We all dream about getting revenge sometimes, but we usually don’t actually do it in real life. Well, don’t worry: We can get the same thrill from these real people’s epic revenge stories. But, fair warning: You should be careful what you wish for. Sometimes, revenge feels as good as you hope—but others, it can backfire in horrible ways.
1. A Long Way Down
When I was in ninth grade, a kid ruthlessly tormented me for a few months. I had gotten sick of it and devised a plan for revenge. Every Wednesday, we would get to sit outside for “quiet reading time,” and this kid would always go back inside to go to the bathroom. I had left and waited in the bathroom for him, peeking under the stall for his shoes to appear.
He came in the bathroom, peed, then played on his Gameboy for the rest of reading time. The bell rang and he walked out to the crowded stairwell, still looking down at his Gameboy. I bumped into him, and he fell face first down the stairs—and knocked out four front teeth. Everyone on the stairs assumed he fell because he was playing his Gameboy. I feel pretty bad about it.
2. Nothing Comes For Free
When I was 17 or 18, I worked with a girl I had a huge crush on. She was around 25 or so, but I really had a thing for her and she knew it. One day, she asked me if I’d like to go shopping with her, and I, of course, said I’d love to spend some time with her. I assumed I’d hang out and watch her try on clothes or something. We went to the mall and I walked around with her, she tried on a bunch of stuff.
Before she added anything to her basket, she’d ask me if she should get it and I’d reply “Sure, it looks great on you!” She probably had $500 worth of stuff. When we got to the counter and the cashier rang it all up, she started looking at me. Then a horrible realization hit me. She expected me to pay for it…17 or 18-year-old me was smart enough to know I was being used, and I shook my head.
She got angry and yelled at me in the store for embarrassing her and said if I really liked her I’d prove it by buying her stuff. I was really devastated someone I liked so much was such a bad person. I told some friends about it while drinking and being mopey, and they encouraged me to get payback. So I went over to her place and apologized for not treating her like I cared about her.
I offered to take her back out and make things right. While she went to get dressed, I pulled a credit card out of her purse. We went to the store and she grabbed a bunch of stuff, me saying yes to everything. She bought $700 worth of stuff. We went out to eat and spent another $100. When we got back to her place, she didn’t thank me, but said maybe if I treated her the way she deserved to be treated the first time around, something could have happened between us.
However, since I didn’t know how to treat a lady, we could never be more than friends. I pulled out her credit card and handed it to her, saying, “Here’s your card back.” Then I turned around and walked away.
3. Freezing Him Out
My co-worker and I had a friendly prank competition spanning two years. Close to the end of our competition he “iced” my car. Icing involves taking the hose to the parking lot every half hour and spraying a light mist over your victim’s car when it’s below zero out. I finished my 11-hour shift to find my car encased in two inches of ice.
My revenge was, I thought, both more inconvenient for him and less freezing for me. I decided to take a bed sheet, drape it over his car, and only took four or five trips out with the hose the next night. So the next morning, he finds his car with a quarter inch of ice freezing a sheet to his car. When he started peeling off the sheet, he pulled his windshield wipers, arms and all, off of his ratty Jeep.
I got a very angry phone call. I felt bad, since the unwritten rule was “embarrassing or inconvenient, but no damage.” I paid for repairs…and he got his revenge. He planted a dozen pieces of smoked herring throughout my car. Took me six months to find the last piece. Hidden under the carpet under the back window of my car. I can still smell it.
4. The Calm Before The Storm
My ex is a physician and an addict, so she can manipulate with the best of them. When we decided to split, it was quite clear who was in the wrong, and we agreed that the debt she had accumulated through her multiple tours in rehab (well north of $100K) would stay with her. We didn’t have any children, or any joint property to cause any fights over, so the divorce seemed pretty straight forward. Or so I thought.
She got a lawyer to help her get through the proceedings, meanwhile I didn’t plan on getting one for myself to save costs (obvious mistake). I was supposed to go to her attorney’s office to sign some paperwork, but kept having trouble reaching someone at the office to schedule a time for me to stop by—I know, I know, this was totally another red flag too.
My ex’s lawyer emailed her that day saying that he hadn’t heard from me yet, but the lawyer accidentally forwarded this email to me…without realizing that she was forwarding me the entire email chain that she had with her counsel. Oops! In the emails, I discovered her plot to get revenge on me. My ex very clearly stated that she wanted to slap me with the rehab debt, stating that I was “complicit in her use.”
This was totally false, by the way. Needless to say, I went pretty crazy, and immediately hired the most cutthroat lawyer I could find. My lawyer was awesome, and he routinely put her in her proper place.
5. We Don’t Know Her
We live in an apartment block, and occasionally have new people move in and out. Yesterday we encountered a new resident, a short red-haired lady who, through dwarfism and food, manages to be about as wide as she is tall. My boyfriend greeted her with a simple “Hello.” He also tried to say “welcome” but she cut him off with, “Shut up, I don’t know you.” Okay, not the sociable type, neither are we, best not get friendly then!
Today when returning from grocery shopping we found her trying to pick the lock with what looks like a piece of a paperclip because you know, that’s going to work. She’s apparently been at it a while because before we could open the door with our key, a patrol car stopped and an officer called out to her. The officer asked her why she was breaking in, to which she responded she lived here. She turned to us and said, “They know me.”
My boyfriend smiled and said, “I don’t know you.” We entered the building after the officer asked us to confirm, and my boyfriend repeated: “We don’t know her.” Can’t wait to have more contact with her…
6. Laundry Wars
I used to be kind of an idiot. I’ve really mellowed out since. But sometime around 2001-2002, I had an incident in my university dorm laundry room. Anyway, I’m a freshman living in the dorms, it’s the weekend, and I’m doing laundry. We had an unwritten rule in the dorm laundry room: if you don’t attend to your laundry, it’s totally cool for someone to pull it out and throw it on the table (wet or dry). If you don’t like it, just promptly attend to your laundry when the washer or dryer turns off.
I don’t like people touching my laundry, so I always set an alarm to be there when it’s done (on my digital watch, not my phone!). I wash my clothes, throw them in the dryer, and set my timer. Soon after, my watch goes off and I walk back to the laundry room only to find my dryer load completely wet and on the table. Oh heck no! Someone pulled my stuff from the dryer, only to dump it out and dry their stuff for free.
Well, good news: I had more quarters, so I could dry my stuff just fine. Actually, I had enough quarters for my anonymous friend too — why didn’t they just ask? So I grab their clothes and throw them in an open washing machine with six of my spare quarters. Actually, wait — I can drop another quarter in for a heavy cycle, which entitles you to an additional rinse and spin! I happen to have another quarter, so I do. The heavy cycle takes over an hour and a half to complete.
Now’s a good time to mention a nice feature the washing machines had that the dryers didn’t: they locked while in operation. The homie would have been stuck for about 100 minutes waiting for another chance to dry their clothes. I hope they made better choices the second time. I was kind of a petty jerk as a baseline, and I look back with a bit of a shock that I didn’t dump in some bleach or turn the water hot.
I’m glad I’ve outgrown that kind of thing, but I look back with some pleasure at that little guy standing up to some random inconsiderate person.
7. Thrown Under The Bus
I was at a subway station a couple of days ago getting back from Uni. As I got off the subway to line up and go up the escalators, this middle-aged lady nudged me out of the way just as I got on to the steps, and made me trip over and fumble my bag. She stared at me and went on her way. I was right behind her going up, and she probably saved like 0.01 seconds getting on the escalator before me.
As we made our way to the exit and I got up to the door frame, she went out of her way to nudge past me again. She gave me another stare as she went through the exit and stood there looking at me like she couldn’t believe I tried to go first or something. There’s a bus terminal that connects to the subway on the street level, and we ended up waiting at the same stop. She was the first in line, and I was right behind her.
When the bus finally arrived, she really took her time fumbling through her purse, talking on her phone, and looking for her bus card. As she was searching for her card, she ended up dropping it right at the tip of my boot. She was still busy talking on the phone while searching through her wallet. I thought about it for a second and decided to lightly slide her card underneath the bus with my foot.
Eventually, she realized that she might have dropped her card, so she packed her wallet back in her purse, hung up the phone and looked around for her card. As she looked, she began getting increasingly worried, scanning everywhere for where she could have dropped it. I nudged her out of the way, gave her a stare, and made my way on to the bus.
I sat happily on one of the seats. I saw her flustered and panicked, as the next bus was coming in half an hour. The bus started to depart, and I opened the window and told her with glee, “Maybe you should check under the bus!” I watched her for as long as I could until she was out of sight, and enjoyed the rest of my commute home.
8. Punished For Coming In Early
I work in an office with flexible hours. We can start anytime from 8 am to 9:30 am. I’m always in the office at 8:15 am. Usually, if work comes in urgently in the morning, my supervisor gives it to me to complete since I’m one of the few in the team presently in the office. Well, yesterday I came into the office at my usual time and one of my colleagues was working on an urgent task given to him at 8 am. He had to pause the task for 20 minutes so my supervisor told me to complete it while he’s away from the office. I couldn’t even have my breakfast or even drink water because of how urgent this task was.
I was still working on it when he came back. He asked “how are you going with the task?” and I explained that I’m still working on it and that I found a few mistakes and showed it to him. He puts his hands up in the air and says, “Nope. Not my responsibility anymore” and walks off. Really? I was livid. But this needed to be done and I have no time for drama.
I finished work 5:30 pm that day. Before I left, my supervisor told me that she got a HUGE workload given to her and that she will need to give it to someone urgently in the morning to complete. I knew that my colleague would be in the office at 8 am again. Guess who is walking in the office at 9:15 am today with a cup of fresh coffee and breakfast?
9. A Bus Seat Built For Two
So I’m on the way home from the shops and I decide to take the bus. Really, it’s only about three stops away and I should probably walk, but it’s the middle of Australian summer, I’m wearing thongs, my bags are heavy and, most significantly, I’m lazy. So I jump on the bus home and it’s pretty full. No problem — as I said, only going three stops, not far, more than happy to stand. I’m shuffling through the aisle past other standing people though when suddenly, about halfway down, I see it. A middle-aged woman hogging a whole seat to herself.
