Our partners are typically there with us as we go through life. Naturally then, we share almost everything with them, from our beds to our food to our goals. But, we all have our secrets—and these Redditors are ready to spill all the tea.
1. An Almost Tragedy
Something really tragic almost happened when he was away for work for four months, and I was working full time and single parenting. One morning, I hurried our kid (who was three years old at the time) out to the car before daycare with my hands full of stuff. I put everything in the car, put it in gear, and looked over my shoulder to back up.
I backed up about two feet and hit the brakes. I had a horrifying realization: I didn’t put our kid in the car. I was looking at an empty car seat. My toddler was standing beside his door on the passenger side waiting for me, and now he was crying because he thought I was ditching him. If I hadn’t looked over my shoulder, I could have run over our kid.
Blame sleep deprivation and the hectic morning, but Mom Guilt still eats me alive when I think about those two feet. My husband will never know because I don’t ever want him to think I’m a bad mom, or know exactly how bad it was for me while he was away.
2. Replacement Necklace
When I was 14, my grandma passed away. For years, I had been bothering my parents for my own gold necklace. Well, my grandma had a little bit of money and she gave me $300 for a gold necklace in her will. It was my pride and joy. I had it around my neck for 17 years before I met my wife. It was off my neck maybe three times in those 17 years.
My wife (then girlfriend) knew how much it meant to me and asked to wear it once. Well, it never came home. She had lost it somewhere. I was distraught like crazy for three or four days while we turned our house upside down looking for it. Inevitably, I gave up, but she was very bothered by it all. I had to take things into my own hands.
I decided to go to a pawn shop and buy the closest I could get to a duplicate and then I told her that I had found the necklace in the couch cushions. To this day, she thinks that I found my necklace from my grandmother, but this is actually version two.
3. Silent Love
My girlfriend of five years has been deaf since she was six years old. She reads lips pretty well, but prefers American Sign Language (ASL). I didn’t know a single sign when I met her, but I could tell right away there was something between us, so I started learning after I got home from our first date. Fast forward a few years, I’m now fluent in ASL and we use it to talk almost exclusively.
When she’s not looking though, I unload my deepest desires. I talk to her even though she can’t hear me or see my lips to read. I tell her how much I love her, how I’m going to marry her someday, how beautiful she is, etc. I’ve even been practicing proposing, so it’s not so terrifying when I actually do it. She has no idea and I plan to keep it that way.
4. The Cat’s Out Of The Bag
My wife's very much a cat person. Once, she picked me up from a friend's house and was driving through town when a cat ran in front of us. We heard a thud underneath the car, she screamed and looked in the rear-view mirror and we saw the cat stagger into a driveway. She was very upset and was convinced it wasn't going to make it.
I told her that the cat clearly ran across the street and is probably fine! She was meeting some friends and I was taking the car home, so she asked if I would check the driveway on my way home to make sure the cat was okay. I said I would. I drove back that way and parked a few houses down and looked in the driveways and there it was...but it didn't look good.
It was lying motionless on the ground. Part of me was thinking I should just go home and say I saw the cat alive, but curiosity got the better of me. I wanted to check to make sure it was still living. The problem was it was a gated house that was also a B&B, so I didn't want to just wander in on someone else’s property. So, I rang the phone number on the sign at the side of the road!
By this stage, I'm thinking that I should have been home long ago, but I was on autopilot and just went with it. The owner answers and I tell him there's a possibly dead cat in his driveway, and asked if I could go in just to check if it’s okay. The guy gives me permission to enter the yard. I told myself that I’m in too far now and have to do it.
I let myself in and walked over and there she is, a big dead cat. Oh no. Well, I thought I’d just tell my wife the cat wasn't there and we can forget about the whole thing. But, the problem was that the owner knows there could be a cat on his property, and when he gets home and sees it lying there, he's got my number and will know I just left it there.
So, I had to decide what to do with the cat. Across the street was a store, so I walked over, bought bags and rubber gloves, made my way back over, and scooped the fluffy corpse into a bag. Then, I walked over to my car carrying this black bag. People are walking past me on the street, smiling, but I'm not fully into it because they don't know what’s in the bag I'm holding.
