Kids say the darnedest things...well, some of the time. Other times, the most disturbing and creepy statements and questions come out of the mouths of babes, and no one knows that better than parents. Whether it's something muttered softly while drifting off to sleep, or the straight-up chilling question asked deadpan, there's something so truly terrifying about a kid not fully understanding that what they're saying is utterly wrong and bizarre. Prepare for the worst as you read these tales of moments when parents' little dreams suddenly turned into living nightmares.
1. Brotherly Love
My 3-year-old daughter stood next to her newborn brother, looked at him for a while, then turned to me and said, "Daddy, it’s a monster! We should bury it."
2. I’m Scared to Ask What He Thinks Will Happen to Me...
A few weeks ago, I was getting breakfast ready for my 3-year-old when he nonchalantly told me his Grandma fell down the stairs. About an hour later, Grandpa calls us to tell us Grandma had fallen down the stairs. Also last weekend, he said my sister was going to visit the next day. Guess who showed up the next day for a “surprise” visit…
3. The Party is Just Getting Started
My little nephew went through this phase of being absolutely terrified of going to sleep in his room. I babysat a couple of times during this phase—we basically had to sit beside his bed and help him fall asleep, and he'd usually wake up shortly after you left the room and start crying. His reason? "The big dark scary man standing in the corner with red eyes doesn't want me to sleep."
4. Skin and Bones
Once, when my toddler was hugging me, he quietly said “I promise I won’t eat your bones.” Oh, uh... much obliged!"
5. Little Brother Sick
When my cousin was 2 years old, her mom got pregnant again. One day she went to hug her mom's belly and said, "Little brother sick." A few days later she had a miscarriage.
6. Don’t Lose Your Marbles
I freaked my mother and grandmother out when I was about 3. I'd randomly stopped playing with whatever I was playing with (dolls or something) and walked up to them and said "I don't like marbles," and when asked why I'd said "they hurt" and rubbed the side of my head. Mum kissed it, asked if it was better now, and I went back to playing.
It stumped them because when my mother was 10 and her brother was 8, they'd gotten into a fight over a bag of marbles and she'd smacked him around with the bag and he had a big bruise. My uncle (her brother) passed away when I was a few months old, and we had no marbles in the house, at least none that my sister and I were allowed to play with—my sister was about 6 months old, though our brother is around 10 years older than us—choking hazards, etc. It was a creepy, creepy thing to happen.
7. Beware of Tricks, They’re Not Just For Kids Anymore
One time my friend and I were chilling in his garage, and his baby was asleep in his crib inside. He had the baby monitor with him. Suddenly, we hear static from the baby monitor, followed by this really creepy, raspy voice whispering "I'VE COME FOR THE CHILD." Turns out it was just my friend's brother who had walked in the front door of the house (he had a key) and, upon realizing we were out in the garage, thought he'd freak us out a little. It worked.
8. Occam’s Razor
My daughter peed in bed last night; her sister did not, in fact, put on her pajamas and sneak into her bed to pee in an overly convoluted plot to frame her.
9. A Young Acting Prodigy with a Secret Double Life
At bedtime, my two-year-old daughter gets right into bed, snuggles in, closes her eyes, and feigns sleep by making loud and dramatic snoring sounds.
We think it's funny, so we go along with it.
As soon as we're "downstairs," we hear her singing to herself, dancing, playing with her My Little Pony, or flipping through books.
That's why she's always in bed an hour early.
It's also why one of us sits on the top step, just out of sight every night.
It's worth it for the nights she manages not to wake at 4 am from teething. :)
10. Culinary Creep
Playing tea party, little one keeps passing me "cake." I dutifully eat each piece she passes me. "It was poison. You died." Oh, okay then. She then proceeded to "chop me up," mix my chopped parts with some spice in a pot, and then serve the resulting stew to her mother.
11. Changelings
Heard a strange hissing noise at 3:30 am through the monitor and our movement pad went off, walked into the room and he was fast asleep. He proceeded to wake up the next morning and tell me that for the last few sleeps he has, "been picked up and flown to a place in Ireland where his six brothers and sisters live." He's managed to name them and they remain the same each time I ask him about it. Safe to say his mother and I are slightly scared.
12. Double Whammy
My sons were about two and four when their pet goldfish died. I attempted to use the situation as an opportunity to discuss death and mortality. After I finished my explanation, my four-year-old looked up at me with his big, blue eyes and asked, "Mommy, someday, will you die?" My heart filled with love and a little sadness, knowing this was one of those pivotal moments when the first bit of childhood innocence was lost, and I told him yes, someday, mommy will die.
"Good," he said with a totally deadpan expression, and walked out of the room. Later when we were about to flush the fish, he asked if we could eat him instead. I said no, we don't eat pets because we love them, and he said, "When you die, I'm going to eat you."
13. Do I Need to Draw You a Picture to Explain This One?
While changing the sheets in my then 10-year-old (he's now 12) son's bed, when I pulled off the fitted sheet a folded up piece of paper fell out, I picked it up and unfolded it.
Drawings of boobs. Just boobs. Big ones. Small ones. Giant ones, all with little dot nipples, I chuckle and tuck it back in. Then my hand feels more folded papers. I pull one out, expecting to find more boobies, nope, they were dicks. I laugh and put it back with the rest and continue on about my day.
He gets home from school and talks about his day and school life. I ask what he did in free period, and he says "Nothing, just drew and played games with my friends". I tell him I changed and washed his sheets. He stops what he's doing. Looks at me to see if I'm going to say or mention anything about his artwork. When I say nothing more, smiles and says “Thanks, Mom.”
All the while he's going through his back pack's outside pocket, he pulls out 3 folded pieces of paper and shoves them into his pant pockets. Says he going to go change and takes off to his room.
14. Sounds Like a Booby Trap to Me
I once checked the internet history after my son finished using the family iPad. He had searched boobies. I decided to follow his search. It led to a Wikipedia on a type of bird called a blue-footed booby. I wish I could have seen his confused and disappointed look.
15. Feeling Blue
My kid was in the bathtub one night with the bathroom door open and I was puttering around in the next room. She called out and said, "Hey mommy, who was that blue guy who just walked down the hall?" She said he was tall and thin and featureless like "the shape of those men on the bathroom door like at a restaurant." Creeped me out!
16. When Reality and Belief Collide
My almost-2-year-old was in his room chattering to himself before his nap. I was listening to him on the monitor, he was saying things like, "I'm sleeping grandma," "Okay grandma," etc. I went in to try to "reset him" so he'd fall asleep (he did, by the way) and asked who he was talking to. He said, "Grandma."
I asked, "Grammy V?" (my MIL's grandparent name). He said, "No, not Grammy—GRANDMA." I gave him a confused look and he clarified, "Grandma Baba." My mother's name was Barbara. She had been dead for eight years at that point. My son had never heard me refer to her before. I was oddly not freaked out, though it does screw a bit with my Atheist outlook.
