There’s no escaping embarrassment. It strikes us all when we least expect it, and then continues to strike for years to come in the form of intrusive thoughts at random times. We’ve all been reminded of the time we got pantsed back in grade school while enjoying a nice family meal, and all those emotions come right back as if it’s just happened. Talk about cringeworthy.
These 50 people took to Reddit to share the most embarrassing experiences that still haunt their lives to this day. You can really feel some of their responses, and they’re equally hilarious and skin-reddening. Enjoy, and feel a little relief that these moments weren’t yours.
1. The Poo Problem
That time I screamed at a woman over poo. My little village has a small annual dog show. We normally enter our little dog who has won “friendliest dog,” “waggiest tail,” and “dog the judge would like to take home” in the past. This year she was unfortunately in season, so we didn’t enter to prevent any “fuss” from the other dogs but took her along to watch.
Halfway across the park, she decided to poo and I suddenly realized I’d forgotten a bag. There were loads of other people with dogs around due to the show so I wandered away a little to ask someone for a bag. I turned back and to my horror a lady was picking up my little dog’s mess. Not wanting to feel like one of those a-holes that doesn’t clean up, I ran towards her to advise her she didn’t have to do that because I was going to get it.
Instead, in a sort of panic, I waved my arms and barked “NO, THAT’S MY POO!” Please note that I did not say, “that is MY DOG’S poo.” She physically jumped then turned a deep red. She sort of mumbled an apology, dropped the poo and marched off with her dog. It was at that point that I looked to my left and saw my dog’s poo sitting a few feet away from the lady’s dog mess that she was attempting to pick up.
I think about this at night sometimes.
2. Bro Kiss
I have a few but the worst, as I’ve said on here before, was when a colleague gave me a lift home from work as my wife was busy. When he dropped me off, I went into “wife dropping me off” default mode and leaned in for a goodbye kiss. Luckily for me, he wasn’t looking and either didn’t notice, or had an existential crisis and never mentioned it.
The walk to my front door was spent bemoaning the fact I had been born.
3. Car Twin
I accidentally sat in someone else’s car after school, thinking it was my mom’s car. I even buckled my seatbelt before looking to my right and seeing a baby and looking to the front and seeing a horrified woman. I apologized quickly and ran out only to see that my mom’s car was the one behind it…
4. Living in a Society
I used to wear glasses, hearing aids, braces, and had severe cystic acne. My doctor put me on Accutane (for the acne) and it made my face insanely dry. One day a few weeks after starting the medication, my friend made me laugh hard in class—it cracked the skin on my cheeks and my face bled in the shape of my smile like Heath Ledger’s Joker scars. I was an abomination.
5. Last. Bus. Ever.
I was running late one morning my junior year of high school and I had just missed the bus but I had hoped if I ran after it maybe it would stop, so I started running. I got right alongside it, but my backpack was too heavy, and I fell face-first onto the road. I could hear everyone laughing so I just laid there, pretending to be unconscious.
Eventually, I heard the bus leave and I got up and ran away, hid behind a neighbor’s car. About a minute later the bus driver and two football players came running around the corner. Apparently, the bus driver moved the bus to the field behind the neighborhood and they were going to come help me. But I was gone. I refused to get on the bus again.
Fortunately, I had already had my driver’s license and a couple weeks later I got my first car so it wasn’t a problem.
6. Innie or Audi?
When I was 16, I thought the car manufacturer Audi was pronounced “Awdy” instead of like “Owdy” (sounded an awful lot like outie to me). So I’m at this birthday party and this dude is like, “Yeah me and my brother both have Audi’s.” And this other guy is like, “My mom has an Audi.” Y’all, I seriously thought they were talking about belly buttons. I spoke up and said, “I have an innie.”
7. Nine Months Early
I was pretty drunk at a bar when I approached two women sitting by themselves. I then proceeded to say, “What are two fine ladies like you doing all alone on Thanksgiving?”…It was Valentine’s day.
8. Sweat Pickles
The first day I ever wore underarm deodorant was in grade nine and I was really self-conscious about it. That afternoon as I sat at my desk I started to smell this strange pungent smell. It started off faint but then it became strong and horrid pretty quickly. I looked around and nobody else seemed to notice it, so I started to quietly freak out—I thought for sure the deodorant was chemically reacting with my sweat.
Finally, the teacher turns around from the chalkboard and says, “What is that smell?” Turns out the Home Economics class down the hall were boiling vinegar and making homemade pickles.
