Revenge is a dish best served cold—and these stories are ice. From petty victories to brutal vengeance, is there any feeling more satisfying than getting back at someone who deserves it?
1. Comparing Sound
My neighbor would crank his house music up as high as it could go and then leave for the night. It was mildly annoying in certain parts of my home. So, I decided on some petty revenge. I bought some huge speakers of my own and played the same song back. Literally the same song, over and over and over while I went on vacation for four days.
I'm not sure who was the pettier neighbor, but we both stopped doing it after that. Funny thing is, sometime later when he was throwing a party, he asked if he could use my speakers because of how nice and loud they were.
2. All That Glitters
I work for a construction company and we do remodeling on homes. We have a rule here that we get to keep anything we find hidden behind the walls. We hired this guy (we really needed a worker badly) who was a total jerk from day one. I’ve been working for this company for five years and this guy has only been doing construction for one year after he got fired from his accounting job.
Anyways, he would always make fun of my clothes and my accent, and one day he went too far by telling my boss about my private Instagram account pictures. He got on my phone and looked through my Instagram page and showed my boss pictures of me with weed. Joke’s on him; my boss is my friend from eight years ago and this wasn’t a surprise to him.
Still, I was so mad that he violated my privacy—so I made a plan to screw him right over. He was the kind of guy who would always come in late and complain that trains or traffic is why he was always late. One day, I overheard him saying that if he won the lottery he would quit this job for not getting the "respect" he deserves.
You know, because you have to earn your respect here. So a few days later, I bought some fake gold coins online and put them in a metal box I found at the antique store. Then I waited for a chance to hide it in a wall. Luckily, I did not have to wait long. The day he found the coins, it seemed like it was his best day ever.
The first thing he did when he opened the box was call my boss a loser and quit immediately on the spot. He said, “screw this place, I’m rich.” Little did he know, that was the best day of my life. After he quit, my boss told us that he was going to fire him anyways for always showing up late...I wish I could see the look on his face when he finds out the gold coins are fake. Best $40 I spent in my entire life.
3. Cheaters Never Prosper
When I got divorced—my alcoholic wife of 18 years had started another affair, this time with her addictions counsellor—my lawyer and I laid a trap for them. Just in case you don't know, intimate relations between a counselor and patient are very frowned upon by the regulatory bodies. And I was more than angry after putting her through rehab ($25k, which I didn't have to do) only to have her fall back into her old behavior.
Shortly before the divorce was finalized, I filed a complaint with the State body licensing health professions. Knowing they were in some peril because of their unprofessional relationship (I had already gotten him fired from a major teaching hospital), she had backed off her exorbitant demands. I paid her a very modest settlement, kept the house, got custody of the three tweenage kids, plus got child support.
Her lawyer naturally included a clause in the divorce where I had to agree to not say anything negative about her lover and their relationship. But the lawyer messed up and never asked if I had already filed charges and thus didn't require me to rescind them. Her lawyer had assumed I was just bad mouthing them to neighbors and friends, and it never occurred to the lawyer that we were doing much more. But we were doing much more.
When the Board of Health Professions responded to my complaint shortly after the divorce was finalized, I told them that it would take a subpoena to get me to testify, since a subpoena trumps an agreement in a divorce settlement. They were happy to oblige. They stripped his license and placed him on a register of sanctioned health professionals.
He never worked again. They were broke in a handful of years and she divorced him when the money ran out. Oh, and the frosting on the cake was that his wife and I traded notes, notably hotel receipts from the time of their affair, that helped each of us in our respective divorces. In the end, justice was very much served.
4. Cooking With Gas
Several years ago, I lived in the northwest coast of Puerto Rico. It’s a very relaxed area, with tons of good restaurants and lots of green space. My apartment was on a cliff, not far from the water. The electric infrastructure was a bit old, so when it was rainy season, we’d lose power for a few hours at a time. Not a big deal—I had a gasoline generator.
Enter a new neighbor. He lived two doors down from me, and drove an amazing custom Chevy van from the 70s. All it needed was an epic airbrushed Wizard on the side. Sadly though, that’s where anything good about him ended. I caught him taking the gas out of an orange jug I’d leave outside in case the generator ran out. Although I saw him do it, and called him out on it, he denied it and played stupid.
So after the second time, I took all of the gas in the jug, filled the generator with it, and put the rest in my car. I then went to the nearest gas station that had diesel and filled it up with diesel. A few days later, I am woken up by a tow truck backing up to pick up his now disabled van. I looked out the window and you could see the anger on his face. He moved out the next month, and from what I gathered from talking to people in the community, he was a general piece of trash human and what happened to him was deserved.
5. Garbage Fight!
We had some neighbors that used to leave their garbage out in plastic bags the night before garbage day instead of putting it in a bin. Around here, that's just ringing the dinner bell for raccoons and other critters. Sure enough, come morning, there's garbage strewn all over the neighborhood. What the raccoons and skunks didn't spread around, the wind picked up the slack.
Some of the people on the street kindly approached the guy and asked him to put his garbage in a bin—but he gave them all the nastiest response. He told them in no kind words to shut it. Thus began the Garbage Wars. Every morning of garbage day, some people on my street would collect all the half-eaten and rotten trash from their lawns and toss it back into the dude's backyard.
He would collect it, then dump it back on their lawns. Or cram it into their bushes. People started finding half-eaten burritos and candy wrappers in their mailboxes. The street started to look like a slum. People were called. Health inspectors. City by-law enforcement. Each side was calling in whatever authority they could muster to get their enemy.
The dude and his family lasted about eight months, and then moved. Every once in a while, I find a random margarine lid or piece of styrofoam in my hedge, and my mind goes back to those dark days of garbage.
6. Littering Kittens
We rented a house that had another apartment in the basement. The lady who lived below us kept to herself for the most part, so we didn't see her much. Part of our rental was a detached garage and she asked if she could put a small deep freezer in our garage. We were using it for storage, so we were fine with it. After a couple of weeks of having her freezer in there, it somehow got unplugged. Her reaction was deranged.
She came unglued on us and wanted us to pay to replace everything. I understood her frustration, but we hardly ever went into the garage since it was only for storage. In other words, we definitely didn't unplug it and our landlord agreed. But she was SO mad. The lady also had a son in college who came home for the summer. During that summer he found a cat and brought it home.
His mom said no cats inside, so he would feed the kitten outside. She was pretty wild. He left for school again in the fall and we noticed that the cat was getting very thin. We started feeding her outside in her usual spot. Around Christmas, we bought a bag of cat food, and I made a plate of cookies and left them both at our neighbor's front door.
The next day they were both back on our porch. Rude, but whatever. We continued to feed the cat because she obviously wasn't feeding her. A few weeks later the cat came to our door crying. She was trying to come inside. Super weird considering she was pretty wild, and we had never let her inside before. I let the cat in and noticed she was pregnant and about to have kittens.
I made her a little corner and she had babies the next day. We let her stay in the house with us, but we knew we couldn't keep her. I went downstairs to talk to our neighbor. She said that her son's cat was a boy so the cat we had obviously wasn't his. I posted on Facebook to see if anyone was interested in fostering a cat and her kittens because we couldn't keep her.
Her son saw my post on Facebook and got super mad at his mom. Oh, and this is the most infuriating part of all. THAT'S when reported me, said that I took her cat, and lied to me when she confronted me about having the cat in my possession. It was the stupidest, most frustrating thing that had ever happened to me as far as neighbors go.
7. You Are What You Eat
A couple things about me that made it really suck to have a food thief: I have a lot of food allergies, so I can't just get lunch at the cafeteria or at a nearby restaurant. I have a new baby, who I'm breastfeeding, and who I pump for when I'm at work. You know how hungry pregnant people are? Yeah, the caloric requirement for breastfeeding is 100-200 calories higher. I am always hungry.
Because I have a new baby, half the time I don't manage to show up at work with a lunch. I either run out of time to pack one, or if I did remember, I leave it on the counter. My solution to all of this was to leave lots of non-perishable snacks in my office. And also a lot of candy, because I also have a three-year-old and therefore work is the only place I can shovel Skittles into my mouth without a little hand extending into my field of vision and a little voice saying "pwease?"
These were snacks that were specifically free of my allergens. Some were also specialty foods because of this. The type of specialty food that just doesn't taste as good as food that contains the allergen, and also costs twice as much. Because I'm not getting a lot of sleep right now, I deserve nice things. So, because I'm not getting a lot of sleep right now, when I first came back from maternity leave, assembled my snack hoard, and started having things go missing, I genuinely thought I was just losing my mind.
Boxes of candy were running out faster than I thought I was eating them. I'd come in in the morning and things wouldn't be where I'd left them. At one point, I brought a bag of chips to work, folded the rim of the bag down so I wasn't plunging my arm elbow-deep into a grease pit, and then put a bag clip on it when I went home. When I came in the next morning the bag was unrolled and re-clipped.
I went "Wow, I must be more tired than I thought," rolled the bag back down, and the next morning it was unrolled again. Just little things like that, almost every day, that made me go "Wow, the post-baby brain is worse than I thought!" And then. And then! Then I got the flu. I got sick, and I was out for a whole week. Left behind at the office was an almost-full box of Enjoy Life cookies, which are not enjoyable but are free of all major allergens, and are also $5 a box for, like, 12 sad little sand pies with some cinnamon on top.
I ate one row of these cookies, and then I was out of the office for a week. For one week, I was not eating any of my snack hoard. But someone else was. Because I came back to work, opened my box of cookies, and found one. There was one single, solitary cookie left. And, on further examination, the one box of candy that had been opened was nowhere to be found, and on top of that the thief had done me the courtesy of opening a new box for me, except that they actually followed the "push here to open" instructions instead of just ripping one end of the box open like I do.
The combination of these two things—the sheer freaking audacity it takes to open a new box so you can continue taking from someone, on top of the consumption of almost a whole box specialty cookies that aren't even GOOD—enraged me enough that, after going to my boss and getting some vague promises about checking if the security cameras in my wing of the building are functional or not (what??) I went straight to Amazon and ordered myself a nanny cam.
Not for my baby. For my snack hoard. Conveniently, it arrived the day before Valentine's day. I set it up on top of a file cabinet looking down at my desk. On the desk, I laid out a fantastic spread of snacks. I got all my thief's favorites, and then I took it one step further. I bought myself a Valentine heart, broke the seal to make it more inviting, and left it out on my desk.
The next morning, I came in to some very obvious snack carnage. My thief had slowly been getting more brazen (again, who OPENS a new box of something?? And opens it DIFFERENTLY than the person they are taking from??) but this was just on another level. Individually wrapped things had been dumped out of their boxes. Bits of packaging had been thrown away. And, yup; they'd eaten some of the Valentine candy.
For shame, office thief! Don't you know that's from someone who loves me?? I played back the video. All was quiet throughout most of the evening, and I was just watching the shadows lengthen as the sun slowly set through the hallway window. And then! Shortly before midnight! The night janitor arrived! And went right ahead and took a 12-minute break in my office, sitting in my chair, eating my food.
I started taking screenshots. I got him shoveling candy into his mouth with full palm-to-lips intensity. Pouring things out onto the desk to pick his favorite flavors. Not even bothering to put them back where he found them. And yes. Eating my Valentine's candy. Screenshots went directly to my boss in an email. I went directly to my boss's door to hover and grin and ask if he'd read my email.
And I got assurances of a strongly worded email to the cleaning company and the barring of this particular employee from our place of business. I was also, tactfully, asked to please take my unauthorized spy camera home, which I did. I thought this was over, but it wasn’t. One day, the girl who works the concession stand dropped by to thank me. Apparently the food thief would start his shift just as she was closing down for the night, and would try to get free coffee in that "creepy guy" way.
And then one of the reception staff came by with the same sentiments. I'd never met the guy face-to-face, but apparently, as a woman, it was not a fun experience to have. I'd shown my screenshots to a few co-workers and word had spread fast. I worked an earlier shift, so I didn't recognize him, but people whose shifts overlapped with his did.
I hadn't told my husband about what I'd done because when I came home raging about the blatant theft that had gone on while I'd been sick, his only response had been "You really shouldn't be leaving food at work, then." But, when I came home with the nanny cam and explained where and why I'd gotten it, his reaction surprised me.
"You know, I think this is the first time I've seen you stand up for yourself. I'm proud of you." Y'know what? I'm proud of me too!
8. Sort Out Your Priorities
I am 5'4" male who looks less muscular than I am. I was in line for priority boarding and it had just started when the woman behind me said "Excuse me, this is for priority boarding. You need to wait with everyone else." I ignored her and presented my boarding pass with my active duty ID. My only revenge was when the attendant said "thank you for your service."
I turned to the woman behind me, grinned, and said "thanks!" Before boarding.
9. Yeah, That’s Not How This Works
We don't own a car and live at the end of a cul-de-sac, and I have people use my driveway all the time to turn around. It's not a huge deal to me, a little annoying when they compact the snow and it's harder to shovel, but whatever. One of my neighbors had a ride service come pick up their child every day. The van would park in my spot and begin honking at like 8 am (I worked nights at the time).
Half the time he'd be half parked on my grass. I told my neighbor that I don't overly mind my spot being used, but not if the guy is going to honk like that every morning and especially not if he's going to drive over what little lawn I have every time. She spoke with him, he ignored it. I spoke with him and got "what's your problem man, it's not like you're using it."
To which I repeated that I don't mind him using it if he stays off my grass and doesn't honk every morning. Apparently suggesting he wait until the kid notices he's there or, god forbid, he have to drag his butt out of the car to knock on a door was just ridiculous and inhumane of me. So I left a recycle bin at the foot of my driveway. He just ran over it.
I called the dispatch for the ride service and was told they are sub contractors and technically self-employed but they will pass along the message. I wake up the next day to pounding on my door. Dude is ANGRY. Him: "How dare you call my boss you stupid piece of trash! What is wrong with you? Me: "Well it's quite simple, you were told not to use my driveway if you were going drive on my lawn and wake me up every morning. Now get off my doorstep."