17. Maybe It’s Your Clothing Choices?
My six-year-old son, when asked what he wanted to do when he grew up, said, "I think I want to be a fighter pilot, or maybe a funeral worker like daddy." I am a software engineer.
18. Past Life Horrors
This one actually just happened with my four-year-old a week or so ago. I woke up to her laying in the hallway whimpering and crying while still asleep. I woke her up to put her back to bed and asked if she had a bad dream. Barely awake she said "No. I remembered. Before I was born here I was a really bad dog and they made me go to sleep." and then started crying and saying she didn't want to remember it.
When I asked the next morning she said the same thing and got visibly upset again. I even have audio of her starting to tell me the story, getting upset, then changing the topic.
19. Hannibal Lecter Jr.
My son was eating chicken nuggets and he would always eat the breading off it first. He takes a bite of the breading and then says "Oh no! Your face is missing!"
20. Waking Nightmare
My son was two. He was in a pattern of waking us up at about 5:00 am every morning. One morning I took him downstairs and plopped him in front of the TV so I could try to go back to sleep for about 30 minutes on the couch (right by him). I woke up a few minutes later and he was standing in the foyer, pointing into the kitchen, laughing. He then said, "Mommy is floating in the kitchen."
I didn't think much of it...went back to sleep for a bit. About 30 minutes later his mom came downstairs having just woken up, saying she "had one of those weird dreams where she flew out of her body, went downstairs and found herself in the kitchen." Freekay.
21. There’s a Demon in Him
New house, almost no neighbors, live across from a giant cornfield. Husband at work, well after dark. Son, four, and daughter, two, have been in bed for hours. I'm on the main floor, watching TV, they are upstairs sleeping. All of a sudden, I hear this terrifying, high pitched giggling. I can't tell where it's coming from. I run upstairs...daughter in her bed. Son's bed is empty. Dang. Go back, only daughter in daughter's bed. Run to my room, no kid, still this creepy, creepy giggling.
I check the bathroom, the spare room, the closets...I am literally terrified. My kid is gone and all I can hear is this giggling, which the more it happened, the creepier it got. I realized the laughter was coming from the bathroom, so I run back in and check—I whip open the shower curtain, and there is my baby boy, curled into as small of a ball as he can get, laughing hysterically, SOUND ASLEEP. And that was the night we discovered he could sleepwalk.
22. Perched and Petrified
I don't have kids but apparently, this happened when I was about four. I shared a room with my older sister and we had huge closets in our bedroom that were about six feet tall. My mother would wake up in the middle of the night to hear me crying and she'd come in to investigate what was wrong. She then would find me sitting on top of the huge closest, cross-legged and rocking back and forth while crying about; "The big scary man put me up here".
Since my mother was tired from it being the middle of the night and being heavily pregnant she didn't really think about HOW I got up on the closet, but would put me back into bed and comfort me until I fell asleep again. But then my grandmother came to stay with us a few nights and she told my mother that she woke up in the middle of the night because it got suddenly cold and her bedroom door handle was turning.
The door opened but no one was there and then the bathroom door opposite her door opened on its own. She stared out the door for a few minutes not moving because she was in shock and frightened, but then heard me start crying. My mother walked by her room to get to me and of course I was crying about the man putting me up there.
My grandmother told my mum what she experienced and my sister slept with my Gran and I slept with mum for the next couple of weeks after that. It stopped once my brother was born, and to this day I have no idea what really happened.
23. Not Really a Laughing Matter
My cousin's kid when he was around 4 or 5 came into the bathroom as I was straightening my hair. He closed the door, looked at me and said: "I don't want to kill you." Creepy. He's 13 now and whenever I tell him the story he just laughs his ass off.
24. Hungry Little Monster
My 4-year-old son said, "Daddy, I want to drill into your tummy, crawl inside, and eat your dinner." The food was okay, but I didn't think it was worth that much effort.
25. Fair Enough Really
My three-year-old daughter was in the bath playing with her toys with me and laughing. Suddenly her face deadpans, she looks me in the eye, and tells me in a serious little voice, "Mummy, if you bit and ate all my fingers off I wouldn't love you anymore"
26. Sing Me to Sleep
I used to babysit two kids, and they each had a video monitor that picked up sound. I put them to bed and was sitting downstairs doing homework, and I thought they were both asleep because it had been like a half hour since I had put them in bed, and neither kid was shifting around anymore. It was silent except for their breathing through the monitors. It was pitch black outside and the parents wouldn't be home for another couple of hours.
All of a sudden I heard a little kid’s voice singing. I couldn't tell what the voice was saying, but it sounded really creepy. I looked at the monitors, and neither kid had moved. Went up to their rooms and checked on them both. Apparently, the younger one (three-years-old) would sing to himself when he couldn't sleep, and his mom didn't tell me that. He was laying perfectly still singing softly, and I nearly crapped myself when I heard it through the monitor.
27. Back to the Future
When my son was small, I was talking to him about growing potatoes. I described how you bank up the earth around them as they grow, and he said: "I used to do that when I was an old man."
28. Telling It Like It Is
I was explaining to my niece the difference between things that can and can't change about people- she was confused because she'd met a set of three siblings and the eldest wasn't the tallest. So I told her that one day even SHE, an itty bitty 4-year-old, could be taller than me, a big huge grownup. But even if she was taller, I would always be older. She looked me serious as you like and said: "You'll be dead sooner too."
29. A Sophisticated Chain of Lies
My son is four. He still thinks he is invisible when he covers himself with a blanket.
Our whole family has made a pact to act like he is.
Things should be interesting in a few years
30. Afraid of the Dark
"When you turn off the lights, that's when the black circles come. They come down like this (holds his hands in the air above his bed), and they stay for a second, then zoop! they go inside! (slapping the hands to his chest)." Then, barely holding back tears, "I hate it."
31. Abuse in Your Neighborhood
When my daughter was about eight months old I was in her bedroom cleaning while she was playing in her crib. I had her monitor turned down, but when I noticed the red lights moving, signaling noise, I turned it up. I heard, plain as day, a child screaming something along the lines of "I'm sorry, no!! please no!!!" The worst part is that I could actually hear him being hit.
I lived in a heavily populated area of Pittsburgh so there was no telling where this was happening. I grabbed my daughter and ran outside anyway, hoping to hear the child scream from an apartment or house so I could call the police, but I couldn't zero in on it. Such a horrible feeling, not being able to stop this poor child from being beat. I never looked at any of my neighbors the same.
32. Wise Beyond Their Years
When our dog died, without us yet having properly attempted to explain death, our then 2-year-old said, "All her thoughts left her body."
