Everybody needs a zany go-to story when meeting a new group of people. It’s that handy little true story that makes the teller look brave, hilarious, crazy or…insert your adjective here. Of course, if someone is lacking a story of their own, here are a few zingers from some fortunate Redditors that are available on loan: just don’t get caught using them.
1. A Curious Combo
So my mom got her makeup tattooed on and was hurting after. She asked my brother and I to grab some stuff from the store. In the checkout line, the cashier was giving us weird looks, we finally noticed we were two guys just buying cucumbers and vaseline. Somehow, I made it so much worse.
Without thinking, I blurted: "No worries, he's my brother"! Talk about getting stared at. I eventually just quit trying to fix it, realized there was no saving this one, and just went with it.
2. A Strange State Of Mind
After living in England for four years, I finally returned home to Charleston, West Virginia. But my friend messed up and forgot to pick me up from the airport. So, I rented a car and had to figure out the 50 mile drive home. But the area around the airport had changed so much, I got lost.
I popped into the nearest gas station and asked how to get to the eastbound main road. The guy there told me if I went east, I'd literally hit the ocean. I thought he had lost it, until he showed me a map. I couldn't believe my eyes. Turns out, I was in Charleston, South Carolina—not West Virginia.
Stuck for the night, I booked a motel room and flew out the next day. Lost a cool 300 bucks, but hey, at least I got a good story out of it.
3. He Was The Top Story
So my dad's from Norway, right? Decides to do his freshman year at University of Windsor, up in Canada. There was a bit of a mix-up with his course registrations and he didn't get any classes he needed.
When he complained to the uni, they just brushed him off. But clever old dad figured out a way to get back at them. He called the local news station, the CBC, and next thing you know, a reporter and camera guy show up at his dorm! They follow him around the campus, getting footage of him standing alone in the rain.
The story they spun was: "This hopeful Norwegian student travelled all the way to Canada for college, but couldn't get into his preferred courses. Here he is, lost and alone, in the rain at U of Windsor".
Next morning, dad turns on the local news, hoping it'd feature his story but no luck. While he was making breakfast though, the national news began. Turns out he'd become the headline across Canada that day! The university dean even called him up, apologizing like mad and promised he could take any course he wanted.
4. Accident Changes Life
On my first day of grade one, I was waiting for the bus with my mom. We lived on a street that joined a major uphill road. Out of nowhere, there's this lady whizzing down really fast on a bike, she hits a pothole and boom! Next thing you know, she's flipping over her handlebars and smacks right into a car coming up the road.
Everything comes to a halt, and my mom sprints over to the lady. She takes off her shirt to use as a bandage for the woman's bleeding head. Meanwhile, I stayed there with the woman while my mom dashed back home to call for help. This was back in the early 90s, no cell phones around.
Funny thing is, nobody thought it was weird that a six-year-old was looking after an unconscious woman in the middle of the road. And the weirdest part? All these people just stood by their cars watching. Nobody even tried to help.
I really think that bizarre and scary moment had a big impact on me. It turned me into the super cautious, slightly paranoid kid I was and later led me to become a nurse. I'll always remember that lady, and never found out what happened to her once the ambulance took her away.
5. From Black To White
I was raised in Taupo, New Zealand, near this volcano, Mount Ruapehu. One day, I saw a big puff of ash coming from the volcano and told my teacher it erupted.
No one believed me cause I was the class prankster, until the shy kid agreed. The teacher had a quick discussion with the other staff while the ash cloud got closer.
Suddenly, it was as dark as midnight at 11 am on a Tuesday. If students got picked up by their parents, they were told to stay. Otherwise, we could go.
My bud and I packed our gear and bailed. Opening the classroom door and stepping into the dark ash-filled air felt unreal. Crossing the road was nerve-racking cause cars vanished until they were up in your face. Luckily, that was the only road to my house, and the rest was a gully stroll.
Next morning, it felt unusually cold, but all I wanted was to watch Captain Planet. Mom wandered in and asked why I wasn't out playing with the rest. I was clueless till I looked outside. Everything was smothered in white. It had snowed at my house, a first.
Turns out a volcanic eruption can cause a "volcanic winter," leading to snow.
6. Santa Or Satan?
Way back in the 90s, I clocked in at a big-time engineering supply outlet, Cogs Unlimited. We basically had a giant warehouse stuffed with every kind of cog you could think of.
My gig there? Easy. I handle the phones and take orders, jot down the model numbers and amount. Then I hand it off to the crew, and they pull the stock to send out to the customers.
So, here’s the thing. Our hotline number was just a few digits off from this Santa phone service. Kids ring up, yapping to a pretend Santa. But guess what, they'd end up calling our number and hearing a pretty monotone "Cogs Unlimited" welcome note.
Early on, I'd tell them they've dialed the wrong number. As we got closer to Christmas, though, the calls ramped up. I figured had to do something. On slack days, if I copped a call from a kiddo expecting Santa, I'd play along, ask 'em what they wanted for Christmas, told ‘em they were on the "nice" list, and so on.
