There is always “That Person” at work. They come in all shapes, sizes, and attitudes and have a special talent to annoy everybody. For those fortunate enough to not know what we’re talking about–and for those who need to know they’re not the only ones–here are the internet’s best stories about the people who make 9-5 feel like forever.
1. Mr. Softie
When the boss is at another location, it’s so easy to get away with doing nothing. At least that’s how it was for my old officemate. He literally turned his desk into his personal office from which to run his side business (he owned an ice cream store). He only got caught when he sent a GIANT print job to the printer for birthday cake forms.
The printer ran out of paper, so he thought they all printed. Someone comes in and sets more paper in the tray and…what the heck is all this?? Stacks of this guy’s flyers were coming out. He denied up and down that he was doing it. When we cleaned out his office, his drawers were full of his personal business’ employee information, tax stuff, bills. Nothing actually related to his supposedly full-time job. He got away with it for months if not longer. Crazy.
2. Hush, Sonny!
We have a coworker who keeps putting the Grease soundtrack over the PA. She does not do this as a joke but because she thinks it’s actually good music.
3. Dang, Daniel
Let’s call him “Danny.” Danny doesn’t wash his hands. Danny for some reason feels the need to not use a spoon to put coffee in the communal coffee maker. Instead, he’s “gotta” use his hands because people need to “quit being afraid of germs.” That’s not the worst part. Danny takes a poop, comes out to join everyone in a company lunch, and sticks his germ hands down the bucket of KFC to get a piece at the very bottom.
Danny came in hungover one day and just slept for eight straight hours at his desk. Danny doesn’t flush. Danny loses every form of paperwork given to him. Danny is a jerk, but is also apparently too good of an engineer to fire. I hate Danny.
4. Feeling Free at Work
He always asks questions in the slowest manner possible. Over explains what he is doing to people who are already aware of what’s going on. Oh, and he gets buck naked in the bathroom before and after work and just sits on the bench, private parts spread out. No towel or anything. Then, he gets dressed and tries to strike up conversations with everyone. It’s a small two stalls, two urinals, bathroom in an aircraft hangar. No one gets so dirty from the work we do that they need to change even their underwear on a daily basis.
5. Misusing the Tip Jar
The woman would use money from our pooled tip jar to fix her pricing mistakes. She literally stole money from her coworkers to cover herself. We all hated her. I never heard about any compensation. We were all just glad to see her go, because along with stealing she was also just a pain to work with. Dramatic and honestly kind of weird. She would also sometimes leave her dog in her car for her entire shift.
6. Cake Boss Gone Wrong
My mum works in a coffee shop and the manager will regularly take staff tips to cover any till discrepancies. A total jerk move because the tips are pooled monthly and divided so it affects staff who weren’t even in at the time. Once, the manager accidentally ordered two cakes. Only one was sold and the other went out of date. He refused to have it on his wastage, denied making the error and took £75 out of the staff tips for that one cake alone, because that was the resale cost. Makes me heave.
7. Selfish Questions
A woman who, on her first day, went around asking a series of oddly specific questions like, “Are you white, or mixed?” “How old are you?” “Are you religious or not?” We stupidly answered them, thinking she was just being friendly (she put on a sweet, naive demeanor). We were so wrong. After a couple of months of sitting on her butt and doing nothing but lying about her knowledge base, skills, and her progress on several projects, her supervisor tries to fire her.
Of course, she’s union, so that’s not as easy as it sounds. We find out she’s filed grievances against all of us: The white male is prejudiced; The 1/2 Korean lesbian supervisor is ageist; I’m prejudiced because I’m non-denominational Christian and she’s Baptist; The African American female around her same age was after her job. This woman literally pulled every card she had. She managed to keep her job too, but thankfully, corporate transferred her and got her out of our hair.
8. Paging Punxsutawney Phil
My boss’s wife has been given a position of authority over my department, despite having no experience or expertise in the area. But the worst part is, she is an older lady and by all accounts seems to be suffering from dementia. Every single email you send her or e-mail chain she’s included on, she will respond without having any understanding of what was written to her. So then you have to spend an hour explaining what just happened to her. It’s like Groundhog Day.
