A night out is something most people look forward to—what’s better than a nice meal to relax after a bad week? But unfortunately, sometimes dinner plans take a wrong turn—bad dates, rude waiters, terrible customers, the internet has seen the worst restaurants, bars, and coffee shops have to offer. Here are some of the very best stories.
1. Keep On Truckin’
I backhanded a trucker off a barstool. I was a waitress and he had just sexually harassed me as I was walking by his table. I honestly don’t remember hitting him, just looking at him sprawled out on his back looking at me with wide eyes. We stared at each other like that for a few seconds and all I was thinking was “I just lost my job!!” The trucker stood up, apologized, and left.
2. Wet Date
First time out with my now fiancé, we were at a local sushi joint. I was telling a story (actively using my hands) and knocked a glass over and we both watched it slowly roll off the table and onto the floor. Then not even five minutes later, a little probably two-year-old girl is running around her family’s table as kids do, stops right next to our table, and vomits everywhere.
3. Getting Peppered
I had a man in his 40s call a 16-year-old girl I work with a stupid idiot because she forgot to put extra peppers on his sandwich. I was in an irritable mood that day, so I confronted him about it. I asked him if he had any children, he said yes. I asked him if he thought it would be appropriate for them to talk to a stranger (let alone a young girl) like that. He said no, so I asked him, “What makes you so special then?” He looked very ashamed of himself and just walked out of the store without saying a word. I got some applause from one of the tables.
4. When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go. Hard.
20-year-old me went out to dinner to meet her family for the first time. Got dressed up in nice khakis and a sweater. In the middle I farted but ended up pooping my pants with liquid death. There was no hiding the smell, as well as the HUGE FREAKING STAIN ON MY PANTS. It was awkward for all those involved.
5. The Rank Smell of Rejection
A guy got stood up. He then drank a magnum bottle of red wine (8 glasses of wine) and ate three apps out of depression. His date called him, and he started cussing her out. He asked for more wine and then I had to cut him off. So he got up and tried to run out of the restaurant with a bottle he grabbed from a rack. An off-duty cop tackled him in the lobby, and then he pooped his pants in front of everyone waiting for a table. He lied there screaming with the guy holding him down until the cops arrived and arrested him. This is my fondest memory of being a bartender at Olive Garden.
6. Don’t Toy With This Kid
I worked at Taco Bell in HS. At the time, we had kids’ meals. This kid comes in with his parents and orders a kids’ meal. Apparently, he had been in recently, and already had that toy. He started screaming at me to get him another toy. His dad looked at me with an absolutely dejected look on his face and begged me to go get the toy. I dug through the new box of toys, and found one. The kid ripped it out of my hands, and ran outside… Directly into a rose bush. My coworker was legit laying on the ground laughing.
7. Cupid Goes to Daycare
I was serving a couple probably in their mid-20s. It was Valentine’s Day and they were arguing a lot (probably because it was a chicken wing place and Valentine’s Day). The guy ended up calling me over to the table to calmly ask me, in front of his date, “Do you have a high chair or a booster seat since someone wants to act like a darn child?” I was speechless, she wasn’t. They left soon after that.
8. Shake It Off
I was running out orders and bussing tables at my cafe, just learning how to hold the tray properly with my left hand. So I get an order of one cappuccino and one strawberry milkshake for a mother and her little girl. As I get to their table, I put the coffee down in front of the woman. I then unbalance the tray and accidentally spill the milkshake all over her seven-year-old kid. It was her birthday and they were brand new clothes and shoes.
9. Splish Splash
I went to a local pizza restaurant with my dad. Behind my dad, I could see a young girl’s birthday party going on. The little girl was talking with her friends and the mother was tugging at her sleeve to get her attention. The girl was so into her conversation that she wasn’t responding. The mother became frustrated, picked up the water pitcher, and dumped it out all over the table. Some people shouldn’t have kids…
10. Temper Tantrum
This was actually very recently. There was this little ramen shop in Chinatown that I loved. Finally decided to take my boyfriend there. Started out fine. I order curry udon. The guy repeats it back to me, I confirm. Done deal. I get my food. It’s curry ramen. Having worked in the food service industry, I don’t get all upset, I just flag down the waiter & let him know politely that I got the wrong order.
He was fine with it, a few minutes later he brings out my curry udon. I was happy. Until…five minutes later the manager AKA the guy I ordered from—YES, THE GUY WHO REPEATED MY ORDER BACK TO ME—comes, literally yelling at me saying, waving a receipt in my face saying how I ordered ramen and I got ramen, blah blah. I tell him no, I ordered udon. He argued with me.
Thing is, I don’t understand why he was yelling & arguing. They cost the same thing, so it’s not like I was trying to scam them. He had zero reason to treat me that way & yell at me in front of the whole dining room. I used to speak very highly of that place & recommend my friends there all the time. Nope. They just lost a customer for life.
11. Cheese-less Cheeseburger
When I used to work at McDonald’s some lady came in and ordered a cheeseburger without cheese. So being the person I am I just put it in a hamburger wrapper and gave it to the front. Well, she came back like five minutes later and all hell broke loose. She was yelling at the poor girl who gave her the sandwich and the girl was new. So I went up to help and asked what was the matter.
This is what she said, “I ordered a cheeseburger without cheese you gave me a hamburger I want what I ordered right now and I want to speak to your manager.” So I told her I was the manager. She proceeded to call me a liar even though I had a name tag that said shift manager on it. But I told her I would fix it. I took the burger and put it in a cheeseburger wrapper and gave it back to her she looked at it. Then at me and I’m pretty sure she had the realization of what a cheeseburger without cheese is. She then just walked away without thanking me or anything. Also, I had to send the girl home, since she was crying.
12. All You Can Eat
A girl I liked worked at a burger place. I was absolutely infatuated with her, and I would have done anything to see her—let alone to impress her. The place she worked at offered a promotional challenge to eat about four to six huge hamburger patties within a very short period of time. It was like a race, and whoever ate it all the fastest moved on to the next stage. Eventually, the winner would get a bunch of money as a prize.
I went down there to impress her. I ordered the challenge, and she sat with me to record my time. Mind you, I was a pretty large guy at the time and was around 60 pounds overweight. They brought the burger out and I didn’t even give it time to cool. My fat self sat there alone in front of the girl of my dreams at her place of employment and wolfed down a burger way too big for any normal person to eat, all the while slightly whimpering as it badly burned the roof of my mouth. Can you say alpha? I couldn’t, because I burned my mouth! The aftermath hurt for like three days too, and I was out like $15. If you’re reading this, former crush, you know who you are. Sorry I was a weirdo. I mean, I still kinda am, but at least I’m more self-aware now.
13. A Blast from the Past Should Have Been a Blast in the Face
About two years ago, I divorced my wife after she cheated with a guy she met at my mother’s funeral. Six months after the divorce, I’m on my first date with a girl named Heidi. She wanted to stop by a local tavern that was hosting a charity benefit. We did…Worst decision ever. I walk in the front door and immediately I am face to face with the guy who screwed my wife.
He and I grew up as friends but lost touch until he came to mom’s funeral. He attempted to say something to me, and I immediately cut him off and threatened him rather harshly. He left. I spent the next 30 minutes explaining what just happened to her. She said I should have punched him…
14. I Think This Counts as an Emergency Worth Escaping
Late to the party here but I was bartending in NY and watched this couple who had met on Tinder have their first date sitting at my bar. The girl was a complete maniac. Kept bringing up the fact that the dude she was with could be a psychopath and could murder her (he had given no indication of this) and went on Tinder while he was still sitting beside her at the bar.
She kept telling him he was lucky that she agreed to meet him at all, and she didn’t think he’d be this boring. She ordered about 5 or 6 LITs and several shots, he literally just had two beers. She made him pay for everything. My favorite part was that he excused himself to go to the bathroom and left through the fire escape. Absolutely brilliant. To be clear, there was only one official entrance and exit. This dude escaped out the back and she went searching for him. Straight up thought he had disappeared out of the bar.
15. Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Will Hurt Me Far More
I waited tables in a breakfast diner a few years back. Two ladies come in and towed one of their kids along, a chubby boy with gold chains and a nice watch (the kid is probably 10-11, for reference). Mom is clearly very tired of dealing with him as he is very demanding, blurts out what he wants before I can say hi, etc. Partway through the meal, he holds up his Sprite cup and shakes it at me, and utters only the word “more!”
Mom looks aghast and chastises him for being rude, to which he begrudgingly apologizes. I shrugged and told him “don’t apologize to me, apologize to your mom.” Was a little worried when I came back around with his Sprite and saw his salty, hot tears streaming down his chubby face. Mom left me a ten on a 30 dollar bill, however, so I think she was happy with my service.
