The class clown is an essential member of every school. They offer a bit of relief from the usual day-to-day routine, and a much-needed break from all that “learning” that likes to pretend it’s so important. I mean, what would you rather do, laugh or learn? Is that really even a question? The Redditors below witnessed some of the greatest class clowns of all time. From amazing pranks to impeccably timed witticisms, they brought smiles to everyone’s faces, teachers often included!
Class Clown Stories
1. Like, Science, Scoob
In high school biology, a guy who was known for being a pretty good voice actor was reading a page on the properties of fungi in multiple impressions and making everyone laugh. He often got picked to read after that, and never disappointed. We’ve had: Yogi Bear, Irish guy, Disney princess, Shaggy, Scottish guy, Patrick Warburton, and many more. Before he graduated, his voice was also recorded for phone messages informing of school events, school voicemail, and MC for many school events.
2. Primped & Groomed
We had a teacher, Mr. A, who was very strict, very serious, very high regard for himself, very Italian. This man rocked the thickest mustache I had ever seen. Nothing “fancy,” no handlebars or waxed works of art. Just a full, glorious ‘stache that Burt Reynolds would envy. We had been working with fun fur (thick & bushy fur) for an art project. Another kid and I jokingly made faux mustaches out of it and used double-sided tape to wear them.
The art teacher, who was young and new to the profession, kinda-sorta dared us to wear them to Mr. A’s class. We went one step further. We made mustaches for everyone. Mr. A typically strode into the classroom with disregard for all of us until he had written whatever was important for that day on the board. Somehow a class full of dumb 9th graders managed to keep our heads down and not laugh.
We waited for that moment when he turned to face us…. It could not have been more perfect. The absolute stunned look on his face, followed by the loudest not laugh, but straight out guffaw. He loved it and insisted we keep them on for the whole class. Almost 20 years later and that moment is still clear as day in my memory.
3. The Ultimate Question
On the first day of my Psych class, the professor asked that everyone introduce themselves and tell everyone why they chose to take the class. About 40 or so students introduced themselves and gave a few variations of the same reason: “Because I need this class to transfer.” When it was my turn, I decided to shake things up. I deadpanned the following: “My name is katalyst_ and I am here because I want to know why my ex was so crazy.”
In a big 300-person study hall at my high school, some guy started making the sound effect of a drag racer going through the gears. The football coach kept running around trying to find the culprit. But when he went to one side of the cafeteria, someone on the other side would take it up. Finally, the coach, red faced, yelled, “All right, stop it!” The next sound we heard was brakes squealing! The whole cafeteria lost it.
5. One-Armed and Dangerous
At the student vs. faculty basketball game, everyone is in the gymnasium. It’s a pretty friendly game for the most part, but there was some decent competition. It was my senior year and our class clown was the announcer for this basketball game. One of the faculty members who was playing only had one arm. One-armed faculty member (Mr. X) comes into the game off the bench and immediately hits a 3-point jump shot.
During the inbound play, one-armed faculty member steals the ball and proceeds to make another basket. Class clown, who has been announcing the game, lets out this gem: “And Mr. X is single-handedly taking over this ball game!” The game literally had to be stopped as people were laughing too hard. It caused a bit of an awkward exchange between the student and teacher but was the best timing on a joke I’ve ever heard.
6. What Was the Answer?
Talking about statistics on industrial maiming accidents during the Gilded Age, and this kid raises his hand. He asks a question that is seared into my mind to this day. In all seriousness, he asks if getting one’s nipple rings ripped out by a 19th century textile machine would count as maiming.
7. Trailer Gremlin
We were doing a school wide “team bonding exercise.” Basically, each class had to build a bridge out of newspaper and tape in the school field. The event happened, winners were declared, and we were asked to tidy up. The staff drove a sit-on lawn mower onto the field towing a trailer. We had to throw the excess paper into the back of it. At this point 400 children rushed the trailer and started throwing paper in.
Soon it was filled at least 2-3 meters high. The grounds keeper started to drive away and the trailer disconnected. No big deal, he hooks it back up, drives off, and it disconnects again. Now this was one of those slot-it-over-and-put-a-pin-through-it couplings, they don’t just fail… The groundskeeper was confused, so a teacher came to help. It disconnected the moment he drove off.
