Just when you think you know a person…These spouses share some of the craziest things they figured out about their partners only after they tied the knot.
1. Just Keep Swimming
She’s a great swimmer. One day, after we’d been married for about seven years, we joined a gym with a swimming pool. She challenged me to a race. Ok, I thought, I’m a pretty good swimmer. I was surprised when she offered me a half-length head start—and then doubly surprised when, despite my massive head start, she beat me easily. Apparently she used to be a competition swimmer at school.
She’s basically half-dolphin. But she’d never happened to mention it before.
2. An Abomination
He dunks his Oreos in water instead of milk. I still don’t know why. To answer a few questions, no, he is not lactose intolerant, and no, he wasn’t poor growing up. He’s not a vegan. And we had milk in the house when I caught him doing this. He just prefers to dunk his Oreos in water.
3. Liar, Liar…
My sister married a guy who lied about a lot of stuff. In the first six months after the wedding we’ve found out he had lied about:
His previous job—he wasn’t a history professor apparently.
His house back in his country and the fact that it was damaged by a hurricane—he didn’t even own a house.
His previous marriage, unfaithful ex-wife, and him having kids—he was married but only for a couple of years and those kids were not his…she kicked him out.
His mom being dead (a really strange moment for us and her).
His other relatives like cousins, etc. treating him badly. We couldn’t figure out why nobody in his family wanted to help or even come for a wedding.
Turns out he’s a pathological liar hated by everyone. Needless to say, they’re separated now.
4. Don’t Flip Your Lid
She’s always leaving the lids on everything un-screwed…and guess who is always breaking jars because he always picks everything thing up using the lid?
5. Whistlin’ Dixie
My wife can’t whistle, and she’s never had a sloppy joe.
6. Who Can Blame Her?
Fairly minor, but my wife can’t watch sitcoms. Not because she thinks they’re stupid, or just not funny, but because she gets embarrassed by the situations in the shows. Situations that actors are acting out as fictional people, and she gets embarrassed. It’s weird. So, I can’t watch Scrubs, The Office, or Futurama unless she’s out and I’m at home.
7. Keep the Dogs In
I promise you this is legit: My wife just revealed to me she is terrified of Baha Men’s “Who Let the Dogs Out?” She says they sound very angry and it makes her very upset. I wouldn’t say she hid this from me…but it’s an interesting development.
8. Oh Baby
Just how much he loves babies. He had avoided them until after he married me because he thought it made him seem less manly. After, at family gatherings and such, he’d make a beeline for any babies. Every time. When we had one of our own, he’d practically argue with me. I’d be breastfeeding, and he’d be all, “Are you done yet? Is it my turn? But I want to hold him.”
9. Still Struggling
I’ve been married for almost 12 years, together more than 16, and roughly three years ago, my wife made a shocking confession: she has/still suffers from bulimia. It was so bad a few years ago that she had a nervous breakdown and we sent her to a program to cope with the disease. While there are relapses and I expect she will deal with this the rest of our lives together, she’s doing great.
She’s been dealing with this disease since high school, and mostly because she dealt with many insecurities as a result of my mother-in-law’s inability to give positive feedback. She hid this from me for years, and while many may think that bulimics do this for the sake of vanity, I assure you it is not. My wife, while beautiful on the inside and out, still deals with this daily…even a few days ago.
We have three children and overwhelm them with praise about inner/outer beauty to ensure the same mistake isn’t made again.
10. A Good Mom
My wife told me she was on the autistic spectrum with high level/high functioning Asperger’s. Look up the points list of female Asperger’s syndrome “symptoms” and it’s a list of everything she’s struggled with like: understanding people’s faces and emotions, hand flapping in stressful situations, getting obsessed with jigsaws and puzzles to the point she blocks out the world around her.
Name the most obvious ones to me, she can get emotionally overwhelmed and if there’s too much going on at once (e.g. TV on, dryer going in the next room, me talking, our baby throwing her toys about) it can overwhelm her mentally because she can’t filter any of it into the background like most people. This is why some sufferers seem emotionally distant or uncaring, but actually if anything they feel things too strongly it can overwhelm everything else and kind of paralyze her until we get in quiet surroundings.
