We all keep secrets. Some of us are better at it than others. The reason behind this varies between person to person, with different factors at play in each unique circumstance. Sometimes we just can’t risk another person knowing our deepest, darkest secret.
Or maybe we just don’t want to burden others with our trauma and baggage. Sometimes it’s easier to pretend something isn’t wrong when it very much is, or perhaps we just want a fallback plan if things go sideways.
Whatever the reasoning is, it’s very much human nature to keep secrets from others, but it isn’t exactly recommended if you’re trying to have a healthy relationship. Whether we’re playing it close to the chest because we have trust issues, or we’re just not comfortable being vulnerable, here are 33 times Redditors discovered a secret their significant other thought they don’t know about.
33. Don’t Trust Charlie
He lied about his last name, age, degree, being in the military and being a sex offender. I only figured out the lie about the degree and broke it off. Then he started stalking me and I figured out everything else. I don't know if he figured out that I know everything else. We live in a relatively small town and a girl was about to meet up with him so I warned her. He is still lying about his age. You're not 29 Charlie, you're 42 and screw you!
32. Hard to Bring an Abusive Ex up in Conversation
Ex-girl. She had a fairly large scar on her back and was incredibly self-conscious about it. She wouldn't even take her shirt off the first time we had sex. When I asked her about it, she said she had fallen from her horse when she was young.
Fast forward a little and I'm out finding her a birthday present and have enlisted the help of her friend. I pick out a sexy singlet and her friend just looks at me like I'm stupid. Apparently the scar on her back, which the singlet clearly revealed, wasn't from a fall, but an abusive ex-boyfriend who had pushed her onto his motorbike’s exhaust pipe and burnt her.
We ended on good terms, and I never told her I knew. I hope she is doing well.
31. Imaginary Friend
My ex made up a person and communicated with me as them. We met when we were quite young and were both pretty weird... I put it down to insecurity and wanting to look like she had cool friends (I was a little older). I never let on that I knew because it would have been super embarrassing for her and this was literally the start of the relationship.
She made up quite a few stories about this guy and I got a few emails from "him." She didn't realise that changing the name of the account didn't actually change the address, which was fully visible.
30. This Is a Public Service Announcement
When we were in the hospital for some weird pain that I had, uninsured, and the doctors thought it might be cancer, I lost it a bit. She was so brave for me.
But her mother called, she went into the bathroom to talk but she didn't know that the sound echoed pretty loudly into the room. I heard her break down, sobbing, telling her mom she didn't know how we were going to pay for treatment and that it looked really bad. I'll never tell her I heard her, but god it was heartbreaking.
When she came out you wouldn't even know she was even upset, she hid it so well. She sat right down and told me everything was going to be fine with such determination and such certainty. Literally took out her computer then and there and started making a spreadsheet of our finances to fit in cancer. I knew how much she loved me in that moment and how important it was for her that she was brave for me. I don't know why but I got so calm after that, I haven't broken down like that since, even with worse news. I guess she makes me strong... god, I love her.
29. This Sounds Like Some P.S. I Love You Stuff
Even though we had been married for 25 years, my wife and I always invented stupid private jokes between each other. I was lamenting the fact that we had fostered a Siamese cat from an adoption group, that eventually got adopted, and I really missed her. At one point, we were looking through the website of the local pound, and a Siamese came up named "Montague."
The photo that they took of Montague was epic. A classic Applehead Siamese, he was neutered, about five years old, and had horribly crossed eyes. Whoever took the photograph of him made him look both proud, distinguished, and adorably insane. Like some crazy dude that comes into the bar as a regular, claims he's the emperor of the United States of America, and everybody buys him a round because even though he is clearly crazy, he is also very charming. We started making up all the stories about Montague in a spoof of "The world's most interesting man." Week after week, we checked to see if he had been adopted, but nobody wanted a crazy looking cross eyed Siamese cat. Everyone at the pound said he was affectionate, and had been there for quite some time.
Sadly, this would be our last private joke together. My wife, who had a terminal illness, suddenly got much worse and passed away rather rapidly. We thought we had more time together, but she had sarcoidosis, and her lungs had already been weakened by repeated pneumonia, when she got the flu. Because she was on immunosuppressants for her condition, this is what did her in, she went into a coma, and died a week later.
