Be careful who you date because you could potentially end up trapped in the dungeons of a relationship nightmare. These Redditors have danced with the devil and are here to regale you with the wackiest stories you’ve ever heard. From wild revenge stories to full-blown obsessions, if you have your own crazy ex, these tales will have you sleeping with one eye open.
My ex got custody of our three kids and got 70% of my take-home pay for child support which required me to move into the barracks. Then she immediately moved out of state without telling me, despite the divorce decree requiring my consent. All but guaranteeing I would have no contact with my kids. And that’s not even the crazy part.
The crazy part is that just a few years later she decided she didn’t want to be a mother anymore so she signed up with a carnival and left the girls on their own without telling me or the girls beforehand. She called my oldest daughter a few days after leaving to tell her to call me. They hadn’t called me before that because they had apparently grown accustomed to their mother disappearing for days at a time.
My children are all grown and married now, having their own children. They all learned after coming to live with me that I wasn’t the monster their mother had brainwashed them to believe I was, and they all agreed to be adopted by the light of my life whom I would have never met if I had not been divorced. Only one of my children has any contact with her biological mother.
2. Who Didn’t Let The Dog Out?
My mom’s friend was getting divorced. She was staying in the house but had left so the husband could gather his things without her being there as he moved out. She never thought that he had a weird revenge plan up his sleeve…While packing, he gave the dog a laxative and locked her in the master bedroom. Poor girl had explosive Malamute diarrhea everywhere.
In fact, the dog was so upset about her accidents that she tried to dig herself through the door. That dog was such a good girl, it broke my heart. Luckily, the wife kept the dog and the husband was convicted of animal maltreatment charges which helped the wife keep custody of the kids. In the end, the joke was on him. Karma’s a real kicker ain’t it.
3. Life’s Better
While we were still married, my ex got pregnant with the guy she was cheating on me with. Fun fact: He’s also married to someone else. She has this idea that he’s going to leave his wife and they’re going to get married. She got a lawyer and filed for divorce. I got a lawyer too. Only thing is that he works for his wife’s father who is setting him up to take over when daddy retires.
He realized that getting a divorce means his cushy career is over, confesses everything to his wife, and begs for her forgiveness. His wife takes him back and he cuts off my wife. Seeing that her dreams of living with her boyfriend are over, she claims that I’m the father, which is impossible because by that time we hadn’t done it for more than a year before conception.
This does not stop her from telling everyone who will listen that it’s my kid. She had her lawyer drop the divorce proceedings. I tell my lawyer to start them with me as the plaintiff and that I want to dispute paternity. I move out and she starts stalking me. She shows up at my job and tries to get in. I work as a civilian in R&D at an army base.
The MPs do not take any of her complaints and wind up detaining her when she tries to run past the gate. She calls me at work to bail her out and I tell her that whatever she’s done it’s not my problem and hang up. I also was able to get a restraining order, which she violated repeatedly. She asked for everything; both cars, the entire house and contents, savings, my retirement account etc. Plus 7 years of spousal support.
I offered no support and half of the assets. If she wanted the house, she’d have to buy me out and refinance in her name only. But it didn’t end there. When the kid was born, she tried to put my name on the birth certificate anyway. But I had already successfully disputed paternity so that didn’t go over well. She had to go after lover boy, who was definitely less than happy to see her.
In the end, we split the assets equally. I sold the house and she got no spousal support. I don’t know if she was able to get money for the kid from her lover or not. She called me a few times after the divorce, wanting to get together and talk. The calls were in violation of the restraining order, but I never reported it.
About 6 months after the divorce was final, I was offered a new job on the other side of the country. I took it and never told anyone outside of my family where I was going. Almost all of our friends believed her when she claimed the baby was mine and made me out to be the asshole so I didn’t really feel the need to tell them anything.
Life is much better now.
