Home should be an escape from the stress of our daily lives—but these people learned that a nightmare landlord, deranged roommate, or straight-up evil house guest can turn "Home Sweet Home" into "Oh God, get me out of here" in an instant. From disgusting personal hygiene to disturbing betrayals, these creepy house-mates make haunted houses look like dream castles.
Bad Roommates
1. Plot Twist
I have this friend, Jimmy. Great guy, always means well, but understands social interactions at about the same level that a baby understands quantum thermodynamics. So I'm having this house party, and I made it quite clear that the guest list was firm. Well, as bad as Jimmy is, he's still an old friend—so I invite him, knowing full well that things could get out of hand.
Jimmy shows up in the middle of the party and actually manages to stay out of trouble. However, it turns out that he had taken the initiative to invite my jerk of an ex-girlfriend, who showed up shortly after him. Before the party was over, she had smeared blood on the walls and destroyed my mother's antique vase. Thanks, Jimmy.
2. Occupied
My mother in law stayed at our house. In the middle of the night, I hear her get up, and then I hear my garage door open. There being absolutely no reason for her to be going out there, I get up to go check what’s going on. I open the door and almost scream. I find her crouching over a cup PEEING in my garage. My entry startled her, causing her to spill the entire cup of her fresh urine all over my garage floor.
Her explanation was that someone seemed to have already been using the bathroom. She didn't even bother to knock on the door! She just saw that it was closed and went straight to peeing in a cup in the garage.
3. Future Serial Killer Alert
I was a kid, probably 9 or 10, and my mom had a friend and her son over for lunch. The kid disappeared for about 10 minutes, and at the time I thought he had gone to the bathroom because I really had to go. So when he came back I quickly maneuvered my way past him into the room before the bathroom, where we had a fish tank. This would be completely irrelevant if the fish tank wasn’t cloudy and swirling about.
At first glance, I didn't know what it was, until I noticed something awful: smashed and ripped apart pieces of little fish faces moving around in the swirl. The kid had reached into the fish tank and squeezed the ever-loving life out of every single fish in that tank.
4. An Interesting Business Model
My landlord found out I was a renovation specialist and asked if I would do little odds and ends around the place to fix it up. She took it off the rent or paid for materials to do the work. I did a lot for her. Refinished the concrete floor in the laundry room, replaced the front door, repaired walls and repainted the whole place, installed a new dishwasher and more.
When I moved in the place sat for a year empty. It was in rough shape. When I moved out, the place was awesome. So nice in fact that it rented out for $300 more a month than I had rented it for. It also rented out four days after I moved out. She did not have to do anything to move a new family in. So a few weeks go by and I'm starting to wonder where my deposit is. Clearly I should be getting that back. Nope.
Got a letter in the mail say she was keeping it because of a nonsense list of stuff. So I took her to court and won. Her argument was basically that this is how she makes money. It's her only income. Judge looked like he was holding back laughter before he ruled in my favor.
5. Husky Sales
My very first roommate sold my husky for drug money.
6. Needle in a Garbage Stack
I had a guest of a guest attend a party. Apparently, she injected herself in the bathroom and threw her bloody uncapped needle into the garbage. I got poked with it while cleaning up. It took me tens of thousands of dollars and years of medical testing, treatment, and prophylaxis to get back to my "normal" health. Never reach into a garbage can, people. Even in your own house!
7. She’s Back
I had been divorced from my wife for about a year when I moved in with a friend. A few months into our lease, I started noticing her (my ex) hanging around a lot. I was suspicious but didn't say anything. It became glaringly obvious that they were together when I started hearing them...do stuff...in the room next to mine every day.
I don't think I would have cared as much if he had started seeing an ex-girlfriend of mine, but my ex-wife? Heck no. It was just too much.
8. Worship Me
My roomie had a huge framed picture of her face on the wall that I woke up to every morning. I'm all for loving thyself but come on, that’s what mirrors are for.
9. Captain Morgan
My friend's roommate (we live in the same hallway) has a particularly strange way of drying his nether region after showering. He walks up to his fan while wearing only a towel around his waist and puts one foot up on a chair, thus lifting the towel and letting the fan effectively blow-dry his parts. This is why he's known as "Captain Morgan" by our entire floor.
10. Pee Pee Monster
I moved in with a friend and we had to share a common bathroom. Knowing him for quite a while, I was sure he would have been fine, but he would pee literally everywhere except the toilet. It was on the ground, on the sink, on the ceiling, etc., and he refused to clean the bathroom even though I tried to get him to clean every other week and I would clean it on the odd weekends.
Money and alcohol would go missing from my room so I put a lock on the door. A few weeks later, my door was kicked in, but luckily my money wasn't found. I will never get a roommate again.
11. Pet Me!
I had a roommate that would meow at me and ask me to pet her.
12. We Know Your Secret
I never actually met my landlord, but we nearly ended up taking him to court. We complained about a ton of broken things that he would never fix. When they did get fixed, it was by the unqualified workers. Being college kids, we go to the free legal council our university offered, hoping we had some options to get things fixed. The lawyer made a discovery that changed everything. He found out that the house we were renting had been foreclosed on two months prior and the bank owned it now.
Extremely ticked off, we decided to stop paying rent while we got our things in order. About six weeks later, he comes by the house furious that we hadn't paid rent in over a month. My roommate simply said, "We aren't paying you anymore, get the heck off this property." This annoyed him even more and he started threatening us until my roommate said, "We know you don't own this place anymore and we are going to sue your butt for the money you stole from us."
He shut up at this point and left, never to be heard from again.
13. Demon Troubles
My roommate believes she's watched by demons. She also believes I'm possessed by them.
14. The Rumble Begins
I am currently living with the cliche horrible roommate. She has all of the classic "bad roommate" traits. Leaving hair in/on/around the shower, not replacing the toilet paper, TAKING ALL OF THE TOILET PAPER WHEN SHE LEAVES ON BREAKS, letting dirty dishes pile up for weeks around our only sink in the bathroom, bringing over a guy multiple nights a week (we both share one room), the list goes on.
So instead of getting upset with her, I calmly doused some of her things in deer urine and do so many times a week. Let the games begin.
15. I AM THE DISH CAPTAIN NOW
The day my roommate moved in he nailed a sign above the sink that in 6 sentences described the dishwashing rules of the house. It only got worse from there.
ny mag
16. Freshman Crazies
I caught my college roommate lying spread eagle on my bed shaving her pubic region. When I questioned her about it, she simply said "you have a bigger window so I get more natural light here" like it was the most normal thing in the world. A week later, her girlfriend stole my jewelry. I knew because she would wear my stuff in front of me. When I questioned them about it, they told me to prove it was mine by showing them a receipt.
Things only got worse. My roommate put a line of masking tape down the middle of our room. Said I was only allowed to cross the line to enter and leave the room. As I was walking back to the dorm from class, I noticed my stuff in the middle of the quad. I go to my room to confront her and I see a sock taped to my door with a note saying "does THIS look familiar?" Turns out, when I took my laundry down to the laundry room, a sock fell out of my basket and landed on her side of the room. Apparently the appropriate reaction was to move all of my belongings outside where they could be stolen/ransacked.
I moved into an off-campus apartment after winter break.
17. Bad Intentions
My partner's brother spent the whole week he was staying with us trying to “accidentally” walk in on me changing or while I was in the shower.
