No one goes into a relationship wanting to break up. But sometimes, tensions build until something so egregious happens that it turns out to be the last straw. Whether it's out of left field or the product of years of problems, when it happens, there's only one solution: to get out of that relationship and never, ever, ever look back.
1. A Different Tuna
We had been together for quite a while—about 6-8 months—and had been living together for at least 2 months when I decided to make tuna salad. I asked him how he liked it. He told me. I came back with two bowls, half the can made his way, and half the can made the way I liked it. He completely freaked out about the two different versions.
He said, “If we can’t agree on how to eat tuna, how will this ever work"?! I said that we don’t have to agree—we can both have it exactly the way we want and be happy. He vehemently disagreed. Then, I started thinking of all of his other controlling behavior and the inability to compromise. It wasn’t that day that we broke up, but it was definitely the day our relationship broke. The cheating didn’t help either.
2. Scam Alert
We went to the mall and stopped by this little kiosk selling cookies. I decided that I would get one cookie. The lady working there said that if I bought two then I would get an extra one free. So, I decided to buy two and get the third one free. My date WENT OFF on this lady, saying that she was trying to scam me, etc. etc. He was legit yelling so loud that it was echoing through the mall.
It was so embarrassing I wanted to die. If you're rude to people in customer service, you're not for me.
3. Watching You
I genuinely feared for my safety. I went over, and we got in an argument so I slept on the floor, essentially. I went to the bathroom to text one of my buddies to come pick me up since I thought she had fallen asleep. I suddenly get a text from her saying, "Where are you”? And, of course, my phone made a sound. I froze up and opened the bathroom door.
She was already standing there waiting for me in the darkness. She didn't say a word at all, just stared at me until I walked by. I went back to my spot on the floor and got under the blanket and pretended to be falling asleep until she did. After about 30 minutes, I decided to peek out from under the covers and...she was literally towering over me in total darkness with her eyes wide open the entire time. I got out of there so fast.
4. Dancing The Night Away
I met a girl on Tinder, and we went for a coffee date. We shared some of the same music tastes, and she lets me know that one such performer is playing at a local club on Friday. I suggest we go together and do dinner before. When Friday comes, we do a late sushi dinner and head to this club around 10 for the aforementioned show.
The headliner, who we wanted to see, is supposed to go on around midnight. We get to the club, finally get to the bar and order drinks then head to the dance floor. She pounds the drink and says that she is getting another drink. She comes back a few minutes later with a new drink, gives me a kiss on the cheek, and wanders off to the dance floor.
I am not someone who is overly possessive and figure my wanting to be in the back to get a full visual and auditory experience is not her jam. I wasn't worried. Then, 20 minutes later, I looked across the dance floor—and my stomach dropped. I see her grinding on some dude. Now, mentally, I am already back at my car, but I want to see what happens when she makes eye contact with me. They start making out, and the guy notices me eyeballing them.
She then wanders off to get another drink, and the said guy comes up to me asking if I have a problem. I explain the situation, and he says something to the extent of, "Sucks, bro, she's with me now. Push off". I took his advice and did just that. So, I called up a friend and went to his house, and we played Catan till about 2.
Then my phone rings. It's 2:30am, and she is calling me asking where I went, since my car was clearly missing from the parking lot. I told her that I went home and she was on her own to find a ride. I said something like, "I bet that guy you were making out with could give you a ride," to which she responded with "which one". We kissed once and made out zero times. I laughed, hung up, and rolled for more bricks.
5. Wait For It
My date, who was a restaurant manager, took me out to dinner. He was rude to the staff there almost constantly. I had had enough and got up and left a twenty on the table, after he said, “Do you want to see how long it takes me to get this waitress to apologize to us”? The waitress was great—she only forgot one extra water.
6. Dinosaurs? What Dinosaurs?
I matched with this girl on Tinder and we clicked really well. We had great text conversations for several months, but she was busy and I wasn’t trying to be pushy to meet her. Just the conversation was nice. In one such conversation, queue me making a joke and it leading into a conversation about how she thinks the world is only 6,000 years old.
