Let’s face it—no matter how insignificant the case might be, no one wants to be “THAT” guy. These people put on a fearless front and share their shame, telling us their tales of when they realized they were indeed “THAT” guy. Sometimes, one just can’t live it down.
1. A Bad Case Of The Bends
I was just getting into diving in 2009. On the first clear day I'd seen in Seattle, I went down to 80 feet, looked up, and could see the ripples on the surface. So, I went deeper, down to 166', and stopped at a cliff where it got murky and dark.
That's where it drops off to 300 feet, I later found out. I turned around at that point and then realized I did not have enough air to make it back up.
I was that guy. I even thought that to myself as I was panicking for breath, arching my back, sucking so hard on my regulator, seeing red. I ran out of air at 50 feet, went straight up, and got bent. Now, I have heart palpitations from time to time, but it's gotten better.
I could hear bubbles in my shoulder joints and felt sick for a few days. I was only down for 25 minutes in total, but the way I came up was really bad.
2. Dumb Dad
When my wife and I went to China two years ago, we forgot to pack clothes for our 2-year-old in our carry-on diaper bag. Sure enough, about one hour into our 14-hour flight, our toddler spilled some tomato juice all over her outfit, and we had to take off her clothes because they were soaked.
When we realized that we had no clothes, we had to wrap her in an airplane blanket to keep her warm.
As a result, she, of course, had issues falling asleep. So, I was walking around the plane in the aisle with my daughter, who was without clothes except for a diaper and a blanket for the majority of the flight. That day I was "That guy who shouldn't have any kids".
3. Towing The Line
I filled up with gas, got in the car, and started to pull away when I heard, “Ka-THUNK!!!” I realized the nozzle was still attached to the car. Luckily, I slammed on the brakes before the hose pulled out or anything broke.
However, as I got out of my car and put the hose back away, I saw the guy at the next pump looking at me and trying not to laugh. I said, "I'm 'that guy,' huh?" He started laughing, I did too, and off to work I went.
4. Making The Wrong Call
I was on a national conference call with green building leaders of all states, just listening in, when I got another call. I thought, “No problem, I can leave for a minute and take it”.
I came back four minutes later, and the main presenter caught me off-guard: "Whoever put us on hold, that was very nice music, but please hang up and call back if you need to take a call". They had to talk over the on-hold music the whole time.
5. Being The Best Made Me The Worst
I'm good at stuff—sports, music, school. They’ve always come pretty easily to me, and I've won a bunch of stuff. I'm super competitive, and I bust my rear to be the best at things. However, I've always fallen down on the social side of things.
I'd notice that people I got on well with and liked would start to get uneasy around me and distance themselves. So, even though I knew I was successful and talented and thought I was a pretty decent guy, I was usually training, practicing, and studying on my own.
I didn't understand that, so I tried harder to impress people and show them what a cool guy I was so that they'd like me and want to hang out with me. In high school and early in college, it really upset me.
Everybody else was getting invited to parties, going on holidays with friends, the whole student thing, and I struggled to get folks to stick around me for more than a few months. It wasn't until my oldest friend blew up at me over dinner a couple of years ago that I finally got it.
We were in this restaurant, and I was going on about something that a classmate got wrong, explaining what he needed to have done to get it right, and she just flipped.
It was stuff she'd been bottling up since we were kids —asking why I was judging my classmate, why I needed to explain that I knew the answer he didn't, why that made me superior, and why my lexicon was always about being “the best at” X, Y, and Z.
She stormed out after asking why it was so important to me to feel better than the people around me. It took that wake-up call for me to realize that I am “that arrogant guy”. I swagger when I walk.
I ask complicated questions that I know the answers to in class so that my professors will see how intelligent I am, and I elaborate when I get compliments. It took a few weeks of thinking to really grasp what a jerk I was!
When I sat down to try and map out how I was going to fix it, I realized that it wasn't something I could talk my way out of. It was just something I had to work on. So now, I've kind of swung the other way.
My eternally patient SO, who showed me what a jerk I was, is teaching me to keep my mouth shut, keep my head down, and keep my own side of the street clean.
I still play sports and get good grades, but I understand that I don't need to talk about it. I am so sorry for anyone who's had to deal with someone like me.
6. Nothing To Laugh At
I'm the guy who laughs at something for around 10 minutes after everyone else has moved on, but not continuously, though. I'll stop when everyone else does initially, think about it, and start roaring as if it had just happened.
