Most people think long and hard before deciding to tie the not. Well, these Redditors should have thought even longer. Years, months, days, or even hours later, they came to a horrific realization. They’d married the wrong person. Here are the moments they knew.
1. Hypothesis: They Won’t Make It
I got married and went on a honeymoon in China. We were both PhD students at the time. I was working class, while her family was middle class. Accordingly, her father gave her $10,000 for the honeymoon.
So we go to China to celebrate, but she wants to do some light pre-dissertation research while we are there for a month or two. Fine. It turned depressing fast. I spent the entire two months alone in tiny hostels while she did research.
I only spoke a few words of Mandarin and I was a broke graduate student, so I didn’t have the means to easily get to an airport to fly back home. I also had zero family support back home, even if I did manage to make it home. I felt trapped.
So I talked to her about how the trip felt like a research trip and not at all like a honeymoon, how I was alone almost every day. We were sharing a laptop while on the trip (I was too poor to own a laptop, despite being in grad school).
I open the laptop one morning before she leaves to go survey a field site without me. Her email is open. She left a message open on the laptop. The contents broke my heart. It’s to her father, stating that she wishes I wasn’t there on the trip—our honeymoon.
Again, I was told this would be a honeymoon with only maybe a slight detour for research. It turned out to be a research trip where I was a burden. She apologized. We stayed together for a few more years after she got sick and I became a caretaker.
I wish, in hindsight, I had left China after reading that email.
2. I Scream For Ice Cream
On the wedding day. She spent a fortune on unnecessary things, and I knew I’d be the one fitting the bill on the credit card she ran up. So I told her no more. She said she wanted an ice cream vendor there (we already had two dessert bars) and I told her it was not needed.
She fought me on it but finally agreed. The wedding day comes, I’m standing with my groomsmen, and in comes the ice cream truck. Knew right then, sadly.
3. Get Over It
A woman I was dating told me she divorced her husband because after his father passed in his arms, so he was very depressed and she didn't want to be around depressed people.
Imagine your father passed and a few months later your wife leaves you because you have not recovered from that.
4. Life’s Not A Beach
It was actually almost immediately after getting married. Our relationship had taken a nosedive as soon as we moved in together. But after we got married, while we were in Greece on our honeymoon, it hit a terrible climax. He absolutely lost his mind on me in public.
I had wanted to go see a beach on the island that is supposed to be one of the most beautiful in the world, so we tried to catch the bus, but it never came. He screamed at me, telling me he hated traveling with me and how could I ruin his vacation like this.
Then we walked to the beach nearby and he went swimming with his two friends who he insisted come with us on the trip. I was too stunned and humiliated to do anything except sit on a beach chair and cry.
5. Run Away From This One
When she sat me down and, with a straight face, said, “I’ve thought about this and you’re not going to exercise anymore”. I was jogging a few miles a day and would usually bring the kids with me in a running stroller.
She said, “You’re a father and it’s too time consuming”. That’s when I realized I made a terrible mistake. Catching her with another man in my car didn’t help the case to stay married.
6. Dishing It Out
We were engaged but not quite married yet. I had been on mandatory bedrest and caring for our infant son, after having emergency surgery for nearly bleeding out during a miscarriage. He came home from work and looked me in the face and said, "Why aren't the dishes done?"
I called my mom the next morning and told her I was leaving. Hightailed it out of there twp weeks later.
7. Mommie Dearest
It wasof a thousand cuts. One of the first was when I realized she didn't trust me. We had been together around 10 years at this point. But I had a moment of clarity and literally said to her, "You don't trust me, do you?"
Before she could answer I said, "You don't trust anybody”. She agreed. She would routinely throw the kids out of the tub and the bathroom, with not even a towel on, because they splashed her while getting a bath.
And not just that, she would yell at the top of her lungs about how bad they were. The kids were around 2-4 at the time. God forbid the toddler splashes the water in the tub. Another time I don't even remember the cause, but I tried to play mediator.
As in "Ok daughter you did something wrong, let's apologize to mommy". And she would. Then I'd ask mommy to apologize to our daughter for her role. Her reply chilled my core. This adult woman, this mother, absolutely refused to apologize.
I’ve known this lady more than 20 years and I’ve never heard her apologize. Literally never. The final straw was when one of our kids wanted a hug goodnight before bedtime. She locked herself in our bedroom and refused the hug because she had hugged them earlier in the day.