9. The Resale Artist
A guy in our office bought the snacks from the company’s vending machines and tried to sell them back to coworkers for a profit.
10. Appearances Can Be Deceiving
This old woman looks like the sweetest lady, but she’s actually the exact opposite. She’ll hide behind pillars and around corners just to catch you doing something tiny so she can tattle to management. Everyone hates her but pretends to be nice to her because she’s been there for 30 years and one of the managers is banging her niece or something.
11. Dwight Schrute 2.0
My worst coworker constantly eats throughout the day, so he’s always going to the canteen to get food. Every time he gets up to grab a snack, he takes a 20-minute break. Then he complains if anyone asks him to do anything as he is always “too busy.” He becomes deeply offended at any change in the office, especially if the temperature isn’t freezing cold (apparently he can’t work if it’s too warm). He can’t stand the coffee addicts in the office as they need caffeine…but he drinks several bottles of Coca-Cola everyday.
I have been in the office for nearly two years and I still don’t know what he actually does. He smells, he’s sweaty and when he sneezes he wipes his nose with his hand and cleans it off on the desk. I hate him and so does everyone else.
12. I Mean, He Engineered a Sweet Gig?
He’s a level three engineer who does absolutely nothing all day. He’ll book a conference room and sit in the dark for hours. He’ll sit at his desk and do actually nothing except exist. But his team (which he did not assemble and which he does not actually lead) is good enough to make him look good, so he keeps getting more responsibilities.
13. It’s Interim for a Reason
We have a girl who was recently promoted to be an “interim education director” position, but she fails to leave out the “interim” part when introducing herself. She brings her untrained disobedient dog to work, wears highly inappropriate clothing to a job that requires working with kids, tells people they have to respect her because she’s a director, leaves her desk a mess, makes every story about her, and willfully ignores safety protocols if she doesn’t have time for them.
So how’d she get the job? She called the boss “daddy” and sat on his lap at the Christmas party.
14. To Err is Only Human
Our most hated person is a person who survives off boogies, diet Pepsi and the souls she drains (mine included.) Some of her greatest hits: telling me I am not getting any younger therefore my babies will be disabled. Telling a delightful tale of how she once snuck pork into a Muslim’s diet. Going on about her husband’s pension and how she doesn’t have to work, she just works for the fun of it. Yet she bums smokes and bus fare off people half her age.
She lives to get anyone into trouble, yet she’s incompetent herself and when she’s called on it, she says, “to err is human.” Every week she threatens to quit but nowhere would have her.
15. Learning from Mistakes
When I was younger, it was me. I was pretty immature and when it was time to leave my job, I called a bunch of people out on a chain email at work. I ended up going back to that company later but in a different department. It was…very awkward. I am not proud of my younger self in any way, but looking back, I could definitely see how miserable I was and how much of a pain he was to be around. You live and you learn.
16. The Pugnacious Guy Who Doesn’t Actually Know Anything
My office has the classic “Argue About Anything” guy. I mentioned once that I had recently rewatched the movie Equilibrium. This guy butted in and announced that the movie actually sucks. Spent about 10 minutes saying the effects were lame, the costumes were lame, futuristic movies are so overdone (obviously not knowing this movie came out 15 years ago), then ends it by saying “I haven’t actually seen it, I’m just saying.” Unbelievable.
17. The Dangers of Water
The best moment had to be when one coworker decided to mess with “that guy” at our work. He posted a warning about the dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide (AKA H2O). The coworker told this guy that “illegalizing” this “dangerous chemical” was important since dihydrogen monoxide can suffocate people. Guy totally agreed and went around telling everyone about “dihydrogen monoxide.” It was so beautiful seeing the boss correct him.