There are other symptoms but that’s all I can remember off the top of my head, and she’s good at avoiding overstimulating her brain in day-to-day life. She’s very literal-minded too. She told me she used to be a lot “worse” when she was younger and can have a good guess at facial expressions and really tries hard to socialize and get out of her comfort zone now, and with me, close family and friends she’ll outright ask if she can’t interpret someone’s tone of voice or expression.
I never noticed other than to think she was a little socially awkward. This is also in combination with quite strong dyslexia and dyspraxia which is apparently quite a common thing. She’s my wife and she’s the most loving caring woman I could have wished to meet, and I’m always so proud of her not letting those difficulties stop her day-to-day.
She’s an amazing mum to our one-year-old girl.
11. The Final Countdown
My husband of almost 30 years was diagnosed this year with autism level one (aka Asperger’s). Sometimes a person with Asperger’s treats you as his special interest while you’re dating, and when you marry (or after some time dating), he reverts to his natural state, which can be wanting to spend most of his time alone, not wanting to talk (or being able to hold up his end of a conversation), and absorbed in other studies/activities, and interests (mine games and does research on the Internet.)
I raised our children, took care of 99% of the household, and worked full time. We’re in couple’s counseling, and I learned in our first session that if I ask him how his day was, he panics because he doesn’t know what to say. He is finally getting on top of his depression with medical help and was also diagnosed with ADD as well.
He’s a very nice guy, and he struggles with a lot. I did a lot of crying this year after his diagnosis, because I relived a lot of frustration, hurt, confusion, loneliness, and anger from the last 29 years. I wasn’t sure we’d make it, partially because I’d always had hope he would just get better and change. While he can learn new skills in counseling, a lot of this is how he is wired, and I will always need to make accommodations.
Things are getting better. It’s slow going, but as long as he’s still willing to go to our sessions, I have hope. Two things I learned about him this month: that he really enjoys pepperoni, and he was not prepared to be a father when we had our children (Our youngest, who is 23, is just finishing testing, but we believe he is on the spectrum, too).
12. The Final Countdown
She leaves a few seconds on the microwave. There’s only so many times a guy can ask her to press the clear button. It’s even the same as the stop button. Just press it twice! I wouldn’t be surprised if she tortured animals as child. She’s a savage.
13. Oh… Everything, Where Art Thou?
He’s a slob. Apparently, while we were dating he was on his best behavior, but after? Dear god. Clothes everywhere. Hats everywhere. Paper everywhere. He throws dirty clothes next to the hamper. My biggest beef is how he’ll just set dirty dishes on the island rather than walk an extra five steps to put them in the sink.
Also, he loses everything. He’s lost so many sunglasses that I had to put my foot down and tell him he can’t buy any more. At $200.00 a pop, it isn’t happening. He loses his wallet regularly and he had his Apple watch for maybe three months. Once, he lost $300 between work and home. He swears he had it in the car and didn’t stop anywhere on the way home.
So, where it went nobody knows. If I had the money that we’ve spent on stuff he’s lost in the last 20 years, I could pay cash for a brand new car.
14. Manufactured Meetups
I like to put it as that I was hunted and brought down like a stag. I met her in high school, actually while I was on a date with another girl. We dropped by a mutual friend’s pool party and she was standing at the front door as we walked up. My first thoughts were, “Cute, Young” and I went on about my day…oh, so little did I know or expect.
At some point soon after that, we became friends and she was brought into the group I hung out with along with a few others. I started seeing her outside of school in random events. One was a church lock-in, where she showed up with my ex-girlfriend as I was likely to be there. I did show up later with another girl (who ended up being our maid do honor years later). Wow, what an amazing coincidence she is there! Great fun was had that evening and we became closer.
Ended up dating her within a few months of meeting her, broke up when I left for college (my choice), dated crazy for nine months or so and amazingly, when I came home for the first summer single again, who should I run into often (still in the same circle of friends so not unexpected I thought at the time)? We were back together in less than a month.
