Parenting isn't easy, but millions of people manage to pull it off every day. But for every good parent there's, well, these people. Redditors on both sides of the parent/kid relationship shared the stories of their most harrowing parenting moments—and it's got us questioning everything.
1. What Is Love?
I was home from college, and while in my parents' house I walked up the stairs in a way that my father didn't approve of. So my dad is yelling at me about I-can't-remember-what, saying I'm too loud, too quiet, too quick, too slow, not using the railing correctly, something. And I ask, very sarcastic: "So every time I walk up the stairs, I need to stop first and think about how you want me to do it?" His reaction astounded me.
He gets this beautiful look on his face, this smile like he's seen Jesus, and he says: "Finally you are beginning to understand. Yes! Before you do anything, before you walk or talk or even take a breath, you should think about how to do it in a way that I would want you to! And when you have learned to do that, then you will have finally begun to love me."
He continued: "Then, and only then, can you begin to really love me the way a parent should be loved by their child." I swear that this is nearly word-for-word what the man said, right to my face. And this is why, after I graduated, I did not move back home. I packed up and moved 1,000 miles away, and I never regretted it for a second.
2. Do What You Want
So I was always told I'm easy going and mature for my age. It drove my now ex-boyfriend crazy that I was never picky about literally anything. During a fight about my non-pickiness, he called my parents narcissists. I didn't know what it meant, so I looked it up and was like "yeah I can kind of see how he would think that but my parents just raised me to be less of a bother."
Fast forward to now being newly married. My husband is so loving and amazing to me. He was making breakfast and the following conversation happened. Sam: "How do you like your eggs?" Me: "However you are making them is fine!" Sam: "No, how do you like your eggs?" Me: "I don't understand." Sam: "If you were making the eggs, how would you cook them?"
Me: "I'd ask you how you want them then make them that way...." At this point, he comes into the living room and holds my hands Sam: "If you were home alone making eggs for yourself, how would you cook them?" Me: " Oh, sunny side up. But don't dirty a pan for me, just make them however you want." Sam: "This is not ok." After some soul searching and more research on narcissism, everything makes sense.
3. Right Where You Belong
I just reconnected with my aunt, who was the only family member to call my mom’s mistreatment of me out. My mom cut her off after she got CPS involved when I was only 11 years old, and we haven’t spoken in over 11 years now. My aunt offered to take me in, get me a car, and help me with college so my mom can’t use money to control me.
She even said I could rent out her other house in Austin, my dream city to live in. She invited me for Thanksgiving too. I haven’t felt this much love and care in so long. I’m so shocked, in an amazing way. She kept telling me I was the daughter she never had, and I just feel so good about life right now and having a family finally. No wonder my mom trash talked her my whole life.
I said to her, “in just one phone call with you I have heard more I love yous than I have heard in my entire 22 years of life.”
4. No Tricks, No Treats
So I was maybe 12, and it was around Halloween. We had one Halloween decoration, and it was a life size skeleton hanging in our tree by a noose. A woman came to the door (very nicely, apologetic) and explained that her best friend lived down the street, and that her friend’s daughter had just taken her life by hanging. She said that her friend had to pass out of her house every day and that it was really hard for her to see the decoration. My mother’s response was out of this world.
My mom yelled at her: “It’s just a Halloween decoration, I’m not taking it down, tell her to get over it.” And she slammed the door on her. I was so repulsed, and 20 years later I STILL think about it all the time and think about how awful that poor woman must have felt. If that was me, I would have instantly removed it and sent the grieving mom flowers.
I still to this day watch my Halloween decorations to make sure I’m not depicting something that could be triggering to someone. And this is one of the 3 million reasons I went no contact with her 10 years ago.
5. You Need To Get Your Eyes Checked
My dad is the type of guy who is always right when talking to his children. I can't say anything against him because it will be his word against mine, and his word will always win. Doesn't matter the topic or the research. I can find 12 government articles about something and he'll say I'm stupid for believing in the internet. He's also the type of guy who, when he ends up being wrong, will never take the blame.
I’m watering the plants when suddenly the hose stopped working? I'm a piece of garbage who broke it on purpose. He tried to fix something with his laptop and ended up breaking it? Oh, it was an accident, the laptop broke itself anyways, my fault for recommending it four years ago. So anyway, one day I went to a new eye doctor with my dad because there was a possible problem with my eyes (false alarm by the way, I'm fine).
Note, the doctor is Chinese and so is my dad. So I started to ask a few questions. My first one was something like this: "Does reading in the dark worsen your eyesight? Because my dad says it does, but from what I found on the internet, he's wrong." My dad cuts me off. In the middle of elaborating on my first question, he says in Mandarin (he speaks Mandarin but understands English fully), "Ha ha, teens are a handful. Just tell him he's wrong so he can stop being bothersome about this."
The eye doctor wants none of this. He slam dunked on my dad. He says in fluent Mandarin, "Actually, your son is right. While it can strain your eyes, it doesn't cause nearsightedness. Sometimes your children can be right you know, you need to listen to them." Then my dad says, "Well, the way he said it was disrespectful towards me, he wasn't being filial.”
Then the eye doctor STRAIGHT UP SAID TO ME (in fluent English) "You know, I think filial piety is kind of a joke. Anyways, back to your questions..." Shut my dad down, then went back to me. Then as my dad tries to cut him off later to demean me, the eye doctor says, "let me speak please" or "wait until I finish my sentence."
He then says to me in an annoyed tone, "parents think they know everything." After we were done, my dad went to apologize for my behavior, to which the eye doctor replies "You know, he wasn't being disrespectful. That's the problem with Chinese parents, you need to loosen up and stop trying to control your children's lives." My dad had no words after this.
Didn't even want to talk about it. I kept mentioning the Mandarin-English stuff in this story because here we have someone Chinese-American, who's older than my dad, basically shutting down his narcissistic values and getting visibly annoyed. I couldn't believe this happened afterward. Except it did happen. Highlight of my life.
6. All The Way To The Top
About a year ago, I was running a small video game tournament in the small company I owned. The waitlist had a full list of 16 people, and it was fine, until one entitled parent ruined it for everyone. So we were starting up the games when a dad ran into the store with his son. Dad: We’re here for the tournament. Me: Oh sorry, but the list is full. Dad: Well then, make some room. Me: I can’t do tha—
Dad: Listen, I can get you fired with the push of a button. Me: How? Dad: I have been friends with the CEO of this company for a long time. Me: Then call him. I watch him make a fake phone call then hang up. Because I know something he doesn’t know. Dad: He says you’re fired. Me: That's funny, considering I am the CEO. His look of shock still makes me laugh to this day.
7. Everybody’s Got A Story
This encounter happened about seven months ago. About a year ago, I was diagnosed with cancer of the nasal cavity (stage 2). The tumor was quite large, but thankfully hadn’t spread. To get it removed, I first had to undergo aggressive chemotherapy to make it smaller. Thanks to the chemo, I had severe alopecia (hair loss), which made most of my hair and even eyebrows and eyelashes fall out.
At some point, I had to go bald, but I wore a wig, because I didn't want to look scary. I'm 6'4" and pretty muscular, so I thought people would assume wrong things about me. So once, after a long chemo session in the hospital, I took the bus home. There's only one bus that goes from the hospital to where I live, so I took that one, only to see it was absolutely packed.
I felt like garbage thanks to the chemo, so I asked a middle-aged dude to let me sit. He was very understanding and gave me his spot without complaining. Two stops later, enter entitled mom, a lovely whale with an "I demand a meeting with the CEO" haircut and a 12-year old kid. It took her roughly five seconds to see the bus was packed.
At this point, she started looking for a free seat, spotted me, and started marching to me. When I saw her, I knew I was screwed. She then stood next to me and decided to talk to me. This is the conversation that followed: Her Hey, could you let my kid sit down? Me: You mean me? Her: Who else? Me: Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm on my way from the hospital and—
Her: (cutting me off) So are we (nonsense, the stop was a few kilometers away from the hospital), my boy just broke his leg and we're coming straight from the ER. Let it be noted, her kid was standing next to her, without any support, clearly embarrassed. Me: He's standing next to you, completely fine Her: Look here, my kid DESERVES to sit down
Me: Look madam, I'm sorry, but I just got back from a chemo session in the hospital and I need to sit down and rest (I then moved my wig a bit to let her see my bald head). At this point, she then straight up started yelling in my face Her: STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND GET OFF THE SEAT YOU PIECE OF GARBAGE. At this point, I was baffled. I didn't know what to say. The kid was trying to make his mother stop and we had the attention of the whole bus. But she was nowhere near done.
She then grabbed me and tried to yank me from my seat. I held on tight and thankfully didn't fall off. Now, enter my savior. The middle-aged man nearby stood up and started defending me. Him: WILL YOU SHUT UP YOU DUMB COW?!? Her: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO?!? Him: (with ice-cold voice) Stop assaulting other passengers or I will be forced to step in. Also, every dumb moron could see that the dude has cancer.
Her: NO, HE'S JUST A GANGSTER. Him: He's got NO EYEBROWS, YOU MORON. Seems like that REALLY offended her, because she spun around on the spot and threw a falcon punch in the guy’s face. I was shocked and in disbelief. The whole bus was flabbergasted, and the kid probably wished he'd never been born. The man then said something unbelievable and a golden karmic moment followed.
Him: Ok, that does it. Harassing passengers on the bus, physical assault against a passenger, and now assaulting an officer. You're in deep trouble lady. She then pulled out a badge and told her to stay where she was. Then he pulled out his phone, called someone, and told her she was being detained. I couldn't believe it, he was a bloody police officer.
At this point, she was as white as a wall. The bus had just come to a stop, so she decided she'd make a run for it, but other passengers blocked her way. She then also got charged with resisting thanks to this. Three stops later, a patrol car was waiting for her. The kid told me he was sorry for his mother's behavior and I felt really sorry for him.
He wasn't a bad child, but his mother was a demon. The officer then talked to me and asked me if I wanted to press charges, to which I gladly said yes. He took a statement and thankfully was kind enough to let me solve everything on the phone, so I didn't have to come to the station for questioning. In the end, she got some time behind bars, I think it was a few months and some community service.
I, in return, got a good story to tell and the sweet taste of instant karma. Right now, I'm riding the same bus home, as I just got back home from the hospital after a check-up, which reminded me of this. I should also note that the surgery went well, and I was declared cancer-free in November. My hair is slowly returning. Also, I don't need to wear a wig anymore.
8. Sit Down, Lady
I saw this today and I can't stop laughing. I was traveling in my city’s metro. It wasn't too crowded at that time, but all the seats were occupied. Still, you could freely stand without being humped by a stranger. There was this kid sitting in the reserved seats—the ones for people with handicaps, pregnant women, and old people, definitely not for moms of two-year-olds.
He was probably 14 or 15 years old. He is the hero of the story here. At one, our entitled mother comes in. She has this cute little child who was trying to keep up with his mom's pace. She instantly sees our hero sitting at the reserved seat and just stares at him. I guess this was her way to make people automatically give away their seats or something.
The kid didn't move, though. This probably irked her a lot I guess, because she moved towards the kid with heavy steps. She comes near him, stops, and again does the stare. The kid doesn't budge. Then she starts screaming. If she didn't have the whole compartment’s attention earlier, she had it now. She starts berating the kid for sitting in a reserved seat and not giving it to someone more deserving like a mother.
I don’t know what her logic was. The seats aren't reserved for them anyways. She just keeps shouting and screaming and tries to get others’ opinion on it, and for a while, people were on her side. Then the kid, out of nowhere, rolls the right side of his jeans up, detaches his artificial leg, and keeps it in front of her. The look on her face was priceless.
She just backed away silently and got off on the next stop. I don't think that it was her stop.
9. Make Yourself At Home
I have two young adult children living at home, ages 18 and 19. They both work and go to college. I trust my kids, and I trust their decision-making skills. When they graduated high school and turned 18, new rules went into place. No curfew, just call me and let me know if you are going to be out all night so I don’t worry. You can call me at any time for a pick up, no questions asked, just don’t be stupid and drink and drive.
Yes, your significant others can sleep over or come over for the weekend, just let me know what’s going on. Pay a small rent during the summer when you are working full time and pay your part of the car insurance. You have your chores, I have mine. We all work together. I tell them if they aren’t being jerks and they listen, in turn, I listen to them.
