Ah, love! The thing that we all want, yet so often can’t have. It can be one of the most beautiful and exciting feelings in the world, yet also one of the most frustrating and disappointing things at the same time. Unfortunately, many people have to learn that the hard way. While under this blinding spell, it’s not uncommon to act in utterly ridiculous ways: Here are 42 examples of some of the crazy, outrageous, nonsensical, and just plain weird things that people have tried to do to impress someone who they had a crush on.
1. Breaking and Entering
A guy who liked me broke into my cousin’s house and stole my guinea pig to feed to a snake, all because I wouldn’t break up with my boyfriend to date him.
2. Getting Dark
A girl who had a crush on me once sent me selfies of her cutting herself after she found out that I had a girlfriend. I had no idea how to react to that.
3. Walking on Sunshine
A girl once walked a good five miles with me because she happened to be “going my way.” I was almost home before I found out that she actually lived about 30 seconds away from the pub I had just met her in. She then said that she would have to stay at my place, as it wasn’t safe for her to walk home alone so late at night. Really, really awkward.
I ended up having to explain that I wasn’t attracted to her. I called a taxi to take her home and paid for it.
4. Lending a Hand
One of my brother’s friends tried to impress a girl by shoving his entire hand down his throat. It did not work.
An admirer of mine once stole my hat and refused to give it back, because it “smelled like me.”
6. Bleeding Heart
Someone once wrote a love letter to me in blood. Somehow, the teacher got a hold of it, and pretty soon the whole school had found out about it.
7. I Spy With My Little Eye
A guy who liked me once tried to hide in a closet while I was having intimate relations with someone else. Believe it or not, that did not win me over!
8. Go Big or Go Home
Someone once proposed marriage to me so aggressively that he had to be escorted off the premises by security. Then later, he broke the lock off of my dorm room door and tried to get into bed with me.
9. Burning Love
The weirdest thing ever happened to me in 6th grade, when a kid who had a crush on me lit a paperclip on fire and then used it to carve my initials into his arm. He still has a scar of my initials to this day. Seriously!
10. I Kneed You
One guy tried to impress me by kissing my knee. I’m not exactly sure what the logic was there…
11. Messed up on Several Levels…
Someone I used to know secretly wrote erotica about me, in which I said: “Stop, I’m only 16!” He was in his mid-twenties at the time…
12. Rumor Has It
I found out he had been telling my coworkers that we had been dating for weeks when, in reality, I had never even spoken to the dude in my life. I only found out about it when someone asked me about my “crazy weekend” with my boyfriend while I was, in fact, single as can be.
A girl who had a crush on my friend literally hid behind some bushes with a knife. When he came walking by, she jumped out and told him that she would kill herself if he didn’t hug her.
14. A Hair-Raising Story
A guy once tried to impress me by plucking a loose hair off of my jacket and eating it in front of me.
15. The Stalk Market
This dude I had kind of known for a while went out of his way to introduce himself to me. He was nice enough. We hung out in group situations sometimes. Eventually, he started to do weird things. He asked me where I had bought some of my new clothes, and then I saw him the next week wearing the exact same clothes—the exact same shirt, jeans, and shoes.
Then, I started seeing his car on my street at random times of the night. I got up to go to the bathroom one evening and to let my cat in the house. He was sitting in his car watching my house. I wasn’t scared of this guy, as he was obviously weaker than me—but it was really weird. He’d call me and put me on speakerphone, then record our conversations.
I found this out from a mutual friend. Anyway, I made sure he knew I didn’t like it and I stopped hanging out with that group of friends for a while. Then, a few months later, I received a call from one of my best friends, who told me a story about how the same guy had apparently now copied someone else’s exact hair color and outfit as well!
Since then, we always think back to this guy and laugh. We call him “Stalker Adam.” To be fair, he wasn’t really dangerous. I think he was just awkward and lonely and didn’t know how to cope with his feelings.