At this point everyone is laughing, expecting it to fail, and it disconnects at least five times. Finally, they couple it up and a teacher walks with it watching to see how it’s failing and BAM, out of nowhere, this kid leaps from the pile of newspaper screaming like a banshee. He’d leapt into the trailer in the flurry of newspaper and children undetected and had been disconnecting the trailer every time it drove off.
8. A Good Christian Boy
I didn’t do this, but my friend did. We were sitting through an anthropology multiple choice exam, and in anthropology, we talk about evolution. Anyways, the entire class is completely quiet, and my friend raises his hand and beckons the teacher over, looking extremely confused and distressed. She comes over, leans down, and waits for his question.
In the biggest mock yet sincere voice ever, he asks just loud enough for the entire class to hear, “Miss, I can’t answer this question… It doesn’t make sense…” “What do you mean?” our teacher asks, perhaps mildly offended because she authored the exam. He replies, “It’s asking where humans come from… And none of the options is God.”
9. That Ain’t PC
On my first class, I asked my students to introduce themselves saying their names, their hometown and something they liked. Most of them were guys and they liked music, sports, video games and such. After four guys introduced themselves, the fifth guy said, “Hi, I’m Peter, I’m from X place and unlike the other guys, I like girls,” and we all laughed way too loud.
10. Old People: One, Class Clown: Zero
We had a boom-box in class for a while and our classroom faced a busy sidewalk. So the class clown did stand-up gigs for pedestrians in the break between classes until the retirement home down the street complained about the noise.
So, I was teaching ELD (English Language Development) and we were playing this game called “brag.” It’s simple, two people face off against each other and have to make up more and more ridiculous stories about a topic. (Like if the topic was LeBron James, one would say “I played ball with him” while another would say, “Well, I had him over to my house and he gave me new shoes” or something.)
So, I get these two boys up there, and I decide to make the topic one of the teachers in school who I will call Mr. Teacher. The first boy starts off innocent:
“Well, Mr. Teacher said I’m cool.” Then the next boy goes to 100mph and says:
“Oh yeah, well I SLEPT with Mr. Teacher.” He didn’t realize what he had said but I started laughing so hard as well as his classmates because he didn’t realize how extreme that was. I somehow managed to compose myself and gave the first boy a chance to “comeback.” Oh dang… His response was priceless. He goes, “Oh yeah, WELL I WAS UNDER THE BED!!”
I RAN out of the classroom and BURST out laughing so hard. I never had a moment like that before as a teacher and I probably never will again. These boys brought the entire house down and neither one realized how ridiculous their statements were. It was madness.
12. Natural Red Card
It was math class and we had a system at our school where you have to have a red card to use the bathroom during lesson time – it was only given to students with bladder issues and stuff. So this girl needed to go to because she was on her period and the teacher says no, she asked her again and the teacher was like, “Not unless you have a red card. Do you have a red card?” She (student) paused for a moment, reached into her bag, pulled out her pad, held it high then went, “Yeah. Here is it.” The group of people around her laughed hard but no one else had heard what she said and were very confused.
13. Penguin Time
The class clown in my year was a rather large chap. One lunchtime he decided it would be a good idea to pull up his shirt, unveiling his rather large belly. He covered it with butter, then ran down the hallway as fast as possible to see how far he could slide. It wasn’t very far. He ended up with loads of friction burns on his belly. It’s still one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.
14. Reference: Missed
I was sitting in a Journalism lecture in which the professor was really into feminism, which I was cool with. Until one day, after many times of going off on tangents about ONLY the important women in journalism, she went off on a new one about how “man” isn’t a double gender term. Her exact words were, “When I say, ‘Man on the moon’ you don’t see a woman taking off her helmet.”
In the silence which followed, loud enough for everyone to hear, I said, “Well of course not. A woman would have crashed the rocket.” The class went silent, then the teacher realized I was joking and cracked up. It was hilarious.
15. Yes… Accidentally
While walking around the classroom, I tripped on a boy’s backpack and almost faceplanted on the floor. A girl asked me if I was okay, to which I replied, “No, X almost ended my life.” He turned to me and, without missing a beat, replied with the best comeback I’ve ever heard. He immediately goes, “I won’t fail next time!” We still laugh about it about every two weeks. Definitely my favorite in that group.
