Misplacing keys or forgetting where one parked their car isn't uncommon, but it can still make you feel delusional. For these Redditors, their painfully dumb moments are truly astonishing—yet absolutely hilarious.
1. What A Ride
After my workout at the gym, I went outside to the bike rack. When I got there, my stomach dropped. My bike was gone. I immediately panicked a little as it was an expensive bike and it wasn't insured.
I got angry and jogged for ten minutes around the general area trying to find it.
Admitting defeat, I went back inside the gym to ask for help but their cameras only monitored the entrance and the reception area, so no luck there.
I decided to head to the authorities, but while I was walking, it started to dawn on me that maybe I did not take the bike this time.
When I got home, I found the bike tucked up nice and safe in the cellar.
2. Darn It
I was driving to work, which was about 15-20 minutes away, when I realized that I had forgotten my keys. Even though I was halfway there and was going to be late, I went ahead and turned around.
When I got back home and looked for my keys, I was frustrated that I couldn't find them. Then I realized I was holding them—because I had been driving.
3. Brain Not Running
I once was driving home from class which was on the other side of campus. I stopped just outside the main door of the gas station to grab a pack of smokes. After buying the pack, I walked the rest of the way home.
I was home for about an hour before I realized that I didn't have my car keys. Then it dawned on me what I had done. I ran back and found the car still sitting at the gas station—running.
4. Cleaning 101
One time, my dad asked me to clean the bathroom windows. He said to use window spray and to just spray it on. So I did. I bought a window spray and started spraying the windows without ever wiping them. I sprayed the blue liquid all over the windows and just waited for it to drip down. I didn't notice any difference so I sprayed it again.
Thirty minutes later, I ran out of the spray and noticed no difference. So I put the bottle down and watched TV.
5. Embarrassing Discovery
I opened the door to my apartment building but when I got to my front door, I realized that I didn't have my keys. I panicked and retraced my footsteps over the previous two miles—including going to numerous stores and asking if anyone had handed in any keys, before giving up and returning home. When I got there, I found my keys hanging from the front door of my apartment building.
It never occurred to me that I must have used my keys to get into the building in the first place.
6. Leaking Brain Cells
The pipe underneath the sink was leaking, so I placed a bucket to catch all the water. When the bucket got full, I emptied it out...into the same sink.
7. Soup-making 101
Once I made chicken soup by simmering the carcass for hours with lots of vegetables. When it was all nice and tasty, I grabbed a colander...and poured all the liquid down the sink.
I stood there confused for about five minutes. I just kept staring at the bones and trying to remember what the next step in soup-making was.
8. Don't Bank On It
When I went to the bank to make a deposit, the teller-in-training said that she couldn't find my account. I began to get irritated since I always seem to get the new trainees.
I asked her to search by my name. I'll admit, I was a little rude. Still nothing. But I got instant karma. I realized that I was in the wrong bank. I was the idiot in this situation.
9. Yes, That Happened
I recently went to the gas station near my apartment to buy some gas. I usually pay for everything on debit so this was a rare occasion where I actually had cash. I walked into the station and gave the man $10. I then proceeded to walk back to my car, got inside, and drove away.
About five minutes later when I was on the highway, I suddenly realized that I hadn't actually pumped any gas. I was too ashamed to go back.
10. Why Did I Do That—Again?
Almost every darn day, I pull out my phone to look at the time, only to put it back in my pocket because I forgot what I wanted it for.
11. Seriously, Though
I realized that I'd forgotten to put my watch on when leaving the house to meet a friend. I looked down at my wrist to check whether I had time to go home and get it.
12. Cluttered Brain
While sorting out the garage one day, I spent a good ten minutes looking for something to tie a bunch of tie-wraps together.
13. Blind As A Bat
One morning when I woke up, I put on my glasses as usual and started freaking the heck out. Everything was blurry. I tried cleaning my glasses but nothing would help.
I spent about five minutes freaking out, thinking I was going blind or something. Then it finally hit me. I hadn't taken my contacts out the night before. I'd slept with them in.
14. Show's Over
I was watching TV but felt like having a drink. So I got up and walked with the remote to the fridge. I looked in the fridge and saw a bottle of milk that I wanted so I placed the remote in the fridge, closed the door, and walked back to the television.
