Unbelievable Excuses For Cheating

April 11, 2023 | Scott Mazza

Unbelievable Excuses For Cheating

Love is a dangerous game and giving your heart to somebody else is a risky move. Unfortunately, these Redditors found this out the hard way. Not only did they date cheaters, but their partners also had the dumbest excuses imaginable.

1. The Lonely Man

I was fighting cancer when he uttered the most despicable thing I'd ever heard: "You are dying! Do you really want me alone when you are gone?"

He also told me that I was disgusting and he felt gross touching me. Luckily, both types of cancer are out of my life.

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2. A Family Tradition

He implied that I didn't love him enough to forgive him for cheating on me: "Everyone in my family cheated and their significant others forgave them because they loved him/her". But that wasn't the most horrifying part.

When I found out he gave me chlamydia he told me he had it worse because he had it longer than me...He got it from sleeping with a dancer and knocking her up. He thought it was a good idea to sleep with her without protection. She got pregnant, decided to keep it, and promised him she wouldn't sue him for child support.

Surprise surprise, she did sue him for child support. His entire family knew and decided not to tell me to go to the doctor.

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3. A Creative Plot

I knew he was cheating so I planned out a way to catch him. This happened while I was still in high school, he had graduated the year before.

My boyfriend lived close to the school. I knew his friend was staying the night and would be sleeping in the living room, letting me inside. I used a pointless item as an excuse to stop by and retrieve it.

I drove up, knocked on the door, and said friend opened the door. I walked straight past him and knocked on the bedroom door. He opens the door (expecting his friend), and I see a girl, wearing nothing, on the bed next to the door.

I make eye contact with her and she starts scrambling to throw a sheet over herself. Yes, even her head, probably so I wouldn't see that she was there. I walk in and grab the item and leave. His excuse was even more pathetic.

He tells me later that she stayed over for whatever reason, and it was really cold so they took off their clothes and huddled together for warmth. Apparently, it was completely platonic because, “She's like a sister to me, I would never do anything like that with her, we just went right to sleep,” etc.

It was the dumbest, far-reaching hail-mary explanation of why they were both undressed and she was in his bed. All I needed was to see it for myself and confirm it so I could move on—who would ever believe that story? He had many, many stories, but this was by far the best.

As for an actual explanation for cheating, the best I got was. "It didn't actually count because she just lied there while we did it".

Wait, what?

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4. Think Of It This Way

His excuse for cheating was, “It’s like if you order the same subway sandwich for a year, eventually you’re gonna get bored of it. But you try another flavor and when you go back to the original one it’s better than you remembered”.

It felt not so good being compared to a six-inch BLT tbh.

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5. In The Name Of Grief

I was with the same girl from freshman year to the year after we graduated. Poised to be that high school sweetheart's age-old story and all that sparkly, fairy tale stuff. Boy, was I wrong.

Shortly after we graduated, a friend of ours passed in a car accident. I wasn't as close as some of the other people in our friend group but I still stepped up and tried to be there for those who had been.

A frenemy within the group who had consistently been pining for my girlfriend was the closest to the deceased. I found out shortly thereafter that my ex had been sending him inappropriate pictures and texts, as well as a promise upon his return to town for a night of passion.

When confronted, my ex told me simply, "He was really depressed after (friend's name)'s passing. I didn't know what else to do". In my rage and my pain, I ended things for good and fled to my home state. Been here ever since.

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6. Better Is…Relative

He told me, “I found better,” and “I didn’t know I could get someone like her". Well, turns out the joke was on him. 

Later, he calls me up and tells me that his new woman talks to and names inanimate objects, and has an onion who is her BFF since Covid started.

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7. The King Of Ridiculousness

My mom caught my now ex-boyfriend out to dinner with the girl that told me she wouldn't date him because he was ugly. So my mom being my mom walks up to him and asks if my boyfriend is aware he is out to dinner with a woman, holding hands and getting all kissy-kissy in the diner booth.

So he freaks and yells "It's not what it looks like! This is my sick grandmother I had to take her out to dinner because she hasn't eaten all day!" His "sick grandmother" was a 22-year-old nurse I worked with. She agreed and called herself his grandmother, to the horror of the restaurant.

