Sometimes we do something that we know is awful and we feel terrible about it for the rest of our lives. Well, that’s certainly not the case with this group of people. Hear all about what they’ve done and why they have absolutely no regrets.
1. Roleplaying Interception
My friend and I got caught drinking by her insane mom. It was a big mess, and it was only going to get worse. She decided to call my mom. So I came up with a plan. The next day, I took my mom's phone, waiting for that dreaded call, hoping she’d be none the wiser.
When the phone finally rang, I picked up, and faked it as my worried mom for a good 20-min chat. Honestly, can't believe that worked.
2. Karma Is A Vandalized Car
In high school, my car got messed up while I was at a hockey game. I eventually figured out who did it via some friends on the rival team. I immediately started planning my revenge. I added him as a friend on MySpace, weaved my way into his social group, and got invited to a party he was going to.
I spotted his car parked a bit off. I broke into his car using a coat hanger. It wasn't pretty, but after about 45 minutes, I was in. I went ahead and sliced up every wire I could find after pulling open all the panels inside. I yanked out all the fuses and relays from every fuse box. I took out the battery, busted every speaker, drained the oil, and added about three gallons of various home cleaners and detergents into the gas tank. I did my business on his steering wheel and seat then carefully put everything back in order, locked the car, and walked into the party where I swiped two cases.
Afterwards, I chilled at home, playing cards with my boys and having a laugh about the meltdown that was waiting for the goof the next time he tried to fire up his car.
3. Sidewalk Etiquette
During my usual 10-mile jog, I encountered this sketchy boardwalk, quite precarious without any railings, hovering about two feet over something like a swamp. As I ran, I saw a bunch of teens, crowding almost the whole path and stubbornly refusing to budge. Again, on my return, I bumped into them.
This time, my shoulder brushed against one of the kids, probably 15 or so, and whoosh! Straight into the swamp he went.
4. A Reverse Prank Call
My friend and I were chillin' and watching TV in my basement while my parents visited our neighbors.
Out of the blue, the phone rings. I pick up and quickly hear a call-waiting beep. Realizing the first call was a wrong number, I switched over to the other line to pick up the other call. As soon as I did, another call-waiting beep - and another wrong, confusing number. This chaos kept going for a while. I was getting frustrated.
Then I picked up one of the calls and heard a kid asking to "pledge hours". After a few more calls, we finally realized what was happening. People were trying to phone Nickelodeon's Big-Help-A-Thon, an annual event where kids promise volunteer hours. They'd dial different 800 numbers, each ending with the hours they pledged.
Here's the fun part, my sister recently went off to college. To call home without breaking the bank, my dad set up an 800 number for our house, 800-555-0030. And now we were being bombarded by eager kids wanting to offer 30 hours to their community, thinking it was Nickelodeon on the line.
We figured out this mess and told my parents. Dad thought it was hilarious and promised to fix it in the morning. But until then, he didn't mind us having a laugh about it. So, we ended up fooling those well-meaning kids, with a three hour prank-call marathon. We promised the moon - cash, TV shows, celebrity visits, etc.
After the session, we couldn't stop laughing. We had kids believing everything we said. However, one angry mom didn't find it amusing - she kept calling for the prize money her child was promised and threatened to take it up with Nickelodeon. Go for it, lady!
5. The Pizza Revenge
I was fed up with a local pizzeria leaving flyers at my door weekly, even after I asked them to stop. It caused unnecessary litter for me to clean up.
One day, I spotted the guy who was actually dropping off these flyers. Not a young kid, but a shoddy guy in his late thirties. He drove around my neighborhood, stuffing flyers into doors, then hopped back into his car to move onto the next block.
I tried to talk to him and politely ask if he could exclude my house in his flyer distribution. But he wasn't interested, told me to buzz off, and promptly drove off.
I tried to be nice, now it was time for revenge. Inspired by their advertising, I created a mock flyer with some insane deals like half-priced pizza - no limit! After that greasy guy made his next weekly round, I took note of the flyer color, printed my versions, and swapped their flyers with mine.