My sister helped me with the funeral and taking care of a lot of things, including contacting everyone in her phone contacts on her cell phone. She asked me about why the Alexandria pound would be trying to contact my late wife via voicemail. Apparently, my wife had applied to adopt Montague as a surprise gift. She paid the adoption fee and had scheduled a visit to adopt him. But she died before the appointment date.
Sadly, my wife put it in her name only, and the people at the pound were pretty rude about it. Like to adopt Montague I'd have to pay ANOTHER adoption fee, and they were mad that she didn't show up, and at the time it was chaos I couldn't deal with. My sister gave them an earful and they told her to go to heck.
That ended that.
I hope Montague eventually found a loving family.
28. The Old “Sick Dad” Trick
His affair. I knew for 3 weeks before he left (to look after his allegedly sick dad) and for 2 weeks after that before I told him I knew. He said last week he's ended it and sees what he has missed but I know he's still sleeping and living with her whilst messaging me.
Basically what he just did to me—I'm his wife, we were together 12 years. He just can't stop lying. He may be genuinely remorseful right now but I can't get past his deceit.
I found out in December, he was cruel and miserable throughout and nearly ruined Xmas for the kids. I suggested he go visit his "sick dad" at NY and slammed that door right behind him. Took time off work (I was main earner then) and rearranged my life to take care of the kids and get a job with flexible hours. I'm happier. Kids are doing well. He's the one struggling now.
27. Where There's Smoke...
She smokes when I'm not home, I know this because I always move the router to the window where the signal’s best, when I come home the router is in a different position away from the window, I put it back without her knowing and call her out for smoking, she has no idea how I keep finding out!
26. It Was a Happy Divorce
Before my ex-wife and I had first split up, I had found out she was hiding a storage unit with an entire apartment set aside in it, just in case the breakup went bad.
She worked graveyard, and I was using her laptop while watching The Walking Dead to use the story sync. And because she uses all Apple products, her iMessage was tied to her MacBook. I don't normally read her messages, but considering the amount of notifications that were chiming in, I could tell she was having a rather lengthy conversation. I opened it and started reading and it turns out she had sent a picture message of a fully packed storage unit to her best friend out in South Carolina.
It had furniture, appliances, essentially everything she needed to start out with an apartment on her own.
I sat on that for several months, before finally bringing it up out of nowhere. We were literally sitting on the couch one night and I just turned to her and said, "so I know about your storage unit." It was the last thing she ever expected to hear because she thought she was being sneaky.
Conversation actually went quite well though, and we ended up deciding that we were going to file for divorce. That divorce just finalized March 3rd of this year.
25. The Past Is in the Past
She was a prostitute & was in some adult films, & worked as an exotic dancer when she was young & hungry. (Retired. Bought a food truck. I loved the coffee & grilled cheese sandwiches. Fell in love.)
She doesn't think I know. Doesn't know I don't care. I'll never tell.
Years ago a now-deceased friend of my SO, someone who'd been in The Life too, told me, showed me proof.
The person I fell in love with was/is the sum total of their life preceding.
Middle class morality is not a luxury everyone can afford. It's not a value system everyone embraces regardless.
It's okay by me if people (in part or entirely) choose to reinvent themselves as they see fit.
24. It Was Game Over After Star Trek Was Mentioned
Yeah, my dad was a "dancer" when he was younger, and thinks my mom doesn't know. She was at one of his shows before they met.
If it helps, my mom later saw his dating ad in the paper the week after. She was going to follow-through with a different person's ad until a mutual friend forced her.
A dating ad is when, back in ye olden days, guys would post a picture of themselves with information as an ad in the newspaper of the town they are in. Once my dad mentioned that he liked Star Trek, the gears started turning.
23. Your Boss Looks Familiar...Oh Wait
She had sex with my boss before we knew each other, before I had been hired into the company. I'm not mad about it or anything, everyone has a past but she carefully dances around ever coming into my work now and I'm careful not to bring him up.
22. Parrots Are Just Spies With Wings
This is in the past, but still a good one.
