The Dumbest ER Patients

September 14, 2023 | Sarah-May Oldfield

The Dumbest ER Patients

Emergencies can strike anyone at any time or anywhere. But sometimes these emergencies can come from the most unexpected, or foolish, reasons. Here are some of the stupidest reasons people ended up in the emergency room. Some of these are bound to make you chuckle.

1. A Valuable Lesson Learned

When I was a kid, I had one of those erasers that you can sit on top of a pencil. It was a Yogi Bear eraser, about 2 inches big with a hole at the bottom. 

For no other reason than I was a moron, I decided I needed to know if Yogi's ear would fit into mine. I still remember the little horrible moment. It definitely fit, but it got stuck. I was terrified. 

I had to go to the doctor and have them remove it, and it took a long time. They were using water to flush it out, while fishing around with tweezers. 

A little while and some red tinged tweezers later, it was out. I’ll never try another experiment like this again. Lesson learned.

kid and father at emergency room  an IV fluid runningwuttichai tongsuk, Shutterstock

2. Lesson Learned Twice

I had this ingrown hair from shaving my ‘sensitive’ area. I noticed it in the shower and figured I'd go ahead and pop it. A few days later, my family jewels were in extreme pain, so I decided to go to a walk-in clinic and get it checked out. 

In case you’re wondering, there is no dignified way to tell someone that you have very sore and very swollen nuts, but I did my best. I saw the doctor and showed him what happened, and he said in an alarmingly concerned tone, "Oh, that is very infected".

He informed me that I shouldn't have popped it, especially not in that region because if it doesn't pop, the infection goes inside. Ouch.

He gave me some medication and informed me that I may develop an abscess. If that happened, he said I'd have to come back so he can drain it. I did the medical regime he prescribed, and it started to feel mildly better after a couple of days. 

I got out of the shower one day and noticed that the area had indeed formed an abscess. It looked like a piece of raw chicken skin, and I thought to myself that I could probably just pick it off, and so I did.

I was feeling pretty good about myself, that is until I see the dime-sized hole. I found a bandage to cover it and headed to the emergency room. Again.

Much like telling someone your balls and very sore and swollen, there is no dignified way to tell anyone you have a dime-sized hole in it. However, fun fact, if you tell someone you have a hole in your scrotum, you go to the front of the line.

I leapfrogged ahead of a bunch of old ladies to get an ultrasound. So, after having my balls handled by no less than 7 people, they told me I must wait for a urologist. They checked me over, admonished me a few more times for squeezing an in grown hair, and told me that if I take all my meds, I should be alright, which I was.

Entrance to emergency roomRob Hainer, Shutterstock

3. That Wasn’t Supposed To Happen

I was wearing brand new tall platform Doc Martens I’d barely broken in. Tipsy and walking back to the bar, I wanted to demonstrate to my new friend how short I was without them. 

I intentionally bent my ankle to the side to shorten the height given by my shoe base, as if I was wearing sneakers or short heels. My tipping centre of gravity did the rest—I heard a crunch, pop, snap, and I was down for the count.

The next morning my ankle was the size of a grapefruit. I had zero first aid gear on hand. Luckily, I live 5 minutes away from the hospital. After an X-ray, I was told I had a Grade II sprain. And that’s how I “intentionally” sprained my ankle.

Woman with sprained anklePhovoir, Shutterstock

4. The Cons Of Bravery 

I broke my hip getting up from the couch. I already had a bad hip thanks to some medication I’d been on for years but hurt a lot. When it finally snapped, I didn’t think “Darn! My hip broke!” I thought “Darn! This thing’s acting up!” But then came a plot twist.

Turns out the bone was necrotic and released a massive infection into my system. I passed out and I woke up from a medically-induced coma a month later with no idea how I wound up in the hospital.

Patient in hospitalfeelartfeelant, Shutterstock

5. Tampon Gone Rogue

I couldn’t find my tampon and I was freaking out. I even had a friend try to help me find it...that’s how desperate I was. Finally, I realized I had to go to the hospital. 

I don’t know how much of this was influenced by being younger and reading romance novels—but while my feet were up in the stirrups, in walked a young, terribly handsome doctor. I wanted to just die from embarrassment. 

The only thing worse than going to the hospital because a tampon got stuck inside you is finding out there is no tampon lodged inside you. I hid under my covers for three days.