16. Too Young to Talk?
Saw a really young couple, likely 13 or 14, come into my diner and not say anything to each other. Neither could look each other in the eye, they were so shy. They ordered their food barely above a whisper. Occasional cringe faces were made at the food they were staring at. They were having a very awkward time and it was painful for them as well as me.
17. Lap of Luxury
Working at a drive-thru, I spilled three large cokes on a customer’s lap. Amazingly, nobody complained!
18. Straw Man
I used to wait tables. One day, I got a pair of 30-something-year-old businessmen. When I brought them their drinks, I asked if they wanted straws. They initially said no, but then one of the men changed his mind. He asked me, in a small but oh-so-hopeful voice, “Unless…do you have bendy straws?” I felt so bad telling him we just had the boring straight kind. I’ve never seen a face fall so fast.
19. Watch Where You’re Going
I went to Sonic for lunch one day, and my boss asked me to get her a Route 44 blue coconut slush. The girl that brought the stuff to my car was on roller skates. She hit a rock, and the giant cup of blue came flying into my open window. She laughed her ass off and apologized while I got out to let it drip off of me instead of even more getting onto the tan interior of my new car.
She left, came back with a wad of napkins and a handful of “10 cents off” cardboard circles and tossed them in my car. As I was trying to wrap my brain around what was happening, my friend called me and said her baby had just been born prematurely and she wanted me to go straight to the hospital. I got there and stopped in a bathroom to try to scrub blue dye off of my arms, face, and neck.
I wasn’t very successful, but my friend and her husband had a good laugh after a stressful day, so that was a plus. When I got home, my husband saw that the inside of my car had been dyed blue and had a layer of sugary crust. He strongly suggested that I call the manager and ask if they would have my car cleaned. I called, and the manager told me to go see him the next day.
When I showed up, he said he could have one of his employees vacuum out my car, and handed me a card with “half off drinks for life” scribbled on it. I chalked it all up to “Sonic freaking sucks”, and planned to let everyone I knew use that card for the rest of my life. First trip there, my husband handed the drive-thru guy the card, and he confiscated it and said it was only good for that one time.
At that point, I was pretty angry. I emailed corporate, the owner of that Sonic called me pretty quickly and claimed that it was his “idiot son” who gave me the card and that there is no such thing as a lifetime discount. I told him I didn’t care about a discount and that I just wanted them to clean my car. I ended up with 10 free combo meals and a car interior that still attracts more dirt in certain spots no matter how much I clean it.
20. Water Volume
I had a customer say that I had placed her water glass too loudly on her table. The worst part? She was vocal enough about it that she actually ended up getting free food.
21. Saying Please and Thank You Goes a Long Way
I am a cocktail server at the huge pool of a 4-star hotel. A woman once told me, in a monotone voice and without any eye-contact, “I lost my sunscreen. Find it.”
22. A True Gentleman Wastes No Meat
We went for burritos. I’d never eaten burritos before, and what I didn’t realize was that there’s definitely a wrong way to do it. There’s planning involved. Toward the end of the burrito, I felt something slip in the structure of my meal. It became clear that the burrito was going to slither into an unwrapped state imminently, the tinfoil it was wrapped in wasn’t going to stop it, and I had a choice.
I could either watch my tasty treat of cheesy beef flop onto the floor, or I could eat it, all of it, right now. I didn’t regret my decision; but I did have enough of a vague sense of dignity to vocalize a muffled “fffwrrry.” to my date as I fished tinfoil out of my packed and leaking gob, and used the other hand to wipe a stray fleck of beef that was oozing down my beard.
To compound the awkwardness, it must have been a full minute and a half of silent heavy breathing through my nose before I could clear my mouth enough to more thoroughly apologize and explain. I don’t know if she agreed with my choice; but I think she respected it. The thing is, there was actually a second date, and a third, and I think a fourth.
No matter how disappointing you are, gentlemen of Reddit, sometimes a lady will be in a dry spell longer than your own. Or possibly have a fetish about fat scruffy men suddenly and inexplicably fisting an entire burrito into their already-stuffed and dripping maw, I never quite ruled that one out.
23. Triple Rejection
I met this girl online and she was incredibly sweet. I’d written something on a different site (a local news comment section) about having a bad day and she responded by saying she’d like to take me out for drinks to cheer me up. She didn’t imply anything sexual at all, but horndog me assumed that’s what she meant, I guess.
I take her up on her offer and we meet. It was just really awkward—she was very quiet and I kept trying to get her to talk, but it became apparent she was just really shy. So, I’m sitting there, just pouring back beers by this point while she sips her drink. She kept telling me she was having a good time, and I told her she was free to leave, but she said she wanted to stick around.
She was hard to read, but I just talked it up to her being shy and polite. After a while, this smoking hot girl comes up and asks for a lighter. I don’t smoke and didn’t have a lighter, but I start chatting her up and we hit it off immediately. The three of us are now in a conversation, but my original date, for the most part, was getting left out.
Drunk me didn’t care—this girl was a 10, seemed into me, and I wasn’t really feeling the original chick. 10 girl tells me she’d just moved to my town from Canada and had come to the bar to meet an old friend she hadn’t seen in a while, but she assures me that he’s just a friend—she’s extremely flirty and holding my hand and kissing on me in front of my date girl.
Meanwhile, date girl is still sitting there, adding to the conversation when she could, but mainly just sitting there. And me and the 10 chick are taking shots right and left. I’m getting drunker by the second. An hour or so later and her friend shows up. He’s Canadian too—very friendly, and totally sober. Me and his hot friend are bombed drunk and my original date is still just sitting there watching us.
Soon enough, my date and her guy friend are chatting things up, it appears things are going great with them and I can’t be happier with this girl I met. After a while, my original date and the hot girl both have to go to the bathroom. They leave and the Canadian guy is asking me how I know his friend and the deal with my original date.
I try and fill him in, but I’m drunk, the whole situation was weird and kind of a blur to me. He tells me that he really likes my original date and I tell him to go for it. I tell him I’m in love with his friend, he’s cool with that, so we decide that things are working out just the way we wanted. The night keeps going on, Canadian girl is still ordering round after round of shots and I’m keeping up, but I am like seriously gone by this point.
We’re all sitting around, chatting and having a great time, like four old friends. Eventually, the girls have to go to the bathroom again. They leave and the Canadian guy is telling me that he thinks he can take his date home. But he doesn’t live here and is staying with my 10 girl. I suggest to him that we all go back to my house.
I live right down the street, I’m single and live alone and I’d do anything to get some alone time with my new Canadian girlfriend. He’s cool with that and tells me to bring it up to the girls when they get back. Keep in mind that I’m almost blackout drunk by this point and am smoking the Canadian girl’s cigarettes. I don’t even smoke; that’s how you know when it’s my time to go home.
So, they get back and I bring it up: “Hey, Pierre (or whatever Canadian guy’s name is) and I were discussing it. We think we should all go back to my house and have sex.” Now, I don’t know why I said that. I was wasted drunk, but that was totally inappropriate and out of character for me. But you would have thought I took a dump on the table.
It was dead silence as the other three just all stared at me. I looked around and they’re all shaking their heads. My Canadian 10 girl is going “I’m not like that. Dude, I am not like that.” Canadian guy keeps yelling “I’m not gay. Why’d you say that?? C’mon man, I’m not gay!!” and the original date just looks at me like I stomped her kitten to death.
It was a look of pure hatred and disgust. Immediately, the Canadian girl tells me they’re leaving and to never contact her. I’m pleading with her, telling her I’m sorry and she’s screaming at me, telling me I’m disgusting. They pack up and leave and now I’m stuck at the awkward table with my original date. I finish my drink and tell her that it’s time we leave.
She agrees and we both walk outside, her not saying anything. She asks how I’m getting home, and I tell her I live close and am walking, she tells me that she’ll drive me home—and again, drunk me takes that as a sign she’s interested. I agree and we drive to my house. She pulls up and I get out and she stays in the car—I walk over to her window and ask her to get out—I thought she was coming inside.
She gives me this “Hahaha. Ehhhh… NO.” So, I tell her okay, and then lean in to kiss her… And she just turned her head with a look of sickness that I’ve never seen before. So, I suggest maybe a hug, and thank her for meeting me for drinks, something she is surely regretting at this point. She tells me fine; a hug is okay…And again, I hug her and then try and kiss her.
