You think you know someone...and then they come to stay at your house, and all their worst habits become impossible to ignore. These houseguests proved their lack of worth with their disgusting, rude, tacky, and downright disturbing behavior. After you read these, you'll never want to open your doors to family or friends again.
1. Easy Ultimatum
This guest let my new very old, very deaf foster dog out of the gate on purpose, and the dog took off up the street. He just stood there smirking while I grabbed my shoes and keys. After I shouted at him for being a moron, he told me that it was for the best and maybe I should focus my time on other things. I eventually caught up to the terrified and exhausted dog and brought her back home, then told my guest to pack his bags and get out.
2. A Little To The Left
I had house parties at my parents’ place quite regularly. I was the only child of divorce among my friends, and my dad worked overseas rather often. Normally, things wouldn't go out of control (at least not so bad that it wasn't fixable/cleanable) but one night two of my friends had an argument. It became a real full-fledged bare-knuckle fight.
So, I threw out the one that always tended to be a violent/unpleasant drunk and started the ordeal. I thought that was the end of it—I was so wrong. Apparently, he wasn't at all amused and decided to "sneak" back in. He climbed on my car using the hood as a replacement ladder to elevate himself up on the garage. I had to replace the hood because he didn't make the jump the first try.
Poetic justice? Well, he broke his ankle jumping down from the garage into the garden.
3. Bedspread Of Issues
I wasn't there for this, but I will relate it through what my then-roommate told me. In the summer of 2011, I went to Europe to study abroad for the summer. My rent was already paid, so I told my friend he could stay in my room for free until I got back. All he had to do was help my roommate with utilities. Since I would be gone for two months, this was a pretty good deal. My roommate knew him, and they got along fine, so I didn't see a problem.
At the end of the summer, I finally landed stateside, and my roommate called me to tell me the story of what had happened with Jason, the guy who was staying in my room. Jason's fiancée was in the Peace Corps, and she was stationed in a village in Burkina Faso. Jason had visited her at the beginning of the summer before he moved into my place.
However, somehow, he neglected to get all his shots, and he came back to the US and my apartment with a pretty serious case of Hepatitis B. He ignored it for weeks, apparently, until the mother of my roommate's friend, this friend was yet another person who was crashing at our place for the summer in our crowded apartment, who was an EMT noticed that he had taken on the complexion of a Simpson’s character. She basically forced him to go to the hospital and get treated. But it didn't end there.
According to my roommate, the CDC contacted both her and the other person staying in our apartment and told them they had to get vaccinated before they could go back to work. My roommate was working with children at the time, so she missed an entire week of work. What's worse, neither my roommate nor the other guy had a car and Jason did.
When politely asked if maybe Jason could drive the two of them to get their Hep B vaccine, Jason flat out refused, telling them it wasn't his problem. So, they spent an entire afternoon navigating bus routes while potentially carrying Hep B in order to get their vaccines. If that weren't enough, Jason had apparently been sweating up a storm in the Maryland summer and sleeping on my bed without sheets. He also had not cleaned my bathroom all summer.
Hep B is transmitted through bodily fluids, and he left my bathroom covered in his germs. I got all this news after a nine-hour flight from London, and I couldn't do anything except sit in the terminal at O'Hare and cry. That was the end of our friendship.
4. Thanks But No Thanks
I reconnected with a friend who was moving back to town. There was a live outdoor music event going on that evening and I invited her over before my friends and I went to the event. She asked if I could pick her up. Once she was at my house, we were all having a few drinks, and she disappears. I find her in the kitchen, and my jaw dropped.
She literally has EVERYTHING out of my fridge and is cooking. When I say everything: I had just gone to the store and gotten fresh veggies, chicken breasts, ground beef. I was stocked up for a week or two. I ask her what she's doing, and she tells me that she's been a chef at some fancy restaurant for a while and wants to cook dinner for everyone.
First off: What the heck?? But although I’m annoyed, the food is already being cooked so I might as well get a meal out of it than get in a fight. Well, cue a few moments later when she gashes her finger open with a knife. Blood everywhere, including all over the food on the stove. Once I get her finger wrapped up, she asks me (and I quote): "Do you have a sewing kit? I'll fix this right up."
No is the obvious answer to that. I notice that she has gotten some blood on her dress and mention that to her. She asks me to take her home so she can change before we leave. Immediate "yes." (I’m hoping I can ditch her there). As I'm driving her across town, she calls her mom and chews the poor woman out. Yelling at her to get a bucket of water and baking soda ready to soak the dress.
We finally get to her house and she could sense what I was thinking. She asks if I'd wait for her to change and she'd only be a moment. The second she shuts the door to my truck, I pull off. It escalated so fast. Seeing me do it, she then jumps on my hood and starts screaming about the two tallboy Bud Lights that she left at my house and that I'm a thief.
I finally get her off the hood of the truck and simply tell her she's not invited, she destroyed ALL my food for over a week, and I never wanted to talk to her again. By the way: The food she was cooking looked and smelled terrible. She was not a chef, and she was not a good cook. I ended up cleaning up when I got home and whatever she was making was going to be uneatable, just a cross mix of chicken, beef, and every spice from my cupboard.
Think of a 10-year-kid unattended in the kitchen "making dinner."
5. This Is A Meet-Cute, Right?
I lived in a two-unit house, and we were the back unit that connected to a shared garage. The garage was used for nothing other than laundry and storage, and a previous tenant had left a mattress in it that no one ever bothered to move. One day I, a 20-year-old-woman, go into the garage and nearly jump out of my skin upon seeing some man sleeping on the mattress.
I freak out and flee back to my unit just in time for two of my male housemates to come home. They go to confront the guy and come back to tell me that he was friends with our other male housemate, and said housemate told him that he could crash in the garage as he was “in between leases for a few days”…without bothering to inform the rest of us.
Despite this jerk move by my roommate, I offered to let the guy sleep on my living room couch instead of some sketchy mattress in the crummy garage. Except a few days turned into a few weeks/months. I, the administrator of our utilities and rent payments, demanded that he chip in at this point. He agreed, but I was moving out soon because I finished a term early.
The couch and Wi-Fi router were mine and I was leaving them behind to pick up at the end of the year as a favor to my housemates. He shorted me a few hundred dollars (a large sum to a broke college kid) after I left. Another housemate ended up having to pay for this guest because I was about to go reclaim my couch and router if I didn’t get my money.
A year later, the guest had the audacity to text me to ask if he could “take me out” the next time I came into town. Yuck.
6. Family Bonds
My sister-in-law was staying with me a couple of months before my wedding. She was controlling everything from the food we eat to the way I should place things in my wallet. I freaked out when she started making a list of my family members and who should be invited or not. Her other sister, a week before our wedding, told me all men cheat.
7. Seeking Console
My roommate's friend needed a place to crash while he found an apartment. We had a spare room, but he didn't want to rent it. After three weeks, it became obvious he was trying to stay with us for free when he brought all of his clothes and stuff. So, we charged him rent for next month if he planned to stay longer. He took our Xbox and disappeared…but he left all his stuff, which was worth a lot more.
We didn't bother calling law enforcement, we just told him to bring back the Xbox or he wouldn’t get his stuff. He never responded, and we just made a thousand-dollar profit selling his junk.
8. Rotten To The Core
I went on a weeklong trip up the East Coast when I was younger with my boyfriend at the time. It was a Tuesday-Tuesday trip. At the time we went, I had my “friend” staying with us because they fell on some hard times. It had been around a month and everything was going great, so we decided to ask them to watch the house for the week as we had three dogs.
We pretty much told them to take the car, do whatever, have some alone time, get a little vacation from the very tragic event that happened in their life and we would pay for their food as they did not have a job—but JUST TAKE CARE OF THE DOGS. I'm sure you can sadly see where this is going. Well, we decided to get home one day early and I'm not sure if it was a blessing or luck or just whatever.
When we got home, I noticed that the car I had purchased just that month had side-swiped a yellow pole of some sort. So, naturally, I'm fuming already. I come up and open the door to three random guys on the couch, all making a mess in my RENTED townhouse. The hardwood floor had random spots all over it, some covered in towels, and there was now a baby/doggie gate up, blocking all three dogs in the kitchen who were just almost screaming instead of barking at the excitement of seeing us.
Immediately, I threw everyone out before even walking around further in the house. Of course, my “friend” used this opportunity to get out with the people while I was not paying attention and running around in a frenzy. She must have had a bag packed, like she was going to leave just before we came back anyways. When I say the house was destroyed, I mean it was disgusting.
We came to find out that all of the spots on the hardwood floor in the living room were dry spots of dog pee that weren't cleaned up and caused the floors to ripple up. Under the towels throughout the house was wet dog pee that was just left to dry on its own. I assume they were so angry at the dogs peeing in the house, that now the dogs were left and gated off in the kitchen for what looked like the entire weekend.
Walking into the kitchen, the piles/puddles of dog poop and pee were ABUNDANT. I had two full-size Dobermans, and those things ate like horses and pooped like them too. The miniature pinscher, well, you never even really noticed when she went to the bathroom, but still, not the point. The grout in the kitchen reeked of dog pee for months.
There was so much of it that it flowed together in a huge pile, made a literal 6-foot long creek of dog pee where I guess the tile sloped, and leaked behind the stove and absorbed in the freaking drywall behind the stove.
AND—the WORST part, one of the Dobermans ended up with a UTI!!!! We noticed it because within the puddles of pee in the kitchen, there were pink puddles. I freaking cried for hours holding my dogs. The cosmetic list just kept growing. But, I wasn't angry about my belongings or the townhouse, really, but the utter *neglect* and disrespect for my animals that DEPEND on me/humans in general to take care of them!! It disgusted me to my core.
I felt their personalities shift a bit around anyone who ever came over after that. It was heartbreaking. My dogs were literally sleeping in their own pee and poop the entire weekend, at minimum. It was clear they were not taken care of at all and I was never able to go on another trip without taking them because I was afraid they would be neglected and I would come home to them gone, no matter who watched them!
I don't know if they ever ate or what. I can't honestly say they were ever let out. It was hands down the worst experience ever, and the one and only time I ever had a houseguest or someone watch my animals. She left some of her belongings and I threw every single thing she left away. It was never worth trying to get her to pay for anything because, well, she didn't have a job and I probably would have blacked out from sheer anger if we ever crossed paths again.
9. The Hosts With The Most (Problems)
In my case, I was a houseguest and the hosts were the worst. I stayed in a home with three other girls while we did work for the church. While it was very generous of the host family to have us…They sold Amway, so we had to sit through a sales pitch one night. We slept in the basement on the floor, which was carpeted but infested with fleas from their numerous dogs.
One night for entertainment, we made balls of dog hair and watched to see how many fleas hopped on it. Answer: A lot. When they were finished cooking a meal, they left any leftovers in the pan until the next meal and then they just heated them up. So last night's burger had been sitting on the stove for 24 hours, reheated and served again. Is that even a thing?!
10. I Wash Myself With A Rag On A Stick
I lived in a 1 bedroom, 1 bath with my then-boyfriend. He begged to let his best friend stay with us while he gets on his feet, since he was moving from several states away. My boyfriend explained that he had some interpersonal issues like anxiety and told me how he was a bit traumatized from an involuntary stay at a mental health ward as a teen but was otherwise harmless.
He was a lump and did nothing for a couple months. But I don't know why I let him stay after learning about his special rag. A few days after he's living there, I ask my boyfriend what's up with the rag draped on the side of the tub, because it looks and smells gross. My boyfriend goes beet red and storms out. He then starts yelling at the friend.
"You freaking promised this wasn't going to be an issue again!” This is how I learned this guy has a single rag he used to wipe his butt after pooping. He didn't want more than that single disgusting rag, and he cleaned it by running hot water through it and ringing it out to dry. No soap because those unneeded chemicals could damage his precious butt.
Remembering the smell made me vomit when my boyfriend explained all this to me. I don't know what they worked out after that. I never saw the rag again and I didn't ask because I was scared of the answer. As disgusting as that was, it wasn't evil or dangerous. But the last straw came after months of him doing nothing but playing our gaming systems.
One day, he used my game pre-order codes (back when they gave you stuff for that) while I was at work. Sounds petty, but we were both so done at that point. Honestly, I’m still angry about it as I was never able to get that gear from my favorite franchise at the time. His hygiene and smell was the worst, but he also didn't cook, clean, or pay towards anything.