9. Sorry, Object
I worked at a museum as a young man and my job included talking to school groups before they went in. I had to speak in front of a group of older girls (close to my age) and I was very nervous (I went to an all-boys school). I got through my talk all right, but when I went to walk out the side, I bumped into a banner, which I promptly apologized to. “Oh, sorry.”
10. Hug Champion
So, I had a crush on a girl back in 10th grade. We pretty much flirted with each other and she told me via MSN that she would like a hug when she came back to school (she was sick for like 2 weeks straight). So, when the day came, I hugged her. It was super awkward. I hugged her for like a minute straight and she calmly asked if I would let go of her. That minute felt like an eternity and felt embarrassing.
After like 11 years it still makes me cringe when I think about it.
11. I’m Not Okay (I Promise)
I sent a “What MCR song are you based on your MBTI?” to a crush, and regretted it instantly. Luckily, she completely ignored it.
12. Wrong Franchise, Nerd
About a week or two after the release of Infinity War, I watched it and the next day, talked to one of my friends about it. My dumb self asked why Superman wasn’t in the movie because I thought he was in the Avengers universe. There was even Batman v. Superman that released 2 years before Infinity War, but I was still too dumb to catch that.
Thankfully, this isn’t popping up too much in my thoughts, so I’m fine.
13. Kids Never Forget
Short backstory: I have epilepsy. We discovered I have epilepsy after I had a full-on, tonic-clonic seizure for the first time when I was standing in front of my locker in the sixth grade. It was the first one of my life, and my body didn’t know what to do, so I ended up peeing my pants. It’s the only time I’ve ever lost bladder control during a seizure.
Fast forward to the 10th grade, I was in class talking to a new kid, who I just so happened to have a crush on. I had told him my name, and a girl turned around, took one look at how we were sitting together and said, “Aren’t you the girl that peed herself in middle school?” He never talked to me again.
14. Corpse Bride
The most embarrassing moment happened on a weekend when I was organist for three weddings and two funerals, starting Friday evening into Saturday. At one point, when the priest gave the signal to begin, I lost my concentration and started playing a funeral processional for music as the bride came down the aisle (instead of the wedding march).
15. Embarrassment Make Hulk Mad
It was high school orientation day and these two teachers were talking in front of about 80 kids and made up a little game to make it more exciting, whenever they said the word “hulk” everyone has to jump up and yell “SMASH.” It was all good except I felt I wasn’t putting my all into it and wasn’t yelling loud enough. So I was so focused on getting ready for the next “SMASH” that I mistook the word “whole” as “hulk” and proceeded with all my might to be the only one to jump up and scream “SMASH” at the top of my lungs.
The teachers looked at me like I had just ended someone, utter shock. It tainted my whole future and I have never recovered.
16. We Don’t Know This Man
I was walking with my friends from the dorms to a restaurant or something and, deciding to be silly, started doing this little “skippy hop” type walk. Lame gag for a laugh, but no one was laughing. We were at the age where guys laugh at every stupid thing their friends do so I stopped to turn around and see what was up.
Before I could turn around though I noticed that there was this guy who was somewhat disabled walking in the opposite direction, coming towards us. One half of his body was atrophied and partially paralyzed or something (I don’t know what was actually wrong with him) and this caused him to walk with a type of limp very similar but less exaggerated than the skippy hop I was just doing. We made eye contact and I just looked at the ground and heard one of my friends say, “What are you doing?” in this tone that makes me cringe to this day. That was almost a decade ago.
On the upside this was so cringy (if that word is even appropriate) that I think I’m dead inside and can’t feel embarrassed anymore.
17. The Invisible Werewolf
When I was 12 I had just watched a movie about a werewolf teen and I thought it was the coolest thing. Also, I used to have a “girlfriend” that was the same age (12) but we had broken up a couple of days prior to what I’m about to tell you. One day our group of friends got invited to my ex’s cousin’s birthday party and I was thinking of a way I could call her attention.
It was 7 p.m. and the sun had gone completely down and there was a full moon (you probably see where this is going now). I got to the building’s lobby where all of my friends were waiting for everyone to show up. When I walked through the door I just stood there looking at her and everyone was just staring at me, I started making a growling sound and showing my teeth as if I was becoming a werewolf and took off running.