I don't feel like taking it into my car. So, I Googled vets and there happened to be one not too far away, walking distance. I called and asked them if they dispose of deceased pets and they said they do. So, I made my way down there and told the receptionist that I was just talking to them about pet disposal. She looks at me slightly freaked and nods.
I produced the bag and tell her I have a cat in here. She said to leave it at the back door outside, and charges me 50 quid for the pleasure. I walked back to the car, and sat there for at least half an hour, in silence, trying to process the last hour of my life. I texted my wife and said, “No honey, couldn't find the cat, she must be fine and ran off somewhere safe, see you at home".
5. Free Bling
I never paid for my partner’s engagement ring. I went to a custom jeweler to have her ring made. It’s a beautiful piece, which she loves dearly, and it certainly wasn’t cheap. It was appraised and insured for around $10,000. The jeweler was dealing with a lot of family issues at the time and was incredibly disorganized.
I went to pick up the ring and brought my checkbook to pay for it, and when she handed me the ring, I took it out and asked her who to make the check out to. She said, “Oh no, don’t worry about it right now, just send me a check in the mail"! I thought that was strange, but I agreed. She then hurried off to help another customer and I left.
But, she never told me what the final price was. For the next six months, I texted and called the jeweler asking, “Hey, just tell me what amount to put and I’ll mail you the check"! There was always a reason she couldn’t tell me. But, she said she would text it to me. Her shop was a few hours away from where I live, so it wasn’t feasible to stop by and handle it in person.
I tried for six months, but after that, I stopped calling and texting. I just figured I got the ring for free. I wouldn’t tell my spouse, because I don’t want her to think I took advantage of the situation or that somehow the ring isn’t as meaningful because I didn’t pay for it.
6. We Are All Human
The thing that made me realize that I was in love with her may seem a bit odd. I was taking a shower and after I finished, I walked into the room and she must not have heard me get out. She was laying on her side on the bed with her eyes closed, and she was picking her nose. I didn't want to embarrass her, so I stepped back out and from a distance and asked where I set my clean clothes as I was walking back in (to make it seem like I was just coming in).
She was visibly startled and quickly stopped, but continued to lay there with her eyes closed. I pretended that I saw nothing, but I couldn't help but smile. It was such an innocent and human moment. I have no idea why, but it made me realize right then and there that I loved everything about her. As silly as that moment was, there was a beauty in it, and I cherish that memory.
7. The Night I Can’t Remember
Fifteen years ago, I was put on a new medication that did not mix well with alcohol. I had a party with friends, we decided to go out in town. That's when it all goes black. The next thing I remember was that I woke up in a cell at the station stripped down to my undies. It turns out I took a taxi and instead of going home, I went to my mother's street.
Apparently, I was lucid enough to remember her street, but not her house, and ended up in her neighbor's backyard making enough noise to wake him up. In the end, I got a $400 fine and a tremendous amount of shame.
8. Near-Death Experience
After we were first married, we wanted to buy a house. She was in grad school and I had a public service job. To allow us to afford our first home, I took a job working on offshore rigs. It paid great. I always told her not to worry about me (this was about two months before the horizon disaster). While I was out there, I realized just how horrifying the job really was.
100 miles from shore, there were two fires, one person crushed by a crane, a fatal electrocution, and a high-pressure pipe explosion. One fire was 50 feet from my bunk and I was in the room with the electrocution. Turns out people can pop with enough direct current. I never told her about any of that and don’t think I ever will.
9. Stalker Alert
Every time I get a really huge crush on someone, I literally save hundreds of pictures of them on my computer. They range from celebrities to people I've gone to school with. I haven't gotten rid of a single photo, and this started at least five years ago. Not only that, but every single one of these photos are of girls because usually, I get crushes on girls (I am a girl myself).
In addition to that, I start internet stalking them. Every person I have had a crush on, I at least have their home address or a previous home address along with any various facts about them, ranging from their birthday to the foods they like to the car they drive. Sometimes, it isn't that bad, but other times I compulsively check their Facebook or other social media. But that's not the worst thing I've done.
I'd also drive past someone's house a few times to see if they were there. Not that I would ever do anything, honestly, I wouldn't. I just become obsessed with them or the idea of being with them. It's not like I have any dark fantasies about harming them; it’s quite the opposite. They're just really horrible crushes that have grown to titanic proportions.