11. Sitting by the Open Fire
My bible-thumping grandma stayed the week of Christmas when I was 12 or 13. I woke up Christmas morning super excited for all of my gifts. My parents were already arguing with her because she had taken all of my Harry Potter books and thrown them in the fireplace even the one my parents had just gotten me for Christmas. She wasn't welcome back for Christmas anymore.
12. Washroom’s Just Down the Hall
I have three roommates. Two of them are excellent, quiet, friendly clean, do their share of everything. This other guy is a total jerk. He doesn't clean at all and wants people to buy stuff he'll go halves on but never does. He opened my wall locker to use my laundry soap, which is like $10 for a small jug overseas. He says he'll spot me back. He doesn't.
I take the initiative to take the garbage out when it starts to get full—but that’s when I made a disturbing discovery. I found a few water bottles filled with a clear yellow liquid. Pee. Pee bottles. I'm by no means a loud type, but this was horrid, and I needed to yell to get some shame factor in. He denied it. Then later I came in to see him clear out two more bottles from under his bunk.
He now laughs and says I'm the one that was being ridiculous. He gets on Skype at 3 AM, and wakes us up. Yet when we do anything at a normal time, like 7 PM, we're the jerks. Plus, he's totally awful to his family back home along with his girlfriend. Not cool, I'm trying to get this bag of dirt out of my room and building.
13. Out and Away with You!
My worst guest was an ex-friend of mine. This was after trying to help her for months. At one point, my girlfriend and I let her crash at our place for two weeks while she sorted her life out before she went into full crazy mode. We went away for the first five days of that and got engaged. We came back to our entire apartment reorganized and found out she went through everything. She had taken over the living room and the office by bringing all of her stuff from home to our place.
We thought that she would crash on our pull-out couch and we could help her get back on her feet. Instead, she dominated our lives and seemed disinterested as to ever leaving, and we couldn't enjoy our recent engagement. She then started to spout conspiracy theories. We convinced her to leave after a few weeks and threw away the rest of her stuff after a few months when she wouldn't pick it up. Then we moved away soon after and threatened everyone to not tell her where.
14. Mindless Destruction Rules!
A neighbor came around to ask for something. She brought her little demon of a three-year-old boy with her. She's in the house for about 20 seconds and the son spots our giant water bubble column thing. It was about six feet high. The kid just pushes it over and it smashes on the floor, spilling water everywhere.
My mother is speechless—but then it got even worse. The woman just steps away from the approaching puddle and says, "Oh dear..." with the most blank expression on her face. That's it. My parents did not let them in the house again.
15. Get A Room
I had a friend from college who used to invite herself to visit one or two times a year. It got to the point where I would dread these visits because my friend would complain about everything. Things like, “When you move again, can you find an apartment with a sink with only one handle? This current setup sucks.” She’d also brag about money, plus we had somewhat grown apart at this point, so the visits were sometimes awkward.
I was starting to feel like I was being used as a hotel since I live in Chicago. On her most recent (and last) visit, I firmly told her she had to get a hotel room. I had moved into a studio and did not even have a couch for her to sleep on. We were 29 at the time. I am an assistant and she is a pharmacist. We were out for drinks and she said, “I just think it’s so wild how I live in this huge, new beautiful home and you basically live in a tiny room.”
16. Girls Trip
A high school buddy of mine called to ask if his late-teens daughter and her two friends could stay at our house for a night, as they were traveling around the world. Of course, we said, and we even gave them our master bedroom and master bath, so they could clean up and spoil themselves. Not to brag, but we have an awesome setup, and those two rooms are about 700 sq ft.
Shortly after seeing their new digs, they announced that they were staying for six days...actually assuming we'd let them have our room the entire time. We said, "Uhhhhh....no....one night of fun, then down to the basement” (which is still pretty nice). They left the next morning while were out, didn't say thank you, took a bunch of snack food, and made us sound like horrible hosts to my buddy. The entitlement was laughable.
17. If The Shoe Fits
My friend who came over one day has a known foot odor problem. I’ve known this friend for more than 20 years, and every time he comes over, I tell him to take his boots off outside and leave them on the porch instead of taking them off inside and leaving them by the door. I just got a new deep freezer, the big chest kind with a flip-up lid, and he took his boots off and put them in my brand new, empty freezer.
Apparently, he did this because he saw a post on Facebook about how foot odor is caused by bacteria and that if you freeze your shoes, it will kill all the bacteria, thus eliminating your foot odor problem. I opened my freezer and nearly passed out from the smell. The best part was, he took his boots out and for about three minutes, they did smell okay, so he was ecstatic...but not for long.
As everyone knows, you pour a cold drink and within minutes you have condensation running down the side of your glass. Well, his boots were super cold and after about three or four minutes, water vapor started condensing alllllllll over his boots. They were SOAKING wet inside and out and stunk even worse. He ended up throwing them away that day.
18. A Bit Overcooked
I let a friend of mine crash on my couch for a few days until he had way too much one night after I was in bed and decided to boil some eggs. Once happily boiling, he passed out. Eventually all the water in the pan boiled off, and the eggs fused themselves to the pan. Shortly after that, the pan itself began to melt onto the burner. I woke up to the smoke detector going off and a cloud of noxious black smoke throughout my apartment. The smell of it lasted for several months despite my best efforts to fumigate. Good times.
19. Get Your Dusty Self Outta Here
It was my freshman year of college, and I was living in the dorms. This one kid from my home town, Dustin, called me up and said he was going to be coming to my college to party for the weekend and asked if he could crash on my floor for a night or two. I told him yes because a night or two really is not a big deal. What a mistake that was.
Now, let me tell you about Dustin. He was the stereotypical definition of a modern hippie kid. He lived at his mother's house, and his room consisted of a scroungy old couch, a TV sitting on a milk crate, and a bunch of empty pizza boxes and empty bottles-turned ashtrays. He didn't really shower much, and his average day consisted of sleeping until at least noon and spending the rest of the day listening to Phish and the Grateful Dead.
Anyway, Dustin eventually shows up at my place with a giant duffel bag full of pretty much all his possessions, which was a pretty big warning sign considering he said he was only here to party for the weekend. He said he was coming from upstate New York where he had been visiting a friend for a few weeks, which is why he had the giant bag. I didn't really think much of it at the time.
So, now that he was here, I figured he was probably hungry from the trip, so I asked if he wanted to go to the dining hall because I had a meal plan. My meal plan card ended up providing the entirety of the food he ate during his stay. Later on in the day, we came back to my room, and I noticed a strange stench. Maybe my roommate forgot to take out the trash? Nope, the garbage can was empty.
Then I realized that it was his big sack of unwashed clothes that was stinking up my entire dorm room. That was when I subtly mentioned to him that if he wanted to do some laundry there were washers and dryers down the hall. He never ended up washing any of his clothes during his stay, and pretty much wore the same t-shirt, cargo shorts, and Rasta-colored beanie the entire time.
So, the first day was coming to an end, and I told him I didn't really have any extra blankets or pillows or anything being that I had just moved in a few weeks ago and only had the bare essentials for myself. He decided to sleep on a pile of his dirty laundry in the middle of my floor. The next morning, we woke up, and I went to take a shower. I threw him an extra towel that I had and gave him some soap and shampoo, and went off and showered.
The next few days were pretty much the same thing every day: wake up, eat food, party at night, pass out, repeat. After about three or four days of this, I began wondering when this kid was going to leave me alone and was growing extremely concerned about the exponentially-growing stench in my room from this dirty unkempt hippie.
I asked when he was planning on heading home, and he said that he was only going to be staying one more night, then heading out. Thank god. However, that one night turned into about a week and a half. A week and a half of the same awful behavior. When it finally came time for him to leave, he all of a sudden "realized" that he didn't have the money for his train ticket home. And that, my friends, is the story of the best twelve dollars and fifty cents I had ever spent.
20. The Forbidden Third Floor
I've had a couple of bad housemates, but one just managed to get under my skin like nobody else. She moved in once she started dating one of our other housemates. Her boyfriend is a fantastic guy who had been a great person to live with in the three years I knew him, so if anything, I was happy he was in a relationship.
She was nice enough at first, but after a while, it became really hard not to dislike her. She cleaned the downstairs the first weekend, which was nice since it tended to get messy with six people living in the same place. Then she stopped cleaning and just started leaving notes about how messy we were like every week. It was just passive-aggressive notes about the floor, or notes literally left on top of food someone may have spilled and not noticed because god forbid, she uses that time to get a paper towel and cleans it up.
It's not like the place was a pigsty. She was the ONLY one that would consistently get upset over it. I should also mention that the rest of us were usually busy as we were all full-time students with part-time jobs while she went to school part-time and refused to even look for work. From there on, she just became more of a ogre that lived on the third floor.
Her boyfriend would make dinner for her nearly every night and carry both plates up to her. If we wanted to go out somewhere with her boyfriend, it would turn into a drama because she would refuse to walk anywhere. The only times I'd see her was because she liked to use my 360 to play a few games, which would be fine except she would basically refuse to get off the console even though it was on the main TV we all shared in the common room.
I actually hid some games of mine and pretended they were lost, which was a first in the four years of sharing my game consoles with roommates. Eventually, she broke up with our friend and moved away, naturally not even trying to get anyone to fill in her space to help us pay rent. We couldn't complain too much, all of us were just glad to get rid of her at that point.
21. Photographic Evidence
Not me, but someone I know. She was living with her future in-laws. She had just given birth and was putting her used pads under the bed. She was my good friend of mine, too. I didn't even find out until her future in-laws were talking smack about her. I was like, "I don’t know, she's not like that from what I know." They showed me photos. I was disgusted.
22. New Sister, Same Problems
I had my mom take a DNA test because we had a sneaking suspicion that her father wasn't actually her father. It turned out to be true. She got into contact with some family members who were related to her biological father and found out she had a long-lost sister. My mother already has a sister who is, for the lack of a better term, a leech.
So we were sort of hoping her newly found sibling would be better than her current one. Needless to say, that wasn't the case. She was just as bad, if not worse. She and my mother made plans to travel across the USA to finally meet, and that involved her staying at my mom’s house. When she arrived, we found out immediately that her health was extremely bad, far worse than what she alluded to and that she essentially needed someone assisting her 24/7 to do everything...and I mean EVERYTHING.
My parents pretty much turned into full-time nursing home workers in their own house having to help this lady. She practically demanded attention 24/7, was constantly raiding our pantry and my parent's wallet. She knew about this trip to meet for over a year, and she only saved up like $125.00 to last her the ENTIRE MONTH! That was it.
The really bad part is that my mother doesn't set boundaries and is very giving, so it's easy for people to take advantage of her. Well, her new sister did just that. She was constantly asking for money and having my mom buy her stuff. Within the first 10 minutes of meeting her, she forgot her walker at the airport that is two hours away from where we live.
Like, how do you forget a walker when you need it to get around? She made my mom drive all the way, a four-hour round trip, plus traffic, to get her walker. She also couldn't use our shower because she has to sit while washing herself (she didn't tell us this) so my mom has to set up appointments at Wal-Mart to have her hair washed at the hair salon every other day. AND MY MOM HAS TO PAY FOR IT.
23. Extreme Room Makeover: Surprise Edition
I was at work all day and I always close my door before leaving, ALWAYS. My mum had guests over and decided, “Hey, let’s show the guests everyone’s rooms and all the rooms in the house in general.” Well, one lady, whom I had never met, didn’t like how I arranged MY room, so while everyone was at dinner (I work from 11:30 am to about 9:00 pm, six days a week, so I wasn’t there when this happened) she went into my room and rearranged my desk, the clothes in my drawers and closet, all my pictures…
She threw out some knick-knacks that were given to me by old friends because she thought were “trash” I “hadn’t thrown out yet.” I. Was. FURIOUS. She totally admitted it, but didn’t seem to feel bad at all. My mum was upset too, but not as much as me. They’re no longer friends but I’m not sure why, probably because she threw out some of my mum’s knick-knacks as well.
24. Chop. Chop. Chop.
My former best friend, L, and I knew this jerk, M. He was kind of messed up—couldn't hold a job, cheated on another friend he was engaged to, twice. M called her up once saying his girlfriend broke up with him and invited himself over. From L's telling of the story, it sounds incredibly likely that he meant to sleep with her because he was being overly handsy and trying to give her a "massage."
She called me at 3 AM crying because she felt awful that people like M would treat her like an easy lay and was worried about what impression she was giving guys and that she might be seen in a bad way. I reassured her that she's just really friendly after a few drinks and that jerks like M take it the wrong way. She's a social butterfly and drinking amplifies this tenfold. I was also halfway to her place with a wooden practice sword to kick him out when she called saying her dad got up and did it for her.
