Everyone likes to complain about the perv down the block, the creepy guy in human resources, or even some unwanted individual online who won’t leave you alone. But what happens when the creep is you? These usually non-creepy Redditors found themselves not only engaging in some rather creepy behavior, but also something worse: getting caught while doing it.
Read on as these creeps peek through windows, stalk potential dates online, and the ultimate sin: recording things they just shouldn’t be recording.
1. He Reflected, She Defected
I was stumbling through Chatroulette with some buddies and we were wearing costumes—or some type of random clothing as many do while on Chatroulette. Suddenly we came across a few cute girls. They didn't "next" us right away, and we were able to strike up a conversation. We were even able to exchange names and even our general locations.
Well, being the proficient Facebook creeper that I am, I quickly found their profiles and was swapping between said profile and the video chat. I thought I was so sly—but I was making a terrible mistake. I was wearing a pair of large sunglasses and the girl commented on them. She said that I looked creepy with the glasses on. I was a little surprised but, trying to make light of it, I moved my face and glasses right next to the webcam.
I then asked her with a sly big grin on my face: "What's so creepy about them?" She said, "I can see my Facebook profile in their reflection."
2. Third Grade Perv
In third grade, we had story time where we sat on the floor and the teacher sat in a chair and read to us. I was goofing off in the back of the class, so my teacher made me sit in the front row. I sarcastically sat as close to her as possible. After a minute she looked down and asked, "Are you smelling my leg?" I definitely was not, but she wouldn't let me explain.
At the next parent-teacher conference, she told my mom that I was smelling her leg. I AM NOT A LEG SMELLER!
3. Hide And Creep
It was 1:30 am and I was leaving a bar with some friends after celebrating a birthday party. We decided to run a few blocks to this huge playground—one of those massive wooden ones—in City Park to play some hide-and-seek. We start, and I find this amazing hidden nook inside the middle of the main part of the structure that I had to crawl to get to.
There was only one opening and it was very hard to see, but I had eyes on almost the whole playground. After a while of listening to others get caught, running by, and re-hiding, I hear two people approach and start to make out. Initially, I thought it was some of my friends, but I soon learned that the girl had blindfolded her man and led him to the park to have some late-night kinky fun. Then things quickly got weird.
They start to get R-rated and then move past it straight to the real naughtiness. All the while, I'm literally sitting just a few feet away on the other side of a wooden planked wall. At this point, I'm already wondering: Okay, do I say something or cough or at least let them know someone is here? I didn't want to listen in, but it was so awkward being there.
After a few minutes of mouth stuff and hand stuff, they move and circle around my hiding spot, around these little stairs, and eventually right in front of the opening to my perfect hiding spot. Now, at this point, I've been hiding there for some time and listening to them for a good while. If I came out now and made myself known, I'd for sure look like a creep!
So, there they were, a few steps away from me. And there I was, hiding in pitch darkness, hearing them—and now seeing them—get down to business. At that moment, a couple of my friends who were now searching—the game was still on this whole time by the way—ran into them and everyone exploded in a cacophony of laughter!
The couple was giggling hysterically and trying to cover themselves. My friends were laughing as they explained that there's a bunch of people in the park playing hide and seek. My friends left to search some more, and the couple actually started to get back to it. After another minute of still laughing, the girl gets up. She pauses—then says something to her boyfriend that made my blood run cold.
She said: "Wait, wouldn't it be hilarious if someone had been watching us the whole time?!" Her man agreed, but said there's no way. She looked up, directly at my hiding spot. "Wait, shut up. I think I see something." I froze, there's no way. "I think there's someone over there! Hiding!" "No way babe." It was at this perfect moment that I slowly turned my head, put a finger up to my lips, and in the loudest whisper I could muster, said, "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They exploded in laughter and scrambled to collect their clothes, all the while running out of the park. I was found a minute later.
4. DJ Perv
Stupid Media Player. I was having a birthday party, and streaming music off my laptop. One of my female friends makes a song request. I oblige, and we head on over to the laptop. In my inebriated stupidity, I use File -> Open instead of searching the library itself. Out pops up the last folder I opened in WMP. Which is of course my dirty videos folder.
There were thumbnails galore. I was completely red-faced as I stammered out, "Uhhh you should probably ignore that."
5. Shoe Lover Gets The Boot
Last year I was visiting a female friend of mine—and her roommate—over at a different college for a few days. Now, over the previous months I’d gone shoe shopping a lot with a few different girls. I was starting to get pretty good at picking out women's shoes. I was even matching individual styles, guessing sizes...that sort of thing.
Well anyway, one morning we were all sitting around in their apartment and I noticed my one friend had a pretty nice pair of flats on. She's got to be a size 36 I thought to myself, but I didn't say anything because I thought that would be a weird or creepy thing to just blurt out, you know? These people just didn't know how good I was at shopping for girl shoes. So I did the smart thing and waited for the girl to take her shoes off so I could sneak over and check them out.
While I was left alone in my friend's room, I picked up one of her shoes and took a look. “Thirty-six! I knew it!” I thought just as I saw the door swing open. My friend's roommate was standing there, staring at me with a shocked look. I just froze with the shoe in my hand. I suddenly realized with horror what it looked like: The definitely thought I was smelling the shoe.
