These Redditors came together to share the craziest “that kid” moments. They’re shocking, they’re hilarious, and some of them might even make you gag. If you’re not into stories about poop, maybe look elsewhere. For everyone else, you’re about to go on a journey through all the worst that school has to offer.
1. No Pooters
The conversation turned to flatulence amongst the seventh-grade girls. The new girl, short and squat, and as of yet silent, shook her head and stated, “I ain’t never pooted in my whole life.” It echoes in my head regularly to this day. I also say it whenever I am accused of “pooting” because it is hilarious.
2. At Least He Didn’t Throw It
Kid got hit in the stomach by a dodgeball, pooped himself, picked the poop up off the ground, and proceeded to put the poop in his pocket “so no one would know.” EVERYONE in class saw.
3. Signed Vandalism
He made a stencil of his very…unique…self-designed tattoo. Then spray painted said tattoo stencil on the front of the school building, along with some other graffiti for good measure. Then he went to the administration and claimed that someone “saw his tattoo on Facebook, made a stencil from it and was trying to frame him.”
No one bought it. No one is that dumb. He was suspended, two days before his graduation.
4. A Quick Snack
We were sat in English class, and some kid answered a question, so we all turned to look at him as he answered (pretty normal). Kid was rather quickly upstaged by the weird kid next to him pulling a full cooked chicken leg out of his jacket pocket, no wrapping or packaging, and just chowing down on it.
5. Did Not See That Coming
In eighth grade, I was eating lunch across from this very strange kid. I remember him picking up his milk with both hands and squeezing it as hard as he could, then it popped and got all over him and his reaction was a disappointed look on his face followed by, “Oh man!”
6. Screw You Guys, I’m Going Home
He got caught taking from the teacher’s assortment of goodies, which she gave away once a week to students. She chose students randomly based on a raffle system where you had more tickets if you behaved. After a huge mess of him crying and trying to say it wasn’t him, he asked to be excused to the bathroom. He was gone for a solid 30 minutes.
The teacher got concerned, and upon checking the bathroom sign-out sheet we discovered he wrote for the sign-in time “never coming back.” One of us went to check the bathroom and he wasn’t there. The teacher tells the principal what happened and the authorities are called in. Helicopters flying by, a couple cop cars. They eventually found him walking home.
7. Victim Addict
I mean, she did a lot of weird stuff in high school but I think the turning point was when she broke down in class crying because her mum had passed on. The teacher let her out to get some air. A lad had lost his mum to cancer the year before and left the class with her to talk about it. We all felt terrible. We’d been kind of excluding her because she was weird and she smelled, but we had no idea that this was happening—then, her web of lies unraveled.
When we saw her introducing her mum to teachers at parents’ evening we were freaking done. It’s not your typical type of stupid for that age. She seemed to have just forgotten that she’d ever said that.
There was one kid, Brian, and he was 100% convinced that he was a dinosaur. Every recess he would frolic around with his arms up at his chest like a T-Rex, growling at people. He talked normally sometimes too, but every conversation would somehow lead back to dinosaurs…Fun kid.
9. Just Not Cool
A science teacher in my school was cool if a little weird (not in a creepy type way). His room was always open for the kids to hang out in. He spent a lot of his own time and I suspect money managing an “animal club” which the kids were responsible for looking after. We had hundreds of different animals: hissing cockroaches, snakes, a three-foot iguana, mice, chipmunks, chinchillas, and more.
He also liked to tell cool stories about his own life, such as the pigs that he kept (Rasher and Bacon), his caving experiences, sailing experiences, etc. He would spend his own time helping students that were struggling and give them extra tutoring if warranted. However, he never tolerated laziness or attitudes and would call out students that couldn’t be bothered.
Which is where this kid comes in. This kid made a comic book depicting the science teacher touching the students (male and female) while saying his little catchphrases. It was found and brought to said science teacher’s attention. A meeting happened with the senior management in the school where the brought the kid, the kid’s mom, and the teacher in. I’ll never forget his chilling reaction.
This six-foot massive teacher which a huge ginger beard cried and said he had never experienced anything like it in his life before now. Even the rest of us hated this kid for what happened, and at that age, we were really immature.
