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Huge Jerks Get Sweet Karma

Mathew Burke

Jerks don’t always get what’s coming. The world is full of rude people who treat others like dirt with nary a consequence. But when karma decides to make one of these jerks pay for their behavior? There’s nothing more satisfying than that.


1. Caught In A Speed Bump

I was in the passing lane on the highway, slowly coming up on a couple of cars in the right lane. The speed limit was about to decrease ahead, and another vehicle came up behind me, going pretty fast.

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Instead of gassing it to get ahead of the traffic to my right, I slowed down and pulled into the right lane while the other car behind me was right on my tail.

Once I got into the right lane, the car floored it and passed me, honking their horn.

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The passenger’s body was half out of the car window yelling at me and flipping me off as they passed. But they had no idea what hit them. It turned out that the car I pulled in behind was an unmarked state trooper who promptly pulled them over.

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Justice was served.

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2. Just Rewards

Before we were married, I was out to dinner with my wife and her dad. At the end of dinner, my father-in-law offered to pay for the meal. My wife asked to get her leftovers boxed to take them home.

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Her father was being difficult and started in on her, saying, “Well, you’ll just leave them in the fridge, then they’ll just get thrown out, blah blah”.

I told him, “Listen, it’s not your fridge.

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Leave her alone”. He got mad and yelled, “Don’t tell me how to raise my daughter”! I yelled back at him not to speak to her in his nasty tone. As a result, he threw the bill at me and said, “FINE!

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YOU PAY THEN,” and stormed out. We were all mad at that point, and my wife said, “Why did you have to start something?”?

I paid the bill and was waiting for the receipt, but we were waiting for quite some time.

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Tensions were rising. Her dad was waiting outside, building up steam. I asked the waiter, “Can I just get our bill and go”? They replied, “Oh no, sir, you have to wait for the manager”. That’s when I learned the beautiful, satisfying truth.

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It turned out they had a contest running where every bill was a winner or some prize or another. Usually, people would win a free drink or appetizer. However, we had just won the GRAND PRIZE that dinner—which was a trip for four to Florida. And here’s the kicker:

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Whoever pays gets the prize. Because her dad stormed out like a child, I had won it.

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3. Mustang Sting

It was nighttime, and it was raining really hard out. A guy driving a Mustang ran a red light and immediately got pulled over by a squad car.

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Over the loudspeaker, the officer ordered the driver to get out of the vehicle and put their hands on the roof of the car, which the guy did. Then, there was nothing. The officer didn’t get out of his car and didn’t go over to the vehicle.

Instead, the officer just left the driver of the Mustang sit there for about 30 seconds, allowing him to get soaked by the rain.

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After the guy was drenched, the officer got on the loudspeaker again and got him real good: “Next time you run a red light during a storm, don’t do it right in front of an officer, idiot”.

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Then, he just drove away.

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4. Her Luck Ran Out

A few years back, I was traveling on the interstate to meet some friends who attended a different college than I did for a weekend. On the way there, I was in the right-hand lane, minding my own business, when a car tried to cut me off.

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I thought it was no big deal until she ended up clipping my bumper and running me off the road.

She was driving at a speed of about 80–85 mph. While I was on the shoulder attempting to contact the local authorities to report an accident, the other driver kept on going along her merry way.

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Five minutes later, a state trooper pulled up behind me and asked what had happened. I explained the situation, described the other vehicle—including a partial license plate number— and he asked if my car was still drivable.

After confirming that it was, he said, “Just follow me up to this next exit. I got a call about a driver who is out of gas and needs assistance”. We pulled up to the next exit, just shy of a gas station.

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When I saw her, I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was the girl who was the other party in my hit-and-run. She tried to deny that anything had occurred.

Then, the trooper looked at my front bumper damage and her back end damage, assessed the paint colors matched, etc.

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Not only that, but her plate had the partial information I had gathered as she sped away. It turned out the girl had no insurance and no license. She got hauled off to the station on a hit-and-run, all because she couldn’t slow down and be a decent driver.

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5. His Coffee Time Was Cut Short

I was in some heavy traffic going into an event center.

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I noticed a squad car sitting on the median, making sure people weren’t doing stupid things. Right as we were getting up to where the squad car was, some idiot cut across two lanes of traffic.

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He cut me off and went into a street with a “Do Not Enter” sign. He did all of this right in front of the marked cruiser.

I made eye contact with the officer as he put down his coffee and flipped on his blues.

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6. An Awful Accident

While working for the fire department, I was on a call for a multi-vehicle rollover accident on the interstate. We got on the interstate one exit away, running into traffic, so we moved over to the emergency lane seeing lights and sirens.

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We were about halfway there, and a BMW pulls in front of us trying to cut through the traffic, he didn’t even look. I couldn’t believe it—but he was just getting started.

I laid into the air horn, and he came to a complete stop, with his middle finger out the window.

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I’d had a lot of people do stupid things when seeing lights coming at them, but this guy was being a jerk for the sake of being a jerk. He got out of his car and started screaming at us.

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Meanwhile, he was blocking the only fire engine and two ambulances available.

People were really hurt half a mile away, and he was making his stand because we honked our air horn at him for blocking us.

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I looked out at my mirror to see a highway patrolman running between lanes towards us…the guy was so mad. BMW boy was immediately handcuffed, his pretty car got pushed out of the way into a ditch, and he got taken away.

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7. Big Rig Rumble

It was raining out. I was coming onto a freeway with my big rig, signaling and smoothly switching lanes while keeping an eye on a car behind me that had been crowding me. As soon as he hit the merge ramp, he gunned it in an attempt to pass me, cutting into the no-drive zone.

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The problem was that my cab was 60 feet ahead of him, as I had already begun to merge.

Half of my rig was occupying the lane he wanted. Once this guy realized he couldn’t pass me, he flipped out. He screeched so hard back into his lane that I felt the road tremble.

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He began blaring his horn and flashing his lights. I was just cruising along, totally calm. I was watching the traffic in my driver-side mirror, and when I saw a break, I knew what was coming.

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This guy jerked into the left lane, floored it, and got beside my cab, honking the whole way. He swerved at me and then cut me off. He jerked into place in front of me, jammed his brakes—and then it all unraveled. He completely lost control of his vehicle.

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It was suddenly sideways at 45mph. I was nowhere near him, having already slowed down.

His car continued to spin until it was facing me, then it whipped back forward and headed straight into the ditch.

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It plowed the earth like a farm tool in front of all of us there on the freeway. I stopped. The left lane stopped.  We just watched as this guy slowly got out of his car, which looked pretty damaged.

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Other drivers got out to help, and some were on their phones. I just geared up out of there nice and calm. It was instant karma.

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8. That’s Nacho Order

I was at Taco Bell and had ordered nachos bell grande—and so did the man immediately behind me in line. We waited together for our food to get done, and when they called my number, he grabbed my food.

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He looked at me and said, “You ordered the same thing as me, but I’m in a hurry, so you can just take mine when it’s ready”.

This guy didn’t care two bits what I had going on.

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He was in a suit and tie, and I was in my construction clothes. He took one step toward the door and slipped, spilling his drink and my nachos all over his shirt and jacket.

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At that exact moment, they called his number. I picked up his nachos, thanked him, and walked out the door.

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9. A Coke And A Smile

I worked at a pizza joint during college. We sold some beverages out of a fountain machine and others in a can.

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One day, this lady in a business suit came in acting a little frantic. She wanted soda in a can but wasn’t happy with our selection. She got pretty nasty when I told her we only sold Coca-Cola out of the fountain.

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She left the store mad and went across the street to a little hot dog stand to see about buying her drink there. They had it in a can, but apparently at a price she did not want to pay.

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So, she came storming back to my pizza joint and snottily said, “The Coke across the street was too expensive, so I have to settle for your fountain soda”. She wanted six of them.

She got even angrier when I offered her a choice of 12 or 32-ounce cups and even more aggravated when I told her we didn’t have carrying trays. However, I offered to get her a box to carry them all.

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She was just flat-out unhappy that she had to deal with this. To make things worse, we had a faulty batch of soda cups that day. About every tenth cup had a pinhole in it.

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I did not know that, as I had just started shift when this woman first came in. Wouldn’t you know it, but this woman in her business suit got one of the defective cups and soda sprayed ALL OVER the front of her suit.

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I was sure she thought we did it on purpose. I apologized offered her a wet rag and a replacement cup. But when she finally walked out the door, my boss and I had the biggest laugh!

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10. He Wanted To Be Starting Something

I was walking to the pub after work one rainy evening when I saw a guy intentionally shove himself into a fairly nerdy-looking dude who was walking along with his girlfriend. He stopped and accused the nerdy guy of pushing him and then gave him a  mouthful. What followed was pure karma.

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It was one of those moments that was so perfect and full of justice that it was almost too good to be true.

The big guy took a huge swing at the nerdy guy and ended up slipping because it had been raining out.

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He completely missed hitting the nerdy guy and ended up in a flustered mess on the floor. The nerdy guy looked bewildered, and his girlfriend was desperately trying to drag him away, but he stood his ground.

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The big dude seemed to become even angrier due to his embarrassing fall.

He got back up and took another swing, which the nerdy guy dodged. He slipped again and fell to his knees. The nerdy guy, who was as ruthless as he was good at not getting punched in the face, saw this as a great opportunity to get this nonsense over with.

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So, he smacked the guy right in the face with a sweet jab that made a “’thwack” sound.

The original guy went down once and for all, sprawled on the bridge in the rain, while the nerdy guy took his girl’s hand and they went on their merry way together.

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Meanwhile, I went to the pub and had a pint in nerdy guy’s honor. It was beautiful, just beautiful.

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11. He Got His Kicks On Route 66

I remember taking a road trip through Ohio during a blizzard. I was used to driving in the snow, but this was so bad I could hardly make out where I was going.

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The roads were empty. Since my car wasn’t really fantastic, I was chugging along at a slow pace in the right lane because I wasn’t in that big of a hurry—and I didn’t want to crash.

Suddenly, a fully-loaded truck blew past me in the left lane, kicking up a bunch of snow against my car and whiting out my windshield.

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I was flying blind for a few moments while my wipers got rid of the snow. When I could see again, a chill ran down my spine. The guy seemed to have slowed down and kept pace next to me.

Then, he slowed down more, revved his engine, and proceeded to do it again.

