Scary exes, odd girlfriends, and strange women in bars. People of any gender can say the wrong thing or bark up the wrong tree, and some are particularly noteworthy. Someone asked the men of Reddit the weirdest and creepiest things women have said to them, and they definitely delivered.
1. Hats Off
I was with a woman who always wore a pretty sun hat. I have never ever seen her take it off. Unless she was sleeping. I didn’t mind because she looked beautiful in it. My friends warned me she wasn’t all there in the head. But that was fine with me, because everyone has their struggles. The first time we slept together, she told me the hat stays on.
This was a little weird to me but it didn’t change my experience, so I was okay with it. A week or so later she was napping and she left the hat on the floor. I wanted to be nice and put it back in her desk where she usually keeps it while sleeping. That's when I made a chilling discovery.
There was a camera in the hat. I then realized she had footage of absolutely everything we have done together. I broke up with her immediately. I felt so violated that she would record all we have done together without my consent. Afterward, it took around two years for me to date again.
But recently I look at her Facebook account and found a link leading to personal images of me and other men I know. I contacted those men right away and we filed a lawsuit and pressed charges against her.
2. That Escalated Quickly
Back in college, I was in a study group and I found myself talking to this girl. Just talking about class and eventually just talking about random other stuff like life at school and favorite places to eat nearby. Then after a moment of silence, she tells me something bizarre.
She says that she wants to see me fight off a group of guys trying to attack her, and she’d hold me while I was injured and bleeding on the floor. I mean, just randomly dropping that on someone when a minute ago we were talking about the best places to get cheap food is a bit much.
3. Getting Anatomy Lessons
As a physical therapist fresh out of school, I was tasked with massaging the piriformis muscle of a 40-something woman, who was "in town on business". For those of you who don't know, the piriformis is located in the area of the butt. So, it was already dicey. She was wearing a skirt and thong underneath. As I was massaging, she began verbally directing me.
"Lower...to the right...lower...right some more". She was essentially verbally moving my hands closer to vulnerable areas. As I was getting closer, I was also getting more uncomfortable. Finally, I said, "This isn't where your piriformis muscle is". She basically proceeded to tell me I was incompetent, and that she has had this done many times, and I was the one that didn't know where the piriformis was.
Then she threatened that she was friends with the owner, and if I didn't massage where she wanted, she was going to complain. I told her that was okay, and I didn't feel comfortable touching the area she was wanting me to massage. And I left the room. She left, and nobody ever mentioned it to me, and I never saw her again.
4. She Was Checking Him Out
At my first job being a cashier, I had a much older lady tell me I looked like a cute lost puppy, but she didn't stop there. She went on to say that she wanted to put a leash on me and pull me home. I see how some people might see this as a bad attempt at being cute, but there’s more to it.
I was 18, this lady was easily 65 or 70 years old. She was biting her lip and staring me up and down the whole time. It made me so uncomfortable.
5. A Real Halloween Fright
So a few years back, I was working as a bouncer for a Halloween event at this club. Fast forward to 3 am and it’s closing time, so I’m showing everybody to the door. One particular woman stumbles out and comes up to me saying, “Where’s the out? I need to find the out". I reply, “Well if you follow the hallway to the courtyard, the parking lot is just past it".
She said, “No, you need to show me”. So I think fine, whatever. I get everyone out, so I show her to the exit. She grabs onto my arm for stabilization because she’s super inebriated. As we’re walking, she looks at me and goes, “Hey, you’re kinda cute, do you think I’m cute"? I’m like, yeah sure, even though I didn’t actually feel that way.
I get her to the very empty and open and well-lit parking lot and ask her if she has a ride coming to get her. She replies, “Yeah I do, but you gotta wait here. Cause I don’t wanna get hurt out here…unless it’s by you,” as she gives me a wink. Nope. I backed away to a safe distance real quick, luckily her ride showed up within the minute.
I was like, cool, she’s your problem now, and went back into the building.
6. Probably Not a Common Thing
As a teenager, I dated a girl I met from church. She was a foster child, so I hadn't met her parents. She seemed stable, and I had hormones, so I couldn't see any red flags at the time. We dated for about a year before she decided she wanted me to meet her biological father. She said she was still very close to him even though she was in foster care.