4. Messed Up
This was from when I was a kid and my parents were going through a divorce. My dad was a total sociopath. Manipulative, physically and emotionally abusive, drug dealing, the whole 9 yards. Even though my mom was finally able to get out, he still had visitation rights. His family kept on bugging my sister and me who were still under 10 years old, to try to convince my Mom to talk to him.
She finally did try to talk to him when she came to pick us up at the station from where it was agreed to meet when he had his time with us. They immediately got into an argument, he started throwing one of his temper tantrums, grabbed my mom and tried to beat her. Little did he know, he did this all in front of an officer from the LAPD who stepped in immediately.
He let go of my mom with a look of pure terror on his face. I think that was the day I realized he was sociopathic and didn’t want anything else to do with him and his crazy bible-thumping family.
5. Wiped Away
My ex-girlfriend removed the retaining clips for my windshield wipers, but put the wipers back on the arms. The first storm after I got my car back from her, the driver-side wiper flew off the car on Interstate 40. Good times.
6. Tie Her Down
My ex got wasted and drove her car into the middle of the desert. She sent her friend a picture of the GPS and said I didn’t love her so I wouldn’t come and look for her. She wouldn’t answer my calls but kept calling her friend saying I didn’t care. I looked for two hours before going back home because I needed to work in the morning.
She came home and started banging things around and came into our room and threw her phone at me saying I didn’t love her. She punched me in the face multiple times and got taken in by the authorities. After I filed for divorce she completely lost it. CPS wouldn’t let her kids stay at the house because of the DV charge against her so they stayed at her parents.
She purposely stayed at the house so that I couldn’t see my kids. I refused to be alone with her for the fear that she would hurt herself and blame me so I always went to the house with someone if I needed anything. She got tired of this and decided to just remove everything from the house while I was at work. Everything that wasn’t in my kids’ bedrooms she literally carted out of the house.
Curtains, ceiling fans, and all of the furniture minus the dining table that I don’t think she had room for. I thought—well this sucks—but at least she’s gone, so I can change the locks. She broke in and took the locks the next day while I was at work and left nothing but the holes in the doors to swing open in the wind. But her path of destruction only intensified.
She took the window locks and cut the power cord to the garage door opener. She also took the blender that I borrowed from my mom and popped the air mattress that I borrowed to sleep on. Then she flipped off the main breaker to the house. Then swore in court to the judge that someone else must have done it. She’s the wildest woman I’ve ever met.
7. Unwanted Sugarbaby
My ex went through my wallet when I was asleep one night, and copied my credit card numbers. At about the same time he took a check from my checking book and made a bunch of similar checks using an online program. Then he went on a three-day shopping spree while he was in another city, before I realized what was happening and tried to stop the money hemorrhage.
He caused huge financial damage, bounced checks, violation of credit limits. It required weeks of recovery, claims, and negotiations with banks and credit card companies to recover the stolen funds and get new accounts set. Total carnage.
My ex kidnapped the kids during their weekend visit and moved to a small town in the next state over. It took me two years to get them back. She eventually burned all her bridges in the town she moved to and went home to her parents’ house. Since her parents were not pleased with her choices and were on my side during the whole deal they called me to let me know where she was. I went and got them.
This was over 20 years ago and they have both grown up just fine. I’ve since remarried and my second wife has been a wonderful mother to them. It took a lot of work to fix all the damage but it’s mostly ok. But one lasting scar remains. My son has a distrust of authoritative women and my daughter’s afraid to have children because she’s worried she’ll turn out just like her mom.
9. Just Wanna Know Where You Live
My ex called my company, talked her way up the chain to the president of the company, and told him I was suicidal and had threatened to do something drastic at work. I later learned that she thought this would be a roundabout way of getting my address which I didn’t share with her after I moved out because she’s COMPLETELY CRAZY.
10. Going Great Lengths For Girls
While we were separated and working on our divorce, my ex would come and whine to me about relationship issues he was having with my cousin, whom he’d had an affair with and for whom he had left me. He had moved in with, not just her, but her common-law husband as well. And then he was upset by how many other boyfriends she had.