About a year passes, and I'm living with L. I stroll through the living room on a study break and see M and L sitting on the couch. I knew that he was trying the same thing again. I managed to get L alone for a minute and angrily raged at her for letting him in the house. She defended him and said he had just broken up with his girlfriend and needed comfort. I called bunk and reminded her of the last time he pulled this stunt. But she wasn't going to kick him out despite my best efforts. So, I went back to my room.
I just tried to play with his psyche. At some point, I needed to go to the kitchen for something, so I talked to L while she was sitting on the couch with M, body facing only L, and talking as if he didn't exist in the room at that moment. Then I offered her pop, and she said yes. Then, without fully turning, I asked M in a lower tone and with half-lidded eyes and a blank expression asked, "You want anything?" He mumbled a no. I got L her drink then lingered around the nearby open kitchen.
I decided to chop carrots deliberately slowly and emphasizing the sound the blade made hitting the wooden cutting board. I even scowled his way a couple of times to make sure he got the hint. When everybody went to bed, L made up the folding couch bed upstairs for M to sleep on. He apparently tried to coax L to cuddle him, as if he only wanted to cuddle, and to combat this L borrowed a large stuffed animal from our other roommate J who was in her room the whole time for him to cuddle with.
Not sure how that conversation ended, but L was back downstairs quickly to confirm I was right about his motivations and to tell me that he'd thought I was terrifying. Mission accomplished. In the morning, I deliberately used the bathroom that had me walk past the couch M slept on just to rub it in as opposed to our bathroom next to the kitchen. I'm told he faked sleeping as I walked heavily past him. When it came time for L to throw him out, he apparently begged to stay. She couldn't throw him fast enough, and we had a good laugh about the whole thing afterward.
25. Get The Rice
About six years ago. We were 12, and I had some friends over for a gathering a few days after my birthday. One of the gifts my parents had got me was an electric organizer, which, back then, was like $700. My friend wanted to play a game on it, so she asked if she could bring it outside with us and I said sure.
A few hours go by and we head back inside to watch some movies. Later that evening when everyone had left it was raining. Suddenly, my heart sunk; I can’t find my organizer. I go to the window and see it on the lawn. Was completely wrecked. She was extremely apologetic and offered to pay, but never even followed through.
26. The Mother Of All Trouble
When our son was born, my mother-in-law came and stayed on our couch for two weeks to "help." In the two weeks she was there, she did NOTHING to help. Dishes? Laundry? Feedings? NOTHING. And our poor son had real trouble feeding those first few months. My wife couldn't get him to eat well, and it didn't help that her mother was there the whole time, staring at us while the baby didn't eat.
When my mother-in-law saw my wife for the first time after the baby, she said, "Wow, it looks like there's another baby in there." Also, my father-in-law wasn't there to meet his first grandchild because he had a "prior commitment." It was a Vietnam veterans’ reunion. I wasn't bothered that he wanted to go to that, because I know how important that group is to vets.
But this is your only daughter and your first grandchild and you can't skip it just this one year? Anyway, after two weeks, my father-in-law was going to join us, so my mother-in-law baked a pie. FOR HIM. But then again, if he'd been as "helpful" as his wife was, it was better that he was away. Still, that’s why I always said that if we had another one, I'd be on the doorstep barring her from entry until the baby was six months old.
27. Brotherly Nonchalance
My late partner was very sick with leukemia. After over a year of being his 24/7 caregiver, I got the opportunity to go abroad for a work trip. My partner insisted I go because I deserved a break from caregiving, and because his deadbeat brother would fill in as caregiver while I was gone. While his brother was staying in our home, he brought his cat, which is a no-no for someone living with zero immune system.
He did the ABSOLUTE minimum to take care of my partner and left him basically to figure out meds/food on his own. He was horrible—but the final blow is why I'll never forgive him. He took the big piggy bank that we were using to save up for my partner's bucket list vacation before he passed on. Then the brother denied that he did it. It makes my blood boil thinking about it.
28. Ladies And Germs
Oh this is a good one. So I had a really old and good friend call me and tell me they needed a place to stay for maybe a few days or a week when I lived in the Pacific Northwest. I of course said yes. Then she told me her girlfriend was coming too. Ok, great. They show up, and when they get to my porch, she tells me her girlfriend has strep throat.
At first I think, "Ok, whatever." But then I stop and think, "Isn’t that highly contagious?” But they are already here, so I just kind of start thinking to myself that I’ll have to somehow keep them to my spare bedroom and sterilize everything. Only, I’m also wondering why my friend didn’t tell me in advance, or if they don’t know much about the illness.
Like if my girlfriend had strep, I’d go get a hotel and not subject my friend to that. Then came the twist. After about a day, my friend tells me via text she has to leave. At first I’m relieved, but then she asks if her girlfriend can just stay at my place. I don’t know her, and I’ve never met her in my life before. So I had to get greasy about it.
I tell her I have another couple who need to come stay with me (which was true, a little bit) but that I’m also not comfortable housing someone I don’t know who is sick. My friend says that it’s fine, but then when she comes to get her stuff she acts all angry and says snidely, "Well see you sometime, maybe." After that, I don’t hear from her for a long, long time. It was pretty messed up that she put me in that situation, to be honest.
29. Locked Out
I agreed to rent an apartment with my younger sister while she was on her road to recovery from substance use, and we all thought she was doing well. I paid for the first month's rent and deposit, which is standard where I live. She moved in a week early, because I was working the night shift and the whole process started on a Monday.
The weekend I got to move in, I made a sinking discovery. I found out my debit card was locked out because she pilfered it and attempted to withdraw money too many times. It didn't get any better after that, sadly, and I never even got to spend any time in this apartment.
30. With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies?
My girlfriend was pregnant and we were taking a little vacation. We let two friends who are brothers use our house while we were gone on the condition that they maintained the yard and garden. First they borrowed the truck, which wasn’t a big deal, but they immediately wrecked it, driving it head-on into a garbage truck somehow.
Then our very best friend stopped by to borrow something and they told her to screw off. They found some hidden cash (maybe $100) and took it. They broke plates. We came home to find a pile of soaking wet towels and linens that had grown mold and all had to be replaced. Believe it or not, they did make an attempt to mow the lawn but somehow broke the lawnmower and then never fixed it or mowed or watered anything and many flowers were withered.
I had been collecting exotic varieties of heliconia there on the Big Island of Hawaii and they were all gone. Some of those flowers were worth $80 or $100. So, we come home from vacation and the boys have vanished without a trace and won’t ever—EVER answer our calls again. We are five months pregnant with no vehicle and a trashed house.
I think the worst part was that we really did think of them as friends, but then they ghosted us like that. Like we were disposable and our pregnancy and our lives didn’t matter.
31. The Big Trashcan
My aunt took a big poop in the bathroom (a given, considering we were having a barbeque) but instead of throwing the used tissue in the toilet or even the trash can, she put it inside the bathtub. I told my mom, who put her on blast in front of the whole family. Thankfully, she doesn’t come to the cookouts anymore.
32. Getting Along Like A House On Fire
A former friend of ours called us and said that her house caught on fire, so naturally we offered her a soft place to land while she was dealing with the fallout. We went and picked her up, brought her home, and got her set up for the night. The next day, she grabbed what she could from her apartment and brought it over to our house.
My wife washed all of her clothes, which by the way smelled the way you’d expect from being in a house fire. Unfortunately, that scent is REALLY hard to get out, so our house smelled of fire for a long time as my wife was washing the clothes multiple times. Eventually, we realized the horrible truth. She was very much not trying at all to get her life back in order.
She also wasn’t helping at all at our house. She apparently just decided that she was going to stay with us and coast, I guess? Ultimately she then started being really critical of anything we did, tried to start drama, and was generally unpleasant to be around. What finally broke the camel’s back was when I returned one day to find her and someone we had never met before sharing a dart on our front porch.
Not really a big deal, but it was odd that she didn’t let us know that she was inviting anyone into our house. The next day I went to take my Adderall that I had just filled and noticed that there were like five left from the prescription. She and her friend helped themselves to my meds! After that, she announced that she was going to stay somewhere where she was “welcome” and said that we could throw the clothes and items away that we had at our house because she didn’t want them anymore.
Apparently, they smelled too much like smoke. But the best came after she moved out. We read a story about the fire in the newspaper, which was about the cause of the fire. Well, our friend had caused it by smoking on the back deck of her apartment and carelessly not putting it out. We never really saw her again; she tried to make contact but we just noped out.
She ended up moving in with some of our other friends. We tried to warn them about her, but they didn’t listen. She ended up almost accidentally starving their dog due to carelessness before being kicked out by them. Yeah, she sucked.
33. Off The Ropes
I remember once when I was around seven or eight we had a big TV on a sort of platform that was a good 75 cm high. So, one afternoon, we had a few friends and their parents come over for the standard dinner party sort of thing. So anyway, the kids would climb up the platform and stand on the top of the TV (we were all fairly young, around six to 10).
They would then jump off the TV to land on the nearby couch. They went on like this for a good, solid half-hour, and after each jump, the TV would slip nearer and nearer to the edge of the platform. I'll confess I jumped once or twice. So eventually the TV fell of the platform and into the ground, we all screamed, the parents came in and smoke was coming from the TV.
It was ruined. I eventually got grounded with no TV for a year. My parents, being forgiving, let me watch TV two months after the incident.
34. Down The Drain
A friend I haven’t seen in a year or so called me last weekend wanting to catch up, so he came over. I didn’t realize he was blackout drinking until he walked in. At that point, I didn’t realize how to defuse the situation. It started with him taking a poop in my bathroom and instead of flushing it, he just put both seats down? He then went into my fridge to grab a craft IPA that I have been saving for a rainy day and drank it.
Went outside and out of nowhere he started ranting about anything and everything. At this point, I told him to get the heck out nicely or calm down, but I also didn’t want him to crash his car home as he lives an hour away. He then said he’s going to go to the store so I offered to drive him. As soon as we’re down the road, he yells at me to pull over because he has to pee.
I told him to just wait three minutes and he takes out his Johnson, puts it into his IPA can, and just pees everywhere and then throws it outside. By this time I’m livid. He grabs my arm to apologize, but his hand was soaked in pee, so he basically just wiped it all over me. I knew I was going to punch him in the face if I didn’t get to the gas station, so once I got there I told him to go inside.
When he went in, I peeled out of there and called his girlfriend, saying she needed to pick him up. I took a shower and an hour later, his girlfriend calls me and says he’s in the backseat of a patrol car because he called 9-1-1 asking for them to sell him substances. Needless to say, that’s the last time I’ll be seeing him. Talk about his true colors.
35. Respect The DJ
I am 28 years old at the time of this story. A friend of mine who does the light-teasing thing as his main personality trait would regularly come over to have a break from his wife and kids (his homemaker-wife does the bare minimum and he essentially both makes the income and keeps up with every chore, his need to get away is legitimate).
I gave him a lot of freedom, such as being able to change the thermostat and eating whatever food he wants without needing permission; this kind of welcome was, I thought, met with respect in return. As it turns out, I was horribly mistaken. One day he is using the television to play music while he looks at memes on his phone.
The next song comes on and he mildly doesn't like it, but my wife says out loud, "Oh, I love this song!" He changes the song anyway and says, "No one cares what you like." It's not the roughest thing he's ever said, but in a situation like this, it's always a joke, just a mean absurdity. He doesn’t usually mean it.
It would usually follow that he would change the song back and laugh, because clearly he didn't mean that. It's just the light-teasing to show affection. But he didn't turn it back. I was in the other room preparing food for everyone and was waiting for my wife's song to play for almost 20 seconds or so before leaning past the wall to look at him.
I told him to put the song back on. We went back and forth for awhile. He said he wasn't in the mood for the song, so I said, "Well then, go home." He was confused, but I repeated myself. He left, and I haven't seen him since. I thought it was so out of character for him, he was always trying to lecture me on how I was immature for how I handled my relationship, he has big issues with people getting too comfortable too quickly in his home, legitimately everything that happened is against everything he's ever talked about in his home and about his family.
But the more I thought about it? I let him feel like my house was his man cave. He started taking advantage of my kindness and saw it as me giving him a second house to control. My wife is very nice and sweet, but I knew he somewhat resented her because instead of hanging out with him almost seven days a week like before, I spent more time with her now.