Oh, and also, apparently dinosaurs never existed. She claimed to have reviewed all the evidence for both and had arrived at the conclusion that they’re both false. Instead, she opined that the Bible was a hundred percent accurate. I noped out of that one no thank you. Didn’t bother sticking around to see what other crazy ideas she had.
7. Hunger Games
I went on a date with a guy. We ordered our meals and while we were waiting for them to come, I stepped away to go to the bathroom. When I came back, I found out that he had canceled part of my order while I went to the bathroom because he thought I had ordered too much. It was just a small, extra dumpling. That was the end of everything.
8. They Love Me, They Love Me Not
I was dating a guy for not even 6 months when a family member in another province in Canada unexpectedly passed. My mom and aunties were going to go alone to deal with everything, but I knew there would be a lot of heavy lifting with his belongings, and I didn't want them to do everything alone. It might have been too much.
I used to do weight training and can do a lot of heavy lifting, so me being there would help with that. So, I went and did most of the moving of my late uncle's belongings. I got everything organized and sorted, packed his truck, and drove it back to our home city, which was an 8-hour drive. On top of that, I dealt with all the paperwork, since I have a long history of admin experience.
I'm also a part-time Ordained Minister and was asked to do the eulogy for the funeral/cremation. No problem, that's my job and it's an honor to serve my family. During this time, the dude I'm with won't stop blowing up my phone. He tries to tell me I'm cheating on him. He even messages my brother on Facebook saying that there's an emergency and he needs to talk to me right away.
The emergency was that he's afraid my uncle’s passing made me unlove him. I cut ties as soon as I got back in the city, but he still stalked me.
9. Crazily Romantic
He followed me on a night out, got on his knees, stopping traffic in the middle of a city center street to declare his love. We had been on two dates. He also told me that same night that he could see into the future and already knew he was going to die defending my honor while I was carrying our twins. Yeah...he was fun.
10. The Sound Of Music
I was dating a girl in college that I was really into. We both loved going to watch concerts for smaller emo-type bands. Anyway, I took her to Dallas with my sister—who happened to be dating the lead singer of one of the bands at the show—and a couple of other friends. The show was at a venue called Trees and it had a really cool almost cellar like feel.
Well after the show was over, we were all hanging out with a lot of the band members in the cellar-like bar area. We were all laughing and having a good conversation when my girlfriend says, out of the blue, "This seems like a really good place to screech". So, confused as we are, one of the guys from the band says, "Screech”? Oh god, I wish he hadn't asked.
And, then my girlfriend immediately lets out this high-pitched, godawful, screech that had everyone in the venue turn around to see what was causing this terrible sound. My sister looked at my girlfriend and then back at me as if to say, "Why in the world would she do that”? The guys from the band just stared at her for what seemed like forever before simply saying, "OooooooK".
And that was the first and only time that I knew the exact moment that I was done with a relationship...The second we got back to town, I got out of the car and said, "Well, it's been fun, but this relationship just isn't going to work for me". And that, as they say, was that. That was the last time I ever heard from her.
11. Dragons Galore!
I went on a date with a dude who thought he was a dragon! His friends were dragons too! He was looking for his mate. He had all the elemental dragons as friends but the one he was missing was the water dragon and he knew that the water dragon was his mate. Also, he was close to 600 pounds and wanted to make himself a suit of armor to mirror his dragon’s exterior. I was out.
12. Getting My Priorities Straight
I had a very long and bad relationship with an ex. I had wanted to leave for years, but he would threaten to end himself and I would end up staying. I, finally, got the courage to walk away when I was diagnosed with several benign liver tumors and was told by the doctor that it was very important with this type of tumor to immediately and permanently stop taking hormonal birth control.
I researched it on my own and confirmed the single most important thing I could do to avoid further complications was to stop taking hormonal birth control for good. I told my then-husband about the appointment and he said, oh so calmly, "Well that's going to be a problem". I was like, “What do you mean? I'll go to the gynecologist as soon as I can get an appointment and we can just use condoms until then".