Often, this is during the most inappropriate places to be laughing, like during class or something else where the majority of people tend to be quiet.
As a result, I try to stifle the laugh or hold it in, which in turn makes it even more funny as I produce a whole symphony of inhuman noises.
7. Humiliated In The Handicapped Stall
I was sitting and taking a poo in the handicapped stall of an empty bathroom. It was a solid 7–10-minute storm of post-Super Bowl bowel movements. Someone entered and knocked on my stall, and I politely informed them it was occupied.
Finally, I made my way out only to see an actual handicapped person in a wheelchair waiting patiently for the stall. I couldn't even look them in the eyes, knowing they heard everything that just transpired in the very stall they had to use.
8. Settling The Score
A couple of years ago, I was working the scoreboard at my son’s basketball game. It was the championship game, so it was pretty heated. Mind you, these are 13-year-olds we're talking about.
I had been trying to simply concentrate on running the clock when a kid ran in for a lay-up, plowed over another kid, and the ref didn’t call anything.
It was a blatant charge, so I yelled something, just like everyone else did—but it cost my dearly. The ref stormed up to me and tossed me off the clock for yelling at him.
I was like, “Whatever,” I'll step aside. I already felt like an idiot for getting called out, but as I was walking by, I could swear the ref said he would see me in the parking lot.
Of course, I was not going to stand for that nonsense, so I turned around, got in his face, and got ejected from the facility entirely. I felt terrible. I apologized to my son repeatedly and told him that would never happen again.
9. My Humiliation Was Immortalized
I got trashed, and my boyfriend showed up at the bar with another girl. I started crying and yelling at him, threw my drink in his face, and smacked him.
Then, I stumbled out the door on my heels, where I immediately tripped and face-planted into the snow, wearing only a tank top. When my friends tried to help me up, I refused.
Instead, I uttered the now-immortal quote, "NO. Just let me pass here in the snow, but first go get me some Taco Bell". The "other woman" turned out to be his cousin.
10. The Dumbest Smart Remark
One time, I forced an entire class to listen to—what will go down in history—as the dumbest question of all time. It was in an intellectual history class.
The professor was going on about some theory he had about the process of absorbing written material and peeling back the layers to determine what it was the writer was trying to get you to think about.
For reasons unknown, I felt my hand raise against my will and heard come out of my own mouth something to the effect of, "Well, what about self-help books?" I just sat there afterward thinking, "Whaaaat am I talking about?" I dropped the class.
11. Three Strikes And I Was Out
My younger cousin, who was in university, invited me to a small club concert with his Japanese girlfriend and one of her friends. I was happily married, but I was interested in this particular DJ, so I showed up.
Being older and working, I bought everyone drinks and chatted with them about class and so forth. I found out my cousin's girlfriend was in linguistics, which I thought was interesting, and I found out she had only learned English a few years back.
I remarked that she spoke English well, and her speech didn't have any typical cultural artifacts, which was mistake number one.
These uppity students assumed I was making some overt derogatory comment even though my wife is, in fact, Asian as well. I saw the look on their faces; I inwardly sighed and plowed on.
I chatted with the friend, making casual small talk, which was mistake number two. My cousin asked about my wife, insinuating I was trying to hit on this girl.
At that point, I gave up and paid attention to the concert. There was a break in the concert, which I was enjoying, but the friend wanted to head home.
I offered to walk her to the bus because it was late and we were downtown, which was mistake number three. All three of them assumed I was trying to go home with her, and I had to actually explain what walking to a bus stop meant.
I came back for the rest of the concert, then went home.
12. I Couldn’t Keep It Together
I attended college in the South, and having never been there before, I had no friends. After freshman orientation, I made a few buddies, and one night decided to attend my first college party with said buddies.
We got ready to go and walked over to the party, boasting about how much we drank and partied in high school, and judging that our chances of hooking up were "pretty good".
They weren't, for me especially. The school we went to was an old, private school in the South, and something like 80 percent of the small student body was in a fraternity or sorority. Any party you went to was a frat party—and this one was no exception.
Around the beginning of every year, all the frats take on new pledges, and they want as many guys as they can get to bid for their frat.
So, before the whole official frat bidding and pledging begins, every frat tries to throw the best parties with the most girls and booze to attract members. At this particular house party, they did a pretty decent job of it.