The way she said it to me was the creepy part. "I love my daddy just like you". Obliviously, I agreed to take her to visit. We go to his house, and he opens the door, and she yells "Daddy"! jumped on him and kissed him on the lips. One could argue that a peck on the lips is innocent maybe, wasn't a common thing in my home so I kind of shrugged it off at first even though I felt awkward after.
The visit lasted about one terrible hour. The entire time she sat on his lap with her arms around his neck like the way she did with me when we were together. There was another goodbye kiss. It was so awkward and confusing that I don't remember what we talked about. I just remember leaving feeling more terrible than I ever felt.
She ended up confessing to cheating on me with another foster kid a week later. Obviously, I broke up with her for that. Luckily that happened before I had to make sense of the bad feelings I had about her and her father.
7. Blow Your House Down
When I was 19, I went over to a customer's house to hook up a PS3 this 39-year-old woman had bought for her daughter. While I was hooking it up, she went into the bedroom. She came out five minutes later—and my jaw hit the floor.
She'd put on a Little Red Riding Hood "outfit" which essentially was just a red hooded dress with nothing underneath and holding a picnic basket. Then she handed me a wolf mask and told me she "wants the big bad wolf to blow her house down". That was the first of many encounters with creepy middle-aged women.
8. How Did It Smell?
Not something she said, but I was in line at a coffee shop once and this lady just started sniffing me. Like head back, eyes closed deep sniffing me only a centimeter from the back of my neck. It was weird. When she saw me turn my head to look at her, she quickly acted like she was looking at the food. It was a really odd situation.
9. My Milkshake Brings All the Girls To The Yard
I worked at a fast food place years ago. My girlfriend came in for a milkshake and was waiting at the end of the counter with one of our regulars. Doris, the regular, was nearly 90 years old and had invited me home to have a pot roast at her house multiple times. I was being a pain and put about a foot of whipped cream over the top of the lid of my girlfriend’s milkshake and brought it to her.
Doris looked at her, then looked at me and said, "I wish you'd cream me like that". Doris NEVER ordered desserts.
10. I’ll Get the Bill, Please
I had been dating this girl in my late teens, early 20s off and on for five years. We were on our last run and she'd done so many cringeworthy things over this last stretch that it was time for me to leave. Now over the course of five years, I received many gifts, housewarming gifts, and other things from her and her family.
I tell her we're breaking it off for good, and she immediately starts going off. Cheating on me, never loved me, blah blah blah. She leaves. A few days later I received a letter in the mail (this was the late 90s) that had an INVENTORIED LIST of things that she and her family gave me over the years.
This included a $300 bill for plane tickets to Los Angeles where we went to visit her dad four years earlier. She really wanted me to go so she bought the tickets. This list had about 20-30 things on it down to the trash can I had in my room and the curtains as well. I laughed it off and went about my business. Well, I was in for the rudest awakening imaginable.
I come home from work about two days later to find things missing from my room. The curtains were the most noticeable. A note on my desk confirms that she had come in and taken most of the things on her list and that I still owe her $300. I call her and tell her if she returns my things I won't call the authorities.
She begins screaming through the phone at me saying those were her things. I hang up on her and call the authorities. They ask if I want to press charges, and I say no unless she continues to contact me (the only thing that sucked to lose was my favorite hoodie, the rest was just clothes and home products). I was more upset she broke in while I wasn't home.
11. Thanks, Dad
I had a lady friend who was adamant she was pregnant with my child. I pulled her dad aside and explained what she had told me, expecting him to ask me how I’m gonna pay for this kid. His response shocked me. He calmly goes, “She does this with everyone who wants to leave her, just walk away and have a good life". I totally wish he was my dad. Cool dude with a terrible daughter.
I was having the time of my life, hooking up with this girl. She’s on top of me, and I am digging it. Suddenly she’s like, licking and slurping my neck and chest. She sits up, moves her face an inch from mine to stare into my eyes, and says, “Where did you get your skin? It’s delicious". I could only reply, “My parents"?
13. Next, Please!
A customer that was old enough to be my mom (I was a 21-year-old cashier at the time) kept on hitting on me one day. It was a regular customer I had helped tons of times with nothing like this happening before. She started just saying, “Can I tell you something? I think you're so attractive".
If it ended there, I would have been flattered as it's not often I get a compliment like that and I'd have gone about my day. But from there on out, her comments just became increasingly inappropriate.
