Everyone has met one of these people. The people who think that the entire world revolves around them. No matter how ridiculous their request, they expect everyone the bend to their whim instantly. And when these people don’t get their way, they absolutely freak out. But the next time you run into one of them, don’t worry: at least you’ll get a crazy story out of it!
1. Nicking Nana
A car, luckily driving slowly, touched my mother’s wheelchair, throwing her frail body to the ground. The driver exits, ignores my mother on the GROUND, looks at his car, and says, “You are lucky that there are no scratches in the paint.”
2. ERROR 500 Command Unrecognized
My grandmother fell on the curb in front of my house when she was getting out of her car and broke her hip. She was lying on the ground crying when she said a stranger passed. My grandmother asked her to just knock on our front door, and the person just stared at her and kept walking. My grandmother waited an hour until my dad came out and found her. What kind of person just stares at a little 80-year-old woman crying on the ground?
3. Not an Accident, Not My Fault
A car hit my friend at an intersection. The girl was speeding. After my friend literally flies over the car and lands on the pavement, the driver pulls over and starts to yell at my friend who was hit. She doesn’t even take out her phone to call 9-1-1 or anything. She just goes on about how “This is the second accident this month! Why weren’t you looking? Do you know how much this will cost me??” I was thinking “What the heck, lady? You just hit my friend with your car. Shut your mouth.”
4. Don’t Mind the Warning Signs
I was managing a restaurant on a busy weekend when tornado sirens went off and the radio told everyone to take cover immediately. My hosts ran to take cover and call their kids at home. Some horrible customer decides to start yelling at me to seat him immediately, that this was ridiculous, and he didn’t need to take cover. A tornado did hit about a mile away, though.
5. Never Too Late to Learn
A woman in her mid-50s cut in front of me and my two-year-old daughter in line at a restaurant. I was in the middle of getting my daughter a cookie and was in a hurry as I was dealing with a two-year-old. So I snapped at the woman, “How is it that you’re 70 years old and you still don’t know how a line works?” She was gloriously silent.
6. Stone’s Throw Away From Common Sense
I work as a server in a restaurant. We use little wooden trays as check presenters, and since it is an open-air restaurant, we weigh down the receipts with decorative stones. I dropped a check for an older couple, and after a few minutes, I went back to get it. The man said, “You should warn people that those rocks aren’t chocolates! I could have broken a tooth!”
7. You Probably Know What Evian Is Spelled Backwards
I worked at a private villa in Bali. One guest stood out because she only drank and bathed in Evian. So one day I spent almost an hour filling a large tub from tons of Evian bottles. But that wasn’t the worst part. The same young woman complained that the path from her villa gate to her room wasn’t well lit. This was probably because she wore sunglasses at night.
8. To Whom It May Concern
I was working somewhere when a customer said thanks to me. I responded “No problem.” Apparently, it was a problem. He then proceeded email my boss with a list attached like “Things you shouldn’t say back when you are said thank you to.” “No problem” apparently is offensive because it is implying they were a problem to begin with. I guess you are supposed to say my pleasure or whatever. I still can’t believe it, five years later.
9. Sitting On the Dock of the Pay
When I got a promotion with more responsibilities, I asked my boss for a raise. He told me that, if anything, they’re gonna dock my pay now because it was so rude of me to make that request of them. I went home after my shift that day and never came back.
10. Can Buy Me Love
This girl I used to be friends with broke up with her boyfriend because he didn’t buy her the $4,000 Cartier bracelet she wanted for her birthday. Even though he took her out to a fancy dinner and bought her a bouquet of roses.
11. Seizing the Wrong Moment
I used to work in a record store, and during one of our busy moments of the day, a co-worker started to have a seizure by the cash registers. I immediately stop ringing up a customer to go help my co-worker and try to figure out what to do. About 2 minutes into me helping my co-worker, who everyone could see was needing help, a customer asks if we could hurry up and check them out.
I remarked that I’m sorry that I was busy helping someone that was having a seizure and they’d have to wait a couple minutes. Of course, the customer gives me an angry, frustrated look and starts back talking. After taking care of the situation, I go to check the customer out, and all they were trying to buy was a CD for 25 cents. Upon the customer leaving they remarked that they would never come back because of the slow service.
12. Driving Miss Crazy
I volunteer at my university, safe walks and all that jazz. We are required to report suspicious activity. I once witnessed a woman driving a Mercedes-Benz across a lawn to bypass the parking gate, tearing up this gorgeous lawn. I was not amused, so we reported it to the parking authority. They couldn’t have come at a better time.
They show up while the woman is still getting stuff out of her trunk, box her in, and start writing a ticket. She ended up driving away over a curb and peeling her entire bumper off in the process. Made me happy inside.
13. Squatter’s Rights
This jerk had been parking in my second spot, which is labeled Apt #5. I let it go for a week or so because I wasn’t using it. Now, there are signs are posted saying no visitor parking and cars will be towed at the owner’s expense. After about 2 weeks of this, I left him a note asking him to park elsewhere and to stop using the block heater plug because we have to pay for the electricity—I live in Alaska…so it’s a normal thing. Another week goes by, and I leave another note stating the same thing. I get no response.
I called my landlord, and he gave me the okay to tow the car, so I did just that. After 3-4 weeks of “using” our plug and spot, we had his truck towed. He freaked out and said what I did was illegal, but it wasn’t. I had pictures and copies of letters I left him and pictures of the sign saying visitors cannot park in this lot. He tried to have my car towed as revenge…what a jerk.
14. No Parking Zone
I once parked my car on the street completely legally when visiting a friend. Some guy comes running out of the house yelling at me saying that was his parking spot. He had a large driveway that could easily park six cars, but here he is yelling at me for parking on the street I was completely and totally morally and legally entitled to park on.
I pointed to the street signs saying it was ok to park, and he yelled, “I don’t care what the sign says you jerk, move your car, or you will regret it!” I ignored his threat and went to visit my friend. It was a late night when I came out around 3 am to drive home, only to discover that someone, I wonder who, had let the air out of all my tires.
Luckily for me, I own an air compressor, so I hooked it up to my car’s cigarette lighter and pumped the air back into my tires. It was pretty cold out, and it wasn’t the greatest compressor in the world, so it was a miserable 20 minutes or so—but don’t worry, I got my revenge. Once I was done, I returned the favor letting the air out of all the tires in the four cars in his driveway as well as his boat trailer. I also superglued his mailbox closed. That made me feel better.
15. Apparently, The Customer Isn’t Always Right
At a gas station in Texas, I walked in and greeted the cashier with a “Hey, what’s up man.” His response made my blood run cold. He replied “What the [expletive] did you just say to me?” It took me a second to realize that just happened. Stunned, I glanced around and realized it was only us in the store so he had to be speaking to me.
So I responded, “Uhh I just said what’s up man?” He said, “I don’t freaking know you, you’re not my friend, don’t greet me like one.” I took the high road and exited the store without making a purchase. The rudest encounter I’ve ever had.
16. In the Blink of an Eye
I was in the car with my grandma on a large four-lane road in town. A car next to us side swiped us pretty hard, so we pulled over to do the whole information exchange thing. The woman in the other car leaps out and starts screaming at my grandma saying, “You are the rudest person I’ve ever seen! You wouldn’t let me over! I had my blinker on!” I was completely taken aback. My grandma is the sweetest old lady and had either of us actually SEEN her blinker I know gram would let her over. But there was heavy traffic, and her car was directly beside us!
I dealt with the beast in the Camry and got her insurance. She ended by saying, “This isn’t my fault, that woman should let people over.” I laughed, which took her aback. I said, “You’re 100% at fault here. And by the way, a blinker is NOT a yield sign even if we had seen it. Learn how to drive before you hurt or kill someone.” Then we left. I was pretty happy when gram told me her insurance had accepted liability, and the agent told her something to the effect of “Yes, she yells at us too.”
17. Bed and Breakfast
My old college roommate was always leaving dirty plates on his bed after meals and covering them up with his sheets. Think that’s weird? It gets worse. When it was time for him to go to sleep, he would just kick the plates onto the ground and never bothered to clean them up. As you can imagine, living with him was an absolute delight…
18. Let’s Get Away From It All
My boss refused to let me take a weekend off for my best friend’s wedding because a co-worker was already taking the time off for a dirty weekend away with the married guy she was having an affair with. The married guy was my boss, by the way. I was a bridesmaid and had booked the weekend off 10 months in advance.
I quit on the spot and told my boss’s wife he was cheating on her. My best friend’s wedding was lovely.
19. Having Your Chocolate and Eating It Too
I worked at an independent chocolate shop that sold various flavors of truffles, brownies, and drinks. We also had non-dairy options, vegan options, and nut-free options available. A woman demanded to speak to the manager because we did not have a “dairy-free, nut-free, sugar-free, vegan” option. Luckily, the owner literally just laughed and said, “We do have one, it’s called water.”
I have never seen such entitled rage in my life!
20. This Land Is Your Land, This Land is My Land
Every year where I live, there’s a Greek festival, and all the people in the neighborhoods around there get a little annoyed about it because of all the people parking. But some people take it farther and actually put out obstructions like chairs with orange tape between them or cones to block people from parking in front of their house.
