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Revenge Isn’t Always Sweet—These Payback Stories Are Brutal

Phillip Hamilton

Somehow, these Redditors pulled off some of the funniest petty revenge schemes of all time. Don’t blame them, though. They weren’t looking to ruin any lives, just teach someone a much-needed lesson. Safe to say: Mission accomplished. Here are the funniest revenge stories of all time.


1. Mousing Around

I once had a colleague I hated because he was very condescending and really arrogant. So I put an extra Bluetooth receiver in his computer for a computer mouse, and kept the mouse in my drawer. I would just open my drawer and it would mess his stuff right up. Kept it going for like two months. He was about to destroy the world when I thought, “I better stop.”

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2. An Unexpected Journey

When I was a kid, my younger brother and I would go for extra Mandarin lessons after school. Then we’d take the bus back. He would never press the bell for the bus to stop because he knew I’d freak out and press the bell rather than miss the stop. So, one day when he was sitting on the bus, but a row in front of me, I made sure to get off the stop before ours.

I laughed my butt off when I saw the bus miss not just our stop but disappear into the distance. Petty? Sure.

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3. Penny for Your Thoughts

I used to deliver pizza for Dominos. It was my last shift and there was this house that was always rude. For example, I called to asked what the house looked like and they said “I gave you the address” and hung up on me. They also never tipped. Well, I got to their house and they gave me a check for one cent less than what the total was.

I said, “I am going to need the extra penny.” They grumbled off and took their time, hoping I would give up, but I just sat there holding the pizza. They finally came back all ticked off and gave me the penny. No tip. This time I came up with an ingenious plan. When they gave me the penny, I chucked it out into the street and left. They saw me do it. It was SATISFYING.

Whosyabobby

4. Good Godiva, Man

My wife used to keep these little Godiva chocolates that she likes in her desk at work, but started noticing some of them missing and figured it must be someone from the overnight cleaning staff taking them. Fed up with losing her not-inexpensive treats, she decided to get revenge on the choco-thief in question.

My wife replaced the good chocolate with these little squares of chocolate laxatives that look just like real candies. The next morning, she saw several of the laxatives were gone. Mission accomplished. From that day forward, she was never missing another one of her good chocolates ever again. I imagine the toilet trouble was a lesson learned.

VictorBlimpmuscle

5. Kiss Off

When I was in the seventh grade, the start-up my dad was a part of was failing miserably in no small part due to a straight-up crazy CEO. While at the CEO’s house, my dad observed the CEO’s toddler daughter picking up a piece of dog poop and licking it. So he picked her up and told her to give her dad a big kiss.

cubansquare

6. A Hairy Situation

Okay, this one is pretty gross. Growing up in a house of only girls, personal space does not exist even a little bit. We used to bathe in front of each other, and even use the bathroom in front of each other. There are no boundaries, nothing was off limits.  Even so, my younger sister was NOTORIOUS for shaving “down there” in the tub.

She was also notorious for not rinsing it out when she was done. Pubes. Everywhere. One day, she was taking a bath and I asked her to rinse when she was done, because I planned on taking a bath afterwards. She told me to screw off. So, I reached in my pants, snipped off a chunk of pubes, tossed them in the tub with her, and walked out.

hollypopasaurus

7. And That’s the Tea

My wife is very, very picky about the mugs she has for different hot drinks: Tall mugs for coffee, wide mugs for tea, dainty cups for fruit teas. When she’s being irritating and asks for a cup of tea from me, she gets a very plain, boring builder’s mug, and I delight at the mild irritation it brings. My revenge truly knows no limits.

SailingOnFishlessSea

8. Falling Flat

Someone in my office would always crush lunches with his gigantic freaking lunch box. Either he ate bricks or lead, I don’t know, but I always came to the office fridge and found that my lunch was in pieces. So, after three bouts of this and numerous notes from myself and other colleagues, I carefully removed his lunch box.

I emptied the contents of the lunch box. Then I ran over them with my car. Just completely flattened it all. But that’s not even the best part. I then carefully packed it back into his lunch box, and put it back for him to find. I felt bad at first, but it was well worth the effort. He kept his lunch in a cooler by his cube from then on.

