Kids Are Evil: The Messed Up Things People Did When They Were Young

January 24, 2020 | Simon B.

Kids Are Evil: The Messed Up Things People Did When They Were Young

If you need proof that kids can be cruel, just ask your local kindergarten teacher; they know full well how their students can turn from sweet little angels into devils at the drop of a hat. It gets you thinking how you acted as a child, and if you ever caused someone major grief—be it intentional or not. However cringe-worthy our memories may be, we can find solace in these stories, told by regretful adults, of terrible things done by toddler troublemakers.

1. The Corn Holder

I thought it would be a great practical joke to bury a corn holder—small handle with two sharp prongs to hold corn on the cob—pointy side up in my yard and wait for someone to step on it. Of course, being a kid after all, I lost interest after a time and forgot. Sometime later in the summer, while walking barefoot, yes, I stepped on it. Man, that hurt. Learned a valuable lesson about practical jokes.

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2. Search History

I was 12 years old and tried searching everywhere for X-rated material of children of my age because I didn’t like looking at adults. Boy, was I stupid.

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3. Robot

When I was six years old or so, I convinced the girl who lived next door—who was intellectually disabled and a couple years older—that I had built a robot clone of myself. I would go inside and come back out acting like a robot, complete with glitchy speech and movement. Then when I got tired of pretending to be a robot, I would tell her I needed to "recharge" and switch back.

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4. The Pyromaniacs

When I was 11 years old, my friend and I soaked a tennis ball in gasoline and lit it on fire. We put gloves on and tossed it around with another friend. Just cus. We ended up throwing it to him in an arc and he missed the catch; it slid down his chest, leaving a fire gasoline trail on his shirt. He had 1st-degree burns and we really got in trouble for that one.

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5. Our OCD Dad

My dad had bad OCD and made the family miserable because of it. As a teenager on Fridays after school, I would rearrange the furniture in the house, or his precious tools in his workshop/garage and then disappear for the weekend. As an adult, I realize he couldn't control it and he loved us deep down, and I feel guilty about it.

But at the time it was hilarious to me and my siblings and felt good.

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6. The Backstabber

In seventh grade, my best friend asked me if I would go and ask the boy she liked if he liked her and if he would go out with her. I went over and asked him if he liked her, he said no, then I asked if he liked me, he said yes, and then I asked him to be my boyfriend, and he said yes. I had no idea what I was doing was so cruel.

Then I went right back to my friend and told her that he didn't like her, but that he liked me and was now my boyfriend. I don't know why I did that.

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7. Exploding Beers

My parents used to host a lot of parties when I was at the most dangerous age (young teens) for boys. There'd always be a bunch of leftover beer, and my parents refused to drink anything that wasn't their brand, so they'd throw it away. Instead, I'd invite my friends over, and at the end of the night, we'd take all the leftover non-Bud-Light beer, put the cans on the road, and hide in the woods. Cars would run over them and they'd explode.

We stopped after the time our dumb prank almost got us killed. A guy hit some, stopped in the middle of the road, got out of his truck with a huge shotgun, and chased us into the woods for about ten minutes.

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8. The Poop Scoop

I was pretty young when this happened, maybe 13 years old. I was in a hot tub with my friends and I thought I had to pass gas...unfortunately for me, I was wrong. Pooped in my bathing suit, so I casually grabbed it with my hand and while no one was looking, I dropped it behind the hot tub.

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9. Swearing to God

My sister told me that flipping the middle finger was "swearing at God" when I was around five years old, and I thought she meant "swearing TO God," as in it's something you're supposed to do when you made promises. I ended up walking around church with my middle finger up til some kind older teenager finally gently told me to put it away.

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10. A Wild Ride

I dropped a rope out of my second-story window, tied it to a plastic tricycle, asked my neighbor if he wanted to go for a ride, and lifted him up to the window with the help of my brother and sister. Then we dropped him, and caught the rope before he hit the ground. It was stupid, but none of us had parents responsible enough to watch us or teach us anything.