33. The Secret Lives of 4-Year-Olds
When my niece was around 3 or 4 years old, she told me she used to have a baby but it drowned. The baby was called Peanut Butter, but still.
34. Parents, Meet The Evil. The Evil, Parents.
My daughter had some imaginary friends for a couple of years named Dodo, Ghana, and the Evil. They just sort of appeared out of nowhere when she was about 2.5 years old. It started with Dodo and Ghana, then a few months later (she was about 3 at this point) she came up to me and told me with a creepily expressionless face: "The Evil is coming over today" and just walked away.
Turns out, The Evil was actually a pretty nice imaginary friend, she just had an unfortunate name.
35. Who Took the Cookies From the Cookie Jar?
That my five-year-old knows how to get in the Oreo jar every night after bedtime. He grabs one for his little brother and he also checked with me to make sure I don't count the Oreos before I put them in the jar.
36. It’s Important to Know What Toys Your Kids Have
On random nights when my daughter was little, and sometimes in the morning, I would get woken up by a little girl saying "peekaboo..." I would wake up, look at the video monitor, and my daughter would be awake, every single time. Sometimes staring right at the camera. I looked in her room at every toy, tore apart her crib, etc. looking for what could be saying this. I started getting really creeped out as it continued and I couldn't explain it.
About three months later, when my daughter was about nine months, she woke up from a nap, and I started hearing "peekaboo..." repeatedly. WTF. So I ran into her room and my daughter was pushing on this little soft mirror that is attached to her crib wall. Apparently the mirror had a button behind it that when pushed on said this. When she was younger and just kicked around, she would accidentally kick it when she woke up. Face-palm ensued.
37. Anger Issues
When my niece was 3, she covered up my head with a blanket and held it down. I moved my head out where I could see her. She said "You can't come out" and smothered me again. I laughed and said, "Why?" She gritted her teeth and angrily said: "Because I don't want you to."
38. Singing Spirits
I was with my sister, her husband, and their 2-year-old daughter. We were talking about loved ones that had recently passed—my father had died sometime recently. My brother-in-law went and grabbed a picture of his mother, who had died in a car crash when he was six, to show me. When my niece saw the picture though she started laughing.
We asked her what was so funny and she looked at us and said: "that's my special friend who sings to me." I still shiver a bit just thinking about it.
39. Apocalyptic Visions
My niece drew a picture "of a man in her room" that she kept telling her parents about. He had two different colored eyes, and one was grey. When asked why it was grey, she responded: "because he can see the storm coming."
40. “You're Welcome” Would've Been Fine, Son
My son always says odd things. Usually, they're funny but this one threw me for a loop. He is 8. I was telling him how much I love him and thanks for being in my life. He said “I didn't choose this life. I couldn't control how it began. But I can control how it ends.”
41. I Swear I Heard Something Different
My 19-year-old still doesn't swear in front of us. Tells us she doesn't talk like that. She pocket dialed me the other day and I heard her drop some f-bombs. It was hilarious, still haven't told her.
42. Threatening to Spill the Beans
I heard my 10-year-old nephew yelling at his little brothers because they were threatening to tell their mom that he kissed a girl behind the dumpsters at the pool.
43. From Beyond The Grave
My then 3-year-old daughter walked downstairs in the morning and said "Look what I can do!" and she crossed her eyes. I asked her how she learned to do that and she said, "The boy taught me at night"
Me: "What boy?"
Her: "The boy with the glasses.. he did this," and she held her finger up and zoomed it to her nose and crossed her eyes. She said he laughed and laughed.
Not too scary right? Only... that's how my brother taught me to cross my eyes when I was 5 years old. He died when I was 7 years old.
44. Final Destination
We were driving down a dark, snowy highway late one evening—the final stretch of a 16-hour-long road trip. My son, who was around 4 or 5 at the time, was in the back seat and becoming a bit restless. He suddenly covered his face with a blanket and announced loudly, "I don't want to get glass on my face!"
A few moments later, a pick-up truck towing some snowmobiles pulled out in front of a tractor trailer a few cars in front of us and got hit, spinning out into the median. Fortunately, we avoided the accident completely. It was indeed a bit creepy, though, almost as though he predicted there was going to be an accident right in front of us.
45. Just So You Know...
My kid had woken up early so she was watching cartoons next to me in my bed while I tried to wake up. I'd heard a funny sound downstairs earlier that I mentally blamed on the dogs. Then kiddo leans over to me and remarks "Oh, there's a man in the house." AWAKE AWAKE AWAKE! I never found anything and never got any further details from her.
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46. Still Nana’s Room
My mum stayed with us for a few months when my daughter was 3 or 4. When she moved out, the spare room was still called "nanna's room." I asked my daughter to get something upstairs one day, she did and came back to me and said: "Who is that old lady in nanna's room?". Didn't go in that room ever again.
47. Traumatizing Whispers
I was just coming home from work and my two sister-in-laws had been babysitting my one-year-old daughter. They told me they had just laid my daughter down for a nap, then one sat in the living room, and one went to the bathroom. Suddenly the one in the living room heard whispering through the monitor, at the same time the other sister that had been in the bathroom was walking by and heard it from my daughter’s room.
Then my daughter started to freak the heck out, screaming and crying. They, of course, got her the heck out of there, and I walked in the door. Now my house was NOT a big house, and my daughter was always adventurous. After that day she would not so much as get within five feet of her own doorway. We tried to put her to bed that night and the second we shut the door she screamed and cried again, so we allowed her to sleep in our bed.
The next day was the same. Just walking by the doorway to the bathroom freaked her out. Luckily we were moving a few days later to a new house so we moved her crib into our bedroom and she slept perfectly. She still says she doesn't want to go back to the "old scary house" to this day, she is three.
48. That Escalated Quickly
The following is an exchange that took place between me and my neighbor’s kid: "
Hey mister, whatcha doin’!?"
"Bringing in the groceries, dude."
"Can I come inside your house?"
"Oh, nah buddy. I'm busy, and your mom would wonder where you went, I don't think she'd like that too much."
"You mean I really can't?"
"Yeah bud. Sorry. Maybe another time when your mom knows where you're at."
"I... I'm gonna use my gun and put a virus in your brain so that you die!"
"I uh....ya. Alrighty then. Welp, groceries! Bye bye now!"
49. Strange Happenings
Once I was taking a nap on the couch. I was waking up, and just as I'm opening my eyes, I see my 2-year-old son walking toward me with a serious look on his face. He leans in close and whispers, "It happened." He then leaves without another word. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, WHAT HAPPENED??
School of Natural Health Sciences
50. Not What You Want to Hear in That Moment...
When my special needs son was 10 years old, he had to have a very serious surgery. It was an 8-hour procedure and a pretty risky operation. We did not tell him these risks. Right before they wheeled him into surgery, he hugged me and said "Goodbye. Forever..." He made it through and his quality of life was dramatically improved by the surgery. Scariest eight hours of my life though.