I should point out, I am very reserved, somewhat shy myself, and not like that. I don’t know what my douchebag deal was. She stops me and says “Seriously?? I see why you’re single” and speeds away. Yeah, never heard from any of those three again. In summary, I went on a blind date with a very nice girl, ditched her for a different girl, drunkenly suggested a foursome, disgusted all parties and then tried to hit on original girl after the new girl left. I’m a jerk when I get that drunk.
24. Tapped the Glass Too Soon
When I was waitressing in college, I witnessed the single most embarrassing thing to happen to a person to date. Right in the middle of their dinner (and in the middle of our Friday night dinner rush), this poor guy stands up, taps his wine glass to get everyone’s attention, and then proceeds to tell EVERYONE what a fantastic person his girlfriend is, how much he loves her, and how lucky he is to have her in his life.
The whole time this is happening, she is just sitting there watching him with the most boring look on her face. It was so weird. Kind of like, “Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.” Then the poor guy pulls out a ring, gets on one knee, and asks her to marry him. She gives him the most disgusted look imaginable and says, “THIS is the ring you expect me to say yes to? Are you stupid? Could you be any cheaper?” Then she gets up and walks out, leaving the poor guy just kneeling there. I didn’t charge him for the meal.
25. Doing Due Diligence
I met somebody through Plenty of Fish and went out with her for coffee. Once we sat down, the first thing she asked me was how much money I made. I didn’t discuss figures, but I said that I was doing alright. She then regaled me with stories about her overdue bills, and how she just didn’t pay them because she didn’t have the money, and how her last credit card only had a $5,000 limit, and how quickly that gets used up. She just didn’t seem to have a grasp on how money, interest, and credit ratings work. And by her own admission, she had debts of tens of thousands of dollars.
She made it quite clear that she wanted somebody who would take care of her financially, and if things worked out, co-signing on a credit card for her might be in the future. The whole date felt like a sales pitch and made me feel like a wallet on legs. I declined going back to her place afterward, and instead went home and had a shower to wash the stench of loser off of me. And that was the last date I had before the one where I met the woman who became my wife.
26. Chuck Steak
Some jerk came into my restaurant and ordered a well-done steak literally one minute before the kitchen was supposed to close. The grill was already off and cleaned for the evening, so I just chucked the meat into the deep fryer with the chips.
27. Bad Son
A man and his mother always used to come into the café I used to work in, and he always was a bit strange, but a nice guy, and he’d talk with everyone, myself included, when he came in. One time, though, he came in with his mother, and his mother asked him to buy her a cup of tea because she’d left her money at home.
He kept saying “No, no, I don’t want to, I don’t want to.” His mother was being perfectly reasonable, and she asked him politely again, at which point he took the bag he was holding and flung it across the room, almost hitting a baby. The owner told him to leave and he did, but just as he was going out the door, he turned around again and began yelling incomprehensible things at the owner and hit him in the face. The owner pushed him away, and with such force that he actually fell back onto his mother. THEN they left.
28. Does Not Compute
Working at a sit-down chain Mexican restaurant, I had a customer present me with a Taco Bell coupon expecting my manager to honor it. I politely told the customer that Taco Bell was not even 2 minutes down the road and that we were in no way affiliated. Apparently, that response provoked this guy’s brain to fold in on itself and in a fit of rage he screamed for a manager and yelled that “This is America!”
29. Holding Those in High Positions of Power Accountable
I work at the country club where Reince Priebus goes. Every Friday night is “Pasta Night,” where you pay $5-$10 or so to go to the pasta bar where a chef will make you a pasta dish to order. Priebus, upon getting the bill, turned to the server—a girl who was being perfectly polite to him—and demanded to know why he was charged for three adult meals.
He was there with his wife and kid, and the kid was 12 years old. 12 is the cut-off for getting the $5 kid’s pasta, so the server had charged him the $10 for an adult pasta dish. He insisted his kid was 11, so the server apologized and went to the server station in the back where there’s a computer that would let her change the bill.
I and a couple other staff members were standing back there, giving her questioning looks as we’d seen Priebus look angry and gesture to his kid. Had she screwed up the kid’s order or something? She relayed the whole story so far to us and then turned to the computer. Curious, she looked up the Priebus family’s record.
The kid was 12 years old. Still is, probably, as this was only last July if I recall correctly. The server’s older sister pointed out that the server had every right to charge Priebus for a $10 adult meal, and Priebus was the most highly paid White House staff member of all time before getting fired, and could definitely pay the $5 difference.
A determined look is set in the server’s eyes, and she goes out and tells Priebus she knows his kid is 12, to which he responds (and this is a direct quote), “Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be?” He paid the bill in a huff, didn’t tip her, and left. To be clear: The man who was the most highly paid member of the White House staff of all time tried to lie about his kid’s age in order to save $5 at a country club where most entrees will run you about $25-30.
30. When It Rains, It Bleeds Too
I guess it’s not the worst thing I’ve specifically done, but definitely the worst thing that my body has done to me. Out to dinner, my stomach is feeling pretty upset but the food is amazing and expensive, so I try to tough it out. My body, however, was not in the mood to “tough it out” whatsoever.
I politely excused myself to the bathroom and loudly unleashed the most ungodly amount of liquid poop. To make matters worse, I had unexpectedly started my period as well. Since I was wearing a dress, there wasn’t much fabric to contain the blood, so my upper thighs were a bloody mess, as was the toilet that I just unleashed demonic horror upon.
Somehow my dress was unharmed, and I managed to evacuate my bowels and clean up in under 10 minutes, so my date was none the wiser. Still annoyed at my body for betraying me like that at my favorite fancy restaurant though.
31. Let’s Pay to Play Pretend
One of my first jobs in New York was managing a lounge/cocktail bar in a high-end hotel. At around 3 or 4 o’clock, a guy who looked pretty cheesy (slicked back hair, bad suit, etc.) came up to me and demanded that he get that window table tonight for his date (he had a reservation for 8pm). I explained to him that I can’t guarantee it etc. etc. and he slipped me $400 with the “How about now” look in which I eventually caved in and told him that I’d take care of it.
He then pulled another stack of hundreds and started counting them in front of me while asking if I could go a little extra by coming over to the table when he was there with the date and pretend that I knew him from a movie. At this point, if I’ve gone this far, why not? Sure enough, he rolled around later in the evening with a blonde bimbo, and after they’d had a glass of champagne, I approached the tables around them and checked on how they were doing before going over to him and did the whole “How are you enjoying your evening?”
And before walking off, I did an Oscar-worthy double take with an “Are.. are you… by any chance..? You must be..” at which point he had this douchey smile lapping up the “recognition” he was getting from this young dude he’d just paid off. Most importantly for him though, it worked—she was loving it—and they left shortly after, and he slipped me another $600 on the way out.
32. Overtime Means Double-Time…
I used to work the bar at a restaurant that was walking distance from a very rich neighborhood. One of my regulars was an NFL player who would bring his fiancé in a couple times a month. One day, the fiancé came in alone and already very drunk. She sat on her usual barstool and started rapid-fire typing on her phone without ordering anything.
I kept my mouth shut because she was already wasted, and she usually tipped me very well. I turned my back to type in someone else’s order, and I heard someone yell and then the sound of breaking glass. Turns out Mr. NFL player had walked into the restaurant with another woman. The fiancé had picked up someone else’s drink and threw it at his head.
33. Coffee Break
I worked at a coffee shop and lost my mind when this one extremely rude customer came in. Normally I’m really good at keeping my cool, but this day I just lost it—and threw a muffin in the customer’s face. He fully deserved it. And he was so shell shocked that I responded this way, that he just stormed out to his car and I didn’t get in any trouble!
34. It’s The Small Victories
I walk right up to this customer’s table, and before I can even say hello and spit out my name, I am greeted with “I want the Reuben with fries. I want some ranch to dip them in too, but I’m not going to pay that ridiculous $.50 charge. My server charged me last time, and I haven’t been back for more than a month!” So I did exactly what she asked. Reuben, fries, and ranch… at an inflated cost of $.75 due to us making the ranch now instead of buying it. It was worth not getting her tip.
35. Rich and Wasteful
I once had to accompany a few rich tourists for a day. We went to an expensive restaurant, they ordered every single dish on the menu. With the six of them, it was around 15 full meals. They took some bites of the food and left. Maybe 20% of the food was eaten. I felt very embarrassed.
36. No Turn the Flood Back
A good one hour into my date, we are at a restaurant. We got our food and are happily consuming it. I feel a sneeze coming. I’m thinking, “Remember how some people can hold it off by pinching their nose? Yes, let’s try that. Can’t be rude right? Can’t sneeze on the food either. Will avoid sneezing like a hippo in front of my date like I usually do.”