Him: "I'll sue you if I lose my job because of you." Me: "You've been warned. Don't trespass on my driveway or property again!" Dude storms off in a huff spouting curses. So this happened on a Thursday, the kids had a PD day the next day, and it's supposed to be one of those delightful Canadian weekends where it drops to like -40 Celsius.
For my American friends, -40 is where Celsius and Fahrenheit meet up, so it's freaking cold. So that night, I grabbed one of my more beat up plastic garbage bins, made sure to plug all the holes with a generous amount of duct tape, stuck a sign on it that read, "private property, driveway not for public use" and proceeded to fill it to the brim with water.
Now, before anyone thinks I'm a jerk willing to potentially endanger the other kids in the car, I'd like to point out that my neighbor's kid is the first to be picked up, so it's just him in the car. Queue Monday morning. He sees the garbage can, backs up a bit more, and defiantly charges the can as if to teach me a lesson. He then proceeds to cause some pretty serious damage to the front end of his car. Dude gets out fuming, calls the authorities and comes pounding on my door, screaming about how I'm going to buy him a new car and that I’m about to go to the slammer.
Officer: "So let me make sure I understand this situation. He asked you not to park here if you couldn't refrain from honking, then warned you not to park here and put up a barrier. Now you expect him to be charged and pay for damages you caused yourself to your vehicle in an attempt to destroy his own personal property?" I will never forget the look on his face when the officer said, "Yeah, that's not how this works."
He then turned to me and asked if I wanted to pursue charges for him damaging my personal property. I just gave him the biggest grin I could muster and said, "Nah, I think we're good." I then went back inside to enjoy a morning coffee while watching him from my kitchen window as he paced back and forth in the cold waiting for a tow truck and having to call the company he worked for to explain why they needed to send out another driver to complete his route.
10. Dad Of The Year
So, my daughter, who was about eight at the time, was REALLY into Minecraft, as most kids are these days. She was also desperately wanting to join the YouTube/Let's Play culture, so I had installed some screen recording software that would let her make videos of the games she was playing so she could later upload them to YouTube.
Anyways, one day I'm minding my own business when I hear her quietly sniffling over on the computer. I asked her what was wrong, but she didn't want to tell me so I let it go, but decided to keep on eye on her. A few minutes later I discovered what was happening. Someone was harassing not only her, but also all the other kids playing on whatever server she was on.
This kid was saying stuff about how he was going to harm my eight-year-old daughter (she told him how old she was hoping he would stop), how he was going to hack into her IP and take her information, swearing profusely (remember, this is a game for kids), etc etc. By this time I had gotten my fiancée involved, and she was also obviously quite upset at what this kid was doing.
We then realized that our daughter had been recording the entire incident, and a plan began to form. I started by googling the kid’s username. There were several hits immediately, the most interesting of which involved a page where he was publicly applying to be a mod for a server on Minecraft. I was able to learn a lot about this little idiot.
He claimed to be 15, likes hockey, used to live in Toronto but now lives in Florida. But the bombshell was easily his Skype contact info; it was literally firstname.lastname. I know your name now, you jerk. So I head over to Facebook and search for the name. Nothing. Hmmmm. On a hunch, I searched for just the last name, while narrowing my results to only the state of Florida.
Several dozen hits. Hmmm. So I have to start combing through each one, until I find what I was looking for: A middle-aged man with the same last name, whose profile indicates he was born in Toronto and now lives in Florida. I FOUND YOUR DAD, YOU LITTLE JERK. So I sent him a message on Facebook, asking if he had a son named firstname who goes by his username on Minecraft.
Dad confirmed I had the right guy. So my fiancée begins telling the dad everything that his son was saying to my daughter, and we sent him the recorded video as proof. Radio silence for a few days. Then we got the message back. This jerk had his computer taken away from him for the entire summer. He had also been lying about his age; he was only 11, I think.
His parents were livid with him, and he surely hated the next few months of his life. No one screws with my daughter.
11. Droning On And On
About six or seven months ago, my neighbor got a drone. I don't mind people having hobbies, but for some reason he insisted on flying like the biggest jerk possible. He would hover in front of other houses and windows, try to "race" cars going down the road, and worst of all he had a habit of flying his drone in my fenced backyard.
He would start buzzing over my dog, diving low just over my dog’s head before circling around to do it again. My dog isn't small, he's about 70lbs and a Malamute, but the drone terrified him, and I was worried what would happen if it hit him. I asked my neighbor several times to please not fly in my yard and explained that it was scaring my dog. His answer made my blood boil.
He basically told me to get lost and laughed in my face. When it still continued, I called the authorities. Unfortunately, there wasn't much they could do other than ask him to please not fly over my house and property. Finally, in late December it happened—my dog got tired of his torments and managed to catch the drone right as it was diving towards him.
He shredded the drone, and the thing was just a jumbled mess of wires and plastic. Neighbor was ANGRY. He stormed over to my house swearing and threatening me, which I ignored. A week later, I got a summons to small claims court. He wanted $900 for the cost of his drone and an additional $300 for supposedly denying him access to his property.
See, the drone sat in my yard for a couple hours before it was retrieved. Screw that. He could have hurt my dog. I don't have kids or a girlfriend, I just have my dog who is my best friend for the past seven years. That dog has moved with me three times, was there when I graduated college, saw me buy my first house and my first new car.
I love my dog. But turns out, him suing me was the best thing to ever happen. When we got to small claims court, the judge basically laughed away his claims that I had intentionally trained my dog to attack his drone. But little did he know I was prepared. I had dozens of photos of my yard showing it was impossible for him to "accidentally" fly that low to my dog.
I also had videos of him harassing my dog in the past, and I had saved all my medical bills from taking my dog to the vet. $700 for an X-ray? Check. Another $250 to sedate him during? Why not, don't want him being uncomfortable. Full dental exam with tooth cleaning/repair? $400. Then there was the cost of anti-anxiety meds and a secondary check-up, wet food for a week in case his teeth were hurt, and extra just for good measure.
In the end, the jerk ended up owing me almost $2,000, and now is being investigated by the FAA for not having a registered drone and violating several regulations concerning drone flight, too near an airport, too close to other people, out of sight of operator, and waaay above the maximum altitude. Enjoy never being allowed to fly drones again, buddy.
12. Don’t Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out
Four years ago now, when I was 24, my mom passed from breast cancer, and as both my grandmothers had also succumbed to, it I saw a specialist for a screening. I found out I had some cells in my chest that could have turned cancerous at any given moment. I was told I had a few options: First, I could have regular screenings every three or four months until it does develop into cancer.
I was told the risk of the cells becoming cancerous was very high due to family history. However, it could also potentially never could turn so I'd just be getting these screenings for no reason. Second, I could get a single mastectomy, but they'd need to keep an eye on the other one, so I'd still need regular checkups. Or three, I could get a bilateral mastectomy and remove all of my tissue, basically eliminating the risk.
I went for the bilateral mastectomy. It was admittedly the most drastic option, but after seeing what cancer did to my mom and grandmothers I didn't want to risk it. I was warned about scarring but told it should be fairly minor. They were so, so wrong. It wasn't and I was left with two huge, pink, jagged scars on either side of my chest.
Each was about an inch long and half an inch wide, and it caused me to go into a severe depression. It got to the stage of me not even leaving my flat because I didn't want people to see me, throwing out my mirrors, and getting physically sick looking at myself. I went to a therapist, who suggested a plastic surgeon. The therapist said they'd never normally do that, but it was clearly something I was struggling with and I might never get over it, and the therapist could see why I struggled with it.
Although I'll admit the therapist did send me to ask about scar reduction, the plastic surgeon suggested a cream, a laser, or implants. The cream didn't work, and the laser was both expensive and risky, so I went with the implants. My natural chest was an F cup, so I went with a slightly smaller DD. Since then, my mental health has improved and I feel a lot better about the way I look.
My confidence has gone up, as has my self esteem. I know I shouldn't put so much into my appearance but I wasn't exaggerating about these scars. Huge, bright pink, jagged, raised, just really awful to look at and I hated seeing myself, and they are now nicely hidden away and you can barely feel them. But then came the drama.
In the present day, I'm 28 years old and working in an office. I'm doing a lot better than I was. My co-worker, Jill, found out I'd had a breast job (but not about the cancer thing), when myself and my friend from years before the mastectomy were planning a holiday and she made a joke about me going on a plane with my implants, and Jill overheard.
By the end of the day, the entire office knew I'd had implants, but not why, and half a dozen people confirmed Jill had told them. Over the next few months, Jill made many "jokes" and comments about my chest to co-workers when I was in earshot, at one point saying I had "more plastic than Barbie" and calling me "fake in two ways."
I didn't hear this one myself, but a friend in the office told me that Jill had at one point referred to me as a "sack of silicone." I don’t know what her problem was exactly but at one point she mentioned the hospital system, so I assume Jill thought that I'd got my chest done for free on taxpayer money. I asked her to stop more than once, but unfortunately the places I'd talked to her were places like the elevator and the women's bathroom, where there weren't any cameras.
Jill just kept making comments no matter how often I asked her not to. I wouldn't say it was every single day, but I heard at least three comments per week for three months. So I hit my breaking point. Me, Jill, and a few other co-workers were having lunch, and I referred to something as being shallow. Jill said, "You'd know all about being shallow" while gesturing to my chest. I snapped.
I said, "Do you know why I have these? A few years ago the doctors found potentially cancerous cells in my tissue, I was advised to get a mastectomy and was left with huge ugly scars on my chest. I went to see a therapist who sent me to a cosmetic surgeon, who advised me to get implants to hide the scars, and I did it just so I could look at myself in the mirror without crying.”
I took a breath here, then said, “So maybe next time you want to judge someone for having cosmetic surgery, you should ask them why they had it first." And feeling like that was a mic drop moment, I picked up my food and left. For the rest of the day, I had about 1/3 of my office come up to me and offer support, and the rest tell me that Jill was just joking around and I was being a witch.
I replied that Jill was being a witch long before I was. But that wasn’t the end of it. I then got an email from HR saying they wanted to talk to me the following day, and when I called for clarification, they mentioned a "hostile work environment." I knew the person who signed off the email and who I'd spoken to. Her name was Debbie, and she was Jill's friend in HR, so I was fairly confident on who had reported me.
I realized that if this was already being sent to HR, I needed as much ammo as possible, so I went about collecting my information. As Debbie had dealt with me so far, it was safe to assume she would be the person reviewing the complaint with me, and if that was true I was screwed. However, I vaguely remembered a section on complaints that was in my contract when I first signed with the company.
I flicked through the contract, and there was a part in the complaints section that said I was contractually allowed to request a change of reviewer if I felt my allocated reviewer was biased. It was called an "impartial overseer." I photocopied the page and highlighted that part. Then I messaged the people who had offered their support over Facebook.
I said basically "HR has asked to see me. Do any of you remember Jill insulting me to your face and are you willing to write and sign something saying what you heard and when?" Not everyone was willing to help as Jill is somewhat feared in the office due to her befriending HR and management, but about 20 people were willing to help me.
I guessed roughly when I'd asked Jill to stop previously and I wrote them all down, along with a rough time of when the lunchroom confrontation happened and a list of names of who was there for the lunchroom confrontation. I got to work slightly early the next morning. I went around to everyone who had messaged me and most of them managed to give me a printed and signed letter.
I wound up with about 16 letters, all from different people, and one of them was in the lunchroom for my conversation with Jill. Some even had bullet-point lists of everything Jill had said to them about me or other people, as it turns out Jill has issues with a lot of people's appearances. She apparently made comments about one co-worker's weight, and something awful about a different co-worker's nose, all of which were put in these letters.
There are about 45 people in the office so while 16 wasn't a majority, it's still a decent amount. The letters weren't hugely long, most were only a paragraph, but they had all the necessary information. I was asked to come to HR at 10 am. I took the letters from co-workers, the photocopy of the page in my contract, and my dates and times in a little folder with me. I got there and Debbie was the one overseeing the interview.
She got up from her desk, ready to lead me into another room. That’s when I put my plan into action. I immediately turned to the other HR worker that was currently there and said, "So is my meeting with you, then?" Debbie said "No, you're with me." I replied that this wouldn't sit well with me, as "My contract states I have a right to an impartial overseer."
As I said this, I took the contract page out of my folder. Debbie read it and said she could be impartial. I replied that I really didn't mean to be a pain, but I had it on good authority that the person on the other end of this complaint is her friend, and my contract does say I'm allowed an impartial overseer. So Debbie stomped off to get a supervisor.
The supervisor asks how I know she can't be impartial and I tell him that I have it on good authority that Jill, who was on the other end of this complaint, is a close friend of Debbie. He asked Debbie if this was true, to which she only replied "I can be impartial." The supervisor took a deep breath, asked the other HR rep to come with him, and the four of us all went to review the complaint.
I thanked them for being so accommodating (I was worried I'd annoyed them), Debbie took out the complaint, and all three of them went through it with me. Debbie looked homicidal the whole time the interview was happening, as she had clearly anticipated firing me or at least recommending me being fired. The interview went something like this.
It took over half an hour and they kept asking me the same questions but phrased different ways, so this is a really drastically condensed version. Q: You said outside that you think Jill Lastname reported you. Why is this? A: Jill has had an issue with me for about three months now. Q: Why didn't you come to us when you realised Jill had an issue?
A: I had no issue with her. Q: What issue does Jill have with you? A: Four years ago a specialist identified potentially cancerous cells in my tissue. I had surgery to remove my tissue, thereby removing the cells and the risk. After the surgery I was left with large scars on my chest. I went to a therapist for low self-esteem and depression.