The kids were crying. They didn't understand. I was devastated watching this unfold. Why doesn't mom want to hug me? I try my best to not let it impact me. But we share custody now and I have to watch how she interacts with our kids. It’s hard.
The best consolation is the kids are getting older and they're starting to figure it out.
8. For Better Or For Worse
On my wedding day. We were married at her parents’ house, a beautiful place on a private country club. The entire day was all about her, and she spent more time hanging out with her friend and drinking than hanging out with me.
I stayed busy visiting with all the guests during the day. After all the guests left and it was down to her parents and me, I find her passed out upstairs in a bedroom. I picked her up and carried her to our car to take her home.
Needless to say, our wedding night consisted of her sleeping it off. Five years later, she went into in-patient treatment and after she sobered up and was released, she told me that she didn't love me and wanted a divorce.
9. See You Later
When I lost twins and he dropped me off at the hospital to get an operation to have them removed. He dropped me off at the hospital bleeding and went to a party with his friends.
I left this man years ago. I'm doing well now.
10. The Heart Wants What It Wants
I figured it out after the 5th guy she slept with over seven years of marriage. At least five I knew about anyway. Every time I thought it was me. That I could be a better husband, more caring, more supportive, more anything she needed.
If I could just be a better spouse, she would love me and then everything would be alright and we would be fine. Then it hit me. She doesn’t love me. I was just never going to be someone she loved no matter how good of a husband I was.
So I told her I wanted a divorce and why. She didn’t even cry. I moved out that week, filed for divorce, got an apartment, and moved on. It worked out for me, though. I found a wonderful woman who does love me, we are happy and thriving together.
We have been together for 15 years now. I’m just so happy.
11. Good News Is Bad News
I realized that I was hiding good news from her because I knew she would make me feel bad about it. I hoped she was going to grow up and stop being selfish and childish. She never did.
12. You’re On Your Own
When she was getting ready to go to the pub and I called her to say the car had broken down and I was stuck seven miles from home. She said she couldn't help. We had two cars. We split two months later.
13. In Sickness And In Health
We weren’t married but were together for years. I got diagnosed with cancer and she kind of shut off. She then decided to leave several months later.
At an appointment I was officially one year clear, which is a milestone. I realized I was alone through a lot of it. She never wanted anything to do with it. It was a revelation to myself that the relationship breakdown wasn't all because of me.
I got my three-year tests this weekend, blood tests and scans. My current girlfriend is driving me and then taking me out to lunch afterwards. Heck of an upgrade.
14. Don’t Do Me Like That
When she slept with a high-school flame for a year while hiding it and staying home on my single income. We weren’t working as a couple, I knew that. I was trying to improve things, and we’d talked about it, but she somehow neglected to give me that detail.
I’m not angry that she didn’t love me. But heck, just tell me. Don’t do me dirty like that after thirteen years.
15. Kissing And Telling
Six months after our wedding, when I found out about the emotional (he says "only emotional" but I’m pretty sure it was physical too) affair through text messages. Somehow, that wasn’t the worst part. He had sent his affair partner screenshots of my texts to him in which I was begging him to talk to me and tell me what was wrong.
They both proceeded to make fun of my desperation to fix my marriage, and his affair partner said something along the lines of “Poor girl, she doesn’t know anything and keeps begging you for attention and affection”.
The moment I read those words I realized how big of a mistake I had made.
16. Home Wrecker
When I came home from the ER after being diagnosed with a severe lung disorder, and she immediately left me with the kids so she could go out drinking with friends. Her exact words were, "I need you to make them dinner, I'm running late to meet up with everyone".
17.Of The Highest Degree
About a year and a half into our marriage ,she got an internship with Disney and had to move to the other side of the county for seven months. Six months into the internship, she tells me that she met someone else.
She continued to string me along for another six months, saying she doesn't want to get a divorce but she's just been really confused. Then I found out the awful truth. It turns out she just wanted to keep using me to pay all the bills while she finished her degree.
Once she was a month away from finishing school, she admitted that she never really wanted a relationship with me. She only started dating me to make her ex jealous, had been cheating on me for about ninety percent of our ten-year-long relationship, and only stuck around because her ex didn't want to get back together and she didn't want to take care of herself.
She told me she knew this most recent guy she was cheating with was "the love of her life" after three weeks. They had a kid together less than a year after we got divorced and split up within two years.