She started talking about how she "really really has a crush on me," then started getting into, "You're younger than my son, this is so bad, but I think you're so hot”. Of course this is when my register froze up so I had to literally bring her to another lane all the while her remarks were getting more and more forward.
She was mostly repeating the same things but was winking and I swear she was caressing her chest at one moment. Thank goodness we were really busy in my store that day. She tried staying around after I checked her out to keep on telling me how into me she was, and how "naughty" she felt about me.
But because I had so many customers I was able to ignore her until she went away. Haven't seen her since.
14. What To Believe
“I just wanted to see if you'd stay". The reason this was crazy is preceding that, I got a text from her saying she maybe missed a period. I said something like, oh okay, so what if you're pregnant? She VOLUNTEERED an abortion. Cool, I don't have to worry about raising a kid at 16. Keep in mind we weren't even sure yet that she WAS pregnant.
Suddenly, she texts me saying maybe she changed her mind and she would want to keep it if she were pregnant. So I asked what changed. She says she just might want to keep the kid if she's pregnant, and I keep sort of driving after it. Okay, but what's different between now and an hour or two ago when you brought up an abortion?
She accuses me of pressuring her and stops responding to my texts. A day or two later she tells me she wasn't ever even pregnant in the first place.
15. Angels in the Sky
I was on a nearly empty plane, sitting in the last row, in a window seat. No one else in the row. I eventually fell asleep. Woke up with a tatted-up goth-looking chick sitting next to me, eyes boring a hole through my head, just straight up staring unblinkingly at me. I look at her and I’m like, “Hi"?
She stares for like five more long seconds and then exhales, “Sorry, you looked like an angel sleeping with the sun on your face”. We chatted for maybe another 30 seconds or so, she apologized for staring like that a couple more times, then she went back to her seat. That was surreal though.
16. Well, Now I Know
A co-worker once said this to me in an oddly serious, more of a hint kind of way, after I told her I wasn't looking to mess around or for a relationship. "I've seen a body rotting in lye before. Just so you know". It was so serious and monotone that it freaked me out and made me think that she was the one who had probably put it in there.
17. Yeah, Me Too
I was once on a dating site and I started talking to a girl. One of the first things I said to her was, "What are you looking for on this site"? Her response was horrifying.
She wrote, "Honestly, I'm looking for a sweet young man to take out for a night of drinking, take him back to my apartment, lure him into bed, tie him up, suffocate him until he stops struggling, strip him of his flesh then donate his skeleton for science. How about you"? She had an actual human skull on her desk too and worked as a forensic anthropologist.
18. No More Mr Nice Girl
I met a “nice” woman just before the pandemic. We met on a dating app, texted for a couple of weeks, and one night she invites me to a house party that she's going to. It was like 11:30 at night, but the house was like a two-minute drive from mine so I said I'd come over for a little bit. She was already trashed when I got there and was all over me in the most obnoxious way.
I remember she kept calling me the entirely wrong name and even introduced me to several people that way. At one point, she started demanding for me to tell her what I'm keeping secret and accusing me of having a wife and kids that I'm stepping out on. Then minutes later, she started literally begging for me to go home with her.
I tried to be as nice as possible, but she wouldn't take no for an answer and even started throwing a fit and crying in the street trying to stop me from getting in my car and leaving. I finally got out of there. It only took about a few minutes to drive home but when I got there, I already had over 40 texts from her.
It was just different variations of "Why did you leave"? and "I'm so sorry! Please come back"! It was the scariest thing I've ever experienced with a member of the opposite gender, and all I could think of was how many women have been in that exact same situation and how much scarier that must be when the other person could overpower you.
19. Hope She Was Wrong
When I was eight, I walked out of our apartment to get a soda from a soda machine they had in the main office. Was maybe three doors down. Mid-walk, this lady started screaming at me from her apartment.
I couldn't see her because her door was closed. She was like, “Hey kid". I was like, “Yes"? Then she starts screaming at me. She said something like, “THE DEVIL IS GONNA RIP OUT YOUR EYEBALLS”! I started crying. Then she shoots a flare at the door with her flare gun. So through the cracks in her door, I see a huge red devilish glow and smoke starts shooting out.
I'm freaking out for like two or three minutes until other people start to notice the smoke from her room. The fire department comes. It turns out she was off her meds or something.