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He got his kicks off of harassing smaller cars, and there wasn’t anything I could do. There weren’t any exits to get off, and I didn’t want to speed up in such bad conditions. After blasting me three or four more times, he sped off.

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I spent the next half hour grumbling about this jerk on the phone to my friends.

While chatting, I spotted something. The interstate took a sharp turn, and off the road on the left, there was a truck flipped on its top, half-buried in snow.

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It was him.

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12. It Was A Sign

I was a cart boy for a grocery store back in high school. One afternoon it was pouring rain out and terribly windy. A new black Escalade pulled up next to me while I pushed about 10 carts.

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The guy got out and yelled at me, saying I better not scratch his truck because “Heads will roll”. I wasn’t in any way endangering his new car, but he proceeded to yell and warn me. And then *it* happened.

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Just as he finished yelling at me, the sign from the pizzeria next door crashed into the side of his truck. That made my night a little better, even if I was soaked.

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13. She Got A Doggone Sweet Surprise

I used to clean a local gymnastics facility on the weekends.

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The owner would rent out the place for birthday parties, and one of the coaches was always present for them. One weekend, I saw a car pull up about an hour before the party was to start.

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I was finishing cleaning the lobby, and we had no power as our lights were being replaced.

This woman came in and headed upstairs. About ten seconds later, she came STORMING down the stairs, got in my face, and started yelling, “WHY is there no power?

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! I’m supposed to set up for this party. HOW am I supposed to do that WHEN I CAN’T SEE WHAT I’M DOING”?! I was a little stunned and told her that, per the owner’s policy, she couldn’t be in the building until the coach arrived.

Her face went purple.

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She yelled, “HOW DARE YOU TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN NOT DO! THE OWNER SAID I COULD BE HERE WHENEVER I WANTED. I WON’T TAKE THIS GARBAGE FROM SOME STUPID KID”! I said, “Fine, but your power won’t be on for another 45 minutes.

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You might as well go wait in your car until the coach gets here”.

She stomped off, tried to slam the door, and proceeded to try and call the owner. When the coach finally arrived, I told her what had happened and how she acted towards me.

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I also left a note for the owner and called her to inform her. I left the gym and went home for the night. The following day, I went in to get paid. The owner pulled me aside and told me I did everything right in that situation.

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 Then I found out the whole story. 

I found out that not only was that lady completely nasty to the coach as well, but that she didn’t pay for the party, and she stayed a full hour longer than what was rented. Then, I got the best news possible.

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When the parents were all inside, her dog had gotten into the cake that was in her car and ate about half of it. Her reaction was deranged.

She then said, “Oh, we can still use it.

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We’ll just cut around the parts the dog ate”. 40 minutes later, she came running back into the gym, grabbed a bunch of paper towels, and returned to her car. Within the time that she brought the cake inside to the time she went back out, her dog had pooped and puked EVERYWHERE in her car—on the seats, floors, armrests, even the dashboard. This car was COVERED in poo and vomit.

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14. Todd Strikes Back

I went to school with a jerk named Christopher. Christopher was one of those kids who felt like he could do whatever he wanted to anyone else, and he would be absolved of all blame if he finished his routine with “It’s just a joke”.

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Basically, he was a grade-A jerk. Enter the second major character: There was also a mentally challenged kid in our class, Todd.

Now, Todd was fond of asking questions. Although Todd annoyed us, we still all looked after him.

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He was one of us, sometimes that was a good thing, sometimes a bad thing. The karmic incident took place in our senior years. We basically ruled the school, and naturally this power got to our heads.

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But Christopher was the worst.

We were playing baseball and practicing for an upcoming competition. I was kinda mad because Todd was on my team, and he wasn’t the most athletically gifted. We were losing, due in no small part to the other team’s superior members. Then it was Todd’s turn.

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I looked at the other team. Christopher was pitching the ball, and he wasn’t even giving Todd a chance.

He’d throw the ball at his feet and burst out laughing with his team.

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Babe Ruth couldn’t have done a dang thing with those kinds of throws. It went on for three minutes. Eventually, his own team got sick of him and told him to give a decent throw so Todd could strike out and the game could progress.

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He throws it, and Todd braces himself.

We’re all watching by now. Todd has tears in his eyes by this point. The ball draws closer, and the world moved in slow motion. WHACK. Todd didn’t just hit the ball with the bat, he freaking annihilated it.

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The bang was heard all over the school. It sounded like an explosion had gone off, localized entirely around the side of the bat.

The ball went back toward Christopher at Mach speed and hit him squarely in the eye.

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He fell down, out cold. One of his friends helped him inside, while the rest of us, both teams, cheered and laughed. We lifted Todd on our shoulders, and gave him a hero’s return.

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He was no longer just Todd. He was Todd, the destroyer of idiots.

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15. Defying Gravity

As a kid, I went to Hawaii with my mom and stepfather for vacation, and we signed up for surfing lessons.

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The car ride there, my stepfather kept saying, “Now, I just want to warn you of something. You might not be able to do this. You’re a girl, so your center of gravity is higher.

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I’m a boy, so my center of gravity is lower”.

He kept saying stuff like, “Don’t be too upset when I’m standing on the board longer than you, it’s just science, okay? I’ll be better, but it’s not your fault”.

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Screw him, I managed to ride a few low waves all the way to shore while he couldn’t even get on his feet. He wouldn’t talk to me on the car ride back whenever I tried to bring up what he said earlier.

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16. How The Wind Blows

It was a particularly windy day. I was in the parking lot at a grocery store with my dad. As we exited the building, we saw a shopping cart being pushed along by the wind at walking speed.

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The cart passed right in front of this woman who just watched it go by, despite it going slow enough that she could have easily caught it.

My dad turned to me and said, “Why didn’t she just grab it”?

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We continued to watch this cart gain speed. After a few seconds, a burst of wind came through, and the cart rocketed across the parking lot directly towards this one van. We could hear it smash into this van over the howling wind and saw the huge dent in the driver’s side door from over 75 feet away.

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We then noticed that the woman from earlier who watched the cart go by her was walking in the same direction as the van. With each step, my dad and I could barely contain our excitement.

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When she got to about 15 feet away from the car, we saw her hands rise into the air. At that point, we just lost our composure and laughed until we got home.

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17. This Guy Was A Total Blockhead

I was directing traffic at the site of a traffic accident.

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I was waving vehicles around on the roundabout because they couldn’t go straight on, as the accident was completely blocking the road up ahead. One car pulled up to a stop directly in front of me.

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The driver opened his window to ask me something. He was now completely blocking me from the view of the traffic.

Therefore, I moved to the side and shouted, “I’m sorry, I can’t stop to discuss anything.

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The road is closed; move off the roundabout”. He drove a few meters forward—blocking me again— shouting through his window. I didn’t catch everything he said, but at the end, it included, “Why can’t you just stop to speak to the people you are meant to be serving”. What happened next was glorious.

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A car promptly rear-ended him as he was blocking them from seeing me. They didn’t expect him to stop suddenly on an otherwise clear roundabout. I replied, “That’s why”. I made sure when I wrote it up, the insurance companies would know who was to blame.

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18. All Day, Every Day

At my last job, I had a new senior manager hired to run my division and our sister division. After working with him for six months, I reached my breaking point. He would call after 5 PM to see if I were still there; he would email me at 1 AM asking for amendments to his morning meetings presentations regarding my division.

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He would even ask my receptionist to take notes regarding the goings-on in my office. He was the worst boss I’ve ever worked for, but the job market was tight, and this paid the bills.

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The final straw came when I returned from a week off. He approached me and asked why I was quitting. I told him I wasn’t and that he’d be the first to know if I did.

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He called me a liar and walked away.

I sent him an email that afternoon resigning with three weeks’ notice. In my exit interview, I told the HR team everything, and I mean everything, about the stuff he pulled.

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Four weeks later he was fired.

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19. The Muscle Car

I saw a guy in a gorgeous sports car, maybe a Ferrari, honking and yelling at a pedestrian in the crosswalk. The pedestrian had the right of way and was crossing during the signal.

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Immediately after they passed, the guy guns it and darts around the corner, and rear-ends a patrol car that was in the middle of writing a ticket.

There was a truck parked on the street that was just enough to obstruct the Ferrari guy’s line of sight through the turn. It was glorious.

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I didn’t even see it happen; I just heard the crunch right after he turned the corner.

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20.  The Universe Took Them For A Ride

When I was about 20, I was standing at a bus stop waiting for the bus. The street I was on had a little bit of construction going on, and there were some orange barricades set up down the middle of the road.

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They were made of metal and had a yellow flashing light on top. As I was standing there, I saw a Porsche convertible coming down the street with three guys about my age inside.

As they got closer, I could see them looking at me and talking to each other.

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The car began to slow down. I knew at this point I was in trouble. I knew that they were going to do something stupid. Sure enough, as they passed, they all turned in my direction and, on cue, yelled something rude at me as they passed.

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Unfortunately for the driver, karma was quick.

As he turned his head to yell at me, he swerved his car to the left, hitting several of the metal pylons and tearing up the driver’s side of what I could only assume was his father’s car. Correction:

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His father’s very, very nice car. Needless to say, the idiot sped off from me in a great hurry. I spent the rest of my day in a surprisingly great mood!

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21. It’s Dancing Time

We had a dance unit in my seventh-grade gym class.

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The teachers decided that it was a good idea for everyone to do Tae-Bo. My middle school ran like Mean Girls, and many were holding grudges for events that had occurred in the previous year. Old elementary school football rivalries were present.

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The nerdy kids loathed the jocks.

The more popular girls were angry because of some major rumors that were going around at the time. The girls in smaller cliques secretly envied each other. It was chaos just waiting to explode as 200 of us were crowded into the gym.

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Before us was a massive screen playing a Billy Banks Tae-Bo DVD. In other words, it was on.

At first, the Tae-Bo exercise was relatively civil. Then kids started kneeing people and acting like it was an accident.

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Attitudes shifted. You could feel the heat of the victims’ anger and the testosterone levels skyrocketing. Without warning, the entire gym erupted into a flurry of fists and flying feet. It was a free for all.

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Girls who had been the verbal punching bag of their clique pulled hair and swiped at faces with fake nails. Kids who had been mistreated day after day were dishing out black eyes like it was nobody’s business.

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The sudden lashes of anger aroused the bitterness of the others, and the attacking spread like wildfire.