Portrait of a shocked young girl in pink dress looking at camera with mouth coveredDean Drobot, Shutterstock

6. Don't Open Doors This Way

I hate touching doorknobs with my hands. I always use my forearm to rub against the doorknob in a downward motion using friction to turn it. I was joking around with my girlfriend saying I can open a door with my bum exactly like how I use my forearm. 

I jumped at the door butt first and the little metal latch that guides the door cut me. It wasn’t a clean cut because the thing wasn’t that sharp. I needed over 30 stitches. 

While I healed my girlfriend had to stand behind me holding a bowl to cover my bum every time I took a shower so it didn’t get wet.

Silver doorknobPexels, khairul nizam

7. Perils of Childhood Boredom

When I was 8, I was bored so I got a bottle of Gatorade from my pantry. I grabbed a kitchen knife and proceeded to stab it over the sink to see how easily it would go through the thicker plastic of the bottle. It surprised no one I cut myself badly, and I almost lost my thumb.

boy in white polo shirt cryingAnna Shvets, Pexels

8. It’s Supposed To Come Back

I threw a boomerang, but lost sight of it in the sun. I stood there with my hand on my forehead, to shieled my eyes from the sun while trying to regain sight of it. Then, all of a sudden, BAM—it came back and hit me square in the face. My friends called me an ambulance. 

As I was being wheeling into the A&E waiting room, the ambulance driver announced to everyone: "You'll never believe what this one did!"

hand throwing   Australian boomerangMarTata, Shutterstock

9. An Embarrassing Lesion

I’d developed a weird looking red mark on my forehead. My not-exactly-put-together father was convinced that I’d been bitten by a brown recluse spider, which are very poisonous. He thought he even saw "fang marks". 

So, to get my father to calm down, my mom took me to the ER. When we got there, they did some tests, and it wasn’t a spider bite, or a bite at all. It ended up being herpes...yes, on my forehead.

Emergency roompaulbr75, Pixabay

10. Help Me Doc, I’m Blue

When I was younger my family brought me to the ER because my fingers turned blue. We Googled all sorts of fancy and exotic diseases that they were worried about. 

Without saying much, the doctor swiped my hand with a disinfectant swab and then did the same thing on my jeans. They were the same color. It was the blue dye from my brand-new jeans.

Friendly mature doctor pediatrician giving high five to a happy little boy in blue t-shirtBAZA Production, Shutterstock

11. Kids Do The Weirdest Things

When I was 2 years old, I shoved a broken crayon up my nose. It took a week until I finally complained. We saw two doctors, then made a trip to the ER with no luck. The ER doctor managed to shove it in farther. 

I finally was able to get an appointment with a pediatric ear, nose and throat doctor who had it out in about 60 seconds.

little  girl in blue drawing with colorful crayonchuchiko17, Shutterstock

12. When A.I. Fights Back

I was building a self-balancing robot that had a sizeable battery pack, so it was heavy. It was maybe 25 lbs. I didn't realize how poorly I'd calibrated it was until I started it up. What ensued was absolute horror.

It immediately zipped forward, and then spined. I tried to step in and pick it up to get it under control and it rammed directly into my shin. It was hard enough to break the skin which required 7 to 8 stitches.

Medical bandages with scissors and sticking plasterLubos Chlubny, Shutterstock

13. The Hidden Dangers Of Having Asthma

I went into the ER with some severe unexplained chest pain. Since I have asthma, I worried it could be serious. It turned out I pulled a muscle in my chest that resulted from my asthma inhaler use.

Hispanic man in his 30s  suffering from chest pain in pink shirtantoniodiaz, Shutterstock

14. A Rare Case of ‘Kimichitus’

About 24 years ago, I ate almost a whole quart of Korean kimchi for dinner. It was so peppery, but so good. I just couldn’t stop eating it. That night, I experienced the most excruciating stomach pains, much worse than when my appendix burst 10 years prior. 

It was so bad, I stripped off all my clothes and sat in my boxer briefs on my front porch step writhing in agony while holding my now bloated stomach.

My wife finally took me to the ER, and they put an IV in my arm with some painkiller and admitted me for a 23-hour observation. As the night went on, the pain subsided, and I finally started feeling better.

Fast forward to the morning—I was feeling much better and pretty much back to normal. As the hospital was preparing to discharge me, the night shift was replaced by the dayl shift, and a few nurses came in to check on me followed by the new attending ER doctor, who happened to be Korean!

