Our whole lives are basically documented and updated online as it happens. We share photos, videos, and messages instantly with no trouble—it’s the future. Even every notificsation is personalized to you, coming from entertainment, reminders, games. They can be so personal, that not everyone will understand why you have them. From embarrassing app notifications, connected devices mishaps, and photos meant for one person only, after these cautionary tales, you’ll always double-check yours before letting anyone look at your screen!
1. Surprise Features
I moved to Japan a few years ago, and early one day, I was at a market and saw a tanuki statue with its junk on display. I took a picture and thought it’d be funny to send my brother a message reading "UNSOLICITED DICK PIC!" then send it. Halfway around the world, my brother was doing some late evening car shopping.
He’d recently been in an accident and totaled his car so was in the market for a new one. He’d handed the salesman his phone so he could see pictures of the damage, and the guy was looking through them when the words "UNSOLICITED DICK PIC!" showed on the screen. The guy nearly dropped the phone trying to shove it back.
2. Guest Again
My sister-in-law was staying with me for a week, which I didn’t really want. My sister knew about it and messaged me, “How are you dealing with (her name)? Do you need to pretend to have a nap again lol?” My sister-in-law was using my tablet at that time and saw the notification pop up. She hasn’t stayed with us since.
3. Future Services
My boyfriend and I send each other messages randomly during the day like, "FedEx me that pecker," or "Flap them bits my way." I was showing my mom something on my phone once, and he sent, "Gonna slap u with my junk tonight."
4. Learning Bad News
One day in high school, my history teacher brought her 4-year-old daughter on one of the last days of school when we were doing practically nothing. The teacher handed her daughter her iPad so she could play, and a few other students and I were talking to and playing with the daughter and showing her games on the iPad.
My teacher must have had her iMessage set up on the iPad and forgot because it kept getting texts from her husband such as, "She's just a friend," and, "Well maybe we need to finally go through with it and end this once and for all." I had to turn on do not disturb.
5. Just Like The French
I had this roommate in my sophomore year of college, and we had a very weird, close personal relationship. I was in my Spanish professor’s office hours, and she was waiting for me at the cafeteria to have lunch together. Just before going in, I texted her and asked her to get me some fries, and then I turned off my phone.
I was showing my professor my paper on my laptop forgetting that I had iMessage on my laptop. A message from her came in, and I’ll never forget the look on his face: “I’ll get you fries but only if you sensually feed them to me while you call me daddy,” That was my last time visiting his office hours!
6. See You Never
I was ordering food off of a delivery app on my ex’s phone when she got a text from guy saying he couldn't wait to see her that weekend. She told me she was going to see her mom. Notice how I said ex?
7. Perfect Date
One day, I met a guy from Tinder in a pub for our first date. Things were going well. We were having a laugh and flirting. After about an hour, I took out my phone to show him a funny meme and up popped a notification from my new period tracking app saying, "Today's the day! You're ovulating!" I swiped it away quickly.
I don’t think he got a good look at it, but I was still worried he'd think I was some child-obsessed weirdo who timed my dates so random Tinder guys could impregnate me. I turned off ovulation notifications after that.
8. Improper Send-Off
I was holding my ex-husband’s phone while he was driving me and the kids to the airport. A text came in from a “work colleague” asking if we’d left yet. It was then that I realized the marriage was over.
9. Here Kitty, Kitty
I sent a text of a wet cat and said, “Look at this wet putty,” while my other friend’s mom was holding his phone. She just awkwardly gave him his phone back.
10. A Bit Of A Mess
A Hangouts notification popped up on the screen while the new boss was standing behind me to train me on a new program. The message from my husband asked, "How's the Pooper?" I was so focused on the task that she saw it before me and collapsed to the floor uncontrollably laughing. I read it and immediately lost it too.
In tears from laughing, we were frantically talking over each other. She was trying to apologize for the unprofessional reaction, and I was trying to explain that Pooper was our dog's nickname because he was getting over a bout of diarrhea! The rest of the office was so confused!