Even though he had access to my home to hang out four or five times a week, he blamed her for why I don't go out and chill anymore (it was actually my new job's fault, not hers). I think he was slowly trying to manipulate me into resenting her with him, but I was unaware of that because it absolutely wasn't working. I think he saw that night as me choosing her over our friendship. I absolutely would choose her over him any day, but it was definitely more about being a dick to the group as if he thought he was the leader or more important member.
36. Scooby Snacks
One time when I was around six, an older neighborhood "friend" around 12 years old was over and we were sitting in my room. There was some hardened dog poop on the floor that we failed to clean up right away. Gross, yes, I know. Anyways she and I were sitting on the floor and she told me she learned a new game at school, so obviously I was excited to learn this older kid game. Unfortunately, yes, this is going exactly where you think...
She told me to close my eyes and open my mouth like I was yawning, then open it like a horizontal yawn. She said she was doing it too. Then, all of a sudden, I felt something hard in my mouth. Lo and behold, it was the piece of dog poop. I spit it out at her, started crying, and ran down to my parents. She was never seen again.
37. Eating In Bed
When my cousin was my roommate, her trashy, sad, gross redneck boyfriend would come over and use all of my pots and pans, then leave them for me to clean up after him. One night I got so furious that I dumped the entire sink full of their mess onto her bed and covered it with a blanket. Never again am I putting up with that.
38. Master Of The House
A friend had two weeks between moving out of her place and moving temporarily to another state. I had offered for her to stay with me, not thinking she would take it because she kind of blew my offer off saying she would be with another friend. Well, she then went on to take me up on my offer because she couldn't stay with the guy either.
So, she comes and is sort of rude a few times, which is weird because I don't know her to be rude. For instance, she brought stuff from her old apartment that I said I could store in my place. It wasn’t a problem. So, this included two moldy, dusty, dirty casserole pans that were left under her sink. She decided to, didn't ask, decided, to let them soak in my sink to wash them later.
At the time, I had just mopped and had my mop and some other stuff drying in the sink, so I tell her to just stick them on the counter for now. She gives me evil eyes and gets an attitude. Another night, I had come back from a late shift and had to go back in the next day for a morning shift. She's home already in my bathroom doing whatever. She's using my computer to watch a DVD even though I had a separate DVD player two feet away at the TV.
It's a DVD of her favorite movie, one she watched a bunch ton of times. Ok, cool. No big deal even though she's in the bathroom not watching it. So, I make myself some food, hang out. After a while, I decided to go to bed but wanted to check my e-mail first. I asked her if she could put the movie on pause for a bit or watch the rest later. She told me that it was almost done, and I can wait.
My favorite, though, is the bowie knife. She was into oddities, no problem, so am I. When she first came, she showed me this big bowie knife that some boyfriend of hers just gave her as a present. No problem, knives don't bother me much as I have some for cooking anyway. One night, I came home from work, and she wasn’t there. I jumped on my computer and started to check Facebook when I saw that she changed her profile picture.
It's dark, and it looked like the picture was taken in my apartment. So, I click on it, and it's her sitting at my computer looking evil holding the bowie knife. The only light in the room is from the computer. The picture looks totally sinister. When she left for her trip, she left some stuff for me to look after as per our agreement. She never came back to get any of it claiming she had no idea what I was talking about and she didn't know she had stuff at my place.
This included an air mattress that she slept on for two years. Not sure how you can just up and forget something like that. I offered for a while to even bring her stuff to her, but she never got back to me. Oh well.
39. Privacy, Please
The husband of my great aunt came to visit us. Mind you, he was like 80-something years old, so he goes to the bathroom to do his business, comes down, and now he smells a little bit. Still, we all brush it aside. Then when he sits down and after a while gets back up to leave, you can see stains on the sofa. Not only that, but my mom then goes upstairs and finds the bathroom full of poop.
A bunch of it was sprayed on the walls, etc. To this day we haven’t spoken about it and that man passed a year ago.
40. Supercali-Braggadocious Jerk
My wife's friend from college has been around the world traveling pretty much since he graduated. He said he was going to be in our city and asked to crash at our place. We agreed as we had a new largish place and didn't mind at all. So, he came. We showed him around our apartment complex and hung by the pool for a bit.
He started telling me how successful his travel blog was and pretty much simultaneously bragging and inferring that we were suckers for having regular corporate jobs. This was agitating, but I ignored it. He then flat out asked me how much I made. I told him, but he misunderstood what I said, and I just let him roll with it. I do quite well. He thought I said about one-third of what I actually said.
So, it was getting late, and after spending an hour listening to how he was a successful mini-celeb amongst backpacker types, we went to bed. He woke up the next morning and then goes through my cabinets asking if he could make breakfast. I was a little perturbed at his forwardness just going through my cabinets, but I was like, eh, if he is going to cook for me, that’s cool.
I was heading into the shower, and it didn't occur to me until I was in the shower that he never asked me what I wanted. This was because he did indeed make himself some bacon, eggs, and toast but only for himself. I am pretty mad at this point, but I am more occupied with getting to work on time than dealing with this twit.
That night, he proceeded to go out in the city to some parties without inviting us and then proceeded to try and be a jerk and tell us about these exclusive clubs he got into, and in his stupor, rant about how all his old friends are getting married and are so different. Well duh, people grow up in the five years after college.
He also would not refer to my dog who was then just a puppy as anything other than "that dog" and just left her in her crate all day. She of course whined about this, and then he complained to my wife about the dog's whining. He never gave us a dime for the food, let alone offered to buy us a meal or do anything in return for parking himself on our couch for three days. He will never step foot in my home again.
41. Thanks For Nothing
So my paternal aunt came to "visit" my father, who was in the hospital. She stepped off the bus with her husband, went to see my dad for an hour, then crashed at our home for a week and never went to see him again. Both of them (she and her husband) won't do anything to help my mom or me. My mom had to take care of everything, prepare food for them, then go visit my father, come back, and cook again for them.
Those jerks took over our living room and would spend all day watching television without interacting with others, leaving lights and fans on, and doors open everywhere they go. Her husband used every item in the bathroom and grime dup everything—soap, razor, trimmer, he even used my TOOTHBRUSH. After a week of free vacation, they then demanded I drop them off at the bus station.
I was very sick myself at that time and we didn't own a car, so I had to drop them off one by one at the station…on my bike. If I had owned a car back then, I definitely would have dropped them off at their home 160 km away, for free.
42. But You Can’t Stay Here
The firm I worked for at the time inherited this kid from a place across town named Mike. He seemed like an alright guy. But then he comes over one day early into his transfer at the firm...and he never leaves. He tells me the next day that he has nowhere to live and wants to know if he can stay with me and my roommate since we had a three-bedroom between the two of us.
I make an arrangement that he can stay in my place for the first month rent-free since he was completely broke supposedly—yet had one of the nicest wardrobes I've ever seen. He’d then pay a reduced rate the next few months until he gets back on his feet. A completely fair and easy arrangement, I thought. Well, I was so, so wrong.
He was always wanting rides everywhere, almost completely hijacking the TV, using in the house when I tell him not too…oh and my favorite, he used to listen to his rap music on his Discman or whatever and would be like "UUUUUHHHH YYYYEEEAA" while waving his hands around in your face. He did this to me one time while I was driving and I smacked his hand out of the way.
He also had behavior that I'd say was more odd than annoying. Instead of drinking in the apartment, he'd hide in the apartment complex's bushes and drink there. His actions at work were getting bad as well. He'd randomly insult people on the phone and accuse them of not wanting to deal with him because he was black. Truth was that he was rude, dumb, and didn't know a lot about what he was doing.
When it came time to pay the first installment of rent, he basically tried to dodge me on it for a couple of weeks. I finally cornered him on the balcony to say "I need the money today" and his reply was something like "Oh...so you going to play me like that now, huh?" He accused me of trying to con money out of him even though this was the agreed-upon rent situation.
Finally, one Saturday afternoon my boss fires him. The boss pulls me aside and asks what do we do now since he's living in my place. Mike claims he has nowhere to go in the city we live in, but that he knows people in like Ohio or some place. That same day my boss buys him a Greyhound ticket, and we help him pack and send him right out the door.
43. Make Yourself At Home
My brother-in-law needed a place to stay after his divorce, and my wife and I were going traveling for 6+ months. Huge mistake. He moved his girlfriend in, ran up bills, moved his dog in (we explicitly said no dogs). He completely ignored a roof leak and let it get worse even though he’s a carpenter. He broke pots, taps, and he and his girlfriend tried to order things on Alexa but didn't realize I'd protected myself from that once he'd added them to the basket. Finally, he didn't clean.....ever.
44. No Irish Cream For Me
Earlier in my high school years, I was in a band. We had a band come from Ireland and perform for us after a concert. The thing is, they needed to spend the night at volunteer houses for the night. My family volunteered. We ended up getting a trumpet player. His name was Jordan and he was I want to say about 6' 8" tall. He was nice when we met him, but we misjudged him.
He demanded way too much. Immediately after he stepped foot in our house, he announced, "I wish to take a shower." Currently, they were both occupied by my family, and I told him that, but he insisted that they hurry up because he was significantly sweaty. For dinner, he ate two-thirds of the food, leaving everything else for four other people.
He didn't stop there. He came into the living room and asked for the remote and changed the channel to the History Channel without asking if it was okay. Later at night, he asked if there was a bed to sleep in upstairs and ended up taking my bed, so I slept on the top bunk where my brother normally is and could not sleep due to snoring.
Needless to say, it was a great moment of my life when he left the next morning after finishing the syrup for the pancakes so no one else could use it.
45. Take A Picture, It’ll Last Longer
My parents hosted a guy from another state who played on the same sports team as my brother for a year, though the dude was the same age as me. He basically stayed in his room the whole time he wasn't at school or practice for the sport. Like, the door was always closed, to the point where he wouldn't let anyone in to clean, even just vacuuming, the entire year.
An important point: This dude had allergies or something—we didn't have pets or even use scented candles that would cause allergies—and he was always sniffing and then hawking loogies. My family thought he was using tissues for that while in his room. Nope. Giant loogy pile among other...fluids all over the carpet and walls when we finally went in.
The room had to be professionally cleaned after he left because of how gross it was. Then came the chilling piece de resistance. Early in the year when he was over, a picture of my friend and I was missing from my room. I thought the friend had taken it the last time she was over because it was a cute picture of us. Well, we also found it in a drawer in his room. Also covered in those same other fluids. It grosses me out to even think about it.
46. Making A Mess Of Things
My roommate and I had a mutual friend ask to stay over for the weekend. Of course, we agreed. Prior to this, neither of us had had sleepovers with this guest, so we had no warning of her subsequent behavior. Here is just one of the few highlights: Our lovely guest had explosive diarrhea. Every. Single. Day. And of course, never once wiped it down after she splattered everywhere.
I had already planned on giving my bed to her. The first night as we're hanging out in the living room, she says, "So...how are we doing the sleeping arrangements?" I say, “Oh, I was going to sleep on the couch." She replies, "Oh. Okay. Yeah...I was going to say...I don't like sharing beds." Then, while she's in my room, she spills makeup powder all over my bed and floor and doesn't bother to clean it up.
We had told this guest to "Feel free to eat whatever's in the fridge." The girl makes some food, leaves half of it in the pot on the stove, and just lets it sit the entire weekend. She eats half of what's in her bowl then leaves that on our kitchen counter also for the entire weekend. Never even bothered to at least put it in the sink or dishwasher. My roommate and I were so anxious to see this girl go.
I never expected her to show gratitude, but she left me a parting gift. She gave me a used English book, clearly from a college course she had just taken, with the "Used" sticker still on the binding.
47. Caught Red-Handed
My roommate started seeing a guy who didn't have a car and lived in the town over, which was about a 20-minute drive away. She would pick him up from his house and bring him to ours, but she didn't always want to drive him home the next morning because she would have to work early. This quickly turned into him staying at our apartment full time, despite protests from my second roommate and I.
After about two weeks, I noticed over $100 was missing from my wallet. He and I were the only two in our apartment all day. My wallet had been in my bedroom while I was watching TV in the living room. He'd been locked away in her room all day, but I also can't see down the hall that led to all of our bedrooms from the living room.
So it was easy to figure out that he had snuck down the hall and gotten into my wallet. But she refused to believe me. I kept my bedroom door locked for a while and kept my valuables inside until I was able to get a camera set up. Then I left my door unlocked one day with a small amount of cash in my wallet in front of the camera to lure him.
It worked like a charm and I got him on camera taking stuff from me again. Showing them the video got my roommate to believe me, but he still tried to deny it. He got dumped and kicked out, but I lost about $150 that I never saw again.