AR3Leatherworks

9. Revenge Is Sweet

There was this young teenager who cut in line in front of me at the supermarket. When he wasn’t watching, I broke his chocolate bar while it was still inside the wrapper. Then things really got good. Later, I saw him bicycling by. He opened up his bar and half of it fell out onto the pavement. He got really furious and I chuckled. It was a good day.

racoon1969

10. By Popular Vote

High school. We were in history class, and I really had to go to the bathroom. A girl was already out and we were only allowed to leave one at a time. Fine. However, this girl often goes to the bathroom then just hangs out and is gone for like 30 minutes. So, after 20 minutes I had to really go. I asked to use the bathroom again. DENIED.

Teacher said someone was out already. I said she has been out for almost the entire class, I need to go. Someone texts the girl, she appears. Looks ticked. Yells at me in the hall. I didn’t have to wait long to get a satisfying revenge. See, she was trying to become our homeroom class president. Not really a serious position, but it was leadership for her college applications, and the “debate” was that day.

Our class was about 30 kids. Two people were running: that girl and another. They said their two-minute speeches. At the point where we cast our votes, I had a little group of my friends in the class vote for a third party—a guy she hated. He was elected and she lost a line in her college resume to a guy who didn’t even want the spot.

wm1989

11. Forever Puzzled

My roommate and her significant other loved doing elaborate jigsaw puzzles. After I found out she cancelled our lease, leaving me one week to find a new place to live, I threw away one piece of two different puzzles they were working on. Before you ask, she was able to do all this because I was 17, and not able to legally sign a lease.

stanciat

12. Ex-Communicated

Years ago, I had a girl cheat on me with her ex. I never told her I knew, but inevitably broke up a week or two later “mutually”… I knew full well she would return to her ex immediately. Well, she did. I was bitter, but held it together. Then a month later, by a complete stroke of luck, I ended up with the ex/new boyfriend’s phone number.

A female friend of mine wanted to help me and posed as his “side chick.” She called and texted him every night for a week asking when he was going to screw her again, and saying she “can’t wait to see him again when his girlfriend goes to work.” I’d listen in to the calls, and every call we’d hear my ex in the background going crazy about it.

Sometimes she’d even answer the phone. My friend did a terrific job. After a week, we decided to up the ante. We drove by her house and his car was parked outside with the windows down. We put a pair of panties in the backseat. A few days later, I get a call from my ex, who had suddenly decided she wanted to return to me. Then I turned her down.

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13. Twist Ending

My neighbor’s dog poops in our yard all of the time. It wouldn’t be a big deal, except he never cleans up after her. I finally had enough, so I decided to go with a classic. I put a flaming bag of his dog’s poop on his porch, rang the bell, and hid in the bushes. When he answered the door, I finally got my revenge by having an affair with his wife for the last three and a half years.

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14. Selective Memory

My mom was a language teacher at my high school, and years after I had graduated, she called me kind of upset because a group of guys was trying to make her look dumb. The class was supposed to write one of those team dialogues in Spanish. They had a week or so to prepare it, then they had to perform it in front of the class.

When she called on them to do theirs, they said: “But we already did ours, we’re not doing it again.” She said, “You definitely didn’t do it, I don’t have any record of it here and I would remember it if you had.” They simply refused to do it, insisting they already performed it and that it was her fault she didn’t take notes or put their scores down.

She was in the middle of questioning herself when one of the good kids came and told her the truth. They hadn’t really done it, and they had just been bragging about making her look stupid. They apparently even threatened the class if they said anything. Well, obviously my mom was appalled, but she came up with an amazing revenge plot.

My mom was really into yoga at the time and got a great idea while meditating. She went in the next day and said, “Boys, I owe you an apology. I found my notes on your presentation and I do remember it, I don’t know how I forgot!” She then went on to describe all the grammatical mistakes they made, all their word choice flaws, everything. All made up. She failed them all on the project, and they couldn’t do a thing about it without admitting they’d made it all up.

a-dizzle-dizzle

15. Popping Off

When I was a kid, I got the Sabrina the Teenage Witch “Handbook.” It was full of kiddie experiments and stuff, and it was pretty fun. My older sister had upset or annoyed me about something, so I tried out one of the “tricks” from the book. You fill a cup with water and some corn kernels, and put some tinfoil on top of the cup. It worked too well.