A few minutes later I showed up to the party and literally no one asked me what happened so I had to bring it up out of nowhere acting as if I was nervous and told her “ye-ye-yeah so-sorry my grandma ehhh wanted something and I forgot” and I just got ignored. I’m 19 now and that still haunts me.
18. One Question: How?
I used to wait tables. During a busy Sunday post-church lunch rush, I had to make a Sundae for a table in the very back corner of the restaurant. I get to the table and the entire party starts laughing. I’m standing there holding the sundae, super confused—but then it dawns on me. I look down and realize that I had somehow managed to get a large amount whipped cream directly over my crotch while preparing the sundae. It was nowhere else on me. Just my crotch.
All I could do was put the sundae down, say “oh my gosh” and speed walk back through the entire restaurant to clean myself up.
19. Beyond Monkeying Around
When I was 11 a kid pantsed me when I was on the monkey bars and all the girls were watching. But he got the underwear too. Would not have mattered that much but one girl teased me about it constantly for five years til we went away to different high schools. Screw you Kelly for making my adolescent life the worst.
20. Putting the Fun in Funeral
In high school, I was hanging out with my group of friends at lunch. One of our friends walked up wearing a suit and started talking to one of my other friends. A few moments later, he says, “Okay guys, I’m heading out now. I’ll be back tomorrow.” So, I replied excitedly, “Alright man, have fun!!” He gave me the weird scowl/look of betrayal I’ve ever seen.
Somehow it slipped past my radar that his girlfriend had developed a super rare disease and expired inside the time span of a week. All my friends were looking at me with the widest eyes as he walked away, and in a chorus, everyone was like, “DUUUUUUUUUDE.”
21. Pantsed (With a Twist)
When I was in my sagging the pants phase, the inevitable happened. I forgot my binder in class and had to go into a class that already started. I got my binder from the back of the room. Now this is where I realized I was screwed. Pants decide to fall dangerously low, so I am now waddling in the back of class, arms full of school stuff.
Get right in front of a guy’s desk and guess whose pants fall to his ankles. I quickly drop my stuff on his desk and pull my pants up so fast I hit my nuts. Make eye contact with the teacher and thank god she acted like nothing happened and have everyone see that.
22. The Unforgiving World of Renaissance
I’ve posted this nightmare before but here goes: I was in high school and heavily involved in drama and acting. I was looking for things to audition for outside of school. My mother found an audition for a renaissance fair. She insisted I audition, as I was being super picky. I did not want to at all. I ended up agreeing.
Flash forward…she tells me auditions are in costume so she bought me a really cheap, shoddy costume from an iParty-esque website. The audition was at a really waspy country club. So, I show up in costume. I immediately want to die. I enter the country club and I have no idea where the audition is. There’s a ton of people in there and they are staring at me and laughing like I’m a joke. I am literally almost in tears.
Finally, I ask a worker/server/I have no freaking idea where the auditions are. He gives me directions that make no sense, so I wander this place for what feels like forever until I find the room. I enter, and the panel looks at me, repressing their laughter. I want to leave at this point. They say I am “definitely looking the part/prepared for the audition.”
I was given an audition form and told to fill it out. I asked for a pen. They couldn’t find one, so one guy takes this really expensive pen out and gives it to me TO BORROW. He says he needs it back, as it’s really expensive. I leave the room, panic/weep, and flee the country club with this guy’s super expensive pen. Screw that noise.
23. Meal or a Snack?
Didn’t eat fast food growing up. Went to Subway with friends a couple times in my early 20s but didn’t order. Seemed confusing and intimidating. Began studying ordering techniques of friends so maybe I could try it someday. Day comes where I’m ready to take the next step. Have my order memorized. I knock down my request segment by segment, like I’m reciting a script I’d been up all night rehearsing. Footlong. Ham. White. Swiss cheese. Lettuce and tomato.
Pretty excited because I’d nailed it. I stand idly by with my hands casually behind my back, lips optimistically pursed, trying to play it cool so everyone else could be fooled into thinking I’m a perfectly regular human being who’d totally ordered a sandwich before. Subway worker throws me a curveball. “Is this going to be a meal?”
Not completely sure why he wants to know if it’s going to be my entire dinner or not. Sort of thought he may have been inviting himself over or something. Just felt like really odd small talk to make. I become panicked and non-committal on the inside, still totally cool on the outside. I pause to contemplate for a moment then I say, “I don’t know, we’ll see.”
