Relationship breakups are tough. People go from their absolute best selves to complete nightmares. Just ask any product of divorce or family law attorney. Wait, no need. These people took to Reddit to share their personal and professional brush-ups with petty and entitled ex-partners.
1. That Escalated Quickly
On day 58 of the 60 days it took for my parents' divorce to be final, my dad called my mom at work and begged her to call it off and take him back. She said no. He went from sad and crying to being hostile.
He said, "So this is how you want things?" About an hour and a half later, my mom got another phone call from someone letting her know that our house was on fire. It was my dad, of course. I wish that's the worst I could say about their divorce.
2. Who Gets The Washer?
I wasn't involved in this divorce, but a long-running divorce in my county involved a wife who refused to work in any way, shape, or form.
The husband illustrated how lazy she was when he sent his construction crew to the house while she was out of town. They collected some jaw-dropping evidence.
They removed something like five or six truckloads of dirty clothes from the house and tried to bring them to court as evidence as part of his effort to reduce the temporary alimony he was paying. Rather than wash her or the kids’ clothes, she would just buy new clothes every week.
3. Definitely Not A Smart Man
My dad retired six months early to spite my mom. She remarried a rich man, and my father is now struggling to live off of his much younger partner's salary as a hairdresser. He was a federal government employee and could have retired with an 80% pension off his six-figure salary for the rest of his life.
Instead, he decided to "stick it" to my mom. In court, the judge addressed him directly and said the most brutal thing: "I understand you think you are a smart man, but you need to realize that is simply not the case".
He now tells everyone who will listen how my mom bankrupted him because "divorce favors women". He can't seem to fathom why I have no interest in talking to him anymore.
4. Getting Used To Good Deeds
My memory involves a guy with a drinking problem. For added context, this was a middle-aged man and like his ex, he was onto his third marriage. They both had fairly nice lives set up beforehand—cars, vacations, good jobs, etc. When they decided to get married, she sold her house to move into his. That's when she made a disturbing discovery.
She realized he was actually a hoarder, and the place was a wreck on the inside. She quit her job and cleaned it up. Then, she realized that he hadn't filed or withheld taxes in about ten years; so, she prepared returns for him and negotiated his tax debt way down.
His house was about to go into foreclosure, but she spent her nest egg on keeping it from being sold. Despite all of this, he beat her and cheated on her. Then, she finally decided to leave him. In the divorce, she asked to be put back in the position she was in when they got together.
His response was pretty much, "Your money's all spent, and all that's left is mine". I am pleased to report that that did not end well for him.
5. Décor Is Everything Though
When I was an article clerk, there was a matter that was eventually settled, but on the day the divorce was heard and we were called into the courthouse, my own client decided not to proceed. Why you might ask?
Well, because her mother's 15-year-old curtains were not part of the settlement agreement.
6. Can’t Stay Friends With Exes
I live in Brazil, and my fiancée is an assistant to the judge. She was telling me about this case, and it made me really, really sad.
Some dude was driving a truck that was overweight in its capacity and poorly maintained. The truck malfunctioned somehow, and he crashed and went into a coma. The dude woke up a couple of days later in the hospital and found an ex-girlfriend by his side.
She said she'd heard about the accident, and that she was there to take care of him. He was in the hospital for a really long time and wasn't quite himself in the first couple of weeks. Since he was restrained to the hospital, someone had to take care of his business.
He had to apply for "paid disease absence" and he gave his ex the ability to serve as his power of attorney. She took care of all those things for him. She even got an actual attorney to sue the truck owner (his employer) on his behalf. The dude got stuck in a wheelchair after the accident.
When he left the hospital, they parted ways on good terms. He found some girl, fell in love, and moved in with her. A year later, his lawsuit ended, and he won a small amount as restitution plus a lifetime pension. Not a week later, he was surprised by divorce papers.
The ex-girlfriend that took care of him used her power of attorney to marry him without his knowledge. She heard he had won the lawsuit, so she asked for half the restitution and half his lifetime pension. The marriage had been conceived under obviously fraudulent means, and thus would be easily voided...had the dude's lawyer realized that and requested the marriage to be voided.
But he didn't and the judge was forbidden to grant something that wasn't requested. So, the marriage remained valid, which meant she was entitled to half his earnings.
7. A Real Gotcha Moment
I was doing some construction work for a divorce lawyer last year—and she was in the middle of a doozy. The gist of it is that this guy wanted to get divorced, didn't want to pay anything for child support, but wanted to get the kid and have HER pay him.