When I got back in the living room, I had a feeling that something was off. That's when I realized that I hadn't had any milk yet. So I turned around, opened the fridge, took a big sip of milk straight from the bottle, and placed the bottle back next to the remote. I returned to the couch to watch my show. Half an hour later when the show was over, I wanted to change the channel but I couldn't find the remote.
I looked under all the cushions of the couch and chairs, I scoured through every last inch of the living room before giving up and switching channels manually.
I only found out where I had left the remote when my brother opened the fridge to make himself a sandwich.
15. A Cracking Joke
Most mornings, I like to make eggs for breakfast. I'd usually crack them near the garbage so I could easily throw the shells away.
One day, my brain thought that it would be funny to crack my eggs into the garbage, and then keep the shells.
16. Missing More Than A Ride
While walking to the bus station, I lit up a smoke on the way. The wind started blowing in my direction, so I turned around to light up and walked straight back home. Then I looked up—and facepalmed. As I stood at the front door of my house, I realized I must have changed directions after I lit up. I missed my bus and an important class too.
17. Costly Brain Fog
I went to the cinema with my wife and parked the car in a multi-level car park. After the movie, I went to get my car but couldn't find it. I looked all over for it but still couldn't find it. When we got home (by taxi), I called 9-1-1 and reported that someone had made off with my car. An investigation started and the insurance process began as well.
Two weeks went by and I had been given a courtesy car from the insurance company. A day before my payout was due, I received a call from the officer saying that the mall security reported a car that had been parked in the same location for three weeks. It turned out to be my car.
And the worst part? On my way back to returning the courtesy car, I ended up T-boning another car at an intersection. I was found to be at fault for the accident and the insurance car was a complete write-off. It ended up costing me $1,850 in excess for the written-off car.
18. Chilly Discover
The other day I was sweeping out a freezer at work. When I went to leave, I made a terrifying realization: I was locked in there. I sat in the freezer for ten minutes trying to pull the door open.
Fortunately, I saw someone walk by. I banged on the glass until he opened the door for me. That was when I discovered that the freezer door was a push, not a pull.
19. Brain Power Surge
I was taking a break from studying and preparing for several upcoming big, scary exams. I had been sitting at my desk for about six hours straight and decided to go out for a walk to clear my head. Fifteen minutes later, I started freaking out. I realized that I hadn't saved my work before leaving the house. So I immediately turned around and headed home—because, you know, the one time you don't save, there's a power surge.
I was nearly home when it dawned on me that I had been handwriting my notes.
20. Case Closed
One time I discovered that there was $100 missing from my bank account. I went to the bank to see what had happened. They told me exactly when and where it was taken out of my account. I couldn't remember going to that ATM as it was on the other side of town and I rarely went there.
The lady at the bank kept grilling me about who I let access my card and kept insinuating that I gave my pin to someone. I got angry and insisted that it was taken or there was a bank error.
She finally agreed to open up an investigation, saying that they have cameras at all ATMs and they would find out who it was. But if it turned out to be legit, then I would be held accountable for the cost of investigations.
When I was on my way home from the bank, I suddenly remembered when I took that money out. I felt like such an idiot but was too embarrassed to go back. I waited until after the bank closed and left a voicemail explaining that I figured it out and never went back to that branch again.
21. Delirious Moment
I was drinking water out of a really colorful mug. My co-worker and I started talking about the cool designs on our mugs. I turned my mug upside down to see what design was on the bottom.
I had to work the rest of my shift in soggy, squeaky shoes.
22. Sleep Deprivation Pays
I am not a fan of Del Taco, but I was in California on business and there was one right next to my hotel. I was very tired and hungry. The long line at the drive-thru was inching forward so slowly, I tried hard not to fall asleep in my car. When I eventually arrived at the window, I paid for my meal, collected the food, and drove off before realizing that I had never ordered. I had driven right by the order box and paid for and collected the meal for whoever was behind me in line.
23. Jump Scare
In 2008, I was in college at the time and had a very nice bike taken from my backyard. It was chained and u-bolted to a support beam which the thief cut to get it.
One day, I was walking on campus when I saw my bike frame. It was painted a different color and the components were changed, but I knew that it was my bike. I ran across this field and jumped right in front of the guy who was riding it. I stopped the bike by grabbing the handlebars head-on and stood right in front of it. Luckily, the guy was riding fairly slowly.
He looked terrified as I held the bike (and him) and inspected it to see if it was mine. He said, "What the heck, man—" but I quickly cut him off and said, "I think you took my bike but I hope you didn't". I was far more intimidating than the skinny dude, so he was terrified.