This is my cousin who has had more baby daddies than she has had babies. Two of her offspring are simultaneously half-brothers and cousins. She has never been known for her monogamy, but my ex claimed to have been in love with her since they were children and this was magically supposed to make her return his affections. It was a recipe for disaster.
Among the best witnessed-from-a-distance bits of this nonsense were him getting jealous of her visiting her husband. One time, he even ran her off the road in his work van. Overall, he spent so much time screwing her that it derailed his entire career. After spending only a year at one job, his employers invited him to resign or be fired.
Then there was the time he went on a first date with a woman, and it went horribly wrong. Are we surprised? No. He brought our kids with him on the date, and then expected the woman to invite all of them over to stay the night. His date was rightly horrified at the whole thing. But what really took the cake was his next “relationship.”
One day, he drove a company vehicle to this woman’s house and ended up threatening her with a pistol. This resulted in a firing, a restraining order, and loss of his right to carry a weapon. After that, there were even more crummy dalliances. One girlfriend insisted that if he really loved her, he would move into the homeless shelter with her. So, he fabricated being kicked out of his parents’ house and spent the next month sleeping outside on the shelter’s patio before intake.
He’s currently trying desperately to find another girlfriend to move in with as the current one is throwing him out to move to Virginia with a new boyfriend of her own and naturally blaming me for the fact that his two oldest children both refuse to talk to him at all. Two of my shortcomings as a wife, as said by him, were being too classy and not providing the drama he felt requisite in a relationship.
11. I Missed You!
My ex tried to call the missing person hotline when I tried to cease contact with her for five minutes.
12. Protect The Kids
My ex kidnapped my three boys from my house when I went on my first post-divorce date. Our loved and trusted babysitter was with them. I had left dinner ready and the kids bathed and ready in their jammies. I left for the movie theater when I got a text from my babysitter that she was sorry for not doing the dishes after dinner.
So I texted back, “That’s ok, I can do dishes later, but you’ve got a couple of hours as well, the movie hasn’t started yet.” She was at home as my ex-husband had shown up and lied saying that he was supposed to have the boys that night and that I had said it was okay. I was livid. I knew he was a bit crazy, but I had no idea he was capable of this.
I stepped out of the theater, called him and he said, “If you are going to be dating strangers and endangering the lives of my kids, I will take them.” So I called the authorities and they did a report. We went to court and he was found in contempt for violating our parenting plan.
13. Like A Drama Series
So after we got divorced, my ex immediately started dating a bald dude who was part of a larger white supremacy group. I will give him credit where it’s due, he asked for my permission to date her since we were still married but separated which caught me off guard. He got my full blessing ending with us discussing her red flags so we shared a laugh over that with a parting, “She’s your problem now.”
Well, fast forward about four years later and she calls me crying her eyes out. Now, I had changed phone numbers twice since then, so I had no idea how she was able to call me. She tried to explain to me, between breaths from crying, how she screwed up and needed me back, which was a first for me to hear. At that time I was very happy living with my then-girlfriend who treated me like a king and I had a life that I only thought was a fantasy back when I was married.
Her voice brought back a whole lot of memories and all I could say was, “I’m sorry, I can’t”. Fast forward two more years and my then-girlfriend and I had gone our own ways, as amicably as possible. The guy who was with my ex-wife contacted me on Facebook, which I use to keep up with old friends and family, asking me if I had a minute and walked me through his current torment.
He ended up having two kids with her and she waited until they were both old enough to walk, then literally kidnapped them and fled to a different state. I only knew the latter part when she reached out to me a while after she fled but she was smart enough to leave out exactly where she was. She wanted help with what I assume was money and general security given that she made terrible choices and had a coordinated gang actively hunting her down.