This guy literally brought in some Mary Jane that he "found" in her dresser like three years ago. Like, into a courtroom, just holding a few grams of it. He tried to walk up to the judge with it and apparently everyone laid into him about how dumb that was and how it meant nothing.
The attorney I was working for tried to get him in trouble for it, but the judge was so disappointed in this guy he said that his own stupidity was punishment enough. Needless to say, he didn't win...
8. Where Was Stephen King?
Not me, but my mom is a lawyer. I had heard about this case, but she wouldn't tell me the specifics initially, until I eventually convinced her. She worked a pretty horrible divorce case between these two impoverished people who had two small children.
The whole case was aggressive, but things really went off the rails when it came time to talk about custody of the kids. They were set to share custody of the kids 50/50, I believe. Well, one day when the dad had the kids, he told them they were going to visit mommy at her home knowing the mom would be out shopping or whatever.
Well, he took the kids inside her house, (guess she hadn't gotten new locks yet or something), and took their lives. He then proceeded to sit outside the mom's house in his car to wait for her to get home so he could see her reaction. He then immediately turned himself in.
9. But She’s A Princess
My most entitled client was a woman in her mid-forties; she had never worked a day in her life. She'd gone from her father's home to her husband’s and expected a man to take care of her for the rest of her life.
Her husband worked but wasn't making a ton of money. Yet still, the idea that she would need to transition into the workforce was so unfair to her. In our settlement negotiations— when discussing spousal support—I asked her if X would be enough. Her response floored me.
She began screaming in the judge's conference room while slamming her hand on the table, "No it's not enough! It's never enough!" The judge's staff and opposing counsel walked in to make sure that she hadn't knocked me against the wall.
The case had been ongoing for over a year at this point, and she still hadn't been able to consider that she would be self-sufficient. Hardest case I've ever had because I just couldn't relate to my client in any way. Feminism completely missed her, and I guess having it hit you in the face in your forties must be rough.
10. The Numbers Don’t Add Up
This is about my mother-in-law. She was 20 years younger than my stepfather-in-law and he had been retired for most of their 23-year marriage. When she left him, she cheated, moved in with her boyfriend, and then tried to get everything in the divorce.
She thought she would get close to 100% because he had been retired and she hadn't earned anything during the course of the marriage. We tried to explain to her it didn't work like that, especially with the paper trail showing that she had drained his 401k and pension.
Had she just arbitrated he would have been reasonable and would have given her half. But since she thought she was entitled, it went to the courts. He got 70% of everything.
11. She Wiped The Slate Clean
I suspect everything would have worked a lot better for me had I not married a person with an extreme personality disorder. Sadly, people don't come with those sorts of markings, and she hid her nature pretty carefully before the marriage.
I got served on a Friday after 5 pm when I came home to a nearly empty house. She cleaned out our joint accounts, I had nothing to hire a lawyer with had there even been one available on a weekend. If there are free resources for men facing divorce in my area, I could not find them. But she went even further than that.
She took the children, all of their clothes, toys, books, and furniture (except a bed for each child). I didn't have any idea where my kids were until the following Tuesday. She left no note; she and her family would not answer the phone. My ex refused to negotiate on anything.
Because my kids are young, and she was a homemaker, I got very little consideration on custody issues. No one batted an eyelash when my ex withheld the kids from me, or when she cleaned out our joint accounts. I paid for all of the lawyers involved, directly or indirectly.
The way she took the money from our shared accounts made it nearly impossible to recover anything. Pretty soon I was a paycheck with support obligations and bills that kept me with negative cash flow for six months. I made too much to file for bankruptcy, but not enough to cover everything.
I never had an issue with paying child or spousal support. The way they calculated it wasn't fair, but what can you do? I had lots of issues with getting access to the kids. After the divorce, she ignored most of the items in the final decree, I couldn't call my kids and she kept me in the dark about school, medical, and after-school activities.
Had I failed to pay support, an organization would have come after me. When she refused to comply with the divorce decree, I had nothing. To get traction, I would have to go back to court, which I couldn't afford. It was brutal. I don't remember long stretches of the last two years.
I held myself together, stayed employed, and cared for my kids when I had them.