He was smiling and chuckling. He told me I had suffered from “kimchiitis” and proceeded to lecture me that kimchi is supposed to be a side dish to a meal, and not the main course! 

I really made his day, and everyone, including my sleep-deprived wife who sat with me the whole night, were laughing, shaking their heads, and grinning at my stupidity.

To this day, I still wonder if that Korean ER doctor used my case as one of his funniest ER stories.

Man in gray t-shirt  suffering form  stomach pains laying on  a couchG-Stock Studio, Shutterstock

15. A Really Big Ouch

I once stubbed my toe very hard. That’s all I thought it was. I’d never broken a bone before, so I didn’t know what to expect personally, and I have a high pain tolerance, so it only hurt when I put pressure on it. 

I ignored it for two days, then I woke up the third morning and realised my toe was colorless and immobile. It turns out I stubbed my toe so hard that I split the phalanx in half. Explaining to the triage nurse that I really did just stub my toe that hard was fun.

big toe on foot in bandagepornpawit, Shutterstock

16. Call Me Mr. Potato Head

I don’t know why, but I made a homemade spud gun —you know, those things that fire potatoes? I added an accelerant to it to make it go off and pulled the trigger to test fire it. This is when things got bad.

 It didn't go off, so I looked right into the barrel to see what was happening. And as I was looking into the barrel, I pulled the trigger again. A fire potato shot out of the end and burned my eyeball.

Portrait of a young businessman in suit with eye patchsirtravelalot, Shutterstock

17. “Welcome Home Lefty”

I was experiencing some discomfort around the family jewels, but being a giant scaredy cat about hospitals, doctors, and needles, Idecided to ignore it and I just hoped it went away. It did not.

I was telling everyone I was fine; that it was a stomach bug; or that I was just feeling under the weather. I eventually admitted I couldn’t really sit right.

So, we drove off the ER. We were promptly informed by the doctor on duty that one of my testes was the size of a small grapefruit. It had no blood flow, and it had to come out right away. Testicular torsion is no joke. 

So, my worst nightmare happened—I spent the night in the hospital, then came home to a “Welcome Home Lefty” cake courtesy of his sarcastic of kids.

Doctors, Nurses and Paramedics Push Gurney with a man lying on itGorodenkoff, Shutterstock

18. Bruce Lee Would Not Be Proud

It was Christmas Day, and my brother and me were sparring. While attempting to kick him, I dislocated my knee. Needless to say, that the was the beginning and end of my martial arts career.

Kid boy in green shorts  feeling  knee painMorakod1977, Shutterstock

19. Laptops Can Be Dangerous Too

I had my laptop in my work bag. It was soft with a single shoulder strap and sitting on the passenger seat of my car. I was in a hurry, so opened the passenger door and yanked my bag out. 

The bag flung up in the air and landed vertically on my big toe. It turned blue and I went to the hospital. When the doctors asked me what happened, I told them and everyone laughed. 

I was in a cast for two months. If anyone asked me, I told them an axe fell on my foot. That sounded a lot less embarrassing.

Man in  blue suit holds   laptop bagAleksandr_Savich, Shutterstock

20. When Improvising Gets You In Serious Trouble

I spent a night at a big fire camp party spitting fire. By the morning, the special "secure" fluid I use to breathe fire safely had run out, but I still felt like performing. 

I decided to try using Zippo lighter fluid that I found. It was a disaster waiting to happen. At the worst possible moment, as I began spitting fire, a sudden gust of wind blew in my face, igniting my face in flames. 

Panicking, I attempted to smother the fire with my hands and by wiping my face, but my hands also caught fire. In a desperate move, I managed to extinguish the flames by quickly wrapping myself in my sweatshirt. Never again.

young male covering his face with hands lying in  hospital bedMergeIdea, Shutterstock

21. A Series of Unfortunate Events

I got a porcupine quill stuck in my ankle. I had a bad reaction and my eyes swelled shut. It turns out I’m allergic to porcupines. I was on crutches for a while, and I couldn’t wear contacts because my eyes were still swollen. 

After class one day, while hobbling on crutches and not being able to see well, I tripped and fell down the stairs. Another ER visit later, and I added a sprained arm to the list. It was a horrible week.

