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People Share Their Most Horrific Birthday Memories

Christine Tran

Happy Birthday…to no one, in this case. The anniversary of one’s birth is usually a cause for celebration. To these Redditors, however, birthdays are call-backs to grief, humiliation, or downright terror. Is this special day meant to be shared? How bad can a good gift go wrong? Blow out the candles to these outrageous tales of the worst birthday memories.


1. Driving Me Up the Wall

For my 16th birthday, my mom gave me a brochure about rock climbing. Not a rock climbing gift card or the plans to go rock climbing, just a brochure. I don’t even like rock climbing.

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2. Gotta Hand It To Her

I had recently moved as a child and had a really rough time getting friends. On my first birthday party there, I had three sorta-friends come over to our house. It was the first time I ever had my own friends over. During the “happy birthday” song, my oldest sister came downstairs, shoved her hand into the middle of the cake my mom made, then left.

I don’t remember the consequences or if she even got any, but I remember that sinking feeling of embarrassment and hopelessness. In the years to come, those friends did, in fact, become my best friends for a while.

Delete_the_VOD

3. A Series of Unfortunate Events

My birthday last month. I was pretty depressed. Everyone forgot it was my birthday. I got my period without any pads available, I forgot my lunch at home, and when I texted my friends asking if they still wanted to hang out after I had made some plans with them, it turns out they weren’t able to show up anymore. So, I took a bath, which broke the freaking faucet somehow, and then went to eat some of my birthday cake (made the day prior, and of which I had had only one slice) and discovered my brother had eaten it all.

I know it’s not super deep or anything, but that was a crummy day lol.

EggeLegge

4. Creature Discomforts

I had just turned 11 and had friends over for my birthday party. I brought people upstairs to show them my hamster. I get to her cage, look inside, and she’s dead. Devastating for little me, awkward for all my friends.

therailroadprof

5. You Have the Bank of Dad’s Interest

For my 11th birthday, I got my first camera. My dad took me to Argos to pick one out. He said the limit was £70, but the camera little me wanted was £85; it was this little Canon digital thing. He bought it then just came out with, “Happy birthday J, because that camera was £85, you owe me £15.” He said this in front of all of the staff, and he continued to pester me for the money for another month before my mum found out what was going on and told him to stop.

J-Hvtch

6. Four Is a Crowd

I came home from school when I was like 17 to a birthday cake and balloons, courtesy of my mom. It was just us two, new stepdad, and new stepsister. My stepsister was silent the whole time probably because the attention wasn’t on her (she could be very self-absorbed), and my stepdad seemed to mimic her demeanor because in his eyes she can do no wrong.

My mom was as usual super enthusiastic and great, but my stepsister ruined that moment for me with her joy-sucking attitude and it foreshadowed some of the years to come.

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7. The Unhappiest Time of the Year

When I was little, one of my “friends” literally threw a screaming fit and clung on for dear life when her parents tried to get her out of the car to attend my birthday party. When I was 18 years old, my mum forgot because it was also Easter, then I got stood up by the friends who were supposed to be meeting me at a bar.

There was also one year I’d just moved to a new city, knew nobody, so I took myself to the cinema for a Keanu Reeves film. The projector broke about ten minutes in. Most of my birthdays have ended up being just forgettably mediocre.

morganafiolett

8. Good News, Bad News

My wife was acting suspicious. She was closing windows on her computer whenever I’d glance over, she was keeping secrets, she was being gone at mysterious times. I was worried she was cheating, so I did some snooping. It turns out she was throwing me a surprise birthday party, in my home state with all of my closest friends who I haven’t seen in years!

And also having an affair.

SurpriseThrowaway2

9. Cleanse Your Demons, Keep Your Pals

For me, my worst birthday, by far, was my 23rd. Invited small friend circle only to spend some time at my apartment with food, cake, and drinks…later on we would make a local pub tour. One friend arrived with some booze as present. The two of us spent most time alone because only three hours later, the other invited guests arrived.