There is very little fighting or arguing in my house. This is their time to spread their wings and learn how to be a responsible adult and have me as a safety net. Lately, one of my kid's boyfriends has been spending a lot of time over at my house. He is here pretty much all the time. Two days ago, I got a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize and when I answered it was my daughter’s boyfriend’s mother. And she…was a real piece of work.
Me: Hello? Her: You need to tell my kid he isn’t allowed over to your house anymore!!! Me: Who is this? Her: This is “Tommy’s” Mother!!!!! Me: (I already know where this is going) OH! Tommy’s mom! I have to say you have raised a great kid! He is always polite and respectful. In fact... Her: LOOK! I don’t care WHAT you think about my kid!! He is never at home!! He isn’t spending any time with meeee!
Me: Okay? There isn’t much I can do about that... Her: Yes there is! Tell him he can’t come over to your house anymore!!! I WaNt HiM hOMe!!! AND YOU!!!! YOU SET A BAD EXAMPLE FOR MY SON!!! YOUR DAUGHTER HAS NO CURFEW AND I AM SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING HOW nIcE IT IS AT YOUR HOUSE! I miiisssssss him and want him home!!! Me, speaking very low and basically growling into the phone: Are you done yelling at me?
Her:......... ( I think I stunned her into silence) Me: I will take that as a yes. Do you trust the way you raised your son? Her: What??? Me: It’s a simple question. Do you trust the way you raised your son??? Her: OF COURSE I DO!!! What does that have to do with anything??? Me: Do you trust him to make good decisions? Her: YES!!! Yes of course. (She is starting to calm down now)
Me: Mother to mother, I know things are not okay at your house right now (her husband drinks a lot). I am trying to give your child a safe place when things are not okay at your house. (She starts to cut me off at this point but I won’t let her) It’s not your fault. Her: ....... Me: He throws your son out for days at a time sometimes, doesn’t he?
Her: Yes (I can hear her choking back the tears) Me: Do you need someone to talk to? Would you want to go out to lunch? That way you can feel safer knowing whose house your son is at and that he is safe? Her: That would be ok. We were on the phone for about an hour after that. What started out as an entitled mother was just a scared woman feeling very, very alone.
Sorry there wasn’t any righteous retribution, but I think it turned out ok. I am going to try and get 19-year-old Tommy’s curfew changed from 10 pm to midnight and maybe he can stay over for a weekend.
10. The Good Father
I used to work in a small chain of bookstores/stationery shops. We’d sell books, pens, paper, and so on. It was a quirky little store, straight out of a romantic love novella. This happened a few years ago and I’m reconstructing it from my memory. This entitled mother walks into the store with her little girl. It’s rather early in the morning.
The mom looks around and asks me if I could watch her child. Me: “Oh no, I’m terrible with children, sorry.” She tells me that it’s not for that long and I shouldn’t be such a fuss about it. I still politely refuse. It’s not my job to watch children, and I’m afraid to do something wrong. What happens? She leaves the store, and who do I find hidden in the corner?
The little girl who seems to be rather shy and fearful. This happened back in a time before everyone had smartphones. The kid obviously didn’t have a mobile on her, and I suspected the mother also wouldn’t. Wasn’t too surprised that the girl didn’t know the number of their landline, either. I sigh. What are you gonna do? If something happens to that kid while being in the store and you being the only present employee, you’re gonna have a bad time.
I introduced myself, and asked her name. She told me it in full. Now this rang a bell. I had a good customer with the same surname. It turns out that it’s her dad. I didn’t get paid enough to babysit. In fact, I didn’t even get paid enough to do my normal work. I call her dad at his workplace since we saved that number in our system. The call went along those lines:
Me: “Hi, it’s bookstore XY.” Him: “Oh hi, how’s it going? I don’t remember having any open orders.” Me: “Yeah, erm, look, listen, do you have a daughter?” Him, confused: “Yes why do you ask?” When he finds out the story, he quickly apologizes for the woman’s behavior and tells me he’s gonna pick the kid up as soon as possible.
While waiting for him, I picked up one of our sale books, which was a picture book from Disney. The girl tries to read a little, I read a little. The dad arrives, and the girl runs to him and hugs him, crying that mommy was mean to her. The dad soothes her and thanks me for babysitting her. He gives me a bottle of red and buys something small from the store.
Him: “If the mom shows up again, could you not tell her that I picked up our daughter?” Me: “What. Why?” Him: “If you don’t feel like it you don’t need to. It’s rather complicated and you already did so much for us.” He leaves. In the evening, the mother shows up. Just to point out—she dropped the girl at about 09:00.
It was 5:45. A whole freaking day. Her: “Where’s my daughter?” This is where I get my revenge. Me: “Your WHAT?” Her: “My daughter. I dropped her in this store and you were here.” Me: “YOUR WHAT?” Now she was on the edge. Thus I did what I thought was the smartest thing to do. Me: “A guy came into the store and picked her up. He seemed nice. Gave me some gifts for her.”
At this point I expected her to attack me, but she just left the store. A few weeks pass and the dad and girl come to the store, both happy to see me. The dad asks me if I’ve got a few minutes. An excuse not to work? Obviously I took the time for…customer service. I gave the girl the same book we read the last time and had a talk with him.
The whole story was a doozy. The mom and dad were in the middle of a divorce when she dropped the girl at our store. One of the reasons he wanted a divorce was because the mom “wasn’t nice” to the girl. Now, in my country as a man it’s rather hard to get custody for your child. No matter what. So the mom dropping the girl in our store was a gift of the heavens.
The dad took the daughter to his sister’s overnight, and the mom pretended that she was sleeping at one of her friend’s. The dad wanted to call them just to ensure that she is fine. When he did and the friend didn’t know where the girl was (obviously), the dad faked panic and involved the police. Meanwhile, the mom starts insisting that the friend must have kidnapped the girl.
The dad had proof of it being otherwise since he already called the authorities when he dropped his daughter at his sister’s house. In court, the dad apparently said something like, “She can have all she wants, even my wine collection. I just want to be with my daughter.” The daughter ended up with him, with the mother paying alimony.
When the mother dropped the daughter off at my store, she was shy, seemed small, and now she has such a big smile on her face and is curious about everything. She seemed like a bird taking off to fly towards the sun. I absolutely hated my job, but situations like these make me a little bit nostalgic.
11. A Clean Getaway From Future Punishment
When my kid was about 10, he said the F word. My wife had warned him about cursing and told him they are going to solve this the old fashion way. He would have to bite down on a bar of soap to “wash his mouth out.” She told me at the moment she said it, he jumped up from our kitchen table, ran to the sink, and started squirting into his mouth/eating every kitchen liquid or soap he could get his hands on.
As a result, he started gagging and coughing up but kept going yelling at my wife (AKA his sweet mother) stuff like “IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT!?!” “DO YOU LIKE THIS.” My wife managed to get him out of the soap and send him to his room. She doesn’t threaten the “wash your mouth out w/ soap” punishment anymore. The little monster won.
12. A Willfully Mistaken Identity
When my kid decided—in the grocery store parking lot—that it would be “fun” to scream “YOU’RE NOT MY MOMMY! WHERE’S MY MOMMY? YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM!” He had this evil smirk on his face as I panicked and tried to explain what could happen if someone heard that. He started yelling it louder. Trust me, he doesn’t get away with stuff.
No, I’m not going to smack him across the face or beat him. He was disciplined. He learned his lesson. I can laugh about it now. He is a mini-me and my parents often remind me that he is karma for all the garbage I put them through when I was a kid.
13. Pull The Trigger, Piglet
My sister's older daughter is a saint, but the little kid is a psychopath. My sister and brother-in-law indulge every crazy behavior of hers. One of the worst was last year when one of my sister's ureters broke and she had to get a tube from her kidney, out of her body and to a bag, while said ureter healed. She was pretty ill and was in the hospital for a bit more than a month.
Anyway, the second night she's back home, little monster PULLS the tube out of my sister's kidney, requiring her to get emergency surgery. The kid's excuse? She KNEW doing that would hurt mommy, but she (my sister) was getting SO MUCH attention from daddy since she got home...attention she (little monster kid) deserves more.
The worst part is that my sister and brother-in-law thought that was cute. The crazy part is that my older niece would have never gotten away with something like that, so I don't really get why they spoiled the younger one so much. I know she's my niece, but I just can't see past those behaviors and like her...she's six years old.
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14. A Shocking Resemblance
This one makes me cringe just thinking about it. When I was 13, I was about as hot and bothered as you'd expect a 13-year-old to be. The problem was, I was living in a very religious household at the time and my parents had an ironclad parental filter on the computer, so smut was out of the question. So, I decided to draw my own smut—and it ended in disaster.
I'm a pretty good artist when it comes to drawing things that are right in front of me to look at. So, what I'd do is, I'd take magazine pictures of women who had relatively little clothing on, and just edit out the clothing as I was drawing. Well, of course, my parents found my stack of drawings eventually. Which isn't too bad I guess, my dad even said uncomfortably that I had some talent at drawing and should pursue it. But here's the part that makes me cringe.
My mother decided that one of the drawings looked too much like her. It was purely coincidental...it was literally a picture out of an advertisement that I had copied to the best of my ability. She...asked me...VERY uncomfortably...if I fantasized about her. Ladies and gentlemen, not much in the world makes you want to crawl into a hole and die more than when your own mother thinks you've been fantasizing about her.
15. Coming Out Both Ends
When I was a kid, I got an ear infection and was prescribed Augmentin. As it turns out, I was super allergic to it and it gave me awful diarrhea and tons of vomiting...none of which I could control. So on one of my many trips to the bathroom, I began to throw up and have diarrhea at the same time. I didn't know which end to point at the toilet so I stood there spinning around trying to switch. It didn't work.
The entire time this is happening, my mom is watching. I remember hearing her scream. All of the walls and floor in our bathroom was plastered with my poop and vomit. My parents ended up having to clean everything up and repaint the walls and basically redo our entire bathroom. She told me it looked like something out of the exorcism and that she wouldn't wish that on anyone.
16. All For One And None For All
When our 13-year-old kid decided to take $200 that was hidden in my desk one week before Christmas, he then spent it all in one day on candy and yelled at us for confiscating what was left of it. He also told us it was our fault for leaving money in the house. To confirm that he is a horrible person, he told his mum that he doesn't like seeing anyone else happy, which is why he broke his one-year-old brother’s things.
17. Just A Tad Too Many
This happened the summer after my senior year of high school. After a long night of drinking, I came home and apparently felt the desire to puke. My parents live on the third floor, I live on the second and have a bathroom on my floor. For some reason, I turned the fan on when I went into the bathroom, which is kinda loud and my parents' room is pretty much right above the bathroom.
So I puked hard, mostly in the toilet at first. I get hot and really sweaty when I'm puking, so naturally, I strip down to my boxers. I then somehow manage to puke all over myself. Well, that's unacceptable to intoxicated me, so I guess I decided to take a shower to clean up. I never managed to turn the water on. The next thing I know, I'm getting woken up by my mother screaming at the top of her lungs, crying profusely.
Apparently, I passed out in the tub. The fan woke my mom up in the middle of the night, so she came to investigate, and found me nearly undressed covered in my own puke passed out in the bathtub with, as she says, my eyes rolling into the back of my head. She thought I was a goner. I would say that was a bit scary for her.
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18. Little Kid, Big Accusations
My 11-year-old son recently called 9-1-1 and said I smacked him. CPS came, it was a cluster. It was so well orchestrated; he even took a picture of himself with a red mark on his face. I didn't smack him, and it eventually got debunked although he still won't admit it. A couple of months later, he told his dad I forced him to make the ol' dirty 2-finger licking gesture, take a pic and send it to him. He lives with his dad now and isn't allowed here until I can afford a camera system. Still unclear on a motive.
19. You Need To Get Your Eyes Checked
My dad is the type of guy who is always right when talking to his children. I can't say anything against him because it will be his word against mine, and his word will always win. Doesn't matter the topic or the research. I can find 12 government articles about something and he'll say I'm stupid for believing in the internet. He's also the type of guy who, when he ends up being wrong, will never take the blame.
I’m watering the plants when suddenly the hose stopped working? I'm a piece of garbage who broke it on purpose. He tried to fix something with his laptop and ended up breaking it? Oh, it was an accident, the laptop broke itself anyways, my fault for recommending it four years ago. So anyway, one day I went to a new eye doctor with my dad because there was a possible problem with my eyes (false alarm by the way, I'm fine).