Almost 20 years and three kids later we’re still together. Sometime well after we were married, I found out the lengths she went to to manufacture our meetings, chase off other girls (not threats but random high school amusing level stuff like having friends discourage via talks. Things like, “Oh didn’t you know they were a THING already?” Jeez, I didn’t know at that point). I can honestly say I never stood a chance and consider myself very lucky that she chose me. Also, I am very lucky that she isn’t crazy in other ways normally associated with this behavior.
Funny thing is none of my guy friends had a clue. Every girl in our group of friends looked at me like a moron and said, “Duh.” Granted, several of them were in on it, so I may not have been too oblivious. Yeah, that is nonsense. Didn’t have a clue, didn’t stand a chance, still a lucky man.
15. Cheaters Never Prosper
That he was cheating on me with a friend I thought was a lesbian. He invited her to the wedding. She showed up with her latest girlfriend (who was uninvited). It was arranged seating and I’d stick her next to a group of mutual friends. Turned out she had slept with nearly every person at that table (men and women), and they all found out about it. Her girlfriend and her got into a fistfight and then left.
Nearly two years later and I’m still married to that guy. We separated (for the second time) a week ago after I found his latest Tinder account and the dates he’d been planning with random women for when I’d be at work.
16. Something Fishy
He likes to eat fish. Somehow in our six years of dating, I got it into my head that he didn’t like to eat seafood. My parents would cook dinner and invite him, and I’d constantly tell my mom, “No, can you make something else? He doesn’t eat fish.” My husband loves most seafood, with the singular, random exception of coconut shrimp. We joke about that to this day, that I unintentionally kept him from some of his favorite foods without so much as a conversation about it.
That’s a lighthearted answer. I’m sure there are many more. Eleven years in and we are still learning things about one another.
17. Dutch Oven
She farts. She had always farted around me. No big deal. Usually, she kept it to little toots unless she was sick or drunk, then it would be loud like mine. I don’t mind its nature, but holy, she unleashed a trumpet that would put college marching bands to shame. She can be across the house and I can hear her.
18. Mo Money, Mo Problems
I’m happily divorced now (almost 12 years now that I do the math), but after we got married I learned that she viewed her money as her money and my money as our money. Which was interesting because before we got married my money was our money and she didn’t have money to speak of. Not that I was even making good money.
But after we got married, she got a well-paying job and suddenly her money was hers and mine wasn’t mine. It didn’t last long after that.
19. Needs the Freedom
My husband completely undresses from the waist down to go number two. He says he needs the freedom.
20. House Husband
He’s really good at doing household chores. Between us, I do all the cooking and he cleans up. He even makes sure the cutlery air dries on a cloth before wiping down the water stains. He developed a cleaning procedure to make sure the black marble kitchen top is spotless. He never ever leaves the dishes for the next day no matter how late the dinner ends (which can be really late when we entertain guests).
Also, he has a fondness for the latest household gadgets. The robotic vacuum cleaner was a really good buy—now he’s eyeing an electric lock so we’ll never need to carry our keys again.
21. Lack of Imagination
He has aphantasia. It’s a neurological condition where you can’t recall memories as pictures or create images in your mind. He cannot and has never been able to picture what he’s reading in a book or say, conjure an image of a forest or person in his mind. He can’t imagine my face when I’m not there, though it’s not like he forgets it.
I’m the total opposite and always picture everything in my mind—I’m an artist and my job would be hard if I couldn’t. So, to me it’s like, in a way, he’s blind. It’s just a different way of experiencing life I guess, but I was really sad for him when I found out.
We lived together before we got married so no surprises like how he kept his toothpaste or anything. (Horribly and weirdly squeezes from the middle. We have two separate tubes and it’s great).
22. Head Over Heels
We waited 10 years before we tied the knot (October 1st of this year). I learned that she is even more beautiful than I thought. I still can’t believe how lucky I am. Most of her family used to hate me and her mom even asked her why she settled for me when we were dating. Due to people treating me like that my whole life I had some really bad depression and anxiety issues.
That is, until I met her. Just like a movie it was love at first sight. We still waited before officially dating but we were both head over heels in love. She peeled back my emotional armor as easy as pulling the curtains and read me like a book. She says I’m the most wholesome person she has ever met and that’s why she loves me.