The kids at the top of the social hierarchy and the well-known jerks were taken completely by surprise as the tables turned.

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Some even bolted for the doors. The gym teachers tried to stop the epic battle, but there were only six of them. Eventually, school security showed up to break up the fight. No one was formally punished that day.

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22. If He Only Knew What Was Coming

One time I was stuck in traffic on one of those lane-changing roads. There were boxes over each lane lit up with a red “X”, a green arrow, or nothing, depending on who could use it. We had two gridlocked lanes heading inbound, and there were three lanes outbound with a sixth lane closed to cars while they transitioned from outbound to inbound traffic.

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One car decided that waiting was for chumps, so they peeled off the column of traffic and drove up the wrong empty lane. Two blocks up, we saw that the lane he drove into was a left turning lane for oncoming traffic.

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He had pulled hood-to-hood right up to a law enforcement vehicle.

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23. We Curried A Favor With Karma

One night, my sister, my now-ex, my friend, and I decided to go for some curry. Since it was late, we called up the curry house to make sure they were ok with us coming down.

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The owner answered and said it would be no problem. As soon as we got there, we were greeted by the owner and were seated. However, it quickly became pretty obvious that the guy serving us didn’t want to be there.

We brushed it off.

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It went from bad to worse. He then started throwing our plates down and was being obnoxious, so we had a quiet word with the owner. Well, he proceeded to be even ruder, but we couldn’t do much. We left the restaurant and shrugged the whole thing off.

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As we were driving back home, though, I saw the server driving behind me, right on my tail.

He must have seen me get into my car and decided to follow me. He pulled up beside me when I was stopped at some traffic lights.

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He was swearing and showing me a rather impressive display of hand gestures. We ignored it, but I admit he was starting to aggravate me. The lights changed green, and he sped off like a lunatic, trying to run me off the road and swerving all over.

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Sadly, he failed to notice the cruiser that had pulled up behind me at the lights, so on went the lights and the sirens. They pulled him over and booked him right then and there.

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We glided off into the distance, barely able to contain the euphoria from the instant karma. I never saw him at the curry house again. I assume he got fired!

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24. Jim Wasn’t So Dandy

When I was 18,  a group of friends and I spent a long weekend at my buddy’s place in the Adirondacks. We split our time between his grandparents’ house, which was up on a hill, where we had our meals and where we showered, and a cabin right on the lake where we did our drinking.

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There were eight of us in all, but Tom and Jim were the most memorable.

Tom was relatively new to our circle of friends, somewhat awkward, but generally a nice guy. Jim was the opposite.

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He was immature, hotheaded, self-conscious, and selfish. The only reason he was there was that he had been friends with my buddy since birth. Jim was constantly belittling Tom to assert his dominance in an otherwise non-existent hierarchy.

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One Saturday, after lunch, someone suggested beer pong in the cabin. We were all in. Impatient as always, Jim went railing down the hill to the cabin ahead of us, screaming, “I GOT FIRST GAME! I GOT FIRST GAME”! The rest of us followed casually behind.

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When he reached the bottom of the hill, he took a bounding step onto the front bumper of Tom’s green little Ford.

We suddenly heard an extremely unsettling crunch. He had driven his foot through the car’s windshield. Then, his forward momentum propelled him to take a fourth and final step, ripping his leg back out through the windshield.

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He collapsed onto the roof, screaming in pain. The image of leg hair trapped in the spider web of shattered glass and the gash on Jim’s leg will forever be instant karma for me.

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25. Stick In The Mud

When I was about eight years old, my family visited some friends one day after church.

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They lived on a farm, so one of their kids and I went out to look at the cows. I was dressed in my Sunday best, so I was careful not to get all muddy.

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The other kid noticed and grabbed a stick that was lying on the ground that had some muck on the end of it.

He started chasing me around, threatening to wipe it all over me.

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He finally cornered me against some fencing and was about to throw the stick at me when I saw their huge golden retriever sprinting towards him from behind. At the last second, he raised the stick above his head, and the dog, trying to get it, leaped in and full-on tackled him.

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He landed face-first in a mud patch, and I ran away.

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26. Impatience Hurts

I was stopped at a red light waiting to turn right. I couldn’t see if there was any traffic coming because of how the intersection was set up, and there was a bus in the left turn lane, so I was just waiting for a green.

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The person behind me clearly wanted me to turn because she was honking, yelling, and giving me the finger.

After a couple of seconds, she decided to drive around me and was immediately T-boned. Karma!

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27. Taking The Fall

I worked at a grocery store once, and I was stocking instant noodles on a big sale display. All I had was a cheap small step stool, you know the one with the bar that runs across the top step?

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Reaching down to the stool from the shelf I was standing on was about three feet. There was like a 60 percent chance my foot would land on the top bar and collapse the thing.

I asked a co-worker to use his shoulder as a handle as I got down.

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My supervisor called me a “princess” for getting assistance. Soon after, he was stocking the two-liter Coke bottles on a sales display. He tried to get down. He took the 40% success rate jump onto the step.

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Big mistake. He hit the top bar, the step ladder collapsed, he broke his arm, and took down half of the display.

I just clocked out and left before they told me to clean up the spilled soda all over the place.

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ChileConCaveman

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28. A Case Of Road Rage!

My stepdad is a driving instructor, and I went to get my license pretty late. one day he was giving me a lesson and we were going over one of the possible courses that the test takes.

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While we’re driving down a street in the suburbs a guy is tailgating me like crazy. He was a real tough-looking guy and had a sideways hat and all.

Every time I come to a stop sign, I do a full stop, obviously, and he throws his hands in the air and yells.

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It’s starting to stress me out, but my stepdad had a plan the whole time. He says to me, “Don’t worry about it, just watch”. As we’re going down the street, he says “OK, now in about 50 feet, I want you to start slowing down a little bit and right when you are in front of that school zone, pull over to the right”.

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So, I do it, right after I pull over, the guy who is really annoyed at me now, takes off like a shot. Only about five seconds later, an officer steps out from behind a tree and waves him over for going probably double the speed limit in a school zone.

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We laughed. Hard.

ZombiGrinder

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29. Karma Times Two

Where I used to live was a rural area on the outskirts of a small city in Australia. I was heading home from work one night, and the road back to my place is several kilometers long and completely straight.

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There were cane fields on either side and no streetlights, so it was very dark. Many people speed down the road because it’s a back road and rarely patrolled.

I was driving along doing the speed limit and this guy comes roaring up behind me with his high beams on.

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He sits right behind me then tears around to overtake and takes off doing at least 120 kilometers per hour. Less than a minute later, he must have hit the dirt shoulder and begins to lose control before hitting a slight dip and literally flies through the air into a cane paddock.

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At this point, it’s a mixture of absolute shock and wanting to pull over and just laugh. Then, red and blue lights flash up ahead, not 50 meters from the guy. I had never seen an officer on this road before that night so I couldn’t believe it!

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I pulled up to ask if he needed any help from me and he goes “Nah, you get home, I got this jerk”. Double instant karma.

loleonii

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30. Caught In A Blizzard!

I was driving home on the highway during a horrible blizzard at night.

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The roads were extremely slick and dangerous, I was going about 30 mph. My daughter was a newborn, and it was the first time I had ever driven in the snow with her. I was nervous.

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Some jerk in a huge truck is doing 65, passing everyone in the slow lane, and just being really risky and ignorant to the conditions and other drivers in general.

He passed me, and I was like, “You’re gonna crash bro”.

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Right at that moment, the dude fishtails, loses control, and crashes into a ditch. Don’t worry though, he was completely fine. I know this because I saw him emerge from the truck and do a little angry freak out dance.

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His truck wasn’t fine. That’s what you get for endangering others during a blizzard!

nosidammadison

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31. That’s What You Get!

At the end of the day in the locker room after gym class, this freshman kid who was really popular and always talked a lot of trash started messing with this guy who was kind of awkward and kind of got picked on a lot.

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Apparently, they got in each others’ way in flag football or something. The awkward guy ignores the cocky kid for a while until the cocky kid pushed him.

The awkward guy had enough and hit the cocky guy in the face three times before he hit the ground.

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He knocked his front teeth out. As we were all leaving school and talking about it, the overall consensus was, “Well, that’s what happens when you talk that much”.

Seamlesslytango

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32. Karma Shut Me Down

I used to work as tech support for a college campus.

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There were classrooms with motion sensors connected to the lights. So if there was no one in the room, the lights would shut down. A professor came into our office and told us the classroom didn’t have working lights.

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I instantly knew what had happened. The light switch was on, but the motion sensor turned them off.

When she flipped the switch, she turned the lights off instead of on. I bought a soda on the way to the classroom and hit the lights.

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They turned on. I went to the room where she was temporarily teaching her class and told her, “The lights are on in the room”. She asked me how I turned them on, to which I smugly replied, “I just flipped the switch”.

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Her entire class started laughing. I paid for my rudeness instantly. Feeling full of myself, I turned around and opened the soda I got from the vending machine. It burst and sprayed my face and shirt with Dr.

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Pepper.

mattigus

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33. I Was Finally In The Clear

It was early in the morning and I was driving home from a New Year’s Eve party. It was dark out. The road was icy and extremely foggy. The streets were twisty and narrow, and the likelihood of deer crossing the road was high, so I was driving very slowly with my fog lights and hazards on.

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About halfway home, some person peeled out of a side street and started tailgating me.

They were flashing their high beams, honking their horn, apparently in hopes that I would speed up or pull over.

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Given the road conditions and poor visibility, I declined to do either. I figured that when the road widened in a couple of miles, I would pull to the side and let the person pass.

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Otherwise, they could take their chances and pass me on the left. I made an awful miscalculation.

For four very tense miles, instead of passing, this dirtbag tailed me, weaving back and forth, shouting out the window.

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The fog was swirling around, my car was slipping on black ice, and I was worried that a deer would come bounding across the road at any moment. Just as the road widened into two lanes, and before I could pull over, the driver decided they had enough.

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They screeched out from around me, narrowly missing my car, while the passengers hung out the windows shouting and throwing bottles and cans at me. When the last can bounced off the hood of my car, I pulled over and wished I could destroy their car with the power of my mind.

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Fortunately, karma was on the job! A state trooper, who’d been lurking in the darkness, pulled out and sped off after them.

By the time I crept by them, he had all four of them face down on the ground with their hands behind their backs.