12. Heirloom Drama
My great-grandmother gave my younger cousin her wedding ring so she could have it when she marries. My great-aunt (the oldest daughter of my great-grandmother) literally went to my uncle's house and told him If she didn't get that ring, she would report him on the grounds of theft.
What is people's problem with always wanting more money? This whole ordeal about my grandma and her older sister trying to get every penny has torn our entire family apart. My grandma has essentially severed all ties with her four children because her entire life has been about having more money.
13. Paying Anybody But The Ex
I had a mediation that was completely agreed upon. Well over a million dollars were at stake. Both sides agreed to the disposition of the marital assets. But then, after almost six hours of negotiating, the wife realized that one bank account with less than $10,000 was going to the husband instead of her. And the whole agreement broke down over that.
She was willing to pay way more than ten grand to go to trial and possibly get less because she thought it was unfair for the husband to get the money.
14. Divorce Fit For Jerry Springer
While I was not the one in the divorce, I was regularly exposed to the nonsense that was my sister's divorce. She was sure she was going to "win" because she was the mom. The kids became irritable and often misbehaved and even began regressing in terms of potty training.
One daughter began chewing and eating her hair. My sister and her husband blamed each other, fought constantly, and my sister continued flaunting her infidelity. (It was essentially the worst-kept secret that she started sleeping with his childhood best friend).
The poison even seeped into our family, as my sister fed our father garbage about being some poor victim, and he unfortunately just bought into all of it. This caused issues between my parents and my sister's terrible choices began affecting my parents' relationship.
My mother constantly told her to think about the kids, but she continually just blew it off and continued on her path. She went through numerous lawyers because they "weren't doing their job," but after the first one, she was begging my parents for money.
She played the kids as her manipulation card and ended up getting tens of thousands from my parents. The whole time, she's continuing to flaunt her affair, even with the knowledge that she had an investigator following her.
Her arrogance continued into the court proceedings, and she ended up losing custody of them, and then couldn't believe it. Thankfully I was not required to go to court or participate, since I had little to no direct involvement with all the issues that happened.
It's sad to see how much damage the kids themselves have already sustained, and the immediate family affected by all the nonsense is no better. I simply am disgusted by the absolute lack of regard for the others involved when it comes to a divorce.
Honestly, both parents proved to me that they don't care about those kids, and neither one should have custody. My sister has improved some, but she still puts herself and her new husband first unless it's convenient to put the kids first.
15. Karma Is A Dirty Business
During the mediation of my first divorce, we ended up having to come back the next day over the stupidest thing—a mattress! It was an old ratty mattress that my brother could still have used. My ex insisted that her mother gave it to us though.
So, the next morning, I told my lawyer to just let her have the mattress. She never even came to pick it up, of course. She also didn't come pick up her washer for nearly a year until she made a friend with a washer hookup in her apartment. Less than a week later, they had a falling out and the woman kept her washer.
16. Fair Is Not Always Fair
Imagine a scenario in which the law requires that the husband pay for all of the wife's attorney's fees. I live in California, and this happened to me. Since I have a job, and my ex-wife refuses to work, the law required me to pay for her attorney.
At that point, there was no incentive for her to wrap things up, whereas for me, I had to take loans out and was under extreme financial pressure to somehow pay for all of it. I settled for a lot worse than I deserved because I couldn’t afford to keep it up. The law, as my attorney told me, is not fair.
17. Up Next, The Mental Hospital
My divorce was brutal. My ex cheated on me multiple times and when I filed, she instantly started crying that I hurt her, playing the helpless blonde card at every turn, crying at the drop of a hat, saying there was no way she could possibly support herself (she had multiple degrees and a job history). She made my life a living nightmare.
She pushed for 100% custody of the kids and made me pay through the nose for every moment I got to spend with them. She took most of my retirement and made me pay all her lawyer’s fees. Every time I pushed back, she painted me as a monster and misogynist, and the judge gave her what she wanted.
I ended up with 45% custody of the kids (after a year-long fight), a year of my salary in court-related debts, no house, and no retirement. She then proceeded to give the kids every single thing they wanted (she let my 14-year-old daughter sleep with her 19-year-old boyfriend in her house) to try to woo them over to her, which backfired horribly and ended up alienating the kids from her completely.
When that didn't work, she took a fireplace iron to my son and ended up being committed, which was where her BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) was diagnosed. Now, 10 years later, I've not spoken to her in four years, the boys despise her, and her daughter is realizing how crazy she was.