11. Getting To The Bottom Of It
I was chatting with a guy and it was going well, nothing intimate maybe mild flirting. So, I didn't care when I gave my buddy my phone for some reason. Then across the room he yelled, "YO THIS DUDE JUST ASKED IF YOU'D BE DOWN FOR BUM STUFF!"
12. Not A Dealbreaker
I sent to my best girlfriend, “You’re right, future husband’s dad is weird. And a little insensitive.” And her future husband saw the text. Luckily, he laughed and agreed with me. But I was so embarrassed that he saw it.
13. Different Types Of Treatment
My mom was looking up stuff on my prescription app on my phone when a message came in from a group chat I’m in—a group chat named “naughty material.” I turned Instagram notifications off after that.
14. Generational Problems
I was showing my grandma pictures. She chuckled and quickly gave me back the phone. I saw that my husband had texted me, and my stomach dropped: It said, "I hate it when I'm pooping and my junk touches the water. Big junk problems." We laughed, but my husband is still horrified by the thought of my grandma knowing about his "big junk problems."
15. The End Of That
I texted my friend who was planning to break up with her boyfriend, "Hope you're ok, how did Gary take the break up?" Gary was using her phone and saw the text. They hadn't yet broken up. Sorry, Gary.
16. Thanks, Old Pal
A friend of mine sent me a message for the first time in four months that was just, “Ily,” right as my girlfriend was holding the phone.
17. Want You Back
A notification from a story app I play popped up while my boyfriend was holding my phone and said something like, "Mike misses you! Come back and play!" or something like that. Of course, all he did was pull the drop-down menu down to see the full notification and laugh. He teased me about it for hours.
18. Hidden Warm Feelings
I lent my jacket to my crush, and it had my phone in the pocket. Someone sent me a message, so she got it out to give it to me, but unfortunately, she had sent me a message before that and saw that her name was marked with a heart. It was an awkward night after that.
19. About Last Night
I had text notifications on my computer and was working with a vendor and sharing the screen. My partner picked then to send me a text that said, "That was the most amazing night we've ever had last night!" I silenced the notification as fast as I could, but the vendor went quiet for half a minute and said, "Good job!”
20. Have Your Cake And Eat It Two
I was showing my mom some cake ideas for my wife's 30th that I was considering. My wife texted me, and my mom got a full view of my wife's privates with the caption, "Guess what you're eating for dessert tonight?" I tried to grab the phone, but my mom went back to browsing cakes like nothing. As I left, my mom made a joke.
She thought it would be funny to ask, "Would you like second dessert tonight? Because I have a trifle in the fridge." I nearly dissolved in shame.
21. Get The Picture
I was working at an Apple store as a Genius and was helping an older woman with her phone. This woman had to be in her late 60s early 70s, as sweet as could be, and was having some minor problems with her phone. So, she handed me her phone and just as she did, a message popped up with a picture of a toilet full of poo.
The message read, “How many times do I have to tell you to flush the stupid toilet?!” Not knowing really sure what to do, I gave it back and told her she had a message. She took the phone, half smiled, closed the message, and handed it back telling me, “Sorry about that, sweetheart, my daughter can be a bit of a jerk.”
22. That’s Not Goat
Imagine my conservative 15-year-old little brother's face when my boyfriend texted me, "I'll destroy you tonight," while we were watching some stupid goat video.
23. What’s in A Name?
One of my high school buddies put himself as “Jew Boy” in my phone. It made my Jewish roommate super uncomfortable understandably. I also have a friend named Richard. This quickly became Dick Peen Willy Scuzz Balls in my phone. Boy, does my mom regret using my phone to take a picture.
24. Can I Take A Message?
I was using my roommate's desktop Mac, and any notification you get on your iPhone will appear on-screen on all of your other Apple devices. I was on the computer in his bedroom while he was in the kitchen getting a snack, and he received a phone call from an unknown number. I saw the notification pop up on his screen.
I had an option to answer the call for him. I thought it would be funny if I took the call before he could answer it on his phone meaning he would have to run through to his bedroom where I would be silently laughing myself to an early grave. I clicked to answer expecting it to be some kind of cold-call, but it wasn’t.
