From overconfident defendants trying and spectacularly failing to represent themselves, to Average Joes power-tripping after watching a little too much Law & Order, these numbskulls just couldn’t make it work inside and outside the courtroom.
1. Your Loss—Literally
I work as a lawyer. There was this woman who owed over $20k to her builder after he finished work on her house, but she refused to pay him due to a few petty complaints about his work. Nothing serious, just stuff like he took too long. I advised her to settle her bill and then we could look into her issues. I warned her if she didn't, he could likely slam a lien on her house.
However, she ignored my advice. He put a lien on her property. In fact, we went a step further and proposed to temporarily hold the money in an escrow account during their conflict, which would have stopped the lien. But she outright rejected the idea. My guess is that she was out of money and trying to throw a fit to dodge payment. The whole thing turned into a complete mess. Needless to say, she lost her house. But that's not the end of it.
A few months later, she turned up at my college, asking for my details from the front desk. Thankfully, the office dealt with it well and I never encountered her. The thing is, she blames me for what happened. I had warned her to settle her dues or risk losing her house. She didn't and lost it. Fun fact: this was my first internship, and she was the first client I ever served.
2. That’s A New One
When I was working as a court intern, I saw this interesting case. During her arraignment, the accused lady argued that the court held no authority over her. What was her ingenious logic? She explained that as a "sovereign citizen", she did not acknowledge the federal or state governments, hence they couldn't convict her. In her mind, this made her untouchable. Interestingly, I later found out that her only means of income was Social Security.
3. Tech Support
I'm in the business of consumer protection. I remember one time a client approached me with a complaint about a company that wouldn't honor its warranty. His product was broken, and he was furious about the situation. When I asked for more specifics, he started yelling, demanding to know whether or not I was going to charge him. I quickly realized I wasn't going to represent him, but I was curious about his situation. Nothing could have prepared me for what he told me.
I managed to calm him down enough to explain what had happened. Apparently, he had bought a computer in the '90s that had recently started acting up. But it wasn't just old age or regular wear and tear that had taken its toll. He'd grown frustrated with its sluggish pace, picked it up, and quite literally tossed it out of a two-story window. And afterwards? He wanted to sue the manufacturers for not upholding the warranty.
4. Driving While Stupid
The client I'll never forget was accused of driving after a few too many. He insisted he was sober and felt the tests were done imprecisely. Well, he showed up to his court sessions completely sauced, not once but twice. Each time, he attempted to drive off in his car. On both occasions, the authorities stopped him immediately, gave him a breathalyzer test, and charged him. Safe to say, we didn't win his case.
5. He Played Himself
I was working at the Public Defenders office when I met a client enthusiastic for a line-up, claiming he's innocent despite several witnesses. I first met this client in a private room, explaining to him the process and what he's in for. You know, the typical line-up you see on TV with an array of similar-looking people standing together in front of one-way mirrors. We get these people from the pool of prisoners.
When I first met my client, I couldn't believe my eyes. He had this huge bulge on his lower left eyelid, almost as big as a golf ball. It was the most noticeable facial mark I have ever seen. Despite this, he was insistent on doing the line-up and, predictably, every witness picked him out with absolute certainty. He continued to demand a trial, and by the time it started, the lump had miraculously disappeared.
6. How Not To Save A Life
This story isn't about my own client, but my father, who was a surgeon at a hospital. He and his workplace were sued by a man after my dad saved his wife's life. Here's the backstory: This woman was expecting what seemed to be her eighth child, but then she unfortunately miscarried. After removing the fetus, things took a dreadful turn––the woman started hemorrhaging and the physicians were in a panicky state, racing to save her.
At one point, they realized a hysterectomy was the last resort - it was the only way to save her life. My Dad was brought in to do the operation, which went off smoothly, saving the woman's life. Yet, this happy ending was short-lived. It turned out, the woman’s husband was highly religious and was outraged that his wife could no longer bear children.