10. Sounds Bad
Sprayed Axe deodorant directly into what we thought was a smoke detector. Thinking it wouldn’t cause anything, he was rather smug about how little cares he gave, until an alarm we never heard before went off. Turns out it was some sort of sensor that goes off when oxygen is displaced to dangerous levels by non-oxygen.
Because of the nature of the alarm, even though it was “false,” the school needed to have a company come in and verify that there wasn’t a carbon monoxide situation. Many teachers, and the principal, had no idea such an alarm even existed in our school.
11. Industrial Peanut Butter
This girl Maggie would find someone new to latch onto every month or so. When she found someone she wanted to befriend, she would do crazy, over-the-top stuff in an attempt to impress them. At one point she was obsessed with a girl we’ll call Kat. One day, Kat brought in a baggie of celery and was dipping it in a sauce cup of peanut butter. Maggie WOULDN’T STOP staring and basically watched Kat consume every last piece of celery…
Sure enough, the very next day, Maggie comes into class with, I kid you not, like six bunches of celery stalks, and a family-sized tub of peanut butter. She just eats it ALL day, with the biggest smile on her face, all while staring at Kat from across the room. This is a lighter example of the many off-the-wall things Maggie has done for her transient idol of the month, but the endless bushels of celery is just something I’ll never forget.
12. What Happens Later?
I went to Catholic school and during mass, this girl sitting next to me didn’t fully get up, but just sort of squatted and started peeing in the pew next to me (girls wore skirts as part of their uniform). She left the school shortly after. Also, had a kid who would get a nice big ball of spit in his mouth then let it drop out of his mouth into his shirt pocket. He said he was “saving it for later.” Catholic school is weird, folks.
13. “That Kid” High
One kid called in an explosive threat because he didn’t want to take an exam the next period. Another kid ate as many syrup packets as he could without throwing up. Think he ate about 17 before he let out the highest viscosity vomit of all time. Third kid absolutely hated our band teacher, Mr. Whitcomb. After school, he snuck into the band room, and in heavy, red permanent marker he wrote on a white, fabric-wrapped bulletin board, “FAT PUSS WHITCOMB.”
Even with strong cleaning products, that never really came out. Stayed that way for at least a month before they could replace the bulletin board.
14. Howdy, Partners
High school. This guy is always dressed like a cowboy, with hat, boots, jacket, and even a belt with two prop revolvers and boots with spurs which he got in trouble for a few times. One memorable day was when he brought a stuffed horsehead toy with a long stick attached to it and ran around the school hallways with it yelling, “Heehaw,” and twirling an imaginary cowboy whip.
Senior year this dude even founded a cowboy club in our school. A month later, we had four of these cowboys heehawing thru the hallways riding their horsehead sticks.
15. This Hat Stinks
First day of high school (UK—age 11), kid found a pair of badly soiled boxer shorts in an outdoor bin that had clearly been there all summer. I’m talking caked in a 1/4-inch layer of dried poop. Proceeded to put them on his head and start chasing groups of people around the playground…not the best first impression to make when starting a new school.
The poor guy never really pulled himself out of the social rut he dived headfirst into that day.
16. Extra Pepper
I can think of two: During middle school, one odd kid apparently thought he could sneakily touch himself under his desk in the middle of class. Teacher noticed not long after, it was a little awkward for her. During high school, a different idiot kid decided to do his own senior prank by putting a can of pepper spray in the school’s ventilation system.
The pepper spray ended up being spread throughout most of the school’s main buildings. We had to be evacuated and some people had to get medical attention.
17. Mr. Horseman
Wore a horse costume to school. Like full-on fur suit. Then he trotted around the halls and neighed all day. He was…odd. This was in high school, and he was well known in the school for having behavioral issues. He had no boundaries and didn’t understand social interaction. A lot of kids were cruel to him, other kids left him alone, others tried to be his friend and then ran for the hills when he overwhelmed them with invasive questions and excessive clinging.