Nope. According to him, condoms were unacceptable because we were married. And not being intimate until I got to go to the gynecologist was also unacceptable. And that's not even the part that really made my blood run cold. That was when he suggested that I should continue to take birth control as normal and just not tell the doctor. "He'll never know," he said.
Then he went on to suggest that maybe I could go on and off birth control so I'd be off of it before any follow-up appointments with this doctor, to ensure that he'd never know. I was totally stunned and I just looked at him and said, "You understand this could kill me? This isn't about placating a doctor; this is about my life".
He just shrugged and said he wasn't using condoms and I needed to "figure it out". I did figure it out. I left him more than a decade ago and have never been happier.
13. Bromeo Over Juliet
I’m a black person. My bestest buddy in the whole wide world is a white person. We were roomies at one point and he brought a date over. I met her, and there was nothing weird. But, as it turned out, she had a problem with my bromeo living with a black person—me. He immediately broke it off with her. I don’t have many friends, but I’d like to think I got quality over quantity.
14. Look At What I Have!
Lady stayed the night for the first time then started taking pictures of my house the next morning and posting them on social media. She put my bedroom, living room, and master bath on and I was like...what are you doing. She said, "I want everyone to see your place". I said, "Uhh, let me take you home". I also told her I didn't like that she did what she had done.
What she took away from this became obvious pretty soon. She complained on social media how I was so petty for not liking her posting my house. Then she called me up to go out again! I was just astonished that she thought I would be like “post my house, speak ill of me, and come on back". That was one night...NOPE.
15. Home Comforts
I met this guy. As I came to know him, I found out that he was working. And, then it turned out that he had enough money to move out of his parental house and live independently. However, he chose not to do so. Why not you ask? He told me he would stay with his mother forever because she cooks and does the chores for him.
16. Sporting Spirit
I dated a guy back in high school. I thought he was pretty awesome—he was one of the first guys that I dated that didn't dump me after a week. Well, after about 3 months of dating I, finally, went over to his house to spend time with him—it took a while to convince my mom to let me—and we were playing Super Smash Brothers.
I had already told him I was pretty decent at the game since I grew up with two older brothers and played it with them all the time. I beat this dude ONE TIME and I swear I've never seen a dude act like such a toddler. He screamed, threw his controller at the ground, and started cussing at me and the game. I grabbed my things and got out of there and never looked back.
17. Survival Of The Fittest
She microwaved her travel coffee cup in my microwave and nearly set my kitchen on fire. It was clearly made of non-microwavable plastic and stainless steel. Lightning was forming in that microwave, as was pitch black smoke which began to pour out. She got annoyed at me for being upset by this and I then realized that this woman, despite being very attractive, kind, and usually good-hearted, lacked a survivable IQ and common sense.
Previous actions contributed to this final judgment but this action and lack of response to it sealed the deal for me.
18. Tickled Blue
I had already come close to dumping this guy a few times, but the moment that made me really kick him out was that one time he just wouldn't stop tickling me and I almost passed out. He already knew I don't accept tickling, but he kept on going until I had almost passed out, and I was literally fighting to get him off of me".
Get out" was the first thing I said when I got my breath back.
19. Cutting You Off
I realized he was trying to cut me off from my support network. It started off innocuous enough. He didn't like my two closest friends and would make remarks like, "Do we have to hang out with them? Can't we see some of your other friends," and I figured whatever, he doesn't have to like everyone. Then I realized, he liked anyone if I wasn't really close to them.
I also realized that he had started to act rude and crass around my closest friends but was nice and charming with other people. One night I told him I was going to hang out with my best friend alone and he went off and said she was a dog, she was trash, and I shouldn't waste my time. I told him he was a terrible person.
He threatened to break up with me if I didn't end my friendship with her, and I said that it sounded like a good idea. He went to my mom's house that night and poured some kind of "woe is me" story out to her to make her think I was a cold-hearted person who had broken up with him for no reason and to help him convince me to get back with him.
I told him I didn't need someone to control my life and I certainly didn't need him.