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electricgekko

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34. The Desert Fool

I was driving through central Nevada on a two-lane highway.  I was taking a sweeping right-hand turn when a new-ish Camaro with a very distinctive set of stickers on the rear window crossed a double yellow line and passed on the left.

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Doing so nearly caused a head-on collision with a semi coming in the opposite direction, and he nearly collided with the front of my car when he swerved back into my lane.

In that part of Nevada, the towns are roughly 60 miles apart.

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The next town had a notorious speed trap. About five miles outside the town, lo and behold, the Camaro was pulled over. About a half-mile after I passed them, the officer was apparently done giving them their speeding ticket.

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The driver of the Camaro was clearly mad, and once he was far enough away, he really took off.

In about five miles, he made up at least half or three-quarters of a mile. But this maniac wasn’t don’t yet.

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He again crossed the double yellow line and passed me on a blind corner. When he passed me, he swerved to avoid another high-speed head-on collision for another prohibited pass. When he did that, he apparently missed the fact that the speed limit dropped from 75 mph to 25 mph.

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A county cruiser was sitting just past the 25 mph sign with a radar device and nailed him going at least 80 mph in a 25 mph zone.

seaburno

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35. Please, Take A Seat

I took a full flight home from Hawaii. I go to my assigned window seat and notice a grumpy woman sitting in it.

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I politely tell her she is in my seat. She looks at her boarding pass and sure enough, she is supposed to be sitting in the aisle seat across. She starts arguing that she must sit next to her husband and that she is not going to move.

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I decide it’s not worth the hassle and take the seat she is supposed to be in. I don’t even get a thank you or anything from her. Well, she got what was coming to her in the end. Once we are in the air, the onboard entertainment of free movies and shows becomes available.

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I look over and see her yelling at a flight attendant that her TV is broken and doesn’t work. The flight attendant apologizes and explains that the flight is full and there are no other seats to move her to.

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She had the pleasure of enjoying a five-hour flight with zero entertainment.

funnelcakemishap

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36. No, Me First!

I was walking up to an ATM and a dude in a Ferrari parked at a red curb and ran past me to use it before I could.

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I was like, “Really, dude”? and he says, “Blow me”. I looked around in kind of dazed disbelief and saw an officer about 50 feet away. I waved to get his attention, and when he saw me, I just sort of held both hands out at the Ferrari and the red curb.

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The traffic officer cruises over and starts writing a ticket. I waited for the dude to finish at the ATM and when he saw the officer writing the ticket, I told him that they didn’t even notice his parking job until I flagged him down and showed him.

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jmsndrnkr

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37. Spikes On The Road

I was driving into a construction zone where three lanes converged into one. Right at the point it became one lane, a car tried to pass me on my right. I slowed down so he wouldn’t hit me, but he ran over one of those metal lane dividers.

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It got caught up in his back right wheel well and went around a few times. I could see and hear it make a mess of his fender.

Last I saw, he was pulling over to inspect the damage.

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Scrappy_Larue

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38. Zero Offers

I worked selling shoes for two years on a weekend-only basis during school at a national chain. During that whole time, I was never offered a raise, never offered to open the store, and never given any recognition.

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When I asked for some more responsibilities, I was told I was unimportant, as two new outside managers were coming in.

One managed a section of PetSmart, and the other had no prior experience. I put in my two weeks’ notice. I could never have predicted just how much it would blow up in their faces.

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Both people came in on my last day, so I showed them everything I learned and all the small quirks of the inventory that we had. Both quit within a week, and the store closed within four months.

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VulturE

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39. A Tangled Knot

In the UK, kids wear blazers and ties to school and a common bullying tactic that jerks used was to run up to kids, and pull their ties so they get really tight. It’s called “knotting”. On the bus home, the bus was really full, and I was standing in front of one such jerk.

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He grabbed my tie JUST as the bus had to brake sharply.

He lost his footing and the only thing keeping him upright was the fact that he was holding my tie. He had grabbed the wrong bit, it wasn’t knotted, I simply untied it, he fell on his bum.

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That was the last time I was knotted.
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40. Plugging In

At a job as a mechanic, I got a part that was completely correct except the electrical plug was a different shape. I found out after I installed it.

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For the record, it did plug in, it just didn’t have long enough prongs to communicate. I had to order the right part again, take this one-off, and install the right one, all while only getting paid to put the correct one on.

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My co-worker laughed and said “Bet you won’t make that mistake again. Pay attention next time”! The very next job, he put all four tires on backward (some tires are directional). I said the same thing to him.

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I knew I would eventually use it against him, didn’t know it would be that soon.

GenerationSam

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41. Only Fools Rush In

I was in the middle lane of a three-lane divided highway. The lane to my left was ending, forcing people to merge into the middle lane.

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Coming up on where the left lane was about to end, some woman was trying to speed up to get in front of me in her Tahoe. Mind you, there was a ton of free lane space behind me, but apparently, she had somewhere important to be.

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So I checked the lane to my right and saw a car coming up. I wasn’t going to cut him off, so I let off the gas and coasted a little to see if this woman was really committed to getting in front of me. She was.

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She cut in front of me and gave me a quick wave as if that should excuse her. At the same time, I was watching my right-side view mirror for the car that was coming up.

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Sure enough, the car in front of her wasn’t going as fast as she needed, and she just cut over to the right lane as the car I was watching passed me. I hit my brakes hard because I knew what was going to happen.

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The car to my right passed by me as this lady cut over to its lane. She ended up taking the front end of that car against her right rear passenger door, pushing her vehicle sideways.

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I smiled and waved as I went by.

oddchihuahua

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42. In The Zone

I was driving on a two-lane road. There was a double yellow line, and I was approaching a flashing school zone. I slowed from 45 to 25 at precisely the right moment.

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The car behind me didn’t seem to care about the speed restriction and proceeded to tailgate me, flashing her lights, honking her horn, and yelling as she passed me.

She floored it, ignoring everything about the situation, including the oncoming traffic.

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She zoomed in front of me and was almost out of sight when the blue lights of a cruiser turned on from a hidden spot just on the other side of the school zone. She immediately hit the brakes and pulled over.

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By the time I got to where they were, I had the passenger window down and was laughing loud enough that they both heard me. She glared at me, and I blew the officer a kiss as he tipped his hat to me.

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beautiful_disaster11

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43. Interrupting Jerk Who?

I was playing volleyball with a group of my friends a few years back. One of the guys who is just an acquaintance of mine was known for being unreasonably angry. Throughout the whole game, he’s being a total jerk to everyone, yelling and screaming, citing the rules, and saying everyone is breaking them. Eventually, we all had enough so we just unanimously kept egging him on and acting dumb on purpose to fluster him.

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At one point, he gets so mad that he got on both his knees and started screaming. While he does this, a lone pigeon swoops by and takes a dump on his face. The rest of us laughed about it for weeks.

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Kaiden103

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44. Stuck In The Intersection

A couple years ago, a friend and I were going to a concert and the traffic was beyond snarled. There was only one entrance into the location, and it was mucking up the traffic as you had to turn across a busy intersection.

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My friend thought that she could make it across, but someone coming from the other direction cut her off and made it so she was stopped in the intersection.

Cue some amazing jerk going from the light and screaming up to about an inch from the passenger side door.

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I really thought that he was going to hit us. He was screaming and flashing the finger and looked like he was going to get out of his car. My friend is freaking out and trying to inch her way into the stadium parking lot.

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But he was about to get what was coming to him.

Luckily, an officer had just wheeled up in time to see the jerk pull his stunt. He flashed his lights and angrily got out of his car and started yelling at the guy.

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As we finally got out of the intersection, he was writing him a ticket that included something to the effect of reckless driving. It made the night for us.

CowTownRebel

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45. Wait, Don’t Go!

I put in excellent work at a software company for over a year and a half with no raises.

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I asked for a raise and got put on the ropes under an improvement plan. I passed the improvement plan easily. But then three months later, I found a new job that offered me a 25% raise on what I was currently making.

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Naturally, I handed in my two weeks’ notice to my current boss.

He counter-offered me a 25% raise plus a chance to work on any team I wanted within the company. I still turned that down.

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HR stopped me from working once they found out, since I was leaving for a competing company, but I still got paid for the two weeks. Essentially, it was a forced paid vacation. He was not happy about that considering I was somewhat in the middle of coding up a multimillion-dollar deal.

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In the end, it was incredibly satisfying to have a boss that refused my raise request suddenly backpedal and try to keep me there with a bigger raise and extra incentives.

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46. At The Last Second

My fiancée and I were employees at Pizza Hut. She was a waitress, and I was a cook.

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I had worked for them for five years and she had worked for them for two. Anyway, we were probably the best employees they had and knew what we were doing. Nevertheless, in the food business, managers come and go, some better than others.

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So, we were both scheduled for a ridiculous shift of about ten and a half hours in that place, from open to eight that night, we would have been the only two employees there in our respected positions until five.

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Keep in mind this was a Sunday morning in the bible belt and a buffet day. Both she and I had a whole ton of work to do.

On top of that, they had steamed the carpets the night before and never set the tables and chairs back up in the lobby.

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We both only had a couple of hours to do our opening stuff which every minute counts. It wouldn’t have been that horrible—until our manager came in. So, what happens is that our manager gets breakfast, sits in a booth, and watches my fiancée and me put the lobby together, even though we were running so short on time.

My fiancée comes to me in tears saying she just wants to leave cause this day was completely messed up. We wait, the buffet is coming out of the oven, and at least a dozen people are walking in.

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We both just say screw it and leave, leaving him by himself to manage that stuff like he should. Do I feel bad? No, that was swift justice.

Permalink

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47. Unseated And Overthrown

I was in charge of a project that involved an outside vendor.

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The vendor sent in his own people to assist with the project, and one of the people they sent in was terrible at his job. He essentially had to do nothing, just sit in a room and monitor activity, but he was never in the room.

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So, I called the vendor and asked them not to send that guy in anymore.

They were fine with my request and never sent in that guy again. But then he was hired by MY company as my boss.

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He then went on a witch hunt, trying every dirty trick in the book to get me fired. Even though he was my direct boss, he couldn’t do it directly because I was there longer and was well respected by the other managers who knew how valuable I was.

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It took him a little longer, but eventually, he managed to build such a case of lies against me that he could get me fired. I went on to get an even more awesome job, and he was fired shortly after when they realized what a backstabber he was.