That voice on the other end, amplified by my roommate's gratuitous speaker setup, went, “Hello. This is official business.” My soul then left my body. I absolutely cannonballed out of his room making the most apologetic eye-contact I have ever made with a human being. He’d been caught in a “traffic incident” while out.
They got his contact details from the dashcam footage of his registration plate. They were calling him in for some questioning. It was a wonderfully devious experience, for which I was absolutely not prepared, and we have never spoken of it since.
25. Friends Are A Blessing
In high school, my friends and I started this thing where we gave each other funny contact names in our phones based on inside jokes. My high school friends’ contact names are things such as Baby America, Sugar Mama, and even weirder names. When we were juniors, there was a girl who was obsessed with a friend.
This led to me changing his contact name to “Booty Lord” with some rather suggestive emojis following it. Everything was fine and dandy until a few months later, when I had forgotten about it. I was applying for a leadership position in a club where I was a member and was required to have two letters of recommendation.
For the second letter, I asked one of my teachers, who was a very conservative man in his late 70s, if he could write one for me. Being a lazy man, he told me to write the letter myself with all the things I wanted him to say in it. Then he’d sign. After I finished writing it, I handed him my phone to let him read it.
I needed him to approve it before I printed it out. About 45 seconds after I gave him my phone, he, very loudly and incredulously, said, “Booty Lord?” and gave me a horrified look and shoved the phone back into my hands. That was hard to explain.
26. Lack Of Existence
A few years ago, when Richard III was being reburied after his body was discovered under a parking lot, the BBC made a WhatsApp service that sent you information on him. I left my phone on the table with friends and got a message. The message was from the service. The notification showed a new message from "King Dick."
When I came back, they were all giggling amongst themselves and started asking lots of questions about my love life. They thought I was getting some royal standard action, and instead, I'm just a massive geek.
27. Saw Too Much
My fiancé calls me by an affectionate nickname, which references my body. He sent me a text with that while a fellow medical student was using my phone to look up treatment options while we were rounding in the hospital. He handed the phone back quickly and said, "I think you got a text," but the poor guy was blushing.
28. Sorry, Mom
My roommate’s mom visited and we decided to go to lunch. While waiting, my roomie took out her iPad. We started playing Sorry. She didn't think of how all her devices were linked because a, "u wanna bang," text notification came on her screen. That was mortifying enough—but what came next was so much worse: A thumbnail of the dude’s junk. Sorry indeed.
29. Sounds Like A Weirdo
My friend and I would make weird noises on the phone to annoy each other. I called him one time, and when the call was answered, I let out a groan that progressively became a screech. His dad had answered, and all I heard was, “Why are you friends with this guy?” It was never a competition but if it was, I think I won.
30. Picture Perfect Parenting
My father-and-law and I were looking at pictures on my phone. My wife texted me, and the banner on the top of the screen read, "I've been a bad girl. I need a spanking…or maybe just a hard pounding?" Dude looked at me. I answered, "What kind of daughter did you raise?" He did not laugh as hard as I think he should have.
31. Life Alert
One day, I returned from my vacation and was showing my whole family all of my pictures, and then came a notification from Brazzers to let me know it uploaded a new video. Everyone went silent for a minute, but then my brother said, “I too am tired of these spam notifications. You should report them,” and I was saved.
32. Medieval Punishments
My best friend in high school was being grounded and having his phone taken away, and as he was giving his phone over, I sent him a text that said, "Hey I found your mom's toy," with a picture of a medieval battering ram. He said they both saw it and held each other’s gaze silently for what he described as an eternity.
33. Got A Good Look
My in-laws are quite religious. I was showing them something on my phone when my wife texted me a spread eagle shot that said, "I can’t wait for them to leave so I can literally suck the soul out of you.” I wanted to die in that moment. It may have been small on the banner, but they were both wearing glasses and paying very close attention.
34. What’s Under There?
I got subscribed to Yandy Lingerie texts after I ordered something from there. I was at work, and a parent was looking at some of the pictures I had taken of the field trip we took the kids on, and a message popped up saying, “NAUGHTY CROTCHLESS PANTIES ON SALE!” I was mortified.