After that stunt, they finally stopped the door-to-door flyer crap. They moved to mailing ads via the local newspaper. So, I guess I got my peace, and they learnt their lesson.
6. The Browser Lie
I suggested they stick with Internet Explorer, telling them it's the best browser by far. Clearly, I hated their guts.
7. The Dial-Up Dilemma
Back in the dial-up internet days, I was constantly battling with my family over the phone line. My mom didn't quite get it, and would routinely kick me off the internet by picking up the phone.
Eventually, she snapped and took my modem. But that wasn't going to stop me. I made some cash selling candy to classmates, bought a new modem, and figured out how to hook it up myself.
Next time my mom heard the familiar screech on the phone line, she lost it. She barged in, ready to confiscate the modem, only to see it wasn't there. I just played dumb and blamed it on a lousy phone.
She swapped out every handset in the house eight times before she gave up. Pointed the finger at a nearby cell tower for the static. She caught on eventually, though.
No regrets here. I only did this to talk to a girl I’d met online four years before all this drama with my mom. After I finished high school, we moved to her homestate, about 900 miles away.
Flash forward to now — we've been married for five years as of August 26th and have a kid together. We’ve known each other almost half our lives, all thanks to my low-speed internet escapades.
8. The Informant
So, my ex-girlfriend had this uni friend who was a real piece of work. Her folks got tired of her freeloading and shipped her off to college to study teaching - paid the whole bill, drove her halfway across the country, and everything.
She was dating this super nice guy who'd started his own successful business right out of college. He worked like crazy though, hardly ever took breaks.
Meanwhile, his girl was playing him big time, cheating left and right. She even used to joke that he'd never catch on. He, poor guy, kept sending her presents and stuff 'cause he thought she was just down, being all out of touch since the second semester.
Fast forward a few weeks, I had no word from them for a while, then boom! I hear he'd popped the question. I figured she'd cut the crap now. I couldn't have been more wrong. My ex spilled that she'd haul guys back to her room, they'd hook up whilst her unsuspecting roommate was just a few feet away.
I couldn't just watch, so I shot him an email. Let him in on his lady's little escapades, gave him some evidence, and my number if he needed to chat.
His response? One cuss word and then a week later, just "Thanks". He returned the ring and they split. Later I found out, post-engagement, her folks stopped paying for college. She'd got her ex-fiancé to finance the rest. She was basically having him foot the bill for her infidelity, all those miles away from home.
9. Revenge For A Good Cause
In middle school, I went on a band tour to Six Flags where a wealthy classmate was bothering my introverted buddy for various reasons. He was afraid of roller coasters, had home-packed lunch while we were eager for park grub, and didn't have any extra cash.
Just as we arrived, I'd found $40 on the bus bathroom floor. I was about to hand it over to a teacher when I heard the wealthy kid and band director talking. Apparently, this guy had lost his $40.
I made the call to keep it. I used it to buy a massive meal and a trendy choker necklace for my shy friend.
Sign up to our newsletter.
History’s most fascinating stories and darkest secrets, delivered to your inbox daily. Making distraction rewarding since 2017.
10. Pretty Equal Payback
So, my ex cheated on me during his trip abroad. But it got so much worse: He got back with me, lied about the whole thing, and slept with me a few times. Then, he went back to that country for half a year to be with the same girl. The worst part? He left his PS3 and all his video games at my place. Guess what I did? I spent an entire day messing up all his game progress and stats. A girl's got to have some fun, right?
11. The Homework Caper
One day in middle school, I was sick but showed up just for the last two classes. I had finished a paper for my first class that day, which I missed, so I forgot to turn it in.
Next day, when I tried to submit my delayed assignment - a huge paper on a book that was a massive task for me - a classmate pointed out to the teacher that she saw me at school the day before, insinuating I ditched class to avoid submitting the paper. I could have slapped them.
Even after I told my side of the story, the teacher, who clearly didn't like me, thought I should've turned it in the day before. She asked my classmate what should be done. The girl suggested that I shouldn’t be allowed to submit my paper at all so the teacher gave me an F. This brought down my overall marks tremendously as the assignment was worth a quarter of our grade.