After about 20 seconds, I realized that I had made a mistake. It wasn't even my frame. I apologized and said, "Sorry dude I thought this was my bike and someone wrecked my house when they took it from me". He responded, "I'm just happy you didn't beat me up"!
I felt terrible.
24. Memory Breakdown
When I went to turn my dishwasher on, it would not work. I called the service department for warranty work, and they asked if a breaker had popped. I told them that it didn't have a separate breaker.
My wife spent a week washing dishes by hand, and I was annoyed that my dishwasher broke for the third time in two years.
An hour before the repairman showed up, I went to the basement breaker box to shut the power off to the kitchen only to find that my memory was wrong. The dishwasher did have its own breaker, and it had popped. There was nothing wrong with the dishwasher at all.
25. Dimmer Than Your Phone
I went to the gas station the other night to get some fuel. I keep only a minimal amount of money in my debit card account so I can try to save money and build interest in my other account.
When I got to the station after work, I couldn't find my phone anywhere to transfer the money. I searched the entire car, my handbag, and all the little gaps in my car. I basically looked everywhere and I just couldn't find it.
It turned out that the phone was in my hand the whole time. I was using the flashlight on it to look for my phone. Ugh.
26. Mystery Balance
I was at the ATM checking my balance. A few days later, I checked it again and noticed there was more money in my account. Oh my goodness, I wonder who sent that to me.
A few days later, I received even more money! I called the bank's customer service to ask who was sending me money. The guy said, "Sir, there is a little 'minus' next to that number. Your balance is negative".
I was at -$1000.
Dang.
27. Blind Freak Out
I had been wearing glasses regularly for at least five years. One day in the middle of class, I started freaking out. I called my parents and screamed, " OH GOD, DID I LEAVE MY GLASSES AT HOME"?
They looked everywhere around the house and swore they could not find them. I almost started crying because I really can't see without my glasses.
Yeah, I was wearing them.
28. What An Idiot
After insisting to a law enforcement officer that I had been pick-pocketed, I filed a report. Shortly after, I received a call from my bank that a kind lady had seen my wallet on the ground. She found my bank card and called her son who happened to work at my bank so that he could find and notify me.
When I went to pick up the wallet from her, all the cash was still in there. She refused any kind of reward. I went back to the officer to explain that I'd made a mistake.
All this was done in a foreign country and in a foreign language, so I probably sounded even more of an idiot than I had felt.
29. The Longest Day
After leaving work, I took the train home for a much-needed weekend. When I arrived at my stop, I suddenly remembered that I had driven to work that day.
I had to catch another train back to work, get my car, and drive home.
The entire transit time went from 30 minutes to 3 hours and 30 minutes. Duh.
30. Nothing Special
I spent about an hour looking for my lost phone. I was so worried. Then I had the bright idea to call my phone. Once I heard the ring I'd be able to locate it. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called my number. On about the third ring, I realized that I was the King of Special.
31. Biggest Loser
The day after I got my driver's license, I drove myself to university instead of my father dropping me off, as he usually did.
At the end of my long hard day, I walked down to the bus stop and caught the bus home. I felt like I had forgotten something throughout the entire ride home.
When I eventually got home, I was met by my father who asked, "Why'd you park out on the road and not on the driveway? Are you planning on going out"?
My father ended up having to drop me back off at the university car park. I felt like the biggest loser.
32. Memory Fail
I once lost my car keys and for the life of me, I couldn't find them anywhere. I started to panic. I had my family and friend who was with me at the time, look all over the house for it.
I had to use my spare keys to get around, but the set that I had lost had my padlock keys on them too.
The next day, I found them—in the freezer! I had to use a hair dryer to un-stick them from the freezer shelf. I have no idea why I had put them in the freezer.
33. Searching For My Noggin
I have two dogs which I walk every night before going to bed. One night, one of my dogs wouldn't get up so I walked the other dog.
Halfway through the walk, I started freaking out and called for the dog which I had left at home. I looked everywhere and had several neighbors looking too. Eventually, it hit me and I called off the search.
34. Old Habits
I was a freshman in college and was at home for Fall break. I woke up Tuesday morning at 6 am, got showered, dressed, and even grabbed my old knapsack which was hanging where I had it before I went to college.
I went outside to stand at the bus stop in front of my house. When I saw the yellow light glare and strobe in the distance, it suddenly hit me: "Hey, wait—I'm in college and live in an apartment now".