So, my friends and I played a few rounds of pong, awkwardly introduced ourselves to a few people, and so on.
I was sipping a drink in a corner, contemplating how different the culture was in the South than it was in the rest of the US, when some frat guy came up to me and said something along the lines of, "Hey bro, you should come to drink with me and these girls".
"Drinka" is essentially Jenga, except every time you pull out a brick, you drink.
The drink of choice in this game was Stoli, my mortal enemy. So, a bunch of cute sorority girls were playing this game, all sitting on an L-shaped couch.
The bro introduced me to this group of ladies, and I wound up sitting on the corner of the L-shaped couch, with the coffee table and Jenga tower in front of me.
As I played and attempted to make conversation with these Southern girls feigning interest, I could sense that something felt off. I noticed that I started to feel a little queasy from the booze.
At a certain point, I declined my turn, but cheers of "Aw, come on!" by a group of women can get me to do just about anything. So, I pulled a stick, took a drink, and IMMEDIATELY threw up.
"Threw up" isn't even the right phrase. I vomited my guts out, forcefully expelling a firehose-like spray of puke directly at the Jenga tower and all over the coffee table.
As the Jenga tower was knocked over by the contents of my stomach, the girls, as if they were only ever figments of my imagination, were gone in a flash and a puff of smoke.
The whole party heard this happen in real time and turned around to watch. So, once I was done, I had a living room/dining room full of about 35 people staring at me bewildered.
In that second of complete silence, as I stared back at these people, some frat guy right in front yelled, "Dude, JENGA!" Hilarity ensued for them, irrevocable shame for me.
13. In-Flight Fantasy
On a flight back from Sweden, I was getting out of my seat to go to the bathroom when the lights dimmed. I was walking down the aisle when this lady, who must have been around 25–30, got out of her seat with a big old bubble butt and bent over right in front of me.
I tried not to look, but I took advantage of the dim plane and took a peek, only to find that she was wearing yoga pants with a yellow thong.
Needless to say, I got a bit of a woody going. When she turned around, it was obvious that she was Swedish. She apologized in this sweet voice for blocking the walkway, which actually turned me on more.
I was full throttle. I went into the bathroom and wiggled my worm for a good 15 minutes. It was awesome, and I had no shame in doing so. I was that guy.
14. In A Bind On The BART
The one time I remember actually saying "I'm that guy" out loud was when I was rushing to get on the BART train—the Bay Area subway—with my bike. I squeezed in just as the doors were closing, but we just sat there.
A voice came over the speakers that said, "No bikes allowed on the first car". I sheepishly rolled out and down to the next door and squeezed my way on.
There was another pause, and the voice came back, "You're still in the first car". I again squeezed out and down one more door, and when I finally got in, all eyes were on me. One guy even said, "Oh, so you're the reason we've all been sitting here".
All I could say was, "Yeah, I guess I'm just that guy". I got off at the next stop even though I wasn't planning to to flee the judgment.
15. Showered With Shame
When my unit was getting ready to re-deploy from southern Afghanistan back to the States, we were at an airbase with functioning showers for the first time in seven months. We were also around people from other units for the first time all deployment.
The shower facilities that were available to us were in these trailer-like things, with eight shower stalls along one wall and the entrance on the opposite door.
Whenever my buddies and I went down to the showers, we'd always goof around and generally annoy all the other people there. This culminated one day when my buddy was finishing up his shower, and I was standing outside another stall drying off.
I grabbed his curtain and yanked it back. Just as I did, someone opened the door to the showers and stepped in.
My friend was facing the door when I pulled the curtain away, so as soon as this happened, he looked at the guy coming into the room square in the eye and said, "Do you mind?! Could I get some privacy here?!"
The guy entering immediately turned around and walked out, slamming the door behind him.
About three hours later, our whole company was gathered up for a formation. We were informed that everyone needed to stop acting so weird and that we weren't out on our little outpost anymore.
I was entirely responsible for my entire company getting told that our antics were making other units uncomfortable.
16. No Tea, All Shade
I was at Taco Bell once, and I was carrying one of those gallon-sized Arizona Tea jugs. The look on the cashier's face was priceless—especially after the scene I caused. Upon entry to the Taco Bell, I slipped and fell, planting the jug directly on the ground and causing it to explode everywhere.