Note, the doctor is Chinese and so is my dad. So I started to ask a few questions. My first one was something like this: "Does reading in the dark worsen your eyesight? Because my dad says it does, but from what I found on the internet, he's wrong." My dad cuts me off. In the middle of elaborating on my first question, he says in Mandarin (he speaks Mandarin but understands English fully), "Ha ha, teens are a handful. Just tell him he's wrong so he can stop being bothersome about this."
The eye doctor wants none of this. He slam dunked on my dad. He says in fluent Mandarin, "Actually, your son is right. While it can strain your eyes, it doesn't cause nearsightedness. Sometimes your children can be right you know, you need to listen to them." Then my dad says, "Well, the way he said it was disrespectful towards me, he wasn't being filial.”
Then the eye doctor STRAIGHT UP SAID TO ME (in fluent English) "You know, I think filial piety is kind of a joke. Anyways, back to your questions..." Shut my dad down, then went back to me. Then as my dad tries to cut him off later to demean me, the eye doctor says, "let me speak please" or "wait until I finish my sentence."
He then says to me in an annoyed tone, "parents think they know everything." After we were done, my dad went to apologize for my behavior, to which the eye doctor replies "You know, he wasn't being disrespectful. That's the problem with Chinese parents, you need to loosen up and stop trying to control your children's lives." My dad had no words after this.
Didn't even want to talk about it. I kept mentioning the Mandarin-English stuff in this story because here we have someone Chinese-American, who's older than my dad, basically shutting down his narcissistic values and getting visibly annoyed. I couldn't believe this happened afterward. Except it did happen. Highlight of my life.
20. Can’t Make Up For This
Ever since I was in middle school (I'm currently 22), my mom has been trying to "fix my acne." Our bathroom cabinet was full of bottles of Proactive, little tubes of prescription creams, and jars of wipes that promised a noticeable difference in four hours. No matter what, nothing worked, and I was left with nothing but irritated skin and those irritating little dots all over my cheeks.
It would cause arguments. My mom would insist I wasn't using the products correctly, or I wasn't using them at all and wasting her money. Then it proceeded to the tried and true argument of "You're ungrateful and selfish." One day recently, I was out with my friend helping her get stuff for her wedding. Since we were just going to the craft store and then getting lunch at a buffet, I decided to forgo my usual heavy makeup look.
Luckily, my mom was still sleeping, so I could avoid the whole "Are you REALLY going out like that?" conversation and just hopped in my friend's car. She turned to say hi, squinted at me, and then said "I didn't know you had freckles." This blew my mind for an extremely disturbing reason. See, I didn't either. I pulled down the mirror on my side of the car and stared at my face.
I didn't see any freckles, just the ugly acne spots that I usually cover with foundation. We went back and forth for a bit before she, in her usual blunt fashion, pointed to my face in the mirror. "That one big red spot is acne. These little brown dots are freckles." My mother had actually convinced me that my freckles were acne and none of the products would work on me and had me thinking it was my fault.
It seems stupid, but I started crying. The I-just-had-a-breakthrough kind of cry. I know what I'm talking about in therapy next week.
21. A Close Shave
This happened a few minutes ago and I am beyond angry. I have been sick for days now. I have long curly hair that reaches the end of my back. Because of the fever I'd been having, I hadn’t been able to brush my hair and it was all tangled. So my mom told me yesterday that because I cannot take care of my hair, she’s going to cut it all the way to my shoulders.
I was almost too sick to speak, but I still told her no. Today, I was feeling a little better and got up, took a shower, and combed my hair. While I was doing this, my mother came in behind me and took the comb and started combing my hair gently and very sweetly. Or so I thought. Suddenly, I felt something on my back—it was scissors. I froze.
Still, she said she was just trimming my hair. But when I looked in mirror, she had cut my hair 4-5 inches. That is a lot for curly hair, and it will take YEARS to grow back. But I’m not angry about hair. I am angry about her trespassing on my boundaries, yet again. I hate her so much right now. I don't even want to look at her face, even though I live with her.
22. Chip Dipped In Ketchup
When I was around 12, we had a big old fat dog named Chip who did nothing but sleep and eat. So, one day when my mom was grocery shopping, the dog was laying in the kitchen. I decided to squirt ketchup on him and on the floor and everything. When my mom came home into the kitchen, I pretended to cry and said, "Mom! Chip went crazy, I had to kill him!"
She legitimately started bawling and dropped the grocery bag, breaking stuff. She got on the floor, only to see Chip roll over and walk outside. She was so angry when Chip dragged ketchup everywhere.
23. Truly A Mouthful
My dad was fixing this big closet one day. The closet was very old and had an extremely heavy door. The problem with that closet was that the door hinges were loose. At that time, I was about eight or nine years old, and my little sister was fooling around inside the closet while my dad was trying to tighten the hinges. He told me to get her out of there, since she was just bothering him.
As I lifted her up, the closet door fell down on my pinky toe. Pure chaos ensued. It's all a blur, but I clearly remember me running down the hallway screaming my heart out while my sock got pumped with blood. After that, I passed out, waking up a while later in the backseat of my father's car, with a bunch of toilet paper around my foot. My dad didn't say a word.
When I arrived at the hospital, I got anesthetized and operated on. Fortunately, they managed to put my pinky toe back where it belonged. I'm guessing my dad felt very shameful after the incident, however, my mom told me a couple of years ago that after I lost my toe, he immediately put it inside his mouth. He had read that that was the only way to "save the toe from dying," or something like that, and drove to the hospital with the toe in his mouth. I don't think he'll forget that.
24. What’s In A Name?
I was taking my four-year-old granddaughter back home after she had spent the week with me. It was a 400-mile trip and I knew that at least one bathroom trip would be necessary. I picked an Applebee's for lunch, figuring that it would be a clean choice. I took her into a stall in the men's room, and there was no one else in there when we went in.
My little sweetie did her business and then, after not even a whimper out of her all week, while I was washing her hands, she suddenly started wailing, "I want my mother!" and crying loudly. A man came in, a state trooper in uniform, giving me a dirty look as I'm telling her that we would be home in just a little bit. She's crying that I told her that yesterday.
We exit the men's room and go to our table. She's still whimpering. The state trooper comes over and asks me for some ID, I guess just doing his job. I explain that she is my granddaughter and that I'm taking her home. He then asks my granddaughter if I am her grandfather. She shakes her head and shouts out "NO!" Then, with a big smile, says "He is my Poppy!"
Luckily, we got home with no further stops.
25. Gone Away And Back Again
It begins far away from my parents, deep in the woods. I was 18 years old. As summer came to a close, I went on a weeklong hiking trip with my girlfriend. We went off the grid, many miles from civilization. There were no designated campsites, running water, etc. We were roughing it. Being young and randy, we wanted to shake some sheets, so I bought a sizable stash of condoms.
Of course, there were no garbage cans in the middle of the woods. When the deed was done, I had to put the used condoms into a ziplock baggie in my backpack. By the end of our week in the sweltering August sun, that baggie was full and funky. The trip went well. I returned to my parents' house exactly one day before I had to leave for my sophomore year of college.
I was a ridiculous slob. So, using my patented packing style, and hastily dumped my backpack's contents into my bedroom closet, picked through the mess, took what I needed, and left the rest. Yeah. I forgot about the baggie. But somebody else found it. No, not my parents. My dog. Basically, my parents came home one day to find used condoms spread all over the living room.
Apparently, my dog had found the baggie, but he didn't just sniff it or eat it on the spot or whatever. No, he took it downstairs and spread my week-old rubbers and spooge all over the couch and carpet in the living room...the first room you see when you enter the house. Welcome home, Mom and Dad! They didn't tell me about it for years, to spare me the embarrassment.
When my dad did finally tell me, he was laughing his butt off. But my mother was apparently...not pleased.
26. Say Nope To The Rope
This chilling conversation with my then 4-year-old daughter. “Mommy, do you love me?” I replied, “Of course, my darling! I love you forever and always, no matter what!” Then she said, “Even after I kill (little brother’s name)?” With a sweet as pie smile on her face and serious look in her eye. At the time, she had recently learned to tie knots, and I’d already had to take her jump ropes away as I’d found her with one tied around little brother’s neck, pretending that he was her horsie!
My response to her during that conversation was, “I would still love you, but my heart would also be broken because I love him too and I would be so sad every day if he wasn’t here with us.” I gently asked her things to trigger her talking about what she loved about him and what she was looking forward to being able to teach him when he got a bit older. It ended up being a more positive conversation, despite the chilling start.
27. Queen Of The Karens
Long ago, I worked for one of those bulk warehouse club stores. My trade was simple: I was a wrangler of the silver buffalo, and dutifully retrieve the ol' shopping carts I did. The job in and of itself wasn't the worst I'd ever had; I got plenty of exercise, got to be outside, and generally didn't have to interact with the “members” (calling them customers was taboo) for the most part.
For the most part. The thing about this job is that the company I worked for had a reputation for being cheap. Thusly, more often than not, I was on my own out in the parking lot. "Big whoop," you might say. "You gathered carts? You should see how hard MY job is!" Yeah, well... Shut up. This is my story, jerk-o. I digress.
The reason that being alone sucked is that this store didn't have just one kind of cart. Heck, they didn't even just have TWO kinds of carts. You had your classic garden variety cart, the kiddie-cart with the plastic facade to make it resemble a car, the electric scooters (which weren't supposed to leave the store, but did so with alarming frequency), and finally, the bulky, hard-to-control flatbeds.
On top of that, whenever someone needed help loading their haul into their minivans, I was the guy they called. You know, because the greeters, cashiers, and managers were all busy. As you might expect, one man cannot be in multiple places at once, and as a result, on some of our busier days, it became incredibly difficult to keep enough carts in the vestibule. Our story begins on one of these days...
So there I was, chugging along like a good worker drone, struggling to keep up with the sheer volume of people coming in to buy cheap bulk goods. Sure enough, I get a call on the radio: Manager - "[sktchh] We need you to help some members load their purchases. [sktchh]" Me - "Uh, I'd love to, but I'm barely able to keep up out here as is..."
Manager - "[sktchh] Just do it. You can afford to stop gathering carts for two minutes. [sktchh]" *Ron Howard voice* - "He couldn't." However, I didn't want to push my luck, so I complied. After spending 20 minutes loading people's purchases because when one person needs it, suddenly they ALL need it, I came back to find my vestibule a near-ghost town, save for a single line of carts that was half-gone, and...the Karen.
I won't waste time describing this specimen. She was the prototype. You know what she looked like. There she stood, menacing, tapping her foot with such speed that it could make any metal drummer green with envy. You could collect the contempt in her gaze in a jar. Karen - "Where are the big flat ones?" I blanked for a moment. Me - "I'm sorry?"
Karen - "Ugh. Mexicans..." For the record, I'm very much white. Karen - "WHERE. ARE. THE. FLAT ONES." Me - "Oh, you mean the flatbeds. I'm sorry, I was just helping some other members load their merchandise and haven't had a chance to—" Karen - "OH MY GOD, I don't care about your excuses, you have ONE JOB, and a TRAINED. MONKEY. Could do it!"
I just want this lady out of my face, so I don't fight it. Me - "Sorry ma'am. I'll grab one from the parking lot for you..." Karen - "You'd better..." So I go back out to the lot and find a whole line of flatbeds sticking out of a corral blocking several parking spaces. I push them all into the vestibule where she waits, huffing about how I'm wasting her valuable time.
I separate one from the rest and bring it to her. Me - "I'm terribly sorry about the wait, ma'am." She leers at me with utter malice. Karen - "Hmmph. Unbelievable..." And with that, she dismisses herself into the store, where she will be someone else's problem. I shake my head and return to doing what I'm paid to do. I wish I’d never seen her again…but I did.
About 15 minutes later, I'm returning a line of carts when I see her pushing her flatbed to her Miata and jawing about “stupid people” (most certainly referring to me) on her cell phone. You know what she had bought? What she had insisted on having a flatbed for? A cake. This wasn't even like, a big cake. It was one of those little circular numbers.