Now I catch public transport every day and let me tell ya if you take up a whole two-person seat by yourself when other folks are standing, mate, that’s 5 years gulag in my book. Not only is this woman not sharing the seat, but she’s also moved herself to the aisle side so as to discourage anyone else from sitting down. Not on my watch.
Now previously I had been perfectly content to stand, but that’s all over now. I walk on over to this woman, look her straight in the eyes and with my nicest young man voice, broad smile and most unwavering gaze ask if I can please sit there. She glares daggers at me but relents — but not by shuffling over though. Instead, she stands in place with a huff and turns her shoulder a few centimeters to the right to indicate that yeah, there’s a seat, but if I want it I can squeeze past.
I am not in the least bit dissuaded. Happily, I squeeze past the standing woman and gosh, well I sure am a big clumsy boy carrying some bulky shopping aren’t I, and there is just not a lot of room between these seats. It takes me a few seconds to shuffle my lumbering butt all the way in, by which time the lady’s taken a few whacks of the old green bag and my grocery-laden backpack, not to mention been stumbled over once or twice by my big ol’ un-coordinated feet (it’s so hard, walking in thongs).
I sit down in contented silence, she lowers her huffing self down next to me, I spread out and brush up a little with my hairy legs, she fixes me with a glare. We sit in silence for two minutes. And then, wouldn’t you know it, my stop arrives and this woman is forced to get to her feet once more so we can do the whole dance again on the way out. Slap, go the grocery bags. Slap, slap, slap.
I hope you enjoyed your personal space, witch. Next time just shove over.
10. Yearbook Humiliation
So flashback to grade 1 and little ol’ me was happy being a little child. Until this girl in my class, let’s call her Mary, uninvited me to her birthday party so she could invite someone else. I was such a sad little nugget after that! Anyways, for the next 10 years, Mary and I end up going to the same schools since we lived in the same school district. In elementary and middle school she would torment me and anyone not in the “in” crowd, but would get away with it because her dad was a teacher. Needless to say, Mary was not in my good books.
A few years later, it’s grade 9 and I am part of my middle school’s yearbook class, where we got to design and create the yearbook from photos taken at school events. One of the pages that we need to create was a talent show page. Mary happened to participate in the talent show doing a singing performance. I saw an opportunity. I browsed through the photos of Mary singing at the talent show and found the one where her face was the most gloriously contorted and screwed up, as she was singing her high note.
I blew that photo way up and placed it in the middle of the page, carefully choosing background colors that wouldn’t take too much attention away from that moment in time where her visage was disheveled and distorted. And that’s how we published the yearbook. I’m 21 now and almost have an undergrad degree, and I still think back to that glorious moment and pat myself on the back. I bought a copy of that yearbook so I will always have that revenge as a treasured memory.
11. Penny for Your Thoughts
I used to deliver pizza for Dominos. It was my last shift and there was this house that was always rude. For example, I called to asked what the house looked like and they said “I gave you the address” and hung up on me. They also never tipped. Well, I got to their house and they gave me a check for one cent less than what the total was.
I said, “I am going to need the extra penny.” They grumbled off and took their time, hoping I would give up, but I just sat there holding the pizza. They finally came back all ticked off and gave me the penny. No tip. This time I came up with an ingenious plan. When they gave me the penny, I chucked it out into the street and left. They saw me do it. It was SATISFYING.
12. Good Godiva, Man
My wife used to keep these little Godiva chocolates that she likes in her desk at work, but started noticing some of them missing and figured it must be someone from the overnight cleaning staff taking them. Fed up with losing her not-inexpensive treats, she decided to get revenge on the choco-thief in question.
My wife replaced the good chocolate with these little squares of chocolate laxatives that look just like real candies. The next morning, she saw several of the laxatives were gone. Mission accomplished. From that day forward, she was never missing another one of her good chocolates ever again. I imagine the toilet trouble was a lesson learned.
13. Cheaters Never Prosper
I knew a crazy kid in elementary school. Kid jumped across the table and tried to choke me out. I instigated it by saying he was “cuckoo for cocoa puffs” since that was the only thing that kid ever talked about and he was wearing a cocoa puffs shirt that day. Senior year of high school, turns out that kid was in my Design class.
I needed to get a C or better on the final. Over the year, I found out the kid was taking my work off my share drive and copying it. For the final, I purposely screwed up the drawing in my folder, but the kid didn’t double-check it. He turned it in and failed and had to go back and be a super senior.
14. Sibling Rivalry
My older brother was always quite horrible to me as a child and my parents never really did much about it. He was also much bigger than me, so I couldn’t retaliate in a physical way, or else I would be swiftly tackled to the ground. One day, I had just had enough. My revenge? He had been playing a video game for a good six hours a day for about three weeks.
I started a new game and overwrote his save file. Never seen fury like it. I regretted it at the time because he was so angry, it scared me. Honestly, it made him dislike me even more, but now I praise my 13-year-old self for hitting him where it clearly hurt most. As for how our relationship is now, it’s okay. I moved away as soon as I hit 18, so I didn’t see much of the family for some years.
15. Money Matters
A girl I worked with at Subway in high school used to take money from my wallet during shifts. Once it was only like five bucks, but once it was $60. It also happened to be the night I was going to the release of the seventh Harry Potter book at Barnes & Noble. I didn’t realize the money was gone until I got there, but I suspected it was her.
Through talking to other co-workers, I discovered it WAS her—she was the only common denominator between several people whose wallets had been invaded during shifts. So I stopped taking cash to work, but forgot I had like $7 one night from a friend paying me back. One guy bought us all ice cream on his break, and I went to my wallet to pay him back for mine, and saw the money was gone.
This shady girl made more an hour than I did and got more hours than I did. Well, she was working that night and I’d already confirmed it was her, I took $20 from her wallet, put it in my pocket, went out to dinner that night, and left a note in my own wallet for my next shift that read, “Thanks for dinner. Don’t ever touch my wallet again.” She was so much weirdly nicer to me from that point, until I left for college.
16. Spreading Like Wildfire
I had a girlfriend cheat on me, then lie about it when I confronted her and gave her the chance to come clean and work through it. Then, she stalked me after I broke up with her. We were quite young—both around 17—so it was all very melodramatic, but I did love her a lot and was hurt by what she did. At the same time, I was very done and not interested in reconciling.
She didn’t get the hint. I asked her nicely many times, then not so nicely, then demanded that she screw off. She would, for a while, but then she’d show up tipsy and try and pick fights, insult me, and be sincerely hurtful. I eventually had enough, as you do, so I got my revenge. I told a couple of choice people in her school, which was different than mine, what she’d done.
I included all the gory details of her cheating—she got with her ex in his car. I thought she’d get dragged for it and that would be that. It caused a horrific domino effect. It turned out she was a witch in all other aspects of her life, too. Apparently, she was loathed at school, and people jumped on this news like starving beasts on fresh meat.
I had texts from people I didn’t even know asking to confirm the news, which I ignored because I was really done with the whole situation by now. I eventually heard from other friends at that school that people had not let it drop and had even stuck posters around the school with pictures of her, announcing what she’d done, offering her um… services with her phone number, photoshopping stuff, etc.
It was brutal and she had to change schools in her final year. I did feel a bit bad. If I’d known it would go that far, I might have re-thought telling those people. At the same time, she hurt me badly, she refused to leave me alone despite months of chances, and the other students reacted so viciously because apparently she was a total jerk to everyone in the school, so…I don’t know. I sure as heck didn’t expect that, though.
17. Family Feud
After we split, for revenge, my ex filed a bogus Restraining Order not allowing me to see me my son, who I was taking care of while she was at work. The court accepted the order. Six months later, she calls saying, “You need to start watching the baby again.” Of course, I start watching my son again and then I ask her if he could spend at least one night a week with me.
I had just retired from the force due to an on-the-job injury, so I finally had the time to be able to spend time with my son. She flat-out refused. Long story short, after all the false allegations she stated about me, and even though the courts and state social worker found her to be a scorned woman and a rampant liar, they awarded her full custody.
It’s been 5 years, 6 months, 7 days, 16 hours, 4 minutes and counting since I last saw or spoke with my son. I cannot see him, I still pay $400 a month in child support, and he only lives 10 minutes away from me.
18. Liar, Liar
After we broke up, I had an ex spread a rumor around my small hometown to get revenge. She said that I had mistreated her throughout our relationship. I couldn’t figure it out at first, but all of my (platonic) girlfriends suddenly started hating and avoiding me when I would visit. When I called my ex out on it at a party, her heartless response chilled me to the bone.
She just started laughing and said, “Oh yeah, I was just mad at you and told people that. Isn’t that funny?” All I could do was shake my head and say, “No. That’s not funny at all!” I still have to correct people to this day, two years later.
19. A Work Of Art
My first serious live-in girlfriend cheated on me with several of her past partners. I could never catch her doing it, but for a variety of reasons I knew. I was nuts about her though, and she lied like a politician. Finally, one of my friends came up with a horrific plan. Unbeknownst to me, he slept with her too, to “prove it.” Uh, yeah, thanks for that, I guess (?).
I packed up my stuff and left, peacefully. However, I had forgotten to grab my art portfolio from behind the couch. I called her that afternoon and said I would be right down to get it. As I pulled into the driveway, she dropped the lit match onto the gasoline-soaked pile of my entire life’s collection of artwork. Never did another piece of artwork again.
20. Cash and Carry
I occasionally deliver pizza as a part-time job. There is a customer who tends to pay with a big bag of change. I don’t mean a bag full of quarters, I mean a bag full of dimes, nickels, and pennies. Since his meal typically costs about $20, the bag usually weighs several pounds. It is a total pain to count out all of the change, so typically drivers will just assume that he has the correct amount and leave.
Usually, he has just enough or maybe a few cents over. I don’t think this is an innocent thing either, as he usually gives the bag of change with a big grin. It is such a pain that most of the drivers know his address by heart, and avoid going to his house if at all possible. So, I was having a bad night, and by the luck of the draw got this dude’s house.
I remembered reading something involving someone paying in a checkout line with a bag of change, and I knew I could use a similar method to take my frustration out on this guy in the pettiest way possible. I pulled up to his house and left the pizza in the car. I rang the doorbell, and when he answered I saw the large bag of change in his hand that I knew would be there.