It got a bit iffy though, if the kid was a bit of a terror. Once, this whiny kid rings up, demanding a ridiculous number of gifts. I decided to be a little devious. So as Santa, I rattled his chain a little, said he was on the "naughty" list and all he was gonna score was coal. Then I added a bit of extras—made up a story about the elves hiding in his garden to spook him.
Seconds after hanging up, the kid’s mom rings up—raging. She wanted to have it out with Santa’s naughty-elf-in-charge. I didn’t skip a beat, told her we sold cogs, she had the wrong number. And man, I never heard from her again.
7. Four Years Had Passed
When I was 10, I adopted a three-month-old pup from the shelter and we became inseparable. I was a bit timid and this little furball was my constant companion. Unfortunately, when my parents split, I chose to stay with my dad.
Not long after, he started dating a woman who was not a fan of dogs, and they tied the knot. One day, I got back from school and found my puppy had been given away to please my new stepmom. I was crushed. But hang on, this story has a surprising twist.
Four years later, during my junior year in high school, the shelter rang my grandma saying they’ve found our dog. While she was bewildered at first, she set out to check and lo and behold, there was my missing puppy!
Good thing we had her chipped! It didn’t matter that it had been four years, I was overjoyed to have her back. Now, I’m 22, it has been five years since our reunion and my nearly 13-year-old pooch is still my faithful buddy.
8. This Mission Seems Impossible
First time I tried to watch Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, I went with my girlfriend to a theatre. We were in high school, and about six months into dating. As soon as the movie previews ended, she leans over and breaks up with me, right then and there. Needless to say, we left the theater early.
Second time around, I went with a bunch of friends. Made it through the previews and roughly 30 mins into the film when the fire alarm went off. Everyone's confused and leaving through the emergency exit. Turns out someone had yanked the fire alarm and now the entire theatre crowd is waiting for refunds. The queue was too long, so we bailed.
Third time, almost a year later, I'm at a friend's house for spaghetti dinner with his family. We put on Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol for dinner entertainment. Just as I'm joking about my bad luck with this film, friend's stepdad starts choking for real on his spaghetti. We called an ambulance and he was rushed to the hospital.
Even though the paramedics said he'd be fine, my friend and I stayed put at his house. Didn't try to finish the movie that time either. I've decided not to try watching Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol again, just to stay on the safe side.
9. Thar She Blows
So, I once had to dress up as a whale for a parade, right? I was stuck on the bumper of this really old fire truck on a super hot day. Everything went south super quick. Something about the mix of carbon dioxide and the heat made me start throwing up big time inside the costume.
After that, I just blacked out. Thankfully, my flipper was tied on tight enough to keep me on the truck. The last thing I remember is some kid asking his mom: "What's up with the whale"? while I was just hanging there, passed out for the rest of the parade.
When I woke up, they were loading us into a flatbed to get back to our cars. My dad made me sit on garbage bags the whole ride home. This happened more than twenty years ago and I swear, I can still remember the smell.
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10. Pick A Card, Any Card
There's this outdoor mall in my town with a couple of soda machines that accept credit cards. For kicks, I thought I'd try my card with only 43 cents on it, fully aware that I couldn't afford a soda.
Shockingly, it worked. Curiosity piqued, I kept trying—and succeeding. Used a Costco gift card, even my driver's license, and lo and behold, all worked!
Naturally, I got my buddies in on the fun and by 10pm, we'd cleared out the machine. Someone must've thought we were messing with it though, because next thing you know, we're pulled over and being asked to wait while another cop checked the machine.
The machine was fine, nothing damaged. The cop asked why we'd cleared it out—around 100 sodas—and I told him I had a lot of loose change.
So for a couple of months, I indulged in a soda or two every week courtesy of this glitchy machine. Until one day it was being repaired and when I checked again later, it didn't work. All said, I got over 120 free sodas!
11. The Pirate Of Las Vegas
After my divorce, when I barely had two nickels to rub together and was knee-deep in debt, I cashed in my airline miles for a solo trip to Vegas, free of charge.
Struggling with astigmatism, I scored a free set of contact lenses from the optical shop to get a clear view of the Strip. But no one warned me it'd be my unlucky charm! First day out and bam— I scratched my right eye with the lenses and got a nasty infection.
Off to the clinic I went, only to find out I had a mega corneal ulcer, a danger to my sight. They hooked me up with antibiotics but told me I'd need to come back a few more times. Sounds cool, but I was flat broke with no insurance.
The docs were real pros, so I wasn't scared about going blind. But the thought of the medical bills piling on top of my already sinking finances was freaking me out. So, I grabbed a toy eye patch (skull and crossbones, mandatory!) from the Treasure Island casino gift shop to cover my eye, and off I went.
I only had twenty bucks and gambling ain't my style, but I knew playing video blackjack could be my way out. It was a rollercoaster ride, as small wins got eaten up by losses, and soon I was down to five bucks.