Porcupine quillDotun55, CC BY-SA 4.0, Wikimedia Commons

22. Better Out Than In

I went to the ER for some serious stomach pain. They took me in for an ultrasound. The nurse came in and teold me it was trapped gas. 

Shortly after, I stood up to get dressed and leave. The nurse was helping me as I was still in pain, and I let out the longest, most explosive sounding gas I'd ever released. There was such instant relief, and many giggles from me and the nurse.

Man in blue t-shirt touching his stomach because of stomach painORION PRODUCTION, Shutterstock

23. When You’ve Seen Too Many News Stories

I was experiencing an uncomfortable burning sensation along my legs, and I was convinced I had contracted some form of flesh-eating bacteria. I panicked and I rushed to the ER. It was just a razor burn.

emergency room at hospitalsfam_photo, Shutterstock

24. The Only Person Who Took My Breath Away

I bumped chests with a guy I was in a play with once. He was a friend of mine and significantly larger than me. I was playing the part of a large guy and I had my clothes padded to make me look larger. 

We thought it would be funny to bump chests. He went running towards me and I stood my ground. I was hit hardand the consequences were awful.

I had no idea how hard until the cast party that night. I felt a buzzing in my throat as I spoke, and I ended up getting rushed to the hospital. He hit me so hard it gave me something called pneumothorax, which is when oxygen gets forced out of your lungs and into your blood. 

I had to stay a day with oxygen treatment. My buddy felt bad, but we just laughed it off. He was a very well-spoken guy; like a nice version of Sheldon from Big Bang Theory. I'd love to give him an award saying, "To the one person who landed me in the hospital".

patient on stretcher or gurney pushed  through a hospital corridor to an emergency roomSpotmatik Ltd, Shutterstock

25. Instant Justice For The Fat Cat

I was going up the stairs and I turned around to call my cat fat. As I was turning, I badly sprained my ankle. I thought I had broken it because there was an audible crunch and I felt something pushing up inside my foot.

In the ER, when I told the doctor what happened, he said to me: “Serves you right”.

Man with Ankle Sprained in BandageAndrey_Popov, Shutterstock

26. Those Don’t Look Like Pimples

When I was a kid, I noticed purple spots on my face. I freaked out a little and showed my parents. They had no idea what the spots could be but they were worried enough to take me to the hospital. The nurse said that the spots looked a lot like hickeys.

It was then that I realised what had happeened—when I was doing homework, I was mindlessly pressing my slide-on pencil eraser to my face, letting it stick and fall off. Those purple spots were suction marks from the eraser.

nurse in green uniformKarolina Grabowska, Pexels

27. Trying A Little Too Hard to Hear The Ocean

When I was younger, at a family outing at the beach, my brother showed me a magic trick. He took a small shell, proceeded to put it in his ear and pull it out the other ear.

He of course had two identical shells, and just pretended to put the first one in his ear. The super smart kid I was I wanted to try it for myself. So, I jammed a shell into my ear. 

It got stuck in there. I screamed all the way to ER. The doctor just squirted some water in my ear, and it popped out.

Two kids playing at the beachParty people studio, Shutterstock

28. One Tantrum Taken Too Far

When I was 10, I wanted to go to my friend's house. My older sister, who was watching me at the time wouldn't let me. So, I did the reasonable thing (which wasn't very reasonable at all)— and jumped out my second-floor bedroom window. You wouldn't be surprised to learn I spent most of my childhood grounded.

Little kid opening  a window at his roomshutterstudio, Shutterstock

29. The Cookies Were A Little Too Good

We were staying at friend’s place while they were out of town. We decided to go for a swim at the community pool. My wife passed out on the deck and when she came to her senses, she could barely move or speak. 

I took her to the hospital. Doctors couldn’t figure out what was going on, even after blood tests. After a few hours in the ER waiting room, she started to get better.

It turns out, my wife ate a cookie from the freezer that she didn’t know was heavily laced. We realized what had happened the next day when she ate another cookie, and this time she gave me some. The same thing happened again to both of us.

Woman  in white top Eating CookieAndrey_Popov, Shutterstock

30. Painful Realities of Growing Up

When I was 11, my parents rushed me to the ER because I was experiencing severe pain in my side. After checking in, my parents pushed for a doctor to see me right away fearing it could be my appendix. 

So, I was given a room. We found out I was having my first period and was experiencing menstrual cramps. Who knew, right?

