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People Share Their Most Satisfying “Mic Drop” Moments

Penelope Singh

Sometimes, amidst all the small indignities we have to suffer through in this life, we get one, glorious moment to totally dunk a truth bomb on someone. Whether it be a horrible boss, a cheating lover, or an angry customer, the people of Reddit have shared their most satisfying “mic drop” moments.


1. Straight to the Point

This guy comes in with a coupon for a free iPod. The fine print says: “Guaranteed and payable by Bill Gates.” I asked why Bill Gates would guarantee an Apple product. The guy left.

coydog33

2. Trouble With the In-Laws

When my ex FINALLY stood up to his mother (She was 90% of the reason for divorce) about our custody schedule and told her, “We have it figured out. Myself, their mother, and their stepdad. We do not need your advice or opinion.” I just wish I had been able to witness it.

Aebrown17

3. Good Riddance

A (heading towards abusive) ex told me that he would leave me if I didn’t lose ten pounds in the two weeks before his friend’s wedding. He was blown away when I said “okay” and walked away.

Valiantlycaustic

4. Falling Like Dominoes

I reported a coworker for harassing a minor. My manager fired me for making the accusation against her friend. She got fired, and then the district manager got fired when he too was caught in a bathroom with a minor.

try_altf4

5. Sort out Your Priorities

I am 5’4″ male who looks less muscular than I am. I was in line for priority boarding and it had just started when the woman behind me said “Excuse me, this is for priority boarding. You need to wait with everyone else.” I ignored her and presented my boarding pass with my active duty ID. My only revenge was when the attendant said “thank you for your service.”

I turned to the woman behind me, grinned, and said “thanks!” Before boarding.

slytherinpoet

6. You Won’t Be Missed

I’m a librarian. A patron was mad about her fines and yelled, “And I’m never coming back!” as she left. I said, “We’re a non-profit!”

LibraryGal

7. Getting Peppered

I had a man in his 40s call a 16-year-old girl I work with a stupid idiot because she forgot to put extra peppers on his sandwich. I was in an irritable mood that day, so I confronted him about it. I asked him if he had any children, he said yes. I asked him if he thought it would be appropriate for them to talk to a stranger (let alone a young girl) like that.

He said no, so I asked him, “What makes you so special then?” He looked very ashamed of himself and just walked out of the store without saying a word. I got some applause from one of the tables.

TheusernameIwantedyo

8. Telling It Like It Is

I was a lawyer at a fraud trial. Prosecution gets right to the point. Third question in to the defendant: “So you have no properties, no identifiable source of income, no inheritance, and, as far as I’m aware, have not won the lottery, yet you have foreign bank accounts with £x million and a Ferrari. It must simply be a coincidence that my client has an accounting black hole pretty much exactly equal to those riches.”

The defendant pretty much gave up on the spot.

BadDiplomat

9. The Joke’s on Her

I canceled on a party her friends were having because I worked late. My boss let me out a few hours early because it was dead. So I went to the party. Got there and asked her cousin where she was. Her cousin said, “oh, she’s in her car out front on the phone.” As I walked away to go to the car her cousin panicked and said “NO! WAIT! SHE’S IN THE BATHROOM!”

Me knowing she was lying, I jogged to my gf’s car out front. Looked in the window and she was pantless doing favors for two other guys. That was ten years ago. Now she’s a mother to four fatherless children and I’m engaged to her beautiful, latina ex-best friend.

BaracksCousin

10. Sweet, Sweet Hush Money

I had found another job and was just waiting it out to get my bonus. For about three months I was free to express myself in ways I wouldn’t have otherwise. I had noticed that my vacation time had not been approved and normally would have asked about it but decided to see how it might play out. My manager called me in about two weeks before my vacation to inform me that it was denied.

I wasn’t the least upset but I informed her I was going anyway. She threatened me every way under the sun which only made me laugh at her. Everyone was surprised when I left her office smiling as they had heard her. I went to my desk, printed off my resignation and gave it to her. Got my bonus, got my vacation, and also got an extra two weeks paid.

You see, I was going to a competitor and they didn’t want me sharing information.

Needless-To-Say

11. Fool Me Once

I worked at a pawn shop for a couple of years. We had a customer pawn a chainsaw, which turned up stolen and was confiscated by police, which causes the store to lose money and police to be aware that he is a known thief. He came back something close to three months later to pawn something else. I didn’t recognize him right away.

I asked him if he had pawned anything before and he said yes, so I asked his last name and entered it into our computer system, which promptly said STOLEN. First I thought, “Really? You came back here?” I gave my boss—it’s literally a two-person store—our not very frequently used signal to discreetly call the police.

Meanwhile, I started acting like I was working on his loan and stalled a bit. Just a couple minutes later, a couple of police cars pulled up and officers quietly walked in and he immediately gave up. I didn’t really have to say anything to him. The handcuffs spoke for themselves.

notsurethepoint

12. Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Will Hurt Me Far More

I waited tables in a breakfast diner a few years back. Two ladies come in and towed one of their kids along, a chubby boy with gold chains and a nice watch (the kid is probably 10-11, for reference). Mom is clearly very tired of dealing with him as he is very demanding, blurts out what he wants before I can say hi, etc. Partway through the meal, he holds up his Sprite cup and shakes it at me, and utters only the word “more!”

Mom looks aghast and chastises him for being rude, to which he begrudgingly apologizes. I shrugged and told him “don’t apologize to me, apologize to your mom.” Was a little worried when I came back around with his Sprite and saw his salty, hot tears streaming down his chubby face. Mom left me a ten on a 30 dollar bill, however, so I think she was happy with my service.

Shardicar

13. Revenge Is a Dish Best Served…Cheap?

Not me, but a guy I worked with 10 years ago. I worked with a guy who really stuck it to his ex wife. When I met him he was working in a sporting goods store making 8 dollars an hour. He was not really like the other retail monkeys. He was older, well groomed, well spoken, clearly educated, all of that stuff.

One night after work he gets into his car, and I couldn’t help but notice that it was a very very nice newish Jaguar. I asked him how he could afford it and he explained it to me: He had been an SVP at a well known fortune 50 company, pulling in 300k with bonuses and stock options. He was married but the marriage fell apart and in the divorce, she demanded that she get the house and 40% of his wages.

He and his lawyer somehow managed to get her to agree to let him keep the house in exchange for 75% of his pay. As soon as she took the settlement he quit his job and looked for a minimum wage job. He said to me that “She gets 75% of nearly nothing now.” He had other money stashed away, so he didn’t even need the job and he had the house and its equity as well.

Also, no kids, so there was no child support. Just alimony. She was furious of course, and tried to re-sue him but failed at least once and when she claimed that the settlement was not keeping her in the life style she was accustomed to, he simply told the judge that the divorce was traumatic to him and he could no longer do his old job as a result.

At least at that time, she did not manage to get out of the deal. Not sure how it all ended. But I thought it was brilliant if not crazy-level spiteful. He was a good employee too…good with customers, showed up on time, no absenteeism or anything like that. He claimed he loved each payday because it reminded him how little she was getting.

DrDiarrhea

14. Stake out for an Unfaithful Nurse

Had a suspicion that the wife was seeing someone else. She had been acting “off” for about a week. We would be sitting on the couch and she would get text messages claiming to be from a female friend, yet she would always set the phone face down. A few nights later she tells me that she is going to go cover a shift for a nurse co-worker who just had a miscarriage and that she would be working late.

That night I woke up out of a dead sleep with my heart racing, with just a feeling that something was wrong. I snuck over to her side of the bed, took her phone and went out into the living room to go through her text messages. Sure enough, she had detailed plans to meet up with some guy at a hotel to have sex. I took photos of the texts with my phone as future evidence.

I went back to bed, returned her phone and just laid there contemplating my next steps. I finally just laid awake for about four hours until it was time for me to get up for work. I knew they were planning on meeting in the afternoon at the hotel, so when I arrived at work I told my boss that I needed a half day and possibly a few days off afterward.

About an hour before their planned meetup time, I drove to my brother-in-law’s house. I let him know what was going on and asked to borrow his truck so that I could witness their arrival with my own eyes. He made me promise not to confront them. I showed up at the hotel parking lot and about 30 minutes later, they both arrive in his truck.

She was dressed in her work outfit. After they went in, I snuck around to his truck and deflated all his tires (not slashed because that’s a bigger crime). She had carefully planned to cover her tracks. She took our two kids to the babysitter dressed in her scrubs to appear like she is going to work. Then drove her car to the parking garage to have him pick her up there, knowing I might drive by her work to see if her car was there.

I left the hotel, went back home, piled every picture we had ever taken together along with photos of our kids on the kitchen table. I packed a bag for myself and the girls and drove down to my hometown to stay with some friends. On the way there, I called the hotel and asked to be connected to the room under her name.

She answered and I don’t remember exactly what I said, but something to the effect of “I know where you are and I know what you’re doing…” She wasn’t really phased until she heard our girls in the backseat laughing and signing. Then she broke down and begged me to come back. I told her we needed a few days away and that they deserve a better mother than her and hung up.

She called me constantly and I just sent it straight to voicemail for the next few days.

steve126a

15. A Little out of Your Price Range, Sir

My boss sold the company and about a week after the official switch to the new owners he called me up to ask me to do something. I told him my consulting fees were $120/hr. He didn’t take me up on it, unfortunately.

Judge_Bredd2

16. A Blast From the Past Should Have Been a Blast in the Face

About two years ago, I divorced my wife after she cheated with a guy she met at my mother’s funeral. Six months after the divorce, I’m on my first date with a girl named Heidi. She wanted to stop by a local tavern that was hosting a charity benefit. We did…Worst decision ever. I walk in the front door and immediately I am face to face with the guy who screwed my wife.

He and I grew up as friends but lost touch until he came to mom’s funeral. He attempted to say something to me, and I immediately cut him off and threatened him rather harshly. He left. I spent the next 30 minutes explaining what just happened to her. She said I should have punched him…

cbrown80

17. Keeping up Appearances

My brother was on a jury back in the days of MySpace. A woman had been hit by a big rig during some foggy weather and she was suing for a back injury. On the last day of the trial, they asked her if she had a MySpace account and then brought up her site for the jury to see, as I think all profiles were open to the public back then.