18. Not Our Boy Roy
I had one coworker (call him Roy) who was a POS. We worked in IT support and Roy was considered the “expert” for a certain system our team managed. He was supposed to train me but he only taught me very basic stuff. He never told me about the plethora of problems that can occur with the system. When something did happen and I didn’t know how to deal with it, he would chastise me and throw me under the bus.
There was one incident where Roy had to work overtime. I knew he wouldn’t show and that I’d be forced to go in, so to try to stop that from happening, I called Roy first thing in the morning and reminded him to get to work. He says yes, but then I get a call that makes my blood boil. Roy never showed so I had to work 10 hours that day to cover his laziness.
Surprisingly the incident didn’t get him fired, but he did proudly announce he found a new job a month later. The new job rescinded their offer, and he went into survival mode. He deliberately continued to train me poorly to make himself “unreplaceable”, but the company refused to let him stay. Watching him pack up his desk = priceless.
19. Lock Your Workstation, People
She’s a pretend celiac. Everything must be gluten-free. Except if someone has something delicious that includes gluten, she can miraculously have some. She’ll ask you a question then walk away while you’re answering her. She’ll walk up to your desk and assign you some of her work that she doesn’t want to do. If you leave to do something and come back to your desk she’s standing in front of your workspace reading your emails.
20. The Manager Other Managers Love to Hate
We had a manager who was one of those authoritarian, anal-retentive types that just had a negative outlook on things in general. She was shrill and petty and I found out later she told another coworker/manager that I would never amount to much of anything after I interviewed for a promotion with her and that other manager. After she left and that other coworker got his own team, guess who was the first person he brought on board and was eventually his first promotion?
I not only outlasted her but earned three Employee of the Quarter awards. Other managers hated her too and at one point one of them stuck a fish in the ceiling above her office and just left it there as it started to rot and stink up the space. They would just snicker as they walked by her office while she was lighting candles or air fresheners.
21. The Negatives to Self-Employment
Today, my jerk coworker showed up four hours late because he “overslept.” He had to hand in a 1,000-word piece and, with a few hours left on the clock, he has 114 words in the document. Then he went into the backroom and just chilled on Reddit for an hour. He has eight things on his to-do list, and he’s barely started the first one. This is a normal occurrence at least once or twice a week, and then he scrambles on the other days to try and catch up, so he can slack off later. It is infuriating. I would fire him if I could.
22. Run, Coworker, Run
There is a woman that runs everywhere (inside an office building) for exercise. She runs through the aisles, to the bathroom, to the printer, to meetings. It makes the ground shake because we are on the second floor.
23. The Temps
Our temps are always an…interesting group of characters. Our current batch includes a girl with a wonky eye who openly tells people she’s on dope and doesn’t have custody of any of her kids and randomly interjects personal questions while you’re working with her. This woman is always on her phone (against factory policy) and wanders away into the bathroom for long periods of time.
The other one everybody hates is a passive-aggressive terror of a lady who’s catty towards all the other girls, then plays dumb and teases guys into doing her work for her. They are the worst.
24. Nature Made Him a Freak
“Wolverine” was a middle-aged balding guy who wore button-downs with torn off sleeves, and he had the top buttons opened to expose his manly chest hair. Oh, but it gets worse. He was a total perv who hit on an 18-year old me constantly and then called me a skank when I turned him down.
25. Cool Story, Bro
We had some 20-something kid who was being let out of prison to work….he wore this shirt that said, “Cool story babe, make me a sandwich” every night. He never shut up; claimed he had his own business and would tell stories about how he ended up producing seven children by different women while still currently married to the first one.
26. Brenda’s Got a Bad Job
Let me tell you about supervisor chef “Bob.” We all hated Bob. Bob wasn’t a team player, you see. When we were swamped, everyone would skip breaks, except for Bob. We would all help whoever was falling behind, except Bob. Bob did his own thing and left you to the wolves. Bob always pointed out what you did wrong.