20. Testing, 1, 2, 3
I was working as an audio engineer during a corporate event, and I had to mic up a woman in a cocktail dress with a lavaliere microphone. Very standard, but you have to vocalize every move and make sure they are cool with it.
Standard procedure for me is: clipping the pack on the back of the dress, wrap the excess cable around the pack, take what is left and tuck it into the dress from the back, to the armpit, around to the front of the chest, and clip the mic to the bustline fabric.
I always pause at the armpit part, tell them what my next move would be, and let them know that it's more than fine if they were more comfortable tucking the rest of the slack in themselves, and I'll clip and adjust the mic. This woman said, with a smirk, "Oh don't worry, you can touch me wherever you want'. To which I said, "Ma'am, you know I can't do that".
We were having an argument in my living room. I asked her to leave. She refused and became very cruel. I'd seen this sort of thing before from another ex, so I covertly got my phone and started recording. I asked her to leave, and when she refused I said I was going to call the authorities.
She replied, "Go ahead, I'll just tell them you hit me," with a sneer. That's when I slowly raised my phone and showed her I was recording.
22. You Can Do That By Yourself
I used to work as the door guy at a hole-in-the-wall bar in college. It was such a simple job, all I did was read books and look at IDs. Well, one slow night I'm sitting at the bar talking to this 30-year-old lady. I was 20 or 22 at the time. She had definitely been drinking in the bar. Well, she starts hitting on me hard. I'm not into it at all and am completely sober.
She leans over and is like, "I need to go to the bathroom". I tell her, "You're a big girl, I think you can manage it". She puts on a “cute” pouty face and says "Yeah, but I wanted you to wipe me".
23. Not a Normal Thing to Do
When I was way younger than I should be, I was at one of those kid's buffets for a friend's party and made friends with the teenagers that were watching us (that used to happen a lot for some reason). Then, I wanted to go on a ride that glided outside of the buffet and then came back inside, but I was too young to go alone, so one of the teens there went with me.
I remember she was super cute and was hanging out with me throughout the whole party, so nothing to worry about, right? Wrong. While we were there in the toy, she drew on the foggy glass a heart and then her initials and mine. In my kid mind, that was a totally normal thing to do, so I laughed and tried to replicate it, but it came out completely horrible.
Then, after laughing, she said with the cutest voice ever: "If you were older, I would be making out with you so hard right now". And if that wasn't a creepy thing to say to a kid that's at least 10 years younger than you, I didn't understand what making out was, so I said, "That sounds weird".
24. Boys Versus Girls
I was a bartender for about a decade. One night, two couples come in. The girls sit at one end of the bar, the boys at the other. The boys sat at one end of the bar to watch sports and there weren’t four seats together. While they drank, the boys had a conversation about how their wives had low libidos and they weren’t getting any.
The wives had a 30-minute-long conversation about which waiters and waitresses they would like to sleep with and down to the detail what they would do to them. About 10 minutes later, they called me over and told me exactly what they would like to do to me. One of them wrote their number on a napkin right before they got their table.
25. Get Yourself Checked
I recently spent the weekend with a woman. We have hooked up periodically for the last 25 years. Anyway, we were chatting and she brought up how a guy she had dated insisted he come to a doctor’s appointment with her. The doctor informed her that she has herpes and the guy was disturbed by this.
She was complaining about this to me hours after we had hooked up. She was talking to a guy who just slept with her that another guy was disturbed by her being diagnosed with herpes. So far I have had no blisters, but it’s the last time I will hook up with her.
26. Do I Know You?
I was a cashier at my college’s market, and this girl and her friends came in and were buying drinks. She goes, “Oh hi"! and says my name. I had my name tag on so I didn’t think about it, but after scanning her stuff she frowns and says, “Don’t you remember me”? I had no clue who she was, and I shake my head apologizing, and she goes, “Well I know you".
She’s staring at me and her friends are looking uncomfortable. But it gets even worse. I laugh awkwardly and she just goes, “You live in [my dorm hall and dorm number], and aren’t you roommates with [my roommate’s name]”? After that, my eyebrows raised and her friends kinda pushed her out saying things like he clearly doesn’t remember you and all that.
Later that night, I asked my roommates and gave a physical description and both of them had no idea who she was.
27. Pizza Delivery
Many years ago, I had a summer job as a pizza delivery driver. I was delivering to a top floor of a condo in a bustling beach resort town and hopped into an elevator. A few floors up, it stopped to let a few middle-aged ladies in that had clearly been drinking.