18. Out On A Technicality
There were A LOT of red flag prior to this, but this was the catalyst. We'd been dating four years, slated to be married in eight months. I noticed he was making lots of likes and comments on a “Brittney’s" MySpace. Nothing huge or obvious.
Then not long after, he locked his phone, but I managed to see he was also getting messages regularly from someone also named Brittney. I had suspected this, but still had no proof. I worked swing and nights at the time.
I came home early one night to him in our bed, with you know who! BRITTNEY. FIRST THING THIS MAN SAYS WHEN I WALK IN ON THEM IS...get this..."THERE WAS NO EXCHANGE OF FLUIDS, I PROMISE BABE".
Later, Brittney got a hold of me on MySpace, and we met up. She had no idea I was even in the picture. We're still friends. Brittney let me read all over their correspondence via MySpace and text. She was very upfront about not realizing he was with someone.
I will admit Brittney was not exceptionally bright, but he had this thing all worked out. He stuffed all my stuff in a closet, even removed photos of us from the walls. I don't wear makeup, and at the time didn't own much stuff.
We were poor, and I was the only one working. He kept getting fired for harassment. Red flag, I know, but at the time I didn’t know WHY he kept getting fired. He also kept the house dark while they watched a movie, then moved to the bed. Said it made it "romantic".
There were a lot of signs I should have noticed. First and foremost, how he actually met me. We worked in the same retail store, and he made a lot of advances and borderline lewd comments to get my attention. I didn't pay attention to the fact that he ALSO did/said these things to other women I worked with.
I was 18 when we met, not used to getting any attention from men, and had pretty bad self-esteem. In the four years we were together I was honestly miserable, so miserable I even committed myself once. I also thought he was the best I was getting. It was really messed up four years of my life.
After all this, I kicked him and his "fluids" out of my house.
19. An Addict’s An Addict
When I realized that my wife loved playing Final Fantasy to the neglect of our own relationship. She had had a problem with obsessively playing World of Warcraft in the past, and we broke up over it. But she quit the game cold turkey and got a job, so we made up.
Then we got married. Except not long after the marriage, she was back into the gaming (but now it was Final Fantasy. We never had any quality time as a couple to just talk; all she ever wanted to do in her free time was drink and play her game.
My wife was a drinker. She passed recently. I just found out the horrible reason why. Her iPad message history revealed that she had had a whole string of in-game boyfriends the whole time we were together (12 years). Lots of flirty messages. The night she passed, she was excited and happy because she just married her current boyfriend (in-game).
But she partied a little too hard that night and drank herself to the grave. Truly. I messaged one of her guild mates to find out what happened. Turns out, no one ever knew she was married in real life; she never talked about me. But she sure did flirt with a lot of guys in-game.
The guy she married in-game was, himself, married in real life. We live in the US, but she liked to play on European servers and meet European guys. I had been on a business trip to Germany for a week the night she passed. She was so angry at me for not taking her with me, but it was a business trip and not a vacation.
I realize now that what she really wanted was an opportunity to sleep with her Italian boyfriend while I was at work. She had the Duolingo app on her phone to learn Italian, and her browser history showed that she had been looking up Italian cooking recipes. My wife NEVER cooked, so she was clearly thinking about an in-person meetup at some point.
I was grieving the loss of my wife when I found all of this out, and now I'm dealing with a lot of anger, too. If she hadn’t passed and somehow I found this out, I'd be divorcing her right now.
20. He Earned This Divorce
I realized like five years into our 19-year marriage that I’d made a mistake, but what made me leave was when my ex said that our children hadn't EARNED his love when I asked why he never said “I love you” to them. That shook my whole foundation.
I was literally speechless for two days and then I started thinking, wondering if I had EARNED his love yet. I couldn't stop those kind of thoughts...you don't earn love, it is freely given, especially to children. I asked for the separation and divorce shortly after that.
21. Over And Done With
When my aunt—who I loved dearly—passed, she was only 54 and I was devastated by her loss, which my husband knew.
As soon as we got home, though, my husband said: “Well, that’s that. We can move on now”. She was just cold in the ground and he was saying this so seriously while turning on his PS4 to play games. I was speechless and went to bed by myself, feeling so utterly lonely. But there was one last straw.
Two days later he forgot my birthday. We’ve been divorced for seven years now.
22. What Have You Done For Me Lately?
I waited on her hand and foot. Every night I brought her a tea. I checked every room to make sure there were no intruders, went to the store for her if she wanted a snack, etc. One day I was really sick with the flu and asked if she'd get me a Gatorade from the store.