The thing I would be most afraid of though is definitely what would happen if my partner found out. How would I explain it to him? I could say: “Oh, by the way, I'm a big creeper and I'm also bisexual, but, oh wait, you definitely weren't supposed to know that".
10. Spy Games
I used his Apple Watch to snoop on his conversations between him and his ex and saw some pretty frustrating things. This hasn't been the first time, and I've used it to snoop on him and a co-worker he was talking to while we were together. I had suspicions about it, and it turns out there was some slight emotional cheating on his part. I never told him the things I saw.
It was hard to be honest about that.
11. In Need Of A Break
Sometimes, I just sit in my car outside work or our apartment for 20 to 30 minutes because I need some time alone. I have my mind full to the brim at work and rarely get time in the house alone. Sometimes, I just need it to be quiet and not have to pay attention to anything!
12. Let Him Win
That I let him win a particular game of Android: Netrunner. We bought the game because it was touted as one of the best two-player board games at the time. We played it several times a week for a few weeks and I won every single game. He always played the corporation and I was always the runner, which was ultimately his choice.
One time, he decided to try a new deck, but remained the corporation. I knew it was my chance to finally let him win. About halfway through the game, I made a deliberate mistake that turned the tide of the game and he went on to win that game for the first and only time. That was the last time we ever played and we later sold it online.
He still brings up that one win sometimes and I know that I can never tell him the truth.
13. Let Me Re-do That
That I re-fold the towels, and re-wash the dishes (or re-load the dishwasher) after she does those things because if I don't, the linen closet will be a wreck and the dishes won’t be clean. We're both 15+ years into our careers and have two kids, and while we don't really care about traditional gender roles, I can tell it bothers her that I do all of the domestic stuff.
She obviously hates spending time cooking and cleaning and rushes through those chores, but when I suggest that she sit and rest while I cook, it upsets her because she's not being a "good wife" So, I just wait until she's not around and re-do it.
14. Losing My Religion
I am no longer a Christian. I had been struggling with my beliefs for a while and decided to live my life like God doesn't exist and see what happened. My mental health immediately got better. I was no longer anxious and depressed because I wasn't meeting the moral standards put on me by Christianity. But, I can never tell my partner.
Our shared faith was the whole basis of our relationship. I proposed after a bible study we both went to. I don't want to share anymore because if they saw this they would probably figure it out. But, I have basically resigned myself to pretending to still believe for the rest of my life.
15. Toilet Clogger
This may seem insignificant, but I can’t bring myself to tell my husband this. I was working at a very high-end health club as a sales manager, and one day I got notice that one of the toilets was clogged. I called maintenance. Well, maintenance called me back to tell me it’s not an easy job and that there must be something down in the pipes.
Two weeks, three massive floods, and hundreds of dollars worth of new piping later, and maintenance takes apart the toilet only to find out that a large brown hair clip had gotten stuck a few inches into the “S” portion of the pipe. It looked unsettlingly familiar. Well, I got to thinking. I’d misplaced my large brown hair clip a couple of weeks earlier.
I noticed my clip’s absence, only because I have incredibly thick hair and that clip was the only one that worked. I’m 99% sure that clip was mine and that the whole ordeal was my fault.
16. Trapped
I feel trapped and as though I have no say in my life. We got pregnant in college and I did not want to keep the baby. My partner wanted to keep it, so we had the baby. If we were going to have the baby, I wanted to live with them, but they did not want to live together unless we were married. I did not want to get married, but we did anyway.
One of my lifelong dreams was to get a doctorate degree, but I was told no. I wanted to move out of state to get away from my horrible family, but was told no. When they said they wanted another baby and I said I did not, we fought and argued until I gave in and now we have another child. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy, too.
We argue about things and my partner would tell me that I said something that I don’t remember saying or that it didn't happen that way. I feel like I'm going crazy. I've started writing down conversations because, at this point, I have no idea if I'm losing my memory from a concussion I had a couple of years ago or if they don't remember what really happened either.
I feel like I have no control over my life and I’m just being told to do things. The homework is split with them doing more than me, as I work full time. But, they tell me all the time about how I don’t do anything around the house. I feel so trapped and depressed I just want to run away but can't do that to my children.