There was a picture of her dancing on the hood of a car, and right next to it was a text exchange of her saying that she shouldn’t go out too much because her lawyer says that she has to look injured. Needless to say, she lost that case.

Gabrovi

18. Who Are You Gonna Believe, Me or Your Own Eyes?

Go to the gym, no headphones! That’s cool, house is five minutes away. Pull up in front of my house and see work buddie’s car out front. Walk in house through open garage. Son coloring at kitchen table. Ask him “Hey bud, where’s your mom?” He points at the stairs. Walk to stairs to hear moans and movement. Up to this point I had suspected the worst but never had proof.

Knew I had to go look and catch her or she would say I was overreacting and tell me it wasn’t what I thought. Walk upstairs and hear them in the spare bedroom. Walk in the room and say “well this is awkward.” They freak out and try to grab clothes and tell me nothing is happening. I walk out to my car and have ex-buddy chase me out and tell me to hit him.

I go to my command (I’m in the military) the next day. Report him and have the command force him to call his wife that day and let her know. I am now divorced and much happier!

USS_NicMc

19. A Wheel-y Good Defense

A friend’s sister went to court over a moving violation. She’s an engine tuner and had built herself a beautiful first gen Mitsubishi Eclipse with 6-700 horsepower at the wheels. This car, inevitably, attracted the attention of local law enforcement, who pulled her over with no fewer than eight cruisers after some slightly aggressive acceleration around a left turn.

During cross-examination, she asked the officer who’d made the call why exactly she had been pulled over. “I heard the engine revving, and I saw you spinning the tires and sliding around the corner.” “To be clear, officer, which tires were spinning?” “The rear tires.” “So I was spinning the rear tires, and it was the back end that swung out?” “Yes ma’am, that’s correct.”

“And you’re sure that’s what you saw?” “Clear as day, ma’am. The light turned green, you stepped on the gas, and the rear tires broke loose under power.” “The rear tires broke loose under power? There’s no doubt in your mind that that’s exactly what happened?” “None at all.” There was silence in the court before her huge reveal:

“Your honor, this officer is either lying or hallucinating. My car is front wheel drive.”

BoltActionGearbox

20. Sucks for Them

I once worked for a shady company that sold and repaired expensive American vacuum cleaners. I was the service manager. I had been planning a six-week scuba diving trip with a mate for two years. They were well aware of this and said it was fine. When the time came close, I put in my application for six weeks leave. I was called into the husband/wife owners’ office and told that I could only take three weeks (I had saved the time up with their permission).

I pointed this out but they were adamant that three weeks was the most they were prepared to authorize. I even tried to negotiate five weeks but that was firmly rejected. So I walked from the office, wrote my resignation letter and left. Had a great holiday diving the Great Barrier Reef. They rang me weekly for a solid three months offering all sorts of incentives to come back.

By then, I had landed a great government job.

Daveytrain1966

21. That’s Exactly What He’s Saying

Years ago I worked at a small hardware store where they were constantly getting huge rolls of copper wire stolen. One day, this guy and his girlfriend come in to return a roll. I was a few months in on the returns counter. They had no receipt and when I scanned the item for the return it was only doing the price per foot. I couldn’t figure out how to get the SKU or the price for the whole roll.

I called the manager and he comes out and right away knows there’s no way these people bought a roll and returned it. So he asks when they bought it and they say two weeks ago—the common response—and my manager tells them, “Oh really, because the last time we sold an entire roll was over 3 months ago”. The guy starts to get brave and tells him, “So, you’re saying I stole it?!”

And my manager says yes. They end up leaving and left the roll behind. Before they leave the store the guy says, “I’m coming back and bringing the cops,” and the manager says, “Go ahead, that way you can explain to them how you stole the roll.”

celesticaxxz

22. Holding Those in High Positions of Power Accountable

I work at the country club where Reince Priebus goes. Every Friday night is “Pasta Night,” where you pay $5-$10 or so to go to the pasta bar where a chef will make you a pasta dish to order. Priebus, upon getting the bill, turned to the server—a girl who was being perfectly polite to him—and demanded to know why he was charged for three adult meals.

He was there with his wife and kid, and the kid was 12 years old. 12 is the cut-off for getting the $5 kid’s pasta, so the server had charged him the $10 for an adult pasta dish. He insisted his kid was 11, so the server apologized and went to the server station in the back where there’s a computer that would let her change the bill.

I and a couple other staff members were standing back there, giving her questioning looks as we’d seen Priebus look angry and gesture to his kid. Had she screwed up the kid’s order or something? She relayed the whole story so far to us and then turned to the computer. Curious, she looked up the Priebus family’s record.

The kid was 12 years old. Still is, probably, as this was only last July if I recall correctly. The server’s older sister pointed out that the server had every right to charge Priebus for a $10 adult meal, and Priebus was the most highly paid White House staff member of all time before getting fired, and could definitely pay the $5 difference.

A determined look is set in the server’s eyes, and she goes out and tells Priebus she knows his kid is 12, to which he responds (and this is a direct quote), “Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be?” He paid the bill in a huff, didn’t tip her, and left. To be clear: The man who was the most highly paid member of the White House staff of all time tried to lie about his kid’s age in order to save $5 at a country club where most entrees will run you about $25-30.

VoidAgent

Lion King factsShutterstock

23. Race to the Finish

I have a story related to a divorce case. I once worked on bank equipment, and my favorite was opening safety deposit boxes for the bank. So one day, I was asked to get there before the bank opened, which was really odd. I show up and greet the bank employee—along with a lawyer and a very angry looking woman.

She is really impatient to get into the safety deposit box. I get the lock open and swing the door out, and she’s screaming, “let me in there!,” So I stepped outside and let her rush by. A few moment later, I hear a string of loud curse words: it was empty. Then she busts out and storms off, but while she passed she threw down a single piece of paper that had been in the vault.

It basically said, “Screw you, witch.” It had been a nasty divorce, and the-ex husband got there before she did.

Que_n_fool_STL

24. Savage

My ex, many moons ago, was an idiot. She KNEW that I had many friends that lived in the same neighborhood as her ex that she had left a couple months before dating me. She always told me she was going over to a female friend’s house to study, and I had no reason not to believe her. Til one day she wouldn’t answer a single text.

Now I’m not the kind of guy to text a billion times. I’ll text you, then if you don’t reply, MAAAYYBE I’ll text you 2-3 hours later to make sure you got my last message, and if you still don’t answer, then, “Meh”, I’ll talk to you when you feel like you want to talk. So anyway, I’m at my friend’s house later that night having not gotten a reply from her since maybe 12 hours ago.

Me and the group of friends decide to go outside in his backyard to make a pit fire, when I notice her car in the driveway of the house behind us. I didn’t know it was her ex’s house but it was the waaaaaay wrong neighborhood for her girlfriend’s house. I call her sister up and say “Where is your sister,” and she says “Oh, she’s at [the girl’s house].”

“Well, I’m going nuts then because I’m looking at her car right now and this isn’t her friend’s neighborhood.” Her response to that was “Uh…” So I hang up and ask my friend who lives in the house we were all hanging out at, who owns the house behind him. “Oh that’s [her ex bf’s name]’s house.” I called her phone to find it was off.

So I just chilled the rest of my time there, and payed it no more attention, no sense in worrying at this point—it’s a done deal. About two hours later I get a call from her saying the phone was on silent for “Study purposes” and asking if I wanted to come over. “Sure,” I told her. I arrive at the house a little bit after and she hops in the car.

As soon as she shuts the door I ask “How was studying with your friend?” and she gives me some BS answer as if I didn’t know she wasn’t there. After she’s done spewing her lie I say “Weird. Must have been a long walk from [ex bf’s] house.” I made sure to look at her face as I said it so that I could see any expression. She knew I knew but wouldn’t let it go.

It will go quicker if I just give you the dialogue:

“We were just talking things out”

“Why would it be ok to just go over there to do that if you have a boyfriend? Talk things out? What needs to be talked out?”

“We’ve been friends for a very long time before dating. I can’t just stop talking to him.”

“So to get around that, you feel it’s logical to lie to me about going to a friend’s house? It’s 11pm, “you’ve been talking it out” since 10am. I’ve tried getting a hold of you a couple times too. Silence for a bit… So what did you guys do?”

She wouldn’t answer or look at me. I told her to get out of the car and just pulled off. She broke up with him the first time because he was physically abusive and seemed to not really want to do anything with his life. About a year after I drove off she calls me asking if we could try to make it work again and if I’d like to get together over dinner.

So I said “yes” and arranged a date at a fairly upscale place for Saturday at 8 pm. Told her the dress code and all, since it was a snazzy joint. I’m not sure how long she sat there, because I. Didn’t. Go.

EtsuRah

25. It’s the Small Victories

I a waitress. One day, I walk right up to this customer’s table, and before I can even say hello and spit out my name, I am greeted with “I want the Reuben with fries. I want some ranch to dip them in too, but I’m not going to pay that ridiculous $.50 charge. My server charged me last time, and I haven’t been back for more than a month!” So I did exactly what she asked.

Reuben, fries, and ranch… at an inflated cost of $.75 due to us making the ranch now instead of buying it. It was worth not getting her tip.

imaerehw

26. Going Down in a Blaze of Glory

I had an issue where our district manager was purposely not correcting my pay to reflect the raise I’d been promised, so after six weeks of him blowing me off I called corporate HR and they came down on him like the fires of Mount Doom. He drove to my store and tore into me in front of customers for “not being a team player” and going over his head.

Six months later, we’re informed our store is closing and the employees can transfer to other stores. Oh, but not me, I was told I’d never be welcome in the company again because I “wasn’t a team player” so I would just be laid off after the store closed… Then he told me he also needed me to oversee shipping our product out to other stores based on a list he had of what store gets what.

Yeah, none of those stores got what he wanted on that list. I spent three weeks shipping whatever to whoever, playing my own music over the store speakers, and telling customers about a whole bunch of exploitable loopholes in store policies and systems.

What was he going to do? Fire me?