It was painful. The sound that came out was weird and attracted not only my date but more unwanted attention. All the mucus was still stuck in my nose and mouth. I couldn’t speak or swallow, so I decided to go for double thumbs up all around. Stuff in my nose started leaking… Many napkins were sacrificed shortly after.
37. Dinner With a No Hit Wonder
I work at a dinner theater. We usually do proposals where we set up a “random draw” where the “winner” comes up on the stage to win their prize and are then surprised by their partner, who proposes. It’s usually sweet and makes everybody in the room all fuzzy and warm. This one guy wanted to take it further, and requested to perform a song—he brought his own music and everything. We’re pretty easy-going at this job, so we agree to let him do it.
We do the fake draw, the woman comes up on stage in front of a room of 400 people, and the music starts to play. Apparently, this guy was a little nervous, and he compensated by having a few drinks. So what follows is a slurred performance of a song written by this guy that seemed to focus on how he was sorry for cheating on this woman with her sister, and at the end of it, he gets down on one knee and proposes.
Usually this gets a round of applause, encouraging the person to say yes, but not after that train wreck of a performance. The poor woman was just holding her face the entire time and starts shaking her head and says, “No, what’s wrong with you?” She storms off and leaves him and our stage manager on stage to a bunch of murmuring from the audience. The only thing our stage manager can think of to say on mic is, “Well, that’s that.” The guy ended up staying for the rest of the show and had many more drinks. That was years ago, and it still remains one of the cringiest things I’ve ever seen.
38. No Room for Improvement
Had a couple come into my restaurant. Guy is telling woman about some real estate investment opportunities he has coming up (for himself). She tries to tell him she doesn’t think it’s a good idea, and he responds with, “No one asked for your opinion, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” She sat in silence for the rest of their meal, looking at her phone. When he goes up to pay, and I go clear some of their dishes away, she tells me it’s only their second date, and she doesn’t think she’s going to see him again. Couldn’t bring myself to respond with anything other than, “Please don’t.”
39. Someone’s About to Have Beef
I used to work at the Cheesecake Factory, where we had a chicken and shrimp gumbo. One day, I had some devoutly religious Muslim guests come in and explain very clearly before ordering that they can’t eat anything that contains alcohol or pork. I said sure, no problem. They ordered the chicken and shrimp gumbo and I put the order through.
Then I remembered that the dish had pork sausage in it, and I had completely forgotten. The lady was halfway through eating it when she asked me what the meat was that she was eating. If she hadn’t already eaten most of it, I would have taken it back—but given the situation, I just lied and said it was beef. No one caught me!
40. The Price of Rum Cake
I used to work at a place where one half was a bakery and the other half was a cafe/restaurant. My job was basically to chill behind the pastry counter and get cookies, cakes, pastries, or bread for people. One day this really old lady came in, like she was ancient, and she approaches me by the pastry counter and asks how much a baba rum costs.
So I told her that it was $2.50 and she starts screaming at me “LIAR!” It really took me by surprise, and then as soon as she had flipped out she returned to normal and started asking me the prices of other things we had. Every time I told her the price she would start freaking out and say that I was lying to her, but then other times she’d gently say “Oh wow! It’s only that much? What a great deal!”
So she ends up back by the baba rum and asks how much it is. I tell her what I told her before, $2.50. This time she’s like “Okay, I’ll take it!” So I’m putting it in a box for her (and by this time my manager had kind of been drawn out of her office because of all the yelling and is just standing by) and the lady goes, “CUT IT! I WANT YOU TO CUT IT!” so I asked her if there was a specific way she wanted me to cut it and she responds “YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING CRACK-PIPE WOMAN, GO BACK TO SCHOOL!”
Mind you this was a summer job so I was just like… what? But yeah, my manager decided to intervene then and tell the lady she had to calm down and she couldn’t treat the employees like crap and that if she wanted to stay she would have to relax. Thankfully, the lady decided to go to the other half of the place, the cafe section, and she began bothering those poor waitresses about her coffee.
41. The Imperfect Crime
One time a girl who had black hair with pink tips found a hair in her food. None of our servers, or kitchen staff, had black hair with pink tips. The hair that she found, however, was black with a pink tip. Needless to say, she did not get a discount.
42. Surprised the Spoon Was Even Taken out of the Baby’s Mouth
I don’t even work at that nice of a restaurant, but last month I got chewed out over the phone because some lady left her baby’s actual silver spoon on the table. We didn’t know where it was, so it must have been long gone.
43. What’s Your Number?
Had an obvious first date where the lady was grilling the guy on how much money he makes. He didn’t really want to answer. It was awkward serving steak and salad during an interrogation.
44. Making The Date Age Appropriate
I went on a date with a boy when I was about 16. I lied about my age and even though I literally looked 11, he still believed me (super dumb of me, right?) He was in his 20s. “Let’s get a drink, yeah?” Me being too weird to tell the truth, I agreed. Flash forward and we’re outside of the bar, it’s our time to go inside and the bouncer checking ID asks me about mine. “Uhhh, sorry, I must have left it at home.” I defensively exclaimed. He knew I was bullshitting. I did too. My date looks at me weird and he starts interrogating me, I literally cracked with embarrassment.
I started sobbing and at that point, I tried to run inside the bar like I actually had a chance. I even threw a tantrum causing a HUGE scene. Way to show my true age. After, he looks at me with a blank expression and I honestly was crushed. We’re in the car leaving at this point and it was nothing but silence until he was like, “let’s go somewhere age appropriate then.” “Age appropriate?” I was shocked, he wasn’t even mad at me. I didn’t know what to do with myself, I just sat in the back of the car, mentally beaten. We drive for a while and I honestly thought I was going to get kidnapped. Then eventually, we pull up to a Chuck E. Cheese and he leaves me there.
45. World’s Worst Man
I work at a McDonalds in Australia. A few Fridays ago there was probably the most inconceivable act I’ve ever witnessed by a customer. A lady and her elderly mother came through the drive-thru. They had to wait for fresh food and so we asked them to park to the side. They decided, while parked, to get dessert as well, so the lady came inside to order.
When she was served, she also received her order from before. Another customer waiting on food thought that she had just come into the restaurant and got her food before he did when he’d been waiting (approx. 8 min) so he gets angry. This guy abuses everybody in the store. Customer, crew, manager, and this lady. She tries to leave, so the guy goes out to her car, opens the door, pulls her elderly mother from the passenger seat and beats her.
He beat an elderly woman. Because he had to wait 8 minutes. For McDonald’s. What really got me is that he could have destroyed her quality of life, for the rest of her life. From what I could gather she was quite fragile. It makes me angry to think she might never fully recover from something like that.
46. Have Your Pancake And Eat It Too
I had a customer demand her meal comped because her pancakes were “too round”. Seriously.
47. When You’re Rich, the World Is Your Toilet
I was once a server at a high-end steakhouse in Newport Beach, California. A rich guy’s son comes in, probably in his mid-30s, with a big group. They get a private room and spend thousands on food and booze. The guy gets hammered and instead of climbing the stairs to take a leak, he just relieves himself in the hallway. On the floor. He didn’t get kicked out, either. They just had a janitor come in and clean it up and the dinner kept going. Nice to have that kind of money, I guess.
48. At Least He’s Moving on
Served a couple a few months ago. Every time I walked over, he would always be the one talking, and she would just be sitting there not having a good time. At the end, I asked if it was one bill or separate and she immediately piped up, “SEPARATE.” I go and take his payment, and as I hand over the debit machine to the girl, I see the guy take his phone out and start swiping through Tinder.
49. This Relationship Won’t Hold Water
This woman arrived before her date and was sitting alone in the booth waiting. She had a kind of generally angry air about her. This woman was enormous, and the hostess had seated her at one of our smallest booths. Her stomach was fighting the edge of the table. She ordered a glass of wine and sat there drinking it. By the time the guy arrived, she had finished it. I asked her if she’d like another glass, and she said with a scowl on her face, “I don’t know. It depends on whether or not he’s paying.” The guy looked kind of embarrassed and said sheepishly, “Uh, yeah I’m paying…” I wanted to tell him to run far away.
50. One for Two Dining
This couple was on a date. Dude would not stop eating her freaking food. Other table actually noticed, and we casually “people watched” the date together. Girl looked miserable. We asked if she wanted the rest of her food boxed up. She said no, but the guy was like actually, yes. It was painful.
51. A True Diamond in the Rough
I operated a premium chain restaurant in Canada. One day, a very generous gentleman we’ll call Mr. S started coming in. On the first day, he spent $200 on wine and tipped $1,000. The next day he did the same. When he came in for the third time, I had servers fighting over him. Anyway, one evening he got drunk on wine and Brad the busboy made the mistake of complimenting him on his watch. Mr. S. takes off his Tag Heuer and gives it to Brad.