The teachers took a “live and let live” attitude. The actual costume itself wasn’t technically against dress code, only the horse head. I wasn’t in any of his classes so I’m not sure if his teachers made him take the mask off. I just remember seeing him in the hallways with it on and thinking, “There’s no way that isn’t Blaise.” And it was.
18. Saving That One
I knew this kid who smelled terrible. He’d walk in a room and this disgusting stench would follow him, like some sort of cloud of garbage scented air. If you were in class with him it would permeate the entire room. Yet somehow, this kid managed to get even more gross. One time one of the teachers found a toenail in his locker. He had some sort of fungal infection on his feet and one of his nails fell off, which he then proceeded to take and save so he could send it to a family member.
Quite possibly the most disgusting and weird event I’ve ever witnessed.
19. The King Has Arrived
In my first year of university, there was a kid who wore a dinosaur head covering/hat that had a cape attached to it and would walk around campus just staring at people. My friend asked him one day what his name was and he replied with, “King Reptar.” Weird kid, haven’t seen him since. Also, one day during frosh week there was a movie being played on my university’s equivalent of the quad. He showed up and would squat by people while just looking at them.
There was also a kid who would ride a unicycle around campus.
20. Watch Your Back
There was a girl I went to school with from elementary through high school. I never really talked to her as she was extremely emotional, and any time I’d watch someone interact with her she’d either break down or scream. I was always nice in passing and would wave then put my head down. I managed to go years without getting stuck with her in one of my classes.
Freaking YEARS by pure luck not getting stuck in a class with her. Until my senior year—and it was worse than I’d ever imagined. Now mind you, her sophomore year she went missing and a huge search was put out trying to locate her. We all knew she was fine and about a week later she was found outside of a grocery store begging for money with her much older boyfriend.
She’d also spent years wearing a tail and ears to school because that’s just “who I am on the inside.” Overall… weird behavior that I can now attribute to neglect at home (didn’t find that out until after HS). So senior year rolls around and I don’t only have a class with her…I’m sitting right next to her in history. Well dang.
First day and she’s already set a standard for how bad this semester is about to be. “Oh, my boyfriend bought me a laptop but I hide it from my mom.” “I’ve done it with over 30 guys. All older too!” Stuff like that. Well, one day the teacher pulls me aside because he’s noticed she doesn’t overreact around me. The convo went like this:
Teacher: “Do you know X really well?” Me: “No, no I don’t actually.” Teacher: “Okay but you know she’s…got some mental stuff going on, right?” Me: “Uh yeah I mean I guess.” Teacher: “She threatened to stab another student yesterday after class so if you could just sit with her next semester as well, I’d appreciate it.” Me: ……
It did get reported to staff, but apparently her mom caused a big scene at the office and everyone decided to drop it since the kid being threatened was the only witness. She was freaking insane, but at least there was a silver lining: The teacher passed me with an A just for grading papers and listening/babysitting her from then on out. I know absolutely nothing about WWII now but far, far too much about that girl’s life.
21. The Collector
In high school, we had a computer class that was in a brand-new computer lab. So new that they hadn’t had time to set up all of the “keep kids from doing stupid stuff” settings and software. Now, this was one of the classes where each computer station was a module for some different software. We all moved around the class quite a bit.
One kid figured out he had free reign of the internet and started downloading a metric ton of smut, but he only did it on one module. Maybe because he thought it would mask who it was, maybe just to keep it all consolidated, idk. But the teacher figures out that someone had been downloading smut on this one computer, so she does the logical thing and talks to some of the better students in the class.
Ends up giving them extra credit if they can set up a webcam behind the module to catch whoever is doing it. In the end, they catch the kid red-handed with over 10 gigs of smut and a stack of DVDs he was burning it onto.
22. Pulling a Tyson
He once went into a berserker nerd rage in grade three or four. It was absolutely disturbing. He jumped on another unpopular kid and tried to rip the guy’s ear off. A ton of other kids tried to stop him but he just batted them all away. He eventually dug his teeth into the kid’s back and bit off a chunk of skin. It was pretty messed up. For anyone wondering, this was somewhere in Canada.
I don’t think he got suspended or anything (I honestly can’t remember) but he eventually became friends with the kid he attacked.