51. Thank you for Your Service, Young Man!
My 3-year-old grandson has babbled about plane crashes since he started talking. Early this summer, I was reading him a bedtime story. I pause and look up at him, and he says "Granny, I was a pilot, my plane was the Kitty Hawk. I crashed into the water when they shotted off my wing and shotted off my face." It almost stopped my heart.
He looked so troubled and sad. I told him that he had done his best and I was very proud of him, and that he was only a little boy now and need not worry about that—but that if he needed to talk about it, he could anytime. I just hugged him. I researched and Kitty Hawks were used by almost every country early in WWII. So I guess my grandson was a WWII fighter pilot in his previous life?
52. She Would Grow Up to Be a Great Impressionist
I once heard a deep satanic growling over the baby monitor. Seriously. A deep growling voice speaking unintelligibly, in a menacing tone. Then the sweet baby voice said clearly “Hi dere.” A man was in the baby’s room!! I was at my sister’s house watching a movie while her baby daughter slept. When we heard the man’s evil voice on the monitor we grabbed each other’s hands and rushed up the stairs, my sister pausing to pick up her baseball bat.
Breathing heavily with fear we listened outside the nursery door. The chattering was definitely coming from the baby’s room, evil deep voice and happy baby voice chattering incomprehensibly. Something didn’t make sense, so, being the dumber braver sister, I poked my head quietly around the door. To my relief there was nobody there but the fat adorable baby reaching upward, chatting.
Horrified we stepped into the room only to hear the horrible deep menacing voice again. Gradually it dawned on us that the baby had two voices coming out of her tiny mouth and one was satanic. Was she possessed by demonic forces? We stood over her cot while she smiled up at us happily. "Who are you talking to baby?" My sister asked nervously.
"Daddy!" The baby replied, then made the growly voice again. It seems she was entertaining herself with a made up chat with her beloved daddy. The awful thing was when her father got home and said "hi" in his deep gravelly voice we burst into shrieks of laughter. That baby did a great exaggerated impression of her dad’s voice.
53. I Guess Beggars Can Be Choosers
My mom's cousin’s kid was, and probably still is, the worst. She was like something out of a TV show, stamping her foot and getting her way while her parents scrambled like madmen to ensure that she got everything she wanted. Once, when my Grandpa was very sick, she had to be driven home by my uncle. She point blank refused to get in the car.
When asked why, she said: "My daddy drives a Ferrari. I'm not getting in that thing!" It was just a basic Ford Fiesta. She sat on the floor and screamed. We told her to get in the car. She still wouldn't, so my uncle called her dad. Her dad then drove all the way back from the hospital and picked her up like it was no big deal. She was 6 years old at the time.
54. Revenge
My friends and I grew up in a small town and would occasionally build forts in the fields surrounding the town. We had a cool little area but turned out there were some other kids (three brothers) that had a fort nearby. We would try to sneak up on each other to spy on each other and every once in a while we’d play some mantracker-like game. It was generally good times.
Until their little brother started being a stain. At one point he threw a large rock at my friend which gave him a nice gash, and threw a chunk of dirt at our other friend’s face. Then their dad came out and started yelling at us for some reason. The two other brothers didn’t even try defending their little brat’s actions either.
The next day me and my friend that got hit with the rock showed up earlier, before the other kids got there. The other kids' fort was an old upside down mine cart, and they dug an entrance hole and an exit hole. I had this idea that I thought was brilliant, to take a dump in their entrance (I was 14-15). So I did, it was a perfect turd, not too wet and not dry.
I tossed a little layer of dirt over it to hide it. Then I went back to our fort and we watched and waited. Not too long later we saw them approaching. We were giddy with excitement. The bratty little brother was the first that tried to crawl into the fort, and consequently ended up screaming when his hand smeared the turd. No regrets.
55. Good Luck With That...
A teenager once told me that he was going to feel like he was living in poverty if he made anything less than a million dollars a year. The kid lived in Idaho, wasn't even 20 yet, and had never worked a day in his life.
56. Lightsabers Bring out the Real You
We moved into a newly built neighborhood when I was 10, so everyone there had just moved in within about a year. There were a handful of us that were the same age, so we were all trying to make friends with each other at the same time. All of us were on the low end of middle class except for one kid, who was the youngest in his family and his dad had just gotten a 7-figure dismemberment settlement from an accident.
He got whatever he wanted from that point forward. He would flex on us (even though none of us called it that) whenever he could and ended up being one of the worst bullies I had growing up. But one time when we were 11, Attack of the Clones was about to come out and we were all hyped about buying toy lightsabers and fighting with them.
Four or five of us were playing in my house's unfinished basement, and Spoiled Kid kept bragging about his more-expensive lightsaber and how it would destroy ours in a fight, while sitting on the side and not actually fighting anyone. We all got sick of it and called him out on it, and he came in to fight me and my $9 Qui-Gon saber.
10 seconds in, I accidentally hit his fingers (which happened constantly in these fights) and he immediately started screaming and crying. The rest of us got silent, shocked at how much he was overreacting. He threw his saber across the room and ran out of the house. He kept being a garbage pile until we both graduated and moved away, but for a long while, no one would let him forget what a whiny baby he was at lightsaber fighting.
57. There’s No Place Like Home
One student at university drove a brand new Jaguar and lived off-campus in an elegant house, with a housekeeper and cook provided by his parents. It was as if he were "granting an audience" to faculty and staff by his presence.
58. Those Don’t Count!
A kid at my school was constantly saying things like “Ughh, my parents suck, they never get me anything!” Meanwhile, she went to Malibu over the winter break, and got both a MacBook and an iPhone XR for Christmas.
59. You Passed the Test With Flying Colors, Mom
One time I wouldn’t give my daughter a push on the swing because she was whining instead of asking. She knows we don’t listen to whining but her grandpa was there so she was testing me. When she figured out I really wasn’t going to do it, she grabbed the rope from the swing and flung the swing at me. It missed me, came back and smacked her right in the face.
I’m sure it hurt too because it was a board with a rope through the middle. Not that I’m happy that my kid was hurt over it but I taught her about karma that day.
60. The Road Less Traveled
My cousin’s daughter used to smash and break things as a way of "punishing" her parents when she didn't get her way. She got a brand new car when she was 15 years old, despite not even being able to learn to drive until you're 17 where we live. She got it just because she wanted it. She then decided that she wanted to take the car for a road trip with her friends, and she told her dad she would accuse him of molesting her if he didn't pay for all the trip expenses.