Therefore, he sued the hospital. No firm was willing to take his case, so he ended up presenting his own argument in court. The case went all the way to trial—where he lost, thoroughly.
7. Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge
A common misconception that some people hold dear is, "An undercover officer must identify themselves if you ask them". Everyone's blindsided when they learn the truth. They indeed can lie. Let me share a story. Once, during a deposition, an undercover officer with a wire device was asked if he was hidden law enforcement by a suspect.
His reply went something along these lines: "Oh absolutely, I’m buying stuff from you guys because I'm an undercover cop. There’s a wire tucked under my beard, you absolute buffoon". The way he oozed sarcasm, the suspects didn't consider it serious at all and went on to sell him a significant amount.
8. No, You Are NOT The Father!
I work in a law office. One day, we had a case where a man was representing himself against one of our clients. This client worked in a semi-public role promoting a local professional sports team. She was briefly interviewed at a game by a man, and this seemingly benign interaction led to a chilling five-year period of him stalking her, despite her starting a family with another person.
The situation escalated when the stalker made an outrageous assertion: He demanded a paternity test, believing that she had hired someone to monitor him, break into his house and gather his sperm when he was engaged in a moment of private pleasure. He claimed she had used it to inseminate herself, insisting that both her children were actually his.
The day the court rejected his absurd request for paternity testing, I cannot forget the look of disbelief, weariness, and shock on the judge's face. It was an unforgettable moment.
9. The One That Got Away
So this lady got fired from a big company, and not for just any old reason. They discovered she'd been embezzling money to support a gambling problem. They had proof that this had happened, and she even admitted it. Here's the wild part: She sued the company for $300,000, claiming unfair dismissal. The firm my sister works at was hired to represent the company against this woman.
The case seemed so straightforward that they handed it to my sister for her first ever solo endeavor. And my sister, bless her, made a mess of it in the worst way. She didn't just lose - the judge actually granted the woman $500,000 instead of the $300,000 she'd originally sought. But, it turned out to be a silver lining for my sister's career. All the partners knew who she was after that and each made a point to visit her office and share their sympathies.
10. A Loopy Loophole
Earlier today, a part-time retired cop mentioned that if you're pulled over and they thing you've had a few too many, you could simply gulp down an open bottle right in front of the officer. He insists this prevents them from proving anything. Given my limited life experience, I couldn't challenge his bold claim. I imagine a high-powered and well-connected attorney might be able to reduce this down to an open container offense, but I'm pretty confident any competent lawyer would find it quite straightforward to prove you were intoxicated.
11. I’m Here To Stay
This happened just this week, and let me tell you, I've dealt with some challenging cases, but this one takes the cake. I'm representing a landlord aiming to evict a tenant due to multiple lease violations. In the midst of our disputes, the tenant decides to send my clients a cease-and-desist letter, claiming harassment. Her reasons are downright ridiculous – she's upset that they asked her to keep the house clean.
Then there's this other "claim" where she won't let them in for repairs, saying it's harassment. She keeps demanding immediate fixes, but when given reasonable notice (24 hours or more), she comes up with every excuse under the sun as to why they can't do it.
To top it off, she even calls the authorities on my client when he shows up as scheduled. Frustrated with this difficult lady, my client sends me in to read the lease and find a way to get rid of her for good. Turns out, she's a neighborhood nuisance – weekly visits from officers, a dirty house, unpaid utilities for months (despite it being her responsibility according to the lease), and more.
I tally up eight violations, some happening multiple times. "No problem," I tell my client, "I can handle this." So, I send her the notice that her lease is terminated, and she needs to vacate by a certain date. She doesn't take it well. Ignoring the termination letter, she tells me her utilities are getting cut off and demands permission to extend the payment deadline for the city utility bills.
I ask her when the cutoff is, because if it's after the date we told her to leave, it won't matter. The tenant insists that I should know the law, given my license, and claims she's done with my "nonsense." Her water gets cut off that very day. Concerned for the children, including a diabetic, without water, my clients step in, call the city to reconnect it, and put it in their name.