18. Changing Their Tune
I once had a landlady do a walkthrough and agree in writing that there was no damage to our property and that we would be getting all of our deposit back, take custody of our keys, and then walk us out of the building. Two weeks later we got a letter stating that they were keeping the security deposit because someone had gotten drunk, destroyed a screen in the window, gouged a hole in the wall, and dented the refrigerator.
This occurred two days after we moved out. Then we learned the infuriating truth. It turns out that she used the property as a place for her in-laws to stay over Thanksgiving and fully expected us to pay for their damages because our name was still on the lease. The judge was really hung up on why other occupants were in our apartment without our knowledge or consent if the woman's position was that it was still our apartment and therefore our liability.
19. You Never Really Know Someone
I rented a room to a guy who spent two years compiling, in what was later described to me by an ICE agent who was investigating him, as the largest and most disturbing collection of inappropriate child photos he had ever seen. All on the internet that was in my name. I knew him for a few years prior to renting the room to him. He was my best friend. He has since disappeared.
20. Grounds for Divorce
I rented to a guy who liked to party with high school girls (he was 21), practiced fake martial arts, left swords all over the house, had house parties every weekend, a few of which ended up in front yard brawls that I and police had to break up, etc. The tenancy ended when I gave him notice. In response, he tried to push me down a flight of stairs, so I hip tossed him in the opposite direction. He burst into tears and told me my sifu would be very disappointed in me. Oh yeah, the reason I gave him notice was at one of his parties, HIS FRIEND POOED ON MY CARPET.
21. Scabies. Enough Said.
I lived with a ~300lb girl with a trailer trash dialect. This was winter in Michigan, so she kept the place at about 90F. This grown adult human being had photos of 14-year-old pop stars from Tiger Beat taped to her door. She never cleaned. Anything. We moaned at her about never washing dishes, so eventually she just started piling them up in her room. Suddenly there were no dishes.
I thought it couldn't get worse, but I was so, so wrong. One time her friend shared a blanket with her while watching TV on our couch. Turns out he had scabies, and she got them too. They were all uninsured, so they just lived with it for about three weeks. Another one of my roommates in the same situation got it, and kept going to work. SHE WAS A WAITRESS. The scabies kept coming back because the fat one never did laundry.
I would hold my breath walking from the front door to my room. I didn't prepare a meal at home for a month, I lived on takeout. The entire time, every time I felt a flake of dry skin, I would panic, convinced that they were all over me. I took three showers a day and shaved my head.
22. Where’s Your Permit?
There was literally one handicapped parking spot in the entire townhome complex. My landlord parked his jet ski in it.
23. Dry Humor
The brother of a friend was at our house for a pajama party. When we ran out of toilet paper, instead of just asking for a new roll, he used a towel and placed it back in the cupboard in the middle of the pile. He was 12 at the time, so easily forgiven—but not forgotten.
24. It All Came Crashing Down
My family and I were going on a trip, so we told a family friend he could crash at our house while we were gone. Halfway through our trip, we get a call from the police. Apparently, this guy threw a huge party and trashed our house, then proceeded to take one of our cars and drive it through the wall, destroying our car and the front of our house. We had to cut our trip short and come home to deal with this. We are currently in the process of pressing charges.
25. Let It Pee
Friends of a relative once stayed the night at our place while we were out of town. We asked if the children wet the bed, so we could put plastic sheets down if necessary. They were confident that the kids would have no such issues, so we let it be. We come home to find two of our brand new mattresses soaked in pee. The kids had wet the bed, moved to another bed, and wet that one too. Never said thank you, never said sorry.
26. Who Let the Cats Out?
A friend from college came to stay with us for several days while looking for a job in the area. We told him that there was only one "house rule": Do not let the cat outside!! He's an indoor cat and has never been outdoors. On just his third day with us, we came home to find that he'd left the sliding glass door open and our wonderful cat was gone—lost in the woods and probably terrified. The guy didn't seem to care. His response was, "So, get a new cat!" We showed him out and said we'd get a new "friend" first.
27. The Art of the Steal
My landlord had a ton of self help books and. a lot about real estate. One was titled "How to Get Rich Quick Off of Friends and Family" which was about buying more houses than you needed, renting out the extra space, charging more than market value because you know friends will pay it out of generosity, and how to keep your house without making all the mortgage payments.
When I found out that she was 3+ payments behind after only living there less than a year (the state had a website of people that were pre-foreclosure) I realized that she was taking pages out of this book. I got out of there as soon as I could.
28. Pay It Forward Goes One Way (to Her)
My wife's friend stayed with us for a few months. A couple of years BEFORE she stayed with us, she had borrowed several hundred dollars from my wife. When my wife asked for the money back, the friend said she'd already paid us back that money by giving us gifts for Christmas. But we had an extra bedroom; we didn't want rent money; the friend had a management job in aerospace and just had bad timing when she was switching apartments.
She said she just needed a month with us to bridge the gap between her old and new apartments. Looking back, we were fools. Of course, after a month, she needed two more months. She never offered to pay for anything—and to be fair—we never asked. We declined to let her stay past the three months, but the kicker was that when she left, she claimed we owed her because she paid for her own part of the bill when the three of us had gone to a restaurant.
29. Withdraw From My Respect
My wife’s cousin was staying at our house because he was going through marital problems. One night, I woke up in the middle of the night, and I heard some change rattling. I walked out and saw something that made me have a rage blackout. My wife's cousin walks down the hall with my 5-year old’s piggy bank. He was taking money from my little daughter’s freaking piggy bank to buy beer and smokes.
30. Squirrels Can Make Nice Pets
It was my first year living on my own, and in my youthful idiotic nature I did not notice some clear warning signs. After I moved into my ground floor studio it became immediately apparent that the place was a dumpy slum. I had every type of pest, minus bed bugs, that you could imagine. Two species of roaches, house centipedes, mice, spiders, flies, and squirrels. I lived next to a nightclub that was loud, gross, and full of drunk baboons who did coke and shot each other 12 feet from my window.
I toughed it all out for a year with minimal complaining to my landlord. Even when they broke into my apartment, or told me "no, that open hole in the foundation that lets the squirrels in can't be patched," I steadfastly survived it all. I did let them know how uncomfortable and pissed I was about the living situation but they gave a "meh" response.
Until move-out day happened.
The lease did not specify a required date to provide move-out notice, and they relayed zero info of when I was to let them know I would not be renewing. So, I only gave a 35-day notice after I secured another apartment. They got back to me saying, basically, that was too late and they re-signed the lease in my name and bumped the rent up by $150. Sucks to suck!
I threatened to sue. They immediately backed down, tail between their legs, whimpering about how they "were just a small family business, why was I mean?" Thieving bastards still yanked most of my security deposit. I left mouse carcasses behind for them.
31. No Friend of Felines
We had one of my dad’s friends visit a long time ago, and he really hated cats. So much so to the point where he would kick our own cat under the table. Literally, he had been in our house for five minutes, and he kicked our cat in the hallway. So, our cat peed in his shoes and pooped in his suitcase the day he was leaving.
32. The Real Pain is Betrayal
Worst guests ever? They came after an awful spinal surgery I went through when I was 12. They were cousins, and my parents caught them trying to steal my painkillers.