The next morning, Mr. S comes back to get his car and asks if Brad is there. I say yes and go get him. Brad knows what’s up and is removing the watch as he walks over to Mr. S. Mr. S then says, “Brad I’m really sorry I got drunk last night and gave you my watch.” Brad is chuckling as he is removing the watch and says it’s no problem, and he was just holding the watch until Mr. S returned. But he was dead wrong. The next thing Mr. S. said, I could not believe: “Brad, you don’t understand, I’m sorry because it was very rude of me to give you a used gift.” And at that moment Mr. S pulled out a box with a brand new Tag Heuer inside and handed it to Brad.
52. Love Bites
I work in an Italian restaurant. A few years ago, I waited on a guy and girl who met for the first time upon arriving at the restaurant. There were awkward pleasantries exchanged at the door and then they were seated. When I was taking their order, the guy asked if we had soup because he had mouth surgery a few days prior and chewing food was still a little rough.
We don’t have soup, so I explained that the “softest” food on the menu was gnocchi. He ordered the house gnocchi and proceeded to cut each tiny dumpling into four or more pieces and slowly chew each piece. He ate that entire dish over a three-hour period and the girl stuck it out for the whole thing. She looked miserable and I’m pretty sure they never saw each other again.
53. No Comparison
The first date was on Valentine’s. We had been friends before, so I did the right thing and got a card. Two drinks in and she explained in intimate details, for around 30 minutes, how big her ex was and how he would pleasure her for “hours on end.” Needless to say, I wasn’t exactly at top form after that treat. Still, ended up getting a nugget share box so it wasn’t all bad.
54. They’ve Got You Numbered
I went to What-a-Burger and my friend and I each got our numbers and went to sit down. They brought my friend’s food and took my number. When I asked for my food several minutes later I was berated and accused of trying to get a free meal. I calmly tried to explain what happened and the manager was having none of it. So I took my full large drink and dropped in on the ground right in front of the register and left.
55. Flawless Logic
When I was a server, I once had someone come in, order a meal, not eat it, then want it for free, “because I’m not hungry.”
56. Dishing It out
Someone once ordered the dessert on special—it was tiramisu that day—and sent it back, saying that “Mascarpone cream doesn’t go along well with coffee and your recipe should be changed.” That is literally the original and classic recipe. Then get this. She asked for tiramisu with Victoria sponge. Are you kidding me?
First, we had no Victoria sponge, second, just because someone asks for it we are not going to make something we won’t end up selling, and third, I think the chef would’ve rather carved his own eyes out with a fork. Just because you have the money to pay for a 200€ meal doesn’t mean you are entitled to whatever you want. We are workers who want to turn a profit at the end of the darn day, not your personal staff of cooks and waiters.
57. Playboy Pays Well
I definitely have seen a lot of awkward last dates. I used to work at a very small neighborhood restaurant. Everyone who came in was a regular. Most were couples in their 40s-50s out for a quiet dinner, but there was one stand-out. A VERY handsome man in his early 30s would come in, it seems, only to break up with women.
About twice a month, he would come in with a beautiful woman, and partway through their meal she would be crying. I always tried to clean the tables near them for as long as possible, but I never heard much of his speech. He always tipped well and was super nice to me and my coworkers, it was just brutal seeing him bring in a new lady and knowing what she was about to go through.
58. You Can’t Bank on Love
Mid-20s-aged couple on a date. First date I think but I’m not sure. It seems a bit awkward but they make small talk throughout dinner. When it’s time to pay, the guy asks for separate checks. Girl looks surprised. He pulls out his card, pays, and then goes to the washroom. I run the girl’s card (she already looks nervous) and it gets declined. We try again, it is declined again.
I ask her if she needs a moment to figure it out (check her online banking or whatever) and she says yes. Guy comes back. She runs her card again (declined) and he sits stone-faced while she is getting more and more anxious. I walk away again, and when I come back the guy ends up paying for it. He wasn’t thrilled. It was super awkward for all of us, but I cringed so hard when it was obvious that she had just EXPECTED him to pay for her.
59. Someone’s Gonna Get a Pizza My Mind Over This
Oh, this makes me irritated. Last year myself, my wife, brother and his fiancé, and my sister and her boyfriend went out to a pizza place in Salem, MA. We all ordered and then they deliver them to your table. Everyone’s pizzas came except my wife and I. We’re waiting for like 10 minutes until we notice people after us were getting food.
Finally, I go up there and they get all defensive and say they delivered it. I say, “No, you didn’t” Finally, they fess up that another customer had raised his hand and taken our pizza. They then just sat there looking at me like “OH WELL? LOL” Had to argue with the manager to actually get the pizza I ordered. She tried to make us take other pizzas instead that were already made (and not what we ordered). The place lost my business for life.
60. She Could Do Better
I worked in a place where a guy left to go to the ATM (they don’t take credit cards) and he left his date there. He never came back for her. The owner felt bad and just let her go.
61. Rich People Quirks
I worked as a busboy at a restaurant in a hotel that was at the end of its life. The owner, a reputed mob boss, and his eccentric wife lived in a top floor suite that was two stories tall and lined with white marble, Italian statues, a red carpet, etc. The wife would do her grocery shopping from the restaurant’s kitchen, and it would be us busboys who took it up.
However, she made very specific demands on how the food should be prepared. Once, she asked for seven pieces of American cheese, and it needed to be on a plate in a star pattern. Another time, she wanted five raw eggs, each wrapped in a napkin and then wrapped in plastic, placed inside a large Styrofoam cup. Failure to prepare the food to her exact specifications meant being fired.
On top of all that, she never once met us when we brought the food—she would buzz us in and instruct us to put the tray in their private elevator, and send it up to her. I was once berated because I put a plate of bread on the left side of a tray instead of the right. After the husband died, they closed the hotel. For a couple years after, she lived in that penthouse alone, and it was creepy to drive past at nights and see this 14-story hotel completely dark except for her couple lights on the top floor.
62. You Can’t Charge That to Overtime
I worked at a Subway a long time ago. My regular doctor came in with one of the medical assistants (not his wife). They were sitting side by side and she kept rubbing his leg. Dude, you’re a doctor. Use that brain of yours. If you are going to be a jerk and cheat on your wife, at least go on dates in another town where people won’t recognize you.
63. It’s A Small World
Second date. Meet a girl at a nice dimly romantic bar that she picks. We talk for an hour, everything is great. Suddenly she starts crying saying that she can’t take it, she’s hung up on some guy. She proceeds to attempt to dump all this crap on me about some guy she’s been seeing but they took a break from each other and she thinks he’s been hanging out with this other girl.
I ask the guys name and almost crapped my pants because one of my friends had actually been dating him. I mention this to my date and she just loses her mind even more. Crying, getting pissed, and all the while I’m in shock. I got up like five times lying that I had to piss just so I could go to the bathroom and be like WTF. Finally, I come back to the table and just say I gotta go. She calms down and apologizes and I bailed out. We stopped talking soon after.
64. This Place Sounds Like a Dump
A restaurant dumped about two cups of soya sauce on/in a new leather purse. Completely destroyed it, never offered me anything to compensate, they didn’t even cover my bill for the evening.
65. One Pizza Too Many
Restaurant manager here. Customer orders two large to-go pizzas. Returns to the shop with one of the pizzas three days later, stating that two pizzas was just too much food and wanted to get a refund for the one she couldn’t eat because it is taking up too much space in the fridge. Love it!
66. All That for a Table?
The one story that comes to mind was when I had this awful encounter with this guest who didn’t have a reservation and wanted the best seat in the house, which was already reserved for another guest, a regular who was coming within the hour. She was probably in her 80s, smelled wealthy, and was drenched in diamonds.
She pointed her crooked finger to the table in the corner and said, “I want to be seated there now.” I apologized and offered her another table that was just as desirable to my VIPs. She slammed her hand on the podium and croaked, “I dine here all of the time—I live here on the island! I know the chef and that table isn’t taken, so I will sit there!”
My years working in fine dining taught me that I had to be confident, assertive, yet gracious. If the clientele sniffed weakness from you, then you were done for. So I explained to the guest that the person who reserved the table, reserved more than two weeks prior and that perhaps next time she visits, she can reserve that table, and in the meantime, I had a number of exclusive tables for her to choose from.