I was pretty passive-aggressive as a kid, so I didn't say much about it. But it did make me come up with a plan. I took a peek at the girl's planner, which had her locker combo on the first page as per school rules. I also figured out her timetable.
So, between classes, I quietly visited her locker to take a piece or two of her homework from her folder. Sometimes, I even erased her answers. This affected her grades, and one day, I decided to take a big assignment of hers, just as crucial for her grade as the one she made me lose.
When she realized her assignment was 'missing', she begged for an extension. This was finally my chance. I immediately objected, referring to my own denied request for extension previously. The teacher, partly in agreement, declined her request and the girl burst into tears. She was reprimanded by the teacher for this.
I know it may seem terrible, but I don't regret it. It served her right and besides, she was too cocky for my liking.
12. Even The Authorities Don’t Regret It
My boy, who has Cerebral Palsy, was six when he had a seizure on Christmas Eve. I was out shopping when his mom rang me from the ambulance, terrified, screaming, "He's stopped breathing!" They had to stop the ambulance to resuscitate him.
Panicked, I ditched my stuff and hailed a cab, urgently telling the driver to race me to the hospital. Trying to explain the situation, I blurted out everything – my son was in danger, they were trying to revive him, he has Cerebral Palsy, and so on. That's when the driver coldly said something disgusting, "He probably deserves it." It took a moment to sink in. Shocked, I asked him to repeat himself. He did, saying my son deserved this as punishment from God. I could only respond with disbelief.
We made it to the hospital a few minute later. As I jumped out, he grabbed me, demanding his fare. Struggling to reach my wallet, I finally kicked him, got loose, and bolted into the ER. There I found my son, fighting for life, and his mom broken on the floor. I just fell apart.
Shortly after, two cops arrived. The cab driver had followed us, pointing me out. Once I explained the situation (which he confirmed), they simply told me to take care of my kid.
They escorted the taxi guy out and my son eventually got better. He's doing fine now. As for the cab driver, I wouldn't mind bumping into him one day to give him another piece of my mind.
13. The Crayon Master
I swiped a pack of 16 neon crayons from Fay's Pharmacy when I was in kindergarten. Sure, I already had a mega box of 108 crayons, but these helped me stand out from the crowd, making me the crayon champ. No regrets, man.
14. Even Pacifists Can Slip Up
I'm a total pacifist who even rescues bugs instead of squashing them. Also, as a butch lesbian, I pump some serious iron.
I've got a cat, affectionately nicknamed Pixel. I bumped into him while volunteering at a local animal shelter. He was a poor, abandoned thing, found starving in an old house. He wasn't too friendly towards humans, save for yours truly. So, obviously, we formed a bond, I adopted him and gave him that cute nickname Pixel.
So, about a year into our epic friendship, my roomie let her sketchy friends over, one of whom was high as a kite. This guy seemed seriously upset and was pacing around like a madman, even going so far as to slap and kick walls for effect. It was late, I was trying to sleep, so I decided to ask my roommate to handle this scene, but my fearless Pixel decided to tag along. You wouldn't believe what happened next: The jerk started kicking Pixel right then and there!
I lost it, I mean, totally flipped and socked the guy square in the face. Blood was everywhere, and he began wailing about his broken nose. Did I really break it? Doubt it, but his lip was definitely busted and his nose was gushing. He decided to resume his wall-kicking session while I returned to reality. Watching the guy bleed, I felt a pang of guilt, remembering my peaceful principles. But at that moment, most of me didn't care.
I scooped up Pixel and rushed him to the late-night vet. He had broken his leg, but after some love and care, he bounced back. Now, am I still a pacifist? Definitely. Do I think what I did was wrong? Sure. But, regret it? Heck no. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
15. A Bad Phone Call Leads To Manhood
In seventh grade, I did something very stupid. I called my pal, Brad, on what I thought was his cell phone, and left him a dramatic message saying, "Dude, bring the stuff or my money, else I'll come after your entire family." To this day, I still wonder why I did that, because I was a total nerd! Not like me at all!
The very next day at school, I landed in big trouble. I was standing there in the principal's office, in my underpants, all my stuff spread everywhere, on call with my dad, explaining the situation, while a cop loomed over me.