The kernels eventually pop and it makes noise against the tinfoil, but it takes a few days to “work.” I put it right under her bed and then I completely forgot about it….until one night I woke up to my two sisters screaming like crazy. It had popped in the middle of the night and she thought there was a rat under her bed.

caca_milis_

16. Cheaters Never Prosper

I knew a crazy kid in elementary school. Kid jumped across the table and tried to choke me out. I instigated it by saying he was “cuckoo for cocoa puffs” since that was the only thing that kid ever talked about and he was wearing a cocoa puffs shirt that day. Senior year of high school, turns out that kid was in my Design class.

I needed to get a C or better on the final. Over the year, I found out the kid was taking my work off my share drive and copying it. For the final, I purposely screwed up the drawing in my folder, but the kid didn’t double check it. He turned it in and failed and had to go back and be a super senior. Too bad for you, my dude.

XIGRIMxREAPERIX

17. Prank King Dethroned

Back when I was studying engineering, it occurred to me to try and find an app on my iPhone for those Panasonic projectors in lecture rooms. So, I got the app and it just let me connect to the one in the class without a password or anything. I have a friend who is one of those perpetual pranksters, so I knew just what to do with it.

I beam a picture of him onto the projector. The lecturer is just talking away and this goofy picture of my friend is on the screen. Lecturer does not realize yet. People in the lecture start waking up and giggling a bit. Now I use the pen function and draw a wiener on the picture, too. My friend was red in the face and trying to hide.

When the lecturer finally noticed, he totally called out my friend: “Michael, why is there a picture of you on the screen?” For a fleeting moment, I actually wrecked that dude.

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18. How to Buy Love

My boyfriend’s uncle and seven-year-old cousin live upstairs from us. His cousin has a tendency to be a little bratty girl. One day, I was holding her dog when she came over and yanked her from my arms. No more than 20 minutes later, I went out and bought some dog treats. Every day when I come home, I give the dog a treat. Now the dog waits by our door instead of hers.

Dween_Deedles

19. Pity Puddle

When I was a kid, I had a bed wetting problem. I’m not ashamed of this now, as thousands of other kids have had the same problems. At the time, however, it was humiliating. Even worse, my younger brother started telling other kids around school how extensive the issue was. I was mortified. Even after our mother told him to knock it off, he continued.

So, I decided to level the playing field. The whole “hand in a cup of warm water” deal didn’t work. So I stood over him as he slept one night and peed on him. The next morning, my mom thought we were both wetting the bed. After a few more times of “framing” my brother as a bed-wetter, he completely stopped using my embarrassing problem as entertainment.

hardybe

20. Special Delivery!

In college, I lived with several guys in a suite. One dude liked to call me “chunky A.” Yes, I was chubby, and I still am, but I have lost a lot of weight and I am continuing to lose more. Still, at the time I was self-conscious about it and I asked him politely but firmly to not call me that. He laughed and did it more. That was the final straw.

I proceeded to call up every infomercial I saw on TV to send him baldness cures (he was losing his hair), tourist information from places like Iowa and Nebraska, and information about adult bedwetting. He was not too impressed when the mail started coming in. He accused me of it, but I played innocent. And then I took it up a notch.

I kept it up for two years while he lived there in the dorms. His junior year, he moved out to an off-campus place, so I found out where he lived. I then waited a couple of months and started the process all over again. Yeah, I bombarded him with junk mail. It was probably the most savage thing I’ve ever done. I have no regrets.

Tsquare43

21. Brain Vs. Brawn

A girl on my softball team teased me and spread rumors about me to the team and coaches just because we were competing for the same position. She was in my geometry class and then tried to buddy up to me because I was good at geometry and she wasn’t. So, for a while I let her copy my homework…then one day I gave her all the wrong answers and turned in the right answers for myself.