The therapist suggested a plastic surgeon, who suggested implants to cover my scars. All of this is in my medical history which you have a copy of in my file and my full permission to review. Jill found out about my implants but didn't know about the cancer. Jill had a problem with my implants, and decided to communicate this problem to our co-workers.
Q: Why do you feel this is true? A: Here's 16 signed statements all from different co-workers, all testifying that Jill told the entire office I'd had implants on the day she found out and has since made comments about these implants frequently. They have quotes of what Jill said to them about it and rough dates and times.
Q: Rough dates and times? A: No one knew this would be escalated to such an extent so no one really took notes when it happened. Q: What event or events do you think directly led to this complaint of harassment? A: For me, harassment began when Jill told everyone about my implants without my consent, but as to the complaint placed against me, it would probably be what happened at about [time] yesterday in the lunch room.
Jill made a comment about me being shallow while gesturing to my chest and I replied by giving her an abridged version of my relevant medical history and ending with a comment about the importance of getting the full story. There are cameras in the lunch room, so I'm sure you'll be able to find that conversation. I'll admit I could have handled the situation better, but after three months I felt I had to put my foot down.
Here's a list of names of people who were also present. There were six people at the table, including myself and Jill. One of these people is also in those letters, and has written their account of the conversation and signed it. Q: Had you had a conversation or conversations with Jill prior to this regarding her comments about you?
A: Several, spaced out over the last three months. Each time, I communicated to her that I felt uncomfortable and upset with these comments she was making and would appreciate it if she were to stop. Q: To your knowledge, was Jill made aware of your former cancer at any point in this time? A: No. It wasn't mentioned in the conversation with my friend she overheard and I didn't tell her because frankly it's none of her business and I did not feel the need to detail my medical history to a co-worker in order to avoid further harassment.
Supervisor stands up and says, "Well, I think we're done here." He shakes my hand and sends me back to my desk, saying that I'd hear from them after they reviewed the evidence (letters, CCTV, medical history and anything they had already) and made a decision on the case. I got back to my desk, pulled up my CV, and prepared to start the job search again. Then something strange starts happening.
About an hour goes by, then the person who wrote the letter and was there for the lunchroom conversation gets called for a meeting with HR. They come back 10ish minutes later. The other people who were also there for the lunchroom conversation get called one by one, except Jill. All of them are gone for about 10 minutes then come back, find a co-worker, and say that HR wants to see them.
Then the people who wrote letters but weren't there yesterday are also called one by one and are each gone for about 10 minutes each, some longer, some shorter. By about 3:30, it looks like everyone who wrote a letter or was there in the lunch room has been interviewed. Then, finally, Jill gets called in. She's gone for about 30 minutes and comes back fuming.
She glares at me while I work, but I ignore her. 4:30ish, Jill gets called into HR again. 5 pm rolls around, everyone is either leaving or getting ready to leave, when Jill storms back into the office. She glares at me the whole time she packs up her desk. She then starts telling anyone who will listen that I got her fired before shoving her way onto the lift. An email comes in from HR. My case is closed.
13. Moms Gone Mad
So this happened earlier today, and it was too perfect. I work in construction as the foreman for a new house build. The location is kind of strange. The house is 250 feet up a hill via a footpath only. All of our materials have to come up this footpath by hand. It’s a pain in the butt to manually carry, quite literally, an ENTIRE HOUSE up this hill.
One of our saving graces is having the two parking spots on the street at the bottom of this hill marked with official “No Parking” signs. Unfortunately, there is an elementary school about half a block away and the parents of children seem to regularly (at least twice a day) think it’s ok to park in our spots. Now, I consider myself a reasonable person, so if someone is parked in the spots and we don’t have a delivery or a need to park a truck, I will let it go.
If we need the spots and there’s someone parked there, however, I will ask them to move nicely and most of the time they do so immediately. Until today. I get a phone call from the lumber delivery truck that is en route to our location. He says he’ll be there in about two or three minutes. I let him know I will meet him at the street and make sure he has space to park.
He’s carrying all of the material to frame the roof of our house, which is a lot of really big lumber and will take easily an hour to bring up the hill, so naturally I didn’t want him parked in the middle of the street with his hazards on for an hour, especially when we have a perfectly good parking spot for him. As I begin my trip down the hill, I notice there is a school parent sitting in her car idling.
Assuming she’s just waiting to pick up her child, I walk up to her car and politely let her know that she is parked in a no parking zone and we really need her to clear it to park a delivery truck. She scoffs at me and rudely states back, “I’ll just be a few minutes, and your truck isn’t here, take a chill pill dude.” Before I can respond, a giant lumber truck comes around the corner.
I wave to him, and then gesture towards him to the woman in the car who has now put her window back up to ignore me. I put on my best customer service smile and wave at her through the window. She put it down halfway and angrily shouts, “WHAT!” By now the truck has pulled up alongside her car and I politely ask her again, with a stronger tone of voice to move her vehicle.
I remind her that she is parked in a tow away zone. Then she gives me this wonderful idea. She says, “Can’t you guys just unload around me? Jesus, it’s not that hard.” I give her another smile and walk away, a brilliant plan forming in my head. I instruct the delivery driver to park as closely to her as possible and block her in with the porta potty that is at one end of our reserved spots and the parked car that is parked just adjacent to our spots on the other end.
He smiles because he immediately gets what I’m trying to do, and proceeds to expertly block this lady and her car into a little two parking spot cell. We unstrap the lumber and my guys begin humping material up the hill, meanwhile I call the parking enforcement to let them know the situation. At this point in time, I wasn’t trying to get her in trouble, I just wanted a record of why we were blocking part of the street so we don’t get in trouble with the city.
The very friendly traffic officer lets me know that she can be there in about 30 minutes and deal with the situation for me, wonderful! As we continue to unload lumber, the child of the parent shows up, and wouldn’t you know it, mom is just now realizing that the lumber truck is parked so close she can’t get out of her driver door to meet her kid.
She awkwardly clambers across the inside of her car and stumbles out the passenger door, shooting glaring looks at me and the truck driver in the process. She loads her kid into the back and then begins to realize that she has no way of leaving. She comes storming up to myself and the driver and states, “I’m in a big hurry, you need to move your truck right now so I can go.”
Before I can respond, the driver gets a grin on his face. He says, “Ma’am, in order to unload the lumber on the truck we had to unstrap it, and per our company policy I’m not allowed to move the truck with any unsecured load on it. Sorry.” This sends her into near aneurysm levels of blood pressure, meanwhile I can barely contain my laughter.
“Screw your policy, I have somewhere to be!” She barks back at him. At this point, with impeccably convenient timing, the parking enforcement officer shows up and parks behind the truck. The woman doesn’t see the officer arrive, and while the officer is still getting out of her vehicle I just casually say, “Can’t you just pull out around it? It’s not that hard.”
I say this with the biggest grin I’ve ever had. I watch as she realizes that I just used her line on her. “Screw you!” She yells, and storms back to her car and angrily clambers back in through the passenger door and into the driver’s seat. Now the officer is walking up to myself and the driver, and before she can even introduce herself the mom in the car slams it into reverse and stomps on the gas.
She crashes into our porta potty and knocks it over, and then throws the car into drive and tries to mount the curb and drive onto the sidewalk. The officer, driver, and I are staring in disbelief as she gets halfway over the curb and gets stuck. I can hear her screaming over the idling truck from inside her car. The officer promptly walks up to the door of the car and orders her out.
My favorite part of the entire thing is watching her face go to shock as she realized she just did all of that in front of an officer. She gets slapped in cuffs as the parking officer calls for a second unit and she is promptly sat on the very curb she tried to drive over. She sits on the curb yelling to the now two officers about how we told her she could stay there and that we never asked her to move.
The traffic officer responds that she was the one who was originally called when she first refused to move and that she already knows what’s going on. While myself and the driver are giving a report to the second officer, my guys finish moving the remainder of the lumber and the driver finishes his statement and takes off to go back to the yard.
By the end of the ordeal she was charged with Child Endangerment, (her kid was in the back of the car the whole time) Reckless Driving, Destruction of Property, (the porta potty) and Driving on a Suspended License. On top of all that, she also got her car towed; the kid went home with his grandma and she went to spend some quality time in a cell.
I never expected her to actually heed my advice to “Just pull out around it.” But I think next time she’ll probably think twice about parking in a tow away zone, if she ever gets a license again.
14. Casa De Cheater
My boyfriend and I had met online well over six years ago through an online game by the name of RuneScape. He was 14 and I was 17, but it had felt like we had been friends forever. We both played the game very often and connected through it, eventually leading us to start a long-distance relationship. Things began to escalate as the years went on and we began seeing each other in person every few months or so.
We were about 1,500 miles apart, so one of our main priorities for the future was moving in together and closing the distance. My job had prevented us from doing that, but we had finally set a date for me to move in with him in December of this year. Our relationship never had any serious issues and I was more than happy to have him in my life as he was happy to have me.
As I got older, I began to play RuneScape less and less, as work took up most of my time. He continued to play regularly, if not more than he had when I first met him. He could never really hold down a job and barely had an income, but I supported him throughout the years and even paid his rent from across the country after he moved out of his parents' house a few years ago.
I never really minded it because he was a sweetheart, but we began to have problems. In November of last year, I couldn't help pay his monthly rent. I was short on cash after having to pay my own living expenses alongside car repairs and bills I owed to the state, and I just couldn't afford to support him at the time. When I called him one night to discuss it, he freaked out and started crying that he didn't want to live with his parents again.
I tried calming him down and even suggesting that I could help him find a temporary job until I could start providing for him again, but he wasn't having it. He claimed his parents would harm him if he returned home, which I know for a fact isn't true because him and his parents have stayed with me several times. They've given him the world.
I eventually did calm him down, but he remained passive-aggressive the entire night and we eventually hung up. Because I cared about him, I reached out to his father the next day and informed him that he would probably be moving back home after his lease expired that month. I explained how I wouldn't be able to afford paying for his living for a month or two and if there were any local jobs he could work in order to... y'know, MAKE AN INCOME.
Apparently, a friend of his father needed help managing a small warehouse for his business and was looking to potentially hire my boyfriend for the season. It paid $15/hour and was super easy (lifting boxes, sweeping the floors, and taking inventory). I brought it up with my boyfriend that same night and he was not having it. Not only did he not want to work in a "stupid warehouse," but he didn't want to work at all.
All he planned to do day in, day out was play RuneScape. I brought up a few other job listings I had found in his area and he immediately shot all of them down as well. Then it got ten times worse. He then had the audacity to comment about how he thinks I should work harder and possibly work a second job. I kept my composure and simply argued against it until we eventually hung up.
I collapsed on my bed and cried for a good hour or two afterwards because of the intense emotional stress I was under. Not only do I work eight hours a day, six days a week, I'm also an industrial meteorologist. If I remember correctly, that's a lot more work than playing RuneScape every day and using my Hulu account. I really considered breaking up with him right that moment, but I changed my mind and decided to give him another chance. Looking back on it, big mistake.
I messaged him throughout the night and we sort-of made up, but I was still a little uneasy about the entire event. He had moved back with his parents by the time December had come and I began to help him look for jobs while he wasted his life away playing video games. I eventually persuaded him to start working at a small retail store near his house and he thankfully began to make some money!
I would still buy him video games and transfer him money like normal because I spoiled him, and our relationship began to feel somewhat okay again. Last month, both him and I put our money together to fly him across the US to stay with me for four days. We hadn't seen each other in person since last summer, so we were both looking forward to it.
He arrived and we had a great time for the first few days because he could actually take me on dates for once with his new income. Everything was perfect…until I caught a glimpse of his phone's lock screen while he was taking a shower. "When are you gonna leave herrrrr," the Discord message read. I could have ran into the bathroom and snapped his neck in that moment, but I kept myself together as best as I could.
I had never felt so used, disrespected, or hated in my entire life. When he came out of the bathroom, I gave him a fake smile, but I genuinely hated him from that moment on. He could have dropped on the floor and I would have spit on him. I spent the remainder of the night watching him play RuneScape and I remained very quiet. He took notice of this and asked me if everything was okay, and I lied and told him I was fine.
When it came time to go to sleep, I let him climb into bed with me and he tried initiating intimacy because it was our final night together. I rejected as politely as I could without tearing his member completely off. He was disappointed, but went out like a light. Immediately after he went to sleep, I reached over and unplugged his phone and started digging through his messages with that girl.
I feared that I had misinterpreted the message I had seen, but I was completely right after all. Not only had he been cheating on me, he had been doing so for nearly six months, leading me to believe that he hooked up with another girl directly after I couldn't pay for his living in November. I scrolled through probably 100,000 messages and wanted to vomit my insides out by the end of it.
He had talked trash about me, claimed I was emotionally mistreating him (just as he had done with his parents), and even sent this girl my intimate photos so they could pick me apart physically. When morning came, I had slept in because of how late I was up reading his messages. I woke up to find him on my computer playing RuneScape and eating my food.
It was like all of our relationship had been wiped from my mind and he was now an evil stranger sitting in my house. I wanted to scream at him, I wanted to tear him apart and kick him out of my house onto the street, but I didn't. In fact, I gave him as much love and attention as I could muster that morning because I wanted to leave things feeling normal between us.
I dropped him off at the airport and we had a quick and somber goodbye before I left him forever, unbeknownst to him. I drove back home as calmly as I could before crying my eyes out in a mix of complete anger and emotional pain. I ended up kicking my bed frame so hard that the wood split and I had to buy another one recently. If only it were his face.
I wanted to break his heart by the time he arrived back home, but I wanted it to really hurt. I logged into our joint RuneScape account that we had made several years ago, where him and I would work on training the same account and raising it almost like our "baby." We had always joked that if we were to ever split up, he would take half of the account's bank contents and I would take the rest. So I got him back good.