Young Female Patient In Emergency RoomMonkey Business Images, Shutterstock

31. Remember to Wash Your Hands

My privates turned puffy and red for seemingly no reason. I had to fly to a wedding the next morning. I freaked out and asked my girlfriend to drive me to hospital. The nurse asked me if I had been eating spicy foods. I answered yes, I had been eating hot wings. 

She informed me taht I must have handled my myself to urinate prior to washing my hands. She gave me a Benadryl and told me to relax. I later requested the nurse's notes for my records, and they're hilarious.

A man in plaid shirt  eating  chicken wings with his handsSunvic, Shutterstock

32. An Interesting Dog Walk

My son and I were walking our dog. My son had the leash and went around me on one side with the dog on the other. Then, the unexpected ocurrred—my foot caught on the pavement; I went flying up in the air. 

It must have looked like something out of a cartoon. The leash wrapped around my knee and I broke my ankle, as well as dislocated my kneecap on the same foot.

A father walking with his dog and his sonDaxiao Productions, Shutterstock

33. An Unfortunate Chain of Events

I was working as a ticket caller and window cook on a kitchen line with another window cook. As he was opening a bag of soup, I was reaching up to grab an order ticket coming in. 

He ran the knife right through the bag of soup and into me right above the elbow, down to the bone. I drove myself to the hospital, and the restaurant covered the bill thankfully.

Portrait of a happy male chef cook sharpening a  knifeESB Professional, Shutterstock

34. Not The Next Spiderman

I was cleaning the patio, putting away cushions and pillows before a rainstorm. I had my dog tied to a leash nearby on a stake in the yard. I felt a bite between my thumb and forefinger, right in the webbing between them. 

I saw a huge spider that looked like a black widow, but I couldn't find it again to confirm.

About 10 seconds later, before I could really react and think through what to do, my dog's very old leash snapped from its stake in the yard. I had to quickly grab it as he sprang after a squirrel, using the hand I got bit on.

Within a few min, my hand was purple and swollen, and I was in extreme pain. We rushed to the ER, get checked out. I thought I was the spider bite, but it turns out it was just bad rope burn from the dog leash.

Big dog  on a leash and his owner holding the leashMarko Marcello, Shutterstock

35. When You’re Too Backed Up

I was like 16 or 17, doing dishes one night when suddenly, I passed out. I fell drastically, slamming my head on the ground. I woke up to my parents and the paramedics propping me up on our recliner. 

After I barely responded to any stimuli, they rushed me to the hospital to figure out what was wrong.

I was getting my shirt cut open, and there were wires being hooked up to me. A catheter also got shoved in, which is not fun when you can still feel pain.

I got intubated on Monday and I woke up on Wednesday still in the hospital. Apparently, once I was out at the hospital, I had a massive allergic reaction to the anesthetic they gave me, and I broke out in hives. 

So that took a whole day to fix, and they still had no idea why I passed out. They did X-ray and scans and saw no damage to my head from hitting the ground, but the doctors realized I was severely backed up in my intestines.

So, once I was stable enough for the doctors, you know what they did?  An enema. For anyone who hasn’t had the pleasure of getting one, they basically shoot a water solution straight up your butt and ask you to hold it for 10 minutes before you go. 

I think I held it for maybe 5 minutes before rushing for the bathroom. To this date, that was one of the longest and most painful bouts of ‘evacuation’ I’ve ever had.

Somehow, I was so backed up that my body couldn’t handle it. Now I poop daily to never have to deal with that level of drama, and embarrassment, again.

Paramedics responding to emergencyMikhail Nilov, Pexels

36. The Case Of The Missing Battery

My kid had just started walking and figuring out how to take things apart. We were sitting on the floor, and I heard a thunk which turned out to be the remote. 

When I went over to check, I picked up the remote and noticed the back wasn't on and there was a battery missing. I had my eye on my kid the whole time, but being a first-time mom, my mind started to go crazy, searching for the battery. 

Then, I suddenly froze in fear.

I had just recently read an article about a family whole kid swallowed one of those small circle batteries without them knowing and the child ended up passing away, so you could imagine the amount of sheer panic that started to rise.

I searched high and low through the whole entire area of the living room. I cut open couch cushions, the pillows, and took apart anything that opened (boxes, cars, blocks, etc.). 