I inform the tenant that she'll have water that night, but that doesn't mean the lease is still active. I remind her we've terminated the lease, and she must move out. She accuses me of harassment, threatens my license, and suggests I don't understand English or the law.
She may not be a lawyer, but she's convinced she knows her rights, and I'm apparently violating them, calling it discrimination. From this ordeal, I've learned two things: the tenant doesn't really know her rights, and she's not well-versed in my state's laws or the English language. I filed the eviction proceedings a few days ago, and now we're just waiting for the summons to get her to court and finally get her out for good.
I just can't figure out why this lady thinks she's so clever.
12. A Little Reverse Psychology
One time, someone tried to sue me and the store I worked in. This happened because I suspected her daughter and friend might have shoplifted. You see, I heard a boy shout, "Oh no! There's a camera!" Next thing I know, they all dashed out of the store. It's fair to say, you'd probably be suspicious too, right?
Anyway, the mother said that I traumatized her daughter. All I really did was ask mall security to stop them while I inquired if they had taken anything. This woman, let's call her Karen, supposedly sought advice from someone who told her she had a pretty strong case. However, karma didn't disappoint. She called 9-1-1 on me, only to be escorted out by the very same officers. Even then, she was claiming she'd take their entire department to court.
13. An Iron-Clad Contract
As a lawyer in Mexico, I once debated with my father about who legally owned an apartment that my mother held onto after their divorce. "But I paid for it," he insisted. I retorted, "Sure, but you registered it in mom's name and officially agreed she could keep it during the divorce formalities. You even signed a legal document affirming this". He responded, "Yeah, but I paid for it".
I assured him, "That's not exactly how property rights function. If you registered it in her name and didn't dispute it during the divorce, it is hers". Puzzled, he replied, "I don't get it. If I paid for it, it's mine, isn't it? That's how property ownership works. I could claim it back if I desired". To give you a heads up: He couldn't.
14. You Don’t Own Me
While I was working around courtrooms, I encountered an intriguing case. A 21-year-old girl was back in town visiting friends. Her mother requested she run some errands for her mom's pals, but the girl had already booked plans and declined. Her mother was irate and took drastic action, suing her for using the family car. During the trial, it seemed like the mom might win, until a game-changing moment.
The young woman spoke up: "I'm an adult. I can decide what to do with my car". Courtroom becomes quiet. Judge asks, "Hold on, the defendant is over 18?" The girl responds, "Yes, your honor". Judge announces, "Well then, all charges are dropped". The mother protests, "But she's my child!" The judge replies, "I understand that". The mom insists, "She must obey me!" Judge patiently explains, "In fact, she doesn't have to. She's not underage". Despite the clear explanation, the mom continues to argue that her daughter always needs to obey her.
Judge's curiosity leads him to ask, "Where did you study law?" The mom, flustered, responds, "I didn't, but I know my rights!" Staying calm, the judge repeated, "All charges are dropped. Case closed".
15. Sorry, Wrong Answer
I once worked with a client facing theft charges in both Arkansas and Missouri simultaneously - quite the ambitious individual. I managed to secure a deal for him in the Arkansas case - if he reimburses the value of the stolen items, the State would dismiss the more severe charges and permit him to plead guilty to a less serious misdemeanor he was also charged with.
His retort was, "They're obliged to dismiss the theft charge anyway, because I'm facing a similar charge in Missouri, and that's double jeopardy". Well, that's a misconception. Double jeopardy doesn't apply here.
16. Never Forgive, Never Forget
When I was a fresh new attorney working on insurance cases, a woman paid her premium late and dropped off a check with her broker right at closing time on a Friday. Rather than processing it, the broker simply tucked it away in a drawer so she could leave for the day. Unfortunately, this led to some disastrous outcomes. The very next day, the woman, who should've been insured, had a car accident.