DoubleJumps

27. A No Show

I was in court once for a speeding ticket. The prosecutor didn’t offer me a reduction, so I plead not guilty. We got into court and the judge called the officer who had pulled me over to the stand. He hadn’t shown. The judge was already irritated and he asked the prosecutor where the cop was. The prosecutor admitted that he hadn’t called the cop to come in because he had assumed that I wouldn’t show or that I would plead guilty.

The judge was pissed. Then, the idiot made the mistake of asking the judge if we could wait an hour for the cop to come. The judge lost his mind, livid that we had all arrived on time and this dunderhead couldn’t be bothered to do his job correctly. The judge told us that the case was dismissed but that we were not dismissed from the table yet—he wanted us to stand there for ten minutes and watch while he chewed the prosecutor a new one.

I must say, I did kind of enjoy witnessing the guy get chewed out for messing up the entire trial—it was like a bonus to me for winning the case!

Permalink

28. Father (Doesn’t) Know Best

Building materials store. It was business to business, so not much retail I guess. This guy comes in with his son, wants to buy a $2,000 air tool. I pretty quickly recognize he’s going to attempt check/card fraud. Not a big deal, we get two to three a week for the same thing. But this guy wasn’t very good at it. He hands me a bad looking card.

I test the chip and doesn’t work. I can key in the numbers and process the sale if I want. So I know for sure now its fraud but I never accuse them, so I ask for cash. Most fraudsters can read my face and understand I know what they’re doing. Usually, they say they will go to the bank real quick and then they get lost. This guy starts getting aggressive.

I’m fed up so I look at his son. I ask him what his name is. John. Then I say, “John, when you grow up you don’t want to be stealing stuff like your daddy. And sucking at it, too.” Hoo boy.

AudioDope562

29. I’ll Take That As a No…

Worked at a big supermarket chain. Did cashier job, placed out products and did some behind the scenes management. One day I get called to the back. It was the regional manager, who said the deficit after my shifts as cashier is getting out of control—about $10 to $50 every shift. They threatened me with calling the cops, saying that they had surveillance videos showing me stealing the money.

I said sure, get the cops here, I’ll just wait. After 30 minutes, the cops arrived. When we started watching the footage there was nothing showing that I stole the money, and the cops said there is no evidence against me and took off. I still got fired on the spot and they even banned me from entering their stores all over the country.

A few weeks later, I get a call from the girl that was working there with me, and who had to cover me for smoke breaks when I was cashier. Teared up and choking from crying, she confesses that it was her stealing the money all the time while I was on my breaks. She got charges pressed against her, she did 120 hours community service and paid a huge fine.

A few days after that, I get a call from the store’s regional manager apologizing for the inconvenience and asking me if I want to return to my old job. I told him to screw off and hung up.

padjapoiss

30. Making the Date Age Appropriate

The mic drop moment happened to me. I went on a date with a boy when I was about 16. I lied about my age and even though I literally looked 11, he still believed me (super dumb of me, right?) He was in his 20s. “Let’s get a drink, yeah?” Me being too weird to tell the truth, I agreed. It was the worst mistake of my entire life.

Flash forward and we’re outside of the bar, it’s our time to go inside and the bouncer checking ID asks me about mine. “Uhhh, sorry, I must have left it at home.” I defensively exclaimed. He knew I was lying out of my face. I did too. My date looks at me weird and he starts interrogating me, I literally cracked with embarrassment.

I started sobbing and at that point, I tried to run inside the bar like I actually had a chance. I even threw a tantrum causing a HUGE scene. Way to show my true age. After, he looks at me with a blank expression and I honestly was crushed. We’re in the car leaving at this point and it was nothing but silence until he was like, “let’s go somewhere age appropriate then.”

“Age appropriate?” I was shocked, he wasn’t even mad at me. I didn’t know what to do with myself, I just sat in the back of the car, mentally beaten. We drive for a while and I honestly thought I was going to get kidnapped.I was confused, but it was about to become crystal clear to me. Eventually, we pull up to a Chuck E. Cheese.

And he leaves me there.

Flowerpal

31. Status Update: You Lose

I was a lawyer representing a plaintiff in a hit and run case. Despite me preparing her for several hours the previous day, this client was an absolutely terrible witness for her own case. She couldn’t even identify the street she was crossing when she was hit by the car. The “gotcha” moment came during cross-examination. The defense counsel pulls out a picture of my client dressed up and ready to hit the club, which was posted to Facebook the day after the alleged accident.

I, thinking quickly, object because the timestamp refers to when it was posted, not when it was taken. So the defense counsel shows the picture to my client and asks her when the picture was taken. Sure enough, she confirms that it was taken the day after the accident—i.e. when she was supposedly in unbearable pain.

DoctorTargaryen

32. Life Lesson: Power Trips Always Lead to Writing on Whiteboards

One day, I stopped by my boyfriend’s house to surprise him. His bedroom window was open and she was very loud. I tried the front door and it wasn’t locked so I let his dogs in the house (because it would piss him off) and sat on the couch for a few minutes thinking about how much power I had. How I could burst in and do anything. I just wrote goodbye on his whiteboard and left.

mydemonsonpaper

33. It’s Not Me, It’s You

When I left a job, I was invited to meet with the CEO because he was unhappy I was leaving and wanted to understand why. I explained that I was not being paid enough and the recently announced pay rise was not good enough. He got irritated and in a patronizing tone started trying to lecture me on how I should have handled that situation better.

I interrupted him, he didn’t like that, so I added “I’m leaving, I have nothing to lose” and then informed him that I had already been let down over pay multiple times, had witnessed others trying to get more pay and being refused, so I had no interest in begging to be paid what I already deserved to be paid.

Stazalicious

34. They’ve Got You Numbered

I went to What-a-Burger and my friend and I each got our numbers and went to sit down. They brought my friend’s food and took my number. When I asked for my food several minutes later I was berated and accused of trying to get a free meal. I calmly tried to explain what happened and the manager was having none of it. So I took my full large drink and dropped in on the ground right in front of the register and left.

HungryMoose1

35. A Serving of Superiority

When I was in high school, I dated a guy who repeatedly cheated on me with his ex. I found out after we’d broken up, and I told him off and broke off contact. A few years later, I’d finished college and started working at a publishing company where I often get free tickets to cultural events in town. My boss gave me tickets to the opera and also tickets to the little VIP events where they serve free food and wine at intermission and after the show.

The first time I’d seen the girl my ex cheated with was at the little VIP intermission gathering. I was sitting there munching on hors d’oeuvres and sipping wine when I saw her. She was clearing tables with the catering crew. She made eye contact for one second and then immediately turned away and was obviously avoiding me for the rest of the night. It was perfect.

EtrontheMachine

36. Doesn’t This Guy Have Anything Better to Do?

Story from my parents, who are lawyers. So throughout the divorce proceedings, there was a car that was a huge point of contention between the husband and wife. After months and months of saying he would never let the wife have the car, the husband concedes in exchange for something great, like one of their summer houses.

It turns out he had been driving the car for three hours everyday in a big loop around the city, putting thousands and thousands of miles on it basically making it worthless. The amount of planning and spite that went into that was amazing.

flintlock519

37. Back of the Line

When I was 19 I worked as a manager at a Dollar Tree. The first of every month was always the most hectic because of food stamps which, unfortunately for us, not a great day because there were only three employees inside the store including myself. Lines are building up when a woman and her 20-something daughter come to the line with over 60 items.

When the total comes up and she uses WIC, she cannot remember her PIN. Happens, I get it. I told her we’ll have to move it over to an empty cash register to clear my conveyor so that we don’t hold anyone up—four or more people in each of our two lines now. She complied—Woo!—and I continued ringing up customers.

She takes five steps from me and calls friends/family to find out what the password is and after slightly less than five minutes says she knows it now. I say ‘Awesome!’ At this point, she starts moving my customer’s items back while she cuts off every customer to place all of her items back on the belt. Every customer is like “What the heck?!”

I stop her and tell her that she needs to get to the back of the line and she pulls out the “Let me speak to your manager” at a screech that could be heard from the city over. I calmly say “No problem,” bend down, turn around, pop my head back up, and say “How can I help you?” Every customer starts laughing, including her daughter, and she starts cursing at me like the Wicked Witch of the West.

This was the point when I told her to leave the store to which she just went to the other line and I told the employee not to ring her up. She blew up in anger and left the store with her daughter apologizing to everyone.

GudGeographyProf

38. Typical Karen

When I was a server I would always record my tables’ orders. Even though my memory is good, my handwriting is bad so I didn’t want to take the risk of getting something wrong. My manager said it was ok and he even put a sign up stating that some of the staff may record your order for accuracy purposes. Seems normal, right?

At the beginning, I ask each person for their name before I take any drinks or food orders. One of the people at the table orders a steak well done, which is gross but whatever. Food comes and she said her steak was not medium rare like she wanted and I apologized and told her that she did order it well done. Here we go…

This sparked a big rant, lots of cussing, a call for the manager, etc. Again, I apologize and say let’s go to the tape. The look on her face when I played back the recording of “And Karen how would you like your steak?” was priceless. She tried to play off that it wasn’t her but nobody else ordered a steak at her table. Her friends just laughed at her.

Jurais13

39. Blastoff

Neil Armstrong’s nephew or grandson or whatever was attending Space Camp the same week I was. There were many rumors of him being a little brat. It was confirmed true that almost every day he was at risk of getting kicked out. The last day of camp Neil actually spoke to a huge crowd of space nerds, and something magical happened.

Minutes before the speech, that little brat got kicked out, publicly, in front of mostly everyone at the camp. Neil must have been so embarrassed.

GRat9717

40. It’s the Little Things

I work at a domestic violence shelter, and our ex-executive director was asked to resign because she had embezzled over 25 grand worth of our grant funding. She was a verbally abusive garbage human, doing things to the employees that were the same things that clients are escaping from. I never did stick up for myself, because it was easier to let her curse and scream about thermostats and cat litter and be done.

She has been skirting the blame in our small town since she resigned and the other day sent a mass text out to all current and past employees once again passing the blame on to our current director and our board. I had had enough of this drama and her, and finally told her that she could politely “lose my number.” It’s just a small text, but that was literally my declaration of independence from her.