She was shocked that I asked and said, "Absolutely not”. Then I thought about it and realized that she had never complimented me, supported me, nurtured me, consoled me, or showed any level of emotional care for me.
I knew at that moment that she never would. All she did was complain that I didn't do enough for her. It took me a while, but I realized I was in a dysfunctional relationship. The worst part is I tried to make it work, still, after all that and it was her who pushed me away because she wanted to move to Portland.
23. Not Kidding Around
After cheating on me the second time, I realized he cared very little about my feelings or the relationship in general. I dealt with that, though, as we had a child and I could put the hurt away for the kid. I finally left, though when I realized he had been neglecting our son while I was away at work.
He was out of a job and had been for months. The quote from our child that really made me decide to leave my ex was: "Mommy, can I always go to work with you? Daddy just sleeps and sometimes I get hungry and can't reach the bread”.
We did talk about this, and my ex always denied it. I tested the jerk next day. What I discovered made my blood boil. I woke the ex up, told him I was leaving for work and he needed to wake up to be with our son—I went to work at 2:30 pm almost every day.
However, I took the kid to work with me. I didn't hear from the ex until 8 pm, and that's only because I texted him and asked how our kid was. "He's fine. He is playing video games in the room”. I informed him the child was with me. Good times.
24. Don’t Bring Me Down
We were in the bathroom getting showered and dressed for a friend’s wedding. I was in the best shape of my life at the time, feeling good about myself, and I thought I looked good in my bathing suit.
She was finishing her makeup and I remarked at how beautiful she looked. I waited for her to say something nice in reply, but she didn’t. And it just hit me. I couldn’t remember a single time that she complimented me on my appearance.
So I said that to her, “You know, I always tell you how beautiful you are, and how attracted to you I am, but I never recall you ever saying that I look good or that I look handsome”. She stopped applying her mascara long enough to dismissively roll her eyes at me.
So I made the mistake of asking her, “Do you even find me attractive?”
And she flatly said, “No”.
I asked, “Why did you marry me then?”
And she said, “I didn’t think it was important at the time”.
I never felt so ugly and unloved. And it hurt even more when I had been feeling so good about myself for once in my life 30 seconds earlier.
25. Go On, Give Me Nothing
I had no idea how he felt about me. Almost nine years together. He didn't propose, I did. He didn't tell his family when we married, they found out online. He never shared his energy or emotions with me.
I ultimately had a realization that I didn't even know what he thought of me, other than that I was pretty. I didn't know if he thought I was cool or funny or interesting or smart. I would share myself with him. My thoughts, interests, humor. I'd get nothing in return.
I realized it had always been this way. I felt unseen, unheard. I felt like I was boring and uninteresting. I didn't feel special. I just wanted to feel some sort of connection. I wanted our souls to meet. He seemed incapable.
26. Too Good To Be True
With my first wife, I had inklings that I might not have married the right person when I was working full time (making very good pay) and she decided to quit her job and just sat at home. We had a maid come every week to clean the house top to bottom, do the laundry and all the dishes—and the house still looked like trash six days a week.
If dinner was made at all when I got home from work, it was hamburger helper or a microwaved hot dog wiener and blue box macaroni and cheese. It really became clear when I caught her cheating. Her exact words to a friend: "My husband's an angel, but I'm bored”.
The second wife, I realized multiple times, over and over, that I married exactly the right person for me.
27. All Business No Pleasure
When I “booked” a business meeting to discuss how our future would change as our teenagers transitioned to university, assured him it was all positive, and just wanted space to talk. It’s always been very difficult to find time to talk to him, so I figured I’d be all business like since work has always been priority number one…that didn’t go well.
I had barely opened my mouth and he spewed all over me about my ever-changing hobbies. Those “ever-changing” hobbies have been guitar and oil painting for the last eight years…I mentally checked out that day.
28. Hoping For The Worst
We had just moved out from my parents’ place with our daughter. We had been living there for about six months because of financial difficulties. I was the only one working, he was not because of a bad back…which ended up being a fake injury.
We were not getting along at all while living there and for some reason I thought things would get better now that we had our own place. I’ve never been so wrong. The opposite happened; the yelling and swearing got worse.
His controlling behavior just got worse and worse, to the point where if I had a shower without his permission he would bang on the door while screaming at me. I don't know the exact moment, but it was sometime during that month that it all finally clicked in that it was never getting better.