Worker freezes. Friend freezes. I’m still up on my toes, hands behind my back, casually staring ahead waiting to pay for my sandwich. Feels like an hour goes by but a couple moments of silence pass before it’s explained to me that a Meal, in this case, means a sandwich, chips, and a drink. Friend never wants to be seen in public with me again.
24. There’s Always That One Kid
I pooped my pants in 8th grade. Stomach had been brewing all day since the beginning of school. It was fifth period when I felt the building pressure in my rear, so I just up and left for the restroom. Sprinted down the hall, praying to the gods for the strength to keep the floodgates closed for a little longer. I thankfully made it to the restroom, but halfway into pulling my pants down I lost all control and let loose. Some of it hit my pants and the rest just shot into toilet.
After the fact, I cleaned up and washed my pants in the restroom sink, walked straight into the principal’s office smelling like soapy poo, said I was sick, and walked home.
25. This Ain’t Your Place, Ma’am
When I was younger, I grew my hair out longer and didn’t really do anything with it. Because of this, and my name, I would get mistaken for a girl when people first meet me and/or at public spaces. One time, my family and I went out to lunch when I was, say, maybe 8. We go to this local place, somewhere that we haven’t been before, though.
At one point, I have to go use the bathroom. Ask my dad where it is, he points to it as we were pretty close, and I go wait outside of it (they were single-person bathroom). About 30 seconds after, some big old guy (maybe 50s) comes up and stands behind me, to stand in line for the bathroom. A few seconds later, he taps me on the shoulder and says to me “This is the boys’ bathroom. The girls’ is over there.”
My dad saw/heard him say this and told him that I was a guy. I wanted to die.
26. Mixed Wavelengths
A few years back, I was sitting in the bus on my way home, when I saw this woman waving at me, so I instinctively start waving back and smiling, thinking it might be someone I know. Then she stops and stares at me like I’m some kind of moron, I look behind me and realize she was waving at the woman sitting behind me! (I’ve got bad eyesight, and I didn’t have my glasses on).
27. Straight Up Confused
In a noisy room, someone was asking, “Are you ok?” (resting dead face overload) but because it was noisy, I thought they were asking, “Are you gay?” Being the straight person I am, I said no. They asked why and I explained.
28. Respect the Etiquette
True story… I worked for a Sprint PCS store back in the day, and went to a big golf tournament with some pretty big names for a marketing event. Mind you, at the time, I knew absolutely nothing about golf. So, I’m working this kiosk when my boss shows up telling me to go take a break. Bored of sitting around most of the morning, he didn’t have to tell me twice!
I decide to walk around the event along the perimeter of green checking out the scene, and it’s super packed with people watching the “pros” or whatever do their thing. Anyways…I’m so deep in thought, eyes distant while walking around, that I barely started to notice this commotion as I’m walking along the radius of this roped off area.
Aaaannndd, that’s when I noticed this little white ball come rolling over to me under the rope barrier…So, I did what any polite human would do…I picked it up, and threw it back in the “roped off area”…Have you ever had 8,000 people simultaneously yell everything in the world at you? I went back and hid behind the kiosk for the rest of the event, and to this day have still never played a round of golf.
29. Classic No-Pants Situation
One time I was renting a room in my boss/friend’s house. It was snowing pretty bad one morning. My boss/friend was at work. I had on a pair of boxers and that’s it. I went to the front door to go outside and get the paper, I stepped out to get it and the door shut and locked behind me. I was stuck in a snowstorm with boxers on.
I had to knock on the neighbor’s door and explain the situation.
30. Embarrassing Bordering on Legendary
Had a substitute teacher in Spanish my senior year. She was reading lesson plans for the hour verbatim from what our real teacher had left (basically a movie day). We had a poster to work on for an upcoming project though so she said something like, “While you watch the movie, you may work on your visual.” So, without skipping a beat, I stood up, grabbed my crotch, and said in response, “HOW ‘BOUT YOU WORK ON THIS VISUAL?”
Then I sat back down. The class was silent. Like four or five of my friends were just staring at me, heads either tilted to the side or jaws on the floor. The sub stared blankly for what felt like an hour, but eventually began to chuckle, at which point the rest of the class collectively exhaled and began to laugh too.
I’m not a class clown and that moment wasn’t at all consistent with something I’d ever do. “How about you work on this visual?” stuck around as a punchline for a few years. Still don’t know what happened.
