These Redditors have had the unfortunate experience of being with someone who turned out to be completely off their rocker. Keep reading to hear their hilarious and often harrowing tales that will make people realize that single life ain’t so bad after all.
1. The Oldest Trick In The Book
I had been dating a girl for over a year when she told me she was pregnant. I was very supportive and got a full-time job as a computer programmer, even though I was still in college. I started looking at places to live, etc. My parents found out and started doing some investigating.
Their lawyer friend went to the same doctor as my girlfriend. They proved her sonograms and other medical documentation was false, along with all of her pregnancy tests that were faked to be positive.
2. Diary Of A Madwoman
I dated a girl who was 17 when I was around 21. She would keep a diary of the conversations she would have with me over the phone and AIM. I was really busy for about three weeks and was only able to talk one night a week. When I came home, she showed me the diary—and my jaw DROPPED.
It was filled with all these conversations we had NEVER had. Apparently, I had asked her to marry her. According to her diary, I had also cheated on her, got another girl pregnant, and then offed the other woman so that I could be with her. I continued dating her until I left for school again.
When I broke up with her, she drove to my house and screamed and cried in the driveway. I wasn’t home, but the neighbors told me about it.
3. Broken Boundaries
I was dating a girl, but it started going poorly. She didn't understand boundaries at all. For example, I would tell her that my plan from 6–10 PM was to go to a birthday party for a friend. She would call me at 7 PM, begging me to leave, so I broke it off. It was amicable. She then called me two days later with a devastating surprise.
She said, "I'm pregnant". So, I started talking to her and planning how we were going to raise this child, but all she wanted to talk about was why I dumped her. She was faking the whole thing. When I called her out on it, she responded with, "I'll take another test right now and come show it to you".
She came over with another test —which showed negative—and she screamed, "But I know I'm pregnant"! When I told her I didn’t want to speak to her ever again, she proceeded to call my brother, mother, ex-girlfriend, and my friends and ask them all what was wrong with me. Oh, but it wasn't over yet.
Then, I started getting messages saying, "Call me before Sunday. I just want to hear your voice one more time before I'm gone FOREVER". I didn’t want anything bad on my conscience, so I called her and gave her the number for a helpline. She then became angry because I "misinterpreted the voicemail" and asked if we could hang out soon. I hung up.
4. The Troubling Tale Of Tom And Steve
I had two friends, Tom and Steve, who dated for about four years. When they met, Tom was in college, and Steve was not. They were a great couple and seemed very happy. After three years, Tom graduated from university and was accepted to grad school in a different state. They decided to both pack up and move 1000 miles so that Tom could go to school.
He started at his new university, but his schedule was strange and kept changing, and Steve never saw Tom doing homework. After about a year, Steve started to get suspicious and did some investigating. He followed Tom a couple of times and found that he was not actually going to school.
He was just sitting at coffee shops or going to the movies. Steve confronted him, and Tom confessed that not only was he never accepted to this new university, but he had never attended a single day of college in his life. He made it all up and got away with it for four years. When asked why he really couldn't give an answer.
He was just compelled to fabricate this fake part of his life. Needless to say, they do not see each other anymore.
5. He Was Buggy
I had my first serious crush in 8th grade. He was cute, asked me to the Valentine's Day dance, etc. After a few weeks of dating, he convinced me to stay after school to show me something "very important".
He told me there were tiny green bugs living in his blood that would give him superpowers once he'd finished "metamorphosing", a process he demonstrated by taking a nap in my presence. I left him asleep in the gym and never talked to him again.
6. Prom Night
When I was in high school, I dated this girl for half a year. She was okay but not really my type, so we broke it off, but she was still obsessed with me and wanted to go to prom with me. I kept telling her no and that I would rather not go. That's when she pulled out all the stops.
She told me—sobbing one day after school—that she had leukemia and all she wanted to do was go to prom with "a terrific guy like me". I didn’t know how I was supposed to say no to that, so I took her to prom.
When I came to pick her up, I was waiting in the living room with her father and mother, and I said quietly, "I'm really sorry about your daughter's condition. Is she getting treatment?" They replied in shock, "What condition?"
She didn't have leukemia and was lying to guilt me into taking her to prom, which I still did, but I didn't pay for her meal. I didn't dance with her, and I didn't speak to her for the rest of the night or the rest of my life, for that matter.
7. The Juggle Was Real
Shortly after college, my best guy friend moved to the East Coast for grad school, and we started dating long-distance. Things were fine at first. I would go visit every few weeks, and I made plans to move out there. Then, things started getting weird.
He started calling me up at all hours of the day and night, distraught and sobbing. I just assumed that he was cracking a bit under the pressure of grad school and that he would be fine once he adjusted to the workload. One night he called me up crying and screaming and told me that he wanted to cut off his johnson.
I was like, "What?!" It turned out the guy was juggling three different long-distance girlfriends, along with one at his university, and was having many other random encounters with both men and women. He also had each one of the long-distance girlfriends flying out to visit him on alternating weeks.