He asked where his pizza was, and I said, “New policy, sir. Gotta count it out before we can give out the pizza.” So I sat down on his doorstep and started to count out all of the change. At one point, I even asked if he could turn on his porch light, because I was having a hard time seeing. He did end up sitting there while I counted out the entire bag of change, even though it took about ten minutes.
He ended up being about a dollar over, so I started picking up pennies to give him his change back, when he said that I could keep the rest as a tip. When I gave him his pizza, he sheepishly told me sorry and then shut the door. The whole situation was incredibly awkward, and to my knowledge he hasn’t ordered pizza from us in a while.
21. I’m Rubber, You’re Glue
Years ago I was working for a company where I had an office and the neighboring department was all open plan. We shared coffee facilities so I would often speak to the people in this department over a coffee. There was one idiot called Trevor in that department who would only talk to people on his desk phone on a conference call — every conversation. Needless to say, the rest of the department were annoyed with this loud and obnoxious person screaming on the blower.
As a senior guy, I casually raised this with Trevor. He responded by saying “you can go and get [bleeped]!” Now, as he was in a different department I had no authority over him and his boss was a moron too so I would have got a similar response. After Trevor went home, I went to his desk and accidentally dropped some glue into the microphone on his phone. The next day it was set rock hard.
Of course, the phone rang and he answered it on a conference call, but of course, the person couldn’t hear him. He started screaming into the mic, but they still couldn’t hear him. They would then hang up and try again. This went on for a couple of calls until he answered the phone in the manner appropriate for the office.
22. Crayons For The Mature Adult
I’m a server at Denny’s. Today I had a grown woman come in with her two little kids and ask for a booth. I cleaned one and sat her down. She then looks at me points at a booth across the restaurant and says she wants that one instead. Okay, whatever. I move her. I sit her down and seat someone at the booth she was in originally.
Not 2 minutes later she comes up to me and asks for the other booth back because “I was there first and it’s nicer.” Yeah, I know lady: that’s why I sat you there. I tell her I can’t make other customers move and she can keep the one she’s in now or wait until a new one opens. She then says, “No, I want that one. I was there first they have to move.” I told her, ” I’m sorry I can’t do that.”
She asks for the manager. I get him and explain the situation. He then tells her exactly what I said. She sits down crosses her arm and pouts like a child. I proceeded to walk to her table with a huge smile on my face and hand her 3 children’s menus. I looked her dead in the eyes and asked what color crayon she wanted. She goes, “I’m an adult!” I gave her green and walked away.
She walked out, but the satisfaction of not getting in trouble or having to serve her was worth it.
23. Petty Voicemails
Last year some stupid for-profit education company kept leaving me messages for some person I’d never heard of. My outbound message is literally just, “You’ve reached John Doe, please leave a message.” And they’d start in with, “This message is for Jessie Harrison” or whatever name it was. I had blocked the number from ringing long ago, but I was starting to get sick of them leaving my voicemails too. I could have unblocked the number, but it seemed like a lot more fun to just change my voicemail message just for them (a pretty handy feature of Google Voice).
I recorded a 3-minute message (the maximum) where I repeated my name many times and implored them to actually freaking listen before they leave a voicemail. They called once more after I set that message… and never again. I guess they took the hint that I was just going to keep wasting their time or something.
24. Kiss Off
When I was in the seventh grade, the start-up my dad was a part of was failing miserably in no small part due to a straight-up crazy CEO. While at the CEO’s house, my dad observed the CEO’s toddler daughter picking up a piece of dog poop and licking it. So he picked her up and told her to give her dad a big kiss.
25. A Hairy Situation
Okay, this one is pretty gross. Growing up in a house of only girls, personal space does not exist even a little bit. We used to bathe in front of each other, and even use the bathroom in front of each other. There are no boundaries, nothing was off limits. Even so, my younger sister was NOTORIOUS for shaving “down there” in the tub.
She was also notorious for not rinsing it out when she was done. Pubes. Everywhere. One day, she was taking a bath and I asked her to rinse when she was done, because I planned on taking a bath afterwards. She told me to screw off. So, I reached in my pants, snipped off a chunk of pubes, tossed them in the tub with her, and walked out.
26. Paging Dr. Prankster
Boss paged me on my wedding night. He did it as a joke, but it came at an…inappropriate…moment. We had a “page only if something’s on fire” policy, so I had to call in even though I had just gotten married and was about to go on two weeks’ vacation. When he answered, he laughed so hard I just HAD to do something about it.
So when I got back, I programmed the mail servers to call out on their phone lines and hit his pager with dial-back numbers for phone “call girl” services. At 4 AM. Every day. His wife got this pager before he did one time and saw a text message with something like, “I loved how you described how you would screw me, Jerry. Call back when your wife’s gone for the day.”
Wife was NOT amused. She thought he’d been calling call girls and tore him a new one. He knew it was me, but he was too stubborn to ask me to call it off. So it kept up for weeks until he finally figured out where the script was running from and used it to page me instead. We had a back-and-forth pager war for a while, but then it all messed up when an actual data center emergency happened and one of us ignored the page, thinking it was the other pranking him.
That ended the fun.
27. Special Delivery
My little brother and his girlfriend came to stay at my house for the weekend, and the girlfriend was super self-centered and obnoxious. When they left, she forgot her clothes and toiletries because she left them sprawled all over my bathroom. About a week later, she and my brother moved into an apartment together.
After he paid for the moving truck, deposit, and utilities, she cheated on him with her ex and kicked him out of the apartment. This left him broke, homeless, and heartbroken. In the days after the breakup, she kept calling and emailing him several times per day, demanding that he ask me to ship her clothes and toiletries back to her. “It’s really important, it’s my North Face.”
My brother called and pleaded with me to ship them to her so she would stop having a reason to contact him. Being the loving sister that I am, I gathered up the Really Important sweatshirt, shorts, underwear, shampoo, conditioner, soap, and razor. I folded everything nicely. I then wrote a nice note apologizing for taking so long to mail them to her, and let her know that I hope all is well.
The note was written in permanent marker, and the paper happened to be resting on the Really Important Northface when I wrote it. Unfortunately, the ink bled straight through the paper and onto the shirt. Also unfortunately, the shampoo, soap and conditioner caps were not tightly secured on their bottles, and the contents leaked out all over the clothes, further spreading the ink.
The most unfortunate result, though, was that her razor didn’t have any sort of protective cap or container and left little slashes all over the front of the Really Important Northface. She received the package, and my brother never heard from her again.
28. Me And My Big Mouth
I think I was 15 years old. I was in class, seated next to a friend of mine. He, for no reason, began to say: “HAHA, your bald father” which I followed up with “HAHA, your bald mother.” He immediately started crying and ran to the teacher. See, I honestly forgot his mom had cancer and was getting chemo at that time. Yeah, I didn’t live that one down.
29. Tripping You Up
I don’t know what it was, but a lot of the boys in my sixth-grade class thought it was hilarious to try and trip people. They’d get you eventually no matter how careful you were. Well, I was pretty good at avoiding it, but when I was in gym class this kid named Joey got me hard. I was dribbling down the court and he nailed me. I face planted.
So I thought about how to get him, and I got him at lunch. He was holding a lunch tray, so his hands weren’t as useful. He nailed a table…and lost a tooth. I got suspended for 10 days, and a strict no tripping policy got implemented, immediate suspensions if caught. It totally sucked, and afterward, my dad spanked my behind raw. Sorry, Joey.
30. Liar, Liar
Yikes. When my friends and I were young, middle school or elementary age, there was this pair of sisters in our class. They were the epitome of teacher’s pets. They helped because their mother was the assistant teacher, and whenever the teachers would leave they would snitch on everyone. Sometimes if they didn’t like you, they would make stuff up and you would get in trouble still.
My friends and I were quite annoying, so we obviously got blamed for stuff that we didn’t do. No matter what we did, no one ever believed in our innocence. So we did the logical thing of talking to every other student in the class, and they shared our opinion of how much we all didn’t like these girls. EVERYBODY was fed up with them. So we came up with an ingenious plan.
We wrote a paper stating the awful things these girls were doing and how everyone didn’t like them and so on. We then got about 90% of our classmates to sign this paper. Then we gave it to the principal. I’m not 100% sure what happened next. But I do remember the principal coming into our class after recess, and she began to ask if this paper was true and so forth, and everyone who signed it agreed.
A few days later, these girls where kicked out of school. Their mother was still the assistant teacher and she was crying about the whole thing and she was saying things about how we are horrible and how could we lie about her angels. I felt a bit bad, but I was quite happy that those girls were no longer there because they were mean and massive liars.
31. Pick On Somebody Your Own Size
At the age of 14, I was rolling up the hose in my backyard with a friend since my mother told me to. The two girls next door were playing in their backyard and came over to talk. One was 12 years old or so, while the other was around seven. The 12-year-old happened to be standing on the hose, and I asked her to move. She did not.
I pulled the hose hard enough to make her fall over. At this point, the seven-year-old screamed and ran right at me, then bit me right on the stomach. She was not letting go, and I could see blood starting to stain my shirt. I grabbed her head and tried to pull her away, but nothing. So I just full-on punched her right in her eye.
I was not proud of this, but it had to be done. What was worse was that the house was owned by a local church where I happened to go to Boy Scouts. Everyone quickly knew I had punched a seven-year-old and given her a black eye. But no one cared why.
32. And That’s Why You Lock The door
I was at a restaurant for lunch and I got “the urges.” I dash off to the bathroom and it turns out to be tucked away and single stalled. I get in quickly, notice the sign that reads “please lock the door while in the restroom.” Weird. Why wouldn’t anyone lock the door? But anyway, I lock it but the moment I sit down someone starts knocking.
I say, “There’s someone in here.” But then the door starts shaking like I’m in a horror movie. I’m literally sitting on the toilet trying to do my business. The knocking and shaking don’t stop. Then whoever is on the other side starts KICKING the door OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER again.