16. School Stand-In
In our Algebra II class my junior year, my best friend walked into class five minutes late with a life-sized cardboard cutout of himself. He pulls his chair out, stands the cutout between the chair and the desk, and walks right back out of the room. The teacher didn’t say anything for about 45 seconds. Then she just marked him absent and pretended nothing had happened. At the end of the class he came back and got it. By the end of the next class the cutout had been confiscated.
17. Slithering into Your DMs
I had a class of four for A level Chemistry. They were all very bright and some of the greatest students I had. We were talking about isomers when the brightest boy in the class asks, “Miss, how do snakes do it?” Which led to the whole rest of the class and me bursting out in laughter. The following discussion of a mating ball only added to the laughter. Became a meme in the class. When we would get off track someone would say snake love and then we would giggle and go back to work.
18. Slap, Slap, Slap
On a retreat in my junior year (private school), the entire guys section of the dorms planned to make fap noises by hitting their palms against their thighs. As soon as the chaperone, who was a brother, shuts the lights out, we freaking go at it. Moaning and slapping and stuff, it was crazy. After maybe 15 seconds he bursts into the room telling us to be respectful and not befoul our school’s reputation. From the back of the room this one dude goes, “I was done anyway.” Nobody could keep quiet, tears were shed and sides cramped. It was a good night.
19. Late Breakfast
My friend has always been weird, but on one of the last few days of ninth grade, he took it to the next level. He walked into his biology class, pulled out a bowl, spoon, a bag of cereal, and a bottle of milk, and proceeded to have a bowl of cereal. After he was done, he went to the back of the classroom, rinsed off his bowl and spoon, and sat down like it never happened.
20. It Was Only a Matter of Time
I had a habit of throwing markers at students and asking them to throw it back. I’d hold up a hand but never actually try to catch it. Just stood there motionless. During a physics unit, I was tossing a tennis ball around the room. I asked a kid to throw it and took my normal pose. He took his shot and lobbed it (lightly) at my crotch. Direct hit.
21. Never Phone it In
One kid had his phone taken away for texting during class. The next day, the teacher took it away again. But he pulled out a second (old) cell phone a couple minutes later and began pressing buttons, pretending to text. It was also confiscated. This happened several more times before he pulled out a giant cordless phone with a 2′ antenna, the sort that came out in the late 80s, and began pushing buttons on it. The teacher couldn’t stop laughing.
22. A Gift from Knight to King
At my high school, during homecoming week, there are various competitions between the classes to show who is the “most spirited.” The winner gets an award. Usually they announce it, and the class president and a few other people get their picture with the award (which is a huge ceremonial sword), then it goes back in the case. My sophomore year, our class won it, and proceeded to rush the gymnasium floor and grab the sword.
When the crowd dispersed, the teachers made an eerie discovery: the sword was nowhere to be found. The sword was still missing the next year, so they made a new one and started using that. Fast forward to our graduation ceremony two and a half years later. After receiving his diploma, the class clown pulled the missing Spirit Sword out from under his gown and handed it to the Principal.
A student did a presentation about conspiracy theories. It was assessed and had to be recorded. He started off so normal, until he got to the Da Vinci code, and started talking about the possibilities of Jesus and Mary making love. I lost it, but held it together for the recording. When I asked him to elaborate on other theories he had heard, he calmly said, “Well, there was this one that said Hitler was a dolphin,’ and I had to escort myself out.
24. Most Valuable Mime
In sixth grade, my teacher would often read parts of stories to us toward the end of the school day. This kid who sat in the back would make faces and mime things depending on what was being read. It was kind of a game to see if you could secretly look back and watch and see if the teacher wouldn’t notice. I’m sure it irritated her most of the time, but there are times where I’m sure she had to try really hard not to laugh. I remember one day where the teacher said if we behaved, she’d let the kid come to the front of the class to do his thing while she read the story. Yeah, we were angels that day.
25. What’s the Number for Heaven?
I had an art class in high school that I used just to make my friends laugh. I had a lot of friends in this class and I sucked at art. Well, I had already gotten some phone calls home from the teacher, but I was a little brat and didn’t care. One day, I was just taking everything too far. I wouldn’t let the teacher say one thing without making a stupid joke out of it.