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Last I heard, he’s still unemployed.

FluffyPurpleThing

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48. Taco Belles

I was fresh out of infantry training. It was my first weekend out on the town with my friend. We had it all—dog tags, moto marine corps shirts, the works. We were sitting on the beach one fine Saturday when a very hot woman with two of her friends approached us.

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Being the naive guys we were, we thought she was honestly just interested in our company. It took so much trouble to find out the truth.

My friend and I started talking her up to try and see which one of us she was interested in so the other could wing, if necessary.

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As we walked down the beach in the direction she recommended, we came across a humble taco shack. The girl said we should get tacos. Conveniently, no one in her group had any money, so my friend and I suggested we continue walking.

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They declined, insisting that we find an ATM to buy them tacos. After we said it wasn’t happening, they said, “Oh, we thought you guys were gonna buy us tacos”. My friend, realizing we were being used, said, “Heck no, we thought you were going to buy us some tacos”.

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With a look of disgust, they promptly excused themselves from our company.

As we started to walk away, the owner of the taco stand caught up with us and said, “Thank you guys so much for not buying that trash any tacos—have some free ones on me”. She gave us three delicious homemade tacos each, and we ate them as we walked past the women who were trying to lure their next victim into buying them tacos.

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The looks on their faces were priceless.

EdWrathChild

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49. The Llama Keeper

I used to be a zookeeper. This lady who was visiting was making fun of our llama for looking ugly. The llama was a rescue who had corrective jaw surgery.

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The woman pointed and laughed at our llama. Right as that happened, the llama spat in her mouth. The whole scene was absolutely hilarious. After she left, I gave the llama a treat and told her that she was a good girl.

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MyNameIsNotRyn

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50. The Cherry on Top

I used to live a street or two behind a central suburban bus stop on top of a big hill, and I would take the bus every day to university. One morning, I get on the bus and the bus pulls up to the intersection.

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We get the green and start pulling out. All of a sudden, this primped-up snooty middle aged woman FLEW through the red light.

The bus driver had to slam on the brakes quite suddenly and then honked at the woman.

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 Her reaction was utterly disturbing. The woman, who very clearly intentionally ran the red, FLIPS THE BUS DRIVER OFF and keeps speeding. The bus driver cursed and carried on with her day despite this jerk trying to ruin it…

But then we get to the bottom of a nearby hill and see that the authorities had pulled over the same woman into the cross street and were issuing her a ticket. The bus driver saw it and said, “Oh yeah baby”!

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She pulled the bus over to the sidewalk near to where the intersection was and flagged down one of the uniformed officers.

She then tells them all about what just happened. The cop says, “Well we will add that to her ticket—Would you be willing to come in as a witness in court for that”? Then the bus driver said, “HONEY, I GET PAID TO GO TO COURT FOR STUFF LIKE THIS.

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IT’D BE MY PLEASURE”. The whole bus started clapping and going crazy. It was such a good day.

Seminary_Student

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51. Coming up Short

This happened to me at work. A lady was trying to pay with like a thousand coins for a $5 scratch off.

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She tried to say she was only 10 cents short. Ended up being over a dollar short, then complained and said any decent person would have spotted her the money. I pretty much told her she could go down the street and try there if she’d like.

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She then suddenly pulled out a twenty and bought two, because of course she did. As she walked out of the store she said, “Karma is a witch”. When she gets to her car an officer pulls up behind, blocking her in completely.

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They proceed to search the car, and then detain her and her boyfriend. I didn’t feel bad. Screw that woman.

ChosenBearded

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52. Open Season

I have a farm in Africa. It’s a small farm, family land for several generations.

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My cousins who live there are pretty much subsistence farmers; they eat what they grow. There’s also a pond we fill to fish farm when it’s not too dry. Anyway, I’m visiting them, helping fertilize the field before we get to planting.

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All of sudden a big Land Rover pulls up. Full of tourists; I think they were English by their accents. They are lost, trying to get to a resort that’s far away. We give directions.

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They don’t like that we’ve told them it’s a long route, even though it really was the correct route. They tell us that the Land Rover can “go through anything” and want to cut through the field.

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They offer to pay us. Well, would any farmer allow such a thing? We say no. At some point, they just take off…and drive right into the muddy pond that’s hard to see because it’s overgrown this time of year.

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Land Rovers are wonderful for off-road. But several feet of mud and vines and weeds? They swirl, and turn, and back up, just getting more stuck.

Finally, they emerge on foot through the mud. We are so shocked we can’t even laugh…until later.

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They walk up to us and sheepishly ask to hire a car. We charged them well. Also charged the towing company that came to get their car. My cousins made a tidy sum. It’s now the family joke that we should be growing tourist cars instead of Maize and fish….

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MarquisDeGalliffet

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53. The Class Clown

One time in middle school, this guy who was relatively new at our school was making fun of a girl in our class who fell in the hallway in-between classes. Coincidentally, this was a girl I had a crush on.

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He was a little bit of a class clown and was mocking her, making her look stupid and clumsy. Apparently, he misjudged his footing, and while attempting to jokingly ape the way she had fallen, he actually fell for real. He landed squarely on his back in front of everybody—but that’s not the funniest part.

He broke his arm in the process.

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Passing him by in the hallway, I saw him just lying there, surrounded by adults, and staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t come back to school. Fairly sure he moved after that. I would have too.

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CaptainCruiser

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54. One, Two, Three!

I was targeted for firing. It had nothing to do with my performance, and everything to do with my manager’s manager who took a disliking to me. I walked the line of perfection for about a month until I found another job.

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I handed in my two weeks’ notice. That was victory number one. Then, I stole about a half-dozen of their employees and got them hired into my new company.

That was victory number two. I’d like to think that victory number three was the 30 or 40 employees they lost in the following year, but I can’t claim direct responsibility for that. Thing is, when you have employees with high-demand skills like software engineering, you best treat them right.

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magicmuds

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55. On The Brink Of Embarrassment

One day the armored transport company came into my work to drop off cash for us. One of the guards was the rudest guy we had ever met. He came in demanding, “I need your manager now,” and “When are you going to take care of me”?

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So, the manager took the cash, finished the transaction, and the guy walked out. A few moments later,  he came back in asking to use the phone. His partner had gotten out of the truck and locked the keys inside.

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We were all busting a gut. It was well deserved.

CoolMoo5e

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56. Karma Stepped In

There was a kid at school who I always disliked. I was walking down the stairs after my last class had ended after a bad day.

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This kid proceeded to follow me down the stairs and be a total pain for no reason, saying, “I hate you”. Not even five seconds later, this moron fell down the entire staircase and landed right into a group of girls.

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His face reached a new level of red I didn’t think was possible.

balenciyagaborrower

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57. The Universe Made Its Point

One day, a coworker who slightly outranked me was joking around and busting my chops. She was giving me a hard time, saying I was dumb and that they paid me too much.

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She went to sit down and somehow got her right hand stuck awkwardly underneath her. The maneuver broke her pointer finger. Through the tears, she looked at me and said, “Guess I deserved that,” and chuckled a little.

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henny_316

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58. Life In The Fast Lane

I was driving on a highway at night in the fast lane. I was going faster than most of the traffic, but the guy who was coming up behind me was flying. I started looking for a spot to move over, but the road was busy, and I just couldn’t. He came up behind me and started honking and flashing at me.

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I was waiting for an opening but still hadn’t found one.

I finally got room to move into the middle lane, and as he passed me, I just gave him a head shake because he was being a knob.

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He didn’t like that. So, he moved into the middle lane, slowed down just to inconvenience me, and wouldn’t let me pass. He got impatient with that and then went flying off. In his desire to focus on me, he didn’t see an officer pull onto the highway just a little ways ahead of him.

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He passed the cruiser without realizing it, and the lights immediately flipped on. I felt as if justice was served.

IceWook

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59. It Was All A Bust

Back in the day, some local law enforcement agents had a racket going.  They put a 45 mph limit sign on an interstate where the limit was 55 mph.

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They would pull over out-of-state cars and give them a ticket, plus hit them with a cash “bond”.  An officer pulled over a man in his mid-20s driving a nice sedan with out-of-state plates.

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The young man commented that what they were doing was against the law.

He was cuffed and invited to see the judge. The judge fined him $50. He refused. The judge sentenced him to five days in the pokey.

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He wasn’t offered a phone call, a lawyer, or anything. After five days, the young man left. He returned a week later with a number of his co-workers and arrest warrants for the sheriff and the judge.

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But that wasn’t the best part.

The young man was an FBI agent en route to his new assignment.

cbelt3

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60. He Was Met With A Big Surprise

I was heading towards Baltimore and was stuck in traffic on I-95. It was literally bumper-to-bumper, with no movement whatsoever.

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Some idiot decided to use the shoulder as his own personal lane and went speeding by us at around 50 mph. We all concurred that he was a complete jerk and didn’t think anything more about it.  Then, about 15 seconds later, a cruiser went blazing by on the shoulder with its full lights and sirens on.

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We, of course, went nuts, thinking that the officer was going to pull the guy over. Five minutes later, we passed the guy. He had indeed been stopped, but not by the officer we saw screeching by.

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Instead, he was stopped by a conveniently-abandoned car that was on the shoulder. The officer looked as if he was reading him the riot act. It was a fun moment.

Bahamas_is_relevant

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61. They Had Him Seeing Red

I was stopped at a red light near a railroad.

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If a train was passing, the light stayed red. We were on a curve and a hill, so I could see the reason for us being stopped. However, an older gentleman about three cars back could not and decided to pass me and the car ahead of me.

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We were at a red light, blocked by a train.

The red light marked an intersection, right in front of the city hall and law enforcement station. It was also around lunchtime. As the guy breezed through the light, he was immediately followed by three or four flashing lights. It made the five-minute or so wait on the train amazing because I got to watch them chew this guy out.

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SSLOdd1

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62. Yellow-Bellied Bonehead

There was a guy in a big jacked-up bright yellow pickup truck who was tailgating my roommate as he was driving. He was so close that I couldn’t even see his headlights in my rearview mirror anymore. After about a block of this, the tailgater decided enough was enough and pulled out into the left-hand turn lane and passed us.

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But he made a huge mistake in doing so.