The problem with this is that it’s public parking, so they’re really just being cry-babies. Which is why I like to find some house close to the festival that’s done this, get out of my car, throw the cones into the person’s yard, and park right there. I’m only going to be at the festival for as long as it takes to get food because it’s usually ridiculously hot.
One time, some guy came out screaming at me about how I was breaking the law and he was going to call the cops and have me arrested and my car towed. I just looked at him and said, “No, you won’t because I haven’t broken any laws.” So, I got my food all boxed up, and I’m walking back to my ride enjoying one of the 5 gyros I bought—one for now, one for later, one for later-later, one for my ex-wife, and one for her later, and I see a cop car blocking me in and the cop standing on the sidewalk with the jerk berating him.
The cop had a very tolerant expression on his face, so I just walked up and said, “Hey dude. Sorry, officer, I got all my food, and I’m ready to head out. I’ve got the family waiting for dinner,” I held up the bags to show them. “Anyway, you could move the cruiser a few feet, and I’ll be on my way, or are you going to be busy for a while?”
The entitled toad’s eyes widen, and he starts jabbering about how I’m the one and telling the cop to arrest me now, impound my car, and so on. The cop’s reaction was amazing. He looks at me, gives me a slight nod, and says, “Nope. I’m pretty much done here.” He turns to me and asks, “How were the lines? I’m kind of hungry, and the guys back at the station love gyros.” So, I told him the lines were moving pretty fast and the tzatziki was extra tangy this year. All the while, the dude is just gaping at us.
The cop says, “Sir, if you don’t take care of this trash by the time I’m done moving my cruiser, I’ll have to cite you for littering. And don’t block off the street again,” and goes to move his cruiser. By the time I’m done loading up and pulling out with a wave to Officer Cool, the guy is dutifully picking up his cones and orange tape with a stunned expression on his face like reality just came crashing down.
21. Sit Down, Lady
Today on the train, I sat next to an angry woman who wanted the two seats to herself. As I sat there, she kept mouthing under her breath how she just wanted to sit there alone. I wanted to tell her that it was public transportation and she needed to get over it, but I kept my mouth shut. Then she got what was coming to her in a completely different way.
A few minutes later, a bigger woman with a large purse comes and stands in the same car as us. I get her attention and tell her that she could have my seat. She huffs and puffs her way to me and I help her sit down while grinning at the angry woman who was upset I’d sat beside her. I enjoyed watching her head almost explode from anger as the other woman’s purse and body pressed against her for the rest of the ride.
22. Deal or No Deal
I heard this from a DJ in my home town. He’s pushing his cart of groceries out of the store and over to his car when a woman pulls into the handicapped spot in front of the store. No placard, no handicapped plates. She jumps out of the car without so much as a limp and heads into the store. He gives her some stink-eye about taking up a handicapped spot and she snarls, “Deal with it” as she sashays into the store.
The guy is now fuming. He sees a couple of officers who were leaning against their cars talking. They hadn’t seen it. So he goes over and tells them the story. They smile and say they’ll handle it. He puts his groceries in his car, and as he’s pushing his cart back to the store to put it in the rack, he sees the officers have blocked the lady’s car with theirs.
The lady comes out of the store with her purchase, sees the officers, and goes white as a sheet. He walks over to her and says, “I dealt with it.”
23. No Vacancy
When I was nine years old, my dad and I were driving around some little town in Europe for an hour or so looking for a place to stay, but we kept getting told that everywhere was full. So we pull into the nth hotel of the evening. As dad and I are walking in, we hear the desk clerk tell another potential guest that they have one room left.
The guy, though, is kind of rude and huffy, and he says snippily, “I’ll have to check with my wife.” Suddenly, my dad yells from across the lobby “I’ll take it.” Dude gets this shocked look on his face, spins around, and tells the clerk “I’LL take it.” Desk clerk to other guy: “I’m sorry, sir but we’ve just sold out.”
24. Where’s the Fire?
I worked at a gas station, and most of the time I had to sit in a small building and just watch what went on outside. I was doing a bit of paperwork one day when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. One customer was waving frantically to me with the pump hose in one hand without a nozzle and gas spraying EVERYWHERE. I slammed the emergency stop button and alarms started going off everywhere.
I ran outside with the absorption powder to try to get this massive spill under control. At the same time, I was trying to explain to the people that were coming up to me why the pumps weren’t working. At this point, I was a bit unconcerned with customer service. My number one priority was to get this dangerous spill under control. The guy who broke the nozzle felt it was a good time to come up to me and tell me, “I need a refund for all that gas.”
You know, I understood that because the gasoline was shooting out onto the ground instead of his tank and he would eventually need his money back. But asking me this while the gasoline is still on the ground and while I’m desperately trying to clean it up so that nobody gets hurt? That is not the right time to demand a refund. Fortunately, my manager came out after he called the fire department and told them not to come and dealt with this guy and all the people who felt the need to tell me that they were “in a hurry and when would the pumps come back on??”
25. Man Potentially Down
I work in the same building as a gym on a fairly major intersection and we have an underground garage where we can park. 10:30 this morning: I hear, “There’s a dead guy in the stairwell facing the road.” I ask co-worker #1 for that to be repeated, and, yeah, I heard correctly; there is a dead guy in the stairwell facing the road.
Three seconds later, and I hear co-worker #1 say, “Yeah, co-worker #2 took a picture of the guy around lunch-time yesterday, and he has it on his computer. There’s poop all over the stairwell. I went down and checked just now. The guy hasn’t moved positions from co-worker #2’s picture. He had made a mess in his pants, and flies are buzzing around him.”
As he’s describing this, he’s laughing. I hear co-worker #2 talking and laughing about it. Naturally, I ask, “Okay, has anyone called 911?” Nope. A guy has been dead for approximately 24 hours, and no one has done anything except take a picture and laugh about it. WHAT. Right now, I’m thinking these guys are either pulling a prank, or they’re as awful as I think they are right now.
I go outside to inspect the scene. I can smell it from 200 feet away around the corner of the building. It’s permeating through the garage and out the vents. It gets worse as I get closer. Finally, I walk up to the stairwell and see a groggy-looking homeless guy sitting up and trying to get his bearings straight.
26. Bullet Dodging 101
I brought a girlfriend at the time to my parents for Christmas. We had been dating for roughly 7-8 months and my parents went and dropped some cash on gifts for her. She opened them and said: “It’s like you don’t even know me. I would never wear any of this. You can take them back and return them.” RIGHT in front of my parents.
I asked her to leave. She asked if I could give her a ride home since it was Christmas…I said no and to call a cab.
27. The Meme Lords Will Know About It
My mother once ranted to all and sundry that she was going to get the brand-new Wal-Mart Supercenter in our town shut down because a cashier closed her register as we were walking up. Apparently, she could do this because she “knew people on the internet.” It was 1998. 14-year-old-me was mortified.
I worked at RadioShack for six months while in college. Pretty much had at least one terrible experience per shift. The one that stands out the most was a guy who wanted us to honor the warranty on his iPhone cable. The thing was a mutilated mess. It had clearly stopped working and he had tried to fix it himself by cutting the cable apart and attempting to solder two wires together.
We calmly explained that we couldn’t process a claim for an item that was willfully destroyed, and he starts screaming in our faces about how “RadioShack is a scam!” and “I’m going to sue all of you!” And then he tries to WHIP my coworker—a five-foot-tall non-threatening woman—with the cable! She managed to turn her head and catch the wire with her hand before it caught her in the face.
Myself and another employee chased him out of the store and called the police but nothing came of it. RadioShack shoppers were the worst.
29. A Serious Effort at Discipline
My nephew (by marriage) is a jerk. I had to drive him once and he kept messing around with the windows, so I locked them. Then he started incessantly pushing my door lock buttons. So I stopped holding back toots and stopped opening the windows. And let me tell ya, this was during a phase in my life where my farts smelled like I might be suffering from some sort of colonic necrosis.
He gagged and sputtered and threatened to throw up. It didn’t matter. I just kept going. In fact, at a certain point, I thought I might poop my pants. I didn’t care. I was willing to do it just to make that little jerk suffer a bit. Take that, Evan.
30. In My Professional Opinion, You Suck
A colleague of mine whined about her job 24/7. She quit eventually, then she went to see a psychiatrist because she needed to feel justified that quitting her job meant she had no regrets and she was actually mentally ill and couldn’t cope, since it was a residency program in one of the best hospitals in the country.
Her psychiatrist, after evaluating her, had the best response ever. She straight up told her that she was a whiny brat.
31. My Money, My Spot
This stuck-up jerk in some giant land yacht of an SUV parks in a handicapped spot, does her shopping, then pushes her cart into the other handicapped spot. I went out to confront her, since she didn’t have a handicapped tag or a permit, and she stares me down and then launches into a speech about how she is so important and busy. It got so, so bad, I was speechless.
Then she says “the cripples” can walk an extra few feet because SHE contributes so much to THEIR welfare checks. She rolled up her window and managed to spin her tires backing out of the space. I just stood there, stunned.