48. Bottles! Bottles Everywhere!
My ex-husband's best friend, Sean, was this semi-employed hippie who was in his 30s and still lived with his mother. He came to visit for a weekend but was still there a week later. Sean and my ex did nothing but play video games all day. Reliving their college days, I guess. Sean had a habit of leaving his used tissues on every available surface and hiding empty bottles in the strangest places. After he left, I found two behind the toilet. Gross, but whatever.
I was working two jobs at this time as my ex was unemployed and not home very often, so Sean hanging around didn't really bother me all that much at first. But, one night, he pushed my last button. I returned home late that evening after having worked my regular job plus four hours at my second job. It had been a long week and I was tired. I sat down on the sofa and flipped on the TV, planning on relaxing a bit before going to bed.
Sean came in, snatched the remote from my hand, and changed the channel without asking. I snapped. I told him it was my house, my TV, and since I was paying the cable bill, we were going to watch what I wanted to watch. He started to argue with me, so I threw him out. I told him to grab his stuff, I wanted him gone in 10 minutes. To my ex's credit, he backed me up. I guess he was a little tired of him as well. Sean never came to visit again.
49. Party Pooper
We were having a family BBQ and this gong show of a woman, Joanie, shows up. She’s the girlfriend of a guy who my dad and uncle worked with and were friends with. We already knew she had a knack for ruining a good time and being a party pooper, so we decided to tell her we were all getting ready to leave and go to my grandparents so she had to leave.
She says she needs to use the restroom, so we wait and then pile into my mom’s van and drive down the street and circle back. We arrive back and my Uncle Kelly goes to use the restroom and immediately comes out and says what the heck, man. It was like a horror movie in there. She had pooped everywhere, smeared it everywhere, and then put her filthy panties in the sink and rolled out like it was nothing.
We didn’t see her for a few years and then ran into her at the bank. While there, she loudly apologized for pooping all over our restroom. We never saw her again.
50. When You Gotta Go Downstairs
My wife's friends had stayed over after a party because they lived pretty far away. In the morning, I was in the kitchen making coffee, and the friend’s wife came up the basement stairs into the kitchen wearing nothing but her underwear. She didn't say anything to me. She just shuffled past and went back into the spare bedroom.
I was curious about what she was doing down there, so I went and I checked. I wish I hadn’t. It turns out in her state, she couldn't find either one of the bathrooms upstairs on the main level, so she went into the basement and did her business beneath the stairs all over the floor. When her husband came out of the bedroom, I told him that he had a mess to clean up and directed him to the basement so he could find his wife's surprise. Oh, but it gets worse.
That's when he decided to use our clean bath towels to smear her poop all over my basement floor. Then he just tossed the towels into the laundry tub. I never spoke to either one of them again. One good thing did come out of it though. We now get to say, "poop in the basement level" as the top of the drunkenness meter.
51. Another Round, Barkeep
My best mate was hooking up with the new barmaid at our local spot. On day after a party, for some reason, she decided to grab a kitchen knife and slit her wrist. In the ensuing struggle to wrestle the knife from her hand as she went to slash her other wrist, she managed to place her arm against the wall leaving a nice blood smudge right there in the kitchen.
We then kicked her out, and she gave me and my girlfriend at the time a load of trouble on Facebook for being unreasonable. Believe it or not, my mate ended up dating her for about two years, and she continued to be an absolute train wreck. When he finally got rid of her from his life, it was a really joyous moment for me and the rest of our friendship cycle.
The last I heard of her she unexpectedly inherited a few million pounds from her father who she hadn't seen since she was about two years old, and she's now living a few hundred miles away breeding horses. So as for worst house guest, it's either her…or the dude who peed in my kettle and then boiled it.
52. Can’t Just Marge in Here
When I was growing up in London, our family home was always the roadhouse for relatives visiting the city from Ireland. Basically, there would be some months where one relative would be out of the door on a Sunday morning, and the next lot of visitors would be arriving an hour after them…but Aunt Marg was the worst of all.
She was from my dad’s side actually moved to the same town my mother was from in some weird cultural exchange. Right now, with a family of four sons and three daughters, 12 grandchildren, four great-grandchildren, and various nieces and nephews, she fancies herself as a bit of a matriarch. She's also the biggest hypochondriac you will ever meet and travels everywhere with a carrier bag full of tablets—for my angina, for my palpitations, for my Vertigo, for my anxiety, for my vapors, etc., etc.
Whenever she tells my mother she'll be staying, we all call a crisis meeting even though I've moved out to find some excuse. When she descends with her husband who is totally easy-going, she starts with the demands. "Lovey, did you get me my salmon? You know I can't really digest meat at my age. Did you get bath salts for Mick's arthritis? Did you get those yogurts for us? We've stopped having cooked breakfasts and can only really manage a bit of porridge and yogurt?"
She continues: "Did you get those teabags I told you about too? Oooh, while I remember, we can't be having feather pillows anymore either, Mick has a reaction to them and I find it tickles my asthma too. Are we in yours and Al's bed this time, Aud? You know how the other bed caused Micks back to play up? Also, your bed is higher which is easier for me and my knees,” and on, and on, and on. Mum jokes that a visit from Marg costs as much as a visit from the Pope.
Also, she's desperate to go and see a show in London but won't book one herself. So, we book one. We have to get front row seats as because she gets "vertigo" if she's up in the circles. And she needs to be able to stretch her poor knees. She then forgets to line our palms with the £140 we spend on them. And to top it off, she won't ride the tube or the bus or anything. If she goes anywhere, she needs to be chauffeur-driven by Dad, who then has to take a day off work.
"Ooh Al, can we go and see the Mall today?" She’d ask my dad. He’d say, "Okay Marg, but with the traffic, we'll be in the car along time." Apparently, this was no bother to her because she’d say, "That's fine, lovey! It's worth it to avoid those escalators in the tube station. They give me such vertigo I can't even tell you!"
Eight hours later when they're caught in traffic trying to get home, she’d say something like, "Al, why on earth is it taking us so long to get back?!" He’d responded, "Marg, it's London. It's rush hour! If we'd gotten the train, we'd have been home two hours ago. If we had left when I said we should and not gotten on that open-top bus, we'd have been home hours ago too!" She’d shoot back, “well, you know I can't be dealing with those escalators, Al, so I don't know why you're bringing that up!"
Visit Marg and you get chided for wasting warm air, electricity, causing her to wash her second-best sheets needlessly and asked to help out with the cooking and shopping. She even went and got encephalitis a few years back. It scared every one of us, and we all flew over to be at her bedside when the doctor gave her a fatal prognosis.
We all got there, and by the time we had landed and gotten to the hospital, she had had the nerve to regain consciousness and rally and eventually get better a week later. And since she's had a condition, she's now able to say, "I told you so!" every time we chide her on her hypochondria.
53. Kick You When You’re Down
I let my buddy live with me rent-free after I got him a job. When my brother had a traumatic brain injury and I had a week to decide if my brother was going to live or not, this is when my buddy started whining that he had to smoke in the garage and not the house. Then he proceeded to go to work (where I also worked) and talk about me and my personal life to anyone who would listen.
He did this while I was on medical leave to take care of my dying brother.
54. Spending Time with Gran
Last winter break when I was 16 and my sister was 10, my grandmother and my aunt who is also 16 (long story) visited for Christmas for about two weeks. I normally love having them here, but my grandma is kind of crazy. Not only is she prejudiced against basically any group you’d expect an old white lady to be prejudiced against, she’s also just plain mean, so I knew I was in for something.
Well, one day when my mom was at work, my sister and I were cleaning, and my grandma came into the room and just totally started going at us. She'd yell things like, “You'll fail at life if you continue down the path you're on!" Or things like, "Some days I feel like telling you both to jump off a bridge, and my god if I tell you to, you'll do it," and "You're both spoiled brats with no respect for anyone," and so on.
She basically insulted us both for two hours. Now, I was expecting my aunt to defend us because she lives with this crazy woman and deals with a lot more stuff like this but nope. They were BOTH yelling at us after a while. It was ridiculous. And at first, I was able to play it cool like your comments don't offend me, but then I broke down and cried the hardest I've ever cried, which I'm sure my grandmother loved.
As a note, I'm very respectful and not rude or stupid or careless or anything. I care so much about my future that I try to always make the right choices. She doesn't have any right to say what she did. Anyway, she finally stopped and left, and I texted my mom asking if my sister and I could live at my dad's house about 20 minutes away for the next couple of nights.
She freaked out and said no, why can't you just spend time with your grandmother, yadda, yadda. So, I dealt with this crazy woman and her daughter until they left. Well, a week later my grandmother and aunt finally walked out the door to leave for the airport. I screamed with happiness when they were gone. As soon as my mom got home from work, we told her EVERYTHING.
Now I might not see my grandmother anymore. Apparently, when I was born my mom made my grandma promise not to act this way around me and any future children, and she's broken that promise.
55. Snitches Get Witches
My aunt is going through a divorce after she'd been cheating on her husband for years. She comes to stay at her sister's place, AKA my mom’s, while "coping." This psycho witch drank nearly every drop of drink we had, left the fridge open and ruined a month's worth of groceries, fell down our stairs and left a massive dent in the wall, and to cap it off, got in her car while drinking and pulled out before we could stop her, hit my car, and sped off.
My mom begged us to not call the authorities. Yeah no, I flipped on that witch immediately.
56. Foul All Odor
I had a long-time internet friend of about eight or so years invite himself to stay with me for a week. I had been thinking it was just for a weekend. I worked very hard to prepare the guest room for him in spite of us being flat broke. I was spending into our utility money to have him there. The entire time he compared Portland to San Antonio where he was from and told us how much better S.A. was and why he and his family were important people.
He was on his cell phone to a girl he met almost constantly. He showed zero interest in anything I took him to see, so I stopped taking him anywhere. The last two days I feigned illness, and we didn't go anywhere or do anything. He didn't brush his teeth the entire time and his breath choked out the entire room wherever he went.
The last night he was there, we got into what I thought was a safe and intelligent discussion about politics and religion. I've known the guy eight years, and you'd think this would be okay territory. Wrong. He audibly scoffed, rolled his eyes, and all without offering any intelligent counterpoints. I told him how incredibly rude it was. he tried to apologize but the damage was done.
I faked being friendly for the rest of his time there, drove him to the airport, and parked on my dime. He never thanked me for having him, paying for food and fun, nothing. Suffice it to say our friendship is pretty much non-existent.
57. You Are What You Eat
My cousin and her kid, who was 18 years old, came to stay in our apartment because the kid needed a psychiatrist evaluation and treatment. The city they lived in didn’t have a facility for it, but ours did. My cousin said they would stay for about three weeks, and we said yeah, anything to help. They ended up staying for more than four months.
During this time, they didn’t put in a single penny for groceries, took showers that lasted for ages, left the heat running, lights on in every room, just wasteful all around. In my family, we don’t have dinner, just some tea and bread, but she and her kid NEEDED to have dinner, so she would sometimes take the food I had set up for lunch for the next day and give it to her kid.
This kid, by the way, had the appetite of a monster, so a lot of times I would rush in the morning to assemble the lunch packs and discover there was nothing left. If there wasn’t any food ready, my cousin would just take whatever she wanted from the fridge and prepare it. Fancy steak we were saving for the weekend? Gone. She even gave the kid HALF of my sister’s birthday cheesecake BEFORE the party.
58. Sleeping in the Bathtub
A couple of years ago, both my roommate and I worked at the same nightclub. We finished work at about 4 AM, and while walking home, he got a phone call from an old school friend. All I could hear from the call was, "Yeah, sure, just head over." By the time we got back to the apartment, he was already there. Let's call him “J.” Bear in mind, this is almost 4.30 am.
Apparently, he had been forced to leave home, and he just needed somewhere to spend the night. My roommate out of kindness and sympathy offered him the sofa. At this point, I was living on the other sofa as my room was being painted. We went into the flat, they chatted for a bit, then my roommate bailed and went to bed.
For the next five hours, I was forced to watch YouTube videos and listen to him playing guitar including but not limited to Mike Tyson interviews, EDM videos, and how-to guides on everything under the sun. Every time I came close to falling asleep, I was jolted awake by some obnoxiously loud music. I ended up just swearing at him, took my duvet, and slept in the bath, which was undoubtedly my second worst night of sleep ever.