Many people have told me stories about getting attacked in restrooms, so I’m panicking while sitting on the toilet. Is this just a ploy to get me to open the door? What was I going to do? Open to the door to a violent crazy person? Then I thought to look at the situation in a funnier light. I’m standing on the side of the locked door. They can’t hurt me. If they break the door, the restaurant will make them pay.
I take a few deep breaths (albeit in a nasty bathroom) but I kind of just brush my hair and wash my hands really clean for another five minutes. The door is being kicked to no end and the knocking doesn’t stop. I get a text from my friend asking if I’m okay. I text my friend to see if she can take a peek at what’s going on.
And she tells me it’s JUST A LITTLE GIRL. And it’s the same kid who screamed at her father in the restaurant earlier. I had noticed she was the kid that screamed at her father, “I WANT TO ORDER SOMETHING NOW!” See I would never do this to a child. But I — as a child — also would never kick and scream on a stranger’s door, let alone the public bathroom door when it’s only been less than a minute. It’s infinitely rude.
I finally open the door and I see that she went to the server. And I catch the server saying, “Oh, look you can use it now.” When I get out, I glare at the mom who just looks at me with a deer in the headlights look.
33. “I’ll Just Be A Few Minutes…”
So years ago I delivered jugs of water to homes and offices. My work truck was fairly big probably about 35ish feet long. I had a building I delivered to that had 8-10 stops in it and was one of the few places that had a loading bay for delivery vehicles. This bay was wide enough for 2 large trucks side by side and long enough for my truck to mostly fit with a bit of the cab sticking out in the alleyway (not so far as to block traffic).
On the other side of the alley was another building, and the dumpsters for said building. These dumpsters were in a position that it could be a little tight to get into the dock but it was doable. This day I pull up and see a small courier car (size of a Honda civic) pull into the bay and stop right at the entrance. This position is just enough that I cant get the angle I need to be able to nose up to the dumpsters and back into the open spot in the loading bay. If I tried I’d likely hit the car.
Luckily for me, the driver was just getting out of the car. So I politely asked if she could back up a couple of feet so I could get into the dock. Her: I’m only going to be a few minutes… Me: Yes but if you take 5 seconds, we can both do what we need to do… Her: I’ll be a few minutes… Then she just walks into the building.
So I’m kinda stunned at this point. I’ve been in the delivery industry for almost a decade most other drivers get that it’s a tough job and we can all do what we need to do and there’s kinda an unwritten code even amongst competitors. So I maneuver my truck nice and tight to the building so as not to block the alleyway while parking perpendicular to the loading dock entrance and blocking her car in.
I start loading the first of 2 or 3 cartloads into the building. She comes out and sees my truck… Her: Well isn’t this cute… You need to move… Me: I’ll only be a few minutes. Her: I need to go. Move your truck now… By this time my cart is loaded and I tell her, “It’s okay, I’ll only be a few minutes.” And I walk into the building.
34. Interrupting The Game
I have large trees in my yard. My neighbor next door blows all the leaves into my yard with his lawnmower. He says they’re my leaves from my tree. In doing so, he also leaves all of his grass clippings mixed in with the leaves. I blew them back; he called law enforcement. This happened several times.
His TV cable is buried in my yard. It runs from a pole underground through ten feet of my yard. During the local football game, I took a shovel and jumped on it. He lost TV and Wi-fi for two days. The cable company ran a new line. It messed up my yard a bit, but I know where it is. Just in case.
35. More Pain Than Intended
My mother had really bad asthma and allergies and made us kids rake up the leaves. This was not an easy task. They would get several feet deep if we didn’t do it often enough. One day we raked the whole yard into these giant piles for the city to come pick up. This took several hours. The next morning, they were scattered all over. We raked them again over several more hours and it happened again. Apparently, the neighborhood jerk kid was knocking them over just to be a jerk.
The next time, we made a super huge pile around the fire hydrant hoping he’d kick them and hurt his foot. Nope, this time he decided to do a run and jump. I watched it peeking through the blinds. He ended up breaking several bones. I didn’t even feel bad.
36. Invincible Mailbox
When I was a kid, our mailbox got taken out like once a month. Finally, after the 10th mailbox and post, my dad was fed up. So he got an eight-foot I-beam and buried it four feet down and filled in the hole with Quickrete. Next time it got hit, the jerk wrapped his car around it. Like the mailbox/pole was sticking out of the middle of his car.
After that, I don’t think the mailbox was ever hit again.
37. “Broken” TV
My brother-in-law did something to irritate my wife back when they were in high school. My wife turned off the TV, wrote “broken” on a piece of paper taped to the TV, shut off the power strip, and flipped the batteries around in the remote. It took my brother-in-law several days to figure it out.
38. And That’s the Tea
My wife is very, very picky about the mugs she has for different hot drinks: Tall mugs for coffee, wide mugs for tea, dainty cups for fruit teas. When she’s being irritating and asks for a cup of tea from me, she gets a very plain, boring builder’s mug, and I delight at the mild irritation it brings. My revenge truly knows no limits.
39. Falling Flat
Someone in my office would always crush lunches with his gigantic freaking lunch box. Either he ate bricks or lead, I don’t know, but I always came to the office fridge and found that my lunch was in pieces. So, after three bouts of this and numerous notes from myself and other colleagues, I carefully removed his lunch box.
I emptied the contents of the lunch box. Then I ran over them with my car. Just completely flattened it all. But that’s not even the best part. I then carefully packed it back into his lunch box, and put it back for him to find. I felt bad at first, but it was well worth the effort. He kept his lunch in a cooler by his cube from then on.
40. Revenge Is Sweet
There was this young teenager who cut in line in front of me at the supermarket. When he wasn’t watching, I broke his chocolate bar while it was still inside the wrapper. Then things really got good. Later, I saw him bicycling by. He opened up his bar and half of it fell out onto the pavement. He got really furious and I chuckled. It was a good day.
41. By Popular Vote
High school. We were in history class, and I really had to go to the bathroom. A girl was already out and we were only allowed to leave one at a time. Fine. However, this girl often goes to the bathroom then just hangs out and is gone for like 30 minutes. So, after 20 minutes I had to really go. I asked to use the bathroom again. DENIED.
Teacher said someone was out already. I said she has been out for almost the entire class, I need to go. Someone texts the girl, she appears. Looks ticked. Yells at me in the hall. I didn’t have to wait long to get a satisfying revenge. See, she was trying to become our homeroom class president. Not really a serious position, but it was leadership for her college applications, and the “debate” was that day.
Our class was about 30 kids. Two people were running: that girl and another. They said their two-minute speeches. At the point where we cast our votes, I had a little group of my friends in the class vote for a third party—a guy she hated. He was elected and she lost a line in her college resume to a guy who didn’t even want the spot.
42. In The Deep End
When I was a kid, I was at a local river. My friend pushes me into the river, and naturally, I came up spluttering and a little red in the face, but it was all in good fun. For the rest of the day, I planned to get her back, waiting for my opportunity to push her in, until she was at the edge of the river drying off. I pushed her—and it couldn’t have gone worse.
Her flailing and the slippery nature of the rocks she was on made her slip on the spot, and instead of just splashing into the water, she landed on her back, hitting the rocks hard, and then fell into the water. She was winded, but thankfully otherwise unharmed. Our parents were furious at me, and I spent the few seconds it took to get her out just hoping I hadn’t broken her back or something.
2/10 revenge. Would not do it again.
43. Hotter, Better, Faster, Stronger
I was 11, and my older brother was 16. We would fight and argue, but one time I was running up the stairs away from him and he whipped the back of my legs with a long rubber chew toy. It left a pretty big, figure-8-shaped welt on my legs. I knew he was faster and stronger than me, and I knew if I tried to attack him he’d stop me.
So, I grabbed a flathead screwdriver and held it over the stove until it was red-hot. I ran up to him and very openly went to stab him, knowing he’d stop me. He grabbed my wrist to stop my thrust (as anticipated) so I pushed the red-hot head of it into his forearm as hard as I could. Man, I was a crazy jerk as a kid. Sorry, Mike.
44. Tit For Tat
I had a big group of friends all throughout high school. Then when we were 17, one of them stole my girlfriend. To be fair, he legitimately knew we were going out, he got her drinking, and then he slept with her at a party. He also knew I’d find out. His response to all this was chilling. He said to my face that he didn’t care: “Tough, mate.”
It was her fault as well, of course. She’d been leading him on and was sober enough to consent, if tipsy enough to get over the social stigma of actually doing it. So from that point on, our group of friends just cut this guy out of our circle. We stopped inviting him to stuff, and if he tried to hang out, we told him to screw off.
People who had been friends with him since primary school just ignored him. Initially, I was super proud of this show of solidarity from my brothers. So, first summer back from university, we’re all 19 or 20 years old. We see him in a local pub. I don’t know what to do, decide to try and be cool about it, and go up to say hi. He tells me to screw off.
I guess he blames me for all his friends cutting him out of his life. I don’t get the chance to explain that I in no way asked them to do that, they just did what they saw as the right thing. Two weeks later, we’re in the same pub, and I see his younger sister. She’s 17 years old now, and very, very attractive as it happens. I start a conversation with her about her brother, and how I feel bad about what we did.
She says that it did really hurt him, but he’s got some new friends now and is still with my ex-girlfriend, despite it being a long-distance relationship. He won’t talk to any of us old friends though, which I think is a genuine shame—he’s known some of the guys since we were five. One drink leads to another with this girl, and I took it way too far. We end up back at her house.
Her parents are away, her brother is staying at my ex’s apartment, so we have an empty house. We end up sleeping together. The next morning, her brother calls round just as I’m leaving. The look on his face as he works out what’s happened. He goes from utter despair to absolutely mental in about half a second. Eventually, I just had to leave.
His sister finally managed to explain to him that it was nothing to do with “revenge” or anything, and that I was genuinely sorry for how we treated him. I don’t know if she told him the whole conversation we had about how I’d feel bad as I didn’t want to upset him anymore, and she convinced me to come back to hers by saying she was her own woman, could make her own decisions, and he wasn’t due to be home at any time.
If he hadn’t had randomly turned up, I hope he’d have never known. He still won’t accept my Facebook friend request though.