32. Sir, I’m Afraid You Are Mistaken!
At our local Red Lobster, someone once grabbed the “manager” to tell him that his shrimp was cold and that he wanted a free beer as compensation. He even went as far as to exclaim that he could get better fish by fishing. This “manager” was actually just my dad, who was there to pick me up from work, but apparently looked like an authority figure since he had a tie on.
My dad replied, “That’s cocktail shrimp, you moron!”
33. A Cross Walk
I was standing at a crosswalk of a fairly busy street one day next to a woman gabbing on a cellphone with her little 3 or 4-year-old son toddling around. The woman wasn’t making any attempt to look at the kid and wasn’t holding his hand. The kid probably bored by waiting toddled right past me, jumped off the curb, and started walking into the street.
As soon as I saw him leaping off the curb, I instinctively shouted, “OH NO!” sprang into action, and ran for him. I managed to grab him by the back of the shirt and yank him back to the curb before the SUV whizzed by at 40-50 MPH of which the driver wasn’t probably not paying attention either. The boy starts sobbing, of course, because what little kid wouldn’t? It was scary.
I spun around, and IMMEDIATELY, I’m met with his mom’s face as she proceeds to flip out screaming about, “How DARE I touch her son” and “How DARE I make him cry?” I tried to argue and tell her that I just saved the kid’s life when he walked out into the road, but even after hearing that, she just kept calling me nasty names and screaming at me .
She may not have noticed me wresting her toddler from a fate of being vaporized into a fine kiddie paste, but, given the circumstances, shouldn’t she have at least given me the benefit of considering that I was telling the truth? She wouldn’t stop screaming incoherent garbage at me while still holding her phone near her face, mind you, because heaven forbid she’d end the call.
So eventually, I just shouted back that she should keep a better eye on her son and walked to another crosswalk two blocks down. I wasn’t expecting a grand hero’s parade, but a simple, “Thanks for not letting my boy become kinderjelly” would have been nice. Coincidentally, this was near where I lived, and I ended up seeing her and her boy again about six months later as they were walking through the neighborhood. She was still on her cell, but this time the boy was trailing after on a leash…Lesson learned I guess?
34. Don’t Call Me, I’ll Call You
I was riding my bike to work one day and while I was crossing the street, a woman ran me over. She drove through the crosswalk, looking to turn right, and ran right into me. After I got bumped hard enough by her fender to take a spill and have some bruising all down my side, she stopped. But not to see if I was okay, oh no.
She only gave me an exasperated, “my bad” wave and continued to talk on her cell phone, ignoring me as I picked myself and my bike up. So I walked right up to her open window, grabbed her cell phone from her ear, and chucked it into a nearby parking lot as hard as I could. I swear that was the farthest I have thrown anything in my life.
She gaped at me in shock as I struggled back onto my bike and slowly rode off, fuming yet victorious.
35. Customer Appreciation Day
I went to go get my exhaust fixed after I ran into a pothole and damaged it. When I went to go pick up the car a couple of hours later, I was treated to a woman SCREAMING at the guy behind the counter. She’s positively foaming because she has been waiting nearly 30 minutes for her car to be fixed. She even goes so far as to call the guy an “INSIGNIFICANT LAZY IMMIGRANT.”
The guy looks at her, then looks at me. He throws me my keys and says, “Here you go, your Magnum’s ready—no charge.” He then looks her directly in the eyes. “Looks like it’s going to be more expensive than we originally thought. Would you like us to call you a cab?” I returned shortly afterward with pizza for the shop.
36. Donut Mess With Me
This guy walks up to my work and asks, “Hey, kid, where is Voodoo Donuts?” Only he swore when he said it. I’m 27, he swore in front of a child nearby, and was loudly smacking his gum. Instead of sending him to Voodoo Donuts, which was only a few blocks away, I gave him directions that would lead him to the rough part of town.
37. Just the Ticket
When I was working at a car dealership, we had a bunch of cars get their wheels taken one night by young punks. An officer was in writing a report and a lady came in yelling that he was blocking her from getting to the service drive-through. She was screaming at the top of her lungs and creating a huge scene.
So the officer calmly walks out and moves his car, then comes back in and finishes his report. But the best was yet to come. He then walks back out and drives his car to the end of the street and parks. The lady comes out, gets in her car, and leaves. The officer then pulls her over for having her wipers on without her headlights on. So satisfying.
38. On-Leash the Dogs!
I head out for what I hope will be a peaceful walk with my dog who’s a lab mix at the end of the day. She’s on a leash in the middle of the street. A full-grown German Shepherd comes tearing out a yard without warning and grabs my dog by the neck starting to shake her as dogs do in a dog fight. My dog is not a fighter and just takes it.
I begin kicking the German Shepherd to get it to let go, but it’s not having much effect. My dog starts to whimper, and I see later it’s because the dog has bitten through her ear, and it’s torn. I increase the strength of my kicks and succeed in kicking the German Shepherd away from my dog and then runs back in its yard.
The owner comes up to me and yells at me angrily for kicking her dog. No apology. I was only wearing sneakers, and her dog is unharmed. I say, “You have to be kidding me.” She turns away, calls me a jerk, and begins screaming at the top of her lungs at her daughter. My wife tells me this dog may have bitten another walker. The cops get involved. It was totally unbelievable.
39. “Boys Will Be Boys”
This just happened at a school close to me. The school’s soccer team duct-taped a student who wanted to play soccer to the football goal post. They all left the field, and he was found 15 minutes later. Seriously. What is wrong with people?
40. What a T-Bone Head
When I was 21, I got my first “big kid” job, so I decided to buy myself a newer used car since my clunker was awful. I got a beautiful Pontiac G6. I loved it—which made what happened all the more painful. Exactly three weeks after I bought it, I had to go back to the dealership to sign some paperwork so I could lower my car payment. My mom came with me. I was driving back home, going about 35 mph, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, and this old man in a Chevy Avalanche, about 80 years old pulled out of a parking lot right in front of me. I would have barely missed him if he had floored it and I slammed my breaks.
However, he STOPPED to make sure nobody was coming from the other direction. I slam on my brakes, blare my horn, and then T-bone his truck. The front end of my car was barely there, fluids leaking all over, airbags all in my face, my mom and I both got hurt, and this jerk decides to get out of his truck and start screaming at me asking me why I hit his car, what is wrong with me, etc.
I looked like I was all of 16 at the time, so I’m sure he thought he was right in his old brain of his. He kept physically coming toward me, swearing at me, and screaming even when the cop came. Finally, after 10 minutes of screaming, he asked if we were ok, which my mother responded by going off on him telling him that we weren’t ok and he had no right being on the road. We come to find out he hadn’t had a valid license for a few years. Seriously though, how did he think that I hit him on purpose?
41. Eat My Disney Magic
I worked at a small food stand-like place once in Disney World. We closed at 3 every day after lunch and were RIGHT next to another food place that remained open. One day, a man came up to our window at around 3:30 after we had already closed everything and demanded food. I told him nicely that our kitchen was closed, but there’s a similar restaurant that was literally like 15 yards away and served the same items.
Well, he freaked out and started screaming and complaining about the service in front of his children and a bunch of other kids. He even called one of my coworkers a moron. I know he was fully aware of Disney’s policies, which was to never let anyone go unsatisfied. Maybe he’d get something for free, right? Well he did. Food and drinks.
As he was given this food that came from the neighboring kitchen, I remember I gave him the most “What is wrong with you?” look I had ever given, even risking losing my job for not looking “Disney Happy” when around a guest. The part that made me really made me mad was that he acted like that in front of his children and was rewarded. He didn’t even say thank you.
42. Backed Into a Corner
I watched a lazy shopper park their grocery cart right behind another person’s car instead of putting it in the cart return. I got out of my car, moved the cart, and put it behind the lazy shopper’s own car. I then ran off and watched her have to get back out of her car since she couldn’t back out, and then finally put her cart away. I felt like a champion of the people.
43. Poop ‘N Avenge
I was out walking my dog because she was cooped up a lot at the time, and I wanted to let her stretch her legs. We walked from our apartment complex to the neighborhood next door. My dog had already done her business, and I, a responsible member of society, picked it up and threw it away. While walking past a house, a woman runs out and starts yelling about getting her gun.
I thought for sure I had misunderstood her, so I said, “What?” This caused her to run back inside and brought a large man out with her. “WHAT DID YOU SAY TO MY WIFE?” he yelled. I told him calmly that she came out and yelled at me, and I was trying to figure out why she was angry. She began to scream about how my dog, even though this is the first time I’d ever walked in this neighborhood, was dumping in her yard, and she was going to shoot me if she caught it happening again.
I assured her that I had never been by her house, and I was the only one walking the dog. I pointed out that we weren’t even slowing down near the house until she came out and threatened to shoot me. But reasoning with morons doesn’t exactly work, so instead she kept screaming, and her giant husband seemed to be getting more agitated, so I just started walking again and avoided their house on the way back out of the neighborhood.