He stayed for six days, all of which I had off work. With no money and no sign of him leaving, I ended up walking around town all day just to avoid him. He didn't shower once in those six days, ate all my food, and took some of my comics. After he finally left, I told my roommate that he owed me a gigantic favor and promised that if I ever saw J again, I'd beat him up.
The worst part is that everyone who knows both him and I say that we’re are incredibly alike and have a lot in common. It almost makes me hate myself.
59. It’s Getting Hot In Here
I had a friend from college over for the weekend as he was visiting the area. On Sunday night when he was supposed to drive back to his place, he had one too many drinks before leaving. This was in the middle of a brutally cold winter, mind you, and the roads in our area were already terrible to drive at the moment due to the weather.
So not wanting him to drive, I offered to let him crash for another night. I also pointed out that the roads might be better in the morning, too. He thought about it and agreed. So after another round or two, we both headed off to our beds around 10:30 pm. At 1 am I wake up to my house’s heat on full blast. Like, drenched in sweat under my blankets hot.
I get up to turn the temperature down, wondering what the heck is going on, and notice my front door just sitting open. The porch and hall light were on, as if advertising it to the world or anyone who may drive by. He’s gone and so are the rest of my drinks. My calls went straight to his voicemail. I saw him once or twice after that and he acted as if nothing had happened. Maybe he blacked out and doesn’t remember? But regardless, never again.
60. Neglecting Responsibilities
My girlfriend and I went away for a week and a half, and a friend of ours volunteered to housesit and take care of our two cats and two lizards. We made sure he knew what to do and wrote a care sheet for each animal and what they needed to do to keep the animals healthy while we were away. Feed the cats, clean their litter, chop up veggies for the lizards and feed them bugs, and give the lizard a quick bath if she poops because she'll definitely run around in it.
So, after we ran our friend through our daily routine to care for our pets, we said our goodbyes and went away. When we came back, our apartment looked nice, but there was a heavy cat urine smell and poop all over the apartment, and when I checked on my lizard, she had poop all over her underside. Not. Cool. Bearded dragons have salmonella in their waste, and this meant she ran a risk of getting very sick if she ran over her food.
We ended up having to take her to the vet for a $300 vet bill for tail rot and to check for contamination. The cat litter was literally solid. When confronted, he said he had just forgotten to clean it once before he left, but it looked exactly like a week and a half worth of two cat’s waste. Our one cat was so fed up with the amount of waste in the litter that we saw him peeing on the floor, which has never once happened before or since this incident.
It was clear to us that he did next to nothing to care for our pets like he promised he would. He just volunteered to stay in our apartment because it was an hour closer to his new job and completely used us. We used to be great friends, but I haven't seen him more than once in the two years since this incident. Hard to trust someone after they pull a stunt like that.
61. The Company You Keep
My now ex-boyfriend’s buddy took over our bedroom. Like, I came home from work to find him on our bed with his dirty socks on our pillows as he was on his computer. He would constantly sit in between my boyfriend and I, would eat on the couch or in our bed and leave crumbs, and if I attempted to talk to my boyfriend, he would immediately interrupt me to say something.
If we went to go out for anything he would invite himself along and sit in the front seat, no matter whether I was driving or my boyfriend was. He would then leave trash all over our car. But there was a kicker. He brought his girlfriend around too, and we later found out she was a minor—he was 19, she was 15. Not cool. I sometimes think the best part of our breakup was not dealing with that friend anymore.
62. My Sister’s Significant Bother
I have never actually hated anyone until I was forced to live with my sister’s boyfriend for two weeks. He was an ungrateful jerk and extremely disrespectful to my parents and sister. I’ll refer to him as M. M was staying at my parent’s house because my sister inadvertently got him kicked out of his aunt’s house. She felt bad so she asked my parents to let him stay for some time until they could find other living arrangements.
He brought over all his stuff and made himself right at home quickly. He set up his Xbox in the living room and played Destiny all day because he didn't have a job. He's 27. He would constantly complain about the internet lagging and would tell anyone who was listening that our internet was bad. He would constantly, at least three or four times a day, take an entire loaf of pepperoni bread, fill it with cheese, bake it, eat some, and then throw it away.
He literally screamed at my mother that she was disrespecting him when she called his music screamo and had a hissy fit. He and my sister shared a room right next to mine, and at night I could hear him singing to her. Not so bad except he proclaimed that he was incredibly talented and never missed a chance to mention it.
The best part about his stay though was when he told me that aliens were on earth, helped build the pyramids, and altered our DNA so that we evolved faster. He would also constantly tell my sister what to do and was very controlling. My sister now lives with him in an apartment. He recently crashed her car and fled the scene. I hate him.
63. Noodle Head
I was seven months pregnant with my second child, and we hit a period of severe financial hardship, like eating buttered noodles every meal because that was all we could afford. I made sure my daughter ate properly, but I didn't. I saved for two months (seriously) and then bought myself a $7 steak because I was seriously craving meat.
I came home after work to cook that steak up, and my "friend" who we let stay there for a week because she "had nowhere to go" was eating it!!!! She knew how poor we were. Her excuse??? "It is inhumane to make a grown adult eat nothing but buttered noodles." I grabbed her clothes, threw them outside, and told her to LEAVE.
64. Breaking Under Interrogation
My younger brother is mildly autistic, so we don't deal with him all that much different than any other kid, but he can get a bit much with the questions. It feels like you're getting interrogated at times because he has so much to ask, but it's easy to cut him a little slack with it. It’s no big deal…if you’re not a jerk.
At the time, he was around 6, and I was 15. I had a friend over for a little while just playing some games on my Xbox. My younger brother politely knocks on my door, so I tell him to come in, and he proceeds to start questioning us on what we're playing, about the game, etc., etc. They were normal questions, but there were just lots of them.
Eventually, my friend had enough and told him he needed to shut up. My younger brother responded to him by saying he’s only asking and asked me another question. Before anyone has a chance to do anything, my friend decided to shout at him to shut up and proceeded to slap my younger brother around the head. He got kicked out pretty quickly, and our friendship deteriorated pretty rapidly after that.
65. Clowning Around
The clown that wouldn’t leave. It’s become family legend. My mother hired a clown for my brother’s second or third birthday party. My mother made the mistake of offering her a cup of coffee after she was done performing and she seemed to take that as a cue to stay for a while. Hours pass. The party guests are long gone and the clown is still there drinking the coffee chatting with my mother, still in full makeup and her outfit.
She ended up staying the entire day until my mom got fed up and told her she had to go because she had to prepare dinner.
66. Sticky Fingering Through
My mum let a family friend in my room once to play Xbox. I wasn't home at the time, so I didn't see it, but I had forgotten my phone one day. So as soon I get home, I frantically look for it as I normally would. My phone was nowhere in sight, so I was like whatever, I'll look for it later and chill with this dude on Xbox.
The dude seems extra nervous, so I start catching onto this guy. I go through one of my drawers, which had about a hundred dollars in it, and guess what, it's gone. I decide to mess with this dude, so I said my phone has a tracker app on it and that I was going to report it to the authorities, which was completely made up, but hey, he bought my story and was getting nervous.
He goes over to his mum and speaks in his native language, so I can't understand. He did use "phone" in English, and at that point, I knew he took both of them. I told my dad, and he went off on this dude just full-on shouting at him until he started crying, which was hilarious. He returned my stuff afterward and just waited outside.
His mother was crying profusely and kept apologizing and saying stuff like "I never knew he had this side to him" and "There must be a reason why he took your stuff," but I knew she was in on it too. I had no sympathy for either of them.
67. We’ve Got Aunts
My aunt came to visit for what was supposed to be a week or two…and didn’t leave for almost a year when I was a kid. But then she took it to the next level. She redecorated my room and even put up pictures of herself. Now the running joke in my family is to randomly leave pictures of ourselves around the house when we visit people.
68. Services Not Included
Years ago, I was a recruiter for one of the Armed services, and one of my recruits had a brother who wanted to enlist but needed to complete his GED to be eligible and needed a place to stay while completing it. The brother had become a pretty good friend and vouched for his brother, so I let him stay with me at my home.
It became obvious pretty quickly that the brother had a drinking problem. The GED program I had him enrolled in was only a 2-week program, so we decided to just try to ride it out. What a mistake. One night, about halfway through his scheduled stay, I got a 2 AM phone call from the local Air Force base saying they had recovered my government car, and I should come get it and fill out some paperwork.
I looked out my window, and yup, my car was gone. I wasn't even supposed to have it home with me that night. I got dressed and then realized that the guy was gone. The dummy drank a ton and decided to pretend he was CIA and try to get onto base. When the MPs at the gate wouldn't let him pass, he tried to ram the gate and was tased then cuffed. Needless to say, he never completed the GED program and spent some time locked up.
69. House Sitting Or House Squatting?
My sister-in-law housesat for us this one time when we were out of town. There were tons of disrespectful presents left for us—for example, a cookie crumb trail of condom wrappers, which led to an actual used condom. But the worst was after cleaning all that up, which was merely aggravating and stupid, there was a putrid smell coming from somewhere.
I couldn't put my finger on the source, until I finally opened a drawer in the dresser in the guest room. She had left an entire takeout container in there, and there was half an omelette that had gone rancid. I have to hope she just had to go quickly and forgot all that stuff was there when she left. Either way, though, we took our key back from her.
70. A Real Homewrecker
Back in my married days, my "best friend" fell on some hard times after having his appendix removed. My wife and I decided that he could stay with us until he could find a job as his mom had just moved across the state and he had no other family. At the time, I worked 56-hour shifts, so I was gone from Sunday night to Wednesday afternoon, and my wife was a nursing student who worked at the same place I did a few hours a day.
He stayed with us for five months, and I got him a job with the company my wife and I worked for. Things were great the entire time. He paid rent, he kept his room clean, and I always had someone to watch football and chat with. And then one day, my entire life shattered into a million pieces. I caught my wife in a lie, and when the truth came out, I learned that she was hooking up with a co-worker.
She decided that rather than trying to salvage our marriage, she wanted to end it. Thank God, my friend was there for me, giving me a shoulder to cry on, and someone to share the big empty house with after she moved in with the other guy. A couple of months after she left, we went on a road trip to the city and after a few bars, decided to go to a club.
It wasn't long before he got us kicked out. As we drove away, he began throwing things out of the sunroof of my car, and I asked him to either knock it off or walk the next 10 blocks to our motel. He was partied out, but he opted to get out of the car and walk for whatever reason. As I loaded my stuff into my motel room, I heard a crash and saw him smash my driver's side window and break off my side-view mirror. I immediately called 9-1-1 to report it, and they showed up just as he was returning from the Applebee’s across the street that he had been kicked out of.
He began screaming horrible insults at me and telling the authorities that I had just been driving under the influence. The officers told him that he needed to stop screaming or that he'd be busted for public disturbance. He stopped immediately. Then he did something that made my blood run cold. I could see a wave of calm pass through him when he looked me in the eye and with a completely sober and unemotional voice said, "Michael, I've been sleeping your wife for months now, and you're too stupid to even realize it."
The officers immediately smashed his face into the trunk of the cop car and cuffed him. One of them actually asked if I was going to be alright because he could see I was pretty badly shaken up. After that, I never talked to him again. When he got back to town, the locks were changed, and his stuff was in the front yard.
A couple of years later he actually started dating my ex-wife, and through hearing from friends and reading available court records online, it seems their relationship ended with her in the hospital and him locked up for a long time. I would never wish that on anyone, but what an ending to that era of my life.
Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune
71. Puppy Hate
This couple came for a weekend to my small apartment...and I was quite surprised that they brought three dogs and an extra friend. The puppy took a dump on my floor in the night, which nobody got up to clean. The other dog had a crate but managed to get a hold of a carpet outside of the crate, drag it in, and shred it. They also chewed up cardboard and wooden furniture. When they left, all the shredded stuff was just where it fell.
72. Honest To A Fault
This woman I met on Match drove from South Carolina to Ohio to stay at my place for Labor Day weekend. She seemed normal, until I found out one extremely bizarre habit. Every time she took a poop, which was twice a day, she used an entire roll of toilet paper. And let me be clear, she did not use a lot of toilet paper; she used all the toilet paper.
The first night, she just stared at me, and stared, and repeatedly said things like, "God you're gorgeous" (I am average-looking) and telling me all the things she wanted to do to me. Finally, just to shut her up, I initiated intimacy. As I was about to go in, she looks me right in the eyes and says in a demon's gravelly voice, "If you put anything in my butt I will literally kill you."