The later guests were all drunk—really drunk—but they were all close friends of mine. Nevertheless, all the drunks did was eating the cake and vomit into the bathroom. After they were done with their exorcism, they left due to their conditions. I was left with two friends, who I invited to an all you can drink for free local pub tour.

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10. Like a Phoenix From the Birthday Ashes

My 21st. My girlfriend left me, I got fired, and kicked out of my parent’s house. It was mostly my fault, but it didn’t make it any less bad. My life pretty much fell apart for a while after that. I’m 23 now, almost 24. Thanks to my biological father, an actual social life, and a new circle of friends I wouldn’t trade for any god-damn-thing, I’m doing pretty well nowadays.

Zerachiel_01

11. My Birthday Was a Hit

10th birthday. My mom got a pinata. My best friend was trying to hit the pinata. On his backswing, he clocked me right in the forehead, but on his forward swing, he broke open the pinata. All of my friends saw the candy and immediately rushed to it while I was laying on the ground bleeding with a huge gash right above my eyebrow.

I had to go to the hospital and get five stitches.

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12. A Bleeding Good Time

Had a few bad birthdays when I was younger. On two separate birthdays, I have had relatives pass away just a couple days prior. Those were not fun birthdays. At my 17th birthday party, my mom slipped on a rug and hit her head on the floor. She had to be rushed to the emergency room with blood covering one side of her head.

Fortunately, the last decade or so of birthdays have all been pretty good.

Ersh777

13. Win Some, Lose Some More

My biological father died in a car accident on my second birthday while driving home to the birthday party. Then, on my 16th birthday, my mom and stepfather decided that it was an appropriate time to tell me that they were splitting up.

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14. The High Cost of Celebration

Having a party the night before (to be like YAY happy birthday at midnight) and having my wallet stolen. I spent the entire next day, my birthday canceling my cards and calling my friends to make sure no one had seen it anywhere or has it or know who might have it. As a bonus, my birthday is September 11, so you can imagine how EVERYONE likes to point that out like I had no idea it’s 9/11.

“Hey, your birthday is on 9/11.” Oh, that’s right! I forgot!

Bonkies1

15. With Disappointments Like These, Who Needs Party Guests

I found out that my girlfriend of two and a half years had been cheating on me for seven months with my best friend. She was sitting next to me on her phone when a notification from him came up, which she quickly swiped away. Later she’d left her phone at my house, and after just taking a glance, I knew what had happened.

I had plans to go with my dad to see Megadeth live in concert. This was supposed to be a surprise, but my dad kinda ruined it when he blatantly asked, “Would you prefer floor or balcony seats?” I just found out three days ago, though, that Dave Mustaine, Megadeth’s lead singer, had been diagnosed with throat cancer and that nearly all of their upcoming shows were canceled.

I should mention that these were on my 17th and 18th birthdays respectively.

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16. Party of Five Isn’t so Fun in Real Life

Every birthday I’ve had has been shared with my four siblings, so it’s never really been about me. All of my friends used to talk about how their birthdays were a special day for them, but I never got to celebrate on my birthday, we all waited til summer to have a big party. I shouldn’t complain, having a birthday party for five kids at once is cost effective and easier since we didn’t have a ton of money. Oh well.

parkbeomgyu

17. We Can’t Build Everything

It was probably my first party with friends. I’d like to say I was probably seven, and I was addicted to Legos. I had Ninjago sets that I liked a lot and at the party I let people in my room and I don’t think that I’ll ever forget how devastated I was when I found out they’d destroyed all the sets and built other things with them.

That was the last time I let friends over for my birthday for a while.

Several-Es-in-a-Row

18. Some Branches of the Family Tree Aren’t Worth Saving

My older cousin’s birthday is three days after mine, so my family tends to just skip mine and focus on his. I decided one year to throw a party for my birthday at my house. I paid for all the food and drinks and decorations. Had my mom help me set everything up. Had a bar set up with drinks. Had a buddy of mine DJ. Everyone shows up. Most of them didn’t even bother saying happy birthday to me.