35. Getting Honked At
My friend and I were sending texts like "H O N K," and she thought it would be funny to call me, and right when I picked up, she let out the most horrifying, demonic honking, but she dialed the wrong number and unleashed satan upon my nice, middle-aged neighbor Jill. She was mortified, but I nearly passed out laughing.
36. Did You Want Something?
My boyfriend has a friend that I have always suspected is in love with him. Once, she was showing me something on her phone, and a text from her mom popped up saying, “I still don’t understand why you can’t get with [bf’s name].” We pretended it didn’t happen.
37. Bad Catch
I communicate with my doctor through an app, so he could message me whenever he needs. I'm a new patient of his, and he had me do all the standard tests just to get up to speed on my health. I was showing a meme to my girlfriend, and suddenly a notification popped up on my phone saying, "We have your HIV test results."
38. Scary Teenagers
One of my classes in high school had a group chat to talk about homework and stuff, and when the nickname function got introduced, a lot of people ended up with exactly the type of nicknames you would expect from high schoolers. I was showing my dad a picture or something when the messenger bubble popped on the screen.
It said, "hxrny hardtick sent a message." My dad just like, awkwardly coughed and then stood up and walked away before I could explain. He never brought it up again, and I never got in trouble for it, so it could have been worse. I'm sure my dad was mildly traumatized seeing that on his teenage daughter's phone though.
39. Watching Prime Time
My best friend is very organized. She and I were both senior RAs in college and were watching movies in the common room with all of her male freshman residents. Halfway through, this app notification popped up and said, "Mary, you are ovulating today! Now is a great time to get pregnant!" They made fun of her for ages.
40. Learning Yikes
My professor used to have his laptop hooked up to the projector up front, and while he was going through a PowerPoint, a text popped up on his screen from a woman, and all it said was, "I have herpes." He stopped connecting his laptop to the projector after that.
41. Keeping It Real Smooth
My best friend and I used to have a code word for inappropriate stuff. Whenever one of us sent the word, “crisco” it means to keep it PG. We picked up this word because one day my dad was fixing my phone and she sent, in all caps, “DID YOU KNOW IN ANCIENT TIMES THEY USED ANIMAL FAT AS LUBE SO THEY COULD DO EACH OTHER?”
42. Rare, Exotic Dish
One of my friends was showing her professor something on her phone, and right as she handed her the phone, she got a message from our group chat from our friend that we nicknamed, "I want peen pasta."
43. Poor Delivery
I was showing my brother something on Amazon and got a text from a guy I was talking to at the moment saying, "Let me put ranch on them lips pretty mama." My brother just looked at me and walked away.
44. Got Yacht
I was with a group of friends, and this person gave me their number. I save people's names with a detail that reminds me of who they are. This person was talking nonstop about their yacht. So, I wrote something like "Gary Hasayacht." He sent me a text but it didn't go to my phone for a while because we had weak signal.
When it popped up, my phone was in clear view. He saw the text and his name as it’s listed on my phone and then went, “You know, it's really not that big of a yacht.” I wanted to sink into the floor, he thought I was hitting on him and/or a gold digger.
45. In The Wrong
I was waiting for a job interview, and the interviewer was late. Being nervous for it already, I was texting my friend every detail, which included the interviewer's lack of timeliness. He showed up. I was showing him my phone, and my friend messaged me saying how unprofessional it was to be late. I didn’t get the job.
46. Direct and to the Point
I was letting my coworkers share/borrow my laptop, and my birth control reminder popped up while he was using it. I'm extremely immature, so the message just says, "BIRTH CONTROL," with the location set to, "YO MOUTH."
47. Online Greeting
I was at work giving a presentation. My laptop was projecting on the big screen. I had neglected to turn off the Dropbox app notifications. My friend, with whom I shared a folder, uploaded a file to it. The message box popped up, “The file ‘Hey, Bum Head.wav’ has been uploaded to your Dropbox.”
48. Problems With Distance
The first couple months of my marriage we lived in different states. I was working fast food at the time, and I was walking up to the front of the store while closing when I got a text from him. I opened it and saw that it was his junk. My manager stood behind me and started yelling about inappropriate texting at work.