Within a few seconds after the door shut, and we continued our ascent, one of them exclaimed "Oooh, pizza and a pizza boy. We should take him and take the pizza". They burst into laughter while I saw there frozen in disbelief. We reached their floor, they were still cackling, completely unaware I was frozen like a deer in headlights.
The elevator opened, they left, and I continued with my evening. I had never shared that with anyone before even though I still think of it from time to time.
28. Stroke of Luck
After our two-month-long relationship clearly wasn't working out, she said, "If you leave me, I will tell everyone you hurt me and ruin your life". I did, she did, and she ALMOST succeeded. I got kicked out of college and would have gotten locked up. They required absolutely no proof or evidence on her part. I got EXTREMELY lucky twice.
First that she started getting carried away with her story and changing her story to make me a bigger and bigger bad guy. This planted a seed of doubt. Then her roommate and her had a fight, which led to her roommate coming forward with photos that disproved several of the stories she had fabricated. If not for these two strokes of luck, my life would have been over.
29. The Fabric of Time
I worked at a fabric store in college. At the time, I had very long, wavy hair. This detail will be relevant later. Anyway, one Sunday, a high school-aged girl and her mother came in while I was working. They kept glancing at me, whispering cartoonishly behind their cupped hands, pointing, and giggling as I was cutting fabric for customers.
Later, when I was re-shelving bolts of fabric, they followed me from aisle to aisle, giggling and trying and failing to look like they were just browsing. This went on for 45 minutes before I returned to the cutting counter. The teenage girl then approached me at the counter and told me that her mom thought my hair was the most beautiful hair she had ever seen on a man.
I laughed awkwardly and said thank you. She handed me a business card and told me her mom is a psychic and owns a palmistry and tarot reading place. She asked what time I worked until that day. Foolishly, I told her. I would be off at 2pm, which was in just a couple of hours. She giggled, kind of blushed, and suggestively invited me for a free reading after work.
"We'll be open until five. The address is on the card. It's not far away so please drop by. Me and my mom would just love for you to come," she said, really punching the last word and smirking. The entire time, her mom was watching from the aisle and smiling. The girl had a class ring on her finger and looked about 17 or 18. The mom was probably 45.
They were not unattractive, and so I was pretty tempted, being that I was 19 and stupid, but I had a weird gut feeling these two were bad news. So, in the end, I listened to my gut, threw away the business card, and never saw them again.
30. That’s Unappetizing
I had some partial facial hair because I was traveling and doing a lot of scuba diving. I wanted a better mask seal but didn't want an Abe Lincoln look, so I shaved more than just the mustache and sort of had a reverse goatee with huge sideburns. Was rolling up to a bar in a Caribbean town and an older lady on a golf cart told me to, "Come on over here and let me marinate those lamb chops".
Typically pretty quick on my verbal feet, I had zero comeback for that.
31. A Beautiful Day
I dated a girl who was overly sensitive to word choice. One Saturday morning, I was out running errands. It was a beautiful day, and I texted her to say, "It's going to be a great day"! She called me crying, because "When you say it's going to be a great day, it puts too much pressure on me to have a great day. Now I'm crying".
We ended up breaking up because it was a Thursday, which had become our date night, and I was going to go to her place. She started crying and broke up with me because I assumed we were going to see each other that night.
32. Sesame Street
I dated a girl who referred to me in the third person, like "What does he want to do today"? or refer to me as "somebody," like "Somebody ate a lot of popcorn at the movie". It always kinda bugged me, but I figured it was just her personality. I was watching Sesame Street this morning and noticed Elmo talking in that same way.
33. Do It for the ‘Gram
One of the last dates I went on, the lady asked why my Instagram account wasn't connected to my dating profile. I said, "I prefer to get to know people one day at a time and go with the flow". She replied with "Well, before I met you here, my girlfriends and I found your Instagram and looked at everything. It only took an hour".
That was creepy, I don't have anything embarrassing on my Instagram but that was something she should have kept to herself. When I asked her why she did that she replied with "You're a man, men are dangerous. I needed to know I would've been safe". All I kept thinking was, how would Instagram help you validate that?
34. The Bow-Legged One
I have a slight limp. On several occasions, women have commented on me being bow-legged. I never really got why. I walked into a room with five or six girls to drop something off once. One girl commented on it, I must have made a face, so she said it's not a bad thing and winked, and I realized all the women were stifling giggles. I was mortified.
