Brutal Affairs And How They Began

February 1, 2022 | Eul Basa

Brutal Affairs And How They Began

All cheaters have their reasons for cheating on their partners. While no one should have to endure the emotional pain and trauma of being cheated on, it's hard to deny that most affairs make for some compelling stories—like these gut-wrenching ones.

1. Too Much Info

My father talks in his sleep, and one night, my mom climbed into bed a bit later than him and he started mumbling another girl's name. My mom asked him if he was cheating on her, and in his sleep, he answered yes. The next day, my mom went to the girl's house, since she recognized the name, and asked her if it was true. The girl confirmed it.

That’s when my mom came up with a plan. While my dad was at work, mom packed up all his stuff and canceled their wedding plans. A few days after kicking him out of the house, she found out she was about eight weeks pregnant with me. My father tried to claim she cheated on him and was trying to baby trap him, but the whole family laughed at him when I was born since I clearly resembled him.

20 years later, I get a phone call from my stepmom saying that she was leaving him as well. She'd given him time to tell everyone himself before she started making calls. She caught him receiving texts from some club dancer at 2 am. I blasted him for the disrespect he showed my mom, my stepmom, and his children. But the cherry on top?

I pointed out that the club dancer he was seeing was my age, which made him a predator. We haven't spoken to him in almost 10 years, and he's never met my kids; that is, his grandchildren. Even his parents have cut him out of their lives.

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2. A Hoarder's Secret

I was stuck in a non-physical marriage with a hoarder who didn’t keep up with house repairs. I spent four months drinking bottled water because the well wasn’t safe enough to use. I couldn’t get out because I was 20 kilometers from anywhere and the car that I was given didn’t run. My co-worker usually picked me up for work, or I walked to the closest carpool lot.

I eventually cracked under the stress of loneliness when my coworker told me he found me attractive. Turns out, my ex was really, really closeted. I wasn’t running on all cylinders after all that either. He’s got a roommate now, the house is fixed, I’m still with my co-worker after 10 years. We all get together every so often.

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3. Guilty Conscience

We met at work and we started having fun with my wife. One thing led to another and we started hanging out without her. Thankfully, my wife forgave me and we were able to reconcile. It was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. If you’re considering cheating, let me assure you—you will either get caught or (hopefully) be so consumed with guilt that you will rat yourself out.

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4. The Encourager

She started telling me about relationship troubles. We grew closer over time, sharing our insecurities with one another and whatnot. Eventually, we developed feelings for each other, on which we could not act...but eventually, those feelings became too strong and we caved. It lasted for one and a half years.

I tried not to commit to this new thing we developed, but I could not completely let go and neither could she. She jumped between me and her partner. Eventually, I realized my commitment to her was unhealthy. And I realized (too late) that I didn't want to be the person that made someone else cheat.

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5. Meeting The Husband

We had been talking through Skype at work over nonsense for a while. One day, the conversation started to get a little intimate and we eventually exchanged numbers to continue the conversation. While still at work, we were texting back and forth and she started telling me things that she could never say at work. A little into the conversation, she started flirting. I still didn’t think much of it—and then I got a major surprise. All of a sudden, we were full-out sending dirty texts to one another.

We spoke in explicit detail, going back and forth on the things we’d do to each other. At the end of the day, as we were trying to conclude things, she suggested that I walk her to her car. That was the beginning of an affair that would end up lasting for two years. We’d go to lunch, then find a spot. Once we got off of work, we'd find a spot again, then head home.

If we stayed late, we'd find a spot, and so on. Being a 22-year-old at the time, I thought this was a great deal. She was also 34 and beautiful, so I never questioned anything. We had this friends-with-benefits thing going on and it was great. Where it started getting weird was when she urged us to start getting hotel rooms.

I thought it was because of my roommates, but it turns out she was trying to keep our arrangement top secret as we worked directly with each other. I guess half of the fun was pretending there was nothing going on between us in front of other people. To me, this really seemed like a really hot fling and that was it. Well I was about to get another surprise. You could imagine my shock when she first mentioned her husband to me...

Still, we kept seeing each other as if nothing changed. One day, I asked her to watch my dog while I went out of town and she said sure. We were to meet up after I got off work as I stayed later than she did. I had my roommate bring my dog to work before leaving so we didn’t have to make an extra trip. We agreed to meet in the building, but I saw her car and decided to just walk to her instead.

The car was still running, so I assumed she was in it; but when I knocked on the window, this guy rolled it down from the passenger's side. I knew who he was before he started speaking. It didn’t help that he knew why I was there, either. She had left to go meet me in the lobby and while we waited for her to return, her husband and I had a conversation. He seemed like a really good guy.

I felt sick the entire time. She came up to the car and things got really awkward between me and her. I handed over my dog and we went on with our days. Things ended there, but we never officially ended it or really talked about it; it kind of just stopped. I eventually ended up leaving that job shortly after, but weirdly enough, she still reaches out from time to time even though it’s been years.