After a stroll and a clear-headed pep talk, I returned and lost that fiver too. Defeated, I borrowed an extra $20 from my bank, withdrew it from the ATM, and tried once more. Maybe Lady Luck felt sorry, but suddenly my $20 turned into $500—enough to cover those pesky bills.
I called it quits right then—it was time to quit while I was ahead. The pirate eye patch, now a fridge decoration next to a magnet from the eye doc’s office, stands as a symbol of my lucky run when I ironically gambled my way out of a pickle.
12. The Old Tape On The Door Trick
In my last year of high school, I was part of a robotics team. We won a regional competition in California and got to the nationals in St. Louis, MO. Shared a hotel room with two buddies and we just chilled all night, playing video games.
Around 1 or 2 am, I decided to take a stroll around St. Louis. But when I opened the door, I heard a ripping sound. Sneaky chaperones had taped the doors to catch anyone sneaking out. Now, I was a good kid in high school. I started pushing the envelope only post-graduation and hadn't ever been in hot waters before.
So, breaking the rules was new territory and I wanted out. I panicked, thinking I'd get expelled or kicked off the team. I woke a friend seeking advice.
He didn't care much and went back to sleep. With my mind in overdrive, I hatched a plan—remove all the tape from all doors. This way, they wouldn't know who had left their room. So, I started quietly taking off the tape from all the doors.
It took time as I didn't want to wake anyone and kept peeking around every corner. Eventually, I had a pile of tape as big as a baseball and started thinking, how many rooms are we occupying?
Once I was done, I ditched the tape ball in a pot. By the time I reached the lobby, though, I was too drained to leave the hotel and just chilled near a grand piano.
In the morning, there was a lot of chatter about the missing tape. I managed to keep a poker face. Over breakfast, I heard someone discussing the tape again. Apparently, another team—an all-girls team—had previously gotten into trouble for having a guy in their room. Everyone assumed they were the culprits.
But I couldn't let them take the fall for something I did. So, I owned up. Thankfully, the lobby guy backed me, confirming I was just in the lobby, messing around with the piano.
13. How’d That Get In There?
I was chilling in the yard with my pooch for his potty break. This one took him five minutes, seems too much right? As I checked, I noticed a red thing hanging out of his rear.
I quickly got a plastic bag over my hand and reached to pull the mystery item out. It's stringy, small but extending. What could it be? Is it a part of his gut? I then spotted the label—turns out, it's my sis's underwear, unharmed but a bit grubby.
14. He Didn’t Wash Up
So, I was in the bathroom, right by a urinal. This dude next to me wraps up and heads for the door, no handwash. I'm thinking, "Ugh, gross"!, but then I see he's having trouble with the door. Turns out, the guy has no hands!
15. To The Left And The Right
Me and my wife had a flight to New Orleans planned, but Katrina happened. So, for an extra 50 bucks, we rebooked our trip to Cancun instead. We were about an hour into the flight when the pilot told us to check out the view on the left. We saw the space shuttle launch from Cape Canaveral.
"Pretty cool," we said to each other, but the show didn't stop there. Ten minutes later, the pilot told us to check out the right side. We were flying over a huge hurricane, which we think was Rita. Seeing both of those events in one flight, just minutes apart, was pretty wild.
16. The Real Me
I'm from the UK where you gotta be 18 to hit the bars. I was 17 and going out with my buddies who were all 18. So, I was using a fake ID, a lost-and-found treasure from my bro. And yeah, I had already chugged down quite a few.
When the bouncer asked for my ID, I was so out of it that I handed over my real ID. His puzzled look was a reality check, and I blurted out, "Oh man, my bad, wrong one". I switched the IDs, no idea why I thought that'd fly. Of course, they seized it. But, hey, on the bright side, I got a free lift home courtesy of the cops.
17. Welcome Back!
So, I'm a pretty good coder and my boss let me work remotely 'cause I was moving to another city with my wife. Six months in, we decided to move back. Here's the kicker. I didn’t tell my boss, and carried on working from home although I was back in the same city as my office. Been about 10 years now.
Funny thing is, every once in a while they insist on meeting up. I scoot over to the airport and they pick me up under the impression that I just got off a "flight".
18. Random Screamfest
Around a week ago, I was biking to the gym. I pulled up at a red light and out of nowhere, this lady gets out of her car and starts yelling at me, calling me a jerk. I'd never seen her before and hadn't done anything to upset her, I'd just left my street! Everyone else at the lights looked as baffled as I was, so I just started laughing and she hopped back in her car. The rest of my journey was pretty normal. Guess I'll never know why she was so mad.
19. And Just Like That…
I was hanging out at a bar with buddies when a lively bachelorette party stopped by. They were ticking off fun dares, and one was for the bride-to-be to smooch a girl. They turned to us, and slightly buzzed, I agreed.