Since I was no longer a complete moron, I politely declined and wished her luck. I have no idea what came of all that since her Facebook account is gone. It was fun for me knowing just how big of a bullet I dodged and it’s like a drama show where the last season that was aired ended abruptly, dangling me in suspense. It was one of those situations that I really want to know what happened but I don’t want to get even remotely involved.
I don’t even know who to root for because I don’t know what really went down or what would happen if he caught up to her. The best situation in this is that the kids are okay and that they are taken care of. But being stuck between two crazies tells me that’s more hopeful than realistic. This experience taught me that it’s perfectly okay to look at a situation and truthfully say, “You know what, this is neither my fault nor my problem.” and walk away.
14. All That For Flattery
The divorce was fairly amicable, but my ex met a woman on the internet and moved her into his apartment a month later. She hated seeing me because I had hurt him but was also still in love with him apparently. She decided that getting my son removed from my custody would solve all her problems. So she called my work and made ridiculously false allegations to my administrator about my conduct with students but sounded wasted and wouldn’t leave a name or contact information.
The admin pulled her number from the caller ID and my ex confirmed that it was that heifer’s Oregon phone number. I had to get a temporary protective order for her, so my ex had her move out. And then she did something unforgivable: She slashed my tires on Mother’s Day. And he kept dating her for another year even though he knew about everything! My therapist at the time told me that my ex probably found her behavior flattering.
15. Worth A Buck
My grandparents got divorced when my mom was around seventeen. In their lawful battle, they worked out that they would each get half of the sale of specific shared assets. There was an old junky car and a fairly new RV. My grandfather sold the RV and the car for a dollar each. He handed my grandmother a buck in court.
16. Runaway Dad
My ex simply doesn’t know how to be a dad, and the way he treats his children is horrendous. For the last ten years, he’s completely ignored our three children while living with another woman and her three children. Our oldest is his son from a previous relationship, who I was awarded custody of and he is his only living biological parent. What a disappointment.
17. That Girl Crazy
My ex would stalk my Reddit account and angrily text me if she didn’t like my posts talking about how she’d brutally cheated on me (which she was totally guilty of). I remember finding out in the worst way possible. I’d just come home from seeing my grandmother on her deathbed when I caught wind of my girlfriend’s infidelity. Worst. Day. Ever. But it didn’t end there.
Since then, she keeps texting me accusatory messages about my sabotaging her attempts to get a job that requires a security clearance. Apparently it was my fault and not the fact she had already been denied a security clearance for mental instability.
18. No Power
My mom left a bad ex years years ago and we decided to get some good ol’ fashioned petty revenge. We were teenagers around then and my friends and I removed the batteries out of everything in the house that we could find. Then we also took the 1, 7, and 13 balls from his pool table. That’s it. It still makes me happy when I think about it.
I told my ex-husband I wanted a divorce. The next day when I went to work he packed our entire house into a U-Haul and put it in storage. Even with a court order he refused to give my stuff back. I left my marriage with the clothes on my back. Years later, he decided he was above the courts because he managed to get away with that.
He took our son across the country telling me that he was moving with one day’s notice. He told me I couldn’t do anything about it. Of course, I promptly hired a lawyer and we went back to court. He lost joint custody of our son but it took a year of fighting, chasing him down, and not seeing my son. He made my life miserable for years, and now I’m finally free of him.
20. Rough Ash
My ex-wife told me that I could leave my stuff in our house while I found somewhere else to stay. I assumed this was a goodwill effort to keep things as amicable as possible between the two of us. Nothing could have been further from the truth. When I went to get my stuff back, she had burned them all. So that was very rough.
21. A Dog’s Life
My ex euthanized our dog, then lied that he died of natural causes. The dog was old and blind and she had pleaded that she wanted a weekend with him. Then the next night she sent me a fake text saying that he passed during the night because he coughed and then just stopped breathing. That stuff wasn’t true at all.