61. Bossy Pants
I think I was around 9 or so and I made "friends" with another kid down the road. It was his grandparents' place and he visited a lot. If I remember correctly we met through baseball. He was incredibly overweight and bossy. He always made the rules of the games we played and would throw major tantrums if I objected.
For instance, while playing with action figures, I had the toy do some cool flips. He went crazy saying how it needed to be realistic...the first time I visited his house I was blown away by the volume of toys he had. Growing up fairly poor I was accustomed to having maybe one cool toy. He had all the PlayStation games and a huge collection of anime on VHS.
Not surprisingly, his parents were overweight as well and would make very dense dinners that would take me 2 days to recover from. Eventually during one sleepover he wanted to play wrestle. Didn't take but a second to know how bad of an idea that was, him being 100 lbs+, especially since he wanted us to be shirtless (???).
I refused and he cried telling me to take my shirt off and to wrestle. I remember walking out and asking his mom for a ride home. She just gave me the look of "I understand." 2 days later he shows up at my house asking for me to come out. My brother told him I wasn't home as I walk by the kitchen. He flipped his lid and that was the last I heard of him.
62. Eating His Words
An ex-friend of mine was given a puppy at his seventh birthday party. He publicly threw a tantrum because he didn't like the breed. Thankfully, the puppy was given to his aunt and the little brat was told he would never receive another pet. Cue epic tantrum saying he changed his mind. Nope. Didn't work.
63. A Serious Case of Eating Your Words
On the first day of a two-week vacation, I saw my spoiled 10-year-old cousin tell his mother, his older female cousin, his aunt, and his grandmother that he wasn't going to clear his place or rinse his dishes because "that's women's work." For the rest of that two-week vacation, nobody had to lift a finger to clear a plate, rinse a dish or wash a pot because it was his job.
At times there were over a dozen of us there.
64. Modeling Excellent Behavior
A former friend of mine decided that she wanted to be a model, so her parents paid for modeling school and dozens of photo shoots. She wasn't ugly, but she was definitely not model material. She would brag to everyone that she was a model and talk about having another gig or photo shoot, when in reality it was paid for by her parents to keep her happy.
65. Scouting out the Animals
Boy Scout camp out in Utah (when Boy Scouts were pretty much run by the Mormon Church). A porcupine walked through our camp and this spoiled rich kid got a stick and chased it up a tree. We all told him to stop. He wouldn't listen. Scout leaders were off doing God knows what at the time. So this porcupine is up the tree and now the spoiled weenie wants to shoot hard candy at it with his wrist rocket.
He can't get a clear shot so he climbs up the tree and sits on a branch under the porcupine. Shoots a hard candy at the porcupine and hits it, hard. It was right then that he learned that when a treed porcupine feels threatened, it just lets go and lets the quills break the fall. The big porcupine fell right onto the spoiled kid's shoulder, bounced off, hit his thigh and then landed on the ground.
It waddled away and we just laughed at the now howling spoiled kid. One of the scout leaders had to drive the kid to an emergency room. I hope he caught hell for not supervising too.
66. The Proof Is in the Pudding
Years ago, a student of mine was bragging about all the extravagant Christmas gifts he had received that year. If he was to be believed, he received some "15 games per system." Based on his grades that semester, I believe that he likely did.
67. Silence is Golden
At about 3 AM, I wake up to find my 6-year-old son just standing next to my side of the bed, staring at me motionless. It was a very tense moment up to the point when I finally asked him very easily "You ok, son??" He then came back with "I can’t sleep," but I still wonder how long he stood there before I woke up…
68. Scaredy Cat
When I was about 3 years old we had a cat that had stillborn kittens. I asked my father if we could make crosses for them, which he did. As he was making them, I asked: "Aren't those too small?" He said, "What do you mean?" I replied, "Aren't we going to nail them to them?" After several moments of silence, he said: "We're not going to do that." "Oh."
69. You Can Take the Boy Out of the Helicopter, But You Can’t Take the Helicopter Out of the Boy
I was asking my 3-year-old if he remembered being born, then I got to asking him if he remembered what happened before he was born. Without missing a beat or any prompting from me other than the question, he goes "I was in a helicopter that goes round and round and round then BOOM into the ground!"
70. I’m a Rocket Man
I was sitting with a kid once near a campfire and he seemed to be lost in thoughts. I asked what he is thinking about. This 6-year-old said: "I wish I was high up in space and the whole world was on fire. That would be beautiful."
71. Background Check
"Mommy, will you ever hurt me with a knife?" my infant asked. Obviously, I told her no. She followed up with, "Okay, good. I know some moms do that!" She was 3 years old when this happened. She had never seen videos or anything that showed child abuse, so I'm not sure how she was aware that some parents hurt their kids. She’s also never been abused by anyone.
72. Just a Little PSA
I was on a bus recently and we were stopped outside a walk-in clinic. A little girl in the seat in front of me turned around and said, "Death is the poor man's doctor." And that was that!
73. Planning for the Future
My 3-year-old son said, "Next time I'm a baby, I want to have green eyes." I asked him if he had been a different baby before being who he currently is, and he squinted his eyes, looked at me like I was an idiot, and said, "Yes, papa."
74. Skin in the Game
I was sound asleep, and at around 6 AM I was woken up by my 4-year-old daughter’s face just inches away from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, "I want to peel all your skin off." The backstory here is I had been sunburned the previous week and was starting to peel. In my sleep-addled state, however, it was pretty terrifying for a few seconds.
I didn't know if I was dreaming, or what was going on.
75. Say Cheese!
My niece was about 4 years old when I heard her laughing in my room. I walked in and asked her what she was doing. She said, "Chucky says if you stick your fingers in your eyes they come out of your mouth." Then she told me Chucky lived underground. Still gives me chills.
76. Just Making Conversation
My oldest kept talking in his bed, even hours past bedtime. When we asked him who he was talking to, he said he was talking to the floating white lady. I don't remember the description he gave us, but what I DO remember is kid #3 doing the same exact routine, 8 years later…
77. Something to Remember You By
My son has made so many comments about his plans of keeping my body when I die, I've considered specifically putting info into the will to make sure it doesn't ever happen.
78. Breaking News!
When my son was 3 years old, he had an existential crisis. He had just discovered death and, every night as I was going to sleep, he would fixate on the fact that everyone is going to die. Despite being a lifelong atheist, I found myself talking to him about heaven, just hoping something would reassure him and make him worry less and maybe go to sleep for a few hours.
But this nightly anxiety attack over the inevitability of death went on for months. One night, I've calmed him down and he's quiet for a long time. I think he's finally asleep and I'm about to tiptoe out of the room, when loud and clear he screams out: "MAMA WILL DIE TOMORROW!!" I knew this was just his latest bout of worry, but he said it with such conviction I spent the whole next day holding my breath. Maybe he knew something I didn't!