This small act turned out to be pivotal. As we locked lips, I was surprised at how much I liked it, even more than I expected. That, folks, was the unexpected moment I discovered I'm bi.
20. Things Went The Other Way
So there were these four dudes at my school who liked to party then drive places. On one particular night, they approached a roundabout and one of them came up with a crazy idea. They thought, "why don't we drive around this thing in reverse"? Excited, they spun the car around and went for it. Just as expected, "crash"! they hit another car. They were completely wasted and began freaking out. Soon enough, the police showed up.
Strangely, the cop talked to the other driver first. This led to an unexpected outcome. After chatting with the other driver for a bit, the cop approached the four guys and said, "Alright lads, you're free to go. The guy in the other car is super inebriated and insists you guys were driving backwards around the roundabout".
21. Lost For Four Days
I was solo backpacking in the Ventana, California wilderness, about 13 miles deep, when the ground slipped under me. Had a nasty fall. Once I shook off the shock, damage check time.
My ankle was screwed up. Later found out I tore two ligaments and screwed up some muscles, too. Luckily, my sleeping bag and pad saved my tailbone from any serious damage. But here's the crazy part. I was stuck in the wilderness, alone, with a busted ankle.
Got rain for the first two nights, and I'd lost my tent in the fall. Slept between rivers one night. Had to rely on plants and rainwater for water. The shock from the fall screwed with my appetite the first day, I lost electrolytes and even thinking about food made me wanna hurl.
I tried to keep moving until I was totally outta gas in the middle of the Devil's Staircase—it's as tough as it sounds, people. Realized I needed salt, so I chowed down on a bullion cube I had in my bag. Felt better in a minute.
My thinking cleared, I could eat, and managed to escape after another two days. Took me a total of four days to get outta that mess. Just about an hour before my brother was ready to come looking for me, I made it to safety.
22. Lighting Struck Twice
Okay, check this out. Ever since I turned 18, I've had a nutty idea regarding gambling. My birthday falls on the 22nd. So, I figured I'd go on my 22nd birthday to table number 22 in a casino and put $22 on the number 22 at exactly 22:22. I thought this number game was my winning ticket.
It hit 10:15 pm and all my friends were buzzing with excitement. Some of them started shouting, "It's time, it's time"! But nah, my watch read 10:21. I stayed put. The next thing I saw—the wheel spins and bam! The ball lands on 22. All my pals looked totally stunned. Some were even bummed as they thought I miss my shot.
I'd had a few and was feeling pretty smug. Not bothered, I said, "Nah, it's 10:22 now," and I put down my bet. All eyes were on the spinning ball. The scene was on fire. You wouldn't believe it, but the ball dropped on 22 again. The place exploded with cheers, even the dealer was shocked.
I swapped my $770 win for a night at the bar. It's definitely the best story I've got to tell.
23. A Smack From God
A few years back when I lived around half an hour away from LA County hospital, I was wrapping up finals week in med school. Man, was I wiped out! Post my last exam, I had a long drive home ahead and trust me, staying awake was a real challenge.
Due to the gnarly LA traffic, I was doing around 40 mph, pretty decent speed I'd say. The usual tricks people use to stay awake when driving, I tried all of them—blaring music, fresh air from open windows, even a couple of self-inflicted face slaps but nope, nothing was helping.
Then, outta nowhere, WHAM! Something hit me on the side of my head. Temporarily blacked out, swerved a little but managed to regain control of the wheel quick. Took a moment to steady myself, and guess what I see in the rearview mirror? A darn pigeon dusting itself off on my car's backseat. Apparently, it had gotten smacked into the car and guess luck was on its side, it flew off, right through the window it came in.
You read that right. I had a close encounter with a pigeon, on the Ventura highway, at 40 mph. That absurd and freaky incident saved me from dozing off. But, would anyone believe me? The other drivers who watched the scene unfold preferred staring away, probably thinking, "Wow, this guy must’ve lost it"!
By the time I pulled into my driveway, I was worried if I'd ever be able to convince my wife about the pigeon dive-bomb. However, to my relief, there was a big ol' pigeon feather sprawled on the back seat, serving as tangible proof of my wild ride home.
24. It Was A Little Fishy
When I was 12, I went to a summer camp with its own lakeside. To swim in the deep part, they made you tread water for a minute while a lifeguard watched.
After my test one day, the lifeguard said I could swim back or climb up the dock. Usually, kids weren't allowed on the dock, but I decided to climb anyway. As I did, I felt this weird pressure on my chest—it wasn't pain, just this weird weight.
I looked down and freaked out because there was a fish attached to my chest. I didn't know what to do, so I dunked myself back into the water, hoping the fish would let go. It worked, the fish swam away.
I had bite marks and tiny spots of blood, but luckily it didn't bleed much. For two weeks, though, my chest was firm and kinda tingly.
25. It Was Ceremonial
So back in high school, I was at a volleyball camp at the Islamic academy. Midway through the day, I had to go pee. I excused myself to find a restroom.