I have NEVER FELT MORE EMPOWERED IN MY LIFE.

bethroebodeen

41. Driving While Modern

I have a buddy who is a DUI attorney. In the state he practiced in, being in the car with the keys in the ignition, even if the engine isn’t running, is considered a DUI if you’re intoxicated. A client came in and told his story to my buddy. The buddy goes to the DA after discovery and says “Don’t take this to trial!” The DA replies “Yeah, right.”

In court, he gets the State Trooper who made the arrest up on the stand. The Trooper says under oath “I saw with my own two eyes that the keys were in the ignition.” Buddy gives the cop several tries to walk it back. Then has it read into the record that the car was a Prius. It didn’t use a key. BOOM. Instant dismissal and the cop got into some trouble.

dramboxf

42. Why Are People So Terrible?

When I was a waiter, I once had a woman and her friends at one of my tables. The woman asked for a can of Coca-Cola. When I brought their drinks and gave the woman her Coke, she looked at me, and, in that typical rich person voice, said “Excuse me, honey? I asked for Fanta, not Coke.” So I apologized, wrote it onto my notepad, and went back to get her a can of Fanta.

Brought it to her, and again, she turned to me and said, “I didn’t ask for Fanta, I asked for Cream Soda.” By this time, I was getting a bit annoyed, but went back and got her a Cream Soda anyway. And surely, when I returned to her table, she did the same thing again, “I asked for Sprite. Should I call the manager?”

So, for the last time, I smiled and I went back to the kitchen and packed one can of each: Coke, Cream Soda, Fanta, Sprite, Pepsi and Sparberry Soda, into a small plastic box and took it all to her and said “Here you go, miss, take your pick.” She looked offended and almost made a scene. She started lecturing me about how I’m incapable of getting the simplest order right and that she wants to talk to the restaurant’s manager.

I told her that I can call him, and that I’ll show him all the soda types I wrote on my notepad that she asked for, and we can get his opinion on the matter. She turned and took her darn Sprite out of the plastic box and said, “Just leave it.” Her friends were silent throughout the whole ordeal and none of them gave me any issues further on. I didn’t receive a tip, as expected, but I shrugged it off.

Dr_Levi

43. Sold to the Highest Bidders

Mitch got everything he wanted. Granted, he was smart and ambitious, but was also petulant and snobby. The combination made him virtually hated by everyone. Our 3rd-grade class would get monopoly-esque money for an auction of toys at the end of the year. If you were bad, you had to pay money, but if you were a little sycophant, like Mitch, you were filthy rich.

At the end of the year, Mitch surveyed all the toys and calculated how many “brownie points” it would take to swipe all the best stuff. One by one, Mitch swiped the best toys, always bidding perfectly. At the end, Mitch had enough for the most coveted toy on the table: the Chia Pet. Brent had the second most money and timidly started the bidding.

Mitch toyed with him and gradually raised the price until Brent had to go all in. Mitch raised the bid by a small margin and then Susan, who almost had a nerf gun, gave her sizeable pile to Brent and Brent raised. Mitch panicked and counted his money for a higher bid, but it was already too late. All the people he had screwed suddenly turned the auction into a popularity contest and Brent delivered the final blow.

Mitch freaked the heck out and had the most satisfying meltdown. If he had just tried to get a few things, no one would have wanted to screw him, but by leaving so many people with so much worthless cash, he was truly hoisted by his own petard. Screw Mitch, lol.

CommieLoser

44. Crossing the Line

I had a lady cuss me out when I worked as a customer service manager for a big retail store. She then went on to tell me how my mom didn’t raise me right and should have done better. My mom passed away a few weeks previously, so I then told her, thanks ma’am but she did a great job and recently passed. I then immediately told her to leave or the cops would be called and she would be criminally trespassing.

destoryallcubes

45. Whoops

My dad divorced his first wife and promptly took his name off of all the credit cards. She proceeded to buy all kinds of stuff, thinking she’d stick him with the bill. She was not happy to hear she was the only one on the account.

rickaroo

46. This Woman Is the Literal Worst

This should have been a mic drop moment. I work at a ridiculously upscale steakhouse in Manhattan as a hostess while juggling being a college student. We have some of the most demanding and exclusive clients come in daily and I have a lot of stories. Our guests range from Michael Cohen, Steve Madden, Anderson Cooper to lesser-known Real Housewives stars and just filthy rich businessmen and women.

Last winter while at work, we had three hostesses at the podium. One for seating people, one for checking in, and one for checking coats. I was checking coats (tips are unbelievable) around 7, when our place is incredibly busy and hectic. Well, a lady checks in with her husband and hands me her coat. I hand her the ticket number for her coat and then proceed to hang it up and mark it with all of the other coats in the closet.

In the closet, it was mainly mink coats during the winter, easily upwards of $15,000 from brands like Moncler, Burberry, Gucci etc. Her coat was a Moncler. It’s easy to remember in the moment who had what coat, but after checking in 200 other coats I totally forgot what kind of coat this woman had, and she was not a regular client so I didn’t make a special note.

Fast forward two hours later, they’re leaving. She hands me her ticket and I go to get her coat. I come back to hand it to her and she looks at me puzzled and goes, “That’s not my coat.” I go, “Oh okay, are you positive? What did your coat look like by chance?” She sniffed and said “Seriously isn’t it your job to know that?”

So I asked her to come to the coat closet with me so we could locate her jacket. She wrinkled her nose and told me I was a joke for not being able to do such a simple job! I apologized and walked her to the coat closet. We searched high and low for about an hour for her coat and at that point, she was screaming at me, every nasty name in the book.

I stood there, calm as could be, because the money was worth it. I finally decided to involve the manager because I just did not know what to do. He didn’t know what to do either, he said we would reimburse her for the cost of her coat and we would write a check but she refused. She must have tried on all 200 coats in our closet and claimed that none of them were hers.

I was petrified at this point that I had given her coat away to someone else, as many look the same. She then told me I would be getting a bill personally from her lawyer and I was actually scared because I knew how expensive those coats were. She berated me and degraded me in front of the manager and told him that I need to be fired.

Finally, she had enough and said since you gave my coat to someone else give me the coat you initially gave me because I can’t go outside without a coat. And at that point I didn’t care anymore. So, she takes the coat I initially gave her, puts it on, and says, “Wow it fits perfect.” She reaches in the pockets and asks, “How did this coat happen to have my wallet and keys in it too?”

I looked up and literally had no words. I wasted about two hours being belittled by the woman, when I was right the whole time. The lady was like, “I don’t know what to say” and my manager said, “You owe her [me] an apology.” And the lady handed me her wine glass, a $1 tip, no apology, and left like nothing happened!

I sat down on the closet floor and cried my eyes out. I had been awake since 5 AM for school and was the closing host that night, which meant I wouldn’t be leaving until about 2 AM, getting home around 3 AM, and waking back up at 5 AM for school! She wasted what little energy I had left and made me feel so worthless. My coworkers were awesome though, the bartender made me a drink and they all gave me a hug.

uptownthrill

Shutterstock

47. Think Fast!

I was on the bus a year or 2 back and a kid and his mom were seated in front of me. The kid kept screeching about wanting to ”press the button” (you press a button to notify the bus driver that you need to get off at the next stop) because he liked the beep it made. Every. Single. Bus stop. This little twat screeched asking if he could press it yet. Finally his mom said he could press the button.

I pressed it. It only beeps for the first person to press it. The little brat cried.

LuthienTheMonk

48. That’s Rich

I was let go from a non-profit for no reason (re: wasn’t in “rich” enough circles to be able to attract money to the org). I then got a job at a large funder for non-profits. The non-profit eventually came knocking and I had the ear of the CEO. I didn’t end up saying anything, but it was one of the most satisfying moments in my life to have that power and a friendly reminder to treat all people well.

scullytryhard

49. Maybe They Just Had a Question!

I’m a lawyer. Two guys were being tried for robbing a gas station. A customer who saw the robbery was now on the witness stand. The prosecutor asked him to describe what he saw. He said that he saw two guys robbing the store and then running out, when one of them bumped into him. Then the prosecutor looked at the two perps and said “Are those two men in the courtroom today?”

At which point, the two idiots raised their hands. Case closed.

tinkrman

50. Saved by the Bill

This guy came in my store, and without even glancing at any merchandise, comes to the register. He hands me five $20 bills and asks for one $100 bill. As unusual as it was, I obliged. After I verified all his $20 bills were legit, I pulled a single $100 bill from my till. This is the part that saved me—I held the $100 bill up to the light just like we were trained to do every time we handle a $100 bill.

Only $100 bills and not any other denomination. He took the $100 in one hand, turned away from me, turned back and showed me a $10 bill, and claimed he was short $90. Without even thinking, I pointed to the door and told him he could leave or I would be calling the cops. He conceded and left without another word, shame-faced.

The thing that saved me is that $100 bills are the only ones we look through at a light. The cameras saw me do that and I knew I had him dead to rights.

Knight_82

Retail Moments FactsWikimedia Commons

51. Justice Served

I was a dishwasher at a local, family-owned restaurant throughout high school. Part of my job was to occasionally go out to our patio area and take in the bus bucket of dishes that was out there. One night, as I was getting the bucket, I saw a lady eating a salad. She was almost done, and I was about to leave until I saw her look around, reach to the ground, pick up a live bug, and place it in her salad.

At this point, I stop what I’m doing and watch her call over a waitress, point to the bug, and demand her meal for free. I promptly went inside and informed my manager, who was about to comp her the meal. The manager then goes outside, tells the lady that an employee saw what she did. The woman firmly denied it, but was blushing and stammering the entire time. She ended up not getting her meal comped and even left a huge tip.

inspect_ya_neck

52. Speaking up

Went to see a local high school play set in WWII Germany, two rich teen girls with their fancy handbags etc sat the row in front of me. They spent the whole show talking quite loudly about how the actors were so bad etc, and at one point said: “this is why I go to private school, so I don’t have to sit through this all day.”

