No child is perfect, but some kids are less “perfect” than others. Maybe a parent will be lucky, and their kid’s “monstrous” behavior doesn’t get worse than a few temper tantrums or macabre hobbies—or at the very least, the “brat” phase is just a phase. Unfortunately, not every parent can be so fortunate. Take a time out with these stories about the moment parents realized, “Oh God, I’ve Raised a Monster.”
1. They Grow Up to Be Incapable of Empathy So Fast
I firmly believe my oldest kid is a sociopath. There are lots and lots of things that make me believe it, but since there’s not exactly a black/white test, there’s no way to prove it. Put simply, the kid has no conscience and hasn’t since he was old enough to feel guilt, near as I can tell. He is 30, twice divorced for assaulting his wives and totally ignores his daughters whilst giving everything possible to his son. I blamed myself for years but my younger kids are so different than my oldest, I just don’t know if it’s my fault or not.
2. Pull the Trigger, Piglet
My sister’s older daughter is a saint, but the little kid is a psychopath. My sister and brother-in-law indulge every crazy behavior of hers. One of the worst was last year when one of my sister’s ureters broke and she had to get a tube from her kidney, out of her body and to a bag, while said ureter healed. She was pretty ill and was in the hospital for a bit more than a month.
Anyway, the second night she’s back home, little monster PULLS the tube out of my sister’s kidney, requiring her to get emergency surgery. The kid’s excuse? She KNEW doing that would hurt mommy, but she (my sister) was getting SO MUCH attention from daddy since she got home…attention she (little monster kid) deserves more.
The worst part is that my sister and brother-in-law thought that was cute. The crazy part is that my older niece would have never gotten away with something like that, so I don’t really get why they spoiled the younger one so much. I know she’s my niece, but I just can’t see past those behaviors and like her…she’s six years old.
3. Love or Death
My five-year-old was eating some chocolate, and I told him not to get any on the floor because Sadie, my family’s dog, would eat it.
Him: Then she’ll die?
Him: Mommy, I thought you don’t like Sadie.
Me: Well yeah, I don’t.
Him: And you don’t want her to die???
Me: Well, you can dislike someone, but that doesn’t mean you hate them enough that you want them to die.
Him: Oh. So, it’s okay if you don’t like someone—you don’t have to kill them or anything, right?
Him: Oh. Okay. Thanks Mommy.
Had he just been going around expecting to kill people he doesn’t like all that time? I’ll never know.
4. A Willfully Mistaken Identity
When my kid decided—in the grocery store parking lot—that it would be “fun” to scream “YOU’RE NOT MY MOMMY! WHERE’S MY MOMMY? YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM!” He had this evil smirk on his face as I panicked and tried to explain what could happen if someone heard that. He started yelling it louder. Trust me, he doesn’t get away with stuff.
No, I’m not going to slap him across the face or beat him. He was disciplined. He learned his lesson. I can laugh about it now. He is a mini-me and my parents often remind me that he is karma for all the crap I put them through when I was a kid.
5. That Line Was an Unwelcome Delivery
When I was play arguing with my 7-year-old kid, and she said she wished she was dead like my miscarried baby. Savage and a brat.
6. I Live On Your Tears
Years ago, my wife and I had a very heated argument. Our daughter overhears us and comes into the room just as things hit their peak. My wife rushes into the bathroom crying. I’m left sitting on the bed feeling low, listening to my wife sob on the other side of the door. Our kid looks up at me with a smile and says, “Mommy’s crying” and proceeds to laugh loud enough for mom to hear. And with that, I was in trouble for something entirely new.
7. All for One and None for All
When our 13-year-old kid decided to steal $200 that was hidden in my desk one week before Christmas, he then spent it all in one day on candy and yelled at us for confiscating what was left of it. He also told us it was our fault for leaving money in the house. To confirm that he is a horrible person, he told his mum that he doesn’t like seeing anyone else happy, which is why he broke his one-year-old brother’s things.
8. Little Kid, Big Accusations
My 11-year-old son recently called 9-1-1 and said I slapped him. CPS came, it was a cluster. It was so well orchestrated; he even took a picture of himself with a red mark on his face. I didn’t slap him, and it eventually got debunked although he still won’t admit it. A couple of months later, he told his dad I forced him to make the ol’ dirty 2-finger licking gesture, take a pic and send it to him. He lives with his dad now and isn’t allowed here until I can afford a camera system. Still unclear on a motive.