31. Impressing the Parents
Sitting around the kitchen table with newish boyfriend, boyfriend’s mom and dad in the living room. He’s filling out a form for a sleep apnea test because he snores like a bear at night. Most of the questions he needs to ask other people because they happen while he is sleeping (i.e.; Does your snoring wake your partner?).
Question comes up “Do you suffer from impotence?” and I immediately answer “NOPE!” Cue the slow head turn of the mom and boyfriend, plus the immediate laughter of the dad in the next room. Felt my face go cherry red as I sank deeper into my chair. That’s how they found out we were doing it.
32. I’m Under Duress!
For background, I went to a school with 95% Asian kids and it was common for a good amount of the student population to be ESL (English Second Language) students—however, I was not one of these students and my classmates all knew I wasn’t. In English class the teacher had asked if anyone knew what being “under duress” meant and I had misheard her, thinking she had asked what the term “underdressed” meant.
So, I confidently raised my hand (which I hardly do because I don’t like answering questions) and said, “it means that that person is not dressed for the occasion.” Everyone in the class looked at me kind of processing what I had just said—and then the teacher realizes me mistake and says “Oh no sweetie, that’s underdressed I’m asking about what it means to be UNDER DURESS.” This is when I realized I messed up…
So, the whole class has a nice giggle and she says, “It’s ok I know English is a hard language to learn,” and the class laughs even louder as they realize the teacher had just assumed I was an ESL student. I was mortified.
33. Shots Missed
Happened in grade nine. Dunno why but me and my friends would play this stupid game where we would try to sneak up on each other and slap the back of our heads as our way of saying hey. I spotted my buddy Rhys at the end of the hall and snuck up the best I could and wound up a home run slapper. He noticed last second and ducked.
I ended up slapping the life out my teacher’s breast as she turned the corner. Screw you for making me remember this OP. After the slap, it felt like time was frozen. Kids in the hall all just stopped what they were doing and the teacher just kinda stood there in shock. I was so embarrassed I cried. In the hall. Surrounded by kids from my grade.
Then I got sent to the principal’s office where I got a one-day in-school suspension for “hitting a teacher.” I think the punishment was so light because the teacher felt sorry for me. The phone call to my parents explaining what happened sucked. My mom was just disappointed in me (in some ways that just made it worse) and my dad just kept laughing.
I got called “boobie” for two years. I’m 23 now but my friends still bring up that story.
34. McDouble Embarrassment
I ran into an old co-worker at McDonald’s, our tenures had overlapped by about a month and that was several years ago. He recognizes me and calls me over to his friends and tells them “This is the nicest guy I have every met.” In the next three minutes, I called him by the wrong name and asked him how he liked a job he’d never worked at. It was pretty clear that I hardly remembered him.
I was so embarrassed that I got my McDonald’s to go and ate it in my car. I’m midway through my burger when he and his friends walk up and get into the car directly facing mine. We made awkward eye contact while I had my food in my hand and then they drove off. Fml.
French class, 1992 or 93. I had the biggest crush on a guy in my class. We were both standing at the front at the teacher’s desk. I was wearing a skirt…and on my period. Then it happened. A drop of menstrual blood somehow bypassed my pad and panties, and fell to the floor, right in front of my crush. I immediately put my foot on it.
He either didn’t notice or was too polite to say anything, but I wanted to die.
36. Making the Best of a Bad Situation
I was extremely afraid of public speaking in high school. When I had to give a speech in front of the class, my legs would shake, and I would sweat profusely every time. We had to give oral book reports to the whole class in my senior English class. I’m sitting in my chair, legs crossed, sweating with anticipation, when the teacher calls my name, “Fantacyfan, you’re up.”
I let out a deep breath and go to stand up. I forget to uncross my legs, so I trip. But I don’t just trip, I stumble. I try to regain my balance, but instead, I pick up speed. I tumble for about 10 feet before I finally fall. I get up as the whole class stares at me. I slowly walk up to the front of the class and say, “Well, the speech can’t get any worse now.”
That moment helped me overcome my fear of public speaking though. Since then, I’ve given multiple speeches in front of large crowds with no problem.
37. Anything for a Cutie
I’ve told this story before, but I’ll tell it again because why not? Back in high school, I was in PE class and had my eyes on this cute girl that seemed pretty shy. I figured why not try to get her attention and perhaps impress her while we’re all doing our mile run? High schooler me thought it’d be smart to pretend that I’m about to fall but catch myself before I do right in front of her. During my clown act, I actually end up falling and eating it on the asphalt at full running speed.