79. Considerate of Everyone, Even If They Don’t Exist
When I was 3 years old, we moved into a new home. We were eating dinner in our big, somewhat creepy new house when I apparently stopped and stared at the ceiling. My parents ask if everything's okay. I shush them and reply "We have to be quiet. We don't want to wake up Marcus." Well, we don't know any Marcus—so my parents silently freak out thinking maybe I saw a "ghost" or something.
Long story short, when I used to visit my uncle’s place back then, he would tell me to stay quiet cause his neighbor (Marcus) lived above them, so I guess I just assumed every unfamiliar house had a Marcus of its own. Definitely spooked my parents good though!
80. Future New York Times Bestseller
When my oldest daughter was in kindergarten, she wrote and illustrated her first book—titled “I Hope You Die in a Fire.”
81. I’m Drawing a Blank
I was driving home my 3-year-old son, totally quiet, him just staring out the window...until he randomly asks "Hey dad, remember that time we all died in a fire?"
82. I Think It’s Time for “Bye Bye Bye”!
My toddler went through a phase where she would just constantly say “Hi” to things. "Hi hi hi hi hi hi," all day long. One day, it came out sounding more like "Die die die die die." So I ask her, "What's that you're saying?" And she turns to face me and just whispers "Diiiieeeeeee......."
83. Chairy On Top
I heard my 1-year-old's high chair move even though nobody was near it. I asked my 3-year-old, "What was that?" and he said while pointing to the chair, "What is SHE doing here!?"
84. Trouble Down Under
My kid's Catholic school is over 100 years old. There is a basement under the gym that's used for storage. I was subbing once and, during recess, one of the kickballs rolled down the stairs. A little girl was standing at the top of the stairs yelling "Just throw it up to me." I went over and asked who she was talking to and she replied "That big man at the bottom of the stairs!"
I went down and there was nobody there. There was no other way in and hardly anyone ever even went down there. I asked some of the other kids if they have seen the man before and they said: "Yes, but Sister told us not to talk to him." I asked them to describe this "sister" and they described a nun. There haven't been nuns at the school in 40 years...
85. Poor Word Choice Much?
My 4-year-old son had a habit of announcing when he had to use the bathroom. He would say "I gotta go potty." One time, he makes his business known and heads off toward the bathroom. He returns seconds later and says "There's already someone in the bathroom." Now, I do know for a fact that it's just the two of us home—so the hair stands up on my neck.
I ask him, "What do you mean?" He repeats, "There's already someone in the bathroom." So I grab the biggest knife I can find and tell him to stay here. I walk to the bathroom, take a wide angle to see in. Nobody in sight. Slowly and quietly, I walk toward the shower and pull back the curtain. Nothing. By now, my son has walked around the corner and I ask him "Where did you see the person?"
He points to the unflushed toilet and says "See, someone’s already here." His big brother didn't flush the toilet…
86. You’re Scaring Me!
When my son was about 5 years old, he started having night terrors. Eyes wide open, he would stare into an abyss of his own invention and scream with the chilling ferocity of hell itself. I would hold him and rock his rigid little body until he loosened back to sweaty deep sleep. What I never told my husband or the pediatrician, or even my mother, was that I was afraid of him during those nighttime bouts of what looked and felt like nothing less than possession. I was afraid of my own sweet child and wanted to run away.
87. He Knows Too Much
I pulled out a wad of money one day. My little kid promptly yelled “STRIPPERS!!!” Not sure who taught him that…
88. Next Time Stick to Sesame Street
Me when I was a kid: "Mommy, look what I learned!" *Inserts tongue into mom’s mouth during goodnight kiss.* "I learned it from a movie! It means you love someone!" Mom calmly gets up without saying a word and walks to her room. I still cringe pretty damn hard whenever I remember doing that.
89. Devil in Disguise
He started refusing to go downstairs, saying there was an evil “angel man” down there that wanted to hurt the whole family. He consistently drew the same picture of said angel man too. Who knows what that was really about…
90. Evil Laugh
It’s one in the morning. I’m fast asleep with my wife in the living room reading. All of the sudden, the baby monitor is blaring my 16-month-old son’s laughter into my ear. So I jump up, run into his room, and he’s standing in his crib pointing at the corner of the room and giggling hysterically. I just stared at him for a few seconds before I grabbed him and put him in bed with me.
91. The Sky’s the Limit
I have twin daughters. One day while playing outside, one looked up at the sky and said, "The sky is cracked, and it’s on fire!" My other daughter looked up and said, "Yes, the people are screaming!" Then they went back to playing with dolls. Fingers crossed they're not predicting the future, everybody!
92. The Silence of the Bunnies
My oldest daughter occasionally sleepwalks. A few weeks ago, she came out of her room and entered the living room where me and the wife were watching TV. I asked her what was wrong and all she said was “The rabbits won't stop screaming.” Then she turned around and went back to her room. Not gonna lie, it creeped us out…
93. How Do You Say “What the Heck” in French?
The flat we live in belonged to my husband's grandmother, who died long before I was ever in the picture. He was 18 years old when she died and instead of selling it, he just moved in with some of his buddies, then I moved in, and then, later on, they moved out. My son will often talk to himself, mostly babbling while he's playing alone but sometimes in full on conversations.
We're also trying to teach him English—so if he says something in French, I'll ask him to repeat it in English for me. One day, he announces: "Grandma doesn't like it when I speak English. She says it's an ugly language." I just sort of laughed it off, and my husband asked him if she had a problem with mommy's accent. "No, she said Americans you can understand at least, not like when you had that friend from Liverpool stay here."
There was a Scouser (a guy from Liverpool) that lived with them for a few weeks when it was him and his roommates, some friend of a friend who was looking for a flat. I didn't even know about the guy, and there's no way my son would.
94. I'd Rather You Didn't
My six-year-old daughter was in the passenger seat a few days ago and looked at me and said, "Dad, when I'm seven I'm going to kill you. No wait, when I'm eight." I asked, "How are you going to do that?" She smiled and said, "I'm gonna drive over your head with this car."
Shutterstock/Getty images
95. Frighteningly Accurate
My dad watched his mother die of a ruptured gallbladder when he was 12 and still remembers it vividly. My sister, one day, randomly gets up almost an hour after she's gone to bed and goes up to him. The conversation went like this:
Sister: Daddy, your mommy died in a red sweater, jeans, sneakers and with her hair in a ponytail, right? And her hair was blonde?
Dad: Drops book he's reading and stares, wide-eyed, and then says Yes...
Sister: What color were her eyes?
Dad: Blue... why?
Sister: Oh, she doesn't have them anymore, just empty sockets. I was curious.
And she goes right back to bed.