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11. Strange Comic Book

I had a notebook that I proceeded to fill with drawings. Each page was a scene like a comic book. It told the pictorial story of a woman getting pregnant and giving birth with graphic detail (detail according to my seven-year-old understanding of how birth worked).

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12. Leader of the Gang

I did a lot to be honest. I think the biggest were my fights with my brother. We used to fight with screwdrivers and knives, and we both still have visible scars from some of the fights. We've choked each other out several times and just generally always escalated our fights beyond the reasonable for siblings.

I used to also have a small "gang" of kids younger than me. To adults, I was simply the mature kid most of them trusted to watch the kids, and generally, I did. But I also did terrible things that they never knew about. I had them fight each other for my entertainment, steal things from small stores nearby, dumpster dive for treasures for me and fight other kids not in the "gang." They all generally listened to me completely without question and also genuinely loved the chaos and violence they could have while I pretended to be a mature figure.

There was some silly stuff too. My brother and I, when we were really young, would "recreate" the crucifixion of Jesus Christ with each other. One of us would play Jesus and strip to a towel and the other would help pose them on two long pillows shaped into a cross before pulling them off and putting them into a cave of pillows where the Jesus was to dress within and emerge from "reborn." Freaking weird.

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13. A Dangerous Game

My cousin and I were like 7ish or so, and playing upstairs in a room by ourselves. My aunt left her sewing machine in there ready to go. We were fascinated by how fast the needle moved up and down when we stepped on the foot pedal. Then we had the idea to see who could get their finger out of the way before the needle started moving.

He went. Safe. I went. Safe. He went. Blood shot out and screaming commenced.

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14. Paper Trails

I would make animal tails out of paper, tape them to my butt, then pretend I was said animal and run around on all fours, making animal noises. I did NOT turn out to be a furry, however. Once when pretending to be a ring-tailed lemur I pranced straight into a closed glass patio door. Maybe that smacked the furry out of me.


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15. Dinosaurs and Horses

I used to pretend I was a dinosaur or a horse (you pick the phase) and would run around with my hands bent on themselves (like claws/hooves to my six-year-old self) and make noises like said animals, pawing at the ground with my feet. I did this in public places, like bookstores and shopping centers. My brother-in-law recently said when he and my sister would take me on outings that people thought I was developmentally disabled.

He didn't tell me what their response to those people was.

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16. The Silver Quarters

My dad has a massive collection of silver quarters he inherited from his dad. At one point, he counted and put them all in paper rolls. My younger brother took a few rolls, having no idea what they were or what they were worth, and blew all of them in freaking quarter machines. My dad was beyond angry. Why he kept them in a cardboard box in a closet, I don’t know.

Either way, my brother shouldn’t have been going through their stuff and taken them.  My dad keeps them locked up now.

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17. The Pet Poop

I took a dump in a plastic bag and hid it in my closet for...reasons. My parents had to have found it. I went to check on my pet poop one day and it was no longer there. We never spoke of it. They've both passed so I will never know who found it or what happened to it. Life's mysteries. Also, used to stick my wang out between the curtains of my bedroom window after bedtime when I first started getting boners because the risk of being seen was thrilling (I lived on a busy street).

Guess I was a born exhibitionist.

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18. Old Dolls

When I decided I was done playing with my dolls my brother and I hung them on the dartboard and used them for practice. My friends and cousins would come over and we'd shoot darts at the dolls. It was a good time.

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19. Framed in First Grade

When I was in first grade, a girl wouldn’t let me in her club. Then the next morning our teacher took away her sunglasses because she was wearing them during class—but they had no idea that was a freaking criminal mastermind. During recess, I snuck into the classroom and placed the sunglasses in the girl’s desk. Then I told the teacher when we got back that I saw her take her sunglasses back during recess.

My teacher believed me, and the girl denied it. The teacher pushed down her desk and the sunglasses were there. She got in trouble for not only stealing but for lying about it. No one ever found out it was me all along. And that is just one story of why I am not going to heaven!