45MinutesOfRoad

22. Bro, You Can Tell Me Anything

Back in college, I was sitting in the library trying to work on an assignment. All was quiet for a while, until this one obnoxious guy came in and sat at a table near me. He proceeded to pull out his phone and have the loudest, most obnoxious conversation with one of his friends. Lots of “BRO, SERIOUSLY BRO?” and yadda yadda.

I was about to pack up my things and find somewhere else to work when the conversation turned to Netflix. The guy told his friend he should just use his account and proceeded to loudly state his email address and password for all in the room to hear. Obviously, this was too good of an opportunity for me to pass up.

So, I promptly logged into his Netflix account and navigated to the “LGBT” section and started adding the gayest movies I could find to the top of the queue. I like to think that both the guys ended up thinking the other one added the movies to the queue but were too shocked to ever say anything to each other.

yeahhtrue

23. So Done

Back in the early 90s, supermarket cashiers had to type every price in by hand. I was at a grocery store, walking toward the only open check stand with a single bottle of soda in my hand. Suddenly, this hoity-toity lady with a cart stacked to the top flew out of one of the aisles like a freight train and cut me off.

“I’m in a hurry,” she said, then looked away like she was annoyed that I’d even been born. I looked at the cashier. He rolled his eyes and got back to work. Five minutes later, she’s walking out the door and it’s my turn to check out. What the cashier told me made my fist pump. “You’re good,” he says. “I put your soda on her tag.” Man, that felt good.

Irishzombieman

24. Music to My Ears

My sister said some pretty mean things to me in front of my friends when I was younger. I really didn’t take it too well, and knew I had to get revenge. So, I put a slice of bologna in her Walkman CD player. I got the idea from Cory in the show That’s So Raven. If you ever read this, thank you very much, Cory.

Kevin_Steak

25. Pennies From Heaven

I occasionally deliver pizza as a part-time job. There is a customer who tends to pay with a big bag of change. I don’t mean a bag full of quarters, I mean a bag full of dimes, nickels, and pennies. Since his meal typically costs about $20, the bag usually weighs several pounds. It is a total pain to count out all of the change.

Typically, drivers will just assume that he has the correct amount and leave. Usually, he has just enough or maybe a few cents over. I don’t think it is an innocent thing either, as he usually gives the bag of change with a dirt-eating grin. It is such a pain that most of the drivers know his address by heart, and avoid going to his house if at all possible.

I was having a bad night, and by the luck of the draw I got this dude’s house. I remembered reading a post involving someone paying in a checkout line with a bag of change, and I knew I could use a similar method to take my frustration out on this guy in the pettiest way possible. So I pulled up to his house and left the pizza in the car.

I rang the doorbell, and when he answered I saw the large bag of change in his hand. He asked where his pizza was and I said, “New policy, sir. Gotta count it out before we can give out the pizza.” So, I sat down on his doorstep and started to count out all of the change. At one point, I even asked if he could turn on his porch light, because I was having a hard time seeing.

He ended up sitting there while I counted out the entire bag of change. He was a dollar over, so I started picking up pennies to give him his change back, and he said that I could keep the rest as a tip. When I gave him his pizza, he sheepishly told me sorry and then shut the door. To my knowledge he hasn’t ordered pizza from us in a while.

thr33beggars

26. Lipstruck

A drunk guy harassed me on the subway one night on my way home. About two minutes after his last “freaking stuck up cow” to me, he fell asleep. I made sure he regretted his mistake. I took out my lipstick and drew all over his face. Then I got off and watched him snooze away as the subway pulled out. Idiot. I hope he woke up with lipstick all over his pillowcase and a ticked off wife.

RipleysButch

27. Did I Do That?

My little brother and his girlfriend came to stay at my house for the weekend, and the girlfriend was super self-centered and obnoxious. When they left, she forgot her clothes and toiletries because she left them sprawled all over my bathroom. About a week later, she and my brother moved into an apartment together.

After he paid for the moving truck, deposit, and utilities, she cheated on him with her ex and kicked him out of the apartment. This left him broke, homeless, and heartbroken. In the days after the breakup, she kept calling and emailing him several times per day, demanding that he ask me to ship her clothes and toiletries back to her. “It’s Really Important, it’s my NORTHFACE.”