We did not sleep together that night, or any night. She then asked me to give her advanced warning of when I'd be going to bed. "Why?" I asked her. This is when she revealed that she is bipolar and would "literally never sleep" if she didn't take her meds an hour before bedtime. It didn't matter. I woke up alone—and hopeful that she had left. Nope.
Turns out she (in her own words) "stood naked in front of the living room window all night, sobbing." I live in a second-floor apartment in front of a sidewalk. You're welcome, neighbors! The second day was me trying to avoid her in my own apartment and her posting updates to Facebook during her two-hour-long poops and post-poop wiping.
"I'm okay, still alive!" was one such post. I asked her to leave that afternoon and she did, but when she got back to South Carolina she sent me an email asking if we didn't sleep together all weekend because I'm gay? I assured her that I'm as straight as the day is long, but that I don't usually prefer to have intimacy under the duress of physical threats. Then I dug the knife in.
I added that after realizing how much toilet paper she used that no one would ever want to go near her butt, anyway. Her final email reply said she respected my being brutally honest with her.
73. It’s Not Me, It’s You
My old roommate told me that she had a friend who had fallen on rough times and needed a spot to crash for a while. No worries, I told her. Oooh, big worries. As it turned out, he was a professional beatboxer, but more than that he was a professional smoker. Like, I'm fine with weed generally, but this dude was on 12-15 blunts a day, and would roll one as soon as he rolled his tighty whitey clad butt off of our couch.
So for like four months, as soon as I woke up, it was nothing but clouds of white owl and "BRRRRMMMCHKCHK-FRKAFRKACHCKABRRRRMMM." He didn't fall on rough times. He WAS a rough time.
74. Show Some Respect
I ran into a guy I used to call a friend and let him stay with me for a while as he was down on his luck. I guess we'd run out of toilet paper one day, so he used a washcloth. Ok. Except…he left it at the side of the toilet. I kicked him out after that and found out later he walked away with some of my CDs. Well, some mutual friends let him stay with them, against my advice.
They came home one day to find him passed out on the couch with his pants around his ankles. After they kicked him out, they found out he'd racked up $900 in phone charges to escorts. Screw you, Nole. You always were and always will be a piece of trash.
75. Baby On Board
This wasn’t my experience, but my mom's. One of my dad’s younger cousins moved into my parents’ new house to stay with them until he found some other arrangements. My dad's a pushover and my mom's an introvert, so they were totally unprepared for the nightmare that was coming. This jerk eventually made my parents move out of their bedroom to the other room, since he “needed” it for his studies.
That garbage uncle then had his friends over every other weekend. Even when my older brother was born, he did not move out. And then my dad's younger brother passed, which gave him yet another reason to stay with them. My dad was living a soulless life for a few months after that. Then after four years of this, I was born, and boy oh boy the baby me was a crier.
According to my brother, if my uncle was even within 10 feet of me, I would cry. If I heard his voice, I would cry. Then he finally left the house and has never been in our lives again. I guess I'm a blessing!
76. Brotherly Love
I was 23 and had just signed a lease for a duplex with my girlfriend. We got new furniture and a new computer, then my brother shows up one with a broken foot and says he can't work, so he stays with me while. He acts grateful, and I had a spare bedroom that I was using as an office—I can’t really say no. My new computer was in the room.
Welp, he downloaded so many adult files that it crashed the hard drive. Like, we had to wipe the hard drive and reinstall Windows. I put a parental block on the computer after that. He finally got a job and pretty much spent all his money on substances and partying. I would ask him to pitch in money for food and bills, and he would be totally delusional, saying he gave $500 last week.
I think I got $100 from him in the six months he was there. He got messed up on pills and passed out and peed himself on my brand new couch, then he tried to fight me when I yelled at him and told him he had to pay for it to get cleaned. I told him to get out at that point—but that was just the beginning of the nightmare. He would send threatening messages to me saying how he was going to hurt me. The worst part was, my mom took his side during all of this.
77. Four’s Company
I had a college friend and her husband stay with us after my husband and I got married...like, literally the day after we got married. She asked when she got the wedding invite if it would be ok to stay with us since it would be tough for them to come otherwise. I wanted her to be at the wedding and we had stayed with them a few times when we were visiting back east, so I felt like we kind of owed it to them.
My husband had to work a couple days the week after anyways (new job at a new company) so we figured what the heck. They stayed with us for three days and it felt like a month. They complained about everything...how expensive everything was, the traffic, how small our house was, the food. We let them borrow our car for day trips and they complained about how outdated it was.
We went out to eat with them a couple of times and they treated the servers like garbage. They also expected us to pay for everything because they were our "guests." The straw that broke the camel’s back was when they had a 6 am flight back to Pennsylvania and didn't want to spend the $40 for an Uber ride to the airport. So they asked me if I wouldn't mind taking them to the airport at 3:30 in the morning.
I said “screw it” because I wanted them out and I knew I would never see them again after that. Lesson learned.
78. Revenge Of The Jocks
I had a very swole, extremely intimidating, and hostile roommate one year. I’m a very non-confrontational introvert, so it was inherently stressful, but I made it through the year laying low as much as I could. On move-out he takes my nice bike, which he knew was something I used daily and took care of. I wasn’t 100% sure it was him, maybe it just disappeared the exact day he moved out…
But then the same day he blocked me on anything I could contact him through. It felt like his last way of being a jerk and picking on me. Screw him.
79. Just Passing Through
I was doing an extended dog-sitting for my in-laws while they were on a 45-day tour of Africa. Three weeks into the dog sitting, my father-in-law's cousin, his new trophy wife, and his four kids showed up unexpectedly at their house and asked to stay overnight on their way back home from wherever they had been. We could not reach our in-laws in Africa, and my husband knew this cousin pretty well, so we decided to let them stay with us.
Instead of cooking for eight people with zero advanced notice, we opted to go out, and they asked if we could get sushi. At the end of the meal, the cousin's wife says, "Thank you for taking us out, we can rarely afford sushi for the six of us, so this was a real treat." I said, "Uh, what? We didn't offer to pay for you, and if we were expected to, we would have gone somewhere less expensive."
My husband paid the $400 bill to avoid conflict, but I will never go out to eat with that side of his family again. Also, their kids took every single Lightning cable and charging brick they could find. Little jerks.
80. Crowded House
My sister is...a card. No one in my family makes the best decisions, I admit. But my sister would easily win the yearly family award for bad decisions. So one day, she asked if she could come up to Iowa from Texas for a few weeks, a month at most. Now, I live with my mother. My dad had pretty advanced cancer before he went into the night.
My mom's got early-onset dementia. I pleaded with my mom that if my sister asked to stay, we would firmly decline. Big surprise, my sister didn't bother to outright ask or make plans. She just asked my mom how would she feel about her showing up for a bit. Four days later, surprise! She lives here now along with her five-year-old son.
At this point, we have four people in a two-bedroom house. She takes over my mother's room and displaces her into a backroom with no heating in the middle of winter. She refuses to pay a single bill or lift a finger for chores. She applied for food stamps, put all of our names on it without our permission, then throws a huge fit if we ask for her to use them for anyone but herself.
She gets her pain medications at the start of the month, which just so happens to be the only time she has "narcolepsy" until she runs out of them. At which point she demands rides to the hospital to scam them for more medications. I catch her taking jewelry. She's barely taking care of her son, my nephew, and she treats our mother like garbage because of an "all my problems are your fault" mentality.
This went on for 18 months until I had enough and got the authorities involved. I had her stuff put on the curb so she couldn't take what wasn't hers. Handed her $500 for the trip back south and told her to get out and never return.
81. Big Only Child Energy
My ex!!! I let him stay with me for a couple of nights after we had only been seeing each other for a couple of months. It ruined our relationship. I dumped him after the second night. He literally ate all my food and didn’t buy anything, left skid marks in the toilet twice, threw a cloth down the toilet which you can’t flush...I have no idea why he did this.
He asked me to buy him a Deliveroo as it’s easier to apparently pay by cash, even though he earns over $100k a year. He didn’t wash up, never offered to make me a drink or help with anything. Used up all the hot water...He said my bed was uncomfortable, made fun of the movies and series I watched on Netflix. I couldn’t believe how selfish and disgusting he was.
I snapped at him and he genuinely didn’t understand why I was mad. He called me cruel and selfish. Now he’s somebody else’s problem.
82. Leggo My Lego
My mother’s cousin. Her husband and son came from India to come see all the family, and I think they spent about a week with us before moving onto their next stop. The son was about my age at the time, I reckon about eight years old, but he was a little jerk. Years later, my dad told me he wanted to throttle him a few times. Me trying to be polite, after a talking to from my dad about how we treat guests, was doing my best to get along with him.
We were playing on the PS1 when he says he needs to go to the toilet, so I pause and wait. After about five minutes, I'm thinking OK maybe he's gone for a poop. After 10 minutes, I'm thinking, darn, this kid can poop! After 15 minutes, I'm told to go see if he's OK. I walk up the stairs and see the bathroom door is wide open, so I call his name. His reply surprised me.
His response comes from my room. Oh God, I think. I dart in and this fool has got every LEGO aeroplane, car, truck and transformer from my LEGO airbase that I must have spent at least six weeks building. They’re all in one hand and he’s got them all stacked together. As I open the door and see him, he pauses, looks me right in the eye, and crashes all the models into the ground, destroying all my hard work.
Many people would probably say I should let this go with it just being about LEGO, but no! Screw that little jerk.
83. Wild Night
My family and I were going on a trip and told a family friend he could crash at our house while we were gone. Nonetheless, my parents said he would have to take care of things and pay for his own food and such. Halfway through our trip, we get a call from the authorities. Apparently, he threw a huge party and trashed the house, then proceeded to take one of our cars and drive it through the front of the house, totaling the car and collapsing most of the front wall.
This was last week. We had to cut our trip short and come home to deal with this. We are currently in the process of pressing charges.
84. Turn On The Waterworks
My brother’s girlfriend took a two-hour shower with the shower curtain outside of the tub and flooded our upstairs bathroom. The water eventually started pouring out from the light fixtures in our kitchen. She was not the least bit embarrassed about this.
85. Family Feud
I had surgery and was on bed rest for a week. I asked my cousin, who was living with me at the time, to keep an eye on me while I was on heavy pain medication. I stayed on the couch and let her use my bedroom because my couch was close to the bathroom. When I recovered, I found used hair weave piled up on clean towels in the bathroom cabinet and a douche nozzle behind my nightstand.
There was trash piled all the way up the wall in the kitchen, dirty dishes everywhere, a plate of rancid food in the microwave, ketchup and mustard smeared on the floors, and she had taken a bunch of clothing and CDs along with one of my iPhone chargers (she had a Windows phone). Finally, she had poked a hole in my $2,500 mattress. I kicked her out immediately.
86. Me And My Brat Sister
My wife and I let my sister stay with us after my folks finally kicked her out the first time. She had to be about 18-19 at the time. She was to watch our toddler son for us while we were at work. When we got home, we often had to clean up the kitchen and most of the house because she was a slob who couldn't be bothered to clean up either her messes or the boy's.
It came to a head one day, when my wife discovered among all the left-out food and dishes, that my sister had browned some ground beef in her brand-new wok using a fork. The wok was scarred and scratched beyond belief. My wife freaked for a second and asked her why she did that. A couple of minutes later, my sister walked up to me in a huff and yelled, "You better talk to that terrible wife of yours..."
She went on for several minutes calling my wife all kinds of names and threatening what she would do if "that terrible hag" says anything else to her. She had the nerve to look surprised when I calmly told her to get her stuff because she wasn't spending that night at our house. She said, “You're gonna kick me out because of that awful woman?!?" I just say, “Yep." We were tired of walking on eggshells around her combustibility anyway.
87. Catastrophic Events
We had one of my dad’s friends visit a long time ago, and he really hated cats. So much so, it was to the point where he would kick our cat under the table. Literally, he had been in our house for five minutes, and he kicked our cat in the hallway. What a jerk. So, our cat peed in his shoes and left him a surprise in his suitcase the day he was leaving.
88. Holding Down Fort Box
On our first anniversary, my girlfriend and I decided to go out of town for the weekend. We needed someone to look after our cat, and the only guy available was my friend Andrew. In hindsight, it was a total mistake asking him to do it, because he was a complete slob, but he was our only option, and we figured he'd have enough decency not to mess up our place. Yeah, bad idea.
The first thing we noticed when we got home was that almost all of our dishes were dirty and stacked in a big pile in the sink. In the fridge, we discovered a half-eaten apple pie from Pizza Hut covered in chicken bones. Investigating further, I found that he had broken some of my things, supposedly by accident.