She got a hold of the insurance company only to be told that her policy was nullified due to non-payment. Upon hearing this, one involved party completely lost it, hunted down the woman and damaged her car, an undesirable sequence that ended up with him being restrained. When the broker returned to work on Monday, she corrected the policy information, but by then it was too late. The woman was livid and chose to sue the company for a hefty sum of a million dollars.
She kept pressure on by amending her lawsuit each week we didn't resolve her claim, adding another million dollars each time and naming any attorney unfortunate enough to cross paths with her as another defendant. By the time the case wrapped up, I’d made more than a dozen court appearances, a staggering billion dollars was at stake, and the judge decided to issue the verdict by mail to avoid any further confrontation with the aggrieved woman.
17. Keep Your Mouth Shut
I'm uncertain about the best way to get someone who owes me money to notice. Do you reckon it's decent to post publicly on Facebook detailing how they owe me and aren't repaying? I'm no expert, but I believe it's an effective way to gain their attention. You could be right, but it's also an easy way to land in hot water for slander.
18. Your Secret Is Safe With Me
Here's a humorous tidbit from my own experiences. I'm an attorney, and my sibling was in the process of selling a screenplay to a television network. He hired a lawyer who specializes in entertainment to help with the process. One day, I was chatting with my brother about it and I asked a couple of questions - more out of interest than anything. His response was, "I can't tell you, it's privileged". I found myself having to clarify to him that he can indeed share the information with me; it's his lawyer who can't.
19. It Wasn’t Me
I recently took a case at a homeless clinic where an individual claimed that his identity was stolen. I did some research on the official government website to file a complaint and all. This is when I discovered the full story. Apparently, he had been found guilty of selling substances and defended himself in court by claiming that the government had falsely used his identity, and was now planning to sue the officers, prosecutor, and judge.
The situation might have been funny, but as a professional, my duty is to stay objective. So, I explained to him that his allegations were not enough to counter sovereign immunity in a case of prosecutorial misconduct. In simpler terms, it's a no-go.
20. Not Going To Take It Anymore
I work as a court assistant. Often, we handle cases where the clients are representing themselves. These cases are generally handled directly in the courts, and the court clerk provides paperwork where the individual can write out their complaint by hand. There was this one person who wrote that they were suing their landlord for damages because they had invaded their privacy by installing cameras in their apartment.
Their apartment was in bad shape - it had a leaky roof, and the floor wasn't even - but they were asking quite a hefty amount in damages. They wanted $10 million for issues related to their bedroom, another $10 million for the previously mentioned issues, and a whooping "$20 million because I'm very upset". Unfortunately, being "very upset" is not a plausible defense.
21. That Word Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Means
I used to work as a corrections officer and sometimes a court usher. Once, we busted a guy who had stolen a pickup truck. When we found him, he was asleep at the wheel, parked on a sidewalk, surrounded by an absurd amount of contraband. His defense was just ridiculous.
First, he decided to defend himself in court, because apparently, he hadn't finished making bad decisions. And what a spectacle he made!
"Double Jeopardy! You can't charge me for theft or possession because I've already been convicted on those counts before," he said. In essence, during his trial, he freely confessed to every last thing he did. He smugly added that since he had already served time for the same offenses in a previous case, he now had immunity against them.
But that's not how Double Jeopardy works, people. He's now been locked up for 20 years. If he had taken any professional advice, he could have probably struck a plea bargain for just five years.
22. A Little Misunderstanding
I work as a paralegal. I once had a client who was found guilty of embezzling $142,000 from their previous job. Basically, they were promoted to office manager, responsible for daily banking, and then began stealing money. They then manipulated the company's records to show the clients' accounts were paid. Before the ruling, they sensed trouble coming.
Recognizing this, they claimed, "It shouldn't be such a big deal. The issue's only escalated because my former boss's husband is buddies with the district attorney". Yeah...sure, that's the reason.
23. Watch What You Say
I read a post on a watch collecting community, where someone was advising others on how to dodge customs fees. They suggested that all you have to do is use the item you're bringing back in the country you've purchased it from. Their thought seemed to be, "No problem, you've had that $50,000 watch on your wrist for an hour before getting to the border... it's duty-free now. Just walk on through".