33. Never Finding Nemo
Back in college, my roommates and I hosted a birthday party for a mutual friend at our apartment. Earlier that day, we gifted her a pet goldfish because she had been talking about getting a fish. Fast forward to later in the night. Our male friend, let’s call him Mike, decided he needed to find a way to impress our other friend, who I’ll call Darla.
Mike tries every lame joke and pick-up line on Darla and fails time and time again. Then he sees the goldfish in his tank and scoops him up in his hand. He says, “Check this out, Darla!” He then does something utterly disturbing. He plops the fish into his mouth and swallows it alive. My roommate and I immediately rush over and start trying to make Mike puke the fish back up.
Darla quickly makes for the door and leaves the party. Sadly, that fish met its doom in Mike’s stomach that night. He never apologized although he did complain about severe stomach issues for several days afterward. To sum up: I bought a fish for a friend, and another friend swallowed it alive at a party to impress/flirt with someone.
34. Grand Theft Grade School
When I was in Cub Scouts, in third grade nonetheless, my mom hosted a meeting for the Scouts in my grade at school, where we built birdhouses for some badge or something. While we were waiting for everyone to arrive, me and the Scouts who had already arrived started playing in my backyard. One Scout, let's call him N, told us he had to go to the bathroom "really bad" and left.
When everyone arrives to start the project, I notice that N was sitting at the edge of the table looking down, and my mom was really angry and was trying her best to suppress it. She asked me and all the other scouts if I had given N permission to go in my room. Me and all my friends said, "No, he said he had to go to the bathroom really bad."
This response only made my mom even more visibly angry, and N ducked his head more. Five minutes later N's mom arrives and is apologizing profusely to my mom. It turns out N went into my room, pocketed the $20 I had been saving up (I got paid $2 a week for mowing the lawn as an allowance) and was stuffing my toys and video games into his backpack.
My mom went upstairs to actually use the bathroom and noticed the theft taking place and caught him red-handed. He then lied to my mom and said I gave him permission to go into my room, and he was just "checking it out." But no, my mom caught him red-handed, and my mom is scary when she's mad. In total, he tried to steal around $150 in game boy cartridges, Pokémon cards and toys, and around three months of allowance.
35. Just Why, Man??
My landlord knew I was a clean and quiet tenant who loved baking. He "renovated" and removed the stove while moving the "kitchen" (cupboards, sink and fridge) to the other wall. He replaced the stove with a toaster oven. He also removed my living room door. I was seeing red: He increased my rent by 30% for those "renovations."
We've been in legal hearings ever since, and now he's trying to keep my damage deposit out of spite because I hung shelves (no storage in bathroom) and curtains (huge window almost to the floor by toilet, which faces a busy street and a few pictures. The neighbor upstairs flooded three apartments and kept their deposit.
36. Rudeness is Never Lost in Translation
My husband’s friend and her boyfriend arrived from overseas. We hadn’t met him previously. On day one the boyfriend googled “buy weed _______ (city name)”, got scammed into sending a lot of cash to Nigeria via Western Union to pay for it, then gave them our address for delivery. No package ever turned up, but the police did.
On day two, he…attended to his manly needs in the shower, and his load got caught by the hair catcher in the drain, which I discovered when I cleaned the shower. I nearly vomited. On day three, the pair of them had a massive raging argument at our dinner table while the four of us were sitting down to eat. They were yelling insults at each other and trying to get us to join in and take a side.
It went on like this for about a week until my husband told them to leave. They tried to come back a few days later because they’d discovered that our country is expensive, and they’d prefer free accommodation with us. We declined.
37. A Plan With No Possibility of Unintended Consequences...
I lived in a few different apartments while I was in college and all my landlords were cool except one. I lived in the first floor of the building while he lived in the second floor. He has many "interesting" stories but there is one that stands out.
One day, all of a sudden I found small black things that looked like burnt rice through the living room floor. At first I wasn't sure what it was and swept it up with a broom. Not long after I found the same in a desk I had in the living room. At that point my roommate realized the truth: it was rodent droppings. We called the landlord to find an exterminator, and he just told us "I'll be there in a moment."
About 15 minutes later he comes down with a small carton box full of fruits filled with rat poison to put around the apartment. I looked at him in disbelief and he just proceeded to let us know that his pet snake had died and decided to release the rodents he had to feed it as he had no longer use for them and was sure they would just go and live in the woods peacefully.
Still in shock I asked him to leave and dealt with the issue myself. I did not accept his offer to renew the contract.
38. For Shame
I have come to confess: I was the horrifying guest. This happened at the house of my mum’s friend. I was around 8 years old. I came across a bidet for the first time and I pooped in it, thinking it was a kid’s toilet. It flooded the bathroom and collapsed the floor, pouring water below into the newly refurbished living room. My mum and Jeanie didn’t remain friends long after that. I am so sorry Jeanie.
39. So Much for the Cost of Friendship
I once heard a former roommate laughing with his then-girlfriend about how they were screwing me over on money. Turned out they were taking my "utilities" checks and buying various games and alcohol. Instead of confronting them, I confirmed what they said with the utilities company (they hadn't paid the bill in two months) and moved all my stuff out while they were at work. For good measure, I took myself off the lease and told the rental company about the girlfriend who had been there six months.
40. Don’t Scratch His Back and He Won’t Scratch Yours
I used to live in a sketchy building, and my landlord lived right underneath me. He was a weird guy, and there were all kinds of rumors about him but I chalked them up to gossip. There were a ton of homeless people in the neighborhood, which was fine, they were just part of the neighborhood and anyone who lived there knew them. A lot of days they would hang out on our front stoop, and no one really cared or made an issue out of it.
Anyway, I would often hear knocks that sounded like they were coming from the windows, not the front door. I would try to run over and catch whoever it was but could never catch anyone in time. So one night, I hear the knocking while I’m in bed and it sounds like it’s from the window right under me to my left. I look down real quick, see one of the regular homeless guys in the neighborhood, and see my landlord open up the door and let him in. So, I lie there listening, wondering what is going on. As clear as day, I hear the homeless guy say to my landlord, "I need something to eat. I was just wondering if you needed a back rub or something." That's when I realized all the rumors about my landlord were true.
41. Merry Christmas!
The week before Christmas our heater went out during one of the coldest winters on record. Landlord said nope not fixing that, wait until the new year and don't call me again it's Christmas.
Well, we paid rent through an estate agent so I called her first and said what's my legal options here. She said "He said what? OK it'll be taken care of." That very afternoon a plumber showed up to fix it. He took a look around and asked us if we were aware our bathroom was not up to code. It's not? The next day we got a new toilet, bath and shower. Hearing the landlord arguing with the plumber and estate agent lady and then freak out at the cost that he was 100% legally liable for? Priceless.
42. Someone Has a Death Wish
My wife and I were having my high school friends over for some hanging out when our twins were 4 months old. For those without kids, the first few months with a newborn are BRUTAL because you're sleep deprived, having a constant mental battle of "I should sleep" vs. "I should clean/be productive/be social," and it's even worse with multiples.
So, needless to say, we put on our happy faces, made the house presentable—though not pristine—and opened the door. My friend's wife walked in and immediately says the worst thing she could possibly think of. She goes, "Wow, it's not very neat in here. Couldn't you have cleaned?" I'm fairly certain my wife almost committed a crime that day.