Finally, I found one, but surprisingly, there was no urinal. Every school restroom usually has one, right? I double-checked to confirm it wasn't the ladies' room. Nope, it was men's.
I noticed a small passage behind the stalls leading to a room with a trough. I thought, "Well, it's not a posh school, but it works". I did my thing and went back to the group.
My coach asked why I took so long. I casually mentioned the hidden urinal. "Wait, you didn't pee in that, did you"? he asked. "Yeah, I did," I replied. Turns out, that "urinal" was actually a foot washing basin used for religious rituals.
Ah, so that's why it didn't flush and there was a tap. So now, I was THAT guy for the rest of the week.
26. He Wanted To Look Like A Cool Kid
My mom's dad was such a funny guy, everyone in his mid-size town knew him. If we went out, we'd be stopped all the time by people wanting to chat, so tasks took longer than usual.
Growing up, I got as tall as him and he'd always joke, "When you outgrow your clothes, give them to me so I can look cool". Every time: "Love those shorts. When they're old, give them to me, I want to be trendy".
A few years back, Grandpa had a stroke. I was at a fraternity event, ready for a game with new pledges when I got the call saying he didn't have long. I rushed back home, made it to the hospital before he slipped into a coma. He couldn't speak but he squeezed my hand, showing me he understood when I told him I loved him and would make him proud.
After he fell into a coma, my parents and grandma told me to return to school. That Monday he passed away. Honestly, it was a relief it wasn't a long, painful process. Next Tuesday, I slept in, planning to return home for the funeral, when an urgent call from Mom came in.
Thinking something happened to Grandma, what she said left me speechless: "Get a new suit at Dillard's. Keep the receipt". I'm confused, Dad explains: at the dry cleaners, my suit was mistakenly given instead of Grandpa's. He was now wearing my suit to be "cool and hip", just like he joked.
Since they had to cut the suit to fit him, there was no way to return it. So in the end, my joking Grandpa, always asking for my cast-offs, was buried in my clothes. Whenever I wear the replacement suit I got that week, I can't help but chuckle, knowing if he were here, he'd die laughing, telling me "I told you I'd get your clothes".
27. He Earned His Name
In middle school, some kids were super into all things Japan. They were a bit odd and didn't quite fit in, but they were decent kids. They never bothered anyone, but some notorious bullies always targeted them.
One day, I saw the bullies at it again and decided to intervene. I asked the bullies politely to stop messing with the harmless kids. Soon, things turned physical and I had to fight back.
There were three bullies and I managed to knock two out before the third ran off. After everything calmed down, the principal suspended me for two weeks. When I returned, everyone started calling me Tetsu.
Turns out the kids I'd defended had given me this new nickname. A friend told me later on that Tetsu means "Iron" in Japanese—they had given me a badass alias, and it stuck.
28. They Waited On Pins And Needles
When I was a kid, my dad was an army guy and we lived in Germany. One Friday, he had to choose between riding a helicopter back home early or taking a van and arriving super late. We were eagerly awaiting his arrival when we got awful news: the helicopter had crashed and there were no survivors. It was pre-cell phone times, so we had no clue if our dad was on board that chopper or not.
So we all huddled together, hoping he'd stepped off that van instead. And late that night, in walks my dad. He had no idea why we were all wide awake. The relief and joy when we saw him! Boy, it was surreal.
29. He Went Over The Handlebars
My dad was biking home from work one day, and since he lives in the boonies, the only light was from his bike. He was speeding down a hill, too fast to pedal when something surprised him from the roadside.
In a flash, his bike stopped, tossing him over the handlebars and breaking his collarbone. Stuck on the roadside, writhing in pain and trying not to puke, he watched as his bike lay in the road's center. A car pulled over to check on him.
The driver got out to ensure he was alright while the passengers just stared at his bike, shaking their heads. More cars stopped by—you know how it is in rural areas, people get curious. Then the ambulance showed up.
A crowd gathered around him and his bike. Being carted away by the paramedics, he finally got why: a cat's corpse was stuck in his front wheel. Apparently, the poor thing had sprinted into his wheel, getting its head caught. Being a cat lover, this horrified my dad. He was around 60, so his collarbone didn't heal right, and eventually, he lost use of both arms due to a "frozen" shoulder.
To fix this, doctors decided to take some bone from his hip to graft onto his collarbone. They tested his blood first to make sure he could handle the surgery. They found out he had leukemia. So, in a strange twist of fate, hitting the cat might have saved his life, because it led to him getting chemo for the leukemia.
30. This Animal Story Is Crackers
I was just chilling in my front yard, in the middle of suburbia, when I heard someone yelling "It’s gonna get Riley, it’s gonna get Riley!"! I whip around and see a bunny hauling tail around the corner of my neighbor's house. Right on its heels is a dog, and trailing behind the dog, there's this kid, around 16ish. Dog's gaining on the bunny. Kid's gaining on the dog. Then, outta nowhere, a freaking falcon dive-bombs into this crazy animal tornado.