He pulled this maneuver in the middle of an intersection right in front of an officer who was waiting at the cross street. The red and blues came on right as we got through the intersection, and I calmly pulled out of the officer’s way. When the guy pulled over, the officer pulled right behind him and almost sprinted up to the guy’s truck, yelling at him.

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It made my week!

Ryelen

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63. Easy There Rider

I was driving on a highway that had only one lane going each way and that only had a couple of overtaking lanes, one of which was up a hill.

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People would get frustrated all the time with dumb tourists driving 43 or 50 mph in a 62 mph zone, but this guy was a special kind of a jerk. I was stuck behind a driver tootling along at about 50 mph, and the guy behind me was tailgating me.

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I slowed down a bit because there was wildlife around, and you shouldn’t mess around with tailgaters. As we got to the uphill overtaking lane, he roared around me and got stuck behind the tootling car.

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Now he realized why I was going so slowly. He then continued to tailgate the other driver, and pretty dangerously. I was hanging right back, just figuring that I would take it slowly and stay out of trouble.

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Suddenly, a motorcycle approached from behind, and I shifted in the lane so that they could pass, as I thought they would have a better chance of overtaking both vehicles that way. The tailgater took an opportunity to overtake, as did the motorcycle, which was against the law.

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I crested the next hill to find that it was a plainclothes officer on the bike, and he had pulled the tailgater over. My cold, shriveled little heart sang in karmic retribution as I drove past.

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It was wonderful.

the_procrastinata

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64. When You’re The Youngest

When I was growing up, I was the youngest of all the kids on my block. The other kids, including my sister, would have fun tormenting me. They would try and exclude me from things they did on the basis of “you have to be a certain number of years old to do it”. The worst of them was Marcus, who would always be completely mean to me.

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One day, Marcus and I, along with some of the other kids, went to a nearby school to ride around on our scooters. Marcus convinced me that to be “cool,” I had to jump down a flight of five stairs.

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I succeeded but broke my scooter in the process. As the kids rode off, laughing at me for not being able to join them, Marcus’ front wheel caught in a crack in the concrete.

He flew over the handlebars straight into a flagpole.

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I nearly fell over laughing. I broke my scooter; he broke his face.

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65. A Game Of Hide And Seek

My little sister’s friend was being really mean to me; following me around, mocking everything I said, making rude commentary on everything I did.

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I told her she shouldn’t do things like that to someone older than her, because it could have dire consequences. I was just joking—but I ended up being totally right. They conned me into playing hide and seek with them and the rules were to stay in the house.

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I searched high and low for that girl and couldn’t find her anywhere. My sister had no clue either and neither of us heard the doors open, so we didn’t think she could be out there.

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Turns out the kid decided to disregard the rules and go outside. Well…she hid in the back of my mom’s truck. It has a camper shell that can be locked from the outside.

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Someone saw it open and locked it while the kid was hiding inside, so she was stuck there alone for a while. I volunteered to unlock it and I took my sweet time, staring at her with this really wide grin.

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It was great.

andianopolis

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66. Biting Them Back

I worked for a small lottery parlor chain for the better part of a year back around 2008. It was a single-employee operation, so I worked a 10-hour shift with no breaks or lunch.

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All in all, it wasn’t a bad job, and had good tips. One day, out of the blue, the region manager calls me into the store and tells me that I’m suspended.

There was no warning whatsoever.

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I asked her why, and she flat out tells me that I’m frightening away the patrons because of my sexuality. The next day, she calls me to say that I’m no longer needed.

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I tried for a lawsuit, but it was a he-said-she-said kind of thing. Flash forward to last month. I get a call asking me if I want to take part in a class-action lawsuit against this company for discrimination and unfair wage compensation practices.

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I told them my story and now I’m a class representative for the case. I’m so ready to give them what they deserve.

SiberianTora

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67. Sketchy Shift Schedules

I worked at a coffee chain as my first job during high school.

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I worked a ton and the customers loved me. The place was run by this awful general manager who let her two daughters work there—one being a normal employee who got treated like an angel and always got shifts she wanted and the other being an incompetent shift leader who got the same treatment.

Well one week, this girl looks at her schedule and then asks if she can trade two of her shifts with two of mine because she forgot about her Mom’s birthday.

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I said sure, no problem, because I was just trying to be nice. So, the next week when I get my schedule, I am only working one shift, and I asked why. The general manager’s reply was brutal. They told me “if you don’t like the shifts I give you, then you won’t get any”.

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She did not care at all why I traded the shifts, so I immediately put my two weeks in and said I was over all of this. The last day I was supposed to work was a Saturday morning which is always packed, and if one person doesn’t show up or do their job well it makes the whole morning awful.

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I forgot I had to work and was out super late.

The next morning, I said screw it and just skipped work. They called and texted me several times begging to know where I was.

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It felt good.

Robbie7up

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68. Job Denied

I worked at a shoe store a while back. When I applied, I really wanted to be a sales associate, but the manager told me she only had room for a stock guy for the time being, and then she could transfer me to sales when she had an opening.

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Being a stock guy in a shoe store in a mall sucked, you have to stack the shoes way high up on rolling racks in a complicated alphabetical numeric sequence based on style, color, and size.

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When new shipments come in, you have to shift all the shoes on ALL the racks over, just enough so you have space for the new styles. It takes a ridiculous amount of planning, foresight, and even physical endurance to climb up ladders with big boxes of boots and stack them in order all day long.

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Anyway, I inquired a few times as to how that sales position looked, since I had seen a few salespeople quit after I started work.

She kept saying “No, sorry, no room for a new sales guy yet”.

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One particularly rough afternoon while I was working, she actually came back into the stock room to interview a new candidate for a sales position. RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. So, I climbed down from the rolling racks, put the boxes away, and said “I thought you didn’t have room for a sales associate right now.

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I quit, let this girl do stock”.

Onizuka23

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69. Showing Off Hard

I was at a show jumping event and a little girl went up to a famous show jumper with her book of famous riders and asked him to sign it.

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She couldn’t find him in the book and asked if he could help her. He responded, “find it yourself” and walked away. In his final round worth $100,000, on the first jump, the horse stopped and he fell face-first into the floor.

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Not going to lie, I was laughing pretty hard.

potatosunday

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70. Instant Karma!

I was walking to the store with a friend when we were 13. We heard someone yelling at us and turned around to see some kid about 50 feet away.

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He was yelling, calling us names, and every other homophobic insult you know at that age. As we started to walk over to confront him, he did a 180 and started running while turning. What happened next was so hilarious, it’s unforgettable.

He spun around and ran face-first into a tree and hit it hard enough that he fell to the ground from the impact.

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We couldn’t stop laughing and hopefully, that was enough embarrassment for him to learn a lesson.

Sk8erguysk8er

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71. Flicking The Whip

When I was about 16, and my brother was 12, we lived on a ranch. We had horses, cats, dogs, and chickens.

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Because of the horses, we had this thing called a lunge whip. It’s basically a long, flexible pole with a length of rope at the end. My brother and I were waiting for the horses to finish eating.

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Lil bro was dragging around the lunge whip, at first, to play with the cats.

But then, my brother starts snapping the whip near the cats, mostly to irritate me. I say: “Hey! Don’t do that!

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Mom already said that you weren’t supposed to, and if you accidentally hit one of them, I’ll beat you up”! Lil bro looks me in the eyes and says, “I do what I want”.

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He flicks the whip once more, and it snaps back and hits him right between the legs.

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72. A Too-Hard Laugh

I was skiing at Breckinridge, and they have a T-bar tow lift. For those who don’t know what that is, it’s basically a big upside-down 6-foot-tall upper case “T” which is pulled by a cable. You hold on and it slides you up the mountain.

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The T shape allows for two people to hold on to either side of the crook of the T shape.

People fall off of this all the time when they are not used to it, which gives locals a sense of superiority.

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Well one brave young boy, maybe 12-14 on a snowboard set out to handle the T-bar. He lost his footing about 30 seconds in but held on despite being dragged. This happens often, but usually for only a few seconds as most have good enough sense to let go.

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Instead, this boy was dragged up more than a thousand feet on his stomach. I was behind him, as was another couple. We could not believe he was holding on. Well, the T-bar stopped further up for someone else, and he is too exhausted to stand up and fix his situation, but the couple behind him had been laughing so hard that when the T-bar abruptly started up again, they fell off.

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Bottom line is, he made it to the top and they did not.

chippynasty

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73. Waterpark Scares

I was a lifeguard at a well-known chain of indoor waterpark hotels in the US and a woman was letting her less than two-year-old daughter play in the shallow end all by herself while she sat in a chair and read a magazine.

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I walked up to her to let her know that it was not safe for a child that young to be by herself, and the mom start yelling at me, telling me that it was not my business how she parented and to leave her alone.

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At this point, everyone around her is staring. As soon as she finishes her rant, her daughter loses her balance and falls face-first into the water and is too young to know how to stand back up to get her face out of the water and breathe.

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I run in, grab her daughter, and bring it back to her. Everyone around who was staring began to clap.

Phoenix25

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74. Wishful Thinking

I was driving on the highway to work in the left lane, going with the flow of traffic at about 75 mph in a 55 mph zone.

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All of a sudden, this guy got into the left shoulder lane and sped past me—as if I wasn’t going fast enough. I was just thinking to myself, “You idiot, I hope an officer busts you”.

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About ten seconds later, I saw a cruiser pull out of the side of the road and do exactly that. It felt so good to see.

xXBarthXx

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75. Take That!

My mom was a law enforcement agent for 30 years.

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Back in the 80s, my dad was driving through the city with her as a passenger when a car full of young guys pulled up. They were all holding up racy magazines, flashing the centerfolds at my mom, yelling, “How’d you like that”?

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! My mom owned them with her response. She flashed her badge back at them and said, “How’d you like this”?!

They got spooked and broke a bunch of road rules trying to get away in a hurry.

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CrotchlessTshirt

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76. He Messed With The Wrong Dude

A friend of mine was an officer who was about 6’6″ and on the SWAT team. He was a real nice guy, but you would not want to mess with him. One day, he was driving home from work in his personal car, which was a small sports car.

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Behind him was a 20-something nitwit who kept tailgating him, then backing off, then again speeding up to continue tailgating him.

It happened during rush-hour traffic on a three-lane freeway. He was watching all this go on in his rearview mirror, and he was waiting for the inevitable.