I could not find this battery anywhere. I went to the living room, the dining room, the kitchen, and the whole downstairs! Nothing. I packed my kiddo up, called the ER and let them know the situation, and that I was on my way. 

I was in such a hurry I went in my house slippers because I was so scared my kid swallowed said battery. They immediately took us in, took vitals, and tried to calm me down to get the whole story before putting us in a room to take my kid back to do X-rays.

We were in the room for less than 5 minutes when I grabbed a paper-towel to wipe the sweat that had accumulated form my chest. I was very generous in that area and as I was wiping myself down, I laughed—out fell the missing battery out of my sports bra. 

I felt so stupid, but also so relieved that my kid didn't swallow a battery. It was an AAA battery, so I thought the chances were low, but not being able to find it made me crazy. 

Everyone in the ER got a good laugh that day and my partner, who was away on a job, was extremely relieved but also got a good laugh.

Stressed tired mom taking care of her childchristinarosepix, Shutterstock

37. Greatest Freakout Ever

I’m a known hypochondriac. It was the night before my husband's birthday, and I had a big party planned the next day. I was up late working on the final touches of his gift and party decorations. 

I kept catching something in the corner of my eye, but I was deep into painting, so I ignored it. I was in the garage working by lamplight, which isn't a place I normally work, and I thought I kept seeing little flashes here and there, but I chalked it up to the light being different than I was used to.

I came inside much later than I usually stay up, and my husband was already asleep in bed. I was very tired and started getting ready for bed. I noticed more flashes. 

Sometimes when my anxiety ramps up, I get hypervigilant and see movement or shadows out of the corner of my eye. I thought this was what was going on, but as I began turning lights out for bed, the flashes got worse. 

Without a doubt, I was seeing flashes of light from the corner of my eyes, and it was happening regularly. Now I was quietly panicking and I started Googling. I thought maybe I was tired and having a weird eye twitch.

The Google results ranged from migraines to emergencies like retinal detachment or stroke. I tried to convince myself it was a new migraine symptom, but I was becoming really worried about losing my eyesight or worse. 

In the past, I would have already been in the car to the emergency room by now, but years of expensive and time-consuming trips to the ER, only to be told it’s anxiety, have left me much more likely to wait things out at home.

I started trying to count the times the flashing would happen, but I couldn't get an accurate count because I was panicking. It was happening at least a few times a minute.

It seemed like it was mostly happening in one eye, but sometimes it would happen in the other eye too. I was having trouble trusting my reality. Nothing hurt. And I felt okay, other than being tired. It was so confusing. I started wondering if my confusion was a symptom.

I called the nurses line and tried to explain my symptoms. The nurse recommended I go to the ER. I asked her if she thought I could wait until morning; I was so tired and the last thing I wanted to do was go to the hospital at 2 am but she insisted I go now.

I woke up my husband and told him what was happening and that I needed to go to the ER. We got in the car and start driving, and then I noticed my reflection in the window. 

In my reflection, I caught a little red flash of light coming from my ear. I reached up and felt that I was wearing headphones. And then it all dawned on me.

I had been wearing my wireless Bluetooth headphones while working in the garage. I was so deep into work that at some point whatever I was listening to ended and I forgot I was wearing the headphones. 

The flashing lights were the headphones indicating that they were still on, or trying to pair to a device, or something like that.

My husband laughed for the longest time when I told him. And I laughed also out of relief. I can't imagine how dumb I would have felt if I had gotten all the way to the hospital intake office.

Woman wearing wireless Bluetooth in-ear headphonesHadrian, Shutterstock

38. When The Joke Hurts

I’ve never really been a person who laughed or smiled very much. 10 years of being stoic really takes its toll apparently.

One day my co-worker was cracking jokes and he said somethingthat made me absolutely lose it with laughter. I laughed so hard my wisdom tooth practically exploded, and I was spitting shards of the tooth out for several hours until I could get into the emergency dentist’s office.

It was 4th of July weekend, and everything was closed. The dentist said my jaws and muscles in my face weren't used to the strain of my laughing, and so I pretty much squeezed my tooth to the point that it shattered like glass.

Man in red polo shirt laughing in front of a gray backgroundAndrea Piacquadio, Pexels

39. Not A Buzzing Good Time

We'd planned a trip to the beach with our partners. We get there, lay out all our stuff, and get in the water. Not 20 seconds later, a huge bug flies straight into my partner’s ear. 