43. Parental Misguidance
I used to host extravagant yearly parties at my house as a thank you to everyone who worked for me. Significant others were fine, but I stressed that young kids were not welcome, because it was an adult party and the house/garden just weren’t child-friendly.
One of the guests decided to bring her four children anyway, all under the age of 12, and leave them completely unattended. I walked into my master bedroom halfway through the party and nearly screamed. They had filled a dirt hole in the garden with water from a hose, made goopy mud pies, stomped around in them, come back inside and crawled into my bed under the covers, and ground their shoes intentionally into my pillow and all the bedding. They also took all the clothes out of my closet, put them on, threw them on the floor and stepped on those, and ruined two rugs on the way.
The mom's response: "Haha! Well, that's just how kids are, you know. You'll understand once you decide to finally grow up and have some."
44. Landlord From Hell
When I was younger, our landlord used to come by a little too often to "check up" on us. I remember I would get so frustrated because he would act as if the house was his even though he had legal ownership of it. He'd put his bare feet on the couch and would ask me to get him snacks from our kitchen. I wish I was older then so I could've kicked him.
45. Some People Are Unbearable
This was a guy I was seeing. My son at the time was just over 2 years old, and he had a teddy he brought EVERYWHERE with him. It didn’t bother me cause kids like comfort toys. Well, this guy had an issue with it. So, we’re out on my balcony, and my son had shown this guy his teddy bear. He grabbed the bear, threw it over the balcony and told my son to grow up, bears are for babies.
If you’re reading this, I still hate you.
46. Looking for Problems
Two years ago I was living in student apartments. They entered without my permission and fined me for drying dishes on a drying rack ($75 for a "mold hazard").
47. Ever Hear of Knocking?
When I was 12 we moved into our new apartment. It was a two family apartment house. We rented out the upstairs apartment and our landlord lived below us in the first floor apartment with his wife. We lived here for 15 years. The guy was a total jerk. He thought nothing of invading our privacy and freezing us every winter and refusing to make repairs or improvements on our apartment.
When we first moved in, we had the habit of leaving our front door unlocked (but only during the daytime and only when we were home). Our landlord took advantage of this and would barge in without notice. Without knocking or ringing the doorbell. We'd be sitting in our living room watching TV, doing whatever when we would hear our front door being pushed open, someone bounding up the stairs, and the next thing we knew our landlord was standing there in our living room with us.
We got tired of this REALLY FAST. So we learned to keep our door locked at all times from then on. Even so, he would still try to barge in. He'd try to open the door normally. When it didn't open, he'd then press his body against the door and try to force it open or break it down. He'd try this for a minute or two before finally giving in and knocking. He did this for many, many years. Many is the time I'd be standing at the top of the stairs, watching him trying to forcibly open the door. Waiting for him to knock before I would answer.
48. I’ll Rise, But I Won’t Shine
I woke up at 6am hearing the sound of a nuclear warning siren on full blast coming from the bedroom wall connected to mine. One minute later, it changes to a car alarm. Next, it's a whistle and so on for ONE AND A HALF EXCRUCIATING HOURS. I went to work angry (and sleepy), thinking who would leave such a thing on and not be home to turn it off.
It happens again the next morning too, and after 30 minutes of staring at my wall, I go over and knock loudly on the door. No answer. Again, I think who would go on vacation and leave such an obnoxiously loud thing? Alarm? What is happening over there? On the fourth day, I leave a stern letter in the door. Upon returning home, there is a note in my door that reads "I am so sorry I did not realize our walls were so thin and it was waking you up, I just moved in. I am a 'deep sleeper' and need this every morning to wake up." (FROM A COMA?!) "I will try to turn it down some and move it off of our shared wall."
They did turn it down but I still hear it every morning, FML. Six months later, I moved.
49. Federal Crimes
Even though we both had mail slots in our front doors, the mailman would deliver our mail in one bunch into a lone mailbox nailed up on the wall outside our front doors. If any of my family ever got to the mail first, we would separate our mail from theirs, leaving their mail in the mailbox. But if the landlord or his wife got the mail first, they'd grab the whole thing. Take it into their apartment and wouldn’t give us our mail until much later in the day or the next day or a couple days later.
But that's not even close to the worst part. He used to open our phone bill too. We knew this because he was calling us up every other day. We changed our number only to have him call again. And we never gave him our new number. So we had our number changed again. Only to have him call again later on after our new phone bill came in the mail. We changed our phone number again and finally he stopped calling. I guess he got the message.
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50. Out of Order
Someone in my dorm took a dump in a washing machine once. That was pretty disgusting. Even after it was cleaned I avoided using that machine.
51. Don’t Make a Federal Case Out of It!
When I was in college, my drunk roommate discharged a fire extinguisher in the elevator late one night. This being 2001, early the next morning a paranoid newspaper delivery boy thought the yellow foam was somehow anthrax and called the cops. At 7:00 am, the entire dorm was evacuated by firemen in HAZMAT suits, put onto buses, and quarantined in a university cafeteria by order of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Nobody knew what was going on at that point.
Only when I heard rumors about a mysterious whitish powder in the elevator did I remember my roommate holding a fire extinguisher as he came back the night before, and it clicked. The cops were painstakingly interrogating all 400 residents one by one, so I rushed to tell them it was just a huge misunderstanding.
I told them to check our room, which they did, and they found my still passed-out roommate lying in bed, cuddling an empty fire extinguisher. They were able to let everyone go and cancel the Army biological warfare response team that was on its way. The weirdest part was having to explain to my sociology professor that I missed the midterm that day because I was quarantined by the RCMP.
52. Sounds Like a You Problem
One of my roommates would shave his pubic area in a communal sink and leave the hair all over the place for the rest of us to deal with.
53. Can’t Count on Kin
I was hit by a car when bicycling to work one day. I ruptured a kidney, broke my jaw and six teeth, and was in general pretty banged up. My boyfriend at the time was overwhelmed by it, and he called my family for support (without me knowing, otherwise I would have told him not to). I hadn’t spoken to them in about five years at this point.
They drove 10 hours to our apartment. My boyfriend and I had arranged a suite of rooms at the beautiful hotel literally around the corner from us, but they said it would be better if the five of them slept in our one-bedroom apartment with us. Fine. I was pretty out of it from medication, etc. They had never been to my city before, so they insisted that I show them around.
I got them behind the scenes passes to tour Pixar Studios and tried to show them around as much as possible despite the fact I could barely move or walk from the pain in my kidney. After a few days, I told them I couldn’t keep going places with them. Their reply broke my heart. They said I was ruining their vacation. I responded that I didn’t know it was a vacation.
I thought they came to visit me because they were concerned about my near-death accident. My mother laughed at that. I told them all to get the heck out of my apartment. On the way out, my sister stole all my pain meds. I didn’t realize it until several hours later when they were long gone, and I couldn’t find them to take my next dose.
I had to go back to the ER, and the staff didn’t want to give me more meds because they thought I was doing something illegal. I had to recover from serious injuries without help.
54. Cold Hearted Person
My landlord froze us every winter. Being a very old building, our apartment didn’t have a separate thermostat so that we could adjust the heat for ourselves. Our landlord controlled how much heat we got and when. The housing law stated that a landlord must turn on the heat in October and must not turn it off completely until April. No matter how cold it got, he wouldn’t turn our heat on until the last week of October. And no matter how cold it still was, he'd turn it off for good after the first week of April.