20. Deja Vu
She picked me because I had the same first name, general appearance, and lived in the same area of the state as her ex-fiancé. They had been together for two years. And, it turned out that she had been dumped by the said ex-fiancé just a month before we met. I felt even more offended about all of that than just being straight-up rejected.
21. The Thought Absolutely DOESN'T Count
I was engaged and my fiancé had a fit because I bought her flowers and didn't have them delivered. She said it only counts if they are delivered and I was being cheap. Shortly thereafter I was given a $100 gift card at work for perfect attendance and I gave it to her. And, when she found out later it was a work prize, she had a meltdown.
All because I didn’t disclose it was prize that I had "deceived" her into thinking I had purchased the gift card. These two things and I was like, nope. Plus, I'm gay and she's a lesbian so it all worked out for the best.
22. Parental Supervision
I was at his house on our third date and his dog wanted me to throw the ball. I did. On the second time that it hit the wall he raised his voice and told me if I did it one more time, I was repainting the wall (You are not my father!). He was already on tenuous ground because of the way our second date had gone. To be clear, it wasn’t that great.
On that date, he went with me to my daughter’s recital. And, on the way home, said daughter was all excited and talking. He looked at her and said, “Do you ever be quiet”? Not gonna work out buddy.
23. Business As Usual
She got unreasonably aggressive and angry over a game of monopoly. I dislike the game anyway but went along with it because it was something she wanted to do, but I didn’t really know the rules. She shouted at me when I did anything ‘wrong’ in the game, or anything she didn’t think made sense, to the point where I said, “Is this supposed to be fun”?
She said, “Yeah, it’s a great game”. So, I shot back, “No, I meant this relationship”. It had only been a month or so, so it was an easy out.
24. What Is This Cleaning That You Speak Of?
We dated for a few months. The first time that I went to his place, I saw that he lived like a teenager. No real dishes, couches that people had put on curbs (one had holes where you would sit), tons of Mountain Dew, etc. He was not broke, as I knew, so I didn’t understand why he had everything that was pretty much garbage.
I went to his bathroom to take a shower and you could tell that he had not cleaned it in the three years that he had lived there. I was completely grossed out and out of there.
25. Eyes Only On Me
He had already shown very jealous tendencies and had smacked me over the head because he thought I was looking at a guy. So, our relationship wasn't good already. One day, we were outside of his friend’s house and his friend asked how I was doing. He got mad at me for answering his own friend. I just got in my car and drove away.
26. Hungry For More
I start dating a girl who does this to me not only on the first date but several afterward. Initially, I assume she overestimates our appetites. On our first date, when we meet at the restaurant-bar, she suggests some appetizers which I was all for because this place makes great ones, but they are big. She picks about 4 appetizers.
I like them so I say, "Sure". Then the bartender asks if we want a main course too. She immediately orders a steak dinner. I am hesitant but still order fish and chips so as not to make her feel gluttonous. So, the big appetizers come out; we are sharing them and talking. After about twenty minutes, I'm full already and we haven't even put a dent in them.
The server brings the main courses out as she’s nibbling at a blooming onion. She says she’s not hungry anymore. I say, "I'm stuffed". She calls the bartender and asks for takeout boxes. They oblige us. We now have 5 styrofoam boxes stacked beside us in two bags and have another couple of drinks.
We'd been there 1-hour max when she says her mom is expecting her to pick up her five-year-old at 10pm. We had previously discussed the babysitting situation. The bartender asks if we are done and brings back the tab and slaps it down between us. I had gone into this fully expecting to cover whatever the cost of the meal and drinks.
However, she just stares into space as the bartender walks away. I see her going in her handbag and pulling out her phone and hear her saying, "Yes, ok I'll be there shortly. How was he”? To avoid any awkwardness, I reach for the tab. It is around $150 before tip; she's still on the phone glancing at me but not offering anything.
I start filling out the tab and make it for $190, since we had about 4 drinks each as well. He takes the tab and my debit card and returns smiling, thanking us. Having ended her call, she says she's gotta run. She grabs both the to-go bags and asks if I want anything from in there. I wouldn't have minded having my untouched fish and chips but had no idea which box within the bags was which.