One would often arrive on the same day another would depart. He had a psychotic break from all the pressure of keeping all his romantic partners straight. Apparently, he ended up joining an addiction support group and underwent intensive psychiatric therapy.
8. The Cat Lady
We weren't an exclusive couple yet, but this girl and I had slept together a few times, and we became close. However, something about her always felt "off," so I always hesitated at the idea of making her a serious girlfriend. Then one day while watching a movie, she randomly told me that she could talk to cats.
I said, "Oh, you mean like communicate with them? Kinda 'Horse Whisperer' type thing?" She replied, "No. I can hear them talk. Just like you're talking now. Except they only talk to me, and they tell me how they feel". I was confused, so she continued, "Yea, they also tell me about when they see ghosts and stuff".
Believe it or not, I didn't break it off right away. I debated about being around her even more when I met one of her friends, who had a questionable experience with a coyote in the woods.
9. Thanks For The Odd Memories
I had recently moved to Florida and knew almost no one, so I figured online dating would be a good way to meet people and get out of the house. I had no clue what I was getting myself into.
A very cute girl emailed me via Match dotcom. We started chatting and eventually made plans to meet at a bar. The night I met her there, I was shocked that she was, in fact, more attractive than her pictures. We sat down and ordered a few drinks. We hit it off right away and started discussing indie movies.
After drink number two, she said to me, "I hope this isn't too forward, but how about we go back to your place, grab a bottle of vino, and watch a movie?" This is where it started to get weird. I agreed, and she said that she needed to go to the bathroom. Smiling, she said, "Don't leave before I get back".
About halfway between me and the bathroom, she repeated, "Don't leave before I get back". I thought it odd but let it go. She returned from the bathroom, and as we were halfway through our third drink, she said to me, "I hope this isn't too forward, but how about we go back to your place, grab a bottle of vino, and watch a movie?"
She was repeating things verbatim, and she was only on her third drink. She was hot, so I told her, "We are. We are going to watch Pi. Remember?" She replied, "Oh, yea". We finished our drinks, and I paid the bill. She said that she was dropped off at the bar, so I drove us to my place.
It took about 30 minutes to get home, and while driving, she fell asleep—on my lap. I figured this explained the Groundhog Day scenario earlier, and I decided I would just take her back to my place so she could sleep it off on my couch. About 10 minutes later, I heard a "Ziiiip" and saw her trying to fish through the fly of my pants.
Apparently, she had awoken from her stupor and wanted to thank me for the ride. I politely declined. She sat up and reminded me that we needed to pick up a bottle before the movie. We got some drinks and headed to my house. I popped in the movie, and as we started watching the film, one thing led to another, and we started fooling around on the couch.
She asked me to do some risky things with her. Since I had a pretty good indication this girl was nuts and didn’t want to end up in jail if she decided to show bruises to someone, I declined, and we continued to fool around. Then, she asked me to take pictures of her without her clothes on.
I had never been so happy to own a digital camera in my life. After our photoshoot, we hooked up some more. When finished, she got up, dressed, and told me, "Well, you have gotten all you need from me. I'm leaving". I tried to protest, but she had her phone out and called someone to pick her up as she was walking out my door.
I sat there in shock, wondering what on earth had just happened when I heard a motorcycle drive up. I assumed that was her ride, as it departed shortly after that. About five minutes later, I heard my doorbell ring. It was her, and she was holding a bouquet of flowers. Apparently, the guy on the bike had bought them for her.
She handed them to me and said she decided she wanted to sleep at my place for the night and hoped I would drive her home in the morning. Unsure of what to say, I told her she could, and I let her sleep in my bed that night. I drove her home the next morning with an odd story and some scandalous photos to remember her by.
10. Her Stupidity Was Infinite
My ex loved Einstein. She had his autobiography, framed pictures of him, and all that. That's one reason why I liked her—because a hot girl liked a nerdy thing. Admittedly, she knew little about his work on relativity but mostly enjoyed his personal life. I let it slide.
We were together for two years, and about a month before we broke up, we were lighting up, laying on the couch watching Back to the Future. Her entire life, she had thought that Christopher Lloyd was playing Einstein in the movie. I had to explain to her that Doc Brown was merely an homage to Einstein, right down to his white hair and the name of his dog.
She immediately burst into tears and cried for 20 minutes. She kept yelling, "But WHY? How can it be?" It occurred to me that she had based a large part of her worldview on this simple misunderstanding. A normal person would have just realized their mistake and moved on with life.
That was the moment that I actually thought, "this woman is not the one". We didn't last much longer after that.
11. LA Looney
I had started working at a restaurant where there was a super attractive waiter. He was always nice to me, very friendly, and funny. I couldn't wait to get a chance to sit down and talk to him. Our restaurant had a "family meal" where after every shift you worked, you would get a free meal.
At the end of the night shifts, most of the staff would sit down together to eat and talk and generally enjoy each other’s company. I sat down to eat my meal, and the hot waiter joined me at my booth. We got to talking, and I was like, "YES!" But then it took a dark turn.
We were talking about the film industry. He had recently moved from LA, where he had starred on a daytime soap opera, and started talking about how Hollywood was corrupt.