Eventually Bob started helping me a little when I would fall behind. I thanked him once for grilling a steak for one of my orders, and I made the mistake of telling him that steaks are my weak spot, I had trouble cooking them just right. For weeks after that, he arranged it so that I cooked every single steak. Time passes and I become, not to brag, one of the competent employees. I noticed one night that Bob was jumping in to help me whenever I fell behind.
Bob would even ask what I wanted him to cover. Once I was working with him and I noticed Brenda was falling behind. Brenda is always falling behind. I was clear for a minute and told Bob that I was going to go help Brenda for a minute. Bob said no, Brenda has to learn how to do her job. She won’t learn if we always do it for her.
And I saw Bob in a whole new light. He wasn’t lazy, he just wanted us all to know our jobs. Once he knew anyone could handle anything, then he was quick to help out. He was, he admitted to me once, very bad at remembering who had taken breaks. He had no problem covering for a break, we just had to ask him instead of waiting for him to tell us to go. Now, Bob is gone. I was genuinely sad to see him go. Standards have fallen, and Brenda still is incapable of doing her job.
27. The Dreaded Cat Lady
She isn’t hated. She’s dreaded. This is the story of our work’s crazy cat lady. So I work in a Best Buy-type of store. And we have company reps come in to teach us about products. We had this woman from HP. She came in on every other Friday. The moment she walked through the door I knew because my eyes would water. She smelt like she bathed in cat pee. She would have pee stains on her shirt. One time she had cat poop on her collar rubbing against her neck. I almost vomited.
28. A Pack of Camels a Day Keeps the Coworkers Away
When my awful coworker gets any project that is slightly inconvenient, he screams “c’mon!!” followed by a series of curse words, as loud as he can. He smokes at least a pack of camels a day, complains loudly if people ask him to go outside, and his area is filthy. He drives a Hummer h3 with “Batchelor” on the back of it. (Yes, it’s spelled like that. Incorrectly.) When his wife calls him, they argue with each other, and he always has his phone on speakerphone so the rest of the techs can hear their conversation in detail.
He’s just an intentional jerk to everybody, he loves making people angry and saying things to get a response from bystanders.
29. Señor Staples
You know those “rows” of staples you put in a stapler? Well, this coworker takes two of those, faces them against each other and rubs them between his fingers all day. It is worse than nails on a chalkboard, and he will not stop for anyone.
30. The Coworker with Nine Lives
The guy isn’t exactly hated, it just astounds all of us how he can continue to be employed here after all his mess-ups. Stuff that any one of us would get fired for (most likely) but he continues to clock in each day. Examples: took a customer car that was in storage and put about 100 miles on the car. He had no permission from us or the customer to take it. He almost set the whole one side of our workshop on fire because he decided to overload the circuits.
He has detailed customers’ cars for cash deals from them all while using our shop space and supplies. He has been seen skateboarding (and failing with epic falls) in the workshop when guys are working on customer cars. This is all on video from security footage. He sits in this little side office that the detail guys use and smokes pot, and the smell is so strong I have walked past and wondered how customers haven’t noticed. The only thing we can come up with is that he has something on someone higher up and will blab if he gets fired.
31. Sleeping on the Job
He’s not here anymore, thank god, but let me tell you about this stain on society’s behind. For reference, I work in a “troubled youth” therapeutic center. My worst coworker refused to get a key to the gate that led to half of all the buildings, of which he most commonly went to. When asked why not, he would just say that “that’s what I have you guys for” and expect us to escort him around whenever he needed to go anywhere.
He was frequently late clocking into work. He fell asleep on the job almost every night, but the people in charge couldn’t get rid of him because we’re so horribly understaffed, and the kids liked him. When confronted by other staff, he got defensive and told us to mind our own business. He rarely ever wore the company uniform, he almost always wore awful sports jackets over a long sleeve shirt.
One night I was paired with him, and I’d had enough. I wrote him a note (so as not to alert the kids as to what was going on) that said if he fell asleep that I would report him to our supervisors. He literally began harassing me, calling me trash, saying that I have no life, I should just take my own life, etc. Nobody misses you, Jordan.