16. A Taste of True Love
I remember this event so clearly. It happened in school, all the way back in first grade. The class was sitting on the ground for story time. A girl who we’ll call “F” was wearing a purple dress and white stockings. She sat down next to me. As the teacher begins reading, I suddenly feel her start to bite me. She was biting down hard on my shoulder.
I screamed out in pain and began to cry. The teacher looks up, confused. I inform her that F just bit me. The girl then looks confused herself and says, “But I like you, that’s why I bit you!” As if that explained everything. Needless to say, I didn’t like her after that—even though I did happen to think she looked cute that day, ironically.
After the bite, though, I made sure to always keep my distance from her.
A guy snapped my bra strap in the middle of class as an attempt to get my attention.
18. Couch Surfing
I came home from high school one day to find my unwanted college-aged crusher sitting on my living room sofa, chatting with my family! What in the world???!!! I had only ever gone on two very platonic dates with him. I was only friendly, but he had way more in mind. He actually asked my parents if he could marry me, because I was such a “perfect angel.”
Needless to say, I never spoke to this guy again, despite his repeated texts and calls. Goodbye and good riddance! Jeez!
19. Fashion Show
She asked if I wanted to go on a date with her. I said no. She then undressed in the middle of the high school hallway and asked, “How about now?” while sensually caressing her body. I said no again and went off to my girlfriend, who has since become my wife.
20. I Want You Back
I broke up with an ex because I just wasn’t that into her. I started dating a new girl, and ran into my ex at a party a few weeks after. She pulled me into the bathroom and showed me her thigh, into which she had carved my name, claiming that she “still loved me.” We had only dated for a month…
21. Learning Something New Every Day
He cornered me in the hallway when I was on my way to the restroom, and then proceeded to lean forward, purse his lips, and close his eyes as if I had been waiting to kiss him my entire life. It was like he was trying to be in a fairy tale or a romantic comedy. I proceeded to tell him, “Not today, Daniel,” and continue about my business.
Oh and by the way, Daniel was a five-year-old kid, and I was his teacher.
22. One Step Ahead of You
I invited a girl I casually knew to come hang out at my place. She was already right outside…waiting for the call.
Ugh. I knew a mentally ill girl who had a crush on me for a while and did various stalkerish things as a result—including showing up at my work, changing her phone number four times to trick me into answering, and running away from home by hopping on a bus to a city six hours away, then texting me at 3 in the morning that she had changed her mind and needed me to come pick her up and take her home.
At no point did I ever indicate any interest in her whatsoever—on the contrary, I repeatedly told her that we would never be together. Nevertheless, it was all just in one ear and out the other.
I had jokingly called a girl “my special little snowflake” while mildly flirting with her. She had never heard of the label “snowflake” before. The next day, she shows up with a new tattoo of a snowflake and shows it to me.
25. A Familiar Face
A girl showed up at my house one afternoon and gave me a T-shirt with my picture on it. Yes, my picture. Guess she just happened to have an extra lying around!
26. Logical Raisining
Every recess, he would bring me a raisin bun. This went on for months. Six-year-old me never had the heart to tell him how much I hated raisins!
27. I’m Movin’ on
A girl who I had recently rejected showed up at the restaurant where I worked. She requested me by name, and wanted me to serve her and her new “boyfriend.” Throughout the meal, she repeatedly made very loud comments about how great he is in bed. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere in the world but there.
28. Open Door Policy
A guy who this girl I know had a crush on was living with a few friends and, for a while, their place became a pretty regular hangout spot for a bunch of people. Consequently, they almost never locked their doors. The girl showed up and let herself into their house one afternoon while they were all at work. He came home to find her sleeping in his bed.
He had to threaten to call the police to get her to leave.
29. Photo Finish
Someone who liked me took a bunch of pictures of me while I slept. There was a group of us all sleeping in one room. I woke up to see him snapping photos of me.
30. A Lunch Date
A guy who had seen me eating at Subway one time brought his entire family to meet me the next time I was there. I had never even met the guy! I only knew who he was because he was with a group of guys that were all staring at me there a week earlier. They had apparently waited over an hour until I showed up this time.