But why am I not sorry for acting like an idiot? That experience straight up slapped some sense into me. I was crying like a baby, and that's how I grew up. And guess what? The phone I thought was Brad's, it turned out to be his MOM'S!
16. I Guess The Grades Don’t Reflect Their Intelligence
Being part of an immigrant family, I understand pressure around good grades. Every summer, if I scored a B or lower in any subject, I'd face being grounded for a bit. So usually, my trick was to toss the grade letter and request a replacement after some time, which lessened my grounding period.
Senior year came with its twist, though–my first ever C! No way was I letting my folks catch wind of this. The school printed my grade report on a simple white paper, no envelope this time. So, I took it home, and using my tech savvy skills, expertly manipulated the grades, creating a replica of the original but with better scores.
In the end, the whole grade swap didn’t impact me much. I got into university, didn’t hurt anyone, and my parents were none the wiser.
17. Bouncing The Bouncer
I accidentally broke a bouncer's leg. I didn't feel that bad though. He shoved my sister when she rejected him.
18. He Didn’t Get Coin-ered
When I was a kid, about 12, we were moving from USSR to the USA. Those Soviet customs folks were tough - they never let you take anything out of the country, treating almost everything like it was some national treasure or security risk.
So, here's the issue: I had this coin collection I really wanted to bring along. But my mom was worried that if we didn't tell the customs guys about it and they found it, we could lose our exit visa – a legit concern back then. So, I showed them my coins. As this customs guy was scrutinising them, mom tried to win him over by saying, "My boy spent ages cleaning those coins,”. The guy just said, "Yeah, I can see that. But he can't take them". He told me to leave them with my aunt who wasn't leaving.
After all that, they let us through. I hung back for a bit, then asked another customs guy if I could nip back to say bye to my aunt. He said alright and back I went. When the guy wasn’t looking, I asked my aunt for the coins back. Then, with the coins in my pocket, I went through security again.
I've still got that coin collection, and I didn’t have any regrets about what happened that day.
19. Never Take Someone’s Chocolate!
My mom had been saving a chocolate bar in the fridge for some reason. I wasn't sure why, but it sat there for a bit. One day, I couldn't resist a small bite, then I took another one.
When my mom discovered the nibbled chocolate and neither my bro nor I owned up to it, she played detective. She compared the bite marks with our teeth and they matched my brother's perfectly! That pesky brother of mine got in hot water, while I walked away scot-free.
20. You Never Know If Someone’s A Black Belt
When I was 16, my buddy and I were leaving a mall when suddenly, a guy our age dashed up to us, shoved a knife in our faces, and asked us for our wallets. He seemed nervous and it looked like his friends were cheering him on from other side of the parking lot, which made us think it might've been some gang test or something. But there was something he didn't know:
My friend is a black belt! He quickly swung a kick at the guy's hand, smacking away the knife before giving him a quick toss to the ground. Meanwhile, I, decked out head-to-toe in goth outfit, landed a few hard kicks on him with my steel-toed boots, aiming for his ribs and face, till he just lay there, whimpering and probably nursing a broken rib or two. We then took fifty bucks from his pockets, leaving him just two dollars atop his chest along with a cheeky tip to buy himself a band-aid.
And just like that, we were out of there. Funny enough, none of his buddies made a move to help him or stop us.
21. Who Wouldn’t Want A Toy Dragon?
I used to work at a pretty crummy restaurant. One night, we were about to close shop, but some people were hanging around, so I had to stick around until 10 pm. At 9 pm, a lady rings up saying her nephew left his plush dragon behind. Knowing it could only be in so many places, I tell her to call in 15 mins while I hunt for it.
Next, I'm crawling all over the place, peeping under chairs and tables with a flashlight, mucking up my suit. After about 15 minutes, I find the toy, and she calls back.
"You found it? Awesome!" she says.
I start doling out our typical lost and found info: "I'll pop it in the office, come grab it when you can!” "That isn't going to work," she replies. "We're out-of-towners and are leaving out early tomorrow. How long are you open?" Moaning inside, I tell her, "We're done for the day, but I can hang around for another 30 minutes for you to swing by and pick it up." She's stoked, "My husband and I will zoom over in less than 30!"