I offered to clean up the mess and salvage some of the tea left in the half-busted open jug. Then, on my way back to the table with three medium cups filled with tea, I slipped again on the tea I had spilled previously and spilled the drinks all over again.
I think the guy mopping wanted to end me.
17. I Was Soon Singing Another Tune
I hate when people think they can sing when they're actually horrible. You have to be super nice to them because they're trying, and you don’t want to destroy their egos. I, on the other hand, don't have to try very hard because I've been a gifted singer my whole life.
Then, the other day, I decided to record myself in the car singing along to some Top 40 nonsense.
I replayed it, confident in my Whitney Houston potential, when it hit me. I couldn't listen for more than ten brutally long seconds when I realized I was mistaken.
I'm that guy. The guy (well, girl) who sits in the passenger seat singing along with the radio, oblivious to just how awful and ridiculous they sound.
18. ACT With Decorum, Please!
I remember sitting at my desk during the ACT and writing my essay. I wrote the most nonsensical answer, talking about how the government was controlling our minds and putting growth hormones in our soup so that we would become a master race.
For some reason, I thought it was so hilarious that as I was writing, I started laughing uncontrollably. I was trying to mask my laughter, and I had to lay my head down on the desk so no one would see me.
I was just sitting there chuckling softly to myself, then let out this weird groan/squelching-type noise. I started giggling some more to myself, now getting much louder. Then, I got back to writing and started laughing some more.
I tried to hold in my laughter and blew snot out of my nose in the loudest, most disgusting fashion ever. I put my hand over my face, started laughing some more, and had snot leaking out of my nose.
And to make it worse, I wiped the snot from my nose on my pants and continued writing. The whole time, only one person saw me, and they gave me this weird look, which only made me laugh some more.
19. My Car Was Smokin’
About two years ago, I was driving down the road with some friends, and I casually tossed my dart out of the window. A few miles later, we were all smelling what we thought was a brush fire.
That is until my friend turned around and freaked out, saying, "Dude, your truck is on fire!" I've been riding a bicycle ever since.
20. The Joke Was On Me
While eating brunch with a bunch of friends, some of whom I didn't know very well at the time, someone commented. I immediately retorted with what I thought was a hilarious “Yo Momma” joke. People laughed, but awkwardly.
Minutes later, that person left the table, and my closest friend leaned over to me. His next words made my heart drop to the pit of my stomach: "You know her mom's passed, right?"
"No. I did not! Why didn't you guys say something?" They said, "I thought it'd be funny...It’s kind of was?" I don't know whether that makes me the “that guy” or whether she's “that guy”.
21. Good Grief, What Did I Just Say?
I was talking to my tax accountant. The last time I had seen him, his wife was due with their first child in a few months. I last saw him in October, and she was due in December. However, at the time, I was not entirely sure of the due date, so I asked him if his wife had their child.
"Yes," was the reply at the other end of the phone, "but it was stillborn".
I thought, “Oh no,” and not much else could come out of my mouth either, other than my size 11 foot, while he blubbered through a brief, “It's OK, you didn't know, and I have to make these realizations when this stuff happens”.
Having just talked about our joyful 6-month-old to him made the situation even worse.
22. The Vile Vortex Of Poo
I was taking a poo at work on a different floor out of courtesy for my floor coworkers. It was fairly massive, and when I went to flush, I used my foot and held down the lever, waiting for it all to go down.
For some reason, the incoming water flow started coming faster and faster, and the lever was stuck.
By the time I got the lever back into neutral, a water vortex had spewed poo all over the walls and floor. I had no way to clean it up, so I left it. I'm usually judging the person who didn't flush, but now I cast no stones when it comes to these things.
23. A Bad Case Of The Seventh-Grade Giggles
In Grade 7, some kid made a funny face. I guess he must have had my humor center square on because I started laughing. And laughing. And laughing. The teacher took me out into the hallway and gave me a talking-to.
All the while, I was desperately trying not to laugh, but once inside, I burst out laughing again and was sent to the office.
After a while, I calmed down and was sent back to class. I derailed the entire math lesson; the entire class thought I had snapped, and I was questioned about it for the rest of the day.
24. One For The Books
I worked at a college bookstore, and if I saw people buying books for classes I had taken, I liked to make friendly small talk about the class. During the winter session, a girl was buying the book for Intro to Statistics. I tried to be friendly—but my words backfired.