49. Get It, Girl
“Bread BREAD I AM NOT PLAYING WITH YOU. BREAD.” I believe this was an intoxicated reminder to remember bread. I found it amusing...until I noticed my client’s blank non-reaction.
50. Scanner’s Regret
My best friend and I were out eating. I went to pay while she went to poop when we finished. I had a coupon on my phone. So, right when I handed the lady the phone to scan the coupon, my friend texted me to describe the poop she was taking. The poor lady just handed me my phone really fast and didn't say anything else.
51. Acting Differently
In high school, there was a couple who had recently started dating, John and Sarah. They were both seen as quite innocent—but we were so wrong. We were all in theater together. I was at a rehearsal at John's house, and he was showing me his phone. Right as I looked, a text popped up from Sarah saying, "I want you to do me from behind."
I was a bit in shock and started laughing uncomfortably, and when John took his phone back, he was horrified. Personally, I just thought it was hilarious and definitely a pivotal moment with that group of theater kids.
52. Downhill After That
I went skiing with my mom, and her partner at the time also went snowboarding. He was at a resort 20 minutes away from where we were with his friends. In the town where they were staying, there was a really nice steak house which does an amazing fillet. He sent her a picture of the steak when we were in the hotel room.
As she turned the phone around to show me while saying, "Oh, look how amazing this steak looks," another message popped up unknown to my mom that read, "tastes like you." And that is how I cannot eat fillet steak anymore.
53. Like A Canary
I was the director of an a cappella group. During auditions, I projected sheet music from my tablet. After one girl finished her audition, the assistant director texted me from across the room, “Oh, that was awful.” My tablet received the message, and everyone saw the notification...including the girl who’d just auditioned.
54. A Broken Bad Look
I was planning Halloween costumes with a friend one year, and we decided to do the Breaking Bad guys. At work, with my phone face up, I was with some coworkers and got an alert that read, “I found the little baggies for the drugs,” I immediately stopped notifications forever and ever amen.
55. It’s Not Hard
My crush was holding my phone at lunch playing Minecraft. My friends at another table texted me and said, “I bet you have a BONER!”
56. Issues With Sharing
My friend A gave his phone to friend B. Friend B put in a group chat, "Would you like to see my Hentai collection?" There were teachers in the chat. I quickly found my friend and showed him, and we found friend B afterward, who had no idea teachers were there. Friend A apologized, and luckily, no one took it seriously.
57. Jurassic Mistake
I was dating a girl who would lose her phone, and she would borrow mine to make calls. Another friend who is a girl texted me a picture of her in her dinosaur Halloween costume. Her reaction was, in a word, nuts. The girl came back to me, slapped me in the face, threw my phone at me yelling, "What kind of sick stuff are you into?!" Then she stormed off.
This was at my work where I’m a bartender in the middle of a busy night. Everyone in the restaurant looked at me like I diddle kids or something.
58. Seen It
My boyfriend and I met through a mutual friend who happened to be my FWB. When my boyfriend and I got together, my FWB and I stopped sleeping with each other. We all stayed friends. They were both in the car, and I didn’t know. I was teasing my boyfriend with pictures and videos. He said he saw the notification pop up.
He had my ex FWB open it since he was busy driving. They quickly realized it was a video of me for my boyfriend, and my ex FWB shut it off. It was super awkward, and I didn't know until the next day.
59. Official Jargon
"Another boner in the lab" was the unfortunate message my husband read when I received a text from a colleague about a cadaver that he was extracting larvae from. We're Forensic Entomologists, and we dispense with professional decorum in texts for levity. My husband isn't familiar with the term beyond its connotations.
Boner is a skeletonized cadaver. It's supposed to be silly, but my husband was not amused.
60. One McBummer, Please
I was ordering food at McDonald's and I showed a coupon on my phone to the employee. In the same moment, my girlfriend texted me, "I'm breaking up with you."
61. Spam Girls
When we first started dating, my wife was on my computer and typing in some address when an address for a dirty chat site came up. It was from a pop-up ad that showed up when I’d browse a certain site. She thought I was paying cam girls. She tried to break up with me while I was working, but I proved it was just a pop-up.