My ex-wife freaked out when I got engaged and bought a house with someone else, so she took off for months with our son, and spent that time harassing and stalking me, filing bogus charges, etc. I told her my new fiancée was pregnant, that it was an unlikely pregnancy, and that it was a very easy one to lose, so please stop causing us stress. Her reply was heartbreaking.
All she said was, “I don’t care.” She cost me my fiancée, the pregnancy, the house, and my new job. She ruined both of our lives, and messed up life for our son. All because I didn’t want her. I told her at the beginning that I had met someone, that it was serious, and could she please just act like an adult and share our son and everyone could move forward.
She said yeah, sure, no problem. The day I told her I was getting married, she started her revenge. No one’s life has recovered since.
46. She’s A Man-Eater
I got screwed over by both my ex and my $5,000 divorce lawyer. During negotiations, we reached an agreement that she did not want anything from me except $1000/month in child support. By the way, this is after I came home from work a couple of months previously to find nothing but an old chair in my house. She had movers come and take everything while I was at work.
Still, I said OK, and we left it at that. We were now just waiting for the court date, when her lawyer was supposed to bring our agreement to the judge. Anyway, I show up in court with my lawyer, we go in front of the judge, and her lawyer goes: “We want child support, alimony, and we want the husband to pay the remainder of the car loan. We also want the husband to pay for my services, because he was the one who filed for divorce.”
Judge goes: “Sounds good. We are done.” Meanwhile, my lawyer did not open his mouth or look up from whatever he was reading during the entire court session. And this jerk had the audacity to mail me a card later, congratulating me on the positive outcome of my divorce case. So for the next year I paid 75% of what I made, leaving me with nothing.
I sold my car, moved out of my apartment, and couch surfed for a while. The day the ex received her last alimony check, she got her final revenge. She married my ex-best friend, which was why I filed for divorce in the first place. It took me five more years to pay off her car and her lawyer, and she is currently on husband #4.
47. Show Me The Money
My ex girlfriend and I shared a bank account after living together for two years. I know, the groundwork for a happy ending, right? Well, the entire time she was lying about having a job, all while I was working every day. So I broke it off with her and moved out, then went to the bank to close our account. There was just one big problem.
I was told that both parties had to be there to close the account, but she wasn’t coming around for a while. So I just took my name off the account and opened my own new one. Fast forward three months later: I had a few grand saved up and was doing well. At the time, my ex actually wanted to get back with me, even though she now had another boyfriend.
I had no interest in her anymore, and tell her no. The next night, I go out to get something at the store and none of my cards are working. I call my bank, and they tell me that there is suspicious activity…on my joint account. Yep, in a fit of what I can only guess was revenge for my refusal, my ex had written $40,000 in bad checks from our old account.
The bank saw that I used to be on that account and drained it completely to cover the $40k. I am not a guy who has credit cards so this was my only source of money, period. I was flat broke.
48. Chalk It Up To Experience
Way back in elementary school, a friend threw a piece of chalk that hit me square in the forehead. It was the most humiliating moment for younger me, as everyone who saw that started laughing their butts off, and kids are jerks. I plotted and planned my revenge to get my friend back in the exact same fashion over the next couple of days.
One fine day, weapon in hand, I find him perfectly placed at a chalk-throw away from me. I yell out his name and quickly launch the projectile as he spins around. For some reason, he had his mouth open as he looked at me and the piece of chalk flew directly into his throat. His eyes widen and he starts choking. I stood frozen in shock as he fell on his knees coughing.
Luckily, somebody grabbed him from behind and thumped his back, so he swallowed the piece. An adult walks in, and she looks at me and asks what happened. At this point I’m shaking, realizing that I narrowly killed my friend. I tell the adult it was a mint he choked on. My friend, also shaken at this point, laughs it off saying it went straight into his throat and he didn’t taste it.
The adult shakes her head and says next time just hand it like a normal person and walked away. Years later when we were moving away to another country, I remind him about the incident and come clean about the whole thing. He snaps and yells, “I knew it!”
49. Sound The Alarm
This kid in my class at school kept insulting my mother, so I said to him that if he insults her one more time that I’ll get him after class. He replied with yet another insult. So after class, I waited for him outside and when he came out the classroom, I got him in a headlock. He forced his way up out of it…but it was out of the frying pan and into the fire.
He managed to crack the top of his head off a fire alarm, and gashed his head open. He was bleeding all down his face and had to go to the hospital. He was off school for two weeks after that, too. I felt terrible about it. After I watched him hit his head off the fire alarm, I didn’t see any blood. I had walked off at that point, then when he walked past me two minutes later, his head was gushing and he was crying.
I felt so bad that I apologized to him while following him all the way to the nurse’s room, and I sat outside the room until the ambulance came. I didn’t get in any trouble because he admitted it was his fault for goading me and I was genuinely remorseful. After that, our relationship was alright. He was happy that he got a few weeks off school, while I was glad to see him back at school.
He showed me his scar, we laughed about it. We both knew that it was an accident, and we moved on. We had mutual respect for each other after.
50. The Bad Neighbors
When I was around six or seven years old, my neighbors had tormented me on the bus on the way home. Like, they had harassed me with toy knives, which at the time I thought were real. They had also talked to me about really adult things and had basically been trying to take away my innocence even though at the time I had no idea what they were talking about.
I had had enough of it and I had told my mother, who then told their mother. Well, their mother told their father about their bad behavior, and he had beaten them quite badly. They left me alone for the remainder of my time being their neighbor, but I saw the cuts, scars, and bruises that had been left on their young bodies. After, their moods changed from bratty little kids to completely silent and somewhat oppressed.
51. Obedience Or Consequence
My girl told me that the neighbor across the street was instructing his dog to go poop on our lawn. At first, I doubted he was telling his dog to do that, but I was home sick for a few days and saw it myself. I asked the owner to stop it and he said the dog wouldn’t listen. When I asked him to at least clean up the poop, he said his dog was only peeing.
We had our own dog and I took a week’s worth of his land mines plus the neighbor’s dog’s poops for the week and walked across the street and threw them all over his front yard and walkway one night. Somehow the neighbor’s dog listened after that and never pooped in my yard again.
52. Return To Sender
When I was about 14, I was walking down a road with my friend. Some older teenagers in a car pulled up next to us, threw an egg right at me, and then sped off. Somehow, the egg hit me in the shoulder and then landed on the ground without exploding. It was still intact. The kids did a U-turn and came around to inspect the damage. My friend picked up the egg and threw it right back at their car.
Their window was down, and my friend hit them right at the base of the driver’s side window, creating a perfect airburst. The egg exploded everywhere.
53. Dosing Out His Own Medicine
My neighbor watches TV at night loudly. I’ve asked nicely for him to lower it (I’m a nursing student, so I need what little sleep I get). Long story short, he wouldn’t lower it, and my apartment complex says it’s not loud enough to be considered a disturbance. I now play heavy metal music during the day and put the speaker right by the neighbor’s wall, so he’s not able to sleep during the day.
The music is a disturbance, but it’s not loud enough for the complex to consider it a disturbance, so they can’t do anything about it.
Years ago, I had a girl cheat on me with her ex. I never told her I knew, but inevitably broke up a week or two later “mutually”… I knew full well she would return to her ex immediately. Well, she did. I was bitter, but held it together. Then a month later, by a complete stroke of luck, I ended up with the ex/new boyfriend’s phone number.
A female friend of mine wanted to help me and posed as his “side chick.” She called and texted him every night for a week asking when he was going to screw her again, and saying she “can’t wait to see him again when his girlfriend goes to work.” I’d listen in to the calls, and every call we’d hear my ex in the background going crazy about it.
Sometimes she’d even answer the phone. My friend did a terrific job. After a week, we decided to up the ante. We drove by her house and his car was parked outside with the windows down. We put a pair of panties in the backseat. A few days later, I get a call from my ex, who had suddenly decided she wanted to return to me. Then I turned her down.
55. Selective Memory
My mom was a language teacher at my high school, and years after I had graduated, she called me kind of upset because a group of guys was trying to make her look dumb. The class was supposed to write one of those team dialogues in Spanish. They had a week or so to prepare it, then they had to perform it in front of the class.
When she called on them to do theirs, they said: “But we already did ours, we’re not doing it again.” She said, “You definitely didn’t do it, I don’t have any record of it here and I would remember it if you had.” They simply refused to do it, insisting they already performed it and that it was her fault she didn’t take notes or put their scores down.
She was in the middle of questioning herself when one of the good kids came and told her the truth. They hadn’t really done it, and they had just been bragging about making her look stupid. They apparently even threatened the class if they said anything. Well, obviously my mom was appalled, but she came up with an amazing revenge plot.
My mom was really into yoga at the time and got a great idea while meditating. She went in the next day and said, “Boys, I owe you an apology. I found my notes on your presentation and I do remember it, I don’t know how I forgot!” She then went on to describe all the grammatical mistakes they made, all their word choice flaws, everything. All made up. She failed them all on the project, and they couldn’t do a thing about it without admitting they’d made it all up.
56. Popping Off
When I was a kid, I got the Sabrina the Teenage Witch “Handbook.” It was full of kiddie experiments and stuff, and it was pretty fun. My older sister had upset or annoyed me about something, so I tried out one of the “tricks” from the book. You fill a cup with water and some corn kernels, and put some tinfoil on top of the cup. It worked too well.
The kernels eventually pop and it makes noise against the tinfoil, but it takes a few days to “work.” I put it right under her bed and then I completely forgot about it….until one night I woke up to my two sisters screaming like crazy. It had popped in the middle of the night and she thought there was a rat under her bed.
57. Cheaters Never Prosper
I knew a crazy kid in elementary school. Kid jumped across the table and tried to choke me out. I instigated it by saying he was “cuckoo for cocoa puffs” since that was the only thing that kid ever talked about and he was wearing a cocoa puffs shirt that day. Senior year of high school, turns out that kid was in my Design class.
I needed to get a C or better on the final. Over the year, I found out the kid was taking my work off my share drive and copying it. For the final, I purposely screwed up the drawing in my folder, but the kid didn’t double check it. He turned it in and failed and had to go back and be a super senior. Too bad for you, my dude.