I got the phone call, called his real grandmother (who he lived with), and politely asked if I could stop by the house and drop off her grandson's belongings that he had left in my apartment. I was level-headed, I had a feeling he was cheating on me and I had a feeling it was with this girl.

I was sorta a gay experiment even though the relationship took seven months of my life. When his grandma asked why I had a bag packed with the low life's things all I told her was he was on a date behind my back and I'd prefer he had his belongings for when he came home as he may need them.

I texted him and told him to enjoy his date and that I wished him the best. He spent two months trying to tell me my mom made it up, she was a liar, and that I can trust him. When I wouldn't speak to him, his response was even more twisted. He stalked me for an additional month.

He is now engaged to the nurse and cheating on her with a friend of his 16-year-old step-sister who he knocked up. To add to his crumminess, he had a three-way with his step-sister and the friend the day after he proposed to his now fiancée. A week after that, he slept with his cousin at his family reunion.

When the fiancée found out, he explained it away as he didn't know they were cousins and the dumb nurse took him back.

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8. The Waiting Period

A long long time ago, when I was still a teen, there was a group of us hanging out. I had to go do something. I was gone for a couple of hours. When I came back, I was in for a rude awakening.

Everyone had left—and my girl was sleeping with one of my closest friends.

Her reasoning was, "We got bored waiting for you to get back".

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9. Commitment Issues

Apparently, I can't expect respect from someone who goes from calling me "the love of my life" to cheating on me with her high school boy toy when he comes back to town. She had the nerve to tell me, "It's not like we're married".

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10. Something's Not Adding Up

She cheated because I work too much. However, we had a baby on the way. We'd also just bought a new house that she insisted on and picked out. She had to have a new car every year to show off, yet I'm still driving a 1995 Toyota Tercel everywhere I go.

The second time, she said it's because all men cheat they can't help it they're going to do whatever they want so it's only fair.

The third time, she claimed that she didn't know the guy was in the house. There she was—in her undergarments—while he's in my guest room in his boxers, laying in the bed. She claimed he was there to see her friend and she didn't know he was still there when she left.

Why did I put up with it? Because we had a child together and I had invested everything financially and mentally into trying to keep my family together

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11. Gaslighting Alert

I never snooped on his phone until I decided to one night after about two years together. I did not suspect a thing, nothing changed with him. But then I made a chilling discovery.

I snooped on his phone and found the most disgusting texts between him and this older woman. I’m no prude but holy. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that he told me, “I didn’t do anything, it’s all in your head," or "You don’t know what you read". Yeah, I think I do.

They were carpooling in the morning and evening.

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12. Blame It On Santa

My serial cheater ex once told me while in a fit of tears: "I can't stop cheating, I just have so many issues, my mom lied about Santa when I was a kid and it really messed me up. I don't think I can trust people because of it so I cheat".

It was a super bad relationship and I had never stood up to him before—but when he said this after the like 20th time I caught him cheating, I just burst out laughing in his face and asked, "Are you kidding me??" I left him soon after.

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13. It’s Different With You

I had a crush on a girl for years and she ended up getting a boyfriend before I made a move. One day, she sent me a huge message confessing her feelings for me even though she was still with him.

I was sad/disappointed so I went to tell my brother about it—and he just showed me something that made my blood run cold. He had recent screenshots of him and her texting each other quite suggestively.

So I basically told her, "No, I could never trust you in a serious long-term relationship," and she said I was gay for not saying yes, that she was just "testing" how much her boyfriend wanted her, and that, "It's totally different with you, I'd never do that to you".

A few days later I found insults scratched into the hood of my car. She's tried reaching out to me many times in the years since (handwritten letters sent to my parent's house, messages on social media, etc.) saying that she goes to therapy over me and that she just needs closure.

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14. The One Who Shall Not Beg

She blamed me for the breakup. She said I didn’t want to sleep with her anymore so she had to take drastic measures: She took an opportunity when another guy was putting the moves on her.

We went from sleeping with each other every day to her rejecting me 99% of the time when I tried to initiate intimacy after she moved in. So of course, I gave up and figured she would just initiate when she wanted to.

When she said no, I just accepted it. But when she would come on to me late at night and I said no because I had work early the next day, she would stay up screaming and crying until I gave in to her demands.

She pointed to this when I caught her cheating and said, “I shouldn’t have to beg you to sleep with me. Guys would be lined up across town for the chance to have been with me".