62. Top Secret Plans
The wife and I don't need a lot for intimacy time. For the first and only time, I wrote her a letter requesting that when I got home that night, she was to be on all fours wearing a certain garment. I was just going to come home and go straight to town. I placed it on the kitchen counter then I cleared everything away. I wouldn't realize my mistake until much later.
At 3 PM, the landlord messaged my wife and I in a group chat. He stopped by to show off the house to a buyer. I was still expecting fun times. She was home and saw the letter and the kitchen sink was fixed. No fun times. She’s convinced they saw the letter. I still can't look my ex-landlord in the eye without laughing.
63. Pet Names
I named this obnoxious and annoying couple, "Filthy Dupenozzle," and, "Dupenozzle's Cow," on my phone. I was at UPS, and the cashier needed to look at my phone for a shipping address. There, she saw a notification from, "Dupenozzle's Cow," and I can tell she tried not to smirk.
64. You Should Get That Checked
I'm in a group chat where the name always changes depending on the season. The name this time was, "Why Does it Hurt When I Pee?" I was out walking and a friend came up behind me, saw it, and asked if I was OK, if I needed a doctor, or maybe I had a UTI, etc. I didn't know what to tell him and just quickly walked away.
65. Confirm Your Identity
My boyfriend and I were looking at my phone when we were first started dating, and I needed to look something up. Lo and behold, the last thing I was looking at was checking him out on Google, so it was awkward, and he said, “...did you Google me?” It’s funny now but was so awkward then!
66. Personal Calls
My new boss was sitting at my desk on my computer, and my phone started ringing. The screen said REHAB. I forgot I put that number in after I finished rehab just in case. I was so mortified. Thinking fast, I said, “My sister just called do you mind if I call her back?”
67. Intimate Details
My girlfriend at the time messaged me about how ferocious her period was. My friend saw it, and his reaction was priceless. He looked so troubled and confused.
68. Sliding to Doom
I was hanging out with some friends and acquaintances. I didn’t know one of the girls, Lisa, too well, but she was like an annoying frenemy of one of my friends. They always told me this friend made the “Lisa face,” and I always wondered what a Lisa face looked like. They told me she makes this weird annoyed rude face.
We were all sitting at this table, and I was sitting across from Lisa, and my friend was sitting at the other end of the long table. Then, Lisa did the “Lisa face.” I got excited and thought, “Oh, I finally saw the Lisa face! I get it!” I texted my friend, “Hey wow. Lisa really does do that face!” Then I pressed send—if I'd waited another second, I could have avoided disaster.
At that exact moment, Lisa called over to my friend and asked, “Can I borrow your phone to make a call? My friend slid the phone over to her like a bartender. When Lisa got it, there was a “ding!” My text message popped up on the screen, so then I said, “…Uh, well, you do kind of make a face…” It was all very shameful.
69. Click the Kink
I was showing people at my new job a video of some of the animals I help raise and train when I got an email notification from Bad Dragon that read, “Your order of [item] in size M has shipped!” I tried to laugh it off, but I slunk back to the dish room shortly after hoping the embarrassment would end me.
70. Reduced to Frames
A friend of mine had a dude listed in her phone as, “Tinder Guy Glasses,” which worked great until he became more long-term, and she never bothered to change it. She'd been on a bit of a serial one-night-stand kick for a while; it was easier for her to have descriptions instead of names. After all, she knew who he was.
She knew his name. She thought he was great, and she had left her straight-hoeing days behind her. What difference did it make? He found out when she lost her phone, and he called it only to find he’d been sitting on it. By all accounts, she was mortified when he handed it back to her with that Caller ID on the screen.
71. Happy Ending
I started sleeping with a girl from work, and we hooked up one night after work drinks. Before anything went down, she told me she's on the pill. I, being dumb and tipsy, was happy that I did not have to wear a condom. The next week, I decided to get checked just in case. No symptoms thankfully. It’d just been a while.