As the intermission began and everyone was applauding the guy sitting next to me leaned forward and told them “if you shut up you might learn something.” The look on their face was priceless, and I didn’t hear a peep out of them for the rest of the play.

MurphyDino

53. I Guess That’s One Way to Deal With Your Problems

This couple I know separated ten years ago but didn’t officially divorce until a couple years ago. She was going to get his house so he burnt it down then faxed her the transfer of ownership forms. He might be going to jail for arson though.

Permalink

54. Act Your Age

I worked at a call center years ago. I overheard an angry commotion from the headset of the gal next to me. The yelling continued for what seemed like 30 minutes, but it was probably closer to five. But she was totally unfazed, just reading a magazine while the ranting continued. Finally, I heard my co-worker ask, “Your mother or father home, sweetie? We’re not permitted to speak with children.”

They hung up. Before the next auto-dial, I said, “Darn, that was a kid?” She just shrugged, “No, it was some old man.”

Triangle_Graph

55. Real Smooth

I waitressed in high school. This happened when I was 16 or 17. A guy came in to eat with his family—a little girl and his pregnant wife. They were really, really friendly and at first, I thought it was a great table. The wife went to the bathroom and the guy asked for the check. On the check, he wrote his phone number in the tip area along with “Call me, baby.”

I ran his card, waited until his wife came back, and brought over the guy’s card and his receipt. I handed the receipt to the pregnant woman and told her something was wrong with the tip. She got SUPER upset and I got in a lot of trouble with my managers for stirring the pot. In retrospect, I probably didn’t handle that the best way.

But at the same time, I was furious that some guy would come to eat with HIS PREGNANT WIFE—they were both wearing wedding bands, acting couple-y, 99% positive they were married, pretty much 100% confirmed when I gave the wife the receipt with the guy’s “tip” on it—and try to hit on a girl who is more than half his age.

If he’s pulling that stuff so brazenly, god knows what else he’s doing behind his wife’s back.

kill4sleep

56. Justice From the Ghetto

I grew up in the ghetto, so parents usually stayed inside, neglected kids, and told them to play in the streets. So one day I’m outside playing with my friend, I’m around 10 at the time and she’s 7, and an actual 3-year-old starts calling us everything you can imagine. The kid ends up biting me so I go over and tell his dad. Dad calls me a the B-word, great.

Sometime the same week another kid is harassing us, calling us poor and ugly and once again, the B-word. So about fed up with this, he’s sitting over a rain drain so I grab the Payday bar that he had apparently saved up all his money for (he’s like 6) and throw it down the drain. He starts screaming and wailing “I’m gonna tell Mama! My mama’s gonna beat you!”

I sit around while he tells his mum a few houses down, he comes back all righteous and tells me “Mama wants to talk to you.” So I go over to his house and his mum says “what did he do to you? I heard his side, I want yours.” The kid’s smile immediately drops. I tell her about the harassment and she smiles the sweetest little smile before beating his backside right in front of me. Justice from the ghetto everyone, thanks kid’s Mama.

ArisuKiti

57. One Heck of a Loophole

I once got stopped by a cop for a “fix it” ticket. Basically, you have to fix a broken tail-light and get a cop to sign the ticket, or pay the fine. That night, my car was totaled by a drunk driver who ran off the road and hit it at a high speed. Can’t fix a tail light if you don’t have the car anymore! So I wound up going in on my court date to contest the ticket.

I said “sorry, I couldn’t get the light fixed and don’t think I should have to pay.” The judge gives me this look like “what’s your excuse”—so I hand over the police report papers and briefly explain about the wreck. I didn’t have to pay.

atomfullerene

58. Parking Violation

I travel for work. 90% of the time I park in economy at the airport (I think $14 per day). About a 10 to 15 min walk. A few times out of necessity to catch a flight I park in the garage (I think $24 per day, 5 min walk). Usually 2 to 3 day trips, not a huge expense. My boss suggests I park in Off Site Shuttle parking (about $11 a day, but a pain as you need a bunch more time to plan for the shuttle).

He said he does it, because it is cheaper for the company (which he owns). One day while walking through the garage from on site economy, there in the reserved parking (closest and like $40 per day) is my boss’s truck. And reserved takes planning, he wasn’t just running late and needed to park in the garage to make a flight.

I just put my business card under his wiper. I never brought it up, and I haven’t heard any complaints about parking on my expense reports since.

Johnny_Wurster

59. A Love-Hate Relationship

I’m a lawyer, and my client was accused of not leaving this woman alone when she wanted no contact with him. He swore that they were dating, and she’d call the police when she got mad. She swore she wanted nothing to do with him. She had a photo on her phone of him sitting on her porch, to prove that he’d come around without her consent.

I asked permission from the judge to look at the photos before and after to get context. Lo and behold, she had hundreds of photos of him. Eating dinner with her, sitting on her couch—even wearing her undergarments. It was a glorious moment.

tinyahjumma

60. So That’s How You Really Feel?

I worked at a café chain know for soups, sandwiches, and salads throughout high school. I was good friends with exactly three people. Whenever our group got to close the store, it was always a fun time. We ended up messing around a bit with the drive-thru headsets after hours while chatting and cleaning up the store.

There was a particularly attractive new manager who had been hired recently and she was a bit of a hot topic between a group of high school guys. We were unaware that the store mics and cameras ran to an app on the manager’s phone. We all got called in the next day. They didn’t fire us. Oh no, it was much worse. The manager had a good sense of humor.

She made printouts of our conversation and made us repeat it verbatim to the new hot manager, who was in tears laughing at how terrible we felt. Taught us a good lesson. Good managing right there.

YungEngineer95

61. Sold out of Love

Wife was pilfering money from the marriage, to the tune of about $1,000 per month. It had gone on for a few years before I figured it out. (I thought she was saving the money, she was really stashing it in her dad’s accounts.) Not satisfied to simply stash away her own salary, she began to buy stuff on the joint charge card, then sell it on eBay.

I paid the card. I started the divorce without telling her. During this time, I took my name off the joint card without telling her and began using my own credit card. When the bills came in for that month, I informed her that I would not pay the credit card bills anymore, that she had her own job and her own money and she could pay her own bills.

There was the expected ruckus about that, but I stuck to my guns. A week or so later, she had a screaming foot stomping tantrum about how it wasn’t worth her time to work her eBay business. (Because she now had to actually buy her own inventory instead of just selling stuff I bought). Yeah, I cracked a smile. But it wasn’t over yet.

The story ends thusly: I later traded the stolen money—and my silence about the felonies she committed while transferring the money—for shared custody, zero payments to her, and zero claims on real estate, etc. She walked away with less than she’d have gotten if she was honest. I even got the house. Our divorce was final four months ago.

WebZen

62. Did Us All a Favor

I was on a flight from Washington Dulles to Heathrow. This 6-8-year-old kid behind me was screaming the whole overnight flight. Constantly whining to his mom for food, toys, what the heck ever. Mom was the “Shhhh honey, no no honey, shhh sweetheart” type. Finally, the mom had to get up to use the restroom. The kid starts wailing.

The guy next to me leaned up over his seat, turned around, and said “Hey, Kid. Shut up.” The whole plane didn’t clap but we enjoyed five minutes of dead silence till mom came back.

SiON42X

63. Holier Than Thou

I was called to testify in an assault case when I was a high school teenager. I had witnessed an altercation between two kids where one had been sucker-punched by another, resulting in a broken orbital bone. I was asked to testify about whether the kid who was assaulted instigated the fight in any way. I stated that the attack was basically unprovoked, as a group of us had just been hanging out on school grounds when the attack occurred.

After I testified, the lawyer for the defense got up and asked a few questions.

L: “What were you doing hanging out on school grounds during the summer?”

Me: “We were hanging around catching up with friends because I hadn’t seen a lot of them over the last several months.”

L: “Why is that?”

Me: “I’ve been away from home for school the last nine months.”

L: “Were you in some kind of detention facility?”

Me: “No, it’s a college preparatory seminary. I’m studying to be a priest.”

L: “No further questions.”

jschramm

64. Summary of Un-Qualification

When I was out of work for a long time, I interviewed at this tech firm to do sales for them. The Marketing Director came from sales and was the typical “I can sell ice to an Eskimo” kind of salesperson. Very Type A, my way is the only way. The product was the same as many other products and having a technical background, I knew that if we sold the way he was describing, we would get a few non-technical people to buy, but big contracts were not going to happen.

I have a degree in Marketing and Computer Science. I expressed my concern about this. Well, he goes off on me. I try to gracefully leave, and he starts yelling at me as I’m walking out and all the way out the building. Fast forward to a few weeks ago when I bring a guy in for an interview to work as one of my reps. The office manager brings him in and I look up from the desk.

It’s him. He doesn’t remember me, but it stuck in my memory so strong because nothing like that had ever happened to me before or since. Being the bigger person, I just do the interview, and was going to be fair and not make anything of it. Finally, I give in. I say, “I’ve met you before. Do you remember me?” Him: “No.”

Me: “I interviewed with you a few years back, you were very rude to me. You yelled some of the most awful vitriol at me I have ever heard. At this time, I’m not going to hold it against you. But I do have significant concerns that you will not be able to hold your temper in difficult situations with our clients. If you want to be at all considered for this job, you better allay those concerns and impress me.”

He looks very confused you can see him reliving his past, then the look of enlightenment hits him. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Not so much the revenge, but the realization that when you put bad into the world, it can come back to bite you. He said some things to try to save the interview and apologized. I accepted his apology graciously.

But the discomfort was clear for him. The reality of it is if he was actually qualified for the position, I probably would have still hired him, but he had no experience in relational sales. He was a hard sales kind of guy and that gets you a reputation and nowhere in the healthcare industry.

Permalink

65. Yes, I Do Know Who Your Mom Is

I used to work at a pony camp that catered to rich kids from a very nice neighborhood. We would have really spoiled kids all the time. While annoying, the most frustrating part is trying to maintain authority just so the little brats don’t get themselves killed by 1,000 lb animals. Anyway, we had a maybe 10 yr old kid from some mildly famous sportscaster one week.

