butt after using the bathroom. It sounds awful, but being in such close proximity with the king made the Grooms of the stool remarkably powerful. However, such intimacy with the king was a double-edged sword.
When looking for scapegoats to accuse of adultery with Anne Boleyn, one of the king's Grooms, Sir Henry Norris, got unlucky. Out of nowhere, Henry accused Norris and executed him for treason.
80. His First Wife Met A Gruesome End
Catherine of Aragon got out of her marriage to Henry VIII alive, but she didn't last too long afterward. She passed just a few years later, and her demise was utterly mysterious in its time. While preparing her body for burial, her embalmer noticed the body looked in perfect health—save for her heart, which had turned black. The ghastly and seemingly fatal condition, coupled with Catherine’s premonitions of her own end, led people to some dark rumors about her end…
81. People Thought It Wasn't An Accident
After witnessing her strange condition, those loyal to Catherine and disloyal to Henry and Anne Boleyn started whispering that the Royal Couple 2.0 had poisoned Catherine in a chilling act of self-service, leading the “Dowager” to die poetically of a broken heart. Modern historians, however, believe a much different story.
82. He Destroyed Her Heart
Most experts today believe that rather than foul play, Catherine passed of cancer of the heart; sometimes it can turn the heart black. If nothing else, that would be an incredibly poetic end for a wife of Henry VIII.
83. Catherine Howard's Final Words Cut Deep
One of the most persistent legends about Henry VIII's wives is the final words of Catherine Howard. According to popular folklore, her last words were, "I die a Queen, but I would rather have died the wife of Culpeper". However, no eyewitness accounts support this, instead reporting that her last utterance was a whole lot more heartbreaking.
Instead of that defiant cry, Howard spent her final moments asking for forgiveness for her sins and acknowledging that she deserved to die "a thousand deaths" for betraying the king, who had always treated her so graciously.
84. Anne Boleyn Made A Final Plea At The End
At the end of the day, the most infamous of Henry's spurned wives has to be Anne Boleyn—but her end was even worse than people realize. After four days in the Tower of London, Boleyn bundled up a package and gave it to her guard to deliver to the king. It was a letter, and her very last to Henry. In it, she plead for mercy, writing that “never prince had wife more loyal in all duty, and in all true affection, than you have ever found in Anne Boleyn.” She also made one final heartbreaking request.
85. She Begged For Mercy
In her final letter to King Henry, Boleyn begged him to think of their daughter Elizabeth, and then she humbly asked that Henry, if he went through with it, would still spare the lives of her brother and the other men accused of being her lovers. It’s a gut-wrenching revelation: At her core, until the very end, Boleyn was truly selfless. But it didn’t go her way. The men met the axe the same as her.
Unfortunately, she married Henry VIII, England's murderous king. She never stood a chance.