I said, "Oh, I took that class; it was really easy. You'll have no trouble with it". She looked down and mumbled, "I took it last semester and failed it. I'm retaking it now". Sadly, I was that guy.
25. A Bathroom Bust
At a Super Bowl party, I ended up standing next to the bathroom door. We heard a thumping on the door, which sounded like knocking. I'd been in this bathroom before, and the door was particularly tight and would get stuck, making it very difficult to pull open from the inside.
We heard this thumping and decided someone was calling for help to get out of the bathroom. Being the guy closest to the door, I turned the handle (it wasn't locked) and gave it a push.
The door came open an inch or two before someone inside stopped it, and I heard something like, "Not yet" and the door was pushed shut. OK, whatever.
Not even a minute later, we heard the knocking again. Being all appropriately inebriated, the two or three other guys nearby told me to open the door because someone wanted out.
The girls behind them were getting antsy to use the toilet, and it had been occupied for at least the few minutes that I'd been standing there.
So, this time, I gave it a good push, really putting my shoulder into it, and the door burst open, right in on a buddy trying to get down and dirty with this girl from Jersey. The guys behind me decided he was trying to help her puke. Either way, she was mad.
She stormed out of the bathroom and ripped into me, and I did everything I could not to burst into laughter at her and the whole situation. She finally calmed down and moved off, and I spent the rest of the party avoiding her and apologizing to him.
26. Lost By Love
I was texting a girl I had just started dating while simultaneously texting my best friend, to whom I often say gay things for fun and giggles. Well, one of my gay texts read, “I love you,” which was meant for him but was sent to her.
Yeah, I became that guy who says “I love you” after one date and that guy who tries to cover it up with a lame excuse.
I also realized I was that guy who thinks gay banter is funny, all in a series of texts. She stopped responding and never hit me up again. I hated myself for that one. And to make things worse, I liked her, and she was feeling me without question up until that point.
27. The Ego-Buster
I once gave a speech to a school FFA chapter about why it was beneficial for high schoolers, based on examples of things I had experienced throughout my high school years.
Afterward, the advisor came up to me and said, "We've never had anyone talk about themselves at one of these before". At the time, I took that as a compliment, but years later, I realized that it was meant as a criticism, as she didn't like that I talked about myself.
It's one of those memories that keeps coming back now that I figured it out. So, I'm not only THAT guy who talks about himself often, thinking, "Oh, here's a cool example from my life that is relevant to the conversation", but apparently, I'm also THAT guy who comes across as bragging when I do that.
I'm also THAT guy who only realizes people thought that about five years after the conversation and feels ridiculous every time I remember it.
28. When Art Mirrors Reality
I was taking a writing tutorial in college. The assignment of the day was to pitch a story overview for a new sitcom, going into a bit of detail about the overall plot arc and primary characters.
I stalled on the assignment, finished it minutes before class started, and ended up arriving five minutes late and interrupting someone else's presentation.
My turn came along, and I presented my fairly poor sitcom idea and started discussing one of the characters. I said, "This guy compulsively blurts out the worst possible thing to say at the wrong time, like, he'll be at a funeral with his grieving friend and chuckle during the service and say, 'it's kind of funny to think about your mom dying'".
There was complete silence in the room.
Everyone stared at me like I was a ghost. My teacher's mom had passed away a few days prior from pancreatic cancer. Her funeral was a day or two before our class.
There was a card that was passed around the class for the students to sign. I didn't know about it because I arrived at class five minutes late.
29. Trying To Be A Local Made Me Loco
When I was traveling in Asia and Europe, I really didn't want to be "that guy"—the stupid, rude American who has no respect for the country and culture he's in. And for the most part, I did a good job, I think, but I have to jaywalk.
I can't just stand there and wait for a light when there's no traffic. There was a whole crowd on each end, patiently waiting while nothing was passing between them, and I tried.
I tried to stand with the locals, but each second was an eternity. I started to forget what I was doing and who I was. I didn't want to forget who I was; this was the battle for my soul.
I shouted to myself, "I'M FROM NEW YORK!" and ran across the street. This happened virtually every day.
30. Revenge Wasn’t Sweet
A girl I was seeing really hurt me. She left me, lied a bit, cheated a lot, that sort of thing. So, I decided to tell everyone she and I knew, including all of her friends, what she did and sway them to my side just by plainly telling them the story.