Absolutely a dumb reason when I reflect back on it, but maybe I was the dumb one because I forgave her and actually believed I was the problem. So I said yes to her even when I didn’t feel like it. But that didn’t stop her from cheating again.

I realize now that the biggest incompatibility in the bedroom was that I viewed us being together as sharing love with a willing partner, and she viewed it as an ego boost that she had control over another person.

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15. How Much Time Makes Official?

She said, "Well, we never made it official". We had split up for a few months before she asked to move back in with me as a friend. Before long, she's sleeping in my bed, we're doing all the couple stuff again, she's telling me she loves me, we're playing family, etc.

Literal years go by, she starts a new job, starts banging some guy, and wouldn't leave even though I told her she had to leave. I knew she was cheating. Awesome human.

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16. It Was Practice

My girlfriend was semi-long distance (but close enough to drive to on weekends, but not during the week). When we got together, her best friend was a female "friend with benefits". She was very upfront about it before we got together, and I said, "Alright, that's cool". Oh, but that's not all.

She decided, without asking me, to start hooking up with her FWB's boyfriend to "practice for me since we only saw each other on the weekends".

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17. The “Spiritual” Cheater

I was a freshman, he was a senior. After eight months, he cheated on me with a girl who had just moved to town. His reason: "A higher power told me so". Mm, okay.

10 years later, we are both in the Marine Corps and stationed on the same base. (Note: I haven't seen him since we broke up in high school) I was new to the unit and he felt the need to tell literally everyone I worked with that, "We are meant to be together, it was fate that put us together. I'll divorce my wife for her".

Needless to say, I told my superiors and they kept his crazy away from me.

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18. It Was Open

Well, I know this guy that was convinced he was in an open relationship, except he forgot to let his girlfriend know...

She found out seven years into the "open relationship". Not only that but he'd been with multiple women, on four continents. Oh, he also had a book where he'd categorize them.

Dumbest Reasons For CheatingFreepik, stockking

19. He’s Not Getting It For Free

She threw me for a loop when she told me the reason for infidelity: "Ya, well at least he pays for my online content unlike you!! And he is bigger! And he's gonna take me on vacations like you wouldn't!"

First of all, I didn't even know she had an account of adult content…Or that the "naughty" pics she would send me were the bad ones she didn't post.

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20. An Outrageous Claim

"He forced me". So you're telling me. In front of 12 people including your sister, my best friend forced himself on you. And so did my other best friend at a separate time...and then you dated him afterward…

It all started when she said that we should go on “a break," which I didn’t want to do because she had been acting out of character for quite some time. We go on said break. Her idea was to just basically be in a relationship with me but not really be in a relationship with me.

I had some doubts moving forward, I remember standing outside of a pre-game with my best friend and he was the first person that I told that I had suspicions that she was cheating on me. I told him about her behavior and our issues.

I watched him squirm to try and come up with an answer or some generic advice to my issue. I thought nothing of it because it’s a hard issue to solve. Looking back, this memory makes me feel so utterly stupid. There was something I didn't know.

I was actually opening myself up to a person who I later find out was the cause of said issues, we’ll call him Kyle. Fast forward to my birthday, we had worked things out and things were getting back to normal.

She had just left on her journey back home to where she was going to college with my dog (we got the dog together and traded weekends with her.) My friend was at a party the night before and was with some friends who said they saw my girlfriend cheat on me at a party with multiple of my best friends.

He sits me down, and we exchange numbers of the mutual friend who told him so because my other “best friends” would be in a “which bro do I support scenario". I text Kyle, “Did you sleep with _______". and to my surprise, he is completely honest with me and sends “yes".

I reply with a long rant, followed by “I’m going to break my hand on your face". I didn’t even call my girlfriend to confirm because I knew she would lie.

My roommate drove down with me to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid and knowing my ex’s tendency to lie, I needed a witness to ensure that she wouldn’t do something irrational and lie about it.

So I call her when I’m about 15 minutes away and suddenly she's ducking my calls, but responding to my texts. Oh, what a disrespectful move that is. It really showed me exactly how much she thought I was worth.

I tell her what's up—that I’m close, that I’m coming in to get my dog and stuff, and that we’re over. A long dramatic scene ensues. I am calm as a cucumber, she’s crying, flailing, screaming, threatening to end her life, trying to beat herself up. I’ve seen this behavior before, it doesn’t phase me.