I dropped it fast, but the roommate had already shut the door.
6. Public Sneaking Class
This was in my freshman year of college and in a public speaking class. The professor decides to videotape everyone's speech so we could all see how we looked when speaking. Except one thing: the professor decided to let people move their desks to form a circle with the person talking in the middle. Why was that a problem? You’ll see.
Next the professor set up the tripod. Because of the way he set it up, I was directly in the camcorder's line of sight. After doing our speeches we all sat down together to watch them. Of course the camcorder caught me staring at the backside of every girl who was speaking in front of me. It even caught me raising an eyebrow and grinning while I was staring.
Typical creepy behavior. As a bonus it also caught me trying to stifle some major laughter when a super heavy guy went up there talking about natural gas.
7. They Pressed Play
This happened one Halloween not too long ago. I was handing out candy to the neighborhood kids and was wearing my friend's iPod costume that he’d left at my house after a party the night before. What I didn’t realize was that the iPod controls were right at my genital region. Of course, the kids kept wanting to press play.
It took me some time to realize why their parents were giving me dirty looks. I felt like a pervert.
8. First Impression Didn’t Impress
I was going to a house party one night and guests had to park a block away since there was no parking closer. So, this girl and I park at the same time, but she's about 20 feet ahead, going to the same party down a dark road. I, a 6'4 guy, had to go in the same direction, and I saw her quickly glance back at me. I kept chanting to myself: "Don't act creepy, don't act creepy."
Eventually she turned to me and was like, "Hey are you going to the party? You can walk with me and stop acting like a creep." We got along really well at the party. If her first impression of me was that I looked like a creep, then I guess it could only get better from there.
9. These Creeps Deserve Each Other
I used to go to a Chinese restaurant located in the middle of a food court every day on the way to and from work. A really beautiful girl worked there, and I would always glance to see if she was working or not before going over to order. One day I was peering around the corner, I couldn't see her, so I turned around to leave. It turned out she was standing right behind looking at me like I was a psychopath.
I locked up then blurted out that she was cute and asked for her phone number. She totally rejected me and walked away, I thought I’d ruined it. A week later, she tracked me down on Google+. She’d memorized my name from my debit card and was really shy I guess. So now we're dating. I don't know who's creepier but it was a relief to know I wasn't alone.
10. Bluetooth Blunder
Last year I was at the playground babysitting. I’m a large 21-year-old male with an unkempt beard sitting alone at the park watching a group of seven year old girls playing. It didn’t look very good. There were two benches side by side, with me at the edge of one of them. Some lady with kids shows up and sits at the opposite end from me.
What the lady doesn't see is the Bluetooth in my ear. So she's there for about half an hour now and I'm still just watching the girl I'm supposed to be watching when I get a call. I answer and it's my friend talking about the party we were at last night. He says, "Wow dude, did you see how hot that girl looked last night? And all her friends were so sexy."
That's when I reply, "I know, the one in the Power Puff Girls shirt was the hottest for sure." I didn't realize what I'd done until it was too late. The mom gets up, grabs her kids, and leaves. Like super fast.
11. Film Editor Crosses Line
When I was in high school I used to film the football practices and games, edit them down, and sell the highlight tapes to people at school. However, since I was a typical high school guy, I also used to make tapes of the cheerleaders practicing or just lounging around....for, you know...research purposes later. Of course, I didn't sell those.
Cut to me riding home on the bus with the players and cheerleaders from a game and reviewing the tape. The guys are gathered around to see the game tape. At the end of the tape, it runs out and immediately cuts to a cheerleader sitting on a bleacher before zooming in on her exposed panties.
The player sitting across from me says: "Dude, that's my girlfriend." Let’s just say it was an awkward two-hour drive home.
12. Trouble In Technoland
I persuaded an insanely hot girl to come round my place after hanging out at college after class. While waiting for her to arrive, I had an anticipatory chat with a fellow creep on msn. The worst kind of freshman immaturity was in full flow. We took turns describing everything that she and I would be doing and we didn’t hold back.
So, she turns up. As is my custom I lose all ability to think or talk coherently and resort to trying to impress her with technology. See that Bose stereo? See the retro consoles? She seems appreciative, so I continue the tour. I ask her to witness the awesomeness of connecting my VAIO laptop to my new 42" plasma. Hmm, a flashing message in my taskbar. Let's just absentmindedly click on that.
The whole convo was revealed in a flash of vast towering letters. The whole disgusting, legally questionable disgrace of the thing. I've never felt so mortified. No, I can't close the window; we seem to have referred to her by name in every single message. She says she's entitled to see. Needless to say, she pulled her coat back on and left.
13. It Got In The Wrong Hands
When I was in ninth or tenth grade, my dad got this gag gift that I thought was pretty funny. It was a fake phallus that you attached to your ankle so that when you pulled up your pants it looked like you were really hung. In my infinite wisdom—sarcasm intended—I decided to take the thing to school to show off to my buddies.
Well anyway, at some point I told the wrong person that I had it. During class, I decided I needed to go to the bathroom and take a leak. I left my hat and bag—containing the phallus—in the classroom. On my way back, as I rounded the corner, I could see that the teacher was standing with the thing wrapped up in my hat in front of the class.