Eventually she got fed up and said, “If you don’t stop making those remarks I’m going to call your mom.” Without thinking, I shot back, “Do it, then I’ll call your mom!” Now, this lady was at least in her sixties and chances are her mother was dead, but my 16-year-old mind couldn’t comprehend or care that I was actually saying something that could hurt her feelings.
This was probably the best class clown moment I had because literally everyone in the class except her was cracking up. I, of course, got sent to the assistant principal’s office, but decided to get in my car and go get some Dairy Queen instead. But I never got a chance to apologize to her and it’s been four years since I had her class and I feel terrible for all the stuff I put that nice woman through.
26. Officially Over It
My son was that student. He really didn’t want to go to school at five. He was more interested in playing. So, we put him in an early five class. Next year in kindergarten he had already learned to read and found out that he actually liked to read Star Wars books for young kids. One day they were supposed to be coloring, but my son thought it was a waste of time. He calmly told the teacher (my friend), “Look Mrs. Smith, you know the tree is green, I know the tree is green, can’t we just call it even and I’ll go back to reading my book about Han Solo?”
She said she had to walk away after she started laughing.
27. Another One for the Collection
I knew this kid that would write long, romantic, and graphic love poems on notebook paper. He would then fold them up really small and place them in my male teacher’s pants pocket. The teacher was a larger fellow and his pant pockets would somehow always be slightly open. Later on in the class, the teacher would just happen to place his hands in his pockets and find the unknown piece of paper.
He would unfold it and begin to read. As he progressed through the romantic poem, the look on his face just became more and more intrigued/confused. You could tell he had no clue what was going on. But for some reason he never questioned the notes and would just put them in his desk drawer. We would just sit in the back and laugh our butts off. Freaking priceless.
28. Loveseat Samples
I was in science class and the teacher was explaining how veterinarians sometimes need stool samples from animals to check their health. A classmate asked why the doctors needed stool samples, and I responded without thinking, “Because couch samples would be overkill.” Even the teacher chuckled.
29. My Last Dessert
My high school mathematics teacher was always really serious and stressed, but we saw him laugh once. It was right towards the end of the last year, close to our exams and graduation. The Mighty Boosh was just starting to become popular, and so some people who’d seen it started quoting bits from it. In math class, these two kids started messing around playfighting, and I think one of them was trying to get something back that the other took.
The teacher shouted at them, asking what the heck they were doing, and then this loudmouth girl who was notorious for saying silly things in class dropped the mic. She just said, “It’s all right, sir, he just wants to see Josh’s mangina.” You could see the teacher trying to fight off the laughter, and then he just burst out giggling, and the whole class followed. Hardly anyone had seen The Mighty Boosh at that point, so it sounded as though she’d made up the word ‘mangina’ herself. The whole class and teacher broke down. It took ages to get back on track.
30. Like a Spider Monkey
This happened in statistics class near the end of my junior year of high school, after all the seniors had graduated. There were only about eight of us left in that class which makes this story even better. Our statistics teacher had his head buried in a book that he was trying to teach us from, and our “class clown” thought it was boring as anything.
He starts sneaking, sneaking towards the window. Statistics teacher still has head buried in the book, while we all watch him wondering what he will do. He starts going towards the wall, and climbing up the stuff near the side of it, then opens up the window and climbs out of the classroom. Statistics teacher didn’t notice at all. One other classmate writes, “THAT WAS AWESOME” down on a piece of paper that we all could see, while all of us were trying to contain our laughter.
31. Wrong Audience
My high school had a study hall period that you could use to work on homework, makeup tests, missing work, etc. My favorite teacher taught history and had a good sense of humor but also not much classroom control, so her room during study hall was always a bit wild. Her room was arranged in such a way that her desk was in one corner, but the phone was in another, by the sink. This meant that often during class and almost always during study hall, if the phone rang, a student would pick up the phone since they were closer.
The chemistry teacher, who was a stone-cold witch if there ever was one and had zero sense of humor, called up one day during study hall for something. A student, who we shall call M, not knowing who had called, picked up the phone and said, ”Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?” M’s face transitioned into sheer horror once he realized who he had said it to, and then immediately hung up on her.
So he screwed up not just once, but twice on that one phone call. He made himself scarce just in time for the chemistry teacher to get up to history teacher’s classroom, fully prepared to ream out whoever had answered the phone. History teacher, not knowing what had happened, just vaguely apologized and the chemistry teacher left in a huff. Someone tells the history teacher what really happened, and then she can’t stop laughing once she realizes what M said on the phone.
This remains one of the funniest things that happened in high school.
32. Having a Poopy Day
In grade two, the usual class clown really had to go to the bathroom, but the teacher wasn’t letting him. Finally, after much kerfuffle and class interrupting, he is allowed to go. He leaves and comes running back a minute later screaming about how there’s poopy underwear left in the bathroom. The teacher yells at him for making things up and being vulgar and he responds with, “No it’s true I brought them here,” and flings them in to the center of the room. Order was not regained in the class for the rest of the day.
33. A Little Funny
There was this goofy boy (who I’ll call A) in my math class that would announce students as they walked into class. He wasn’t mean or anything, he’d just either just say your name like the Price Is Right announcer or something silly about you like, “Ladies and Gentleman, you may know him as Chris but we all call him, ‘That Guy who referred to grey as dark white!’” So usually nothing bad.
It was fine…until one day. During class this girl walks in and she was pretty small. She kinda looked like she might be a little person, but insisted that she wasn’t. Anyway, A starts hushing the class and says, “Guys, guys we are in the presence of a celebrity.” And we all start looking around and then he says, “Welcome, everyone, the Midget from Heck Date!!”
I laughed so hard I got sent to the nurse’s office to use my inhaler.
34. The Sports Bag Centipede
When I was at high school, everyone bought their books and stuff to school in a holdall or sports bag. The handles/straps which you use to carry them over your shoulder had little metal clips so that they could be detached. At lunch break everyone used to leave their bags in one corner of the schoolyard. I spent most of my lunch break discreetly unclipping one end and attaching them to other bags so that all of the bags were interconnected in a big tangled mess. When the bell rang and everyone went to grab their bags I stood back and watched the chaos. I’ve never laughed so hard.
35. Walking Right Into It
This kid was being very inappropriate and kept calling everything gay. The teacher then said, “If I hear you call something gay again I’ll shove this chair straight up your butt.” The kid paused then said, “That’s pretty gay.” The whole class laughed, then the teacher laughed but stopped himself immediately and went into rage mode shortly after.
36. The Story of Horjunkle
One day in English class, my friends and I came up with a concept called “Party Midgets” which essentially was us drawing funny looking cartoons of small male entertainers with gimmicks like it was the WWE. Not to mention a million fat jokes about myself. We started an Angelfire website (still kinda active) while in class that week and scanned our drawings using the computer in the English class.
Unfortunately, we left the site up, and the raw drawings in the scanner by accident. None of us realized this until we were in our next class (where our friend’s mom was the teacher) and the English teacher busted in, drawings in hand, waving them around and SCREAMING, “WHAT EXACTLY IS A PARTY MIDGET?! WHY ARE THEY NAMED HORJUNKLE, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! THE SPANISH ONE NAMED LOBES IS HATEFUL!” And Tony’s mom escorted her out of the room promising to get to the bottom of it. The second the door closed she LOST IT. She started crying while trying to explain the fact that she’s NEVER seen Mrs. Coach (the English teacher) get loud about anything. Made us show her the site and everything in front of the class. One of my favorite memories.
37. Silent Disco For One
This guy had headphones on during class and was jamming out hard. The teacher noticed and went over to him and told him to empty his pockets for his phone. When the guy pulled out the headphone cord, I couldn’t believe what I saw. It wasn’t connected to anything. The kid was rocking out to nothing. The teacher’s face was full of confusion and awkwardness.
38. You Crushing?
I’m not sure if I was considered the class clown, but I was definitely disruptive. I could make my teachers laugh every once in a while, but the one that did it best was when a very studious girl named Courtney yelled at me to shut up because she was “trying to pay attention.” The teacher would never reprimand her for this, after all, it’s what the teacher wanted to say.