Anyways, I witness as she continues to yammer on about how I nearly ruined—RUINED I TELL YOU—her precious baby's birthday party, when the most glorious thing happened. Still clutching her phone with those jai-alai scoop claws of hers, she attempts to pick up the cake with one hand, the plastic topper pops off, and she spills the cake all over her undoubtedly expensive designer outfit.
Seething with white-hot rage, she locks eyes with me. Karen - "YOU! GET ME ANOTHER CAKE! NOW!" Me - "Terribly sorry ma'am. I've got one job, and these carts won't gather themselves." I walked away, grin plastered on my face as her shrieks faded into the distance behind me. I've had my share of nasty customer interactions before, but this one...Really took the cake.
28. A Light At The End Of The Tunnel
I am a 28-year-old woman who just recently went fully blind. When I was a teenager, I volunteered with my local youth group to help rebuild Mississippi after hurricane Katrina, and while down there I picked up a fungal parasite called Histoplasmosis that, over a decade, migrated to my eyes and slowly caused blindness. I've been totally blind for about a year now, so I'm pretty new to it.
When I first went blind, I barely left the house and was afraid to go in public. I felt like everyone was staring at me and in all honesty, I barely knew what I was doing. The transition had been difficult and I didn't have any support group to teach me. One day my husband asks if I can take an Uber down to the bank and deposit a rent check and I reluctantly agree.
While out, he messages again and reminds me that we're out of a few crucial groceries. There was a Wal-Mart grocery literally across the street from the bank, so I figure everything in life is an experience and I'll have to learn how to shop alone eventually, so why not. Everything was fine at first and I was only grabbing a few things so I didn't need a cart.
I was using my cane and what little echolocation skills I had at the time to get around, but was still bumping into things as we blind tend to do sometimes. My cane suddenly hit something a bit softer and I figure maybe I had whacked someone's leg and apologize. Cue Entitled Kid (EK) and Entitled Mother (EM). Me: Shoot, I'm sorry—
EM: Hey! You just hit my son!! Me: I'm so sorry, ma'am, I didn't see him there. EM begins yelling: HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE HIM, HE'S CLEARLY RIGHT HERE!! Now, again, I'm fully blind, but I don't wear sunglasses. Mostly because I can’t afford a good UV blocking pair, but also I'm not ever looking for pity or to ''play the part'' of a generic blind person.
I just want to be treated like a normal person, but I do understand her confusion as blindness is a spectrum, so I try to calmly explain. Me: Ma'am, I'm blind, I can't see anything, let alone your son. That's why I have to use the cane, so I can get around without— She cuts me off: If you're blind, why aren't you wearing big sunglasses?
As a blind person, I get a lot of stupid questions, but I understand a lot of them are just people who don't know better, so I try to happily answer as many as I can. Me: Those are really expensive (around $200 for a good pair), and I really don't need any inside. Here is where my blood starts to boil. EM: You're not blind, you're faking it!
I can't think of any reason someone would want to pretend to be blind, and nothing makes me angrier more than when someone calls me a liar when I'm not. Just as I'm about to respond, I feel a tug and before I blink, I realize this little demon spawn has snatched my $100 cane from my hands. For those of you who don't understand, that's like if you're shopping and suddenly the power goes out and you can't see a single light.
Without my cane, I can barely move at all without crashing into anything. My voice gets shaky as I begin to panic: Please give that back! I REALLY DO NEED IT!! EM: No you don't, you liar. My son deserves to play with this more than you! I hear her shuffle away and my expensive cane cracking into metal displays and such as they leave.
I start crying and waving my arms in front of me to grab onto something, anything, and end up crashing and falling into a center aisle display, making a loud scene. I somewhat curl into a ball and cry. I'm alone in public, in the dark, and I had no idea what to do. Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder and a man's voice. We'll call him AG for awesome guy.
He asks if I'm okay and to stay right here. I do, but begin to at least sit up and listen. This man must have been tall and built like a tank because his footsteps sounded like a giant and I felt a suction of wind when he took off. Maybe about 30 or 40 feet away, I hear this loud bellowing like an angry lion and a loud crash, then before I know it the man is back and helping me to my feet.
He takes my hand and puts my cane into my palm and helps me pick up the items I dropped when I fell into the display. Me wiping tears from my cheeks: Thank you, thank you so much, I didn't know how to handle that. AG: Don't worry about it, some people are just monsters. This guy restored my faith in humanity and even helped me finish shopping and helped me out of the store.
As we're leaving, I can hear the familiar screeching of EM, something about AG grabbing the cane and pulling hard, flinging her little devil child into a shopping cart. I don't know if she was exaggerating or not but it would explain the crash I heard. It's easy to feel alone in a world without sight, but even through the sheer terror of being stripped of my cane, at least I know now that there are people willing to stand up for me when I need it.
29. A Beautiful Thing
So, back in high school one of my closest friends got pregnant and gave birth to the sweetest baby boy. She stopped going to school for a while to take care of her kid, but still did online school so she could graduate with her class. One thing we would do is go to one of the local food places near the high school on Fridays. On this particular day, we decided to go to this nice Chinese place that I frequent regularly.
The little old Asian lady knows me by name. This Chinese place has a sticker on the front door that says something like "Breastfeeding will always be allowed," which is great since that's what my friend is more comfortable doing for her baby. After we ordered our food, we hung out in this little waiting area when the baby gets all fussy.
She takes out the little cover and covers her baby and her chest as she starts to feed him. We keep talking until this woman and her son, who had to be around 10, comes in. I recognize the kid as one of the kids I looked after when I use to volunteer at a youth center. He comes up to me and starts talking to me, and then asks my friend what she’s doing with the baby.
Before my friend could answer, the boy’s mother cuts in. "A disgusting thing is what she’s doing. Don’t you know better than to do that in public? And why are you even doing that if you're only a kid?" My friend has an attitude sometimes, so I try to jump in before she would start to throw things. "It’s not disgusting, and the owner, Mrs. L is fine with it. She has a sticker on the door."
Mrs. L was just ogling the baby a second ago. She smiles at us and continues to write some stuff down. The mother wasn’t happy about this and continues with her rant. "I'm sorry but I'm just not okay with a baby breastfeeding another baby. Can you please just stop," she says in frustration. Mrs. L finally cuts in and in her broken English, she says, "Nursing baby is a beautiful thing. You have problem, you leave."
She then taps the order on the window that leads to the kitchen and apologizes to my friend for the woman’s nasty behavior. She then looks at the boy who is still next to me and says jokingly, "Your mother, she dummy right?" This makes the boy laugh and the mother just grumble in her seat, trying to stay as far from us as she could.
When my friend finished and we grabbed our food, Mrs. L threw in an extra order of egg rolls, since they were my friend’s favorite.
30. (Don’t) Just Keep Swimming
So let me tell y’all about how this mother tried to have me be her free babysitter/lifeguard. We just got one of those above ground pools you set up yourself that is 4 feet deep and 14 feet round. We spent the majority of two days prepping and filling it and letting it warm. Finally yesterday it was ready, and my daughter asked if she could invite a little girl she is semi-friendly with from down the street to come swim with her.
Since they are eight and they are tall enough to stand with heads above water, I said ok. Well, her little friend brought her toddler sister, who is probably on the younger side of two. definitely too small to stand with her head above the water. I tell the friend that her little sister can’t get in the water unless her mom is here to watch her, and send her home with the message. They both come back and she says, “Mom said she’s fine in her float and I can watch her.”
And I said “No it’s not fine, I don’t think an eight-year-old is responsible enough to watch a toddler in a pool, and I am not going to be the one watching her either. You need to tell your mom either she comes to watch your little sister or she is not getting in the pool.” They both go home and then BOTH COME BACK!! At this point I am livid.
I walk back to their house with them and pound on the door. No answer. I keep knocking, and then the garage door starts to open with this woman backing her car out!! I quickly went and stood at the end of the driveway with all the kids in tow, both of hers and both of mine. She gets out of her car all angry and asks me what my problem is?!
I tell her my problem is that I’m not her babysitter, and that I am definitely not going to be responsible for keeping her baby from drowning in MY swimming pool on MY property! Her reaction was chilling. She then proceeds to start baby-talking her own kids, saying, “I’m so sorry babies the mean lady isn’t going to let you swim, I’m so sorry princesses” and on and on. Of course, the toddler bursts into tears, and then the mother screams at me.
“Look what you’ve done!! You’ve made her cry and ruined her day! Hope you are proud of yourself!! She then snatches up the little sister, who is screaming, tosses her in the car, and screams at the friend to get in too. The friend is red in the face, and you can tell she is so embarrassed. She just mumbles sorry while climbing in the car. The mother then proceeds to peel out of her own driveway and we walk back home. Witch.
For what it’s worth, I was NOT planning on leaving the kids wholly unattended. I was right beside the pool doing yard work and planned on continuing once all the kids were in the pool. I just did not want to watch a small toddler in the pool, as she would require extreme supervision. Like sitting and staring directly at her kind of supervision.
31. Eat My Dust
I recently had an emergency appendectomy, and recovery has been slow. I had to take time off from my own athletics, but worse, from coaching in the kid’s sports program I’m involved with. The experience made me step back and realize I really built my whole identity around being active and healthy, so the hit my physical abilities took as a result of being sick and the healing process has made me feel lost.
I’ve been working to regain the joy I used to experience from exercise, without going “Oh, you used to be so much faster with that,” or “Your technique used to be so much stronger,” or “You don’t fit in anymore,” or whatever else and just enjoy myself regardless of the level I’m at. But ironically, the anxiety about not being able to do what I used to has made regaining those abilities difficult.
It made me self-conscious about exercising in public spaces, but I was starting to finally get over it as friends convinced me the source of the concerns was all in my head. There’s no way to get back to it other than training, so despite the anxiety, I started running again, as soon as the doctors approved it. I went to the local track and just did a few slow laps each morning, building up speed every few days.
I’ve only just been authorized to add some sprints and bodyweight strength training to the mix. Occasionally there were other people at the track, but I didn’t really notice because I run with headphones on and try to zone out in these lighter sessions. But little did I know, my friends were wrong. It was not all in my head. I was being watched, and more than that, I was being judged.
This was my absolute catastrophe-level worst nightmare at this stage of building back my strength and speed. On Friday, I was setting up for practice at the kid’s program and the head coach asked me into his office because a parent had a complaint. A parent I didn’t know too well, Karen, was there and he said she had specific complaints about me.
I was a bit nervous, as anyone is being called to meet with their boss over a complaint, but I figured it was a classic case of “My kid should start more,” or “I know my kid tried out as a midfielder but I want him/her to switch to defense,” that kind of “rules don’t apply to me” thing. But instead, I sit down in the office, and Karen is playing my boss a video of me running on the track.
That she filmed from afar; it’s surrounded by stadium-style risers. I was horrified, both because no one is ever totally used to seeing themselves on video, and because I was just embarrassed about how slow I was. But most importantly because why was a virtual stranger (I’d met her personally maybe four times, ever) filming me while I ran on my own time at a private facility?
She then went on to explain that her eight-year-old son, one of the players on my squad, was lapping me in the video. She was insisting the coaches need to hold themselves to higher athletic standards than the young players if they want to prepare them for college teams. (Again, her son is eight.) Apparently, her son would sometimes be running on the track while her older child was practicing on a nearby field.
I never noticed, the kid is still relatively new, and again, I don’t pay much attention to the other people on the track. My boss patiently but firmly explained to Karen that my physical abilities are not the parents’ concern, and all personnel are closely managed by the head coaches who understand each unique situation and what’s appropriate, and that her son wouldn’t be impacted.
But she didn’t stop there. Karen then went on to say my being out of shape was probably connected to why I’d been taking so much time off lately. Uh... technically yes, it is, because I was in the hospital. She was complaining that the personnel changeover isn’t good for the kids. My boss again reiterated that the head coaches hadn’t changed or taken any time off and that I was still one of the most skilled in the area I instruct, so this was not her concern.
She asked if there was someone else she could speak to, but he explained that he was the owner and founder of this program, so, no there was not. I knew my boss was intentionally avoiding saying what had happened to me or even alluding to a health issue, to protect my privacy, but I figured maybe being transparent with her would show her how ridiculous she was being—and keep her tuition dollars in our program.
But when I explained, she just turned to the boss and said, “Well maybe you should furlough her until she’s healed and bring on a healthy coach in the meantime, because my son needs someone out there who can keep up with him.” My boss respected what I was trying to do, but made clear we weren’t going further with that strategy to avoid setting a precedent of sharing coaches’ personal circumstances.