Finally, when I’m hauling out the dog cage, she grabs it and won't let go. I’m pretty much dragging her lightly while she holds onto it. I get to the door and she stands in the way, trying to kiss me and blocking the doorway. I refuse to put my hands on her for fear of her threats.

I finally had to call the authorities to get her to move, and I left. A few weeks go by with her begging me to take her back. Her sister asks that I speak with her because of her erratic behavior, and I oblige because I respect her sister.

I am human, I let my guard down and we ended up having a fantastic break-up moment which eventually leads to me taking her back and a jealous hate-fueled relationship ensues for the holidays.

New years comes around, we’re invited to a party and it turns out that Kyle will be a guest. I walk in, he tries to smile and shake my hand and I punch him in the mouth. It rolled off, he stands up again to shake my hand and I don’t oblige.

You don't get one rolled-off punch for getting with my girlfriend, especially when she claims you “forced her". I swing again, this time breaking some of his teeth and bone in his jaw. It was awful. I felt terrible and I told the ex about it. She replied, “See, I told you it wouldn't make you feel any better".

Another month goes by and fixing the relationship was working until she showed signs of cheating by repeating previous behavior. Valentine's Day was the last time I saw her, she had been sleeping with another one of my best friends for some time, which she denies.

(I’m brushing over all of the sociopathic lies she told me during all this just for the story’s sake). I’m livid. I freak out and send her very awful texts while inebriated for a week or so. 10 months later, I get closure. She tries to come back to me, while she's still dating that dude.

She says still loves me and that this guy’s aggressive. I show the new boyfriend all the texts. Turns out she told him I was abusive and a plethora of other lies that made my friend group think I was insane.

This is the third guy she’s done it to now in a close friend group (I don't want to hear it, I know that should have been a red flag but I was young and stupid.) My name is slightly cleared, and karma is served, but god it took me almost a year to even come close to getting over it.

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21. A Classic

I walked in on my man and his side chick making out...while she was on his lap, without her shirt on. The idiotic words that come out of his mouth? 

“It’s not what you think it is!"

Dumbest Reasons For CheatingFreepik, drobotdean

22. Living The Life

She met someone that she immediately saw herself marrying. A month after we broke up she moved across the country, got married, called me to tell me she made a mistake, got divorced, moved back home, got pregnant, and then got married again. Her current age is the most shocking part. 

She's only 22.

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23. Maybe Less Is More

I had a long-distance girlfriend that cheated on me. Her excuse was, "He made me feel special and went out of his way for me".

There had been times I would drive all through the night for five hours just to see her and make sure she was okay when she had a rough night, only to leave the next day because I had to. On top of mailing her flowers whenever she had a rough week. But sure, he went out of his way...right…

He passed her apartment on the way home from work and only came by on his way home. My source is her roommate who thinks he's an awful human but still hangs out with me. She and the guy are dating now.

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24. Sir, You Are Projecting

She was straight her whole life and suddenly cheated on me with a woman and started dating her. At the time, I thought it was a phase or something, but years later she married a woman.

I guess I was the one at fault for several reasons. I had some pretty ugly feelings toward gay people for years after that, but processed everything and have moved on.

I am mainly embarrassed I let my anecdotal experience cloud my judgment and said some very hurtful things to people who didn’t deserve it because I was in pain, angry, and embarrassed.

If I could take it back I would. I still think about it occasionally and wish I could have had my adult perspective at the time.

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25. Revenge Affairs

I found out way later and through other friends that my ex was cheating on me because she thought I was cheating on her.

Her excuse was that I was working late and that I wanted to go to a friend's birthday party that a girl who had (HAD) a crush on me was going to be at.

I chose not to go to the party since my girlfriend threw a temper tantrum over it. But I was still working late, which I was. I work in high-volume production. We were behind on our numbers and had to make it up.

So, because I was working late, coming home, and being thrust right into the parenting life with a one-year-old, and not hanging out with or talking to anyone out of physical exhaustion, I was cheating on her.

It was easier to figure out she was cheating from hanging out at a bar for hours at a time, getting home plastered, smelling like other guys, calling me another person's name during our time together, and finding some rather interesting text messages.