The kid was just downright awful. She ignored everything we told her and was mean to the other kids in camp. At one point she started a physical fight with another girl and when she felt like she was getting beaten she started yelling “Do you know who my mom is?! I’m going to tell her!” The other kid got scared and started crying.

My coworker replied “Actually, I do know your mom and I know she wouldn’t like to hear about this. Why don’t I call her right now?” Little brat didn’t believe her so my coworker did. She was much easier to deal with the rest of the week. Turns out, my coworker worked with her mom many times over the years. She’s a professional makeup artist for tv and did her makeup more than a few times.

not_todaysatan

66. Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say

I was in an accident a few years ago. The guy who hit me got a ticket for an unsafe left turn, and I got a ticket because I wasn’t wearing my seatbelt. In the section on the ticket, the cop inadvertently wrote “Did wear seatbelt while operating the motor vehicle” instead of “did not.” When I got to court, the judge asked how I wanted to plead.

I asked the judge if I could clarify something first, and he said “Sure”. I stated that “The ticket says I did wear my seatbelt while operating my motor vehicle. If that’s the case, I want to plead guilty.” The judge looks down at the ticket, looks back at me, and says “Case dismissed! Have a good day!”

graboidian

67. Lying Is an Art

I work in the customer framing department at a craft store and there’s this one woman who always talks down to all the employees. Her husband is rich and she shouldn’t be kept waiting blah blah blah (She was waiting for like five minutes because I was helping another customer) and she just keeps trying to get ridiculous discounts.

This glass has a scratch on it? Oh, sorry, I’ll just replace it real quick. Nope. She wants to be upgraded to museum glass (a $90 difference) because I made her wait a few minutes to fix a scratch that only she could see. I’m pretty sure she got off on being an awful person, because I can’t understand why she would come back several times for different pieces if I was really such a terrible worker.

Anyway, she came in one day with a painting she wants re-framed. And then emphasizes that it was her grandmother who painted it and it has such sentimental value. Also, her grandmother was a professional painter so it’s probably worth like so much money. It’s a generic painting of flowers in a vase and I’m like 80% sure at that point it’s not really that old.

She’s just playing it up so when she gets the art back she can point out a flaw in it that we caused and she can demand we give her the whole frame for free. So I’m taking the canvas out of the old frame and she’s reminding me that it’s super valuable. I take off the dust cover on the back and lo and behold there’s a sticker already there: Clearance: $19.99.

I wish I had a photo of her face when she saw that.

spacialHistorian

68. Happy New Year!

I hated my corporate job and was planning to wait one more week before I turned in my resignation so I could get paid for Christmas and New Year’s. Finally lost it on my boss though, and told her “If you spent one third of the time actually doing your job that you spent covering up for not doing your job, you could pretty much sit in your office and listen to talk radio for the rest of the day and nobody would have a problem with you.”

The CEO was standing on the other side of the door. He was like “I’m real sorry, but…” and off I went. I could tell he didn’t disagree with me. I had another job within seven hours to start the New Year with.

felagund

69. Nightmare Renters

I helped an older woman who mistakenly rented a room in her house to the most evil family I’ve ever met. She offered the 2 rooms and private bathroom to the family of 4 because the house they were renting caught fire and they were forced out into a hotel. She just wanted to help. Took them dinners out and all the insane things you’d imagine the nicest person in the world to do.

So they stabbed her in the back. Never paid rent. Abused the heck out of her laundry machine and ate her food. So I went over one day and could hear the toilet running from the hallway. They didn’t care about wasting water. So I grabbed a recorder and knocked on the door asking if I could come in and check on the running toilet.

The mother just banged on the door back at me so loud it sounded like she was going to break the door. Then shouted at me through the door about how she was going to bury the old woman in the back yard. She eventually let me in, I fixed the toilet and moved on to other projects around the house. Figured that was over with. NOPE.

About 15 mins later I see a cop car in the driveway. Ok, this is awful, but I guess I should go talk to them. Cop sees me coming and as soon as I was within ear shot he starts lecturing me about how illegal it is to harass tenants. I stopped him and said “you’re yelling at me without even asking for my side of the story. Would you like to hear what actually happened?”

So I played the recording. He spun around and unleashed fury on this woman for lying to him. All the while I stood there smiling at her from over his shoulder. I’ll never forget that feeling of actual justice in the middle of an 8 month long nightmare.

gidonfire

70. A Serious Case of Eating Your Words

On the first day of a two-week vacation, I saw my spoiled 10-year-old cousin tell his mother, his older female cousin, his aunt, and his grandmother that he wasn’t going to clear his place or rinse his dishes because “that’s women’s work.” For the rest of that two-week vacation, nobody had to lift a finger to clear a plate, rinse a dish or wash a pot because it was his job.

At times there were over a dozen of us there.

meinmanhattan

71. Don’t Mess With Tech Support

I was working in tech support at an ISP (internet service provider) on the afternoon/evening shift. It is a smaller ISP so tech support all sits in one office about a stone’s throw from each other. In the evenings there are only about 12 people working until about 7pm when it drops to about 7 people. We got a call one night from a kid (sounded about 12).

He was using a deep voice trying to get info on an IP address from us. This isn’t uncommon for kids who are gaming to call tech support to try and get information so they can DDOS (distributed denial of service) someone they are mad at. The first person he got followed protocol and asked if he had a warrant then hung up (We can’t give out that type of info to anyone without a warrant).

Same thing happened to 3 other people over the course of about 15 minutes before he changed up his act. I got him at that point and he said that he was agent something-or-other from the FBI and he needed info on the IP address (have you ever heard a 12 year old try to sound like an adult?). I played along and asked him if he had the account info he was looking for.

He panicked at that point and said I should have it and John in customer service should have sent it to me. I informed him there isn’t a John in customer service (They worked in the same office as us so I knew them all). He was quiet for a few seconds before he tentatively tried another name and I told him I know that person.

He got super excited and it was kind of funny listening to him think he was getting through. I asked him for the account info because that person had not sent it to me and the kid hung up. The next few attempts were the kid pretending to be one of my coworkers and telling people to give him the info. Granted this was at about 8:30pm and that specific coworker had gone home at 7.

At that point we were getting annoyed and just hung up on him whenever we heard his voice. As 9pm rolled around, one of my coworkers was very upset that she hadn’t gotten him yet, she had this whole plan on what she was going to say to him and was super excited a few minutes after 9 when we all heard her yell across the office “I GOT THE IP GUY.”

We all went on break or put calls on hold to come listen to what her plan was. The kid was pretending to be our coworker again, which was very funny for us because the person he was talking to sits right next to the person he was imitating. She acted like she was going to give him everything, he gave her the IP address he wanted info on and she got him to sing like a bird on what he was looking for.

After about a minute she said “Thank you sir, we just finished tracing your call and I am required to inform you that a member of the FBI will be swinging by shortly to pick you up to answer some questions.” We could hear the kid flip out for a few seconds over her headset and then he hung up. We all lost it, that was the funniest thing we had all seen in a while and we didn’t hear from him again.

jamesdean20

72. I Haven’t Got You, Babe

I used to work in “baby daddy” court as a caseworker. This guy kept telling me, the mother of the child, and anyone who would listen that the baby was NOT his. When they went before the judge, the judge confirmed through DNA testing that he wasn’t the dad. Dude turned around and ripped off his jacket. His undershirt said “NOT THE FATHER!”

illGiveYou2

73. Never Too Old to Learn

My mom used to run restaurants. My stepfather used to be a chef in high-end restaurants, and is the kind of guy who expects to be treated better than he is currently being treated, regardless of whatever that treatment is. They are not fun to go out to eat with. The “most embarrassing experience” is actually their most embarrassing experience: one where I embarrassed them.

My wife and I pride ourselves on being a “relief” table when we go out to eat. Both of us have been servers, and there’s always the counterpoint to the difficult table. That’s us. Barring horrible service or bad food, we are super easy customers, tip well, and try to have a good time with our server. Furthermore, we just treat people nicely.

So, you can imagine our disdain when my parents act like they’re freaking royalty at a dinner service. One day, my wife and I went out to dinner with them. They were being particularly tough. My mom was acting like she was Gordon Ramsay, analyzing the business, critiquing everything down to the amount of bubbles in her seltzer (“looks like it’s time to change the CO2”).

My stepdad was getting more and more heated over stupid things like the amount of ice in his drink and how the waitress didn’t top off his water (that he was barely sipping on) fast enough. It came to a head when my stepfather ordered a steak medium well, it came back medium well, and for some reason, he changed his mind and said he wanted it medium rare while it was cooking. They jumped really quickly to demanding free stuff.

I’m an adult, and this may be the first time they realized this. I interrupted them in front of the server and said something like, “really? This is what you’re doing. That’s what you ordered…” I turned to the server and said, “We do not need anything comped.” I then pulled out my wallet and handed her my card and said, “This is for the bill. We’ll happily wrap up with what we have here. I’m very sorry for their behavior, you’re doing great.” Then came the line that stung them so deeply, they still bring it up years later.

“I was taught to treat people nicely, a lesson that seems to have been forgotten. Thank you.” They turned red, the server walked away, I looked down, cut my steak, and didn’t say a word. They were so flabbergasted that the meal was virtually silent except me asking my stepfather how his steak was a few minutes later. I signed the check, gave a big tip, and we walked out and said goodbyes. They’ve been nicer to servers each time that we’ve gone out since.

n8spear

74. Teach Yourself

I had two students once write on their TA evaluation of me that I was the “worst TA ever,” that they were majors in the subject and were “highly concerned if this was the quality of education the department provides,” and one was “considering transferring.” Basically, they tried to get me in trouble/ fired, not knowing I’m the only one who sees them.

A few terms later, I was teaching a class they were in (not as their TA), and I had the pleasure of watching them fail. One of them had my lab mate for a TA, and I got to hear her complain about how stuck up she was, considering her “stupidity” (lab mate isn’t as nice as I am). I took way too much pleasure in grading their exams.

porkdrunk522

75. This Kid Took Things One Step Too Far

I worked as an outdoor camp instructor. One week I was on logistics and had to drive the van to pick up kids. I had heard from my friend that one of the kids in his group was a little brat, back chatting, lazy, bullying other kids. When I got to the pickup point, the kids hopped into the van and my mate in shotgun.