I knew he worked with some attractive women, and I started hoping that he would have an affair with one of them and either leave me for her or it would give me the guts to leave. I still felt sorry for him because of his (fake) back injury.
I stayed with him for another year and a half, and in that time he forced me and our daughter to move far away from my parents because they were beginning to figure out that he was faking his injury. He ended our marriage two months after the move because I ran out of money for the first time in our relationship.
29. Rotten On The Inside
He threw a surprise birthday for me, and towards the end I was inside near the food table and everyone had already gone outside. I affectionately called him over as he was passing by to have a moment.
He rolled his eyes and walked on, saying he was hanging out with so and so. Anyone, even a stranger on the road, was always more important, he just didn't care about me. He only did things for how he would appear to others.
30. Sorry, Not Sorry
We weren’t married, but this was a long-term relationship. She heard a doorbell and asked me to get it. I never heard it and no one was there when I answered. She said, “I’m sorry, it was the television”.
After more than two years with her, I realized that was the first time she ever apologized about anything. That answered all my questions about why the relationship was struggling. I broke up with her soon after.
31. Say Goodbye To Puppy Love
I came home from a long day of work to find burn marks all over the carpet and linoleum. The whole story disgusted me. My then husband had spent the entire day playing games on his PC. While doing so, he had been ignoring our puppy, who had managed to somehow get a hold of a phone battery, bite through it, and cause a small fire.
Thankfully, the dog wasn't injured. This event, on top of finding out shortly before he had been lying about going to community college for almost a year, was the turning point where my feelings stopped.
32. It’s The Little Things
Thankfully not married, but we were living together. It happened when he called me incompetent for taking literally less than 15 seconds to turn off subtitles in Netflix. In that moment, I realized that I had been living in fear and pain for so many years.
In the meantime, the things he was willing to put me down and call me names over were becoming smaller and smaller. I was already walking on eggshells, and I couldn’t take any more.
33. Here’s To You
It happened when he didn’t mention me in his speech at our wedding. He thanked everyone else, commented on the bridesmaids, talked about our daughters. I may as well not have even been there.
First night of our honeymoon, I got horrendously sick, and he left me alone in our room to go watch something on the big screen on the beach. So much for sickness and health!
34. Me First
It was actually such a small thing that made me click into the fact I married the wrong person. Looking back, our whole relationship was horrible but it was this event that made it all come into focus.
As a bit of back story, I was ridiculously depressed so I had gained a fair bit of weight. He knew I was extremely insecure about this. My husband and I also have birthdays one after the other. His was first and mine was second.
I had expressed that I felt every time our birthdays come around, I feel forgotten as we'd have a party or an event on his birthday and make a big deal about it, and he'd only turn the attention on me after midnight and bring out his now half-eaten cake with mostly burnt-out candles and sing me happy birthday.
That was only if we had a party, mind you. If we had an event we'd do his birthday events and then on my birthday he'd just give me an unwrapped gift. That was that despite me making an effort on his birthday every single year.
He knew how I felt, so we decided to go away to a historical city in my county one year. We were both massive history buffs, so it was right up our alley. We had a lot of fun and spent the first few days looking around to decide what we wanted to do on our birthdays and agreed to arrange something for each of our birthdays.
The city has a lot going on and I pointed out a few things that I'd like as a "surprise" for my birthday. I ultimately wanted to go see the local church, which was quite famous, as well as an exhibition of Richard III—literally a stone’s throw from our hotel room.
He agreed with this and set out where he wanted to go on his birthday. His birthday was a success and I know he still talks about his birthday to this day. We went out to all the places he wanted, I took him to his favorite restaurant and even brought his presents with us so he'd have something opened on his birthday.
Plus, as a surprise, they had a ghost tour around the city on an old hearse bus. This was something he loved and it ended up being his favorite part. We went to be happy and I was optimistic this was going to be a good birthday for me too. I was so wrong.
As soon as we woke up on my birthday, he decided he was in a bad mood and grumbling about every place I wanted to go. I wanted to just have a bit of a lie in as I hadn't slept great the night before, but he was getting antsy about wanting to go down for breakfast.
I said I wasn't hungry and wanted to just stay in the room a little longer. He then pushes me out of the bed, and I just flop onto the floor as I wasn't being rushed today. Yes, this was a bit bratty but I just wanted to enjoy having a bit of autonomy on my birthday.