When he did turn on the heat, it wasn't long before he turned it off again. Most of the time, it was so freezing in our apartment that I was used to going to bed fully clothed, complete with long johns. Many is the time I would use the kitchen stove to try to heat up the apartment. I'd open the stove door, turn it up full blast, then close all the doors in between the kitchen and my bedroom so that the heat would travel up the hallway and into my bedroom.
Meanwhile, he kept his apartment nice and toasty warm all day, every day during the winter. How do I know? One cold winter evening I was returning home from a friend’s apartment. As I reached the front of my apartment, I saw my landlord through his living room window. He had his shirt sleeves rolled up as if he were in the tropics. I thought to myself, "Yeah, but I'll bet my apartment is like a freezer." That night, like many other nights before and after it, I slept fully clothed to keep warm.
55. Just Passing Through
I was 19 and lived with two girlfriends of mine. Our landlord lived next door. Our landlord decided she wanted to come check out how we were living one day, by breaking the lock on the front door and walking around our apartment. My roommate was asleep in her room and heard her come in. She screamed, and my landlord ran out.
About two weeks later, almost the same thing happened except my roommate was in the shower. I stomped over to my landlord's house and lost it on her. I went as far as to print out a copy of the NJ tenants’ rights laws and tape them to every window on the front of the house.
56. “It’s Fine” is Pretty Ambiguous, Right?
My father's landlord doesn't care that it’s either 80 degrees or 35 degrees in apartment. He has lived there for about eight months and has had two leaks which took forever to fix. But here is the kicker. When my father signed the lease, he was smoking, and asked "my smoking won't be a problem right?" Landlord: "no, no, it's fine"
Woman moves in upstairs, complains about the smoking. Landlord told her to SUE MY FATHER for $6,000 (how much it would cost her in losses to move). Unbelievable. It's not a smoke free building but sadly in this state if she took him to court, she could very well win.
57. Unwanted Roommates
My SO and I were looking for a place together. We found a first floor one bedroom that my gut said "no" about but we had been looking for close to three months and just wanted the search to be over. We sign the lease, get the keys, start moving my boxes of stuff to be moved in. Surprise, you got roaches! We called our landlords about the infestation. "Oh yeah haha, this is a city so there are roaches" they said cheerfully.
I lashed out. Because this was not a roach or two, but thousands. Everywhere. The molding on the ceiling was caked with roach filth. What occurred next was six days of nonsense. We packed up and left, and then the landlord's wife called me at 9:30pm, hysterical, because "why was I doing this?" "why was I such an awful person?" For breaking the lease and moving out of their roach motel. Lots of screaming involved. I essentially told them to get bent for knowingly letting us move into their dump.
We broke the lease and the landlords came over to collect the keys. Over the six days my boyfriend and I were there, we did not clean up a single roach after we killed them out. Hundreds of roach bodies on the floors. The husband took a look-see, shrugged, and said "It's not that bad."
58. That’s Just Outrageous
One apartment I rented had on the lease that the landlord paid for water and sewer. Three months in, the water was cut off because they did not pay it and they insisted that it was a mistake to put it on the lease and I needed to pay it. I ended up having to pay for the water and sewer but then when I moved out they billed me $1,500 for breach of contract.
Seems the clause in the contract stated "In the event of a breach of contract the renter will be liable for a $1,500 breach of contract fee." When I pointed out they were the ones in breach of contract they replied "The clause has nothing to do with who breached the contract, it only states that you are responsible for the breach of contract fee."
59. A Deal is a Deal
I was roomies with this guy who seemed chill. He said I could use whatever was in the house, be it his DVD collection, the bow flex, kitchen tools, provided I don't mess with his truck or go in his room. He then slowly started to put things off limits:
"Hey it's not a huge deal, but could you not sit in that chair, it's my chair, I don't let other people sit in it.
"The weight machine makes too much noise, there's a gym down the road."
"The microwave is using up too much electric, I don't think you should use it.”
I was basically relegated to my room. He also asked me to front him $100 for his child support, said we'd call it an advance on rent. I got out of there when he made a vague threat about the fact he had a criminal record due to my stove usage.
60. Just Say No...to Fixing Things
When I was a kid, our slumlord refused to fix anything that broke in our house or do any preventative maintenance. The house already had an electrical fire from a leaky upstairs bathroom, but he refused to fix any further leaks. When I was about 13, a family of squirrels moved in to the space between the ceiling & roof in my room. I could hear them scratching and running all the time. They eventually scratched through the ceiling and left a few areas with small holes. I was always afraid they would drop into my room and attack.
Then, my ceiling started leaking when it rained, first in just one area and then gradually across the entire beam. We set up buckets and I would fall asleep to the music of raindrops hitting different containers. One night, everything devolved. While I was staying with a friend, the entire ceiling collapsed directly over my bed. All of the soaking wet drywall landed on my bed, desk, etc. And the entire family of squirrels was released into my room. They hid in my closet, under the bed, everywhere, and it took three days to get them all out.
That landlord took another week before sending someone in to "fix" it, and even then, it was only his son, who had zero experience/skill fixing anything.
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61. Family Tradition
The worst thing I ever experienced was these two cousins who roomed together. They never showered or did laundry. They'd clean themselves a bit in the sink once a week or so. The smell coming from their room, even with the door closed, was horrendous. And when the door was open, you could smell it anywhere on the floor.
Watching my worthless landlord ask them to practice better hygiene was entertaining.
62. Civil War 2: Dorm Edition
I'm half black. A guy in the dorm room diagonal to mine, with whom I shared a bathroom, hung a full wall sized Confederate flag in his room and made it public that he had some pretty racist beliefs. I just avoided him as best I could but boy was that semester uncomfortable to go through.
63. Living Here is a Job for a Man
My previous apartment was an absolute dump owned by a guy who can most accurately be described by the word “slumlord.” He rented primarily to illegal immigrants/convicted felons/people who would be afraid to complain about the living conditions. I am not an illegal immigrant, nor am I a convicted felon, and I made this landlord’s life hell by demanding that he fix everything that wasn’t up to code and notifying the board of health when he didn’t.
The family to our right was a Mexican family... a couple and their four elementary school-aged children. One night, I heard them arguing about trying to get their family out of this apartment complex and into a better living situation. All of a sudden, the lady yelled, “You didn’t even have the balls to make (the landlord) fix the broken septic tank. Maybe I should be having this conversation with the kid next door!”
I’m pretty sure I laughed loud enough to be heard by the entire complex.
64. Let There Be Darkness
My current roommate is a nightmare. She sleeps with a light on all night long. I had to buy a mask just so I could get some decent sleep. She told me she doesn’t smoke cigarettes. Lo and behold, she does, and now our whole room smells like them. She shaved her head using my mirror. She put it back on my desk covered in hair and didn’t bother to clean it.
65. Goo Goo Ga ...Nah
My roommate would Skype her boyfriend while I would try to sleep, and they would talk to each other in baby voices... for hours... every night.
66. Music is the Universal Language
My landlord promised me a unit in a quiet area of the building, then held outdoor concerts outside my window all summer. Wouldn't let me move out before my lease was over without a penalty of two months rent + forfeit security deposit. They also towed my car from the resident parking lot two days before I moved out for having a flat tire (no notice given), to the furthest auto shop in town when there was a shop right across the street. Yeah, towing companies charge by the mile.