But 30 minutes came and went with no sign. After a while, common sense takes a backseat, and I decide to tape the dragon to the door. They said they'd be here in less than 30, right? They should be pulling up any second now and they'll grab it.
Nope. Welcome to downtown Portland, Oregon. Toy dragons taped to doors? Fair game post sundown.
Long story short, they didn't show, and the dragon was gone by next morning. My boss/friend got an earful about it, and I told him to assure them that we'd keep an eye out. Can't muster any guilt though. If you say you're gonna be here in 30, show up in 30 or give us a heads up.
22. Cheesy Prank
One word - cheese. Under my friend's Humvee seat. During a scorching 130-degree day.
23. It’s A Ruthless Game
Once when I was younger, my friend's mom hosted a yard sale. I noticed they were selling Pokémon cards for 10 cents each.
I saw a holographic Moltres card and immediately grabbed it, ready to pay for it. When my friend saw I was about to buy his super rare card, he freaked out, yelling to his mom, "That wasn't supposed to be for sale!" His mom brushed it off, insisting on selling it.
I gladly handed over my dime to get the card, leaving a devastated kid behind.
24. A Fishy Trip
A few years ago, I accidentally stirred up some confusion during a month-long bus trip across Europe when I saw the Eiffel Tower for the first time. I noticed words on it, specifically "Poisson", which I later learned means "Fish". I had no idea why it was on the Eiffel Tower, but I liked the sound of it.
Later at the hotel, as we hurried to unload our luggage from the bus, I started yelling "Poisson! Poisson!" to navigate through the swarming sidewalk. People looked puzzled and stepped aside. It was hilarious when the others from our group started saying it too, probably thinking it meant "excuse me".
Now, picture a line of American tourists lugging their suitcases into a Parisian hotel yelling "Fish." Totally one of my top European memories! Even if it was a blunder, I just laugh and chalk it up to being young.
25. It Was For Survival
Growing up, I was dirt poor. I used to jack bikes, give them a new coat of paint, then sell 'em. Kinda guilty about that, but the dough helped my family eat. My town was pretty plush, everyone there wanted to hit the big leagues in biking - some well-known riders came from around here.
26. Inadvertently Making A Profit
This one time, a dude hit me with his car while I was biking. I ended up on the hood, but I was fine, really.
My bike though? It looked like a mess. So I decided to take my shot. I got the guy to take me to his bank and pull out $300 for the damages. He hands me the money and drops me off where he first found me.
I lug my bike to the repair shop. The repair dude tells me it'll only cost $40 to fix the wheel. So yeah, I guilt-tripped the guy and made an extra $260. Not gonna lie, I've never felt bad about it.
27. A Dish Best Served Spicy!
So, I was a bartender with this jerk of a cook coworker. He always bugged me for drinks, especially when I was busy, which was annoying 'cause filling his stupid pitcher took ages - I could've made ten regular drinks in that time. Once, he was mean enough to make a new girl cry. That's when I'd had enough.
Next lunch rush, he saunters up to the bar asking for a refill. I said, "Cool, leave your pitcher, I'll bring it over". He walks off and I hatch a plan - I blocked the straw with some lemon peel, poured coke into the pitcher, then squirted tabasco into the straw. Trust me, it was just enough to hide under the coke.
I carried it over and he sipped but got nothing, so he tried harder and bam - swallowed a mouthful of tabasco. He freaking hated spicy food and was furious. But I didn’t give a darn.
28. Doggy Kisses You Don’t Want!
So here's what happened. I went camping and couldn't find the bathroom. Ended up about 10 feet from camp, took care of business near a pine tree. Embarrassing on my part—but this was just the start.
And you won't believe it... over the next few days, one of the tiny dogs from our group would sneak off to my uh... "mess" and have a lick. Funniest thing was, the dog's owner, this girl, clueless about the situation, would call him back, cuddle him, and even let him give her sloppy kisses! I laughed my guts out and didn't say a peep about it.