I knew she was lying about being a regular, and many clones of her say they know the owner just to save face in front of their elite friends. So I wasn’t impressionable at that point. But when I told her that, she responded by glaring at me and sneering “You’re treating me like a black woman!” Fuming, I uttered, “Excuse me?” Before I totally lost it, my manager came to the rescue. I had to go to the break room and regroup from her audacity—all over a table! Palm Beach is something else.
67. A Fiery One
No joke, I had a woman bring in a candle and put it on the table. Not a little candle but a big, giant one. I told the woman her and her date could NOT have that on the table. She literally said, “Y’all tryna get hit?” This was in a mall in a pretty big town at a chain restaurant. I just couldn’t believe it. Thank God managers exist.
68. Seeing Siblings
I was on a date with some girl in high school and I ran into her sister (I dated her like a year before) with her current boyfriend—my brother. Awkwaaaaard.
69. Hot Tea
I used to work in a very trendy teahouse in the cultural/arts/LGBTQ/bar scene part of my town. This was all well and good, but unfortunately, the unique nature of the cafe combined with this weird draw we had on teenagers led to a lot of people coming in from the wealthier conservative side of town—presumably coming for bars or hearing about it from their kids.
One day, this man came in wanting our silver needle white tea, iced. I asked if he wanted it sweetened rather hesitantly, as sweetening a white tea, especially to the degree he said he wanted, meant you pretty much lost all flavor. All of it. I warned him and he insisted, so naturally, I obliged. We brewed teas as they were ordered, so there was generally a five-minute wait.
Two minutes in he starts pestering us, we explain ourselves and he starts drumming on the counter. His drinks go out: two for one guy—yes he seemed to be drinking both. He tastes both, pushes his way past the line to me at the register, and yelled that it tasted like water. I began trying to explain that white tea is subtle and offering to make a less-sweetened one when he uncaps the cups and quite literally threw two teas onto me.
Two girls seated near the register promptly ran out and my equally terrified coworker rushed to refund him (against policy) while he shouted at us for being terrible at our job, etc., etc. At closing, we got in trouble for refunding him.
70. Don’t Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out
Several years ago while working at an Italian restaurant a man came in and ordered a particular brand of Scotch. The waitress told him that she wasn’t sure if we had that particular Scotch, but she would check. She also asked him if there was anything else he would like in the event that we did not have what he ordered. He said that he would like for her to go find the nearest rafter and hang herself if we didn’t have it. This couple left the restaurant a few minutes later because they thought we were being rude.
71. Typical Karen
When I was a server I would always record my tables’ orders. Even though my memory is good, my handwriting is bad so I didn’t want to take the risk of getting something wrong. My manager said it was ok and he even put a sign up stating that some of the staff may record your order for accuracy purposes. Seems normal, right?
At the beginning, I ask each person for their name before I take any drinks or food orders. One of the people at the table orders a steak well done, which is gross but whatever. Food comes and she said her steak was not medium rare like she wanted and I apologized and told her that she did order it well done. Here we go…
This sparked a big rant, lots of cussing, a call for the manager, etc. Again, I apologize and say let’s go to the tape. The look on her face when I played back the recording of “And Karen how would you like your steak?” was priceless. She tried to play off that it wasn’t her but nobody else ordered a steak at her table. Her friends just laughed at her.
72. Duty Calls for Everyone
My boss told me he had to serve his ex-girlfriend and the guy she cheated on him with…
73. Biting the Nail
I was on a first date with a girl. I bit straight into a bite of food, forgetting how hard it was, and almost cracked my molar.
74. Food Fight
I was working at a sit-down chain restaurant when a group of teenagers fresh out of the last day of high school came in to celebrate. They even brought a cake with them, which isn’t a big deal, except we don’t allow that because we serve cake. One of the more level-headed ones talked to a manager and we decided to let it slide, even giving them extra plates.
All is going well until one of them pulls a flask out of his jacket and starts spiking everyone’s drinks. Illegal (21 to drink in the good ole’ USA), yes, but whatever. I thought If I let it slide I might get a better tip. Fast forward to about an hour later, when the cake is being cut up. These kids are borderline drunk now and one of them gets the bright idea to smush his cake into his friend’s face.
This starts an all-out riot at the table, with drunk 18-year-olds throwing cake, half-eaten burgers, cups of Dr. Pepper and mysterious alcohols, and even silverware at each other. Our managers came out, but the policy is to not touch patrons at all (lawsuits), so we had to wait for the cops to come. They did eventually and took the lot of them away.
Since it was my table and servers bussed their own there, I was stuck with the job of cleaning up the remains. The cake was ground into the carpet, and the stains are still there. I spent maybe three hours making that section presentable again. The worst part was, since the kids were arrested, they didn’t pay. I got no tip, registered $0 sales (manager comps don’t reflect in your total) for five hours of my shift, and later found out that one of the children’s parents was suing the restaurant for not keeping a better eye on her ADULT son. Nothing came of it, but still.
75. Classic John
This one guy, we’ll call him John, was a regular at a restaurant I worked at. He would always ask for recommendations and no matter what you suggested, John would tell you he had that last week and it sucked. He would take up as much time as possible no matter how busy the restaurant was. He had a wife who would jokingly tell him to knock it off but she would laugh so it would just encourage him to be a jerk. Then after bringing the food to them, he would ask me to box it up so they could take it home. They would occasionally leave a tip. Years later, I was a brand new nurse and my coworker had a tray of food thrown at her by a patient. John was the patient.
76. This One’s a Little Cheesy
Ordered two medium pizzas from Dominoes. When I get there (~6:50 PM), the employee tells me they messed up and accidentally made one of my pizzas a large and that I would have to wait 20 minutes for them to make a new one. A few minutes later this same employee starts saying, “See y’all tomorrow” to other employees and walks out with a large pizza.
I eventually got both of my pizzas, one of which was cold. I have never gone back since. I contacted their customer service department and they didn’t even respond to my complaint. Never plan on going back. I hope paying your employees nothing was worth losing a customer for life.
77. I’m Gonna Hurl
I once had a family come in while a child who couldn’t eat solid food. They brought a blender with them. They ordered him a chicken basket with fries. They put it in the blender and made a shake. I started to gag—I have a very easy gag reflex. They called my manager over for making fun of them. I wasn’t making fun, I was just grossed out by the chicken fry shake and had to throw up.
78. Later Years Steinbrenner Was Never Afraid to Spend
I was at a restaurant in Houston in 2004 during the MLB All-Star Week. Yankees owner George Steinbrenner rented out a large area of the restaurant and brought players, coaches, and staff to eat brunch. We got there and were seated as all the MLB folks were leaving. I’m a huge baseball nut, so seeing all of the players was really cool.
Anyhow, our waiter came to our table to welcome us and get our drink orders, and just had the happiest look on his face. I said, “Man, must be cool to be on schedule when these guys come in.” He proceeded to tell us that he and his wife were the two servers for the baseball group, and that Mr. Steinbrenner left them a $50k tip. I’m not a Yankee fan, but looked at Mr. Steinbrenner a little differently from then on.
79. Relish the Youth
I witnessed another waitress accidentally drop a very small (and plastic, like a plastic cup) container of coleslaw on a baby’s head, coleslaw side down. The mom was LIVID, but the dad was laughing his butt off, which made the mom even more mad. The poor waitress had no idea what to do besides get some paper towels for them.
80. Glitch In The Dating Matrix
It was my second date with this guy, and he said the exact same things that he said on the first date. Word for word. The same stories, the same “random thoughts,” the same questions…It freaked me out so much that at first I played along and answered in the exact same way, as though we were both following some weird script. Eventually, I tried to break the mold and ask him new things, but he would just bring it back around to the same topics as last time. It was like I was in a computer program and there was a glitch. Still freaks me out to think of it.
81. Latte Explosion
I once had a customer try to throw their coffee at me. I had accidentally made a woman a latte with regular milk rather than soy. It was my fault and I apologized profusely. I told her I would make her another drink. This wasn’t good enough for the woman. Like a crazed banshee, she shrieked, “I need soy!” and threw the latte at me. The lid stayed on and totally missed me. Instead exploded on impact and got all over the counters, cabinets, and floor. The bright side is that the owner was in attendance. He made quick work of throwing that banshee out, despite protests that she didn’t get her coffee.
82. They Didn’t Mean Business
Two women come in for a power lunch at Buzzard Billy’s, not the place I would have chosen for a business lunch, but whatever. I greet them and they’re both very nice. Over the course of two hours, they order appetizers, entrees, drinks, desserts, and more drinks. Their bill came up to about $250 for the two of them. At the end of the meal, they asked me to split their enormous check, which I did graciously since it was a large bill and was expecting a good tip.