As much as she wants to say she had planned it all out, the girl's an idiot. She hasn't planned anything farther than 10 minutes into the future.

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26. When The Cheater Runs Out Of Excuses…

Here's the disturbing list of things my ex said to me:

“It’s not cheating bc she doesn’t matter".

“I had to prove to her I wasn’t gay".

“It’s only cheating because you found out, you made me into a cheater because you found out".

“You weren’t here".

“I broke up with you while it happened, so it wasn’t actually cheating. You just didn’t know we were on a break".

“She came onto me, what was I supposed to do?"

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27. Excellent Victim Blaming

I couldn't sleep with my boyfriend for two weeks so I could recover from surgery. Well, he betrayed me in the worst way. He cheated, but because of my condition he also didn't think it counted as "cheating".

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28. Because It’s Always Been You

A girl I knew during my late teen and early twenties reached out to me last year. I had two kids, one only two months old, and she had something jaw-dropping to confess to me.

She wanted to tell me that I have always been the love of her life and she wanted to leave her husband for me. I was like wow, you haven’t changed. Remember when we were dating and you tried to get with my best friend and he told me? Yeah. Buzz off. Also, I’m happily married over here.

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29. It’s Just Like Surrogacy

Well, my cheating fiasco hit me hard. She told me, “You can't have children anymore so I just slept with your friend to get pregnant. I was hoping that once you found out you'd stay with me and raise the kid. You're such a good dad".

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30. Family Relations

She mistook my wish for her to be better acquainted with my family, as a green light to sleep with my older brother. When I lost it on her, her response blew my mind: “You’re the one who said that you wanted me to get closer to your family".

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31. Unclear Terms And Conditions

Well after a conversation we had had agreeing that we were monogamous and exclusive, my boyfriend hits me with this: “You never specifically said I wasn’t allowed to sleep with [girl he had slept with before we were together]. I thought you meant I wasn’t allowed to sleep with NEW people".

Dumbest Reasons For CheatingFreepik,wayhomestudio

32. What A Waste Of Time

She simply ignored me for a whole weekend and then later told me she spent it with another guy and that it was "time for us to move on". I asked if she slept with him and she said it was none of my business.

Unfortunately, it was after five years of dating. Honestly, it took a while to move on, but I'm in a much better place now.

I don't have a clue if the same can be said for her, and quite frankly don't really care at this point. These things really show you how blind love can make you, and it really sucks.

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33. The Alleged Set-Up

She worked with him. I found out by looking into why we exceeded our text messaging limits on our bill by $80. I saw it was all him, which prompted me to investigate further and start putting two and two together from all the other things that seemed “off”...

I confronted her and her excuse was, “Well, you told me to ask him for workout advice, and one thing led to another”.

My bad, I guess.

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34. Substitution Therapy

It wasn’t that I got cheated on, but I found out that she cheated on her long-distance boyfriend with me and it made me equally upset.

After almost a month of going out together and her dropping all kinds of hints and giving me the green light, I thought we could be officially together. Then, one day she told me she already had a boyfriend for four years, but she still missed the physical affection and intimacy, so I was like a substitute for her boyfriend.

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35. The Male Ego

My ex-husband actually managed to sputter out, “SHE lets me carry her groceries!" as a reason.

Sorry, I can carry my own? It was one of those “wait, WHAT?" moments. I guess his ego was way more fragile than I could have ever imagined.

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36. This Wife’s Horrid Excuses

“You didn’t give me enough attention." (We went on dates almost every weekend).

“I’m just not in this anymore." (After cheating on me twice in three months and then leaving for the guy).

“We didn’t have boundaries.” (She never brought up a single problem in the relationship and when I asked, thinking something may be amiss, she never said a word).

“My childhood emotional trauma was triggered by your panic attacks. The panic attacks that started during the weeks I cheated and your dad passed.” (Enough said).

My ex-wife (whom I just divorced). All of those excuses were hers. Every time one was addressed she just gave another.

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37. I Am Cursed

When I caught him cheating, he came up with the stupidest explanation: “My dad cheated on my mom so it’s a curse”. What hurt the most was that he'd already told me how much he hated his dad for hurting his mother repeatedly.

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38. Too Much

He said that he cheated on me because I wanted to sleep with him too much.

It’s more than five years later and I still can't find any logic in that.