17. Saved My Life
My partner saved my life. He’s a nervous, humble guy who doesn’t like undue pressure or praise, so I keep it to myself just how bad off I was before he showed up. Even in the aftermath of my mom’s passing and in the face of some pretty nasty health problems (which I was just letting slide because I was so depressed), I was very, very good at smiling and being charming.
Three years of taking care of a terminally ill parent taught me how to smile and bear it and fake positivity even when you’re burning out. And I never felt like I could be anything other than the fixer or the reliable one who has everything together. I was not allowed to be negative. But, he came in and helped me with so many things.
He helped me with my mom’s estate and encouraged me to get out of a career that was going nowhere. He also put a stake in the heart of some severely harmful relationships I had and even helped me to budget so I could finally afford health insurance, right when it was needed. And he just kind of did it. In his mind, it was nothing much.
He would say, “You were on the right track, but you had a lot on your plate and needed help". And I would just nod and agree, because what else do I say?
18. Feeling Not So Hot
That I feel really, really unattractive and I'm also sure I have an eating disorder. I feel like I can't control myself and I've been trying harder and harder to not eat at all. I can't even go a full day without binging on something. I use a lot of his behaviors to feed into my low self-esteem. He unintentionally puts me down in the worst ways.
For example, when he's always with his face in the phone, "liking" scantily clad, perfectly beautiful models on Instagram. Or, every time an attractive woman comes on television or walks by, he's always saying how "fine" they are. Or, when he sees a woman with a certain hobby, he says how attractive it is that she's into that.
He doesn't say those things about me. I don't share their body types. I'm overweight, probably due to my daily binges on unhealthy foods that I'm trying desperately to control. I also don't share the hobbies he finds so attractive, though I do have hobbies of my own. I don't say anything to him because I don't want him to feel like it's his fault that I've got whatever mental issues I have.
I don't want him to feel like he can't express himself, but every day, I'm falling apart a little more and what did I do about it this morning? I ate a huge piece of cake to make myself feel better. I'm disgusting.
19. Cue The Compliment
When my girlfriend and I go out to eat at a restaurant, they will sometimes let us order food through our phones at the table. I'll insist on ordering because it lets me write in their "special instructions" box. I typically request that they compliment her outfit. Honestly, I think I get just as much enjoyment seeing her reaction. I can never let her know.
20. Family Drama
My parents split when I was four, and my mom didn't really get over my dad for another ten years or so. They both had some pretty serious issues, and whenever they were together, bad things happened. My dad has always been a cheater, and I knew that growing up. Well, when my dad would drop my younger sister and me off at my mom’s house after his weekend, my mom and him would take off somewhere and get plastered.
They would come back to my house and blast music and head to my mom’s room. This happened from when I was seven to 13 years old. I remember sitting in my room, trying to comfort my baby sister while having to listen to what was going on in the next room. I would get sick to my stomach because of what I knew and what was to come.
In particular, I got upset knowing that he was cheating on his wife at home, my mom was going to come scream at me as soon as he left (what she always did when she drank) and having to hear them moan while I tried to get my sister back to sleep. I remember getting so furious when I was really little, I would just hide, bawling and waiting for her rage.
I began to blame him for turning her into this monster after he left, and when I got older, I would scream at them through the door, threatening to tell his wife. It might not seem like a huge deal now, but I will never forget the feeling I got—panic, rage, disgust and terror all at once. I am engaged to my significant other and we talk about my parents occasionally, but I will never be able to explain all the things my parents did, and how much it affected me growing up.
21. Secret Kids
I have at least three other kids, being happily raised by other men. And they’re all in Texas, somehow, some way. They also all have white parents, and I guess the dads just accept that they had a tanner, dark-haired kid. I’m native, with a hint of Boer (African and Dutch multigenerational mix), lighter skin, but the nose and eyes, etc. are there.
None of them were cheating or anything, I just so happened to have mutual agreement breakups with three different girls who ended up being pregnant and just never had any problems. I’m still very active friends with two, and greatly respect the other. I helped start a youth-focused church with one of them when we were 19! She’s just a very moral and admirable, nice person.