9. Cut It Out
When I was a teenager, my friend’s kid brother had a ton of psychotic tendencies. A couple of examples I remember is him putting their dog in a cooler and suffocating it because “it was being annoying.” Also, he once ran into my friend’s room, handed me a knife, went to the kitchen and sliced his own arm, and proceeded to tell his parents that I cut him. What is even weirder is that even when they saw me holding a knife, they didn’t believe him for a second. Well, about three years ago he shot his dad, so I’d say he was/is a monster.
10. Say Nope to the Rope
This chilling conversation with my then 4-year-old daughter. “Mommy, do you love me?” I replied, “Of course, my darling! I love you forever and always, no matter what!” Then she said, “Even after I kill (little brother’s name)?” With a sweet as pie smile on her face and serious look in her eye. At the time, she had recently learned to tie knots, and I’d already had to take her jump ropes away as I’d found her with one tied around little brother’s neck, pretending that he was her horsie!
My response to her during that conversation was, “I would still love you, but my heart would also be broken because I love him too and I would be so sad every day if he wasn’t here with us.” I gently asked her things to trigger her talking about what she loved about him and what she was looking forward to being able to teach him when he got a bit older. It ended up being a more positive conversation, despite the chilling start.
11. Duck Off
I have two sons. One is 11 and the other 7. The 7-year-old is…special. Highly intelligent and very social. But also does a lot of deep thinking. Early one Sunday morning, he came up to me, out of the blue, and said: “Dad, how do ducks work?” I was all, “How to what? What? Ducks? Huh?” in a half asleep state. Before I could work out what he wanted to know he said: “I guess if I open one up, I’ll find out?” and walked away.
Honestly, spent a good hour looking for ducks and watched him carefully when he went near the kitchen utensils. Oh yeah, there was also the time when he learned how to float in a pool after watching a documentary about shipwrecks. He could swim but never relax and float on his back. He can now, he just pretends to be a dead body floating away. Thanks, YouTube.
12. Not Every Loot is a Hoot
I had a neighborhood kid babysitting for my little ones after school. She had some other kids over, who got into the liquor cabinet. We told her divorced mom, who very indignantly told us we were lying. About a month later, her dad comes to the house with a bottle of kirschwasser (alcohol used for cooking fondue), a couple of cheap gold necklaces from my wife, a spare key to our house and an old checkbook from a closed bank account. He apologized profusely and I remember him saying “I never thought my kid would be the bad kid in the neighborhood…” It was painful to see.
13. Flowers So Pretty, They’re Smokin’
Not a parent, but an older brother of a kid sibling. He poured paint thinner all over my mom’s flowers one summer after my dad accidentally left it on the deck (we were repainting the deck). I was happier that he didn’t drink it, but it was definitely an “oh my god” moment. She probably spends 100 hours+ and a lot of money gardening every spring/summer, so it was a big deal.
14. One Strike, You’re Out
I watched my kid walk out on the porch, pick up a plastic whiffle bat, look at it, look at his older brother sitting on the porch steps, look back at the bat, and then haul back and crack his brother’s head like Babe Ruth popping one out of the park. I could watch his thought process in 5 seconds time. No hesitation.
15. Throw Them for a Curve
When my kid blithely told me that he wants to play the documentary Under the Curve for his classmates because he is trying to convince them the world is flat. He admits he knows it is not, but he is trying, actively, to CON them into thinking it IS.
16. Will Curiosity Kill the Cat?
My 6-year-old has always had weird interests. She asked me to show her pictures of what’s in our bodies. I showed her diagrams on Google, and she said, “No, I mean inside of a REAL body. Like a dead person.” I showed her some random picture of an arm surgery and she was begging for more. Also, she always asks me to stop so she can look at dead animals on the road.
When my childhood dog died, she tried to sneak and look inside the bag while I was bawling. We’re really pushing for the medical field and not the serial killer field. She has never shown any signs of aggression or desire to hurt people/animals. She is a very sweet child and doesn’t even like it when we kill bugs or cut down the weeds in our yard!