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Sure enough, the nitwit hit him. So, they pulled off to the shoulder, and my friend was just sitting in his car. The nitwit got out of his, shouting and threatening to beat him up.

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Just before he got to the car, my friend got out.

He unfolded himself and stood at his full 6’6″, still wearing full black tactical gear, and just stared at him. The nitwit literally peed his pants.

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77. Show Some Respect

I was driving in a funeral procession for my grandmother. There were about 30 cars in total. As we were driving down a two-lane road, a guy pulled into the oncoming lane and proceeded to pass all of us, doing about 30 mph over the speed limit.

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When he reached the front, he realized there were two motorcycle officers leading the procession and blocking traffic on side streets as we went.

One of the officers pulled the guy over. When we passed him, the officer had his finger about an inch from the impatient driver’s nose and was obviously shouting at the top of his lungs. It made a whole bunch of mourners very happy.

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OozeNAahz

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78. I Had Him In A Jam

I was working in transportation, and one time I was helping direct traffic in an area where we had a water main break. I had two lanes merging into one behind me. I would let one lane go for a bit, stop, then let the other one go.

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About 20 cars back, I could see this idiot in a BMW hopping back and forth to whatever lane I was allowing to go.

He finally crept his way up to second in the line.  I was letting the lane next to him go, and he tried to cut over on someone.

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Well, I wasn’t about to let him get away with that. The moment he did that, I put my hand up and stopped him and let the other lane go instead. He was so infuriated that I could see it in his eyes.

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He then tried to get over into the lane I was allowing to go.

I didn’t let him go anywhere. When he finally did get to go, he stared me down as he drove by.

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Krickles88

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79. Mysterious Inner Workings

When I was 18, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma and had to undergo chemo and a few surgeries. That Christmas, there was a fellow in our town who put a Salvation Army jar in front of stores in his front yard.

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Every year he raises money this way and donates it to kids with cancer. A kid from our town decides it’s a sweet idea to steal it and ends up getting caught soon after.

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The very next year, he got diagnosed with cancer and had to do chemo and radiation. He even ended up on the Steve Wilkos show, apparently with his mommy crying about how his sister pilfered money from them when in need.

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I don’t wish that nasty disease on anyone, but if there was one person who kinda asked for it, it was this kid.

JayDoppler

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80. Slipping On Ice

I worked at this Thai food place. Our back door led to the driveway of a house with gross redneck owners, whose four dogs pooped everywhere.

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We entered through the back door of the restaurant at the opening, and it sucked in the winter because you’d have to make your way down this sheet of ice. Anyway, my boss was an awful and mean jerk.

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One evening, we arrived at the same time. He went down the ice hill before me and slipped, whacked his head hard, and came to a stop in a fresh pile of dog droppings. I did not even try to hide my laughter.

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Then I made my way down the ice hill. I also fell, pretty hard in fact, but didn’t land in anything gross like he did. But it was totally worth it.

Permalink

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81. Absolutely Useless!

I met this guy at the bus stop.

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He asked for my major, but the minute he learned I was majoring in visual arts, he started berating me saying it was a useless major and was going to end up homeless. I just ignored him and got on the bus.

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After a while, it becomes clear that there is a talent scout on the bus as a man is talking loudly on the phone about recent contracts.

The guy I met at the bus stop started pulling out a CD player and insisted that the talent scout listen to his Elton John impression.

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the talent scout guy was impressed and a bit incredulous. That’s when I made a hilarious realization. It turns out the guy had mixed up his CDs and had him listen to an actual Elton John album.

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I never saw someone slouch back in their seat with such shame and embarrassment. It made my day.

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82. Proving My Point

This was when I was in high school. One really arrogant girl was going to prove the Bible was fiction to our class.

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She comes in with a bible, says she is going to prove to everyone that it’s not real, and slams it down on her desk. She sits. I kid you not, the desk immediately collapses underneath her, and she falls to the ground.

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God might not be real, but karma certainly is.

DivaJanelle

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83. Boo!

This was around middle school or high school. I don’t remember, but this kid was at a haunted house with his parents. They ended up at this room which was done up like a cell with a disgusting creature-man thing in it.

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The kid, chest puffed out and all, says “Hey, whatcha in for”? obviously showing off. Creature-man quips back immediately, “You’ll find out”, and the kid laughs and continues through the room.

As soon as the kid’s back is to him, creature-man spreads the bars of the cell apart, takes a chain, and slams it right next to the kid, who, to everyone’s pleasure, runs down the hall screaming. Everyone shares a laugh, continues on, and we see the kid with his head out the window telling his parents:

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“Hold on one minute, I need some fresh air”.

Gpd9eq

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84. A Brush With Some Karmic Retribution

My stepdad was a jerk. One day we were headed to get breakfast at a cafe. We lived in a small town, and the cafe was one block from the only stoplight in town.

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My stepdad was irritated that the car in front of us was going slow, so he decided to tailgate them.  I was a passenger, and I saw the driver look in his rearview mirror a couple of times.

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Then, all his lights began flashing—the reverse, third brake light, everything. I thought it was weird,  so I took a closer look. The car—a Dodge Intrepid—had extra antennas on the roof and a strange license plate. I realized it was an unmarked cruiser.

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  So, I told my stepdad, “That’s an officer”! My stepdad told me to be quiet, so I kept my mouth shut and decided to let it all play out.

I didn’t say anything about the specific observations I had made. A few moments later, the car in front of us pulled off the road abruptly and immediately pulled back onto the road right behind us.

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I was now certain that my stepdad would be getting what was coming to him. My stepdad realized I was right and decided to put on his seatbelt, which he never wore.

However, with one hand on the wheel and two eyes on the rearview mirror, he had no hands or eyes to manage the curve that was coming up ahead.

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We crossed over the center line into oncoming traffic. The officer had seen enough and put his lights on. I started laughing uncontrollably. We pulled over. The officer came up and started talking. Then he said, “Sir!

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Step out of the vehicle! Now”!

At that point, I became a bit scared, wondering what was going on. The officer made my stepdad “spread ’em” against the car hood and then came back to where I was sitting.

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He retrieved the nine-inch buck knife my stepdad kept between the seat and the stick shift. The officer placed the knife on the roof and proceeded to pat down and lecture my stepdad.

This all happened directly in front of the local cafe where the entire town had breakfast.

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Needless to say, the officer was not impressed, and I got to see this jerk—who made my life a nightmare—get treated like the dirtbag I knew he was. It was great.

citizenchan

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85.  Red Light, Green Light

I was sitting at a red light in the left-hand travel lane.

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To my left was the left turn lane. On my left was a Tucson PD motorcycle officer patiently waiting for the light to turn green, which came. He was making the motions to proceed but hadn’t moved yet when this utter idiot came blasting through the cross street, blowing the red light at about 60 mph.

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The speed limit was 35 mph. I was shocked and muttered, “Holy cow”! as the guy raced through the intersection. The officer and I exchanged a shocked glance. He held out his fist—the one that was on the throttle a moment ago—and we fist-bumped. He flipped on his lights and siren and took off after the guy.

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It was glorious.

dramboxf

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86. It Was A Near Miss

Where I lived, people tended to run red lights fairly often. One day, I was first in line sitting at a red light during rush hour traffic heading home. The oncoming lanes had a green light for left turns.

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The light turned yellow, then red, and someone ran it just after my light turned green to go straight. I went forward and stopped in the middle of the intersection because they were about to hit me.

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I laid on my horn, and they continued turning left. As I was leaving the intersection, I saw red and blue lights in my mirror. There was an officer right behind me at the light, and he went after the bad driver.

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I’m pretty sure he got a hefty ticket.

wall-fi

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87. He Made A Bad Pass

I was once driving on a very curvy road doing the speed limit. There was a car totally riding me and trying very hard to either pass me or get me to speed up.

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The road was incredibly bendy, and you could not see oncoming traffic, not to mention that the line was solid. He had been tailing me really close for a few minutes when he decided to go for it and pass me while we were on a bend.

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Apparently, there was an unmarked car right behind him. As soon as this guy passed me, the officer was on him and pulled him over immediately.

totibaba

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88. Sometimes, You Make Your Own Karma

Back in the day, my dad went to college, and his particular dormitory had around 15 floors.

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There was this dude, Chester, who lived in the center apartment on the 14th floor, facing the north side. This meant that Chester’s window was located directly above the entrance to the dormitory.  This was not a good thing.

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Chester, being the real idiot he was, would come home from school and wind down by throwing water balloons at the people walking into the building. Not even people he particularly hated or anything. Chester just did this to everyone for fun.

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Well one day, he hits my dad. Big mistake, as he would soon find out.

My dad and his friend bring a garbage can up 15 flights of stairs, head to the bathroom, and fill it with water.

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They then head up to his friend’s dorm, which happens to be right above Chester’s. A couple of girls walk up the steps to the door. Chester leans out of his window, prepared to throw the balloons, and is promptly hit with an entire garbage can of water.

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tropiusking

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89. What, You Don’t Like Squab?

Sitting at a stop light, I watch as two preppy girls from the university chase pigeons off the sidewalk. They fly up and land a few feet further every time. As they approach the intersection, one girl squeals and runs right at them.

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As they take flight, a bus drives by at full speed. Two of the pigeons don’t make it in time and are instantly transformed into a cloud of feathers.

Then I hear the blood-curdling scream.

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“They’re ON me”! “THEY’RE ON ME”! That girl was COVERED in pigeon guts and feathers, and completely losing her mind. Her friend was doubled over in laughter. Don’t think she’ll be tormenting pigeons ever again.

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NorthwestGiraffe

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90. Classic Squirrel

Many years ago, a group of us were together with a guy who was nicknamed “Squirrel”. He was a small guy who loved attention and didn’t care what kind. He would do stuff like jump in puddles to splash people who were just walking along.

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One day, we were walking down a sidewalk and there was a large fresh pile of dog poop on the walkway.

He dropped back a little behind us, then ran forward and took a leap to land on it just as we were close.

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Except it was apparently very slippery. His feet slipped out from under him and he landed right in it. It was a thing of beauty.

Random_burst

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91. Don’t Mess With Traffic

I was working in a pub in Liverpool and had just arrived, about 10:

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00 am, to start my shift. I knocked on the door and waited for someone to let me in. I became aware of some voices shouting and turned around to see two guys, shirts off, swaggering toward me speaking a language I didn’t understand, but they were calling me names.