Ended up finding out that my (now ex) girlfriend was cheating on me after hearing one of my parrots pick up, "Oh, God, yes, Jim!" In a rather scratchy sensual voice.
Turns out they've been having sex where I keep him while I went to work. Dumped her the next time I saw her and told her.
21. The Necessary Double Dump
It was an ex of mine...Some time into the relationship I find out I'm just the guy she's using to cheat on the other dude who she has been dating before me...It crushed me cause she was the first girl I really loved and did absolutely everything and anything for her.
Kept the relationship going without letting her know and then tipped off the other dude and confronted her and broke up with her on the same day that dude broke up with her. She deserved it...But I never really fully moved on...It's been years and haven't had a relationship after that...
Edit: I didn't know Reddit was such a nice place, thank you for all the great advice and positive thoughts. While nothing's going to change overnight I will remember everything you've said and I will focus on other greater things in life and hope to move on. All your comments are appreciated. Thank you.
20. Vaguely Violent Yet Romantic
My SO is a veteran and very stereotypically "manly." He doesn't talk about his personal life with friends, and he's pretty quiet in general. This is a Southern traditional dude who opens every door for every person. He calls every person older than him Ma'am and Sir. Anyway, he has a lot of friends who are also this way and they often tease any man who says nice things about their women.
His friend spilled the beans though that one night right after I met him they all got crazy drunk and he told all of them I was the love of his life and we were going to get married one day. They all teased him and were playing around when this one dude he doesn't know very well told him I had nice tits. He clocked him. He made such a commotion he's not allowed back in the bar.
After his friend told me this story, I realized I had asked to go to that bar a couple of weeks ago, and he had made some excuse about the drinks being overpriced. I will never tell him I know, but if he asks me, I'll marry him.
19. Sneaky Brilliance
Ok, so I found out my fiancé was wanting to ask me to marry him but wanted to get a super expensive ring for me so it was taking time to save up. I don't care about that type of thing. I'd marry him without a ring. That's not what's important to me.
So I went to his mom and told her what I knew and she told me we should go look at rings together so maybe I could pick something less expensive so she could tell him we had been shopping and I had fallen in love with a ring that he could afford. I know, I'm sneaky.
Anyway, I found an incredible ring that was normally $500 but on sale for $100. She bought the ring and she called him and told him what she did. He was so happy!!! He asked me to marry him on Christmas Eve and it was by far one of the best days of my life. He has no clue that I was involved in the purchase. So, she's keeping the secret that he doesn't know that I know.
EDIT: Thank you for the gold! I love you guys/gals!!! ????
18. It’s the Little Things
I know she ate those cookies.
17. That’s Just a Brilliant Reversal Surprise
This is a past-tense secret, but my GF at the time decided to surprise me by buying a holiday to Brussels for us over my 30th birthday. I accidentally intercepted the hotel confirmation email, so decided it was a good time to propose, as I'd been considering it for about 6 months.
Act all surprised when she tells me, then when we're having dinner in the restaurant on the 1st night, I get down on one knee and propose.
Celebrating our 3 year wedding anniversary at the end of next month.
free we chat
16. That’s Some Family Drama Right There
So this is slightly different from the actual question, but I have a feeling I will never find a better place to tell this, so here goes.
My grandmother got remarried when my dad was in middle school after divorcing my bio grandfather, this was in the late 70s. Anyway, StepGrandpa (SG) was a "cool dad" for a while, at least up until my dad and his older brother got into college. After that he started going off the emotional deep end (read: angry and borderline abusive). For a long time, both SG and grandma were in the (redacted for privacy) business. My dad and uncle both became attorneys and went to work at what was now the family company.
Anyway, many years later, my dad and uncle are no longer working with SG and grandma, and my mother manages most of the company. One day, a business associate quietly pulls my mother aside and says that they saw SG in public with a much younger man. She tells my father and uncle, who do some digging around and find out he had used company funds to buy cars, apartments, etc. for multiple 20-something men (he was in his early seventies). They are understandably shocked, and they all go over to my grandma's house when SG is not there to break it to her.
Her response? "Oh yeah, I've known that for years."