That said, it did inspire a hobby. If my dog dropped a lot of poop, I’d pick it up like normal, put it in a plastic sack, and drive over to their house. If the lights were out and the cars were gone, I’d take the bag and empty it on the lawn, right where they’d likely step out of their car when they returned. I never saw it happen, but I always hoped it played out like I planned.
44. I Will Look for You, I Will Find You
I came out of the mall one day to find that someone had hit my car. I asked a passerby what happened, and they told me that the guy who hit my car got out, looked at the damage, and quickly parked at the other end of the lot. So I came up with an ingenious plan for revenge. I went to where the car was parked, paint matched it to confirm that it was the one that hit mine, then I flattened all four tires, and left a note on their windshield telling them to have a nice day.
45. Put a Fork in It
I was in Wal-Mart with my girlfriend a few months ago, and we were looking at silverware in the kitchen section. We parked our cart in one of the larger aisles since no one was around. We’re both in our early 20s. As we looked through the various utensils, a tall skinny blonde man who looked about 40 came and stood near our cart.
I glance over at him for a split second, and he seems to be looking at the items on the shelf next to the cart. When I looked back to my girlfriend, the man yelled at us, “Did you seriously just LOOK at me and NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I WAS STANDING HERE?” We both looked up, and the man was glaring at us angrily. Neither of us know what he was talking about and kind of just stare back dumbstruck. He yelled at us again, “MOVE YOUR CART.”
My girlfriend grabbed the cart and stammered a quick, “Oh, okay, sorry.” The guy glared at us and waltzed around the corner—but he wasn’t finished yet. Before he’s out of earshot, my girlfriend said, “Geez, sorry,” rather quietly in my direction. The man whirled around and snapped, “WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME, FILTHY MOUTH?!”
She responds, “…um…geez, sorry?” The angry man left in a huff, and my girlfriend was reduced to tears. Before anyone questions my manliness for not ripping his arms off, I am a rather small female, and I was shocked into silence by the crazy dude. I still feel bad for not grabbing one of the nearby forks and forcefully placing it into his brain.
46. Tax-Free Injury Advice
A few years ago, I was riding my road bike with some of my cyclist team mates on a rural road in Massachusetts. I was drafting, tired, and not paying attention and ended up touching the rear wheel of the cyclist in front of me with my front wheel. As any cyclist knows, this is bad. It’s the equivalent to “crossing the beams.”
We were going about 20 MPH, and I ended up going over the handlebar like a dolphin jumping a wave—well, if the crest of the wave was a handlebar and the trough was asphalt. Thankfully, I flew off the road into the grass. Good, I had no road rash, but I landed solidly on my shoulder and ended up getting a stage II shoulder separation.
As I’m on the ground writhing in pain with my bike lying against a fence, which bounced end on end and came to rest artfully on a fence, and a group of concerned cyclists surrounding me, a driver stops to honk at us and curse us out for riding on the road, “Get off the road! You don’t pay taxes… blah blah blah.”
47. No Sign of Weakness
My mother is in a wheelchair now, and I take her to the store or mall to get her out of the house. What frustrates me the most is that she’s fully capable of moving herself, but people will push her out of the way unless I’m right behind her. It’s happened a few times. What I notice is when you have a disabled person in a wheelchair, they suddenly become invisible.
I remember once I was pulling her wheelchair from my trunk, and this other woman pulled into the spot next to me on my mom’s side and got so close, she nor my mother could open the door all the way. I asked for her to move. She ignored me, and I ended up having to park elsewhere. I love the times the parents got upset with me asking that their children not play on her chair while she was using the bathroom. People, all the time as I’m pushing her, will suddenly stop without warning, and I’ve run my poor mother into people because of it, and they look at us like we’re the ones in the wrong.
48. Diaper Flight Change
I was on a flight last night, and the woman in the row next to me changed her baby’s diaper on the seatback tray without putting down a towel or anything. When she was done, she just closed the tray without even wiping it down and stuffed the dirty diaper into the pocket in the back of the seat. We were only like half an hour from landing too.
49. Slither Me Biters!
I work at a pet store. This lady came in with her son who couldn’t have been older than 5 or so. She asked if I could help them with a ball python. When I took it out, she was really excited to hold it and immediately kept telling her son how they were going to convince his dad to let them get it. Her son was CLEARLY afraid of the snake, and she kept trying to get him to hold it. He kept telling her he was afraid that it will bite him. She tried to tell him that “snakes don’t bite” and turned to me wanting me to tell him the same thing.
I told the boy, “While snakes can bite, ours are quite friendly and won’t want to bite you if you hold them gently.” His mom was FURIOUS that I wouldn’t tell this kid that snakes can’t bite. I tried to tell her why I can’t lie, but she said it was unacceptable and now I have scared her son for life. I suggested he hold a bearded dragon, and he loved it. I think he left happier than she did.
50. Building Up for a Disappointment
My dad’s friend bought an old hunting cabin in Colorado, and we helped renovate it into something liveable. When we started out, it was just one room with planks for walls, no insulation, and split pine trees for siding. When we finished, there was a kitchen and bathroom and electricity and plumbing and insulation and looks brand new. What did the neighbor have to say about us fixing up that old eyesore? “My house smells like saw dust.”
51. It’s a Dog Eat Dog Eat Lady World
A few years ago, the tiny little woman who lives across the street was in her front yard when the neighbor’s dog got loose. He was a mean pitbull—I know not all pits are mean, but this one was particularly vicious. The dog attacked the tiny woman. We were in the living room with the windows open and heard her scream.
I grabbed a bat and ran for the door. As soon as we opened it, our dog ran out and went after the pit. She was part pit and was rescued from someone who was using her to fight. She grabbed the other dog by the neck and held him down just looking at us like, “Please let me kill it.” This is when this went really off the rails. The poor woman was paralyzed with fear and bleeding everywhere, her husband ran out of the house to pick her up, and the neighbor came out with a shotgun to kill our dog for attacking his “baby.”
By the time the cops got there, Doris was still holding the other dog down waiting for the word to off him. The jerk never even apologized for having let his dog loose or for what happened to that poor woman. He was just indignant that his dog lost the fight. We called her name, and she let him go and went back into the house. I really wanted to tell her to finish him…and then take out his owner.
52. In a Rude Mood Tonight
I was lining up for 20 minutes for a gig at a nightclub with my girls. This random girl comes up and pretends to know one of my friends so she can step in line with us. No big deal, it’s night time, and it’s cold, solidarity etc. BUT! She was so rude! She didn’t introduce herself to anyone else and ignored all my attempts at conversation. Then she slowly starts to push me slightly out of the line with her body language so I can no longer talk comfortably to my friends.
When the bouncer says two people can go in, we tell him we’re a group and want to stay together. But this girl! She steps in front of us, flashes her ID, and gets in. We were waiting outside for another 15 minutes in the cold. I could not describe my feelings when my friend tells me that was the first time this girl had ever acknowledged or said anything to her.
53. This Woman Doesn’t Have My Vote
I was waiting in line to vote, and stood next to an Asian man. We engaged in a conversation about the excitement surrounding the election. He struck me as a very well educated person with interesting insights. When it was his turn at the registration desk, the woman there rudely asked him if he spoke English before he opened his mouth.
Then she asked if he did, would she be able to understand him. I spoke up and said that he spoke English a whole lot better than she did and wasn’t anywhere near as rude as she was.
54. The Alph-la Gamma O Fraternity
Some guy from a frat at my college was dared to sneak into the zoo at night and take a selfie with a flamingo. Not only did he not take the picture, he flamingo-napped it, accidentally breaking its leg in the process so that it had to be euthanized, indirectly killing the flamingo’s mate because flamingos die when separated from their mate. Also, I just found out that the entire fraternity was suspended because of this guy’s actions. I have a good friend in this fraternity, and I know he’s peeved. He doesn’t deserve to be punished for this.
55. Not Stuck, Just Stuck Up
The place I work has two diesel pumps with one on each side of the pump island thing. There was a guy with a diesel truck and trailer attached pumping $130 of diesel and another truck waiting after him. This lady comes in screaming that she’s blocked in and can’t leave because the second truck is blocking her, and he won’t move. At this point, his only option to move would be to back up into one of the exits and into the main road. Not happening at 9 AM when everyone is rushing to get to work. The lady kept screaming at me telling me to make him move because she, “DOESN’T HAVE TIME TO WAIT!”
Blah, blah, blah, we go through 10 minutes of me telling her he is NOT blocking her or anyone else because traffic is clearly moving through the parking lot and finally have to get another manager to say, “Ma’am, if you turn your vehicle left instead of right, you can use the left exit. If you back up four feet, you can go out the exit you claim is blocked. I’m sorry you cannot use the four feet of road you want, but short of me physically picking up his truck, there is NOTHING we can do.” So, the lady is calling corporate on us both.
56. Litter-ally Unnecessary
I was out for a motorcycle ride yesterday. I stopped at a spot off the main road to stretch my legs a bit. I noticed in the bushes that there were bags and bags of garbage all dumped in one spot. It wasn’t like a McDonald’s bag that someone casually threw out their window. It was more like someone loaded up with what could possibly be months’ worth of household garbage and dumped it in the woods.