Then he said Disney was on a worldwide takeover. He said that Disney was training three-year-olds to become exotic dancers, making children's animation movies highly provocative, and that the movie industry was trying to desensitize the masses so that we are compliant when they do a corporate—and eventual universal—takeover.
I wasn't sure if I should laugh because I wasn't sure if he was messing with me. I now refer to him as "hot crazy waiter".
12. Totally On Brand
There were lots of signs that Ethan was crazy. He was in the service, had a raging drinking problem with a serious history of taking substances, and was coming out of a marriage with an equally crazy woman—at least, that’s how it appeared. I overlooked a lot by being young and dumb and not going through a great time myself.
To make everything worse, we totally fell for each other. One night, we were sitting at his apartment, drinking. That was the primary activity with him. We were having a conversation about all sorts of different things, and I mentioned how I'd seen something on TV about historical Black fraternities and the popularity of branding.
We weren’t Black and had no associations with any fraternities. Suddenly, Ethan got this crazy look in his eye, jumped up, and ran to his closet. I could tell something had changed in his whole demeanor. He pulled out a hanger and said that he was going to fashion it into an "S"—my initial—and he wanted me to brand it on his rear.
I thought he was kidding. I mean, there was no way he could possibly be serious until, about twenty minutes later, he had made an "S" out of the hanger, was holding one end with an oven mitt, and pressing it onto the stove. I kept saying, "Um. No, you're joking. I'm not going to do this. I don't feel comfortable. You play too much," and so forth.
He was intent and so focused on this one idea to the exclusion of all other conversations. I knew he had snapped. I was a little tipsy at the time and was still holding out hope that he was going to turn around and, at the last minute, be like, "Psych! no way was I going to let you brand [me]".
I was freaking out. He got tired of yelling and waiting on me and jerked his hips up to where I was holding the hot brand above him and held there for a minute, branding himself. I was in total shock as to what had just happened. He kept yelling at me to do it again and to do it right.
I sort of looked at it and was like, "Well, if we've come this far and it's pretty messed up, I guess I should just fix it". So I did. I held it down for another 30 seconds or so. I was pretty upset after that, realizing that the guy I was dating was pretty much insane.
He confirmed it, of course, through later acts, but that might have been the craziest I had seen him, and he had the "S" to prove it.
13. From Friends To Enemies
I had been dating a guy for two years when I finally realized that he had tons of "friends" who talked to me, and they were all him. He would use these friends as a means to get into fights with me, to tell me things, and to get things out of me because he thought I was keeping things from him, which I wasn't.
I realized how manipulative and crazy he was, as well as what a compulsive liar he was. He also lied to me about his stepfather physically harming him. The relationship ended when I walked in on him cheating on me. The reason I think it took me so long to realize how nuts he was was that we had been best friends before we had started dating, and he was never like that.
He was the sweetest, nicest guy, but when we started dating, he became a lying, controlling maniac.
14. Left Tongue Tied
I met a weird girl online. We chatted once, ended up camming, and it went really well. I gave her my phone number and email so we could continue things. The next day when I was at work, I got about 20 messages telling me to check my email. I did, and she had sent me a link to a video.
I opened the video, and instantly recoiled. She was in a bathroom crying and telling me, "I am a devoted slave master; I'll do anything for you, even this". The camera panned down, and I got an HD view of a disgusting toilet with just pure nastiness all over it.
She set the camera down, leaned down, and started cleaning the toilet with her tongue. The sheer degradation she heaped on herself for me after chatting with me for four hours immediately set off my sanity alarms. Needless to say, I sent her a message politely telling her it wasn't going to work and that I didn't think I could handle her properly.
15. This Girl Had Some Bad Vibes
I had a girlfriend who flipped out on me. She was sweet at first. Then, she let it slip that she believed in astrology. One day, she told me that she felt tired because "Seeing people's auras is hard work". She was offended when I politely told her I did not believe in that.
She got in contact with my family behind my back and would break up and make up with me in minutes. One second she was stark raving mad, and the next second she was crying that I was all she ever wanted. However, I did not go "SHE'S CRAZY" until something else happened.
She started sending me these long notes. There were pages and pages chronicling every slight or supposed slight I had inflicted upon her. Soon, the theme turned darker. She stated that I was trying to "destroy" her. She said that she knew "I knew people" and that I had everything planned out. I was seriously confused.
She'd send these notes out of the blue, then I would go meet her, and everything would be fine like nothing happened. If I asked her about them, she would get angry and storm off. Soon, she was wondering out loud in the notes whether I would use a blade or try to drown her because she knew I was going to end her soon.
Words cannot express how freaked out I was. When I stopped replying and refused to see her, she'd cut herself and walk to my apartment late at night. She did this so often that I started leaving the lights off. She'd leave messages and pretend to be sick or in the hospital. I had to move.
16. Park ’N Drive
I had a girl in my car. I knew she was a little "high energy," but we had been out on a few dates and had a great time on all of them. We were driving to a punk show, and we passed by some minorities standing on the corner. She rolled down the window and began shouting insults at them.