I took my half and transferred it to my main account, before taking his half and giving it away to random people throughout the game. Every last bit of it. Even items I couldn't normally trade away, I used a spell to convert the items into coins, which I then gave away as well. The bank was now empty. And then another idea came to mind.
It then occurred to me that the credentials to his main account were written down in my desk, as he would frequently have me train his Farming skill every so often. I didn't hesitate at all and logged into his precious 14-year-old RuneScape account. I immediately took all of the contents of his bank and sold it all on the Grand Exchange, a marketplace in the game.
It took an extremely long time to clear out his bank, but he would still be flying home for about another four hours so I had plenty of time. By the time I had sold/destroyed everything, I had four stacks of coins totaling over 8.5 billion. Now what to spend it on, hmm...I wanted to waste his "life earnings" on the most useless, stupid thing I could think of, besides him.
I logged back into my main account to reach out to a friend of mine who collects massive stacks of burnt food. For the unaware, burnt food in RuneScape has no use. You can't "unburn" them, eat them, or even sell them on the Grand Exchange. They are, however, tradable amongst players. I've always poked fun at this guy for collecting burnt food, but I was now more thankful than ever to make his acquaintance in my revenge.
I asked him what the most obscure, unwanted item of the burnt food variety was and he replied "Burnt spider." Lo and behold, he had roughly 6,000 of the item "Spider on shaft (burnt)" in his bank that he was willing to sell me. Feeling generous with my ex-boyfriend's coins, I gave my friend a full stack of 2.147 billion coins and left a very happy customer.
I dropped the 6,083 burnt spiders in his bank, but still had about 6 billion coins left to spend. With the remaining money, I decided to treat myself. I went onto the Grand Exchange and ended up going on a shopping spree! The first thing I bought were 100 bonds. If you're not familiar, a bond in RuneScape grants you 14 days of in-game Membership. After trading all 100 bonds to my account, I now have almost four years of Membership paid for me.
I spent a majority of his coins on extremely nice armor, all of which went straight into my account. He still had about an extra billion, so I spent it on the supplies I needed to level up an expensive skill of mine. By the end of the afternoon, he was left with a measly 150,000 coins in his bank, all of which I gave away to a guy cooking pizzas outside of the Exchange.
Nothing was left, so I decided to pick up a pile of bones off the ground and leave it solely in his bank. It might sound petty, but I laughed for a while. Now, I know what you're thinking. This is so cruel, you ruined the tens of thousands of hours he had put into a game! Well, it was time he learned that I can be a witch, and a MEAN witch.
On top of spending every last coin he had ever made, I levelled his Defense skill. This may not sound bad; in fact, it sounds like a good thing! I helped his account progress, right? Well, no. Unfortunately for my ex, he had what players commonly refer to as a "pure" account: meaning he never, EVER dared to level his Defense skill from Level 1, in order to keep the lowest defense stats but have high offensive stats. Well, not anymore. Have fun with your permanent Level 6 Defense.
Cycling through hundreds of possible forms of revenge in my head, I then settled on getting rid of his house. It's quite an achievement in RuneScape to have a nice house of your own. In fact, he had one of the nicest I had ever seen in the game. In order to have built it, he must have spent well over a few billion coins. Too bad I had disassembled it all in a matter of minutes, deleting it all into cyberspace.
And there's no insurance either, he's going to have to re-buy everything with his non-existent money if he wants a new house. Bye bye, Casa de cheater. Scrolling through his friends list, I decided to act as him and pay a visit to his friends who were currently online and admit that I had cheated on my girlfriend and was fully proud of it.
If his friends hadn't removed him by that point, I removed them. All of them. Lastly, to add a beautiful little cherry to this revenge-filled cake. I changed his username. You're able to change your username once a month on RuneScape, so I changed his to let everybody know that he's a dirty cheater. I obviously won't drop his username here, but I did the best I could to embarrass him with a 12 character limit.
He should be able to reclaim his previous username in about three weeks, but if he waits too long, I'll be able to swipe it and slap it on a throwaway account of my own forever. He sent me a very hateful and aggressive message later that night, followed by pictures of him crying. I wrote him a sincere message officially ending the relationship, while also scaring him away by threatening to "take him to court" over sharing my intimate photos possibly filing a cease-and-desist if he were to contact me any time soon.
I don't plan on doing any of that, I just don't want to speak to him ever again.
15. Serves You Right!
Last November, my brother passed unexpectedly. We upheld covid restrictions, and the officers who had helped us told us that on the day of his funeral we could still have up to 10 people in the yard, just not in the house. After the funeral, around six people came by, and we sat around the fire pit talking and crying. No partying, no one in the house. And yet, our neighbor went the extra mile to make our lives even more of a nightmare.
Our neighbor called law enforcement to report that we were breaking restrictions and then she stood in the window waiting for them to arrive. The same officers who were with us before showed up and decided to sit with us in the yard and chat with us, see how everyone was doing. She flew into a rage and came into her backyard yelling at us—but she didn't stop there.
She screamed that she was contacting her lawyer, saying that my brother was a loser, and no one cares he's gone, just really nasty things. Two of the officers went over and tried talking to her to help her calm down. Instead, she threw a Walmart bag full of stuff at one of the officers and tried to spit on them. The highlight of one of the worst days of my life was watching her stuffed into a patrol car and taken away for assaulting an officer. My brother would have loved it.
16. Time To Get Good
There were some 19-year-olds that lived next door to me—and they were literal nightmares. They'd scream at their Call of Duty games at the top of their lungs when they lost. Our walls were paper-thin so it was obnoxious 24/7. Oh, but that wasn't all. They also threw a pumpkin on the roof of my car, causing $3k worth of damage. I finally got them to confess and basically gave him a "stern talking to” and told him I wasn't going to press charges as long as his insurance paid for it.
Later that year, someone next door was flipping out about a video game and yelled something along the lines of "GODDANGIT HACKERS, EVERYONE IS CHEATING, WHAT THE HECK IS THIS, I HATE THIS GAME, BUNCH OF LOSERS AND CHEATERS", which was very clear through my bedroom wall while I was studying, so I had a quick idea.
After he got done with his tantrum, I said, "Sounds like you just suck at games, bro". I heard a crash of what sounded like a controller being banished to the shadow realm and then didn't hear anything from him for a month. It was glorious.
17. Encounter At The Rose Bushes
Two years ago, my husband and I had just bought our first house. I was so excited to finally have flower beds, so I bought five purple tiger rose bushes and went out every day to tend to them. Our next-door neighbor came over one day while I was watering my roses and decided to be a creeper. He asked if he could give me his number, started asking probing questions about my schedule like how long I was home alone, and kept hitting on me.
I turned off the water and went inside, locked the door, and called my husband, because now there's a strange man walking through my yard that knows I'm home alone and won't accept my boundaries. My husband came home and met the neighbor's wife in the driveway to explain what happened and how the guy was out of line for treating me like that.
I didn't see the guy again, but that's when it all began. Within days, my roses started to shrivel up and die. I tried everything, but I'm pretty sure he sprayed them with plant killer. But karma came for him in the end. He got fired for harassing a customer, and shortly after, his wife booted him out of the house.
18. I’m Rubber, You’re Glue
Years ago I was working for a company where I had an office and the neighboring department was all open plan. We shared coffee facilities so I would often speak to the people in this department over a coffee. There was one idiot called Trevor in that department who would only talk to people on his desk phone on a conference call — every conversation. Needless to say, the rest of the department were annoyed with this loud and obnoxious person screaming on the blower.
As a senior guy, I casually raised this with Trevor. He responded by saying “you can go and get [bleeped]!” Now, as he was in a different department I had no authority over him and his boss was a moron too so I would have got a similar response. After Trevor went home, I went to his desk and accidentally dropped some glue into the microphone on his phone. The next day it was set rock hard.
Of course, the phone rang and he answered it on a conference call, but of course, the person couldn’t hear him. He started screaming into the mic, but they still couldn’t hear him. They would then hang up and try again. This went on for a couple of calls until he answered the phone in the manner appropriate for the office.
19. Someone Shut That Down!
A roommate did this during midterms in college with an annoying video clip. She set it to loop for 14 hours at max volume on her laptop and hooked up speakers before leaving for the day. She'd locked it so I couldn't turn the noise off. She'd even thought to do something to disable the power button. So...I pulled the battery out, waited 10 seconds, and put it back in. Blissful silence.
Unfortunately, there was a lot of unsaved work on that laptop. I'm still stunned someone would plan to leave their work unsaved for hours but would think to change the power key to make it harder to stop the noise. She was randomly assigned and the only person I've ever known who has had their coworkers stage a surprise intervention at their home.
They all asked her why she was such a jerk and how this could change. It was seriously fifteen people all trying to figure out how to get her to stop being so indiscriminately nasty.
20. Put A Ribbon On It
My college roommate and I had an ant problem. They got all over the trash bin, so we moved it from the garage to the yard in front of the house. Our neighbor left us a note saying it was unsightly and to please remove it. I handled the situation by putting a sticky Christmas bow on top of it to make it look nicer. My roommate was horrified by the bow and took it off.
She then explained to the neighbor why we had it outside. I'm not sure which one of us was pettiest—me or the neighbor.
21. Leftover Clippings
My son had just come home from the hospital after an emergency appendectomy and another surgery after that to remove abscesses that had formed. He had a line in his neck and needed medicine through it every so often. I could hook the medicine up and leave it, and it usually took 30 minutes or so. So, one morning, I hooked a dose of medicine up and went to mow the front yard.
While mowing, some grass got on my neighbor's driveway, but as it was time to take the medicine off my son's line, I went inside to take care of that first. When I came back out to finish the grass and sweep the grass off of his driveway, my neighbor was already outside and upset that I had left grass on his driveway. I braced myself for the worst.
No matter how much I tried to explain what happened or the fact that I literally had a broom in my hand to sweep everything when I was done, he didn’t want to listen, and he kept talking over me. Here comes the petty part. He took a hose and hosed off the grass back into my yard. I watched the whole thing go down and then he looked all proud of himself afterward.
I said out loud, “Well, now I can’t even finish my yard because it’s wet”. He got so mad and said he was going to call the authorities, and I just went inside. Nothing ever came of it. He tries to be super friendly now, four-ish years later. His grandson and my son are friends, but I still will never forget what a jerk he was that one time.
22. Crayons For The Mature Adult
I’m a server at Denny’s. Today I had a grown woman come in with her two little kids and ask for a booth. I cleaned one and sat her down. She then looks at me points at a booth across the restaurant and says she wants that one instead. Okay, whatever. I move her. I sit her down and seat someone at the booth she was in originally.
Not 2 minutes later she comes up to me and asks for the other booth back because “I was there first and it’s nicer.” Yeah, I know lady: that’s why I sat you there. I tell her I can’t make other customers move and she can keep the one she’s in now or wait until a new one opens. She then says, “No, I want that one. I was there first they have to move.” I told her, ” I’m sorry I can’t do that.”
She asks for the manager. I get him and explain the situation. He then tells her exactly what I said. She sits down crosses her arm and pouts like a child. I proceeded to walk to her table with a huge smile on my face and hand her 3 children’s menus. I looked her dead in the eyes and asked what color crayon she wanted. She goes, “I’m an adult!” I gave her green and walked away.
She walked out, but the satisfaction of not getting in trouble or having to serve her was worth it.
23. Petty Voicemails
Last year some stupid for-profit education company kept leaving me messages for some person I’d never heard of. My outbound message is literally just, “You’ve reached John Doe, please leave a message.” And they’d start in with, “This message is for Jessie Harrison” or whatever name it was. I had blocked the number from ringing long ago, but I was starting to get sick of them leaving my voicemails too. I could have unblocked the number, but it seemed like a lot more fun to just change my voicemail message just for them (a pretty handy feature of Google Voice).
I recorded a 3-minute message (the maximum) where I repeated my name many times and implored them to actually freaking listen before they leave a voicemail. They called once more after I set that message… and never again. I guess they took the hint that I was just going to keep wasting their time or something.
24. Kiss Off
When I was in the seventh grade, the start-up my dad was a part of was failing miserably in no small part due to a straight-up crazy CEO. While at the CEO’s house, my dad observed the CEO's toddler daughter picking up a piece of dog poop and licking it. So he picked her up and told her to give her dad a big kiss.
25. A Hairy Situation
Okay, this one is pretty gross. Growing up in a house of only girls, personal space does not exist even a little bit. We used to bathe in front of each other, and even use the bathroom in front of each other. There are no boundaries, nothing was off limits. Even so, my younger sister was NOTORIOUS for shaving "down there" in the tub.
She was also notorious for not rinsing it out when she was done. Pubes. Everywhere. One day, she was taking a bath and I asked her to rinse when she was done, because I planned on taking a bath afterwards. She told me to screw off. So, I reached in my pants, snipped off a chunk of pubes, tossed them in the tub with her, and walked out.
26. Paging Dr. Prankster
Boss paged me on my wedding night. He did it as a joke, but it came at an...inappropriate...moment. We had a "page only if something's on fire" policy, so I had to call in even though I had just gotten married and was about to go on two weeks' vacation. When he answered, he laughed so hard I just HAD to do something about it.
So when I got back, I programmed the mail servers to call out on their phone lines and hit his pager with dial-back numbers for phone “call girl” services. At 4 AM. Every day. His wife got this pager before he did one time and saw a text message with something like, "I loved how you described how you would screw me, Jerry. Call back when your wife's gone for the day."
Wife was NOT amused. She thought he'd been calling call girls and tore him a new one. He knew it was me, but he was too stubborn to ask me to call it off. So it kept up for weeks until he finally figured out where the script was running from and used it to page me instead. We had a back-and-forth pager war for a while, but then it all messed up when an actual data center emergency happened and one of us ignored the page, thinking it was the other pranking him.
That ended the fun.