So, I told her no. She says, “Thank you. Mikey and I will enjoy these tomorrow". She also thanks me for the date and says she'll call me the next day or that I could call her if I want so we could "do this again or catch a movie". Believe it or not, I actually go on another date with her at a Tiki bar on the beach a week later. She does almost the same thing again. I just shrug my shoulders. I should have noped out right there—but the worst was yet to come.
Then, she says, "Why don't we have the next date at my apartment in a few days”? I, as someone who likes to go out, agreed. On the evening the date at her place, she texted her address. Right as I'm about to leave my place, she calls me and asks if I'd mind stopping by a specific store and grabbing her a specific bottle of red for us and also grab a pack of microwave popcorn for 'Mikey.'
At her place, I go to put the drinks in the fridge and grab one and see the cleanest, emptiest fridge I've ever seen. Except for some juice boxes, there is nothing at all in there. We start watching some movie she picked for her son since it wasn’t his bedtime yet.
She eats most of the popcorn and then suggests ordering Chinese food from one of the more upscale places. I agree, assuming since she had invited me, that she probably was going to get the food she suggested. Eh nope. I end up paying. When the food arrives, she rushes to the door. There was so much food we could have fed five adults.
She makes him a little plate with like an egg roll, etc. He's still watching his movie and we attempt to eat whatever we could. Again, we hardly put a dent in it and into the fridge it goes "for tomorrow". It's about 9pm now and she says goes to put her son to bed in his room. She, later, joins me on the balcony where we take a few puffs and I'm enjoying the buzz.
Then, she hides the bag up in a hanging plant and tells me that her dad pays half the rent and she can't get caught with ashtrays or empty beverage bottles as he has a key and is known to show up at any time. I thought this was odd coming from a 28-year-old independent woman but whatever. 30 minutes later her son is back outside.
She goes to put him to sleep and asks me to wait. I wait a half hour. Then, I open the sliding glass door quietly to get the last of my drinks from the fridge and pass the kid's room. The door is half open, and I hear nothing so I lean in and see that she is passed out on her son’s bed. Her son is sleeping too. Bored and tired, I lay down clothed on the couch, shoes off, and pull this tiny kids’ sheet over me. I didn't want to risk driving after the 6 pack.
The next morning, she wakes me up and apologizes for passing out, surprised that I hadn’t gone home. I told her I didn't want to drive after drinking and assumed she meant it when she asked me to wait for her. She actually has coffee and makes it. We have it out on the balcony again while her son is watching cartoons.
She goes to get another cup and exclaims as she bends down to where she'd been standing the night before. She picks up a pea-sized piece of what she had offered me last night off the carpet, comes back out and, holding the crumb, asks, "How did this get there on the carpet”? I'm confused about why she's asking me and say it may have fallen out when she packed the bowl the previous night.
She hems and haws, acting as though she thinks that I helped myself. I am insulted and tell her I'm no thief. I am about to go and she concedes that she may be wrong and that she sometimes jumps to conclusions. I tell her that she definitely jumped to an insulting conclusion and that I am not impressed with the accusation.
The UNBELIEVABLE next part. I stand up, grab my keys to go when she comes out with, "I thought maybe you and I and Mikey would spend the day at the park today since it's Saturday"! No apology, no thanks for the excessive meals, drinks, and movies. She actually goes from accusing me of theft to saying she thought I'd want to spend the day with her and her kid.
I realized I was dealing with some kind of greedy narcissistic nut and told her, "Enjoy your day". I am noping outta there for good. She follows me to the door and says, "Call me later, babe”? Yeah right! As if that would happen. She texted me saying that she hoped to see me again, and that it was a misunderstanding yet did not apologize.
Before the "Grand Finale" event at the end, we had gone on a few more similar dates, and I noticed that in every bar-restaurant that we went to the staff would grin at her and clearly knew her. This was probably her modus operandi.
27. Carry It Chivalrously
We were at Hot Topic—it was the early 2000s—and I felt something slide into my back pocket as we were browsing. I turned around quickly and realized this wonderful person was trying to take one of those scene girl bow hair clips by slipping it into MY pocket. What was she hoping for? Maybe that I wouldn’t notice, I guess?