32. World of Workcraft
We had a guy who would come in nightly with his gaming laptop, put in both earbuds, and play WOW all night. He did not help with nightly chores to prepare for morning unless asked, and got upset when you did. In crisis situations, he would stand at the front door for a little bit, then wander off into the staff office sometimes, doing who knows what.
We’ve currently got another guy with similar behaviors, except instead of a laptop, he just sits in front of the TV all night watching whatever sports he can find. I’ve been called to crisis situations where he’s there with his nose in his phone, doing nothing.
33. Hang Up
Beverly. She is super uptight about everyone doing exactly their own tasks. One time, she was standing RIGHT OUTSIDE the staff office when the phone rings. I was on my way back from the bathroom and figured she’d get it, right? Nope. She coldly said, “I believe that phone is for you” and watched as I ran down the hall to get it. Screw you, Bev.
34. Give Me a Break
There is a lady by the name of Katina. She is heavily addicted to nicotine, and will complain to anyone who will listen about not getting her smoke break. Lady, we’re understaffed and kids are literally always going off somewhere. Deal with it. Last month she brought up how she doesn’t get long enough cig breaks, and how it’s a “very big problem.” Everyone was glaring at her from all around the room, it was pretty hilarious.
Lady who sneezes louder than a jet hitting Mach 2 directly over your head. She sneezes at random, striking when no one is expecting it and sending children running for their mothers. She adds an extra scream at the end of her sneeze, not only to make sure you heard her, but to prove to you how painful it was for her to deliver such an overwhelming explosion out of her mouth.
Even when people scream “JESUS CHRIST WOMAN,” she never stops. She’s the horror in the night, and she sits right behind my desk. She strikes when you least expect, and causes enough damage to destroy entire files, hours of work and preparation, all out the window because of a sneeze.
36. Sneaky Bible Study
There is a woman who is in a position of managing a lot of new hires (but they only work under her for a few months). Every time she gets a new group, she invites them over to her house for dinner. They always go, because they are new hires right out of college, and she is their boss. Then, after dinner, she busts out the bibles and has a bible study. Without telling them beforehand.
37. What’s That Smell?
We have a girl who stinks. Absolutely reeks. I can’t even identify what it is…it’s like body odor combined with…I don’t know…rotting meat? And the bosses have gently brought it up many times. It’s not a secret. But if it was just that we could live with it. Unfortunately, she’s also a terrible person. She regularly says awful things, but one day she went to another level.
She told our innocent 19-year-old junior staff member that since her boyfriend was going into the Navy, he must be gay. Also, if she wanted to try illicit substances in a “safe” way then come over to her house, and she’d help her. Great stuff.
38. A Reprehensible Teacher
My coworkers and I despise this one woman we work with. She’s a special education teacher and she mocks her student’s disabilities behind their back.
39. The Guy You Can’t Get Rid Of
This guy who is kind of condescending and overcomplicates things. He thinks very highly of himself and a while back was always whining about wanting promotions but never getting them, because there were more deserving people. Earlier this year he finally got his promotion, but then got a job offer, negotiated to stay with our company AND THEN LEFT. Less than six months after he left he was begging to return. They re-hired him and he asked for ANOTHER promotion (two within a year). They turned him down.
40. The Out of Touch IT Guy
We had an IT guy for our department who was so out of touch with tech that he would simply refuse to work with ANY Mac products. He needed two more years to retire and just didn’t care. His favorite activity was mouth-breathing in the secretary’s cubicle and leering at all the women in the office.
41. The Juicer
There was this guy that I worked with, who will be called Toby. At the time, I worked in a manufacturing plant, and we started work at 5 AM. Toby was originally a temp, and I was fresh into the job, not even a week. Toby would show up late to work nearly every day, around 8 AM. He was decent to talk to…until he started a crazy new diet. All of a sudden, he was extremely into juicing carrots, beets, etc. He kept pressuring me to buy a juicer from him. Then he got worse.