27. Special Delivery
My little brother and his girlfriend came to stay at my house for the weekend, and the girlfriend was super self-centered and obnoxious. When they left, she forgot her clothes and toiletries because she left them sprawled all over my bathroom. About a week later, she and my brother moved into an apartment together.
After he paid for the moving truck, deposit, and utilities, she cheated on him with her ex and kicked him out of the apartment. This left him broke, homeless, and heartbroken. In the days after the breakup, she kept calling and emailing him several times per day, demanding that he ask me to ship her clothes and toiletries back to her. “It’s really important, it’s my North Face.”
My brother called and pleaded with me to ship them to her so she would stop having a reason to contact him. Being the loving sister that I am, I gathered up the Really Important sweatshirt, shorts, underwear, shampoo, conditioner, soap, and razor. I folded everything nicely. I then wrote a nice note apologizing for taking so long to mail them to her, and let her know that I hope all is well.
The note was written in permanent marker, and the paper happened to be resting on the Really Important Northface when I wrote it. Unfortunately, the ink bled straight through the paper and onto the shirt. Also unfortunately, the shampoo, soap and conditioner caps were not tightly secured on their bottles, and the contents leaked out all over the clothes, further spreading the ink.
The most unfortunate result, though, was that her razor didn't have any sort of protective cap or container and left little slashes all over the front of the Really Important Northface. She received the package, and my brother never heard from her again.
28. Me And My Big Mouth
I think I was 15 years old. I was in class, seated next to a friend of mine. He, for no reason, began to say: "HAHA, your bald father" which I followed up with "HAHA, your bald mother." He immediately started crying and ran to the teacher. See, I honestly forgot his mom had cancer and was getting chemo at that time. Yeah, I didn’t live that one down.
29. Tripping You Up
I don’t know what it was, but a lot of the boys in my sixth-grade class thought it was hilarious to try and trip people. They’d get you eventually no matter how careful you were. Well, I was pretty good at avoiding it, but when I was in gym class this kid named Joey got me hard. I was dribbling down the court and he nailed me. I face planted.
So I thought about how to get him, and I got him at lunch. He was holding a lunch tray, so his hands weren’t as useful. He nailed a table…and lost a tooth. I got suspended for 10 days, and a strict no tripping policy got implemented, immediate suspensions if caught. It totally sucked, and afterward, my dad spanked my behind raw. Sorry, Joey.
30. Liar, Liar
Yikes. When my friends and I were young, middle school or elementary age, there was this pair of sisters in our class. They were the epitome of teacher’s pets. They helped because their mother was the assistant teacher, and whenever the teachers would leave they would snitch on everyone. Sometimes if they didn’t like you, they would make stuff up and you would get in trouble still.
My friends and I were quite annoying, so we obviously got blamed for stuff that we didn’t do. No matter what we did, no one ever believed in our innocence. So we did the logical thing of talking to every other student in the class, and they shared our opinion of how much we all didn’t like these girls. EVERYBODY was fed up with them. So we came up with an ingenious plan.
We wrote a paper stating the awful things these girls were doing and how everyone didn’t like them and so on. We then got about 90% of our classmates to sign this paper. Then we gave it to the principal. I’m not 100% sure what happened next. But I do remember the principal coming into our class after recess, and she began to ask if this paper was true and so forth, and everyone who signed it agreed.
A few days later, these girls where kicked out of school. Their mother was still the assistant teacher and she was crying about the whole thing and she was saying things about how we are horrible and how could we lie about her angels. I felt a bit bad, but I was quite happy that those girls were no longer there because they were mean and massive liars.
31. Pick On Somebody Your Own Size
At the age of 14, I was rolling up the hose in my backyard with a friend since my mother told me to. The two girls next door were playing in their backyard and came over to talk. One was 12 years old or so, while the other was around seven. The 12-year-old happened to be standing on the hose, and I asked her to move. She did not.
I pulled the hose hard enough to make her fall over. At this point, the seven-year-old screamed and ran right at me, then bit me right on the stomach. She was not letting go, and I could see blood starting to stain my shirt. I grabbed her head and tried to pull her away, but nothing. So I just full-on punched her right in her eye.
I was not proud of this, but it had to be done. What was worse was that the house was owned by a local church where I happened to go to Boy Scouts. Everyone quickly knew I had punched a seven-year-old and given her a black eye. But no one cared why.
32. And That’s Why You Lock The door
I was at a restaurant for lunch and I got “the urges.” I dash off to the bathroom and it turns out to be tucked away and single stalled. I get in quickly, notice the sign that reads “please lock the door while in the restroom.” Weird. Why wouldn’t anyone lock the door? But anyway, I lock it but the moment I sit down someone starts knocking.
I say, “There’s someone in here.” But then the door starts shaking like I’m in a horror movie. I’m literally sitting on the toilet trying to do my business. The knocking and shaking don’t stop. Then whoever is on the other side starts KICKING the door OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER again.
Many people have told me stories about getting attacked in restrooms, so I’m panicking while sitting on the toilet. Is this just a ploy to get me to open the door? What was I going to do? Open to the door to a violent crazy person? Then I thought to look at the situation in a funnier light. I’m standing on the side of the locked door. They can’t hurt me. If they break the door, the restaurant will make them pay.
I take a few deep breaths (albeit in a nasty bathroom) but I kind of just brush my hair and wash my hands really clean for another five minutes. The door is being kicked to no end and the knocking doesn’t stop. I get a text from my friend asking if I’m okay. I text my friend to see if she can take a peek at what’s going on.
And she tells me it’s JUST A LITTLE GIRL. And it’s the same kid who screamed at her father in the restaurant earlier. I had noticed she was the kid that screamed at her father, “I WANT TO ORDER SOMETHING NOW!” See I would never do this to a child. But I — as a child — also would never kick and scream on a stranger’s door, let alone the public bathroom door when it’s only been less than a minute. It’s infinitely rude.
I finally open the door and I see that she went to the server. And I catch the server saying, “Oh, look you can use it now.” When I get out, I glare at the mom who just looks at me with a deer in the headlights look.
Pixabay
33. “I’ll Just Be A Few Minutes…”
So years ago I delivered jugs of water to homes and offices. My work truck was fairly big probably about 35ish feet long. I had a building I delivered to that had 8-10 stops in it and was one of the few places that had a loading bay for delivery vehicles. This bay was wide enough for 2 large trucks side by side and long enough for my truck to mostly fit with a bit of the cab sticking out in the alleyway (not so far as to block traffic).
On the other side of the alley was another building, and the dumpsters for said building. These dumpsters were in a position that it could be a little tight to get into the dock but it was doable. This day I pull up and see a small courier car (size of a Honda civic) pull into the bay and stop right at the entrance. This position is just enough that I cant get the angle I need to be able to nose up to the dumpsters and back into the open spot in the loading bay. If I tried I’d likely hit the car.
Luckily for me, the driver was just getting out of the car. So I politely asked if she could back up a couple of feet so I could get into the dock. Her: I’m only going to be a few minutes… Me: Yes but if you take 5 seconds, we can both do what we need to do… Her: I’ll be a few minutes… Then she just walks into the building.
So I’m kinda stunned at this point. I’ve been in the delivery industry for almost a decade most other drivers get that it’s a tough job and we can all do what we need to do and there’s kinda an unwritten code even amongst competitors. So I maneuver my truck nice and tight to the building so as not to block the alleyway while parking perpendicular to the loading dock entrance and blocking her car in.
I start loading the first of 2 or 3 cartloads into the building. She comes out and sees my truck… Her: Well isn’t this cute… You need to move… Me: I’ll only be a few minutes. Her: I need to go. Move your truck now… By this time my cart is loaded and I tell her, “It’s okay, I’ll only be a few minutes.” And I walk into the building.
34. Interrupting The Game
I have large trees in my yard. My neighbor next door blows all the leaves into my yard with his lawnmower. He says they’re my leaves from my tree. In doing so, he also leaves all of his grass clippings mixed in with the leaves. I blew them back; he called law enforcement. This happened several times.
His TV cable is buried in my yard. It runs from a pole underground through ten feet of my yard. During the local football game, I took a shovel and jumped on it. He lost TV and Wi-fi for two days. The cable company ran a new line. It messed up my yard a bit, but I know where it is. Just in case.
35. More Pain Than Intended
My mother had really bad asthma and allergies and made us kids rake up the leaves. This was not an easy task. They would get several feet deep if we didn’t do it often enough. One day we raked the whole yard into these giant piles for the city to come pick up. This took several hours. The next morning, they were scattered all over. We raked them again over several more hours and it happened again. Apparently, the neighborhood jerk kid was knocking them over just to be a jerk.
The next time, we made a super huge pile around the fire hydrant hoping he’d kick them and hurt his foot. Nope, this time he decided to do a run and jump. I watched it peeking through the blinds. He ended up breaking several bones. I didn’t even feel bad.
36. Invincible Mailbox
When I was a kid, our mailbox got taken out like once a month. Finally, after the 10th mailbox and post, my dad was fed up. So he got an eight-foot I-beam and buried it four feet down and filled in the hole with Quickrete. Next time it got hit, the jerk wrapped his car around it. Like the mailbox/pole was sticking out of the middle of his car.
After that, I don’t think the mailbox was ever hit again.
37. “Broken” TV
My brother-in-law did something to irritate my wife back when they were in high school. My wife turned off the TV, wrote “broken” on a piece of paper taped to the TV, shut off the power strip, and flipped the batteries around in the remote. It took my brother-in-law several days to figure it out.
38. And That's the Tea
My wife is very, very picky about the mugs she has for different hot drinks: Tall mugs for coffee, wide mugs for tea, dainty cups for fruit teas. When she's being irritating and asks for a cup of tea from me, she gets a very plain, boring builder’s mug, and I delight at the mild irritation it brings. My revenge truly knows no limits.
39. Falling Flat
Someone in my office would always crush lunches with his gigantic freaking lunch box. Either he ate bricks or lead, I don't know, but I always came to the office fridge and found that my lunch was in pieces. So, after three bouts of this and numerous notes from myself and other colleagues, I carefully removed his lunch box.
I emptied the contents of the lunch box. Then I ran over them with my car. Just completely flattened it all. But that's not even the best part. I then carefully packed it back into his lunch box, and put it back for him to find. I felt bad at first, but it was well worth the effort. He kept his lunch in a cooler by his cube from then on.
40. Revenge Is Sweet
There was this young teenager who cut in line in front of me at the supermarket. When he wasn't watching, I broke his chocolate bar while it was still inside the wrapper. Then things really got good. Later, I saw him bicycling by. He opened up his bar and half of it fell out onto the pavement. He got really furious and I chuckled. It was a good day.
41. By Popular Vote
High school. We were in history class, and I really had to go to the bathroom. A girl was already out and we were only allowed to leave one at a time. Fine. However, this girl often goes to the bathroom then just hangs out and is gone for like 30 minutes. So, after 20 minutes I had to really go. I asked to use the bathroom again. DENIED.
Teacher said someone was out already. I said she has been out for almost the entire class, I need to go. Someone texts the girl, she appears. Looks ticked. Yells at me in the hall. I didn't have to wait long to get a satisfying revenge. See, she was trying to become our homeroom class president. Not really a serious position, but it was leadership for her college applications, and the "debate" was that day.
Our class was about 30 kids. Two people were running: that girl and another. They said their two-minute speeches. At the point where we cast our votes, I had a little group of my friends in the class vote for a third party—a guy she hated. He was elected and she lost a line in her college resume to a guy who didn't even want the spot.
42. In The Deep End
When I was a kid, I was at a local river. My friend pushes me into the river, and naturally, I came up spluttering and a little red in the face, but it was all in good fun. For the rest of the day, I planned to get her back, waiting for my opportunity to push her in, until she was at the edge of the river drying off. I pushed her—and it couldn’t have gone worse.
Her flailing and the slippery nature of the rocks she was on made her slip on the spot, and instead of just splashing into the water, she landed on her back, hitting the rocks hard, and then fell into the water. She was winded, but thankfully otherwise unharmed. Our parents were furious at me, and I spent the few seconds it took to get her out just hoping I hadn't broken her back or something.
2/10 revenge. Would not do it again.
43. Hotter, Better, Faster, Stronger
I was 11, and my older brother was 16. We would fight and argue, but one time I was running up the stairs away from him and he whipped the back of my legs with a long rubber chew toy. It left a pretty big, figure-8-shaped welt on my legs. I knew he was faster and stronger than me, and I knew if I tried to attack him he'd stop me.
So, I grabbed a flathead screwdriver and held it over the stove until it was red-hot. I ran up to him and very openly went to stab him, knowing he'd stop me. He grabbed my wrist to stop my thrust (as anticipated) so I pushed the red-hot head of it into his forearm as hard as I could. Man, I was a crazy jerk as a kid. Sorry, Mike.
44. Tit For Tat
I had a big group of friends all throughout high school. Then when we were 17, one of them stole my girlfriend. To be fair, he legitimately knew we were going out, he got her drinking, and then he slept with her at a party. He also knew I'd find out. His response to all this was chilling. He said to my face that he didn't care: "Tough, mate."
It was her fault as well, of course. She'd been leading him on and was sober enough to consent, if tipsy enough to get over the social stigma of actually doing it. So from that point on, our group of friends just cut this guy out of our circle. We stopped inviting him to stuff, and if he tried to hang out, we told him to screw off.
People who had been friends with him since primary school just ignored him. Initially, I was super proud of this show of solidarity from my brothers. So, first summer back from university, we're all 19 or 20 years old. We see him in a local pub. I don't know what to do, decide to try and be cool about it, and go up to say hi. He tells me to screw off.
I guess he blames me for all his friends cutting him out of his life. I don't get the chance to explain that I in no way asked them to do that, they just did what they saw as the right thing. Two weeks later, we're in the same pub, and I see his younger sister. She's 17 years old now, and very, very attractive as it happens. I start a conversation with her about her brother, and how I feel bad about what we did.