I found out later after finding and calling the vet she brought him to that she bad-mouthed me and said that the dog was suffering and needed to be put to sleep because he was in agony and I was supposedly letting him suffer. She had him put to sleep like the day she took him home. Never got to say goodbye due to that witch.
22. They Were Fake
My coworker finally got divorced after two years of trying to work it out with her hubby. She had a disabled child that her ex refused to help with and pay child support. She decided to sell her engagement ring, diamond wedding band, and several pieces of jewelry her ex gave her over the years and that she was able to keep after the divorce. But that’s when the dark truth came out…
Every gem in her rings was fake! Her jeweler told her that the gems had been recently swapped out for fakes. So the two years she was working it out with her ex, he was replacing all her jewelry with fakes.
23. Stop Me From Cheating
My first ex kept manipulating me into sleeping with him far more often than I wanted to by saying things like, “I can’t control myself, so if you don’t do it with me whenever I want, eventually I’m gonna end up cheating on you.”After breaking up, he kept crawling back, but by that time, I wasn’t taking any more of his mistreatment.
24. A Too-ugh Life
My mom went out and got braces put on my teeth that I didn’t really need, knowing that my dad would have to pay half for them. She wanted to cause him financial heartache. She then proceeded to not take me to the Orthodontist for routine care because he wasn’t paying his half, and I ended up having to pull the braces off my own teeth at the age of fourteen because they were falling off on their own.
It ended up rotting several of my adult molars too. As an adult, my mother’s weird revenge plot has cost me thousands of dollars and given me some serious self-esteem issues over my smile, or should I say, my lack of teeth.
25. Facebook Official
My ex’s sister sent a Facebook message to all of his contacts on the day of our separation, including my family. Before we announced anything, her message was a vicious call to action. It demanded that everyone should immediately delete me, and that if I said anything about why we separated, I was lying. Basically, this created a lot of curious questions and a lot of laughs.
26. Character Witness
My ex lifted a car and did 18 months in state prison. Based on what I was able to find online at the time, he had approached a car dealership and showed interest in buying a vehicle. They allowed him to take it home for a 24-hour demo. But he never returned it. They reported it stolen after they attempted to contact him multiple times to return it.
They then contacted the state authorities who put a BOLO out. They found him driving the vehicle on the other side of the state where he thought he wouldn’t be found. I found out about it when I got an unexpected phone call from the sheriff’s office. I asked why they were calling me about this and they said my ex told them I would vouch for him as a “character witness”.
I told the officer over the phone that my ex was a lying sack of poop and shouldn’t be trusted. The officer laughed, thanked me for my time and hung up.
27. Karma Bites
We were living in a different state and my ex wanted to move back to her home state a year into our marriage. I really had nothing tying me down in that state so I was down for moving if that’s what she really wanted. It had been about 6 months into the move and she cheated on me with a co-worker while I was working full-time and trying to finish up my bachelor’s degree.
She told me that she didn’t feel the same way about me and that she needed to move out to do some thinking. It was driving me insane trying to think about what could have gone wrong. I had a suspicion about that co-worker but I didn’t have any proof. I checked our phone account online and sure enough they were talking every night after work while I was out working.
I followed her one time and sure enough she was going to this guy’s house. I confronted her about it and she finally fessed up. So they continued dating after we finally divorced and I was able to move on with my life. Karma came for her in the end…She ends up getting pregnant by this guy and he disappears before their baby is even born.
28. Got His Baby Back
I had a 1969 Dodge Power Wagon Pickup. No power steering, no power brakes, four-speed manual transmission 4×4. A beast of a truck and a beast to drive. When we divorced, my ex took my truck. The judge said since she was giving me custody of our 3 kids and I would need the family car, it seemed only right she got my truck. Three weeks after finalizing, she was going down a muddy road and ditched it.
She damaged some of the front suspension and called the local guy with a tow truck to get it towed back to where she was living. Since she needed a car, he told her he would trade her a Chevy Citation for the broken down truck which she agreed to. He then called me and sold me the truck for the cheapie price he originally had on the Citation.
I loved it. I had to spend a couple hundred on repairs but she was freaked and mad when she learned I got my truck back.
29. Make Up Your Mind
After years of telling me she wanted a child, that she wanted to be a mom, that her life’s dream was to be a stay-at-home-mom, my ex got pregnant with the first guy she slept with while we were getting divorced and put the kid up for adoption even before it was born. This was a long-standing thing with her. She always wanted something and the second she got it—she immediately hated it.
30. Success As Revenge
We were nearly homeless because my ex was out of a job. I began to build a business out of desperation. He would belittle me and the business concept, berate me, get in my face and scream at me that I had no idea what I was doing, etc. If you’ve ever built a business you know how imperative support is. I had a couple hundred in the bank when I left what had become a toxic household. But boy, I got my revenge in the best way possible.
My business went on to make $100,000 its first year, the same year we were divorced, and continues to thrive.
31. Ain’t Your Alarm Clock
Two years after our divorce was final, my ex asked me if I would give him a five am wake-up call the next day because he had an early flight for a business trip. I said of course I wouldn’t do that as we aren’t married anymore and that he should buy an alarm clock. He overslept, missed his flight, and thought he was going to get fired. Then he called me to berate me for not calling to wake him up. He sure was a real delight!
32. Playing Victim
Prior to the divorce, my ex established a pattern of asking me to sleep with someone else which were usually threesomes with friends of his, mine, or ours. He got increasingly demanding and moody until I conceded, then reacted with extreme insecurity, jealousy, or possessiveness, and needed reassurance afterward until it happened again.
It destroyed me as well as all of my in-person friendships and I still don’t understand why he needed to go through that psychodrama over and over or why I didn’t leave sooner. He really just wanted an on-demand smut service and couldn’t take no for an answer. And he also couldn’t stand the thought of me having feelings for anyone other than him.
Yet he consistently thought I was waiting to cheat on him or abandon him. Shortly before I filed for divorce he broke into my apartment twice. Once because he “wasn’t done talking” and then because the apartment complex director told him I couldn’t legally kick him out of the apartment. He harassed me while I was sleeping, called the authorities and DCF because I blocked him on Messenger.
Then he chose to publicly throw a couple of punches and an energy drink at the TBI survivor he had chosen as my most recent sleeping partner, as if any of this was that person’s fault. He harassed me again in the backyard while refusing to leave and told the authorities that I had attacked him. I filed a restraining order and divorce on the same day.
Four months after our divorce was finalized and he was granted full custody of our three kids for every school vacation, he decided to move halfway across the country to live with his mother. She’s still taking care of him. His kids aren’t particularly interested in talking to him and haven’t seen him in over a year. I offered to pay for him to stay here over the summer so he could see them, but he said nah.
This is a fair reflection of his level of engagement with his kids prior to divorce, too. I don’t doubt that he loves them, but he rarely chooses to spend time with them, because it’s stressful. The authorities, lawyers, office of child support employees, and the judge have all responded the same way to his endless “victim” spiel, with a tired sigh, a roll of the eyes.
He continues to think his situation is everyone else’s fault and totally unique.
33. Hello From The Other Side
I went on holiday with my new girlfriend and my ex took over my Spotify and kept playing Adele. Send my love to your new lover. I don’t have any social media at all and cut her off completely. I’m a difficult person to get at and Spotify was her only option. Thing is, we were driving to San Antonio bay just before sunset, literally one of the happiest times of my life.
Fast forward three years, we’re engaged and she’s four months pregnant. It definitely didn’t have the impact she expected.
34. Right Under Their Noses
After my ex realized that I was never coming back to him, he told his mom that I had been stealing from the family the whole time we were together. Then he literally put it in writing that I had a key to his parents’ home and would sneak in and take his dad’s guns and his grandmother’s jewelry. And also that he had been powerless to stop me.