The stupid kid that I mentioned my prize to, had taken it out when I left the room and was throwing it around. Some girl, actually trying to be nice to me, told everyone to shut up because it's no one's business if I want to have something like that in my bag. Good times.
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14. Nerd Creeper Scores Big
A few months ago, I was chatting with some girl who was way too amazing to be legit. I figured it was a particularly evil ex of mine trying to toy with me. So I took to the interwebs—while still chatting with her—and dug up every little bit of info I could. I used Reverse Google Image searches from display pictures and this led me to links to assorted profiles.
Within about 15 minutes I had her Facebook, address, phone number, pretty much everything I needed to verify she was in fact a real person. I mentioned something to the effect of "Oh, looks like you're a real person after all!" She pressed for details and so I told her what I did. After writing it out I realized I just nerd-creep'd her.
She was equal parts creeped out and impressed. And now she's my girlfriend of two months.
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15. Trapped By Biology
This was in my junior year of high school. I lived in a small town that had a small school; around 400 students from K-12. In the high school there were booths out in the main foyer where the students would congregate in the morning before first bell, or after they had returned from lunch before the start of the next class period.
These booths were mainly controlled by the juniors and seniors as you can imagine, and I was not against taking my spot in these booths. That morning, I had arrived at school early and had taken a spot in one of these booths. This booth happened to be next to another booth with four of the most attractive junior/senior girls in the school.
I had noticed them, but them occupying a booth or me occupying a booth was not uncommon. I usually had a couple of friends to join me, but on this morning they were not around. So, I'm going about my business reading a book when three of the jock types come up and immediately occupy the rest of the booth with me, pinning me in one of the inner seats next to the wall.
I was not fearful of these guys, but they did like to mess with me on occasion. I figured about 5-10 minutes of ridicule and it would be over. I was so wrong. The pseudo leader, who resembled a neanderthal, was the one who had taken the seat next to me and pinned me in the inner seat against the wall. I was constantly looking away from them trying to ignore the insults.
Well, take a guess as to where one of the areas I'm looking away from these jock types—the booth with the hot girls. After a few minutes of my focus being away from these idiots and on the girls, the neanderthal catches on to what I'm doing. This was the wrong time to get an awkward boner. I made the mistake of trying to slip my book down in my lap to cover it up, which only brought it to the attention of the neanderthal.
The next statement by him haunted me the rest of my days in school: "Willie has a boner for Becky". So there I sat with this raging hard-on, trapped in a booth with these hormonal jocks for the next few minutes while everyone hanging around in the foyer including the hot girls gave me this stare. This stare would turn into the loudest round of laughter I have ever heard at that school.
The laughter was so loud it even brought some teachers out of their classrooms and down two sets of halls, and even brought the principal out to investigate. There I sat, unable to go anywhere, trapped by this neanderthal, and taking the ridicule of the school. I felt like the biggest creep that had ever walked the halls for a long time after that.
16. Car Nut Takes Pic
So, back during the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of undergrad, I was making a road trip out from Chicago to Ohio to visit some of my new college buddies to hang out for a weekend. A bit of a backstory: I'm one of the most considerate drivers out there. I'll always let you in, I always signal, stay out of the left lane unless passing, the works.
I'm also a bit of a car nut, so I'm typically well-aware of the makes and models of different cars on the road. Now, I don't know if this is just me, but something I noticed is that practically every terrible driver I saw tended to be behind the wheel of a Pontiac. I don't know why this is the case —maybe because they were "driving excitement?"
Anyway, I had just gotten one of those newfangled "camera" phones—this was a while ago—and I decided as a hobby to keep a photographic record of every insane Pontiac driver I saw and assemble it into a collage. You know, just for laughs. Anyway, I was driving next to a Grand Am on a rural Ohio highway doing about 70, when I saw the tinted rear window roll down.
The window rolls down and a kid—no more than 10 years old—starts to relieve himself out of it. Maybe you can see where this is headed... Without really thinking it through, I pull alongside the Pontiac and take a picture, thinking that this was one of the most insane things I've ever seen: and in a Pontiac, no less! Great for the collage.
So, the adult riding in the passenger seat witnesses my picture taking, and I see her freaking out. She’s presumably thinking that the next step in this ritual is something likely involving lotion, hands, and a garden hose. I saw her copy down my license plate and make a phone call. Nothing ever came of it, though. To this day, the collage remains incomplete.
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17. Creepy Hobby Revealed
I've only attended private schools—none which offered daily transportation for students. Consequently, I utilized the public transit system to make it to and from school every day until I was able to drive as a teenager. I've never been the friendliest person around, and in Jr. High, I hadn't quite learned the value of "fake it to make it" in terms of networking and developing relationships. In other words, I was a loner.
My pastime of choice every day, as I sat alone on the typically crowded bus, was to write. Specifically, I would select one or more strangers on the bus, and write an extremely brief "micro slasher novella" with him/her/them as the unsuspecting victim(s). I used the same spiral notebook for all my work, and I liked making the occasional crossover reference from story to story.
The antihero killer was based on the sharp, well-dressed villain from my favorite horror film at the time: the Italian movie Blood And Black Lace. Like the character from the film, I challenged myself each day to think of new and creative ways of wreaking havoc and murder. It was a fantastic imaginative outlet for me at the time.