My mate Mitch gave me the rundown on the kid. As I started the van up I did a visual check of seatbelts and everyone was good, except for the kid. I asked, he said no. I told him I can’t leave until he puts it on. So he did and I started to leave. A minute down the road I heard him unclip his seat belt again so I had to stop the van and ask him again.

He put it back on. This happened one more time. On the third time, I just pulled over, turned the van off. Radioed base and asked for my manager and the overseeing teacher who was his Dean to come up and pick this kid up because he was a danger to the others in the van. That’s when this kid started pleading and begging. Told him no. I already made the call. He got sent home. My mate Mitch had one of his best weeks after this kid left.

churtothechur

78. A Boneheaded Play

I sat in on a personal injury case where the plaintiff broke their leg in an accident and had a doctor on the stand as an expert. The woman’s lawyer begins questioning the doctor about his experience with leg injuries (he was a well known orthopedic surgeon in the area). She asks if he’s ever treated a tibula fracture. He simply answers “no.” So, she starts grilling him with questions about the tibula.

After about six or seven questions, she asks “how did you get a medical license if you’ve never treated a tibula fracture?” She launches into a huge rant trying to discredit his credentials, to which he simply responds “there is no bone called the tibula.” The lawyer became beet red and everyone in the room tried their best to keep from laughing, including the judge.

bang-a-rang47

79. Speaking Your Mind

I had gotten in trouble once for being rude to a customer. I worked electronics; a customer asked me a question and I pointed her in the right direction but, because she couldn’t find what she was looking for, she said some negative things about me as she left the store. Naturally, I responded by saying “Goodbye forever!”

I was fired, but regret nothing.

permalink

80. Long-Term Memory

I played football in the local kids’ league. One kid from another team was basically untouchable as his dad was a major sponsor of the league and would donate money for uniforms, drinks, etc. His son was a pretty good receiver but didn’t like getting hit, and his parents made a big deal of leaving their son alone so he can develop his skills.

He was insufferable. Anytime he scored a TD, he would do over the top celebrations and mock all the other players, his teammates included. Then came high school. Most of the kids from the league ended up in 1 of 2 schools. He went to mine (and some other players). During tryouts, he did well. The coaches were mostly focused on skills and minimal contact during the first few rounds of cuts.

The final round was when things got interesting. Full contact was permitted and he got rocked over and over again. No one was actually trying to tackle any harder than normal, it’s just that this dude didn’t know what to do when he got tackled. So he screamed and cried a lot. He didn’t make the team. Until his dad came down to the school and offered to donate money for uniforms and some other goodies for our sports teams.

So he made the team and again we were told to take it easy on him a bit. So we did. But the other teams didn’t. And he went up against some of the players he mocked previously. And they remembered. Our QB kept passing to him, and he was getting repeatedly smashed. Over and over again. It was the only time our team cheered for the other team. He quit playing football after that.

MeanElevator

81. Telling Rumors

I was in a bar having some beers when I feel a tap on my shoulder. It was a guy I went to school with. I didn’t really hang out with him back then, but decided to catch up and share stories anyways. At one point he mentions sleeping with a girl I knew very well, a girl I knew for a fact was a virgin until after she graduated. I just kind of nodded and let him go.

Then, I said something along the lines of “oh, I actually know her very well, we’ll have to hit her up, she comes out and drinks with me all the time!” He turned white. The look of horror in his eyes was great.

Goyteamsix

82. What Goes Around Comes Around…Eventually

My ex-wife had cheated on me in 1998 just a little over a year after we married. I stayed with her, we had a daughter in 2000, then in 2007 after she graduated with her master’s degree and secured a job, she kicked me out of the house because she “found someone better” while in school. I kept my cool, was the bigger person as an example to my daughter.

My ex got re-married in March 2010. The guy she married has been cheating on her with three other women and she is in the process of divorcing him. I have been a shoulder for her and just listening to her talk about it until she said this the other day, “There is no excuse for anyone to cheat in a marriage. Absolutely no reason!”

I calmly looked at her and said, “You know all this pain and hurt he has caused you? This is what you put me through… twice. Be thankful he can’t take your child from you.” She just stared at me as it sunk in and I felt like it was all worth it as she realized this was her just due.

xxxSnappyxxx

83. Standing up to the Boss

I had a boss who kept on getting angry at me because, “I wasn’t doing what he told me to do.” Finally one day, I decided to start writing down exactly what he told me, dated it, and kept record of it. Then one day came where inevitably, “WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?!” “Exactly what you told me to do.” “I NEVER TOLD YOU TO DO THAT!”

“Well, I have it written here…” pulls out note card “On 5/22/16 — you told me specifically to do this task, exactly like this, and never do it any other way.” I finally won. I started standing up for myself a bit more in the office, and I was respected for it.

anooblol

84. Mother in Unlawful Rudeness

My MIL is truly a Karen. Going out to eat with her is always a nightmare. Her orders have 14 special requests, but she’s not at all kind about it, she is defensive from the get-go, like you’re an idiot who’s already screwed the order up. “Nooo dressing. Not on the side. Nothing. Completely dry. Do you understand? I will send it back!”

The one I will never forget, though, was dinner at Joe’s Crab Shack. In case you’ve never been, it’s one of those places that every so often plays a song that the entire staff is required to drop everything and do a little synchronized dance to. It’s quick, everyone gets a little kick out of it. It’s part of the fun. Now my MIL Karen knew this, it’s not like she’d never been here.

But apparently, she was not willing to wait two extra minutes for her dry salad, so she starts going off as soon as the dancing starts. She gets a manager, who clearly knows Karen well and offers a quick apology (for doing their job), a discount, and her dry salad. But Karen’s not completely satisfied. She tells us that even though dinner for our party of 8 is on her, she’s not tipping the waitress one penny.

She proceeds to whine…loudly…throughout the rest of the meal and antagonizes our waitress over petty stuff. I worked too many years in customer service, and you know, I’m a decent human being. I made sure to get my bill separate so I could tip for the entire table. I wrote a quick note on the receipt, something along the lines of “Way to stay positive even when the customer’s a jerk.”

I was a little afraid of the wrath of Karen, it was one of my first interactions with her too, but when the waitress came and hugged me, Karen and I locked eyes. She knew. I didn’t care. Don’t be a jerk, Karen.

RixxiRose

85. Not Sharing the Love

Manager was engaged to a girl at the company and was boinking a girl on my team as well. Girl didn’t like her review, so his sex buddy tried to get me to sign the change. I would not. He then put me on night shifts only while my wife was pregnant—as well as having a three-year-old running around. Fast forward ten years, and my wife overhears a familiar voice going in for an interview in the office next door to her.

Yep, it was him. After he left, my wife had a conversation with the person doing the interview…he was blacklisted. When my wife told me the story “I had an interesting day…” I couldn’t stop smiling for a month.

olafthebent

86. Doing His Duty

There was an episode of paternity court on TV where the girl spent almost the entire episode berating the guy, having people analyze genetic similarities between the child and the “father,” and going on about how this was all ridiculous because she hadn’t been with anybody else in years. The judge finally looked over at the guy and asked him if he had anything to say in his defense.

Before this, he had just been standing there quietly while taking this verbal assault from his ex-girlfriend. He then motioned to show that he had a folder of paperwork. The bailiff took it up to the judge, who looked it over and then immediately dismissed the case in the guy’s favor without any further ado or arguments considered.

It is then explained that he had been actively deployed by the military for the past four years, and wasn’t even in the country at the time that the baby was conceived.

unlimitednerd

87. Not in the Business of Learning

My mom came to my school because she thought I was lying about what I got on my SATs. She didn’t think I was that smart. No one in my school would give her that information because they didn’t have to. She got to my principal and said, “I want to speak to your manager” in front of me. He refused and they argued for a while.

The principal knew I was an okay guy and the score I told my mother was legitimate.. It was really embarrassing though.

EthicalHacker17138

88. Fifteen Seconds of Fame

On an Italian quiz show, a contestant had to fill in the missing words to compose the sentence. The sentence was about Amazons. The correct form was: “Vinsero battaglie grazie alla loro foga“, which means: “They won battles thanks to their ardor”. He instead changed the last word to something with almost the same exact spelling, but which meant: “They won battles thanks to their genitalia.”

Mister Giancarlo will always be remembered by the Italian people as the man who, in place of vile money, preferred everlasting glory.

Janza49

89. Did He Get an A+?

I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. He had asked me to proofread his paper on his Mac and the text messenger popped up in the right hand. He was sitting in his bed texting some girl “goodnight, I love you” while sitting right next to me in his bed. I deleted his entire paper, wrote “Who’s Marissa?” saved it and told him it looks great and left.

She was his girlfriend of eight years who lived next to his parents two hours away.

pixie_dicks

90. Pinch Parent

I was seated next to a Texan once on a flight, with an entire family behind us. The 9-year-old kid, who was seated directly behind him, would not stop kicking and pushing the seat as if nobody else mattered or even existed. After a while, the Texan turns around, looks right at the kid, and says, “You keep kicking my seat kid, and we’re gonna have problems”.

Kid stares at him blankly for a second, and the Texan continues “You understand what I’m saying? Keep your feet off my darn seat or I’ll beat you to smithereens”. He stares him down for a full 10 seconds. Never looked at the parents once, and the kid looked petrified. It was clearly the first time he had ever been talked back to, and he didn’t know how to react.

The Texan then turns back around, looks at me, and winks. It was pretty classic. The parents never said a thing, and the kid was like a mummy for the rest of the flight.

Surfguitar

91. Got out Just in Time

I was working in a small accounting firm making less than minimum wage. The boss was exploiting the fact that people like me were desperate to get their foot in the door of accounting, as it is very competitive in Australia. One day I was stupidly posting on a forum about my situation and looking for advice. The boss found out and fired me on the spot.

Feeling pretty spiteful about the whole thing, I reported my situation to fair work ombudsman Australia. A month later, I got payment for the amount I should have been making at minimum wage for the six months I was there. About a month after that, I landed a much better role at a large company making almost double what I was making previously.