And my aunt (not my cousin’s mom), who didn’t even say anything to me upon arriving, gifted my cousin a two-week trip to Europe, fully paid for, and then made MY ENTIRE PARTY sing Happy Birthday to him and not even acknowledge me. And mind you I threw this party for me because I have always been the outcast of my family and thought hey, if I throw it for myself maybe they will actually be nice to me. And not in a material way. I just wanted some attention from my family who has always shut me out from everything.

Needless to say, I don’t talk to any of them besides maybe once during the holidays and it’s always the obligated, “Hey how you been?” Sometimes life is better when you’re completely alone and accept it.

Wulfscar123

19. A Day of One’s Own

Every. Single. One. The reason was that my uncle, with whom I happened to share a birthday, was an enormous man-child who insisted on having a bigger birthday party than my own. I was his junior by at least 30 years. That’s three decades. Why have a stick measuring contest with someone that much younger than you!? But that’s not even the worst part.

He died a couple years ago. My first “party” was when I was 30 and I insisted on no party. I had one imposed anyway and his granddaughter took it upon herself to proclaim her sexuality to everyone there like it’s a coming out thing. All the while, his widow (my actual blood relative aunt) was crying the whole time and belittling said granddaughter that lives with her!.

This past year, nearly same exact scenario. Next year, who knows? I don’t want to. I’m going to head for the hills when it comes and take my immediate family with me. My wife, my child, myself, no one else. I can’t stand my birthday!

Talks2Self

20. Life’s Beginning, Life’s (Almost) End

My 17th birthday. I was super depressed at that point in my life. My mom had her drunk, abusive, always fighting (now ex-)boyfriend over. All I wanted was just one day without him around. Instead, I locked myself in my room for the entire day (so as to avoid them) and planned my suicide. Kinda ruined birthdays for me forever.

They’re so bittersweet. I used to love them, but now I always remember back to that day. No birthday has ever been that bad since, but they’re not super fun anymore. My 23rd birthday was a few weeks ago and when we were eating my cake, my mom made a scene about how nobody ever does anything for her (which is false). It made me really reflect on how my birthday never really got to be about me.

On a brighter note, I worked in a fourth-grade classroom this year, and my partner teacher threw me this big cupcake dance party for my birthday. All of the kids went crazy, they loved it so much. And I tried to play it cool, but wow, it felt really amazing to be celebrated like that. Never felt anything like it before.

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21. The Real Dystopia is at Home

I was turning 11, I think, and The Hunger Games had just come out. I was obsessed, so I asked my mom for a cake that looked like exactly like the book—with the Mockingjay pin and everything. Well, it was a Sunday, so we had to go to church. I forget what I did, but I misbehaved, and my mom beat the absolute snot out of me.

In the birthday pictures, you can see the bruised eye and I don’t think I’ll show my kids (if I ever have any) those pictures.

smallhugetruths

22. Something Smells Fishy

I worked as a cashier/delivery driver at this Japanese restaurant when I was in college that had this really mean owner named Carol. She was so terrible that we had a revolving door of people quitting after a day of working with her. After a while, she would warm up to you a bit and be a little kinder, but she could still be very difficult most days.

Had been working there around four or five months and she was starting to teach me to make sushi rolls. I wasn’t that great at them and had to take it really slowly to do them right, but it got to the point where if it was slow and we got a simple order she would let me take care of it. It was kind of fun for me and I wanted to learn how to be better, so I didn’t mind.

I was working there on my birthday one year and we get a customer come in for simple avocado rolls, so Carol tells me to handle it while she goes out back and has a cigarette. I take care of it, but after she left, we had a bunch more people walking in asking for rolls, some that I didn’t feel confident enough to make at that point since they involved being topped with fish.

I step out back to see where Carol was, and she was nowhere to be found. Just up and vanished. I had to go back out there and feebly struggle to make the few kinds of rolls that I knew how, while apologizing profusely to the customers explaining that I was just the cashier and had absolutely no idea where the sushi chef was.