One particular day, I had finished a story in no more than 10 minutes, with the memorably attractive redheaded woman sitting one row behind me as the victim. After shuffling through several entries—including my latest—and organizing them into a new, larger manila folder I had recently purchased, I moved on to a new "victim."
Not even two minutes later, an exciting new idea came to mind and I decided to review my previous story. To my confusion, however, my new folder was nowhere to be found, nor were any of its contents. My confusion soon turned to full-on panic. I frantically rifled through my textbooks and backpack, despite knowing for certain it wouldn't be there.
Too horrified to look around the bus, and too awkward to speak to anyone, I hurriedly got off at the next stop. I was nowhere near my destination, and it took an extra hour to get home that day. I never rode that route from school ever again, in fear I'd be taken to prison.
18. Crush Crushed
In high school, a friend and I got quite wasted at a party. Afterward we decided to go to another friend's place after the party. We were listening to music and we were on the computer doing random things. I signed on MSN messenger for a bit, and then relaxed on the bed. After a while I hear my friend snickering on the computer.
I get up and I see that he's on my MSN account talking to the girl I had a huge crush on (and she very likely was aware of it). He was in the process of typing a long sentence but hadn't pressed “enter” yet. I yelled, "What are you doing?!" Little did I know, that was the worst thing I could have done. Apparently, he was only writing the message as a joke, and had no intention of sending it.
But when I screamed at him he panicked and pressed “enter.” He then panicked more and closed the window so I couldn't read what he had written. All I know is that the beginning of the message was about how badly I wanted to be with her. I spent all night trying to figure out what exactly he had written to her, he wouldn't tell me and kept saying "I don't remember".
At the end of night, I found out the next part and it was really perverted. The next day he admitted another part of the message, which was just as bad. So I decided to apologize to her on MSN—I didn't dare speak to her after that night—and told her what happened. She just told me she wasn't interested.
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19. Touched By An Angel
In middle school I was extremely socially awkward and nerdy. There was a hot guy that rode my bus and I fantasized about him constantly. I began taking walks just to linger in front of his house and counting the amount of times I dreamt about him. I didn’t get caught until I started doing something weird: collecting things that he had touched.
You see, he often dropped things in the hallway. Eventually my friend caught me doing it and told the most gossipy girl in school. She told a bunch of people, and then some of his friends made fun of me. I spent the rest of the year in a constant state of mortification.
20. Candy Crush
I had a really hot, and somewhat chubby, boss while working as an English language teacher. I gave her a lollipop once while in the teachers' lounge, and watched her go to town on it. After that, I made sure to always have a lollipop ready. I would normally have candy anyways, to encourage students to participate in class.
She caught on after about two weeks of me feeding her lollipops and then watching attentively. She was not very happy with me.
21. Puppy Owner Is A Dog
I was having a BBQ at my place once upon a summer's day. I had just gotten a new puppy to go with my new place that the party was for. I had a girlfriend at the time and her friends and family showed up for said BBQ. I was in my room playing with the puppy when I got slightly distracted for a minute. Then I saw that the puppy had wandered off into the other room.
Since I was going outside to show the guest the new dog, I had to go fetch him. He ended up going underneath the bed in the guest room to chase the cat. As I looked underneath the bed, I noticed he was all the way in the back corner cuddling up with Mr. Fluff Ball. So I had to crawl under the bed and retrieve him.
After a minute of shuffling, I finally grab him and I'm about to come out—then the door opens, and my blood runs cold. My girlfriend’s sister walks in. She apparently decided to change into her flag-themed bikini. I probably could have looked away, but come on...guys always think about these things. So she’s undressed ruffling through her bag on the floor when suddenly...the baby golden retriever decides he wants to be loud.
My girlfriend’s sister looks over and doesn't really look startled or anything. She simply says: "Awww did you wanna see me undressed?" I let out a sigh of relief and said, "Thank god you're not angry." That’s when she screamed. Yeah, she didn't know I was there as well.
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22. Girls Stalk Together
Let me preface this by saying that I was an epic creep. When I was in college I had a huge crush on a TA which turned into a bit of an obsession. I went through the usual routes: turning up at office hours with fake questions, attending boring department functions where I knew he would be. Oh, and of course, the standard Facebook stalking.
One day I noticed that we had a mutual friend—another undergrad girl in the department. I wasn't too familiar with this girl, but we'd had a few classes together and she seemed pretty cool. In fact, our “aquaintenceship” was based mostly on the fact that we both had crushes on our TA and talked about how hot, smart, and perfect he was.
Amazed and intimidated that she'd had the courage to actually friend him as opposed to stalk, I brought it up to her a few days later with genuine admiration. Fast forward three months: the TA is pretty much all we talked about. The girl and I saw each other like three times a week for various classes and laughed and joked about my admittedly creepy—though harmless—behavior. But it was about to take a dark turn.
After class one day, I noticed the TA heading the same direction I was, and I followed. Eventually I saw him meet up with a much, much less attractive woman who I was horrified to see was obviously his girlfriend. I was a little disheartened, but not entirely unsurprised that he would have a girlfriend. A few days later, I told the girl from my class about my “in real life” stalking.
For some reason she went completely white and looked shocked. "Hm," I thought. "That's odd." I mean, like I said, I was a little disheartened that he had a girlfriend, but this girl looked like I'd just told her her apartment burned down. After class she came up to me and asked me to keep a secret for her. Of course I said I would, afterall, she'd kept my creepiness a secret all semester.