The clinic told me they would text me the results. The test included everything. The girl and I were chilling in bed watching TV after some afternoon delight. I was using my phone to cast it on my TV. The first text from the clinic came up and hit the screen. "Hi, these are the results for your recent health check-up.”
“You will receive one text for each test you took. The results of your HIV test were...” And that's where the preview stopped. I felt her tense next to me. She’s clearly worried she did it without protection with somebody who could be HIV positive. I scrambled to show her the rest of the message, which was HIV negative.
72. Looking at Old Photos
My dad was looking at the most recent pictures I had taken of my kids when I got a message from my small group chat. It was a selfie of my husband's friend banging a really hot girl reverse cowgirl style. It was taken in a mirror, so we got the full view. My dad handed the phone back to me and said, "Very cute, honey."
73. Is That What You’ll Be Having?
I clicked on a NSFW link while looking at something nasty online, and right when it de-pixelated, the waitress appeared behind me laughing before taking my order.
74. Immatured Alert
My friend changed all the nicknames on my phone to things like Insatiable Poonhound, the baby blaster, the toot heard round the world, etc., without telling me. Then he messaged me a whole bunch while I was at work teaching. A student asked if he could use my phone because he needed to call his parents for a ride home.
As I was handing him the phone, I saw all the notifications sitting on my screen.
75. Getting to Know You
I teach English in China, and two years ago, I arrived at my first job about a month late thanks to visa issues. I survived the first two days okay, and it was Friday, and I was invited to a co-worker’s apartment to hang out, have a drink, and meet some other expats. It’s just some of us chatting and drinking casually.
Sometime later, people have walked off or called it a night, so it’s just me, a guy, and a girl sitting on the couch. The guy showed me his phone. He wanted to show me this mobile game that was very popular there in China. As he’s doing this, a message popped up. It read, "I want your balls in my mouth," from the girl.
The guy and I made brief eye contact immediately, and then I looked at her. She went beet red and went out the room. I was then informed that I was the first person other than them in the company who knew that the two of them were an item. She wasn’t a shy girl at all, and we now frequently make reference to the event.
76. Sitting in the Tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G
I was showing a classroom full of kids the eclipse on my phone on the overhead projector, and my husband texted. On my phone, his name is Lover Boy, and I swiped it away really quick, but some of those 8-year-olds caught me and laughed at me. So did the substitute teacher.
77. Paying for a Date
For work, I’d have to hand my phone over for people to sign and tip for pizza deliveries. I once got a Tinder notification without knowing while a guy was signing. As I passed him the pizza, he gave back my phone and said, “Looks like you got someone to spend this on tonight, bud!” Not the worst, but still a funny one.
78. Breaking News
My friend is a professor at a college, and I’m a first responder. We would usually leave around the same time in the morning for our work days, so I knew he would be awake if I was bored at work and wanted someone to bother. On this one shift, my first call was a prolapsed bum hole. Of course, I needed to tell someone.
It was a medical marvel! So, who did I text just before of 8 AM? He had just plugged in his Mac into the projector, and the text message, “Nothing like starting your day than with a prolapsed bum hole,” popped up on his screen for the entire class to see. I got an earful later, and he changed his notification settings.
79. Hilarious Attempt
He handed it to me to show me something funny when his former side chick with whom he cheated on me texted. It wasn’t anything explicit or anything, but the terms of him coming home included, “Never talk to her again.” So, I handed him his phone and told him to get out.
80. Uncalled For
My co-worker and I bought the iPhone 4S, used the same message tones, and sat side by side at work. Once, his phone on my left received a message, and I looked. The message was from his wife whose contact display looked just like mine. The preview read, "You're a jerk," and I was thinking, “Why would she call me that?”
81. I Know How It Sounds
My brother's contact name in my phone is “My Wife's Boyfriend.” He called me while I was showing something that I was looking for on my phone to a poor grocery store employee. I don't know what's worse, him seeing that or my panicked response, "Oh sorry, that's my little brother."
82. Letting Him Know
I was texting a good friend of mine about how much I hated my dad, and then my dad asked me to look something up for him, so I did and handed him my phone. When I got it back, I realized I had a new message where my friend talked about my dad. It had to have popped up a preview on the screen so my dad probably read it.