29. Fast-Typing Coming In Handy
In the 90s, I had this Amiga software that transformed typed text into speech. I rigged up a long audio wire from my room to my brother's, connecting the sound from my PC to speakers near his. I put a wireless mic in his room, while I stayed in mine with headphones on. I cooked up a program that displayed "artificial intelligence - now you can talk to your computer with top-notch voice recognition".
When my brother invited his friends over, they were totally into chatting with the "computer". They were awestruck by the "voice recognition" and "AI", thinking it was way more advanced than anything today. They were totally fooled, constantly asking me where they could buy it.
Thanks to my swift typing, I was able to reply rapidly, having fun messing with them.
30. Tiny But Mighty
Back in the day, Pizza Hut had a deal where you'd get a free basketball if you bought a certain number of pizzas. One night, my family was eating there and after begging my dad, he got me one.
Before school the next day, I scrawled my name all over it with a sharpie. Some guys wanted to borrow it at lunch, so I let them, but made it clear I wanted it back once lunch was over.
When lunch ended, this popular kid Andrew had my basketball. We’re all lining up, and I asked for the ball back. He just gave me this cocky smile and said it was his now and that I wouldn't get it back. I thought he was pulling my leg, so I reminded him that my name was on the ball so it’s still mine. But he was dead serious and didn't want to give it back.
Next thing you know, he's on the ground and I’m sitting on his chest asking for my ball back. He began crying and begging me to just take the ball back. It’s worth mentioning that I was probably the smallest girl in the class and he was one of the biggest kids. And the teachers who saw everything? They didn’t say a word about it.
31. My Little Ponies And Negotiations
So, growing up, I was flat broke with super religious parents. They believed Cabbage Patch Kids and My Little Pony were some kind of evil. So to get the toys I wanted, I had to be a bit creative. But, I never wanted to straight-up steal.
See, I had a well-off sleepover buddy who probably owned every My Little Pony ever made. I'd sleep over and 'borrow' one or two ponies, not caring which ones. Fast forward a few days and I'm back at her house playing.
I'd come up with this genius idea: "You know what would rock?" I'd ask, all jazzed up. "What?" she'd answer. "Swapping PONIES," I’d say, and show her the little ponies I 'borrowed' earlier.
Still don't know if she had too many toys to know her own or she simply didn't catch on, or maybe I was just a great kid-size salesperson. But, every time, I'd persuade her that my ponies were the bomb and hers... not so much. I'd walk away with my favorite ponies, believing I had earned them.
And nah, no regrets.
32. Hey, It’s Still Technically Canned Food
In middle school, I jokingly brought cat food to a canned food drive. My principal ratted me out to my folks. They couldn't stop laughing though.
33. Christmas Shopping Rage
A few years back during Christmas shopping madness, I was at a modern open-air mall. Even with the chilly weather, it was packed. Traffic moved at a snail's pace thanks to the crosswalks being jammed.
I was about to navigate one such crosswalk when I spotted a lady in a Mercedes SUV, clearly impatient for the walkway to clear. Sitting all warm and cozy in her car, she was fuming and swearing. I considered letting her pass until a young couple with a baby in a stroller decided to cross. Probably they couldn't stand the cold.
The woman snapped. When we were just about 12-15 feet from her car, she revved her engine hard, twice, released the brakes, and lurched towards us, screeching and leaving tire marks on the road. She honked like crazy and flipped all of us off.
We eventually crossed, and the woman sped off. To my surprise, she parked barely 20 feet from us, in the same lot. She was about eight cars away from mine. I saw the dad from that couple still fuming. I met his eyes, and knew what had to be done.
I gave him a comforting nod in an "I got this, bro" fashion, got into my car, and blocked the woman's SUV. Seeing me approach, she locked her doors. We exchanged a few unpleasant words about her behavior.
Then, I decided to give her a piece of my mind. I slapped her side mirror hard, breaking it off completely. Following that, I kicked a bunch of dents into the car's side. Finally, panting from the exertion, I faced her car window, wished her a sarcastic "Merry Christmas" and cautioned her against messing with strangers. Leaving my mark on her car with a key, I turned away.