A few days later, he was having issues weighing some stuff and asked me to come hold the bag open, so he could finish up the batch. As the product starts to overflow onto the floor, Toby realizes his scale was in kilograms and the recipe was in lbs. As soon as the manager sees this bag of now ruined product, Toby quickly declares that I was the one responsible. After throwing me under the bus, he tells me I could lose some weight and tries to get me to buy a juicer from him. Unreal.
42. You’re Allowed to Have a Bad Day
The woman who makes it her sole priority to find out what’s wrong if you’re having a bad day. As if you’re going to help and no, being a mom doesn’t give you special abilities to cheer someone up. Leave me alone.
43. For the Love of Fish
There is an older guy at my place, who is a senior developer. He is knowledgeable, dependable, consistent, realistic, has a grasp of the projects he is working on, and is a hard-working engineer. He’d be a good coworker, except for one thing. Every single day, exactly at 1 PM, he enters our kitchen, which is exactly in the center of the floor, with straight corridors leading to every corner of the office, and sits down to eat his lunch. Fishes. Canned fish, fish in sandwich, fish soups, he even microwaves fish. For Christ’s sake, every single person in the building hates his guts to the bitter end.
44. Useless Knowledge
From her long and loud personal phone calls during work, I know how many pushes her daughter needed for labor, how much she’s in debt, how her son-in-law is borderline abusive, and the grooming schedule for her dog (Peaches). But here’s the worst part: her ringtone is a CAT MEOWING.
45. Communication is Key
Far and away the most hated person in my carpentry shop is the deaf guy. I’ve only been working there a year and everyone thinks he is the most vindictive, hateful, selfish, paranoid jerk to walk the earth. He’s also easily the hardest worker there. I can tell you with confidence that he has generated the most money for the company out of anyone on staff.
He absolutely OWNS his portion of the shop. He has it down like clockwork and doesn’t waste a second. All that being said, he throws an absolute rabid fit whenever anything out of routine happens, and he won’t look anyone in the eye, and he calls everyone lazy jerks. I found a solution, though. I started to learn ASL (American Sign Language). I’d sign “Happy Monday” and “how are you” to him. Pretty soon he’s teaching me a word a day. Fast-forward a year and we talk constantly.
That’s when I learned the truth. He gets mad because he’s been passed up for promotions because he’s deaf. People don’t tell him when overtime is available which he wants. He sees people coming in late and taking breaks, and he NEVER breaks those rules. I unknowingly became his liaison. He stopped fighting with people. He’s able to get all of the jokes we tell at lunch because I can translate. He can joke back through me. Other people are learning sign language as time goes on too.
What I don’t get is why no one ever gave him the benefit of the doubt. It would suck to be deaf and never know what was going on. Some people have worked with him for 15+ years and no one ever learned any ASL. He thanked me recently for being a good friend. He said things are a lot better now.
46. The Pretentious Mr. Magoo
He is no longer working with us, but he is still legendary to this day. I will refer to him as Magoo. Magoo and I both started at the same time in a science-based company, but in different departments. He looked really good on paper, well qualified, and interviewed fairly well (from what I was told). I sat next to him and we began chatting.
It quickly became clear that something was wrong with him. He would giggle to himself during the conversation, and immediately began one-upping me in the conversation, saying how he had something better or knew more about what we were talking about. Not a big deal, I work with scientists and engineers, being one myself, and odd personalities are the norm.
Within a day or two, I knew that I was not going to enjoy my time with Magoo. Our office has a tradition of getting bagels and cream cheese every Friday as a sort of reward for a long week. I get in at 8:30, Magoo is already munching happily on a loaded bagel and giggling to himself. Not a big deal either. But an hour later, I see Magoo eating another bagel, then fifteen minutes later, ANOTHER. I confront him and tell him you can’t eat 3 bagels before some people have had one. He brushes it off and tries to pretend like he didn’t know he had done it. This guy is in his 30s by the way.