23. Good Gesture, Wrong Approach
I wasn’t there when it happened (I had changed schools), but I keep in touch with my old friends. The weird kid (also a friend of mine) had gone up to the “popular kids” table and told them he had a surprise for them tomorrow. So, of course, they think he’s going to shoot up the school. They have a lockdown, evacuate his class, and an officer goes in to talk to him.
Turns out he bought some donuts for the “popular kids” to try and make friends with them.
24. Don’t Tell Me!
One day in fifth grade, a kid’s mom brought cupcakes and ice cream for the class. We went outside for recess to eat them. The overweight kid, who I always tried to be nice to because I’m pretty sure she had bad parents, ate too many of these cupcakes and threw up on the playground. But she proceeded to tell everyone she was fine and was all right to go play some more.
Not even five minutes later, I’m standing by the door to the entrance of the school and I smell the most horrible smell. I look over and, of course, It’s the same kid standing next to me. She got real close and whispered to me, “I just pooped my pants.” She told everyone who walked by until the teacher called her mom to pick her up.
Weirdest moment of my life because I’m not sure why she would tell everyone that.
25. Strike, Scream, Run
The one that always comes to mind is this kid, Glenn. Total weeaboo. Oddly enough, this didn’t have anything to do with anime or Japan. I wanna say it was bio class in sophomore year. He was doodling or something and the teacher called on him to answer a question. He sputtered out something incorrect and the teacher walked over to his desk and said he needed to pay attention and stop drawing.
She turned around to go back to the front of the classroom and he stood up and chucked his pencil across the room, made a weird caveman/Tusken Raider shrieking noise, and swung his fist at her. Kid was easily 6’2 and 240lbs, she was 5’1 and 100lbs or so. He hit her square in the back and she went down. He made this shrieking noise again and bolted from the room in an awkward Naruto-run.
Fortunately, the teacher was only a little shaken; she brushed herself off and said, “Man, he’s having a really bad day.” Another kid picked up the pencil he threw and written on it was “Glenn Lastname – insanity: it’s what I do.” Good ol’ Glenn got suspended through the semester.
26. And He Was Never Seen Again
His name was Joe. One day I was in class and saw him being marched down the corridor to the pastoral leader’s office. The pastoral leader looked absolutely shocked at what she had seen, but the best was yet to come. Thirty minutes earlier, Joe had gone to the toilet and while he was there he had pooped into his hands and placed his deposit inside the hand dryer.
The next person to use it had poop splatted all over their hands. This wasn’t even the worst part. Somehow it was figured out that Joe had done this and he was swiftly taken out of his class by the pastoral leader—who happened to be American—and taken to her office. Now it’s important to note here that pastoral leaders’ computers aren’t subject to the same internet restrictions as the rest of the school.
The pastoral leader left her office for whatever reason, leaving Joe alone in the office. When she came back we heard this massive, “OH MY GOD” in her American accent. While she had been out of the room Joe had used her computer to get onto adult sites and started touching himself. I wasn’t one of the kids who actually saw it, but others responded to the shriek.
I never saw Joe again after the end of that week.
We had a kid in sixth grade, let’s call him Tim. Tim was constantly getting in trouble for not listening to the teacher. One day Tim and the teacher got into an argument. The teacher told Tim to step out of the classroom and wait in the hall so they could talk. On his way out, Tim slammed the door extremely hard, with the echo bellowing throughout the entire school.
The teacher then told Tim to go to the office, and he closed the door, only for Tim to start running and kicking the door over and over again. The teacher walked up to the door and locked it for our safety, then grabbed his phone to call the office. We couldn’t see anything Tim was doing in the hall because the door was one of those ones with only a tiny window to see through, so what the teacher said on the phone caught us all off guard.
“Hello, yeah, one of my students was misbehaving so I sent him to the office and he began kicking the door. Now he is currently pacing around in circles outside the door with his belt in one hand and….a boomerang in the other.”