I dropped her off at the show and told her I was going to park the car, but instead, I just drove home. This was before text messaging, so all I had to do to never talk to her again was block her on AIM. I did run into her again about a year later at a party.
My "abandoning" her had really angered her to the point where it looked like she was going to break a bottle on my face. However, when I explained why I did it, she was really apologetic, and suddenly she was "OK" with me again. After that encounter, I never saw her again.
17. I Had To Address His Insanity
I was at my house with two friends of mine and my then-boyfriend. I had Law and Order: SVU on TV, as my one friend absolutely adored the show but never got to watch it because he didn’t have a TV in his apartment. A few minutes passed when I noticed my boyfriend was nowhere to be seen.
I got up to start searching for him and found him just standing in the hallway. He wasn’t doing anything, just standing there. I asked him why he was just standing there, and he replied, "I don't like that TV show". I said, "Alright then, if it was such a problem, why didn't you just say something? We can watch something else".
He persisted, saying, "I hate that show. They do nothing but demonize the bad guys". I started to get a bad feeling. He went on, "How can you expect me to be in the same room with a TV show full of people that want people like me to be all [gone]?"
Oddly enough, it wasn't that inadvertent revelation that made me end the relationship. It certainly helped, but it was actually the way he treated my friend later on in the night that made me decide it was over.
He started calling him all sorts of rude names just because he had a different idea of why my postal address could be listed as [part of] the main city near where I lived, the town near my house, and the borough where I actually lived.
18. Leaping Lizards!
I was dating a whiner, and about five months into the relationship, he bought us plane tickets to visit Savannah, where his friends lived, so I felt weird breaking up with him. It was one of those situations that just kept dragging along, but I was beginning to realize he needed to go.
We went to his friend's party while we were in Savannah. He got a bit tipsy and just went off the rails. He started preaching to everybody about the "reptilian agenda". For about 20 minutes, he would talk to anyone and everyone who would listen about the lizard people. He would say that they were everywhere, and the government knows.
I sat listening, shocked and horrified until, being a little sloshed myself, I just ripped him to shreds. I was in the process of acquiring a degree in a research-based field, and I just tore his arguments apart without mercy. People were laughing at him, but I couldn't help myself.
His own "best friend" came up to me later and said he was so sorry that had happened. He told me, "I don't know what I would do if I found out someone I loved believed [in stuff] like that". He was just as shocked as I was. It was an awkward plane ride home.
19. The De-Evolution Of Our Relationship
I went to a Christian high school. Senior year I started dating a girl who was a year younger than me, and we got along pretty well. I was an awesome boyfriend, took her out on real dates to nice restaurants, and bought her flowers and gifts for no reason. I even watched The OC with her, which was a sacrifice, especially in the later seasons.
I was a smart dude and read a lot of books on subjects that interested me. I was reading a book on evolutionary psychology at the time, so I started talking about it with her. It was a ten-minute rundown of "THIS IS SO COOL," and then the conversation changed. About an hour after that, she started crying.
I was 17, and she was 16, so when she said, "I can't marry someone who believes in evolution," my initial reaction was, "What are you talking about?" However, being an awesome and sympathetic boyfriend, I instead said, "Oh, it's okay, I don't believe that. God rules. I love Jesus," and broke up with her shortly afterward when things got progressively crazier.
20. Jesus! Calm Down
I was working at a school in Korea, and the school had hired a new teacher. She was a very cute girl, who was atypical for a Korean girl—she was extremely friendly and outgoing rather than the typical reserved and shy women. We hit it off really well, and after about a week, I was going to ask her out.
This was around Halloween, and while they didn’t have Halloween in an official capacity there, the foreign community still celebrated it. So, the foreign teachers were planning a party. I was on my way to ask her if she'd like to go with me to the party. As I entered the office, two of the other foreign teachers were talking, and she was sitting at her desk next to them.
One of them jokingly mentioned going as "the white Jesus". Her expression immediately changed. She stood up and said, "You can make fun of me, you can make fun of any person in this room, but don't you dare mock Jesus!" She went off the wall yelling at him. I turned around and walked right back out of the office.
It was really too bad because she was super cute, very smart, and tons of fun to hang out with. However, that outburst there was when I found out she was fanatically religious. We still hung out and were friends, but that was a major 180 on the date-able scale for me.
21. As Crazy As They Come
The girl I dated was bananas. She told me many crazy things, like she was going to cut my hair off and glue it to her head, that she could just jab me in my sleep, and that her dogs were prettier than me. But that wasn't the worst of it.
One day, she brushed the curls out of my hair because I wasn't allowed to be prettier than her on her birthday. She then put her hand on my throat at the birthday party. She also made me brush my teeth over the toilet—knowing I have OCD—and, out of the blue, said I owed her for meals she had offered me.
22. She Was Out Of Her Orbit
I was on the phone chatting with a girl I had recently met. We got on the topic of movies, and I asked her what her favorite movie was. She replied that she liked Star Wars, and I thought, "SCORE!" Then, she mentioned how much she admired George Lucas because it wasn't until his movie that interaction on other planets was shown.