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20. The Arsonist

In eighth grade, in the fall season, my friends and I were hanging out in this tunnel. It was filled with dry leaves. As we sat on the walls of the tunnel goofing off, I was mindlessly throwing matches into the leaves. I had this weird obsession with fire since I was really young. I was spacing out just staring at the little flames until my friend grabbed me and pointed out how fast it was spreading.

We started stomping on the leaves and the fire just kept rapidly spreading. We looked at the openings of the tunnel and black smoke was just pluming out of both ends. A few other things happened after that but it ended with my friends and I running away. The way our neighborhood worked, we could see the tunnel from my friend’s house without being seen by anyone else.

The tunnel had a massive flame coming out of both ends. I can't believe how bad the fire was. But it was in a remote area, there wasn't anything close to it that it could burn down. Not justifying what I did, because it was extremely reckless, dangerous and destructive. But all things considered, it was pretty harmless and luckily, I never got caught.

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21. The Wrong Train

I was on a family vacation in Europe, at a train station. On the platform, a European man asks me, a 13-year-old little American boy, if this is where the train to Paris will be arriving. I tell him yes. Train to Paris arrives, we get on and find our seats. Suddenly a few people show up and have the same seat numbers as us.

Oops! We had gotten on the 10:50 to southern France somewhere, we want the 10:55 to Paris. My whole family gets off the train. As it pulls away, I make eye contact with the man who asked if the train went to Paris. I hope he had a nice vacation.

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22. The Nice Car

When I was 14 years old, I was at my friend’s house. His dad had a really nice late 60s early 70s Chevelle (I think). My friend and I were sitting there looking at it and talking about it. Being at that age when cars just seemed so cool, I wanted to see the engine. We popped the hood and looked for a while and then slammed the hood and moved on. We had no idea the terrible mistake we'd made.

The hood didn't latch properly, and the next time he drove it the hood flew up and he crashed the car. It was a 30+-year-old car at the time and a complete timepiece. His dad was going through a divorce at the time because his mom cheated on him. So, this guy was just trying to enjoy his nice classic car after his wife cheated on him and it got destroyed.

I still feel freaking terrible about it.

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23. The Predatory Poop

I was at some Amway function at a lake with my parents, I couldn’t have been more than 11 years old. I had to poop and didn’t know where the bathrooms were, so I swam out a little way and pooped. A few minutes later, the tide brought my solidly formed log floating towards the gaggle of us kiddos resulting in many screams and frantic splashing as they tried to escape my predatory poop.

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24. Punching Pals

I used to trade punches with my classmate who is known to be the strongest puncher in my school (friendly body blows only, because being caught with a black eye is a pain in school). We even ranked our other classmates punching strength because of high school hierarchy nonsense. We just had fun that way. Talking about PlayStation games and punching.

The best one I remember was when we accidentally met in college. We just politely excused ourselves from our respective groups, walked calmly toward each other, and then just exchanged punches while smiling like maniacs. We got weird stares. I think if we met today, our muscle memory would still kick in.

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25. Burn Victim

I played poker with a guy who was nicer than nice, such a great guy. He only came once and never saw him again. His face was near melted off. Face melted into chin, little face structure. Barely a nose. As a kid, he was doing dumb things as kids do, and was playing with gasoline and matches. For the rest of his life, he almost never came out of his home.

Nice guy, but apparently his one or two social events every few months was all he could handle mentally; from what we heard from people who knew him better than us. We were very welcoming and asked him to come back but he said no and ghosted us. Felt bad for the guy. All kids do stupid stuff. He had to pay for it the rest of his life.

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26. A Sticky Situation

I poured a bottle of honey on my neighbor’s metal gate after a feud with them. I waited for half a year before they started a feud with another neighbor. On the very next day, I brought a large bottle of honey and poured it onto the metal gate of the house.

Not only it is sticky, it is also full of ants and the ants were at their doorsteps as well as the metal gate. They started fighting with another neighbor whom insisted that they would not do such things. They ended up having to change the entire metal gate. On another hand, I helped them clean up their doorways as well.