28. It’s Just A Little Warm
We were not in a relationship officially, but I had been getting to know a girl in one of my classes back in college, and we were starting to get pretty close. One day before class I was reading an article about Global Warming and she rolled her eyes and said, "Ugh, you don't actually BELIEVE in that stuff, do you”? I don't think I've backed off from getting to know someone so quickly.
29. Head In The Clouds
We were nowhere near a relationship. We just knew each other by sight, I thought, and said hi. However, this girl went from saying hi to me to having everyone at our trade school and their respective home schools convinced that we had been dating for years and, to top it off, I had, apparently, suddenly started cheating on her.
30. Layers Like An Onion
There was not a fully formed relationship for there to be a proper break-up, but I stopped talking to this guy. Why? On one occasion, we were watching Shrek. He, then, wanted to make out while we were still watching Shrek. Like who gets turned on by Shrek?
31. Crossed Wires
I received a message that clearly wasn't meant for me. We just had our first date which went really well. The message was calling me cheap and a slimeball and how I'm on my absolutely last chance to make things right on her upcoming birthday with lots of presents. I replied, "Hi, this is X. We just met and had one date. Was that message for someone else?
She replied pretending to be her 12-year-old sister. Then, apparently, her dad messaged me with how he's told off his younger daughter. I'm out!
32. Punishing You
We had been married for six years. I started out thinking that she just struggled with depression and anxiety sometimes, but things kept escalating. I walked away when she started threatening to stab me in my sleep. We had already tried several couples’ therapists and individual therapists, but she refused to consider medication.
I called her to meet up and try to find some closure, but she cut me off by telling me that I wasn't allowed to leave her, and that, as a punishment, she was sleeping with two other guys. At that point, I just ignored her number and filed for divorce. I hope she's doing well, but I am glad to not be afraid for my life!
33. On A Clock
My brother came to visit me. After I spent the whole day with my girlfriend, it was time to see my brother because we had not seen each other for a long time. We prepared some snacks and were about to start Lord of the Rings because both of us love Lord of the Rings. She called me and started a long conversation on the phone.
I said my brother was waiting for me, and she said that I could not spend my time with anyone else because it belonged to her. It was the last talk between the two of us.
34. A Hairy Situation
He wanted me to grow out my pit and leg hair and texted, called, and emailed me repeatedly about it. It seemed like a pretty silly thing, and I thought that he just had a little special taste. But, after several days of this, my sister said, "Why do you always attract the controlling freaks”? and I finally had a moment of clarity.
35. Sleeping Beauty
My wife did this stupid thing early in our marriage. Her line of nonsense was “I can’t fall asleep if you fall asleep first” which was particularly hateful because I don’t snore while she sounds like a chainsaw copulating with a dirt bike. I basically had to threaten to sleep in a different room to get it to stop.
I still, generally, fall asleep after her out of habit but if I’m especially tired and pass out you should leave me well alone!
36. All Mine
I was going through some stuff in my early twenties and was pretty desperate for any kind of affection, which is the only reason I took a couple weeks to back out of this. The second time I ever met this girl, she told me to delete every other girl's number from my phone—sister included. She then came over to my place, saw I had a full bookshelf, and ridiculed me for being a reader.
In the same breath, she announced that she loved using a specific substance so much and wanted me to try it. I, finally, escaped, but by then she was already sleeping with two of my friends—who are obviously no longer my friends. The good news is, I've now been happily married for five years and consider myself so incredibly lucky.
37. Curtailed Celebrations
She came to stay for the first time. It was the night before New Year’s Eve and we were planning to go out drinking for the said New Year’s Eve. I had just worked a 12-hour shift. I am a carpet fitter so I do manual labor. I was, of course, exhausted. After coming over, she had a few drinks and started to get aggressive. The reason? Because I wanted to just relax that night but she wanted to go out for more drinking.
We broke up three days later. My father was an aggressive drinker when I was a kid so I could see how it would go...If you know you're an aggressive drinker, get off the drink, man.