I stopped her right there and explained how that wasn't even close to true. She demanded proof, so I told her that Star Trek first aired in 1964 and showed life on other planets. She wanted to know where I got my info, so I told her she could go check out IMDB for proof. She replied that I got my info from the internet and anyone could put what they wanted on there.
So, I quickly changed the subject to music and asked her who her favorite band was. She said she loved New Order. I then asked her what she thought of another band’s cover of "Blue Monday". Once again, she flipped out. She ranted about how bands only do covers to make money and that it's wrong for them to do them.
I let her finish, then explained that I saw it differently. I told her that I thought that bands did covers to pay homage to bands they admired or to take a song they liked and rework it in a way that was close to their style of music. She cut me off, telling me that she didn’t want me trying to force her to change her mind.
I calmly told her I wasn't doing that, that I was just giving my opinion as she did. I then told her that movies and music are taboo topics and changed the conversation to something else. That wasn't the only issue I had with her, but it was the start of a serious decline.
It lasted two more weeks, only because I got mad at her and didn't talk to her for a week. When she called me back to find out why she hadn't heard from me was when I stopped all forms of communication with her.
23. This Relationship Was Taking A Swan Dive
I was dating a girl, and we went to see Black Swan. When we walked out of the theater, she said, "My life is like that sometimes". I said, "Like what?" She replied, "Being unsure if things you see are real or not, being afraid of things you're fairly certain aren't real, stuff like that". We still dated, although I did convince her to go see a therapist for a variety of reasons.
24. Stay Out!
I was chilling in my apartment when I got a phone call from this girl I had been messing with at work. She asked me what I was doing, and I told her nothing. Then, she said, "Let me in". I said, "What"? She had traveled all the way across town without calling first and was camped on my apartment doorstep, then called.
I had already been trying to scale her back because she was mad clingy, but that was the "I had better accelerate this process" moment I needed. I didn't let her in.
25. Jokes Aside, She Was Nuts
I was dating a girl in middle school for a few weeks, and we were chatting on IM. She started saying she was depressed and that she was going to take her life. She told m that she was going to open her wrists and that the keyboard was bloody. I FREAKED OUT and started bawling.
I ran to my mom, we called her house, and she and her best friend were there cracking up like, "OMG, you actually believed me?" That was the end of what could've been a very, very bad road, especially if we'd been older.
26. Couldn’t Outrun This Lunatic
One Saturday night in college, my ex-girlfriend and I got into a fight that got heated enough to the point where I wanted to walk away and deal with it in the morning, so I tried to do just that. She grabbed my arm, saying, "Oh no you don't". I resisted, got out, and kept moving, this time walking a little faster. Then, she grabbed me again.
I thought, "The heck with this," and sprinted down the sidewalk a good hundred yards. I turned around and saw that she was chasing after me. I finally lost her after 10 minutes or so, then dated her for four more years. I would punch my 19-year-old self if I could.
27. Big On Japan
A chick I knew from high school changed her Facebook name to a Japanese name. My boyfriend knew Japanese and told me that her name meant "killer snow". I asked her if she realized this, and she said it meant something completely different. To top it all off, I Googled the name, and it was the name of a naughty film star.
She told me that she was the reincarnation of that person, that she used to live in feudal Japan, and that she was a princess. Then she said she was destined to wield some fictional sword from Warehouse 13. She also said that she was meant to be with this dude who hadn’t talked to her in months and had dated three other people since her.
She said that he would eventually come around, and she even claimed a pregnancy. Her tests were negative, but she "just knew".
28. Caught In The Middle Of Madness
I dated this girl in high school. It was kind of a fling, but she seemed pretty interested in it being more. After a while, it seemed like she was getting a little off her rocker, so to speak.
She was talking about marriage stuff, and frankly, I didn't really consider it crazy, but eventually, she said something about me asking her to marry her on some birthday. I kind of ignored it with a "Meh, whatever". After a few months, I told her it was ending and that we were moving in different directions.
I gave her the old, "It's not you, it's me," and she went ballistic. It was expected, so I didn't look into it. She called me a few times over the next few weeks, crying, trying to get back together. I was having nothing of the sort. Then, a couple of months later, a girl who was vaguely friends with my ex and I started talking about dating.
She said she wanted to talk to my ex about it first, just to make sure everything wasn't going to implode. So, the night my new girl said she was going to call my ex and talk to her about it, lo and behold, my ex called her instead—out of nowhere—to talk about her plans to take me out.
So, my ex talked to my girl for a solid three hours detailing how she's going to get the proper training to handle a piece, and, "Paint [my] walls red with [my] blood". It got worse! I then got to spend the next three hours—it was 2 AM when this part even started—trying to talk her down from going insane.
My girl was crying on one end of my home phone, my ex was raging on my cell phone, and I got to play teenage therapist for two girls who were both as emotional as physically possible. Then, I realized she was crazy.
29. Oh! Henry
When I was a sophomore in high school, I was dating a crazy person on and off. I was after her friend when we met, and apparently, her crazy senses were tingling, and she decided to ruin my chances with her friend forever.