35. Yes, It Would Be Weird
One woman told me, “Would it be weird if my son called you dad"? I was 18 and she was 25. We were coworkers at a Walmart photo lab, and she said that to me on the phone while I was walking to her place to hook up for the first time. I was young and didn’t know how to react and simply said, “No, no, he’d just be wrong"!
36. Risky Business
I was casually dating a widow whose husband went missing outside the US. He never was found and it haunted her. She suspected his "business" dealings caught up to him. After a month of dating, she dropped a bombshell on me.
She said, "You are a good guy and I can see myself with you. This is your chance to get out of this relationship with no strings and no hard feelings. If we continue you will not be able to leave as you will know more about me".
37. Down Memory Lane
The month after my wife passed, a girlfriend from 25 years ago (long before I was married) contacted me out of the blue to say she had recently thrown a bunch of my possessions away that she had found in her parents' basement, but she had something of mine she would return if I invited her to my home. It was absolutely bizarre.
After not responding, she eventually returned the photos and letters (as it transpired) by post.
38. That’s Unprofessional
When I was 17, I worked at a school running a summer camp program with a teacher. The teacher was a married woman with two kids in her late 20s. At some point, she asked me if I had ever seen a woman’s chest. When I said no, she told me to come find her on my 18th birthday.
At the time I thought it was flattering, but now that I’m older I realize how messed up that is to say to a minor as my boss.
39. Poor Mike
I was at a baseball game with my wife. We had great seats right behind the dugout, but four young teenage girls (13 or 14, I think) were standing near us. They got the attention of the third base player, Mike Moustakas, and, as a group, screamed, "Mike! I wanna have your babies"! That poor man struggled between cringing and staying professional.
He did a half-hearted acknowledgment wave and smile, then refused to look over that direction for the rest of the game.
40. At Least She Took the Hint
A woman I wasn't dating (I was already married and even if I weren't, I wouldn't be interested) and I were in a college library working separately on editing a journal. We were the only people in the room. She said something like, ‘This work kind of sucks, right"? I responded with something like, "Yeah, it's frustrating".
Out of nowhere, she then says, "I can scratch my nails down your back to relieve the frustration"? in a tone that clearly was flirty and aggressive. Shocked, I just said, "Uh, no..." Fortunately, she took the very obvious hint and didn't push things further, but I made a point of not being alone in a room with her ever again.
41. My Feeties Are Mine
One lady was flirting with me at a bar within a group of friends one night when we were all drinking. After a little bit, she just got really possessive of me and my time and my space. And then she did something super weird.
Because she wanted to keep me with her, she started putting her feet on my feet so I couldn't move, and then she told me my "feeties" belong to her.
42. Accidentally Creepy
A girl said to me, "I know where you live". She was a girl I had a huge crush on in high school. Then she realized what she said and was embarrassed and explained that her very good friend is my neighbor. It wasn't until years later that I realized she was probably trying to flirt in an awkward way and may have been interested in me.
43. Thanks, Laura
Not something she said, but something she did that was weird and creepy. My ex would screenshot our text conversations and send them to her family and friends to get their reactions. Like mundane conversations, not even anything interesting. It felt like a very creepy violation of my privacy. Also, she was an idiot. Hope you see this Laura.
44. Don’t Flirt With Ghosts?
There was an art gallery I'd walk past daily on my way to work. One piece was a photo of a young woman in a blue dress, apparently floating underwater while staring straight at the camera. It always creeped me out, because it was like someone took a picture of a drowning woman. One morning, I was looking at this picture as I was walking to work.
An old woman walking the other way stopped and said to me, "You need to be careful of that one. Sometimes she goes walking at night". Then she just went on her merry way as if she hadn't just given me the worst case of goosebumps I'd ever had in my life. I still get chills sometimes when I think of it.
45. Creepy in a Good Way?
When my wife and I had our first child via Caesarian section, I was in the operating room when the anesthesia provider was starting to wake her up. Out of nowhere, she started to come to. She opens her eyes, sees me and just says, “I saw your dad. He told me to tell you not to worry. You’re going to be a great father".
My father passed when I was seven. Still gives me goosebumps to this day. My wife says she still vividly remembers talking to my father.