67. Do You Want Fries With That?
When I was in college, I rented a room in a boarding house. There were a lot of bad times, but I'll never forget this one day. Someone left an old 2-pound package of hamburger meat in the dining room. They forgot about it for so long that by the time it was found, it smelled disastrous and had turned solid white.
68. When a Portable Bathroom Stays Put
Back in my college dorm, there was a kid who had a phobia of public bathrooms and refused to use the shared bathroom in the dorm. He would instead pee and poop in a large cooler that he kept in his room. At the end of the semester, he packed up all his stuff except the cooler, which was left behind for the RAs to find.
69. Pop Goes the Tart
My roommate came back to our apartment drunk one night and threw a Pop-Tart into the microwave, foil and all. He put it on for an hour and passed out, believing he had put it in for 60 seconds, not 60 minutes. He woke up a few minutes later to a fire consuming the wall. Once the fire department got it under control, we kicked him out then and there.
70. Unwanted Roommates
In my freshman year, I was in an all-girls dorm. I kept waking up with little red bites on my arms and chest, then started noticing little insects on my sheets and desk here and there. I caught one, borrowed a magnifying glass, and spent the next hour Googling various household pests. They were not bed bugs. They were baby cockroaches.
COCKROACHES WERE EATING MY SKIN. WHILE I SLEPT. Got some glue traps, set them around, and the next day took them to my RA. She was mad at me for going and buying traps first, but horrified when I said that they’d been set out less than 24 hours. Long story short, at the end of the school year, that entire floor of that dorm was closed off for a year while they bug-bombed the heck out of it.
71. Wrenches at Your Head
I lived with a very large bodybuilder who was in the closet and would talk constantly about all the girls he wanted to bang. He turned the heat up in the apartment so he could walk around in his underpants, he set his alarm clock to go off every few hours so he could "carboload," which consisted of cooking an entire carton of eggs and eating them (leaving the shells in the sink) or a rack of lamb (leaving the bones in the sink).
This went on every few hours, every night. Oftentimes the smoke detector would go off. Eventually the steroids got the better of him and one night, because I opened a window to air out the place, he threw a bundle of wrenches at me while I was sleeping.
72. Shoe Thief
My college roommate loved to steal a shoe. A SHOE! Not even a pair! She'd ransack other people's rooms and hoard single shoe in her closet.
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73. Get Your Game up
An old housemate of mine stabbed me for telling them they were bad at Grand Theft Auto.
74. A Real-Life Vampire
When I was 18, my bf and I lived with my 18yr old best friend and her 27 yr old bf. The 27 yr old dude was INSANE! As soon as you meet him he tells you he is psychic, sees ghosts, reads tarot cards & has past lives, blah, blah, blah. He also has a drinking/pot problem so as he gets more inebriated over the course of the day/evening he sinks lower and lower into supernatural delusion mode. He had my best friend convinced he was a real "live" vampire!
So drunk roomie over the period of six months would regale us with stories from our past lives and how we were all destined to be "made" by him. He was a pretty famous vamp too! Does the name Armand ring a bell? He actually bit my friend on the neck, swelled up like a baseball under her skin. He also told us when we were gone he would fly around the apartment...good times.
75. Never Again
My roommate kept stealing my stuff. I gave her a couple of chances to come clean, but she didn't, so I mixed super glue with her toenail polish while she was at class. She freaked out when she couldn't get her socks off three days later.
76. Don’t Mess With The Cake
Freshman year in college my roommate was an absolute slob. I could deal with the mess, but on my birthday, he took it too far. I got a cake in the mail from my mom. I left it (wrapped in plastic wrap) on my bed to go to class for the day, and when I got back it was partially unwrapped and had several fist-fulls taken out of it and a trail of crumbs leading to his computer desk chair. He clearly dropped a sizeable chunk on the floor and did not clean it up.
I'm not an angry person, but this was the last straw. In my cake fury I hit him pretty darn hard in the face and left the room to go fume. He never went on my side of the room again, and when I came back from winter break he was moved out (his mess too!) without saying anything to me. Sure, I feel kind of bad.... but... cake! APPLE cake!
77. Not Out Yet
I still live with my unemployed ex-wife.
78. Passive Aggressive Pentagram
I had roommates who never wanted to clean anything. I finally got tired of being the only one clean the white tile floor in the kitchen, so I let it go for about 8 months. The tiles turned a filthy gray & black. After the 8 months, I made a giant pentagram on the floor with Windex & a sponge.
79. Itchin’ in the Kitchen
My husband’s sister-in-law was visiting from out of town, and she had a day on her own when everyone had to go to work. Instead of exploring NYC, she decided to spend the day rearranging our kitchen. She rearranged the furniture, the cabinets, the fridge—everything. "I thought it worked better this way" was her explanation. What in the world?? Who does this in someone else's home?!
80. Coming Out Ahead
My roommate's friend needed a place to crash while he looked for an apartment. After three weeks, it became obvious that he was trying to get away with staying at our place for free indefinitely. He even started bringing in his clothes and stuff. We told him that we would be charging him rent for the next month. He stole our Xbox and disappeared right after. On the bright side, he accidentally left a bunch of his stuff behind—which turned out to be worth a lot more than the Xbox. We ended up making a $1,000 profit off of selling his junk.
81. The Gift of Returning
I brought a girlfriend home to my parents’ house for Christmas. We had been dating for roughly eight months, and my parents went and dropped some cash on gifts for her. She opened them up and said, “Wow, it’s like you don’t even know me—I would never wear any of these brands, you might as well return them!” I was stunned. I asked her to leave and she asked if I could give her a ride home since it was Christmas. I said no. She called a cab. My parents did return all the clothes and got their money back.
82. Pipe Down
My brother had a friend over before going out for the night. The friend went to the bathroom right before they left, and used way too much toilet paper. He ended up clogging the toilet, causing it to overflow. Instead of saying something to my brother, they just bounced. My parents were already asleep at this point, so the toilet was overflowing for four hours until my mom woke up to the house flooding. When all was said and done, he had caused $50,000 worth of damage.
83. Used and Abused
I let a friend stay over one night with his young child. Three weeks later, we found used diapers hidden under one of the beds they had slept in.
84. Housewarming Present
We moved into this new house, and apparently, the people who lived there before us never told their "friend" that they had moved. He let himself in one day and went into the bathroom unnoticed. I went in there sometime later to discover some random guy passed out with a needle in his arm in the middle of my new bathroom floor. Worst first night in a new house ever!
85. Infuriating In-Laws
My in-laws always just walk right in like they own the place. Drives me absolutely nuts. A couple years ago I put some vinyl window tinting on the front door to keep the house cooler in the summer. I could see out the window but no one could see in. I'd lock the door and enjoy the looks of confusion on their faces as they tried to open the door and couldn't.
86. Grandma Overstays Her Welcome
My grandma visited from out of state for my high school graduation. She stayed for two weeks past my graduation, threw a fit if I tried to sleep past 9 AM, and told my mom that she needed to work less so she could clean the house better.
87. Party’s Over Folks
Someone at a party dumped a cup of vodka in my fish tank because "Your fish look bored! Hahaha!" I kicked everyone out and had to change out all the water before they died.