He then proceeded to grab me by the arm and pulled me up. He said, "Get up you fat lazy lump”. His expression instantly gave away that he knew what he said would hurt me. It instantly spiraled into me getting upset, because not only did he say that to me when he knew it was a sensitive point, but he did it on my birthday.
When he eventually calmed me down, he said, "I'm sorry I made you cry. I only said it because I thought it would make you get up faster”. So after that, we went about my birthday—but instead of doing what I wanted, we went around to every location he wanted to.
We were there a week and never got to see the church or the exhibit, which after the event, he admitted he didn't want to go. He gets worse. He actually admitted he started the fight knowing I’d be too upset to do anything or really celebrate.
This kind of made it click that my happiness and life were never a priority for him. Sadly, it still took me another year and a bit before we actually broke up.
35. Friends With No Benefits
This will be a different answer. My wife is definitely my soulmate and best friend. I'll never find anyone that I can share my true thoughts and soul with. She's everything I want in a mental partner. We complete each other in that regard.
Bedroom-wise, though, it's not the best match. Did I marry my best friend? Definitely. Was that a mistake? I don't know.
36. Shoot The Messenger
When I stumbled across an email where she told a friend of ours that she was going to divorce me soon and that she wanted to sleep with him.
37. Man Child Alert
We'd been married several years, and the marriage had gotten increasingly worse. He only ate out of those stackable plastic plates with the dividers. His reason was ridiculous. It was because they reminded him of being a kid and eating with his parents. Yep.
Anyway, he saw them in the cabinet one day and was outraged because I hadn't stacked them inside one another. I stacked them, but at alternating angles, to ensure they were properly dry and wouldn't be wet between plates.
He started lecturing me on how they fit inside each other in an infantilizing way. I'd known for a long time I didn't want to be married to him anymore, but in that moment, I stared at him with hatred. I'm happy to say I'm out of that marriage, and engaged to my best friend from college.
38. What A Pill
When he took the pain medication the hospital sent me home with. You know…for pain. Not a nice feeling to find out the person who’s supposed to care about you the most will watch you suffer and feel no guilt over being the cause of it.
39. The Long Goodbye
I was engaged, not married. It was a three-year international relationship. I was completely ready for the battle with the US immigration system. She had to leave after a normal month-long visit, which was totally normal and what we’d been doing for years.
We PDA’ed all to heck at the airport and she said herself that she couldn’t wait to come back… Then she went completely silent, zero contact, the second she got home to Europe. It took three days to get a phone call saying she was done. December 21, 2019.
I knew driving to work that morning that something horrible was going to happen that day, I could feel it, and I wish I could forget that feeling. Still ain’t over it, don’t plan to ever be.
40. Do It Yourself
When our child was three months old, I had the absolute worst case of mastitis. I was so weak I couldn’t even pick up the baby. I asked him to please stay home from work and help me. His response still haunts me. He told me to call my mom, then left for work.
I stuck it out for another four years, through various other scenarios similar to this one, but finally found the courage to leave. The moment I asked for a divorce I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders.
41. The Young And The Restless
When I found that he was texting and calling his 18-year-old student—I think he was 33 at the time. More than that, he gaslit me about it for years and I made myself believe it was fine, even when he met with her in a field at 1 am and even when he would stay out until 3 in the morning with her because she needed “support”.
I knew it was wrong but I was too embarrassed and weak to do anything and wanted my marriage to work. We have been divorced since 2019 and he is now living with her. He really shouldn't work with kids ever again.
42. Out With The Old
When he left me with a really bad fever to go play cards with his friends. When he accused me of cheating on him while I was pulling all nighters to finish my degree. When he said our kid wasn’t HIS.
When he never complimented me because he said it would get to my head. When he took anyone’s word over mine…and I literally mean anyone. When his way of flirting with me was putting me down.
When I had to keep the stupidest secrets just to keep peace in the house. When the counsellor I confided in told me he was jealous of my accomplishments instead of being proud of me.
43. Too Much Too Soon
It happened about two years after marrying. I was 29. We had been together for eight years total. We were arguing constantly and I’d never considered or really paused for a second to consider if we were actually right for each other.
I’d never been great with girls, but we clicked and we went from dating to moving in to being engaged in about 3-4 years. Then you get swept along wedding planning, and when you pause for thought you realize it was wrong, but you were on an escalator that kept going from checkpoint to checkpoint so fast, you didn’t pause to think, "Is this what I want?"