28. Hidden Valley or Newman’s Own?
This kid used to drink cups of ranch dressing at lunch…and nothing else. He would have 15-20 of those little ketchup cups loaded on his tray and he’d start slurping it down. Pretty sure he had some kind of mental disability so I don’t want to rag on him too hard, but just watching him do that every day turned me off of ranch for a few years.
29. A Little Embellishment
New kid had a scar on his shoulder. Told us he was shot…big long story involving drugs and all kinds of stuff. Found out it was from having a mole removed.
30. Wholesome Time
He gave me a present at Christmas, and I will never forget it. He was a big slow kid named Raymond. He was weird, smelled kind of funny, and had a gruff voice. Did a lot of weird things in class. He had a really hard time making friends I think, for obvious reasons. This was sixth grade, and there was a lot of snickering.
I don’t think his family had much money. I thought he was kind though, and I tried to be nice to him as I didn’t have many friends either. One day out of the blue he asks me if I like cars. I told him I did. A few days later he gives me a wad of wrapping paper and tape and tells me merry Christmas. What lay inside almost brought me to tears.
It was just two matchbox cars. They were not new cars, or even in the box. I could tell they were once his own toys. There was a little note that said, “Hope you like these! Your friend, Ray.” It was really very touching and such a nice gesture. I wish I had thought to bring something for him. I had probably only spoken to him a handful of times ever, but apparently that was more than anyone else cared to.
I think those beat-up little toy cars were the best gift anyone has ever given me.
31. Soup or Soup?
This guy would just combine all of his food at lunch, including the drink, into a weird soup and eat it like that, no matter what we were eating.
32. Baller Dreams
There was this guy everyone called Big Andy. He was kind of nuts. I mean, like, the most caustic neck beardy guy you’ve ever met in your life. I was one of a few people who figured he was mostly harmless, but dude was that militant nerd variety that made it kind of hard to defend him. Threatened to bash people’s faces in, blow stuff up…I mean he had some serious issues.
The reason people picked on him was that he was about 300+ lbs. in high school, constantly wore anime t-shirts that were about two sizes too small, jean shorts, and carried a box of doughnuts around. No, seriously, a box. He also had a really high-pitched squeaky voice. I mean, all of that, and people are jerks.
He had it in his head he’d go become a computer programmer, start a video game company, and land a helicopter on the roof of the school during our reunion (his words). I always wondered what happened to him. I don’t know of him ever having any friends, and he dropped off the face of the planet after we graduated. Looked him up a few months ago on Facebook and just couldn’t find him. So, no clue whatever happened to the guy.
33. The School Dementors Strike Again
Man, so this kid was a strange one. Maybe something was up with him, but I don’t know. He really liked Slipknot, anyway. One day he swore he was a Wiccan. We used to have Smash Bros. tournaments and invite kids over to play at a friend’s, and he showed up saying he was able to change his eye color. He closed his eyes to concentrate and he opened them saying they changed. They didn’t. He said they became a lighter shade.
He tried to show me how to create fireballs and had this book of different wolf pictures and tried to determine what my wolf form was. He wasn’t a bad kid just weird so we dealt with it…until the incident. He was really into the Wiccan stuff, so two of my friends decided to screw with him. I guess you can say they were metalheads and they had that look.
Anyway, they told me they went up to him one day and revealed themselves as demons. One of them, let’s call him Vince, said he reached out to him from down the hallway, and said, “Your soul is mine!” and made gestures like he pulled his soul out of his body and buried into in the floor. So, the kid freaks out and begs for his soul back and my friends leave thinking the dumb prank was over—they were so wrong.
Later that day, I get a knock on my door and it’s the kid. He has a pair of those sharp metal scissors in his hands and he looks frantic. He is aggressive and tells me that he needs to find Vince. He needs to end Vince’s life to get his soul back. I’m pretty shocked, so I tell him that I don’t know where Vince is and the kid is reluctant to believe me because he has seen me with them. He asked me if I knew they were demons and I tell him I didn’t know.
Anyway, I pretty much shut the door on him and he leaves, freaking out. Supposedly, he was running around trying to find Vince to end his life and retrieve his soul. But this kid was pretty big, so someone saw him running around in the streets with scissors. We don’t know what happened to him. Obviously, as an adult looking back, it was a messed up situation for the kid. No one expected such an episode back then.