But the real surprise was what came next. We went into the basement to do laundry. He had built a big fort out of cardboard boxes with some rotting pizza left inside. I later discovered that he had been using my video camera and recorded himself "living" in the box fort, eating chicken wings, and wearing my clothes while a friend of his danced around totally naked in the background.
89. Take It And Go
My now-wife's old friend had been living with her sister and kicked out over an argument or something involving her sister's wife/girlfriend/whatever. I let her stay for two weeks while she looked for a place. Two months in, an insane water bill and some shifty behavior later, I confront her, and she calls law enforcement on me. Luckily, I answered the door. I was totally calm, actually genuinely confused, and the authorities believed me and not the apparently crazy woman.
Unfortunately, law enforcement has to give me some bad news. It turns out she got mail at my house and that proves residency. I have to go through eviction proceedings. That would take months. She was going to be there at our first Christmas dinner we are hosting in the new home. I ended up having to bribe her to move out early. Apparently. that's a thing, cash for keys. It happened five years ago, and it still sticks in my craw.
90. Not In This House
I lived at home for most of college and my sophomore year. My brother who was in the Marines and stationed in Okinawa called to ask if his fiancé could come live with us until he got home in nine months. We didn't know he was engaged. For some inexplicable reason, my parents agreed. She moved into the spare room, and she seemed really sweet at first. And then it started to become clear that she was a pathological liar and a thief.
She lied about our dog getting grabbed from the yard and taken away. The dog had just gotten out of the fence and wandered into the neighbor’s yard and made friends with their beagle. And then she went out and adopted a dog without warning anyone. My family, being dog lovers, couldn't bear to kick it out. Of course, she never trained her dog, which proceeded to pee all over the rug in her room so it had to be replaced. The dog also started to get nasty and snap at people because she never corrected him when he did.
The last straw, which led to forcibly moving her belongings out to the curb and locking the doors, was when she took my parent’s checkbooks and tried to write checks at the gas station down the street. Fortunately, I worked at that gas station, and the manager knew my family and thus knew it was a forgery. He called law enforcement and had her detained, and then called me to give me a heads up.
We called her cell and left a voicemail telling her she was out and moved her stuff outside. Since the dog had never seen a vet or been neutered, I decided it was in his best interest to find a new home and took him to the SPCA. She never went looking for him.
91. Keeping It Cool
My brother-in-law is totally a great guy, and I love him a lot but my gosh, he is such a diva. He is on the larger side of the spectrum, and we currently live in Florida where it gets pretty hot and muggy. Being a college student taking seven classes, I don't have much money. So, we try to keep the air around 75, never lower.
Well, since he was coming, I decided to tell him that if he wanted to lower the air a bit, he could but to keep it above 72. I woke up freezing all three nights in a row because he would get up once we fell asleep and turn our air down to 65. If I left for class, he would do it again. Every time. Finally, I had my wife confront him because I thought it would be easier coming from his sister and tell him he could use a fan to cool down.
He proceeded to tell her she was dumb and that a fan used just as much electricity as the air did cooling the entire apartment. We won't be hosting him for a while.
92. Counting Down The Seconds
It was a few years back on New Year’s Eve, and I had about three or four families staying the night at my place. All coming from Sydney and Wollongong. May I just mention that for a while during that time I was a little depressed, although not diagnosed with anything, and did NOT like crowds. I still don't enjoy crowds at all.
I didn't know why they were all coming to my place in such a small and boring town of Bathurst to see the firework show when the one in Sydney was so much more exciting. This, of course, made me even more depressed as my entire house was taken over by obnoxious little children who were so loud, I actually considered running away for the weekend. This is extremely abnormal behavior for me as I am a complete goody-two-shoes, but of course, I didn’t. Now you're probably thinking, “Just lock yourself in your room, it'll be fine!” Nope.
That was not an option at the time because one of my relatives was staying in my room. My auntie from Sydney and one of her sons who was around five or six at the time. I had to sleep on the couch, but to be honest, I didn't really mind considering it was much cooler in the lounge room than my bedroom. Yes, New Year’s is in summer in Australia for those who are unaware.
The next morning, I found out that my auntie’s son had wet himself on MY bed. I was devastated as if it couldn't get any worse, but oh dear god, it sure did. When all of my visitors had finally left, I was sure I needed to see a doctor and get medication for a possible case of depression I could have developed during the horrible time, but I decided I would just forget about it and read a good book. You know, just flush all the anger out, relax, and forget about everything.
Well no. When I went to grab my favorite book at the time and discovered that someone, possibly the same pest that had wet my bed, had scribbled all over the pages with pen and ripped a few out. I thought I was going to die. I usually freak out when objects are out of position on my desk, let alone having my favorite book at the time completely destroyed.
93. Turn Down For What
I threw a huge party to celebrate graduation and let some frat boys come to it because they were cute. This one jerk, Kyle, decided that my 16-year-old cousin was the perfect target and started hitting on her touching her thighs and neck and making her really uncomfortable. She is by no means shy and she kept telling him to leave her alone.
He decided to just pull his pants down in front of her. The room was dead quiet, and everyone just stared. A few guys stood up to go beat him up over it, and she just smiled, grabbed him, and twisted it so hard that he passed out and threw up. I was proud. It was the best party ever besides all that.
94. Please Pick Up Your Child
My best friend while growing up came over, sat on the couch, and complained the entire time about literally everything. She complained about the food, the summer heat, how she was bored even though I was trying my best to entertain her, and the list goes on and on. She was rude, swore at everyone, and whenever I was talking about something like politics, for example, she would get angry and be like, "When did you ever care about that?!" Like it was something to be ashamed of.
I had to call her mom who lived four hours away to come to pick her up. I was so embarrassed. She was awful to my roommates.
95. A Convenient Layaway
I had a roommate allow his ex-girlfriend to stay a few weeks with us. She was the stereotype of a crazy ex and was only staying with us because her new "ex" boyfriend had been threatening to hurt her, or so she claimed. She brought her cat with her, and my roommate and I already have a cat each that got along well. And her cat was so mean. Obviously, she was freaked out from being in a new place, but she would attack my cat, who was a two-month-old kitten still as he was learning how to be social and play.
On top of it all, she didn't have a key, so she would wait until everyone else left before she did. I mean she’d just leave the house and not lock the door or anything. Every day after my roommate left, if she was still home, she would use that time to call her ex and get into crazy arguing fights with him and you could tell she wasn't all there. Each fight ended with her swearing and hanging up, and then she would hook up with my roommate when he got home.
The worst part about it is she would lead him to believe they were getting closer, getting back together, that she cared about him and loved him, all while she just wanted for things to blow over, which happens at least once every few months. She just up and left one day, and my roommate got really depressed and withdrawn for a long time.
96. Dog Days Of Summer
We had a house-sitter once who wanted to bring their own dog for the week. They assured us the dog was well-behaved and housetrained. This was a pretty close friend, and their house is nice and clean, so we believed them. We came home to find every rug in our house destroyed. The house smelled funky when we walked in, and I immediately found wet spots on our living room rug.
I lifted it up and it had more stained areas than not. Same with the kitchen, hallway, bedroom, and guestroom rugs. I'm guessing this dog didn't pee outside a single time it was there. This was someone we paid to watch our house. As turned out, their house was all hardwood and had a dog door. I guess the dog just let itself out? Or maybe it does pee inside and they clean it up?
Maybe the dog was freaked out in a new place? I honestly have no idea. I didn’t confront them, though. We had a lot going on at that point in our lives, and I just felt it was best to silently sever the relationship and learn an expensive lesson. We were planning a cross-state move and a wedding at the time, so I really couldn’t handle much more.
All of the small rugs went through the wash, but the living room rug went right into the dumpster it was so bad.
97. Make Yourself Less At Home
Asked a couple, who are friends of my BF, to watch my home for a little less than two weeks. I left my home sparkling clean, fridge packed full of their favorite goodies, movie tickets, gift certificates, bottles of beer and wine, and my car to use as they pleased (since neither of them have their own car or live on their own). Upon returning home around 10:00 p.m., after 20+ hours of flights and traveling...I found a scene out of a horror movie.
The house was filthy. The floor was covered in dirt. Counters were crammed with stuff as if they pulled everything out from the cabinets and left them. Beer bottles were left empty on every surface. Pistachio nut shells were thrown on the floor and left strewn on my bedside table and bedroom dresser. And I'm just getting started...
Their dirty underwear was just left on the bathroom floor. The kitchen sink was FILLED with nearly all of my dishes, which had been used and left dirty. Most of my Tupperware was now in the fridge filled with their leftover food. My patio furniture was pulled into my bedroom and used as a game set-up with my bedroom TV moved to a different spot. Still not the worst part...
They left "love oil" on my nightstand. They somehow broke my washing machine. They threw out all of my "chemical" cleaning supplies and replaced them with "organic cleaning supplies" (aka vinegar and water). When we got into my apartment, they said, "Wow it's so weird to have you here. It's like this was OUR house, and now it's yours." Like, GIRL this was always my freaking house. How could you forget that so quickly?!
They seemed in no rush to leave. They sat in the living room and opened up some beer. I didn't rush them out. I also did not bother to help them clean up their huge mess. I was exhausted and fell asleep on the couch while my boyfriend awkwardly made small talk and unwillingly hung out. The next morning, I finally thought it was all over—then the girlfriend sent me an insane text just to twist the knife. She says she thought it was disgusting and rude of me not to wear a bra when I fell asleep (implying that I was trying to turn her boyfriend on).
First of all, I was wearing a friggin’ bra. Also, if I didn't want to wear a bra to go to bed, I don't need to because I'm in my own freaking house. There are so many more things they did that irritated me. These are just a few I can remember right off the bat.
98. Trying To Trap A Pest
I was living in Eugene, Oregon at the time, and a "good friend" of mine asked me if it was ok if his girlfriend crashed on my couch for a couple of days. She was coming down from Portland to visit him and didn't have the money for a hotel. He was still living at home so that was out of the question. I said sure, no problem, she's welcome to stay. Huge mistake.
A few days after she arrived, he broke up with her, and she wouldn't leave. She ate all my food, used my electricity, and was an all-around massive jerk. I'm normally a pretty mellow person, but I got so mad at her one day that I accidentally broke my bathroom window just by slamming the bathroom door to get away from her.
It didn't help that my roommate was in love with her and kept begging me to let her stay. I finally just had enough one day and went off on my "good friend" about how she was his problem, and he needed to solve it. He found out she had a warrant for her in Portland, so he arranged to meet her downtown so that they could "get back together and move by bus to California.”
He tipped off one of the downtown security people back when Eugene still had the huge walking mall letting them know that she had a bunch of illicit substances on her, and a warrant for her. They nabbed her, and she called me to beg me to bail her out. I laughed and hung up the phone on her. I never heard from her again either.
99. Clean And Clear And Out Of Control
My uncle and his wife came to stay for a while. They got my room and I slept on the couch for a few months, which is no big deal when you're a kid I guess. What actually ticked me off is that when they finally left, we opened the door and walked into a horror. They'd seriously messed up my room. Everything reeked, there were ground-up peanut shells in the carpet, ash burns on my mattress, etc...
We couldn't figure out why the room smelled like an abattoir until we lifted up the bed and found mummified cat poop stuck up in the shag carpeting. They either had such bad hygiene that they didn't notice the smell or they knew and they just didn't care.
100. Future Serial Killer Alert
I was a kid, probably 9 or 10, and my mom had a friend and her son over for lunch. The kid disappeared for about 10 minutes, and at the time I thought he had gone to the bathroom because I really had to go. So when he came back I quickly maneuvered my way past him into the room before the bathroom, where we had a fish tank.
This would be completely irrelevant if the fish tank wasn’t cloudy and swirling about. At first glance, I didn't know what it was, until I noticed smashed and ripped apart pieces of little fish faces moving around in the swirl. The kid had reached into the fish tank and squeezed the ever-loving life out of every single fish in that tank.
101. Play It Cool, Man
This is how my brother’s friend was barred from the house forever. He cranked my dad's speakers up to the max and blew them; they were from the 70s, so impossible to replace or repair. Then he clogged our toilet and grabbed a bunch of my grandma's quilts to sop up the water. When that didn’t work, he then tried to stop the water by violently shaking the tank, cracking the bowl and dislodging it from its base.
In a panic, he tried to bolt from the house, but his wet feet slipped on the wood floor and he crashed into a wall, leaving a nice body-sized impression.
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