I ditch my laundry, sprint over there, and start to size up the situation. Kid's on the ground clutching the rabbit. Dog's trying to get a piece of rabbit. Falcon swooping in for who knows what. It seemed like the falcon posed the biggest threat, so my hero plan was to try to punt it in the head—which failed spectacularly.
Next thing I do, I grabbed it around the neck—I swear this really happened—and tossed it a bit away from all the chaos. The falcon didn't fly off, just sat there looking stunned.
Quick check of things, the kid, oddly dressed in camo, wasn't fazed by all the excitement and was cradling the lifeless bunny. The dog had cooled it, and then I noticed something weird. The falcon was decked out in leather. Lightbulb moment. Kid was a falconer.
Turns out, I'd basically body-slammed his probably pricey falcon onto the ground—came darn close to booting it, too. I quickly apologized, asked if the bird was his, which he confirmed, and brushed off the entire fiasco.
He strolled off with his dead rabbit, chilled dog and, the roughed-up falcon. That was a real nutshell-cracker of a day for me. I still have no clue who or what Riley was.
31. Dancing On The Ceiling
So, once I was helping my old man tidy up his buddy's place. He had me head up to the attic over the garage to clear some stuff. It was my first attic expedition, and no one mentioned I had to stick to the rafters.
Bam, five minutes in and I crash through the ceiling. Guess who I ended up on? Yup, my dad. I ended up cast-bound for my entire summer break, but hey, I scored this tale.
32. The Man, The Legend
When I was just a kid, around eight, I bumped into Jim Carrey during a holiday in Florida. Excited, I ran up to him and blurted out, "I saw your movie"! In his classic Carrey style, he clutched his chest and shouted, "You saw my what now?"! I quickly corrected, "No, your movie"!
Then he shook my hand and joked back, "I saw your movie too, pretty darn good"! It cracks me up thinking about it, especially now that I'm all set to attend film school.
33. Don’t Do It Harry
I was at a Boise, Idaho cinema for the mid-night release of the sixth Harry Potter film. The place was packed and almost everyone was in wizard attire.
When the film was near its intense part, a scene rolled out. Harry had to save Dumbledore by getting water from some holy lake that was filled with scary creatures. He knew the creatures would attack him.
As the tension built up and Harry approaches the lake, I saw something crazy. A huge dude, looking like a football player and decked out in Hufflepuff colors, stood up at the back. He yelled, "Harry, don’t do it. Harry, I swear to God don’t do it. Harry. Harry"!
Of course, Harry goes for it and gets ambushed by the creatures. The buff guy shouts: "I told you Harry, I told you" and just walks out of there. Can you believe it?
34. Blinded By The Light
So, I'm chilling on vacay and my buddy decides to hit the shower, or so we thought. Turns out, he's actually taking a dip in the tub. Now, the light switch was outside the bathroom, and a little light bulb went off in our heads. Let's pull the old "lights off" prank on him.
Funny thing though, as we flip the switch, his dome's under the water, eyes shut tight. So when he pops up out of the water, it's all dark. Dude actually thought he'd gone blind.
He started to freak out, jumping out of the tub and causing a scene in the room, yelling his lungs out cause he thought he couldn't see anything.
35. Covered From Head To Toe
Three years ago, when I was 22, I visited my Armenian family in France. Most of my cousins there are women, around their 40s, and two of them are divorced.
On my first night, they insisted we go clubbing, or "discotheque" as they say. We snagged bar seats and it was clear I was the baby in the place.
Our drinks arrived and then, a mind-boggling moment. Everything went dark for a sec. Then I felt something weird on my forehead. Before I knew it, my entire body was covered in blood. My cousins, clueless about what just happened, freaked out when they saw me.
A shattered scotch glass was on the floor. That was definitely the villain. As I rushed to the washroom, I realized I'd been hit bang in the middle of my forehead. Funny, I hadn't felt a thing. The bar owner was in shock, his hands shaking, speaking French at a rapid-fire speed.
I reassured him that I was fine and wouldn't need stitches. But the remorse of a tourist getting hurt at his bar was too much for him. I cleaned up as much as I could. But there was blood everywhere—my shirt, pants, shoes, even my watch.
I rejoined the crowd, wearing my blood-soaked outfit. The kicker? A woman had taken my spot at the bar, unknowingly resting her arms in my blood puddle. When I pointed it out, she bolted, screaming.
The rest of the night was a blur of local French folks buying me drinks, raising a toast to the gutsy American.
36. Heads Or Tails?
My aunt used to stay in Canada, but she also had family in the UK. Both sides were pretty fond of her, but they weren't fans of each other. When she passed on, both sides wanted to bury her in their own places, causing a huge dispute.
Unable to agree, they settled for a grim compromise. She was divided, legs sent to the UK and Canada keeping her upper half for burial. I’m left scratching my head, wondering who got the better end of the stick?