So, there I am, blood running down my leg and a concerned PE teacher running towards me. I got sent to the office for first aid treatment. Here I am almost a decade later with a scar from that very day.
38. Roaster Roasted
Oh my GOD, I hate you for reminding me of this occasion. I was in a class where most classmates were kinda jerks to me, including my teacher. The last day of class I requested to read a paper I had prepared. I was given permission and then proceeded to roast every individual of the entire class one by one, oblivious to the fact that I was not getting good reactions.
Halfway through the teacher tried to stop me saying, “Okay that’s enough,” but I said, “Oh hold on, I’m almost done,” and he stepped back saying, “Good.” Then I roasted the teacher basically calling him a massive jerk. Some of my roasts of classmates included slurs about their race and calling people a-holes. I felt so funny and proud of myself.
I think at the time I had been watching too much Comedy Central Roasts and figured it was appropriate and accepted behavior to everybody. I got no responses, and everyone just looked like they were cringing into oblivion. But it’s weird how I didn’t feel the embarrassment or see the third perspective on the whole situation until years later.
Maybe I’m not describing it in a way that makes it sound too horrible, but thinking back on it gets me absolutely mortified and whatever I’m doing, whether I’m at work or home I stop whenever I remember this and just stare blankly into the distance dead in my tracks for a while like I’m paralyzed with regret.
I played hockey when I was in high school. Tons of it. I was on several teams and was in a rec league for a short time afterward. Shortly before moving off to university, I fractured a rib. If you don’t know what that entails, it’s extremely painful, and there’s not a single thing you can do about it. You can’t wrap your whole torso in a cast, so the only thing you can do is stay off of it completely. You can’t even bend over. It’s awful.
Now comes move-in day. My dad is working, so I have my mother helping me. There I am, with no cast and nothing obviously wrong with me, directing my mother where to put all my stuff like my mini fridge. My mother is moving all of my stuff in while I look like some spoiled rich kid not lifting a finger to help. I felt like such a douche-canoe.
40. Moms Love Him
I was meeting my girlfriend’s (now wife’s) mother for maybe the third time. I knew that she was a hugger and a cheek kisser, so I was going to reciprocate. I hugged her, but I was so used to reflexively giving my girlfriend a considerably more intimate kiss on the neck, that I did that instead without thinking about it. Now, this was not a super sensual kiss or anything, but man, it was FAAAAAR more intimate than I would have liked to get with her mother.
41. Bottoms Down!
First bikini, Canadian lake with 16-year-old boys in the cabin next door, (I was 15). In love. They take a week before asking if I want to try waterskiing. 0.002 seconds standing. Faceplant. Bottoms slowly sink in the crystal-clear water. When they come back around to help me into the boat I reply, “I don’t think waterskiing is for me.” Swam back to shore in my life vest. Never waterskied again.
Life advice: learn watersports in a one-piece.
42. Judge Your Neighbor
My senior year of high school I was walking to my car to go to school and it was super icy out. My car was parked next to a curb, I didn’t realize the curb was covered in ice. I stepped off, slipped, and fell flat on my face. I laid there for a few minutes just cussing myself and because I had just rolled my ankle.
The best part is that my neighbor happened to be in their car and saw the whole thing. Didn’t even bother to come help me as I just laid on the pavement. I proceeded to get up and go back inside my house. I said, “Screw school” and just didn’t go. It was a great day.
That time in freshman year I was into a girl. She asked me if I liked They Might Be Giants. I’d never heard any of their music. So, what does idiot me decide to do? Just say the name of the band in a weird sing-song voice. She just laughed and I was sweating for a week afterward. Fast forward to senior year and I’m actually listening to some of their stuff for the first time.
Last song on Flood, what do I hear? The name of the band, in almost the same voice I’d sung it in three years earlier. Even though she hated me by that point for unrelated and completely justified reasons, I shot up my arms in victory. I have never felt so vindicated in my life.
44. A Weighty Miscommunication
I ran into someone I knew from high school at the DMV and talked to him while I was waiting. I got called up and I took care of everything I needed to do before he did. As I was leaving, I told the guy, “It was cool seeing you, good luck with the wait,” due to the fact that there were 15-20 people in front of him.
He heard it as, “Good luck with the weight,” which was something he was always sensitive about. He looked at me ticked off/confused and said, “What did you just say to me?” to which I sloppily attempted to explain by saying, “You know, the wait. There’s a bunch of people in front of you,” or something like that. It was very embarrassing.