18. She Was On Duty Too
Sadly, I had an ex-wife who betrayed me. She had a kid with another dude while we were still married—while I was serving in Iraq. She took more than 90% of the assets and I paid off all the debt, and none of it was used for me.
I just wanted her out of my life, so I could start over. I came home to an empty room with just the clothes on my back, the military set me up well. What's kind of hilarious is that she still thinks I owe her money.
19. Better Behind Bars
It was pretty bad during the divorce. I almost reached a breaking point, but the love of my daughter kept me going. I didn't want money; I just wanted my kid to be safe. My ex wanted money—lots of money that I didn't have. I was scared that I was going to end up homeless.
After I made her an offer based on what our state's divorce law says (which is really quite fair and clear), she sprung an awful surprise on me. She hired a lawyer her parents paid for instead. We spent two years and tens of thousands of dollars fighting in court.
She tried to claim I attempted to take our daughter from her at one point, she claimed I had all kinds of money I didn't have—when in fact, we had no assets except debt that we both incurred. Oh yeah, this was all after I supported her through a six-year prison sentence—bringing her kids to see her every holiday, every school vacation, etc.
In the end, the judge gave her almost exactly what I offered her in the first place (a little less actually). I do have a higher income, so I gladly took on the debt as I'd offered to. I even paid her alimony for a while. I have full decision-making and 80% custody, which is what matters.
I pay every penny of my daughters' expenses, and that's perfectly fine with me.
20. Striking Where It Hurts
My ex uses my children to hurt me. We have 50/50 custody; he has the primary residence. He has let the children live with me, then taken them back because he was mad. He buys them things that they really, really want and tells them they can't bring these things to my house, so they don't want to visit me.
He takes forever to respond to my emails about the children, which limits my visitation. He thinks he had all the power because he had money and I have a low-paying job. I cry a lot. I'm depressed a lot. All I want are my kids.
21. He Forgot To Read The Fine Print
I have a co-worker who was married for a small amount of time—like a few years—and his wife never worked. When the divorce went through, he got all bent out of shape over the fact that he had to pay her part of the retirement savings because she didn't earn it. What do people think is going to happen?
Just because your spouse doesn't work doesn't mean she isn't entitled to half the money you got while you were married. If you didn't like the fact that she wouldn't get a job, you shouldn’t have married her.
22. Double Dipping
My ex would buy clothes for my daughter, but somehow, she just always returned to my house in ratty old ones, so the clothes he bought wouldn't leave his house. Even though she went there also dressed in nice clothes from my house, he decided that he should keep those too.
23. The Lawyer Wanted To Separate
I think my most entitled client was someone who had no children, a well-paying job, and lived quite comfortably—perhaps even lavishly.
The client made domestic violence claims with nothing to back them up, tallied up every expense from the marriage in an attempt to show that ex-spouse had been hiding money, claimed they had no money to live on (despite having a six-figure income) and needed spousal support, and threw fits when they did not get their way—both in court and out.
This client was an absolute nightmare to work with, and if I hadn't been just an associate and had been allowed to choose my clients, I would have fired this one a million times over.
24. She Must Have Been A Hot One
You want to talk about petty? I'm a chef, she can't even cook, but she still took all the spices with her. All of them. She also took all the toilet paper, and three out of each set of four plates, bowls, and cups.
She also decided to put our daughter's toys and furniture in storage instead of leaving them for her to use and enjoy during my weeks; that was also pretty petty.
25. Six Figures Only Goes So Far
Well, I'm only a few months into my divorce, and my ex has tried to have me taken into custody twice. I was the stay-at-home parent due to her high-paying job; I was in college at the time of our child’s birth. She violated temporary court orders immediately.
She quit paying for mine and my son’s insurance without saying anything until it expired, so that is still in underwriting awaiting reinstatement. She bills me for the little guy’s food, she makes 250K per year... She never offered the slightest help with our son for his first year.
Now she is claiming that she was always the primary caregiver and deserves the majority of time with him. I live in fear, for my son and for myself.
26. Flush Him
He breaks, steals, or disables anything I enjoy. If that doesn't work, he does it to what my child likes. He has stopped every service and removed me from every account so I can't change or add anything. He was not allowing the pool pump to be turned on, so after I dealt with all the algae, he rigged it.
Then, he blamed me because I opened the pool, and he said I didn't do it right, not that he will show me how or do it himself. He just likes to cast blame and have his kid not swim. The pump was running fine for weeks, he just fussed with it because I was able to clear the algae.