It was always his druggie sister. Always. Anyone with eyes could see it, but no one in the family wanted to believe it.
35. Magic Trick
My ex left me in the middle of the night. He just packed all his stuff and disappeared. Absolutely nothing led up to this. We didn’t have the best relationship, but we had a pretty good few weeks and a really good day that day. He shows back up hours later for something he forgot and asks if he could take my iPhone charger.
I still have abandonment issues to this very day and it has negatively impacted every relationship I’ve had since then because I haven’t been able to really let my guard completely down with anyone in fear of being suddenly left again. Romantic and platonic. Plus I now get extreme anxiety and start to freak out if I haven’t heard from them for a while. The icing on the cake?
While cleaning out the rest of his stuff weeks later, I found a list of all the things he was planning to take with him. On that list, was my turtle. My pet turtle. Not ours. Mine. That’s been with me since high school. Freaking psycho.
36. Drama Llama
My ex continuously texted at all hours threatening suicide and I would rush over to do a welfare check and he’d open the door with a smile saying, “Hey, since you’re here want to come in for a drink or sleep together?” It was a hard pass. He started upping it and I rushed over to see that he’s nowhere to be found. I started to panic and called his parents and friends.
Turned out that he was just at a bar. Another time, he left a funeral playlist, a note and disappeared off the face of the earth for almost a day, then reappeared so wasted that he almost ran into the house. After that, I just couldn’t take it anymore, so the next time he started texting I warned him that I would call the authorities if he was being serious and that I wasn’t coming to check.
He went 0-100 real quick about how he would be dead before they got here, etc. So I called them, and he ended up getting 5150ed for the night, became very upset with me the next day and demanded a ride and so on. I hung up, called his mom, and told her that it’s not my mess anymore then gave her the address. So then he just found new ways to torment me for a few years but that one stands out the most.
37. Last Chance
My ex called me the night before his wedding to his second wife and asked me if it was really over. He said, “This was our last chance to be together. Are you sure it’s over?” Literally the night before he got remarried. I guess he didn’t think that me asking for the divorce, paying for it and filing the paperwork wasn’t the clue that it was over.
38. Surprise, Surprise
We were still in divorce proceedings when my ex moved in with a woman and her 2 kids whom he had only known for two months. Then, her mom moved in shortly thereafter with her 2 dogs. The house was pure chaos and my daughter slept in a closet when she went there, because the girlfriend’s kids got to take over the big bedroom. And surprise, surprise, the relationship crashed and burned within a year. Good riddance.
39. You’ve Don’t Got A Friend In Me
My ex-husband messages or calls me every November. Our divorce was finalized in November 2015. Last time I decided not to answer because I’m in a committed relationship now. But every year, like clockwork he would call. Our divorce was messy to say the least and after our final court hearing we stood outside for like an hour talking about his girlfriend problems.
I guess he just needed a friend but I don’t anymore. At least, I don’t need him as a friend.
40. Stop Calling
At least one a year, my crazy ex calls me or emails me. I’ve blocked his number countless times. Last September he got an app and started texting/calling me from random numbers which I kept blocking. I never reciprocate any contact whatsoever. It has been six friggin years this coming October. I’m married. I really hate him.
41. Double Trouble
The relationship was slipping for about 6 months, all the while I asked if there was someone and my ex assured me there wasn’t. One night I get a call from a mutual friend’s fiancé at the time telling me the texts and snaps she found on her husband-to-be’s phone with my wife at the time. That’s when it became official we were splitting.
I think they are still together but I can only imagine the lack of trust there between two known cheaters. The silver lining is about a month after I found out she was cheating and the official split, I got notified by a friend that she was riding around the city on one of those electric rental scooters and crashed into a curb and busted her teeth out. Thank you karma.