I hand them bills and walk back to the kitchen expecting them to whip out corporate cards and pay. I come back to the table to discover them gone. They’d both paid by check, which we didn’t accept, and they had both rounded up to the next dollar for the tip. I took my apron off, handed my boss all the cash, totaled out, and left, never to be a server again.
83. Why Are People So Terrible?
When I was a waiter, I once had a woman and her friends at one of my tables. The woman asked for a can of Coca-Cola. When I brought their drinks and gave the woman her Coke, she looked at me, and, in that typical rich person voice, said “Excuse me, honey? I asked for Fanta, not Coke.” So I apologized, wrote it onto my notepad, and went back to get her a can of Fanta.
Brought it to her, and again, she turned to me and said, “I didn’t ask for Fanta, I asked for Cream Soda.” By this time, I was getting a bit annoyed, but went back and got her a Cream Soda anyway. And surely, when I returned to her table, she did the same thing again, “I asked for Sprite. Should I call the manager?”
So, for the last time, I smiled and I went back to the kitchen and packed one can of each: Coke, Cream Soda, Fanta, Sprite, Pepsi and Sparberry Soda, into a small plastic box and took it all to her and said “Here you go, miss, take your pick.” She looked offended and almost made a scene. She started lecturing me about how I’m incapable of getting the simplest order right and that she wants to talk to the restaurant’s manager.
I told her that I can call him, and that I’ll show him all the soda types I wrote on my notepad that she asked for, and we can get his opinion on the matter. She turned and took her darn Sprite out of the plastic box and said, “Just leave it.” Her friends were silent throughout the whole ordeal and none of them gave me any issues further on. I didn’t receive a tip, as expected, but I shrugged it off.
84. Five-Ring Circus
I worked in a resort hotel, high end, I waited tables in the fine dining restaurant. It was pretty common for people to propose there, so much so that I had a system for the whole thing.
One guy came in and wanted to do the ring in the champagne thing, and I talked him into doing a dessert alternative that doesn’t result in a sticky ring and champagne on the floor. Anyway, long story short. I bring the ring, she says, “Darnit, I’ve told you before I’m not marrying you.”
He flips, she’s super calm about it and basically treats him like a child having a tantrum, which to his credit he was not screaming or anything, just very upset. He left, she ate the dessert, eventually, he came back and paid, and they left together. Super awkward.
85. Flirting With Rage
Finally get to share this story! A couple of years ago I dabbled a bit with Tinder. Met one guy who was super cute, traveled a lot, and seemed interesting. I suppose “interesting” was one word I could use to describe him. We start the date by getting lunch and a few beers at my favorite spot in town. We were chatting away and the topic of daydreaming came up. I asked him what he daydreamed about.
His eyes then get a bit dark and his voice gets low as he says, “When I daydream, I imagine the light leaving my enemy’s eyes.” By this point I was a few beers in and didn’t know what to say. I respond with, “Oh…so uh, how do you do it?” He looks away, ponders for a second and says, “Harpoon.” The rest of the date was spent with him talking to me about his extensive anger issues and how he still lives and sleeps with his ex. Heck, he had just slept with her before he came to meet up with me. That was when I decided to stop using Tinder.
86. Don’t Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out
Had a woman shouting over the entire restaurant over how my BBQ chicken wings were garbage after she ate all 12 of them, leaving nothing but the bones. She also commented on the bad smell of the sauce—it’s full of blue cheese you idiot, what did you expect? She also didn’t like my pasta carbonara that her date was eating. He gestured it was good but didn’t want to add to the scene. Luckily there were only four other customers present. She was a semi-regular, claimed to know the owner and what not. That made it all the more fun when she was demanding a discount, the waiters refused to take her money and she was perma-banned from the restaurant.
87. Wait, What Kind of Cattle Farm?
A couple years ago I had a lady that was irate because her extra well-done steak was tough. She swore up and down that the more you cook a steak the more tender it gets because “I grew up on a cattle farm.” The one redeeming quality about the experience is that the lady she was with apologized and left me $25 for the way I handled the situation.
I had to get out of the service industry because people become almost fiendish when they realize they can get away with being a complete jerk and get free food because of it. It’s as if the industry sustains this type of behavior by rewarding it; enough to make me sick and pretty much lose my faith in humanity for a long time.
88. Whining About Wine Prices
My son-in-law was working as a waiter in a fancy restaurant in Dubai. A very tipsy customer ordered a bottle of a 1960 Pomerol Bordeaux valued at $15,000. He was trying to impress his lady friend. My son-in-law confirmed the price with him and asked him if he’s sure that he wants to open their most expensive wine in the house. He replied yes. The following day when the customer sobered up phoned in to say he made a mistake and wanted his money back. Naturally, it was too late for the restaurant to do anything. They also found out that his lady friend was, in fact, a call girl.
89. The First Word and the Last One
There’s a habit of some older couples where the elderly gentleman will order on behalf of his wife. I guess it might have been cute and romantic once, but it doesn’t work with some younger couples. I was serving a younger couple (early 20s), who seemed pretty early into the relationship. They were ordering drinks, and he orders her drink for her.
Far from being dazzled by him knowing what she wanted, she didn’t want any of it. “Well I’d actually like a latte, not a coke. But fine whatever, if I don’t get a say…” He responded quite angrily with “Oh sorry, have what you want then!” She got her latte and he glared at me. They ate and left. Not been in since; I’m sure they’re doing well.
90. This Woman Is the Literal Worst
I work at a ridiculously upscale steakhouse in Manhattan as a hostess while juggling being a college student. We have some of the most demanding and exclusive clients come in daily and I have a lot of stories. Our guests range from Michael Cohen, Steve Madden, Anderson Cooper to lesser-known Real Housewives stars and just filthy rich businessmen and women.
Last winter while at work, we had three hostesses at the podium. One for seating people, one for checking in, and one for checking coats. I was checking coats (tips are unbelievable) around 7, when our place is incredibly busy and hectic. Well, a lady checks in with her husband and hands me her coat. I hand her the ticket number for her coat and then proceed to hang it up and mark it with all of the other coats in the closet.
In the closet, it was mainly mink coats during the winter, easily upwards of $15,000 from brands like Moncler, Burberry, Gucci etc. Her coat was a Moncler. It’s easy to remember in the moment who had what coat, but after checking in 200 other coats I totally forgot what kind of coat this woman had, and she was not a regular client so I didn’t make a special note.
Fast forward two hours later, they’re leaving. She hands me her ticket and I go to get her coat. I come back to hand it to her and she looks at me puzzled and goes, “That’s not my coat.” I go, “Oh okay, are you positive? What did your coat look like by chance?” She sniffed and said “Seriously isn’t it your job to know that?”
So I asked her to come to the coat closet with me so we could locate her jacket. She wrinkled her nose and told me I was a joke for not being able to do such a simple job! I apologized and walked her to the coat closet. We searched high and low for about an hour for her coat and at that point, she was screaming at me, every nasty name in the book.
I stood there, calm as could be, because the money was worth it. I finally decided to involve the manager because I just did not know what to do. He didn’t know what to do either, he said we would reimburse her for the cost of her coat and we would write a check but she refused. She must have tried on all 200 coats in our closet and claimed that none of them were hers.
I was petrified at this point that I had given her coat away to someone else, as many look the same. She then told me I would be getting a bill personally from her lawyer and I was actually scared because I knew how expensive those coats were. She berated me and degraded me in front of the manager and told him that I need to be fired.
Finally, she had enough and said since you gave my coat to someone else give me the coat you initially gave me because I can’t go outside without a coat. And at that point I didn’t care anymore. So, she takes the coat I initially gave her, puts it on, and says, “Wow it fits perfect.” She reaches in the pockets and asks, “How did this coat happen to have my wallet and keys in it too?”
I looked up and literally had no words. I wasted about two hours being belittled by the woman, when I was right the whole time. The lady was like, “I don’t know what to say” and my manager said, “You owe her [me] an apology.” And the lady handed me her wine glass, a $1 tip, no apology, and left like nothing happened!
I sat down on the closet floor and cried my eyes out. I had been awake since 5 AM for school and was the closing host that night, which meant I wouldn’t be leaving until about 2 AM, getting home around 3 AM, and waking back up at 5 AM for school! She wasted what little energy I had left and made me feel so worthless. My coworkers were awesome though, the bartender made me a drink and they all gave me a hug.
91. VIPs: Very Irrelevant People
I worked at a nice restaurant in downtown Portland, and one day a lady called to make a dinner reservation for a large group. But first, she starts asking all these questions about “security” (we had none) and how I thought the staff and patrons would handle a “celebrity” dining there. Is there enough space to be private? They like to be private. Would it be okay if they brought their own security, to stop people from taking pictures and such? But of course, she couldn’t name names.