She starts going nuts because the bug is buzzing away inside her ear it feels like it’s inside her head. We ended up taking her to hospital where she spent the rest of the day as they tried to drag the bug out of her ear.

Young caucasian blonde woman holding her ears with her handsMarina Demeshko, Shutterstock

40. It Must Go Somewhere

When I was a kid, I didn’t like pooping because I never felt like I was clean enough after wiping my butt. So, I decided to stop pooping. Whenever I had to poop, I’d just hold it. 

I’d go out and play, and eventually, the urge would go away. I thought everything was fine—but then disaster struck. I woke up in the middle of the night, and I literally couldn’t breathe. I ran into my parent’s room and woke them up just gasping for air until I passed out. 

They took me to the ER, where they did some blood work and an X-ray. The X-ray showed that my colon was backed up completely. My poo-impacted colon was basically pushing against my lungs so they couldn’t inflate when I tried to breathe. 

They gave me some Ex-Lax. I had to bring in a stool sample for the next couple of months, I guess for some sort of testing, but never had a problem after that. I learned that the poo must go somewhere, so I better get used to pooping.

Active boy in green sweater sitting in the toiletAnn in the uk, Shutterstock

41. Right Timing, Wrong Pill

I'm on birth control so I normally don't get a period. My PMS symptoms were so bad I went to my gynecologist to ask what to do about it. 

She said when I reach the last week of my pills (the placebo ones) instead of waiting until the end of the placebo week, I could immediately start a new pack and I won't get my period.

It worked; I don't get my period anymore. I usually throw away all the placebo pills before I get to them so I can remember to start a new pack.

One random day, I started getting intense cramps. They felt exactly like period cramps, but I knew that couldn't be it because I don't get my period anymore.

I didn't think much of it at first, until the cramps wouldn't go away. After three days of constant cramping, I started to get concerned. I thought maybe I had developed a UTI. 

I was at work one evening and the cramps were so bad I was keeled over half the time. I went to the bathroom and saw blood in my urine and immediately freaked out. I told my boss I had to leave work early to go to the hospital.

I was in the emergency room for a good four hours that night. The cramps and bleeding intensified.

My co-workers, my boyfriend, and a few of my close friends were concerned and texting me all night. Every test they took at the hospital came out normal. I emailed my doctor with an update. 

Back at home, I went to the bathroom and saw my birth control pills on the counter. I looked closer at them and saw that I had forgotten to throw away my placebos and that Ihad been taking them instead of my regular pills, so I was getting my period. I literally went to the hospital for my period.

My friends and boyfriend laughed their behinds off. I emailed my doctor again to tell her what happened and that it was a false alarm. 

She emailed me back and said "Yes, I was going to tell you to double check your birth control pills because it sounds like you're just getting your period".

Contraceptive PillImage Point Fr, Shutterstock

42. The Dangers of Running Out of Toilet Paper

I woke up and really needed to do a number two. I had been drinking and eating wings the night before, so it was a spicy one. I went to grab some toilet paper and it was empty. I kept the toilet paper under the sink, which was on the other side of the wall for the shower. 

I stood up and kind of "crab walked" to the sink. My thought was to be just quick. Well, after I grabbed the toilet paper, I tried to stand up and make it back to the toilet. At same time, I ended up smashing the top of my forehead on the corner of the wall. 

Disorientated, I immediately fell back onto the toilet, and in a sudden rush, I unleashed the rest of my bowels.

There I lay, with my head cut badly in my own mess. It was very messy, but I managed to wrap a bath towel around my head clean up a little and get myself to the hospital. I needed stitches.

Out of toilet paperKapustin Igor, Shutterstock

43. From Heads Or Tails To The ER

When I was in the fourth grade, I was sitting in the living room flipping a quarter. As I was flipping it, I looked up at it, and for some reason had my mouth open, and it landed in the back of my throat. One in a million chance, right? I couldn't breathe and I panicked, so I swallowed it. 

I quickly told my mother and we drove right to the hospital. On the way, I had the worst stomach pains imaginable. Apparently, the quarter got lodged in my esophagus. 

When I got to the hospital, it took them an hour to decide that the doctor didn't want to operate on me because I was too young. I was then transferred to another hospital where they put me under anesthesia and stuck a claw down my throat to get it out. 