83. Not Worth It
My friend needed my phone to make a phone call, so I lent it to them to make it. That was when my phone got a text informing me that I had just lost my grandma. My friend gave me my phone and ran off.
84. Can’t Handle the Goods
When the iPhone was first out, my best friend saved up to buy one. I was with him the day he bought it, so naturally, he let me play around with it. For a joke, I went into his calendar app and set up a reminder for a couple weeks later that would come up and give him a laugh. Two weeks later, I had forgotten about it.
We were at a large house party with a bunch of people in the living room talking when somebody noticed his phone. Everybody was super interested because most people hadn't seen an iPhone before. Being the nice guy, he passed it around to let everyone get a chance to play with it. 15 seconds after, I heard a girl shout.
The notification alarm was going off and was quickly followed by her yelling, "What the HECK?!?" She handed the phone to one of her friends who started cracking up. My buddy finally asked what the problem was, and she showed everyone the notification, "Jerk off all day." I watched my friend try to explain the reminder.
It was amazing listening to why he would never have set a reminder to jerk off all day to a group of high schoolers that were practically in tears. I finally confessed after five minutes and promptly lost all iPhone privileges.
85. Cheating Thievery
I was borrowing my boyfriend's computer to send him some pictures from his computer to his phone. In the upper corner, it was non-stop messaging from girls. I clicked on one, and she sent pictures. I found out he was sending money to women. My money. Several hundred dollars.
86. Missing No Detail
I was heading to my school’s office of career services to have my resume reviewed. I got a couple texts from a guy vividly describing what he wanted to do with me, but I didn’t open my messages since I was thinking about the meeting. I used my laptop to show my resume. The career services woman started reading it over.
She was giving me some feedback, and the notifications I didn’t clear on my phone from the texts all popped up on my screen. The notifications were there for a couple of seconds and she definitely saw them. As my face burned and I turned bright red, she just primly said, “Now those aren’t the “skills” we’d list on your resume, now are they?” Not only was I mortified, this middle-aged lady had to go and roast me too. It was the most excruciating hour of my life.
87. In What Reality
My boyfriend left his phone on the sofa while he excused himself to use the restroom. A text popped up, and I automatically looked. We had great respect for each other’s privacy, so, of course, I didn’t read it, but I did see the name. He came out of the bathroom, and I asked who “Jane” was. He had never mentioned her.
“My niece,” he answered. He came from a large family, and I couldn’t keep track of all of his nieces and nephews. We went back to the movie we were watching, and I never thought of it again. We had a wonderful relationship. The kind of love that’s made up to sell books and films. It was the most real thing in my life.
I had been twice divorced, and it was only with him that I learned what real love is. My own parents really didn’t love me. I wasn’t just happy with my life; I was ecstatic. Nothing else mattered because I was loved. It was five years of absolute bliss. I agreed to work late one day and was texting him during my break.
He told me our plans for the night, which were going to dinner with his best friend. He said he would tell him we’d be a bit late. I had to go back to work. I got home that night to find the best human being I had ever known was gone forever after trying to get into the shower. It was a massive heart attack, they said.
The only thing I remember is screaming and crying. It couldn’t end this way. He was far too young and healthy. It’s been almost two years later, and I am still in shock. Two days after he was gone, I got a message from “Jane.” Jane was the woman in his other life, as in he had two lives—another home, another woman, etc.
I still don’t understand how this was possible, but she had definite proof. Proof that she shoved in my face. She didn’t know about me either, so I felt bad for her. She was everything he couldn’t stand. I’ll never get over this. I’m just an empty shell now. I quickly stopped messaging with Jane as I could not take it.
All I remember about his infidelity is that text message. He’d never lied to me, so why wouldn’t I believe him? Now, I have no idea what was a lie and what was the truth. I thought losing him was as bad as it could get. Boy, was I wrong! What he did doesn’t make me love him any less even though sometimes I wish it did.
88. Machine Reading
I was riding in the car with a co-worker when my wife texted. I told Siri to read it. Huge mistake. My wife texted to yell at me about leaving dingleberries in the shower drain.
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