This week, he has put lemon juice in milk, installed hidden cameras, tried to break into my bedroom via my windows, left the doors open so the dog could get out and get hit by a car, and he refused to see the kid off to camp. Oh, but that's not all.
He gives me the silent treatment and won't disclose his whereabouts to his kid for weeks. He has not lifted a finger in the house or garden in almost a year. The fact that I am leaving and managing great without him is clearly driving him to the brink of insanity. And for the win: he won't flush the toilet.
My child and I are leaving next week as it has been almost a year of separation in the same house and he won't allow any movement in the divorce. Enjoy the bills!
27. Using The Kids As Pawns
My ex sends our three-year-old son to my house in clothing too small (even underwear and socks) because he's too cheap to buy new clothes for our son for his house and he knows I won't dress my kid in clothes that don't fit. This way he can cycle all the clothes that don't fit out for clothes that do for free.
This all just means that my poor kid is uncomfortable all day at daycare every day he goes from my ex's house to mine. It puts all clothing expenses for both houses onto me. I despise people who use children as tools to mess with their exes.
28. Anything To Get A Rise
My ex left the marriage twice. I kept the house. I wasn't home the day she moved out after the second separation, but I came home to an absolute mess.
There was dirt and footprints on the floors, stuff left in the basement, and nothing was cleaned up. Knowing she was trying to get a rise out of me, I just opened up a drink, put on some music, and cleaned everything up.
A couple of months later, a mutual friend who helped her move told me she took great pleasure in leaving a mess and couldn't wait for me to text or email her about my frustrations. Later that evening, she was pretty bummed that she didn't get a reaction from me.
I can't say that her actions surprised me, and it's just one example of why I'm happy she's out of my life. Oh, and that friend I mentioned… my ex hooked up with his wife and they became a couple—that threw my friend for a loop. It is what it is. I am now divorced and very OK with it.
I wish my ex the best in her new life and her relationship, although I have heard the grass isn't as green as she would like it to be. Ain't my struggle anymore!
29. When You Divorce A Literalist
When it comes to our kids, the pettiest thing he has done is following the court order to the absolute letter. You would think this is not a big deal, but it is. He was actually diabolical".
Oh, I don't have to feed them lunch, it's not in the court order". "Where in the court order does it say that I have to change their diapers?" "The court order doesn't say that I have to clean them up before I bring them back to you, so why should I?"
Therefore, every Sunday afternoon, I take him happy, clean, well-behaved children, and get back three tired, hungry, cranky, filthy kids.
30. Living The Dream
She moved with my boy to another state. That's a two-hour flight away, so I got the house, not that she paid a dime for it. Now I have the privilege of paying about $1,300 a month to see him for what amounts to about two months a year when you add it all together, plus the cost of the actual flights.
She wanted alimony too, but the judge nixed it, so now she's got a lawyer in my state trying to get that overturned, not that she needs the money of course. After all, the whole reason she moved was because the cost of living was supposedly so much cheaper there and her family can help her raise him.
She had the ability to make $50,000, but she threw it all away because she couldn't hold down a job and basically didn't want to work. Now she barely makes enough to rent a mobile home working as a vet tech (the job she just had to have because she got to work with animals), and that's with the money I give her every month.
31. Money Outlasts Wedding Vows
I don't see many classically "entitled" spouses, although I did have one person who wanted my client to pay alimony for 20 years even though they had been only married for 16 years. I see the opposite situation much more often.
The parties have been married for 15 or 20 years and the higher-earning spouse thinks it's totally fair to walk away without providing any support to the other and wants to keep all of their retirement and investment funds because he/she is the one who "earned" them.
32. Nothing Left To Take
In my own family, my mom would not settle for joint custody. She completely bankrupted my father and nearly cost him his whole medical practice, so he couldn't afford to fight for custody. (She was a stay-at-home mother. He earned all the income, and it was pretty substantial.)
She got basically nothing besides child support and ended up with joint custody anyway though. When asked, both me and my brother said we wanted to live with our dad. It is weird how archaic the family court is.
33. Pettiness Brings The Rats To The Yard
I used to work as a family law attorney. Never again. It's one of those fields you either love or hate; I am the latter. I had clients who fought over custody of children they did not want, only because they wanted to pay less or no child support.