So we’re laying in bed one night and she was ill. I’m such a soft and considerate person (to my detriment) but I glanced at her asleep and the thought “I don’t love you” popped in my head from nowhere. Terrifying, and also embarrassing, when you’ve had a 150+ strong wedding two summers ago.
44. Daddy Issues
When he let our few-months-old baby roll off the bed because he couldn’t get to a save spot on his video game. Oh, also when I brought the baby home an outfit and he was jealous I didn’t pick out something for him too.
Don’t worry, as soon as the baby turned a year old, he moved out and we got a divorce. That baby is now 18 and surprise surprise, no relationship.
45. Seeing The Light
We had been engaged for just over a year and together for around a decade. Then I realized I didn’t actually want to be with her, I just was too invested and I didn’t want to make her upset. I knew we would end up getting divorced at some point down the road, so I decided to end it before then.
I went to therapy and realized I had spent my whole childhood trying to make my parents happy, and then I immediately got into a relationship and spent all of my adulthood trying to make her happy. I was miserable because of it, but I just didn’t know.
46. Second-hand Embarrassment
When I realized that every time we were in a public or social situation, I ended up either cringing at what he said or did, or apologizing for it. He would do and say things for shock value and would be deliberately antagonistic.
That kind of opened my eyes to the fact that while I could overlook other issues we had, I was going to spend my life being embarrassed by him. We got married young, and grew up into different people.
47. A Pregnant Pause
My brother just went through a divorce, and I asked him what his “moment” was. He laughed—then he told me something that made my jaw drop. "It was when she got pregnant and a week later, I found out from the doctors I can't even produce the goodies to have kids”. Ouch.
48. Look What I Can Do, Mommy
Back when my son was two, he woke up early and snuck downstairs to do something nice for his mom and me. He had seen me make pancakes and he decided he wanted to do that and be nice. Of course, a two-year-old has no concept of what he's doing, so he made a complete mess of everything.
Flour everywhere. Eggs broken on the floor. He destroyed the kitchen with his mess. When his mom and I made it downstairs, he had this huge smile on his face because he was sure he had made us the perfect surprise. It was very heart-warming. Until she went absolutely crazy, yelling at him for the mess.
I thought he was sweet, she thought he was a little monster. She just couldn't get past the mess to see he was doing something out of love. A mess is easy to clean-up. A kid is only making breakfast in bed for you for so long before they grow up.
49. Liar, Liar
There were a lot of red flags. Things like him telling me I was low on the attractiveness scale, and embarrassing to him because I was intellectual, highly educated, yet extremely shy, so I came across as a stuck-up snob to everyone.
Spoiler: Only he and his friends thought this, and maybe not even his friends. He also did other stuff, like spending money on toys for himself that we had allocated for remodeling our house. Pretty necessary stuff like getting rid of a 25-year-old disgusting carpet in a new-to-us house.
The kicker for me was when it came time to have kids. He swore he was all in, but when we weren’t getting pregnant we both got tested. Turned out he had borderline low testosterone and some other issues that were solved with a simple over-the-counter daily medication that had zero side effects.
We tried and tried and I increasingly went through more painful and invasive testing and procedures. The whole time with him saying how he was in 100%, because I checked in with him often to make sure.
Turned out he had been sabotaging the process the whole time. Intentionally not taking the daily medications and doing some other stuff to ensure we would fail.
50. X This Ex
It was a day after the wedding. She didn’t have to hide anymore, and I was stuck. So the love-bombing girl I had happily married turned from nice to pure narcissistic sociopath, just like taking her mask off.
Since we had a daughter, I tried for two years to survive it in an effort to try and fix things. Funny thing is, narcissists are never wrong, so everything was naturally 100% my fault in all aspects. By the end, I was so broken down I didn’t have the power anymore to break free.
You accidentally made a mistake, you got heck. You did something good, you got heck. Ends up with you doing apathetically nothing, since that way it takes them a while to accumulate enough on you to get angry at you for.
I just accepted that I was indeed worthless and pathetic in every and all aspects in life. Then she made a mistake. She started using my daughter as a weapon, scaring the living heck out of her in the process.
I couldn’t save myself, there wasn’t even a shadow left of the ghost of the man I used to be…but I could save her, with powers I still have no idea where they came from. So here I am, 11 years later, with custody of my happy daughter who no longer wakes up screaming in the night “No mommy! No!”
Pro-life tip, don’t get an ex-wife. Those things are absolutely horrible.