Telling her why people take time off or what their health status may be is not her concern because the program manages that and makes appropriate decisions. She kept kicking up a fuss, but the coach finally told her he had to get back out on the field, back to her son and everyone else’s kids. She started physically leaving but continued fussing about how she was not satisfied and would not be recommending us to other parents.
Pro tip—this is not the way to conduct yourself with the people who make recommendations to scouts concerning family culture/team interaction. The coach wasn’t preparing to leave, instead, he stopped her in her tracks to tell her if she was found to be surveilling or otherwise harassing any staff members again, she would be perma-banned from the program.
No games or practices, no team social events, no presence in our buildings, and no clemency. So, that was pretty satisfying. Her son is a good, average, kid and I’m glad the consequences were focused on booting her out rather than limiting his opportunities to have fun playing. So then we went out and had a great, happy, safe practice.
This was still a pretty upsetting event for me personally though, and I’ll never unsee that discouraging video of me running, but it was ultimately reassuring to know the other staff has my back. Leaving Karen in the dust is just another step on my road to recovery!
32. A Devilish Deed
I’m from a Catholic family. When I was baptized, I started crying, which the priest assured my worried grandmother was normal. After the priest was finished pouring water over my head, I started to urinate on the priest's robe. The priest was obviously extremely angry, and started yelling and saying things like, "Child of Satan! To the underworld, you shall go!"
My grandmother passed out, my mother started crying, and my uncle was laughing his head off. Obviously, I don't remember this, but there's a family video.
33. One Strike, You’re Out
I watched my kid walk out on the porch, pick up a plastic whiffle bat, look at it, look at his older brother sitting on the porch steps, look back at the bat, and then haul back and crack his brother's head like Babe Ruth popping one out of the park. I could watch his thought process in 5 seconds time. No hesitation.
34. The Cold-Hearted Prank
One day, I apparently decided to hide in the refrigerator as my mother was outside the house. She was babysitting me alone at home and left me by myself for a minute to deal with the gas people, the ones that bring natural gas for use in the stove at home. When she came back, it took her a minute to realize she couldn't find me—and then she lost it.
Apparently, she spent 30 minutes combing through our huge house and its yard, progressively approaching insanity as she failed to find me. She even climbed the mango tree in our backyard, in case I had somehow done so. She eventually cracked and called my dad, sobbing and saying that somehow I had been taken by the gas people.
As my dad took over and called for some officers from work, my mom tried to calm herself down and went to get herself a glass of water. As soon as she opened the refrigerator door, I burst out and screamed, “You found me!!!" with what she said was the biggest smile ever. She then proceeded to collapse on the floor, woke up a minute later, and then called my dad to tell him everything, as he rushed out of work to come back home.
35. Will Curiosity Kill The Cat?
My 6-year-old has always had weird interests. She asked me to show her pictures of what's in our bodies. I showed her diagrams on Google, and she said, "No, I mean inside of a REAL body. Like a dead person." I showed her some random picture of an arm surgery and she was begging for more. Also, she always asks me to stop so she can look at roadkill on the road.
When my childhood dog passed, she tried to sneak and look inside the bag while I was bawling. We're really pushing for the medical field and not the total psycho field. She has never shown any signs of aggression or desire to hurt people/animals. She is a very sweet child and doesn't even like it when we kill bugs or cut down the weeds in our yard!
She shows respect for life but is DEFINITELY interested in bodies. I'm not sure she understands what it all is or what it means yet I am a science teacher, and my wife is a nurse, so we definitely encourage her interest in science!
36. Cutting The Cheese
I took my family to a restaurant quite a few years back. The restaurant had wooden seats in their booths. My son thought that it would be a good idea to let a huge one rip just as we were being seated into the booth. Of course, the sound was extremely magnified coming off of the wooden seat. I was both impressed with how loud it was and embarrassed because I knew that most of the restaurant had to have heard it.
I slowly started looking around to see that most of the patrons in the restaurant were indeed looking directly at our table. Of course, my kid thought nothing of it and acted like it was completely normal.
37. Be All That You Can Be
My adult son had a situation come up at work today. He was driving home and called me because he wanted to vent about it. It was a situation similar to something that came up at his prior job and he swore he'd never put up with that again. And he didn't. He wanted to talk to me about it, so I listened. Then he said he was pulling up at his house and so he had to go.
He wanted to leave that part of the day behind and not take it inside to his wife and kids. It feels good being a sounding board. It feels good being a safe place to turn to when bad stuff happens. I didn't have that myself, but I can BE that for him. I am 51 and have gone no contact for over 30 years. Let me tell you something—you never fully get over the stuff truly bad parents do to you.
Sometimes when I see my son and daughter-in-law with their children, how gentle and loving they are and how awesome they are as parents, I pine still for what those kids have. I'm not jealous of my grandkids per se, it's not that. It's that you see what you didn't have, and you never, ever stop wanting it. But there are compensations. There are friends who come along and fill in those gaps.
You find mentors and parent surrogates. And not everyone gets good parents in life, but everyone can BE that to other people. When I was in second grade and getting my school picture taken, the photographer reached in, gently turned my chin, and said to me, "Look this way for me, princess." Do you know, that was the first time I'd ever been called a pet name?
I never forgot this. His kindness touched me to the core, I'd experienced so little of it. So when you go about your day today, please be kind to other people, especially children. Almost 45 years later, I still remember that man's kindness and his face.
38. Pride And Progress
My wife is a heck of a strong lady. She doesn't break down. We were having a date night at our favorite pizza place and we were talking about how things had been going. She's been making a ton of progress since we got together years ago, and I only said one thing and it put her in tears: "I'm so proud of you." It wasn't until later that I thought about it and realized that probably not many people had said that to her before, if any.
She's doing so well, and I am so very proud of her.
39. Best Parent Award
My daughters are 17 (almost 18) and 18 (almost 19). My oldest just got a job and my youngest, who is a senior, is currently job hunting. We also have two other people in the house currently job hunting. Last night we were talking and my youngest said if everyone found a job, we should move to a bigger place. My oldest agreed. I was shocked and asked them if they want to keep living with me?
They both said yes like it was a no brainer. See, I moved out of my mom's house the night before my 18th birthday and never looked back. I couldn't wait to be away from her. I was so touched that they don't see me the way I saw her. I feel like I accomplished something.
40. I Scream For Ice Cream
As a child I dropped a bowl of ice cream. The bowl shattered and I stained the rug. I started sobbing, because I expected to be yelled at, or even hit, because I'd broken a bowl from a set, and had stained the carpet. Instead, something completely different happened. My step-mom told me to stop crying and said she'd serve me more ice cream. I was confused.
I broke a bowl, that's a bad thing, why am I still getting my treat? She told me she knew I didn't mean it, and the bowl was less important than my own safety. That was the first time any woman my father had dated (including my own mother) had ever treated me kindly. It was the first time I realized not all women are like that, and I wasn't necessarily destined to grow up to be a woman like my mother.
41. Just Deserts
My grandma passed when I was 16. My grandma was a hard-working, no-nonsense kind of lady. She ran her own upholstery business for 50 years and had five kids. My mom was the middle child and her and my grandma always clashed. I honestly think it was just my mom’s sense of entitlement, wanting more than she earned or more than the other kids, and my grandma refused to play along.
With five kids, she ended up with 10 grandkids, and when she was dying she drew up a will. Being a practical lady, she decided to allocate her assets based on what she perceived would benefit each child/grandchild the most. For me, she created an education trust because she knew I wanted to go to college. For my brother, however, she ended up leaving him her delivery van from her business because he was in a band and wanted a touring vehicle. Then she got to my mom, and all hell broke loose.
My mom got some heirloom jewelry, and that was it. Now, my mom was obsessed with jewelry so I think my grandma thought she’d like it. But needless to say, my mom was livid. She flat-out said my trust (around 30k) was worth so much more than a van and jewelry and it simply wasn’t fair for my grandma to leave me so much.
At the time, I said grandma knows college is expensive and it was her choice how she split her assets, not mine. Fast forward to my second semester of freshman year of college, I was 18. I had actually received scholarships that paid for my entire tuition so I expected my trust to last me well through undergrad and on to grad school if I wanted, which I did.
I ask my mom how I obtain access to it now so I can control it myself now that I'm 18. My mother’s answer made my jaw drop to the floor. This is when my mom told me that the trust was empty. It turns out that my mom had been withdrawing funds the entire time and claimed they were education expenses. The way she did this was...incredible.
She is a college professor, and in high school, I had taken some classes at her school to get a jump on college. My mom actively encouraged it and had me even take classes in the summer. Because I was the child of faculty, my actual out-of-pocket costs were $25 a credit hour. However, my mom obtained the bills for each of the courses before her faculty discount and withdrew funds from my trust for that amount.
Then for the first semester of my freshman year, she obtained the bill before scholarships and used that to finally drain the account completely. I was totally stunned and couldn’t believe she’d just admit to it. I demanded my money back. Her next response was even more blood-curdling. She then tells me she “used it to benefit the whole family.”
Yeah, by buying herself a plot of land right in the nicest part of the city. She explained that now she could use the land as collateral for a construction loan to build her dream house, which apparently somehow benefits me in her mind. As I was 18 and had no money to go after my mom in court, I was left devastated and decided the best I could do is not ever return home from school.
I got a job and an apartment and cut my mom out, except for occasional holidays. Fast forward again to five years later at Christmas. My mom had her “dream house” and this was right at the peak of the housing boom so it was super overvalued She was so proud of herself, bragging about her big financial windfall. I couldn’t have been more upset. But only a few months later, it all comes crashing down.
Turns out, my mom never paid taxes on the money she took from my account or the property taxes for the land and house. The county sent her a letter about the property taxes stating she needed to pay up. She probably got letters before this and ignored it, I don’t know. This was a pretty high tax area and her house had a very high value, so she owed back taxes and penalties over $100k.
She obviously didn’t have that lying around. She hired a lawyer and was trying to work her way out of it, and tried to blame anyone and everyone but herself. My mom complained that it was the bank’s fault because on every mortgage she ever had, they took property tax out with the monthly mortgage payments. However, in this case, my mom didn’t actually have a mortgage...
She was paying off a construction loan and was responsible for her own property taxes. She ended up dragging out this court battle for a bit because she was freaking out about how to pay the bill. She then asked for the house value to be reassessed. During that time, the housing market crashed big time and her once very overvalued $700k house was now worth $220k on the new assessment. But here’s the kicker.
She somehow believed that now her back taxes would be adjusted to this new value. But obviously, they took taxes based on the value of the house at the time and only adjusted any future taxes for the new value. This is when reality finally hit her and she realized she had to sell the dream house to pay off taxes. She ended up getting the $220k for it but she still owed $150k on her construction loan and $100k in taxes.
So she was left with no house and $30k left to pay on a construction loan for a house she no longer owned. She declared bankruptcy and moved into an apartment and spent the next few years paying off her debts—she had credit card debt and other stuff too. She’s now retired with no savings, bored and lonely, still blaming the entire rest of the world for her mistake.
I still refuse to visit her but I will take her calls occasionally. I did go on to finish school, get a good job, and have my own house that I actually pay taxes on. I’m not happy she took my money and I don’t forgive her for that but I was happy to see she paid a huge price for taking from her own child. You know what they say: Karma always gets you in the end.
42. Spring Cleaning
Once upon a time, I didn't even know what gaslighting was. It was something so ingrained in our family dynamic that I didn't realize how awful it was. My mom is the worst for it. I never had a name for it, but I just knew there was no point in ever challenging her about anything because her story always changes. Well, this weekend I was the one to gaslight.
I'm ashamed to admit that this is not my first time, but I'm actively working to change. My partner very kindly did lots of housework, as this is a contentious issue for us at times. When I saw he had done so much, I didn't know if saying thank you and making a big deal would cause tension, so I left it with the aim to say thank you later.
As I was making lunch, he made a lighthearted comment about how I didn't thank him for doing the housework. Instead of apologizing and saying it in the moment, I replied "I did, don't you remember?” As soon as the words left my mouth my heart sunk. Yuck, what was I doing? So I quickly caught myself and tried to make amends.