She says that it did really hurt him, but he's got some new friends now and is still with my ex-girlfriend, despite it being a long-distance relationship. He won't talk to any of us old friends though, which I think is a genuine shame—he's known some of the guys since we were five. One drink leads to another with this girl, and I took it way too far. We end up back at her house.
Her parents are away, her brother is staying at my ex's apartment, so we have an empty house. We end up sleeping together. The next morning, her brother calls round just as I'm leaving. The look on his face as he works out what's happened. He goes from utter despair to absolutely mental in about half a second. Eventually, I just had to leave.
His sister finally managed to explain to him that it was nothing to do with "revenge" or anything, and that I was genuinely sorry for how we treated him. I don't know if she told him the whole conversation we had about how I'd feel bad as I didn't want to upset him anymore, and she convinced me to come back to hers by saying she was her own woman, could make her own decisions, and he wasn't due to be home at any time.
If he hadn't had randomly turned up, I hope he'd have never known. He still won't accept my Facebook friend request though.
45. Homewrecker
My ex-wife freaked out when I got engaged and bought a house with someone else, so she took off for months with our son, and spent that time harassing and stalking me, filing bogus charges, etc. I told her my new fiancée was pregnant, that it was an unlikely pregnancy, and that it was a very easy one to lose, so please stop causing us stress. Her reply was heartbreaking.
All she said was, “I don’t care.” She cost me my fiancée, the pregnancy, the house, and my new job. She ruined both of our lives, and messed up life for our son. All because I didn't want her. I told her at the beginning that I had met someone, that it was serious, and could she please just act like an adult and share our son and everyone could move forward.
She said yeah, sure, no problem. The day I told her I was getting married, she started her revenge. No one's life has recovered since.
46. She’s A Man-Eater
I got screwed over by both my ex and my $5,000 divorce lawyer. During negotiations, we reached an agreement that she did not want anything from me except $1000/month in child support. By the way, this is after I came home from work a couple of months previously to find nothing but an old chair in my house. She had movers come and take everything while I was at work.
Still, I said OK, and we left it at that. We were now just waiting for the court date, when her lawyer was supposed to bring our agreement to the judge. Anyway, I show up in court with my lawyer, we go in front of the judge, and her lawyer goes: "We want child support, alimony, and we want the husband to pay the remainder of the car loan. We also want the husband to pay for my services, because he was the one who filed for divorce.”
Judge goes: "Sounds good. We are done." Meanwhile, my lawyer did not open his mouth or look up from whatever he was reading during the entire court session. And this jerk had the audacity to mail me a card later, congratulating me on the positive outcome of my divorce case. So for the next year I paid 75% of what I made, leaving me with nothing.
I sold my car, moved out of my apartment, and couch surfed for a while. The day the ex received her last alimony check, she got her final revenge. She married my ex-best friend, which was why I filed for divorce in the first place. It took me five more years to pay off her car and her lawyer, and she is currently on husband #4.
47. Show Me The Money
My ex girlfriend and I shared a bank account after living together for two years. I know, the groundwork for a happy ending, right? Well, the entire time she was lying about having a job, all while I was working every day. So I broke it off with her and moved out, then went to the bank to close our account. There was just one big problem.
I was told that both parties had to be there to close the account, but she wasn't coming around for a while. So I just took my name off the account and opened my own new one. Fast forward three months later: I had a few grand saved up and was doing well. At the time, my ex actually wanted to get back with me, even though she now had another boyfriend.
I had no interest in her anymore, and tell her no. The next night, I go out to get something at the store and none of my cards are working. I call my bank, and they tell me that there is suspicious activity…on my joint account. Yep, in a fit of what I can only guess was revenge for my refusal, my ex had written $40,000 in bad checks from our old account.
The bank saw that I used to be on that account and drained it completely to cover the $40k. I am not a guy who has credit cards so this was my only source of money, period. I was flat broke.
48. Chalk It Up To Experience
Way back in elementary school, a friend threw a piece of chalk that hit me square in the forehead. It was the most humiliating moment for younger me, as everyone who saw that started laughing their butts off, and kids are jerks. I plotted and planned my revenge to get my friend back in the exact same fashion over the next couple of days.
One fine day, weapon in hand, I find him perfectly placed at a chalk-throw away from me. I yell out his name and quickly launch the projectile as he spins around. For some reason, he had his mouth open as he looked at me and the piece of chalk flew directly into his throat. His eyes widen and he starts choking. I stood frozen in shock as he fell on his knees coughing.
Luckily, somebody grabbed him from behind and thumped his back, so he swallowed the piece. An adult walks in, and she looks at me and asks what happened. At this point I'm shaking, realizing that I narrowly killed my friend. I tell the adult it was a mint he choked on. My friend, also shaken at this point, laughs it off saying it went straight into his throat and he didn't taste it.
The adult shakes her head and says next time just hand it like a normal person and walked away. Years later when we were moving away to another country, I remind him about the incident and come clean about the whole thing. He snaps and yells, "I knew it!"
Pexels
49. Sound The Alarm
This kid in my class at school kept insulting my mother, so I said to him that if he insults her one more time that I'll get him after class. He replied with yet another insult. So after class, I waited for him outside and when he came out the classroom, I got him in a headlock. He forced his way up out of it…but it was out of the frying pan and into the fire.
He managed to crack the top of his head off a fire alarm, and gashed his head open. He was bleeding all down his face and had to go to the hospital. He was off school for two weeks after that, too. I felt terrible about it. After I watched him hit his head off the fire alarm, I didn't see any blood. I had walked off at that point, then when he walked past me two minutes later, his head was gushing and he was crying.
I felt so bad that I apologized to him while following him all the way to the nurse’s room, and I sat outside the room until the ambulance came. I didn't get in any trouble because he admitted it was his fault for goading me and I was genuinely remorseful. After that, our relationship was alright. He was happy that he got a few weeks off school, while I was glad to see him back at school.
He showed me his scar, we laughed about it. We both knew that it was an accident, and we moved on. We had mutual respect for each other after.
50. The Bad Neighbors
When I was around six or seven years old, my neighbors had tormented me on the bus on the way home. Like, they had harassed me with toy knives, which at the time I thought were real. They had also talked to me about really adult things and had basically been trying to take away my innocence even though at the time I had no idea what they were talking about.
I had had enough of it and I had told my mother, who then told their mother. Well, their mother told their father about their bad behavior, and he had beaten them quite badly. They left me alone for the remainder of my time being their neighbor, but I saw the cuts, scars, and bruises that had been left on their young bodies. After, their moods changed from bratty little kids to completely silent and somewhat oppressed.
51. Obedience Or Consequence
My girl told me that the neighbor across the street was instructing his dog to go poop on our lawn. At first, I doubted he was telling his dog to do that, but I was home sick for a few days and saw it myself. I asked the owner to stop it and he said the dog wouldn’t listen. When I asked him to at least clean up the poop, he said his dog was only peeing.
We had our own dog and I took a week’s worth of his scat plus the neighbor’s dog’s poops for the week and walked across the street and threw them all over his front yard and walkway one night. Somehow the neighbor’s dog listened after that and never pooped in my yard again.
52. Return To Sender
When I was about 14, I was walking down a road with my friend. Some older teenagers in a car pulled up next to us, threw an egg right at me, and then sped off. Somehow, the egg hit me in the shoulder and then landed on the ground without exploding. It was still intact. The kids did a U-turn and came around to inspect the damage. My friend picked up the egg and threw it right back at their car.
Their window was down, and my friend hit them right at the base of the driver’s side window, creating a perfect airburst. The egg exploded everywhere.
53. Dosing Out His Own Medicine
My neighbor watches TV at night loudly. I’ve asked nicely for him to lower it (I’m a nursing student, so I need what little sleep I get). Long story short, he wouldn’t lower it, and my apartment complex says it’s not loud enough to be considered a disturbance. I now play heavy metal music during the day and put the speaker right by the neighbor’s wall, so he’s not able to sleep during the day.
The music is a disturbance, but it’s not loud enough for the complex to consider it a disturbance, so they can’t do anything about it.
54. Ex-Communicated
Years ago, I had a girl cheat on me with her ex. I never told her I knew, but inevitably broke up a week or two later "mutually"... I knew full well she would return to her ex immediately. Well, she did. I was bitter, but held it together. Then a month later, by a complete stroke of luck, I ended up with the ex/new boyfriend’s phone number.
A female friend of mine wanted to help me and posed as his "side chick." She called and texted him every night for a week asking when he was going to screw her again, and saying she "can't wait to see him again when his girlfriend goes to work." I'd listen in to the calls, and every call we'd hear my ex in the background going crazy about it.
Sometimes she'd even answer the phone. My friend did a terrific job. After a week, we decided to up the ante. We drove by her house and his car was parked outside with the windows down. We put a pair of panties in the backseat. A few days later, I get a call from my ex, who had suddenly decided she wanted to return to me. Then I turned her down.
55. Selective Memory
My mom was a language teacher at my high school, and years after I had graduated, she called me kind of upset because a group of guys was trying to make her look dumb. The class was supposed to write one of those team dialogues in Spanish. They had a week or so to prepare it, then they had to perform it in front of the class.
When she called on them to do theirs, they said: "But we already did ours, we're not doing it again." She said, "You definitely didn't do it, I don't have any record of it here and I would remember it if you had." They simply refused to do it, insisting they already performed it and that it was her fault she didn't take notes or put their scores down.
She was in the middle of questioning herself when one of the good kids came and told her the truth. They hadn't really done it, and they had just been bragging about making her look stupid. They apparently even threatened the class if they said anything. Well, obviously my mom was appalled, but she came up with an amazing revenge plot.
My mom was really into yoga at the time and got a great idea while meditating. She went in the next day and said, "Boys, I owe you an apology. I found my notes on your presentation and I do remember it, I don't know how I forgot!" She then went on to describe all the grammatical mistakes they made, all their word choice flaws, everything. All made up. She failed them all on the project, and they couldn't do a thing about it without admitting they'd made it all up.
56. Popping Off
When I was a kid, I got the Sabrina the Teenage Witch "Handbook." It was full of kiddie experiments and stuff, and it was pretty fun. My older sister had upset or annoyed me about something, so I tried out one of the "tricks" from the book. You fill a cup with water and some corn kernels, and put some tinfoil on top of the cup. It worked too well.
The kernels eventually pop and it makes noise against the tinfoil, but it takes a few days to "work." I put it right under her bed and then I completely forgot about it....until one night I woke up to my two sisters screaming like crazy. It had popped in the middle of the night and she thought there was a rat under her bed.
57. Cheaters Never Prosper
I knew a crazy kid in elementary school. Kid jumped across the table and tried to choke me out. I instigated it by saying he was "cuckoo for cocoa puffs" since that was the only thing that kid ever talked about and he was wearing a cocoa puffs shirt that day. Senior year of high school, turns out that kid was in my Design class.
I needed to get a C or better on the final. Over the year, I found out the kid was taking my work off my share drive and copying it. For the final, I purposely screwed up the drawing in my folder, but the kid didn't double check it. He turned it in and failed and had to go back and be a super senior. Too bad for you, my dude.
58. Prank King Dethroned
Back when I was studying engineering, it occurred to me to try and find an app on my iPhone for those Panasonic projectors in lecture rooms. So, I got the app and it just let me connect to the one in the class without a password or anything. I have a friend who is one of those perpetual pranksters, so I knew just what to do with it.
I beam a picture of him onto the projector. The lecturer is just talking away and this goofy picture of my friend is on the screen. Lecturer does not realize yet. People in the lecture start waking up and giggling a bit. Now I use the pen function and draw a wiener on the picture, too. My friend was red in the face and trying to hide.
When the lecturer finally noticed, he totally called out my friend: "Michael, why is there a picture of you on the screen?" For a fleeting moment, I actually wrecked that dude.
59. Let It Go
This is about my psycho, stalker ex. I’m a girl, and I was 17 at the time while he was 19. I met him through this guy I went on one date with, but there was no connection so we moved on. Me and this new guy started dating a year later. He seemed nice, shy, funny at times, and we just had fun together. I was his first girlfriend.
He was in my life for about two years. But eight months in, I started to notice things about him I HATED. He was a COMPLETELY different person around me than everyone else. He only showed his real personality to me, and it was dark. Everyone else thought he was sweet and innocent, especially his mom. Meanwhile, he would call me horrific names when we were alone.
He would also get mad if my phone ever went off around him, and even more mad if I answered it. This was always followed by statements like, "Who the heck is that? Are you sleeping with someone else?” He would get mad if I ever talked to another male in public, even a waiter or cashier. He would act fine until we left, then he’d start screaming.
He then told friends at his school EVERYTHING about our bedroom life, and he would text me nonstop all day long. If I didn't reply, he would call over and over. I think the record was 40+ calls. No surprise, he was so controlling that I could never see my friends. He could see his, but I couldn't see mine, and he hated all of my friends who were guys.
He would constantly tell me about how he was going to get revenge against them. Revenge for what? I don’t know…So long story short, he's a jealous control freak, and it only gets worse from here. If you’re asking yourself, why did I not break up with this dude?! Well, I did, two or three times. But it wasn't as easy as just saying, "I'm breaking up with you" and having him disappear.
No, no, no. This guy would not disappear. But to fast forward, I was finally at my last straw. I didn't care anymore, and I broke up with him for good. He was so angry, he threatened he would tell my parents all these lies. Still, I cut off all contact with him, and it drove him completely insane. I should have known what was coming then.
One night, I was hanging out with this other guy I had been seeing. We were sitting in the parking lot of a grocery store at the time, which is two minutes from my home. All of a sudden, I see my insane ex drive by our car. No mistake: It was definitely him, even thought he lives a 30-minute drive away, and there was no reason he would be on this side of town.