57. Way Out of the Way
Last Saturday, I was walking along a vacant sidewalk when I was approached by a middle-aged couple. They were in jogging suits and walking considerably faster than I, so I moved onto the grass to give them space. When they got closer, the woman started yelling at me that I wasn’t far enough out of the way. I apologized only to be intentionally clipped by the man following her and landing on my back. I got back up and laughed it off only to hear the man yelling, “You’re not the only one in this city, jerk!” At that point, I was pretty amazed at how somebody can be that angry at someone they don’t know. I hadn’t said anything to them to start.
58. Chicken Heads Will Roll
I recently bought a few chickens. The second day they were here, the usual neighbor kids come over to play. I sit down and feed the baby, and about 10 minutes in, I have to get up because I hear kids screaming and chickens losing it. I walk out back to a DOZEN children I do not know, four of which have busted my hen run and are in with the chickens. One kid has a hen by her wing and when she flaps, he let’s go, and then he kicks her!
Needless to say, I was upset. Without leaving my porch, I said, “Get out! All of you! I don’t know what makes you think it is appropriate to hit someone else’s animal. I don’t know what would make you think it is okay to do that to any animal in general, but it is in no uncertain terms not okay. I don’t know who you are, but get off my property.”
I tell my kids and the neighbor kids they were playing with that no one is allowed in the back yard. I go back inside to feed the baby. I am not even sat down yet, and I hear the fridge open. I say, “[Toddler’s name], no snacks right now.” Guess what? It wasn’t my toddler. Some neighbor kid I don’t know just walks in and opens my fridge.
Now he wasn’t the brat that kicked my chicken, but he was in the run. I kick the kid out. As I open the door to escort the fridge raider from my home, chicken kicker shows up with his mommy who starts to scream, “You witch think you are sooooo much better than my son! How dare you tell him what to do? I am going to call the cops on you.”
I tell her, calmly, that I probably could have not sworn at her son, but he can’t just go around kicking animals. She leaves to call the cops. She comes back 15 minutes later, and says she wants to settle this like adults and will consider $100 to cover mental anguish from my yelling at her son. I tell her to just call the cops and have them deal with it.
59. Never Heard a Chance
I was verbally abused by a customer over the phone for something that isn’t my job or department. I was the one answering the phone and could barely get a word in. And coworkers at a different store threw me under the bus by telling this customer later that our store is full of idiots and incompetent people.
60. Don’t Flush Me
I was taking a dump at my school once, and about halfway through my business, some guy walks in the bathroom, waits outside the stall door, and proceeds to sigh in annoyance over and over again. He even let out a “Hoooooooly.” I finished what I was doing and walked out, and there’s this guy was standing there. I walk past him and start to wash my hands. He walks in the stall, takes five seconds, and walks out WITHOUT washing his hands. There are two other urinals in the washroom. What are you doing, man?
61. Can’t Do It Without Mommy
My supervisor at work is insane. Recently, she pooped her pants and called her mom to bring her new clothes so she could change and finish work. She’s 55. She would not have gotten in trouble if she had just gone home, and her mom lives more than an hour away. My supervisor sat in soiled pants for over an hour waiting for her mother to bring her new clothes.
62. Can I Get a Lick?
About three months ago, I made a move from San Francisco, California to Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Although the two cities aren’t as dissimilar as I had initially expected, there have definitely been some moments of culture shock. For one thing, there’s a Walmart on every corner out here. I was quite accustomed to seeing a Starbucks every time that I turned around, but Walmarts are few and far between in the Bay Area.
Since my arrival in Louisiana, I’ve discovered that the convenience of shopping at a Walmart doesn’t manifest as a result of their product selection or prices, but rather because you’ll probably wind up walking into one by accident if you don’t watch where you’re going. On one such occasion, although, I confess, I may have gone inside on purpose. I decided that I wanted to stave off the Southern heat with some ice cream.
Immediately upon entering the frozen foods aisle, I was stopped dead in my tracks. In front of me was of the most unbelievably obese woman I’d seen in recent memory. Watching her move was like witnessing an unruly mass of chocolate pudding in its struggle to escape from a bright pink sweat suit. Also, as misfortune would have it, the woman in question was standing directly in front of the ice cream selection apparently delighting in the cold air that was escaping from the door she had propped open with her enormous posterior.
There was a brief moment where I considered feigning forgetfulness and making an abrupt about-face, but my desire for ice cream was compelling enough to keep me there in the aisle. I waited patiently for the woman to make her selection and move away, but sadly, that opportunity never came. She stayed planted there looking for all the world like she was caressing each carton in the plexiglass cupboard.
Eventually, I decided to take a more active role in my pursuit of dessert. “Excuse me,” I said, “may I grab something from there?” No response was forthcoming. The woman stayed fixated on the freezer with her hand, which I saw was festooned with remarkably gaudy fake nails, resting lightly on a quart of cookie dough ice cream. “Excuse me,” I said again a bit louder this time.
At last, the woman started to move, but it wasn’t to make room for me. Instead, I watched in horror as she pulled a carton from the freezer, opened it pausing briefly to cram the plastic “freshness seal” into her pocket, and then licked the contents. Only then did the woman speak. “Naw,” she said more to herself than to anyone else. She replaced the lid on the carton, put it back into the freezer, then selected another. Once again, I looked on as she opened the ice cream, dragged her tongue across its surface, pondered for a moment, then closed the carton, and returned it to where some unwitting future shopper might stumble upon it. I did not get ice cream that day… nor any day since, come to think of it.
63. Blood On His Hands
My craziest moment in retail was definitely the time when I was moaned at by a customer for not being available at a very obviously closed checkout counter. I was very clearly and obviously on the phone to 9-1-1 for an ambulance at the time, since a customer had very clearly and obviously collapsed while shopping and was now very clearly and obviously bleeding to death in the middle of the store.
64. Oldest Trick in the Book
Today is March 2, 2019. I work at a restaurant. I had a customer come in today with a bill from November 26, 2018, demanding a refund because her pizza was not good.
65. Her Ego Puts Her Over Carrying Capacity
There was this incident I heard about a couple of years back about a local socialite who married into one of the richest and most powerful families here. The story goes that she was at a bank’s main office to meet with the CEO. Instead of taking the elevator like a regular person, she had her bodyguards remove all the people inside the elevator so that she could go up alone without people bothering her.
She said something along the lines of, “Get out of my elevator.” Funny thing is, one of the people she had forced out the elevator was the bank owner’s wife, who decided to take another elevator with the rest of the people who were forced out. The owner’s wife got her sweet revenge. Once the socialite got to the office, the bank owner’s wife was already there and promptly told her to “get out of her building.”
66. The Toughest Customers Cost the Most
There is this lady that comes into my store who is so awful, just seeing her makes my blood boil. As far as I know, she has let her kids destroy the store. Literally throwing merchandise all over the place. She’s asked for someone to get a key for the perfume case—then whenever someone got there, she decided that she wanted to shop more.
She brings an entire cart full of stuff to check out and then halfway through the transaction, she goes to get more stuff, sometimes more than once in a transaction. She REFUSES to read stuff on the packages. I seriously had to read the differences of two items to her. She once had me figure out what kind of batteries an item needed, get them for her, and then put them into said item.
She frequently had us check the back for an item we told her we no longer carry. She insisted that we check regardless. She left her child throwing a tantrum right in front of the register so that no one behind her could check out. And, as if that weren’t enough, she asked me to go get items for her while I was checking her out.
Keep in mind that this lady isn’t old, maybe mid to late 30s. My manager said that we would honestly tell her to never come back if it weren’t for the fact that she spends so much money at our store.
67. Total Jerk
Saw a college guy with a ridiculously expensive car, I can’t remember the model, rear-end this woman who drove an absolute beater. Her car was definitely totaled and his wasn’t looking that hot either. He got out and started screaming at this woman. She was in tears. He kept telling her that she was going to pay for this.
When the authorities came, I saw each of them give their statements. Then he got the most satisfying comeuppance. After that, me and like 10 people came forward and gave our witness statements. It sounded like each and every one of us put the complete fault on him, which was the truth. When the authorities went back to him, I saw his face just sink.
He probably told them it was her fault and just found out that two handfuls of people just confirmed that he’s full of it. I’ve never seen that many witnesses stick around for a simple traffic accident. I think the other people felt the same way I did: that kid was a jerk and should be punished for what he did.
68. Lean and Mean
I was out to dinner with my family. We sit down, order our drinks, and so far everything is going nicely. The waitress comes and we order. When it gets to my mom, she orders what she wants, and the waitress responds with, “If you’re on a diet, you don’t want that.” My mom had said nothing whatsoever about being on a diet.
She is slightly overweight, and I mean very slightly. She is self-conscious about it and it’s difficult to even get her to come out to eat with us. My mom simply said, “I’m not on a diet” with a cold stare. The waitress turned red in the face and walked off to place our orders. At least she had the decency to be ashamed of herself.
69. Do Not Pass “Go”
When I was working at a bad job in my younger days, a customer was upset that he had to wait in line like everyone else before being able to make his purchase. He actually said, “Do you know who I am? I own hotels!” To which I replied, “Well sir, I’m sorry, but this isn’t Monopoly, this is Krispy Kreme.” He was not pleased.