She was left without friends, and one day, she was crying and told me that whatever she did, she didn't take my friends away. At that moment, I realized I was everyone I had ever hated.
31. California Teasing
I'm a Californian living in NYC. Last year, we had a minor earthquake, and everyone here overreacted. The building was evacuated, etc. I kept saying how the earthquake was nothing, and that I'd been through far worse, so we didn't need to evacuate, etc.
Later, I saw an article written about it, saying that every office in NYC has "that irritating person from California annoyingly jibber-jabbering about how insignificant this earthquake was". I'm that guy.
32. The Reason For The Delay Was Plain As Day
My wife, 4-year-old son, and I were flying back home from California. The airline moved our connecting flight to the other side of the Houston airport, and as we were a couple of minutes late, we were informed the plane had left.
It hadn’t, and they let us on the plane 15 minutes later. So, having already been solely responsible for the plane being 20 minutes late, we took our seats, and, out of nowhere, my son started freaking out.
He was screaming, hitting the seat, all out of nowhere. This vacation was the first time he had been on a plane and have not acted this way at all before this fourth and last flight, we were completely caught off guard.
My wife spent 30 minutes trying to calm him down, holding him down in the seat, before he finally stopped. The plane had to wait this entire time, so we were the sole cause of the plane now leaving 50 minutes late.
Worse yet, my son was big for his age, so we got to overhear all the talk of the "six to 7-year-old acting like a screaming infant on the plane" when we got back to our home city.
33. BBQ Bail
An ex-girlfriend, whom I am still good friends with, was living with her dude and baby. It was her dude's birthday. We were cool; there was no jealousy or hanging issues. Several of my friends were invited over, and she invited me as well.
She got him a huge grill with a spot for propane and for charcoal, and a smoker attachment.
The thing had to be over $1,000. He and his buddy had spent all morning putting it together and getting it ready for the birthday party.
I arrived and INSTANTLY set my bag of grillables too close. The cheap plastic bag melted onto the grill. I tried to quickly get it off, but I made it worse.
I ran inside to let someone know and ask for help, but it looked to them like I was bailing out. When I explained that I was trying to find someone to help, it sounded like a lame excuse, and I had changed my mind about bailing out.
I tried to give him some money for the grill, but he was too much of a gentleman about it.
34. Parking Problem
I was walking out of my office to my car for lunch one day. There was a big parking lot, and my car was way in the back, so it was a bit of a hike. From a way off, though, I could see that some poor schmuck had had an accident because his bumper was on the ground.
"Sucks to be that guy," I thought.
Of course, as I got closer, I realized, "Oh no, I'm that guy". It was a hit-and-run, and I never found out who did it. Now, I take pictures of the license plates of cars parked next to me.
35. First In Line
Three days before Christmas, I was flying from San Francisco to Vancouver on United. The plane's alternator went kaput, so they deplaned us and told us to go to the customer service desk. The line was AT LEAST 200 people long from previous cancellations.
I walked up to the 1K line. The desk opened up, and I stepped forward. So did a guy in the other line, who was obviously tired and mad.
The agent told him he had to wait. He's been in line for 2.5 hours and wasn’t interested in waiting. Meanwhile, I was in line for 20 seconds. I went ahead, as five other 1K/GS members filed into the 1K/GS line.
They were also going to be seen in front of the other normal passengers who had been waiting 2–3 hours. "Oh, look at the celebrities. They're special. They get to go first". I was that guy.
36. On A Slippery Slope
I booked a snowboarding trip with a few friends who were taking the bus to the mountain early in the morning. The company that was chartering it said that the bus would leave at 5 a.m., with no exceptions. It was a simple condition to meet—but I still managed to ruin everything.
Of course, I overslept, called the company, and made everyone on the bus wait for an hour, including my friends. In my defense, I thought they would've left without me because of the "no exceptions" policy.
37. Seeing Snakes
I bought new jeans the night before and wore them the next day. Around mid-morning, I went to the bathroom. I unzipped and felt a string run up my leg.
However, my first thought was that it was a snake. I looked down fast and knocked myself out on the urinal. Paramedics and smelling salts later, I woke up.
I immediately freaked out that there was a snake in my pants. The female paramedic looked at me and said something like, “Not that impressive at all”. I was that guy for three years at work until I found another job.