It turns out the secret was that the two of them—the girl and the TA—had been dating for two months. The only reason she even told me was because what I told her confirmed her suspicion that he'd been cheating on her. But then she told me the worst part: she'd kept him abreast of all my creepiness. God, I feel sick just typing this.
23. My Eyes Are Up Here
It happened in grade nine, right after I had gained the friendship of the hottest girls in my grade. There was no reason for me to be friends with them, I was awkward and quite nerdy, but I guess I was funny enough to make up for it. We were to do a student project for an English assignment, where we had to group up and film an interview about the meaning of some book or another.
Obviously I took this as just another chance to worm my way into a stronger relationship with the ultra-hot girls in my class. I decided on being the camera man while they acted out this interview between themselves. This one girl who was overly developed for her age—let's call her Jesse—also happened to be the richest.
Because she was so rich, Jesse suggested we filmed the entire scene at her house and that she had the perfect spot for it: her minibar in the basement. It took a couple of hours to get ready, go over lines, and then finally film the scene. Finally, we decided we’d finished with our masterpiece and immediately scheduled a movie premiere. We invited ourselves, Jesse’s family, and every other cool kid in my entire grade. None of us had any idea what we were getting into.
I think the reason so many guys turned up for the premiere was that these girls were too attractive not to look at for 25 minutes on a projector screen. I never thought in a million years that I would even be noticed, I filmed the entire thing specifically so that I wasn't noticed. Of course, stuff never works the way you want it to, and I was about to be immersed in one of the most abject situations in my entire life.
Everyone was gathered in the "viewing room" of Jesse’s parents’ house. This was a mini theater where they watched their Walt Disney films and church-of-mormon approved videos with their family of nine. The lights go off, popcorn is munched, and I am absorbed in my job pressing play on the video recorder, terrified that I'll mess something up and ruin my precarious relationship.
I was already sweating and blushing with the idea that close to 20 people were depending on me just to start the movie: I really didn't need any more attention than what I was getting. The film started and on the projector the girls started reading their lines, everything was going smoothly. Then Jesse walks into the shot. That’s when the problems started.
I was the one who’d been holding the camera and everyone knew that. So, when the camera sort of stayed focussed on Jesse’s chest area it was clear what a creep I was. The camera then panned back to the other girls, remaining on their faces with the accuracy of a trained professional filming the NHL Playoffs. When it went back to Jesse I didn’t even get her entire face in frame, just straight down to her chest for the next five minutes as she spat out her lines.
Nobody was laughing, in fact, nobody was saying anything. One glance towards her parents told me all I needed to know—I was screwed. I blew my only chance at having an in with the hot girls and cool kids for the rest of my high school existence. But then there was a miracle. Jesse thought it was hilarious.
She hugged me and laughed out loud at my teenage hormones, breaking the tension and mildly drying the rivers of sweat covering my hands and face. I was saved, I still had my cool new friends and if anything I was even funnier than before!
24. He Had A Third Leg
This was probably fifth grade and I was riding home on the bus. I was in the middle seat with my friend at the window and another kid to my right. I reach down and start playing with my new-found leg hair: twisting it for a couple minutes while daydreaming. I clearly remember thinking how weird it was that I couldn't feel myself twisting the hair.
I looked down, and it still took me a few long seconds of watching my fingers twist hair on a leg...that clearly wasn't attached to me. I instantly looked up and straight ahead, but in my peripheral vision I could see the mortified look on the kid's face next to me. No words were shared, only terror. It was traumatic and strange enough that I bet that kid still remembers it.
25. She’d Matured, This Creep Hadn’t
One year into college, I came home for winter break and went to a high school arts festival at my old highschool. A couple of my old friends were there. We started talking about a few of the girls in the lower grades that had "matured" since we’d graduated. We started talking specifically about this one girl that was now in tenth grade.
My friend’s sister was in the same grade, and so he was giving updates that he had learned about her. Specifically that she was getting with a ton of dudes, and how we all agreed she was pretty hot, and looked older then she was and so on. I turned around, there she was sitting with her father, looking like her eyes were going to explode.
Her father looked like he was about to punch me—really hard. I just swore and actually ran away. My friends played it cool and sat there as if they hadn't heard—but they definitely had. I felt really bad about it, and really creepy. I see her every once in a while now, and can still never look her in the face, or even say hello.
26. Fancy A Pizza?
I was a pizza delivery guy in college and I decided I'd try a fake English accent at a few stops to see if anyone called me out on it. So, I get a delivery at this apartment complex and this hot blonde answers the door. I go through my typical delivery speech, but in an English accent. This makes the girl immediately perk up, so I keep going.
She starts asking me where I'm from, so I make something up—I think it was Devonshire. She says that she loves my beautiful accent, so I guess I can do it pretty well. I can tell I'm actually attracting this girl that would otherwise look right past me. After some flirty small talk, I get around to asking her out, and she actually accepts and sounds really excited about it.
This is pure gold. I start calculating in my head how long I could possibly pull off a fake English accent, and then I hear this girl around the corner, "Hal? Is that you? Hey, how's it going?!" And, of course, it was this girl who knew me pretty well from a lab we had together at school. I was more than positive she knew I didn't have any English accent. I was dead.