24. The YouTube Defense
One day, a colleague from my company's marketing department endeavored to craft some wording for an online advertisement. The text she put together wholesale lifted a poem penned by an author unfamiliar to me, and certainly without any sort of copyright allowance. Then, she uttered the most baffling statement I've ever heard. She confidently stated she was in the clear because she acknowledged the original author in the advert.
Hold on, that isn't how it works! In fact, this approach compounds the issue. You're publicly identifying the author you've essentially stolen from. I tend to label this behavior the "YouTube" mentality. Countless folks initiate their videos by plainly stating, "I don't own the rights to this content, I'm not looking to infringe on any copyrights” and then follow it up by knowingly violating copyright laws by featuring a song they didn't compose. Think about it!
25. Show Me The Lie, Though
One of the most memorable explanations a client ever gave me was regarding a charge they received after consuming waaaay too much and then driving. The apparent BAC reading was 0.258, and if you're uncertain, it indicates the driver was beyond any doubt highly intoxicated. The guy's only defense strategy? Argue against the charge simply because he couldn't remember the incident.
26. Letting It All Hang Out
I once worked with a client who was quite a character. He made a career shift from real estate to politics. Although he was under quite a few investigations, rather than allowing his team to address the issues, he did something EXTREMELY stupid. He consistently shared his thoughts about his ongoing court battles on Twitter. Despite our best efforts to control his social media use, he always seemed to find another phone.
He's rather outspoken and surprisingly, he has managed to avoid consequences so far.
27. Courtroom Betrayal
I once had a client who scored just under a million-dollar settlement in a personal injury case. After this, she popped by my office asking me to dispute the fees of the lawyer who represented her in the case. This lawyer took slightly more than $260,000 from the case. If you're crunching the numbers, this lawyer's fee was around 27%, whereas it's quite common to see fees of 40% in such cases.
Moreover, the attorney did an excellent job given that the lady received close to a million dollars. But, she decided to go after him, wanting to get back some of his fees. I flat out refused to take the case, which led her to file an ethics complaint against me, accusing me of discrimination.
28. Gone, Gone Forever
So, there was this dad in his 60s who had not paid child support for many years. He owed over $60,000 for two of his now-grown children. He'd basically hidden himself away on a remote farm, making it difficult for anyone to locate him. He earned money in cash so the child support couldn't be taken from his income directly. He was extremely cautious about this - until the one time he wasn't.
Then, he received a significant inheritance which was directly deposited into his bank account. But, it was quickly taken up by the Family Maintenance entity. He came to us seeking help in getting that money back.
29. Not The Sharpest Tool In The Shed
My brother is an attorney. One of his clients used a digger to uproot a self-service cash machine. He then loaded it onto a flatbed truck. It was only after all this that he spotted a security camera recording his every move. So, what was his next step? He fetched a can of black spray paint from his truck, approached the camera until his face was clearly visible, and painted the lens.
Despite everything, he decided to plead not guilty.
30. His Own Worst Enemy
Once upon a time, one of our clients decided to skip bail and make a run for it. I hunted for him on Facebook and found a post with his bond documents and a stack of $20 bills. His message read something along the lines of "Who cares about the law and my bailsman - no one's the boss of me!" What he failed to grasp was that we only posted his bail because we intended to represent him.
Given these circumstances, we chose to pull out of the bond and the case. We referenced his social media rant in our official Request to Withdraw, and even included a snapshot of his post marked as Exhibit "A" in the document we filed.
31. Don’t Like The Cut Of Their Jib
I work with condo and homeowners’ associations. I was thrown for a loop when one of my condo association clients wanted to kick out some tenants. The reason? Because they were overweight. No, I'm not kidding. Sure, the law sometimes allows for the eviction of non-owner residents. But it's a complex process, dependent on specific facts.