“Oh shoot, I didn't actually say it, did I? I just thought it. Doesn't really count when you do that, sorry." I then proceeded to tell him how thankful I was. I hate that this is an automatic response for me to lie like this, but hopefully, if I keep challenging myself I can eradicate it from my reflexes entirely. Each day is a new day to get better.
43. Constant Compromising Comments
I scared the bejeesus out of my mother twice, both times when I was about three years old. The first time, we were walking through the Botanic Gardens and there was a wedding taking place. Apparently, the bride was a larger lady, and I piped up in my piercing little voice and said the worst thing imaginable, "Mummy, look at that FAT BRIDE!"
My mother grabbed me under one arm and ran away —she thinks the bride didn't hear, but she's certain some of the guests did. The second time I scared her, it was even worse. She took me to her work one day and I met one of her colleagues. He was from Ghana and had very dark skin. Apparently I said, "Mummy, look at that dirty man!"
Mum said she just wanted the floor to swallow her up, but the guy handled it with exceptional grace and just laughed and said, "Don't worry, at least I can't blush." Yeah, I'm surprised I wasn't left at an orphanage after those two episodes. I now have kids of my own who are determined to give me my comeuppance.
44. An Unwelcome Visitor
Buckle up everyone for this bumpy ride. Okay, so I was chilling in my living room around 3 am playing some video games. My parents are out of town visiting some friends and I decided to stay home, house to myself and all. So here I am, in nothing but a bra and panties, when there's a knock on the door. "What the heck?” I think to myself.
I scramble to get my clothes on and I answer the door. It was a family acquaintance with her already whiny little brat. She's also visibly pregnant, and we'll get to why that part is important later. Me: Hey, what's going on? Her: My car broke down and the tow company can't come to get it until tomorrow, think me and my kid can crash here tonight?
Me: Sure, you guys can sleep in the living room. Once I let them in, I asked if she wanted anything and went to get the coffee she asked for. As I go get it, I see the little brat picking up my controller. Me: Hey little guy, please put that down. Her: Oh, can't he play a game? Me: Sorry, no. I'm in the middle of something, plus he wouldn't know how to play the type of game.
Her: But he reeealllly wants to, don't you? Him: I WANT TO PLAY!!!! Me: No, you can't play. Him: I WANT TO PLAY I WANT TO PLAY I WANT TO PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. He then throws the controller at the TV, shattering the screen. Me: WHAT THE HECK? I rush over to the TV. Her: Hey! Don't you yell at my child! Me: YOU JUST LET HIM DESTROY MY TV LIKE THIS. Her: You're the one who didn't let him play the video game.
Me: I said no, and you have to teach your brat that he isn't owed ANYTHING. Her: How dare you! Just wait until I tell your mother about how you treated him, you'll make a terrible mom. Me: I'm not having kids, but if I did I wouldn't let them be spoiled little brats! Her: YOU are being the brat right now! Just get a new TV and quit whining.
Me: Yeah, I'll get a new TV with the money you pay me for the broken one. Her: WHAT?! But YOU are the one who instigated it. Me: You know what? Just get out of my house. You and your brat are no longer welcome. Her: What is wrong with you? I'm preeeegnant and have a toddler and have nowhere to go, you can't just kick out a stranded pregnant mother and her toddler at 3 am in the cold.
Me: OH YES I CAN, YOU INSUFFERABLE WITCH. Get OUT of my house before I call the authorities. Her, picking her brat up and heading towards the door: Just wait until I tell your mother about this! Me: Yeah, I'll gladly tell her about what the little brat to the TV and that you refused to pay for it! Her: You'll regret this! Thankfully, though, she left.
The next morning I called my parents and explained what happened. They were very understanding because I was never raised to be a spoiled little jerk and the mom got an earful from my mom that if she didn't pay them back we would take her to small claims. She tried to play the “Woe is me” card but it didn't work and she forked over the $500 for the new TV. Then we cut contact with her.
45. The Great Escape…For Kids!
Before my son could crawl, he learned how to climb the extra tall baby gate. Before he could walk, he climbed the window sill. Before he could run, he climbed the bunk bed. Before he could open an applesauce container, he learned how to unlock the front door. I’m not sure what moment made me think, “Yep. He’s a monster.” It might have been when I almost witnessed Harambe 2.
I ducked down for ten seconds to tie his sister’s shoe and when I looked up, he had one leg over the barrier ready to go say hello. He’s 2 years old by the way. Or it might have been when I resigned myself to the leash. I brought it home, prepared for the protests. Instead he declared himself a puppy dog, made his siblings play police with him for two hours while he “sniffed out the bad guys” then gleefully showed me how easy it was for him to take the friggin' thing off. I give up, guys.
46. Sharp For Their Age
Not me but a buddy of mine. He is the most weird-minded dude I have ever met, but I have always just chalked that up to a rough upbringing (growing up eating dry cat food and raw potatoes from a neighborhood garden, negligent alcoholic mother, constantly moving from place to place). This dude always saw all the angles. He would casually identify and point out illicit acts other people were committing in broad daylight that escaped everyone else's notice.
He could see malevolent motives in the most banal activities. He sold illicit substances for years but would also work his behind off to mask his income behind a plausible veneer of legitimacy. Anyways, he and his girlfriend (another friend of mine) ended up having a set of Irish triplets who were super precocious. I was back home visiting once, and he showed me this video from his home security cameras.
It showed these three budding ne'er-do-wells (ages 2-4) coordinating an escape from their bedroom, piling up pillows and assisting one another over the baby gate. They wandered around silently, peeking around corners before making their way to the kitchen to retrieve a butter knife. They then proceeded to the hall closet where their toys were kept and used it to pry open the latch and get some toys, which they absconded with back to their room.
They played around for about an hour, before doing this all in reverse, covering up their tracks. But because his girlfriend was waking up from her nap, they didn't replace the butter knife. My buddy said after he saw the video, he checked under the eldest's bed and found four other knives.
47. Toys Tucked Away, Then Thrown Away
I'm 25. I spend a lot of time at my boyfriend's house. But when I'm not with him, I'm at my parents' house saving up to get an apartment. I have my vibrator with me for those lonely nights. I was at my boyfriend’s house and my mom decided to go on one of her famous cleaning frenzies. She went through my sock drawer, where I keep my vibrator…
While she was moving things around, she must have activated the vibrator because she heard the buzzing. My sister sent me a text message and told me my mom was so mad that I had a vibrator, and so she threw it away. They were Catholics. The next time I came home, she could barely look me in the eye.
48. A Secret Dragged Out
When I was in high school, I was very bulimic. If someone was downstairs after I ate dinner, I wouldn't be able to go into the bathroom, so my brilliant plan was to go upstairs and puke into grocery bags. I found this to be way easier than using the bathroom, in the comfort of my room, I could throw up in peace and not be worried about getting caught.
Of course, I couldn't throw them away when my parents were home, so I kept them around my room. I had vomit bags everywhere, under the bed, in my desk drawers, in my closet...it wasn't pretty. One day, I went out with a friend and came back at around three to get my clothes for work. My stepdad was in the living room and I could hear the wet/dry vacuum.
I asked why he was cleaning, in a joking way, and my mum turned around and said, "The dog got into your room today." I was instantly mortified. I went into the living room and my stepdad refused to acknowledge me. There was old puke everywhere...on the stairs, on the floor, in my room, on the couch, oh god it was horrible.
49. The Bank Of Baby
Teaching my kid the value of money, we'd give her tuck shop/snack money in the day, and we later found out she was just giving it away not understanding the value of money at all. A few long deep conversations where I hate to admit I became a capitalist poster boy later, and she starts to understand that money has a value, how hard it can be to get, and that it's even harder to keep.
Fast forward a few weeks later, we run out of milk and I only have my card and no cash on me, plus our local shop will only now accept card purchases over £10.00. I figure I'll ask my darling angel little girl if I can borrow £1 for milk and pay it back tomorrow. No. No, you can't have my money daddy. I earned it, and you need to learn responsibility that money doesn't just fall from the sky and you can't just go around giving everything away as pretty soon you'll have nothing. I suck at parenting.
50. Speaking His Mind
When my son was four, we were once in the checkout line at the grocery store. There was a very obese man two people ahead of us and, unfortunately, my kid spotted him. He points and says very loudly "Mommy! Look how fat that man is!" My insides go cold. People around us are trying not to laugh. I say in a very firm voice "Son, that's not a nice thing to say."
To which he replies. "But he is really fat!" Then I tell him to just be quiet. It felt like the longest I've ever waited to check out.
51. The Unknown Play Date
When I was in kindergarten, I made a friend while at school. We really hit it off, and she said she had a big bag of Halloween candy at home and offered to share it with me. It was a fairly short walk to her place from school, and from her place, a short walk home. So I head over to her place, and completely forget to tell my parents where I went after school.
I completely lost track of time. We ate candy and played video games. Her family must have thought my parents knew where I was. We played board games and ate dinner, and I didn't go home until after nine. I remember getting home, walking through the front door, and being greeted by the sight of my parents, both completely in tears, on the phone with the officers.
I immediately realized what I did wrong, and I thought for sure I was going to be grounded forever. They weren't mad, though. They were just overjoyed that I was okay. A bunch of bear hugs and tear-filled expressions of parental affection later, I felt terrible. They must have thought I was a goner. I was missing for over six hours. Every single one of their friends was out looking for me. I really suck.
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52. One Person’s Furniture Is Another Person’s Toilet
At about 15 months old, my daughter was beginning her potty-training phase. She discovered that we liked it when she peed in the potty—to which she immediately decided the potty could be replaced by any container she could find. The next day, she delicately removed all the clothes from her dresser drawer, pulled out the drawer, then sat and peed in said drawer.
I never thought I'd pour pee out of a dresser drawer before. Two months later, she stacked toys on top of her high chair and climbed Mount Dangerous to get to the top of the fridge, where I was keeping a box of red velvet cake mix. She mixed it with water, ate some, decided she didn't like it, and began to rub it into the carpet...the very white carpet (rental home). She's 9 now. She's still nuts.
53. Body Positivity
I was in a pool change room when my then three-year-old daughter asked me very loudly why my chest was not the same size and shape as another woman’s, who was standing right next to us getting dressed. She actually laughed and had a pretty good attitude towards the situation. Nevertheless, I was still dying on the inside!
54. Xmas Came Early
When I was young, maybe around five or six, I was trying to find Christmas presents in closets or under beds, but instead, I found a ton of condoms and toys. At the time, I didn't know what they were, so I opened up the box of condoms, thinking they were balloons. I started to run down the stairs with what I thought was a sword and trying to inflate the condoms.
The sword turned out to be a vibrator. I then ran into the room where my parents were and started telling them how I "finally found my Christmas presents." My parents still love bringing up this story.
55. Time Moves Faster At That Age
My wife's mother passed unexpectedly. No disease or anything. My wife was, of course, devastated. The day after, I wake up to hear my wife on the couch, just bawling her eyes out. I walk out to comfort her. Our 10-year-old daughter stops me in the hall. She asked, "Why is mom crying so much?" I said, "Well, she just lost her mother." She replied: "But that was yesterday."
56. Ready For Takeoff
My kid has this habit of pulling down his pants when he gets upset. It's funny in a family context. Not so much at the airport, though…
57. Right Across The Face
I was about two or three years old at the time and living at my grandmother's house with my aunt. One day, after we hosted a family gathering, my aunt decided to take a nap on the couch. I do not remember this at all, but apparently, I decided to pick up an empty champagne bottle from the previous night and smack her in the face with it. Yeah.
The way my grandmother tells it is that she was in the kitchen making dinner when she heard my aunt start wailing and crying. So, she goes outside to see my aunt going down the stairs into the yard with blood all over her face and clothing, crying and carrying a blood-covered me in her arms, also crying. Her eyebrow, to this day, is split and her hair will not grow where she had to get stitches.
There is no recollection of this even a little bit from me. None.
58. A Bratty Revelation
I have one child. She's 22 months old and I fear my husband and I have fallen into the trap of what's easy vs. what's best. I am a teacher, so it's just she and I for the summer (during the school year, my sister-in-law watches her, along with my nephew, who is 18 months). I first realized she was a bratty kid and got her way all the time when I signed her up for a weekly 'ONE IS FUN' class through our Parks and Rec department.