42. His Other Half
A previous boyfriend took one of each pair of my patterned socks so I had no matching pairs. Diabolical.
43. Out Of Gas
My ex somehow canceled my Costco membership that I was still letting him mooch off of for the gas discount. Screw that guy.
44. Need You Bank
My ex basically got everything: house, car, furniture. I just wanted to get out so I let him take everything. I just needed a clean break and it wasn’t worth the headache anymore. Well, he definitely got what was coming to him. Two years later he was broke and homeless and wanted to get back together. Sorry, but no way.
45. Price To Pay For Kindness
My ex ended our relationship after I said I would do whatever she wanted one night. I let her have the choice, whatever makes her happy. How dare I be thoughtful and considerate.
46. Sharing Is Caring
My ex-husband had Sunday dinners with my mom for many years after our divorce. He never had a real mom so I didn’t mind sharing mine as long as I didn’t have to be there.
47. Date Crasher
About six months after the divorce I had moved into a small apartment and had a date over at my place. I hadn’t heard from my ex in a few months and they were always very cordial. My date and I were watching a movie and cuddling on the couch when there’s a knock at the door. I figured it was one of my friends and just opened it without checking first. It was my ex-wife.
She pushed the door open and came in and I had no idea how she found out where I lived as I had never told her. She comes in, livid that I have a date over. I told her it was none of her business but she threatened the girl I was with. The date ends up leaving after a few minutes of dealing with the wench. She then proceeds to pull a knife from my kitchen drawer and threatens to kill herself.
I was a decent person, I calmed her down and got the knife away. We talk in a calm manner for a while where she says she misses me, blah, blah. She then goes to use my bathroom which was in my bedroom. She didn’t come back for a while so I go to check, fearing she did something stupid. Well, she did, but not anything harmful.
She is lying in my bed, full-on naked, touching herself. When I walk in I’m like, “What in the world!” She proceeds to say, “Don’t you want this, don’t you miss this?” When I said “no” she tried to throw herself at me. I resisted and pushed her away. This battle goes on for what seems like forever with her continuously trying to take my pants off and kiss me.
Finally she gets the hint and leaves. Craziest day ever.
48. Bad Acting
My ex-boyfriend called me and pretended that he had been hit by a car while we were talking. He even tried to voice the crowd that had gathered around his body. He wasn’t fooling anyone. I saw right through that god-awful acting. But it was pretty funny listening to him mimic a woman’s voice. Points for trying to be inclusive, I guess.
I think he was trying to get me to relive my trauma of being on the phone with a friend who actually had been hit by a car while we were talking. Which is a completely messed up in itself. Too bad he didn’t realize that hearing the real thing is wildly different than hearing an idiot try to act it out. Dodged a bullet with that one.
49. Change The Name
My ex stalked me for five years. She would make fake social media profiles to try to follow me, which I would block endlessly, and she would try to find where I worked so she could talk to me. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. This lady cheated on me with seven different men in the two months after we were married. I kicked her butt to the curb and made her sign the court papers.
When we had our day in court she cried in the judge’s office while I just wanted to get this stuff over with. After, my dad was with me and dealt her one final blow: He threw 50 dollars at her and told her to, “Change your last name.” Good thing to do as she deserved it. I haven’t seen or heard from her in about five years now. Thank goodness.
50. Hots For Mom
My ex-husband started dating his stepmom who has been in his life since he was eleven years old. YIKES. His stepmom and him are still together almost five years later. His stepmom confessed her love of my ex to his dad a few years ago and they have since divorced. The dad is now dating a twenty-one-year-old. It’s so messed up and I’m so grateful I left him when I did.
The father and my ex-husband don’t speak. Basically everyone in his family hates my ex-husband and have cut him mostly out of their lives. It may have been a little grooming, but if you met my ex-husband, you’d see he’s all-around a plotting, manipulative, crummy person so I think it was the other way around. He constantly talked during our marriage about how hot she was.