58. Prank King Dethroned
Back when I was studying engineering, it occurred to me to try and find an app on my iPhone for those Panasonic projectors in lecture rooms. So, I got the app and it just let me connect to the one in the class without a password or anything. I have a friend who is one of those perpetual pranksters, so I knew just what to do with it.
I beam a picture of him onto the projector. The lecturer is just talking away and this goofy picture of my friend is on the screen. Lecturer does not realize yet. People in the lecture start waking up and giggling a bit. Now I use the pen function and draw a wiener on the picture, too. My friend was red in the face and trying to hide.
When the lecturer finally noticed, he totally called out my friend: “Michael, why is there a picture of you on the screen?” For a fleeting moment, I actually wrecked that dude.
59. Let It Go
This is about my psycho, stalker ex. I’m a girl, and I was 17 at the time while he was 19. I met him through this guy I went on one date with, but there was no connection so we moved on. Me and this new guy started dating a year later. He seemed nice, shy, funny at times, and we just had fun together. I was his first girlfriend.
He was in my life for about two years. But eight months in, I started to notice things about him I HATED. He was a COMPLETELY different person around me than everyone else. He only showed his real personality to me, and it was dark. Everyone else thought he was sweet and innocent, especially his mom. Meanwhile, he would call me horrific names when we were alone.
He would also get mad if my phone ever went off around him, and even more mad if I answered it. This was always followed by statements like, “Who the heck is that? Are you sleeping with someone else?” He would get mad if I ever talked to another male in public, even a waiter or cashier. He would act fine until we left, then he’d start screaming.
He then told friends at his school EVERYTHING about our bedroom life, and he would text me nonstop all day long. If I didn’t reply, he would call over and over. I think the record was 40+ calls. No surprise, he was so controlling that I could never see my friends. He could see his, but I couldn’t see mine, and he hated all of my friends who were guys.
He would constantly tell me about how he was going to get revenge against them. Revenge for what? I don’t know…So long story short, he’s a jealous control freak, and it only gets worse from here. If you’re asking yourself, why did I not break up with this dude?! Well, I did, two or three times. But it wasn’t as easy as just saying, “I’m breaking up with you” and having him disappear.
No, no, no. This guy would not disappear. But to fast forward, I was finally at my last straw. I didn’t care anymore, and I broke up with him for good. He was so angry, he threatened he would tell my parents all these lies. Still, I cut off all contact with him, and it drove him completely insane. I should have known what was coming then.
One night, I was hanging out with this other guy I had been seeing. We were sitting in the parking lot of a grocery store at the time, which is two minutes from my home. All of a sudden, I see my insane ex drive by our car. No mistake: It was definitely him, even thought he lives a 30-minute drive away, and there was no reason he would be on this side of town.
It was also after 10 pm, so he’s truly a creeper. Then he started doing even stranger stuff. He made a fake profile on Facebook and browsed for girls who went to high school with me, then added them. He tried to become their friend, then would badmouth me to all of these girls from my school. Honestly, I thought it was hilarious.
Who knows what he told all his friends about me, but he’s had them all gang up on me since. His guy friends threatened to beat me up, come to my house and trash everything inside. I even had to park my car at my dad’s place for a week, and I actually moved there for a while too. I was sure they would slash my car’s tires or put sugar in my gas tank. But the worst was yet to come.
After we had been over for a while, I was still with that other guy, and one night we had been hanging out and he was driving me home when my phone rang. It was my psycho ex. Since he calls me non-stop, I picked up out of anger. Blah blah blah blah. Then he heard my boyfriend say something in the background. “Who the HECK is that?! Who are you with?!”
I said, “Anthony,” and hung up. He called back over and over, and it was basically a bunch of yelling. He said he was driving to my house now, and I had to be there. Then I started freaking out. We got there, and he pulled up. He ran up to my front door and proceeded to open it. I yanked him by the shirt back outside and the fight continued from there.
He finally got into his car and started to leave, and he almost ran over my foot with the car. I haven’t seen him since, but I recently got a disturbing text from him: “Your tail light is out.” I’m sitting there thinking…WHAT. THE. HECK. Apparently, he had been driving behind me, or following me. I also learned that he has moved out of his mom’s house and is now living up the street from me.
I’m still thinking, WHAT THE HECK. That’s no coincidence. FREAK! I still get letters from him in the mail occasionally. They were long letters. One was creepy, all it was was a piece of copy paper with pink hearts drawn all over it. Most are about how he realized what a jerk he was, how he never treated me right, and how he knows he will never have me back.
Darn straight. I don’t read them anymore, I just put them straight in the trash.
60. Sticks And Stones
Two days ago, actually, in my soccer game, this one clumsy defender kept catching my ankles seconds after I would pass the ball away. So one play, he was clearing the ball and I just wanted to lay the kid out. As he was on his plant foot swinging, I hit him with my shoulder hard. As he was falling, he grabbed me and took me down with him.
I landed on his arm and it snapped like a twig between the wrist and the elbow. I feel awful.
61. What Are Friends For?
I still feel guilty about this one whenever I think about it. When I was a kid, I was extremely easy to scare with jump scares, and I HATED them. I would always enter fight-or-flight mode whenever something jumped out at me, and then I’d be mad as heck afterward. When my buddies caught on to this, they made it their business in life to jump out at me and scare me any chance they got.
Despite my hate of being scared, however, I was a HUGE fan of Halloween and I had a Halloween party every year either close to, or on, the big day. Naturally, this was the night when all my friends would do their worst to scare me so bad that I would bolt and run. They succeeded a few times when we were all under nine years old.
However, something shifted in me the year I turned 10, and none of us knew it until it was too late. As usual, I had my big annual Halloween party, as usual all my buddies were there, and as usual one of them wanted to try and scare the pants off me. About midway through the evening, I went down the hall to use the restroom.
While I was in there, my friend—I’ll call him Aaron—scampered down the hall after me and hid in a darkened doorway. I came out of the restroom, started down the hall, and Aaron jumped out at me and grabbed my arm. Ordinarily, something like this would have made me bolt like a little chicken, but for some reason that night, the Fight side of my Fight-or-Flight got turned off.
The moment he grabbed me, I whirled and punched him square in the face without even thinking about what I was doing. It was all pure instinct, and after impact I realized what I’d just done and freaked out. Aaron wrenched his mask off and was clutching his face and groaning—or so I thought—and I yelled for my dad, concerned I had really hurt my friend.
My dad and all my other friends came running down the hall to find out what had happened. My dad flipped on the hallway light, and what greets us? Aaron with his face covered in blood. I am instantly horrified, thinking I busted his nose, but as I’m spewing apologies to him, I begin to realize he’s not groaning, he’s laughing.
He grabs me by the hand I’d punched him with and yells “What’re you apologizing for?! That was freakin’ awesome!” and he yanked my hand up over my head like I was a boxing champ and starts telling everyone how cool it was of me to just haul off and slug him. If you haven’t guessed yet, Aaron was a pretty cool kid. He thought it was great that I’d suddenly found the courage to defend myself.
My dad helped get him cleaned up, though he insisted on keeping his now bloody costume on, and inspected his nose. Thankfully it wasn’t actually broken, but I still feel a wave of guilt when I remember the sight of his face covered in blood, and remember the feeling of my fist hitting him in the nose.. I’ll always be grateful to him for handling it so well, and encouraging me for standing up for myself.
However, I still feel so guilty about decking him that I can’t even imagine how I would feel if I had actually broken his nose.
My grandpa was a bit old school and gave me prison-yard advice for my first week of school. He said if anyone picks on you, just deal with them right then, don’t take it. First week of Kindergarten, a Grade 1 kid was pushing me around, not letting me go back to class. I pushed him down against a fence and kicked him in the face three or four times, splitting his nose.
I ALMOST got kicked out of school until they found out my grandpa had told me to do it. Thing is, no one messed with me after, and that guy was nice to me all the way through to graduation.
63. Not A Good Fit
My grandma, when she was a teenager, was sent to an all-girls school with dorms, uniforms, and the whole shebang. Well, my grandma isn’t an all-girls school type of lady and would sneak out at night by leaving a window cracked open with a shoe. One of the girls at the school did not like my grandma and one night took her shoe out of the window, locking it. This makes it so you have to enter through the front, where a nun was stationed 24/7.
To retaliate, my grandma took a massive poop in this girl’s bed, then remade it. Yeah, my grandma didn’t last too long at that school.
64. Psycho Coworker
In my old department, there was this dispatcher who probably shouldn’t be a dispatcher. We’ll call him G. One day, G needed to stay home for the gas and electric people to do some work on his home. Instead of taking a whole day off, he made the mistake of telling our boss that he’ll be at work no later than noon, but he could be there sooner if it’s really busy. G said he’d call to see how we were doing to see if he needed to come in early. I was left to dispatch for that day.
I came in at 6 a.m. Starting at 7 a.m., he called numerous times. By the time it reached 9, G must have called at least 20 times. Each time he said the same exact thing: “Is it busy? How does it look? Do I need to come in?” By the 20th call, I got fed up and told him that it’s really busy and we could use the help if he’s able to show up. He hesitated because he had no one to watch the house, but eventually agreed and said he’ll be at work in a few minutes.
When he came in, I let him know about the workload. He realized that it wasn’t that busy and asked why I did that. My response? “Because you called me more than a psycho ex. I had to stop you somehow.” Our boss wouldn’t let him leave and thought the whole thing was hilarious especially since G knows better than to do things like that to me.
65. South And More South
I was working at a call center. My coworker, who has a very rich southern accent, gets a call in. The woman on the other line detects her accent and gives her a hard time. She then requests someone “intelligent” with “better English”. My coworker tells the woman her English is fine and she can assist her.
The lady says something to the effect of, “Just transfer me to someone else, tramp.” My coworker then sends her to the SPANISH line. I just about died from the laughter.
66. Pity Puddle
When I was a kid, I had a bed wetting problem. I’m not ashamed of this now, as thousands of other kids have had the same problems. At the time, however, it was humiliating. Even worse, my younger brother started telling other kids around school how extensive the issue was. I was mortified. Even after our mother told him to knock it off, he continued.
So, I decided to level the playing field. The whole “hand in a cup of warm water” deal didn’t work. So I stood over him as he slept one night and peed on him. The next morning, my mom thought we were both wetting the bed. After a few more times of “framing” my brother as a bed-wetter, he completely stopped using my embarrassing problem as entertainment.