Lspro Intertek
96. Friend Bear
Okay, so my daughter is now almost two and has long since moved into her own room. We have one of those video monitor things where you can see/hear the baby on this little TV thing or you can turn the picture off and just get sound. So one night maybe a month ago I'm sitting in bed, scrolling through Reddit or something, and I start hearing my daughter babbling to herself. Now, it's really late, like one or two in the morning. Much later than she is ever awake unless something is wrong and she is sick or cutting a tooth or something.
So I turn the picture on the monitor on and see her standing up in her crib facing sort of diagonally away from the camera. I can see her hands in front of her but only like half of her face. Now is a good time to mention that we have been teaching her ASL since she was about three months old, and she has been responding and conversing in sign since about ten months. I can see her signing things like "nice," "silly," and "fun" and, oddly enough, "no," "don't like" and "bear." Of course being the good and loving mother I am (and really not wanting to deal with an overly sleepy baby in the morning) I get up to see what the heck she is doing.
When I get to her room she is still standing up and signing/babbling towards the far corner of her room. I ask her what she is doing and who she is talking to and she signs/says (as best as she can) "friend" which she does with her whole hands and not just her index fingers and signs "bear" again. I tell her that no, see Bear (who is actually one of her stuffed toys) is in bed behind her not in the corner of the room but she just giggles at me and signs/says "silly" and "mommy."
I can see she is wide awake so I sit down in the rocker next to her bed and try to figure out what woke her up but all she will tell me is "friend" and "bear" and occasionally duck down like she is hiding and making shhh noises. I finally get fed up and ask her who Friend Bear is and her response literally gave me chills because she doesn't speak well yet but she managed to say, very clearly and with the most serious face a 20-month-old can pull off, "No name, no name, shhhhh."
Well now I am well and truly freaked out so I tell her to ask "No Name Friend Bear" to go home because it is too late to play and I did what any good loving mother would do. I gave her a pacifier, went back to my room, turned off the monitor entirely and hid under the covers in my room where my good and loving husband would protect me from nameless invisible bears.
97. To Each Their Own
My son had a pet caterpillar that he let walk all over his private area and got an allergic reaction. He said it happened in the middle of the night when he was sleeping but we know it happened because he liked it. Sigh.
98. Convenient Timing for a New Interest
My two adult daughters suddenly and simultaneously became interested in old family photos. Particularly of themselves at various stages of childhood.
Turns out they'd both decided they wanted to make extra money selling their eggs but they needed to include a portfolio of pictures with their application form.
99. Bookworm
I gave my nephew some books as a gift. He said "Oh man, are you kidding me?" and threw them on the floor.
100. The Only Way to Travel
My friend’s kid was in a stroller until he was 5 years old because he couldn’t be trusted not to run off into traffic when they were out in public. If only life for the rest of us was as simple as being chauffeured around wherever you want to go without even having to move a muscle.
101. Making Amends
A girl at my high school constantly whined and complained because her parents refused to move out of the master suite of their mansion. She felt that she deserved it, because the attached walk-in closet and bathroom were bigger than hers. To reconcile this, she had her parents pay to redecorate her room every single year.
Pixabay
102. Keep On Truckin’
There was a kid in my brother’s grade whose parents bought him a brand new Dodge. He blew the engine of his truck within a week. So, his dad just bought him a brand new Ford to replace it—oh, and paid to have the Dodge fixed. This kid got over $100,000 worth of trucks within just a few short weeks.
103. Them’s Fightin’ Words
I know my four-year-old trash talks me to her stuffed animals when I send her to her room. I know she's not really sleeping when she starts jumping all over the room screaming "RUN PUPPY!! THE SHARK IS COMING!!" in the middle of the night. I also know she's drawing pictures on the bottom of the table when no one is looking.
104. Empty Threats
My husband and I moved to a new city and spent a lot of time with his gal pal from high school. She had a toddler son who was absolutely atrocious. She threatened him with punishment all of the time for his behavior, but never followed through. We would often meet her for dinner—where he would throw a tantrum, and she’d say, “If you keep acting like that, we’re leaving.” He kept acting up but she never left with him.
Wikimedia Commons Mindaugas Danys
105. Pinch Parent
I was seated next to a Texan once on a flight, with an entire family behind us. The 9-year-old kid, who was seated directly behind him, would not stop kicking and pushing the seat as if nobody else mattered or even existed. After a while, the Texan turns around, looks right at the kid, and says, "You keep kicking my seat kid, and we're gonna have problems".
Kid stares at him blankly for a second, and the Texan continues "You understand what I'm saying? Keep your feet off my damn seat or I'll beat you to smithereens". He stares him down for a full 10 seconds. Never looked at the parents once, and the kid looked petrified. It was clearly the first time he had ever been talked back to, and he didn’t know how to react.
The Texan then turns back around, looks at me, and winks. It was pretty classic. The parents never said a thing, and the kid was like a mummy for the rest of the flight.
106. Family Planning
One classmate’s mom and step-dad literally asked her for permission to have a child together. She told them no because she wanted to be an only child. They listened.
107. If You Can’t Join ‘Em, Beat ‘Em!
A girl at my college who had always been extremely spoiled wanted to be the perfect sorority girl that she had always imagined she would become. Therefore, she demanded that her boyfriend step it up and she began trying to mold him into a typical ‘frat bro.’ She changed his hair and clothes and made him rush tons of frats.
When he didn't get into any, she had her rich parents help fund the start of a new fraternity on campus. I still don't think it's an officially recognized fraternity, but they've been trying to get it validated for three years at this point. As if that wasn’t bad enough, she had them declare her the "fraternity sweetheart," and plastered the title all over social media.
Umm, hello? It wasn't even a real fraternity! This is what happens to people who always get what they want, they turn into complete monsters!
108. This Kid Messed With the Wrong Parent
I took my kids to a children’s museum when they were toddlers. There was a specific area for toddlers with a whole grocery store set up. Such is life, there was an 8 or 9 year old kid in the toddler area being a pain in the rear end. He kept taking all of the kids' toys and hoarding all the shopping carts. He would hand out a few pieces of food to the kids but mainly wouldn’t let them touch or play with anything else.
Now, normally I would let my own awesome kid deal with the situation. He doesn’t take crap from anybody. But they started getting into it when this kid got on my son’s nerves, and then the older kid hit my son. Done. I went over to the kid, got right up in his face and said, “No! We do not hit! Get out!” Instant tears, dropped all the toys and left the play area.
His mom caught the tail end of the scene, and tore him a new one. “What is wrong with you?! I can’t turn around for 2 minutes! And then some other parent has to come in and tell you to behave!” Unfortunately too little too late for that one.