It was also after 10 pm, so he's truly a creeper. Then he started doing even stranger stuff. He made a fake profile on Facebook and browsed for girls who went to high school with me, then added them. He tried to become their friend, then would badmouth me to all of these girls from my school. Honestly, I thought it was hilarious.
Who knows what he told all his friends about me, but he's had them all gang up on me since. His guy friends threatened to beat me up, come to my house and trash everything inside. I even had to park my car at my dad's place for a week, and I actually moved there for a while too. I was sure they would slash my car's tires or put sugar in my gas tank. But the worst was yet to come.
After we had been over for a while, I was still with that other guy, and one night we had been hanging out and he was driving me home when my phone rang. It was my psycho ex. Since he calls me non-stop, I picked up out of anger. Blah blah blah blah. Then he heard my boyfriend say something in the background. "Who the HECK is that?! Who are you with?!"
I said, "Anthony,” and hung up. He called back over and over, and it was basically a bunch of yelling. He said he was driving to my house now, and I had to be there. Then I started freaking out. We got there, and he pulled up. He ran up to my front door and proceeded to open it. I yanked him by the shirt back outside and the fight continued from there.
He finally got into his car and started to leave, and he almost ran over my foot with the car. I haven't seen him since, but I recently got a disturbing text from him: "Your tail light is out." I'm sitting there thinking...WHAT. THE. HECK. Apparently, he had been driving behind me, or following me. I also learned that he has moved out of his mom's house and is now living up the street from me.
I'm still thinking, WHAT THE HECK. That's no coincidence. FREAK! I still get letters from him in the mail occasionally. They were long letters. One was creepy, all it was was a piece of copy paper with pink hearts drawn all over it. Most are about how he realized what a jerk he was, how he never treated me right, and how he knows he will never have me back.
Darn straight. I don't read them anymore, I just put them straight in the trash.
60. Sticks And Stones
Two days ago, actually, in my soccer game, this one clumsy defender kept catching my ankles seconds after I would pass the ball away. So one play, he was clearing the ball and I just wanted to lay the kid out. As he was on his plant foot swinging, I hit him with my shoulder hard. As he was falling, he grabbed me and took me down with him.
I landed on his arm and it snapped like a twig between the wrist and the elbow. I feel awful.
61. What Are Friends For?
I still feel guilty about this one whenever I think about it. When I was a kid, I was extremely easy to scare with jump scares, and I HATED them. I would always enter fight-or-flight mode whenever something jumped out at me, and then I’d be mad as heck afterward. When my buddies caught on to this, they made it their business in life to jump out at me and scare me any chance they got.
Despite my hate of being scared, however, I was a HUGE fan of Halloween and I had a Halloween party every year either close to, or on, the big day. Naturally, this was the night when all my friends would do their worst to scare me so bad that I would bolt and run. They succeeded a few times when we were all under nine years old.
However, something shifted in me the year I turned 10, and none of us knew it until it was too late. As usual, I had my big annual Halloween party, as usual all my buddies were there, and as usual one of them wanted to try and scare the pants off me. About midway through the evening, I went down the hall to use the restroom.
While I was in there, my friend—I’ll call him Aaron—scampered down the hall after me and hid in a darkened doorway. I came out of the restroom, started down the hall, and Aaron jumped out at me and grabbed my arm. Ordinarily, something like this would have made me bolt like a little chicken, but for some reason that night, the Fight side of my Fight-or-Flight got turned off.
The moment he grabbed me, I whirled and punched him square in the face without even thinking about what I was doing. It was all pure instinct, and after impact I realized what I’d just done and freaked out. Aaron wrenched his mask off and was clutching his face and groaning—or so I thought—and I yelled for my dad, concerned I had really hurt my friend.
My dad and all my other friends came running down the hall to find out what had happened. My dad flipped on the hallway light, and what greets us? Aaron with his face covered in blood. I am instantly horrified, thinking I busted his nose, but as I’m spewing apologies to him, I begin to realize he’s not groaning, he’s laughing.
He grabs me by the hand I’d punched him with and yells “What’re you apologizing for?! That was freakin’ awesome!” and he yanked my hand up over my head like I was a boxing champ and starts telling everyone how cool it was of me to just haul off and slug him. If you haven’t guessed yet, Aaron was a pretty cool kid. He thought it was great that I’d suddenly found the courage to defend myself.
My dad helped get him cleaned up, though he insisted on keeping his now bloody costume on, and inspected his nose. Thankfully it wasn’t actually broken, but I still feel a wave of guilt when I remember the sight of his face covered in blood, and remember the feeling of my fist hitting him in the nose.. I’ll always be grateful to him for handling it so well, and encouraging me for standing up for myself.
However, I still feel so guilty about decking him that I can’t even imagine how I would feel if I had actually broken his nose.
62. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
My grandpa was a bit old school and gave me prison-yard advice for my first week of school. He said if anyone picks on you, just deal with them right then, don't take it. First week of Kindergarten, a Grade 1 kid was pushing me around, not letting me go back to class. I pushed him down against a fence and kicked him in the face three or four times, splitting his nose.
I ALMOST got kicked out of school until they found out my grandpa had told me to do it. Thing is, no one messed with me after, and that guy was nice to me all the way through to graduation.
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63. Not A Good Fit
My grandma, when she was a teenager, was sent to an all-girls school with dorms, uniforms, and the whole shebang. Well, my grandma isn’t an all-girls school type of lady and would sneak out at night by leaving a window cracked open with a shoe. One of the girls at the school did not like my grandma and one night took her shoe out of the window, locking it. This makes it so you have to enter through the front, where a nun was stationed 24/7.
To retaliate, my grandma took a massive poop in this girl’s bed, then remade it. Yeah, my grandma didn’t last too long at that school.
64. Psycho Coworker
In my old department, there was this dispatcher who probably shouldn’t be a dispatcher. We’ll call him G. One day, G needed to stay home for the gas and electric people to do some work on his home. Instead of taking a whole day off, he made the mistake of telling our boss that he’ll be at work no later than noon, but he could be there sooner if it’s really busy. G said he’d call to see how we were doing to see if he needed to come in early. I was left to dispatch for that day.
I came in at 6 a.m. Starting at 7 a.m., he called numerous times. By the time it reached 9, G must have called at least 20 times. Each time he said the same exact thing: “Is it busy? How does it look? Do I need to come in?” By the 20th call, I got fed up and told him that it’s really busy and we could use the help if he’s able to show up. He hesitated because he had no one to watch the house, but eventually agreed and said he’ll be at work in a few minutes.
When he came in, I let him know about the workload. He realized that it wasn’t that busy and asked why I did that. My response? “Because you called me more than a psycho ex. I had to stop you somehow.” Our boss wouldn’t let him leave and thought the whole thing was hilarious especially since G knows better than to do things like that to me.
Pixabay
65. South And More South
I was working at a call center. My coworker, who has a very rich southern accent, gets a call in. The woman on the other line detects her accent and gives her a hard time. She then requests someone “intelligent” with “better English”. My coworker tells the woman her English is fine and she can assist her.
The lady says something to the effect of, “Just transfer me to someone else, tramp.” My coworker then sends her to the SPANISH line. I just about died from the laughter.
66. Pity Puddle
When I was a kid, I had a bed wetting problem. I'm not ashamed of this now, as thousands of other kids have had the same problems. At the time, however, it was humiliating. Even worse, my younger brother started telling other kids around school how extensive the issue was. I was mortified. Even after our mother told him to knock it off, he continued.
So, I decided to level the playing field. The whole "hand in a cup of warm water" deal didn't work. So I stood over him as he slept one night and peed on him. The next morning, my mom thought we were both wetting the bed. After a few more times of "framing" my brother as a bed-wetter, he completely stopped using my embarrassing problem as entertainment.
67. Special Delivery!
In college, I lived with several guys in a suite. One dude liked to call me "chunky A.” Yes, I was chubby, and I still am, but I have lost a lot of weight and I am continuing to lose more. Still, at the time I was self-conscious about it and I asked him politely but firmly to not call me that. He laughed and did it more. That was the final straw.
I proceeded to call up every infomercial I saw on TV to send him baldness cures (he was losing his hair), tourist information from places like Iowa and Nebraska, and information about adult bedwetting. He was not too impressed when the mail started coming in. He accused me of it, but I played innocent. And then I took it up a notch.
I kept it up for two years while he lived there in the dorms. His junior year, he moved out to an off-campus place, so I found out where he lived. I then waited a couple of months and started the process all over again. Yeah, I bombarded him with junk mail. It was probably the most savage thing I’ve ever done. I have no regrets.
68. Brain Vs. Brawn
A girl on my softball team teased me and spread rumors about me to the team and coaches just because we were competing for the same position. She was in my geometry class and then tried to buddy up to me because I was good at geometry and she wasn't. So, for a while I let her copy my homework...then one day I gave her all the wrong answers and turned in the right answers for myself.
69. Bro, You Can Tell Me Anything
Back in college, I was sitting in the library trying to work on an assignment. All was quiet for a while, until this one obnoxious guy came in and sat at a table near me. He proceeded to pull out his phone and have the loudest, most obnoxious conversation with one of his friends. Lots of "BRO, SERIOUSLY BRO?" and yadda yadda.
I was about to pack up my things and find somewhere else to work when the conversation turned to Netflix. The guy told his friend he should just use his account and proceeded to loudly state his email address and password for all in the room to hear. Obviously, this was too good of an opportunity for me to pass up.
So, I promptly logged into his Netflix account and navigated to the "LGBT" section and started adding the gayest movies I could find to the top of the queue. I like to think that both the guys ended up thinking the other one added the movies to the queue but were too shocked to ever say anything to each other.
70. So Done
Back in the early 90s, supermarket cashiers had to type every price in by hand. I was at a grocery store, walking toward the only open check stand with a single bottle of soda in my hand. Suddenly, this hoity-toity lady with a cart stacked to the top flew out of one of the aisles like a freight train and cut me off.
"I'm in a hurry," she said, then looked away like she was annoyed that I'd even been born. I looked at the cashier. He rolled his eyes and got back to work. Five minutes later, she's walking out the door and it's my turn to check out. What the cashier told me made my fist pump. "You're good," he says. "I put your soda on her tag." Man, that felt good.
71. Like A Nightmare Come True
An old college roommate took some random household items that I had to replace to the tune of $100. Not a lot, but it was when I was a broke college student. My revenge was so disturbing. I remembered her student ID and password since I had to help her register for classes the semester prior because she was an idiot. That was all I needed.
About a month before finals that semester, I went on the account and officially withdrew her from all of her classes. She had to take another semester to graduate since all of those classes were full and waitlisted. It was really terrible in retrospect, and I'm much more mature now.
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72. A Pat On The Back
A million years ago, I worked in a large clothing store. This one girl I worked with would slap you on the back or pinch your arm or whatever as if it was a friendly gesture. It hurt. I don’t know if she was pretending to be nice, or was simply stupid, but it was very unwelcome and I told her so several times. So one day I’m heading up the escalator and there she is ahead of me.
So I walk up and as I’m going past her, I give her hardest "friendly " slap on the back I could. I may have gone a little overboard, as she almost fell forward and definitely gasped in surprise. I don’t think she ever came within reach of me again.
73. Law And Disorder
I had a lawyer a few years back who was a piece of absolute trash. He would go months between returning phone calls, and was constantly late with court filings. Like, to the point where the courts, multiple times, moved to have the case dismissed from lack of action. He also lied to me constantly about anything and everything—and then, it got worse.
After all that, he refused to be fired. Seriously, when I told him he was fired, he just ignored me and kept presenting himself as my lawyer. I had to get the courts involved to get him to stop. He then lied about me, saying “Our client has been unreachable, we are considering dropping them.” Like, what?? I TRIED TO CALL YOU 84 TIMES IN THE LAST THREE MONTHS AND YOU DIDN’T ANSWER OR RETURN A SINGLE ONE.
When I finally did fire him, he told me I had to be in court on a specific date (that didn’t work for me) at a specific time (that didn’t work for me) or else the motion to withdraw wouldn’t be accepted. So I got to the courtroom and the judge was super nice but confused as to why I was there. When I told him the story, the judge’s reply made my blood boil.
He just goes, “Yeah, this is all done electronically. Not sure why your lawyer would tell you that other than to be a jerk.” Needless to say, by the end of all this I was so angry and wrote a 10-page bar complaint about four different lawyers in their office and their unethical behavior. Well, the bar association decided this was a firm-wide encouraged pattern of behavior and threw the book at the four partners.
Disbarred for five years, restitution to clients, and only allowed to practice under supervision for a period of five years after they return. I felt a little bad, but man, I was sooooooo sick of being jerked around.
74. Caught Red-Tongued
Someone kept stealing snacks from my little sister’s lunch that was in her locker in elementary school. They even left the wrappers there. My sister had a suspect in mind but her teacher did not want to act on it. So we decided to prepare some Lindt chocolates: We scooped the middle part and put some Sriracha in them.
The next day, the kid did indeed fall into our trap and came back from her ”bathroom trip” with a red face and tearing eyes. She stopped stealing from my sister’s locker after that.
75. Cheaters Get Cheated
When I found out my then-husband was sleeping with a coworker for over two years, he was in Denmark on business. I took every penny out of our joint account and opened a new account at a different bank. When he called to ask why his debit card didn’t work, I acted puzzled. This went on for days until he called the bank.
In the meantime, I’d gotten an attorney and filed for divorce, and changed all the locks. I also took his phone and threw it into the Mississippi River.
76. Restaurant Playground
This was about 15 years ago, in college, while I was a host at a crummy Mexican restaurant. It’s a normal, busy Saturday night, and this guy walks in, right past me. He circles through the whole restaurant, comes back, and points out the table he wants to sit at. I do exactly as he asks. I knew what he was doing. He did not want to sit by any kids. Now, what happened next was completely avoidable, but he had angered me by acting like a smug jerk.