About 10-15 minutes later Carol finally comes back and instead of being sorry for stepping out, she yells at me for being too slow in helping the customers out. She apologizes to them for me and quickly makes their orders and at the same time belittling me by saying stuff like, “See that wasn’t so hard.” I was so embarrassed and mad at her; I was so close to quitting that night.

I didn’t speak to her again all night, and she could tell I was upset and asked why I was mad. I told her it was my birthday and she made me feel like complete garbage, which I didn’t appreciate. She laughed and told me to learn to take a joke and then told me to come tomorrow, which was my day off, and she’d make it up to me with a free sushi dinner for me and my girlfriend.

Free sushi was not enough to make up for making me feel so bad on my birthday.

-eDgAR-

23. The Real Pain was With Us the Whole Time

On my 22nd birthday, my housemate’s girlfriend insisted we go out. She kept badgering me about it until I named a local place that was semi-expensive, I also said Chilis. She kept pushing for the more expensive place insisting it was my special day. We got there, she looked at the menus and immediately threw a fit, complaining she couldn’t afford anything. When her boyfriend attempted to buy her meal, she declined him multiple times and refused to share his as a compromise.

For the rest of the night, we ate in silence interrupted by her complaining about hunger pangs and how anyone could afford the place she had insisted we all go to.

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24. No, Everything Is Better Under the Sea

On my 21st birthday, a family friend who is an old lady invited me and my family to a dinner with her and her family, because by the Lunar calendar her birthday was on the same day as mine. Her family and my parents can all speak Cantonese. I cannot. They decided to go to a seafood restaurant. I am allergic to most seafood.

I spent my 21st birthday sitting at a table full of people not saying anything and not eating anything, because I couldn’t do either.

Chroisman

25. When the Stepmother Thinks She’s Cinderella

My fifteenth birthday was on holiday with my bio-dad and step mum, who despised me and my sister. My dad wished me a happy birthday and asked me what I would like to do. Before I could answer, my stepmother insisted she needed a new pair of shoes. I spent my fifteenth birthday sitting quietly in the corner of a shoe shop while somebody who hated me and wanted to alienate me from my father tried on endless pairs of shoes that he would buy for her.

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26. Half in the Bag and a Whole Lot of Trouble

My scumbag half-sister ruins the surprise of a huge party, then ruins the party itself. Backstory: I have a half-sister who is known in the family for being an absolutely horrible person, all day, every day. My other siblings and I, for various reasons, have pretty much alienated her as we’ve grown to adults. We had to.

My 18th birthday was intended to be a huge surprise, one that had been planned by my sister, mother, and grandmother for weeks. Everything perfectly set, down to the T. The eve of my birthday, my half-witted-half-sister over our family dinner explained to me in great detail everything that was planned for my birthday, as if I was supposed to know.

The worst part was, she continued to talk over my family members as they tried everything to shut her up. Huge family fight erupts, leaving my mother and sister crying over their failed surprise. Icing on the cake: On my actual birthday, said half-sister shows up three hours late to the party, after all the “surprise” is over.

Then, as I’m opening presents, decides it’s best to share how she had found a pair of a young girl’s underwear in a sketchy alleyway near her work, and how “she can only imagine the worst.” The uncomfortable vibe couldn’t be broken after that and the party quickly died down.

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27. Felines Aren’t Meant to Fly

When I was five, I had a large birthday party at my house with everyone from my neighborhood and kindergarten class. We had a clown and a bounce house and everything. After the clown performed, we all got in the pool and the next thing I know my dad is yelling at this kid, “Don’t let go of the damn cat.” The kid let go of my brand-new kitten and it went straight up in the air because he tied all of the balloons to its collar.