I quickly got my things together—as if I was all of a sudden in a big rush—and tried my best to answer their perplexed questions in muted, somewhat unrecognizable speech. I got to my car and froze in embarrassment. I had to come clean when I saw the girl who knew me in lab the next day.
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27. The Case Of The Missing Thong
Hooked up with my friend's girlfriend's friend at their house. The next day I got a call from my friend asking if I had taken off with this girl’s underwear. She managed to lose her underwear sometime during the undressing phase, thought I’d taken it, and told my friends that I took it. I was sitting at work feeling guilty about the whole ordeal.
I was also offended that my friends and this girl now think I am some sort of creep. It sucked because I definitely liked the girl, but this was probably going to prevent us from "hanging out" again. Decided to call the girl and tell her I didn't take her underwear and that she probably lost them in the commotion, she didn't believe me.
Later in the week I got a call from her saying her friend found the missing underwear in the couch, and she wanted to hang out again.
28. He Was Looking For Support
I was working on some extracurricular project with some other kids at a girl's house back in the sixth grade. You should know that I really do mean some nerdy extracurricular school project. I can assure you my sixth grade self was far too socially immature to do anything worth putting "extracurricular project" into quotes.
We were mainly working in her garage and driveway, but at some point I was doing some part of the project on a table top in her room that was actually the top of a chest of drawers. So I'm nerding on the school project when she walks in and asks me something that made my heart stop: "Are you looking through my bras?"
That’s when I suddenly realized that a drawer is open full of her ugly bras. There's nothing quite as lousy as being caught doing something that you're not even doing.
29. He Got Facebooked
I was sitting in one of my smaller university classes where the teacher decided we should all have name tags that you prop up in front of you in order to learn our names. This guy, who was sitting up one row to the right of me, was idly playing with his name tag during the lecture. I saw his name and, since he was very attractive, I wrote down his name in my notes.
I immediately took out my cell phone and looked him up on Facebook. My male friend, who was sitting beside me, looked over and noticed I was creeping this guy's page while he was sitting right in front of me. It turns out my friend knew him from baseball and said "hey, how do you know Greg?" Greg turned around and gave me a weird look.
I had to explain to my friend that I did not, in fact, know Greg and that I was just a creep.
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30. A Room With A View
I used to have these guys that lived next door to me that I would watch through my kitchen window while I was doing dishes sometimes. They were all cute and often shirtless, and they didn't have blinds—if that makes me look any better. Eventually, and to my delight, I actually met them one day. It was at a bar with my roommate and we got to talking to them. Suddenly my roommate blurted something out that totally embarrassed me.
She said: "Which one of you plays Halo? Because sometimes we watch you play Halo through our window." So from then on, they were fully aware that we could see pretty much anything going on in their apartment, and I think they were creeped out. But then a few months later I ended up getting it on with one of them, so everything went better than expected.
31. Sorry, This Position Has Already Been Filled
I was job hunting in the late 1990s and in preparation I purchased a new modem, fax, software, and printer. To test the functionality, I asked a friend to send me a fax. I received it okay and sent it to the printer to reveal that my friend was being a wise-guy and had faxed a girl giving this guy head. "Very funny" I said at his juvenile prank.
Once I knew that at least it all technologically functioned, I scanned my resume in and proceeded to send it to every recruiter in town—about three dozen I’d say. I think you can see it coming. By mistake, I sent the racy picture instead of my resume. To make it worse, my cover letter mentioned stuff like the following.
"You can see by the attached I have great interpersonal skills", "What I've done for others I can do for you only more-so because of my recent experience", " I look forward to demonstrating this for you in person, if you just give me the opportunity". Name, address and telephone number on every. single. one. "References by Request".
32. Cool Uncle Turns Creepy
When my niece, who is 16 years my junior, finally moved out of her parents house, she was a typical 18 yr old student: new apartment, no furnishings, no tv, sleeping on a futon, etc. The day I helped her and her friends move in, I thought I would surprise her with some stuff I never use anymore. It was just a couple of bookshelves, a lamp, and some old pots and pans.
I also gave her a little 19' TV/DVD combo that I hadn’t used in about a year. She was ecstatic about the TV, and her friends thought I was the coolest uncle ever. I hooked up the TV for her, and we all gathered around and turned it on. Some real swanky music started playing, and next thing you know: BAM! Naughty Little Nymphos #7 starts playing.
Needless to say, I’d left a DVD in the player. Her friends...well, they just never looked at me the same again.
33. He Got An Eyeful
In my ninth grade English class, I dropped a pencil behind me under my desk and I reached down to pick it up. As I’m down there, the girl who sits behind me had her legs open and I could see right up her skirt. I wasn’t expecting to see this, and I froze with my eyes fixed up her skirt. After a second, I realized she and another girl sitting next to her were staring at me.
They both had the most disgusted look on their faces, and she quickly closed her legs. I sat back in my chair and felt like I was going to be sick. I didn’t talk to her for the rest of high school.
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34. Butt Dial Leads To Hook Up
My sister and I spent the weekend with her best friend's family and some other friends at a beach house. I hadn't seen my sister's best friend in several years and she'd grown up hot.