70. Expensive Tastes
A woman was unreasonably upset that we stopped carrying a certain type of hummus at our expensive grocery store. Attempting to be helpful, I told her that Target had started carrying the same kind and, while I wished we still carried it for her, perhaps that could be a good replacement. I never expected her ridiculous reaction.
She literally stopped writing her check and looked at me with the most definite What-the-heck-is-wrong-with-you face and said, “What makes you think I would ever buy food from a Target? That is disgusting.” I get the feeling she wouldn’t even let me bag her groceries if she saw all the Great Value boxes in my cabinet. Sorry to offend you, lady.
71. Pie-Nabbing Contest
One Thanksgiving, my wife was in a Walmart and found the last two pumpkin pies and put them in her cart. A lady approaches and says, “Where did you get those?” My wife says, “Back there, but I think I got the last two.” The lady then proceeds to reach into our cart and remove one of the pies. My wife’s hand shoots out to grab the lady’s hand and says, “DON’T!”
The lady says, “But I need a pie for Thanksgiving.” My wife says, “Uh, duh!?!” and then puts on her best “What is wrong with you?” face.
72. I Own the Biggest Jet; Huge
Limo driver here. One of my clients was mad about the absolute stupidest thing one day. I guess when he landed at an airport one time and someone had a bigger jet than him. He obviously upgraded since that “incident” because when I picked him up last time, he came in on a massive jet that could have been a commercial plane. I wish I had his problems.
73. Cheese-less Cheeseburger
When I used to work at McDonald’s some lady came in and ordered a cheeseburger without cheese. So being the person I am I just put it in a hamburger wrapper and gave it to the front. Well, she came back like five minutes later and all hell broke loose. She was yelling at the poor girl who gave her the sandwich and the girl was new. So I went up to help and asked what was the matter.
This is what she said, “I ordered a cheeseburger without cheese you gave me a hamburger I want what I ordered right now and I want to speak to your manager.” So I told her I was the manager. She proceeded to call me a liar even though I had a name tag that said shift manager on it. But I told her I would fix it. I took the burger and put it in a cheeseburger wrapper and gave it back to her she looked at it. Then at me and I’m pretty sure she had the realization of what a cheeseburger without cheese is. She then just walked away without thanking me or anything. Also, I had to send the girl home, since she was crying.
74. Wrong Kind of Homecoming
Recently, we had our homecoming dance, and worse than the bad Miley Cyrus imitations and short dresses, I saw a couple doing it. On the dance floor. It just looked like they were grinding grossly, but I SAW FAR, FAR MORE THAN THAT. Later, my date stepped on a used condom. Now, the couple I saw wasn’t using one. So, there were at least two couples doing it on the crowded dance floor.
75. Bad Drivers Really Are Everywhere
One summer, I was a camp counselor, and I was in one of those 15 passenger vans packed with kids. We were coming back from a trip in North Carolina, and we were on a curvy mountain road. A woman in an oversized SUV was coming up the other side of the road, and we slowed a little to make sure she could pass. She was obviously angry that we were there and that she couldn’t fit.
At that moment, a small portion of the road gave out under one of our tires, and our van fell off the side of the hill and rolled twice. We weren’t going fast, and no one was very injured, which was good, but everyone was shaken and a little cut up. What topped it off was that the woman in the SUV came back, we thought to help us, but she rolled down the window and screamed at us to watch our driving and then drove off. To this day it baffles me that someone could do something like this.
76. The Driver on the Bus Says Move on Back Away
I got on a late bus which had the seats full of people. There were people standing in the aisle from the front to the middle door. A lady in that group moved to stand past the middle door, and I followed her so I could have some space and not be so crammed in. The very next stop, a bus on the same route caught up to us and unloaded all their passengers onto our already very crowded bus.
It was jammed from me to the front, so I looked to lady that I followed at first to see if she was going to move back to clear for some needed space. She looks me right in the eye and said “You. You move to the back. You keep hitting me. I moved back here to get away from you and you followed me. Please go. Go. Just go.”
I just looked at her with shock wondering what in the world was she talking about, as I just got on the bus and any contact would have been because the bus is moving and we’re standing. I just gave a “whatever lady” and moved past her. I won because someone at the back got off right away, and I snagged a seat. Though I did sit there stewing hoping she’d say something else on my way out so could call her something mean.
77. In the Trucking Way
My town is well known for having a ton of construction companies, and every company has an oversized pickup truck that is far too large for our small congested streets. One day, a construction truck ran me off the road, bending my rim and popping a tire. My car just happened to stop in front of an empty driveway. Just as I start change wheel, some old couple pulls up and starts yelling at me for blocking their driveway.
I tried to explain that I had no choice and it would only take a minute, but they could care less. Apparently parking on the street and walking an extra ten feet was too inconvenient for them. The conversation ended with them ranting about how America was going to the dogs and how people like me have no respect. Sometimes it’s better to ignore oddballs like these. Trying to bring rationality to some people is just a waste of time.
78. Have Your Pancake and Eat It Too
I had a customer demand her meal comped because her pancakes were “too round.” Seriously.
79. A Price for Everything
I work at a retail location that does returns strictly only with tags on the clothes. There was one customer who was exceptionally rude to our staff right from the moment she walked in and was browsing. She called both women working dumb idiots, which cheesed me off. I made sure she got what was coming to her.
She came up to the register and told me straight-up she’ll probably return all the things she’s buying because she was just trying to impress her friends. So I took all the tags off the clothes when I was bagging everything. I bettered the world that day.
80. Girl Power
My sister and I worked for Circuit City. There was an angry male customer she was dealing with who demanded to speak to the manager. When she went to get the manager, Laurie, the customer rebuffed her, saying a woman couldn’t help him and demanding to speak to yet another manager. So she got her manager Ruthanne.
He was so mad at this point and yelled, “Don’t any men work in this store?” I’m listening to this, so I walk out and say in my most feminine voice possible, “Hello sir, can I help you?” He screamed and left the store.
81. Be Careful What You Wish for
Someone called in during a busy day at work requesting that I fax an invoice. Almost immediately after, they called again and again, about 10 times in 15 minutes, asking why they hadn’t received it yet. I faxed them a copy on the hour every hour for the next day or two.
82. Get Mature, Kid
I worked at a Kmart in high school. It was a small store, so I worked everything: electronics, stocking, cashier—you name it, I did it. One day, I asked a woman and her son, who was about 12 or 13, if they needed help finding anything as I was out on the floor. For some reason, the kid immediately calls me out for annoying him. I ignore it and go about my business, but I think he’s a little jerk.
Right after that, I get called to checkout. As I’m working there, here comes the pair. The kid has gone all out back in the electronics area, with some EA sports titles and a GTA game. I’m checking them out when the age prompt comes up for the M-rated game. I decide to take a chance and show the jerk a little karma.
I flip the game over and inform the mother that “This game has been rated M for the following reasons” and read the list off the back of the case. There is a long, awkward silence, and then she angrily informs me that the son said it was only a “little violent,” and he must have lied to her. Kid wasn’t able to get anything that day.
83. How Do You Like Them Cookies
At the end of a long commute home after a hard week, I went to a Millie’s Cookies store just before closing time. As I walked up to the counter, some guy ran from behind me and tried to cut in front of me. The girl working there insisted I was first, thankfully. Outraged and noticing there weren’t many cookies left, I said, “Hi, I’ll take absolutely everything you have.” Cost me close to $60, but it was so worth it.
84. How the Other Half Gives
I was having a bad day while working at a Subway one night, this kid comes in and orders a foot-long sub. The entire time I’m trying to take his order, he mumbles, sighs, walks away, and keeps saying, “I dunno.” Just generally, he’s being a huge brat. Then when it comes time to pay, he smiles at me with this annoying little grin and says he doesn’t have enough cash on him.
He’s close, but off by about 40 cents. So I said, “No problem little buddy, let me just ring that in as a six inch.” He beams triumphantly that his short change plot worked—but he didn’t know what was coming. Before I rang it up, I snatched the sandwich back, split it in two, and handed him half the sub with his change while tossing the other half in the trash. Problem solved.
85. Pulling Your Leg
When I used to work at Disney World, there was this incident with this lady and her turkey leg. One day at 9 AM, a lady came into our Guest Services and demanded a refund on her turkey leg because it tasted weird. When we asked her for the details to process the refund, it turned out that she had bought it 3 days before and was carrying it in her bag ever since.
86. Toilet Stalling
I went to the bathroom at a public coffee shop today. It’s one of those public bathrooms with a tiny sink and a mirror over it and two little stalls. People wait inside to use the bathroom; there’s not really a hallway in front of it. Both stalls were occupied, so I waited. There’s another woman in there talking on the phone in one of the stalls. On speakerphone.
She’s talking to someone that I presume is her boyfriend. She’s complaining about some “so-called friend.” She gets out of the stall and gives me a look and says, “ew, someone in here is listening to my conversation.” She puts the phone on the ledge of the sink and starts doing her hair and pulls a makeup bag out of her purse.