The worst part of being around him is that he takes over EVERY conversation he is in, and he makes sure he is in EVERY conversation. He will literally walk up to a group of people, no matter what they are talking about, laughing like he heard something funny, and then interject with how he knows more about it or is an expert at it. It got to the point that we would avoid him at all costs, or just leave when he came around. It didn’t matter to Magoo, he would follow you and talk about his knowledge anyway.
He began to get bolder. He interrupted the CEO of our company during an important meeting to correct him on a detail that didn’t matter. He once ordered over $10,000 in materials for an experiment that he wasn’t authorized to work on. The last straw was when he started insulting people if they disagreed with him, including his boss.
At this point, most people wouldn’t even respond to him when he spoke to them, and most people just left when he came around, even in mid-sentence. How he lasted three months is beyond me, but the day he was fired, we were told to stay out of the offices in case he did anything drastic. After he was gone, he asked his boss for a reference.
47. The Office Martyr
This person does “favors” for people consisting of doing things no one asked for. Such as choosing a schedule because they think you’d prefer the one they didn’t take, or talking to the boss about something “for you” so they can “defend” what you did. Then they act like you owe them for these things. On top of that they constantly do things outside of policy and act like a victim or martyr when they get into trouble.
48. Ruining All the Good Things
Tim was the guy everybody hated; he was lucky we all felt bad for his quirks. Every working day Tim punched in exactly at 8:00 AM and out at 5:00 PM, in between those hours you were lucky if you saw him working. Because of him we no longer have Secret Santa during the holidays, catered monthly lunches, or Holiday Bonuses.
Secret Santa: Tim was quite frugal, and when I say quite, I mean he was as cheap as it gets. But still, the recommended spend for Secret Santa was $50. When people started opening presents, it was clear that everybody went over that amount. Tim received a pair of tickets to a Dodgers Baseball game plus some Dodgers T-shirts and a hat. When it came down for Tim to give his gift, I watched in horror. He gave his desk-mate Jesse, who was the sweetest, most polite, quiet girl in the office, the most inappropriate gift. When she opened it, I wanted to die. He got her lingerie. Not just any lingerie, crotchless panties and matching bra. HR had a hay-day with that one.
Catered Lunch: Tim got so upset that he couldn’t have Mexican food every single week that he raised a huge stink and made our bosses cancel the entire program.
Holiday Bonuses: This is what got the ball rolling for Tim’s demise. Our company manufactured steel products and shipped them to different distribution warehouses. Nobody in our office worked in sales, so nobody had commission-based pay. Every year before our 2-week holiday vacation we received our last checks for the year and a bonus.
The bonus was a percentage of the profits divided up between all employees. It was great. Who doesn’t like more money right before the holiday season? Tim, that’s who. This particular year had been a bad one for us, profits were down 10% due to one of our distributors filing bankruptcy. So our bonuses were not as big as before, but they still equated to a paycheck’s value.
Everyone, other than Tim, was ecstatic they were still receiving bonuses. When Tim opened his check, insanity broke loose. I’ve never seen someone so angry about a bonus check in my life. First he goes around asking everyone how much they received (we all received the same amount), but nobody wanted to show him their check.
Then he tries to talk to his desk-mates about receiving less than last year and this is where it goes downhill. Everyone he asks tells him they received more than last year’s amount. You can see where this is going now. After everyone’s gone for the day and a few of us stay to clean up the Holiday Party mess, Tim rushes to the company owner and yells at him about how low the bonus was.
After the holidays, we’re told that our branch’s bonus program was canceled. Everybody knew why. A month later Tim finally got fired after his poor desk-mate Jesse revealed that he’d been harassing her pretty much non-stop. Last I heard he moved to Kansas to live closer to his family.
49. Larry David Would Hate This Guy
We have this goober of a guy who works probably one full day a week. I actually get surprised if I don’t have an email in my inbox in the morning of him saying he won’t be in. Worst of all though, he sits nearest to the bathroom and makes comments like, “WOW you were in there a long time! Must’ve been a number two?!” when people come out.