I spent a lot of time trying to understand the actual issues that were making my client consider eviction. Client: "Well, they're just not pleasant to be around. They're overweight!" Me: (exasperated) "You know you can't just evict someone because they're overweight!" Needless to say, we didn't move forward with anything.
32. Probably For The Best
About a decade ago, my dad was a patent and trademark lawyer who worked for a pharma company. Fun fact, the owner of that company picked "Just Do It" as their motto, not realizing it was already Nike's trademarked slogan. Shockingly, when he discovered it was also the catchphrase of one of the largest international corporations, he didn't switch it right away to avoid the hassle. Instead, he actually PHONED NIKE and shared a good laugh about their slogan coincidence.
My dad managed to resolve the case and afterwards the company changed their slogan.
33. Gotcha There
I once worked on a case where the client, who was defending themselves, argued that the ruling of the District Court was invalid because the judge was a woman, insisting that "only men can be judges". It was probably the only time I actually laughed at my own client's stupidity.
34. Not Their Circus, Not Their Monkeys
This lady had a home on a big riverside property with a dock for her boat. One day, a storm knocked down her big tree, and most of it fell into the water, making it hard for her to dock her boat. She thought about suing the government for not removing the fallen tree. Not exactly the Pelican Brief...
35. The Proud Owner Of Nothing
I used to work directly for a renowned company that's famed for its characters, and quite popular among fans. We'd get a smattering of offbeat calls throughout the year due to our fame. One time, a fellow called, and leveled accusations that we had stolen his character creations and demanded restitution. Staying composed, I asked him to give me the specifics so I could ascertain the legitimacy of his concerns and determine the next course of action.
He went on to explain how he'd personally crafted these characters and handed them over as a child to the celebrated creator, who then took all the credit. When I enquired about his birthdate, it became clear he was born a good two decades after the characters' actual creation. Questioned about this discrepancy, he deflected, claiming he was also the mind behind other esteemed characters and brands.
Brands and characters that weren't even ours. If he intended to take this any further, I suggested that he lays out his complaints in a written document. My hunch was that if he couldn't even verify the basics of his argument, it was unlikely he'd put in the effort to put pen to paper. As events unfolded, I didn't hear from him again — just as I'd predicted. There's a certain pleasure in being proven right.
36. Leave It To The Professionals
I'm part of a courier team and though we don't focus on law offices, we nonetheless receive many requests related to this area. Mostly, we deal with individuals attempting to represent themselves in court, often referred to as 'pro se' litigants. Trust me when I say, nearly every time, these folk have some peculiar ideas about the law. I once recommended such a person to another service. That service rang me back within 20 minutes, amused, and kindly requested I cease directing such unique individuals their way.
Here's a friendly tip: if you're engaging with matters of the law, it's best to hire a lawyer.
37. Street Smarts And Book Smarts Don’t Mix
Here's a story from my time as a public defender: Sovereign citizens—those folks who claim they don't accept the law and thus, are not bound by it—are uniquely misguided. I'm not sure what the ratio is, but some genuinely believe this philosophy and some might just think they've discovered a crafty short-cut. Regardless, they were always the most captivating clients.
I remember one young man who decided to stick up for a friend by trying to dazzle the judge with his rhetoric. There was just one little problem, though: The guy, who later became my client, was a familiar face in that courtroom—everyone knew he wasn't a lawyer. When he was promptly apprehended, the judge was unmoved by his claim that he was "acting as counsel" and not "practicing law without a license".
The ensuing charge for driving without a valid license was only somewhat related.
38. Leveling The Playing Field
I'm an attorney. I've had several clients who've desired us to "persuade" the opposing party into agreeing, using explosive evidence as leverage. However, they miss an important detal. Their strategy frequently borders on blackmail or coercion, and contrary to popular belief from television, that's really risky.
One would assume folks would appreciate it more when you tell them you can't break the law on their behalf, but it seems that's not the case!