She’s still talking on the phone when I get in the stall. I wait for her to leave. She doesn’t leave for another ten minutes. I sit down and finally pee. Hooray. How rude, I think to myself. What kind of a person thinks it is acceptable to talk on speakerphone in a public bathroom? I go to grab some toilet paper, and… there’s none left. She had taken the last bit! And of course, she didn’t let me know so that I could grab some from the basket by the sink on my way in to the stall because she was too busy complaining on the phone.
87. Food Fight
I was 18 years old and worked at a local grocery store in the produce department. Beyond regular duties, we made fruit trays on weekends, nothing fancy, just a variety of cut-up fruit in large red bowls. Dude comes in after 10:00 PM—we close at 11—and asks for a tray with specific fruits. I tell him we, unfortunately, don’t make custom trays.
The 16-year-old dude who is also on shift with me overhears and tells him it’s slower tonight so he can do it for him. He says “Ok good,” no gratitude displayed at all. This co-worker of mine is legit always extra kind to customers, it’s admirable. 20 minutes later my coworker comes out of the back room and presents it to this customer.
He immediately starts screaming at him about how bad it looks. He yells things like “That looks like absolute trash! Are you an idiot!?” I run over to see what the problem is. The fruit tray looks absolutely standard but this guy isn’t having it. He smashes it on the ground and keeps screaming about how we are stupid and how we have wasted his time.
I snap. I tell him to “get the heck out.” He postures up. Keep in mind this guy is like in his 40s, ready to fight some teenagers over a fruit tray. Numerous other employees run over and yell for him to get out. He says, “I’ll be back for all of you idiots,” and runs toward and out the sliding doors. All this is on camera luckily so management calls the cops regarding his actions and that last threat. They ended up arresting him later on because apparently he also had some warrants. Hope the fruit was worth it, jerk.
88. Small Business, Big Problems
Small business. 20 employees +/-. Boss made a big speech about austerity measures and no raises this year. A week and a half later he drives up in a brand new Silverado with all the bells and whistles. Expensed to the business of course. He would hate to have to pay taxes on those profits. One of the less subtle members of the staff took a literal dump in front of his office door.
89. My Own Worst Enemy
My cousin basically screwed up her own wedding by doing things like “firing” her maid of honor at the last minute because the maid of honor took her husband to the hospital rather than coming to the hair appointments. She also kept getting pissy with our grandmother for “not being helpful enough.” She’s almost 80 and isn’t the most mobile; what did my cousin expect?
She also forgot to make sure her brother wasn’t still running errands for her when the ceremony started, which led to him missing the ceremony. And then she whined for the entire reception and a significant period after about how her wedding didn’t go the way she wanted. Hmmm wonder why that could be, hun?
90. Eat Your Words
A while ago I decided to treat myself to some Burger King. I was having a bad day and had a headache coming on. So I was waiting in line at the BK, when suddenly this woman comes in with a monster of a child. He was out of control, screaming, punching his mother, throwing things around. The mother didn’t pay any attention to him and he continued yelling, “I want a PIE.”
My headache turned into a full-blown migraine. I calmly turned and asked if she could please calm her child down. Immediately she got up in my face, telling me to mind my own business. I nodded and turned around, when the child cried out again how he wants a pie. I then decided to ruin their day in the most devious way I could think of.
When I got to the front of the line I asked the person at the register how many apple pies they have left. They told me and I bought all of them. I ate one and made sure the kid saw me throw the rest in the trash.
91. Professional Fecal Matters
I work with a disgusting human being. He is in the bathroom constantly pooping his brains out. He must have IBS. He never washes his hands. I often hear him constantly clacking away on his laptop in the stall next to me as if the stall is his own personal office. Anyway…one time he, let’s call him Mr. Poopy pants, and this guy, Joe, walk into the bathroom while talking about work.
Mr. Poopy pants proceeds to continue his conversation with Joe all the while running to the stall, dropping his pants loudly, sitting down on the toilet yelling “ahhhhh” in the middle of his sentence, and continues to talk as he blows up the toilet. We’re talking plopping sounds, violent pushing, farts like air horns, every conceivable sound revolving around exploding out of your backside. I got a look at Joe’s face, and it was extremely similar to the face of the awkward seal. Mr. Poopy Pants just continued to talk as if this was part of normal bathroom etiquette. And he didn’t wash his hands after. What is wrong with people…?
92. A Parting Gift
My old college roommate got kicked out of school for failing all of her classes. The night before she moved out, she got super drunk, threw up all over the floor, and left the mess behind for me to deal with and clean up. Thanks!
93. Face Control
I was working as a manager in a big nightclub about a year ago. I don’t wear a uniform, but I have a radio and run the security team. The venue has a great smoking section that looks out onto the street. One night it was packed, so I did my usual roam to make sure that there were no problems. Since the smoking section was too busy to walk through, I walked down the street instead to check on it.
One guy stares me down, then calls me over and starts swearing at me for no reason. He’s telling me that “losers like you could never even get into a venue like this.” He obviously had no idea I was the manager. The guy kept telling me he would punch me out, and was clearly trying to look macho to impress someone. So I showed him who was boss in the best way.
I agreed and told him to come and meet me outside and he could even have a free swing. He puts his drink down, takes off his jacket, and storms outside. Once he walked outside, I walked back inside and told security not to let him back in. The look on his face when he realized I ran the place was priceless, and then the realization that he couldn’t get back into the club was amazing. It was the easiest and most fun removal I have ever done.
94. Here Today, Gone Tomorrow
Some jerk in a Humvee decided to park in a handicap spot at a Kroger. I was young at the time and out riding with my dad, who was a repo man…driving his repo truck. My dad towed the Humvee to a parking spot on the opposite side of the parking lot. We then waited until the owner came out and looked around in disbelief.
She thought someone took her car. My dad drove right up to her, rolled down the window, and said, “Are you ok, miss?” The woman said, all concerned, “My car was taken by someone.” My dad replied very coolly to her, “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have parked it in a handicap spot,” gave her a smile and drove off.
95. A Dog-Eat-Dog World
I’m walking in the city with my two dogs. They’re normal-sized dogs, as in, they’re not fat like so many overfed city dogs. A woman walks past me across the street. Without any warning, she stops and yells at me: “Your dogs look really skinny! They aren’t properly fed!” with an angry look on her face and like I’ve just done something to her.
This rude witch is obviously pre-angry about something unrelated to me and just wants to take it out on someone. But I do not take stuff like that from strangers. I am also angry. My dogs most likely consume more calories than me. I feed them with high quality, homemade food, plus raw meat and bones. Have you ever seen how a big dog reacts to raw meat? It’s dog heaven.
Luckily, this is one of those rare moments of instant clarity. I shout back my rebuttal: “I can’t say the same about you!” That feeling when I walked away grinning. There were several passers-by who witnessed the scene. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only one who got a smile out of it.
96. Good Things Take Time
While working at McDonald’s, a rude customer asked me to “MAKE IT AGAIN” and started to go off on me. I almost snapped on him, but instead, I threw my hands up and told my manager to handle it. The manager talked to him, then came back to me and said the guy was a regular jerk who comes in all the time. He told me to just make him another coffee.
I walked to the drive-thru window with this jerk fuming in his car next to me, talking about how long this was taking. So I picked up the half-full pot of coffee I made no more than four minutes ago and dumped it out. I proceeded to brew a whole new pot of coffee, just for him. I saw this made him extremely angry, so I went to the window and told him that it’s going to be another 5-6 minutes because that last pot was bad. He then peeled out of the drive-thru.
97. The Letter of the Law
I was crossing the street and some guy tried to run over me, and then stopped his car to yell at me. Little did he know, I was a law school student at that time, so I cited some (imaginary) section of the state vehicle code at him. He stared at me for a few seconds, then said, “I’m sorry miss” and drove away with his tail between his legs.
98. Do You Even Lift, Bro?
This jerk in the gym was once making some 14-year-old kids feel bad, telling them to put some “man weights” on the bar and stop lifting light, things like that. Every time they found a new workout, he comes and repeats the process, trying to embarrass them. I was annoyed but tired, and let it slide….the first time it happened.
Only it happened again…the same kids came in two days later, and he was there also. He starts doing exactly what he did before. Well, that was it. I walked up right next to him, doubled what he was lifting, and repeated everything he had said to the kids in the last five minutes all while staring at him right in his stupid face.
He quickly moved on and went to another exercise. But I wasn’t done yet. The kids were looking at me like I was Batman. I followed the guy to the next three exercises and did as he had done, saying the same things. Then he left. Never saw him at the gym again, but those boys sure came back and have been making steady gains for over a year now.
99. Declining Behavior
My roommate and I were running errands at Target. Oftentimes people will stand outside the entrance asking for donations and such, and one girl was there that day for an organization. As we were about to go in, this mother and her son walk out, and the girl politely asks if they have any spare change—little did she realize, she’d made a horrible mistake. All of the sudden, they both EXPLODE on this poor girl, yelling at her to stop trying to sell them things, calling her all kinds of bad names, telling her to go back home, etc.
It was so strange to see. Of course, she wasn’t going to take any of that, so she calmly but firmly responded saying she wasn’t trying to sell them anything, not to call her such names, and that she was staying right there. The son kept calling her a bad name, so she finally said, “I can’t believe you kiss your mother with that mouth.”
The way he rushed at her, I swear I thought he was going to attack her, but he just got super close to her face and yelled, “YOU’RE UGLY,” and knocked her papers/clipboard out of her hand. Finally, security came out, and they ran for it with the girl calling after them, “I think I’m actually very pretty, thank you very much!” While we helped her pick up her things, I still couldn’t fathom that two people would randomly do that. Man.
100. Land Overlord
I was working in a hardware store when a man came in and asked where the thermostats were. I walked him over, showed him the three units we carried, and then asked if it was for his home or an apartment. He asked why that was important, and I explained that if he was renting and depending on the apartment type, altering an apartment’s heating system may be against the rental agreement.
For instance, it’s against mine without express permission. So I suggested that he should just check in with his landlord before starting. At this point the conversation stalled. The man got this strange, angry look on his face, and he leaned in and growled into my ear, “I am the landlord, and I hope they all burn.” He then stormed out of the store without another word.
101. Obstructing Nature
Ok, so I live in a fairly wealthy town where everyone’s really self-absorbed and materialistic. I had a tree in my backyard that had been there for quite some time that began to lean over the fence over the neighbor’s property. Now, it wasn’t covering a window or casting a shade on any part of the house that might anger someone in any way whatsoever. It was barely over their fence with its branches sagging down, but nowhere near touching the ground.
The neighbor apparently was angered by our tree ruining their perfect view of my garage and decided to pay a tree cutting company to cross the fence, enter our property, and cut down the entire tree. Not to mention it was a beautiful oak tree, and that they could have just cut the branches that were over their property. In the end, the company reimbursed us for $500 or so, but I would have rather had that tree standing there. I just can’t imagine what was going through their head when they decided that they could decide to remodel my yard to their liking.
102. It’s All About Where You Live
My friend lived in a duplex with her roommate next to this uptight couple who had a son around 4 or 5ish. The duplex was owned by my college, and their house is literally surrounded by college-owned buildings. Every time my friend walked to class, she made the mistake of waving to the kid. The mother glared and yelled for her not to look at her kid. My friend is a complete girl next door Mary Jane type. This is when the trouble began.
Basically, this uptight couple would just look for excuses to call the police on us. The first few times they called and complained that we were lighting up. The house was searched with no drugs found. Later, they called the cops on us for excessive giggling. Apparently, we were giggling so much, so obviously we are on drugs.
This is when the local cops and campus police began to get annoyed. “So, the neighbors complained about noise, specifically laughter…I stood outside your window, and it wasn’t too loud, but hey just try and keep it down so they stop calling us.” After another few drug calls, police stopped searching at this point. They would just come to the door and ask, “Are you high?” My friend and I would say, “No, ” and then they would then leave.
We ended up having a last-minute party of 10 people, and honestly most of the group other than my friend and another was underage. We were drinking and playing apples to apples and other games. Again, we here a knock, knock. It was the police. My friend and I tell everyone to hide in the kitchen, so everyone piles in.
We answer the door. “Hi officers, is there a problem?” Both of our cheeks are obviously flushed, and we probably didn’t speak that clearly. Officer asks, “Any underage drinkers?” We say, “Nope!” Then the officer tells us, “Neighbors complaining again. You guys aren’t really that loud. As long as y’all keep this volume, we won’t bother you again tonight.” We continued partying through the night uninterrupted.
103. No Regrets
Back in college, I once walked into my dorm room to find my roommate and her parents looking through my underwear drawer. They didn’t even act apologetic about it when they realized I had caught them red-handed. Her mother just commented on how cute she thought my dinosaur underwear were. Such a weird experience…
104. Burning Sense of Urgency
I used to work in banquet service, not serving food, but setting up tables and such for a large hotel chain. I worked a late shift, so I was the only one from my department on staff. I was never very busy. I was mostly there in case someone needed an extra table or chair, etc. So, I carried a walkie talkie in case I was needed somewhere.
One day, I get paged over the walkie talkie, “Can you swing by the front desk when you get a chance?” I had already finished all of my tasks for the day, so I was watching Law and Order in the break room. On a commercial break, I saunter up to the front desk and ask, “Hey, what’s up?” The front desk clerk says, “Oh hey. The banquet table is on fire.” I reply, “Um…….What?!” And the clerk goes, “Yea, look.”
I walk around the corner, and sure enough the buffet table we had set up outside a conference room is on fire. One of the burners used for keeping dishes warm had tipped over. I grab a nearby table cloth and smother the fire. I walk back by the front desk and impart this wisdom, “Next time something is on fire…try to convey a sense of urgency,” He just stood there and blinked at me. Also, he had a fire extinguisher behind the front desk.
105. Not-So-Hot Mom
In the summer of 2008, I was visiting Chicago for orientation. It was a particularly hot day, bright, cloudless, and humid. Due to my mom’s physical situation at the time, as soon as we found out there was a secondary line for people with strollers and physical disabilities to move out of the sun sooner, we went around the building to find it.
There was a long line wrapping around the area by this fountain, which was notable to me at the time mostly because of how surreal it is. Man hugs giant fish, which spits water endlessly—well, alright. My attention was caught by the weird, skipping, mincing, steps of a kid who looked too young to stand on their own as they “stood” on the black stone ring around the fountain, being held up by one arm as their mom talked on her phone.
The sun was blazing that day. Anything lighter than a gray had a painful glare to it, and you could see heat shimmering off of everything. The child whining and crying quietly, was barefoot, and looked just too young to be able to say the words “Too hot!” Whenever the child began to whine or cry too loudly, the mother would give her a short shake of the arm, shush her, and continue talking.
People immediately around her were giving her dirty looks as she used her cellphone, oblivious to her child’s pain. “Really?” I thought. “No one has said anything?” I was still several yards off, but we were at a standstill, and I wasn’t going to wait until we got closer. I quickly walked over to the fountain, trying to act like I was just checking it out, then bent over a bit to put my hand on the stone.
“Ah! Oh my goodness, it’s so hot!!” I cried. I had barely touched it, but I had made sure to stand directly next to the woman who instinctively swept her baby up when I shouted. Looking confused, she bent to touch the stone quickly yanking her hand back. I remember her murmuring something along the lines of “Oh my god,” as if amazed that, yes, rocks do indeed get hot on bright summer days. I quickly resumed my place in line with my parents, and that was it.
106. Double Knock Out
My dad and I once witnessed an old man get hit by a car at a crossing. The driver gets out and starts yelling at the old man who is lying on the road in shock, crying, obviously in pain. My dad calls an ambulance immediately and then calls the cops. The driver starts yelling at my dad about how he doesn’t need to call the cops and that the old man shouldn’t have been walking across the streetbut—but he had no idea who he was messing with.
My dad hands me his phone and says, “Hold this.” He walks over to the driver who is still yelling and asks for his licence. The driver then shoves my dad and then tries to get back in his car. My dad reaches in the window and drags the guy out of the car, punches him in the face, and knocks him out. Dad then walks back to me, asks for the phone, and calls the cops. He waits until the cops and ambulance arrive, tells them the whole story, and then the cops let my dad go. All before the driver woke up. That was the coolest thing I ever saw my dad do.
107. One Per Person
I was recently on a Megabus from DC to NY, and a family with several young children was trying to find the last untaken seats. There was clearly a seat open, but when they asked the girl, she was like, “Sorry I want to leave this seat open so I can sleep.” The family was like, “Uh, no, that’s not how it works.” They had to go get the bus driver and bring him to the back. The lady said the same thing to the bus driver. And the bus driver was like, “Uh, no, that’s not how this works.” So, the kid ended up sitting next to this girl. How did she think this was going to slide?
108. The Dangerous and the Oblivious
Two college students were standing in the middle of a busy road this morning talking to each other. They were nearly hit by every car and didn’t stop their conversation.
109. The Customer Is Always Right, Especially This Lady
I was out to eat, and this younger lady was acting like a total witch to the staff. Everyone was obviously really embarrassed by her behavior…until this lady came up with the most devastating remark. This middle-aged woman piped up from her table, “Oh honey, you’re not pretty enough to act like that.” I seriously could have burst out into applause.
110. Don’t Stop Believing
My dad is out of state on business driving through some no-name town when he goes through an intersection. Suddenly, a cop pulls him over and tickets him—stating that he ran a stop sign. My dad insisted that there was not any stop sign, but the cop did not listen. Angry, he went back to the intersection and saw that there was indeed a stop sign hidden behind a tree.
More that that, it was twisted in the wrong direction! Even more angry, he went into a convenience store and bought a disposable camera. The clerk laughed because he saw what happened and knew what was up. Luckily, my dad had to be back there in a few weeks for work. The cop assumed that someone with out of state plates would just pay the ticket.
So he was shocked when my dad turned up in court, calmly presented his evidence to the judge, and strolled out in five minutes scot-free.