I ran as fast as I could back into the house before anybody on the said bus saw me.
35. Sad Revelation
I was halfway through my work day and getting ready to go on my lunch break when my manager asked, “Jason, why is your car running"?
My manager liked to make stupid jokes, so I figured he was kidding. "Haha, very funny Charlie”, I replied.
Smiling, he said, "Well, I try. But really, your car is turned on".
Apparently, I had left my car running for four hours in a super ghetto workplace. Sadly, that is when I realized that my car was too crappy to take.
36. Embarrassing Ride
I once had to go to the DMV to clear up a problem with my car's license plates being expired and not renewable. I drove there, waited in line for two hours, paid my dues and was told that the problem would clear up in a couple of weeks.
I went out to the parking lot and walked to the spot where I'd parked, but my car wasn't there. I panicked and thought maybe I had been confused about what spot I had parked in. I ran around the parking lot but couldn't find my car anywhere. I couldn't believe it. My car was pinched at the freaking DMV!
I went back inside and told them that my car had been taken. I borrowed the phone to call the law enforcement officer. I went back outside to wait for the officer, fuming at how crappy this day had become. That's when I saw my girlfriend's car and was puzzled at how she'd known that I needed a ride. Just then, I realized I'd driven her car because mine didn't have valid plates.
I hadn't given the officer my name, so I snuck into my girlfriend's car and was guiltily driving out of the parking lot when they arrived. I didn't stop to talk to them because I was so embarrassed. I am a bad man and still feel shame to this day.
37. Red In The Face
One morning I got up to do my usual bowel movement and discovered what seemed like 1,000 liters of dark blood in my excrement. I immediately thought I had colon cancer and was on my last legs.
So I proceeded to call my work to tell them that I was going to see the doctor. On my way there, I was crying about the fact that I was far too young to be dying of cancer. It wasn't until I was literally crossing the threshold into the doctor's office when I remembered that I had eaten nearly two cans of beetroot the night before and that was what turned everything bright red.
Obviously, I was ultra-stoked that I wasn't dying of cancer. After realizing this, I had a massive smile on my face while telling the doctor the whole stupid story. I still had to pay $50 for the appointment but I didn't care because I was going to live!
38. Time To Start Over
I was all comfy and sleeping in my bed when I rolled over and looked at my alarm clock. I saw that it said 6:45. I freaked out because work started at 7. I rushed to get dressed and left. I got to work to realize not only was it Sunday but it was 7 pm, not 7 am!
39. Distraction Overload
The other day, I had walked halfway to university for a test when I suddenly realized that I had forgotten my wallet—which had my university ID in it. So I ran back home, searching all around the house before realizing that it was actually in my bag the whole time.
Everything seemed alright at this point, but then in the rush, I completely forgot where I had dropped my bag to start the search in the first place. It took another five minutes of searching before I realized it was sitting in the middle of the driveway. Luckily after a sprint to school, I still managed to make it on time but that was a pretty poor moment from me. I think my brain was too distracted from going over the course material in my head.
40. Don't Judge
I work for a parking company that owns several parking ramps throughout my city. We use pay stations for customers to pay as they are leaving. It's very easy to use. You put the ticket you got when you pulled into the ramp into the machine, and it tells you how much you owe. There are pictures plastered all over the machines detailing exactly how to do this.
All day long we see people on camera doing it wrong. They put the ticket in upside down; they try to put it in the money slot; they try to put it in the coin slot. Some of them even try to put it in the lock on the door of the machine. Idiots. They are a never-ending source of hilarity and frustration. But I got my karma for laughing at them.
A few weeks ago, I was fixing one of those machines. When I was finished, I pulled up in my car and went to put a ticket in to test that the machine was now working. I was putting the ticket in upside down—multiple times. I only realized it when one of my co-workers called me over the VOIP on the machine to say, "Uhhh, are you serious"?
They ended up saving that video.
41. Cringy Moment
I was in a restaurant with my ex where my sister worked. It was raining, so my girlfriend put her umbrella to dry on the floor next to us. A couple at the table next to us had finished their meal and got up to leave. As they walked out, I noticed them putting up a black umbrella, identical to my girlfriend's. I looked at the floor and ours was gone! I quickly informed my sister, who sent one of the waiters to chase down the brolly thieves. Whilst he was running up the street, I caught something on my foot under the table and my heart sank—it was the umbrella.