I do hope he is doing all right now. However, it was still weird as heck.
34. Shots Fired!
Sneezed and pulled out a large red snot. Everyone watched as it seemed to never end. His arm stretched out until it was no longer bent, and the snot was still running from his nose to his hand. It then proceeded to fling out of his nose and across the classroom onto a desk. One kid threw up.
35. The Good Pesticides
Back in high school, I was casually acquainted with a guy who was a self-proclaimed “drug-head,” despite having never partaken of anything stronger than an Advil. He used to make a big deal about how high, drunk, or generally “messed up” he’d get on a daily basis, usually in between bouts of scrawling, “420 4 lyfe” on his school supplies.
One day, as a prank, one of my other friends gave the kid in question a bag of “grass.” After first looking genuinely shocked and then unbelievably (in the literal sense) excited, the would-be pothead disappeared with his “drugs” for about five minutes…and when he came back, he was speaking in a high falsetto and acting like the world had suddenly transformed into a pinball machine.
“Oh, man!” he shrieked, flopping down on a bench. “That stuff got me so messed up, you guys!” “Yeah, I’m sure it did,” someone replied. “I’m so messed up, you don’t even know!” This continued for another five minutes or so, by which point we’d all gotten sick of his antics. “Dude,” said the guy who had originally offered the bag full of plant matter, “I only gave you grass.”
“Yeah, I know! It got me so messed up!” “No, I mean it was grass. Lawn clippings.” The alleged stoner’s eyes suddenly went wide as the truth of his situation dawned on him…but rather than confess to the act and keep some of his pride intact, he decided to double down on the situation: “Well, I don’t know what kind of weird pesticide is on your lawn, man, but that stuff got me so messed up! You don’t even know!”
Still another handful of minutes passed, during which time the kid “came down” from his “high.” It was the sort of scenario for which he should have received a lot of teasing…but I think everyone was afraid that he’d start doing that squeaky voice again.
36. Not Much of a Singer
I went to a little Swedish primary school. At about age 9-10(?) a Danish kid joined our class for one year. This guy has a lot of stories centered around him, but the one I remember in particular was during music class. Yeah, for some reason we had a music class where we just stood as a “choir” and sang random songs the teacher played on the piano.
For some reason, the Dane was really mad this particular day. He did not want to sing at all. He was fist-fighting the teachers, literally throwing chairs at them, and screaming (what I imagine to be) the most vulgar Danish curse words. Meanwhile, me and the rest of my class are singing some cute child’s song. I always imagine us being in a movie with the Dane in the main role.
He is fighting in super slow-mo and all you can hear is the choir of kids kindly singing sad songs. There was also the Chinese guy who peed on the floor in gym class because he was too scared to ask if he could go to the bathroom, but the Dane was the most memorable guy.
Friend of my brother’s (a year younger) in 10th grade if I remember right…I wasn’t there but I saw the aftermath—and I’ll never forget it. He was horsing around with a few other people in class, chasing each other and whatnot. There was a door that had one of those old-fashioned bolt-on slide locks with a round bolt that you lifted and slid into a round hole on the other side.
This door was wide open at the time…anyway, while running away from his friends he ran past this door. His picky finger slid perfectly into the lock where the bolt would normally fit, all the way to his knuckle, and literally just ripped it right off his hand at the joint. He didn’t make a sound himself when it happened (he did right after though of course), but my brother said the finger made a sound like a pencil being snapped in half.
They reattached it, and it still mostly worked after, but it always looked pretty wonky, all sad and crooked…Weirdest freak accident I ever heard of.
38. I Regret Everything
Wouldn’t stop asking us to join his “Investment Club” or become a writer for his Investment website. Well, four years later that website got bought out for $2 million. Fast forward to today, he’s got his own firm and parties with like models every weekend.
39. A Balanced Meal
There was this kid who liked to eat paper. So one day in the new term, he asked the new Asian boy for some paper. The Asian boy, in a full Asian accent, ripped out three pages from his notebook and said, “Here is breakfast, lunch, and dinner!”