She had suspected he was gay before they were married, but nobody talked about that sort of thing at the time or in her family. She knew about the affairs, and she had a public health worker come to her front door to inform her he had HIV, and give her a test as well. She declined to tell anyone this for close to fifteen years.
Anyway, they managed to convince her to divorce him, which took ages and ages. So, that's probably the worst secret that's ever been kept in my family.
TL;DR: step grandpa was embezzling money, and brought home HIV. Grandma knew for decades, and didn't feel the need to do anything.
Edit: no, unfortunately, my grandma didn't keep his secret because she was kind and nonjudgmental. She kept it because she is super shallow with no forethought and cares way too much about her precious reputation.
Edit number two: I have absolutely no sympathy for SG. I respect the fact that he was uncomfortable coming out, but he had every opportunity to quietly divorce my grandma and move on with his life, since she already knew. Also, he was always mean and vindictive, even when I was a child. The reason the public health worker showed up to their house is because he was given thirty days to inform her of his diagnosis and he didn't. Also, there's that whole embezzlement/theft part. Real class act all around.
15. Now That’s Just Adorable
She's been studying abroad for a year and is planning on coming home 5 days earlier to surprise me.
The plan so far:
Day 1: romantic night and evening at my place, I feign surprise.
Day 2: Surprise party at her place with her closest friends.
You can't surprise ME, I surprise YOU!
daypush
14. Ahh, Yeah That Is Awkward
Found videos of my ex bending over, twerking, in my panties. Never told him.
He also jerked off on me once when I was sleeping. I wasn't sleeping, but I sure as heck wasn't going to "wake up" and make that situation any more awkward.
13. Dude, Gross
My wife dropped my iPhone in a Port-A-Potty toilet. Luckily it has been so used there was a large pile of poo, which gently held the phone above the liquid. She cleaned it off and gave it back to me. A year later I upgraded and gave her my old phone.
She insisted on purchasing a new cover even though I had a high-end OtterBox. I never understood why until one of the kids told on her.
pinterest
12. XOXO
At night, once I go to bed, he binge watches Gossip Girl.
11. A Secret Worth Waiting for
I knew for a year and a half about my engagement ring and never told him until after he proposed. He was not so good at hiding.
10. That’s a Story All Right
I found out she had a credit card she had charged $2,200 to. I confronted her for hiding it, and she admitted it and we paid it off...that's the stupid part, we had the money in the bank. Her brother is in prison and he manipulates her into sending him money. She agreed not to do that anymore. The other day, I drove her car and there was an invoice stuck down between the console and parking brake lever. She has another credit card. I opened it and discovered she owes $1,800 on that one. She doesn't know I know...yet.
We are married. We have children. We share a bank account. When we were first married, we lived in an apartment in a converted garage attached to her parents' house. Her crackhead brother came in one night while we were asleep and stole money from my wife's purse. Myself, his father, his mother, and my wife confronted him in his bedroom. He was in bed under the covers fully clothed but claimed he didn't do it.
We SAW him run out of our apartment. We had a fistfight and he ended up running out of the back door. I chased him, in my underwear, in January, in the freezing rain, barefoot, for almost a mile before my body gave out. You can't catch a crackhead. I returned to the house and told my wife to pack our stuff because we were moving out.
The next day, we moved into a single-wide trailer we rented from my grandparents. It was a dirty hole that I wouldn't have lived in if I had other options. It was cheap, and crackhead free. A few months later, he got arrested for stealing cheques from his boss. He stole $19,000 and when he was busted they found pills and coke in his car. He ended up with 109 felony charges and has been in prison ever since.
My wife's mother was his enabler. She always defended him whenever he did stuff. Fast forward 5 years. My father in-law contracted a serious infection from an airborne fungus. It infected his lungs, then his bloodstream, then his spinal column. His brain swelled and he almost died before they figured out what was wrong with him. He had no health insurance because they couldn't afford any. He lost his job. They lost their house and every dime they had.
Her mom always sent her brother money in jail. So did we. So did his aunt and grandmother. He milked everyone he knew for money. I assume he's still on drugs in prison, or he's paying a protection fee. I was at her parents' house when his mother broke the news that she couldn't send him money anymore because they didn't have any. I could hear him yelling at her through the phone. This pissed me off beyond all measure. He didn't care that his father was almost dead. He only cared about his money.