I found out on social media twice, just seeing their kid grow up over the years and said to myself, “Wow, that looks like me… oh, that’s why he popped out seven months after they met each other… huh". It’s nice to see happy healthy families like that though. They’re all wonderful women and I’m sure make excellent mothers. I’m sure they made great choices in fathers as well.
Maybe none of them saw me as any kind of father, just a couple years of casual fun. I get it, no hard feelings. But, yeah, that’s not ever coming up with my current girlfriend. I forget about it most of the time.
22. Depressed
I’ve been so depressed lately. I do not like my job. I have crippling anxiety driving to work every day. I’m in six-figure debt, so I can’t leave. I can’t provide the life my family deserves and it’s only going to get tighter in the coming months. I cry most days. My wife and son are the only things in my life keeping me going. They do make me happy, though it’s a sad-happy because I feel like I’m letting them down.
My wife knows I’m not myself, but I won’t tell her how bad things are. I know it will get better but it’s very hard right now.
23. Who Broke The Towel Rack?
Our cat didn't break the towel rack. I did...and in the most embarrassing way. I was pretending to be fighting zombies and grabbed it and ripped it off the wall. I heard her coming to check out the noise and looked down at my cat. She came into the bathroom and heard me asking my cat, "Why did you think the towel rack could hold your weight? You silly cat"!
24. First Word
The wholesome answer? That our youngest son’s first word wasn't "mama". My partner was having a busy time at work and already felt guilty about not being home as much. Naturally, our son spent most time with me so his first word was "papa". I kept my mouth shut and waited until he said "mama" and celebrated that as his first word.
25. Questionable Past
This is maybe not exactly what the question is looking for, but here goes. I was good friends with my now-wife for four or five years before we eventually got together and fell in love. Back when we were friends, though, I was a pretty heavy user and hid it from most of my friends and family as best I could. We've discussed this generally, but I don't think she realizes the extent to which I was ruining my life back then.
It's still hard for me to talk about. I took money from my parents without their permission, there were repercussions with my job, etc. I'm lucky I never got into serious trouble. Honestly, things turned around when I started dating her because it inspired me to get my life together and I had something to really live for. I've said to her once or twice that getting with her probably "saved my life," but I'm generally very sarcastic and she thought I was being facetious.
I'd like to open up and be more honest about that time in my life, but there's still a lot of guilt and trauma buried inside me and I clam up anytime I think about talking about it.
26. So In Love With You
There has never been a time I thought my spouse was unattractive. Not even once. Whether it be personality, quirks, or even situations that are irritating, I’ve always found him attractive. He's the most handsome man I've ever seen. I'm so lucky I got him (even if he put a little weight on, so have I, so I don't care). But, May 26th, 2022, the day we had our son (his first biological son), he cried.
He cried through the delivery and never once left our son’s side. He fell in love instantly. He's been a doting, loving dad since day one. But, I have never been more attracted to him. It's hard to explain and I know sometimes the rush women get from giving birth is like a high. But, I have been obsessed with watching him take care of our baby.
I'm sure you want to know why I will never tell him, but would tell strangers. It's simple. Watching him dote on our son is my guilty pleasure. He doesn't know because it could ruin the way he is with our son. Sure, he could say it wouldn't change anything, but this is my secret. I have never been more in love with this man.
27. Missing The Single Life
I love my wife but I really miss living alone. I miss ordering takeout without having to debate whether we should cook at home or eat takeout. I miss playing video games literally all day long without having to see if she had other plans. I miss piling up the dishes until I have no more utensils left (at which point, I’d get a helper for two hours to clean the whole house).
I miss coming back from work at 9:00 PM instead of 6:00 PM because nobody is waiting to have dinner with me, so I can just chill with my work friends after hours. I miss waking up at 3:00 AM and deciding to put on a movie on Netflix without worrying I’d wake up anyone. I miss life when I did what I wanted 100% of the time, with no compromises.
28. Biggest Fear
I am terrified that my partner will die because I know I am not really a functional adult outside of my work. I am good for playing with the kids, bringing in a decent income, and making food. However, the idea of single parenting and taking care of everything fills me with an existential dread, which I have a hard time describing.