38. Guitar Geek
I played guitar in our school's pep band. On the day of tryouts, the band room was locked before school; it was where I kept my guitar/amp on game days. The teacher didn't show up until just before school started.
I ended up having to walk through the hallways, most of the way across school, carrying a guitar around my neck/back.
I didn't have a case, so I had to actually wear the guitar with its strap, along with my backpack, and hold an amp in my hand. I absolutely looked like "that guy" to the probably hundred or two people that I passed by.
39. Waiting For Prince Charming
I'm nearing 30, and still single. For a woman in this position, the uterus and the heart just roar louder and louder as the years tick down on the clock.
So, the brain, with its penchant for superstition and logical fallacies, tries to tame the bleeding heart and soothe the savage estro-beast. I just KNOW that when I finally do fall in love, it's going to be magical.
This guy will be my eternal soul mate. He'll be an important person, a man of whom all my friends will be envious. Yep, I've become “That Girl”. The one who is convinced that her life will turn out to be a fairy tale, with Prince Charming on a white horse who's come to save the day.
Somehow, this perfect being will fall head over heels, convinced he can't live another day without me, this plain (at best), boring, unambitious, unattractive inexperienced woman.
I'm the target audience for things such as Twilight, Bronte novels, and romantic comedies starring 40-year-old actresses playing 27-year-old characters. Ugh.
40. Keep It Down!
I sometimes have trouble modulating my voice. I come from a family of loud talkers and my brother and father both have hearing loss.
Even though it really wasn't intentional, it probably seemed that way. In high school, I overheard one of my acquaintances and he said the most mortifying thing: "God, it's like she wants EVERYONE in the vicinity to know how interesting her life is".
From that moment on, I decided to make an effort to keep it down going forward.
41. My Tournament Left Me Completely Defeated
I was "that guy" last year at this tournament that a few friends and I threw together. The whole week I was stressing out because I had never really been in charge of something this big before.
I didn't sleep at all when I wasn't running around and running errands to make sure it went off without a hitch.
I was in charge of the kegs, hot dogs, burgers, the tables, the booze, and the moon bounce for a party that about 150 people were attending.
All of this stress, combined with the total lack of sleep from the week before, combined with a 1 p.m. start time, and all of the salty foods I was ingesting that day, made a potent blackout cocktail, which I was completely unaware of.
So, as soon as the tournament started, I started guzzling cans when I wasn't playing and ripping hits when I wasn't drinking. I had about 15 drinks in two hours, and the blackout hit me hard.
According to reports, I was battling people for a position on the crawfish table. Then, when the crawfish were gone, I began to eat the melted butter by itself.
When my team lost—I don't remember the last two games—I went over to the hosts' metal fence and proceeded to angrily hit it for about 20 minutes.
Three of my female friends told me I tried to kiss them (the biggest reason I was "that guy"), and I passed out in the moon bounce. When it was deflating, two of my friends had to come over and pull me out before it collapsed.
When I woke up from being dragged out of the moon bounce, I went into full-on beast mode and broke into a full sprint while screaming at the top of my lungs for about five seconds. I then slipped on a wet patch of concrete and fell hard on my elbow.
My roommate carried me to his car (I'm 6’4”, 210 lbs) and drove me home. I was out cold by 5:30 p.m.
42. Acting Like A Meathead
I worked at a deli counter in a grocery store. This guy walked up wearing sunglasses and interrupted me as I was cutting cheese. He asked where the milk was, and I said, "Over there," as I pointed at the dairy aisle.
Then he said, "Where?" I said, "Right over there, sir". After I served my customer the rest of his meat, the man was still standing there.
He asked me again, "Where's the milk?" I walked up to him and, as I was walking, said, "Look, man, turn 90 degrees and keep going till you". Then I realized he had a seeing-eye dog, and he was blind. He didn't take it the wrong way, though; he laughed.
The deli counter was so high that all I was able to see were his shoulders and up.
43. A Terrifying Tackle
I got knocked out at a football game at a conference during my senior year; actually, the first game of my senior year. I was the captain and all-state in another sport, so I assumed I was a pretty well-known athlete around the conference.
The kid that clocked me was maybe 5'4", but a vicious player. It was totally clean, and I have to give him credit.
Every school in the conference had about 2,000 kids in it, and every kid would ask if I knew the kid who almost "died" in that football game.
Yeah, I was that guy. I got carted off in an ambulance, and they said a prayer for me. People are always shocked when they realize I'm not paralyzed. I never played again.