I drove 2 hours to the prison on his next visitation day. I cursed him out and the guards made me leave. I'm not allowed back in, ever. That little payment we were sending him, I put a stop to. I told my wife he gets three meals and a cot to sleep on. He doesn't need money. She agreed we wouldn't send him any money.
Fast forward 1.5 years and I get the mail out of our box. There's a credit card bill in there that says open immediately. My wife was late on the payment. I breeze though and see the amount owed is around $2,200. The bill shows she made two payments to the prisoners' payment service. When she gets home, I confront her.
She spills her guts and says she's been sending her brother money because he called her begging and crying and all this bull. She used her credit card because she knew I'd be mad if I found out. We both have good jobs. She's a nurse, I work for the local government. We aren't hurting for money. TBH I don't care if she sends him money, it's the hiding it from me that really pissed me off. We had money in the bank she could have sent him, and she's running a credit card bill up and paying interest. She called in and made the $2,200 payoff and cancelled the card. I thought that was the end of it.
Fast forward almost 2 years, and I find the invoice in her car. It's a JC Penny card. She's been doing the same stuff, and judging by the $1,800 probably never stopped. I knew she had the card, but for some reason I wasn't thinking you could use it as a credit card, only in-store purchases.
I haven't confronted her about it yet. I've been putting it off. TBH I'm not even looking forward to it. I'm going to make her agree to work extra hours to pay off the $1,800 so it doesn't affect our money in our bank account. I'm also going to demand she cancel every credit account she has and offer her a chance to come clean if there are more cards I don't know about. It's not the money.
We are doing spectacularly well for people our age. We started with nothing. We both come from families that weren't exactly poor, but weren't anywhere close to rich. Nobody helped us get where we are. We both worked two jobs to put her through nursing school. We ate ramen noodles. We lived in a trailer. We now own our own home, we have bought land to either build a nicer home on or sell as an investment. We have plenty of money in the bank and we live well within our means.
Divorce isn't an option for me. I love her and I made a commitment for life, and intend to keep it. But this can't keep happening. I understand why she does it. It's her brother and she loves him. I don't blame her. If it were my brother I'd probably do the same. They were close growing up. They were born only a year apart. He had delayed speech problems and speech issues his entire life. Even though she was younger, she always stood up for him. When people made fun of him in school, she made it her fight. They have a strong bond. I can't change that.
I also can't change the fact that he is a toxic person that takes advantage of everyone who loves him. Ideally, I'd like her to come to realize he just uses her and if he cared he wouldn't ask her for money. Me preaching at her won't do much. She has to come to that realization herself. He gets out in a year. Right now, my plan is to attempt to restrain myself from beating him to death. I predict he learned nothing in prison except how to be an even worse person. I'm going to sit back and see what happens. Maybe he will come out and be a productive member of society. Time will tell.
If he goes right back to doing drugs, I'll be there to point out to my wife that he will never change and she needs to distance herself. If that doesn't work, there's always the option to kidnap him, put him in a crate with some MREs and a few bottles of water, and ship him to Mexico.
9. Catholic Guilt
This was from my ex, but:
He always hid that he masturbated and watched porn...even though I knew he did. I'd feel him moving in the middle of the night and it was the unmistakable rhythm of him beating his Vienna Sausage. The porn thing was even better. He'd turn down the volume on his phone, but the light would shine in my face as I was sleeping facing him. I'd invariably wake up and watch him looking at porn and getting off.
The last time I caught him I had gotten into my car to run errands and he had his phone synced to my car. I turned it on and after a few seconds, I heard the unmistakable moaning and slapping of a relatively decent porno. His mother was in the car with me and we both laughed like idiots. I sent him a text after about 5 solid minutes of listening and it said, "Save that video, it sounds really hot and I want to watch it with you."
Cue the sounds turning off and a frantic text saying he was asleep and he had a virus on his phone so he had no idea where it came from.
I don't know why he hid it from me. I encouraged masturbation and watching porn and I never hid it when I did it.