My brother called and pleaded with me to ship them to her so she would stop having a reason to contact him. Being the loving sister that I am, I gathered up the Really Important sweatshirt, shorts, underwear, shampoo, conditioner, soap, and razor. I folded everything nicely. I then wrote a nice note apologizing for taking so long to mail them to her. When she opened the package, she must have been furious.

See, the note was written in permanent marker, and the paper happened to be resting on the Really Important Northface when I wrote it. Unfortunately, the ink bled straight through the paper and onto the shirt. Also unfortunately, the shampoo, soap and conditioner caps were not tightly secured on their bottles, and the contents leaked out all over the clothes, further spreading the ink.

The most unfortunate result, though, was that her razor didn’t have any sort of protective cap or container and left little slashes all over the front of the Really Important Northface. She received the package, and my brother never heard from her again.

Typingbutnotworking

28. Dressed for Revenge

In seventh grade, I used to take home-made lunch to school. We prepared our own salad dressing (lemon juice, salt, oil, etc.), and one kid decided it would be good to take it and drink it before lunchtime. I asked him not to, but he continued to drink it, then started doing so in one gulp so I couldn’t stop him.

But instead of making a huge deal, I prepared two salad dressings. One that I would actually use on my salad, and another that had all the liquid condiments I could find in my mom’s kitchen. It was really fun to see his face as he drank it again the next day. The jerk never took my salad dressing again. I rode that high for a long time after that.

pipenho

29. A Little Dental Work

I used to work shifts many years ago, including regular night shifts. My boss was an unpleasant person to say the least. He would leave his keys on top of his locker. One night, I took a small file to work and filed down one or two teeth of his front door key. The next day, he was telling everyone about how he got home and his door lock was broken.

He had to get a locksmith out, which cost a fortune, and he didn’t get much sleep. Well, it happened again a couple of months later. Then his car key got some treatment. I stopped after that, as I heard him mention it was getting suspicious that all these locks stopped working. But, unknown to me, other colleagues also disliked him…so one night his locker disappeared entirely. Rumor has it that it’s part of the foundations of an office block now.

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30. Keep This Under Wraps

I worked in a fish factory most summers when I was in my teens, and there was a boy who also worked there one summer who was a jerk and a harasser. Myself and another girl were his main targets, and he’d pelt us with really disgusting verbal harassment that was inappropriate and race-based in nature, since the other girl mixed-race.

It got so bad, he would even yell his insults over the factory announcement system whenever he didn’t have enough work to keep him busy. To make matters worse, the foreman refused to get involved…so we took action. One day, we finished work before he did, and spotted his car out in the parking lot. We looked at each other deviously.

We went back into the building, got several rolls of toilet paper and a packet of menstrual pads, and “decorated” the car with them. The car was seen by many of our co-workers, some of whom also witnessed the decorating and cheered us on. Once he got out, he just stood there, blushing and embarrassed and wondering who could have done this to him.

He was very subdued at work after that and the teasing nearly stopped entirely, I hope because what we did made him realize what it felt like to be on the victim’s end of all the teasing. Best thing about it was that everyone, including his own brother, knew who had done it, and no-one told him. Clearly, this was an overdue lesson.

Netla

31. Taught by Force

I had a guy in school who would always skip class and then ask for my notes. Very annoying. We had a group project worth almost 40% of our grade and he did zero work, and the professor told me “tough luck.” Instead of just saying “no” the next time he asked for notes, I took the low road and got the perfect revenge.

I began giving him edited versions. I would leave items out of lists, incorrectly define things, or just straight-up write stuff that made no sense. If he had even once bothered to crack the text, he would have figured out that I was just putting junk in willy-nilly, but that was apparently too much effort for him. He retook that class.

failing_forwards

32. A Well-Baked Plan

I used to buy small treat bags of gourmet cookies from a local bakery a few years ago. I would eat maybe one a day, but they were a treat for me. Back then, my husband and I had a retail store and a few friends who would hang out at the store, since it was kind of a lounge too. Well, my husband and our friends would just help themselves.