They were grateful to me for my deed—but they didn't know that I had masterminded and executed the entire deed without anyone knowing. Not even my parents.

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27. All Access

In 10th grade, I found the password to access everything on all the public network drives. All the individual computers used a program called deep freeze and would load up an image of the OS each time. The messed up thing I did was access random students' essay files on their "private'"storage and randomly added in horrible sentences with profanity in the middle of paragraphs.

I eventually got caught and lost my computer privileges for a while, but they only punished me for installing a game like Scorched Earth on the drive, which I didn't actually do.

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28. Teenage Angst

I remember when the housing crash happened in '07 and it hit our family hard. My dad worked as a specialist carpenter doing really convoluted stair systems and fancy trim/crown molding. Needless to say, there wasn't any demand for high-end, custom homes during that time when the banks clamped down on mortgages. I was just starting my angry, hormonal teenage years, and I was such a jerk to my parents because we couldn't go out to eat as much or go on week-long vacations every year.

Now I need to say that we weren't spoiled; I grew up on a farm and spent a lot of time helping out for most of childhood, so we did "work" for some of the nicer things we would get. My dad was also the only source of income and while we never were rich, we were solidly middle class. I still feel awful for some of things I said. I sounded like a snobby brat.

It hurts even more because I found out my parents had to take a loan out against their house to keep us all afloat because my dad couldn't find enough work. They're perfectly good now, though. If you're younger and still living with your parents; be mindful of the things you say or ask for. They may be under a lot of stress that you don't see.

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29. Brotherly Love

I helped my older brother steal my mom’s pain medication as a really young kid without realizing the significance or really meaning of what I was doing. He convinced me it was all an elaborate game of cat and mouse we were playing. I didn't know he was an addict or even what an addict was. Honestly, I was just ecstatic that the older brother who I looked up to and idolized, as many young boys do—who usually abused me and was being nice to me—thought I was helpful and useful.

I'll never forget the time when I was nine years old and my parents went out to dinner for their anniversary. They left my older brother to watch me at home. Long story short, he had me climb up on the counter and hold the door on the triple padlocked medicine cabinet in place, so the locks didn't bend while he unscrewed the hinges and reached in to grab the bottles of pain medication he wanted.

He stole a handful out of each, put them back, and screwed the door back on. He was super nice to me and was giving me all sorts of positive attention. He went to his room but promised he'd be back in a few minutes. He said we'd sit down together and he'd play my favorite video game with me. I was super excited because I felt like I had made him proud, and I eagerly looked forward to gaming—but I was about to have my heart broken.

He never came out of his room, and I waited for about 45 minutes. I eventually gave up hope that he was coming when my parents came in the door. They were all happy and giddy from a nice dinner and drinks. All it took was one look at the cabinet and my mom knew he'd broken in. She sat me down at the kitchen table and explained what him getting into that cabinet meant and why he wanted in.

She asked me to tell her if I had heard anything while they were gone, and it just washed over me all in an instant that my brother had just used me, and couldn't care less about me. I broke down crying and told her everything about breaking into the cabinet and all the other ways he got me to help him. I begged her not to give me to the old guy who liked little boys, as my older brother convinced me she would if she ever caught us to ensure I'd stay quiet.

The look on her face was haunting when she heard me say that. She asked where I got that idea, so I explained and she was mortified—but she assured me I was safe and she would never get rid of me, especially in such a horrible way. She told me to go to my room and listen to my Nickelback CD I had recently gotten.

I had the music on full blast, but it didn't stop me from hearing the screaming. My mom decided that his presence was no longer safe for me and that she would send him to my biological father across the country. Before he left, he wrote me a note saying how he hated me, how I was worthless, and how I'd broken up the family. It still haunts me to this day.

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30. The Thief

I stole someone's Gameboy game because a friend told me to. In fourth grade or so, I was attending a summer program (for kids who were smart and got good grades in school; remember this) where you could take special classes to learn stuff you normally didn't in school. Medieval history, other languages, building stuff with Legos, film/TV production, etc.