I still cringe every time I think about that—it was over five years ago.
42. Unbelievable Blooper
While driving to the restaurant, my dad wanted to know how long the wait time was. So he handed me the phone book and asked me to look up the number. For whatever reason, I thought he said, “Get rid of this”. So I rolled down the window and chucked the phone book out while we were going 70 mph down the highway.
That was over ten years ago. I still get hounded for it.
43. Explosive Surprise
A long time ago, I was playing with a fully exposed, electrical socket in my unfinished basement. I managed to get it to shoot sparks and embers everywhere. It created quite the light show.
In hindsight, I'm kind of surprised that I didn't burn the house down. But that socket still works all these years later.
44. Burning Experiment
I failed a science test. I decided that if I just burned the grade, it would no longer exist.
So I was sitting in my bedroom with the door open. I made sure that I sat on the carpet for safety reasons. I grabbed the entire test, which was roughly three pages. Just as I lit the corner of my test, my brother happened to be walking past my room and saw what I was doing. The paper went up instantly. I had no idea it was going to be that fast! My 12-year-old brother quickly put it out with his hands.
Later, my mom found a small stain on the carpet. My brother didn't get burned or rat on me. If he did, no one told me. Clearly, I failed science for a reason.
45. Let Me Show You
My ex-wife was on the phone with her mom and they were talking about DSL filters. Neither of them knew what they were, so I thought I'd help by showing her what it looked like. I unplugged it from the wall—and the phone cut off.
46. Wake Up And Drink Your Coffee
I went to a coffee shop and ordered a large cup of coffee. The barista handed it to me and I put it into my purse—with no lid.
47. Unlikely Friends
I have this amazing ability to pick up almost any bug carefully and efficiently without hurting it. When I first discovered this, I was about 5 or 6 years old. Soon after, I went and collected 44 ants, got some dirt, and made my own ant colony—in my room—under my bed.
48. Ticket To Nowhere
I used to live near a station that didn't have any ticket booths, so there was never a need to pull out my wallet to show my ticket.
One day, I was on the train and reading my Kindle. My commute was 40 minutes. I was three stops away from reaching my destination, a station that had ticket gates (requiring a ticket to exit).
I just read the word “wallet” in my e-book which tripped my brain. I suddenly realized that I didn't have my wallet in my usual pants pocket. I freaked out. It's a big fine if one is caught without a ticket, plus I had plans after work that needed cash. I needed my wallet.
I resigned myself to get off at the next stop, return home and get my wallet. So I got off the last train of the morning rush hour. The next train wouldn't arrive for another 20 minutes.
I got on the train now heading back home and praying that no ticket inspector would come along. I then messaged work and told them that I'd be coming in late.
Ten minutes before arriving at my home station, I took my coat off because it got rather warm. I felt an odd lump in my coat pocket—oh.
49. It Happened—Again
For nearly a year, my husband has been very sick after contracting necrotizing fasciitis—the flesh-eating bacteria. Taking care of him has been emotionally and physically draining.
A few weeks ago, I was out shopping. I had to visit four different stores. On stop #3, I went in, shopped for about 20 minutes, then came out only to realize that I had left my keys in the car with my brand new iPhone on the seat with the doors unlocked. I was very lucky that they were still there and grateful that I live in a fairly safe neighborhood. It really stressed me out—but this was just the beginning.
I told myself it was just that the stress from the past year had caught up to me. I berated myself for being so stupid and thought, well you only do that once every few years!
At store #4, I went grocery shopping, which took a good hour or so. When I got out of the store, I dug around in my handbag for my keys but couldn't find them. The bagger who was helping me out to my car, asked what that hissing noise coming from my car was. I told him I did not know but asked if he could run back to the register because I must have left my keys there.
As soon as he ran off, I remembered leaving my keys in the car at store #3. While my brain quickly said, "No way that would happen again within one hour"—I peeked in my car window just to see if they were in the ignition. Not only had I left my keys in my car this time, I also managed to leave the darn thing running!! The hissing noise was water dripping from the air conditioner which was still on high.
50. Facepalm Moment
When I got the new iPhone 4 and made my first phone call, I realized that the volume was really low and it wouldn't get any louder. I angrily called Apple customer service and proceeded to tell them how horrible the phone sounded and how annoyed I was. The guy asked if I had taken the plastic screen cover off. I quickly hung up.
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