How Affairs Start factsPixabay

6. Up In The Air

I wasn’t happy in my marriage. One time, I was traveling for work and I was at dinner with someone else who had traveled to the same location. We were the last two in the restaurant and we were just talking. I asked about her family, and she said her husband was a jerk. One thing led to another, and we started an affair for the next two years.

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7. Unofficial Ex

I was seeing this girl named Sam for four months. I met her while she was working at a bar downtown. We were practically in a relationship, but never really had the “talk.” We went on a bunch of dates together, and she met my co-workers. One day, I was over at her place drinking with her and the roommates, and towards the end of the night, we decided to go into her room to do the deed.

Suddenly. Sam started acting really strange and quiet. I asked her if she wanted to stop and she said yes. Once we both calmed down, I asked her what was up. She was reluctant to tell me anything, so I decided to just give her some space and talk to her about it later. As I was walking to my car that was parked on the street, I ran into a dude at the end of her driveway. I’ll never forget what happened next.

He looked so familiar. I realized as he got closer that he was Sam’s ex-boyfriend who I’d seen pictures of before on her Instagram. As he walked by me, he threatened me, saying that if I ever came back to her place, he'd end my life. I was a bit of a cocky idiot back then, so I replied, "And why the heck shouldn’t I come back?”

He then told me that he was fully aware that I'd been seeing his girlfriend. I then said, “You guys have been broken up since last summer.” He just kept walking past me even as I said that, so I just left. Turns out, the “ex” was right and I’d been helping her cheat on her boyfriend for the last four months. But the most messed-up part?

Her roommates and friends were in on it the whole time. This woman wanted to meet my daughter too! What a close call.

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8. The Other Guy

I met the wife of a guitarist in a relatively famous band from the early 2000s and I was strung along with the "I don't want to be with him" promises. It built me up into a jealous man that I promised I'd never become. It was an absolute trainwreck and the whole thing felt very dirty and degrading. They're not together anymore and she ended up with one of the four guys she was cheating on him with.

She even had a kid with him, but I guess he doesn't know...Or he does, but too much time has passed for him to care. I don't really know him. That entire situation sent me into a spiral of relationship issues that take heavy management. I've been "the other guy" a handful of times, but this one really messed me up for a long time.

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9. No One Compares

I was bartending one night. She walked into the bar and I could immediately tell that she was my perfect type—tall, slender, dark hair—just gorgeous. My first thought was, "Please be single, please be single..." Then she sat down next to her husband. They were married for about six months at that point. He was a Wall Street banker and she was a nurse. I got to talking to them at the bar and we hit it off.

Turns out, I had some mutual friends with her husband and we both grew up near the same suburbs outside of Boston. We also went to the same college, but I was older than him by 10 years. Same sports fans, etc. We eventually became friends; all three of us. They kind of had a strange relationship, and they didn't seem to have more than two or three actual friends.

I was one of them. We would do lots of things together (but nothing intimate). She later became pregnant and I became the godfather to her child. I was written in their will and they told me if they both were to leave this world, they wanted ME to raise their kid. Which makes what happened next so much worse. Over the course of eight years, she and I became close while her husband and I were just cordial. She never cheated on him with me physically—it was more an emotional thing.

He was distant and dismissive of her feelings, so I kind of became the surrogate boyfriend. She and I would go out to dinner or do other things together and he was fine with it. He even suggested I take his wife and kid on a vacation so he could get a break from being a dad. I loved her, but I never crossed the line. I always hoped deep down that she would see I was the better guy. I hoped that maybe someday she would leave him.

During the summer of 2020, she told me she was divorcing him. She said she had enough. I'd heard that before from her, but this time, she said she was serious. I kind of brushed it off. She was hanging out with me much more at that point. She couldn't even stand being in the house with him. This went on for three weeks. Eventually, she had a lawyer lined up, but they didn't start the proceedings yet.

Then, one morning, she was working from home and we got to talking. I couldn’t wait any longer. I finally asked her if she was serious about divorcing him and what she thought her post-divorce life might look like. She suggested that I would be the kind of guy she would want to date. That turned into more talking and soon after that, we started having frank discussions about dating each other after she got divorced.

This went on for about two more weeks. We started to text and FaceTime each other more. Physically, we weren't cheating...but we were headed down that road. One morning, she was over at my place before work and we got to talking some more. I leaned in at one point, and she leaned towards me. We kissed. We were stone-cold sober. It was passionate and really hot.

Then we continued talking some more about life after her divorce. Hearing her speak, it seemed to me like she was at a tipping point. The one thing keeping her from free-falling to the other side was...her kid. She loves him, obviously. He was only six years old at the time and she felt super guilty about divorcing her husband and ruining her son's life.

Also, on paper, her life looked amazing. Together with her husband, they had around $500k in combined income. Their net worth was $3 million. It would be hard for anyone to just walk away from that. I myself do well enough, but I'm just a bartender; not some Wall Street banker. I have always been smart with my money. I even own my own home and saved up $700k in a Roth IRA over the years.

Still, our relationship was growing stronger by the day and we wanted more of each other. Did I feel bad? No. I was under the impression that she was just waiting for the pandemic to end so she could divorce him under better circumstances. I'm sure lots of people like me have heard that. I'd known her for years...she couldn't be lying to me. No way.

But I was wrong. The guilt of what we were doing became too much for her. The "affair" lasted about two months, and we slept with each other only a handful of times. I told her that I didn't want it to just be like that. "Get a divorce. Give me a call." That's how I left it. She texted me a bit and even visited me once in December. We only talked a bit. She even told me then that she still wanted to go through with the divorce. I told her to let me know when it happened.

Then she ghosted me. I sent an email to her around Christmas. Never heard back. I tried calling her office a week later. Went straight to voicemail. I waited. Weeks turned to months. Never heard a peep from her. We live in the same area of town, but I never saw her. I didn't push it, since I figured with the pandemic still raging in 2021 that the divorce would happen by summertime. Then I got news that made my blood run ice cold.

I found out in April that she was pregnant. I never spoke to her after that. I'm not sure if it was planned or if he suspected something was going on between us and intentionally put a "bun in the oven," but that doesn't really matter. It's December now, and while I know it's over, I'm still hurting over it. Again, I genuinely felt that she was leaving him for me.

I now get the anger and hate towards people who are in affairs. But when you are the one in the affair, it's hard to just think, "Oh, I'll find someone else." I have dated my entire life and I never met anyone like her. I'm not sure if I will ever again, and I just want some kind of closure. I want to just hear from her what really happened.

I never thought I would be the type of person to do that. If I was dating hundreds of awesome women, then whatever. But when you are in your mid-40s, the dating pool dwindles down; even for NYC bartenders. Tinder can be rough. You get bot accounts or lots of people who don't even compare to her.

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10. One For The Books

It wasn't "my" affair, but I guess I was still a part of it. This was like 12 years ago. I was 19 and she was 24 and married. They were in the process of getting a divorce, but she sort of failed to tell me they were technically still married. The dude was trying to fix the marriage at the time, but I learned that too late. He eventually found out about me and he was rightfully upset, but he was definitely more upset with her than me.

I straight up told him she wears no ring and that she told me she was recently divorced. I felt like garbage, but she really was incredible. Our affair lasted six months and then I got out of that whole scenario completely.

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11. Marital Prison

This is about "my" affair, in the sense it directly affected me, but I was not actually the person having the affair...We were living in New England at the time. My wife had just started a new job, and I was pretty well entrenched in my career there. We'd just bought our first home five years ago and we loved it. Things seemed to be going really well—we were both earning good money, our house was beautiful, and our relationship was solid...or so I thought.

Then she decided she didn't want to live there anymore. She missed her family and she wanted to go home. She wanted me to be with her, just not there. She told me this via text message while sending me a copy of an offer letter for a new job that she had interviewed for secretly and told me she was accepting. The emotional crisis was suddenly in full swing, and I was blind to the lead-up.

My world was totally rocked. All three legs of my milking stool— marriage, career, and home—suddenly kicked out from under me in the blink of an eye. She was going, and if I wanted to stay married, so was I. That meant having to sell our home, quit my job, find a new one, buy a new home, etc...No small feat. She left at the beginning of winter and she decided that I would live alone until the spring when the housing market started back up.

That way, we could get top dollar for our property and have more of a selection to choose from. I had made it clear that I would only go from one home to another home. Getting the first house was reaching a goal I never thought was possible, and I was reluctant to give it up so quickly and go back to renting. I saw that as an absolute crushing failure. Spring was right around the corner, then BOOM, the pandemic showed up, which slowed my plans to join her.

On top of that, my boss—with whom I had been communicating my struggles from the start—didn't want to lose me, and I was working out a way to have him keep me on as a permanent remote worker. This was a time-consuming HR process which only slowed things down more. All-in-all, we were living apart for about 10 months, while I was riding out the winter, navigating the pandemic, working with my employer to keep my job, selling our house, and buying a new one.

We saw each other almost every weekend, but those visits were often horrible. I was bitter about the entire situation, and she was angry with me over my bitterness. Six months into our new home, she made a disturbing revelation about the time we were apart. She admitted to me that she had an affair that lasted for nearly our entire time apart. He was a former college professor of hers, and they had maintained a friendship via Facebook ever since.

He was significantly older than her and he was recently divorced. He had begun reaching out to her to talk through his troubles, and she, being angry with me, was talking to him in turn. She later met him at a conference in Boston, on his invitation, to hear him speak. After his presentation, they shared a drink, then went back to his room.

They met up once or twice a week for the 10 months we were apart. While I was hugging my wife's pillow in our empty bed, she was hugging him in his. It worked in his favor that he was a psychology professor who had authored papers on manipulation because he told her she was in the right, and that I was an awful husband who should have dropped everyone and everything on a whim if I didn't want this to be happening.

He told her that because I stayed behind to try to save my job and sell our home, I was likely never going to go with her. Their affair ended when he moved away for a new job. He wanted her to join him and start a new life with him, but she refused. But it gets even more devastating. They got intimate with each other one final time...and he got her pregnant (a feat I had been unsuccessful at despite my best efforts). She got rid of the baby and never told him.

One month later, I joined her in a new home that I had bought for us. I often wish she went with him, or at the very least had the courtesy to tell me about the affair before I sold my home, moved to this wasteland that I now live in, and committed myself to a future of what basically amounts to house arrest. I now stay in my tiny home office, all day long, every day, with no coworkers outside of those I see on ZOOM calls, and no friends outside of the people I meet on games...

The one person I do see every day? My wife.

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12. Me, Myself, And I

This was my previous marriage. I caught him constantly seeing other women. We saw a few couples counselors and went to marriage therapy sessions, and one time, someone said something that stuck: "Nobody will ever take care of you, but you. Therefore, nobody will really help you fulfill your self-love as you can, so it’s okay to think about you and be selfish sometimes."

In the context of what he spoke about, it makes sense. It made me realize that my husband will never really do the things I hope. Instead of trying to make him be the person that I want him to be, I chose to be selfish. I found someone else...with my only mistake being that I did so while we were still married.

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13. It's My Turn

I had an emotional affair, though I didn't know what that was at the time. I was in an unhappy relationship, but not ready to admit that I wanted to leave. I started spending time with a co-worker and we became instant best friends. There was no initial attraction; we just had a lot of the same interests and the same friends. We also attended the same social and professional events. As I got to know him, I could hardly believe he was a real person.

He was the best person I'd ever met—funny, kind, gentle, fun, and respectful. Other than spending too much time with me, he never crossed a line. I fell so hard, but I denied it even harder. I started lying about spending time with him, even when we were in a group. There were many opportunities for things to turn physical, and even today, I marvel at our restraint. We didn't become physical or even admit feelings to each other until after I left my ex.

I was angry after spending six years begging my ex to spend time with me or show interest in the things I liked. I had been a dedicated and loyal partner for six years, most of which were long-distance. I moved to a new city with him and supported his dreams, which he achieved... to the detriment of our relationship. I was always a side character in his story. So I left him, and a week later, I began the most magical love story I could have imagined.

I bear the burden of having been dishonest, and I know now that I was wrong. I do regret my lies so much and hurting another person. I wish I had been brave enough to leave earlier; although if I had, things might not have worked out the way they did, and I wouldn't risk what I have now for anything...not even the feelings of my ex.

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14. In Love With A Dancer

I cheated on my wife for a few months with an exotic dancer. I was driving for a rideshare company at the time and I took her home. She took everything she was wearing off in front of me and we hooked up. We eventually saw each other multiple times in the following three or so months. I knew early on that my wife and I were never supposed to be together. We had met and she got pregnant within 90 days.

We tried to move past my infidelity and our relationship lasted almost three years, but nothing had ever gotten better. We were just incompatible. That’s why I cheated. I felt trapped and was nervous about the future, but since I had a child on the way, I couldn’t bring myself to leave because of the societal hate I’d get being a “deadbeat."

This was around six years ago. Maybe a little longer. I regret my decision to this day. If I could turn back the hands of time, I’d still keep my relationship with my son, but I wouldn’t have stayed with his mom. I would have moved on. She didn’t deserve any of what I did to her. I ghosted the dancer after things got too close for comfort. Deleting messages and lying to my wife got more and more difficult as guilt ate me alive.

Shortly after my son was born, someone I was close to told my wife what I was doing and we were never the same. I hope that the dancer is doing well in her life and that she’s happy. My ex and I are close friends now. She’s remarried with a fourth child on the way now. We have both put the past behind us. Her two older kids have a great relationship with me, and my son does too. As far as my actions, I couldn’t ever do that anyone. I was such a jerk to treat her that way.

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15. I Tried My Best

My wife cheated on me. I decided to stay with her and try to work things out. It haunts me to this day. Four years later, I still can't let it go. Our relationship is good—I mean, we don't argue as much as we used to; but every time something goes wrong or she changes her habits, I always think she is cheating on me. It is hard to end the relationship now because I said we would work through it.

I truly believe she is not cheating anymore, but I can't let go of this feeling. It drives me crazy almost every day. If I had to make the decision again, I would have ended the relationship when it happened. It just feels wrong to end it now when I know she is really trying. Love really sucks sometimes.

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16. Gym Crush

I joined a gym. She was my instructor. I fell in love with a healthy lifestyle and being around healthy people. I wasn’t getting that at home with my wife. Anyway, our 16-year anniversary is coming up. I’m also a fitness professional now and have been to the Ironman World Championships, Badwater, Boston, Leadville, and a bunch of other extreme and crazy athletic things. And yes, we got it on at the gym.

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17. And I'll Do It Again

She came on to me. I knew she was married and I struggled with the morality of it, but I ended up caving because I really liked her. Turns out, she was in a bad relationship—nothing physical, just mental—and she'd been considering divorce for several months. We stayed together after she got divorced and ended up getting married ourselves. It's not something I'm overly proud of, but I wouldn't change anything if I had a chance to do it again.

And to pre-empt those who claim "once a cheater, always a cheater," I think that boils down the complexity of humanity far too much. People cheat for a myriad of reasons. In my case, it was a neglectful husband; in some other people's cases, it's just a slow demise of the relationship, and neither wants the hassle of ending it.

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18. Trivial Pursuit

I host trivia. A regular player came most weeks. We got to know each other better with each passing week. Eventually, we started having feelings for one another. We eventually started meeting up at his place every week after trivia before I went home. I completely flew under the radar since I had been hosting trivia for a few years at that point and I was already gone the same night every week.

My husband at the time traveled for work, so we graduated from weekly meetups to daily, either at my place or his, while my husband was away. It's been three years. I still see my affair partner. I am no longer with my husband.

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19. Out You Go

It's simple. My old girlfriend wasn’t doing much for our relationship to grow. She seemed happy with just having a place to stay, but she was contributing zero to the situation or to us. She would come home from work, expect dinner to be there, and just walk off into our room and watch TV. She didn’t want to talk about her day, make plans, or open up to me. All I got were one-liner responses.

She’d get frustrated with me, asking questions about what our plans were or when we’d have a romantic date again. It basically became platonic after the first six months. I was friends with other girls and I started making excuses that I had to work late. Secretly, I was meeting up with some of them. Eventually, one of the girls and I ended up seeing each other as we had a lot of chemistry.

Her personality was much more active and forward thinking. I eventually dropped the news on my girlfriend at the time and told her it was time to end this relationship, as she was doing nothing for me or our situation despite my effort to get something out of her. Of course, she caused a major scene and acted like she was hurt by it.

Truth be told, I felt like she was putting on a show just so she could have a place to stay other than her parents’ house. She was a waitress and occasional bartender, so I covered a lot of the living expenses. I wasn’t having any of her act.

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20. Rock Bottom

My friend was supposed to get married the week following his bachelor party and instead, his wedding became a funeral. No, really. The whole situation messed me up as I was creeping up on 40 and already starting a midlife crisis. I had been with the same person my whole life and we had become friends. I talked to my wife about how I was feeling and she brushed it off as she was busy with her career.

I had a friend die in my arms, and I spent all night drinking and pondering the frailty of life. Then I looked at mine. In a broken state, I made a drastic decision. I decided to get with other people before life got away from me. I made mistakes, hurt people, and lost friends. I don’t have shame around it; instead, I openly tell people about my life decisions in hopes that they can take something away from it.

My ex-wife and I are still good friends. We talk often. It was my path. In the end, we got divorced, and I truly believe this was our path. I blew up my life to find myself in the rubble. I'm a better person for it now.

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21. Good Looking Out

My ex-husband took advantage of me on my birthday, and I was extremely depressed after the incident. I began to realize that his behavior wasn't new and I just accepted that many of his actions in the past were products of his childhood trauma. I had justified it before, but I had still discussed it with him and asked him to change his behavior.

At some point, a co-worker who I'd become friends with noticed that I was extremely depressed and he sort of looked out for me. He struggled with depression and had it really bad in the past, so he knew that something was horribly wrong and began to check in with me every day. He'd also try to do things to cheer me up. Eventually, he confessed that he had feelings for me, and I confessed that I had feelings for him.

Nothing really came of it immediately afterward, and we didn't even talk outside of work (I only started once I had come to a solid decision I wanted a divorce). But my ex considers it an emotional affair and for the most part, I agree. I strongly think, however, that I may have ended myself if he hadn't shown me he cared. Later on, that coworker and I got together, after I'd separated from my ex and both of us got new jobs.

I am now happily divorced and he and I have been together for a year or so. It's the happiest, most uplifting, caring and loving relationship I've ever been in.

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22. Wrong Decisions

I was having issues in my relationship. The girl I was with at the time (let’s call her Mary) said that we might be over because she wanted to be with someone who was religious. I went over to my friend's house to talk it out—her name was Kate and she was a good friend of mine. After talking to her about it for a while she convinced me that Mary would leave me and that there was no point in talking to her about it.

I was pretty upset about it, so she offered to hang out with me to distract me from everything because I really was in love with Mary at the time and wanted so badly for her to be the one. When Kate dropped me off later that night, she kissed me and from that moment, our closeness escalated even more over time. I should’ve said no and just tried to talk to Mary about it.

Kate later apologized for manipulating me, but man, I just should never have given in. It was never about Kate just being better than Mary. I loved her so much but I was convinced I’d lose her.

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23. Love/Hate Story

I haven't had an affair, but I am the product of one. My mom married her first husband back in 1992. She was 22, and he was in his 40s. My mom, when she was younger, was a sucker for tall, dark, and handsome men, and older men, and this guy was both. Anyway, things were fine at first, but eventually, my mom was ready to settle down and start a family.

Her husband wasn't, even though he told her he was. He still went out partying and drinking all the time. About a year after they got married, my mom got pregnant with his baby, but the constant stress and drama of their arguing about his partying and drinking took an absolutely brutal toll. Sadly, she miscarried. Afterward, things continued to get volatile.

Her husband started an affair with a woman they both knew, but he denied it up and down. Then, during one particular argument, he actually pinned my mom to the wall by her throat. She pushed him off of her, screamed and cursed him out, and told him it was the last time he'd ever lay hands on her. A while later, on one fateful night, she met this army guy, who would eventually become my biological father.

They dated for a while, and after several months, my mom got pregnant with me. My biological dad wanted to marry my mom and have her move to Michigan with him, but she didn't want to, so they split. But that’s not the whole truth. The truth is, my mom only had an affair because she wanted to have a baby, and she knew it would never happen with her first husband.

She was upfront with her husband about the whole situation and told him everything. He said he would clean up, love, and raise me as his own. Needless to say, he didn't do that, and my mom took me and left him when I was only a year old. And she worked to take care of me all on her own, until nearly three years later when she met my stepfather. And the story doesn’t end there.

Later, I did meet my biological dad. It was when I was 13. After I spent a week with him and his family, he never talked to me again. That was something he promised my mom he wouldn't do when she was arranging for us to meet.

Affairs factsShutterstock

24. All Lies

I can tell you how my ex-wife’s affair started. A guy she knew was dumped by his girlfriend. He just needed someone to talk to and he confided in her. She told me I “didn’t need to worry about him” because he was fat and older, so she wouldn't be attracted to him. Suddenly, she stopped communicating with me and eventually started lying about being at his house.

I should point out she had cheated on me before, but this was her first affair. It was all really downhill from there. The funny thing is, I remember meeting the guy a couple of years earlier and I thought he was creepy a heck. I didn’t like him one bit. Turns out, that feeling was right. He's a creep.

How Affairs Start factsShutterstock

25. Taking The Blame

I had an affair because I was a jerk who kept making excuses to do what I wanted to do. I didn't realize that the relationship I was in was not healthy at the time and I found another guy to have real, genuine fun with. I was telling myself that it wouldn't hurt anyone if no one found out and that I was just experimenting with being polyamorous.

The reality is that I cheated, plain and simple. It took me a long time after the relationship ended to realize what I had done and I feel terrible about it to this day.

Dodge bulletShutterstock

26. Three Options

I spent more than a decade being completely used by my wife due to my naivete and sheltered upbringing. By the time I figured out it was okay to have my own needs and desires, I had a whole family that was completely dependent on me in every way with no support whatsoever from my wife. Everything you might suggest that I try to improve the relationship, I tried.

Multiple times, too. So I had a choice: 1) Live the rest of my life without my needs being considered and much less met 2) Divorce my wife and basically support her for the next 15 to 20 years, robbing my children of the opportunities I had spent a lifetime working for, or 3) Discreetly get my needs met by someone in the exact same situation.

I chose #3. I know that it's morally wrong. I wrestle with guilt and shame. But in my situation, it was the least bad option I had in my judgment.

Toxic parentsShutterstock

27. Out Of The Blue

My ex had an affair. She ran an in-home daycare. One of the dads of kids was going through a divorce, and my ex, who was my wife at the time, helped him through it more than I knew. One day, she told me that she wanted a divorce. It seemed out of the blue to me...until I saw the two of them together when I followed her to her work one day.

Divorce FactsShutterstock

28. Thank You, Next

I came back from Afghanistan with undiagnosed PTSD. My wife told me to "fix myself," so I did. I found someone who cared for me more than I could ever imagine. I regret the way I went about it, but now I have a three-year-old, a one-year-old, and an amazing 16-year-old stepson. We have all been together for ten years.


29. Craigslist Selection

A lot of people meet on Craigslist for affairs that end up being ongoing. My friend hooked up with a guy on Craigslist who turned out to be married with kids. My friend told him that he wanted to stop because he felt bad for his wife, and his response was: "Why? It's not like you know her personally." So I guess what my friend learned is that the world is full of people who won't think twice about cheating on their wives.

Memorable Overheard Comments FactsShutterstock

30. Girls First

I was the other woman. I ended up befriending him and his wife. She and I went to lunch one day and I spoke with her about open relationships. I told her she should try to date other people outside of her marriage if she wasn't happy...and she did. She left him a few months after I left him. Both of us did so because he treated us so poorly.

Infidelity FactsWikimedia Commons

31. The Switcheroo

They were polyamorous. I was with both of them on a physical level. He eventually became jealous of the connection that she shared with me. He wanted things to go back to platonic friendship, but she ended up leaving him for me. Yikes.

How Affairs Start factsShutterstock

32. Long Road Ahead

My affair resulted from a manic episode within a raging case of undiagnosed bipolar disorder. I felt like I had “so much love to give” that I couldn’t possibly bestow it all upon only one person. I wasn’t sleeping much, so 21 hours a day was open for courting. I pretty much ruined my marriage and my own life.

Life Ruining Secret FactsShutterstock

33. Fighting Temptation

I'm a paramedic. After sending a patient to the hospital, my co-worker and I stayed in the parked ambulance while the rest of the crew went to eat their lunch. We had worked with each other quite often and were quite close. He and I were chilling at the back and we just started talking. He told me, "Isn't it sad that the inside of the ambulance has only seen the loss of life but never the creation of one?" I thought it was a joke—but it was so much more.

I laughed and that's when he did it—he kissed me. I had a boyfriend at the time, but we still kept seeing each other. No matter how undeniable the sparks were, I still feel like a total jerk for giving into my co-worker's temptation.

Doctors how did they happenPexels

34. Young, Wild, Free

My affair started after he told me I was a spineless worm for not standing up to my roommate. So I went and made out with a guy who had been interested in me for a while, then called my boyfriend back. I informed him that he wasn't going to want to visit me the following weekend because I had cheated on him. I lived a wild and wonderful single life for a while after that.

Horrible datesShutterstock

35. The Other Woman

I cheated on my ex not too long ago with a supervisor from work. I never really thought much about her except that she was cute. She invited me to her Halloween party. I was tipsy, but I’m not the type to use that as an excuse. She denies it, but I felt like the whole night was set up for her and me to hook up together. I noticed she kept bumping into me and I finally decided to follow up on my suspicions by subtly rubbing her back.

She kept trying to get some of us to watch a movie. She and I finally did and we didn’t take long to get to her room. We hung out the entire next day together at her place. I fessed up to my girlfriend and after a week or so, I decided to choose my supervisor over her. But there’s one thing that still haunts me. I'm still not sure if I made the wrong choice. Sometimes it still feels like I did...I keep wanting to call my ex because I miss her.

Halloween Stories FactsShutterstock

36. Room Full Of Stars

We worked together and spent many innocent late nights on projects, with oodles of tension between us. She went away for holiday with her husband to Egypt and I put a bunch of dayglo stars on her office ceiling. That blew her mind and somehow, she ended up back at my place. I fell in love...but in the end, she broke my heart.

She's still with him, and her husband still doesn't know she cheated on him with me.

Backstabbing friendShutterstock

37. Finding That Spark

I’ve been the “other woman” more than once. So many married men come to me for carefree adventures and relief. They’re usually more than seven years into their marriage and their wives punish them with a non-physical relationship. I don’t pretend to understand the pain either side feels, but to me, affairs stem from the need for passion and excitement.

Once you resign yourself to having lost being “in love” versus loving someone, a spark is gone. And once you find someone to reignite it, it’s intoxicating.

How Affairs Start factsShutterstock

38. I've Made My Peace

I started flirting with people on Facebook when I didn't get the attention I so desperately needed from my partner at the time. He was actually so inattentive that I fooled around with this one guy almost every afternoon for about three months and he never knew. I was very young and inexperienced, and I know better now.

We are not together anymore—this happened about ten years ago, I don’t even speak to either one of them anymore. It’s not my proudest moment, but I can’t change it. I’ve made peace with the decision and I’m taking it to the grave.

Crazy exesPexels

39. New Beginnings

We met at work. We knew each other for 10 years before we started anything. Both of our marriages fell apart around the same time. There had always been a strong attraction between us and it just came together. We ended up living together for 12 years after that. We bought a house together, helped raise each other's kids, and remained close friends. It was totally the opposite of my first marriage.

Life-Ruining Secret FactsShutterstock

40. No Regrets

My ex-husband cheated on me multiple times. I had resigned myself into thinking this was just how life was. After 11 years, I finally thought to myself, "Let me just see if it’s really me who's void inside or if he's the cause of that empty feeling." I made a profile on a cheating site and within 24 hours, this one guy messaged.

He and I had an instant connection—very similar interests, personalities, backgrounds, etc. I was able to feel things again and I decided I couldn’t live such an empty life. So I asked for a divorce. The guy I had the affair with was amazing and while it didn’t work out romantically, he is still my best friend. We have talked daily for the past two years and I’m currently dating a sweet guy who also gives me the feels.

I will say, in no way do I regret my affair. It was honestly the best thing for me and it helped me get out of my horrible situation.

How Affairs Start factsPixabay

41. Not Once, But Twice

I had been cheated on in two of my past relationships. Both girls left me completely devastated and they each went on to date the guy they cheated on me with. After that, I started seeing relationships as more of a casual thing and I figured my heart wouldn't be broken if I had someone else for when my own relationships inevitably fell apart.

At one point, I was dating two girls and getting intimate with four others at the same time. I know it sounds terrible, but I don't really regret it. It gave me confidence knowing I had a backup plan. I moved to a new city with a clean slate and married the first person I dated there. I never cheated on her, but I also learned not to be too much of a pushover.

Backstabbing friendShutterstock

42. Inside Joke

I'd like to think it started in the cramped lunchroom. With an extremely embarrassing moment. My co-worker needed to get past me and, this being in the morning, I was struggling with...well, that embarrassing thing that happens to guys in the morning. I leaned back as far as I could to make way for her to pass, but we still made unintentional contact with each other as there was no avoiding it.

We laughed it off and went our own ways. Then, seven months later, we had a group meeting and we laughed about our incident. Two weeks after that, we got tipsy and we shared an intimate moment at a party. We got together that night and while it was amazing, I immediately regretted it. All of that happened while I was still with my wife, and she did nothing to deserve that.