She came to me later and started talking about how much she loved me and how her friend wasn’t good enough for me anyway. Meanwhile, she had a boyfriend at the time. So broken-hearted me fell right into her snare, and I got taken in by her vows of undying love.
For the entire length of our relationship, she was trying to get with her ex-boyfriend, the one she was with when we met, or my other friend, Henry. I went to Chicago with my family towards the end of the school year, and she called me up crying and said, "I want you to ask me to marry you". Crazy broke up with me a week later to get with Henry.
30. A Benign Conversation?
I was standing outside the grocery store I was working in at the time, having an early morning smoke break. There was a guy sitting at one of the tables outside having a cup of coffee. We start chatting back and forth. It was harmless, boring, small talk about the weather and whatnot, and he told me that he was working in construction.
Then he told me that they poured the concrete of the foundation of this building last night and that a government official came by to give him the listening devices to insert in the concrete. Up until that point, this was a totally benign conversation, so I kind of didn't even notice at first that we had just taken a sharp right turn into Crazytown.
He went on to say that there were listening devices implanted into the structure of "pretty much every new building being built" and that the government "made a mistake by letting me see their agent do the hand-off of the devices". He told me that he was now being followed by government agents who wanted to silence him, but they weren’t sure "how much he knows".
He then said that the government had employed mind readers to follow him everywhere he went and that the one who sat across from him on the train that morning was "so good she almost brought me to my knees". I told him to have a nice day, and I went back inside and told my boss about the guy and what he had said, and she told me, "Oh, that's Henry. He's harmless. Last week, he thought we were trying to poison him with the free coffee because he knows who really took out JFK".
31. Contraceptive Kook
I was dating a guy who told me I should stop taking my birth control lest I burn with the Devil. He told me I should also ask forgiveness for thinking it was okay to take it in the first place. Even if I weren't taking it for contraceptive reasons, I would take it for other health-related ones, but the latter didn't matter to him.
Birth control was a device for someone looking to act on Satan's calling for them to behave inappropriately. He gave me a whole spiel on how I was only hurting myself in the end by being so selfish. Meanwhile, he said no one would ever want to marry his child's mother.
Initially, it sounded like he meant it was because of her behavior, but it wasn’t. It was because she'd had their kid out of wedlock. How this didn't somehow apply to him as well beats me.
32. My Young Crush Turned Into A Raging Lunatic
When I was in the 8th grade, my first boyfriend ever and I were "dating" for a year. In 6th grade, he was expelled for jabbing a kid in the chest with a pencil because it was his pencil and the kid was using it. He seemed okay in 7th–8th grades when we were having our middle school romance. It was about 9th grade when things got really strange.
After 8th grade, we mutually decided to split up and see how high school would go for both of us. He started cutting himself and talking about how he was a minion of Satan, and his friends were blaming me because I wasn't doing anything to stop this. Apparently, I was the only one he would listen to—he wouldn’t; they just thought he would.
He would always have fits and throw chairs at his mom, and I would get calls from her every so often asking, "Have you seen Joseph? He hasn’t been home in over a week". A few years later, he visited his prejudiced father and came back extremely intolerant as well. He would just burst into fits of rage for no reason about how he hated everyone.
A few years after that, when I was in 12th grade, I heard he was in juvenile detention. Eventually, I just lost contact.
33. The Key To Crazytown
One night I was hanging out with this girl I had been dating for about six months—and she made the most disturbing confession. She told me she wanted to off her sister. She said there were nights when she would sleepwalk and then wake up holding a blade standing next to her sister’s bed as she slept.
She then proceeded to tell me in detail exactly how she would get rid of her. As she was explaining this, tears started to fall down her cheeks. She was hands down the craziest woman I had ever met. I was already planning on moving anyway, but I opted to wait a week or so before breaking it off, as I valued my life.
When I broke up with her, she wanted to hold on to the key to my apartment that I had so foolishly made for her a couple of months prior. I definitely took the key and moved a few weeks later.
34. A Truly Bad Romance
I was dating a woman, and it just wasn't working out. The mood swings were intense, and she was constantly accusing me of cheating on her if I wasn't with her at all times. She was extremely jealous of my friends and didn't want me to hang out with any of them, saying I should be spending all my time with her and her son.
I should have known it wasn't going to be a smooth breakup when she totally lost it the night I told her. She broke down, begging and pleading. I finally just had to walk out the door and ignore her. About a week later, I got a phone call from her. She was crying and trying to tell me something, but I couldn't understand what she was saying.
So, I decided to stop by and check on her. Her son was nowhere to be found, the house was a mess, and she looked terrible. She hadn't left the house the entire week, and it turned out she had called the boy's father and had him take him for a while but didn't tell him why.
She had gone to the hospital and tried to get admitted because she was thinking of ending her son and herself. Thankfully, she had enough sense to seek help, and they got her some counseling. As soon as I calmed her down a bit, I ran as fast as I could.