39. Do You Know Who I Am?
A person (who was not a lawyer, unlike me) attempted to convince me that witness statements weren't trustworthy evidence, and a judge couldn't depend on them when making a decision about the facts. This happened while I was assisting my client with a minor lawsuit. The situation involved my client's statement versus the other person's, along with a few photos my client planned to present.
I told the other person, "Well, We'll have to wait and see what the judge decides". To spill the beans early: The judge was more persuaded by my client's account and ruled in their favor.
40. A Swing And A Miss
One common misunderstanding that I frequently encounter in my role as a lawyer relates to advice on how to handle a home invasion. Many seem to believe that the law allows you to counterattack and even fatally wound an intruder. But this is not correct, as the concept of self-defense itself demands "reasonable force". While the rules may be slightly more relaxed in some states or rural areas, promoting this kind of false information can actually cause harm.
To those who might argue "But, you can always use deadly force if ____" or "In THIS state, you can—", it's not the correct interpretation of the law. The term "reasonable force" is purposefully vague, and its application is always determined on a case-by-case basis. Just because the person being charged felt threatened doesn't automatically mean the majority of the jury in their trial will agree, although they often do.
Terms like "Stand Your Ground" laws and "Castle Doctrine" exist to support the defensive use of force but it's still governed by the principle of reasonable force. While it's true that reasonable force sometimes can be fatal, it's ultimately the judge and jury who get the final say on whether your actions were justified. Remember, these are a group of people who might look at the world differently than you do. They will figuratively step into your shoes and decide if you made the right decision.
The jury makes the call. Not you, not your local law enforcement officer, and certainly not your martial arts coach. If you are put on trial for using force in self-defense, don't feel complacent. Law has a knack for surprising everyone. Please avoid making sweeping claims about the law. If everything was black and white in law, there wouldn't be a need for lawyers.
41. Here Doesn’t Come The Bride
I work as an attorney in the US, and I've noticed that folks who aren't in the profession seem quite fascinated by common-law marriage. On several occasions, I've heard people caution others about living together, telling them that they could essentially be deemed 'married' under common-law provisions. They say things like "You've been cohabiting for X years, so you're common-law married and must consider this".
But here's the thing, common-law marriage isn't as widespread as people think. It's only recognized in a few US states and it comes with its own set of rules. To be considered common-law married, you must consistently present yourselves as a married couple to society, among other requirements. So, you're not going to suddenly find yourself in a common-law marriage if that's not what you intended.
42. An Interesting Theory
A man at the deli today mentioned, "I'm no attorney, but I'm confident my child's mother won't see any of this child support money". Curious, I asked why he thought so, and he explained that she owed the IRS a significant amount in back taxes. Apparently, they planned to withhold the child support payments to settle the debt. All I could say was, "Well, that's something I've not heard before!"
43. A Photo Finish
My father is an attorney and once he had a client who was up for some serious charges: felony possession, ownership of stolen goods, burglary, and drug distribution. Basically, he was in a heap of hot water. This client even had numerous self-incriminating photos and videos on his Facebook page - flaunting guns, money, and even his house break-ins.
There were even more damning images, but let's just say he was in a terrible situation. His reaction was unhinged. Despite my dad's sincere advice that he was screwed and it would be best to plead guilty in exchange for a lesser sentence, the fellow stood firm on his not guilty plea. To this day, we still share a chuckle over how his choices seemed to question his mental fitness to even stand trial.
44. Yellow Fringe Flag Theory
Have you ever heard of the Yellow Fringe Flag theory? Well, let's sit down and talk about it. Once, I had a client who insisted I use this peculiar theory as part of their defense strategy. Believe me, it's a strange mix of maritime law, constitutional law, and other unrelated concepts. It boils down to something like this:
"If the flag in the courtroom has a yellow fringe, you are no longer under constitutional jurisdiction. You're now in court, despite there being no martial law, and as such, I should be free to go". Seems odd right? Yet, it's the basis of a misguided defense strategy that's gaining traction among some individuals. And in case you're wondering, many courtrooms where I practice actually have yellow fringes on their flags as a design component.