He had apparently started asking the workers there about me so much that they started keeping me updated on when the guy was around so that I could avoid him in the future.
31. Crossing the Line
An older guy who I knew from my neighborhood sent me photos of his private parts, even though I was only 12 years old. My parents and I informed the local police department.
32. I Don’t
She asked me if I wanted to marry her. We were 12. We were cousins.
33. He Wants the Whole World to Know
In high school, a guy once randomly stood up on top of a desk in the middle of class and asked me to kiss him in front of everyone. Yeah. That was odd.
34. I’ll Be Watching You
Out of nowhere, this girl asked me to please track her car from now on. Seriously. She wanted me to place a GPS device on her car so that I could know where she was at all times. She said it would make her feel safe and protected. Seriously, who can decipher that one. I mean, what the heck?
35. Rabbit Season
In 5th grade, this kid who we’ll call Steve had a huge crush on me. One day, he dropped an envelope on my desk, so I opened it as I was walking out of class. I was not prepared for what was inside…It was a page that had been torn out of a coloring book. On one side, there was a picture of Bugs Bunny, colored in. On the other side was a picture of Bugs Bunny shooting a love arrow at a girl bunny.
The bunnies had been labeled “you” and “me” in crayon. There was a note attached that said, “When I look at you, I get warm feelings inside.” It was signed with his name and cubby number. I still laugh thinking about it to this day.
36. Poetic License
A classmate of mine who I barely talked to came up to me on Valentine’s Day and handed me a box of chocolates and a huge teddy bear with my name sewn into it. A bit weird and unexpected, yes, but I was appreciative of the gift nonetheless. It started to really get uncomfortable, though, when they handed me a drawing of myself.
In the drawing, I was leaning on a motorcycle in VERY revealing clothes (which I would never have worn in real life). He then proudly proceeded to recite a 2-page love poem that he had written about me, loudly in public, while I was with my friends. The poem referred to me as his princess, the love of his life, all that kind of thing.
I rejected him and never spoke to him again.
37. I Just Came to Say Hello
This was a while ago in high school, so I don’t know if I can really fault him for being an idiot—but he told everyone we knew that I was his dream girl and that we were going to get married someday. He actively sought out rumors about who I was crushing on, or who was crushing on me, or just about pretty much any guy who would talk to me.
He would then approach them and ask them to please, please, please let him have a chance and to not ask me out. The weirdest part was that I barely even knew this guy, and didn’t even really talk to him much to begin with. I didn’t even know his last name! Our whole relationship was literally just saying hi to each other during calculus class every morning.
38. Something’s Popping!
Someone who I worked with at a local movie theater asked me out one time. I told him that I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. The next time he was closing and knew I was opening the next morning, he poured popcorn salt all over the office desk and shaped it to say “DIE,” followed by my full name.
39. Just in Time!
A guy once paid someone to attack me so that he could show up and rescue me. It didn’t work. I hit the attacker with a bookbag and pinned him down. He freaked out and started yelling that he had been paid to do it, just as the other guy showed up.
40. He Had His Eye on You
The guy who liked me asked me if we could meet up. I told him that I was not home. He answered with: “but your light is on!” I called the police…
41. Merry Christmas!
I was a 19-year-old waitress. A 49-year-old man who I had served tried to connect with me through the missed connections page on Craigslist. He then came to my workplace and professed his love for me in a Christmas card that, ironically, showed a cartoon of Santa being kicked in his private area by a child with the caption “Stranger Danger.”
In his note, he said that he wasn’t sure if I’d be interested in an older man with a wife and children, so we’d have to find a way around that little detail. I didn’t feel safe at work anymore, so I had the police intervene and tell him not to bother me ever again.
42. Special Delivery
A girl who was enamored with my neighbor showed up at his house on her birthday to give him a present. So he, not wanting to see her, sent his mother to the door to make her go away. My neighbor’s mom didn’t have the heart to be rude, so she politely accepted the gift. When he later unwrapped it, in front of his mother, it turned out to be a pair of her panties.
We were 16 years old at the time, and the girl in question was 13.
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