She shows respect for life but is DEFINITELY interested in bodies. I’m not sure she understands what death is or what it means yet I am a science teacher, and my wife is a nurse, so we definitely encourage her interest in science!
17. The Great Escape…for Kids!
Before my son could crawl, he learned how to climb the extra tall baby gate. Before he could walk, he climbed the window sill. Before he could run, he climbed the bunk bed. Before he could open an applesauce container, he learned how to unlock the front door. I’m not sure what moment made me think, “Yep. He’s a monster.” It might have been when I almost witnessed Harambe 2.
I ducked down for ten seconds to tie his sister’s shoe and when I looked up, he had one leg over the barrier ready to go say hello. He’s 2 years old by the way. Or it might have been when I resigned myself to the leash. I brought it home, prepared for the protests. Instead he declared himself a puppy dog, made his siblings play police with him for two hours while he “sniffed out the bad guys” then gleefully showed me how easy it was for him to take the damn thing off. I give up, guys.
18. Mommy’s Little Ambulance Chaser
We had our young cat “fixed” and she just slept and rested all day after coming back from the vet. My 11-year-old son asked very concerned, after watching the cat lying around all day, “Do you think she is sad because she can’t have babies?” Awww…so sweet. My 7-year-old son asked, “So, if she doesn’t recover, would we get a cash settlement?”
19. Sharp for Their Age
Not me but a buddy of mine. He is the most criminal-minded dude I have ever met, but I have always just chalked that up to a rough upbringing (growing up eating dry cat food and raw potatoes from a neighborhood garden, negligent alcoholic mother, constantly moving from place to place). This dude always saw all the angles. He would casually identify and point out criminal acts other people were committing in broad daylight that escaped everyone else’s notice.
He could see malevolent motives in the most banal activities. He sold drugs for years but would also work his ass off to mask his income behind a plausible veneer of legitimacy. Anyways, he and his girlfriend (another friend of mine) ended up having a set of Irish triplets who were super precocious. I was back home visiting once, and he showed me this video from his home security cameras.
It showed these three budding ne’er-do-wells (ages 2-4) coordinating an escape from their bedroom, piling up pillows and assisting one another over the baby gate. They wandered around silently, peeking around corners before making their way to the kitchen to retrieve a butter knife. They then proceeded to the hall closet where their toys were kept and used the butter knife to pry open the latch and get some toys, which they absconded with back to their room.
They played around for about an hour, before doing this all in reverse, covering up their tracks. But because his girlfriend was waking up from her nap, they didn’t replace the butter knife. My buddy said after he saw the video, he checked under the eldest’s bed and found four other knives.
20. The Bank of Baby
Teaching my kid the value of money, we’d give her tuck shop/snack money in the day, and we later found out she was just giving it away not understanding the value of money at all. A few long deep conversations where I hate to admit I became a capitalist poster boy later, and she starts to understand that money has a value, how hard it can be to get, and that it’s even harder to keep.
Fast forward a few weeks later, we run out of milk and I only have my card and no cash on me, plus our local shop will only now accept card purchases over £10.00. I figure I’ll ask my darling angel little girl if I can borrow £1 for milk and pay it back tomorrow. No. No, you can’t have my money daddy. I earned it, and you need to learn responsibility that money doesn’t just fall from the sky and you can’t just go around giving everything away as pretty soon you’ll have nothing. I suck at parenting.
21. One Person’s Furniture is Another Person’s Toilet
At about 15 months old, my daughter was beginning her potty-training phase. She discovered that we liked it when she peed in the potty—to which she immediately decided the potty could be replaced by any container she could find. The next day, she delicately removed all the clothes from her dresser drawer, pulled out the drawer, then sat and peed in said drawer.
I never thought I’d pour pee out of a dresser drawer before. Two months later, she stacked toys on top of her high chair and climbed Mount Dangerous to get to the top of the fridge, where I was keeping a box of red velvet cake mix. She mixed it with water, ate some, decided she didn’t like it, and began to rub it into the carpet…the very white carpet (rental home). She’s 9 now. She’s still nuts.