His fear of me knowing he did that culminated in a hilarious exchange one night in bed. After sex one night I asked why he refused to masturbate in front of me. This was his exact response:
"I'm Catholic. It's better to spill my seed in the belly of a prostitute than to spill it on the ground."
This was maybe 10 minutes after we had sex.
8. Heard Round the Room
The first time my SO and I slept together I woke up during the night to use the bathroom. I came back in the room and she farted one of the loudest farts I've ever heard. I started laughing like crazy and she almost woke up. Almost. We've been together for seven years.
7. Devious I Say!
Her Caesar salad dressing. It's actually the best thing ever but even after two years she refuses to tell me what's in it. What she doesn't know is that I have secretly been watching her make it over the past few months. I have finally pieced it together and now I have the power!!
6. Who Doesn’t Love a Kitty!
He claims he doesn't love the new cat his parents adopted. Claims she always just sleeps in his room for some reason.
He loves that cat so much.
induced
5. The Appreciator of Fine Art
This isn't a horrible secret, but it was poorly kept.
Back when I was first starting to make my artwork public, I had a Kickstarter campaign to fund a tour. I had just started dating my SO, but he gave a relatively significant amount of money anonymously. He tripped up in selecting his "backer's reward"—an original piece mailed to his house. When I saw the address, I definitely didn't suspect his roommates were just super supportive of my art.
4. Go Forth and Eat Frozen Croutons
Everybody likes snacks, right? Some of us like chips, others like fruit, or yogurt. Well, my wife likes croutons. Frozen croutons to be exact, and she tries to hide it like an alcoholic hides bottles of vodka. Where does she hide the croutons? In the freezer.
At first I'd put them in the pantry when we get home from the grocery store, but they'd always end up in the freezer. I'd be like, "Uh, hon, what's up with the croutons in the freezer?" and she'd act like she had no idea what I was talking about. Now here's the thing, I've tried them and now I'm addicted to them too.
So now I openly eat cold croutons out of the freezer as a snack, and she tells me what a weirdo I am while she eats half the bag with me. No idea why she's embarrassed to admit what a genius she is for discovering such an awesome snack. BTW, the best kind is Chatham Village garlic and cheese flavor.
3. Just Leave Immediately
A girl I dated a few years back had just graduated with her bachelors, so I took her out for a night on the town. Her and our friends got absolutely demolished and since this was before Uber, I volunteered to be DD.
So around 2 am she's tanked, we head out and she wants Krystal burgers. Very adamant about that, so I stop by Krystals and order a steamer pack so I can have some too and then have leftovers. She eats somewhere around 8, I get her home, get her into her bed and she immediately passes out. I am sitting next to her watching some TV when I smell something. I notice that she has just pooed herself.
She is one of those people who would be so ashamed of herself if anyone found out so I just... left. I called her the next day and told her I dropped her off, got her some water and headed home. Never mentioned her pooing herself or anything so to this day she thinks she did it in her sleep after I left. I could have stayed and helped her clean it up and I probably should have, but she would have cried over that and avoided me sporadically for weeks.
2. Netflix and Not So Chill
My ex, and the cheating. She thinks I found out when I looked at her phone, but I knew about two months earlier when she sent me a pic of herself watching Netflix in bed. I don't think she realized that the dude's face was 100% visible reflected in the laptop. After that it was a matter of me being in denial and trying to fix things.
1. Denial Is Not a Healthy Form of Communication
My (soon to be) ex-wife met another guy about a year and a half ago. She was so bad at hiding it that I thought she WANTED to get caught. Posting romantic stuff on her Instagram when we hadn't been romantic in a long time. Confronted her, lied even with solid evidence.
A few months later stuff starts disappearing from the house, pretty obvious that she's moving out. Then we started to have no money every month (and I have a pretty okay job), realized she was stealing money basically by paying her bills twice a month with 3-4x the minimum payment and not paying mine.
Let it go on for a bit and finally confronted her, she doesn't admit to it. I finally just pull my check from our joint account and she says she's leaving but is going to be homeless. The next day she had changed her Facebook back to her maiden name and had a picture of her and the other guy at their new place. I don't know if this counts.