35. The Girl Who Cried Wolf
I used to hang out with friends at a pizza place every now and then. One night I met this pretty cute punk chick. She seemed really interested in me, so we talked for some time, and I got her number. We hung out a few times, and things seemed to be progressing decently.
One day, she started talking about weird things like vampires and werewolves. I didn’t have a problem with that because I was a geek, and my friends loved vampires. I had also read the Garou novels, so it wasn't that out there. She talked about her "online boyfriend", who she had never met.
I thought, "I'm physical, and he's digital, so no big deal". Then it took a bizarre turn. She told me this story about how she woke up one night outside with some sort of blood on her. She proceeded to try and tell me she thought that she might be a werewolf. I did everything I could to avoid her from then on out.
36. Do The Math
I was dating this guy long distance, and during a Skype conversation about seven months into our relationship, he had an emotional breakdown—about math. There were real tears and everything. He was upset that "the system" had failed him and kept insisting that if only he understood math, he'd be a "math person".
There was literally no lead-up to this; he just brought it up randomly. He also liked to cry about how if he got a PhD, he would be overqualified to be a high school teacher.
37. Single Circle Of Friends
There was a girl who I got intimate with a couple of times, who made up no less than five people on Facebook to befriend me and some of my friends, stalk me, and talk to me. When I told her it wasn't going to work out, she started harassing my friends and me from her multiple accounts.
One day, she slipped up and forgot which account she was on. All of the "friends" were deleted shortly after that.
38. I Had To Shut This Relationship Down
I was dating a gal for a few months when she confided in me that she had seen some large evil pterodactyls many times in her life, and a small man in a tophat would appear to her and her sister at night. He was supposedly pure evil, but not the Devil. But that wasn't all.
She also claimed she had psychic powers and could turn the ability to see these things on or off at will, and she had it on the "off" switch for many years, so I didn't have to worry.
39. Welcome To The Club
A long time ago, I dated a crazy person, and the worst part of it was that I knew she was insane, but she was good in bed, so I kept dating her. She had told me that I was her brother from a past life and that we would someday birth the antiChrist. Then, she tried to hurt one of my ex-girlfriends because she saw us talking to each other at the mall.
We were in an open-box relationship, so she could mess around with other guys but would freak out on me if she found out I was with anyone else. Eventually, it came down to the questioning line, "So you can [be with] other guys, but you don't want any of these guys to [be with] anyone else but you?"
The best part was that I became friends with a couple of those other guys in the "We’ve been with crazy" club.
40. Conspiracies Cooled Off Our Contact
I started dating a girl right before my freshman year of college. She seemed pretty down to earth, a really cool chick. Time went on, and she decided it was time for a "break" right before we left for school. I should have left it at that, but I didn't. We went on to date for a year and a half, during which time I met her conspiracy theorist/"end of the world is coming" father.
I then learned that she shared those same ideals and wished that I would also. She told me that the government had helicopters that could see into your house and see how much money you had. Her father would always call us into his office to listen to some "if the government is to start" speech, and she would say, "make sure you listen to this".
She had an argument with one of my best friends during my freshman year over the topic of global warming. In reality, I didn’t care one bit about the government and world politics.
41. I Woke Up And Smelled The Roses
I was dating this girl who told me—near the end of our relationship—that she didn't believe in the standard theory of evolution. Instead, she told me that she was certain that humans evolved from flowers, not animals. Needless to say, we broke up a week or two after that.
42. Branded For Life
My friend was seeing this girl, and one day, they went to the beach. He saw these horrific scars on her thigh and asked what they were. She just laughed and told him that she had carved her ex-boyfriend's name into her leg. Needless to say, he got the heck out of there pretty quickly after that.
43. Summer Lovin’ Didn’t Last
I was dating a guy last summer, and when my term started in September, I didn't see him for a week. When I went over on the weekend, he told me he broke down in a fit of tears because school was stressful, and he wasn't going to see me as much.
Although I was slightly moved by the sentiment, a liberal arts degree isn't THAT challenging, especially one week in, and I'm not interested enough to be cried over after a week's absence.
44. Smooth Talker
I was having a normal conversation with someone on a bar patio. We talked about things like travel, food, drinks, etc. There was not a single hint of crazy. About an hour in, he pulled a belt sander out of his duffel bag, plugged it in, and started revving it up and swinging it around.
We were the only two people out there, so I jumped out the window and didn't look back. I still don't know what that was about.
45. Beware Of Girls Bearing Gifts
I was dating a girl who was very clingy and didn't give me any space to hang out with friends, etc, so I broke up with her. At that point, I started realizing she was crazy.
Every week she would keep sending me presents—drinks, T-shirts, etc. In the beginning, I found it funny, but after a while, it got annoying, so I asked her to stop. She then proceeded to give presents to my friends and tell them it was something that belonged to me which I had left at her place.
46. He Was Cute And Crazy
I waitressed in high school. At the restaurant I worked at, there was this super cute guy. We would flirt a lot, and sometimes I'd give him a ride home. One of those times, he asked for my phone number. I started getting phone calls on my cell from a number I didn't know.