67. Special Delivery!
In college, I lived with several guys in a suite. One dude liked to call me “chunky A.” Yes, I was chubby, and I still am, but I have lost a lot of weight and I am continuing to lose more. Still, at the time I was self-conscious about it and I asked him politely but firmly to not call me that. He laughed and did it more. That was the final straw.
I proceeded to call up every infomercial I saw on TV to send him baldness cures (he was losing his hair), tourist information from places like Iowa and Nebraska, and information about adult bedwetting. He was not too impressed when the mail started coming in. He accused me of it, but I played innocent. And then I took it up a notch.
I kept it up for two years while he lived there in the dorms. His junior year, he moved out to an off-campus place, so I found out where he lived. I then waited a couple of months and started the process all over again. Yeah, I bombarded him with junk mail. It was probably the most savage thing I’ve ever done. I have no regrets.
68. Brain Vs. Brawn
A girl on my softball team teased me and spread rumors about me to the team and coaches just because we were competing for the same position. She was in my geometry class and then tried to buddy up to me because I was good at geometry and she wasn’t. So, for a while I let her copy my homework…then one day I gave her all the wrong answers and turned in the right answers for myself.
69. Bro, You Can Tell Me Anything
Back in college, I was sitting in the library trying to work on an assignment. All was quiet for a while, until this one obnoxious guy came in and sat at a table near me. He proceeded to pull out his phone and have the loudest, most obnoxious conversation with one of his friends. Lots of “BRO, SERIOUSLY BRO?” and yadda yadda.
I was about to pack up my things and find somewhere else to work when the conversation turned to Netflix. The guy told his friend he should just use his account and proceeded to loudly state his email address and password for all in the room to hear. Obviously, this was too good of an opportunity for me to pass up.
So, I promptly logged into his Netflix account and navigated to the “LGBT” section and started adding the gayest movies I could find to the top of the queue. I like to think that both the guys ended up thinking the other one added the movies to the queue but were too shocked to ever say anything to each other.
70. So Done
Back in the early 90s, supermarket cashiers had to type every price in by hand. I was at a grocery store, walking toward the only open check stand with a single bottle of soda in my hand. Suddenly, this hoity-toity lady with a cart stacked to the top flew out of one of the aisles like a freight train and cut me off.
“I’m in a hurry,” she said, then looked away like she was annoyed that I’d even been born. I looked at the cashier. He rolled his eyes and got back to work. Five minutes later, she’s walking out the door and it’s my turn to check out. What the cashier told me made my fist pump. “You’re good,” he says. “I put your soda on her tag.” Man, that felt good.
71. Like A Nightmare Come True
An old college roommate took some random household items that I had to replace to the tune of $100. Not a lot, but it was when I was a broke college student. My revenge was so disturbing. I remembered her student ID and password since I had to help her register for classes the semester prior because she was an idiot. That was all I needed.
About a month before finals that semester, I went on the account and officially withdrew her from all of her classes. She had to take another semester to graduate since all of those classes were full and waitlisted. It was really terrible in retrospect, and I’m much more mature now.
72. A Pat On The Back
A million years ago, I worked in a large clothing store. This one girl I worked with would slap you on the back or pinch your arm or whatever as if it was a friendly gesture. It hurt. I don’t know if she was pretending to be nice, or was simply stupid, but it was very unwelcome and I told her so several times. So one day I’m heading up the escalator and there she is ahead of me.
So I walk up and as I’m going past her, I give her hardest “friendly ” slap on the back I could. I may have gone a little overboard, as she almost fell forward and definitely gasped in surprise. I don’t think she ever came within reach of me again.
73. Law And Disorder
I had a lawyer a few years back who was a piece of absolute trash. He would go months between returning phone calls, and was constantly late with court filings. Like, to the point where the courts, multiple times, moved to have the case dismissed from lack of action. He also lied to me constantly about anything and everything—and then, it got worse.
After all that, he refused to be fired. Seriously, when I told him he was fired, he just ignored me and kept presenting himself as my lawyer. I had to get the courts involved to get him to stop. He then lied about me, saying “Our client has been unreachable, we are considering dropping them.” Like, what?? I TRIED TO CALL YOU 84 TIMES IN THE LAST THREE MONTHS AND YOU DIDN’T ANSWER OR RETURN A SINGLE ONE.
When I finally did fire him, he told me I had to be in court on a specific date (that didn’t work for me) at a specific time (that didn’t work for me) or else the motion to withdraw wouldn’t be accepted. So I got to the courtroom and the judge was super nice but confused as to why I was there. When I told him the story, the judge’s reply made my blood boil.
He just goes, “Yeah, this is all done electronically. Not sure why your lawyer would tell you that other than to be a jerk.” Needless to say, by the end of all this I was so angry and wrote a 10-page bar complaint about four different lawyers in their office and their unethical behavior. Well, the bar association decided this was a firm-wide encouraged pattern of behavior and threw the book at the four partners.
Disbarred for five years, restitution to clients, and only allowed to practice under supervision for a period of five years after they return. I felt a little bad, but man, I was sooooooo sick of being jerked around.
74. Caught Red-Tongued
Someone kept stealing snacks from my little sister’s lunch that was in her locker in elementary school. They even left the wrappers there. My sister had a suspect in mind but her teacher did not want to act on it. So we decided to prepare some Lindt chocolates: We scooped the middle part and put some Sriracha in them.
The next day, the kid did indeed fall into our trap and came back from her ”bathroom trip” with a red face and tearing eyes. She stopped stealing from my sister’s locker after that.
75. Cheaters Get Cheated
When I found out my then-husband was sleeping with a coworker for over two years, he was in Denmark on business. I took every penny out of our joint account and opened a new account at a different bank. When he called to ask why his debit card didn’t work, I acted puzzled. This went on for days until he called the bank.
In the meantime, I’d gotten an attorney and filed for divorce, and changed all the locks. I also took his phone and threw it into the Mississippi River.
76. Restaurant Playground
This was about 15 years ago, in college, while I was a host at a crummy Mexican restaurant. It’s a normal, busy Saturday night, and this guy walks in, right past me. He circles through the whole restaurant, comes back, and points out the table he wants to sit at. I do exactly as he asks. I knew what he was doing. He did not want to sit by any kids. Now, what happened next was completely avoidable, but he had angered me by acting like a smug jerk.
I proceeded to surround him with every party including kids. Loud kids, messy kids, small kids, birthday parties, I’ve got the perfect seat for you! I could see that he was ready to erupt, but it was too dang funny. He came up and yelled at me in front of the entire restaurant for the slights. I played dumb and then went in the back and laughed my butt off with everyone else.
77. Dressed for Revenge
In seventh grade, I used to take home-made lunch to school. We prepared our own salad dressing (lemon juice, salt, oil, etc.), and one kid decided it would be good to take it and drink it before lunchtime. I asked him not to, but he continued to drink it, then started doing so in one gulp so I couldn’t stop him.
But instead of making a huge deal, I prepared two salad dressings. One that I would actually use on my salad, and another that had all the liquid condiments I could find in my mom’s kitchen. It was really fun to see his face as he drank it again the next day. The jerk never took my salad dressing again. I rode that high for a long time after that.
78. Easy, Rider
My brother and I were walking and my cousins were on bikes, all of us coming home from school. They kept circling us and making fun of us because we didn’t have bikes. One of my cousins then spits on me. Out of reflex, I blasted her with my trumpet case and she went flying, landed on the concrete, and broke her arm. I felt awful.
It was the first and last time I ever hit a girl. My family believed every word of the story, knew this cousin was always a total witch to me, and largely believed she had it coming. I still felt awful though.
79. Drink Up
A kid on my track team would always come by and take a drink of whatever I had with me. I was sick of it, so one day I brought a soda me that had been spiked with three times the recommended dose of Ex-Lax. Sure enough, he came by and I said “You know what Tony? Why don’t you just take the whole thing.” Well, we were having a home meet that day, and he was our best pole-vaulter and part of the relay team.
I thought maybe he’d feel a little off and under-perform. Nope. In the midst of our warm ups, he went missing and was absent for the entire meet.
80. Open For Business
My friends and I used to pull a lot of pranks on each other growing up, and about 10 years ago I was helping my buddy set up a new business. He was ordering business cards and the company he was going through was offering I think 500 or so free with a large order, so we decided to prank our other friend. We made business cards with his name, phone number, and home address. We put his job title as “Professional Creep.”
It also had the slogan “If I’m creepin’, you ain’t sleepin’.” We passed these cards out all over town. He was getting really harassing phone calls for a while and couldn’t figure out why. After about two years, he found one of the cards on a random fridge at a party and put two and two together. He was angry and is still getting random calls 10 years later. I feel really bad about that one…
81. A Woman Scorned
During a rough patch with my (now ex-) fiancé, he admitted to me that he had been cheating on me and was involved with someone else. At the time he was the general manager of a company that was being sold, but none of the employees knew, as the company needed to be up and operating throughout the sale. After that, everyone would be out of a job, including him—but, he was getting some big $$$ for his efforts.
So, when he came clean about the cheating, I went out drinking with a friend. I came home that night and called everyone’s voicemail and left a message with the details of what was happening to their jobs and the company. It was a complete mutiny the next day, and I can’t say I didn’t feel a little bad.
82. Making Enemies
Once at a party, the guy working the grill at the snack bar across the street from us, who I don’t know all that well but often joked around with, stood in the center of the room and announced that he got a new job. I immediately quipped from the back of the room, “You flipping burgers at BK now?” The whole room exploded with laughter.
I felt like a jerk immediately. I didn’t expect that reaction, since it wasn’t even that funny. It was bad enough that I interrupted his moment, but I just expected him to laugh and shoot a joke back my way as usual. I still cringe when I think about it and how his face dropped after waiting around uncomfortably for the whole thing to die down.
He was a cool guy. I apologized and everything afterward. But we never joked anymore, and he started avoiding me not too long after. I still feel bad about that.