88. Some People Are Unpredictable
A friend was house sitting for me while I had a long weekend away. They said they would stop by two days out of the five to make sure everything was good and water my plants. They showed up the day I left, unplugged my fridge and left.
I came home to a horrible sight. Everything was rotten and it smelled like someone was murdered in the fridge. Called and asked what happened and she said she was mad at me because her brand new boyfriend said I was cute. I was in a committed relationship with another woman at the time. Literally, the LAST person to be interested in her scumbag boyfriend.
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89. Welcome to the Jungle
I had a sublet last summer who sounded like Axl Rose when she was having intimate time with her boyfriend, which she did on an almost nightly basis between 3-4 AM.
90. This Threesome Was Really a Foursome
My last apartment had particularly weak walls between apartments. One night. I was reading in bed, and I was unknowingly the third party to a particularly nasty fight between the couple living next door. The fight last for almost an hour and was apparently the end of their relationship as she was going to leave him and the apartment the next day. The longer the fight went on, the more interested I became as I pieced snippets of the reason for the fight together.
I did not know them personally, only enough to wave and say hi, help them with carrying up groceries etc. ... good neighbor stuff. It seemed the couple were bored with their intimate activities so they decided to fulfill a fantasy and invite another man to join them. I guess things worked out for awhile, but when Female A came home early from a work trip, she found Male A and Male B deeply engrossed without her.
Female A flipped out, and I guess after that point they tried to patch things up, but she caught both of them on two other occasions (the latest being the night before fight night that I was unashamedly listening to). Neither neighbor would hold my gaze for long the next morning.
91. Dance, Dance, Revolution
So to set the scene, we live in a solid brick block of 4 flats built in the 1960s. This building is going nowhere. We are in one of the downstairs flats and lead a quiet life. Occasionally, we listen to some music, maybe watch some comedy specials on TV and laugh a little loudly, sometimes my girlfriend gets a bit heated while playing video games. Other than that though, just normal domestic lowkey hum.
The neighbor above us is a professional singer who teaches students from home to supplement her income. No problem to us, we usually have headsets on and can't hear anyway. She also has had a string of fellas that she has had loud screeching intimate time with. Again, no skin off our nose, we make our share of similar noise ourselves. Finally, she is a heel stomper and a possession dropper. We can hear every single step she takes, and every single thing she drops on her floor. You would assume floorboards, right? Wrong. She has carpet laid on a concrete slab.
She is insanely noisy to live under, but we could forgive all of this, except for one thing. She has the nerve to send us blatantly rude texts whenever we make the slightest bit of noise, asking us to tone it down. We are in a Cold War standoff, and no side is set to back down. When we move one day, I am buying a battery speaker and a cheap MP3 player and leaving "Sweet Caroline" (her name) on repeat at full volume. She can deal with that sweet racket until the batteries give up!
92. He Missed His Shot
I was staying at a place in Downtown Denver, near Sports Authority Field. It was around 10 at night, and me and my friends had just downloaded Just Cause 3 to try the multiplayer mod. Not gonna lie, I had my Skullcandy Crushers at max bass and volume (bad idea). We fire it up and have a blast, blowing stuff up, jetpacking around, etc. About 40 minutes into the session I hear a SUPER loud banging at my door. Like, hella loud. I take my headphones off and get up to check the door...
I open the door to three police officers with their glocks at the half-ready. Was asked if I was the only one in the room (I was) and asked me what I was doing. Told him, and he explained what happened. One of the other tenants had gotten drunk/high and went into the bathroom next to my room...and he took a 9MM with him. Apparently, he shot off a round that punched through the wall of the bathroom and lodged in the wall about 5 inches behind me/above my head.
I called my dad and moved out that night.
JPL - NASA
93. Dishonorably Discharged from Dinner
When my husband was in the army, we invited a bunch of single soldiers to have Thanksgiving dinner at our house rather than let them languish in the barracks. One of them was a childish private. He began the night by plopping down on the sofa to play with his Gameboy and announced that he hated turkey. He ignored everyone else for the next hour.
Alright. No problem. I made a massive dinner and there's plenty of other things to eat. When it came time to serve up the buffet people lined up and were heaping their plates and this jackass kept loudly complaining that there was nothing good. Selected a few items and joined everyone at the table. He took one bite of one thing, visibly gagged and threw down his fork.
He announced that all this food was “rubbish” and left the table. He went back to the sofa with his Gameboy. Everyone blew it off and ignored him for a while. We enjoyed our meal, and people went out of their way to tell me how lovely the food was and to thank me for inviting them. People began to break up and get drinks. The music was turned up and we settled in for a nice evening.
About an hour after dinner the stinker began to whine that he was hungry. That there wasn't anything to eat. He would NOT shut up and demanded that somebody order pizza. At one point, he asked for a peanut butter sandwich. I made him one and he was pissed because it was whole wheat bread, and he only liked white. After he rejected the sandwich, I didn't know what the heck to do.
I stood there holding the damn thing and I was pretty close to throwing it at him. Three soldiers abruptly excused themselves, pulled him off the couch, and marched him outside. The soldiers came back in about 15 minutes later, picked up their drinks, and continued the conversation like nothing ever happened. I never saw him again. And I mean ever.
He must've been banned from every social function from then on out because it's like he never existed. The sad thing is that a lot of immature kids are encouraged to join by exasperated families in an effort to “make a man out of them.” Rarely works. Thankfully, they never last.
94. The “Boy” in “Boyfriend”
Years ago, my then-boyfriend (now ex) came over to my house unexpectedly the day of my mom's birthday. My siblings and I were busy decorating. He made himself comfortable on the couch and played on the Xbox; he was out of the way, so I ignored him. Just before she gets home, I make him turn off the console. Mom gets home, and we do the whole "Surprise!" bit.
My ex immediately—like, my mom hadn't even gotten past the entryway—grabbed the controller, turned the Xbox on, slapped my ass and told me to "get him a drink" as he sat back down on the couch. I snatched the controller out of his hands and told him to go home.
95. The Return of the Starter Family
My husband's ex-wife kicked in my front door at 8 am on a Saturday and asked me if I liked screwing her husband. I wasn't fully awake and was completely confused so all I came up with was "Yeah, it's fine." They had been divorced for about two years by then. Then about 1-2 years after that, an oooooold friend of my husband's stopped by.
The dude was drunk and kept loudly telling my husband to "get his family back," referring to husband's ex. We were married, had custody of his daughter and I was eight months pregnant with our next daughter at the time. His family was in the freaking room dude!
96. Fairy Godmother Wouldn’t Stand for This
I prepared a Disney-themed surprise party for a good friend of mine in my apartment. Every corner had a different Disney theme. I made almost all the decorations by hand and the result was truly amazing. I spent around three days decorating my whole apartment and preparing her favorite foods. It wasn’t supposed to be a party with a lot of people, but I invited our close friends and asked them to come without having dinner first.
Some vegetarian friends who were coming mentioned that they were bringing a friend of theirs who was vegan, so I made a big buffet including the birthday girl’s favorite foods, a few vegan dishes, a big pitcher of fresh mocktail to share, everyone’s favorite snacks including a few vegan snacks on the side...Think the big picture, a baked Brie, nice homemade hummus, cut-up fresh veggies, vegan dips, vegan macaroni salad, vegan marshmallows dipped in vegan chocolate, popcorn caramel cake pops...that didn’t even include the snacks I bought since these were all homemade.