I was in a photography class that year and rode on a bus to the program from 20 miles away. A friend on the bus convinced me to start stealing from the other kids in class. Stupid stuff at first, but then he asked me to steal someone's Pokémon Blue game (this was in the late 90s when this game was HUGE).

This time, the teacher got involved and there was a massive search for it. That should have been the moment I "found" it and was the hero, but no...the stupid kid me decided I wasn't going to get caught. Then the teacher started pulling kids aside to talk, one by one, and I knew I was doomed. He got to me, but somehow I convinced him that I couldn't have possibly stolen the game because my mother was going to take me out to buy it that very day! Somehow, I got away with it and delivered my booty to the bus friend.

I actually wound up going to middle school with him and ran into him in seventh grade, and asked if he still had the game. He did and offered it to me because he no longer played it. I still have it, and every time I see it, I feel bad about the kid I stole it from.

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31. Southern Living

When I was in first to fourth grade, we lived in a real rural area of Georgia. I’m talking three miles down a dirt road, and 15 of the 17 acres of land we had consisted of swamp. For Christmas, I got a BB gun. Got taught all the gun safety stuff, was a good boy and listened. We were allowed to shoot cans, no bottles. Pretty simple.

Well, after a year of becoming highly efficient snipers of Busch beer cans, we needed more out of life. While exploring in the woods we would come across clay jars from time to time. We decided since they weren’t glass, or belonged to my parents, it was fair game. We used Indian artifacts as target practice. No, I had no idea what they were at the time. It was many years later when I remembered it, that it dawned on me.

I saw a lot of weird stuff in that swamp, but I did have another completely naive moment that I just remembered. This was ‘89-’93 time period, Deep South. I remember how silly I thought it was that grown men would dress up as ghosts, ride horses and have torches. I thought it was some weird re-enactment thing. Also, there were no black people out there so I didn’t witness any crime. Most likely some rally type stuff.

It’s amazing how clueless/innocent you can be at that age.

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32. My Brother's Keeper

I used to pee on my brother’s bed in the mornings, so I would get the first crack at video games or TV while he helped clean up “his mess.” I did not pee on my brother, I used to make sure that I was peeing away from him and on top of the covers. This occurred just a couple of times, probably coinciding with some video game we rented for the weekend.

I'm sure my parents were aware something was off about the whole thing but they never let on and now don't recall being suspicious of me. I've told the story to my family and we laugh about it now. My brother doesn't recall wetting the bed at that age. I am sorry for what I did, it was selfish action...but watching him "play video games wrong" was very frustrating as a kid.

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33. Boys Will be Boys

Oh, jeez where to begin. Here's a couple. I once convinced my brother to jump from the second-story window under the pretense of, "You're wearing basketball shoes you'll bounce back up." We had just seen the movie Flubber and thought this was what would happen. Didn't get a chance to find out...because he landed through the soft top of our mom’s car.

We also took a sled off the peak of our house. Smacked into our neighbor’s house. He had to have reconstructive surgery on his cheek and I broke my nose on the back of his head upon impact. We didn't understand the physics of bungee jumping and attempted it off our balcony with just a chain. He dislocated his hip while my anchor didn't hold and I hit the ground.

I honestly don't know how we're alive. Combination of poor parenting and lack of fear/stupidity.

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34. The Vandals

When I was a kid, there were some woods behind our neighborhood that my friends and I loved to play in. One year when we were 13 years old, they were cut down to put in a new neighborhood and we were angry. Once the new McMansions started going up, we would go in and try to sabotage whatever we could. We'd toss entire pallets of drywall from the top floors, rappel down the sides of the houses with coax cable, brake duct pieces and windows, pee all over the place, move ladders and other equipment to distant places.

This went on for months, and I have no idea how we weren't caught, but I remember that I told them we should stop when I heard the vandalism mentioned on the local news.

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35. A Lesson Learned

I was overall not very bad as a kid, but I did once steal some money from my dad. It was a tiny amount but still messed up. Thankfully I got caught and scolded and learned never to steal again. Here I am at 29 years old and I never stole again.