40. Pineapple Check
Scrawny mean kid who hung out with the jocks did stupid thing after stupid thing that made everyone (students + teachers) hate him. He just had his little posse of like four people who I think were just being polite to him, and they’d hang out next to the school entrance all day. One day, we had one of those “touring high school acts” visit our school.
It was this group of four guys who did funny acapella covers of pop songs. It was honestly awesome. He’s sitting in the back of the gym and whips a pineapple at them and tries to hide. Everyone turns and looks at him—the band starts acapella singing again and just staring at him. Even the other meaner kids were like, “Wow you’re a DICK.”
I don’t remember the school ever having any touring groups visit again for the time I was there :(( It was a fun way to skip a morning class, and that jerk had to go and ruin it by throwing a freaking pineapple.
41. Getting it All Out
I remember being on the swings in primary school and there was another kid who was upset that all the swings were taken, so he tried to forcibly remove another kid. The teachers told him not to bother other kids and so he stood NEXT TO the swings, crying loudly, waiting for someone to get off. When I looked at him, he was crying so much his nose was running, but it looked like someone squeezing out a tube of toothpaste.
It was the grossest thing I’ve ever seen.
42. Cool to Fool
There was a kid named Shane I went to middle school with; this was in the early 00s when white rappers like Eminem were really big. He started going by “2Shanez” as his “rapper name” to sound cool. There was a fire drill/evacuation one day where we all had to go sit on the track and wait for the fire department to clear the building (…I don’t think it was a drill after all, looking back on it).
The track was furthest from the school, with a field for soccer and another field for field hockey in between. The track area was fenced off by a chain-link fence about four feet high, and it wasn’t a very long stretch at all. It wasn’t blocking anything, just more of a divider.
Anyways, everyone is making their way towards the track and walking through the “doorway” gap in the fence, while 2Shanez decided he would be cool, pull a stunt, and hop the fence. It ended badly, to put it lightly. He didn’t jump high enough, caught his junk, ripped his sack open. In front of the entire school. He was wheeled off by the school nurse in a wheelchair with a blanket covering his crotch.
2Shanez met his 2chainz that day.
43. Look Out, Truffle Shuffle
There were many weird kids across my school life, but this came to mind first. There was this one weird kid in my primary school who, on his last day, insisted on doing what he called the “chicken dance” (not the actual chicken dance at all) in front of the whole class. This act involved him derping around in a circle at tremendous speed all the while flipping his shirt up and down over his head, exposing his gross, blindingly white little boy chest, to a dramatic composition containing crashing wave sound effects.
44. That Counts!
We had this one kid who was a bit of an oddball, always said the most obscure things in the middle of class, and overall kinda reminded me of Dwight from The Office. Anyways, we were in gym class playing kickball indoors because it was raining and he was on me and my friend’s team. His turn came up, bases loaded with a pretty close game, and class was about to end.
We were all just watching in anticipation as the pitch came. Mid-roll, he turns around and looks directly at us and gives the most confident smirk I’ve ever seen. Turns back around, runs up, and kicks the ball. Now, we had a pretty decent sized gym area and at the top were all these metal beams for support. A couple of them were giant I-beam type things.
So anyway, he kicks the ball and it goes flying up 40 feet and hits all these beams and somehow lands perfectly on the edge of one of the I-beams that could only have been the length of the ball itself. The guy ran the bases like it was business as usual, and me and my friends rolled laughing convinced that he freaking knew that he would do that.
The ball stayed up there the rest of the school year.
45. A Little Crunch
Clearly not as traumatizing as everyone else’s, but I will always remember the scab eater. This girl would get various cuts and scrapes on the playground pretty much every day and be carted off to get cleaned up and bandaged. When the scrapes hardened into scabs, she would always sit in the back corner of the playground picking the scabs off her skin and eating them.
Usually, these were on her elbows or knees. If the cut would start bleeding again, she would patiently wait for another scab to form before she went back at it. I’ve never seen someone so utterly pleased with themselves as the girl casually dining upon scabs while all the other kids were playing on the playground.