So, we all watched my kitten get hung and disappear almost 29 years ago. =(

BLACKMACH1NE

28. This Bowl is Super Empty

My birthday is at the very end of January, so it this coincides with the Super Bowl. 16th birthday was going to be a Super Bowl party. Gave out a ton of invites, paper and verbal. Had a bunch of people say they would swing by either for the whole thing or for the first half. Blah Blah Blah. Put out snacks, had the game on the big screen. Only had two people show up, and they didn’t even come inside. They just dropped off a small cake on their way to a different Super Bowl party.

At halftime, I finally gave up hope that anyone else was showing up and told my mom to put the snacks away as I was going to bed.

neckbishop

29. One Birthday and One Funeral

My best friend’s brother died suddenly. She asked me to throw a party to make her forget about it, and she was thankful though I felt bad about it. She shared a room with him, so she stayed with me for three nights and I had to hold her as she cried. After she left, I took down all my birthday cards and refused to open any presents.

After the weekend, someone had a go at me for being selfish. It was pretty awful.

TheButtonQueen

30. Our Happily Birthday Never After

My wife hates going to the movies, so for my birthday one year, she relented and took me to one I had been dying to see. This was all her idea and when she told me what we were doing, I was super excited. As we are pulling up to the theater, she starts guilting me with, “Do you REALLY want to go see this”? and guess what, we didn’t.

Two years ago, she was going to cook my favorite meal for me but put it off until the last minute and so then made some BS excuse about how she had plans to take me and the kids out for dinner. We get all loaded up in the car and she says, “Where do you want to go?” She had no plans. I was pissed but I picked a place, but the wait was too long for her, so we fought, and I ended up eating a bowl of Chex for my birthday dinner.

She will make elaborate plans for anyone and everyone else’s birthday but when it comes to mine, she uses it as an excuse to give me a big Screw You! This post caused our most serious argument to date, we fought all day. It actually helped us both realize some serious problems we have. It was productive and whether or not we stay together or drift apart, we have set that plan in motion now.

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31. Long-Distance Loneliness

I turned 22 in my first year living in Canada. I didn’t have many friends yet, those friends I did have were students and had gone home for the holidays and my family back in NZ either forgot or just didn’t call. I lived alone so I spent the day in bed drinking whiskey and watching TV.

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Lie Stories FactsShutterstock

32. The Real Birthday Gift is Your Health

I spent my 14th birthday in the children’s hospital for anorexia complications. They made me wear a crown all day and gave me a cake that I did not want to eat. My only visitor that day was my mom because my brother had sports and my dad had work stuff. Not a completely awful birthday, but my worst. Also, happy birthday to you! I hope your day gets better and I hope it turns into the most wonderful birthday ever!

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33. Parental Guidance Heavily Advised and Intoxicated

On my ninth birthday, my mum took me and six girls from my class to the cinema. About ten minutes into the movie she says, “Gonna go get another Coke, you guys want anything?” We said no thanks, we’re fine. She doesn’t come back. Movie ends and I can’t find her in the lobby, the bathrooms, outside, anywhere. It’s dark, I’m miles from home with no way of contacting anyone and my friends and I are all really scared.

I ended up going into a toy shop beside the cinema, crying my eyes out and asked the manager to please help me. He calls the guards (Irish cops) and my friends and I get taken back to my house in two squad cars. My stepdad was absolutely horrified to see us coming home like that. I was really upset and in no mood to celebrate. We did the cake and presents routine, and my friends’ parents picked them up soon after.

My mum eventually showed up later that night, drunk as all heck. I didn’t even bother yelling at her; it was a familiar situation and I knew there was no point. I cried myself to sleep that night. Then Monday arrived, and the girls had told everyone in our class what had happened, and nobody would talk to me. I was the most miserable moment of my life.

All their parents found out as well, nobody was allowed to come to my house anymore and I didn’t get invited anywhere either. It remained that way for the next three years of primary school. Kids can be so cruel. Also, my dad died eight days before my fourth birthday, and my granddad died on my 21st.

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34. Princess is in Another Castle

I was really excited for my 19th birthday. I was going to have lunch with my girlfriend, hang out with my friends after, and end the evening with pizza at my parents’ home (as is family tradition; screw cake). The gf’s mum picks me up (no car at the time because I was living with the gf and paying rent) and we go down to her university and she has to pick up some books so we go to the bookstore and she kills two hours in lines and shopping for clothing.