37. His And His And Hers
I was crashing in a basement room while my two buddies and their gals were upstairs. One day, mid-outfit change, I heard the doorbell ring.
I wasn't ready yet, so I grabbed a towel and went to get the door. A pizza dude was at the door, and turns out one of my friends ordered pizza.
I called out to him while clutching my towel. Didn't want this to turn into a wardrobe malfunction tale. Then, my pal comes downstairs, also wrapped in a towel!
Two dudes, in their 20s, just chilling in a towel. The pizza guy tried not to laugh, keeping it professional and all.
We laughed our guts out, spouting the typical "it's not what it looks like" and he gave us that "yeah, right" look.
The laughter caught my buddy's girl's attention, and she descended the stairs... in a towel!
Now here's this pizza guy looking at us three towel-clad individuals as if we were in a spa or something. We chose to skip explanations and just paid him.
38. Only The Good Die Young
I'm in 11th grade and last year, a popular teacher we all liked passed on from health problems at just 32. Everyone at school was sad, even people who didn't have him as their teacher because he loved dropping by random classes to say hi.
After finals, my friends and I filled two cars with budget beer and headed to Martha's Vineyard for the weekend. We got lucky and stayed in a huge house with beautiful surroundings, it even came with a personal tennis court and a zipline on the lawn.
There were no adults around the whole time we stayed. Around 1 or 2 in the morning in the first day of summer we stopped partying for a bit. We met on the front porch and lit candles.
We gave a tribute to our dearly departed teacher, each of us saying some words about him. We played "Only The Good Die Young" by Billy Joel when we were done talking. We sat quietly, thinking about our great teacher. Couldn't help but get a bit teary.
39. Please Sign Here
So in university, my roommate and I had no dough. We were literally eating 99-cent bread and skateboarding to lectures because no fuel in the car. Mom sent me $100 via MoneyGram to tide us over till the next student aid payment dropped.
A bank transfer wouldn't have worked as my account was $100 overdrawn, so that would just bring it up to zero. Here's where it gets interesting. At the grocery store while I was picking up the MoneyGram, they were changing shifts, and the new cashier came in, spaced out. She unlocked the cash register and yanks out a bunch of $100 bills.
She counts out $600 and then asks me to sign as "Mrs Dominguez". Last I checked, I was a guy and certainly not Latin—or female for that matter! I happily signed the slip, tucked the $600 into my pocket quickly and dashed out.
As soon as I could, I filled the car with gas, got my roommate and started flinging hundreds at him.
40. He Sang Right To Me
A few years back, I caught a Willie Nelson concert in Waikiki. I was on a tight budget, so I had to settle for some cheaper lawn seats at the very back. No biggie though, I grabbed a drink and noticed there were some vacant seats in the reserved area.
This happens often in Honolulu—people from nearby islands snag tickets and then can't make the event. Willie started his set, and I slyly slipped into a spot just about 10 rows from the stage. Security was everywhere, ensuring folks were in the spots they paid for.
But I acted as if I was invisible. That was a bit challenging, since I'm tall like a basketball player. The ticket checkers were all around me, but nobody bothered me.
After a bit, I needed another drink, so I headed to the line and when I returned, all seats were taken except one—right in front of Willie. I thought, "no way can I pull this off".
But I did. I sat down, security kept making rounds, and Willie belted his heart out just a few feet away for the rest of the gig. No one gave me any grief. Turns out, the seat was worth $400, and I only paid around 18 bucks.
41. It Wasn’t What She Thought
After that big tsunami hit Asia, I went to Thailand with my church buddies to help clean up. I wasn't there for a vacation, but I still picked up a souvenir for my man. I thought I got him a cigar.
I lugged this thing from Thailand, to Hong Kong, to LA, and back to Texas. But when I gave it to my husband, turns out it wasn't a cigar. It was a massive joint.
42. It’s For My Dojo
So, me and my buddies from school's show choir are kinda tight. We goof off a lot and have some crazy tales. One of my favorites happened at Walmart. We were just cruising around one night, bored, and decided to play a game of Hide 'n Seek there.
At the store, I dashed off to the bean bags section. I scaled the shelf, making myself a cozy bean bag fort and hid with one bean bag covering my face. Not many folks in sight, I felt pretty safe.
Just in case a staff found me, I cooked up a ridiculous excuse. After setting my story straight in my head, I felt pretty stout in my fort. Out of nowhere, a lady walks in, snatches the bean bag hiding my face. She's surprised to see me.
Caught off guard, I kick-started my pre-planned tale, first hushing her. Then, I fed her a fib about a special stealth exercise for my city's karate team, which we supposedly had Walmart's blessing for.
I urged her to zip it 'cause it might lead to too many nosy people wanting to try it. "It's for my dojo," I kept repeating. "Put the bag back and just walk off". She obliged, visibly shaken, and scurried away.
After around five minutes when the game was up, I triumphantly returned. And that's how I became a Walmart hero.