It started as heavy breathing, then it turned into a creepy voice telling me I was "so beautiful" and they wanted to end me and see my insides. That finally freaked me out enough that I started crying. I hadn't told anyone yet, but my dad finally got it out of me.
He called the authorities, and we filed a report, but the number was from a pay phone, and they couldn't trace it to a person. The next day, I was driving with my friend to lunch, and I pulled out my phone. I was trying to find the number to show her, and I rear-ended the car in front of me because I wasn't paying attention.
I got another call that night. I just started screaming into the phone, telling the person on the other end that I had totaled my car because of them. I went to work the next day, and the really cute guy who I had given a ride to and asked for my number went, "Hey, are you ok? I'm sorry to hear about your car". My blood ran cold.
I hadn't told anyone at work yet about the car. The guy wasn't even supposed to work that day; he had just stopped in for whatever reason. It all clicked into place, and it turned out he was the one who was stalking me. He was calling me from the bookstore payphone next to the restaurant we worked at.
I told my manager, who fired him, and told him never to come into the restaurant again. He didn’t, but he did hang out right outside the huge picture windows out front and watched me. My manager told him to get lost. Two weeks later, he got a job as a security guard at the mall and was stationed outside my restaurant, staring.
He must've gotten fired because a few months later, he disappeared. About a year after the whole ordeal, I was stocking napkins in the booths right before closing. I was the only one in the restaurant; the manager was in the back. I had slid all the way into a booth, doing side work, when, suddenly, there he was.
He leaned over and put his hand on the booth behind me and the other on the table, trapping me in. I told him to go away, and he said, "Can't we be friends? I was just young then". Thank God my manager showed up and told him if he didn't leave, he was going to beat the daylights out of him. I never saw him again.
47. With A Jealous Eye
I was dating a girl for about four or five months, and we both had a friend who we hung out with quite a lot. So one day, my girlfriend got this crazy idea in her head that our friend had started to "come on to me". The next day, she saw our friend and started freaking out at her saying things like, "If you go near him, I will [end] you! He’s mine".
At first, I saw that and was like, "Hey, this girl must really like me". Then two days later, my girlfriend did something unforgivable. She hit this poor woman with her car. My friend survived, but that's when I realized my girlfriend was totally crazy.
That same girlfriend also freaked out on a girl who tried to get me to eat some ice cream she had made.
48. I Finally Cut Ties With This Nut Job
When I was 17, I was making out with my then-boyfriend when I felt a weird cold sensation on my neck. My hair was wet at the time, so I thought I had a bit of hair on my neck. When I went to brush it away, I realized my boyfriend had a blade to my throat!
It was the dull side that was touching me, but I freaked out and went home. What's really sad is that I dated him for another month after that.
49. Cuckoo Cait
I was dating my roommate, Cait. She had a reputation for being a little nutty, and her ex-boyfriend—to his credit—did try to warn me. In my experience, she had been nothing but a sweet, nice, caring person who was a lot of fun to be with. So, one day I got a phone call at work.
Cait was on the other end crying frantically about how someone had broken into the house. Naturally, I told my boss I had an emergency and booked it home. I got to the house, and lo and behold, nothing was wrong. I asked her, "So…what did they take?" She said, "Nothing, they moved stuff".
I replied, "Huh? What did they move?" She told me, "Everything! Everything in the house. You don’t see it? Everything has been moved exactly five inches to the left". I asked her if she was serious, and she said, "Yes! I even measured," as she pointed to a measuring tape.
I thought to myself, "I done stuck my junk in crazy," and asked her how they got in. She told me through her window, which was on the second floor, with a sheer drop to the ground below it and locked from the inside. I said, "Wait…they scaled the wall…in broad daylight...and unlocked your window from the outside, like a ninja, and came in and moved EVERYTHING in the house five inches to the left? Even the wall hangings?"
She said, "Yes". I asked, "What about the leftover nail holes?" She told me that they filled them. When I said, "What about the marks in the carpet after you move the furniture? What happened to those?" She told me they vacuumed them and put the vacuum back exactly five inches to the left of where it was.
I asked her if she was messing with me, and she told me that she was serious. When I told her there was no way she could really believe that any of that happened, she lost it. She decked me in the jaw and broke one of my molars. I booted her out of the place, and she took my TV, AV receiver, and several valuable jewelry pieces and skipped town.
About a couple of years later, out of the blue, she contacted my fiancé to tell her that I was crazy and that she was fat. I never heard from her after that.
50. That’s The Way The Cookie Crumbled
My fiancé was at my house, and my old college friend was about to come over. I was excited because this was the first time they were going to meet. She asked me what type of snacks I had had for him and where her cookies were. I was confused.
She went on to explain that in her family when a guest comes over, she has an array of cookies, biscuits, and tea for them. I told her that guys don't have an array of biscuits. I have a brew in the fridge. Besides, I had known this guy for 14 years, and he's never eaten a biscuit in his life.
She called me up two days later—and dropped a bombshell on me. She said we were too different and that since I didn't have any biscuits, I didn't respect people or family at all. She told me that I was a changed man from the one she met earlier and that our wedding was off.