45. Barely Holding It Together
A client of mine was informed by a staff member at her mother's nursing home that if the original staples holding together an Enduring Power of Attorney are removed, it becomes void. An Enduring Power of Attorney is simply a Power of Attorney prepared ahead of time anticipating future mental incapacity. Unlike most Powers of Attorney, it won't be invalidated if the person who grants it becomes incapacitated.
There's a tiny kernel of truth in that claim, in the sense that if one were to challenge the document's validity, the fact that it's been dismantled and restapled might provide some evidence to back that up. However, that one piece of evidence alone wouldn't be the deciding factor. But don’t get me started on people misusing the term "hearsay" without understanding its meaning. It’s become quite a widespread problem.
46. Nothing To See Here
I'm a professional specializing in copyright law. Here's something I often come across and it always amuses me: "I'm not breaking any patent laws, I got it from Google Images, and that's in the creative commons". Unfortunately, I've heard this excuse more than once. Funny enough, when they say "patent", what they're usually infringing is a trademark or copyright. It typically involves people working in a company's design department.
Another interesting aspect is fonts: "Did we get a license for that font?" "Absolutely, I downloaded it from fr3eFontz.ru, why do you ask?"
47. Thinking Outside The Box
For about two years, I worked in family law in California, but I ultimately realized a career change would be more fulfilling. In California, one key factor of spousal support, or alimony, is that it ends when the receiving party starts a domestic relationship with a new romantic interest. One day, a man walked into our offices who, let's be honest, was feeling a bit hard done by as he was paying a substantial amount of his earnings in alimony.
He told us he wanted to contest the alimony in court on the basis of a unique interpretation of the cohabitation rule. His argument? His ex-wife was a self-absorbed individual, and he claimed that she was so in love with herself that living alone should count as cohabitating with a romantic partner. Overwhelmed, he was almost pleading with me to accept his case. However, I had to decline.
48. The Proof Is In The Pudding
A woman approached me to sue her former attorney for charging exorbitant fees but barely lifting a finger for it. She handed me what she claimed was the entirety of the attorney's output. I almost burst into laughter when I read it - it was nothing more than an internet printout, something she said cost her "thousands in fees".
Previously, she had filed a complaint through the local attorney regulation board but lost. She wanted to challenge that decision. In the judgment, there were references to documents I was not privy to. I urged her to provide all the pertinent files. That's when she handed over an array of folders packed with thorough, detailed work, which completely aligned with the fees she was protesting.
We instructed her to take her case elsewhere, but not before she'd taken up significant chunks of our time. It turned out she was more hot air than substance.
49. A Signature Defense
One of my friends, a lawyer, was dealing with a case where a person was charged with graffiti vandalism amongst other accusations. He enters the courtroom to declare a plea of "not guilty". Here's how the dialogue with the judge unfolded: Judge asks, "Sir, did you create this graffiti?" The defendant replies, "No, I didn't". The judge continues, "But your signature is on it, isn’t it?"
Defendant confirms, "Yes, an artist should sign their masterpiece!" The case was immediately resolved, owing to that guy's remarkable clarity in such matters.
50. How The Mighty Fall
This event took place ages ago, yet it's still fresh in my mind. There was this terrible former judge who owned a business that owed a sizeable sum to the company I worked for as controller. He'd signed a "security agreement" for his company's receivables which essentially meant we could tap into the company's income to recoup our owed money. The tricky part was, one of his employees was buddies with my boss.
This employee handed me an identical agreement but involving a different company and dated a month earlier. Studying business law for my CPA certification meant I had a keen eye for dodgy details like this. I pointed out, "It seems like we have ground to sue him and take over the company". My boss relayed this information to our lawyer, who didn't particularly like this judge.
Sure enough, those guys were done for. We took them to court, received summary judgment (the officiating judge couldn't help but chuckle at the dishonest judge), and ultimately, we gained ownership of the company. Quite an exciting time, that was.
Source:
