A wedding is supposed to be one of the most memorable moments of your life—but these stories might make you think twice about saying "I do".
1. Barefoot With Butterflies… Almost
Some hippie friends of my parents got married when I was about 14, and it was a location wedding at some earthy little mountain getaway in Tennessee. It was outside during mid-August, and in Tennessee, that's like, 90-degree, full humidity weather. But that's okay because since it was so hot, they decided to do it barefoot in a creek.
They had a cage of butterflies to release during the kiss. Romantic, right? WRONG. As it turned out, the butterflies didn’t make it because of the heat! When the big moment came, someone opened the cage dramatically to let them free, and two half-alive butterflies stumbled out and the rest were shriveled up inside.
The hippie bride screamed in horror.
2. No Place For Unrequited Love
The best man at my step-sister’s wedding did this. It happened at the rehearsal the night before. It was a very large wedding, and the rehearsal was bigger than a lot of weddings. The minister was going over the vows quickly while giving instructions on what to do.
When he said something about objections, the best man interrupted, saying he had to put a stop to this. What he said next made our jaws drop. He was in love with the bride and was sure she felt the same way. My sister and everyone else was horrified. It caused plenty of chaos and confusion.
As far as I know, after that, neither the bride nor groom ever spoke to him again.
3. He Went For Nuggets And Never Came Back
I worked at a very high-end golf club in Seattle that regularly hosted expensive weddings. This particular Samoan wedding was probably my favorite. All of the groomsmen were wearing lime green vests with matching lime green snapbacks.
Also, the wedding party was supposed to order food from the restaurant at the golf club, as stated in their contract. NOPE. They ordered Dominoes instead. The pizza guy literally brings these people pizza as they sit in a fancy restaurant. But that was just the tip of the iceberg.
Then, the bride and groom got into an actual brawl right before the ceremony, delaying it a bit until bruises could be covered with makeup. The best part was the live band they hired to play at the reception. They didn't feed them. So, during their first break, the lead singer decided to zoom down the hill to grab some Mcdonald's for the crew.
He got pulled over and was booked for drinking and driving. His one call from behind bars: “I can't play at your wedding anymore, I'm locked up”.
4. Bride Swap
I had a friend who was a minister, and the subject came up if he asked the question during ceremonies he officiated. He laughed and said no way. He basically tells the couple not to include it because it only invites a moment of anxiety at best, misery at worst.
His best story—and one of the reasons he stopped including the question—was a couple where during the lead-up to the wedding, the couple was obviously in love. The bride-to-be was very smiley and happy, but on the day of the wedding, she was stone-faced.
He knew something was up because he had never seen her like that, and he asked if she was OK. She said, “I’m fine”. Right before the service, he asked again, and she again said, “I’m fine”. Then, he got to the question, “Does anyone object to this union?"
The bride reached over, grabbed the maid of honor, shoved her into the bride’s spot, and said, “You’re sleeping with him; you marry him," and then stormed out of the church.
5. Bring Your Own Lawn Chair
The trashiest wedding that I have ever been to was easily my cousin's. It was held at their side yard. They used Styrofoam stuff for the aisle, she was about half an hour late coming out of the house because they had to deal with some critter, and we had to bring our own lawn chairs to sit in.
The ceremony lasted all of four minutes and we just went home. It was bizarre.
6. And Zen They Were Gone
This was in America, and the wedding was in a Buddhist temple. The parents of the groom stood up and objected for the craziest reason. They didn’t believe the bride was of the same class. They spoke in another language, so most of the English-speaking guests didn’t know they were objecting.
My husband was the best man, and those closest to the couple knew this might happen. The Buddhist priest said he would handle it if the parents tried anything. After the parents spoke for a while, the priest said to the groom, “You’ve heard what your parents had to say. What do you want to do?"
The groom replied, “I want to marry my bride," so the priest asked the parents to leave. At that point, the rest of the guests were clueing in that this was not a nice part of the ceremony and that the parents were actually objecting. So, as the parents walked out, some of the guests were berating them, saying things like, “You should be ashamed of yourself,” and “How could you do that?"
And even though the groom was not happy with his parents, that was very hard for him to hear. That was 30 years ago. The couple is still married. They have two beautiful, successful children. After the groom’s mom passed, the groom’s father came around and was involved in their lives until he, too, passed.
7. Cake Smash & Goodie Bags
I went to a wedding that my wife and I said will not last more than two years. The wedding was in the backyard of the bride’s house. They had all the chairs and wedding arch set up outside. They set up a plastic tarp running down the aisle to walk on. Just before the wedding started, there were darkening clouds appearing.
This should have been a sign to move the wedding inside, but they invited too many people to the darn thing. Just as they start the wedding, it began to rain lightly. Then disaster ensued. The father of the bride was walking the bride down the lane and slipped on the wet tarp, and fell on his backside.
The bride was now at the front, and it was raining harder. People started to cover up with whatever they had. Some people started to get up too. The bride turned around and said to all—with more colorful language—“THIS IS MY WEDDING, NO ONE IS GOING TO RUIN IT, YOU BETTER ALL SIT BACK DOWN!"
We all sat back down and the wedding resumed. It was now raining pretty hard. The grass had turned into mud. A few ladies in the crowd and the bridesmaid’s makeup began running down their faces. My wife had taken my jacket to seek cover from the rain. They finished the vows and kissed, and then everyone ran to the house and garage to get out of the rain. Somehow, it gets worse.
Remember how I said the grass was now mud? Yeah, lots of people slipped and fell in the mud on the way to the house. We got to the house, but by then, many people looked terrible from the ruined makeup, muddy clothing, and soaking wet hair. A few of the women had to cover their chests and waists due to wet clothing becoming see-through.
Most of the men were loaning their coats to the ladies to cover up. There were dirty looks all around. The wedding cake was outside, and now brought in. The rain made the decorations on the cake turn all runny and it looked horrible. The bride and groom began to cut the cake and feed each other.
They smashed the cake pieces into each other’s faces and then began a food fight with each other. My friend’s wife got hit in the face with cake and had purple icing on her face and dress. The priest got hit with cake too and had yellow icing on his white robe. There was nothing left of the cake to serve.
Food was then being served still frozen in the middle, and the stuff that was not frozen was burned. The dessert was supposed to be the cake, but as said above, there was nothing left. The worst part about this awful wedding was the goodie bag.
On the way out, guests were given a bag that contained a lollipop, a coupon for an ice cream cone at McDonald's, a pencil with the bride and groom's name on it, and a Halloween size M&Ms. The couple divorced 11 months later when the groom came home from work and found his wife sleeping with two guys.
8. The Black Widow
I was going to my aunt's fourth wedding and pretty much was only there for the free food. It was before the ceremony was about to begin, and my brother and I overheard my uncle—who never got along with my aunt—talking to the groom.
He basically told him, "You're better off running lad. Her past three marriages have all ended up deceased, all due to car crashes. A bit odd that, don't you think?"
The groom thought this was indeed odd and decided to ask me and my brother, two of our cousins, and our other aunt if what my uncle said was true. We told him it was and thought the bride would have told him beforehand. It turned out she never disclosed the fact she had been previously married before.
So the groom, for all intents and purposes, fled the church. Safe to say it was a dramatic day after that.
9. Time To Take Out The Trash
I attended a wedding as a guest of a family member. When the pastor said that, the doors busted open to the sanctuary, and a man appeared as they started to say, "I do”. However, two huge ushers—one who was my date—quickly grabbed the guy before he could say anything other than "Uhhh" under their arms.
They literally lifted him up off the floor and carried him out. The wedding continued as normal. It wasn't until later that we learned the identity of this mystery intruder. It turned out the guy was the ex of the bride. It was the strangest sight I ever saw.
10. A Human-Drawn Carriage
Our nanny’s best friend was getting married. My wife and I were invited because we had previously given the couple a gift certificate to a Bed and Breakfast that we were not going to use, and they thought we should be at their wedding as a thank you.
So, the day came and we decided to go. BIG MISTAKE. We were sitting in a field on a farm on the hottest day of the year—I’m talking high 90s. The bride was going to be transported from the house to the altar by horse-drawn carriage, which was about 2,000 feet away on a graded slanted dirt road.
The signal for the carriage to head over was someone standing behind the seated guests. This person suddenly blasted a 12-gauge firearm as the all go. The horse reared up and freaked out. The handler tried desperately to regain control, but the horse collapsed. After 10 minutes of this going on, we found out the horse had heat stroke and could not pull the carriage.
So, instead of forgoing the carriage, the bride’s dad walked down to the wedding guests—and made a jaw-dropping request. He asked for volunteers to help pull the carriage down to the altar. My wife nudged me and I said: "There is no way I am sticking my toe in that pool of dumb”.
About six people volunteered, including one little person. They all got in place and started to pull the carriage. As gravity and common sense come into play, the downgraded hill started to make the carriage uncontrollable. The people started trying to control the speed, but within 45 seconds, the six guys were holding on for dear life running a full sprint just not to get run over if they let go.
As they were almost in a full sprint—cartoon style where their legs were going a hundred miles an hour—but the cart was going faster.
At this point, the little person’s feet were not even touching the ground, but his legs were still in running motion. The carriage came flying down the road and, incredibly, rolled right into the hay field and stopped about 20 feet from the altar. It was quite literally the funniest thing I had ever seen.
Then to put the icing on the cake, the reception was a dry event because the groom’s family was super religious. It was also a pot-luck dinner. We paid for their cake as our contribution to the potluck. My wife, being the saint she is, spent $600 on it and the groom pushed the bride's face into it like an 8th grader giving a 6th grader a swirly in a bathroom stall, and destroyed the whole thing.
Not one piece was served.
11. The Ghastly Groom Had To Go
When I was a detective with the Child Protection and Offences Unit, we dealt with a case involving a 14-year-old girl who had been accosted by a known adult male. The first disclosure of the incident was made by her AT HIS WEDDING CEREMONY, which she attended uninvited.
When the pastor asked if there were objections, she rose and said yes; she had an objection and said what the groom had done to her a week before. The pastor stopped the proceedings and took the child to an adjacent office, where she repeated the allegation and gave more information.
Shockingly, the bride was still willing to go through with the ceremony, which was concluded while the girl waited in the office. Afterward, the pastor took the girl to the local law enforcement station, where a case was opened and the matter assigned to my unit for investigation.
We took in the groom the next evening at the venue, where he and his friends were partying it up. The bride, of course, was left home alone one day after the wedding. I was taken aback by the courage it took for the girl to attend the wedding ceremony alone, surrounded by the friends and family of the perpetrator, and to make the disclosure to his face in the way she did.
12. I Do, Let’s Drink!
Hands down the worst wedding I've ever been to was when my step-cousin—who was 20 years older than me and married a girl from the grade above me in high school, who I vaguely knew but wasn't friends with.
The pastor went on a ten-minute sermon in the middle of the wedding ceremony about DIVORCE. This was doubly awkward because there were nine parents present due to multiple parental divorces on both sides. The reception was in the basement of a bowling alley where the bride and groom liked to get tipsy on their days off.
They forwent a receiving line after the ceremony and promised to have one at the beginning of the reception instead. But then they were over a half hour late to their own reception, because they had started drinking already. The receiving line never happened and they never visited with their guests.
The entire bridal party showed up at the reception absolutely trashed and continued to drink more. It was freezing cold in the reception hall—which proved helpful only for those who were pounding back beverages and taking off layers. Most of the guests were over the age of 45. So, of course, they proceeded to play hard rock at painful volumes that prevented all conversation.
The wedding cake was cheesecake with frosting on it. It was cut in such a way that it looked like normal cake, so the few clear-headed guests were unpleasantly surprised when they took their first bite—it was not good cheesecake. The bride got so very tipsy that someone tied a balloon to her bustle and she never noticed.
She also had a sobbing fit all over my mother about how glad she was that my mom came. She had never met my mother before. Most people bailed shortly into the reception after the cake was served. It just got messier and messier.
13. Granny Got Some Groove On
I used to work at a fancy stately home as a waitress; most of my shifts were weddings. This guy’s objection was a bit untimely, but what happened after was even better. So the actual wedding happened at a church nearby, and they had the reception with us.
This guy rocks up AFTER the actual ceremony to declare his undying love for the bride and told the groom, and the entire wedding party, that he’d been sleeping with the bride. There were tears and drama, blah, blah, blah. He was obviously chucked out of the wedding.
He’d gotten an invite for the evening only and thought he was coming to object at the actual ceremony. The groom “forgave” the bride and they were both crying and hugging outside. But that wasn't the end of the drama. The party carried on and it was great, until someone overheard the chief bridesmaid talking to her friend about the fact she had also been sleeping with the bride.
This prompted the grandmother of the groom—about 75 years old—to punch the bride in the face. The groom apparently forgave the bride again as they went home together. I’m guessing he knew what she was all about, so he wasn’t really that surprised.
14. How Fitting
I attended a wedding for a friend, where the bride and groom weren't actually very interested in each other. He was very wealthy and she needed financial stability, it didn't matter from whom. And he needed the emotional stability afforded by marriage.
The bride was—and maybe still is—having an affair with someone else, who just so happened to be one of her teachers from high school. The groom knew and didn’t care. They got married anyway and it was awkward because only the friends of the couple knew what was actually going on. But here's the kicker.
The bride specifically requested that the DJ play a song by Panic At The Disco, called: "I Write Sins Not Tragedies”—which is a song about a wedding where the bride is cheating on the groom.
15. A Hillbilly Howler
I have a really weird family. Half of my family—my dad's side—are East Coast WASPs. We're talking tweed jackets, prep schools, taking a drink in the study, riding lessons—the whole kit and caboodle. The other half of my family—my mom's side—are East Texas hillbillies.
I have a cousin who is currently in prison because he tried to hold up the tropical fish store where he worked. They cuffed him when he tried to come in for his next shift. I went to a wedding of a cousin of mine from the hillbilly side.
First off, I never knew the whole "Does anyone object to this union" thing was real. I thought that was something they only did on TV. When the preacher asked that, the bride's mother made some noise and then excused herself, leaving the ceremony.
She didn't say yes or anything, but she definitely made some weird noise at a super inopportune time and then stood up and walked out. My aunt, the groom's mom, took that as a sign of disrespect and left to confront her. Yes, in the middle of her son's wedding vows, she decided to leave to go confront the bride's mother for making a noise.
I'm not proud of these people. The ceremony ended, and the bride and groom were ushered out of the church and into a limo to take them to their reception. Out in the parking lot, my aunt and the bride's mother were locked up like two wrestlers. Then I heard someone shout, "OH, COME ON! Y'ALL JUST QUIT IT!"
I turned around to see my uncle and the bride's father fighting in the foyer of the church, and the preacher was trying to break them up. To the surprise of absolutely no one, that marriage lasted two whole years.
16. Well, That Escalated Quickly.
Being a wedding photographer is awesome. I worked at a wedding where the best man slept with the groom's mother between the meal and the dancing. The groom found out and decked the best man in the face, which broke his hand. The best man drove away and got pulled over for drinking and driving.
17. Canadian Redneck Hoarders
I realize how truly special my Uncle's redneck wedding was. To host the wedding in my uncle's backyard, they had to spend about an hour that morning—though the wedding was planned for months—moving rusted-out car parts out of the way. By "out of the way" I mean, they moved them from the back yard to the front yard, and then covered them with a tarp.
The entire backyard was dotted with massive patches of yellow grass now, but nobody seemed to mind. A yard sale was happening next door simultaneously, which many of the guests made purchases at, including myself. Four bucks for a lava lamp. I couldn't resist.
The inside of the house was so disastrous that none of the adult guests set foot in it. Myself and some of the other younger guests made a game of seeing who could tolerate the stench inside the house the longest. Nobody lasted a full minute. There was literally garbage covering every surface with paths cut through the trash for movement.
The garbage was so high it reached the bottom of the Christmas tree, which was still up in July. They took hoarding to a whole new level. Predicting the state of the house, one of the guest's donations to the "pot-luck" style wedding dinner was a porta-potty.
With God as my witness, this man arranged to have a portable potty brought into the bride and groom's backyard so the other guests wouldn't have to deal with the filth of the house, and nobody objected to that or thought it out of place at all.
Other contributions to the pot-luck dinner included weenies n' beans, slices of bologna with Kraft singles rolled up and stuck with a toothpick as hors d'oeuvres and two buckets of KFC chicken. Most of the bridesmaids had those sitting-walker things, one had an oxygen tank, and all of them were lighting up—one after another.
The grooms all wore their nicest ball caps during the ceremony. The couple was a sight to behold: The bride and groom didn't have a full set of teeth between the two of them.
At one point during the ceremony, the bride's brother gave us all a "special surprise" which consisted of him using some sort of explosives to fire tiny plastic weights tied to Canada flag parachutes into the air. When I asked why he did this I was told: "They're Canada flags," at which point all confusion dissipated.
The dinner and reception were held at the local Legion. Which is essentially a bar for old people, specifically veterans. I’m not sure if other nations have something similar. There were six rascal scooters parked outside the legion when I got there.
The bartender didn't pour drinks, he handed patrons a plastic cup with a shot in it and pointed them at the pop dispenser, while also putting any change from drink orders directly into his tip jar.
Honestly, there was a bunch more weird stuff from that wedding. This is just off the top of my head. I've been to some very nice redneck weddings, but this was not one of them.
18. Unfinished Business
This happened back in the 70s and was shared by the guy who married my parents. It went something like this—"Does anyone object to this union?" "I do! That's my husband!" So they paused the wedding. The bride, groom, and the woman objecting went into a small room.
The woman who objected provided documentation showing the groom was still her husband. Apparently, the couple had started divorce proceedings sometime earlier but never finished. The wedding was canceled, and everyone was sent home.
19. A Backseat Wedding With A Free Kitten
The trashiest wedding that I have ever been to was probably my own. We had planned a lovely event, but when it came time to actually put plans into motion, I realized there was no way my family and his family needed to be within several miles of each other, much less the same venue.
We decided we'd get married, just the two of us and the gentleman responsible for the paperwork. We planned a lovely little picnic-type event at a local duck pond that has a pretty gazebo we could use. Our minister was a dear friend, so we told him to bring his wife and we'd treat them to lunch afterward.
It was the morning of, and we apparently stepped into monsoon season. There was a 20% chance of rain in the forecast that had suddenly turned to 16 inches of rain overnight, with more on the way. We almost couldn't leave our house because the water was so high.
I called our friend and told him to scratch the duck pond idea, and asked that he just meet us in town so nobody gets washed away. Well, we also run a farm so the easiest common ground that we all knew was the local feed store. Hubby and I arrived early, went inside, and bought the feed we needed.
As we came out, our friend arrived and helped hubby load feed into the back of our truck. It was still pouring rain. I heard something and saw a month-old kitten about to get washed into a storm drain so I grabbed it, wrapped it in my jacket, and placed it in the passenger seat of our truck before climbing into our friend's vehicle.
We said our vows, sitting in the backseat, soaking wet and covered in hay and mud, and then we simply went our separate ways afterward. Hubby then learned we had a new cat—whom we named Pumpkinhead. It was a disaster from beginning to end, but somehow it was perfect and we have a heck of a story to tell our son someday.
20. A Thunderous Objection
I used to make wedding videos. I did one at an outdoor wedding spot high on one side of a valley. It had rained earlier in the day, but the storms had cleared, and the wedding could continue. During the vows, I don't touch the camera; I just step back and let it run. So I was spaced out waiting for the vows to finish and noticed a radio tower far across the valley.
Suddenly, lightning hit the radio tower. I had enough time to think, "Boy, when the thunder gets here, it'll probably be loud". I also had enough time to clue in that the minister was saying, "If anyone objects to this union, let him speak now or forever…KEBLAMMMMMMMM!" There was total silence in the venue.
The preacher took a second to look around and make sure everybody was alright, then said, "Well, that's never happened before".
21. A Fool And His Money
The bride ran out to the limo, and her family followed her. I said to the person next to me, “Cold feet?" Her response shocked me. She’s like, “Oh no, I thought this might happen. Her ex is here”. We went outside. He’d apparently come into a lot of money, and he came to the side door in front of the church and said he objected because he’s rich and wants her back.
She paused too long for the groom’s liking, and he said, “[Forget] you both," and the bride ran. Last I saw, they were at the limo with her, and she was crying. I have no idea how it ended, but there was no wedding. We went to the reception, and there was no bridal party. We ate, drank, danced, and left.
22. No Limits
The worst wedding that I have been to is definitely my own. My wife had been married before and had the pretty and 'standard' style ceremony, so she told me our wedding was entirely up to me. This was her mistake.
So, our ceremony started out traditionally enough. I had a friend dressed as a priest, giving the most absolutely droll and boring introduction that he could. After two minutes of this, the actual officiant in the audience put on a luchador mask and walked up to the podium.
He placed the "priest" in a headlock and physically threw him out of the room. He then pulled a smutty comic book out of his pants and proceeded to officiate the wedding from it—I had pasted a pre-written script inside.
I pretended to be aghast, while my best man started playing, I'm Awesome by Spose. Then I revealed that my suit was a tear-away stripper suit, and I was wearing silk suit pajamas underneath, with a t-shirt that read: This Is What Awesome Looks Like.
The scripted ceremony proceeded, with several self-deprecating jokes, including the priest asking my bride: "Do you take this man to be your husband despite... well... everything?"
Yeah, it was classy.
23. Begging For The Bride
We were attending the wedding of my wife's co-worker. When the priest asked, a younger guy stood up, started walking down the aisle, and objected in tears. He was confessing his love for her, and after reaching the couple, he started begging her not to go through with it.
Two of the groomsman and an older gentleman accompanied the younger guy out of the building. Afterward, we found out this was their next-door neighbor who was apparently infatuated with her and, at one point, had been caught several times on their security camera peeping over their privacy fence as she sunbathed in her backyard.
The older gentleman who helped show him out was his deeply embarrassed father. The young man had been in and out of mental health facilities over the last three or four years. It was a sad deal.
24. An Overpass, A Swamp, And A Cross-Eyed Minister
My wedding—if one may call it that—was an extremely small and quick affair under an overpass by a foul body of water. It consisted of my overemotional and violently excited mother, my husband-to-be in his dress uniform, and me in a leather jacket. I was trying to reason with the two of them that this is all rather sudden and we're under an overpass, for God's sake.
My husband-to-be was the mastermind behind all this. He'd flown my mother down as a surprise and hired a local non-denominational minister. And then he chose under the overpass for the charming view of the open water beside it. Nothing good or green lived in that water. It smelled and was stagnant.
I remember staring wearily out at it while I listened to cars passing overhead. It was very, very windy. Did I mention it was night? This was less a joyous union and more the beginning of a Law & Order episode. My mother was doing the foxtrot in her joy over our young love.
The minister was late. When he arrived, I could see he was also wondering why the heck we were all under an overpass in the dark. He came closer, and I got a good glimpse of his face. I couldn't believe it. He was cross-eyed. Now, cross-eyed happens, and I mean no disrespect to the cross-eyed. But merciful Christ.
I was under an overpass, next to a swamp, mother was dancing, my husband-to-be was oblivious to why I seemed disturbed, it was nighttime, trucks were downshifting above me, and now here was the minister looking at all of us at once with ease. And then the minister began to speak.
He was addressing my fiancé whilst simultaneously looking at both me and the water. He wanted his money upfront. That's what the Craigslist ad specified. My mother, God love her, cheerfully volunteered a twenty from her wallet. My fiancé was muttering and paying the minister.
The ceremony started and it was quickly apparent he didn’t know my name, despite introducing myself earlier. He called me Georgie. My name is Jennie. I corrected him politely. He waved his hand in the air as if swatting off flies. I was Georgie for the rest of the event.
My fiancé took my hand. My mother started noisily weeping. The wind really kicked up while the cars rattled overhead. I was straining to hear the minister. It was time for my vows. I actually laughed briefly at this point, but by now it was panic. It was at this moment both myself and the minister forgot how the vows actually go.
I remembered first, so I started the chant, “With this ring”. The minister looked in two directions at once and chanted in reply, “With this ring”. All of this was confusing, so I shoved the ring on my guy’s hand and blurted out the rest furiously. Finally, it was over. The world’s briefest kiss occurred.
My mother was good enough to take pictures…in the dark, with the flash on, and a minister who looked like absolute nightmare fuel. I began to laugh. I laughed a very loud and hysteric laugh that went on for way too long. I had completely lost my mind.
Suddenly, everyone just walked away and we headed to the minister’s car to sign the paperwork on its hood. The minister left and we went to a fast-food restaurant. I continued to laugh awkwardly all night as I dealt with what I had just done.
25. Roasted Before The Reception
I was the best man at my bestie's wedding. Someone that we tolerated in our friend group objected and said he was in love with the bride and that he was the only one who could make her happy. She had been nice regarding his feelings up until then but decided to unleash and remind him of his behavior in front of the entire ceremony.
She said that he couldn't hold down a job because he had too big of an ego. He didn't get along with her friends because they all had something they were working on, and he had nothing, so he constantly tried to downplay their accomplishments on purely presumptuous ideas, and his idea of being intimate was severely lacking.
She was way more thorough and more mean, and it was a hilarious five-minute ordeal. He had it coming for starting something at her wedding. He got up and left. I was pretty sure he was crying as he walked away, but no one went after him. It was both brutal and hilarious.
He was like the Jar Jar Binks of our friend group—you hated him, but he made you feel better because at least you weren't as bad as Peter.
26. They Rick Rolled Us
A guy I knew—who was a pathological liar to the fullest extent—ended up hooking up with a crazy chick from the bar. Unfortunately, he got her pregnant and then decided to marry her. His parents were wealthy, and pretty upset with the ordeal because this chick was completely off her rocker.
They paid for the wedding anyway, and it went as follows. The wedding was in the front yard of a trailer that had a chain-linked fence. They had a plastic altar and cheap metal chairs. It had just rained, so the ground was like quicksand. People everywhere were sinking into the ground.
They rented a Golden Corral chocolate fountain that people kept tripping over and turning it off, resulting in a big ole doodoo looking mountain.
The only bridesmaid was also the DJ, with a fully equipped iPad and some $10 computer speakers that were also sinking into the mud. The iPad kept skipping and barely made it through a full song before she changed it to another. The speakers were cutting in and out constantly.
As they walked down the makeshift aisle of swamp tears, they "Rick Rolled" us—meaning they stopped the typical wedding march song and suddenly played the Rick Astley song, Never Gonna Give You Up. This is typically an internet gnome move.
There was no booze but his mother was loaded and crying, and utterly defeated the entire day. Since then, they had another kid. We bumped into them randomly at a Renn Festival, where he told me she had gone to England for two months or so to meet a dude she met online.
She told him she was leaving him and wanted nothing to do with the two kids, so this was her last time seeing them. Shortly into this nonsense marriage, the lying groom was back to his usual scheming. He created a GoFundMe page claiming that he had cancer. Eventually, it got out that he was lying—of course.
That marriage was doomed from the beginning, but maybe they deserved each other.
27. Pay Or Stay
My friend was the groom, his brother was the best man, and I was the groomsman. The groom walked up the aisle and stood in front of us. Just before “Canon in D” started, his dad came up to him and offered him $10K, and to pay for the wedding and all associated costs if he didn’t marry this woman.
We didn't know he had a problem with the bride-to-be up to that point, so this was all a surprise. The people in the front rows could clearly hear what we were talking about, so it caused a ruckus. My friend definitively said he was marrying her. The best man grabbed the dad and told him to sit down and shut up.
We told the guests not to worry, etc, and the wedding went through, although there was a shouting match in a side room at the reception. Nobody brought up the dad's weird objection after the ceremony, but we groomsmen and the parents were on edge after, so we kept an eye on the dad to make sure there was no more drama.
My friend and his wife divorced three years later in a very amicable split. She wasn't a bad person, the dad just didn't like her for reasons he couldn't articulate.
28. I Would Walk 500 Miles
One of the trashiest weddings I have been to was my own. We had a baby on the way so we changed our plans to save money. We registered a small space in the center of town. Our ceremony was delayed when there was a scare in the building as some dude from another party was out on the window ledge suggesting to jump to his demise.
Afterward, we literally walked up the road to the pub and bought everyone a round of drinks. Then we walked again, across town to a nice restaurant we had booked. We didn't ask for gifts, only asked that people pay for their meals. We bought another round of drinks in the restaurant.
The wedding cake was in the only corner of the restaurant where there was room, so I had to squeeze in behind my bride for the obligatory cake-cutting pictures. All the pictures look like I am bending her over the table and giving her a good seeing to. My parents were dismayed. I thought it was hilarious.
After the meal, we walked again, to the next location—a little church that had been converted into a nightclub. I had my first dance with my wife to some Britney Spears Techno mash-up. People kept buying me shots. I had to carry my exhausted wife, wedding dress and all, piggyback style to the nearest taxi rank to go home.
Her shoes had mangled her feet from the ridiculous amount of walking we had to do over the course of the day. I was comfortably tipsy. Do you know what? I'd do it the same way again. It was a fantastic day, and I was able to take the full two weeks off work when the baby arrived without worrying about money.
29. No One Cared About Grandma’s Grievance
My uncle was getting married. It was a small wedding, just a handful of family and a minister. I was videotaping. My grandmother was not into it at all. With each line spoken by the minister, she had a cutting, sarcastic response. I could not believe it; it was so unlike her.
When that part came up, she said, “I object. But does it really matter? They are going to do it anyway”. The minister just ignored her and proceeded with business as usual. They were divorced within a year.
30. It Was Intentional
My husband and I started planning a wedding—the second for both of us—and realized two things: we didn't want our families anywhere near each other and, we could either have a big wedding or a down payment on a house. We picked the house and decided to fly to Vegas for the wedding.
The one condition I put on getting married in Vegas was that I got to make it look as much like a drunken mistake as possible. So, I wore a yellow backless dress with rhinestones, and he had a white suit with a Hawaiian shirt to match my dress.
We were married at 11 pm on Friday the 13th by an Elvis impersonator. There was also a Dog the Bounty Hunter impersonator and drag queen in attendance. The drag queen cried during the ceremony because we looked so happy.
Also, there were about ten tipsy Oklahomans—all in odd wedding veils, Groucho Marx glasses, or strange hats who wanted to see a "real Vegas wedding"—that just walked in and sat down. Elvis had to restart the band—which was his iPod—three times during my trip down the aisle because it kept cutting out.
We wrote our own vows and referred to each other using inappropriate nicknames during the ceremony. We had an amazing time, the photos are killer, and we're still happily wed. 10/10 would do it again.
31. Lost In Love
Nineteen years ago, I was the best man to a friend of mine. The wedding took place in a church, in a fairly small village in the neighboring country where the bride was born. In the middle of the ceremony, some dude ran in and yelled, “STOP!" Everyone looked at him, and after a few moments of silence, he said, “Sorry, wrong wedding," and ran out.
No one at the wedding knew who he was. After a few minutes, we continued with the ceremony. We still don't know if this was a joke or if he really barged into the wrong wedding. This was the only church in the area, and the next one was about 8–9 miles away. There was also a village that had the same name as the one we were in, about 20 miles away.
32. Wait, What?
I dated a girl in my 20s and I went to her friend’s wedding in upstate New York. In the middle of the service the minister’s cell phone rang. He actually answered it. Oh, and guess who it was?
It was God. And God wanted to talk to the groom. The conversation lasted a couple of minutes, and then the ceremony continued.
33. Disgrace On The High Seas
The wedding was on a boat—no one could leave—and the groom was Jewish, marrying a Mexican Catholic woman. The groom neglected to tell his family it was a full Catholic wedding. BIG MISTAKE.
The groom’s family stood up and pitched a fit when they realized the groom was going to take communion. The uncle who sponsored his bar mitzvah stood up and announced that the groom was a disgrace to the family and walked downstairs. The reception was a circus.
34. The Objection That Spawned A New Tradition
I was the maid of honor for my BFF. One of the groomsmen thought it would be funny to raise an objection. He did not understand that, by law, all proceedings had to be stopped and "investigated," meaning the officiant had to take him aside to question him.
He had the audacity to keep the "joke" going until the officiant said that he would not continue and the wedding would be called off. Both sets of parents and multiple guests also had to be questioned to confirm the objection was uncalled for. It took over an hour. The wedding that was scheduled after was set back 30 minutes.
Their guests started arriving while all this was going on. It was a huge mess, but the dude thought it was hilarious. I clocked him with my fancy-dyed special-for-the-day shoe the minute the (shortened) photoshoot was over. He was asked not to attend the reception.
The bride and groom feared for his safety after I whacked him. They dropped him as a friend immediately. They will celebrate their 30th anniversary this June. This situation also began the new tradition in my family of using Quaker Self-Uniting marriage licenses and having a loved one officiate at the ceremony.
It basically means that the couple is married the moment they and their witnesses sign and mail their license to the municipality. They are already married when the ceremony takes place. The question of an objection is not a part of the ceremony.
35. You Can’t Sit With Us
We went to a wedding for rich French people and we didn't know anyone. Despite costing us major coin, there were two tiers of invitees at this wedding. There were people who got orange juice and peanuts for snack food, and then those who got the real food, like champagne and sandwiches.
The cocktail party was literally on two sides of a courtyard and the people were divided. Those who didn't get the champagne had to stay on the other side. The way they separated their guests based on importance was appalling.
36. They Were Not Prepared For The Australians
I'm Australian and I married an Italian. Our venue offered an open bar including spirits, here in Italy. You can't really get that in Australia without paying an arm and a leg and there is a reason why.
The Italian wedding planners were not prepared for the Australians. My small army of 20 or so friends drank the equivalent of 300+ people. The venue ran out of spirits and the guy who organized it reckons he made a loss.
Until that day, all the Italians thought I was the most unsteady, unhinged person they had ever met. Then they learned I am the quiet one of the group.
37. Nothing To Sneeze At
When the priest asked, "Any objections?" The father of the bride let out the hardest, loudest, most complex-sounding sneeze I've ever heard in my life, completely involuntarily saying, "ACHOOOOOO". The mother of the bride, who was hammered on champagne, yelled, "For [goodness] sake, Jerry!"
It took a good five minutes for everyone to regain their composure.
38. Struck Down By Lightning
When I was a kid, my deeply religious aunt had her wedding at a local church. During the "objecting" part, the unthinkable happened. Lightning struck very near the church. I remember to this day how the thunder that followed was so loud that the fancy windows of the church started rattling.
The timing of the strike was very unfortunate for my uncle because my aunt took this as a sign of a God objecting to her marriage and called the wedding off on the spot. They married on the same day a year later and this time without "objection from a God". They are still married to this day.
39. Oh, Daddy
I was a guest at a wedding where the Pastor kept saying "Our Heavenly Father, Daddy God" while marrying them. For context, the ceremony was in Hawaii and it was just the couple and the pastor. It was live-streamed on Twitch. The pastor was probably about 25 years old, and he was wearing flip-flops and a lei made of fake flowers.
“Daddy God” became the brunt of many inappropriate jokes after that, among those who watched online.
40. Ooh, Awkward.
At my cousin's wedding, they did the thing where the groom removes the bride's garter and tosses it to all the single guys. I guess none of the guys wanted to be the next one married, because once the groom tossed the garter, no one grabbed it. It just landed on the ground a few feet in front of a crowd of motionless guys.
The groom tossed the garter three times before one guy halfheartedly picked it off the ground. The bride wouldn't look at any of those guys for the rest of the night.
41. Bawling Over The Bride
At our wedding, my mother-in-law cried throughout our whole ceremony and then throughout the picture taking. They weren’t tears of joy. She didn’t object but didn’t approve of me, even though we had dated for four years before getting married. We’ve been together happily for 43 years, and guess who moved in with us last August?
When we looked through our wedding pictures, where she was obviously crying, she said, “I had such a terrible sinus infection”. We laughed and laughed. I’m her favorite daughter-in-law, which is the best revenge.
42. A Last-Minute Change Of Plans
The groom was/is a good friend of mine; I’d known him since 7th-grade middle school. He met this awesome gal, and they were slated to be married in our then-early 30s. Come the wedding day, and it’s almost a high school reunion of sorts. Everyone was stoked to see our grade-school pal get married.
We were all seated outside, waiting for the bride to come out, and a reasonable amount of time went by. People were just carrying on, catching up, etc. The groom went inside to see what was up. More time went on, then some more. I knew in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong.
Then, the groom came back out to address everyone and let us know that, “This isn’t happening today. The bride doesn’t want to go through with it. We’re still together and everything, but now isn’t the time”. Then, he went on to encourage everyone to eat the food since it was already paid for, etc.
Here we are about five years later, and they’re still together but not married. No harm, no foul, I guess.
43. Does He Even Exist, Though?
I was invited to a wedding where the bride had met her fiancé online and NEVER IN REAL LIFE. The first time that they would ever see each other was meant to be at the altar at their wedding. Not surprisingly, the dude never showed up. No one seemed that phased by it though.
They were pretty much like, "Oh yeah bummer, his flight got cancelled. We'll just proceed to the reception!" The weirdest part though? They’re still "dating".
44. This Is Actually Really Sad
My mom's fifth wedding was definitely trashy. It was a BBQ grill out. The preacher showed up and shared a brew with the groom. They sat in lawn chairs and insulted minorities for a bit. Then the groom asked if he could say his vows from said lawn chair. My mom said no.
After the vows we had to grill our own food if we were hungry. The groom pulled out his phone and began looking up football scores. My mom sat at the table alone with the cake. I got the heck out of there.
45. Someone Silenced Seamus
I was at a wedding when I was 19. It was full-out Victorian-style everything. I was a bridesmaid, and the minister said, "Does anyone object to this union?" The bride's father stood up and got the "Yes I" out before the bride's mother whacked him with her walking stick and said, "Seamus, you sit your fat butt down before we have a wedding and a funeral!"
Four hundred people went from complete silence to trying to muffle their laughter while the bride was glaring at her dad. After the ceremony, the parents of the bride, who were VERY Scottish, were standing off to the side. I overheard her mom, who was five feet tall, threatening her very large father.
The dude was easily 6’6” and cowering as his wife went off on him about how that was not funny and that if he had ruined her baby girl's big day, she would have sent him back to his own mother in a box.
46. Plastered Grandma Kept Piping Up
Two girls I knew from college were getting married. Plastered Grandma from down the street—not really anyone's Grandma, but she had that demeanor—started shouting in the middle of dinner that they couldn't do it! She (one of the couple) had a man over! All the time! He stayed all night! She's not "like that"; she likes men! You can't do it!
She got shushed and kept yelling, and finally, the other girl yelled back at her, "THAT'S MY BROTHER WE'RE TRYING TO GET PREGNANT," which shut the whole table down.
So Plastered Grandma took a beat, then said kind of weakly, "Well, that's not how you do it". The girl in question said, "I'm pretty sure it is," and the whole table just cracked up. The tension broke, and we fell down laughing. Every time Plastered Grandma tried to interject, it was just funnier and funnier.
The look on her face when she realized that, yes, this girl was doing the deed with a man, and that was fine and OK, and no one was mad, was just precious. She tried to leave, but she'd driven there with someone, so she just stood outside for ten minutes looking down the road hopefully, like a horse and carriage were going to appear to whisk her off.
My only part in all this was to call her an Uber to get her home. I felt bad for her, and she was putting a damper on things. They did indeed get pregnant within six months or so. There was no drama between the wife and the brother.
47. BYOB: Bring Your Own Bedding
There is one particular wedding that will always stand out for me. And yes, this is all from one wedding.
First of all, the groom changed who his "Best Man" was and didn't tell the original Best Man until the start of the ceremony. That didn’t go over well. Then, the bride and groom asked a guest to bartend the reception AT the reception. But then it escalated from there.
The groom "dirty danced" with his step-mom—full hands on her rear end. People were mortified. Then the bride and groom hauled their wedding party up to do a choreographed dance to Meatloaf's Paradise by the Dashboard Lights, but didn't give them any pre-warning or teach them the dance—that song is eight and a half minutes long, by the way. So, that felt like a never-ending disaster.
And finally, the wedding was at a scenic boarding school campus during the summer. The guests were told dormitories were complementary to stay in. But what they were not told was that there was no bedding provided, or A/C in the building. You can imagine how uncomfortable it was.
The groom later had the nerve to email everyone who stayed in a dorm asking for money.
48. Not Cool, Man
I went to a classmate’s wedding. They were young—maybe around 22 years old. There is apparently a caking tradition in some parts of the country, where when they cut the wedding cake, the couple feed each other a bit and smear each other’s faces with cake, as a joke. The bride had absolutely made it 1000% clear to the groom that she did NOT want to be caked.
He did it anyways, and not just a small smear. He full-on smooshed the whole slice of cake in her face. And he thought it was absolutely hilarious, too. She was stunned initially, then got up with a face full of cake, yelled, “YOU JERK, I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT," and then ran to a back area in the reception.
The groom tried to follow but the bridesmaids and bride’s mother stopped him. So, he sat at the head table awkwardly while half the wedding party rushed off with the bride. She stayed back there for like an hour. They eventually did let him back there to check on her. We could hear her crying and them arguing.
The rest of the reception came to a screeching halt until one of the bride’s aunts emerged and directed the servers to clear the tables and put on some music. They got divorced two years later.
49. The Fairytale Got Flubbed
I was the best man for my wife’s brother when he was getting married. They’re good people, however extremely misguided and insanely disrespectful of everyone else’s time. To provide an example, they were late to their own 300+ guest wedding at a very lavish venue, which shocked none of the immediate family, but still.
We were about 20 minutes into the outdoor ceremony on a very beautiful summer day when a car slowly drove past. The passenger of the car rolled down his window and screamed, “DON’T DO IT," prompting laughter from the majority of the 300+ in attendance, myself included.
A normal couple would have taken this in stride, had a quick laugh, and then moved on. But my brother-in-law and his wife didn’t. They both cried and claimed that their “fairytale day was ruined”. The rest of the night was fairly uneventful, save for some cringey moments.
50. Cross-Country Confusion
There was no religious ceremony, only a signing before a judge and a small party for the closest family and friends. A few days before the appointment at the court, the ex-husband of the bride showed up at said court, arguing that they were still officially married in another country. The venue was already paid for, so they celebrated anyway.
The wedding itself was postponed for a few weeks until an official copy of the foreign divorce sentence could be produced. The reason the court didn't ask for the divorce sentence in the first place was that the national civil registry office was updated with the divorce, but the foreign one wasn't.
51. An Almost-Wedding
I went to a ceremony where the bride showed up almost two hours late to her own wedding. It was in Southern California in an open field, with no water and no shade. The guests were quickly losing patience.
She showed up in her yoga outfit, wanting to get married as is. The groom shut it down. But when she refused to change her clothes, the groom decided to leave her looking stupid. He literally left, and they never got married.
We sat there in the blistering sun for hours for absolutely nothing.
52. Pure Cringe
I went to a wedding where the bride and groom sang their vows to each other. Neither had a singing voice, and their vows were pretty awkward and crazy. The autotune microphones were a terrible idea. Their vow songs shared a chorus and it was awful and they expected the guests to sing along with the chorus.
The vows singing lasted 20 grueling minutes. It was pure cringe.
53. Nana Knew
My grandmother objected to my sister's wedding. My sister was a Florida-based Italian Catholic and a somewhat conservative individual who fell in love with a progressive New York Jew. My nonna said it wouldn't work and it would change one of them, and she was worried about it changing her granddaughter.
My parents managed to get her away from the wedding, and it continued. My sister is now neither Catholic nor conservative, so my nonna was absolutely right.
54. Her MIL Was Fit For A Funeral
At my cousin’s wedding, the groom's mother pulled the nastiest stunt. She came with her two younger daughters dressed in black funeral clothing and sat in the front pews bawling it out. She went away for a few hours, then came back during the reception and told my uncle, "This isn't over".
My uncle was a devout Catholic, but this woman was ultra-Catholic. My cousin was a shy nerd and didn't have a date until college as far as I know. She was constantly accused of being a skank by her mother-in-law, who also demanded a paternity test when my cousin had a kid.
55. Needy Is An Understatement
When I was 11 my cousin got married for the third time. I never really liked her because she was 37 when I was 11, so we didn't have a lot in common, and she was pretty full of herself. The wedding itself was fine, pretty boring but fine. Then we get to the reception.
We were told we had to sit down as soon as we got there. The bride and groom then made a huge dramatic entrance and everyone awkwardly clapped for them as they strutted around the room with actual crowns on their heads. Here’s where it gets weird.
The bride then gets the microphone and hands it to her mom and asks her to say something she loves about the bride. She then tells her mom to pass it on and says she wants EVERYONE in the room to say one thing they absolutely love about the bride. Not the bride and groom, or their relationship. She just wanted to hear what everyone loved about her, the bride.
It was super awkward. When it became my turn I froze, and then said: “Your eye shadow is pretty”.
56. Maybe He Forgot What He Was Doing
I went to a really cringy wedding ceremony. It was not the groom and bride’s fault. But the pastor marrying them talked about his marriage and his kids for 20 minutes. He was obviously going for something of showing what marriage will be like, but he was talking about how his daughter, Kelsey, learned to walk this way, and his other daughter’s first words were this and that. And that he and his wife make love throughout the house because that’s what you do when in love, and so on.
The poor bride and groom had to stand there holding hands for 20 minutes right in front of him as the other 150 of us had to listen about his love life and his kids.
57. Protesting Peacocks
My husband and I got married at a local park where peacocks roamed the grounds. Like a script from a movie, when the officiant asked if there were objections, the peacocks all started vocalizing from the trees. It was wild and hilarious. We got married despite the clear avian disagreement and have been happily married for 15 years. Take that, ya dumb birds!
58. Security, Get Her Outta Here!
I went to a co-worker’s wedding. She had cut all ties with her mother at around age 10 when her mom left the family to “experience life that she couldn’t with the tie downs of family life”. My co-worker hired extra security to check invitations at the door to make sure that you were actually invited because they had a feeling Mom would try and show up.
Her mother had heard through the grapevine where the wedding was being held and did try to attend. When security barred her at the door from entering the event center, she objected in the pettiest way. She stood just outside the chain-link fence outside the lawns where the wedding was held and yelled throughout the entire ceremony.
Everyone did their best to ignore her, but the fences were only 10 feet from where we were all sitting. Security tried to tell her to move along, but she wasn’t on the resort property, so they couldn’t really do anything besides calling the authorities and asking for her to be removed. Officers showed up just as we were starting to go back inside for the reception.
59. How Much Is Too Much?
Some friends of mine went all out for the theme of their wedding. They were inspired by the apple orchard they bought after leaving the city to live a simpler life, and really doubled down on the apple theme.
Apples everywhere: on the tables, in baskets all around the venue, on the podium where they got married. They had pictures of apples hanging everywhere and small fake trees with apples tossed under them.
The dude marrying them had an apple tie on, and there were apples somehow incorporated into every dish for the reception dinner. You guessed it, the cake was shaped like an apple. It was really absolutely bizarre.
They sold the orchard a couple of years later because they had no idea what they were doing. But it’s all anyone can remember about them so they continue to get asked how their apple orchard is doing.
60. He Understood The Assignment
I was the best man at my good friend’s wedding. They married young after she fell pregnant. It wasn’t planned, but they clearly loved each other and it was the right thing for them to do in their eyes.
Anyway, come the wedding day, I’m sat next to the bride’s father at the reception and I can see he’s looking at his prepared speech repeatedly. My stomach drops. I can see phrases like "not ideal," "would’ve preferred not to welcome you into the family in these circumstances," etc.
Just before the groom gets up to give a speech, the bride’s father excuses himself to nip to the loo leaving his speech behind. As the best man, I’m not ashamed to say I swiped it and then pleaded ignorance when he returned. In the end, he stood up and muttered a few words about love and then sat down.
I never told the groom and I’m happy to say they’re still happily married 20 years later.
61. Following The Rules Wrecked The Day
Where I live, it's technically a rule that if someone objects at the wedding, the officiant can't go forward with the wedding until the objection is investigated. This is because common old-timey objections would often be for reasons that would be grounds to invalidate the marriage or make the marriage unlawful. "I object; he's already married!" or "The bride is really the groom's sister", or "The bride is pregnant with my baby".
It would be real soap opera-type stuff, but important information to clear up, especially back in the day when record keeping was a joke, and you could be practically strangers on your wedding day. Nowadays, most people don't object at weddings, and when it does happen, it's either some disgruntled relative or stalker ex or someone trying to be funny.
I was at a serious wedding. My cousin was the groom, and I was doing some readings during the ceremony. The "speak now or forever hold your peace" part came up, and from the groom's side of the aisle, the groom's smarmy, immature older brother jokingly "objects".
This wasn't a super somber wedding, but it was definitely more of a traditional wedding, and the "joking during the ceremony" thing was definitely not a welcome thing. Unbeknownst to most people, the pastor was pretty old school. He followed the aforementioned "obscure" rule regarding objections, and the wedding stopped.
I thought the groom and his mom were going to kill the older brother. Smoke was coming out of their ears. The bride started crying, and no one in the pews really knew what was going on. The wedding party retreated to their ready rooms, and the bride and groom, his brother, BOTH sets of parents, and the pastor all had a sit down to "clear up" the confusion surrounding the objection.
Everyone in the pews was restless, and the pastor was like, "I understand it was a joke, but the rules state I have to investigate all objections, so I'm sorry this all got interrupted". They all agreed to go back out there and finish the wedding. I honestly thought the bride might have just walked away; she was so upset!
Luckily, most of the guests just laughed it off, and we all went to the reception and got hammered. Not the brother, though. He was sat on by a few of the ushers in a spare room at the church so he couldn't sneak out and leave or, worse, disrupt the ceremony again.
62. The Bride’s Father Had Some Major Putt Downs
A friend of mine attended a wedding where the father of the bride looked miserable while walking his daughter down the aisle. My buddy’s date explained that the dad wasn’t a huge fan of the groom and made the planning process a bit painful.
After the nuptials, Dad stood up to make his obligatory toast—and it was brutal. He said, “I’m just glad Grandma Jane passed and isn’t here to witness this circus. When I woke up this morning, I had two options, go golfing or write this speech. I think you all know which option I chose”.
He raised his glass and sat down.
63. He Ruined Everything
This happened at my niece’s wedding. She told her husband-to-be that she did not want the cake to be smashed in her face. Someone egged him on, so he did it anyway. He full-on shoved the wedding cake in her face and she completely lost it. She never got over it, though. From that point forward, for the rest of the night, she was either in tears or screaming in rage.
The wedding was literally ruined. A lot of people left when it became obvious that it had turned into a horror show. I spent most of the reception outside getting high with various guests young and old, so that was kind of fun. They're still married.
64. Just Keep Smiling, It’s Almost Over
My cousin and his wife are SUPER religious and maybe the two most awkward people I've ever met. At their wedding, they did one of those 'fake out' first dances where it starts with a slow song and then transitions to a dance number with an upbeat song.
Not only is that naturally cringeworthy, the upbeat song was five minutes long and they just kept repeating the same moves over and over for what felt like eternity. Adult beverages were not allowed at the wedding, so there was nothing to dull the pain.
65. Happy Rennie Day
A friend of mine and I had bonded at work over our mutual love of Renaissance festivals, historical fencing, and other general nerd stuff. He and his fiancée were both Rennies, and after they had their much more traditional wedding ceremony, which was out-of-state, they decided to do another at the local Renaissance festival so more of their Rennie friends could make it.
They did it in garb, with a guy dressed like a monk, complete with a tonsure, and asked him to do the objection thing. Another friend of theirs, who was in on the whole thing, was at the back of the ceremony, dressed all in black, and when the question was raised, he objected and proceeded to go on for a good 15–20 seconds about how the groom was a "rake, a scoundrel, and a rapscallion".
It was at this point that, as one, the groom and his groomsmen all drew flintlock pistols and blasted him. The objector stumbled back and collapsed over a hay bale, where he remained for the rest of the ceremony. The groom, holding his pistol up next to his face, swept his gaze across those assembled, smiled in a challenge, and asked, "Anyone else?"
It was 10/10 the most fun wedding I've ever attended, including my own. The groom's party took pictures with the objector afterward, posing with him like a hunting trophy. Much joy was had by all, objector included, for the rest of the day.
66. Objection From Beyond
My mother passed about 15 years ago. Five years later, my dad married my now stepmother. It was an outdoor wedding on a beautiful sunny day. During the spot where they usually ask if anyone objects, a big gust of wind came out of nowhere and knocked over some tables. Afterward, multiple people came to tell me that the wind gust was my mother objecting, which I like to believe was true.
67. It’s All Your Fault
I DJ’d a wedding for a couple that was constantly throwing up red flags as to why I shouldn’t DJ their wedding—for example, asking for a discount in exchange for a positive review; I don’t want your darn fake review.
One of these red flags was when they wanted me to live mix their special dance number. I’m fine with mixing live, it is what I do professionally, but these two were not professional dancers. Honestly, at this point, I can’t even remember what their complaint was.
They did their dance, and although it wasn’t entirely smooth, their family and friends loved it because—get this—their family and friends love them. Immediately after the reception the groom gave me a tip and they both said I did an amazing job.
Cut to the next morning—likely while the bride and groom were still tipsy—the groom emails me with some “constructive criticism” about how I mixed the song for their dance.
A few emails later he starts demanding that I apologize and says that he isn’t going to pay me the balance of what I was owed. He then ghosts me. A few days later, the wedding coordinator contacts me to say that I have to give them a discount because they are so mad at how their first dance went.
These two people, who are not professional dancers, who awkwardly pulled off a terrible first dance with nobody who was present knowing how the dance was “supposed” to look, blamed me for “feeling awkward during their dance”. I just told the coordinator that the bride and groom can keep their money.
68. Let’s Blow This Popsicle Stand
One of the worst weddings I have been to was my cousin’s wedding. The food was really bad. And I mean REALLY bad. Things that were supposed to be warm/hot were ice-cold and completely undercooked.
There was music but nobody was allowed to dance because "we don't want people to dance at our wedding". The dance floor had music and lights but no one was permitted to be on it. We simply had to sit and listen to the music being played.
There were no adult beverages. Not a single drop. It was a completely dry reception—which most people complained about. But the worst thing was the seating arrangement. They didn't plan on families and friends sitting together. I don't know what they were thinking. I was sitting at a table with complete strangers. They even separated our grandparents from each other.
After an hour, my grandmother stood up, walked over to my grandfather and both declared that they were now leaving for the restaurant down the road to have something good to eat and enjoy a real drink. I joined them as well as my parents. It didn't take long for people to notice that our seats were empty.
It was really easy to figure out since nobody was allowed to dance or walk around in general. We quickly got a call from one of my uncles asking where we were at. After we explained why we left he said, "You are right. This is bull," and he said he was joining us. We ended up with 20 guests from the wedding in that small restaurant having a fun evening.
69. A Gift For The Guests
A few months before his wedding, a guy had an uneasy feeling that his soon-to-be wife was cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. He went through with the ceremony so as to not give away his uneasy feeling, but at the reception, he asked everyone to look under their seats and open the envelope that was on the underside of everyone’s chair.
The private investigator had taken photos of her with another guy, and the groom had made copies for all of the reception guests. The guy walked out of the reception and had the marriage annulled.
70. An Early Warning?
I was at a wedding where a hammered guy yelled, "Don’t do it!" Everyone laughed. Then, he yelled it again, and it got a bit awkward, and he was tossed out. Everyone kind of just assumed the guy was trashed and making fun of my friend, the groom. That’s likely still the case, but I don’t know.
Less than four years later, he saw some texts on her phone, catching her for cheating. I don’t think she ever even admitted it, but it honestly would make sense that she had been cheating since their daughter was born before their wedding. The wife turned into a total piece of garbage as it all fell apart.
It was joked that the trashed friend at the wedding was warning the groom.
71. He Took That A Little Too Far
The groom gave a speech thanking everyone for coming that devolved in the span of about two minutes into a straight-up roast of his new brother-in-law. They were friends, and the brother-in-law seemed to take it in good humor, but there's only so much implication of “I'm for sure going to be sleeping with your sister tonight” that you can take before it becomes really cringy.
It didn't help that I barely knew anyone there because I was a plus one, and I was also sitting at the table with elderly relatives who were less than amused.
72. Real Classy
My aunt married her third husband in a Waffle House in Atlanta Georgia. They chose the booth where Kid Rock was once put in handcuffs.
73. Flaunting The Flower Girl
I was attending one of my sisters' weddings, and her spouse's niece was the flower girl, maybe four years old if that. It was scorching hot outside in the full sun in the middle of summer, so she got a little fussy during the ceremony. My sister's mother-in-law, the grandma to the flower girl, was holding her, trying to soothe her and whatnot while the nuptials went on.
My sister and her mother-in-law never had a good relationship. During the "does anyone object as to why these two should not be wed” part, my sister’s MIL straight up shouted, "SHE DOES," and lifted the child up above her as the child was screaming a tantrum. Everyone turned to stare at her in shock, and she carried on as if she hadn’t said anything at all.
I was so embarrassed on my sister’s and her partner’s behalf. The relationship completely changed between the partner and his mother, and it's been very awkward when we are all together. I avoid this woman like the plague at family functions, and when she tries to speak to me, I just say I object and walk away.
She still doesn't understand what she did wrong or why no one wants to talk to her.
74. You’ve Got Competition
My ex's brother, who was maybe eight or nine at the time, interrupted the wedding ceremony to object to his dad marrying his step-mom. It wasn’t because he didn't like his future step-mom or didn't want to lose his dad but for a totally crazy reason.
He objected because HE wanted to marry his future step-mom! Obviously, laughter ensued.
75. A Classless Joke
When my cousin got married to his pregnant girlfriend, the bride’s father carried a double-barreled firearm when he walked her down the aisle.
76. Are All American Weddings Like This?
I went to a wedding in the United States with a friend of mine. This was both the bride and groom’s fourth marriages…to each other. They got married four times and divorced three. They picked a dirty motorcycle bar for their venue—but that’s not where I judge.
They were openly giving young children adult spiked drinks, then laughing at them being tipsy! There was no way I could stay to be a part of this, so I asked my friend if I could leave. At the same time, the bride pulled a blade out of her bosom and tried to attack the groom for cheating with a woman while they were divorced.
I’m not sure if this is common in the US, but that’s not typically what happens at weddings where I am from.
77. The Baby Doth Protest
My aunt was getting married to her second husband, and during the "speak now or forever hold your peace" bit, their baby started crying. The dude officiating it said, "If anyone older than six months has any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace". He got a laugh, and the wedding carried on.
They're still together ten years later, so I guess whatever my cousin had to say was misguided.
78. Don’t Mess With Nonna
I went to a Catholic wedding where, when the priest asked this question, one of the groomsmen did a VERY loud and long throat clearing, which got everyone laughing. That is, everyone except for the bride's elderly Italian grandmother, who marched out of her seat and angrily hit the groomsman with her handbag and shouted at him in Italian!
79. Oh Em Gee, Should We Get Married?
One of the weddings I went to was the bride's third wedding. There was no bar or toast at the reception because she wasn't 21 yet.
80. He Couldn’t Wait For One More Second
I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness, it's a cult. Dating is only allowed to find a marriage partner and was very monitored to ensure NO premarital touching occurred.
The worst wedding I’ve been to was a small ceremony, it was literally her family, his family, and my family in her grandma's living room. What made it the worst was the triple-X kiss at the end.
The groom wanted the bride inside his mouth BAD—there was tongue in and out everywhere, saliva, and hot breathing—complete with first-date excited touching. Nobody knew where to look for five minutes.
81. Spreading His Seeds Of Love
At my friend's cousin's wedding, the groom got two other women pregnant a few months before the ceremony. He was a huge jerk, but the bride, as usual, just made excuses for his terrible behavior. However, her sister, the bridesmaid, wasn't above taking matters into her own hands.
She objected and made a really well-rehearsed and cutting takedown of the groom. It was brilliant. She was extremely poignant, but nothing voided the marriage, so it carried on.
82. Lock Her Up And Throw Away The Key
My dad was photographing a wedding, and the groom’s mom stood up and said yes. She tried to keep talking, but the reverend just shouted over her and dragged the bride, groom, and both sets of parents into a side room. His mom ranted and raved about how the bride wasn’t good enough, he could do so much better, and asked why he was throwing his life away over some harlot.
Once she ran out of steam, the reverend asked her to step through another door, locked it, and asked if everyone else was happy to continue. The rest of the day went without a hitch, although Mom did end up going to the reception and had a stunned-like face in all the photos.
83. This Isn’t Weird At All
I went to a wedding where the officiant used to date the bride and so he gushed about how wonderful she was during the ceremony. He even told the groom not to worry if he ever passes away because he'd take care of her.
84. Facebook Event Official
Some friends of mine invited all their Facebook friends to their wedding and were actually expecting 700 people to show up. Instead, less than 100 showed up, and they were offended.
85. Left In A Sweat
I attended a wedding where the groom nearly objected himself. He was given an ultimatum to marry her, and up on the altar, when we were waiting for him to say, "I do," it literally took him a minute before he did. You could see his inner dialogue working overtime; he literally started to sweat, etc.
It was obvious he didn't want to go through with it, but eventually, after the most awkward minute of all of our lives, he said, “I do”. They were divorced less than a year later.
86. The Groom Took A Walk On The Wild Side
This took place shortly after the wedding, at the reception. No one could find the groom until they found him out in the limo doing the deed with one of the bridesmaids. The bride went back into the reception, stopped the band, took the microphone, and told everyone there what had just happened.
She named the bridesmaid and said the wedding would be annulled and all gifts would be returned. She totally took charge of the situation.
87. The Trashiest Thing Done At A Wedding
I once attended a ceremony where, instead of throwing rice (or confetti, or sprinkles, or anything like that), the bride and groom asked their friends to save all their empty Juul pods—which is actual trash—and throw those as they walked down the aisle.
The friends happily obliged, and to my surprise, dozens of pieces of garbage were tossed their way.
88. Concession Stand Sammies
I once went to a wedding that was in a public park, which in itself is not an issue at all. But the "reception" was in a small shelter house that was made of cinder blocks and was basically a room attached to two bathrooms…Two public park bathrooms, with all the "atmosphere" you'd expect in such a place.
The wedding was right outside the bathroom, and consisted of the bride's mother ordering us all, while waving her arms like a maniac conductor, to hum "Here Comes the Bride". Strangers were excusing themselves past us to use the facilities.
The reception after was deli sandwiches with Boone's Farm Wine to make toasts, concession style—if you wanted any, you had to pay a dollar.
89. Time To Marry Your Baby Mama
I knew a guy who was the videographer at a wedding where the groom was the one who objected to the wedding. When the priest asked if anyone objected, the groom broke down crying and said that he couldn't go through with the wedding. Oh, but it gets worse.
Apparently, he had gotten an exotic dancer pregnant and felt like he had to marry her instead of the bride. He got pulled into a side room by the officiant, his father, and the father of the bride while everyone else, including the bride, stood around awkwardly.
A few minutes later, the father of the bride came out and told everyone that the ceremony was over and the wedding was off, but that everyone was welcome to go to the reception and enjoy the food. The bride was, understandably, not taking it well.
90. Last Night Came Back To Haunt Her
A close friend of my dad was getting married, and they had just asked if “anyone would object”. Suddenly, someone stood up and said, “I object”. Everyone started laughing because they thought it was a joke, but the person who stood up wasn't kidding. The bride looked terrified.
Apparently, she had an AFFAIR with this person the night before her marriage, and he felt so guilty that he “had to stop the wedding”. The groom was furious and screamed, "We're over," and ran out of the church in tears.
91. Prepare To Gag
I went to a wedding where the bride had planned to sing a song to the groom after she walked down the aisle. The thing was, she was so nervous—the unthinkable happened. She actually threw up before singing her song, right there at the front of the church. Luckily, she'd moved off to the side to sing as they had set up a separate little stage there.
So, she threw up, sang her song—someone ran in and cleaned it up pretty quickly—and then they did the vows. The funny part is we all kind of moved on, and didn't think about it during the ceremony at all—which went really well—until the kiss. Then the whole crowd groaned in unison.
92. The Guests Were Armed
A long time ago, I ran a brewery taproom and was great at it, and I’d often get asked by regulars to bartend festivals, events, weddings, etc.
One summer I was asked relatively last minute to bartend a wedding the upcoming weekend for a pretty run-of-the-mill couple of regulars, which I naturally accepted. It was not at all what I was expecting. Let me paint you a little picture…
So, the day arrives. The ceremony and reception is at a little venue in Montana that's basically a banquet hall in the woods, so I set up at the bar in the back, get everything in order, and grab a seat in the back assuming that the bar would open up after the ceremony. Not so.
As soon as the guests start arriving, the first stop is the bar. Then the gift table. Then back to the bar for another. This being out in the middle of nowhere, I said what the heck and just kept serving. The ceremony starts, and people are still popping up out of their seats to refill.
At this point, I want to slow things down, but my most frequent customers are the fathers of the bride and groom who are clearly drinking their disdain for each other and also happen to be paying for the booze, so my hands are tied.
The ceremony is thankfully pretty short, as it's pretty clear that both the bride and groom have bought tickets for the struggle bus and the rest of the party's joining them. The photographer insists on doing photos right away since it's also obvious to him that the photos aren't going to be getting better the longer he waits.
He lines them up: bride and groom in the middle. Six groomsmen on the right, five bridesmaids on the left. Wait, where's the sixth? It's the bride's unmarried sister. As I said, it's a small venue. Nobody's left. The two bathrooms are open and empty. They find her—but she's gone rogue.
She's under the gift table crying. She's opened every gift and poorly rewrapped them. Cue sibling screaming match. Now the bride's crying. Okay, clean her up and take the darn pictures. Now it's time for the first dance. I can't remember the song, but it wasn't something appropriate for the occasion, which should surprise nobody at this point.
It doesn't matter though, everyone's more enthralled with the bride and groom who are playing tongue soccer and looking like they might start their wedding night early. The song ends, and they're still making out. The next dance is father-bride, mother-groom. Thankfully, and maybe surprisingly, the same thing doesn't happen.
While this dance is going on, the father of the groom does the oh-so-classy pass-the-hat thing where you throw in money for the couple. People are tossing $50s and $100s and, given the crowd, probably some $1s and maybe some change. This dance ends. The hat makes it back to the groom's father. It's empty. Now the chaos really starts.
The groom's family is accusing the bride's family and vice versa. The groom's family is a bunch of no-good cow doers, apparently. And the bride's family is a bunch of out-of-state poop farmers. The groom's brother decides to be proactive and shove a broom through the door handles of the entrance, pulls out the piece that he's somehow kept in his tux, and says nobody's leaving until the money's back in the hat.
The bride's family is also apparently prepared and, most importantly, armed. The standoff continues until they find out that one of the tipsy guests dumped the hat by the dessert table and the cash got kicked underneath. People drink in celebration of finding the money. Except for the bride, who's puking.
At this point, the drinks are basically gone. So, I tell them my time's up and I’ve got to run in order to open the taproom the next morning—they’re closed the next day, but I needed to get out of there.
The bride's father, who's about 6'5" by 6'5", puts his arm around me and hands me a handful of bills. Not sure about the origin of the cash, I politely decline and tell him that I was just tending the bar out of the goodness of my heart. The father tightens his hug, looks me in the eye, and says, "Is there something wrong with my money?"
Nope. No there isn't. I take the money and get out of there as quickly as I can.
93. Mass Objection
My dad’s cousin got married, and we were ready and excited for this question. She was previously engaged to someone else and was rescued by her family. It was nothing dangerous; he was just a jerk that made sure our family knew he thought he was better than us. Years later, she was engaged to an awesome guy who everyone loved.
However, my family is huge into practical jokes. When the question was asked, her two brothers stood up, and everyone looked in disbelief as they announced they had something to say. Then, her uncles and cousins stood up, followed by myself at ten years old, and all the boy cousins in my generation.
Now that every man in her family was standing, her father walked back to stand with her brothers and announced how happy they were that he was joining the family. Everyone laughed and cheered, but there was a solid 30 seconds of complete shock and silence. Those 30 seconds felt like an eternity.
My favorite part was that the only five people who actually knew what was happening were her dad, brothers, my dad, and myself. All the other guys just caught on and stood up. My dad was shaking from trying not to break when he saw everyone join in.
94. He Was A Bad Habit To Break
My best friend and I grew somewhat apart during college, then grew closer after college. He fell into a group of friends who were a little wilder than me. After school ended, he was asked by a new friend to be his best man. I knew the guy and his fiance secondhand. He was a bit of an ogre, and she was cute, a bit mousy.
I wasn't at the wedding, but the big day came, and we all went about our lives. It was the 90s, and I worked that Saturday. I went out to our watering hole that night, and there was my best friend, drinking a double in a disheveled tux. I asked him, "Good wedding? How was the reception grub?" His response was wild.
He replied, "No wedding. No reception. I ate dinner at Applebee's by myself". The bride told the limo driver to take her for a few big laps. She eventually showed up, gathered her family around her, and told the groom it was not happening today or ever.
The physical and mental hurt was too much, and she was too far into an addiction that he pushed on her and was going to seek help. The ogre went into a rage, tried to hit her, and got repelled by the better men and women in the crowd. She got herself help and her self-confidence back. She married a great guy a few years later. Her would-be husband kept up his bad habits.
95. Not Too Late To Bail, Brother
During my husband's first marriage, the brother of the bride stood up and said to my husband, "Say no, you can still be happy!" They went through with the marriage and wound up divorcing with a messy breakup. The brother-in-law is still best friends with my husband. As far as he's concerned, he gained a brother and lost a sister and is better off for it.
He never lets him forget the fact that he was right and he should have bailed.
96. Mr. Steal Your Girl
A friend of mine hired me to play music with him at a ceremony, but as is customary in those situations, I didn't know who was getting married until they showed up. Here's the backstory.
My wife was working for a corporation and one of her team members was a guy who was happily married to his high school sweetheart and had two young daughters. Another of their coworkers was his best friend, who was single. Let's call the married guy Phil, his wife Kim, and his BFF Tim.
Tim was a short, mousey kind of guy who had trouble getting dates, so Phil and Kim used to bring him along in situations where he'd normally be a third wheel—going sailing, going out to eat at nice restaurants, and so on. Phil didn't mind because Tim was such a good friend and he felt bad that he was lonely.
So, one time Phil is going out of town and he suggests that Kim and Tim keep each other company while he's gone. Well, that's exactly what they did. But when Phil got back, he was in for a rude awakening. His high school sweetheart announced that she and Tim were now an item and he was no longer in the picture.
So, imagine my surprise when the wedding couple shows up and Tim comes up to say hello to me. The cringiest part of the whole thing was Tim bringing Phil's daughters up during the wedding vows and talking about how he loved them like his own and how he was going to take care of them, etc.
Those poor little girls looked like they wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
97. I Don’t Even Cook Though
My cousin—who, let’s say, isn't playing with a full deck of cards—thought that she had hired a caterer because she sat at a bar one night and said to some lady, "You should do the food for my wedding".
On the day of the wedding, she waited until about an hour after the food should have logically arrived before starting to make some phone calls, only to find out that the "caterer" was on vacation in Costa Rica. She had no idea that the bride thought she was doing food for the wedding—she wasn’t even a caterer.
Dominoes to the rescue! The pizza arrived about two hours later. Oh, but the reception being held at a bowling alley with a keg in the middle of the dance floor was completely planned.
98. He Did Not Just Say That!
A woman friend needed a date for her sister's wedding. Chivalry and all, I went with her. I had met her sister previously and, sorry, but she's as dumb as a mud puddle. And she is Einstein compared to the groom. I had no idea though, that their wedding would be this bad.
They had written their own vows. The bride went first. She said a bunch of spacey, love-on-a-cosmic-astral-plane stuff that made no sense at all. It really was a bad version of a 60's hippy acid trip—no continuity, and absolutely weird.
Then the groom started his vows. It was basically "I really love you" stuff, not too bad, until the end. His big joke finish was "…until FAT do us part!" It was supposed to be the big laugh. He stood there with a big grin, waiting for the audience to laugh.
Instead, all he got was a horrified silence. The bride and groom walked down the aisle. The bride's mascara streamed down her cheeks from crying. The bride's mother’s face was red with fury. At the reception, the mother got stupidly tipsy, and the bride was going from one person to the next apologizing for everything.
The groom is whooping it up, having a good old time, oblivious to everything. The woman I was with was deeply embarrassed by her family until she finally had enough drinks in her to start chuckling a little bit. It was definitely an entertaining way to spend my Saturday night! And easily one of the worst weddings I have ever been to.
99. Keep Mum And Carry On
I worked at a wedding where one of the moms objected. However, I think the groom knew that the parent was going to say something because they just responded with, "Oh, sit down. We knew you didn't like this a year ago, and clearly, we're not going to change our minds today".
The wedding continued as if nothing had happened, but the mom was low-key shunned, and people avoided her at the reception.
100. Taking The Literal Plunge
The most ridiculous wedding I went to had a very personal theme. The groom was a plumber. So, the flowers the men wore on their lapels were mini toilets with flowers in them, and the centerpieces were plungers. No, I'm not making this up.
101. There’s Making A Scene And Then…There’s This
I have always been close to my cousin, A. Out of all of our cousins, we’re the only ones without siblings so A has always been an older brother to me. We have a lot in common and get along really well. I’m really thankful for him. The last couple of years, however, we’ve drifted apart. I still see him during the holidays and normally we spend that time catching up.
A and his wife S have been together for five years and married last October. That’s when the wedding drama in question went down. S has never really liked me. She constantly micromanages everything I do whenever we have family gatherings such as me not washing the dishes correctly, or nitpicks about my boyfriend’s age.
She also likes to make snide passive-aggressive remarks at me and the other women in our family. I usually just ignore it since it’s just worth it to engage with her. So anyway, back in October A and S got married. My boyfriend and I went. The ceremony itself was beautiful—it was a big Italian-style wedding. Everything went smoothly—at first.
A was beaming the entire time and S seemed to be in a pretty good mood. However, later I guess something went wrong. It was held at a fancy hotel that had a few different venues, so there was another wedding going on that night. The cake was sent to the wrong wedding. While everything was sorted out pretty, quickly this caused S to flip out and she proceeded to pound drinks.
After dinner, A proceeded to make his rounds to say hello to everyone. By the time he stopped at our table he had been going around for close to an hour, so he ended up sitting down at our table and talking for a while with my boyfriend and I since we were some of the last people he hadn’t had a chance to talk to. It was the first time in nearly a year that I had seen him, so we ended up talking for a long time.
At one point, my boyfriend got up to get drinks when S came over. She was…not normal when she came over to us. She told A he had to come back to the head table. A agreed and as he went in to give me a hug. That’s when she screamed something I’ll never, ever forget. She shrieked at me "STOP TRYING TO SLEEP WITH MY HUSBAND YOU HARLOT"!
Everyone in our area heard and turned to look. I was mortified. S then dragged A back to the table and my boyfriend and I immediately left. At the time I thought leaving was justified. I got a voicemail from S giving a lazy apology where she said that she shouldn’t have called me names, but she was stressed and it was her wedding day, so whatever.
However, yesterday I visited that side of my family for the holidays and A wouldn’t even talk to me and everyone proceeded to tell me and my boyfriend that we were extremely rude for leaving early. At first, I figured they hadn’t heard what S had said but some of them even defended her actions and said I should’ve just stuck it out.
They’re all saying I ruined A and S’s wedding day by creating a scene by leaving.
102. Mean Girl
There’s a lot of drama with my fiancé’s sister. She’s always been rude to me and I don’t know why. When I first met her she seemed nice and I liked her, my fiancé’s friends told me to be careful because she always acts that way at the beginning and then she shows her true colors, which she did.
Even my fiancé told me not to trust her and not share much with her because she tends to use and twist whatever she sees and hears from other people. Despite all that, I always treated her with respect and was nice to her, until I got tired of her behavior.
She started with mean looks, mean comments about my accent to other people, not saying hi to me when she saw me, completely ignoring my presence and talking to whoever was next to me but not me, and then she started making comments about my family (we all speak Spanish so we have an accent when we speak in English).
She started saying things to my fiancé like, “Do you even understand what they are saying”?, which he ignored, then she one day just closed the front door when I was walking towards it after watching me struggle with grocery bags, complaining to her friends about how much she wanted me to go away even though I was engaged to her brother.
She's constantly making offensive jokes at lunch with her grandparents, she even insulted me in Spanish and when I called her out for it, she just laughed and ignored me. My fiancé has talked to her multiple times, but nothing changed, she just got defensive and started yelling at him, which seems to be what she does whenever someone tells her something she doesn’t like.
Despite all that, I tried to be civil around her for her parents’ sake since we get along really well and love spending time together. That was until one night she went off on me when her parents mentioned our upcoming wedding.
We were talking about guests and she started saying who should go and who shouldn’t, how I should think about their family and not mine when it came to guests (mind you, there will be three times more people from my fiancé’s side than mine), all of this because she wanted to invite her friends, so we tried to tell her that it was our wedding and it was our decision to see who we invite.
She said, “Well, we are paying for it”, which is not true, my fiancé's parents offered to help pay for the wedding and we are incredibly grateful for that, but she’s not giving us anything. She even went as far as saying, “We are just doing this because of your dad”, and that set me off.
A little background: my dad can’t come to the US because he doesn’t have a visa so my fiancé and I decided to do our wedding in Cabo. It was our decision because of course I have to have my dad at my wedding, and Cabo is a beautiful place for a destination wedding.
Going back to that night, after she said that, I just lost it on her. Things went bad really quick. She started yelling, I raised my voice because I was not going to let her talk about my family and wouldn’t let her yell at me, and then my fiancé and I left. We saw her only once after that (of course, she never said hi to me or acknowledged my presence), and we avoided her since then.
Now our wedding is coming up in five months and, of course, she’s going. We didn’t want to invite her but we knew we had to in order to avoid a fight with his parents, but now we just really don’t want to have her there because we know how much she likes to start drama. We’re even more anxious because we rented a villa so both families can be together and make a vacation out of it.
We’ll have it for a full week but we totally forgot about having to deal with her, and now we’re regretting it. My mother-in-law said her daughter will only go for the wedding, but it turns out she decided to go for the full week and made (yes, made), her dad buy her a plane ticket for those dates.
Her mom suggested that we could have a sit-down talk with her to talk about these issues and make sure we “clear the air” so nothing happens during our wedding week, but she also said she can’t promise it’ll go smoothly because her daughter is very difficult to deal with, and I don’t know if I want to do that.
I really don’t want to see her again because I know it’ll turn into a fight if we decide to have that talk, I don’t feel like I want to deal with that.
103. Third Time’s The Charm
The day of my mom’s third wedding was the worst day of my life. I sat in my room alone crying because it was hard to accept. I didn’t want to upset my mom, so I made sure to remove myself. When my aunt came to check in on me and saw that I was crying, she went and told my mom. My mom went out of her way to stop hair and makeup so she could come into my room and yell at me.
She accused me of being selfish and trying to ruin her happy day, even though I had purposefully tried to not look upset in front of her in the first place. That wedding was rough to get through—but luckily, there was a happy ending. I’m grateful for it now because my mom’s husband ended up being great for her even though he had quite a rocky start with me.
My mom also finally went to therapy and was diagnosed properly and given the help she needs. I don’t live at home anymore but now we have a solid relationship, and she still regularly apologizes for the things she did while I was growing up. While I still have some childhood baggage, I’ve built a very happy life for myself and will definitely use what I learned from my childhood to be a better mom to my kids, if I ever have any.
104. Keep It In The Family
Several years ago, I got a phone call from the maid of honor for a wedding I was going to attend (as a guest) two weeks from then. She was flustered, but managed to get out: "There's no wedding, Groom called it off. He's in love with someone else". Well, I didn't press. I was friends with both of them, so I knew that the full details would eventually make their way back to me. I could not believe what I found out.
Turns out, a couple weeks before the wedding, the groom called the bride and said he was coming over. They needed to talk. When he got to her apartment, he broke down in tears and confessed that he was in love with someone else. He loved her, but couldn't marry her because he didn't love her in the way a bride deserves. There was much crying and shouting over it all, but eventually, the bride recovered from the news enough to ask him who he was in love with.
"Well," Groom said, "It's [Bride's Brother]". The wedding was definitely off at that point. Now, five or six years later, the groom and the bride's brother are married and happy. However, I lost contact with the bride shortly after her wedding plans imploded, so I'm not sure if she ever forgave the boys for that one.