29. Replacement Ring
My wife lost her wedding band ring. She was devastated and blamed herself for being a careless wife and losing something that was so symbolic. I went and got her another ring made, in the exact way as the first one, then put it somewhere she'd find it. Lo and behold she "found" it in her car. She was so happy. I'll never tell her that she "found" the second ring.
30. Who Ate The Ice Cream?
One time, we had half a container of ice cream left. I had a craving. I ate a bowl, then another. Then, I decided to finish the tub to destroy the evidence. But, I realized she would notice that there was no ice cream left. I knew just what to do. I went to the store, bought another tub, and then ate that one down to the same level. This was a gallon tub.
31. Guilt Trip
I'm disabled. My partner works and brings home the bag. We do get disability pay, so it's still two incomes. I mostly clean, but my health gets in the way a lot. I don't think I can ever tell him just how guilty I feel about my inability to consistently contribute. I hate that my disability and health overshadow everything some days.
He gets home from work, and the minute he sees how sick I feel that day, he drops everything and ignores his own exhaustion to fuss over me. He should be able to come home to a meal cooked and a relaxing night before the next day of work. Sometimes, he does get that, but a lot of times it's just us making food together, cuddling, or gaming rather than me being able to take care of him. I hate it deeply.
32. Sharing The Bed
Whenever she’s not home, I let the dog onto the bed and take a really comfy nap. I set an alarm for an hour and kick the dog off the bed. Then, I clean the fur off before she ever gets home. I’ve been doing this for nearly three years now.
33. Overwhelmed
I need a break. The truth is, I'm drowning and overwhelmed. I'm always "on" and my wife is recovering from a surgery, which requires me to be even more "on" with helping her and making sure the kids are occupied in a way that's not making it harder on her. Then, there's the dog she wanted, but has never put any effort into. Once she's better, I need to absolutely go disappear somewhere for a few days.
As an individual with ADHD, I require time to zone out in order to feel relaxed and it's been weeks since I've had an opportunity to do that for more than a couple of minutes at a time. But, I won't say that because I know she's in pain, constantly exhausted, and just miserable right now.
34. Secret Champion
I'm very, very good at pool, table tennis, and darts. But, when we go out, I have to let her win. Either that, or I avoid playing altogether. She doesn't know yet. Why? Whenever she loses, she holds grudges. It's these weird, subtle, long-time grudges, but only for certain things she likes to excel at, not everything. Definitely a type A thing, right?
I guess this competitiveness and energy is why I like her, but I don't play these games with her.
35. Out Of My League
She’s out of my league in looks, she just got a new job and went from 40% of what I make to 140%. She’s perfect in every way, but I’m terrified I’m going to lose her because I’m just a blue-collar worker. I’m around 40 and have kids from a divorce. Our kids get along like best friends. I honestly couldn’t ask for more.
But, I have nightmares that she’s going to leave me for a fancy doctor or lawyer. I hope she doesn’t.
36. Big Saver
I have $2,000 a month being directly deposited to my own savings account and my partner doesn’t know. The rest of the money I make goes to our joined account. She thinks I don't make enough, and that we’re poor. The reality is that she can't budget and spends poorly. The savings account has gotten quite large in the past five years.
I'm terrified for something to happen where I need to dip into it. Then, she may ask where I got it and why I've been hiding it.
37. Sandwich Stash
Bless her, she makes me lunch everyday. I will never tell her that I go shopping so that I have all the necessary sandwich-making material at work because she never packs enough. I've suggested adding more to lunch, but nothing really comes of it. I love that she puts the effort into preparing me lunch every morning and I wouldn't jeopardize losing that because of my sandwich stash.
38. Streaming Fantasies
When I play video games and my wife isn’t here, I narrate my actions and respond to fake questions from a non-existent chat like I’m some kind of big-shot streamer. I even look at a fake camera when something happens.
39. Aquarium Detour
My nieces don’t like the aquarium. I just constantly took them there because I thought my now girlfriend, who works there, was pretty. I thought that if she saw me constantly taking them there, it’d lead to us talking.
40. Secret Writer
I write fanfiction and am a prolific writer for one specific fandom. I don’t write smut or even really romance, but I do engage in other very dark topics that I feel like my boyfriend (who hates reading) would probably give me side-eye if he knew.