43. There Was Spirit In This Guy
When I was around 15 and was just beginning to dabble in guitar, I was super into the song "Spirit in the Sky". I used to listen to it and wonder, "Wow, how did they get that amazing guitar sound"? This sparked a bit of an adventure.
Then one day, when I was messing around on AOL, I found a website owned by Norman Greenbaum, the guy who sang the song.
I spotted an email address on his site. I thought, "No way, this can't be his real email, right"? But I decided to email him, asking about the guitar and equipment he used for that track.
Honestly, I thought I wouldn't hear back. But a few days later, bam! In my inbox: a reply from Norman. He shared all about his gear and the making of the song.
And guess what? Good ol' Norman didn't just reply, he also sent me the sheet music for the song. That was pretty awesome.
44. He Was On The Ball
I was playing golf with the fam, and whacked a ball straight off the greens and onto the nearby road. I just had to laugh, and I randomly said: "Some homeless guy's gonna find that ball, and it’ll brighten up his day". Later, as we're strolling down the course, guess who we spot? A homeless dude on the sidewalk.
He’s waving the ball at us and hollered: "Did you guys lose this"? Hands down, the best moment I've ever had golfing.
45. It Was A Smashing Party
Back in '90, I was hosting a massive party in Madison, Wisconsin. I had a band booked, but they bailed last minute. So a friend and I hit up the college hangout and asked "that one band that always played there" to rock out with us when they finished their set. They were game!
Turns out, the band was The Smashing Pumpkins. Who knew they'd blow up so big, right? It was an epic night!
46. Behind Door Number One
So here's what happened. I'm an American doing some business in China. I set up a meet with a German client at his hotel. I show up and get a text from him saying he's on his way down. The elevator opens and the first western dude I see seems to be waiting for someone too.
We start chatting, this guy's accent is pretty strong. We spend about half an hour talking and then it hits us. Big mistake! We were supposed to meet different people all along. Sure enough, there were our actual people, an American and a German, standing around the elevator area. Crazy, right?
47. Inked And Regretting It
When I was 23, just back from Afghanistan, my buddies and I had a few too many in Cyprus. I woke up with a tattoo. And not just any tattoo, a Wu-Tang tattoo. To top it off, it was on my lower back—a spot usually reserved for ladies.
But it gets worse. Two of my friends got Wu-Tang symbols tattooed on their butts—with my name in them! Fast forward six years, I've got two kids and I can't stand this tattoo. I tried getting it lasered off, but that was a total bust.
I finally had a plastic surgeon cut out the Wu-Tang tattoo which set me back $1,600. If you throw in the failed laser removal, I've spent $3,200 because of one night. So much for Wu-Tang being forever. And as for my inner demons and shame, they're not forever either.
48. One Thing Missing: My Clothes
So, my folks took off for a week, leaving me in charge of the house and our dog—who just had leg surgery and needed to stay on one floor. That meant I was setting up camp in the TV room with an air mattress.
With the rents gone, I thought it was the perfect time to embrace the "birthday suit house party". So, I stripped down and hopped into bed. Being a slightly paranoid teen, I locked the garage door just to be safe.
Fast forward about 30 minutes, I got peckish and thought I'd raid our garage fridge. Big mistake. Went out and thought I'd unlocked the door to get back in, but turns out I didn't. So there I was, butt naked, locked out of my own place at 10 pm. What was I going to do now?
First brilliant idea—find something to wear in the garage and ask our neighbor for the spare key. All I found was a rain jacket and a towel. My neighbor would've known what was up for sure. To make it worse, the dogs were going bonkers barking as I jiggled the door.
Finally, found an old gift card in my car's door and after enough struggling, I got the door open. Talk about a sigh of relief!
49. Almost Lost Her To A Pea
Back in 2004, during my freshman year at college, I was dating this super hot girl who was a year older than me. Honestly, I was in over my head, but I never sweated about other dudes trying to chat her up because she'd always pull me close.
One time, we were hanging out at the campus bar and she suddenly went missing. One of my pals warned me that 'your girl might be cheating on ya tonight'. I start searching for her, and what I saw is etched in my memory.
There I was, a young guy of 18, in a humble college bar in New Zealand, and I find my girl pretty chummy with will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas. Turns out, he only gave her some free tickets to his gig and bailed with his squad before anything serious went down.
50. These Answers Did Not Vary
In uni one day, our prof accidentally attached answer sheets to the back of our tests. A phone call pulled him away just as we discovered the gift. So, we all decided—let's use this and just rip it off afterwards, hopefully he won't notice.
I checked the answers—all correct, besides the final question. We had to sketch out a flowchart for a process. Glancing at the answer key, it just read: "answers will vary". So I designed my flowchart, pulled off the answer page, and dropped my test at the front.
But I needed to know. I had to see what my classmates' flowcharts looked like. It still cracks me up—almost everyone had actually written "answers will vary" on their papers! No clue what the prof did about that.
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Sources: Reddit