Anyway, my friends get to my place and they are late but it’s not a big deal. The birthday girl is truly surprised. It looks magical and the food looks amazing. I invite people to start digging in right away...and no one grabs a plate except me and my boyfriend. Turns out they went out to dinner right before coming here when I specifically asked them not to.
I mention that I made a lot of vegan dishes since I knew their vegan friend that I never even met was coming... yet she doesn’t thank me or attempt to eat anything. She says, “Nah, I’m good, I ate before coming here!” The birthday girl eventually gets some stuff but mostly the snacks I bought. I tried to camouflage my tears by inciting people to play games.
We played for an hour and a half until my friend said she was tired and wanted to go home. Other people just followed behind her. Three days of decorating and cooking. Around $100 worth of food and snacks. All of this for maximum two hours. When they left, I cried so hard and my boyfriend was livid. He couldn’t believe how ungrateful my friends were.
I used to be very generous to my friends but ever since that happened, I’ve stopped making parties, dinners, and gifts. It really broke my heart and my view on our friendships has never been the same since then.
97. What Goes Around Comes Around
My grandmother, a generally miserable person to start with, invited herself to our house. Everyone in the house had the stomach flu, and grandma was told to stay away until we were no longer contagious. Undeterred, grandma showed up anyway and stayed in the spare bedroom downstairs. Within two days grandma had the stomach flu, complete with explosive diarrhea.
Unfortunately, before going to bed on her third night in the house, the septic system started having issues. Grandma was told that if she had to use the toilet before morning, not to flush it so as to avoid further damage to the system. The plumber would be out by 9 am. Somewhere in the wee hours of the morning, I awoke to the sound of a flushing toilet and informed my parents that ol' grandma was downstairs just a flushin' away.
The cold light of day revealed that grandma had been pooping and flushing all night long, resulting in the flooding of the basement half an inch deep with viral, old-lady poop water. It has been 15 years. Grandma hasn't been back since.
98. Diamond in the Buff
Okay, so this girl that I used to be friends with about 15 years ago spent the night at my house. I thought it was going to be a good time, turns out I was wrong. So, she comes over and goes to my room. She automatically pulls open all my drawers and starts trying on all my clothes. She would comment which ones she thought were cute and which ones she thought were trash.
She threw clothes all over my room and, if that’s not bad enough, when she finished, she demanded that I pick them all up and put them away. Strike one. Dinner rolled around and she wanted this special spaghetti. My poor mother drove across town to get it for her and brought it home. We all sat down to eat and after her first bite, she said that she didn’t like it.
She set her fork on her plate and when she went to move her arm away, she hit the fork and dumped spaghetti sauce all over my mom’s white furniture. Strike two. Then we went into my room to sleep and she starts taking off her clothes—I thought she was changing—and I was like oh, okay. She gets into my bed fully naked.
She’s like, “Oh yeah, this is how I sleep, so if you don’t like it you can just move to the couch.” Three strikes. THIS IS MY HOUSE THAT SHE IS SPENDING THE NIGHT AT. Long story short, I moved and slept on the couch, and she never came over again.
99. Unplugged and Unhinged
I had this one roommate who would constantly unplug my electronics. First, it was the thermostat (she didn't like the sound the water heater made), then the Wi-Fi (because the CIA was snooping on her), and finally my fridge (she was saving the environment).
100. Spooky
There was this one night my roommate had gone home because he was sick, so I was pretty excited to have the room to myself. Later that night, I was woken up by the door to our room being opened. I thought nothing of it because I thought my roommate had probably just decided to come back. I then hear him walk across the floor and jump into his bed. I thought it was a little weird for him to be coming back this quick, but whatever.
When I woke up in the morning, his bed was still perfectly made and he had never actually come back that night. I have never been more scared in my entire life.
101. Intruder
I came home late one night and saw a strange man on the couch. I figured it was one of my roomie’s friends—I was so wrong. Ignoring the man as best I could, I went to bed. I was awoken at 4am to a soft drumming on my door. It got louder and louder until it sounded like someone was frantically clawing on the wood. I texted my roommate and said her friend was freaking me out, and all she texted back was “What friend?” I called the cops, and by that time he was frantically pounding on the door, trying to break through. The guy ended up seeing the cops coming and ran out of there before they could catch him. We never saw him again, but we never felt safe in that apartment again, either.
102. Using His Head
My roomie hated the girls in the dorm next to us—his method of annoying them was so disturbing, it’s impossible to forget. He would bang his head on the wall that connected to their room constantly whenever he knew that they were home. Not only that, but he’d bang his head really hard. Like, potential brain damage hard.
103. The Creepiest Staycation
There was an older woman who checked in my second week of being there, she definitely should not have been independent. She lived in town and booked a room for a week. She said that she was getting her house renovated because it was infested with “fiberglass.” She was probably in her 70s. She would walk around with one of those surgical masks and wore yellow rubber gloves.
As the week went on, she started to wear bandages on her arms—we think she was scratching herself, I bet if we asked it would have been because of the fiberglass. She shouldn’t have been able to drive. but she kept going to and from her house to get more things, basically was moving in. Our hotel was on a main road, and she would just back up into it without looking.
It was a miracle she never got into an accident. But other than that, she would spend most of her time in the room, and occasionally would walk to the office and just spout crazy stories about fiberglass and how it was everywhere and all over her room. Once the week was up she extended her stay another five days because her house wasn’t ready yet.
She repeatedly declined maid service so we could never really get a glance of the condition of the room, yet she would keep complaining that her air-conditioning had “fiberglass all over it.” One of the days, she came to the door complaining that the room was infested with spiders and she showed a tissue that she said had “spiders in it,” but there was nothing.
Like really sad stuff. Unfortunately, since we didn’t really have any real way of helping her, my boss advised me to tell her that we are booked solid for the rest of the summer, etc., so she couldn’t extend her stay any longer. We waited out those last few days dealing with her complaining and occasionally catching glances at the room as the maids brought her towels and such.
From what we saw there were pillows everywhere, a big bag of like perfumes, pills, etc. sprawled out on the dresser (like sooo many random things), etc. She was seen a few times carrying large garbage bags into the room we weren’t sure what was in them. Just imagine a room that a mentally ill person had been staying in.
She also had a few weird interactions with guests that made them complain, so we really could not wait until she was gone. But this is the freakiest part, where we get to the answer to what we found after a guest’s stay: IT WAS SPOTLESS. On her last night, we think she climbed out the window (first floor) and put stuff in her car and left—stealing the key too, but that’s common enough, we just replace them.
We went back and looked on camera and she was not on camera leaving at all, and the night manager did not see her leave. If you leave the regular way, you have to be seen by the manager, the office is in the front and it's a small hotel. The only way she could have done it was through the window. Every worker at the hotel was so curious to see what the room was like after she was gone.
It was insane, clean, with nothing broken except the air conditioner air filter (the one she’d said had fiberglass all in it). Other than that not much else. We still had a third party clean the room, but it was freaking weird man. My boss said she drove by the address and it was a beautiful house that must have cost a couple million, minimum, and there was like a metal trailer in the driveway.
We think she started living in that after the hotel. Sad, and just so, so bizarre. I really hope she got some help or something. There really wasn’t much we or I specifically could do, so we had to just move on.
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