But they had no self-control, and they wouldn’t even ask for some. I would buy the bag of cookies for me, and they’d be gone the next day. I would try to hide them but couldn’t. So, I bagged up a bunch of dog treats that the local pet food store had that looked very, very close to cookies. They were all about the same size as the ones I bought from the bakery.

I placed them where all the guys could see them and waited for the fun. Yep, they tried them…asked if they were a bad batch or maybe the bakery missed an ingredient or two in the dough. I waited until they tried to eat more than three each, then told them they were dog treats. They never touched my cookies again.

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33. Home Sweet Hospital

As a nurse, we had this god-awful patient who made all our lives a nightmare. Needed pain meds on the dot, needed to smoke every half hour, sat on the call light all freaking day. This person was also possibly the rudest human being I’ve ever met. Treated us horribly. So it finally came time for discharge, and this patient decided to come up with a whole bunch of new medical problems.

“I have chest pain! I have nausea! One side of my body feels numb!” So, being the very skilled and rational nurse I am, I asked the doctor for a whole new set of orders. First, I asked for lab draws every three hours (meaning needles every three hours) to check cardiac markers. Then I asked that the patient get “nothing by mouth” status while we did tests. This person couldn’t go an hour without eating something. Oh, but it gets better.

For the numbness, I requested he be placed on strict bedrest for 24 hrs, which meant no more going downstairs to smoke. I then explained this all to the patient, and he says, “Oh! I Just wanted to stay another night. I ain’t doing any of that! I feel fine, just give me my friggin’ papers!” I had him out the door in an hour.

andybent25

34. The Wet Bandits Return

A woman I work with literally stole this great story that I tell about me being in the same hospital at the same time that my niece was born. She tells it as if it was her husband, and she was in the hospital giving birth. She’s a known one-upper, everything you do she did it better, faster, it was worse for her, etc.

So, it didn’t surprise me when a co-worker told me she regularly tells clients that story. Now, every single day as I get in, I pour a tiny bit of my water bottle out on her desk, chair, or on the carpet somewhere in her office. In my mind, mold is slowly growing in her office, her skirt gets wet when she sits down, or any fresh documents she puts on her desk get sat right in the small puddle of water.

b8le

35. Hide and Seek

When I was traveling with a mate in India, we had a falling out over something that I didn’t think was a big deal at the time. But apparently he is super petty because he hid my journal in retaliation and denied all knowledge of its disappearance all day. In response, I hid his passport and got the journal back within an hour.

matted-

36. Pop Quiz

This happened to my significant other when he was at university. His class was doing presentations in pairs, and he got paired with some girl who didn’t bother to bring notes or research information for their presentation. Instead, she let him do all the work, and any slides she did were made from his notes and research.

He complained to his tutor and she told him, “Don’t worry, leave it to me.” So the day of the presentation comes. They present, and then the tutor asked the girl a question that destroyed her. It was something like, “Is there any evidence to suggest that some cultures are more prone to mental health problems?”

And the girl answered no. The tutor then asked my significant other the exact same question, and because he’d actually read the research on the topic, he was able to list off several studies that showed that some cultures are in fact more prone to mental health issues. The girl glared at him the entire time he answered the tutor’s question. Pretty sure she ended up with a D.

Lil-Night

37. Tow Me to the Burn Ward, Please

When I was in college back in the 90s, I used to dispatch tow truck drivers part-time to help pay tuition. It was an easy job. Someone broke down, they called Triple A, then Triple A called whichever tow company was nearest. If we were nearest, I would get on the radio and tell the driver where to go and what to expect.

Pretty easy, and most drivers were laid-back, friendly guys. Sometimes we would get new drivers, though, as the tow industry has a healthy turnover, especially in the wintertime. If the new guys ever got uppity or were jerks, we had this one trick we would pull on them. First, we would wait for the “Driver” to be helping a girl.

Then once they had gotten the girl’s car on the flatbed or strung up on the rig, we would go over the radio and ask if they were available. Dispatcher: “Hey driver, you have a customer with you en route back to the garage?” Driver: “Yeah dispatch we are heading back to the garage.” This is where we’d strike.