But both Courtney and the teacher laughed when I leaned over to my cousin and said in a very obnoxiously loud whisper —
“Hey. I think Courtney likes me!”
39. Clown Classed
My story is actually the other way around. The start of senior year in my trigonometry class we had the school class clown. Our teacher was an elderly man who was very quiet. Said class clown was a terror to him. At the end of the year we were all coming into class and sat down. Well, the class clown was always late. Our teacher didn’t say a word. He finally came in and went to go sit down. Once he sat down his whole desk just fell apart and collapsed! Our very quiet teacher was laughing so hard he fell onto the floor crying. The whole class was dying. The class clown got up and ran out of the room. Best teacher ever.
40. Brought Together Through Gas
I was in English in high school. We were all reading silently when a kid a few rows away from me lets out the loudest flatulence. We all look at him and he had this giggling face like he had done it on purpose. A few kids start laughing. I start laughing. More kids laugh. Then we’re all laughing as the teacher couldn’t control herself either. Eventually it cooled down and we all went back to reading like nothing had happened.
41. Class Cat
I went to an all girls Catholic school and the dean of student life was a terrifying Stalin-type. Spirit week schedule is announced, and again she assigned a ‘dress like a teacher day’ on Wednesday. Super annoying because we had to dress nice or like a man. Sure, the first year is fun, but by the fifth or sixth time it’s old. So, our class clown decides that it is CAT DAY, and shows up in a full on cat suit, hood with ears, drawn on whiskers, the full nine yards.
I was at my locker, about three down from our clown, when the dean finds her and asks what teacher she’s dress as. The girl, Molly, lifts up her hand and makes a clawing motion and goes, “I’m you, merowww.” Considering the dean was such a terror, I thought the girl was done for, but the lady just laughed and let her go. I thought the dean was going to implode in fury.
42. Wine School
The middle school geography teacher said “Some of the regions of Italy you will have probably heard before. Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, and so on. Some cities maybe not so much, Sancerre, Bordeaux, etc. They all share a commonality in being wine names as it is customary for wines to be named after regions or cities in Italy.”
Class clown: Yellow Tail is a place in Italy?!
I laughed. But the class laughed too which confused the heck out of me. These seventh graders know what Yellow Tail is?? Their mothers must have dragged them through the wine aisle a lot or something.
43. My Pal the Pigeon
One day during lunch, my cousin and his friends were chilling in the park in the village when a bunch of pigeons showed up and began feeding, or whatever pigeons do. This guy decides it’d be really funny if he lured one in with a bit of his sandwich. He tears off bits of bread and begins coaxing the bird, and just as it gets close enough, he pounces on it with his jacket, ensnaring it. Shortly thereafter they return to school, pigeon in tow.
They enter their next class, and it seemed the teacher was running a little late. So, the guy decides to put the pigeon into his desk compartment. Very carefully, he releases the docile bird into his desk compartment without his classmates seeing, and closes it. The teacher enters, and begins to teach, but he just sits there, arms crossed, nothing on his table, staring at the teacher. The teacher notices, walks over to him, and the conversation goes a little something like:
“Where are your books?”
“In my desk, miss.”
“Well, get them out, please.”
“I can’t, miss.”
“Sorry? Why not?”
“Because if I open my desk, the pigeon will fly out.”
“Excuse me? Stop playing games, open your desk.”
“I can’t, or else the pigeon will fly out!”
The teacher was not amused, and the conversation went back and forth like this until eventually,
“Open your desk NOW or else you can stand outside the principal’s office for the rest of the class.”
“Okay, but I warned you.”
The guy opens his desk, and after a short second, the pigeon springs to life and shoots out of the compartment, begins frantically flying around the room, crashing into students and pooping everywhere.
“See, I told you the pigeon would get out!”
44. False Alarm
We were in history class and taking a test so the whole room was silently working. My friend walks up to the teacher’s desk halfway through the test and asks to go to the bathroom. Innocent enough, the teacher tells him he’s free to go. So, my friend heads over to the door and walks out, but stops right in front of the glass panes in the hallway in full view and stands there.
As the door is slowly closing, this guy makes my favorite high school memory. He rips the loudest, longest flatulence I’ve ever heard, the end of which was muffled as the door fully shut. He then turns around and heads back into the room, with most of the class staring him down. As he enters, the teacher asks in the most casual tone, “Didn’t have to go after all?” My friend just says, “Nah it was a false alarm” and heads back to his desk.