I proceeded to surround him with every party including kids. Loud kids, messy kids, small kids, birthday parties, I’ve got the perfect seat for you! I could see that he was ready to erupt, but it was too dang funny. He came up and yelled at me in front of the entire restaurant for the slights. I played dumb and then went in the back and laughed my butt off with everyone else.
77. Dressed for Revenge
In seventh grade, I used to take home-made lunch to school. We prepared our own salad dressing (lemon juice, salt, oil, etc.), and one kid decided it would be good to take it and drink it before lunchtime. I asked him not to, but he continued to drink it, then started doing so in one gulp so I couldn't stop him.
But instead of making a huge deal, I prepared two salad dressings. One that I would actually use on my salad, and another that had all the liquid condiments I could find in my mom's kitchen. It was really fun to see his face as he drank it again the next day. The jerk never took my salad dressing again. I rode that high for a long time after that.
78. Easy, Rider
My brother and I were walking and my cousins were on bikes, all of us coming home from school. They kept circling us and making fun of us because we didn't have bikes. One of my cousins then spits on me. Out of reflex, I blasted her with my trumpet case and she went flying, landed on the concrete, and broke her arm. I felt awful.
It was the first and last time I ever hit a girl. My family believed every word of the story, knew this cousin was always a total witch to me, and largely believed she had it coming. I still felt awful though.
79. Drink Up
A kid on my track team would always come by and take a drink of whatever I had with me. I was sick of it, so one day I brought a soda me that had been spiked with three times the recommended dose of Ex-Lax. Sure enough, he came by and I said “You know what Tony? Why don't you just take the whole thing.” Well, we were having a home meet that day, and he was our best pole-vaulter and part of the relay team.
I thought maybe he'd feel a little off and under-perform. Nope. In the midst of our warm ups, he went missing and was absent for the entire meet.
80. Open For Business
My friends and I used to pull a lot of pranks on each other growing up, and about 10 years ago I was helping my buddy set up a new business. He was ordering business cards and the company he was going through was offering I think 500 or so free with a large order, so we decided to prank our other friend. We made business cards with his name, phone number, and home address. We put his job title as "Professional Creep."
It also had the slogan "If I'm creepin’, you ain't sleepin’." We passed these cards out all over town. He was getting really harassing phone calls for a while and couldn't figure out why. After about two years, he found one of the cards on a random fridge at a party and put two and two together. He was angry and is still getting random calls 10 years later. I feel really bad about that one...
81. A Woman Scorned
During a rough patch with my (now ex-) fiancé, he admitted to me that he had been cheating on me and was involved with someone else. At the time he was the general manager of a company that was being sold, but none of the employees knew, as the company needed to be up and operating throughout the sale. After that, everyone would be out of a job, including him—but, he was getting some big $$$ for his efforts.
So, when he came clean about the cheating, I went out drinking with a friend. I came home that night and called everyone's voicemail and left a message with the details of what was happening to their jobs and the company. It was a complete mutiny the next day, and I can’t say I didn’t feel a little bad.
82. Making Enemies
Once at a party, the guy working the grill at the snack bar across the street from us, who I don't know all that well but often joked around with, stood in the center of the room and announced that he got a new job. I immediately quipped from the back of the room, "You flipping burgers at BK now?" The whole room exploded with laughter.
I felt like a jerk immediately. I didn't expect that reaction, since it wasn't even that funny. It was bad enough that I interrupted his moment, but I just expected him to laugh and shoot a joke back my way as usual. I still cringe when I think about it and how his face dropped after waiting around uncomfortably for the whole thing to die down.
He was a cool guy. I apologized and everything afterward. But we never joked anymore, and he started avoiding me not too long after. I still feel bad about that.
83. Treat Others As You Want To Be Treated
One of my biggest pet peeves is when somebody buys something, but instead of handing me the money, they plop it down on the counter. So one guy came up and was being… undesirable. Grown man. When it comes time to pay, he grabs a wad of crumpled cash and throws it on the counter in front of me. I stare at it for a few moments and eventually the guy says something along the lines of, “The money’s right there, you can count it!”
So being the petty little guy I am, I pick it up, thumb through it incredibly slowly (about 30-45 seconds without exaggeration), and this guy is giving me the ANGRIEST look. I open the register to grab his change and I go to set it on the counter. He tries to dip his hand beneath mine to grab it so I slide my hand to the side and drop it on the counter. I slide the item he bought across the counter and look up and smile with a, “Have a very nice day sir.”
He storms off and I ask if he’d like his receipt. When comes back and tries to snatch it out of my hand, he instead rips it in half and it took all of my energy not to bust out into tears. I will go to any lengths to anger people if they treat me like I’m subhuman.
84. Revenge Clap
I think one of the most satisfactory ones for me was when I got back at my childhood tormentors. I got into fights because I’d physically defend friends weaker, smaller, and younger than me. Eventually, the jerks had had enough. The main girl literally recruited two years worth of bad kids. My friends sat at our usual table. The hall was weirdly empty, then came in ALL the jerks and sat at two (eight-person each) tables.
Three of them came up to me. They started insulting us. One grabbed my fork and started eating my pasta. She then picked up my cardboard juice box, stuck the straw in it, and started drinking. I clapped my hands together and all the juice flooded into her mouth where she was forced to splutter it all down herself. The rest of the jerks found this hilarious, and, not having a nice fun fight to get involved in, left.
The main jerk with the juice all over her started yelling at me. I said, “Oh yeah? You and what army?” She panicked and fled. I ate my pasta and one of my friends shared their drink with me.
85. Putting My Foot Down
The girl sitting behind me in class kept kicking the bottom of my chair. I gave her the glares and told her to stop, but she kept going. I started rocking forward on my chair’s front legs to stop her. She then decided to stretch her legs out and stop me from putting my chair flat. So I did what anyone would do. I flung my chair back down so hard that it went right into her shin.
She screamed so loud, and needed a moon boot in the end.
86. Coming Apart At The Seams
I was a swimmer and water polo player in high school. For those that aren’t familiar with water polo, it’s a pretty rough sport, and “suit grabbing” is pretty common if you play hole set (center), as it allows you to control the other players’ hips, which is enormous in positioning. This one guy was going way too far and actually reaching down my suit and grabbing my nuts/
I got angry and yanked his suit so hard that it ripped at the seams on the side (it was a little Speedo). It fell off of him and he had to get out of the pool naked in front of all the parents, coaches, referees, and athletes, with only his hands to cover himself.
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87. Drying Up After Him
My roommate in college used to get out of the shower dripping wet and leave water all over the bathroom floor. I asked him several times to dry himself off in the shower but he refused. Rather than get angry about it, I just started drying off the bathroom floor every morning with his bath towel.
88. Concrete Pumpkin
I have a friend whose pumpkin/fall display at the end of his driveway would be run over by the neighborhood jerk. It happened every year. So my friend decided to put a stop to it. He withdrew money from his savings account so he would have enough to buy the largest pumpkin he could find, along with several large bags of Quikcrete. He filled that puppy up and made a real pretty display.
The jerk broke the axle of his bad car when he hit that pumpkin. He could not drive away. My friend had his car towed.
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89. Long-Term And Expensive
Back in 2001, I was cheated on by a guy I dated for a few years. After we broke up, I went to Walmart’s book aisle. I grabbed about 40 subscription postcards out of the magazines and filled them all out with his name and address. I marked the ‘bill me later option’ and mailed them slowly over a few weeks.
Five years later, we hung out via mutual friends, and in the garage, there were so many magazines that the two-car garage was a one car garage. Three years after this, we were talking and he mentioned how his credit was screwed up because he didn’t pay for some magazine subscriptions and they turned him in to the collection agency.
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90. Burning In The Bathroom
Several coworkers and I noticed that our lunches and drinks would constantly go missing, even when clearly marked. One of my coworkers was a diabetic and it ended up causing him to have a hypoglycaemic incident due to having his food taken. So after that, things got serious. He brought in a lunch that was laced with laxatives and a Carolina reaper extract oil. The previous diabetic incident was well documented and HR at this point was now aware of the food bandit. Luckily, that day, he hit the jackpot.
Turns out it was someone from HR who was taking people’s food. We heard a blood-curdling scream when the guy took his first bite and he was caught red-handed. It only got better from there. He stayed in the office the remainder of the day as things were sorted out. However, he ended up in the bathroom suffering even more. So not only did he get his mouth burned, he was pooping his brains out at the same time.
91. Micro-Managed Alarms
I was at my mom’s for Christmas Eve one year with my husband. I was pregnant and she had been getting on my nerves because she micromanages the holidays and my siblings and I just wanted to relax. She also had a brand-new iPhone and I knew her password. So I set her alarm to come on every hour on the hour starting at midnight and stopping at 7 a.m. I also changed the alarm tone every hour.
One was a dog barking, which set off her two Shih Tzu-poodle mix dogs for almost 45 minutes before the next alarm went off 15 minutes later. It was the best feeling in the world to hand over her phone after setting up those alarms, knowing what was going to happen. It’s one of my most cherished memories.
92. Bed Time, Not Game Time
When my husband and I got our first apartment together, we lived with someone who didn’t have much going on schedule-wise and would stay up until 3 or 4 a.m. playing video games online with friends and shouting. We asked him to be quieter after midnight because both my husband and I had early mornings, but he would always do that thing where he was quiet for about 10 minutes and then got even louder than before.
So my husband started unplugging/replugging the internet box after midnight and then when he knocked on our door and asked if we knew why the internet was out, we’d play dumb and promise to call Comcast in the morning.
93. Crushed Tacos
I was working at a taco place in the drive-thru, and this one customer was being so rude. He ordered some things, I repeated back his order, and he said I was completely wrong and wasn’t listening. Then he kept yelling at me through the speaker. When he got to the window, he didn’t even look at me when he handed over his money.
Of course, I was angry. One of the things he ordered was ten crunchy tacos with mild sauce. Before I gave him his tacos, I “checked” his ten tacos and crushed seven of them. Then I threw in twelve packets of Diablo sauce and only two packets of mild sauce.
94. Your Music, Then My Music
Neighbors had a party with karaoke (pretty bad karaoke) that lasted until about 4 a.m., blasting the speakers with Rancheritas, Corridos, bad oldies Spanish pop. I decided to wash my car with speakers blasting Cannibal Corpse at 6 a.m. when they had just gone to sleep. The next time they had a party, they came over beforehand and said it was going to be over by midnight. It was.
95. Case Closed
I'm pretty sure the day I broke up with my ex, he went through my apartment and tightened the lids on everything I own—nail polish, jars of food, bottles—because I'm a fetus and can't open anything on my own. It was mean...but looking back, it was probably the cleverest petty revenge act I've ever seen.
96. Hit And Ruin
Some girl hit my car in a hit and run. There was a witness to it, the authorities were able to track her down. The damage wasn’t significant; there was a small dent and a large scratch. It was all cosmetic damage. My car is over 10 years old, and had some other scratches already. So really, I was way more upset that someone hit me and drove off than I was about the actual damage.
I wouldn’t have even bothered to get it fixed if the girl hadn’t driven off. So when I was asked if I wanted to press charges, I went for it. Turns out, she had no license or insurance. She kept trying to fight the charges, but wound up getting sued by my insurance, having to pay me restitution via the court system, and pay a bunch of fines. I regretted it once I learned the truth.
She was some 18-year-old single mom. I felt super bad by the end of it. My pursuing her and pressing charges was 100% fueled by revenge, and her life got pretty messed up from it. Yeah, what she did wasn’t right, but I can emphasize with her being a scared 18-year-old who made a bad choice while caught up in the moment.
Also, I’m not justifying her behavior because she had a kid, but it does make me feel bad for her. Being a single parent is a really expensive thing, and having a bunch of fees on top of that financial burden has got to suck.
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97. Don’t Eat The Yellow Pizza
I lived in an apartment with a roommate. We had neighbors who would throw crazy parties pretty frequently, often times during the week. One day, my roommate who had to be awake early got fed up and decided to pee on a metal pizza pan and stick it in the freezer. After a crazy party he pulled the pan out, and flipped it upside down, giving him a frozen disc of pee.
He then slid that disc under their door where it would melt on their fully carpeted entryway. We woke up to them shouting at the people who crashed there, demanding to know who peed on the floor and what the heck was wrong with them.
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98. Sign Your Work
My ex cheated on me while I was deployed. She wound up getting engaged to the guy. Before I changed duty stations, she reached out to say goodbye. We hooked up. While she was asleep, I found his underwear drawer and left a note that said, “Cheaters cheat. By the way, I didn’t use protection.” I signed it. Hard not to think fondly on that memory…
99. Shots Fired
Last year at Christmas my older sister, who I’ve never really gotten along with, was being a total witch and talking down to me. "Seriously,” she said with a snarl, “When was the last time I even talked to you?" But I got my revenge. My comeback made her face go pale. My reply: "Huh, I'm not sure, maybe it was at your wedding a few months ago?"
See, she got married in May, divorced by July, and was now sitting next to her new boyfriend who she's introducing to us for the first time. They left. My parents were so mad. I had a great time.
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100. It Didn’t Add up
I interned in a class with this kid who always thought he was smarter than everyone else. He was pretty smart, but not by too much. Yet he always got paired with kids who weren’t as smart as him, so he would always be super smug when dealing with them. During one parent-teacher conference, we found out exactly where he got it from.
His parents thought he was the smartest kid in the school. They built him up as that and they got him thinking it, too. In this meeting, they even went off on the teacher, saying she “was bringing him down” and that she “was terrible.” The conference ended when the teacher left the room crying. But it didn't take long for sweet revenge.
About a week later, there was an event where parents came to watch their children do math games with other students. Well, the teacher paired this smug little kid with the actual smartest kid in class. The kid got destroyed in the math games. His parents were so flustered, they left before it was all done and took him out of school for the rest of the day.