I rolled my eyes, gave her the go-ahead to do whatever they needed to do, and booked the date and time. Yes, I was super curious who it would be, and stayed past my shift to see who walked through the doors when the big night came. The group arrived, and it was…no one. Not one of us who worked there recognized a single member of their party.
They sure acted like they were someone, but all we saw was a loud group of douchey-looking twentysomethings. They actually did bring a “bodyguard,” who stood in the corner with sunglasses on the whole time. The only attention they got from other diners was the occasional side-eye because they were being such rude and obnoxious nitwits. Shock of shocks, they treated our staff horribly and tipped even worse. I will never know who that person thought they were.
92. Are You Impressed Yet?
I was at a bar one time and witnessed the following scenario play out. A girl with a Zelda Triforce tattoo on her hand was sitting on a stool minding her own business, when up comes a strange looking nerd boy who thinks he has hit the jackpot. Obviously, he saw the tattoo as an opening he could use to try and impress her.
So he goes up to her and starts gabbing away about Zelda and about “how cool female gamers are” in his opinion. She is clearly uninterested, but he just keeps at it. I hear him say that “us fellow gamers need to stick together, you know” and that she’s “a rare creature, indeed.” Her body language quickly shifted from “uninterested” to “screw off and die, dude!”
Sadly, he didn’t pick up on it until after he had finished telling a long, animated story about video games and she didn’t even reply. Another guy came up at that point to talk/rescue her. Nerd Boy loses it. He jumps up and calls her a fat ugly loser before aggressively stomping away. It was horrible. Half the bar went quiet.
Then it turns out Nerd Boy wasn’t quite done yet. He stomped back in to say “By the way, just because you’ve played Ocarina of Time doesn’t make you a true gamer, you idiot!” He then turned around with a huge smile on his face, confident that he had just totally humiliated her and saved his own face before leaving. I think about that guy often.
93. Bad Burger
I’ve posted these before, but gosh darn it, they’re still relevant. I worked at a crummy not-chain burger shop off of a highway in high school. A lot of the customers were horrible, and so was the owner/manager. A man comes in and orders a burger. He pays and walks out of the store. He always has some scam going, and constantly tries to con food out of us.
He has money but just loves stealing/scamming. He lets it sit in the hot table for like a half hour, and comes back. “I DIDN’T ORDER IT WITH MAYO, I’M ALLERGIC TO MAYO.” He throws the now-rock-hard burger in my face so hard it gives me a black eye. My boss chases him out of the store trying to beat the snot out of him.
He showed up a few days later and tried to pull another scam then freaked out on us. Ad Infinitum. He was a source of lots of laughs and head-scratching moments. Dude did NOT give up. A woman comes in from one of the nearby motels. She orders a strawberry shake and takes it into the bathroom. She’s in there for like a half hour.
We don’t see her leave, but someone screams, and we check the bathroom. it’s COVERED in strawberry shake and blood. Even the ceiling. I clock out and leave. Jerk bosses and their jerk wife cleans it all. Weird disgusting guy comes in and rants about boobs and porn and other disgusting stuff constantly. I mean like REALLY obscene stuff in front of senior citizens and four-year-old kids.
It’s like a freaking sketch comedy setup. Makes all the other customers angry. You can never call him out. He always orders like $90 of our nasty food. Always talks about how hot his wife and daughter are in a really gross way. One day he comes in with his family, and his wife looks like a model, so do his daughter and son, and they’re all nicely dressed.
And of course, they all laugh and play along with his nasty stuff. There’s way, way more. I could go on forever. Fights broke out in the lobby a few times, another weird woman stole the tip jar that had like $4 in it and actually ran off Zoidberg-style making weird noises, etc.
94. The Experience Pays Off
Working at a Chuck E Cheese one year. Some little kid keeps getting pissed because he can’t win many tickets from a game. Kid begins to kick and scream. Toss stuff around, etc. I think he tried to hit one of the animatronics. When someone tried to get him to stop he pulled the, “DO YOU KNOW WHO MY DAD IS? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE CAN DO TO YOU?”
We all just shook our heads and didn’t know what to say. Was his dad the owner? Rich? etc? “Tell me what I can do.” We see this guy in a business suit just standing there with a really pissed off look on his face. It was the kind of face that you look at and wonder if this man ever smiled. The kid just froze up and muttered something.
The man apologized and walked away. He came back a few hours later and gave all the employees gifts. I got an Xbox 360. One of the first generation ones. I still have it with me if anyone wants a picture. He just gave me the console. No wires, controllers, or anything.
95. Justice Served
I was a dishwasher at a local, family-owned restaurant throughout high school. Part of my job was to occasionally go out to our patio area and take in the bus bucket of dishes that was out there. One night, as I was getting the bucket, I saw a lady eating a salad. She was almost done, and I was about to leave until I saw her look around, reach to the ground, pick up a live bug, and place it in her salad.
At this point, I stop what I’m doing and watch her call over a waitress, point to the bug, and demand her meal for free. I promptly went inside and informed my manager, who was about to comp her the meal. The manager then goes outside, tells the lady that an employee saw what she did. The woman firmly denied it, but was blushing and stammering the entire time. She ended up not getting her meal comped and even left a huge tip.
96. Real Smooth
I waitressed in high school. This happened when I was 16 or 17. A guy came in to eat with his family—a little girl and his pregnant wife. They were really, really friendly and at first, I thought it was a great table. The wife went to the bathroom and the guy asked for the check.
On the check, he wrote his phone number in the tip area along with “Call me, baby”. I ran his card, waited until his wife came back, and brought over the guy’s card and his receipt. I handed the receipt to the pregnant woman and told her something was wrong with the tip. She got SUPER upset and I got in a lot of trouble with my managers for stirring the pot.
In retrospect, I probably didn’t handle that the best way, but at the same time I was furious that some guy would come to eat with HIS PREGNANT WIFE—they were both wearing wedding bands, acting couple-y, 99% positive they were married, pretty much 100% confirmed when I gave the wife the receipt with the guy’s “tip” on it—and try to hit on a girl half his age. If he’s pulling that stuff so brazenly, god knows what else he’s doing behind his wife’s back.
97. Eat Your Words
A while ago I decided to treat myself to some Burger King. I was having a bad day and had a headache coming on. So I was waiting in line at the BK, when suddenly this woman comes in with a monster of a child. He was out of control, screaming, punching his mother, throwing things around. The mother didn’t pay any attention to him and he continued yelling, “I want a PIE.”
My headache turned into a full-blown migraine. I calmly turned and asked if she could please calm her child down. Immediately she got up in my face, telling me to mind my own business. I nodded and turned around, when the child cried out again how he wants a pie. I then decided to ruin their day in the most devious way I could think of. When I got to the front of the line I asked the person at the register how many apple pies they have left. They told me and I bought all of them. I ate one and made sure the kid saw me throw the rest in the trash.
98. Musical Urinals
During the date, she got up to go to the bathroom. After she left, I thought I could run to the bathroom myself, and be back before her (for some reason, I thought it would be rude to leave her alone). When I came back, she was already there but I didn’t give it much thought. I hung out at her place for a bit afterward, gave her a kiss goodnight, and went home thinking that I just had a pretty nice date.
A week later, after she wouldn’t return any of my calls, I asked our mutual friend who introduced us what the deal was. Turns out that when I went to the bathroom, I accidentally walked into the women’s room I peed in the stall next to her, and she recognized the boots I was wearing. She was totally freaked out. When I finally got a hold of her and tried to explain myself, she told me she was moving to Turkey to get back together with her ex-boyfriend.
99. Taking the Term “Blind Date” a Little Too Far
Not sure this counts since the date didn’t actually happen, but I was set up on a blind date. We planned to meet at a restaurant. I got there first and since it was a nice day out, I sat down on a bench outside the restaurant. He ended up calling me on his way over and I told him where I was sitting. He was still on the phone when he started walking up to the building. He took one look at me, hung up the phone, and walked back to his car. I tried to call him back, thinking something must have happened, and he didn’t answer. No more answers to calls or texts afterward.
100. Cheaters Never Prosper
I knew my ex wife was cheating but didn’t tell her that I knew. Took her out for a dinner date and I casually asked questions about who she had been spending time with while I was at sea, she barely worked so she had to spend her time doing something. She failed to mention the guy that had been staying at my house for nearly two months, the guy she had to call the cops on just to get to leave because I was coming home in two days… soooo I slid her a copy of the police report that was filed for the incident and watched as she crumbled over the fact she had been caught, and I didn’t have to say a word.