46. Just a Handshake
I had a female boss at one job that would try to hug me when she left for the day, and I'd always back up and give her my hand to shake. It's just more professional. She never got the hint more than her mocking me for not wanting to "hold my boss close to my chest". Sounds creepy when I phrase it like that, right? Well, that's why I'm gonna keep my personal space, thanks.
47. Just Friendly
I went to a metal concert to which I had planned to go alone. My girlfriend then suggested one of her female friends go with me. I was relatively indifferent and just said that "Yeah, as long as she likes the music, why not get to know the people you spend time with"? Fast-forward one week. During the concert, my girlfriend gets jealous of the friend she herself invited to go with me.
She calls me constantly, asks if I made out with her friend, and threatens to break up with me. I was hard-pressed not to laugh. The plan seems to have been to send someone to keep me under a lens, which backfired on account of the next layer of her trust issues.
48. Free Food?
When I was 19, there was a group of girls who were around 15 or 16 that approached me and some friends, tried to get me to eat parts of their meal, and then stalked me from a Chick-Fil-A to a Walmart as I was trying to get away from them. It wasn’t okay and made me paranoid. Being an older dude and having underage kids go after you is terrifying.
49. Background Check
When I was younger, I worked in a bar popular with 18 to 20-year-olds. One night as a group of girls was leaving I made eye contact with one of them. That was enough. She came stumbling up to the bar and said, "I have to show you the background on my phone". She put her phone on the bar—and what I saw made my blood turn cold.
The background was a picture of me. "I took it about three weeks ago, and I'm totally obsessed. Your photo is the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I wake up".
50. Keep It Clean
I met a woman traveling through Africa, and we got to talking about the things we liked taking photos of the most: wildlife and scenery for me, and for her, mops. I thought I’d misheard her at first but, no, she said mops. Then she pulled out a little photo album and it was full of photos of people mopping floors. Now here's the creepy part.
Most of these shots were taken voyeur-like through windows and over fences. It was little old ladies in their dressing gowns and pajamas and tired-looking mums with babies in one arm. The last photo was a little old lady, laying on her stomach and screaming, with the head of a mop over the top of her head like a wig, obviously she’d just taken a horrible hip-breaking fall.
This absolute nutter tells me, “I took this one in China. It is my favorite. I love it more than my family."
51. Will You Dance With Me?
I bartended at a small dive bar years ago. It was late one night, and I had a lone female guest. She was probably middle-aged, polite, and short while ordering her drink. I thought nothing strange or got no red flags, so I continued my closing duties, sweeping around the tables. I’m focused on cleaning and getting out of there, and I turn around to dump the dustpan, and she’s standing right behind me.
“Will you dance with me"? she asks in a slow, nervous manner. For the record, there is no music playing, and we’re the only two living creatures in the building. I tell her politely that I’m closing and cannot right now, and quickly put distance and walk behind the bar. Then I hear this wailing sound.
In the five seconds I have to walk through the kitchen, this guest has walked back to her stool and begun hysterically crying at the top of her lungs. She asks me if I think she’s ugly, fat, unattractive, and several more derogatory things which I deny and deflect. She screams and tells me she hates me and runs out of the bar.
I ring the beer she drank half of up as waste and lock the door. I continued to work there for seven more years, and never saw this guest again.
52. Pay Attention To Forgetfulness
A few years ago, I started hanging out with this girl who was around my friend group at the time and came to trivia nights with us occasionally. Things were going well at first, but then I started noticing some odd signs.
She never slept, she would do bizarre things like start her shower, then go start cooking food, then sit down and begin tending her plants as if she kept forgetting what task she was doing. She put a sign out on her lawn with her cell phone number on it, wanting to "connect with strangers". It got weirder as it went on.
I mentioned to her once that I liked thunderstorms and she became convinced that I could cause thunderstorms. At first, I thought she was joking, but it started to weird me out. Then one night when I was sleeping over, I noticed that she was just sitting in bed watching me.
She put her hand on my heart and whispered that she could hear the beautiful fishes in my blood. That very morning, her father burst into her apartment yelling about her appointment with the psychiatrist that she kept avoiding. She told me that her parents and the doctors were trying to convince her that she had bipolar disorder and wanted to shut her brain off.
Long story short, her friends and family convinced her to go, she bravely took on her mental illness and got help before the manic episode got out of control. Now we are very close friends to this day.