45. Benny Hannah
I had just started a new job working the front desk at a full-service hotel. A couple came up to me and asked if I could make them reservations for Benihana at six. “Absolutely,” I say. I pick up the phone and call over to our in-house restaurant and tell them I’d like to make a reservation for two people at six o’clock, name Benny Hannah.
I remember seeing the confused looks the couple exchanged as I made the call.
46. The Flood
Alright, story time. I’m not embarrassed by it at this time, but it really troubled me for a while. Freshman year of high school, barely started puberty at that point, was a smol boi (still generally small lol). I had just come back from being sick, but my throat was still dead, so I had a lot more water than normal. I was fine throughout most of the day, until my last class of the school day.
In the last 15 minutes of class, and I really had to pee. I was blindsided by it, so even though there wasn’t much time left, I asked to use the bathroom. The teacher said no. I was fine with it, just 15 minutes and all, but realizing how much water I had since I last used the restroom was a troubling sign.
After the bell rang for class, I sprinted out of the classroom just to try and get to the bathrooms, but they were locked already. Cruel stuff. I took the bus home at the time; it was a 40-minute ride. So little ol me, had to get on the bus for a 40-minute ride home with essentially a full bladder. The ride was painful, every bump and turn causing pain in the bladder area as I do everything to prevent worst-case scenario.
As students get off, I feel equally worse and better, worse because I’d still have to wait, better as there are fewer witnesses. Five minutes before my stop, it reaches worst-case scenario, my bladder is giving up. There’s just too much, and it all comes out. It feels so relieving, but I know there’s a puddle forming under my bus seat and that there are some people who had seen it or at least noticed it.
Bus comes to my stop, I get home as quick as possible, hide the smell by spraying cologne and change my clothes. The End.
47. Localized Rainstorm
I was in elementary school talking to my crush…and I just straight up drooled. There was no hiding it. And he goes “…Did you just drool?” And I said, “WOW WHERE DID THAT RAIN COME FROM” and ran away.
48. This One Just Hurts
It was my birthday and we were sitting at the kitchen table. It was my two sisters, dad, and grandma. We were just passing out some cake and my dad asked if anyone wanted whip cream and I said: “Rub whip cream on me daddy.” I have never once in my life called my dad, “daddy.” I’m not sure if it matters but I’m a guy, and it was for my 23rd birthday.
49. A Slippery Situation
I was 13 years old, and my family and I were on a skiing holiday. My parents had decided to sign me up for lessons so that my dad could get some good skiing in and my mum and sister could relax and drink hot chocolate (my sister had broken her wrist a few weeks prior to leaving and my mum isn’t really a winter sports fan.)
I had been throwing myself down mountain slopes with about as much grace as a brick, with the tutor occasionally griping about said demeanor, and was exhausted. We had time for one more run, so we all waddled over to the T bar machine. This imaginatively named device is so-called because a metal bar, shaped like an upside-down T, hooks below your butt and drags you upwards so you’re not constantly climbing for ten minutes and skiing back down in a few seconds.
Somehow, my jacket got caught on the bar, which knocked me to the ground. This is not even the embarrassing part yet. It then dragged me along the snow, past where I was supposed to ski off, and carried on along a very icy patch towards the mountain where it would turn back. Still not the embarrassing part. The embarrassing part was when the rough ice dragging under me somehow managed to pull down my ski pants, thermals and underwear, exposing my bare butt to an entire slope of people and giving me a nasty ice/friction burn all down my thigh. Also, I was yelling my head off to get someone to stop the machine. A lot of people saw.
I was helped up and off the ice and skied down to the bigger lift to take me back down to the hotel. I cried the entire way down. The real kicker was getting back, telling my family this story (while still sobbing through wounded butt and wounded pride) and having my dad and sister howl with laughter while my mum desperately tried to comfort me.
50. Better Out Than In
You know that half-asleep brain mode where you kind of wake up but don’t fully comprehend where you are? So, at age 12 or so I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. I’ve got to pass gas. Whatever, I’m in my room. About .3 seconds into the longest expulsion of flatulence of my life I remember that I’m not at home.
I’m in the auditorium for some youth group sleepover thing. It’s really freaking late. I hear quiet snores. Nobody around me moves so I think God might actually be real and looking out for me. Then, from across the gym, I hear a girl yell, “Yo what the EFF?!”