109. Taking the Lie for What It’s Worth
I know that my daughter knows that Santa doesn't exist. She still plays me every Christmas for what she wants from Santa.
wall.alphacoders
110. A Serious Effort at Discipline
My nephew (by marriage) is a jerk. I had to drive him once and he kept messing around with the windows, so I locked them. Then he started incessantly pushing my door lock buttons. So I stopped holding back farts and stopped opening the windows. And let me tell ya, this was during a phase in my life where my farts smelled like I might be suffering from some sort of colonic necrosis.
He gagged and sputtered and threatened to throw up. It didn’t matter. I just kept farting. In fact, at a certain point I thought I might crap my pants. I didn’t care. I was willing to do it just to make that little bugger suffer a bit. Take that, Evan.
111. Backpacking
I was a nanny for a kid in the US. One day, she threw the biggest fit over the fact that her parents gave an old backpack of hers away to charity. She had gotten a new one just a month ago. I was so appalled. I usually work with kids who have so little and still don’t act like that. But this one was just a spoiled brat.
112. One Kid’s Loss Is Many Kids’ Gain
I used to work at a women's shelter. Christmas time rolls around and a man and his sour-puss teenaged son come to the door. He says his son would like to donate some items to the kids staying at the shelter. Great! The man and his son start hauling in some expensive items. There was an X-Box, a bunch of games, a flat screen, iPod, cool headset, etc.
Turns out the kid ran his mouth and the Dad made him give everything to the kids. Christmas was pretty cool for our gang that year.
113. Dirty Little Secret
My kid poops in his pants on purpose. I know this because he laughs maniacally when I'm not looking.
114. Monkey See, Monkey Do
I went on a bushwalk in Singapore and there are pretty clear signs around not to feed the monkeys as they can get aggressive. Anyway, there were these two boys around the age of 8 swearing and throwing sticks and rocks at a little monkey in a tree. The dad was standing there laughing and allowing this to go on.
I was about to say something when one of the kids ripped open a bag of skittles and started throwing them. The monkey immediately ran down from the branch and snatched the skittles; at the same moment another three monkeys came out of nowhere, and in an epic display of monkey-justice, swarmed the kids, making them and the dad run away for dear life.
115. Sounds Like A-Hole in One
The last time we hung out with my friends and their kid, we went mini-golfing. Each time one of us hit our ball, he would snatch it and throw it across the course. I wisened up to this and immediately went to pick up my ball for safekeeping right after I hit it. As I was picking it up, he tried to grab it out of my hand and fell over lightly.
He laid on the ground, pounding his fists and crying. His parents looked at me like I was the jerk. We ended up limiting our time with them as a result of the kid’s bad behavior.
116. This Kid Definitely Got What He Deserved
When I was 12 my dad dated a nice lady with a bratty 9-year-old who would talk back to her and refuse to do chores which would then be passed on to me. One day at the dinner table everyone is eating and he goes listen! And rips a tiny fart. His Mom is embarrassed and asks him to stop or go to the bathroom. Instead, he smiles this awful grin and leans in to rip one loose—and accidentally soils himself in the middle of dinner.
His expression of horror was the best thing ever, I died laughing as he ran clutching his butt away from the table.
117. Coffee Break
I was a camp counselor for a while. One week, I was responsible for the granddaughter of a man who owns a big coffee shop. I don’t know how materially spoiled she was, but I was baffled that the kid could not understand that having a rich grandpa does not entitle her to get to use the only working tetherball, alone, whenever she wanted, simply because she demanded it.
I had to have a 10-minute conversation with her during playground time about how, at camp, everyone is equal.
118. Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Will Hurt Me Far More
I waited tables in a breakfast diner a few years back. Two ladies come in and towed one of their kids along, a chubby boy with gold chains and a nice watch (the kid is probably 10-11, for reference). Mom is clearly very tired of dealing with him as he is very demanding, blurts out what he wants before I can say hi, etc. Partway through the meal, he holds up his Sprite cup and shakes it at me, and utters only the word "more!"
Mom looks aghast and chastises him for being rude, to which he begrudgingly apologizes. I shrugged and told him "don't apologize to me, apologize to your mom." Was a little worried when I came back around with his Sprite and saw his salty, hot tears streaming down his chubby face. Mom left me a ten on a 30 dollar bill, however, so I think she was happy with my service.
119. I’d Just Let It Go
"I want to watch Frozen, but only the part where the parents die in a shipwreck."—my kid.
120. Retreat!!
My 3-year-old daughter was going through the monsters under her bed phase. It lasted for weeks, and it was really wearing on her mom and me. One night after mom tried to put her to bed, she tagged me in. After 30 minutes, I grew pretty frustrated. In a last ditch attempt, I promised my daughter that there weren't any monsters under her bed.
She replied, "I know. Now, they're behind you." After that, I let her sleep with us for a week.
121. Trapped Shadow People
I was babysitting my niece once while I was staying at my brother's place and they had the baby camera set up so I could see her on the little TV it came with. I was studying and started dozing off when I heard some whispering and realized it was coming from the monitor. I initially thought it was some feedback or something, but when I looked at the TV there was a dark shadow near her crib.
I have never been more terrified in my life but the shadow was clearly there where it had not been before. I ran to her room and looked around and saw nothing but, I took her the heck out of there. I went back to the TV and the shadow was clearly gone. I told my brother what happened and he pulled me aside and told me not to mention it to my sister-in-law because she'll freak out, but that he had seen that same thing several times now, with the same whispering.
They stayed in that house for about four more years and when my niece was just learning to talk she would tell her mom about her "special friend." This to this day scares the heck out of me. When they moved out, my brother told me my niece had become inconsolably sad because she would miss her "friend." Her mom would tell her she could bring him along but all she would say was that he couldn't leave the house. We have never to this day told her about that darn shadow, and she apparently never saw it.
122. Mama’s Boy
When my oldest son was about 3 years old, he said: "Mommy, I like you better than my fake mommy." Naturally, I asked, "Who's your fake mommy?" He replied "You can't see her. She tucks me in after you do." Okay then…
123. This Kid Took Things One Step Too Far
I worked as an outdoor camp instructor. One week I was on logistics and had to drive the van to pick up kids. I had heard from my friend that one of the kids in his group was a little brat, back chatting, lazy, bullying other kids. When I got to the pickup point, the kids hopped into the van and my mate in shotgun.
My mate Mitch gave me the rundown on the kid. As I started the van up I did a visual check of seatbelts and everyone was good, except for the kid. I asked, he said no. I told him I can't leave until he puts it on. So he did and I started to leave. A minute down the road I heard him unclip his seat belt again so I had to stop the van and ask him again.
He put it back on. This happened one more time. On the third time, I just pulled over, turned the van off. Radioed base and asked for my manager and the overseeing teacher who was his Dean to come up and pick this kid up because he was a danger to the others in the van. That's when this kid started pleading and begging. Told him no. I already made the call. He got sent home. My mate Mitch had one of his best weeks after this kid left.
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