Well, I am not that ashamed to admit it, but I AM the weird kid. The thing that I did was part of a joke between me and my friends. You would “Simba” each other. How? You slather ketchup on each other’s foreheads while trying to not be slathered. One day, one of my friends wasn’t quite alert, so I thought that I’d be a friend and help wake him up. Needed items:
Napkin. Ketchup. A sick sense of humor. A clear throat.
So, I went to the ketchup pump and put as much as I could in the napkin. I then sneaked up on him and slapped him in the forehead with ketchup. Needless to say, if that didn’t wake him up, then me singing at the top of my lungs in the cafeteria the opening song from The Lion King sure did the trick. Everyone was staring, he got embarrassed, and he scraped ketchup on to his hand to retaliate.
He starts chasing me around, yelling with bad intent, while I’m still singing. I was SO glad I only got an in-school suspension for that.
47. She Looks Tasty
High school drawing class, two kids: Girl A (had known her for a while, fairly normal kid) and Girl B (had never spoken to her before). I was having a chat with girl A during class when girl B approaches. “Girl A, are you busy?” “Yeah, I’m talking.” “Oh, but can you just…” “No.” “Pleeeaasseee?” “I said no, come back when I’m not talking.”
Girl A and I go back to our conversation, the same convo between Girl A and Girl B happens once more. Finally, Girl A and I stop talking. “Are you free now?” Girl A sighs the sigh of a lost cause. Her eyes look dead. She tilts her head, “Go ahead, Girl B.” Girl B viciously bites her neck. In a full classroom, teacher present. No one moves, Girl A doesn’t make a sound, but Girl B loudly, sloppily bites at her neck.
I still talk to Girl A but haven’t brought up that time since.
48. Just a Little Napalm
“That kid” got a hold of the Anarchist Cookbook and made some napalm. We didn’t believe him, so the following day he brought in the entire jar of napalm. Took a small piece and put it on a pillar near the library at lunchtime and lit it on fire. That was the last I ever saw of him. I heard another kid he was bragging to told a teacher or principal about his jar and he was immediately expelled.
He was a nice kid, just maybe not the best at making good decisions.
49. Hanging Up the Tiara
I’m pretty sure I was “that kid” for a good while. I wore a tiara to school every day in sixth and seventh grade and never brushed my teeth or hair so my breath was rank and there was a giant rat’s nest on the back of my head. I would scream about anime all the time. We don’t talk about middle school.
50. Scheduled Asthma
One time at band camp (yeah, I know) a kid started having an asthma attack, and as the counselors were helping him he started shouting, “This wasn’t supposed to happen until Thursday!” I still think about that very frequently.
51. What a Load of Poop
I was the weird kid. I wasn’t allowed to say fart. Instead of saying fart, my parents wanted to replace it with “poop.” One day in second grade I had one of those horrible, once a month, disgusting smelling farts, and I told my friend “I just pooped!” A girl who was also sitting at our table heard me and raised her hand in front of the entire class to tell the teacher I had just pooped my pants.
The walk of shame to the nurse was not fun after having to explain myself to my teacher and the entire class.
52. Work Hard, Party Hard
He always carried around a briefcase, but never opened it. Sat on the brief case during lunch, classes, etc. It was like the nuclear football, always in his hand or he was sitting on it. He carried it onto the stage during graduation, got his diploma, and right as he was leaving the stage, he opened it up. When he did, something amazing happened.
He dumped a bunch of confetti on the principal. I guess it was the long-con? No one questioned why he was carrying it on stage.
53. Post-Secondary Disappearance
A little over 10 years ago, the weird kid from my school went missing, they’ve never found him. Apparently, he was at a party just before graduation, got into a fight with his girlfriend, and left to walk home. They’ve extensively checked all the nearby woods, dredged the rivers and lakes, it even caught the attention of some TV “psychic.” They found his car, abandoned, but no other sign of him.
The creepiest part is how everyone in my hometown still talks about it; My psych teacher in high school used his disappearance as an example when we discussed dissociative fugue states; the town is still plastered in MISSING signs; every year they go out and search again. I always wonder if it was suicide, an accident, foul play, or if he just took off across the country.