Jumping into my car, I sped off, half-expecting the cops to show up any minute. But nothing happened at all.
34. The Gum Game Does Not Forgive
When I'm at the store and stuck in line, I like to sneak packs of gum onto the conveyor belt or into other people's shopping carts. It becomes a funny little game, seeing if they'll unknowingly buy the gum. Usually, they look confused and put the gum back, but sometimes I manage to sneak a packet or two through.
One time, there was a mum and son in front of me, and the kid was whining about only getting one candy bar. So, I decided to up the ante and stick four packs of Hubba Bubba in their cart.
The mom ended up buying all the gum and gave her kid a good scolding when she found out. But hey, all in good fun right?
35. A Bruce Wayne Situation
At my university one year, we had crazy campus guards. They were way too aggressive, even beating up students, so I figured I'd step in and pull a Bruce Wayne.
One Saturday night, on my way to a friend's house to work on a project, I saw these guards roughing up this kid. Regardless if the kid deserved it or not, four guys against one is not fair. So while they were busy, I snuck over and smashed a security camera. Nobody saw me, and I headed off to my friend's house, where we busted our humps on the project 'til 2am.
As I was heading home, my friend and I walked past the broken camera again. I told him to play it cool because I could see a guard up ahead. I examined the broken camera right within his view, then we carried on walking towards the guard. He asked to chat with us, but I just gave him a polite "no thanks" and kept walking.
For context, I'm a big guy, 6'4" and 280lbs. As soon as we walked past the guard, his buddies ambushed me. I braced myself and told them they can't touch me without explaining why. They struggled to pin me down, trying to hit my pressure points - leaving me covered in scratches and bruises. Meanwhile, another guard half-heartedly held back my friend, who was calmly eating an orange.
By the time they handcuffed me, they were completely worn out. I pointed out they had ripped my coat. They claimed I'd resisted, while I argued they hadn't told me what I'd done wrong.
At this point, we were under another working security camera, which filmed the entire fiasco. I told them I was calling the cops to press charges. They scoffed, and I spent the next 20 minutes teasing them about their crap equipment.
When the police arrived, the guards told their side of the story and I kept quiet, acting respectful. The officer asked for my version, so I told him and let him know they hadn't read me my rights. He uncuffed me and we checked out the security footage. The cameras showed me inspecting the broken one, and the second one captured the whole fracas and wrongful arrest. Then I showed him the physical marks and ripped coat.
Their story didn't match the video at all. I asked the officer to charge them for assault, and they were. At school, I reported the incident to the dean, who then fired all the involved guards.
From then on, campus security was a lot better. No more student beat-ups. Nobody knows I sorted it out, but oh man was it worth it just to see their stunned faces in court.
Flickr, UW-Whitewater University Housing
36. Seems Like A Reasonable Response
My old roommate wouldn't pay rent on time. Despite having a $5k "emergency stash" and her paychecks for whatever she wanted, she wouldn't use any of it to help with rent. Even warning her about power cutoff, and no AC in Arizona, didn't seem to be an "emergency" enough.
Adding to my woes, since everything was in my name, I was the one held liable for all of this.
A few weeks before she moved out, I did something I wouldn't normally do - I peed in a cup and split it among her shampoo & conditioner bottles. I'm not the revenge type; I give people a chance and try to compromise. But this girl was the worst I've ever come across and she made me rack up loads of overdraft fees. My only regret is missing her face wash.
37. Hey, He Did Say Sorry
At uni, we had a toga party at our frat house. One dude kept hogging the stairs, trying to woo the ladies with lame folk tunes on his guitar. I took his guitar, smashed it, then gave it back. Made me a legend.
National Lampoon's Animal House (1978), Universal Pictures
38. A Big Jerk With An Interesting Phobia
This dude I used to work with was a major pain. All day, he'd laugh at everyone else but flip out if you joked around about him. His attitude got in the way of his job and was one the reasons he got canned.
Anyway, a couple of weeks before he got the pink slip, I stumbled onto his weird fear of bare wrists, especially when they're near sharp objects. Our job was in a workshop surrounded by power tools, blades, knives, you name it. The moment I used a knife near my wrist, he started to freak out.