44. Blinded By The Light
I took a tour of Germany in 1998 and went to one of King Ludwig's castles, Linderhof. In this particular castle, King Ludwig had a hall of mirrors. We had toured most of the castle and listened as the tour guide told us about the Hall of Mirrors.
Hoping to get a very kaleidoscope-esque picture of the entire group during her discussion, I took my Canon S50 and held it up above the crowd to take a semi-blurry time-lapse of the entire room. This is where it got bad.
For some reason, I forgot to turn the flash off and managed to blind the entire room with my fully charged flash. The blindness was punctuated by a very German "Uhhhhhhhhh" from the dumbfounded tour guide. I was like, “Whoops!” I was that guy.
45. Being A Bit Too Ruff On People
I was "that girl" about dogs. I had an opinion about everything everyone else did with their dogs, and the opinion was usually that everyone else was a bunch of clueless jerks bordering on negligence.
Then, one day, my cousin got a new puppy who I really thought was taken from its mother too soon. I was just about to tell her all about it and I realized I was a know-it-all-judgemental jerk about dogs. Today, I still think that way, but I try to bite my tongue.
46. An Above-Average Response
After the first test of the semester in Advanced Organic Synthesis, pretty much the whole class was wondering if they needed to drop it. The professor walked in, handed out the tests, and started to write on the board.
When he wrote that the average was 29/100, I leaned over to ask the student next to me if he was serious. They said, “You darn right he's serious! I didn't even make average, but I heard that some son of a made[sic] a 68”. I was that person.
Luckily, she hadn't seen my paper. I flipped it over and just said, “Wow”.
47. The Signs Were All There
It was my spring semester in 2007. I was taking Intro to Psychology or something like that. There was a section on relationships, and the lecture that night was about emotionally harmful relationships.
There was a checklist of signs, and if you could check "Yes" to so many of them, there was a chance you were in a bad relationship.
I couldn't believe what was on the list. I realized that my previous relationship ticked all but one of the boxes. It hit me like a ton of bricks. All my life, I had wondered what was wrong with women who stayed with harmful partners.
Like the women on Oprah specials or whatever, talking about their husbands hitting them and saying, "But he loves me!"
I always thought they must be stupid. Why would you think that someone loves you when they hit you and treat you like trash? Then, I realized that night, in the middle of class, that I had been one of those women.
Granted, the dude had never hit me; it was all emotional manipulation, guilt trips, and such, but it was still harmful.
I barely held it together through class—and then I went home and lost it. I just cried until I couldn't anymore. I hated myself for being one of "those women".
Luckily, I was already in counseling because of said relationship, and my next appointment was the following day, first thing in the morning. I brought it up to my counselor, and he was able to talk me through it.
I have a LOT more empathy for anyone in any kind of harmful relationship now, and I understand how it happens and why the victims go to such lengths to defend their offenders
48. Table Toppler
I was “that guy” at that party a long time ago who tried to jump over the ping pong table when I was plastered. I didn’t make it over and instead landed my behind right on the top, flipping the thing over, and I became covered in water. I thought my slip and fall wasn't too embarrassing—but my situation was worse than I thought.
I actually BROKE the table, thus ending the game for the night. Worse than that, I ended up in a pile of someone's mess on the floor that wasn't cleaned up. The only good news is that people said it was the highlight of the "party," which ended fairly soon after the table broke.
49. My Baggage Took A Nosedive
I was that guy who insisted his bag would fit in the overhead compartment; it really did fit on every other plane! The wheels were sticking out just enough that when I slammed the door shut, the bottom part popped out right over someone's head, nearly hitting them.
It ended up delaying the flight by an hour while they tried to pry open the compartment and subsequently had to duct tape it shut.
50. Everything Went Downhill
I went skiing and placed my skis gently up against the fence. I turned to walk toward the locker room to get something—and I heard the first “CLUNK”.
I turned around to see my skis had started an apocalyptic domino effect on the fence where everyone else's boards and skis were placed as well.
The worst part? There was nothing I could do but watch in horror as almost every foot sled was knocked over in one direction and then sheepishly picked them up one by one.
Afterward, I awkwardly turned to the dumbfounded crowd and yelled, "Don't worry, everyone, I got it!" I then walked away as quietly as I could, with my buddy making fun of me the whole time.