Not all the books were bought, so we went to an off-campus book store. Another hour or so in line. I text my friends and cancel our plans. We then go to the Olive Garden, and she spends the whole time talking to her mum about something that the mum’s most recent boyfriend did. Started chatting up the server and mentioned it was my birthday to her.

SHE wished me a happy birthday. Girlfriend looked at me puzzled. She had forgotten it. It’s now 8 PM and we are driving home. I’m in the backseat and I call my parents and tell them that I’ll be home soon. There’s an accident down the road on the freeway…my parents call me and ask where I am. I tell them to eat without me.

Three hours later, we are out of the traffic jam, and I go to my parents’ home and burst into tears. Broke up with her a few weeks later because she was cheating on me (for months now) and I was still salty about her forgetting my birthday and ruining that day. I hope you have a happy birthday! May it be less awful than my worst.

ButterflyGraveyard

35. Of Fingers and Felines

My cousin got her fingers severed in a door while she was playing hide and seek with my younger brothers. She was behind the door and had her fingers in the crack and someone entered the room, and closed the door shutting her fingers in it. They were able to reattach them, and she is just fine now. I personally hid underneath a table while they took her to the hospital and cleaned up the blood. Five-year-old me was scarred for life.

Fast forward to my 13th birthday. My friends and I went and saw the Chronicles of Narnia for my birthday. My father picked us up after the film was over and we headed back to my house for the sleepover portion of the evening. We are pulling into the driveway and as my dad opens the garage door, we see our cat run across the spot where he is going to pull into. My friend jokingly says, “Hopefully you don’t hit the cat!” Which is followed by laughter.

The car pulls into the driveway and we hear an extra “thud thud” as the van makes its way into its spot. We all look at each other, of course hoping it wasn’t indeed the cat. My two friends who were riding up front get out of the car first and one of them makes a blood curdling scream. He yells, “It WAS the cat!” and my other friend screams, “It’s pancaked!”

I jump out and my father is trying to hide the body from us. He cleaned up the mess and buried her in the backyard while my friends and I all cried in the basement. My mother called each of my friends’ parents explaining what had happened and informing them that their son may be a little sad tomorrow. So, whenever anyone asks me if I have a cat, I say, “Well I did…”

Fingers and Cats beware on the 20th of December.

Mauman92

36. A Ghosting of a Gift

21st birthday. The week leading up to it my (now ex, thank goodness) boyfriend had been ignoring me, typical stuff. So, the day comes, we take a boat ride (not my idea but hey, who cares it’s only my birthday). Naturally after we end up at the bars, working our way back home and surely enough I’m drunk off my ass by the time we get there.

So, seeing this, he decides that now would be a good time to pick a huge argument with me in the middle of the bar, followed by a dramatic exit so he could smoke a cigarette, or so I assumed. It wasn’t until I realized it had been like 20 or so minutes that I walked outside to realize he had left me there.

Yeah. That one definitely takes the cake for me.

Damn_it_Elaine

37. Exchange Your Dad for Store Credit

On my tenth birthday, I received a total of $200 from my friends. My neighbor had those electric pocket rockets that I always wanted for myself. So me and my mom went to the store and finally bought it. But when my dad saw it later that day, he said, “What the freak is this trash?” “Return it NOW!” Eventually, he returned it and kept the money for himself.

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38. Party for None

My mother had just moved us in with our stepdad. It was summer; they met that winter and we moved in in the spring. Yanked us out of our schools and we went to tiny horrible local schools. It was a miserable time and my new stepdad was VERY unpleasant (and it escalated to emotional abuse quickly). I was not allowed to have contact with any of my friends, the friends I grew up with. No email, nothing.