On the drive home my sister's cellphone was in her pocket, and it accidentally dialed her best friend while I was talking about how hot she'd become. I said "I'd sleep with her, but I probably wouldn't date her," among other things. Eventually my sister's best friend hung up and called to tell us she'd heard everything. I said I stood by what I’d said, and within a month we were hooking up regularly.
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35. He Flashed Them
I was at the bar alone a couple weeks ago having a conversation with a friend via text message. Two very cute girls sat down across the bar, which is pretty rare at this place. My friend convinces me to take pictures and send them to him, so he can verify their cuteness. Acting like I was still texting, I snapped a photo with my iPhone only to have the flash go off right in front of their faces.
I immediately got up and walked right out. By the way, I did come back the next day to pay my tab.
36. I’ll Have What She’s Having
My very sheltered 12-year-old me was walking through a restaurant with my mom. We passed a table full of older ladies and I noticed that the AC was cranked up super high. I said to my mom, with no irony whatsoever: "Mom, it's so cold I could orgasm." I said it very deliberately so the ladies could hear me using this big fancy word that I didn't know the meaning of.
I seriously thought it meant something like "shivering severely from cold temperatures." My mom just kind of gapes at me and doesn't mention it again. I was, and still am, a very awkward girl.
37. She Seized The Day
I had some kind of an absence seizure in the middle of my high-school locker-room. I ended up unfortunately snapping out of it to one of the popular attractive girls undressed and screaming: "What are you staring at you lesbian?" For the record, I'm not gay. I just happened to seize off while appearing to look in an awkward direction.
Apparently I was staring right at her chest. I couldn't really explain what actually happened since nobody really knew anything about seizures. I’d accidentally creeped.
38. Girl Creep Likes To Peep
I live next door to some old French people. Every summer they would have their sexy French grandson visit from France. I realize now that I was the annoying and lame little neighbor girl when we were growing up, but at the time I considered him my soulmate. One summer day, I noticed many cars in the driveway, so I went and grabbed my binoculars.
I took my binoculars and ran to the best vantage point: the dining room window at the front of the house. I tried to see through the blinds of their house, but couldn't see anything clearly. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. I answered the door in my pajamas at 6 pm. It was my sexy French neighbor who’d walked over to invite me to the dinner party they were hosting.
I didn't notice him walking right in front of the window, because I was looking in his living room. He didn't mention it, but it was physically impossible for him not to see me with the binoculars.
39. It’s A Gray Area
I used to manage a department at a large campus-environment corporation. I’m a white guy but, for some reason, it turned out that out of the 12 employees I had hired, nine of them were black. One guy named Kenny used to always joke around anytime something didn't go his way. He’d say: "It's because I'm BLACK isn't it?"
Then he'd look around at all his black co-workers and get this look on his face like, "Oh, nevermind." We would all laugh. So one day I was walking from lunch with a few members of the team who happened to be white. I had to go somewhere else, so I told them to tell Kenny that he had to take his lunch early.
Then I said, without thinking: "Tell him it's because he's black." And the other two white guys laughed. Right then, another black man who didn't know any of us walked by. He heard the entire thing, and said "Oh yeah—that's funny—HA HA." He was more than a little angry.
40. Creep Exposed
I didn’t have a lot of confidence in college and was crushing hard on this girl. So, I stupidly decided to randomly walk over to her room. I chickened out at the last moment and just sort of stood outside near her window trying to build up the courage. Well, a security guard walked by, saw me standing there sort of weirdly and came and asked for my ID.
He then proceeded to go into the girl’s room and say that someone was standing outside her window. Her and all her friends opened the shade and there I was: standing there like the creep I was.
41. Epic Joke Fail
I was in a basement computer lab in University. Some guys were playing Inklink—online pictionary—at some computers across the room and talking loudly about what room and game they were in. I silently joined and started guessing all their words since I could see their screens and hear them talking.
Then I creeped them out by saying that I knew what room they were in, what building they were in, and what university they went to. I think they thought I was some hacker or something. Then I said I was in the same room as them. I thought it would go over as kind of funny, but they looked around and somehow figured out it was me.
Instead of having a huge laugh over it, they sort of just got quiet and packed their things up and left. Joke failed.
42. A Great Story For The Grandkids
I once worked with this girl at a restaurant. I was on the grill and she was a server. We never really talked or interacted or anything. In fact, she was kind of oblivious to who I was. I was checking out her backside and suddenly decided that wherever she was going after work, I was going as well. For some reason I decided to tell her this.
So, I told her I was going with her that night, and several times during our shift I asked her where we were going. Every time she politely laughed it off. So after work she goes outside and gets in her car. I hopped into the passenger seat and told her I was ready to go. Off we went to dinner to see her friends who had no idea who I was at all.
Six years later we got married. She later told me she thought I was going to attack her.
43. You’re A Creep. Period.
A girlfriend I used to have had awful cramps during her period. One day I knew she was suffering so I hugged her and asked her if she was feeling fine. She wanted to know why I was asking and I said I knew she must've entered her period. She found it very creepy and intruding that I’d kept track of her cycle It’s not like I counted day by day, I just remembered.
44. This Creep Should Ask For I.D.
A father and daughter came into my store and I asked if they needed help. The guy looked like a standard white middle aged man and the daughter was gorgeous. She was super tall, had long brunette hair, and showing a couple inches of cleavage. To top it off she had these sexy business women style glasses, looking like a college student.