After that, every time he was being a jerk, we had a great time.
39. Becoming A Better Person
I became a dad young, which seemed like it was going to be the worst thing I ever did—but now after seven years, I'm so glad I did it. Being a dad teaches you a lot and it can really change you for the better, depending on how you handle it.
40. I Did It For The Internet Points
I acted like I was Christopher Walken on Reddit to score some fake internet kudos.
41. Doing The Right Thing, But Still Losing In The End
So, I made the tough call of breaking up a guy and girl who were in a pretty serious relationship. They were both buddies of mine. The dude was close to buying her a ring, and since I've been with her before, he sought my advice. Meanwhile, she was sharing with me how desperate she was to get out of the relationship. It was driving her to some dark suicidal thoughts.
In an effort to help, I made them both confront the reality in the same room. I admit, it wasn't the easiest thing to do, but in my eyes, it saved them both from big-time heartache down the line. Unfortunately, it wasn't without its drawbacks. I ended up losing both of them as friends.
42. That Team Probably Stunk More Than Usual Later
I was hanging out with my buddy when he felt nature's call in the wilderness. So, he pooped on the path where the XC team trains. We hid it under a pile of leaves, but by day's end, footprints were everywhere on it.
43. Sounds Like A Pretty Accurate Insult
I once told my useless idiot co-worker that she was a useless idiot. It was a one-time thing, and I felt a little bad, but it had to be said. Eventually, she got let go for being a useless idiot.
44. Totally Justifiable Ghosting
I went out with a girl, but at the end of the night I just abandoned her to her go home alone. In my defense, during the date, she bumped into her ex and wouldn't stop chatting, so I just took off.
45. Late Fees Are Just As Bad
Swapped my messed-up GTA 4 disc with a rental one from Family Video after my Xbox 360 fell and scratched it. Didn't hear a peep from them. I'm chill about it, especially since they're notorious for their late charges.
46. Long Distance Has Its Perks
I dumped my long-time college girlfriend by ghosting her. She'd been my first real girlfriend, but she was nuts - she even hid in closets to eavesdrop. Didn't know there were better ways to handle it, so when long distance got too much, I started ignoring her calls and never spoke to her again. No formal break-up, nothing. Didn't bother me in the least. Looking back, it was a great decision.
47. Sounds Like It Was Totally Worth It
I snagged some cool coasters from a German restaurant and took 'em back with me to the US. Totally worth it.
48. A Relationship In The Toilet
My ex once borrowed my plunger and returned it in a plastic grocery bag.
Not too long after, she broke up with me. It was out of nowhere—but then I had an evil idea.
The next day, she swung by to collect her clothes that were still at my place, and boom -- I handed them back in the very same plunger bag.
49. Tea-ching People Decency
Walking home from work, I found myself smack dab in the middle of a full-on drama. An ambulance was blocking the road while the EMTs worked with a tiny, motionless girl on a stretcher. The paramedics were attending to her while a distraught middle-aged lady - probably the girl's mom - was in pieces, following the stretcher.
You could see the entire scene go down from the rear of the ambulance. As I got closer, a cab rolled up nearby. The distraught mother was practically pulling her own hair out in despair, face wet with tears. And then, the cab driver showed what a scumbag he is. He starts honking like crazy.
It was bonkers. Not just a few honks, but like, twenty. He just wouldn't quit. The girl's mom briefly glanced his way. You could see the confusion in her eyes. "Why... now?" She quickly went back to her girl.
I couldn't take it. I had a steaming cup of tea in my hand - leftover admin fuel from the office. Walking by the cab, I saw the driver's window was down. Without thinking, I chucked the tea inside.
I walked away without looking back. The driver's freak out was music to my ears.
50. Imagine The Stink
In my first year of high school, I didn't use my locker much. I thoughtlessly left an 8oz milk bottle in my locker just a few months into the term. Later, after about two months, I was expelled and put into government-managed home-school program. So, the milk lay in my locker for over half a year, turning horribly moldy and messy. It affected several other lockers nearby. The cleaning crew had to use heavy-duty equipment to get rid of it all.