I woke up in a large room of empty beds and I thought I was a goner.

boy sitting on sofa holding quarter of dollar, Shutterstock

44. A Prickly Situation

I used to have a cactus inside an old tire at the corner of my house. One day my ex and I were outside doing yard work and the kids wanted to play in the water. I told them to go put their bathing suits on. A little later I went in the house to use the restroom. 

While I was in there, I heard my daughter screaming, and before I could get back outside, she came running through the door holding her butt. I couldn't believe what she did—she was four at the time and for whatever reason a four-year-old will have, she decided to sit in the tire with the cactus. 

She still had her bathing suit on so every single pin on the cactus was now on her butt. To this day, I can’t believe she sat on a cactus.

Cactuses with big thorns, blooming with red flowers growing inside a tiresAndrey Gorgots, Shutterstock

45. Water Bottles Are For Drinking

My high school basketball coach was mad at us about our first half performance. At halftime, she came into the locker room yelling, and in her anger, for a little flair, decided to kick the container. She failed to realize that all the water bottles had been filled. 

Her face told us she was in pain, but she never mentioned it during or after the game. She broke her foot, showed up at school the next day with a boot.

Woman in boot because of a  broken legXolodan, Shutterstock

46. Should’ve Been A Walk In The Park

I was walking my dog when she pulled on the leash, causing me to trip down the hill we were on. I went down hard, heard a loud snap, and instantly felt nauseated. I broke my right fibula in multiple places and had an avulsion fracture in my right tibia. I ended up in boot for 4 weeks, all because I tripped while walking my dog.

Man in blue sweatshirt  walking his dogZen Chung, Pexels

47. A Piece Of Cake

My partner came home with red velvet cake one night for dessert. Later that night, after using the bathroom, I went to flush and noticed blood in my stool. 

Obviously, I freaked out and went to the hospital. Three hours and a finger up the bum later, and the doctor agreed that it looked like blood, so we needed to do an ultrasound. They didn’t find anything out of the ordinary, so I was sent home and told to come back if it got worse. 

It didn’t. Fast forward to a few days we had some of that red velvet cake again, and the “blood” was back. It took some trial error, but we finally figured out I can’t digest the red dye.

Closeup image of a beautiful young Asian woman in white shirt holding and eating a piece of red velvet cakeBlue Titan, Shutterstock

48. Not Meant To Fight

I was an emotional teenager. I was on the phone with my girlfriend at the time, and in the middle of a fight, she hung up on me. Angry, I threw my phone across the room. When I went to go pick up my phone from the floor, I noticed I broke it. 

Even angrier now, I punched the floor. After about an hour of constant pain, I was rushed to the ER. I’d broken a knuckle on my dominant hand, they call it a "boxer’s fracture", and was in the hospital until then morning, then in a cast for 3 months. I also had to do physiotherapy.

On the bright side, for some time, I became ambidextrous since I had to learn how to write and type with my other hand.

female medical doctor listening to handsome patient with broken legGeorge Rudy, Shutterstock

49. That’s One Way to Get a Diagnosis

When I was like 11 or 12, my mom and I used to go to Blockbuster every weekend to rent a movie to watch together. That day, it was Scary Movie 2. There's this scene where the main heroine is fighting this bad animatronic or CGI black cat with a hairbrush. 

I cannot tell you why I thought this was the funniest thing I've ever seen, but it just was so comical I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe. Suddenly, I had a scary realizationI literally couldn't breathe. I was legit turning purple, so my mum called for an ambulance. 

They came gave me oxygen, and then took me to the hospital to run tests. That's when I was diagnosed with asthma. To this day, every time I remember this, I can't stop laughing like an idiot.

Paramedics using a radio inside an ambulance.Mikhail Nilov , Pexels

50. Don’t Quit Your Day Job

I was at a party at a friend’s house who had a stripper pole in his basement. I was trying to show off my upper body strength by holding myself upside down on the pole.

As soon as my feet went vertical in the air, my hands slipped, and I went face first from three feet off the ground straight onto the concrete floor below me. I knocked myself out in front of the entire party.

I had two black eyes and a cut on my face. The next day when my parents asked me what happened to my face I lied and said I got in a bar fight. I was too embarrassed to tell them I fell off a stripper pole and ate concrete.

Young puzzled embarrassed  Caucasian man wearing blue shirt and  white t-shirt scratching his  headViDI Studio, Shutterstock

Sources: Reddit, ,

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