22. Time Moves Faster at That Age
My wife’s mother died unexpectedly. No disease or anything. My wife was, of course, devastated. The day after, I wake up to hear my wife on the couch, just bawling her eyes out. I walk out to comfort her. Our 10-year-old daughter stops me in the hall. She asked, “Why is mom crying so much?” I said, “Well, her mother just died.” She replied: “But that was yesterday.”
23. Dudgeon Master
Playing Dungeons & Dragons with my 11-year-olds. After knocking out a goblin, they decide to cast spare the dying, which stabilizes them. This was so they could torture him for information. When he gets knocked out again, they would keep stabilizing and reviving him.
24. Laughter is the Best Medicine
When my son was six months old, he had a nasty virus that he gave to me. It was night number two of no sleep and he was crying inconsolably while I tried to rock him to sleep. I was so exhausted and miserable that I started sobbing too. He stopped crying, looked at me, and laughed. My first thought was “Oh good, I’m raising a maniac.” At least he stopped crying.
25. A Bratty Revelation
I have one child. She’s 22 months old and I fear my husband and I have fallen into the trap of what’s easy vs. what’s best. I am a teacher, so it’s just she and I for the summer (during the school year, my sister-in-law watches her, along with my nephew, who is 18 months). I first realized she was a bratty kid and got her way all the time when I signed her up for a weekly ‘ONE IS FUN’ class through our Parks and Rec department.
It involves free play coupled with clean-up and circle time, songs, etc. She is easily the most out of control in the class and throws a F-I-T during any re-direction. This led me to take an inventory of when we just “let it go” and “choose our battles” or “let her explore” and as it turns out, it’s quite often. The list includes, but is not limited to: Bibs—she hates them and throws a huge fit when we try to put them on her. The solution? No more bibs.
Phones—I stopped trying to keep my phone away from her. She throws an enormous fit if I’m on it and don’t give it to her so, guess what? I either put it away or just let her have it. TV—I don’t watch TV or the news during the day like I want. if the TV is on, she breaks down and I either turn if off or put on the educational shows she’s grown to love.
Nothing for me—I am her entertainment committee. If I try to read a book, talk on the phone or do something on the computer, she suddenly NEEDS me—even if she’s playing just fine on her own, she NEEDS me all of a sudden. Do I give in? Heck yes, I do. Her tantrums are nuts. Even as I write out this list it’s clear to me what I need to do. The logical part of my brain says, “Duh, let her throw a fit, she’ll figure it out and life moves on,” while the parental part of me says, “She’s my baby and I hate seeing her upset, is it really that big of a deal? She’ll grow out of it?
26. Daddy, Tear Down This Wall
She broke two baby gates with her bare hands. She destroyed the thing engineered to contain her. It was one of my proudest moments of fatherhood, and one of my wife’s near-heart attack moments of motherhood.
27. Take a Seat, Mommy
Not my kid but my cousin. I had the flu, and I had to watch my other three cousins while my mom was in the shower. We were watching YouTube, and then the little monster dropped his car seat on my head. About a year later he smashed his mom’s favorite CD, because she wouldn’t take him to the park.
28. One Out of Two Ain’t Bad?
I have two kids. The oldest, an 8-year-old female, is absolutely terrible. The youngest, a 6-year-old male, is amazing. I have no idea what happened. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for both of them their entire lives. Last year, my daughter began acting out. It started with tantrums. It has now elevated to name-calling, hitting, and throwing.
Her test scores in school are suffering this year, and I’m not sure she’ll make it out of second grade. Every day, I pick them up from school, we come home, and within minutes it starts. Something will trigger her, and I feel like there’s nothing I can do. Sitting in time out doesn’t work. Today, she sat in timeout for three hours straight.
This started out as a 10-minute punishment. I’m at my wits’ end. I’ve taken toys away, privileges away, everything I can think of. And it’s getting to the point where my son is suffering because of her. If she acts up, we don’t go out. So, to answer your question, I have no idea where it went wrong. I don’t feel like my husband and I have raised the youngest any differently. And it wasn’t always like this.