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After insulting me and laughing they walked off toward a busy road. I watched them as they walked out into the traffic, waving their arms at the cars to stop for them, then giving the drivers the finger.

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Suddenly, one of the cars stopped and four big guys got out. One of the car guys made out like he was going to punch one, drawing his fist far back.

The little dink just covered his face and screamed.

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They didn’t get hit but the car guys and a lot of passersby burst out laughing. They let him go and he ran away. That felt good.

Tang_Fan

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92. Winning the Tournament

I worked as a bartender at a bowling alley.

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For some reason one of the other bartenders hated me. She was constantly poaching people on my side, and whenever she was counting down tips to share I know she wasn’t splitting them properly.

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All that stuff.  Well, tournament season started, which everyone dreaded but also looked forward to.

Dreaded because the shifts were twice as long as normal and there was a constant rush. Looked forward to because we’d make as much in a day as we did in a normal week.

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Well, the first tournament was teams that she considered “hers,” they bowled on her side on days she worked, so she knew them well and was looking forward to their tips.

She came in, saw that I was scheduled to bartend that day, and flipped out.

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She started ranting to the manager…but she had made a fatal miscalculation. The owner of the place also happened to be there, and he shut her down. He said I was one of the better bartenders, and if she didn’t like it, she could just leave.

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My coworker left.

Diredoe

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93. It’s Really Coming Down!

I was driving on a thruway during a storm with a huge amount of rain and sleet. The speed limit is typically 65, but the rain was so torrential that the visibility was no further than two cars ahead.

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As such, everyone was driving about 25 due to the visibility and traffic congestion. For whatever reason, two cars pass me going probably 65 as if it was a sunny and cloudless day.

About 20 seconds after they pass, I see two cars facing the wrong way in the median, plus another two cars in a ditch on the outside of the road.

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Unfortunately, there were two innocent drivers that were affected by the karma of these two dangerous drivers.

MarinkoAzure

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94. Comin’ In Hot

While I was deployed, my wife remained at our home in Texas. One day in the middle of summer, the air conditioning broke and the landlord told her that the temperature wasn’t hot enough to require the repair. When she showed him pictures of the thermostat reading over 38C (100F) indoors, he finally said that he would send someone.

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What a relief right? Well, apparently I needed to be there because I was the primary name on the lease. Since that was not an option, I threatened to sue, and the A/C was eventually jerry-rigged just as summer was ending.

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Also, the repair guy told my wife that he was paid to do the bare minimum fix. Too bad things didn’t end there.

Fast forward to when I’m back home. It starts getting hot and the A/C breaks again.

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The landlord gave us the same story as before, claiming it wasn’t hot enough. This dragged on until I finally had orders to move to a new duty station. We gave our 30 days’ notice and moved out. The landlord tried to tell me that I had to pay to fix the A/C or I wouldn’t get my deposit back.

I once again threatened to sue, and this time I contacted the actual owner of the house.

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I couldn’t believe his reaction. He was a cool dude living in New York and said he’d take care of it for me. He flew all the way to Texas, fired the landlords, sued them himself, and said I was actually the cleanest and most respectable tenant he’s had. He even paid me double my deposit for my troubles.

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Nice guy.

permalink

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95. Generation Gap

I had an older lady road rage at me. Long story short, I pulled into a parallel space in front of the officers’ precinct station, and she rear-ended me going 30. But she wasn’t done!

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She backed out, drove up the street, turned around, and then smashed into me head-on, screeching the entire time. The officers came out in time to see her smash me a second time.

I got out all shaky-legged, wide-eyed, and scattered.

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An officer came and helped me get up the curb, while another was pulling the woman out of her vehicle. She was screaming about young people being bad drivers, screaming at me being a “disrespecting millennial”.

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I replied, “Ma’am I may be a millennial but at least I won’t be behind bars for child endangerment you musty bag of skin”.

She didn’t realize my four-year-old was in the car.

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The officer busted up laughing as she was screeching about my foul language. I went in for the dirty word insults, as well as calling her a cobwebbed old lady, whatever I could think of.

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The officer admonished me but was still chuckling. I was pretty sure this lady was purple. She was so angry. I went to her court date.

She lost her license permanently—already had 10 points—she had to do 80 hours of anger management, 120 hours of community service, and was credited for three days in jail. She was 84.

berthejew

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96. Karma Decked Him Good

My buddy and I were having a drink on a large wooden patio at an ocean-side bar/restaurant.

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A middle-aged couple was sitting next to us. Our tables were next to each other, and they were relatively close to us. As my buddy and I were just taking in the view, he caught eyes with the dude and said something innocuous like, “Good evening”.

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The guy retorted, “Mind your own business and keep your eyes to yourself”. My buddy and I looked at each other with a “Did that just happen”? expression. My buddy looked back over at him and said something like, “Relax, buddy, sorry to bother you”.

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At that point, we were a little put-off.  We got back to our drinks and enjoyed the sunset.

Two minutes later, the guy pulled out a ring for his partner. It was a large diamond.

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She was excited, and he had a sufficiently smug, self-satisfied look on his face. She went to hand it back to him. Then disaster struck. When he grabbed it, he fumbled. It fell to the deck, rolled an inch or two, and then promptly disappeared, falling between two slats of the deck.

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I felt bad for the woman. The guy’s face went white and then immediately red. He was barely able to maintain his composure. It looked like he wanted to strike his lady friend. The dude looked over at us, and now we were looking straight at him.

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We just smiled casually. He called a waiter over and started discretely explaining what had happened.

He wanted someone to pull up the deck slats. However, that was NOT going to happen. The waiter was cool as ice.

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Despite the guy raging at this point, the waiter flatly told him something to the effect of, “Look, man, you can come back tomorrow and talk to the manager, or pay your bill and leave now”. The guy sat down.

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His lady friend was visibly shaken.

While enjoying our drinks and the sunset, my friend and I remarked about how karma, while certainly inspiring, is almost magical when it’s instant.

rainemaker

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97. The Principle of the Thing

I worked as a database administrator for a community center one summer in university.

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Basically, I created a database for them to track who was donating to them and how much they were donating, as well a who was volunteering, and for how many hours. Very simple work and despite being the youngest person on staff, I got along well with my co-workers.

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Well, except for my immediate boss, who was a total piece of work. The next spring, I was applying for jobs and e-mailed my old boss to ask for a letter of recommendation. Much to my surprise, she told me that she didn’t write recommendation letters “out of principle”.

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I was pretty ticked off about it because I was finding it very difficult to find a position.

Not being able to count on my most recent employer for a reference was a definite blemish on my resume.

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However, in spite of this, I managed to land a decent job. Lo and behold, I got to get revenge on day one of my new job. That 3day, my boss happened to email me about a problem at my old work with the database I had worked on.

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She had moved some files around, rendering it impossible for her to access the database. She asked if I would come in. I had the best reply. I e-mailed her back and told her I already had a job and couldn’t do it “out of principle”.

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From the center’s perspective, it effectively made my entire summer a waste of time. Hey, what can you do?

ItsOppositeDayHere

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98. Whoops

My dad divorced his harpy of a second wife. She was furious about not having her sugar daddy anymore, so she proceeded to buy all kinds of stuff, thinking she’d stick him with the credit card bill one last time.

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But there was just one problem with her plan: She was not happy to hear she was the only one on the account. My dad had taken his name off their cards a few weeks ago.

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rickaroo

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99. Money Can’t Buy You Class

I’ve been a TA for a couple courses at my university, which is fairly competitive and the students are generally all top notch. Once in a blue moon, though, someone slips by the admission process.

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My worst experience was as a TA for a lower division math course. She was a freshman student, and spoiled doesn’t begin to cut it.

Her family was clearly loaded, and I suspect she went to some insanely expensive private school that wrote her application for her.

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This girl would be in designer clothes and on her phone or laptop the entire time in lecture. Obviously everyone does this sometimes, but this girl was clearly just chatting with her friends and shopping for clothes all the time.

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When she failed to turn in the first four problem sets, I sent her a quick email to let her know that homework contributed to a significant portion of her grade. I also said I’d still accept them.

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I never got a response. So she gets a blatant F on her first midterm. Like, it’s not an F that could be rounded up to anything significant.

She was at a point where she should’ve just dropped out and try again next semester.

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I sent another email saying this. This time I got a response, with her stating she could make the grade back next midterm. Alright, I think, suit yourself.  So I continue through the rest of the semester.

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She’s still failing…until something absolutely ridiculous happens.

At the last meeting of my discussion section, SHE SHOWS UP! Not just that, but with her parents. Oh my god, it gets better. She stays after the session to introduce me to her parents, and then hands me a stack of papers and informs me that it’s all the homework for the semester.

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Meanwhile her parents are sitting there all proud of their little girl.

I take the stack graciously and, in my most professional voice, let her know that I’d be happy to take a look at it, but she won’t get any credit.

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Her parents’ faces completely fall. Her father starts to insult me. So I show them everything: The abysmal attendance record, the 0% homework score, the low, low, low midterm scores.

Now she’s starting to tear up and the parents are seriously fuming.

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Not wanting to put myself in the middle of the rest of the storm, I mumble that I have a class to get to and sprint out of there…but not before I hear the student getting chewed up so loudly that people actually poked their heads out of classrooms.

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She never showed up for the final.

Anyun

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100. Lights Will Guide You Home

I was driving on a backroad at about 35 MPH in my dad’s old Jeep. This jeep was like a rally support vehicle with lights all over it, an extra battery, and other reinforcements.

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It’s 4 AM, and there’s nobody but us. Suddenly, this sports car came behind us. So, I immediately switched lanes to give him space to pass me.

Instead, the jerk drove behind me and started honking and flashing his high beams.

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He kept doing it while I took a couple of seconds to figure out his problem. When I figured it out, my blood ran cold. I realized that he was just doing it to mess with me.

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So, I instructed my girlfriend in the passenger seat to open the glove compartment while my dad was waking up in the back.

She asked me why, and I told her to flip the four top switches and one on the left.

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Right as she flipped the last button, my father shouted out, “Don’t do it”! All of the lights—six on top and four on both sides—turned on into the guy’s eyes. He slammed on his brakes so hard that his car spun twice before stopping.

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She flips the lights off and away we go.

He just stood there behind us, a half a mile or so, all the way until we got off the road, never again trying to pass us!

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gutoandreollo

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Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

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