83. Treat Others As You Want To Be Treated
One of my biggest pet peeves is when somebody buys something, but instead of handing me the money, they plop it down on the counter. So one guy came up and was being… undesirable. Grown man. When it comes time to pay, he grabs a wad of crumpled cash and throws it on the counter in front of me. I stare at it for a few moments and eventually the guy says something along the lines of, “The money’s right there, you can count it!”
So being the petty little guy I am, I pick it up, thumb through it incredibly slowly (about 30-45 seconds without exaggeration), and this guy is giving me the ANGRIEST look. I open the register to grab his change and I go to set it on the counter. He tries to dip his hand beneath mine to grab it so I slide my hand to the side and drop it on the counter. I slide the item he bought across the counter and look up and smile with a, “Have a very nice day sir.”
He storms off and I ask if he’d like his receipt. When comes back and tries to snatch it out of my hand, he instead rips it in half and it took all of my energy not to bust out into tears. I will go to any lengths to anger people if they treat me like I’m subhuman.
84. Revenge Clap
I think one of the most satisfactory ones for me was when I got back at my childhood tormentors. I got into fights because I’d physically defend friends weaker, smaller, and younger than me. Eventually, the jerks had had enough. The main girl literally recruited two years worth of bad kids. My friends sat at our usual table. The hall was weirdly empty, then came in ALL the jerks and sat at two (eight-person each) tables.
Three of them came up to me. They started insulting us. One grabbed my fork and started eating my pasta. She then picked up my cardboard juice box, stuck the straw in it, and started drinking. I clapped my hands together and all the juice flooded into her mouth where she was forced to splutter it all down herself. The rest of the jerks found this hilarious, and, not having a nice fun fight to get involved in, left.
The main jerk with the juice all over her started yelling at me. I said, “Oh yeah? You and what army?” She panicked and fled. I ate my pasta and one of my friends shared their drink with me.
85. Putting My Foot Down
The girl sitting behind me in class kept kicking the bottom of my chair. I gave her the glares and told her to stop, but she kept going. I started rocking forward on my chair’s front legs to stop her. She then decided to stretch her legs out and stop me from putting my chair flat. So I did what anyone would do. I flung my chair back down so hard that it went right into her shin.
She screamed so loud, and needed a moon boot in the end.
86. Coming Apart At The Seams
I was a swimmer and water polo player in high school. For those that aren’t familiar with water polo, it’s a pretty rough sport, and “suit grabbing” is pretty common if you play hole set (center), as it allows you to control the other players’ hips, which is enormous in positioning. This one guy was going way too far and actually reaching down my suit and grabbing my nuts/
I got angry and yanked his suit so hard that it ripped at the seams on the side (it was a little Speedo). It fell off of him and he had to get out of the pool naked in front of all the parents, coaches, referees, and athletes, with only his hands to cover himself.
87. Drying Up After Him
My roommate in college used to get out of the shower dripping wet and leave water all over the bathroom floor. I asked him several times to dry himself off in the shower but he refused. Rather than get angry about it, I just started drying off the bathroom floor every morning with his bath towel.
88. Concrete Pumpkin
I have a friend whose pumpkin/fall display at the end of his driveway would be run over by the neighborhood jerk. It happened every year. So my friend decided to put a stop to it. He withdrew money from his savings account so he would have enough to buy the largest pumpkin he could find, along with several large bags of Quikcrete. He filled that puppy up and made a real pretty display.
The jerk broke the axle of his bad car when he hit that pumpkin. He could not drive away. My friend had his car towed.
89. Long-Term And Expensive
Back in 2001, I was cheated on by a guy I dated for a few years. After we broke up, I went to Walmart’s book aisle. I grabbed about 40 subscription postcards out of the magazines and filled them all out with his name and address. I marked the ‘bill me later option’ and mailed them slowly over a few weeks.
Five years later, we hung out via mutual friends, and in the garage, there were so many magazines that the two-car garage was a one car garage. Three years after this, we were talking and he mentioned how his credit was screwed up because he didn’t pay for some magazine subscriptions and they turned him in to the collection agency.
90. Burning In The Bathroom
Several coworkers and I noticed that our lunches and drinks would constantly go missing, even when clearly marked. One of my coworkers was a diabetic and it ended up causing him to have a hypoglycaemic incident due to having his food taken. So after that, things got serious. He brought in a lunch that was laced with laxatives and a Carolina reaper extract oil. The previous diabetic incident was well documented and HR at this point was now aware of the food bandit. Luckily, that day, he hit the jackpot.
Turns out it was someone from HR who was taking people’s food. We heard a blood-curdling scream when the guy took his first bite and he was caught red-handed. It only got better from there. He stayed in the office the remainder of the day as things were sorted out. However, he ended up in the bathroom suffering even more. So not only did he get his mouth burned, he was pooping his brains out at the same time.
91. Micro-Managed Alarms
I was at my mom’s for Christmas Eve one year with my husband. I was pregnant and she had been getting on my nerves because she micromanages the holidays and my siblings and I just wanted to relax. She also had a brand-new iPhone and I knew her password. So I set her alarm to come on every hour on the hour starting at midnight and stopping at 7 a.m. I also changed the alarm tone every hour.
One was a dog barking, which set off her two Shih Tzu-poodle mix dogs for almost 45 minutes before the next alarm went off 15 minutes later. It was the best feeling in the world to hand over her phone after setting up those alarms, knowing what was going to happen. It’s one of my most cherished memories.
92. Bed Time, Not Game Time
When my husband and I got our first apartment together, we lived with someone who didn’t have much going on schedule-wise and would stay up until 3 or 4 a.m. playing video games online with friends and shouting. We asked him to be quieter after midnight because both my husband and I had early mornings, but he would always do that thing where he was quiet for about 10 minutes and then got even louder than before.
So my husband started unplugging/replugging the internet box after midnight and then when he knocked on our door and asked if we knew why the internet was out, we’d play dumb and promise to call Comcast in the morning.
93. Crushed Tacos
I was working at a taco place in the drive-thru, and this one customer was being so rude. He ordered some things, I repeated back his order, and he said I was completely wrong and wasn’t listening. Then he kept yelling at me through the speaker. When he got to the window, he didn’t even look at me when he handed over his money.
Of course, I was angry. One of the things he ordered was ten crunchy tacos with mild sauce. Before I gave him his tacos, I “checked” his ten tacos and crushed seven of them. Then I threw in twelve packets of Diablo sauce and only two packets of mild sauce.
94. Your Music, Then My Music
Neighbors had a party with karaoke (pretty bad karaoke) that lasted until about 4 a.m., blasting the speakers with Rancheritas, Corridos, bad oldies Spanish pop. I decided to wash my car with speakers blasting Cannibal Corpse at 6 a.m. when they had just gone to sleep. The next time they had a party, they came over beforehand and said it was going to be over by midnight. It was.
95. Case Closed
I’m pretty sure the day I broke up with my ex, he went through my apartment and tightened the lids on everything I own—nail polish, jars of food, bottles—because I’m a fetus and can’t open anything on my own. It was mean…but looking back, it was probably the cleverest petty revenge act I’ve ever seen.
96. Hit And Ruin
Some girl hit my car in a hit and run. There was a witness to it, the authorities were able to track her down. The damage wasn’t significant; there was a small dent and a large scratch. It was all cosmetic damage. My car is over 10 years old, and had some other scratches already. So really, I was way more upset that someone hit me and drove off than I was about the actual damage.
I wouldn’t have even bothered to get it fixed if the girl hadn’t driven off. So when I was asked if I wanted to press charges, I went for it. Turns out, she had no license or insurance. She kept trying to fight the charges, but wound up getting sued by my insurance, having to pay me restitution via the court system, and pay a bunch of fines. I regretted it once I learned the truth.
She was some 18-year-old single mom. I felt super bad by the end of it. My pursuing her and pressing charges was 100% fueled by revenge, and her life got pretty messed up from it. Yeah, what she did wasn’t right, but I can emphasize with her being a scared 18-year-old who made a bad choice while caught up in the moment.
Also, I’m not justifying her behavior because she had a kid, but it does make me feel bad for her. Being a single parent is a really expensive thing, and having a bunch of fees on top of that financial burden has got to suck.
97. Don’t Eat The Yellow Pizza
I lived in an apartment with a roommate. We had neighbors who would throw crazy parties pretty frequently, often times during the week. One day, my roommate who had to be awake early got fed up and decided to pee on a metal pizza pan and stick it in the freezer. After a crazy party he pulled the pan out, and flipped it upside down, giving him a frozen disc of pee.
He then slid that disc under their door where it would melt on their fully carpeted entryway. We woke up to them shouting at the people who crashed there, demanding to know who peed on the floor and what the heck was wrong with them.
98. Sign Your Work
My ex cheated on me while I was deployed. She wound up getting engaged to the guy. Before I changed duty stations, she reached out to say goodbye. We hooked up. While she was asleep, I found his underwear drawer and left a note that said, “Cheaters cheat. By the way, I didn’t use protection.” I signed it. Hard not to think fondly on that memory…
99. Shots Fired
Last year at Christmas my older sister, who I’ve never really gotten along with, was being a total witch and talking down to me. “Seriously,” she said with a snarl, “When was the last time I even talked to you?” But I got my revenge. My comeback made her face go pale. My reply: “Huh, I’m not sure, maybe it was at your wedding a few months ago?”
See, she got married in May, divorced by July, and was now sitting next to her new boyfriend who she’s introducing to us for the first time. They left. My parents were so mad. I had a great time.
100. It Didn’t Add up
I interned in a class with this kid who always thought he was smarter than everyone else. He was pretty smart, but not by too much. Yet he always got paired with kids who weren’t as smart as him, so he would always be super smug when dealing with them. During one parent-teacher conference, we found out exactly where he got it from.
His parents thought he was the smartest kid in the school. They built him up as that and they got him thinking it, too. In this meeting, they even went off on the teacher, saying she “was bringing him down” and that she “was terrible.” The conference ended when the teacher left the room crying. But it didn’t take long for sweet revenge.
About a week later, there was an event where parents came to watch their children do math games with other students. Well, the teacher paired this smug little kid with the actual smartest kid in class. The kid got destroyed in the math games. His parents were so flustered, they left before it was all done and took him out of school for the rest of the day.