29. If the Nanny Diaries Were a Horror Movie
I worked as an au pair for a German family for about 10 months last year. The parents had to travel a lot for work, which I knew going into it, though I was told it was not that frequent or for that long, biggest lie they told me. They have three children: a 17-year-old boy, a 15-year-old boy, and an 11-year-old girl. I basically did everything for these kids.
I made their breakfasts, their school lunches, their dinners, did all their laundry, cleaned their rooms, made their beds, helped them with homework, hung out with them, everything. Including the parents’ cleaning and laundry, which I was not supposed to do. Not a big deal, I don’t mind housework and I love cooking. But holy moly, the girl was the worst child I ever experienced in my life, and I had a ton of experience working with kids, especially kids from poor, rough backgrounds.
This girl was incredibly spoiled by her father, like any little girl, and her mother was not usually around. One evening we were playing Rummikub and we all beat her (myself, her brothers, and her dad). She threw a freaking fit. LITERALLY flipped the table, screaming and sobbing, and when her older brother told her to calm down, she freaking lunged at him, grabbed his leg, and bit him and tore off flesh.
SHE TORE FLESH FROM HIS CALF!!!! Then, her father started yelling at her, so she bit him on the arm until he bled. He started screaming at her, at which point she started to sob, and then he comforted her, told her it was okay, and asked if she wanted ice cream. ICE CREAM?!?!? NOPE! If she was my child, or I had authority at that moment she’d be freaking done.
Another time, I was helping my host mother put away the Christmas decorations. The daughter was in a crummy mood as usual and was sitting on the stairs to the basement. They live in a very beautiful modern home, and the stairs are made of concrete and steel. I am carrying a box of Christmas stuff, this demon child stretches out her leg, and trips me down the stairs.
Luckily, I caught myself before I fell, but if I had fallen, I could have seriously been injured. The mother refused to believe that her daughter did that to me and yelled at me for being clumsy and dropping the box. There were also just the usual temper tantrums. Anything would set her off. She’d have friends over and be mad that they got a bigger cookie and start throwing stuff all over the house, throw herself on the floor, and just scream. She was horrible. A side note: The two youngest kids drank hot chocolate out of baby bottles in the morning. Legit baby bottles.
30. More Catty Than Prejudice (Please Read ‘Til the End)
My 4-year-old said she doesn’t like black people. She was really adamant about it…she just kept repeating it and every time, my heart hurt. I have tried very hard to raise her with diversity in her world and culture all around her and openheartedness to everyone in the world. We also live in a racially problematic area (South Carolina, near the old plantations) and I’ve tried to be really mindful of racial issues as I’ve raised her and tried really hard to be intentional about raising her to not have prejudices.
I was devastated when she said this. She kept saying it…”I just don’t like black people at ALL.” I turned my brain over and over trying to determine where I went wrong. I asked her to tell me why she felt like she didn’t like black people. She said they were ugly, which was even more disappointing, of course. Then she pointed at a (white) man across the street and said “See? That guy should wear pink or red.” That’s when I realized “black people” meant “people wearing black shirts.”
31. Make Way for Me
My two-year-old daughter would see a kid in a store playing with something she wanted and say, “Your Mom’s looking for you.” Every time, the other kid would walk away from the toys and she would get to play with them. At 3, we were at a pool with older kids. She told me she wanted the pool to herself. She walked over and asked who was the tallest, because tallest was in charge. The kids jumped out of the pool to measure each other and fight. She got the pool to herself. She’s 9 and sweet now, or she has me believing that anyway.
32. Exit at the Next Parenting Stop
Many years ago, I started working for a guy who was a single dad with two boys, then aged about 11 and 13. The older kid was nice, the younger kid was a problem. Shoplifting, truancy, lying, etc. My boss actually warned me to keep my wallet on my person when he was around. One day, he told me that when the boys were two and four, he and his then-wife were delivering a couple of cars to a city that was a couple of days’ drive away.
They had pulled off the highway into the scrub to sleep for the night. In the morning they found that “someone” had turned on the headlights of one car during the night and the battery was flat. He went out to the highway and eventually flagged down someone who had jumper leads and was willing to drive off into the scrub with a rough-looking stranger.
They got the car started and the guy drove off. He left the car to take a leak and the younger son reached over and turned off the key. He said that was the moment when he realized that he had a problem child. I worked for him for a couple of years and moved on. About 10 years later met him in the street and, while we were talking, asked about the boys.
He told me that they were both living in one of his houses and hadn’t paid rent in months, because they were jobless addicts. He was convinced that the younger one had led the older one into that lifestyle. I had to agree with him.
33. Why Not Feel at Home, Everywhere?
My wife and I had a suspicion that one of our kids was sneaking into our bedroom and taking stuff. With my wife’s consent, and without my kids knowing, we put a camera in our bedroom. We caught my 18-year-old son walking into our bedroom on camera without a stitch of clothing on.
34. Get a Little Lit
The day before Thanksgiving, I’m at the grocery store with my kids who are then six, three and one. Everyone is ready to be done for the day and we have one more stop to make; I need rum to make a cake. The scene: the canned foods aisle where everyone and their dog is jostling for green bean casserole supplies.
My oldest: Can we go home after this?
Me: Almost. After this, we have to go to the liquor store.
My oldest: The liquor store? What’s that?!
Me (as every judgmental biddy turns and looks at the too young woman with way too many kids): It’s a place we need to go and please don’t say that so loud.
My oldest smiles, I can see the wheels turning in her head as she looks me dead in the eye and screams: LIQUOR STORE!!
My middle kid follows her lead and yells: LIQUOR STORE!
So, I just ran with it. “Yep! The liquor store!”
My kids are jerks, and I love them.
35. So Much for Early Detection
I have a cousin who we literally call Satan because he is the evilest creature you could ever encounter. He once said that he wants to kill someone because it would be “fun” to watch the victim struggle while taking their last breath. Let’s call him M. Once, while his mom and I were cleaning their house, M convinced his younger brother (who was 4 years old at the time) to drink a glass of Clorox bleach in one go.
The poor kid took a large gulp of the glass and immediately realized that he shouldn’t have done that. He had to undergo a gastric lavage and suffered from serious burns to his mouth and esophagus all while M was laughing his face off. The sad part is: M’s parents still think his behavior is acceptable because “he doesn’t know better” and they keep saying “he’ll grow out of it.”
36. A Cutting Wake-Up Call
I had chronic pain even as a baby, which sucked for my mum as between the hours of 6 pm and 7 pm I would cry for an hour solid. Anyway, this stopped after I turned three (returned again around 10).
I was about six years old and, in my sleep, I walked downstairs and grabbed a knife from the kitchen top, because apparently, that’s what a child does when sleepwalking? I walk into my mum’s room and let out a “blood-curdling scream” and proceeded to stab the bed not even a few inches from my mum’s head and upon her waking, I proceeded to laugh and say, “Silly mummy.” I was a very weird child.
37. Never Too Early for Spend Time in The Hole
We had a turtle-shaped sandbox with a lid in the backyard. My 11-year-old brother decided to trap my 5-year-old brother inside it, fill it with water from the hose, and try to drown him. I’m pretty sure my Mom figured out the 11-year-old was a monster that day.
38. What’s Wrong With Recycling?
When my young daughter sat and pondered for a while, then informed me that if her slightly older brother dies, she wants his skeleton, so it doesn’t go to waste.
39. A Clean Getaway from Future Punishment
When my kid was about 10, he said the F word. My wife had warned him about cursing and told him they are going to solve this the old fashion way. He would have to bite down on a bar of soap to “wash his mouth out.” She told me at the moment she said it, he jumped up from our kitchen table, ran to the sink and starting squirting into his mouth/eating every kitchen liquid or soap he could get his hands on.
As a result, he started gagging and coughing up but kept going yelling at my wife (AKA his sweet mother) stuff like “IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT!?!” “DO YOU LIKE THIS.” My wife managed to get him out of the soap and send him to his room. She doesn’t threaten the “wash your mouth out w/ soap” punishment anymore. The little monster won.
40. Long Live the King
I was the monster kid. When I was five or six, I was looking out of the window on the second story, watching the rain pour down and the streets flood up. My paternal aunt was with me at that time. I told her that when I grow up, I would push my father into an open manhole so that he’d fall. Fast forward to the present, I no longer am a monster. I helped my father put my two youngest siblings through college, and would assist him with his personal projects, like building his garage.