I had a client say that he would quit his job one day before retirement benefits vested, just so the ex-spouse wouldn't get a portion of it—imagine giving up your own retirement just to hurt someone you once loved.
34. Reverse Karma
My friend had to come out of her recent retirement because she had a career while her slacker husband loafed for 20+ years, then she finally divorced him but now has to pay him alimony! What's the logic there?
If it's not a case of the couple deciding one should stay home but rather that one is a bum, why should the loser be rewarded for that? She assumed most of the care of their child too. I can't wrap my head around this one and am so angry on my poor friend's behalf.
Doesn't this amount to her being punished for being the responsible one?
35. Does She Get The Paper?
I was a secretary for an attorney. I think the most entertaining one was when a guy had to divorce his wife via newspaper because she wouldn't leave the house or answer the door for the process server.
36. At Least They’re Organized
I worked on a case where the other party's statement of property listed every single individual food item in the house at the date of separation. For example, "Campbell's condensed tomato soup—$0.59". That one was pretty intense.
37. Catch Me If You Can
My ex moved 1,400 miles away, broke every single arrangement and agreement we had, and used the whole divorce stuff we signed with certain understandings in mind to be the sole gatekeeper of when and where I saw my kids.
And when I did see my kids, there were tons of conditions attached and she always required extra money or some other task. She got pretty much everything!
38. Well, The Vacuum Is Critical
She got sole custody of the kids because I could not afford to live in that school district with only my income, and I didn't want to fight for shared custody because I didn't want to take my son away from his friends. So, child support used up all the marital assets I had gained over 10 years.
It was all gone—totally gone. Financially it was like starting over at age 21. She was horrible and petty and even fought over which vacuum I could take with me.
39. Maybe It Was A COVID Divorce
My ex-wife took half of the soap in the bottle of soft soap and my toothbrush when she moved out of our home. Yes, she literally took five minutes out of her day just to pour out the soap, so she could actually be that petty.
40. A Tricky Business
My friend once told me a story wherein my friend's divorce lawyer friend was attacked by a client's former spouse while doing his grocery shopping at a local supermarket with his wife and kids.
The former spouse has blamed the divorce attorney for "taking him to the cleaners" and for the downward spiral that followed the divorce. Last I heard, the lawyer in the grocery store decided to change practice areas.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, defense lawyers often work with the worst people on their best behavior, family lawyers often work with the best people on their worst behavior.
41. Jealousy On A Whole New Level
One client wanted a provision in his divorce that said his sons couldn't watch NASCAR because the wife's new boyfriend was into NASCAR. In the same case, the property division was so contentious that the judge had the parties list every piece of furniture in the house and try to work through who would get what.
The guy made sure that he wanted everything she did, down to things like lace doilies her grandma made and some trophy she won in a women's shooting competition on account of him buying her the equipment.
42. No Time For Fun
She fought me every step of the way on getting passports for my kids to go on a vacation with my family. Long story short, the State Department in Washington, DC had to eventually override her last refusal to cooperate the day before we were leaving on our trip. All in all, I spent almost $3k on two passports.
I didn't really hate her until that point, and this was after the divorce was finalized.
43. Truly Just The Stuff
My grandparents' divorce. I refused to help them with it or get involved. I think my only advice was to burn all of their possessions. It was truly awful. It went on for at least four years. My grandfather was a shopping addict and hoarder, and my step-grandmother left the minute that they ran out of cash.
They then proceeded to fight about every object in their hoarded home—all while both being in the middle of deteriorating. She had cancer and Alzheimer’s, and he had Diabetes and kidney failure, so it wasn't like they had some grand plan about how someone was going to use any of these objects. But that's not the saddest part.
They owned basically nothing of actual value. My grandfather was just awful and wouldn't let her go and he wrote her nasty letters weekly. After my grandfather died, my family threw away or donated virtually every last hammer, hat, and book they fought over.
What a waste of time and energy their whole divorce fiasco was. I'm sure they greatly annoyed their respective attorneys greatly.
44. How The Grinch Really Stole Christmas
Before we were divorced, she took the Christmas tree and all of our ornaments to her affair-partner’s house and set up Christmas there. We have a seven-year-old child together. So yeah, that was pretty awesome.
45. Never Too Late To Break A Sweat
The most recent one (but probably not the pettiest) was coming into our home while I was at work and taking my blender and kettlebells. Both things he never used, by the way, and I've been using daily for the four months since he's been gone.