41. That Beverage Is Actually Gross
Anytime my partner goes to the shop, he buys me a certain beverage that he thinks I love. I don’t have the heart to tell him I’ve never liked it because he is so proud of himself for finding something I actually like. It’s been going on for two years now.
42. That Cup Has Been Through So Much
I've broken her personalized cup, which her sister got her, three times. I recreated the design on paint and got some screen printing stall at the mall to print it on the cup. Each time, it looks a little bit different.
43. Debate King(s)
I have ridiculously long and complex arguments with myself when no one’s around. One half of me is pretty cool, the other one ‘s kind of a jerk.
44. Dirty Ham
I dropped the cooked holiday ham on the kitchen floor while my wife was at the store. I cleaned that baby off and no one knew a thing.
45. Phony Friends
That I used to pretend to have conversations with people on the phone. I just wanted him to think I had more friends than I really did and that I was cool. Wow, now I sound crazy.
46. I Know What You’re Looking For
That I know the word she’s looking for, but it’s more fun to hear her rattle off increasingly ridiculous, sometimes made-up words instead.
47. Secret Father
I've fathered two children for my first love who is now a lesbian and someone else's wife. We're planning a third child. I meet them at a hotel where I leave my specimen for them to use in a home kit type thing. It has worked well so far, but I haven't told anyone. I get updates and photos and sometimes get to see them. I used to feel guilty, but now I'm quite comfortable with this situation.
48. Sleepy Dog
My girlfriend bought the cutest corgi puppy. Once while she was at work, it was late, and I was preoccupied watching television while this puppy was just doing puppy things in the same room. I took a melatonin capsule to start winding down for bed. I failed to notice where I left the bottle. Time passed, and I eventually looked back at the puppy and saw a bottle chewed up.
I panicked knowing it was the melatonin bottle. I quickly grab it and realized it was empty. I saw the corgi just laying on his stomach watching me. I quickly Googled to see if this was dangerous for dogs, and in general, the results showed that it would be okay as long as it wasn’t the whole bottle. But, it actually nearly was the whole bottle.
For some dumb reason, I kept to myself, hoping nothing bad would happen. I told myself if he got sick by the time she got home, I’d come clean, and we’d do something about it. But, if he survives, then it never happened. The whole night he was just lethargic. I remember waking up in the middle of the night to my girlfriend coddling him like a baby standing up, while his sleepy eyes caught glances at me. My heart sank.
I just prayed he’d be okay. I asked her what was wrong, and she said, “He’s just restless". She was totally unaware of anything that had happened. To this day, she never found out, but our beautiful dog is alive and well. I know it was super irresponsible, and honestly one of the dumbest things that I did. I love our dog so much, and from that day, I told myself never again would I be careless with him.
49. Lighting Up
My wife and I started dating when we were in high school. One time, I was going back from her house late at night and my father-in-law offered to walk me to the bus stop. He casually lit up a cig and even offered me one (but, I declined). A couple of days later, my then-girlfriend told me a beautiful story about when she was a little kid. That's when my heart dropped.
She had asked her father to please stop smoking and he did because he loved her so much. I weighed my options for 0.8 seconds and decided it was not worth calling him out or crushing the image she had of him. I never even considered blackmailing him. Sadly, he passed a few years ago of unrelated issues. And I think I'm going to take this one to my grave.
Telling on him would serve no purpose. And I'm 100% sure that this man loved his daughter very much, and proved it in other ways.
50. My Little Pony, My Not So Little Secret
This is a throwaway because I'm not comfortable letting thousands of strangers on the Internet know this with my main account...even though they already do. I write My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fanfiction. Specifically, shipping stories. For those of you unfamiliar with the terminology, shipping involves taking two (or more) characters and putting them in a romantic relationship.
So, I write about the love lives of pastel cartoon ponies. My longest (and by far most popular) story is over 170,000 words. That’s right, over 170,000 words of ponies confessing feelings for one another and going through all of the trials and tribulations of dating. My wife doesn't know about this, nor does anyone that I know in real life.
There are only two people that I actually talk to on Skype on any sort of regular basis who know, and I only know them because they're authors as well.
Sources: Reddit, ,