At the same time, she’s the most genuine person I have ever met and that’s why I love her. We’ve been madly in love with each other since the beginning and after we got married the most amazing thing happened. Absolutely nothing. We have not changed at all. We both still look at each other the same way and ogle and flirt with each other like we are a couple of teenagers (we’re in our 30s). We’ve always heard that things change when you get married and it’s not for the better.
They were so wrong. It all depends on how much effort you put into the relationship. I guarantee you that we will be that old couple wearing the same ugly shirt and holding hands that you sometimes see in the mall. I can only hope that you all find what we have. I’m rooting for you. Be patient, be honest, be forgiving.
23. Absolute Savage
That my wife is a real savage, and had she not decided to go into medicine, she has both the temperament and the skill to have been a world-class military sniper or a contract killer. And, 15 years of marriage later, I’m still not altogether convinced she wasn’t at some point.
Without belaboring the details, my wife is an extremely even-tempered, unflappable, compartmentalized, methodical, and highly reticent (but very funny) person. She will never tell you about her day, or what she does for a living, unless you ask. I asked her once if surgery made her nervous, and she said, quite the contrary, it’s a rush, and she is so focused that time seems to slow down for her.
She is utterly unfazed by lots of blood spurting in every direction. Overall, I’d say she has very little ego, which naturally makes her immanently teachable: If you give her 10 instructions, she’ll do nine of them perfectly on the first go. Give her 10 more and she’ll fix the last one, and again do nine more perfectly.
She has mad shooting skills, which she says she didn’t know she had (but I kind of don’t believe her), but I found out after I once took her to a range. And then there was the time, while watching an action movie (I forgot which one), she said, “This movie is stupid. If it were me, I’d just sit in a tree for a week and get him when he came out of his house.” And knowing her now as I do, I think she could easily lie in wait for a week and not move a muscle. So, either she trolled me really hard early on to keep me in line, or she’s just a savage.
I should add that my wife is actually a very kind, generous person. All her patients completely love her. She’s not a type A at all (I totally am), which is why this realization didn’t come until after we were married. When we were dating I kind of didn’t believe her that she was a surgeon, until she showed me a video of a surgery she had done (she allowed a patient to have someone video it).
She was all “cammied up” in her OR kit with gown and face shield, etc., and she was all business, telling everyone what to do while she cut. That was my first “wait, what?” with her. I should have paid more attention to that.
24. Hidden Mother
That his mother was alive. He gave me a sob story about losing his mother to a heart attack in a grocery store, and of course, I was all about comforting him. We dated and eventually married, but what could he say? So, he just kept her a secret. I later found a card from her, to him, for his birthday, in the garage, wedged in some books. I was horrified to find out I had a mother-in-law and hadn’t invited her to our wedding.
We divorced after three years. She was a lovely woman and treated me very kindly, knowing I had no idea and believing I was horrified by the circumstances. She wasn’t surprised at his duplicity and later regretted not warning me about her son, but, she had hoped I’d be a “fix” for him. I wasn’t.
25. Her Little Quirk
That she is near totally incontinent.
We dated for five years before we were married, and during the first year of our marriage, I found a stash of incontinence pants in her cupboard when I was hanging her clothes up. I asked her about it, expecting to hear that she has occasional accidents, as I knew her bladder was weak, but I never expected the extent of it. She burst into tears and confessed.
She was 16 when I met her, and she had been mixing regular underwear with incontinence pants for years. She would wear them when we were together but change into regular underwear when we would sleep together. She always carried a bag with her, quite a large one, and she would take it everywhere with her. I was never allowed near it, as she didn’t want me finding her change of clothes in there.
On our wedding day, she had her sister keep a bag with her. She was wearing incontinence pants during the ceremony, for the full day, and she would go with her sister to the toilet to change occasionally. At night, she changed into regular underwear. There were a few times when she either ran out of her incontinence pants and peed through her regular panties or couldn’t change in time and overflowed.
Once, in my car, she peed in her already full pants and they overflowed onto the seat. Another time she ran out of her incontinence pants while on holiday and would occasionally run back to the hotel with pee running down her leg. I found out later this was because she was wearing regular underwear. I was not bothered at all.
I still love her, and I understand her not telling me, as she was embarrassed by it. It’s her little quirk and I love her for it.