Dispatcher: “Okay, good. Oh, by the way, the doctor called. He said something about your private rash cream being in and you can pick it up whenever you have time.” Of course, all of the other drivers would be standing by on their radios and then they would all chime in laughing to bust the target driver’s chops. It was a great laugh, and the drivers never messed with the other drivers or dispatch again.

ronglangren

38. That’s Cold

My roommate used to leave his heater on full freaking blast when he would sleep, and I’ll give you one guess who paid the electric bill. He would sometimes forget to turn it off for work, which of course made me even madder. One day, I had enough. Instead of being an adult and asking him to turn it down and or off when he left, I pulled the heater off the wall and unwired it.

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39. Hello Goodbye

This happened when I was in my late twenties. My mom and I were in the car. My dad called and they started bickering with each other. My mom got irritated and hung up on him. He called her right back, and when she answered he hung up on HER! Didn’t even say a word, just waited for her to pick and then hung up.

It was so petty and hilarious to see my parents acting like children. I couldn’t stop laughing. They’ve been married over 35 years. I still get tickled when I think about that.

underthetootsierolls

40. Avengers, Assemble!

My favorite childhood story. So, I was an AP kid and had a bunch of AP friends, and also was in sports and theater. I had a large bunch of friends in nearly every clique. Anyway, one day one of my friends gets sucker-punched in the halls by some jerk. Because of the school’s ridiculous zero tolerance policy, getting sucker-punched carries the same punishment as doing the punching.

As a result, my friend and the jerk both got in school suspensions, even though only one of them was punched in the face. I thought that was a little bit unfair. So, I got my friends together, and they got their friends together, and every week, one of us would sucker-punch the jerk. Every week, both of us would get a suspension, but there were enough of us that it didn’t matter. The jerk, meanwhile, missed so much class he had to retake the grade.

whoshereforthemoney

41. The Other Side of the Coin

Older Chinese people think that’s it’s really shameful to have a son near 30 who is still not married, because it means that they are not a good parent for not having found a good bride for their son, or it means you are too poor to afford a marriage, or your son is ugly. The pressure is pretty high and everyone tends to want a grandchild as soon as possible.

So, my mother got sick five years ago in China. We are emigrants so she doesn’t have insurance there, her treatment was more than $30,000,  and we were broke. Since her aunts and uncles still owed her some money, she asked for some, but guess what They denied it and let her stay sick. They were basically just waiting for her to pass.

So I quit school to help my mom. After four years she was cured, and I got myself a family. I had two sons and bought a house with the help of my in-laws business. Well, last year I took my sons to China, went to visit those aunts and uncles—and got news that made me shamefully happy. All their sons are still single, while I have not one but two children.

permalink

42. Yes, Your Honor

I had a six-month school internship at a mobile phone store. The boss was a total jerk who treated his school-interns like full, paid workers, and even gave me some money responsibilities. A while after the internship, he called to tell me I would have to give a statement at court because he had a problem with some customer and a particular shipment.

He planned to tell the court that he explained to me everything concerning the shipping precisely. Of course, he didn’t. And of course, I didn’t lie in front of the judge. My boss’ attorney gave me a look I will never forget when he realized his stupid plans didn’t work out. A few weeks later, he tried to call me again. I didn’t pick up.

overbread

43. Take It Online

A guy owed me money, but I wasn’t immediately worried because we had done transactions before. This was a transaction via USPS. Well, he started dodging me, ignoring calls and messages, but stayed active on Facebook, all while ignoring me and deleting my comments on posts. After three months, I had had enough.

I got the notification to approve him as a member of a Facebook group I’m in. I approved him…then made a big post in the group putting him on blast for it, tag and everything. I then added his mom and sister on Facebook and sent them messages. Mind you, the guy is in his thirties, he has no excuse. He messaged me about it, and things are getting resolved.

im_your_boyfriend

44. The Best Kind of Revenge

When I was about 13, I was snooping around my older brother’s room and found a stack of 20-dollar bills stashed away. He was saving up from his high school job to buy a car. Hundreds of dollars. To 13-year-old me, it was a fortune, and I figured he wouldn’t notice if I took just one measly little 20-dollar bill.