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39. Just Two Movie Fans

She claimed that the texts I saw—"I can't wait to sleep with you" followed by "Me too, baby"—were lines from a movie they were quoting to each other.

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40. Straight Out Of An Old Joke

When my girl busted out this excuse, I almost burst out laughing: “Carl, I only did it because he told me otherwise he was going to have a heart attack, and it was the only way to cure it!"

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41. Medical Scientific Reasons

My ex received an indecent picture from another woman while we were still together. He tried to tell me that the reason was that she had just gotten her chest pierced and wasn't sure if they were healing properly.

I have my chest pierced, so he figured he'd tell her it was okay for her to send a picture of her chest so that he could assure her everything looked alright.

You know, for science.

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42. Another Nonsensical Classic

I've heard this one from someone who cheated on me as an excuse: "I love you too much". And I heard it from someone who cheated on a friend.

Seriously, I've seen that as an excuse more than anything else and I still don't get it.

Dumbest Reasons For CheatingPixabay

43. This Poor Woman…

I was cheated on multiple times by my ex. The first time it was because "She confided in me and would get up to get me a sandwich if I was hungry". The second time was, "You needed to be taught a lesson". The third time was with the first girl again, "She's the one that I think got away".

The fourth time was while we were engaged, "She reminded me of you at 19". Other reasons he gave me all of the time were that my body wasn't what it used to be, that he was in love with my "potential," I didn't do enough for him like cooking, cleaning, and waiting on his hand, and foot.

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44. All About Fairness

I caught her sleeping with another man and she said, "You know that I'm bi. So I have to be poly too, otherwise, it's just not fair". But here's the thing. I'm also a man.

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45. Teenage Logic

My first serious boyfriend (we were high school seniors) cheated on me while on a camping trip because he was afraid to go to university only having slept with one girl.

He told me, "How can I know I love you if I've never experienced being with anybody else?"

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46. Oopsie

My ex-girlfriend told me, “I forgot you were alive”. For details, I wasn't in the army. I was in university.

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47. The Master Manipulator

Years ago, my ex had a crush on one of my best friends. It was pretty obvious, but she's "not a cheater".

Well, one day I get home from work and she's completely overreacting to something essentially made up that I did. She was convinced I was cheating with a co-worker (whom, it should be noted, I did not get along with). So she escalated this fight and escalated it until I told her I was going to leave until she cooled down.

I was packing an overnight bag and she's like, "We're through! We're not a couple anymore! Go to your other woman's place!" I did not, I went to my friend's place and we watched Lord of the Rings.

I realized I'd left my laptop at the apartment and needed it for work the next day, so I went back to the apartment—only to see the aforementioned best friend in my bedroom, shirtless.

Well then.

So I go to the bar across the street to get plastered and everyone's super quiet when I walk in. The bartender, who I'd known for years, told me she overheard my now-ex bragging to her friend about how she engineered it so she could sleep with this guy on a technicality but I couldn't be mad, because she "dumped" me, but she had every intention to "forgive" me in a couple of days.

So she literally made a reason. It was messed up. She's a horrible person.

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48. A Simple Image

We were engaged and had been dating for three years when I caught him cheating. His response devastated me: "She was prettier than you, what did you expect?"

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49. Conspiracy Cheating

My uncle had a mental break of some sort and vanished. He ripped the GPS from his truck so nobody could find him.

He then came back a week later saying the secret service taught him to live off the land (he’s never been attached to the government in any official capacity) and so he’d been in the woods eating lizards and other weird things. But that wasn't the worst part.

He then proceeded to tell my aunt that “Jesus came to me in a vision and He told me that He doesn’t see our marriage as valid” and started sneaking off with a former girlfriend he’d had in high school.

Dumbest Reasons For CheatingFreepik,cookie_studio

50. Keepin' It In The Family

My husband cheated on me with my cousin while I was pregnant. I just found out a few weeks ago. He said, "Well, I wasn't getting it from you". It should be noted, I had two miscarriages before my daughter.

Then pregnant with her I was told to abort or have a stillborn. I had preeclampsia. I gained 99 pounds in total and 30 pounds in the first three months. No, I didn't want to be intimate more than the three times we did in eight months.

But it's cool...go sleep with my cousin.

Dumbest Reasons For CheatingPexels

Sources: Reddit,

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