The icing on the cake is that the firm ended up getting investigated by fair work and I can only assume they received a hefty fine because they are no longer in business.

Twic3

92. Parting Gifts

My soon-to-be-finalized ex-wife got a DUI while out with the dude she left me for, less than a week after she dropped the news and moved out. Also, within a week of the DUI, I enjoyed giving her the news that legally I’ll get to keep the house, both vehicles, and am not required to pay her back anything from the $10k her parents gave me for the house down-payment years ago (from before we were married).

Within a month, she went from married with a great combined income in a nice house in a nice neighborhood driving a 2010 Jetta to living with her parents (at age 31), lacking any vehicle, and credit card debt almost equal to her meager public teacher annual salary. Ahhh, too bad…

murseJ

93. You’re Not Special

I worked at a ski resort when I was younger, fitting boots and sizing skis, etc. My first year I worked at basically the Walmart of rentals, the cheapest option and the biggest store. So the week of Christmas, there are lines out the door every single day. I remember seeing my two-week paycheck after the two weeks around Xmas and I worked 119 hours.

It was absolute insanity. For another reference, the closest town had a permanent residency of fewer than 10,000 people, but during Christmas, it jumped up to 70,000 people trying to enjoy their vacation in the same spot. So, one of these days it’s business as usual, a quarter mile line out the door, non-stop craziness.

I’m at the bench closest to the door helping a lady when this kid walks up to my bench. I asked if I could help him and he said he had reserved rentals online and he wanted to pick them up. I said this is our store name if that’s where you reserved you’ll need to get in the back of the line and we’ll help you as soon as we can.

This 13-year-old kid said something inappropriate in front of the customer I was helping. I told him that quite literally every piece of equipment in our store was reserved, every single person in front of you has a reservation as well and we have to help everyone. He started insulting me personally, saying I was stupid and that he was going to report us to anyone he could because we weren’t letting him skip hundreds of people doing the exact same thing he was doing.

I think what angered him most is that I’m 6’3” tall and big. He was maybe 5’0” tall and 54 kg (120 lbs) so when he called me stupid, I literally laughed in his face. I was at no point threatened by this child, and at first, it was funny. The first lady left, I’m ignoring/laughing at this kid and asking the next person to come up and he starts yelling cuss words at me because I’m not helping him.

Up until this point, my manager had been a complete jerk and I was not a fan of him. But he’d had enough of the Christmas rush as well, and this kid was a perfect person to let off some steam on. I went and got my manager and told him this kid was personally attacking me and yelling cuss words in front of customers, so he walks up to the kid and says, “I’m sorry for the confusion, what’s your name so I can take a look at your reservation?”

And the kid lights up, thinking he finally beat the system and got in front of everyone for throwing a fit. My manager goes and finds his reservation—it’s digital, but I’m pretty sure he printed it off for the added dramatic effect—comes back and says, “ I found it.” He proceeds to rip it in half in front of his face and says, “Don’t ever treat someone that’s trying to help you like that, you are never allowed in our store again, and with every other store in town also being completely 100% booked on equipment, good luck skiing this week.”

I still didn’t like the guy, but I respected him one point more for the rest of the season for standing up for me.

GingerWon

94. Did Not See That Coming…

I used to work with an engineer who liked to tell a story about the time he gave a deposition on a patent case. He answered a bunch of questions about a discussion that had occurred in a specific meeting five years prior. At the end, the lawyer asked when that conversation had occurred. My coworker gave the exact time and date of the conversation.

The lawyer then asked how he could possibly be so sure about the exact time of a meeting that occurred years in the past. My coworker’s response was “I remember because right after that meeting I went back to my desk and suffered a heart attack.” There were apparently no further questions.

Wobbles42

95. Ultimate Mic Drop

I worked in a bar with an awful boss. He would always flirt with the young female bar staff and make us all uncomfortable, even though he was 50 years old. We all knew his wife and two young children, but about six months into me working there he began to “date” a 22-year-old customer. By date, I mean he used to go downstairs to his office and sleep with her.

All while he was on shift. No one was allowed to talk about it, but we all knew. He knocked her up quite quickly and ended up breaking up with his wife, but he still flirted with his staff relentlessly even when his new baby was born. He once told a male employee that he liked asking female bar staff to pick up things from low shelves so we would bend over and he could check out our butts.

He always broke health and safety rules if he could get out of doing a task he didn’t want to. He was prolific at asking bar staff to clean human waste—vomit/poop customers had done on the floor—even though legally anyone cleaning that stuff needed to have passed a certain health and safety qualification. I spoke to my assistant manager about this and she confirmed that only management can do it, and I should refuse next time.

One day he demanded I cleaned up vomit in the male toilets, and I refused, repeating what the assistant manager told me. My boss went absolutely mad—he wasn’t used to people standing up to him. He told me to come downstairs to his office to speak about it. At that moment I knew I wanted to quit, so I told him I won’t be going downstairs with him.

He asked me why, and I replied: “The last girl who went down there with you ended up getting pregnant.” Lost my job instantly but it was totally worth it.

bbyrats

96. Cheaters Never Prosper

I knew my ex wife was cheating but didn’t tell her that I knew. Took her out for a dinner date and I casually asked questions about who she had been spending time with while I was at sea, she barely worked so she had to spend her time doing something. She failed to mention the guy that had been staying at my house for nearly two months.

This was the same guy she had to call the cops on just to get to leave because I was coming home in two days… soooo I slid her a copy of the police report that was filed for the incident and watched as she crumbled over the fact she had been caught, and I didn’t have to say a word.

links311

97. Eat Your Words

A while ago I decided to treat myself to some Burger King. I was having a bad day and had a headache coming on. So I was waiting in line at the BK, when suddenly this woman comes in with a monster of a child. He was out of control, screaming, punching his mother, throwing things around. The mother didn’t pay any attention to him and he continued yelling, “I want a PIE.”

My headache turned into a full-blown migraine. I calmly turned and asked if she could please calm her child down. Immediately she got up in my face, telling me to mind my own business. I nodded and turned around, when the child cried out again how he wants a pie. I then decided to ruin their day in the most devious way I could think of.

When I got to the front of the line I asked the person at the register how many apple pies they have left. They told me and I bought all of them. I ate one and made sure the kid saw me throw the rest in the trash.

brizzenden

98. Not Your Average Legal Loophole

My uncle represented this guy getting a divorce from his wife of 15 years. Super toxic breakup and they split everything 50/50, even the land that the house they lived in sat upon. Well she decides to build a house right behind the other house, mind you this was a lot of land probably 200 yards separating both home sites, so that the back of the houses faced each other.

The house gets built and my uncle gets a call from his client asking about the legality of a situation he had gotten himself into. Apparently his ex wife would spend a lot of time in her backyard, so he saw her all the time. What he did was buy a female dog and name it the same name as his ex-wife. I think you can guess where this is going. 

Anytime he would let his dog back in from letting her out he would yell “Susan you [female dog]! Get in here!” He would also yell if she was peeing on the flowers,”Susan! Quit pissing on the flowers!” or “Susan! Quit digging in the dirt!” The ex-wife called the cops on him a couple of times, but there was nothing they could do because the dog was registered under the name of Susan, and it was in fact a female dog, so there you go.

Permalink 

99. What a Beautiful Sight

Over the course of six months, through countless phone calls to different union offices and the department of labor, I eventually got my boss fired for changing people’s time-keeping information to steal overtime from them. During those months I was treated like dirt by this guy, but I never actually did anything wrong so I couldn’t be punished.

At one point, management—against contract rules—denied my time off request to be at my best friend’s wedding and my boss brought me into his office and threatened to fire me. At this point, I had called the northeast district business associate on him, and I will never forget the look on my boss’s face when he realized I knew he couldn’t do anything to me.

Whitedudedown

100. Hunting for Problems

Brother of mine caught his wife. Her phone would always be going off and she would hide it. He got curious, looked into it, and found some guy had been texting her for a few months. She said she was going to stay home because she had to catch up on homework over the weekend. My brother and I went on our hunting trip and he told me about it.

We never left the city, we went to my house and stayed there till it got dark, then drove back to his neighborhood in my neighbor’s car. She sent him a picture of her at home saying she was going to go to bed early that night. Well, we snuck close to the house after a car parked down the street and a guy walked to the house and let himself in.

My brother was fuming at this point and wanted to beat the daylights out of the guy. I settled him down and told him to think about the long run. We snuck up to the house and using the night vision camera got video of them bumping uglies in the living room. My brother wanted to confront this guy at this point so… I did something messed up and called the cops.

I said I heard a lot of yelling from the house and asked if they could go check. It kept my brother from messing with the dude (a coworker of hers). Cops show up, take statements. We leave and the next day he pulls her iMessages off the email account and talks to a lawyer. We give the lawyer the messages, but we weren’t done yet.

When we show up five days later from our “hunting trip,” he calls her and says he got something wild and wants her to come out and see it. When she comes out he gives her divorce papers and kicks her out of the house. She had the police do a civil stand by while she got her stuff a few days later. House was his before they got married so all she got to keep was some stuff they bought together and her car.

No kids and the prenup nullified the alimony she could have gotten as he made way more money than her. The guy she was sleeping with had a record. We saw her a few months later, she tried talking to my wife and said she missed my brother and she was sorry, the guy and her broke up shortly after the divorce.

Goomba87

101. Don’t Stop Believing

My dad is out of state on business driving through some no-name town when he goes through an intersection. Suddenly, a cop pulls him over and tickets him—stating that he ran a stop sign. My dad insisted that there was not any stop sign, but the cop did not listen. Pissed, he went back to the intersection and saw that there was indeed a stop sign hidden behind a tree.

More that that, it was twisted in the wrong direction! Even more pissed, he went into a convenience store and bought a disposable camera. The clerk laughed because he saw what happened and knew what was up. Luckily, my dad had to be back there in a few weeks for work. The cop assumed that someone with out of state plates would just pay the ticket.

So he was shocked when my dad turned up in court, calmly presented his evidence to the judge, and strolled out in five minutes scot-free.

PatientBear1

Sources: 1, 234, 5, 67, 8, 9, 10, 1112, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 1819, 202122, 232425262728, 29


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