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36. Tile Bandits

Me and two of my best friends at the time were around freshman/sophomore year of high school, and we were exploring some woods/a seemingly abandoned warehouse by my house. In one of the rooms we found hundreds of square roof tiles (at least that’s what we thought they were because they were square and ceramic). The warehouse used to store golf carts and seemed long-abandoned/decrepit, so we proceeded to smash every one of those tiles throwing them all over the place.

I’ll never know if someone went to collect the tiles they were storing, to find them as rubble all over the place. Not really that big a deal I guess but it was probably the most cathartic thing I’ve ever done.

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37. Wasp Seargeant

As a kid, you could say my social skills weren't the best. I wasn't good at socializing, so I didn't. I got worse at it, so I did it even less, and the cycle continued. I just did not like being around people. Anyway, this girl asks me if I could hang out at her house for a few hours. I didn’t want to, but I also didn’t want to hurt her feelings so I agreed to anyways.

It was just a few hours, right? Nope. I get there and after a few minutes she does the whole, "Let’s ask your mom if we can have a sleepover!" I try to find a way to say no without actually saying "I don't want to" (again, didn't want to hurt her feelings), but she called my mom anyways.

She takes me outside so we could play or whatever and that’s when I see it—a wasp. Now that I look back on it, my plan was truly deranged. I decide to go over, aggravate the wasp, and have a "meltdown" when I got stung so her mom would call my mom and take me home (I was kind of young so it wouldn’t have been out of the ordinary to cry and scream at a sting). Kind of felt bad, but it worked.

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38. The Field of Fire

We used to hang out in this wooded spot on the outskirts of our neighborhood. We took an old couch there one summer to sit on. We proceeded to light the couch on fire and the flames got really big. Some trees also caught fire and a giant field burned down. We never said a word to anybody else because the fire contained itself, but it was pretty darn scary for a group of idiot 13-year-olds.

We left before the fire department came.

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39. Baby Bird

This one summer I was somewhere around six years old and playing in the front yard. I stumbled upon a baby bird that had got itself stuck in a crack in between the grass and sidewalk. I loved all animals and was determined to get the bird out and save its life. I had to do it without touching the bird because I heard the momma wouldn't take it back with human scent, so I went looking for something long to push it out.

I ended up finding a fireplace poker in the garage and stabbed it through the baby bird successfully freeing it from the sidewalk crack. My mom had been doing something in the backyard and I proudly ran over to her with this still alive and frantically chirping impaled bird telling her I saved it and not understanding why she is yelling at me to put it down.

Probably one of the earliest memories I can still vividly remember, besides the one time I pooped myself inside the Mcdonald's play place and tried to hide it by smearing my logs around without it being noticed.

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40. The Car Game

We threw a ton of stuff at cars. It was something that my entire neighborhood did. It was passed down from older kids to us, and then to our younger siblings. "You want to go car bombing tonight?" We'd go raid a couple of gardens and go to the field that overlooks Route 7 and have us some fun. I've thrown eggs, tomatoes, squash, zucchini, and even the occasional potato.

The fun was when people chased us. If you knew the town, you knew where it was raining from and you could pull in behind us. You would see the headlights light up the field behind us and then we’d have to run. When the people left their cars, we would split up and make them run. We were complete idiots. It wasn't just teenage boys either. The occasional girl joined in the chucking.

Litchfield County Connecticut. We also threw a ton of stuff at each other but I think that's more common.

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41. All Sorts of Trouble

Where do I start...I would cut up the window blinds for no reason. One day I took a lighter and decided to burn the carpet in the house. Luckily the fire didn’t spread very far. My dad smelled smoke and woke up. Sitting down hurt for a couple days after that. One random day at the park I caught a turtle that wouldn’t come out of its shell so I took a lighter and placed the flame under the shell thinking the heat would force it to come out.

I tried to smoke a Pringle. I picked up one of my uncle’s cigarettes that was still lit off the ground and took a puff. I googled 69 on my aunt’s computer and clicked “I’m feeling lucky” cause my friend told me it would lead to a game site. It went straight to an adult website and the computer was completely taken over by viruses. My uncle who was 19 years old at the time got all the blame even though he swore up and down that it wasn’t him—but of course, I never revealed the dark truth.