46. Gossip Lasts A Lifetime
It's pretty much non-stop with my own ex, but since bringing it into the courtroom I think this most recent thing is the icing on the cake for petty things to do.
She had a co-worker as well as my current boss subpoenaed as part of our last custody modification. The co-worker testified to a conversation that I supposedly had with them over 14 years ago (prior to our marriage) about me supposedly saying my family were horrible people.
She paid to have my boss flown in just to have her testify that she had made complaints about me to get me fired from my job.
47. A Lifetime Sentence
Here’s a case I dealt with once. There was a husband who had a good career. He cheated on his wife, and she was very justifiably upset. The husband moved out of their marital home and into the closest major city. He paid off the mortgage on the marital home for more than 20 years.
He was ordered to give his wife living expenses each month, as well. Then, 20+ years after separation, the wife filed for a divorce because she wanted half of his retirement, too. They literally had not even seen each other for over 20 years by then. That wife was my last domestic relations client ever.
48. No Turning Back
How bad a divorce will be totally depends on the state you are in. In my state, there is such a thing as indefinite support to an ex. My ex and I agreed that she would stay home with the kids. I worked hard. I had a graduate degree before we married. She had a BA in Communications. She went slowly insane during the marriage.
I should have known better than to marry a rich girl. She took everything from us to support her shopping habit. She didn't pay the bills, so we had late fees, and one month, our cells were shut off, which prompted me to start taking care of the bills.
I took over the bills and paid down $30k in credit card debt that I was unaware of, which she had run up. I canceled the cards—all except one, which I couldn't cancel—so when we separated, I asked that she not use it.
She had a job of sorts during the last few years we were married but hid the true extent of her income from me. She announced she was taking an international cruise with a female friend and that I had to be okay with that, and her doing so every year. I had the kids and a full-time job while she was gone.
In the hopes of saving our marriage, I relented on my opposition to the trip. I saw her and her friend at the airport. I felt as if she had completely betrayed our marriage with the stealing and the wanting a life that we couldn’t really have because of a mortgage and four kids—all the result of what I thought was a joint enterprise and decisions we made knowing all the work and sacrifice would be worth it.
Three mediations and 1.5 years later, we had a trial. In the meantime, she ran up the one credit card in part buying a $1,600 ring for herself because she "couldn't stand not having a ring on her finger" and Christmas presents for the kids.
Part of what sucks about the system is judges who get mad at both spouses when one of them is the insane one and the other reacts simply to protect himself. Anyway, two of her lawyers quit on her. She got held in contempt (no penalty) and I got stuck with the credit card debt she racked up (as well as my own, to equip a rental house to handle the kids and me).
I got stuck paying her $4,000 a month in support—indefinitely.
49. Tatts Over Children
I got full custody of my kids, don't pay any alimony, and my ex blows off half of her visits. I was married for six years, and my ex decided to stab me in the back. She started an affair with a live-in boyfriend while I was in Iraq and Missouri in the Army.
She was a stay-at-home mom (But was still terrible at cooking, cleaning, you know, all of the typical stay-at-home mom stuff). The divorce took a year, and she eventually agreed to settle out of court at the urging of her attorney—I was going to wipe the floor with her.
She spent us into debt, failed to pay bills, had live-in boyfriends, kept getting new tattoos instead of a job... she sucked pretty bad, basically. She was going to try and go to trial, but she kept putting all her bad decisions on the internet and then sending me nasty text messages, and I saved everything and gave it all to my attorney.
She also tried to go off on me verbally a couple of times, which I recorded without her knowledge (totally allowed in Arizona). Now she gets them two weekends a month and a few weeks during the summer, and she still manages to miss half of those. She has time to go to a concert this week, though, apparently.
Somehow still, during the divorce, she indicated that if she lost and had to pay money, she would just keep taking me back to court until she won.
50. A Smidge Too Far
A man came into the firm my friend was working in and says his wife was cheating on him. He's extremely rich and wants to get divorced. The lawyer proceeds to ask him about his assets and what he wants to keep. He says that she can have the house, the car, the boat the kids, etc.
The lawyer asks him what he wants to keep then, given that he doesn't seem to want anything. The man angrily responds, "She only loves her dog. I want her to suffer so I want the court to order that the dog be taken away from her and cremated. She can have 50% of the ashes and I'll have the other 50%".
Somehow this prince among men is getting divorced.
Sources: Reddit, , ,