So, they tell me I can have a small birthday party and invite my friends, the ones I miss and grew up with. I’m so excited. They make plans. I make plans. My parents have me clean the entire house and I do it all, happily; I finally felt heard! The day before, after doing yard work, because party, my mum calls me out to the garage and says she’s sorry, but the party won’t be happening.

She’s contacted my friends’ parents and it’s all off. Why?? My stepdad is having a friend to visit that day. On my birthday. I was gutted. The day of? My birthday is not acknowledged beyond a verbal happy bday at breakfast. To the point where when it finally came up during the visit with stepdads’ friend, this friend looked pretty appalled.

He said, “I didn’t know it was your birthday” and seemed so sad and confused. That night, my mum said she and my stepdad were going to a coffee place. I asked to come; maybe a donut? No. “You can stay here, right?” That stupid pleading mom face where they ask your permission not to prioritize you. It sucked. A super sweet 15 lol.

ladyughsalot

39. Dads Aren’t All They’re Cracked Up to Be

I was 15. I was supposed to hang out with my two best friends and go to the movies. My dad, who has never been in my life, showed up and guilt tripped me into coming with him so he could do something with me for my birthday. He promised a dinner and to bring me back so I could hang with my friends. We ended up going to some dudes’ house he lived at, where my dad proceeded to smoke crack and fall asleep.

So, I spent my birthday sad, hungry, and basically babysitting my 39-year-old dad. Screw that guy.

HisManyBadHorses

40. Man of Steel, Skull of Glass

On my tenth birthday, I broke my arm in P.E. from supermanning into the cinder block wall. I might have had a concussion, but when I went down to the nurse, she sent me back to P.E. with an ice pack. Luckily, since it was my birthday, my mom was at the school to eat lunch with me and diagnosed it in two seconds from asking me to hold her car keys and me not being able to. I had gone into shock and was pale as a ghost at this time.

Every year on my birthday, my mom gets a Facebook memory of a picture of me and the nurse, at the hospital, with my arm in a soft cast. Other than breaking my arm, my birthday was pretty good though!

LunaLovegood05

41. Vitamin C for Concussion

So I had this friend over to my house and it was going to be my 13th birthday. Well, my brother, who was 17 at the time, asked me to make him a shake, and I thought it would be funny to mix in all the worst things I could find. It had ketchup, mustard, soy sauce, Hershey’s chocolate syrup, and plenty more. By the end, it was a brown that visually passed for a chocolate shake.

Well, I gave it to him; he took a sip and started gagging. My and my friend think it’s hilarious—until he decides he is gonna beat my butt. Me and my friend take off running into the kitchen where we are all running left and right around an island. My family keeps a centerpiece of apples or oranges or whatever we feel like putting in a fairly large bowl in the center of the island, to which my brother decides he is tired of chasing us and just grabs an orange.

I don’t notice this yet and he launches one at my head, smacking me perfectly in the temple. Orange busts on impact and I got knocked out on the spot. My friend is scared for his life and, at this point, I’ve unconsciously pissed myself. I come to and my mom is losing her mind at my brother, who feels pretty bad now for knocking me out, then embarrassing me in front of a friend on my birthday.

Needless to say, I had a headache that just wouldn’t go away for what felt like forever. We all look back on it now and think it’s pretty funny but my mom still wants to beat my brother’s hide for it. In short: I “pranked” my brother and he knocked me out for it.

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42. First(born) is the Worst

Family forgot my 14th birthday. I quietly told them at the end of the day. My dad yelled at me for not speaking up sooner, while my mom denied she forgot and was just “waiting” for the surprise. The surprise was $10 in a brown sack lunch bag. For context, that same year my sister’s 15th birthday took place in a country club, and she got a brand-new car she wanted even though she couldn’t drive for another year.

I got the last laugh though because I’m 100% independent from my family and happy, while my sister is 39, divorced, and has been living with my parents for the past four years to “save up” although she still spends all her and my parent’s money on designer clothes. Anyway, I have a fine relationship with my family now because I never made a stink about this stuff and just moved on.

I eventually figured out I got the better end of the deal.

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Sources: 1, 2


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