38. Toyed With
He didn't have a car so I'd help him with rides to work. He worked the third shift at Toys R Us where he stocked shelves. I picked him up one night and he was so hammered he could barely stand. I made some comment about how he wasn’t going to be able to work that night. He started throwing things at me in the parking lot.
I threw his things on the ground and left him there. Cut to 5 years later, he is now much better and getting married this year! So good for him!
39. Crush Over
I had a big crush on this guy at work and my mom was very sick and passed very quickly without much notice. We had only learned she was sick about 6 weeks before she passed. At 69, that was too young. We were, of course, devastated. And, when I would talk about how hard it's been, the guy I had a crush on said I was being a buzzkill. Outta here with that. Crush over.
40. Off The Wagon
I had a huge crush on her for a while but never had the opportunity to talk to her given our weird work schedules. Then a friend from work sets us up; I am elated. First date goes really well and we hit it off. We start spending as much time as we can around each other—talking on the phone every night, and all the other special things you do when you're starting a new relationship.
Then she starts coming over more often unannounced. At first, she would stay for a couple nights. This then became a week, then two weeks. Then things got truly dark. I would come home from work and she would be in my house, sometimes hammered. Thing was she had almost been fired for an incident involving drinking before and was lying to them about her life.
She would have a few too many and then go off about her family or how I wasn't taking our two-month relationship "seriously enough". The final straw dropped on Valentine's Day this year. She gets annihilated to the point of not being able to walk on her own. After I refuse her hammered advances, she completely flips out.
What followed was a couple hours of her threatening to drive home in that state and sitting outside so the cold weather would freeze her, laying in my bed and wailing my name till she was hoarse, and alternating between manic laughter and crying. Two days later, once she was clear-headed, I told her to kick rocks. We dated for just around 3 months. Quickest turnaround ever for me in a relationship.
41. Spunky Or Skunky?
I was with this girl who called herself a punk. At one point, she completely stopped showering because, according to her, “punks don’t shower”. To make up for this, she would then put massive amounts of patchouli on herself. The resulting smell was overpowering to the point where I have developed almost a fear of patchouli.
42. Sister Act
The guy came up with the gem, "Not like you're not pretty, but you would be so much more attractive if you looked like [insert his baby sister's name]". To which I said, "you mean 15 years younger (and a minor), 6', blonde, and a size 2”? He said it in front of his friends, and everything went completely silent. You could hear a pin drop.
His best friend punched his arm and told him he was being inconsiderate. I got up and walked out. His sister called later to apologize for him being a terrible guy, and told me his entire family was furious with him. Worst part? He genuinely didn't think he did anything wrong.
43. Gloves Off
Her father recently got into a brawl with a date's teenage kid. I was concerned and asked questions. She then explained how the teen had it coming because they didn't know their place. Feeling confused, I asked her to elaborate again. It turned out that a grown man punched a mentally disabled autistic teen, rather than simply walk away.
I told her that I refuse to date people who are cool with that. She was immediately remorseful, but then defended her father's outburst against a child a few moments later. Do not date people who think that an adult ought to beat mentally disabled children. That is not and never will be acceptable.
44. Great Expectations
I was interested in this woman I used to work with many years ago, and the feeling was mutual. We had gone bowling a couple of times, and we had started talking about potentially dating. She said if we date, "I expect to be taken out at least twice a week, given gifts at least once a week, and we won't be intimate for at least three months". Considering we had almost the same work schedule, I have no idea how she thought I was going to pull any of that off.
45. Looking For the Pre-Ball Cinderella
I was seeing this guy for a couple of weeks, and hadn't met his 2 young kids yet because that was his choice. He tells me that he's fighting for his kids. According to him, the mom took them in the breakup, but doesn't really want them. She is living at her parents' and doesn't have to do anything if she has the kids. So, one night I'm over and he tells me the following:
If we were to get serious, I'd move into his apartment. I'd take care of his kids and clean his apartment while he's at work and he'd expect dinner to be ready when he gets home from work. He told me to think about it for a few days. He said if I couldn't do this, then we could have a purely physical relationship until he met someone else.