So, I did. For years I would remember it every once in a while and feel kind of guilty. The worst part was when I took the 20, he was also a teenage kid and probably knew exactly how much money was there. He probably knew I took one, but let me get away with it because he figured I needed it. That made me feel much worse.

So, 15 years later, I’m hanging around with him during the winter holidays. I see that he left his wallet on the counter, and he’s upstairs just hanging out. This is my time to strike. I sneak into his wallet, see that there are a few 20 dollar bills, and I slide an extra one in there real sneakily. Got him! Revenge is so sweet.

Orange_Kid

45. A Dish Best Served Digitally

Early in a game of Civ V, Alexander took Petra from me at the last second, so I built a special city in the frozen wastes, blocked it in with my own cities, gifted it to him, then burned the rest of his empire to the ground. It took about five hours. I like to think he learned his lesson, but that forward-settling jerk still looks as smug as ever.

Portarossa

46. Is This Hacking?

My previous property management company was the worst. After a huge snowfall, the property management company hadn’t touched the snow in our parking lot for days. After day three, I called to mention we were sort of trapped and they needed to send trucks and snow blowers to take care of things. The response I got was basically “Sorry, we’ll get to it sooner or later.”

Important note: Years ago if you opened a Yahoo email, you could add a second email for recovery without confirming it. I created a new @yahoo email address and used their general @propertymanagement as the alternate email. I then signed up for alerts for every time there was an eBay listing for “snow plow” or “snow blower.”

It took a matter of hours before thousands of emails were sent. Ended up crashing their email server. They responded to all residents with a very nice email explaining they get the frustration, and they’re working on it. So, I paused the alerts. 24 hours later, still nothing, alerts back on. Another email, another pause, another day of nothing, repeat. Eventually, we got the driveway plowed and life was good.

Sidekicknicholas

47. Every Cent Counts

My downstairs neighbor at my old apartment was most likely a dealer. He didn’t have a job, and cars would come by at all hours of the day or night, often honking loudly. He or his girlfriend would run out and chat with them for like five minutes and they’d leave. The slinging didn’t bother me, but the honking at all hours did.

It would wake my girlfriend and I up at all hours of the night. Frequently his clients and friends would be parked and taking up two spaces when I came home from work, throwing off our already crowded parking scheme. His own vehicle was parked in such a way that if he had moved a few feet closer to the house, we could have another spot.

But his car didn’t actually run, so he couldn’t move it. He then started dating a woman with like three kids, and when they were over they’d leave their bike and toys in the parking lot or in front of our steps so we’d have to dodge them in the morning. She had a small dog, and while she was usually good about cleaning up, she would still miss some piles from time to time.

Eventually, I had enough. I decided to pay him back in the pettiest way possible. Each floor paid for their own electricity, and I knew our downstairs landing light was on his circuit. It was an old incandescent bulb, not an energy-efficient one like we had at the top of the stairs and throughout our apartment.

After his friend took up two parking spaces for like, three days, I never turned that light off. It was probably costing him an extra 30 cents a month in electricity, but it mattered to ME.

lokigodofchaos

48. A Lesson in Wokeness

My sister posted a very anti-LGBT article on Facebook when the North Carolina bathroom bill was passed. She claimed she “no longer felt safe” shopping at Target if she might “be forced to use a bathroom” with a trans person. The horror! I got her the best revenge “gift” possible. For her wedding the following month, I got her a Target gift card. XOXO, Your very gay brother.

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49. Diaper up

We had a guy in our office take a dump in the bathroom every day after lunch, and it would stink up the whole office. The manager asked everyone who needed to vacate their bowels to please use the lobby bathroom since our office was small and we only had the one bathroom. He didn’t listen. Fortunately, he was like clockwork, so five minutes before he went in, I took all the toilet paper.

That’s right. I forced the man to live with a dirty butt.

Link-to-the-Pastiche

50. Your Cheating Heart

My ex cheated on me with a married man. She now lives with him. She is a jerk, but I got the last laugh. You see, I still have the login for her DVR. I logged in, erased all her shows, then recorded only the show Cheaters. Petty, but it makes me laugh.

redman2532

Sources: 1, 2


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