Double livesUnsplash

43. Pics Or It Didn't Happen

I was the other guy to a married woman. I won't go into details, but her marriage wasn't that great. We were friends at work and she was always flirty; just her nature. One day, she got piercings and she told me about them. Then she sent me pictures, completely out of the blue, and later showed me in person. It was all downhill from there.

I broke it off after a couple of months because I wasn't comfortable seeing her while she was married.

Revenge Stories factsShutterstock

44. 0/10 Would Not Do Again

I cheated on my girlfriend in college with an old fling when I thought we were breaking up. As time went on, my old fling and I fell even more in love with each other. I got so sick with guilt and anxiety that I had to tell my girlfriend about what I was up to (which, I guess, was even more selfish of me). We tried to work it out and even got married.

Obviously, things didn't go as well after. I'm almost 40 now and I still regret it. I still get anxious about it sometimes. Not worth it. At all.

They Can Never Get Over factsShutterstock

45. Left With No One

I was stuck in a relationship I hated, and I met the other girl in a club. It was awesome initially because the new girl was everything my girlfriend wasn't. She was passionate, fun, and spontaneous. I couldn't see a future with my girlfriend, so I decided to end it with her. I liked the new one too much to not tell her what I did, so I did.

She didn't want to be a part of the emotional baggage, and we parted ways somewhat amicably.

Affairs factsShutterstock

46. A Name Idea

My sister was unwittingly the other woman—and she found out in the worst way possible. It was when she went on vacation with the guy and his wife called his phone. The wife informed her that he was married with four kids. That was bad enough, but to add to the creep factor, his wife had just recently given birth and he named the child after our younger sister!

Karens Behaving Badly FactsShutterstock

47. A Crazy Coincidence

My husband’s affair started shortly after we got married. We lived in an apartment complex and all the mailboxes were in the lobby area. I checked the mail while he was at work like I always did. I opened a card, not paying attention to who it was addressed to. Its contents were shocking. But the front of the card read: “I miss you in the morning, I miss you in the evening…” and the inside of the card read, “…but I especially miss you at night!”

There was also a drawing of a woman in bed wearing a negligée. And it was signed, “I miss you and love you,” with a woman’s name. When I saw it was addressed to my husband, my heart dropped. We had only been married for three months. So I immediately gathered all of his items and threw them into the hallway. He came home and tried to come into the door, but I had the chain lock on it. He was like, “What the heck is going on?”

I said, “Your girlfriend misses you. We’re over and you can go stay with her.” and I opened the door wide enough to throw the card and envelope into the hall. About 15 minutes later, there was a knock at my door. It was my next-door neighbor. I had seen him around, but we hadn’t made formal introductions yet. Well, I was in for an even bigger shock.

I opened the door and my husband was standing down the hallway. The neighbor said, “Hi, you accidentally got my mail today. MY NEIGHBOR HAD THE EXACT FIRST AND LAST NAME AS MY HUSBAND. He said, “My wife has been out of town on a business trip, she sent the card to me.” I said, “Nuh-uh, I don't believe it!” and shut the door on him.

Five minutes later, there was another knock at my door. I looked to see my next-door neighbor again, but this time, he was holding up his driver’s license and the card envelope. His license showed that he has the exact name as my husband, and the card envelope has their apartment number on it.

Their Biggest Workplace Mistakes factsShutterstock

48. Spicy Romance

I was really into reading romantic stories online for my daily self-improvement. I wrote a few myself and would even chat on the discussion boards. There was an older woman in her late 30s with whom I chatted, and I found out she worked near my apartment. We arranged to meet during her lunch break and I went to pick her up.

She was like, "Let's skip lunch and go back to your place." We did this a few times a week for a few months—until I found out the truth about her. She was married. Not happily, but still married. She eventually stopped calling me or messaging me for lunch dates, which was fine because I was not about to arrange any more of them for us anyway.

How Affairs Start factsPixabay

49. Lesson Learned

In high school, I had a girlfriend who was as sweet as can be. I cheated on her with one of the popular girls at my school. I thought it was going to be a new relationship, but I was so wrong. It was just a fling. The popular girl ended up using me and then moved on. I ended up confessing to my girlfriend and her heart was broken.

Her mom yelled at me. I couldn't even talk to her after I broke her down. The feeling of being THAT guy was painful. I hated it and I never want to be that again. Nowadays, I'm too empathetic to betray someone I truly like. Her pain hurt me so much that it is a lesson I will never forget. I have been cheated on since, so I guess that's my karma.

Instead of revenge cheating, I just end the relationship right there.

Embarrassing datesShutterstock

50. Where My Heart Leans

My co-worker introduced me to her single friend, and I eventually married her. But the entire time, I was hiding something. I was more interested in my co-worker. At some point, I let her know that, and we started an affair. It went on for a few years. Hotels, training rooms, quiet rooms, was amazing. But as time went on, I started feeling pretty guilty.

The pandemic ended up coming at a good time because it forced me and my co-worker to separate from each other for a little while. My wife still doesn't know.

How Affairs Start factsShutterstock

Sources: Reddit,

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