Darn, I hope my future kids don’t end up like me as a kid.

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42. Improvised Baseball

I wanted to play baseball in my backyard with my friend. I didn't have a baseball bat or a baseball. My idea of improvising was using a pitchfork and a doll. I had no idea, but what happened next would give me nightmares for years. My friend got impaled in the knee with the pitchfork that I flung with glee after hitting the doll she threw at me. She screamed in pain (obviously), but in fear of getting in trouble, I ran to her and told her to shut up in kid language (covering her mouth like a murderous lunatic kid and saying "shh").

My mom came out anyway to see the commotion. Somehow, I convinced her that all was fine and she went back inside. My friend stumbled home and was promptly taken to the hospital when her parents saw the injury/blood. I was seven years old.

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43. The Special Penny

When I was about eight years old, I found a penny in my mom's darning box—it was still a time when holey socks were darned rather than discarded. I swiped it, and used it to buy a gumball from the machine in front of the local grocery. Many years later, when I was an adult, I once groused to Mom about the trouble I was having in getting my shy and introverted girlfriend to commit to a serious relationship because she wouldn't believe any man could be interested in her for very long. What she told me absolutely broke my heart.

Mom began to tell me about how long it had taken Dad to work through his terminal shyness enough to court her, and how his obvious internal struggle had convinced her right away that he was the one for her. She reminisced that after several months of group and double-dates, he finally worked up the courage to ask her out on their first solo date. And how that night, during a quiet moment he had offered her "a penny for your thoughts."

She had kept that penny, she said, and had stored it in her darning box for many years...until one day it just wasn't there.

Quiet kid FactsShutterstock

44. The Shed

This is a story from of a buddy of mine. When he was around 10 years old, he took a monster poop in the shed of a vacant house on a dare. This was in the middle of a heatwave in a New England summer, so it festered in the closed-up shed in super humid 100°F weather for a week. Turns out the house was on the market.

The realtor was taking a young couple on a tour of it. Our buddy lived across the street, so he kind of spied on them from his living room after he saw the cars there. He says that when they opened up the shed, they fell back from how horrible the stench was. The female half of the couple apparently stormed off in anger.

I'm guessing someone didn't make the sale.

Michelangelo factsShutterstock

45. The Assassin

I tried to poison my mom's boyfriend. I was probably around 11 years old. I had one of those science kits from the Scholastic book fair. I took the citric acid and dumped the whole container into his drink. He sipped it and just said, "this tastes like trash" and dumped it out.

Constantine The Great FactsShutterstock

46. The Laundry Pile

This is probably not as messed up as others, but here goes. My family had a dirty clothes pile. We didn't have a dirty clothes basket or anything like that. We'd pile it near the washer and whenever my mom had time to do it, she'd throw it in the wash. This pile was next to my bedroom door—which gave me an idea that I now realize is absolutely horrifying. Using my stupid kid logic, I decided that instead of walking down the hall to the bathroom, I'd just pee on the pile.

Made perfect sense at the time; the clothes were dirty anyway! My poor mother had to wash really foul-smelling dirty clothes as the pile usually took about three days before it was enough clothes to be washed. I still feel bad about it. Love you Mom!

Weirdest Rule FactsShutterstock

47. Shadow Figure

At the edge of my elementary school playground, there was a fence separating us from some dense woods area. As a joke, I told a couple of my friends I saw a “shadow figure” in the trees—just a person lurking slightly out of view. My friends swore they saw him too and passed on the rumor. More and more kids claimed to have spotted the shadow figure in the woods, they said he had a fedora and a long coat and sometimes they even saw a flash of metal from his knife.

I ACCIDENTLY started mass paranoia amongst the second graders, and I’m willing to bet there’s no knife men in the woods of some Massachusetts suburb.

Messed Up As a Kid FactsPxfuel

Sources: ,

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