Then he would straight up cut me off. Why was he doing this? Because his kids NEED A MOM and they need stability. I hadn't even met his kids! I ended up telling him no and I'm glad I did.
46. Looking For You
Back in my "hound dog" days I met a girl through an acquaintance. We seemed to hit it off. One day I had to work late, it being a last-minute notice kind of thing. When I did get home, later than normal naturally, I found out she had come by my apartment and scratched "where are you" right into my front door!
This was before cell phones, so she couldn't just call, but I grabbed an overnight bag and spent a few days at a buddy’s house. Luckily, I never saw her again.
47. Warnings Galore
There were so many things that should have been red flags but I was too naive to recognize them. They left notes on my car windshield when I was at work/a friend’s house/the store. It seemed sweet, but I realized later that was my SO keeping tabs on me, even when I didn’t say where I was. They let me know how much a hitman cost and that it was “cheaper than you’d expect”.
They would tell me something, and then later say that was a lie or a test, as though I should have figured that out instead of expecting the truth. They expected me to answer every call, and would get angry if I wanted to end the call first. They also complained about my friends and family all the time. All of them. Apparently, everyone I knew was manipulative and/or rude. I didn’t figure out this was an attempt to isolate me until after we broke up.
48. Balancing It Out
It was a couple of little things combined which gave me complete clarity. His birthday was a month before mine. I had planned the entire day from hotel, to visiting a zoo (which was on discount since I had purchased a Groupon coupon), to cake and dinner. A couple of days after that, we were making plans for my birthday.
And, as we were doing this, he found out that the zoo visit was on discount and I hadn’t paid the full price. That's when things went off the rails. He actually took out his phone and started calculating how much I EXACTLY spent on his birthday and told me that since you spent x amount of money on me, I will also be spending the exact same amount and to not expect him to pay anything more.
I thought the whole thing was extremely shallow. It’s not about how much he wanted to spend, but he did the calculation of how much I spent on him right in front of me...which according to me was quite…C.H.E.A.P.
49. Sweet As Lemons
I wouldn't really call it a relationship as it was only 3 dates, but I had met this girl at a wedding. She was a friend of a friend and we shared numbers that night. We texted for a while and then had a date. First date was probably a big red flag, but I shrugged it off. We had connected on Facebook and she noticed that she went to college with a girl I went to high school with.
No big deal, until I found out she had been messaging that girl and asking her all these questions about me in high school—who did I date, what car I drove, etc. Anyway, the third date rolls around. I wasn't really sure how long we would be together so typically I wouldn't have taken her to a really nice restaurant so early in a relationship, but I was in the mood for steak so I took her to a pretty high-end steakhouse.
I have never been more embarrassed by someone's behavior in public in my life, and I have a 6- and 3-year-old at home now. She sent 3 martinis back because they weren't made correctly while being extremely insulting and rude about it. She ordered a medium steak and then got annoyed because she insisted that she had ordered it medium-rare.
Both the waiter and I told her she had ordered medium. She was also making comments about what other women in the restaurant were wearing, and not very subtly. Then, despite me trying to get out of there without buying her dessert, she got a dessert menu and expected them to make her something that they didn't have on the menu.
They had cheesecake and she wanted chocolate cheesecake. So, another outburst at the staff. On the way out the door she made a point to stop and complain to someone loud enough that the other customers could hear. When we got into my car, I was so embarrassed I pretended I had left my credit card on the table so I could go back in.
I gave the waiter an extra twenty dollars and also apologized to him, telling him that I was dumping her as soon as I got to her place. He laughed and told me he wished he could be there to see it. I didn't really give her a chance to say much. She called me a loser and stormed off. I haven’t seen or heard from her since.
His mom wanted to put his socks on for him. And he let her! This fully capable, adult male actually sat there grinning at me quite happily while his 50 something-year-old mother knelt before him as if he was a demigod. She then proceeded to lovingly roll his socks onto each of his feet! Noped outta there? I'm still running!
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