It involves free play coupled with clean-up and circle time, songs, etc. She is easily the most out of control in the class and throws a F-I-T during any re-direction. This led me to take an inventory of when we just “let it go” and “choose our battles” or “let her explore” and as it turns out, it's quite often. The list includes, but is not limited to: Bibs—she hates them and throws a huge fit when we try to put them on her. The solution? No more bibs.
Phones—I stopped trying to keep my phone away from her. She throws an enormous fit if I'm on it and don't give it to her so, guess what? I either put it away or just let her have it. TV—I don't watch TV or the news during the day like I want. if the TV is on, she breaks down and I either turn if off or put on the educational shows she's grown to love.
Nothing for me—I am her entertainment committee. If I try to read a book, talk on the phone or do something on the computer, she suddenly NEEDS me—even if she's playing just fine on her own, she NEEDS me all of a sudden. Do I give in? Heck yes, I do. Her tantrums are nuts. Even as I write out this list it's clear to me what I need to do. The logical part of my brain says, "Duh, let her throw a fit, she'll figure it out and life moves on," while the parental part of me says, "She's my baby and I hate seeing her upset, is it really that big of a deal? She'll grow out of it?
59. Surprise!
I was once talking to an older gentleman at a softball game. My five-year-old son was standing by us, patiently listening. Then, with no warning whatsoever, he punched the old guy as hard as he could—right in the berries. The old guy collapsed in pain. I asked my kid later why he did that. He had no explanation, he just said he felt like it.
60. Closer Than Just Family
When I was 16, I found out that my Dad was actually just my stepdad and not my biological father. Well, a sister I never knew about contacted me and it turns out my real dad lived in a small town just a few miles away from mine. I met my sister and had her come over one day while my mom was at work. My mom came home early, and, when I introduced my sister, I introduced her as my girlfriend.
The look on my mom's face was priceless.
61. Daddy, Tear Down This Wall
My daughter broke two baby gates with her bare hands. She destroyed the thing engineered to contain her. It was one of my proudest moments of fatherhood, and one of my wife's near-heart attack moments of motherhood.
62. Table Talk
I taught my kids not to pass gas at the dinner table. Instead, my four-year-old thought it was appropriate to run over to the next table in the restaurant and let one rip.
63. Regrets Were Had
My mom got my sister and I our first set of makeup when we were 11 and 15. We ran to the bathroom to try it out and immediately decided that the best course of action was to paint bruises and wounds all over our faces, fake fight sounds and screaming, then run to our mother's office area appearing like we needed to go to the hospital. It worked. She took one look at us and turned as white as a sheet.
Then she started screaming. By then, we couldn't stay in character and collapsed in a heap of laughter. We weren't allowed to have makeup again until we were adults and could buy it for ourselves.
64. Take A Seat, Mommy
Not my kid but my cousin. I had the flu, and I had to watch my other three cousins while my mom was in the shower. We were watching YouTube, and then the little monster dropped his car seat on my head. About a year later he smashed his mom's favorite CD, because she wouldn't take him to the park.
65. One Out of Two Ain’t Bad?
I have two kids. The oldest, an 8-year-old female, is absolutely terrible. The youngest, a 6-year-old male, is amazing. I have no idea what happened. I've been a stay-at-home mom for both of them their entire lives. Last year, my daughter began acting out. It started with tantrums. It has now elevated to name-calling, hitting, and throwing.
Her test scores in school are suffering this year, and I'm not sure she'll make it out of second grade. Every day, I pick them up from school, we come home, and within minutes it starts. Something will trigger her, and I feel like there's nothing I can do. Sitting in time out doesn't work. Today, she sat in timeout for three hours straight.
This started out as a 10-minute punishment. I'm at my wits’ end. I've taken toys away, privileges away, everything I can think of. And it's getting to the point where my son is suffering because of her. If she acts up, we don't go out. So, to answer your question, I have no idea where it went wrong. I don't feel like my husband and I have raised the youngest any differently. And it wasn't always like this.
66. Some Questions Are Better Left Unanswered
My nephew is six, and at the grocery store the other day he kept counting out loud. He would yell "SIX... SEVEN... EIGHT!" Finally, I asked, "What are you doing?" He yelled "Counting how many Black people I see!" I wanted the floor to swallow me up…
67. The Secret Comes Out?
One time during my sophomore year in college, I had been feeling guilty for not seeing my family very often, even though they lived twenty minutes away. So, I decided to take them out to dinner. Since I had some extra cash, I thought I would take them out somewhere nice. We all went to Black Angus. I thought it would be cool to bring my boyfriend that I had been dating seriously for six months.
No one in my family normally does this. I found out later that my dad was scared that I was either going to tell the family I was either pregnant or getting married at that dinner.
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68. More Catty Than Prejudice (Please Read ‘Til the End)
My 4-year-old said she doesn't like black people. She was really adamant about it...she just kept repeating it and every time, my heart hurt. I have tried very hard to raise her with diversity in her world and culture all around her and openheartedness to everyone in the world. We also live in a problematic area (South Carolina, near the old plantations) and I've tried to be really mindful of these issues as I've raised her and tried really hard to be intentional about raising her to not have prejudices.
I was devastated when she said this. She kept saying it..."I just don't like black people at ALL." I turned my brain over and over trying to determine where I went wrong. I asked her to tell me why she felt like she didn't like black people. She said they were ugly, which was even more disappointing, of course. Then she pointed at a (white) man across the street and said "See? That guy should wear pink or red." That’s when I realized "black people" meant "people wearing black shirts."
69. A Different Kind Of Stranger Danger
As a little game, my oldest daughter and I used to run away from my wife when we went shopping. One time, we got particularly far away and I asked her what she wanted to do now that Mom couldn't stop us. She exclaimed loudly, near others, "We can punch a stranger!"
70. Hide And Can’t Be Found
When I was in fourth and fifth grade, my dad was in the air force and we were stationed at the NATO base in Iceland. My parents were out at some party at the officer's club and there was a girl babysitting my siblings while I stayed at a friend's house. My sister decided to play hide and seek with the sitter. Well, the sitter looked for her for over an hour and got scared that she had left the house.
She called the o-club and had my parents paged. They left the general's table in a hurry and turned the house upside down. They couldn't find her. Anywhere. The MPs were called and hours went by. They literally sealed off the entire base...No one in or out of any gate and all planes were grounded. They put all of the officers and the entire group of KC135 crew members there out looking for her everywhere.
Around one in the morning, she finally came out of the coat closet she had hidden in after she was awoken by all the commotion of the officers' radios going off. Apparently, she had fallen asleep on the floor there under some coats. My mom had looked in that closet numerous times, but she didn't pull everything out of it.
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71. If The Nanny Diaries Were A Horror Movie
I worked as an au pair for a German family for about 10 months last year. The parents had to travel a lot for work, which I knew going into it, though I was told it was not that frequent or for that long, biggest lie they told me. They have three children: a 17-year-old boy, a 15-year-old boy, and an 11-year-old girl. I basically did everything for these kids.
I made their breakfasts, their school lunches, their dinners, did all their laundry, cleaned their rooms, made their beds, helped them with homework, hung out with them, everything. Including the parents' cleaning and laundry, which I was not supposed to do. Not a big deal, I don't mind housework and I love cooking. But holy moly, the girl was the worst child I ever experienced in my life, and I had a ton of experience working with kids, especially kids from poor, rough backgrounds.
This girl was incredibly spoiled by her father, like any little girl, and her mother was not usually around. One evening we were playing Rummikub and we all beat her (myself, her brothers, and her dad). She threw a freaking fit. LITERALLY flipped the table, screaming and sobbing, and when her older brother told her to calm down, she freaking lunged at him, grabbed his leg, and bit him and tore off flesh.
SHE TORE FLESH FROM HIS CALF!!!! Then, her father started yelling at her, so she bit him on the arm until he bled. He started screaming at her, at which point she started to sob, and then he comforted her, told her it was okay, and asked if she wanted ice cream. ICE CREAM?!?!? NOPE! If she was my child, or I had authority at that moment she'd be freaking done.
Another time, I was helping my host mother put away the Christmas decorations. The daughter was in a crummy mood as usual and was sitting on the stairs to the basement. They live in a very beautiful modern home, and the stairs are made of concrete and steel. I am carrying a box of Christmas stuff, this demon child stretches out her leg, and trips me down the stairs.
Luckily, I caught myself before I fell, but if I had fallen, I could have seriously been injured. The mother refused to believe that her daughter did that to me and yelled at me for being clumsy and dropping the box. There were also just the usual temper tantrums. Anything would set her off. She'd have friends over and be mad that they got a bigger cookie and start throwing stuff all over the house, throw herself on the floor, and just scream. She was horrible. A side note: The two youngest kids drank hot chocolate out of baby bottles in the morning. Legit baby bottles.
72. Make Way For Me
My two-year-old daughter would see a kid in a store playing with something she wanted and say, "Your Mom's looking for you." Every time, the other kid would walk away from the toys and she would get to play with them. At 3, we were at a pool with older kids. She told me she wanted the pool to herself. She walked over and asked who was the tallest, because tallest was in charge. The kids jumped out of the pool to measure each other and fight. She got the pool to herself. She's 9 and sweet now, or she has me believing that anyway.
73. Exit At The Next Parenting Stop
Many years ago, I started working for a guy who was a single dad with two boys, then aged about 11 and 13. The older kid was nice, the younger kid was a problem. Shoplifting, truancy, lying, etc. My boss actually warned me to keep my wallet on my person when he was around. One day, he told me that when the boys were two and four, he and his then-wife were delivering a couple of cars to a city that was a couple of days’ drive away.
They had pulled off the highway into the scrub to sleep for the night. In the morning they found that "someone" had turned on the headlights of one car during the night and the battery was flat. He went out to the highway and eventually flagged down someone who had jumper leads and was willing to drive off into the scrub with a rough-looking stranger.
They got the car started and the guy drove off. He left the car to take a leak and the younger son reached over and turned off the key. He said that was the moment when he realized that he had a problem child. I worked for him for a couple of years and moved on. About 10 years later met him in the street and, while we were talking, asked about the boys.
He told me that they were both living in one of his houses and hadn't paid rent in months, because they were jobless addicts. He was convinced that the younger one had led the older one into that lifestyle. I had to agree with him.
74. Just So Everyone Knows...
Nothing compares to the experience of carrying my daughter back from the bathroom through a crowded hipster brunch spot while she shouted “HE FARTED!!” at every single table. In case there was any confusion, she was also pointing at my face.
75. Keep Me Out Of There
I hated school in the fourth grade. A terrible teacher and a few bratty other students made going to school miserable. So, I loved any excuse to get out of school for all or part of the day, even if it was a doctor's appointment. One day, for some reason, my doctor's appointment was canceled. I was having none of this.
I barricaded myself in my bedroom with no lock on the door, just my desk chair, and some stuffed animals as a "blockade," and screamed that I would rather do anything else than go to school. My mom was freaked out. Crying and everything. My poor dad, having to deal with two crying women/girls at once. The next day, I had an emergency session with my mom's therapist.
76. So Much For Early Detection
I have a cousin who we literally call Satan because he is the evilest creature you could ever encounter. He once said that he wants to kill someone because it would be “fun” to watch the victim struggle while taking their last breath. Let’s call him M. Once, while his mom and I were cleaning their house, M convinced his younger brother (who was 4 years old at the time) to drink a glass of Clorox bleach in one go.
The poor kid took a large gulp of the glass and immediately realized that he shouldn’t have done that. He had to undergo a gastric lavage and suffered from serious burns to his mouth and esophagus all while M was laughing his face off. The sad part is: M’s parents still think his behavior is acceptable because “he doesn’t know better” and they keep saying “he’ll grow out of it.”
77. A Cutting Wake-Up Call
I had chronic pain even as a baby, which sucked for my mum as between the hours of 6 pm and 7 pm I would cry for an hour solid. Anyway, this stopped after I turned three (returned again around 10). I was about six years old and, in my sleep, I walked downstairs and grabbed a knife from the kitchen top, because apparently, that's what a child does when sleepwalking?
I walk into my mum's room and let out a "blood-curdling scream" and proceeded to stab the bed not even a few inches from my mum's head and upon her waking, I proceeded to laugh and say, "Silly mummy.” I was a very weird child.
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78. What’s Wrong With Recycling?
When my young daughter sat and pondered for a while, then informed me that if her slightly older brother dies, she wants his skeleton, so it doesn't go to waste.
79. Long Live The King
I was the monster kid. When I was five or six, I was looking out of the window on the second story, watching the rain pour down and the streets flood up. My paternal aunt was with me at that time. I told her that when I grow up, I would push my father into an open manhole so that he'd fall. Fast forward to the present, I no longer am a monster. I helped my father put my two youngest siblings through college, and would assist him with his personal projects, like building his garage.
80. Blueberry Hill
I had a mommy group meet-up when my son was just two. He crammed himself full of banana flaxseed muffins, blueberries, and strawberries. He only pooped once a week or so in those days, and we were at my parents’ house the next day when it all hit him. I had to throw away those pants and literally hose my kid down outside. I still gag when I think about it.
81. The Schoolboy Prank
When I was in high school, this guy I was friends with had a very realistic-looking cockroach. It was huge and glassy and rubbery. It looked very real. He gave it to me for some reason, so one day while my mother was drying her hair in the bathroom, I sneakily placed the cockroach on her bare foot and took a step back.
She freaked! She probably jumped up in the air as tall as me and screamed and cursed. When she saw me laughing, she realized it wasn't real and proceeded to beat me with the dryer. She was so angry that I don't even think she intended to really hurt me, but she did. I ended up with a huge lump on my head and a major headache all day.
She hates roaches, so I guess I should have seen that coming, but gosh, she hit me hard. Don't scare your mother...
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82. Throw Them For A Curve
When my kid blithely told me that he wants to play the documentary Under the Curve for his classmates because he is trying to convince them the world is flat. He admits he knows it is not, but he is trying, actively, to CON them into thinking it IS.
83. Mommy’s Little Ambulance Chaser
We had our young cat “fixed" and she just slept and rested all day after coming back from the vet. My 11-year-old son asked very concerned, after watching the cat lying around all day, "Do you think she is sad because she can't have babies?" Awww...so sweet. My 7-year-old son asked, "So, if she doesn't recover, would we get a cash settlement?"
84. Stalling
My daughter was with me in a crowded dressing room and complimented me very loudly on my nice nipples. I could hear laughter from the other stalls.
85. Poor Lapse Of Judgement
When I was eight years old, I was flying home solo to Pennsylvania, and back then, it was okay for your parents to walk you to the gate without a boarding ticket pre-TSA. So, as my entire family is going through security I slyly, but not quietly, ask my mom, "Hey Mom, did you remember to pack the shooter?" I swear, I do not know what possessed me to say that, but said it I did.
Of course, security did not take it lightly. They took us out of line, went through all our stuff, twice, and warned me about not saying stupid stuff like that ever again. My mom said she was so completely mad at me she could have "dropped kicked" me to Pennsylvania. I'm a 44-year-old grandma now and I still haven't lived it down!
86. Why Not Feel At Home, Everywhere?
My wife and I had a suspicion that one of our kids was sneaking into our bedroom and taking stuff. With my wife's consent, and without my kids knowing, we put a camera in our bedroom. We caught my 18-year-old son walking into our bedroom on camera without a stitch of clothing on.
87. Armed And Dangerous
I once got called into my son’s kindergarten because he had been using his poop as a weapon to fling at other kids in his class.
88. A Little Too Real
When I was about six, I made up a long list of symptoms to fake sickness in order to get out of school. As it turns out, my symptoms were very consistent with malaria. My dad had a job with the U.S. embassy and we were living in Lagos, Nigeria at the time. I had no idea why they were so worried.
89. Laughter Is The Best Medicine
When my son was six months old, he had a nasty virus that he gave to me. It was night number two of no sleep and he was crying inconsolably while I tried to rock him to sleep. I was so exhausted and miserable that I started sobbing too. He stopped crying, looked at me, and laughed. My first thought was “Oh good, I’m raising a maniac.” At least he stopped crying.
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90. Heads Or Tails
My kid sat right next to my shoulder while I was laying in bed fighting a migraine. He then pooped his pants, plopped backward right onto me, and slid along my head—smearing poop into my hair and ear, and then onto my face. He's two. It is definitely up there on the list of the worst "What the heck am I supposed to do now?" moments of my life.
I opted to drag him fully dressed into the shower and scrub and shampoo the two of us for an hour while crying.
91. Guest Without An Invite
When I was four, my family lived on the beach. I liked to go out on the shore and explore, throw rocks, and whatnot. We had some neighbors I was always interested in because they always had big parties. One day, I decided I wanted to go. I walked over and joined the party, playing with kids and eating just a few hot dogs.
Nobody thought otherwise, because they assumed I was somebody's son. I came back a few hours later, last hot dog in tow, to find my parents had called the authorities and were trying to find me. They asked where I was and I just told them I was at the neighbors’ and they gave me hot dogs. I didn't get in trouble, but I didn't get to visit the neighbors much after that.
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92. Watching, Always Watching
I was in second grade or so, and I was just becoming curious about how stuff works down there. I also had a teddy bear that was as big as me too. Anyway, so I was watching TV one day, when "Starship Troopers" came on, and it was a smut scene. I had never seen that kind of thing before, so I started becoming aroused. I took my teddy bear, and I got on top of it.
I started doing what they were doing, and it felt funny at the time. When I looked behind me, my jaw dropped. My mom was watching me. She never talks about it.
93. Best Seat In The House
While waiting in a long line with my six-year-old son, he started to complain about his legs hurting. I explained that we have to wait our turn like everyone else and that he needed to learn some patience skills. He then loudly exclaimed, "Why does that guy get a seat?!?!”—pointing to a man in a wheelchair two places behind us. I wanted to find the biggest rock I could possibly imagine to hide under.
94. I'd Rather You Didn't
My six-year-old daughter was in the passenger seat a few days ago and looked at me and said, "Dad, when I'm seven I'm going to kill you. No wait, when I'm eight." I asked, "How are you going to do that?" She smiled and said, "I'm gonna drive over your head with this car."
95. Morphin' Time
When I was a kid, we went to a farm for Thanksgiving and they slaughtered our turkey. They cut the feet off, so I took them, put them inside my sweater, and grabbed them as if they were my hands. I was small enough that the ratio was such that it looked like I really did have scaly, reptilian hands. My mom was laying on the couch taking a nap, so I went up to her quietly and touched her cheek with one of my new hands.
When she started to stir, I screamed: "I'M CHANGING! I'M CHANGING! IT HURTS SO BAD!!!" She freaked the heck out and started screaming like crazy. She tried to back up against the back of the couch and ended up going over the edge of it. It took several members of my family to calm her down. Still, nobody took my new hands away.
96. Recreating An Absolute Thriller
When we were about five or seven years old, me and my brother discovered the similarities between ketchup and blood. Mom wasn't home yet, so we got some knives from the kitchen, all the ketchup we could find, cut some holes in our shirts for the knives, and staged a huge scene in the living room. We loved secretly watching the thrillers our parents used to see in the evenings.
We'd watch from the living room door, while they assumed us to be asleep. So, we had some experience with a plausible scenario and put a lot of thought into it, creating a huge battle scene with blood on the walls, the couches, and of course lots of ketchup on our motionless bodies in the center of the room. Mom had kind of a breakdown.
97. A Game of Inches
It was very early in the morning, and I was sleeping in my bed. My two-year-old woke up before me, and decided that she was going to wake me up as well. She climbed out of her bed, went into the kitchen, built a set of makeshift stairs to reach the kitchen cutlery, grabbed a knife, and headed to my bedroom. She climbed into my bed, and then stabbed me an inch below my eye.
I awoke to find her holding it right over my head while giggling like a supervillain.
98. A Collection From The Night
I was severely afraid of the dark as a kid. I would hide under my covers and not get out of bed while it was dark. But, I often had to urinate late at night. So, I came up with a clever plan: I decided to keep a bunch of empty Snapple bottles on hand. Sadly, I was too grossed out/lazy to get rid of them the next day. So, my mom found all these full bottles on the shelf next to my bed.
I guess urine starts to smell pretty bad when it's been sitting for a few months.
99. Non-Traditional Gender Roles
A few years ago, my two-year-old daughter and I were waiting in line at Nordstrom. She was being really quiet and really patient, so I decided to reward her by purchasing a Melissa and Doug stamp set as a gift. As soon as we got up to the checkout counter, she randomly blurted out to the girl who was scanning our things, “Did you know that my mommy has a [insert male genitalia here]?”
I was in utter shock and had no idea where that had come from or what she was talking about. I just stood there for a moment, expressionless, wondering what in the world had just happened, before I finally managed to awkwardly say, “Umm yeah, I don’t.” The lady just stared at me, forced a smile and simply replied, “Have a nice day.”
The only explanation I can think of as to why this could have happened is that we had been talking to her a lot about my pregnancy and discussing what gender the baby might be. We have spent a lot of time wondering whether the baby is going to be a boy or a girl, so my guess is that she was trying to innocently tell the cashier something about the baby in my belly, but just worded it very poorly.
On top of all that, all the talk about this baby’s gender must have raised some questions in my daughter’s head, because she also decided to announce to her daycare class that “My daddy decided that he wants to be a girl, so he is going to become a girl.” The daycare staff never mentioned anything about it until our daughter casually informed us of her announcement during dinner one night—and we just about keeled over when we heard about it.
I asked her teacher the next day if she had really said this, and the teacher, in fact, stated, “Yes, she did say that. But it seemed like a very private and sensitive topic, so obviously, we didn’t want to bring anything up about it to you.” For the record, my husband is NOT transitioning and we have no idea what my daughter was trying to actually say. Ahh, kids. You gotta love them!
100. Same Difference
This happened a couple of weeks ago. It was the day of my grandmother's funeral. She passed in a hospital, and I was outside talking to the owner of the funeral home. This dude was also my godfather, and I had a very good relationship with him. It might sound weird that my godfather is the owner of a funeral home, but to me, it's not.
He's known me since I was a baby and he treated me like I was his son. Also, to me, his job is just like any other job, and it even has its benefits. Anyway, we were just outside the hospital, talking to each other. Parked in front of us were all the company vehicles, including the one you are all thinking about: The hearse. All of a sudden, this Entitled Mother approached us.
EM: Hello. Me: Uh....hello. She had her kid just next to her and he was holding a drink. EM: I was wondering if my son could take a ride on the limousine. She then pointed her finger to the hearse. It took me a while to respond for two reasons. The first one was because that day, I had so many thoughts going through my head, and a stranger coming to me out of nowhere caught me by surprise.
I am a very introverted person, and I find it difficult to talk to people I don't know. The second reason was because I was holding in my laugh. She legitimately thought that the hearse was a limousine. Me: I'm sorry to say this, but that's not— EM: Are you going to say no to a little child? At this point, I don't know what to say. Me: Miss, believe me. You don't want your son to go in that thing.
EM: Ugh...Why are you so stingy? Even if he spills his drink in the limousine, it won't be a problem. You have enough money to buy a limousine, so you'll surely have enough to clean it. This is when my godfather comes in. GF: Excuse me, miss. What do you want to do? EM: I want my son to ride the limousine! My godfather then said the most epic thing I have ever heard.
GF: thinks for a bit Well, sure he can ride the limousine. But only if he has a coffin to be in. The mom is a bit confused about this response. Then she takes a good second look at the "limousine," and realized her mistake. I have no idea how she confused a hearse for a limousine, perhaps the company logo was out of her view or something.
However, when it dawned on her, her skin got pale and she just walked away as fast as she could with her kid. My godfather and me just look at each other and start laughing.
101. A Taste Of Her Own Medicine
When my boyfriend was 14, he was living with his mom and sister on a housing estate. It was summer and he liked a bit of light in his upstairs bedroom, so he left the curtains open at all times. That included when he was getting dressed and after having a shower, so if you purposefully stared at his window, you could see him from his waist up (and only his waist up).
Well, their neighbor did not like that one bit. She went pounding on their door, yelling at my mother-in-law that her son was a disgrace, hanging around always naked and exposing himself to her daughter. My mother-in-law told her he had every right to do whatever he wanted in his bedroom, and that if they didn't want to see him all they needed to do was not to look.
A couple of days went by and lo and behold, the authorities showed up at the neighbor’s door. Turned out the neighbor had been filming and taking pictures of my boyfriend to show to the housing people as evidence of his wrongdoing to get them kicked out. Except that the housing office called the authorities on her for taking pictures and videos of an underage kid and kicked her and her family out.
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