So I'm flirting quite strongly, and she's kind of talking back awkwardly, not like she's giving me the cold shoulder, but just oblivious to my advances. She wasn't quite sure what she needed but said she was starting school so I assumed one of the colleges. She had a list and took it out of her pocket and handed it to me.
That’s when I realized she was in MIDDLE school. This stunning amazon was starting sixth grade. As the look of "Oh no!” is covering my face. Her dad just looks at me and does this "yeah, I know" nod. They wound up being regular customers though and within the year, she had embraced her new powers and was outright dangerous.
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45. Caught In The Act
So, there was this guy that I thought was really attractive, but I’d only talked to a few times. He lived in my dorm hall, and he was friends with some of my friends. However, I really wanted to get to know him. So, instead of just talking to him, I attempted to look him up on Facebook, and find out information on him and look at pictures. I know: a little creepy.
His Facebook ended up being very private, but then I clicked on a link of the girl who I knew to be his ex-girlfriend. Well her profile wasn’t private at all, so I dove right in. I spent a good 20 to 30 minutes browsing through her pictures and to be honest kind of got lost in her profile. Suddenly, I realized I had class and so I ran off.
When I was coming back from class, I ran into the guy, and ended up talking to him for a few minutes. We had talked about some random computer game, and he offered to show it to me on my computer. I was excited, since this was the first time we would hang out alone. And wow, he was actually coming over to my dorm room.
We enter my room, I point to my computer, and in my horror I realize his ex's photos are still popped up on my computer. He just looks at it for a second and goes "Were you... stalking my ex?" I felt like the creepiest person in the world for a while. Thankfully we ended up dating, and still are!
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46. Fantasy Failure
My wife and I always go to the gym together and one time we went we found the gym completely empty. Now my wife and I had this fantasy and it seemed this was the exact situation we needed. So we decided to go into the empty restroom and get it on. While we’re in the middle of it, we suddenly heard the gym’s music system getting a lot louder.
My wife and I stopped what we were doing and feared the worst: we’d been too loud. We sheepishly exited the restroom and to our horror saw another couple working out right by the restroom door. They’d obviously heard us and asked to have the volume of the music turned up. The look of disgust on their faces when we left will not soon be forgotten.
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47. It’s A Family Affair
When I was in high school I worked at a grocery store situated between three retirement homes. There was such a lack of hot girls that walked into the store that whenever one did, me or whoever I was working with, would point her out. One evening this mom and her three daughters came in. I told my friend at the register how do-able all four were.
He then said, "Dude, that's my family." I straight away called him a liar. That's when his mom said to him, "Hi honey!" I was silent and embarrassed during the entire transaction. He was cool and laughed about it once they left.
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48. She’s Playing My Song
I was stalking a guy I work with on Facebook while I was at work. We're not “friends”, but his profile is open. He posted a video on his wall and a couple minutes later, I clicked on it. I didn't realize my speakers were on and since his desk is near mine, he heard the video playing. Now he knows what a giant creep I am.
49. Fun Stuff Folder Exposed
At my high school we somehow managed to get our own Facebook network—this was back when Facebook was primarily for college students only—so everyone was posting pictures like crazy. Over my time "browsing," being the little perv I was, I had saved probably around 100 pictures of various girls from my small school wearing bikinis, tight sweaters, or even just smiling and other stuff like that. I saved them in a folder called "Fun Stuff."
I never really let anyone use my computer back then, so I never thought it would be a problem. Oh, what a horrible mistake that was... One day my roommate's girlfriend was over and she needed to print off an essay, so I nervously said, "Oh yeah, sure." I didn’t want to be weird and tell her, "No, you can't" right after I'd just printed something. There was no way I could make up an excuse as to why my printer wasn't working.
So, she plugged in her thumb drive and was printing off her paper and I figured everything would be fine. I turned my back for about ten seconds and I heard her say, "Oooo, fun stuff, huh? What's this, dirty vids?" I turned around to her scrolling through all of the pictures of our female classmates I'd saved—some of which included her.
She sat there silently like that scrolling through the pictures for about thirty seconds and then turned around and saw me blushing like crazy and trying to come up with some kind of excuse. To my amazement, she just said, "Don't worry, I won't tell," and winked at me before grabbing her paper and skipping off on her way.
I deleted them after that. I am so lucky that she was so cool—some of the girls at my high school would've flipped out if they found that collection of pictures, despite the fact that they were all available for anyone on Facebook. Moral of the story—there is no moral of the story. The end.
50. “Turn Around”
I was a senior in college and chilling on my computer. The computer was on a corner desk so I was facing the corner of my room with the door behind me. I was just chilling, playing games on newgrounds, facebooking, you know the drill. My bedroom door was usually in my peripheral vision, but I was focused on this random game, so I couldn't see it at all.
Eventually, I went over to Facebook and found this girl had posted some photos from the annual undie-run. I started creeping on the album. A good five to seven minutes into the creeping, I get a text from my girlfriend. It just said, "Turn around." Yes, my girlfriend had come over, snuck into my room while I was gaming and watched me creeping on a random facebook girl's scandalous photos for more than five minutes.
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