It was impossible to hold back my laughter. Props to them for keeping it professional.
45. Glue Taster
In seventh grade a girl kept hushing me and a friend for passing notes and saying we were disrupting her. Me and said friend weren’t talking, just quietly passing notes and she didn’t like that we weren’t paying attention and the rustling was annoying. I remember taking an entire sheet of paper, crumpling it up, and when she thought I was going to pass a note again, shoved the entire thing in my mouth and stared straight at her just chewing until she flipped out.
46. It’s Just a Bitter-Squeak Symphony, This Life
I was the culprit, the classroom had those desks where the chair is attached to the desk and had a metal wire book holder underneath. While sitting in this uncomfortable desk/chair abomination I accidentally slipped my shoe, wet from the outside rain, across one of the wires and made an amazing discovery. It created a really loud tuning fork like noise. With little hesitation I licked my fingers to wet them and rubbed along the wires. I found a sweet spot that allowed me to make the most disruptive ringing noise I’ve ever heard.
Classmates/teachers would blurt out questions like, “Is that a tornado siren?” and “Does anyone else hear that ringing?” and then I would stop for about five to 10 minutes and do it again once they forgot about that mysterious noise they heard earlier.
Eventually I told select classmates about the noise and we composed a tune-fork desk symphony that got a teacher so enraged that she started randomly selecting kids to kick out of class one by one until she found the source of the noise. This trend carried over to other classrooms and eventually lead to the school having the custodian use wire cutters to cut the book holders off every desk-chair, not long after they had to replace them all because a student cut his leg on the sharp edges where the wires used to be. The replacements were actual desks and chairs that weren’t bolted together. Now kids at that school do not have to sit uncomfortably thanks to my disruptive behavior.
Man, I miss high school.
47. A Certified Classic
Guy came to school wearing brown insulated overalls one day. Not too unusual, Wisconsin winters can get cold, and that particular week was around -20F. About half-way through the day during passing time I hear a commotion down the hall. As I get closer to the source of the chuckles, I see this guy strolling down the isle with a pink “member” protruding out of the zipper in stark contrast with the brown overalls. Everybody who saw him initially had the open-mouthed look of shock until they realized that it was just his finger.
48. The Blind Lady Watches
In high school my chemistry teacher had this morbid poster of a blind woman that read “Carol didn’t wear her safety goggles, now she doesn’t need them.” The teacher absolutely loved this poster, and one day the class clown decided to steal the poster off the wall. For the next 14 months this teacher got pictures of this poster in all sorts of places, from the wall at prom to NYC.
But the absolute best part came during the televised school announcements, a whopping seven months after the poster had been kidnapped. We all saw the poster plastered to the wall behind the news desk. This chem teacher sprinted out the door towards the broadcast room, and literally seconds before she got there a hand reached in from off camera, grabbed the poster, and it disappeared for another seven months. Probably the hardest I’ve ever laughed.
49. Garbage Canned
I teach 10 year olds. We’re doing a Socratic circle on why we come to school. This kid was like, “Oh so you can go to college and get a good job and not be a garbage man.” And I say, hold on. Garbage men make good money, sometimes more than jobs that you need to go to college for. Some make more than teachers. And don’t look down on any type of work and blah blah blah for a little.
So, a couple hours later in the day, the class is acting up pretty bad. Throwing stuff, talking about Beyblades instead of any work, the quiet kids are reading graphic novels. I run a loud room with a lot of group work but you gotta stay on task. I’m working with two kids, but I bark for the classes attention and lecture them for a minute and finish with, “Now do good work.”
I go back to the two kids I’m working with and one them, this 5’1 enormous 10-year-old boy who was always sweating, looks at me real smug and goes, “Should’ve been a garbage man, huh?”
50. You Don’t Say
I’m the only Italian teacher in my high school, so I have the same kids year after year. I have a sophomore boy who seemed to have a big revelation during class. Unfortunately for him, he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. He said: “Oh my god, Italian is like English but a different language.” Laughed my butt off and told him he should make that his senior year yearbook quote.